May 13, 2021 • 36 mins
Chelsea and Brandon open by discussing a compromising A-Rod photo, the Bennifer situation, and how Chelsea may have dodged a bullet with Andrew Cuomo. Then they take some calls: A night nurse is bullied by a coworker. A twenty-something isn’t sure how to date in a small city where dating apps just regurgitate the same guys. An older brother wonders if he’s over-sharing about his sex life with his siblings. And a young Californian deals with being kicked out by his mom for being gay.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome to your Chelsea featuring Chelsea Handler and Brandon. Hello. Hi, Hi, sweetheart.
How's your day going? Not pretty annoyed today? That's okay.
You have a lot of reasons to be annoyed on.
There is a lot going on, Brandon, There's been a
lot happening to you recently. So let's it's okay to
(00:23):
be in a bad mood. Just accept it, and I'm
acknowledging it. Acknowledging it. No that it will pass. You're
going to have a rough day and it will be
gone tomorrow most likely. And you've had a rough week.
You know who else is having a rough time? Alex Rodriguez,
did you hear about somebody took a picture of him
taking a shed be in his apartment and then decided
to post it all over the internet. I was not aware,
(00:43):
but I'm sure that's a welcome distraction from miss Jennifer
Lopez News. I would say that that is a terrible
thing to do to another person, like who took that
photo and then posted it? Like, honestly, you know, our
society is so fucked up. But I would say that
if that were to happen to somebody, if it had
to happen to somebody, I think it should be Alex Rodriguez.
(01:04):
He's probably thrilled that this is the new headline and
not him and Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez hanging out with
Ben Affleck. Yeah, well, I'm sure he's not thrilled about that.
But I'm sure he's not thrilled about hearing rumors about
his ex girl. What were they married? They were engaged? Yes, yes,
I just don't care for him. I feel the same
way about Alex Rodriguez. I find him very off putting,
(01:26):
and I don't know why so many women are so
into him. I don't like his body shape, I don't
like his demeanor. I'm glad you said that about his
body shape because I also don't like it, and I
don't know why. But I've met him once and I
was picked out when I met him, and I'm still
picked out by him even I just don't understand a
lot of Jennifer Lopez's choices romantically, though they never make
(01:48):
sense to me really, her and Mark Anthony, you know
what I mean. It's like there's a trend here that
she's dating people that are one not in her league
and two obviously not a romantic match. Yeah, I don't
understand the rebounding. I don't understand, like when you break
up having sex with your ex boyfriend, Like I don't
(02:08):
get that, Like why two weeks without having sex and
then contact Your and Ben Affleck have both said individually
in interviews that they are the ones that got away,
And sometimes I think that can't happen, that you're just
going through a life circumstance where it's not going to
work out, and maybe it can down the road. I
hope they work out. Actually, I would like to see
them get back together Ben Affleck and j Lo. Yeah, okay,
(02:30):
Well I hope that comes true for you. Then, I
don't know what I think about that. I don't have
a preference situation, not today. I often think of which
male celebrity I would like to see you end up with.
Do you have any thoughts on this? I'd like your opinion. No,
I don't. Actually, I haven't thought about that. There's someone
that we've talked about a couple of times that I
would have liked to see you with, Gerard Butler. Gerard
(02:53):
Butler is we would cancel each other out because he's
a little bit wild like I'm a little bit wild.
I would actually venture to say that Gerard Butler is
more wild than I am, really, but he's a really
nice guy. John Hamm, John Hamm is a really nice
guy too. John Hamm has a girlfriend right now. I
think I did have a question John ham though for
a long long time, those are the two that come
(03:16):
to my mind most often. Yeah, and I had a
crush on him, and then I have another one. I
don't know why, but you did justin Long's podcast a
while ago. And I just find him very attractive. And
I've seen him out and about a few times and
he just has this error to him where he seems
very confident, and I would love to see that happen. Okay, Well,
(03:37):
you guys could have a good time together. Well, I
did his podcast and we did have a great time together.
I really really like him, but he's not really my type.
What is your type? Let's get into that for a bit.
We talked about that your masculine. I like a guy
that's first of all, physically bigger than I am. I
want to feel like a girl, like a dainty little Yeah.
I've had sex with a couple of guys that were
smaller than me, and I didn't really like that. Wasn't
(04:00):
Ted small. Ted was short, but stout corpula, He wasn't tall.
I don't remember. There's always say that I like short guys,
and I'm like, I do not, and then they go
and list all the men I've dated, and like half
of them are like five nine or five ten. But
that's not really short. Chewy was short, all right, Well,
(04:21):
we were going to build a guy for you. Yeah.
I think that people should know so they know what
to keep an eye out for. You like a British guy.
Actually I do. I love British guys. I like foreigners.
You like black guys? What not a black British guy?
What about your driver? That would be a home run.
In any of your outings this last week, did you
ever go out and start a conversation? I went to
(04:41):
Hotel bel Air. This was your homework assignment, I know,
but there were no men around, and the men that
were lesbian convention. No, it was just I was with
a girlfriend. It's hard to look and check out other
guys when you're with somebody. I like to be focused
on what I'm doing. She and I had a great
time without men. So I did not approach a man.
I'm going to do it. It's a good challenge for me.
I'll find somebody to hit on. Stay tuned for that,
(05:01):
you guys. Let's take a quick break. So have you
ever felt like there's a time where your advice was
invasive or unwanted? Yeah, all the time. That's happens to
me all the time. I give unsolicited advice. That's my problem.
But are there certain people into your life, you know,
even if they aren't asking for it, needed or want
it unknowingly? Well, maybe that's how you can justify it.
(05:24):
But yeah, some people are receptive to it and then go,
oh thank you like you always say, oh thank you
for telling me. Yeah, because I think it's important to
people in your life that you care about. Normally they're
giving you their opinion or advice on something. It's coming
from a good place, like no one advice with malice. Yeah,
I think I used to do that, probably be a
little bit malicious. Well, the reason I ask is because
a lot of the submissions today are people kind of
(05:46):
either overstepping or perfect Well that's your area of expertise, overbearing,
overstepping or shockingly in one of them, that they're disinterested
in the feedback at all, So I think we should
just get right into it. And our first mission comes
from a woman named Kimberly. She's a night nurse at
a nursing home and she writes, Dear Chelsea, myself and
(06:07):
several co workers are being bullied at work. With COVID
restricting so much employment, we feel stuck in our jobs.
Management excuses the bad behavior as personality conflicts. It's like
us around the house. Our coworker comes on the floor
and we feel her mission to belittle us, to grade
us and shame us. We are frontline workers in a
nursing home and it is affecting our ability to care
(06:27):
and support for our residents with dignity and love. What
do you advise that they all need to get together,
All of you guys need to join forces and stand
up to the bully together saying that this is unacceptable
behavior in the middle of a pandemic. No, less, don't
feed the beast. Well, I mean, it's just unacceptable that
a colleague is coming on the floor and belittling them
(06:48):
and that they have to even put up with that.
What do you think of the boss is disregarding the
not surprising. I mean, who wants to deal with it?
No boss, you know, especially at a nursing home, it's
probably like really really low hanging for Yeah, I agree,
you just need to address it. But I just used
low hanging fruit the right way. I don't know. I
don't either. That doesn't seem like I did. I'm confused.
(07:09):
I would say it probably wasn't used the right way,
but at a nursing home, I couldn't tell you what is. Well,
there is definitely low hanging fruit. Yeah. Yeah, So I
think that this is one of those situations where you
just kind of have to confront it head on, like
if it's not going away, you're going to need to
address it. It reminds me of Andrew Cuomo the bullying,
(07:29):
you know, because I just read that article. There was
a big piece on him that I just read recently,
and you know, it was just talking about the pathology
of his behavior, you know, of him being a bully
to so many people for so many years in New York.
Because it's gonna be interesting to see what happens with Andrew. Quote,
you're glad you dodged that bullet. Well, I don't think
I dodged the bullet as much as he dodged me,
because I had a crush on him. And then I
(07:52):
talked to him on the phone a few times, and
we texted a couple of times and it was very flirtatious,
and I thought for sure there was going to be
penetrate Shan. Well, now we know why I didn't work out,
because he wouldn't be able to bully you. He was like,
apparently he doesn't like women that throwed themselves at him.
He prefers to take it. Like all of the stories
of sexual harassment. I mean, the sexual harassment stories are
(08:13):
him like grabbing somebody. Nobody's accusing him of sexual assault.
But I did dodge a bullet. You know, when you
find out all of that, you're like, oh my god,
thank god, I think dating him or have sex with
him even Well, I told you from the beginning, because
he's sixty two and I'm forty six, and that's just
like his body looks like a melting candle. You can't well,
it looks like he's transitioning it into a woman because
(08:36):
like a lot of men that age start to look
like women, right, but a very butcher woman, lesbian woman,
but his mother. Basically, if you've seen pictures of his mom,
he looks a lot like his mom. And so it
was already like, was I going to be able to
go down that road and like be able to see
the things that I was going to see on his
body and not. I zoomed in on so many Instagram
posts and pictures to see exactly where his we exchanged
(08:59):
quite of you of those were on his body right,
because there was a lot of questions about his nipples
and then where were they, you know, down or up?
And then there are a lot of questions about, you know,
the background of that mansion he lives in and Albany
also and the decor. That was going to be a
hard pill to swallow, but luckily that didn't happen. I
(09:20):
don't know how this relates it all to the nursing home,
but I think you brought up nursing homes and bullying
and I immediately went to answer Cromo so sorry, I'm
so sorry. Well, Kimberly, I think to wrap this up
is you just need to address it head on yourself.
If the admin and the office doesn't do anything about it,
then it takes the bullies power away. You just address it,
get your little gang of girls together, guys who whomever. Yeah,
(09:41):
you just have to join forces and stand up to
the bully. Fuck that. As an adult being bullied, it's like,
no thanks. It's these people who just want a sense
of power so if they don't have it. It's this
is the exact way I think of middle school receptionists.
It's like they just love and they're always like sausage
(10:01):
finger like Sharon's like, they just would yeah, like that
principle's reception. Yeah, they just feel like adjacent to the power,
so they like to flex that muscle. It's like a
crossing guard. Basically a crossing guard, somebody gets way out
of control with their responsibility. It's like a police officer
when they're directing traffic. That happens in Martha's Vineyard a lot,
and it's like, Okay, everybody, calm down. Guys. People love
(10:24):
to be able to put someone else in the place,
Like anytime you go do you have never experienced this,
I can guarantee, But like going to do a return
if you're a day over or use a coupon on
something and they don't want to do I'm like, is
this the fucking issue you want to take up right now? Like,
is this really the expiration date on a coupon? Oh
my god, it's so freaking annoying. Are you using coupons? Yes?
I use coupons for you and you don't even know it.
That's sweet, sweetheart. Yes, I'm thirty. I told you economically responsible, Well,
(10:52):
you doesn't matter how much you have, it's how much
you save. And that's where I come in. Yeah. Well, anyway,
so that's that's also advice for everyone listening. It's not
how much you have, it's how much you save. Save, yes,
because you need to save. Oh girl, please please. Unbelievable.
I'm still using the coupons. Our next submission comes from
(11:13):
Nicole Tran. She's twenty five. We have her on the line,
but her submission says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a big fan
of you since Chelsea lately. That's nice. Thank you for
being such a good role model. As I've gotten older,
I've realized that dating men my age has gotten worse
and worse, especially with the Me Too movement and broke culture.
I realize I can't hate them more. Any dating advice
(11:33):
that you would give yourself at twenty five so Nicole,
I'm oh, you are look at look at Nicole, Hi, Nicole.
I mean it's so so disappointing. What men have taken.
The last couple of years with men have been so disappointing.
Like I totally feel your pain because I'm forty six,
(11:54):
I'm twenty one years older than you, and I feel
exactly the way that you fucking feel. I'm like, are
you fucking serious, you guys, Like, are you guys gonna
be this disappointing for us for the rest of our lives.
We're telling you that you need to start behaving in
a different way. We're trying to help you win, and
they still won't fucking listen. Yeah, it can't be easier
(12:15):
than that. And that's the funny thing, Like you're literally
giving them the advice that they need, and it it's
still more disappointing, Like if these are the tools that
you need to be better, and then they make it
about themselves again. Yes, yes, women have quite literally given
men a road map to get laid and they still
get lost, like where, well, I don't understand what you
want be like, I actually just know it's like I
(12:37):
want to funk all you guys. And you're ruining it.
You're blowing it. All of you guys are blowing it
because we It's like women want you to succeed. Yet
like straight white men do not understand what the funk
is going on. They are so resistant, Like this one
guy in Canada. I was talking to this one guy
in Canada and we're skiing, and he said, he goes,
it does feel like a little bit like reverse discrimination
(12:59):
on the subject of white male patriarchy. Blah blah, he goes,
it does feel like I understand everything needs to be equal,
but it does feel like reverse discrimination. And I just
looked at him and thought, like, well, I didn't think.
I said, you know, first of all, you're okay with
discrimination as long as it's not reverse you know, just
saying it like that's the problem. It's like, yeah, that's
(13:20):
what needs to happen is reverse discrimination for a period
of time until things become equitable, like in a real way,
like you know, anyway, don't get me fucking started, obviously,
Oh my god, So anyway, who was the last person
you dated? I at this point, I'm just like not
dating like I've been just like trying to date people,
(13:42):
and just like on dating apps, but then it would
I would go and get drinks of people, and then
it just gets weird, like people will just say really
stalker ish stuff and I feel like they would lock
me in their basement and I just get out of there.
In your submission, you mentioned that you live in a
college town. To me, that speaks volumes about the type
(14:03):
of men who are going to be lingering around your area.
So it's a lot of like guys in arrested development
who are clinging to their college days if they've graduated,
or it's guys in college, in which case like you
can't you can't, can't you because they're too stupid. And
I'm in Columbus, Ohio, so like everything is just like
(14:24):
everything is just a huge campus. So everyone's either extremely
young or everyone is completely like a frat for life,
so they just hire everyone who will never grow up
and it's disappointing. Can I ask for because you're both
on dating apps, I'm obviously not on a dating app,
but is there Yeah, I'll see how that goes over.
(14:44):
Do people not meet through friends anymore? Is it only
like the accessibility that you and whoever else is on
the dating app know that you're both looking, so is
it the convenience. I just don't understand why no one
is hooked up with through mutual friends who kind of
understand what you might be into. I think the hardest
part with that is like if something goes wrong and
then it doesn't work out, then it's just awkward for
(15:05):
the rest of your life, and like you're just asking like, oh,
was that so and so going to be there, and
then you just have to like dodge out of a
party or like dodge out of us. And I think
people have to have a knack for setting people up.
It's not it's like your friend. No, my friends don't
set me up, which I think speaks more about my
personality than it does. They try, and the guys are
(15:29):
and they're just not quite right. They think, I'm like, listen, guys,
this is my friends will try and set me up.
I'm like, ah, this is a little too middle age,
if you know what I'm talking about. And they're like,
you are middle aged. I'm like, god, no, I'm freking
not okay, not in my head, but you know what,
just take a break, because I think a lot of
women feel the way you feel about men, and you
just need to like take a break and wait for
(15:51):
like a crush to develop naturally, you know what I mean,
so that you can be reintroduced to the idea of flirtation.
Dating apps are just like it's like COVID, it's like fatigue,
you know, you have, like they become so boring and
wrote and it's just adds to the day to day
mundaneus that everyone kind of is feeling psychologically because of
quarantining and etcetera. So I would say take a break
(16:13):
and you know, just try and focus on yourself actually,
because that's never bad when you take some time and
just so like try and get like healthy, you know
what I mean, get grounded, read books and stuff. You
always get a prize at the end of that, which
will hopefully come in the package of a man that
you want to have sex with. That's true, absolutely, and
if not, then you're not out any of that energy
(16:33):
that you would have invested into the man because you've
invested in it into yourself. So it's a real win
either way, exactly, it's a win win. That's very accurate.
Went in doubt invest in yourself. That's going to be
our hashtag for this podcast. If if I believed in hashtags.
Maybe you could keep us posted on your next few days, Yeah,
and circle back tell us what happened. I just told
(16:54):
you to take a break, though, Brandon, you're giving me
conflicting advice now when it does happen. Okay, yeah, keep
us posted. We want all of our callers to keep
us posted as to their progress. That's a good idea,
perfect All right, Well it was nice, thanks guys, have
a great day. Bye again. A totally really normal, reasonable person.
I just really am interested. Like I like these callers.
(17:17):
Everyone has the same issues. And this is what I
don't understand with people. Everyone has the same issues. I
think they're common that everyone is facing some of the
same hurdles with especially dating. Well, you're not having that
problem because you're in a relationship, yes, But everyone who's
on these apps, it's like everyone wants to be in
a relationship or find someone, yet they spend all their
time texting on it and they never said anything up.
(17:37):
I talked to a friend recently who had said the
same thing that he had been talking to this guy
for like weeks on a dating app. I said, well,
have you tried to set a date? And he's like, yeah,
well here and there, you know, we'll talk about it.
I'm like I would exchange two messages before I said, like, hey,
let's meet here. I'm available like this time these weeks.
Do you want to get together? If the whole point
is to date, you can't fucking do that through a phone,
(18:00):
So you're gonna have to get out and do something.
You're actually very good with that. You normally if you're
into someone, you meet them right away for a drink
or dinner or something. I'm sorry, I was just reading
a text from my brother who said he was on
the way his way to get his birth certificate. Did
you see that text from Roy? He said, Hi, guys,
sorry for the late reply. I was playing basketball and
then I'm on my way to Elizabeth to get my
(18:20):
birth certificate. Ask him if you can find your parents
marriage certificate, that would be really handy. Can you find
just so you know, we need the marrige certificate because
we've been trying to get Chelsea's German citizenship, any citizenship
from any country. I want it. She'll go anywhere. An
additional passport is always welcome, and we can't find her
parents marriage certificate. I don't know if they did it
off the books or what. But we've searched basically every
(18:43):
county in New Jersey. Considering that they're my parents, they
probably aren't even fucking married and we're lying to us
about that. Also, you know, I have a brother I
found out about right that I didn't know. I just
found out about that recently. I'm always learning new things about. Yeah,
I'll focus on the brothers I do have. Oh great, Well,
why don't you see if this brother that you do
have confined the maor certificate right right? Because my brother Roy,
(19:04):
my brother Roy can't. He doesn't even know where his
own birth certificate or driver's license is. He's never gonna
be able to find something that may not even exist.
We're gonna have Roy. We're gonna have Roy call into
the show because I want you to hear my brother Roy.
He's the oldest by default because my other brother, you know, died,
So Roy became the oldest from my other brother died.
And at my brother's funeral, my grandfather came over and
(19:25):
was like, Roy, you're the oldest. Now you're in charge,
and all of the rest of the siblings were like,
uh no, he's fucking not. He's stoned all the time.
This is when he was a teenager, and so we
were like, he's so not the oldest, and he's not
in our family dynamic. He's like basically the baby. Even
though I'm the baby, he's the baby. So I want
(19:46):
him to tell you his story because he's been in Palau,
living in Palau for like the last few years. I've
never met him. He has a very interesting shaped head,
and he's really sweet and adorable and very funny and
his real quiet, funny way. I want you to give
him advice because I don't give my brother advice anymore.
They're all like, you know, we're all done. They just
(20:06):
check out. We just want to support him and we
want him to be happy. Okay, that's I mean, that's
a good stance to take. I don't even know if
he wants advice, but he likes to talk so un
solicited he'll get it. I'll be able to call in
one of these days. Well, until Roy calls, we have
Sergio on the phone. He is in his thirties. He's
(20:28):
from New York, and he writes, dear Oh, this is
perfect sibling complexities. Dear Chelsea, how do you make sure
to not overburden your siblings. I want to find balance
between being a mentor to them and just being an
older gay brother. Sergio. Hi, Hi, Telsey, Hi, how are
you good? Good here in the city and telling the weather? Well, Sergio,
(20:49):
what's going on with your siblings? How many do you have?
What's the deal? I have way too many siblings. So
I have six sisters to a younger and one older brother.
So I'm trying to find the balance between like being
that gay older brother for my two younger sisters, but
not two out there for them, you know, talking about
my sex life or anything like that. Right, Okay, So
(21:11):
you have six sisters, yes, and then you have two
younger yes, So how many all together? Eight? My parents
didn't know about birth control unfortunately, okay, yeah, and a
lot of people didn't seem to know about the birth control.
Guess who does know about it? I do. Well, you're gay, Brandon.
You probably have more to say on this topic before
(21:31):
I man explain it. Well. I mean, it's all going
to be about your dynamic with your individual siblings. I
think a lot of times you just adjust to the
different personalities in the dynamic you have with that sibling,
Like I have three sisters, all with very different personalities,
so what I give them of myself is different. My
one sister is very sensitive Casa, and we don't how
(21:53):
do you spell casa k A s y a k
A s y asa Okay, And she is just the softest,
sweetest little thing, but she gets very bogged down with
anything too emotional, so I keep it very light with her.
And my sister Kayla, I can talk to about anything,
like she gets the very gay side of me. She
(22:14):
will get my unfiltered opinion on her life, and I
know she's good with that. My sister Brooks, she's older,
so I'm the one normally like giving her advice. Actually,
for the first time, we had like a really personal
conversation about my life recently, and she's like, oh, this
is such a strange conversation because normally we're talking about
my stuff and not yours. So I think that it
really just depends on your relationship with each of those siblings.
(22:37):
M Yeah, that's actually good advice. Can if I see that.
With my younger sister Jenny, I have a closer wationship
with her, but I would just never want to hear
from her like about her dating life. Like her telling
me if she's having, you know, intimately something that that's
just be really weird. Your family is very open with things, yeah,
are we? Yeah? I guess we are with like sex
talk and stuff, but only like the girls with the
(22:59):
girl roles, Like we're not talking to my brothers about
hooking up. Yeah, Like I just had the best sex.
But I also just to the point, since this was
kind of your last note on the gay aspect, I mean,
that's just such a minor part of those interactions, and
so I wouldn't let that be what dictates your relationship
(23:20):
or interaction with your sisters. Like you have to be
authentically who you are, and that's one area I wouldn't
want you to like temper or play down just to
appease someone else. Like if that's you, you need to
just be you in those relationships, and they all love
you for that. I would say, you don't have to
worry about that in those interactions. Yeah, I think the
most of part would be, like I can't let be
sure of my grander profile or something like that, you know,
(23:41):
I mean maybe that's something you keep yourself, though not
everyone needs to see like the dick pics and I
think your question. Really at the root of your question, Sergio,
is the sexual stuff. Are you supposed to share that?
And the answers no, let's not. Let's go with not
sharing with your siblings your sexual sexual exactly like the
meeting someone on grind or those like interactions like you, oh,
(24:01):
I've met someone on this app, grind, whatever it is,
you just don't need to say like that you got
penetrated in the back alley, like you can keep those
things to yourself. Guy, I'm dating a guy, or I'm
going on a date, right, going out with a guy? Right, agreed, agreed,
agreed to wrap on that close Sergio. Alright, fantastic problem.
Good luck to you, all right, thanks, Words today are
(24:25):
hard for us, are they? Well? Low hanging fruit, I
don't I still don't know what phrase not really a
word though, And that's a combination of words. Yeah, well,
it means a couple of different things. There's a literal
translation and then there's the metaphorical. Yeah, that's right. Okay,
I think we should take a quick break. Okay. Our
next submission is from Jonathan. He's twenty six. He lives
(24:47):
in California, and he has some issues with his mom.
His submission says, Dear Chelsea, I came out in two
thousand and fourteen. My mom tried giving me an ultimatum
to change or get kicked out. So I tried to change.
I actually went to convert and therapy. My mom tried
to get me to go into the military. She made
me quit work and stay at home for After I
had enough, I told her that I cannot change for her.
(25:09):
She got all my stuff and threw it out into
the garage port. My dad had to come pick me
up and help me out. About a year later, me
and my mom kind of got close again. Then someone
told her about me being to quote unquote out there
with my sexuality, and she stopped talking to me again.
Should I ever forgive her if she asks for another chance?
And he includes a photo of her throwing all of
his stuff out into the garage port. So, Jonathan, are
(25:30):
you there? I am here. How are you guys? Hi? Jonathan,
how do you guys? Day go in? Well, I'm so
glad that Brandon's here because this seems like another question
that you should take the lead on, Brandon, because we've
had a couple of submissions that lean gay. So I've
been I've been fielding us. You have beautiful teeth, by
the way, Thank you. I appreciate it. The reason why, yeah,
(25:50):
I don't want to jump in because that's what a
man would do. A white man would jump in, A
white straight man would jump in and say, oh, why
don't I answer this question about being gay in Puerto
Rican and the Puerto Rican But I'm gay? Well, right,
but if you were a Puerto Rican and I don't
want to act like a white man, you know what
I mean, it's bad enough what's going on. But we
do work in cahoots, so her perspective will also important.
(26:12):
But I mean, I'm so sorry that this is the
type of advice that you need. I have a very
complicated relationship with my mother, so I'm like, I fully
understand how difficult that dynamic. Can you have to call
the police on his mother before and he has. It's
very tricky. And I understand also with the gay aspect
and their reception of that and how that can also
(26:34):
burden the relationship even though it shouldn't. So now you're
responsible for trying to get that relationship back on course
for something that's you know, natural in regard to everything
that you went through. After you're coming out, I think
you really need to let go of so like you
included the photo, I understand that it was a painful
situation and to be treated that way and go through
(26:56):
the conversion therapy and try to fix something that is
inherent to you. But holding onto that just takes up
space and it doesn't It doesn't do anything positive for you.
So the longer you hold on to it, and this
is just very consistent when people are writing in with
things that have happened in the past, you have to
let go of it for yourself, not for your mom.
She is, you know, irrelevant in this scenario. But if
(27:18):
you if you harbor those feelings, you know, negative feelings
towards the circumstances you went through, Like Chelsea says, you
have to spin it and you have to make that
a positive thing. Like you went through all this so
hopefully help someone else. You know, these circumstances and situations
you're writing in, someone else is experiencing this and hopefully
we'll take something of it. Who's listening to say, like, oh,
I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to
(27:38):
try and change who I am for someone else exactly exactly,
and I think some of the hardest things, Like my
mom would even say some of the worst things. She
told me straight to my face, I'd rather have to
be a drug addictively gay. She told one of her
friends that this is where things that happens is my
brother daddy cancer. So all these comparisons, it's just like
what is honestly going through your own head? You know,
like that you have such a men, but you can
see how damaged that person and if they would really
(28:01):
want you to be a drug addict rather than just
be happy like who you fund does not affect her.
And that's just like the fact of the matter, and
that's something we all have to deal with in the
l g b t q I A community that why
is our personal life? So I a what wait, q
T what l g b t q I A lesbian, gay,
transgender a sexual intersects you? And now when they're not
(28:26):
a crossroad in sex intersex And then you said another letter,
lgbt q I A sexual. What did I miss him? There?
I missed something, Jonathan, lgbt q I A plus because
there's so many differences, you said, AI, and I was like,
I thought you met artificial we don't know, but we're
just everyone. I know, a I could be a thing
(28:48):
in the future. You never know. Yeah, you know that's
something also to hop on, Jonathan. Is that like when
somebody I also want to ask you about conversion therapy,
when somebody is really can't give you love or demonstrate love,
like that's about them, that's more of a reflection of
them than it has anything to do with you. And
then what goes on at conversion therapy, at Mike Penn's
(29:09):
conversion therapy. Oh God, I can't even deal with that guy.
But so with my mom. Luckily we don't have to anymore.
My mom would actually send me to our local church
and I was raised in tatch, Me, which is a
small town east of bakerstl, California, And pretty much they
just read me scriptures from the Bible over and over
and over again, saying this is wrong what you're doing.
You know, you need to change your ways, You're gonna
(29:30):
go to hell, like all this stuff, Like God, that
sounds like a fucking nightmare. Literally two hours a day,
and my mom sent me to go do that and
listening to people somebody reading the Bible. Can you think
of anything more unpleasant. No, but it is so damaging
to these I mean again, they're just trying to recondition
something that can't be reconditioned because it's not it's not
a learned habit, So it's not like a behavior like
(29:54):
you know, being kind to someone that hopefully you can yeah,
you threw certain exercises like this is really just it's
a mental breakdown that they're trying to kind of reduce
you to your smallest part. But the other aspect of
this was your relationship with your mom and if you
should give her another chance, and that's something that no
(30:15):
one can answer. It's something I go through with my
sisters on a daily basis because we all have a
very complicated relationship with my mom. And my response to
them is always when they call and ask what I
should do or what they should do in a certain situation,
is you have to do what feels right to you
in that moment, because I don't want to give you
my opinion because it's not how I'm feeling or what
I'm going through with her. So that's very personal to you.
(30:36):
But I would say you have to safeguard yourself, and
that's what I do. So you only give her so
much so she can't habitually hurt you. And you also
don't want someone like that to be able to leverage
your insecurity or your what they perceive as your weaknesses
to get what they want. So it's all about how
you enter those interactions and the circumstances you set. So
(30:57):
for me, like if I was in your position, what
I would say is until you can verbally accept who
I am and who I'm going to be with, there
is no relationship. Definitely, Like that is that is the basis,
Like that's the least you could do. And once you
could do that, then we can move forward. And it's
not going to be easy, but at least then you
are on level footing with your sexuality. If that's the
(31:20):
catalyst for all these issues, she either needs to accept
it or don't. Definitely, And I think the hard part
is now because so she moved from California all way
to Wyoming, so she's living her best life there, but
her my STI my sister all converted to Mormonism. So okay,
so boring. I have Mormon's in my family. My mom
was Mormon and my sister was Mormon. She's slowly snapping
(31:41):
out of it. But my best girlfriend is Mormon and
she's very Yeah, she lives in a suburb and she
but she flies a rainbow flag every year for me
and my partner. Like, she's very progressive. So it seems
like your mom was like off her rocker before the Mormonism.
So I mean, it seems like it's probably not going
to help, but that's something personal to her that like
(32:04):
no religion should impact her feelings towards her son exactly exactly,
So Mormon or not, she's dealing with some ship of
her own. Yeah, yeah, And that's like, you know, growing
up to listen to Sean Hannity every day, like, and
I think it was hard because she would always you know,
use the word fact getting stuff and like me sitting
in the next her in the car, just knowing what
her feelings are. I'm like, she's talking about me. And
so I never brought it up to her attention growing
(32:25):
up and stuff or you know, I always add even
had like to hide my voice, could always felt it
was too feminine and things like that. So now that
I'm out, though, I'm like so happy and proud, Like
I've never been happier. I've been healthier. I have never
been healthier. And yeah, you look healthy and you look
like you have like a good amount of self confidence.
So like, go with that. Yeah, don't let her bad
state of affairs affect your positivity and your vibe, you know,
(32:48):
because all you can control is your reaction, and so
let her do her thing, and when she earns the
right to probably be around you, you'll know exactly. And um,
you know, I remember some of the things she would
tell me. She's like, you know, you're not going to
successful in life. I just graduated last year's my bachelor's,
I'm doing my masters right now. So it's like, you
know what, congratulations you guys. And I'm like, you know,
proving it to myself also, you know, in a way,
(33:09):
it's kind of like in my background, proving her wrong too,
So it's like, you know, what's step out of time
doing things for myself and making myself better. Yeah, well,
good for you. That's so unfortunate that you have to
go prove your mother wrong. But you know what, sometimes
it's just the motivation you need exactly. I love it
all right, Well, shaba Alm, it was great talking to you.
The pleasure talking to you guys, thank you guys so
much for your time, and I appreciate Yeah, bye, Jonathan.
(33:33):
I feel like we're saving the world, Brandon, one gay
man at a time, hopefully. I mean, there are just
so many issues in the gay community that could be
an entire episode. Well obviously, I mean, yeah, it's a
lot to unpack. I mean I still deal with it
on a daily basis. But what kind of issues are
you dealing with on a daily basis? I mean, like
body issues. I think that's a huge one in the
gay community, just the expectation of what you should look like,
(33:55):
because most gay men are under armored mannequins brought to life,
right right, Well, same thing for girls. You know, who's
not suffering from that body dysmorphia and body image problems?
White males and white men, white men over fifty, they're
not suffering from that. There's nothing more upsetting to me
than when I see this beautiful woman who you know
takes the time to maintain herself. It's you And they
(34:19):
have to fuck these men who they married twenty years ago,
who are probably like fine shape, but then just let
themselves go like, oh it's not my it's a woman's
responsibility to uphold herself. But I can look like a
garbage back fucking pig. It's my legs splayed open on
a sofa, you know. Like men should do whatever they
can to avoid women from ever seeing the outline of
the other balls. And that means sitting in a way
(34:40):
that no one will see your balls. And when men
disrespect that silent rule that we thought we had an agreement,
but we don't. As usual, it's just just another thing
that men don't want to be understanding. That's why you
can't have a lazy boy in your house. I mean,
as soon as you incorporate a fucking recliner, yeah, then
things get real dicey, real fast. I bet your dad
(35:01):
out of recliner. He did my dad out of recliner,
of course he did. Oh yeah. I could just see
him sitting in that right now. That is the furniture
embodiment of men. He would sit there on a Sunday
morning with like a bagel, you know. My mom would
make him a bagel with like locks and cream cheese,
and he would put it on the armchair, have the
New York Times splayed out, and just be like sitting
(35:22):
there like a fucking king, you know, well, my mom
did everything and we had a nice lazy Sunday, but
just eating, you know, putting the plate on his stomach
and then reading the paper all at the same time.
Oh you know what I just thought of? So girls,
these men who like in the gym, in the locker room,
these older men who walk around, you know, they're doing
(35:43):
it at their house too. Is they put these boxes
on and they're like balls or can you not please?
I don't. I don't want to even have this kind
of imagery right now. I mean I just said I
don't want to talk about balls at all, and now
you're making me think at around. As soon as you
say old men and lockers, I think of ball plison.
I don't want to. So let's steer this in a
different direction. Well it's actually a rap on the show
(36:05):
for today. Okay, Well that's perfect timing. So let's go
out on that no balls Thursday. For anyone who does
want to write in, they can do that at Dear
Chelsea Project d E A R C H E L
S E A P R O j E C T
at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.
(36:26):
That's wonderful
Hello, and welcome to your Chelsea featuring Chelsea Handler and Brandon. Hello. Hi, Hi, sweetheart.
How's your day going? Not pretty annoyed today? That's okay.
You have a lot of reasons to be annoyed on.
There is a lot going on, Brandon, There's been a
lot happening to you recently. So let's it's okay to
(00:23):
be in a bad mood. Just accept it, and I'm
acknowledging it. Acknowledging it. No that it will pass. You're
going to have a rough day and it will be
gone tomorrow most likely. And you've had a rough week.
You know who else is having a rough time? Alex Rodriguez,
did you hear about somebody took a picture of him
taking a shed be in his apartment and then decided
to post it all over the internet. I was not aware,
(00:43):
but I'm sure that's a welcome distraction from miss Jennifer
Lopez News. I would say that that is a terrible
thing to do to another person, like who took that
photo and then posted it? Like, honestly, you know, our
society is so fucked up. But I would say that
if that were to happen to somebody, if it had
to happen to somebody, I think it should be Alex Rodriguez.
(01:04):
He's probably thrilled that this is the new headline and
not him and Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez hanging out with
Ben Affleck. Yeah, well, I'm sure he's not thrilled about that.
But I'm sure he's not thrilled about hearing rumors about
his ex girl. What were they married? They were engaged? Yes, yes,
I just don't care for him. I feel the same
way about Alex Rodriguez. I find him very off putting,
(01:26):
and I don't know why so many women are so
into him. I don't like his body shape, I don't
like his demeanor. I'm glad you said that about his
body shape because I also don't like it, and I
don't know why. But I've met him once and I
was picked out when I met him, and I'm still
picked out by him even I just don't understand a
lot of Jennifer Lopez's choices romantically, though they never make
(01:48):
sense to me really, her and Mark Anthony, you know
what I mean. It's like there's a trend here that
she's dating people that are one not in her league
and two obviously not a romantic match. Yeah, I don't
understand the rebounding. I don't understand, like when you break
up having sex with your ex boyfriend, Like I don't
(02:08):
get that, Like why two weeks without having sex and
then contact Your and Ben Affleck have both said individually
in interviews that they are the ones that got away,
And sometimes I think that can't happen, that you're just
going through a life circumstance where it's not going to
work out, and maybe it can down the road. I
hope they work out. Actually, I would like to see
them get back together Ben Affleck and j Lo. Yeah, okay,
(02:30):
Well I hope that comes true for you. Then, I
don't know what I think about that. I don't have
a preference situation, not today. I often think of which
male celebrity I would like to see you end up with.
Do you have any thoughts on this? I'd like your opinion. No,
I don't. Actually, I haven't thought about that. There's someone
that we've talked about a couple of times that I
would have liked to see you with, Gerard Butler. Gerard
(02:53):
Butler is we would cancel each other out because he's
a little bit wild like I'm a little bit wild.
I would actually venture to say that Gerard Butler is
more wild than I am, really, but he's a really
nice guy. John Hamm, John Hamm is a really nice
guy too. John Hamm has a girlfriend right now. I
think I did have a question John ham though for
a long long time, those are the two that come
(03:16):
to my mind most often. Yeah, and I had a
crush on him, and then I have another one. I
don't know why, but you did justin Long's podcast a
while ago. And I just find him very attractive. And
I've seen him out and about a few times and
he just has this error to him where he seems
very confident, and I would love to see that happen. Okay, Well,
(03:37):
you guys could have a good time together. Well, I
did his podcast and we did have a great time together.
I really really like him, but he's not really my type.
What is your type? Let's get into that for a bit.
We talked about that your masculine. I like a guy
that's first of all, physically bigger than I am. I
want to feel like a girl, like a dainty little Yeah.
I've had sex with a couple of guys that were
smaller than me, and I didn't really like that. Wasn't
(04:00):
Ted small. Ted was short, but stout corpula, He wasn't tall.
I don't remember. There's always say that I like short guys,
and I'm like, I do not, and then they go
and list all the men I've dated, and like half
of them are like five nine or five ten. But
that's not really short. Chewy was short, all right, Well,
(04:21):
we were going to build a guy for you. Yeah.
I think that people should know so they know what
to keep an eye out for. You like a British guy.
Actually I do. I love British guys. I like foreigners.
You like black guys? What not a black British guy?
What about your driver? That would be a home run.
In any of your outings this last week, did you
ever go out and start a conversation? I went to
(04:41):
Hotel bel Air. This was your homework assignment, I know,
but there were no men around, and the men that
were lesbian convention. No, it was just I was with
a girlfriend. It's hard to look and check out other
guys when you're with somebody. I like to be focused
on what I'm doing. She and I had a great
time without men. So I did not approach a man.
I'm going to do it. It's a good challenge for me.
I'll find somebody to hit on. Stay tuned for that,
(05:01):
you guys. Let's take a quick break. So have you
ever felt like there's a time where your advice was
invasive or unwanted? Yeah, all the time. That's happens to
me all the time. I give unsolicited advice. That's my problem.
But are there certain people into your life, you know,
even if they aren't asking for it, needed or want
it unknowingly? Well, maybe that's how you can justify it.
(05:24):
But yeah, some people are receptive to it and then go,
oh thank you like you always say, oh thank you
for telling me. Yeah, because I think it's important to
people in your life that you care about. Normally they're
giving you their opinion or advice on something. It's coming
from a good place, like no one advice with malice. Yeah,
I think I used to do that, probably be a
little bit malicious. Well, the reason I ask is because
a lot of the submissions today are people kind of
(05:46):
either overstepping or perfect Well that's your area of expertise, overbearing,
overstepping or shockingly in one of them, that they're disinterested
in the feedback at all, So I think we should
just get right into it. And our first mission comes
from a woman named Kimberly. She's a night nurse at
a nursing home and she writes, Dear Chelsea, myself and
(06:07):
several co workers are being bullied at work. With COVID
restricting so much employment, we feel stuck in our jobs.
Management excuses the bad behavior as personality conflicts. It's like
us around the house. Our coworker comes on the floor
and we feel her mission to belittle us, to grade
us and shame us. We are frontline workers in a
nursing home and it is affecting our ability to care
(06:27):
and support for our residents with dignity and love. What
do you advise that they all need to get together,
All of you guys need to join forces and stand
up to the bully together saying that this is unacceptable
behavior in the middle of a pandemic. No, less, don't
feed the beast. Well, I mean, it's just unacceptable that
a colleague is coming on the floor and belittling them
(06:48):
and that they have to even put up with that.
What do you think of the boss is disregarding the
not surprising. I mean, who wants to deal with it?
No boss, you know, especially at a nursing home, it's
probably like really really low hanging for Yeah, I agree,
you just need to address it. But I just used
low hanging fruit the right way. I don't know. I
don't either. That doesn't seem like I did. I'm confused.
(07:09):
I would say it probably wasn't used the right way,
but at a nursing home, I couldn't tell you what is. Well,
there is definitely low hanging fruit. Yeah. Yeah, So I
think that this is one of those situations where you
just kind of have to confront it head on, like
if it's not going away, you're going to need to
address it. It reminds me of Andrew Cuomo the bullying,
(07:29):
you know, because I just read that article. There was
a big piece on him that I just read recently,
and you know, it was just talking about the pathology
of his behavior, you know, of him being a bully
to so many people for so many years in New York.
Because it's gonna be interesting to see what happens with Andrew. Quote,
you're glad you dodged that bullet. Well, I don't think
I dodged the bullet as much as he dodged me,
because I had a crush on him. And then I
(07:52):
talked to him on the phone a few times, and
we texted a couple of times and it was very flirtatious,
and I thought for sure there was going to be
penetrate Shan. Well, now we know why I didn't work out,
because he wouldn't be able to bully you. He was like,
apparently he doesn't like women that throwed themselves at him.
He prefers to take it. Like all of the stories
of sexual harassment. I mean, the sexual harassment stories are
(08:13):
him like grabbing somebody. Nobody's accusing him of sexual assault.
But I did dodge a bullet. You know, when you
find out all of that, you're like, oh my god,
thank god, I think dating him or have sex with
him even Well, I told you from the beginning, because
he's sixty two and I'm forty six, and that's just
like his body looks like a melting candle. You can't well,
it looks like he's transitioning it into a woman because
(08:36):
like a lot of men that age start to look
like women, right, but a very butcher woman, lesbian woman,
but his mother. Basically, if you've seen pictures of his mom,
he looks a lot like his mom. And so it
was already like, was I going to be able to
go down that road and like be able to see
the things that I was going to see on his
body and not. I zoomed in on so many Instagram
posts and pictures to see exactly where his we exchanged
(08:59):
quite of you of those were on his body right,
because there was a lot of questions about his nipples
and then where were they, you know, down or up?
And then there are a lot of questions about, you know,
the background of that mansion he lives in and Albany
also and the decor. That was going to be a
hard pill to swallow, but luckily that didn't happen. I
(09:20):
don't know how this relates it all to the nursing home,
but I think you brought up nursing homes and bullying
and I immediately went to answer Cromo so sorry, I'm
so sorry. Well, Kimberly, I think to wrap this up
is you just need to address it head on yourself.
If the admin and the office doesn't do anything about it,
then it takes the bullies power away. You just address it,
get your little gang of girls together, guys who whomever. Yeah,
(09:41):
you just have to join forces and stand up to
the bully. Fuck that. As an adult being bullied, it's like,
no thanks. It's these people who just want a sense
of power so if they don't have it. It's this
is the exact way I think of middle school receptionists.
It's like they just love and they're always like sausage
(10:01):
finger like Sharon's like, they just would yeah, like that
principle's reception. Yeah, they just feel like adjacent to the power,
so they like to flex that muscle. It's like a
crossing guard. Basically a crossing guard, somebody gets way out
of control with their responsibility. It's like a police officer
when they're directing traffic. That happens in Martha's Vineyard a lot,
and it's like, Okay, everybody, calm down. Guys. People love
(10:24):
to be able to put someone else in the place,
Like anytime you go do you have never experienced this,
I can guarantee, But like going to do a return
if you're a day over or use a coupon on
something and they don't want to do I'm like, is
this the fucking issue you want to take up right now? Like,
is this really the expiration date on a coupon? Oh
my god, it's so freaking annoying. Are you using coupons? Yes?
I use coupons for you and you don't even know it.
That's sweet, sweetheart. Yes, I'm thirty. I told you economically responsible, Well,
(10:52):
you doesn't matter how much you have, it's how much
you save. And that's where I come in. Yeah. Well, anyway,
so that's that's also advice for everyone listening. It's not
how much you have, it's how much you save. Save, yes,
because you need to save. Oh girl, please please. Unbelievable.
I'm still using the coupons. Our next submission comes from
(11:13):
Nicole Tran. She's twenty five. We have her on the line,
but her submission says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a big fan
of you since Chelsea lately. That's nice. Thank you for
being such a good role model. As I've gotten older,
I've realized that dating men my age has gotten worse
and worse, especially with the Me Too movement and broke culture.
I realize I can't hate them more. Any dating advice
(11:33):
that you would give yourself at twenty five so Nicole,
I'm oh, you are look at look at Nicole, Hi, Nicole.
I mean it's so so disappointing. What men have taken.
The last couple of years with men have been so disappointing.
Like I totally feel your pain because I'm forty six,
(11:54):
I'm twenty one years older than you, and I feel
exactly the way that you fucking feel. I'm like, are
you fucking serious, you guys, Like, are you guys gonna
be this disappointing for us for the rest of our lives.
We're telling you that you need to start behaving in
a different way. We're trying to help you win, and
they still won't fucking listen. Yeah, it can't be easier
(12:15):
than that. And that's the funny thing, Like you're literally
giving them the advice that they need, and it it's
still more disappointing, Like if these are the tools that
you need to be better, and then they make it
about themselves again. Yes, yes, women have quite literally given
men a road map to get laid and they still
get lost, like where, well, I don't understand what you
want be like, I actually just know it's like I
(12:37):
want to funk all you guys. And you're ruining it.
You're blowing it. All of you guys are blowing it
because we It's like women want you to succeed. Yet
like straight white men do not understand what the funk
is going on. They are so resistant, Like this one
guy in Canada. I was talking to this one guy
in Canada and we're skiing, and he said, he goes,
it does feel like a little bit like reverse discrimination
(12:59):
on the subject of white male patriarchy. Blah blah, he goes,
it does feel like I understand everything needs to be equal,
but it does feel like reverse discrimination. And I just
looked at him and thought, like, well, I didn't think.
I said, you know, first of all, you're okay with
discrimination as long as it's not reverse you know, just
saying it like that's the problem. It's like, yeah, that's
(13:20):
what needs to happen is reverse discrimination for a period
of time until things become equitable, like in a real way,
like you know, anyway, don't get me fucking started, obviously,
Oh my god, So anyway, who was the last person
you dated? I at this point, I'm just like not
dating like I've been just like trying to date people,
(13:42):
and just like on dating apps, but then it would
I would go and get drinks of people, and then
it just gets weird, like people will just say really
stalker ish stuff and I feel like they would lock
me in their basement and I just get out of there.
In your submission, you mentioned that you live in a
college town. To me, that speaks volumes about the type
(14:03):
of men who are going to be lingering around your area.
So it's a lot of like guys in arrested development
who are clinging to their college days if they've graduated,
or it's guys in college, in which case like you
can't you can't, can't you because they're too stupid. And
I'm in Columbus, Ohio, so like everything is just like
(14:24):
everything is just a huge campus. So everyone's either extremely
young or everyone is completely like a frat for life,
so they just hire everyone who will never grow up
and it's disappointing. Can I ask for because you're both
on dating apps, I'm obviously not on a dating app,
but is there Yeah, I'll see how that goes over.
(14:44):
Do people not meet through friends anymore? Is it only
like the accessibility that you and whoever else is on
the dating app know that you're both looking, so is
it the convenience. I just don't understand why no one
is hooked up with through mutual friends who kind of
understand what you might be into. I think the hardest
part with that is like if something goes wrong and
then it doesn't work out, then it's just awkward for
(15:05):
the rest of your life, and like you're just asking like, oh,
was that so and so going to be there, and
then you just have to like dodge out of a
party or like dodge out of us. And I think
people have to have a knack for setting people up.
It's not it's like your friend. No, my friends don't
set me up, which I think speaks more about my
personality than it does. They try, and the guys are
(15:29):
and they're just not quite right. They think, I'm like, listen, guys,
this is my friends will try and set me up.
I'm like, ah, this is a little too middle age,
if you know what I'm talking about. And they're like,
you are middle aged. I'm like, god, no, I'm freking
not okay, not in my head, but you know what,
just take a break, because I think a lot of
women feel the way you feel about men, and you
just need to like take a break and wait for
(15:51):
like a crush to develop naturally, you know what I mean,
so that you can be reintroduced to the idea of flirtation.
Dating apps are just like it's like COVID, it's like fatigue,
you know, you have, like they become so boring and
wrote and it's just adds to the day to day
mundaneus that everyone kind of is feeling psychologically because of
quarantining and etcetera. So I would say take a break
(16:13):
and you know, just try and focus on yourself actually,
because that's never bad when you take some time and
just so like try and get like healthy, you know
what I mean, get grounded, read books and stuff. You
always get a prize at the end of that, which
will hopefully come in the package of a man that
you want to have sex with. That's true, absolutely, and
if not, then you're not out any of that energy
(16:33):
that you would have invested into the man because you've
invested in it into yourself. So it's a real win
either way, exactly, it's a win win. That's very accurate.
Went in doubt invest in yourself. That's going to be
our hashtag for this podcast. If if I believed in hashtags.
Maybe you could keep us posted on your next few days, Yeah,
and circle back tell us what happened. I just told
(16:54):
you to take a break, though, Brandon, you're giving me
conflicting advice now when it does happen. Okay, yeah, keep
us posted. We want all of our callers to keep
us posted as to their progress. That's a good idea,
perfect All right, Well it was nice, thanks guys, have
a great day. Bye again. A totally really normal, reasonable person.
I just really am interested. Like I like these callers.
(17:17):
Everyone has the same issues. And this is what I
don't understand with people. Everyone has the same issues. I
think they're common that everyone is facing some of the
same hurdles with especially dating. Well, you're not having that
problem because you're in a relationship, yes, But everyone who's
on these apps, it's like everyone wants to be in
a relationship or find someone, yet they spend all their
time texting on it and they never said anything up.
(17:37):
I talked to a friend recently who had said the
same thing that he had been talking to this guy
for like weeks on a dating app. I said, well,
have you tried to set a date? And he's like, yeah,
well here and there, you know, we'll talk about it.
I'm like I would exchange two messages before I said, like, hey,
let's meet here. I'm available like this time these weeks.
Do you want to get together? If the whole point
is to date, you can't fucking do that through a phone,
(18:00):
So you're gonna have to get out and do something.
You're actually very good with that. You normally if you're
into someone, you meet them right away for a drink
or dinner or something. I'm sorry, I was just reading
a text from my brother who said he was on
the way his way to get his birth certificate. Did
you see that text from Roy? He said, Hi, guys,
sorry for the late reply. I was playing basketball and
then I'm on my way to Elizabeth to get my
(18:20):
birth certificate. Ask him if you can find your parents
marriage certificate, that would be really handy. Can you find
just so you know, we need the marrige certificate because
we've been trying to get Chelsea's German citizenship, any citizenship
from any country. I want it. She'll go anywhere. An
additional passport is always welcome, and we can't find her
parents marriage certificate. I don't know if they did it
off the books or what. But we've searched basically every
(18:43):
county in New Jersey. Considering that they're my parents, they
probably aren't even fucking married and we're lying to us
about that. Also, you know, I have a brother I
found out about right that I didn't know. I just
found out about that recently. I'm always learning new things about. Yeah,
I'll focus on the brothers I do have. Oh great, Well,
why don't you see if this brother that you do
have confined the maor certificate right right? Because my brother Roy,
(19:04):
my brother Roy can't. He doesn't even know where his
own birth certificate or driver's license is. He's never gonna
be able to find something that may not even exist.
We're gonna have Roy. We're gonna have Roy call into
the show because I want you to hear my brother Roy.
He's the oldest by default because my other brother, you know, died,
So Roy became the oldest from my other brother died.
And at my brother's funeral, my grandfather came over and
(19:25):
was like, Roy, you're the oldest. Now you're in charge,
and all of the rest of the siblings were like,
uh no, he's fucking not. He's stoned all the time.
This is when he was a teenager, and so we
were like, he's so not the oldest, and he's not
in our family dynamic. He's like basically the baby. Even
though I'm the baby, he's the baby. So I want
(19:46):
him to tell you his story because he's been in Palau,
living in Palau for like the last few years. I've
never met him. He has a very interesting shaped head,
and he's really sweet and adorable and very funny and
his real quiet, funny way. I want you to give
him advice because I don't give my brother advice anymore.
They're all like, you know, we're all done. They just
(20:06):
check out. We just want to support him and we
want him to be happy. Okay, that's I mean, that's
a good stance to take. I don't even know if
he wants advice, but he likes to talk so un
solicited he'll get it. I'll be able to call in
one of these days. Well, until Roy calls, we have
Sergio on the phone. He is in his thirties. He's
(20:28):
from New York, and he writes, dear Oh, this is
perfect sibling complexities. Dear Chelsea, how do you make sure
to not overburden your siblings. I want to find balance
between being a mentor to them and just being an
older gay brother. Sergio. Hi, Hi, Telsey, Hi, how are
you good? Good here in the city and telling the weather? Well, Sergio,
(20:49):
what's going on with your siblings? How many do you have?
What's the deal? I have way too many siblings. So
I have six sisters to a younger and one older brother.
So I'm trying to find the balance between like being
that gay older brother for my two younger sisters, but
not two out there for them, you know, talking about
my sex life or anything like that. Right, Okay, So
(21:11):
you have six sisters, yes, and then you have two
younger yes, So how many all together? Eight? My parents
didn't know about birth control unfortunately, okay, yeah, and a
lot of people didn't seem to know about the birth control.
Guess who does know about it? I do. Well, you're gay, Brandon.
You probably have more to say on this topic before
(21:31):
I man explain it. Well. I mean, it's all going
to be about your dynamic with your individual siblings. I
think a lot of times you just adjust to the
different personalities in the dynamic you have with that sibling,
Like I have three sisters, all with very different personalities,
so what I give them of myself is different. My
one sister is very sensitive Casa, and we don't how
(21:53):
do you spell casa k A s y a k
A s y asa Okay, And she is just the softest,
sweetest little thing, but she gets very bogged down with
anything too emotional, so I keep it very light with her.
And my sister Kayla, I can talk to about anything,
like she gets the very gay side of me. She
(22:14):
will get my unfiltered opinion on her life, and I
know she's good with that. My sister Brooks, she's older,
so I'm the one normally like giving her advice. Actually,
for the first time, we had like a really personal
conversation about my life recently, and she's like, oh, this
is such a strange conversation because normally we're talking about
my stuff and not yours. So I think that it
really just depends on your relationship with each of those siblings.
(22:37):
M Yeah, that's actually good advice. Can if I see that.
With my younger sister Jenny, I have a closer wationship
with her, but I would just never want to hear
from her like about her dating life. Like her telling
me if she's having, you know, intimately something that that's
just be really weird. Your family is very open with things, yeah,
are we? Yeah? I guess we are with like sex
talk and stuff, but only like the girls with the
(22:59):
girl roles, Like we're not talking to my brothers about
hooking up. Yeah, Like I just had the best sex.
But I also just to the point, since this was
kind of your last note on the gay aspect, I mean,
that's just such a minor part of those interactions, and
so I wouldn't let that be what dictates your relationship
(23:20):
or interaction with your sisters. Like you have to be
authentically who you are, and that's one area I wouldn't
want you to like temper or play down just to
appease someone else. Like if that's you, you need to
just be you in those relationships, and they all love
you for that. I would say, you don't have to
worry about that in those interactions. Yeah, I think the
most of part would be, like I can't let be
sure of my grander profile or something like that, you know,
(23:41):
I mean maybe that's something you keep yourself, though not
everyone needs to see like the dick pics and I
think your question. Really at the root of your question, Sergio,
is the sexual stuff. Are you supposed to share that?
And the answers no, let's not. Let's go with not
sharing with your siblings your sexual sexual exactly like the
meeting someone on grind or those like interactions like you, oh,
(24:01):
I've met someone on this app, grind, whatever it is,
you just don't need to say like that you got
penetrated in the back alley, like you can keep those
things to yourself. Guy, I'm dating a guy, or I'm
going on a date, right, going out with a guy? Right, agreed, agreed,
agreed to wrap on that close Sergio. Alright, fantastic problem.
Good luck to you, all right, thanks, Words today are
(24:25):
hard for us, are they? Well? Low hanging fruit, I
don't I still don't know what phrase not really a
word though, And that's a combination of words. Yeah, well,
it means a couple of different things. There's a literal
translation and then there's the metaphorical. Yeah, that's right. Okay,
I think we should take a quick break. Okay. Our
next submission is from Jonathan. He's twenty six. He lives
(24:47):
in California, and he has some issues with his mom.
His submission says, Dear Chelsea, I came out in two
thousand and fourteen. My mom tried giving me an ultimatum
to change or get kicked out. So I tried to change.
I actually went to convert and therapy. My mom tried
to get me to go into the military. She made
me quit work and stay at home for After I
had enough, I told her that I cannot change for her.
(25:09):
She got all my stuff and threw it out into
the garage port. My dad had to come pick me
up and help me out. About a year later, me
and my mom kind of got close again. Then someone
told her about me being to quote unquote out there
with my sexuality, and she stopped talking to me again.
Should I ever forgive her if she asks for another chance?
And he includes a photo of her throwing all of
his stuff out into the garage port. So, Jonathan, are
(25:30):
you there? I am here. How are you guys? Hi? Jonathan,
how do you guys? Day go in? Well, I'm so
glad that Brandon's here because this seems like another question
that you should take the lead on, Brandon, because we've
had a couple of submissions that lean gay. So I've
been I've been fielding us. You have beautiful teeth, by
the way, Thank you. I appreciate it. The reason why, yeah,
(25:50):
I don't want to jump in because that's what a
man would do. A white man would jump in, A
white straight man would jump in and say, oh, why
don't I answer this question about being gay in Puerto
Rican and the Puerto Rican But I'm gay? Well, right,
but if you were a Puerto Rican and I don't
want to act like a white man, you know what
I mean, it's bad enough what's going on. But we
do work in cahoots, so her perspective will also important.
(26:12):
But I mean, I'm so sorry that this is the
type of advice that you need. I have a very
complicated relationship with my mother, so I'm like, I fully
understand how difficult that dynamic. Can you have to call
the police on his mother before and he has. It's
very tricky. And I understand also with the gay aspect
and their reception of that and how that can also
(26:34):
burden the relationship even though it shouldn't. So now you're
responsible for trying to get that relationship back on course
for something that's you know, natural in regard to everything
that you went through. After you're coming out, I think
you really need to let go of so like you
included the photo, I understand that it was a painful
situation and to be treated that way and go through
(26:56):
the conversion therapy and try to fix something that is
inherent to you. But holding onto that just takes up
space and it doesn't It doesn't do anything positive for you.
So the longer you hold on to it, and this
is just very consistent when people are writing in with
things that have happened in the past, you have to
let go of it for yourself, not for your mom.
She is, you know, irrelevant in this scenario. But if
(27:18):
you if you harbor those feelings, you know, negative feelings
towards the circumstances you went through, Like Chelsea says, you
have to spin it and you have to make that
a positive thing. Like you went through all this so
hopefully help someone else. You know, these circumstances and situations
you're writing in, someone else is experiencing this and hopefully
we'll take something of it. Who's listening to say, like, oh,
I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to
(27:38):
try and change who I am for someone else exactly exactly,
and I think some of the hardest things, Like my
mom would even say some of the worst things. She
told me straight to my face, I'd rather have to
be a drug addictively gay. She told one of her
friends that this is where things that happens is my
brother daddy cancer. So all these comparisons, it's just like
what is honestly going through your own head? You know,
like that you have such a men, but you can
see how damaged that person and if they would really
(28:01):
want you to be a drug addict rather than just
be happy like who you fund does not affect her.
And that's just like the fact of the matter, and
that's something we all have to deal with in the
l g b t q I A community that why
is our personal life? So I a what wait, q
T what l g b t q I A lesbian, gay,
transgender a sexual intersects you? And now when they're not
(28:26):
a crossroad in sex intersex And then you said another letter,
lgbt q I A sexual. What did I miss him? There?
I missed something, Jonathan, lgbt q I A plus because
there's so many differences, you said, AI, and I was like,
I thought you met artificial we don't know, but we're
just everyone. I know, a I could be a thing
(28:48):
in the future. You never know. Yeah, you know that's
something also to hop on, Jonathan. Is that like when
somebody I also want to ask you about conversion therapy,
when somebody is really can't give you love or demonstrate love,
like that's about them, that's more of a reflection of
them than it has anything to do with you. And
then what goes on at conversion therapy, at Mike Penn's
(29:09):
conversion therapy. Oh God, I can't even deal with that guy.
But so with my mom. Luckily we don't have to anymore.
My mom would actually send me to our local church
and I was raised in tatch, Me, which is a
small town east of bakerstl, California, And pretty much they
just read me scriptures from the Bible over and over
and over again, saying this is wrong what you're doing.
You know, you need to change your ways, You're gonna
(29:30):
go to hell, like all this stuff, Like God, that
sounds like a fucking nightmare. Literally two hours a day,
and my mom sent me to go do that and
listening to people somebody reading the Bible. Can you think
of anything more unpleasant. No, but it is so damaging
to these I mean again, they're just trying to recondition
something that can't be reconditioned because it's not it's not
a learned habit, So it's not like a behavior like
(29:54):
you know, being kind to someone that hopefully you can yeah,
you threw certain exercises like this is really just it's
a mental breakdown that they're trying to kind of reduce
you to your smallest part. But the other aspect of
this was your relationship with your mom and if you
should give her another chance, and that's something that no
(30:15):
one can answer. It's something I go through with my
sisters on a daily basis because we all have a
very complicated relationship with my mom. And my response to
them is always when they call and ask what I
should do or what they should do in a certain situation,
is you have to do what feels right to you
in that moment, because I don't want to give you
my opinion because it's not how I'm feeling or what
I'm going through with her. So that's very personal to you.
(30:36):
But I would say you have to safeguard yourself, and
that's what I do. So you only give her so
much so she can't habitually hurt you. And you also
don't want someone like that to be able to leverage
your insecurity or your what they perceive as your weaknesses
to get what they want. So it's all about how
you enter those interactions and the circumstances you set. So
(30:57):
for me, like if I was in your position, what
I would say is until you can verbally accept who
I am and who I'm going to be with, there
is no relationship. Definitely, Like that is that is the basis,
Like that's the least you could do. And once you
could do that, then we can move forward. And it's
not going to be easy, but at least then you
are on level footing with your sexuality. If that's the
(31:20):
catalyst for all these issues, she either needs to accept
it or don't. Definitely, And I think the hard part
is now because so she moved from California all way
to Wyoming, so she's living her best life there, but
her my STI my sister all converted to Mormonism. So okay,
so boring. I have Mormon's in my family. My mom
was Mormon and my sister was Mormon. She's slowly snapping
(31:41):
out of it. But my best girlfriend is Mormon and
she's very Yeah, she lives in a suburb and she
but she flies a rainbow flag every year for me
and my partner. Like, she's very progressive. So it seems
like your mom was like off her rocker before the Mormonism.
So I mean, it seems like it's probably not going
to help, but that's something personal to her that like
(32:04):
no religion should impact her feelings towards her son exactly exactly,
So Mormon or not, she's dealing with some ship of
her own. Yeah, yeah, And that's like, you know, growing
up to listen to Sean Hannity every day, like, and
I think it was hard because she would always you know,
use the word fact getting stuff and like me sitting
in the next her in the car, just knowing what
her feelings are. I'm like, she's talking about me. And
so I never brought it up to her attention growing
(32:25):
up and stuff or you know, I always add even
had like to hide my voice, could always felt it
was too feminine and things like that. So now that
I'm out, though, I'm like so happy and proud, Like
I've never been happier. I've been healthier. I have never
been healthier. And yeah, you look healthy and you look
like you have like a good amount of self confidence.
So like, go with that. Yeah, don't let her bad
state of affairs affect your positivity and your vibe, you know,
(32:48):
because all you can control is your reaction, and so
let her do her thing, and when she earns the
right to probably be around you, you'll know exactly. And um,
you know, I remember some of the things she would
tell me. She's like, you know, you're not going to
successful in life. I just graduated last year's my bachelor's,
I'm doing my masters right now. So it's like, you
know what, congratulations you guys. And I'm like, you know,
proving it to myself also, you know, in a way,
(33:09):
it's kind of like in my background, proving her wrong too,
So it's like, you know, what's step out of time
doing things for myself and making myself better. Yeah, well,
good for you. That's so unfortunate that you have to
go prove your mother wrong. But you know what, sometimes
it's just the motivation you need exactly. I love it
all right, Well, shaba Alm, it was great talking to you.
The pleasure talking to you guys, thank you guys so
much for your time, and I appreciate Yeah, bye, Jonathan.
(33:33):
I feel like we're saving the world, Brandon, one gay
man at a time, hopefully. I mean, there are just
so many issues in the gay community that could be
an entire episode. Well obviously, I mean, yeah, it's a
lot to unpack. I mean I still deal with it
on a daily basis. But what kind of issues are
you dealing with on a daily basis? I mean, like
body issues. I think that's a huge one in the
gay community, just the expectation of what you should look like,
(33:55):
because most gay men are under armored mannequins brought to life,
right right, Well, same thing for girls. You know, who's
not suffering from that body dysmorphia and body image problems?
White males and white men, white men over fifty, they're
not suffering from that. There's nothing more upsetting to me
than when I see this beautiful woman who you know
takes the time to maintain herself. It's you And they
(34:19):
have to fuck these men who they married twenty years ago,
who are probably like fine shape, but then just let
themselves go like, oh it's not my it's a woman's
responsibility to uphold herself. But I can look like a
garbage back fucking pig. It's my legs splayed open on
a sofa, you know. Like men should do whatever they
can to avoid women from ever seeing the outline of
the other balls. And that means sitting in a way
(34:40):
that no one will see your balls. And when men
disrespect that silent rule that we thought we had an agreement,
but we don't. As usual, it's just just another thing
that men don't want to be understanding. That's why you
can't have a lazy boy in your house. I mean,
as soon as you incorporate a fucking recliner, yeah, then
things get real dicey, real fast. I bet your dad
(35:01):
out of recliner. He did my dad out of recliner,
of course he did. Oh yeah. I could just see
him sitting in that right now. That is the furniture
embodiment of men. He would sit there on a Sunday
morning with like a bagel, you know. My mom would
make him a bagel with like locks and cream cheese,
and he would put it on the armchair, have the
New York Times splayed out, and just be like sitting
(35:22):
there like a fucking king, you know, well, my mom
did everything and we had a nice lazy Sunday, but
just eating, you know, putting the plate on his stomach
and then reading the paper all at the same time.
Oh you know what I just thought of? So girls,
these men who like in the gym, in the locker room,
these older men who walk around, you know, they're doing
(35:43):
it at their house too. Is they put these boxes
on and they're like balls or can you not please?
I don't. I don't want to even have this kind
of imagery right now. I mean I just said I
don't want to talk about balls at all, and now
you're making me think at around. As soon as you
say old men and lockers, I think of ball plison.
I don't want to. So let's steer this in a
different direction. Well it's actually a rap on the show
(36:05):
for today. Okay, Well that's perfect timing. So let's go
out on that no balls Thursday. For anyone who does
want to write in, they can do that at Dear
Chelsea Project d E A R C H E L
S E A P R O j E C T
at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.
(36:26):
That's wonderful
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