Keeping the Tags On with Atsuko Okatsuka

Chelsea is joined this week by Atsuko Okatsuka to talk about growing up with a mentally ill parent, not being afraid to ask for what you need, and the trouble with tampons.  Then: A neurodivergent woman struggles to feel valued and worthy.  A college grad decides to break up with his boyfriend - who’s also financially dependent on him.  And a recovering bulimic wrestles with the shame of a disorder that’s cost her so much for so long.  If you’d like to donate to Anna’s GoFundMe, click here!

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine. Oh hate Chelsea. I was with my sister
in San Francisco, caretaking for her because she had that
surgical procedure. Oh my god. I was such a good nurse.
I was like, okay, yeah, she has this huge scar
down her back which was really gnarly, and I was
like listen. I was up there for ten days over Thanksgiving,
in between my tour dates, and I was able to
like be there for her, which was very meaningful. But

(00:23):
right away I was like, let's get into some physical therapy.
Like I brought bands, I had my like pilates ring,
I had like very light weights. She's like, Chelsea. They
told me not to do anything for six to eight weeks,
like you're not a doctor. I'm like, bitch, I am
a fucking doctor. And until the physical therapist, because we
had to wait to find a pt that could come.
She was gonna wait a month to go to physical therapy.
Finally I found, you know, through my assistant. She found

(00:46):
somebody to come over to her apartment. Right away gave
her every single exercise that I gave her. The physical
therapist is like, now you do, and she's looking at me.
She goes, oh my god, you are a doctor, And
I was like, I am a doctor, Simone, Okay, you
need to follow my lead. You need to keep your
at moving at all times. That's how you gain strength.
That's why they make you like get up after you know,
six hours after the worst, most gnarly surgeries. They make

(01:07):
you You've got to get up right away. It's not
like forty years ago, you know what I mean, Like,
you have to build strength. And we'd go for walks
each day. We would add a thousand steps and by
the time I left, we walked over the Golden Gate
Bridge together and Shoppy, oh my god. Yeah, she was
in great shape. She's like, wow, you really know what
you're talking about. I was like, yeah, I do. She's
a medical professional everyone, and I know you have a

(01:29):
cold this week. But we actually recorded most of this
episode with Otsko a few weeks ago when we were
all in the throes of midterm elections. Uh, Chelsea, I
have a time sensitive question that I wanted to get
your opinion on. So Karen sent us an email. She's
thirty four, she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest child

(01:49):
of a mildly dysfunctional family and have two older sisters
forty and forty five, respectively, and an older brother. All
my siblings are married with children, and I'm the KIANTI
to eight nieces and nephews ranging an age from eighteen
down to two. I'm in need of your perspective and advice.
My brother and sister in law just sent out an
email to myself and my two sisters stating how that

(02:12):
now that their oldest is eighteen, they don't want us
giving presents to her for Christmas or birthdays. They said,
we have to stop giving gifts at some point. I
disagree and replied, stating that I think gift giving is
the voluntary choice of the giver, and so if they
don't want to give anything, don't. But you can't tell
me not to, especially about giving a gift to another adult,

(02:32):
even if they are your child. It's been over a
week and it's radio silence on the group email, no replies,
but I know that she has since started side messages
with each of my sisters. I've come to terms with
my place in the family and the fact that I'm
given less credibility because I'm unmarried with no children, even
though I'm an independently successful woman in a high powered career,

(02:53):
my own mortgage, retirement savings, and have traveled the world.
But what do I know? I'm not sure how to
go forward with Christmas? This here. I love giving a
good gift and seeing the joy on someone's face when
you nail it. I don't want it to feel like
I'm punishing my brother's kids by not giving a gift
to them either, since that would only be fair. What
should I do, though? Do I give nothing to everyone?

(03:14):
Do I leave one out or three out? Do I
give extra presents to spite my sister in law? Do
I make a donation in their name or buy them
therapy sessions to unpack their childhood? Help? As a fellow youngest?
What do I do? I'm at a loss. Karen, Oh, Karen,
do your thing, Get your gifts for all of your
nieces and nephews. Don't overdo it. Just do what you
would normally do. Nobody can control whether or not you

(03:36):
give a gift to somebody else. That's their prerogative. If
they don't want to give the gift to their eighteen
year old kid, you're that You're an aunt, that's your specialty.
That's what we're here for, is gift giving, so keep
continuing to do that. I co sign exactly give those gifts. Amen.
But anyway, this episode is exciting. We take this episode earlier,

(03:57):
you guys. It's with one of my favorite Comedianssko Okotska,
who's special is now available to stream on HBO called
the Instruder, and she's our guest today and she's fucking funny.
So get ready Otsko Okotska, everybody say it three times,
Katsko cut Scott, thank you, Chesse. You know what it is.

(04:20):
It's actually Chelsea, It's it isn't my yarka. Do you
all remember it is? It's Chelsea. That's that's like they
always have to add like a little flare right. Well,
my my German grandmother used to call me Chelsei and
I fucking hated that pronunciation. I mean she sounded like
such a Nazi every time she said it. Nine yeah,

(04:45):
nine is no in German. How's the Spanish going? Thank
you for asking? Actually, yeah, pay attention, and you know
what it is. When you know Otsko Kotska, it's just
like so different than than Spanish. And I'm like, oh,
maybe she's got Spanish brain. Well that's a great use,
but no, I mean, I've been taking Spanish lessons again.
My Spanish is getting very good, actually not very good,

(05:06):
but like my Bell now speaks to me only in
Spanish and I understand of what she's saying rather than
it used to be. And now I can speak in
the past tense, which I learned through my tutor. So
it's developing, and I'm just going to keep my practice
in my books every day like a little girl. Well
not every day, but like once a week I do
my workbook for my homework for my Spanish class. So

(05:28):
it feels good. Like I like to learn, you know,
and I'm so into language, so it's perfect. And my
Bell is like I was talking to her about like
pronunciations and she was like, oh, you know, you don't
say that in Mexico and I'm like, well, no offense,
but like I'm using this for Spain and she's like, well,
I just only know it in slang, and I'm like, well,
no offense either, but I'm not trying to learn slang.
I'm trying to learn proper Spanish that I could speak regionally,

(05:50):
and I had different sorts of regions. She's trying to
make you relatable to the streets yeah, yeah, well, exactly
how many languages do you speak out? I speak three,
but I feel like all of them not that well,
and one of them is the one I'm talking to
you in. You know, it's really just like a lot
of its improvisation. What are the languages that you speak?

(06:11):
I speak Mandarin, Japanese and English and oh oh no, no,
she's been moisten. O god, and it's fruit punch flavored
electrolytes because I'm eight. Oh, it's okay. Why does that stain? Yeah,
that's okay. I'm just gonna have a stained shirt. No, No,
it's okay, don't worry. There's nothing that's gonna help it.
I'm drinking during this podcast too, so hopefully I also

(06:33):
have a spill. I'm so shy. She's just like that
a maxim is that a Maxi shield? I have Maxi
shields before you though, okay, I give them to every
guest before Maxi shield it's for you put in your
Pikachu when you have your period and your underwear. It's
like a little padne. But I like the word shield, yeah,

(06:56):
because it sounds ridiculous. You know, I was like, I
need to know that this new invention I don't use
that because I'm getting what they call an ablazeon next
month before Christmas as my Christmas gift to myself, which
means they go inside your uterus and scorch it, blanche
it with steaming hot water so that you don't bleed anymore,
because I'm so sick of getting my period, like I'm

(07:17):
over it. So it just gets so hot that your
uterus just goes like no more. It's just you're killing it.
You're killing the blood, so the blood. Like one percent
of people have a period again after they do this,
But my sister did it because my periods just like
you know, I don't I don't want to deal with
this anymore. And you know I have too much other
ship to deal with. I don't want to deal with it. Yeah,
every three weeks, it's like again again again it's supposed

(07:40):
to be every four weeks. Are you getting your period
every three weeks? Because I'm a guy to cologist? Oh
isn't that every Oh it's oh my gosh. You know
mine comes at different times. We're very different people. You're
on it, you know, I see your videos about like
this is how you pronounced this word. I'm the type
of person that's like, look, you know what I meant,
you know, and you just imagine what I meant. But honestly,

(08:05):
I thought it was every three weeks, because then a
week is when I have the period. Can you make
sure the cameras on? Because her price tag is still
on her clothing. That's what I'm saying by we're different people.
I used to do this everyone I worked. Your price
tags are still on your clothes and you gotta return
this or should I take? Can you tell me how
much it was before? I'm okay put it back in

(08:27):
because I'm still thinking about I thought, for some reason,
this was like a sale one. Anyway, Otsko always wears
the same outfit when I see her, and so I'm
convinced that she went and got this outfit just to
be like I have different outfits because she's like I listen,
you've seen all my outfits already. Oh girl, I'm going
to free people right after this. Yeah, I'll be like,
do you take returns after I've been near a spill?

(08:52):
Maybe you should try and return this as an extra challenge.
You've already dried up, just like your pussy is gonna do.
I'm so excited for you, just like my pussy is
gonna dry up right after that ablation. There's really nothing
grosser than dry pussy. Like even when any anyone says
anything like that, it's such a disgusting thought. I know,
I know that's not what I meant. You know. What

(09:14):
I meant was I'm so stoked for you that that
that you're never going to get your period again. It's
all I dream about, it's all that's what I'm doing
it for you, and I can't. You know, I don't
use tampons because not that it's like, oh I'm so
small down there, but it always falls out. Yeah that
means you're actually big if so that is a problem.

(09:36):
Oh right, yeah either way. Yeah, So I hate using pads.
I just feel like a baby once a month. I don't, like,
I've never used a pad, even the first time I
got my period, I think it was thirteen, and my
sister came into the bathroom and she was like, Okay,
you can use this or this, and I was like,
I'm gonna not gonna walk around with blood floating between
my legs in like open areas, Like that's gross. It's

(09:57):
so gross. But I guess some people really don't tampons.
I swear to God a tampa. I do not know
how to keep it in. That would be the advice
I ask you about later. I mean, we could to
keep a tamp on it, and I'll show you we
can do some kegels. But had to wrap this episode
up when where I swear it's not because I'm too big.
I think it's because I'm too small, Like I literally,
are you putting it in the front? Are you putting

(10:19):
in the back? I'm putting it what like, Okay, this
is a trick question, but what do you mean back?
You know that when you get your period, you're supposed
to put your fut in your asshole, and they put
it in my PV hole. What do you think I'm not?
I'm not bird brained. I have Yeah, obviously I'm putting
it in where you're getting scorched. That's why I'm putting
where you're putting your tampon it and it falls out

(10:40):
no matter what size you use, yes, like yeah, it's
it's just always halfway hanging out. You know what, I
don't understand about tampons. And this sounds really stupid at
my age, but I am stupid about a lot of things.
So I'm just gonna say it because my old assistant
Karen Whacker, told me, She's like, you know, your tampon
isn't going into your p hole. It's going into your

(11:02):
your vagina hole where you have sex out of. And
I was like, okay, but then why when I pe,
does the tampon get get wet? Yeah? I do have
that question too, maybe because it's like falling out a
little bit already, Like especially if it's already a little
bit soaked, it can fall out a little bit and
then you're like, oh, no, this is it's got p
on it. It shouldn't be getting that. It does, though,

(11:22):
it does every time I take a tampon out, even
if it hasn't come out a little and I've paid
with it in like if you because for me, I'm
always like, oh, I just thought you always had to
take your tampon out when you pee because it was
coming out of the same hole. And this was until
I was in my thirties and someone explained to me
it's a different hole, and I was like, oh, ship
shitsky doodle again, wait way to come late to the party.

(11:43):
And then I was like, but wait, why does it
always get wet and it comes out a little when
you pee, sometimes the tampon can come out. That's that's
what I'm saying. Maybe because you're bearing down, are you
bearing down a little bit? I mean I'm always bearing
down at all time. There's always some thing in there,
and I have to hold on to whatever is in there.
Even when I'm driving. Sometimes this is stick shift. Sometimes

(12:04):
it's just like, don't come out right. That's why I'm
a pad girl. That's why I walk around like a
baby every month, and one day soon I will do
the ablation to ablizion ablation. Yeah, ots go is another
person that isn't looking to have children, so you could
get an oblation. Right? Are you still there? Do you
still feel that we're still there? I don't think that's
going to change. People would say, oh, you know that

(12:25):
clock it's gonna hit right, and I'm like, what what clock?
I know that much about myself where I don't think
I'll change. I know, I know it's so annoying people
still ask me that I'm forty seven years old. I'm like,
when are you going to get the fucking message that
I can't have a baby anymore? Yeah? Like little things change,
like maybe my favorite color, but like you know what
I mean, Like, I'm not gonna a whole life change. Okays,

(12:47):
talk a little bit. Tell everybody about your history and
how you moved over here, the circumstances about how you
moved over to the United States, because it's a fascinating story. Yeah.
So I came to the States when I was ten.
My uma said we were coming for a two months vacation,
and then she had us oversteered towards visas, and then

(13:07):
we became undocumented, and then we were stuck here, and
then I made the best of it by doing stand
up comedy. You lived in a garage, right right, Yeah,
I lived in my uncle's garage with your mother and
your grandmother, with my mother and grandmother. It's like if
you've seen great gardens, it's kind of like that, but

(13:29):
let's less room to move around probably, but yeah, great gardens,
but poor and one more person. If you follow Otso
on social media, she posted videos all the time of
her and her grandmother, who is adorable, and our grandmother
gets down to business. So tell us about that experience, though.
What was that like going to school when you I mean,

(13:49):
you had to learn the language when you got here, right, Yeah,
and so it's kind of like immersion. What my bell
is doing to you right now, it's part time emersion
was doing too you Yeah, part time you know pretty much. Yeah,
where you know, everyone's speaking that language, and that is
really the quickest way to learn a language is uh,

(14:09):
no forgiveness, you know what I mean, no room for
you know, explaining what's going on. No, just this is
how I talked to you. Yeah, it was. It was
tough because also like you're a kid and you want
to really fit in, and I feel like yeah. And
then I was also embarrassed about our circumstances. So I
didn't invite friends back to my place because you know,

(14:31):
even for birthdays or something. If it was my birthday,
you know, I would just not have a party because
I didn't want them being like, oh, you live here,
you know what I mean. Yeah, And my mom and grandma,
they're just like elbow to elbow. A garage is it's
a lot to hold three generations of people, you know
what I mean, and our whole as personalities and baggage.

(14:54):
It's not enough space for My mom has schizophrenia. And
then I developed an eating disorder too, And I remember
like thinking back, being like, God, a garage is not
enough space for and eating disorder, and you need a
lot of space. Well, you need privacy for an eating disorder,
you do. Yeah, And so we were just so on
top of each other, and so I'm kind of you know,

(15:16):
I joked that I'm sort of delayed and stunted as
an adult because I feel like it wasn't until I
got out of that situation that I was able to
finally have like the confidence to be like, hey, you know,
do you want to hang out? Do you want to
be friends? So I'm kind of late in the game
with socializing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met Otsco at Largo, Yes, yeah, Largo?

(15:39):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. I think that was the first
time we met, that's true. Yeah, yeah, because I was
following her on social media and she's so funny. And
she also did that drop down challenge where everybody, what's
that song called again? Yeah? Beyonce's partition, give me something? Yeah,
and then you dropped your ass down, which is basically
the only dance move I can do, and I can't
even really nail that one. It's so slow motion that
I thought maybe this is for me. That's what you're like,

(16:01):
one of the most athletic people I know, well athletic,
but I don't have rhythm. But it's like a squad.
That's why I could do it. And then Odsco slid
into my d MS asking if she could open me,
open for me, open me. She wanted to open me,
and I said, sure, open for me on a couple
of stand up dates, and I was like, yeah, absolutely,
I love that you asked me. And then I met

(16:24):
your husband, who's also just a sweetheart, and you just
taped your HBO special which is going to come out
in December. I did, which you gave me so much
advice about, and so I super appreciate it because I
called you to be like, I had this opportunity to
maybe do it all Broadway first, which would mean more
dates running it, you know, maybe a hundred more times

(16:45):
more than that before taping it, and you're like, you know,
just tape it because and that's how I worked too,
and so that was really great advice. And that's why
it's coming out already. You know, that's exciting. Do you
know the date it's coming out yet? December tenth is
exciting going for Yeah, December. T Your special comes out
December ten. My special comes out December hers this on

(17:07):
HBO minus on Netflix amazing, Yes, yeah, baby, December is
a good time. People are at home, they want to
watch stuff with family. Maybe they're sad. Yeah, I love that.
Oh how nice? Is that? Awesome? And how did the
taping go? Tell us the taping went? Well, it was
in New York. I kind of wish I did it

(17:28):
in l A now, but everyone's always like, don't do
it in l A. L A. People are jaded with cameras,
so they're not gonna show it as much excitement, you know.
But I'm an l A baby. I've been here since
I was ten, and so it's just one thing I
would for my next for your next special. Yeah, it's
a good experience. Nonetheless, I mean for your next special,
we'll take that in l A. Yeah. And so New

(17:49):
York was great, Brot. Grandma flew Grandma first you guys,
I saw you posting her on for her in first class.
Oh my gosh, she was. She she was like this
lays down flat, you know. Oh. And I could just
keep bugging the people for food and snacks. And I
found Chelsea that when I was in first class because
I had never flown first class too. I could not

(18:11):
sleep because I was like, oh, I think I need
to be a little uncomfortable to be able to sleep,
because that's what I'm used to. Well, no, it's not sad,
but it's like I can see that being true. Yeah,
where it's like, oh, like you know, I need too comfortable.
I need to be sitting up straight and my neck
cricket and I need to have a kink in my
neck when I wake up. Truly be comfortable. It's so wild. Yeah, anyway,

(18:36):
be totally exhausted, feeling awful. That's how you fall asleep
on a plane. You don't ever win. It's what I'm saying.
It's yeah, the grass is always greener, and then even
when you get there, the grasses and stopped being green
and it turns yellow. Oh yeah, we got to Well,
somebody urinated on it or had their period who didn't
have an oblation in that order. Everybody, if you're having

(18:57):
trouble following this conversation, you're not alone. Yeah, go back
listen to what we just talked about. Catch yourself up
and talk about how you met your husband. We met
through a mutual friend, and you know, we had gosh,
like third day in we were at this patio. You know,
it was a nice, nice day in l A. And

(19:20):
there was somebody who was sort of talking to themselves
and people at the restaurant were sort of afraid and
didn't know what to do. And Ryan, my husband, knew
how to handle the person and sort of calmed them down.
And it kind of surprised me because I was like, wait,
how do you know to do that? Because it was
like signs of schizophrenia, which is one my mom has.

(19:41):
So I recognized it and I was like, how do
you know how to deal with someone with that? And
he's like, oh, my mom has it too, and so
that was yeah. So it was kind of cool where
I was like, well, I was already feeling you and
liking you a lot, but this really like turn yeah
a connection, yeah, a connection and the empathy. You know,
everyone was scared to deal with this unhoused person who

(20:03):
was talking to themselves. But this guy that I was
ready to funk, but I was like, yeah, well funck
now you know right where he was like so kind
to this person and knew how to calm them down,
you know, So that's it's always surprising when men surprise
us with just regular things that women would do, and
we're like, that's so hot and so sexy. When men

(20:25):
show empathy, Yeah, that's why. That's why there's waves of
like women, I don't think we'll have the fandom of
like Kianu Reeves or you know, oh his Mystery. You
know he's worked with mostly women directors, and that's supposed
to be mind blowing, you know, like where I was like,
oh my god, he is so hot God, and he's
just you know, he just lives in hotels and you know,

(20:46):
he works with mostly women directors and it's like you
know what I mean, Like when women do that, it's
like not as much of an allure I think. So
it's not hot, it's more like, oh, they're starting a movement,
you know what. I'm going to Disney that after this
actually psychotic. Actually, Katherine just came from Disney, you did.
I just went this weekend. Oh my gosh. Yes, I

(21:09):
got a Mickey tumbler. I bought all the Christmas merch.
I haven't even told my husband about it yet. I
got bowls with Christmas Mickey. I got a platter with
Christmas Mickey. It was too much. It's too much. Katherine
and I have nothing in common. No, I mean I
was gonna. I mentioned this because I was like, I mean,
how does it feel to have too Disney adult friends

(21:29):
great right next to you on election day? When our
bodies are at stack? You guys are changing on a
roller coaster. Because that's how I deal with chaos. You're
gonna go to Disneyland. Have you done this before during
a chaotic day? No? But this year it felt right.
I was like, you know, if I find out what
happens with the elections, I want to at least be

(21:52):
upside down on the roller coaster screaming. You know, I know,
I don't even know if we're going to find out everything.
Today people are like already filing lawsuits for things that
haven't even happened yet. It's just like, oh, great, this
could carry on for weeks. I hope not. I mean,
I hope most of them get called. But yeah, I'm
not that optimistic. I hope we have some surprises, but
I just I'm so sick and tired of this nonsense.

(22:14):
You know, for sure, Yeah for this you can always
move to Spain. Yeah I can I can move to Spain,
or I can move to Canada. Yeah that's closer. But
you're learning Spanish, you know, But I'm also learning Canadian.
It's so cool. What have you learned? I'll talk to
you about that later. Okay. All you have to learn
in Canada has had to skim. Has never been skiing though, right, No,

(22:38):
I'm not like a outdoors athletics person. Like the extreme sports.
I don't I like to watch. Yeah, I got it.
Do you like to watch it? Though? Like if my
friend is doing it, I'll stand there and watch. Okay,
it's very horny energy, Like would you like to watch
the Olympics when that happens? Oh? Not really? Yeah, yeah,
I watched the I watched the performance. Oh the Spice

(22:59):
girls are back together, you know that kind of thing. Yeah,
well that's the super Bowl the Olympics. That Icce girls
don't fucking perform, so they did one time in London
a long time for the Olympics. Yeah, yes, I was
at the Olympics that those Olympics. Yeah, I went to
the London Olympic competing. Yes, I actually was. I was
doing the curl. It's called curling, but I call it

(23:22):
the curl and it's men's I was competing with the
men's team. So on this podcast, we give advice, life
advice to people. So I just molested you. Um, we
give life advice. We have real people calling, in writing,
in calling Katherine, you can break down for us what
we have in store for today. Yes, we actually have
a couple of really big questions. And you're so open

(23:42):
about so much of the stuff that you've been through.
I was able to pull some really great questions for
you that are right in your wheelhouse. So oh great,
even better, the stakes are high. Yeah, we can take
a quick break and then we'll be right back for callers. Okay,
we're gonna take a quick break and we're back. We're back,

(24:04):
and we're back. We're back. So our first question comes
from Kalina. She's in Romania. I was just gonna say
where the fund is Kalina from, because I have never
heard that Lena Romania, Romania. Dear Chelsea, my name is Kalina.
I'm a thirty year old girl from Romania. I really

(24:27):
enjoy your podcast. It opens my mind while making me laugh.
Great combo. I struggle with anxiety, with depression, sprinkles. I'm
also neurodivergent, which makes life even more interesting. I'm an
only child and the only family I have close by
are my parents, so all my life I relied on
making strong connections with friends, which come easy. I'm currently

(24:47):
going to therapy, but it's a long process. As you know,
based on your experience as a human on this planet,
I would love your input. I tend to rely on
other people to feel safe, to feel loved, and to
feel worthy, which is funny because I really enjoy being alone,
but I just need to know that there's someone there
just in case. Because of this, I sacrifice my knees

(25:08):
and self sabotage, sometimes spending time with people who don't
treat me well because of that fear of being alone,
even though I'm well aware that what people do is
out of my control. My question is how do I
become enough for myself? How do I become secure enough
to make decisions and be clear about what I want?
How do I feel worthy? Thank you for sharing your joy, Kalina. Oh,

(25:32):
I'm sorry to hear that, Kalina. I think that one
of the ways in which you can make yourself feel
more full without relying on somebody to fill you up,
because that's not really a great recipe, you know, Like
I mean, you can get that from a spouse or
a partner in the best, most ideal situation, but ideally
for you even to find that person or best friend,
you really have to be full on your own because

(25:56):
you kind of attract what you are. So if you
are healthy and you are alone and you're happy doing that,
which is an exercise, not everybody feels comfortable being alone.
And there was a long period of time in my
life where I was never alone. I always had a
group of people around me. I always had lots of
you know, action, chaos. Even when I grew up, I
was in a family of six kids, so there was

(26:17):
always commotion and there was always action and I took
that through my adulthood because I thought that's the way
things were supposed to be. And it wasn't until I
went to therapy where I learned how to be by
myself and through therapy, and this is something that I
learned even before therapy, is like what do you do
when you are alone? What are the things and the
activities that fill you up? Like for me, it's reading
books and watching TV and exercising, Like I love to

(26:41):
do all of those three things, and I do that
always alone. I don't like to exercise with other people.
I obviously don't like to read books with other people
because that doesn't make any sense. And I like watching
TV with people, but it's like my alone activities. So
what I would say, on a very basic, fundamental level,
is to pick three things that you really love to do,

(27:01):
and then start doing that in your alone time by yourself,
to just kind of recharge and regenerate your own relationship
with yourself, because that's really all that is ever going
to matter in your life. When you can depend on you,
that is going to get you through every difficult time
and every happy time. And the more secure you become,

(27:22):
the more secure that the people you attract in your
life are going to be. What do you think, Wow,
that was really you know, as a person who's never alone,
I'm so opposite, you know, because I'm like, gosh, I'm
just always with at least my husband. And so I
will say I was working out to somebody, and I
that is a time I do it myself. Besides, you know,

(27:45):
I like to work out by myself too. The workout
teacher said, you know, she had gone through a divorce.
I get very heavily invested in my fitness instructors. But
she just went through divorce, and she was saying, you know,
it was hard to get through the divorce and having
to wake up alone because she hadn't been alone in
a long time. But once he was gone, you know

(28:07):
from her life, she was instead of waking up and
loving someone else, she was forced to love herself. And
I was like, oh wow, that's so true. And so
you know, it's just that switch of a mindset where
it's like when people aren't around, take that as an
opportunity to be like, oh, I can invest in me
right now. What am I thinking? What am I my feelings?

(28:27):
I love myself instead of being like what do you
need right now? What do you need to know? What
do I need right now? And so I think it's
just a switch of a mindset kind of like instead
of I'm nervous to go on stage, it's I'm excited
to go on stage kind of yes, or nerves me
and I'm excited, you know. Or nerves are a good thing.
That's what I remember someone telling me, Like, when you're nervous,
it means you care. I'm like, Okay, Now, if I
can think about it that way, this means I care,

(28:49):
which is much better than not caring at all. And
I think one of the things that you said that
stood out, Kalina, is it, Kalina, Yeah, am I saying
that right? Okay? Great? Is that your friends are like
sometimes you're not hanging around with the best people that
you could choose to hang out with, and that's a
telltale sign that you have work to do on yourself,
because a healthy person just doesn't need that in their lives.

(29:10):
So don't settle just for whoever you can hang out with.
Actually be discerning about the people you choose to hang
out with, and I think that will yield a much
better quality of person. Mm hmm. These questions are the
big questions in life, like how do I make myself
feel worthy and feel like I am enough by myself?

(29:31):
And while those are huge questions that we can't necessarily
answer on this show, I think those specific things are
also where things like affirmations can come in. Just like
Osco said, our brains are very malleable. Just reframing what
you're thinking, spending time with yourself telling yourself how great
you are. You know, that you're smart, whatever your qualities

(29:53):
that you love the most. Finding some affirmations that really
feel good to you can help reframe just the thoughts
come up in your brain on a routine basis. Yeah,
you know, we mentioned Laura Lynn Jackson earlier, that famous
Long Island medium. She's not the Long Island medium because
there's another Long Island medium. But anyway, Laura Lynn Jackson,
who's a good friend of mine, I go, I just
want to be positive towards everybody, even the people that

(30:15):
I don't like. I want to have good vibes. I
want to throw good vibes at them. I want them
to succeed. I don't want to wish for anyone to
have bad luck or bad fortune or whatever. And she
gave me this exercise where you get up every morning
and you write, you know, for one minute, the first
thing before you do anything, before you even brush your teeth,
you write down for one minute, just everything you're grateful for.

(30:36):
And there is scientific data that proves that after twenty
one days, you're changing your energetic field, which is the
field of energy that you give off. And so I
already shared that with like two of my girlfriends because
my girlfriend said to me. Three days later, she said
the same thing to me. She goes, I am so
fucking mad at this woman. I'm so pissed. I hate her.
And I'm like, you don't hate her, don't even put
your energy towards that. And I gave her the exercise

(30:58):
that I have been doing. It's been like nine or
ten days since I've been doing it, and it's so
easy to wake up and just write all down, the
write down all the things that you're grateful for. It
could be your dogs, it could be your bed, it
could be your job, it could be the weather, it
could be someone you know, your mother's health, all of
those things, and you can change your vibe. And I
think by having a higher vibration, which is a definite

(31:20):
scientific thing. It's not woo woo talk, it's true, like
are you a positive or you a negative? Everyone knows
a negative. And I'm sure I'm not saying that you
are clean up. But I think that would be a
great exercise for you to do. You do it for
twenty one days and you will feel it immediately. I
promise you. I love that. Well. Our next color is
Ryan and um just as what I do, my wife

(31:45):
has always going to Disneyland. I hope not, because this
one's about a breakup. So, okay, can you imagine if
he broke up with you? On my podcast, God talk
about a gratitude. So he's twenty three years old, he says,
Dear Chelsea, he's gay, Right, he's gay. He is gay. Indeed,
we don't have straight man call in, got it? We

(32:08):
have a block. Maybe that's why he's leaving you. I'm
currently in a long term relationship and desperate to get out.
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years,
and last year I decided it was time to move
in together. I had just graduated college and he was
planning on transferring to a school in the big city.
Things were going great for a while. I landed my

(32:30):
dream job and love life in the city. The issue is,
I've realized we're each in very different places in our lives,
and I don't know that we're still compatible As a result.
My entire life, I've been told that I was very
mature for my age, and I could feel this was
true for myself. I feel that I'm at a threshold
of an exciting new chapter in life. The transition into
adulthood is when I've waited my entire life for and

(32:52):
for the first time ever, I feel as if I
have all my ducks in a row. My boyfriend, however,
seems to be feeling the opposite. As twenty something in college,
he exhibits all of the behavior as one would expect,
and I don't blame him for any of this. I
want him to do all the fun things that you're
supposed to do at that time, but I can't help
but feel as though we're holding each other back. I've

(33:13):
essentially made up my mind about leaving him, but there
are two major issues. The first is that he is
completely financially dependent on me. When we moved to the city,
I was the one with the big boy job, so
it was clear that I would be the one paying
for our new lives. He lives with me here and
if we were to break up, he wouldn't have anywhere
to go. The other issue is that I know he's
still head over heels in love with me, and if

(33:34):
I were to end things, I know it would destroy him,
and I don't know that I have the heart to
do it. I have so much love and respect for him,
but just feel that we're operating in different phases of life.
In the recent episodes of the podcast, I've listened to
you talk so much about showing up for yourself, and
I think in order to show up for myself, I
need to exit this relationship. I just don't know how.

(33:54):
Thanks for your help. Ryan, Hi, Ryan, Hi, Hi Hi.
This is our special guest Otsco. Nice to meet you. Wow,
just like so heartfelt and honest, honest words. I'm glad
you're so self aware to note that you need to
exit though. Thank you. Yeah. In the Chelsea's episode with

(34:18):
Ross Matthews, she said it's undignified to pretend that things
are okay when they're not. And I've never heard somebody
phrase it like that, and it is so undignified. And
I don't consider myself an undignified person, which has brought
me to this decision. The thing is, I made the decision,
and now I just don't know how to execute it. Okay,
So how long have you guys lived together? Only a

(34:41):
couple of months? About six months? Okay, Well that's great
news because it hasn't been like, you know, years, So
that's to unravel the relationship. I know you've been dating
for longer than six months, but you've been living together
for six months, right, correct? And does he work? Yes,
he does, and he pays a fraction of the rent, but,
as I said in the letter, is completely financially dependent

(35:01):
on me. Okay, well, that's also not your problem, you
know what I mean. You can unravel this relationship in
a nice, dignified way by just setting up a boundary like, Okay, listen,
I know this is hard. I mean, obviously you're gonna
have to break up with him, you know that already.
So however you want to manage that. The financial aspect
and the codependent aspect is something that you can just

(35:22):
show grace in. You know, you can say, hey, I'm
gonna help you. I'm gonna give you three more months.
Why don't you start saving your money so you don't
have to pay me rent? I want to you know
you're gonna live alone anyway, right, you can afford to
pay your rent for yourself, correct, Right, and give him
three months or whatever time frame feels right to you.
Don't let it go though, six more months. That's really unhealthy. Yeah.

(35:44):
That one other caveat that I forgot to mention in
the letter is he's about to go on this giant
vacation for the holidays to Germany, And I don't know
if I should do it before that and potentially ruin
his big trip, or wait until after er and just
prolong this pretending that's tricky, that is hard. I I

(36:07):
my instinct would say to wait until he gets back.
I don't know what do you girls think about that?
How long is he in Germany for? He's gonna go
for a couple of weeks. He'll leave around the nineteenth
of December, and he'll get back around New Year's Okay,
so that's still like about five six weeks away before
he leaves. I think if you have a month before

(36:27):
he goes, If you have that much time before he goes,
I think you should because that could be an opportunity
for him to actually grow a little bit and be
out and about in the world, knowing that his relationship
isn't there when he gets back. It's not him going
on the assumption that he's coming back to you. If
you have that amount of time, I would say, definitely
do it before. Do it as soon as possible, and

(36:49):
you know that you want to do this before he
goes on that trip, so you know he's going to
have some time to think about things, and you definitely
don't want to ruin anything, but you just can't be
this dishonest with each other at this point. You're being
sawnest with yourself and him. Yeah, yeah, agreed. I think
you can't do it like the week before he leaves,
like do it, do it this week, so he's got
a month to adjust and then I'll have a few

(37:09):
weeks where you can go like have fun. But you
also don't have to be playing the game of like
miss you sweetie on the phone and you know that
sort of thing. Yeah, And has he left the country
like this before on a trip like this? No? Not really. Yeah,
So I think giving him the space to acclimate to
the idea before he goes away. I think major things

(37:30):
happen when people go on their first trips overseas, you
know what I mean. It's a major wake up call
and it's a major growth spurt. So I think the timing,
if you can do it sooner than later, give him
some you know, room to like, you know, you don't
want him to cancel the trip, obviously, and if you
did it right before, there's a chance he could do that.
But you want to give him some space to think
about it, and some space when he's away from you,

(37:50):
when there's distance ince time, that's the best time to
contemplate and reflect on things. And by the time he
comes back, you know what I mean, you're almost kind
of like if you say, from now, I'll get of
you two months or three months, don't pay rent to
me anymore. I want you to start saving your money.
I'm going to pay the rent whatever is comfortable for
you financially. Obviously, don't bend over backwards because he's not
your responsibility. You can be generous, but you don't have

(38:12):
to be his you know, sugar Daddy, that's just not
necessary for anyone when you're breaking up. That's just the
way it goes. And just remember people break up all
the time, like people get heartbroken a lot. It's you're
not the first person to break his heart. And I
know that would be difficult for you, But what will
be more difficult is living like a lie. Yeah, I agree,

(38:33):
and I think you're definitely right. I think that giving
him some time to go on this trip and heal himself,
I think is the better is the better option. And
like I talked to my best friend about this, and
she had said that I had like involuntarily taken on
this sort of caretaker role, not even in the There
is the financial aspect, but there's also, like I said,
the biggest thing for me is the emotional aspect that

(38:55):
I just wasn't really prepared for before all of this.
So I think you're definitely right, and I think I
need to do it sooner around than later. And these
are also really honest conversations that you can have. While
they may seem challenging, you're going to give him tools
for his movement forward by being honest with him that
it's too much for it's too much of an emotional
burden for you, and and that you know you didn't

(39:17):
expect this, and and and your feelings have changed so
that when he goes into his next relationship, he has
a different dynamic instead of him repeating the same patterns.
You know, he may do that anyway, but at least
if you're truthful with somebody as hurtful as it, maybe
there's always a softer way to say everything. And if
you're truthful with somebody, then they can really take that
information and do something different in their next relationship. Yeah,

(39:41):
I totally agree. Do you think there's a way to
offer that, like financial support for a moment of like
you can live here for a couple more months, you can,
I'll pay you don't have to pay me rent. That
doesn't come off as condescending. It sounds like you have
a lot of respect and love for this person, but
it's it is not working out anymore. So I would

(40:02):
just say, you know, I want to be there for
you as this transition happens, and you know we'll continue
to have the situation where I'm paying for the rent
for the next however much time. You think that he
needs to get on his feet, but like, let's aim
for this date for you to be finding somewhere else
to be. And I don't think you offering to pay
the rent is condescending, you know, like it's not like

(40:24):
you I mean, only if you said in a really
condescending way. The act of it is very generous and
it's sweet, and you love him, you know as a person,
you're just not in love with him anymore, and it's
not an arguable thing. You know, giving him plenty of
time before his trip is generous, giving him plenty of leeway,
and when he moves out is also generous. Then you
can feel good about this down the road. I mean

(40:45):
he's going to have a whole roller coaster of emotions
about this, definitely. Yeah, I agree. That was my biggest
fear coming into this is that you guys would say,
you know, you just have to do it. But I
think you know when that's I think you just know
that that that's what's right. If that's what's you know, okay,
I'll be the devil's advocate. You how can you stay
with him? No, it's the loving thing I think to

(41:09):
to leave before it turns into resentment and then it's
gonna be worse for eat both of you. Yeah, absolutely,
I agree. And there's also a dynamic that can start
when someone doesn't leave when they know they're ready to leave,
which is that you're wasting his time to go and
find out what's next for him, Meet somebody else, make

(41:29):
out with a German on his trip, you know, whatever,
whatever it might be. Don't say that to him. Don't
tell him to make out with a German on his trip.
Nobody likes that when they're being broken up with, go
find somebody in Germany. Totally let it be his idea. Yeah,
I completely agree, and just act with dignity like that
sentence struck you remember that, be dignified, you know, to

(41:52):
be dignified with your generosity, Be dignified with your attention
that he needs while you're breaking up. But don't sell yourself.
Don't say Okay, fine, I'll stay in the relationship because
you're so upset. Being dignified means like you have to
give people bad news. Absolutely, and that's why I mean
that was part of my decision to write into this podcast.
I think you being so candid about all of this

(42:13):
has helped me be a more candid and honest person.
And the candid, honest person that listens to Dear Chelsea
would be honest in this relationship, say that it's time
for things to end, and doing it, like you said,
in a dignified way. Yeah, definitely. So you put on
that seatbelt, turn that car on, and go straight to
talk to him right now now. I'm just kidding, honestly,

(42:34):
might just do that? Okay, Well, great, keep us posted.
Will you like check in with us in a few
weeks and let us know what happened. I will thank you, Okay,
thanks so much? Ryan, call us back when ots goes
not here. Okay, I'm bad at this. I'm bad at this.
You are good, though you. There's so much love for
him there and you could see it, and that's why

(42:56):
this is the decision you're making. Thank you. I appreciate
that guy. Thanks for your help. Okay, bye Ryan, Ryan, Bye, bye,
am I fired. Can you imagine if that was Ryan
wearing a disguise and he was really talking about you,
can you imagine that's a that's our round four, that's
our suv reason right now. He shows up to the studio,

(43:18):
He's like, hey, so I bought you to have ticket
to go to Germany. He's like, I know that one
if you knew this, but you're going to Germany. Look
there's a lot of men out there in Germany. You
can make out with the German. Catherine said, so well.

(43:39):
Our next collar is Anna. The subject line is Shame,
Regret and dental bills. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty four
year old woman who's fought hard for the life I
lived today. As a young teen, living in a trauma
filled household, I developed an eating disorder that followed me
through many eras of my life. At one point in
my twenty is I was hospitalized multiple times for major

(44:02):
dehydration and electrolyte imbalance due to bolimia. After a final
near death experience, I finally decided that recovery was my
only option. Since then, a lot has happened, a divorce,
graduate school, major career changes, lots of self discovery. Now
I'm healthy, happy, and proud of the person I am today.
I have a job that allows me to be creative

(44:24):
while helping others, a wonderful partner of four years, a
dog i'm obsessed with, and a life of adventures big
and small. For the last several years, I've worked primarily
low paying jobs in education and the nonprofit space. While
I don't make much, I've worked hard to save a
humble amount of money, and I'm in a better place
than ever financially. My new job has afforded me with

(44:44):
dental insurance, and this summer I went to a dentist
for the first time in a couple of years, since
I didn't have dental insurance prior to that. But because
of my years of bolimia, my teeth are very damaged.
After a thorough exam with my new dentist, I learned
that dental work I had done years ago needed to
be replaced a SAP to avoid losing multiple teeth. The

(45:04):
total cost of the essential procedures is well over ten
thousand dollars. There are also additional things that would be
really good for me to have done to avoid problems
down the line, but those total and additional eighteen thousand dollars.
My dental insurance will only pay for a thousand dollars
worth of work annually, so the rest of that tab
is on me. When my dentist went over this information

(45:25):
with me, I couldn't help but crumble into tears. The overwhelm,
the shame, and hopelessness took over. My dentist was lovely
and kind and explained how we could break the treatment
into chunks to lessen the financial blow. Still, I currently
work for a nonprofit making forty dollars a year, and
I have two side hustles that pull in about five
thousand dollars a year. I have student debts, rent a

(45:46):
car payment, and I still managed to put a little
into savings every month, but it would take me years
to pay this off. I've looked into personal medical dental loans,
but the interest rates on those are astronomical, so that
option is off the table. I've booked the first set
of procedures with my dentist totally, and I'll be using
that savings money to pay for that. But I know
I need a plan for how to get the rest

(46:08):
of the care I need. Moreover, this experience has thrust
me into a familiar spiral of shame, self disgust, and sadness,
similar to what I dealt with early in my recovery
from trying to heal from health issues resulting from my
eating disorder. I worked so hard to overcome those issues
while also trying to heal from the trauma that caused
by eating disorder. I know that I need to think creatively,

(46:30):
ask for help, maybe start a Go fund me campaign,
but the shame and feelings of self disgusted have me
frozen in that regard. How can I find a creative
solution to this problem, which at its heart is just
a financial issue, but feels so much bigger than that.
How can I view myself with kindness despite the shame
and regret I feel overharming myself so many years ago.

(46:52):
I know your ingenuity and positivity can illuminate resolutions I
may not be able to see right now. Thank you, Anna, Hianna, Yanna. Hi,
how are y'all? This is Otsko Okotska. Hi, nice to meet.
She's our special guest. She's a very funny comedian who
also had an eating disorder at one point. I've also

(47:13):
had an eating disorder at one point, so I mean
most women have, Katherine, did you ever have an eating disorder? Oh? Yeah,
I mean eating disorders take a lot of different forms,
but basically, as soon as I learned about calories growing up,
I immediately developed an eating disorder. So yeah, so sorry
that you feel such shame. I mean that's the first
thing that you have to flip around. You know, you're

(47:35):
healed now, you're better, and like that's something that's very positive.
And to like sit there and and rate yourself and
self immolate about something that's in the past is pointless.
That's just pointless. So you can either start by like
writing down daily affirmations for yourself. Meditation I think is
a good way to start putting some more positivity back
into you from you. The financial aspect of this, I'm

(47:58):
really not worried about this. You can do is segmented,
like you're gonna do your first treatment. Yeah, you could
start a go fund me or you could get do
you have time to get a waitressing job for a
short period of time that you work like two shifts
a week? Is that a possibility? I have three part
time side hustles right now, So I'm definitely doing doing

(48:18):
that kind of a thing. The financial aspect of it
is obviously kind of the simpler thing in a lot
of ways, right that it is just money. There's a
little bit of a time crunch with a couple of
the procedures because they are like, we need to do
this yesterday, we need to do this last year. Basically
I did just get the first set of things done.
Actually had a crown put on for one of the

(48:41):
procedures like two hours ago, so I just left. It's
a little while ago, right, and so you know, the
plan is of right now is to do it in segments.
Like you were saying, the shame thing is something that
I've had times where I'm like, I feel good, I
feel confident in the person I am. I feel like
the people who love me understand my story and accept me,
and then things like this will happen where you're like,

(49:03):
oh my gosh, I'm such a funk up, like nobody
get nobody's gonna get this, everyone's gonna judge me, and
then and then it's just such a process to dig
out from that, for sure. Yeah, but a real funk
up would never be we're sitting where you are. That's
not a funk up by the nature very nature of
you addressing the issue and having recovered from your eating disorder.
You've recovered from your eating disorder. So you're not a

(49:26):
funk up. You're not. You're the opposite. You're somebody who's
going and handling a situation. Do you know how many
people would never want to deal with the truth of
what they have to do and get the work done
because they don't want to they're so scared of the cost,
or they're scared of what the doctor's gonna or the
dentist is gonna tell them. You've been brave. You are brave,
and you're recovered. You are on your way. This is
all positive and you're there's no reason to make it negative.

(49:48):
So you need to have like some deep conversations with yourself,
and you need to start meditating, and you need to
start writing daily affirmations down every single morning. When you
wake up going, I am brave, I am strong, I
am handling my life independently. All of these amazing things
that you're doing all by yourself, you have three side
hustles going. That's fucking badass too. Yeah, it's it's so

(50:09):
positive to be wanting to take care of something. You know.
My husband just had ten dental procedures done because he
was always afraid of it. He grew up with very
little money and he was just always insecure about his teeth.
And he was also ashamed that, like, oh god, I
have so many cavities and these root canals that I
never got to How could I get it to this point?

(50:31):
You know? But it's the positive of like, no, okay,
now I'm going to find a pathway forward to fixing it.
Some of them were emergency, like we gotta do it today,
and then the financials we figured out. But the shame
of it is like all of us are really just
trying our best, you know, like my mom, to be honest,
just to go out there with it. My mom hasn't

(50:51):
showered in twenty years because of mental health issues, and
she has O c D. She's scared of soap and stuff,
so talk to people who are supportive about it, because
you know, when I talk to my mom, I'm never
shaming her. It's not coming from a place of like reprimanding,
how could you let this come this far? Whatever? Because
her to nails are really long, there's infections and stuff,
But it's really just about being like so proud, like

(51:13):
so being so proud that you were like, I'm gonna
start handling it, you know, because that's really a big
first step. Honestly, it is a big first step. And
you know what, you should find a support group online,
like for people who are recovering. That's going to be free.
There's tons of support groups for people who have eating
disorders and are recovering from that. And I guarantee you're

(51:34):
gonna find so many people that are in the same
position that are going to help build you up and
may also have ideas of how you can actually afford
all of these treatments. You know, you're not the only
person that this is happening to, so remember that you're
not alone. And I think that would actually be really
helpful to you because your shame spiral is just because
you don't have anybody else who's going through the same

(51:54):
thing sitting around you going, oh god, I did that.
I did that, you know, and and that would be
a good up for you to take as well. I
think you're gonna be fine with paying this off in
a slower way. I think that's totally reasonable, and you're
gonna feel so empowered as soon as you start. I'm
sure you already feel a little bit of that after
going to the dentist, you know, getting your first crown

(52:14):
put on. Yeah, the dentist that I've been seeing too
is just so caring and thorough that I also just
feel really happy and confident that I'm making the right investment.
It's not kind of going to be another thing that's
an issue in a few years, so so that helps also.
But yeah, you guys are helping me kind of see
too that I think that I have focused on the

(52:36):
financial aspect of it, and that's really just been a
little bit of a cover for this deeper feeling of
overwhelm and shame. I years ago I had tried to
kind of do the support group thing and just never
invested in it. But one thing I do know about myself,
which is probably evident from having all these side hustles
and things like that, is that if I set an

(52:57):
intention to really do something, I will do it. That's
why I'm in recovery. And so, yeah, you took the
step to recover from this, you're capable of everything that
comes after. That was the hardest part. And I think
what you're doing now seeing that as an extension of
the self care that you've already done. You have taken
the steps to you know, go to therapy, go to recovery,

(53:20):
get yourself to the point where you no longer are
in an active state of self harm. You're in a
state of healing, and this is just the next step
in your healing journey. But the other thing that I
loved in your in your email was about asking for help.
Anybody who hears this story is not going to feel like, man,
she did that to herself. That's not what's going through

(53:42):
anybody's mind. And so you know, you never know who
in your life, and maybe you won't know it might
be anonymous. If you do set up a go fund me,
you don't know who is going to step up and
you know, donate to the cause or help you out
with that. But the first step there is is not
being alone in this and not keeping it hidden, which

(54:05):
is probably the scariest part. Right. Yeah. I really only
talked to my two very closest friends who also have
an eating disorder history, and my partner in detail about this,
and there have all been so wonderful and supportive. But yeah,
I feel like maybe talking more openly to trusted people
would would be healing in its own way. You live

(54:26):
in the States, right, yeah. Yeah, for a system that
works so hard to keep us down, you're crushing it.
Like for a system where every American girl, the system
is made so that we're all supposed to get eating disorders.
I think that average Americans supposed to get a stroke
at a heart, heart disease, maybe diabetes to these are
things we're actually supposed to have get as America's you're

(54:47):
crushing it. May an animals all messed up from the
throwing up that I used to do too, and like
and so when you set up something like you know,
I'll go fund me. Other Americans will understand because it's
a system that keeps us down, and so we you know,
if anyone will understand, it's fellow people who have gone
through it, you know. And yeah, yeah, and I would
think I would also offer up to say, like, stop

(55:08):
treating it as some big dark secret. You know, have
a little levity about it. We all have had eating
every four out of four of the women that are
talking right now have had an eating disorder. Like it's
it's better to be like, oh god, yeah I was.
I was just you know, a product of my culture.
I was a product of society. Now I've taken my
own life into my own hands and I'm driving the
wheel and stead of letting somebody else drive the wheel

(55:30):
for me, that's empowering. That is powerful. You're a powerful
I can tell that by looking at you. You know,
your teeth are just a reminder and you're never going
to go back there. And now you are fixing the situation.
And it might take a little bit longer than you
would ideally like, but the actual pivot points, like if
you're looking at a graph or a chart of where
you are in your life, you're headed in the absolute

(55:51):
right direction. Yeah, thank you well, And I think that
it's it's interesting like I'm thirty four, I'll be thirty
five and a couple of months, and when I was
like seven was kind of when I was really newly
in recovery, and I really embraced being very open about
it and talking to it, almost to the point that
it was like my whole identity, which is healing in

(56:12):
its own way, like and I did connect with a
lot of people, but I also felt like, probably around thirty,
I was like, Okay, I need to do some investing
in like I don't want to just be like the
recovered girl. I wanted to invest in the woman version
of myself and that identity, and I have been doing that,
and now I do need to do a little bit

(56:33):
of this reconciliation in some way of Okay, you're a
woman who's grown in all these different ways, and you're
still a person in recovery, and there's still stuff that's
going to come up, and some of it might be
health problems, and so it's kind of this reintegration again,
which will continue through through all of life. Absolutely. And
here's the thing that I can totally relate to about
what you said. I went to therapy and I made

(56:55):
so many over corrections, Like I became so self aware
that I was like, Okay, maybe you shouldn't talk at all,
because you talk too much, you insert yourself too much,
you have too many opinions. You're too you tell everybody
too much of the truth, and I overcorrected, And there
is a period of overcorrection that we do when we're
recovering from something, and then we have to kind of
balance it out and integrate what we've learned with the

(57:16):
new person that we've become. So it's like, that's totally
normal what you're describing. Also, like, yeah, that was became
kind of your identity. Therapy became my identity for a
period of time, you know, And now I get to
talk to all these people that call in and help them.
So that's also something that would really help you helping
other people that have survived eating disorders and are in recovery.

(57:37):
Instead of looking at it like you're getting the counseling,
I think you get a lot of counseling out of
counseling others. Yeah. Yeah, And another resource we've talked about
quite a bit on this show that maybe a possibility
for you as Pandemic of Love. They help people out
with different situations that they run into, and they pair
donors with somebody who has a financial issue in order

(57:59):
to help get that solved. So I would say definitely
reach out to them see if they can help with
some of the financials. Yeah, thank you, but you're gonna
be fine. Everything's going to be great. I appreciate you
all so much this. You really have helped me kind
of see things from a different perspective. And it's simple
and complicated, but that's kind of everything, right Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

(58:21):
So proud of you taking the steps. Thank you. Yeah,
all right, well follow up with us. Let let us
know how everything goes, okay, Anna, absolutely, Yeah, thank you
guys so much. Chelsea. I love you. This is so exciting.
I've been breathing this whole time to be calm, but
you're incredible. I'm excited for you. Thanks, take care, Chelsea.

(58:44):
I did have one idea, so you know, I know
Anna has talked about setting up a go fund me.
What if we could have listeners of the show head
over to her go fund me. I mean, we can
put the name in right here and have people head
over and help with some of those even if they
have five bucks. Yeah. I think that's a great idea.
Anyone who wants to help somebody who's recovering from an

(59:04):
eating disorder, anyone who heard this and who wants to
help another person. Yeah, I think that's a great idea, Katherine. Okay, great.
If you'd like to donate to Anna's go fund me,
take a look at the episode description, it'll be right
there in the show notes. Good thinking. Well, let's head
to a quick break and we'll be right back to
wrap up with Osco and Chelsea. And we're back. Hi hi, hi. Oh.

(59:33):
That was so deep and I learned so much and yeah,
I got so emotional, and wow, what a day. That
was uplifting. Even though those were sad things to be
talking about, they're all uplifting because it's like seeing somebody
on the other side of something is really empowering. And
I'm sure there are plenty of people that are listening
to this who are experiencing disorders at eating disorders at

(59:55):
this moment, and plenty of people that are on the
other side of eating disorders. So feel free to right
in or call in about any of this stuff, you guys,
Because everybody just needs somebody to just kind of be
there for them, and we understand that. And there's something
about hearing someone else's story, you know, while that's not
exactly my story, I found it so moving and it's

(01:00:17):
exciting to hear about her healing journey and it's tough.
There's there's tough steps in the middle of that. Yeah,
I was hoping that you know, one of you, you're
more well traveled than I am, would know something about
like Mexico. But I don't want to be like because
maybe you could get dental work in Mexico, don't people,
I don't think that's a good idea. Okay, dental work
in Mexico. This is how I would do it. But

(01:00:38):
I still have my tag on on my shirt. And
my housekeeper went to Mexico for dental work and it
was a ship show. Her teeth were not that every
dentist in Mexico is bad, but wherever she was going,
I was just too quick. We had to redirect her
to U. Yeah, our doctor here. But yeah, so I
wouldn't recommend that. I thought, if you could get dental

(01:00:58):
work done in the United States, that's a used to
do it good. We're good for something and it's good
done to work. See even though it's cash. Wasn't it
so good that I didn't bring it up? Though? Yeah,
I just I want a little prop here for not
not being like Mexico. To you hold your tongue because

(01:01:18):
that's totally yeah. I thought about it. Well, Otsco, did
you have any advice that you'd like to ask from Chelsea?
Oh gosh, I feel like again like I feel like
you've already given me so much with you know, even
figuring out the title to my special, which is called
The Intruder. It's called the Intruder because there was another option,
and she was like, intruder, go with your gut instinct.

(01:01:39):
And that's such a great piece of advice. Intruder, which
airs December ten on HBO. You guys, you're gonna fucking
love this woman. She's so funny. You are going to
love this special. I cannot wait to see it. Thank you, Chelsea,
and December go check out Yo Girl, Chelsea h Okotska

(01:02:02):
on Netflix on Netflix. That's right double duty. Jesse's like,
how benevolent can I be to the one person? Over
and over? She almost sent a person to Mexico and
we're gonna go. We should give Mike Berbiglia show a
shout out because we're about to go see that together.
She and I are going to go see that in
New York together, and I'm going to come to your

(01:02:24):
show on Tuesday. What's the name The Old Man, The
Old Man and the Pool. The Old Man and the
Pool is Mike Berbiglia show which had just launched on
Broadway and it's getting rave reviews, and if you get
a chance to see it, you should definitely go. And
we're gonna be there and Chelsea will probably have better
seas than I will, but we will both see the
same show. Fabulous. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Always

(01:02:50):
check out Osco's new special The Intruder on HBO, And
if you'd like to donate to Anna's dental work, take
a look at the episode description. A link to her
go fund me will be right are in the show notes.
So I'm winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and
Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end
of the year. I have my last dates and these
are the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch

(01:03:12):
from the website Chelsea Handler dot com. If you want
Vaccinating and Horning Captain's hats, let's say We're the Captain's
now for women only. Our t shirts for men and
your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.
I only have a few dates left Baltimore, Maryland, and
then my very last date is December sixte in Reading, Pennsylvania.
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe

(01:03:34):
to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast, and you can
rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea.
It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for
any podcast that you like, Subscribing giving it a rating
actually make a huge difference. And who all we get
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subscribe and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So

(01:03:58):
if you like advice from Chelsea, just send us an
email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear
Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced
by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
engineered by Brad Dickart.