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October 7, 2021 62 mins

In the Season 2 Premiere, Chelsea is joined by comedian Jo Koy to talk about indoor skiing, staying up ‘til 3AM, and two different versions of how their longstanding friendship turned into love. Then they answer listener questions: A newly-sober Texan wants to feel more confident at the gym. A sister is concerned when her little sis falls for a much-older man. And a straight man finds himself kissing his best guy friend.

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, hi everybody. Oh, welcome to what is the name
of this podcast again, dear Chelsea is what it's called. Welcome?
Hi Catherine, Hi, Hi. I noticed your hair is all
pink today. It is, It'll be a different color tomorrow.
I don't understand how you get away with dyeing your
hair so many different colors and then your hair remaining
on your head. If I did that to my hair,
I would have no hair. It's actually a color depositing conditioner,

(00:24):
which is great, so it actually makes a nice and
healthy and soft and yeah, it looks very shiny and silky.
Thank you. Your husband must really really like running his
fingers through your hair, you know. I actually asked him recently,
of all the colors of hair I've had, I've had teal, pink, purple,
all kinds of things. I said, of all the colors

(00:44):
I've had, what's your favorite? And he said brown, very pointedtly,
so you know, but he loves me anyway, So you
dyed pink. That's nice. Good for you, Good for you. Well.
We have a very very special guest today. We are
actually recording this out of New York City because I'm
on tour with my lover Joe Koy, who was performing

(01:07):
all weekend in various parts of the Eastern Seaboard. Well, Albany,
we started in that's not really the Eastern Seaboard, but
it's part of the East Coast. Then we went to Portland, Maine,
where he had a show, and then we ended it
at the King's Theater in Brooklyn last night, which was
fucking awesome and a beautiful old theater and he crushed it.

(01:31):
And I did guess That's all weekend with him, which
was super fun. And yeah, I've been talking about him
a lot recently, so I thought there would be no
better way to start season two of my podcast than
to bring my paramore on with me and discuss our
beautiful love story. Honey Bunny, Hi, Joe Koy, Oh, I

(01:51):
love you in uh well, I thought it would be
nice to share with my listeners since you know, I
always I'm talking about how fucking stupid and annoying men are,
and I know a lot of people think I hate men,
but that's really not the case. I hate a very
as Joe actually put it, I hate do you want
to finish it? I hate a very specific kind of guy, right,

(02:13):
finish it? No, he doesn't want to finish it. He
just because there are certain things that only you can say. Well, no,
you're a guy, so you can kind of you can.
I can say whatever I want. And you're also Filipinos,
so you can say whatever you want right now. This
is this is your free zone right now. Yeah, how's
my opportunity. But you said somebody was talking about me

(02:34):
on something you did, and I heard you say. They said,
doesn't Chelsea Handler hate white men? And you said, no,
she hates a very specific kind of white man. So
and I don't hate them, but I dislike them a
great deal. But I'm so excited to be with a
man that I don't hate, is what I'm saying, and
that obviously this is very helpful for all of our

(02:55):
listeners who probably agree with me or feel the same
way I do about men, which is a little bit
hopeless and a little bit frustrated that there isn't a
better selection. And then I found out that the best
selection was just standing right in front of my face,
and I didn't even notice it for a really long time.
And I know you know you did. Well, I know
that's your version of things. Why don't you actually tell

(03:15):
your version. That's actually the best version. It's my version.
I'm excited to hear it. Why don't you extrapolate that
on that, honey, your version of since since let's take
people back in case they're not familiar with the fact
that we've known each other for a very long time. Yeah,
we we've known each other for very long months seven months,
seven months, eighteen years, eighteen years, sixteen years, vague. Joe

(03:36):
has a lot of memories. Let's be honest. Joe has
a lot of memories that I do not recall. Hers
are lost. She she had them and then she lost them.
I have a six month memory. I think the furthest
you go back is eight hours and then everything's a blur.
She's like, what happened at midnight? No, that's not true, honey.

(03:59):
First of all, wait, first, well, let's start this just
what makes what makes me sad is that you don't
remember any of the things that I remember in my head.
In my head, it's just it's such a beautiful story.
And then when I'm finished telling you, you go, really
that happened. It's a cute story though, Because so Joe

(04:22):
was on my show Chelsea lately, my very old show
that I had for seven or eight years and which
was super fun. We had a lot of fun on
that show, and we had a lot of comedians on
that show, and show was like one of the top
comedians that was always on because he always delivered, and
he was always funny and always sweet, and we had
a good repartee going all the time. You interpreted that
as a sexual flirtatious not gonna do this is exactly

(04:52):
for a really long time, honey, and the world had
a crush on you know, you had a very specific
crush on me. We had good chemistry. Our chemist, she
was amazing, Yes, and you thought that chemistry was sexual,
And never did I ever say that. I thought it
was comedic. Katherine, are you listening to this? Katherine's listening.
She's a producer. She has to listen, whether she wants

(05:12):
to or not. No, that's not how it went down.
We just had our chemistry was so good. Yes, that's
our banter was organic, It was genuine, and I think
the fans saw that. I think everyone knew that right
whenever I was on the panel, they knew that Chelsea
and I were going to go at it and it
was going to be fun. Yeah, it wasn't gonna be scripted, right,

(05:32):
But it was abusive on my end, very abusive. I
abused you. Hey, but you know what, that's what therapies for, therapy.
But what you mean you being on the show was
like therapy getting abused by me. No, no, going after
the show. I was going to therapy after the show
do but about ten years. But no, I was abusive
with him, But that's kind of it was fun. Well,

(05:54):
it was fun for you because you have a great
attitude about everything, honey, especially with regard to me. In retrospect,
I realized said it was abusive in a very schoolyard
playground kind of way, which when the girl has a
crush on the kid on the guy, and that's what
it was, just like had a crush. Okay, well okay,
I didn't know if I had a crush on you.
I didn't know about it. But if you believe that's true,

(06:17):
what's happened so far in our relationship is that Joe's
version of things eventually becomes my version of things because
I eventually capitulate And wait, are you saying I'm manipulating you?
Is peple? You have a narrative which is always positive
sunshine and roses and that eventually I just get on
board with your narrative. And I tell Katherine, what you
think I did? This was a plan, Okay, let me

(06:39):
tell you there's an outline to this eighteen year strategy
that I've done. This was all strategically planned, put together
a timeline. Joe had a vision board, okay, and he
had and then he manifested all of this exactly. And
so there was a trip to Hawaii and then there
was a picture of Chelsea right next to it. So

(07:01):
let's just say the trip to Hawaii crossed out eighteen
years ago. I'll tell you my version of it because
it's really cute. And and again, I just want women
to understand, like if I fell in love with somebody
and I and I feel this way and I'm so
excited and like committed and devoted, then I really do
believe that there is a lid for every pot, and

(07:22):
that that's not the most romantic way to frame it,
but I do believe that like women shouldn't ever. First
of all, you should never be desperate about meeting somebody,
because that's not how you meet somebody. You should just
make sure you're keeping your eyes open with a the
people who are already in your life and be the
people that you may not look at that way or
think of that way, but you do really have a

(07:43):
lot of respect and caring for because those feelings can
develop it to something else. And I thought for sure
that would never happen to me because truthfully, I felt
like you were like, you know, brother energy, Which is
funny because you do have my brother's energy, my brother
that passed away. You have a lot. He is a
lot of similar qualities that my brother had. So in
many ways, like I just feel so completely safe and

(08:05):
I feel like, oh, this is family. Like I I've
always felt that way about you, that your family. I
just didn't want to suck you before. But so what
happened was so Joe had a book called Mixed Plate
that was being released before the pandemic, right right before
the pandemic. Yeah, so bad timing, actually bad timing. So
please get yourself a copy of Mixed Plate, okay, and

(08:27):
then send it to us and we'll both sign it.
And he asked me for a blurb, right, He texted me,
I hadn't heard from you in years, right, years? Years?
I said, of course, and he sent me the book
and read it in a day, like she always does
with books. She has a library stored inside her brain.

(08:48):
And that's the truth. You always have a different book
with you and like the next day it's like another book,
another you'd ripped through. I did a quote that Bert
Chrisher sent me a quote, right, just like this motivating,
motivational quote. You know, you don't do quote, you read
a quote. Just let me finish this, okay, and then
you'll be right for the rest of the show. Okay, okay.

(09:08):
And then so he sent me this quote. I read
it to Chelsea and then she knew exactly who the
quote was from. And it's just like that stats who
Chelsea is? Mary Anne Williamson. It was a Mary Anne
Williamson quote, and you know she I read it, and
by the way, the way I read is not good,
So for her it's not understanding what I was saying.
If anyone in this relationship is going to read something,

(09:30):
it's going to be me. Hey, han, I already already
told the world I can't read. Okay, you don't have to.
You have so many other childs you can read. Just
you know, yeah, you can not. Well, that's not Yeah,
it's well, actually that was good. Well anyway, back to
my literacy, but no, and then I asked her for

(09:51):
the quote and then she goes, Okay, I'm gonna write
this for you. Excellent. Yeah, she wrote this amazing quote.
And then he texted me and he said, can I
call you? And I said, not if you're going to
hit on me? Do you tell what I really said?
You said, because you go, I go, can I text you?
And then you go, not if you're trying to fuck me?
And then I go, God, Chelsea, do you think everyone

(10:14):
just wants to funk you something like that? I don't
think you wrote that, but you said, God Chelsea, And
of course you know I have stood good go through
our text chains for the and finding that one. Okay,
any anyway, so then we started talking. You started calling me,
and then you came over to my old house one night.

(10:36):
We hung out. We got stoned, and we laughed on
my couch. But it was COVID times, so we definitely
kept our distance until we hugged. Well we hugged, but
we had masks on. So we hung out at my
house and we had a great time, really fun, right,
We laughed our asses. He bought me a product little person.
I said, you could take that right back, because I mean,

(10:59):
you know, I'm not going to wear a purse that
says product on it. I don't like labels like that.
And you were offended, of course, But we had a
fun time anyway. And then I went to Whistler for
three four months and then we faced times all the
time because you were up my ass. Well, I was
in Whistler and you were so excited about my skiing
and you were jealous of the skiing, right, and yeah,

(11:23):
he's skied and then he's skied in Vegas, so that's
a different kind of skiing. But skiing it's snow and
then there's okay, so it's skiing difference. What am I
skiing down sand dunes? I don't know, are you? But
it's an indoor skiing in Minnesota. It's it's not, No,

(11:47):
it's outdoor. It's on a mountain. You thought was that
cir circus just going down black Diamonds. Anyway, that happened,
and then you sent me a bunch of flannels which
were really cute because my brother chat that I talked
about in my book, and we've talked about on this podcast.

(12:08):
Used to wear flannels all the time, and even when
he passed away, I remember I would go into his
closet and he had this like curtain in his closet
and I would go in there and just smell all
his shirts because his smell never really went away. And
then Joe wears flannels all the time. But I never
really made that connection. But there is very something warmth
warming to me about a man in a flannel. Her
compliments always came to me, and I didn't realize it

(12:31):
until like later when we started getting serious. But every
time I put on a flannel, she would always compliment me. Yeah,
she'll be a whistler and I'll be in Vegas and
I'd have my flannel ones and she goes, oh, you
look good in that flannel. You should wear flannels more
more often. But we were just friends talking. Yeah, yeah,

(12:52):
but you were in love with me at that point,
probably right, did you? Were you? Honey, tell the truth.
You can tell the truth. I mean, we're just doing
a podcast. I mean, of who wouldn't, well, a lot
of people wouldn't, but you, you know, I've always loved
You're so cute. I told you, Yeah, of course, you know.

(13:16):
And one thing that I treasure the most with Chelsea
is her friendship because she's such When when you get
Chelsea to be your friend, it's going to be the
most solid friend you'll ever have. So you want to
secure that, you know. So I always wanted to make
sure that she was happy, and and I just wanted
to secure our friendship because I loved it so much,
so I didn't want to do anything wrong. Yeah, you

(13:39):
want to spoil the friendship, Yeah, because I'd rather have
her with me as a friend forever than trying to
make something happen for a weekend. That's not worth it
to me. What was it that pushed you kind of
over the edge into romantic feelings? That's when she roofed me.
Would never waste roof you had an other person. I

(14:00):
would only give that to myself. Yeah, it's when she
roofied herself. I was in Whistler for three months. Then
he was coming to Vancouver because Steven Spielberg saw Coming
in Hot on Netflix, one of his three specials on Netflix,
and he gave him a movie called Easter Sunday, which
comes out next year April one, which is fucking awesome.

(14:21):
So he I was in Vancouver, but it was at
the height of COVID, so nobody could come in and out.
So even though he was going to come and ski
if he could, we couldn't do that. So then he
was filming his movie and he's like, oh, come down,
you can have a role in the movie. And I
was like, Oh, that would be so much fun. But
it didn't work out because I was leaving Whistler and
then I would have had to come back to Vancouver

(14:42):
where he was shooting his movie and quarantined for another
two weeks. And at that point I was quarantined out
and we weren't in love yet, so I didn't She
wasn't willing to do that until I didn't. Yeah, but
I'll regret that because the movie is going to be
so awesome and I saw the trailer and he's seen
the movie and it's gonna be awesome, and Tiffany Hattis
is also in it and a bunch of other and
it's just a great representation of Filipinos and it's fucking

(15:05):
funny and it's got heart and all of the things.
So then I didn't do that movie. So we didn't
see each other for about four months other than face time, right,
and then we started hanging out when we were home.
But yeah, I guess it was very organic. I remember
the minute we both got to l A, we were like,
let's go to dinner. You picked me up at one,
and then that would turn into like a seven hour
margarita festival. I don't know if you know this, Catherine,

(15:27):
but before she was dating me, bed time for Chelsea
was five forty in the afternoon, so she was done
at Jamas at six, seven at seven, and then New
York times at four am and then starts again. Yeah.
I went through a phase where I went to bat
it around eight and woke up at around five, and

(15:47):
that lasted through all of ski season. And then when
I came home for a little bit, then I started
hanging out with you, and that changed my schedule. I
went from lunch to like lunch to coffee, and then
lunch coffee, what are we having for dinner? And then
it went from lunch coffee, dinner to let's have a
drink and now at midnight. Yeah, now we're just spending

(16:11):
time with each other and I go to bed. Now
at what time do we go to bed? Last night
at three o'clock in the morning. That's a real radical shift. Yeah,
no kidding. So there's not a lot of compromise going on.
It just feels like I'm adapting. I just want to
tell everybody that I traveled on a tour bus this
week and we flew to New York. We took a
tour bus with seven other guys. I love you. I

(16:34):
have a great crew, Katherine. I really do have a
great crew. Like we're we're a team, like legit a team.
We all have great roles. And I can't do anything
without these guys. I really can't. They're all great. Yeah,
they are good, and they're not assholes and they're not
BROI They're just all good human beings. The point being
is that I slept on a tour bus for you,

(16:55):
which is something that I hoped that would never happen
to She said that to me, She goes, oh, yeah,
tour bus not gonna work. Yeah. Everything I've told him
that I wasn't gonna do, I've done. And now I
guess what she said yesterday, Katherine that she goes, I'll
just leave this shirt here and the shoes on the bus.
So now she has her own closet on the bush. Yeah,

(17:16):
and so that's the story, baby, Yeah, it was. It
was kind of cool how you didn't answer Katherine's question though,
So when did you? You said organically, but you never
gave a straight answer. But when you started having romantic
feelings towards me, well, I mean other than always having them.
I had to make the first move because I knew
Joe respected me too much and was never going to

(17:38):
do anything. We'll tell her what happened in Vegas? Well, yeah,
Vegas is when I was like I would love yeah, yeah,
because you know, she was beautiful on stage. I was
performing at the Mirage and he came to see me,
and we had been hanging out all that whole week,
and every day was just like a romantic comedy, watching
people like frolic around Santa Mat come and knock on

(18:00):
our door and then been waiting for you. And did
you hear that Harmony thinks I can sing a dance.
That's how much he loves me. He can't even see
me clearly or hear me clearly. Um he uh. It
was after a lot of hanging out and a lot

(18:21):
of really fun times, like we would just laugh our
asses off and be silly and stupid, and you know,
end up at the pier playing air hockey or in
my house playing ping pong, or how about you getting
a little hammered. Yeah, and then not having a house key,
right right? Oh that was good one night. And then
you tell me that you left the purse. We heard
that story. I think I've told that story repeated. Yeah,

(18:44):
I think I did. I think that was a very
story pivotal moment right there. Pivotal, Yeah, why because that
was a night where you know, like I didn't know
what was going on with you. I dropped you off.
I thought you had a key. I saw you like
I always sure someone gets to the door. I always
do that and the door. No, but I saw you

(19:05):
go to the door. So then when I saw her
go to the door, she's got a bunch of trees
by the way, so I saw a silhouette of her
going to the door. And then so I hurried up
because I had to hurry up and get back to
Santa Monica before the bar closed, because she said I
left my purse there. So I just hurried up, raced
over to Santa Monica, and as I'm going there, she goes,
where's my key? I'm like, what do you mean, where's

(19:27):
your key? And she goes I'm locked out. I'm like,
oh my god, let me go get your person. I'll
be back. So I went look for the She didn't
tell you this part, did she? Well, I'm looking for
the first for an hour, asking a bunch of people
if they stole her purse, asking security, I go, you were,
And then there was a group of people that were
sitting at the booth next to us, and then when

(19:47):
we left, now they're sitting at our booth. So I'm
now I'm like, did you guys see a purse here?
Because she said she left her purse here, and then
no one said they had the purse. So I'm just
like being a detective at this place. And finally I
just left. Now I'm calling her. She's not picking up
the phone. So now I think she got into the house.
But I don't know if she got into the house.
I kept calling her and calling her and texting or

(20:08):
texting her room. Nope, nope, See she didn't tell that.
She didn't tell the story. I went home and got
my son because I left my son. I loved my
son's been waiting for he's he wanted to like go
out to eat or something. So I went home and
got my son. The minute I pulled up and go, hey, man,
I think Chelsea's outside of her house and she's not

(20:31):
picking up the phone. I went to go get her purse.
She said she didn't have a key. I don't know
if she got her key, but she's not answering. My
phone calls the texting and my son goes, let's go,
let's go see if she's there. So now it's my
son and I going back to her house and we're
literally yelling out her name at her house because she's

(20:51):
not there. Oh, by the way, she has this little
what is it that statue like a little waterfall right
by her front door. So my son went up the stairs.
He went, oh, Chelsea. Oh. She was like, Chelse, I'm
sitting out there meditating in the middle of the night
with a waterfall. And then so we're yelling Chelsea, and

(21:12):
then I'm like, you know what, I think she's in
because all our lights are on. By the way, all
the lights are on in her house, and I'm like,
I I go, you know what, I think she finally
got in, So then we left. Cut to the next day,
she calls me and she's like, I fell asleep by
the pool so you couldn't get a pool chair. And
then she had a footprint on the side of her

(21:34):
her ash cheeks. I told you, no, that's from a
different thing. I told you I stepped in the treehouse,
which was a lie. I didn't. I told him to
make him feel bad. You know, I had to sleep
in the treehouse last night. And he's like, oh my god.
And then I was like no, And then I realized

(21:54):
he had come back and done all that, and then
I felt bad. I said, yeah, I was inside good.
I know, I know, honey, I forgot, but that was sweet.
I mean, I don't know if that's a good story
to be sharing, but sure, you know who fucking cares, right,
who gives a ship? I can tell you that much. Yeah,

(22:14):
And Vegas was leading up to Vegas. He was like,
I'm coming to your Vegas show. I'm coming to your
Vega show. Because he does have a house in Vegas also,
so you spend a lot of time in Vegas for
tax evasion purposes, right, that's the other reason. He's got
family and we and you walked in and I just
remember seeing him and being like, oh, oh, okay, wait

(22:37):
a second, something's happening here. And then she liked my outfit.
I liked your outfit, but I just liked how attentive
you were to be because I was performing and I
was nervous. I hadn't really done a big show yet
for the new tour. I've done about your practice shows,
but not in front of like a proper audience. And
he was just so attentive to me, like the whole night,

(22:59):
backstage age, everything, just making sure I was okay. And
I remember my sister going You guys were like acting
like a couple. We went to dinner and we had Yeah,
we were with Hannah I'm Binder and Alex Edelman are
my opener. Hannah from that show Hacks Open for Me
and her boyfriend came and we saw them and we
had some other friends there, and then we gambled after

(23:20):
the show and that was really fun. And then Chappelle
and all those guys came to the show at the
very end and they were going out in Vegas, and
I was like, oh, I don't really want to go out.
I wanted to just stay with my people. Plus we
had plans were already planning to gamble, and then we gambled,
and he thought my sister was giving him the eye
because we were getting touchy feely. And we had bet
on that fight that you and mcg McGregor fight lost

(23:43):
on that fight. Is it you and McGregor. Isn't that
an actor? It's just okay, Well maybe he was in
a fight too, McGregor. Okay, so exactly that may have
been why we lost, because I don't even know what
the funk I'm talking about. Same here. So we've bet
on that fight we both lost, and then we both lost.
But what did I do? You made sure that I

(24:04):
got all my money back. That's what he always does,
you know about it. We took out money to gamble,
and then he always puts the money back in my
person even though I've lost it all, which is a
really really cute thing. Which is a really cute tradition, honey,
it can stop. And so you were hanging out in
my room right and in Vegas, and I said, do
you have a crush on me? If you do, you
need to let me know because I need to respond

(24:26):
to it. And he was like, Chelsea, don't ruin everything.
You ruined everything, and I was like, all right, well,
then good night, and then you left and then you
came back because you lost your keys, and then you
sat there and you just waited for you said, I'll
wait for you to sleep, fall asleep, and I fell asleep,
and he just sat there and waited, and then I
heard him walk out in the middle of the night,

(24:46):
and I was like, God, is he ever going to
make a move on me? And then I just remember
I remember thinking, oh, he would never do that in Vegas,
like that's not his style at all. Plus, we were drinking.
I was going to kiss her, Katherine, I didn't want
it to because we were both drunk. Right, how cute
is that? Yeah, I mean what guy says that? So
then well, I mean wouldn't like that's the right thing

(25:07):
to do when I don't want to be I don't
want my moment with you to be a memory of
us being hammered and ship faced the Vegas. And that's
why we've made out, especially after all these years, the
build up, and everything's gonna be right, it's gonna be right,
it's got to be right, right, So it was yes,
and so he did that, which was also made me
more attracted to him, and then I remember waking up

(25:29):
and going funk, I don't want to leave. I want
to go with him, you know, and drive back. Yeah,
that was cute. She left a video message saying what
time are you going to leave? Because I'd rather go
back with you, But I didn't. I ended up flying
back because he was going shopping. He loves to go shopping.
Now I have to go love to go shopping. But
then it was the next day in in l A
on Monday, and we went out. We went down to

(25:49):
Koreatown and we had a really fun night and and
then I think yeah, and then I made a move.
I just said, listen, what is the fucking situation? First
I said, do you want to hold my hands? And
while we were driving and you were like yes, and
then I was like okay. And then we got back
to my house and I made a move and said, listen,
let's get this show on the road already. That's great.
So that was nothing happened that night either. No, No,

(26:11):
he didn't let anything happen that night either. Because we
were drinking. I got to find the silver window. She
literally put her foot on my face and she goes,
kiss me. You did kiss me? Honey. Yeah, so that
was good. And speaking of drinking, guess who hasn't been
drinking for well, now it sounds like I have a

(26:32):
drinking problem after these stories, I know, but it sounds
like it. Anyway, I've started my thirty day alcohol cleanse
sobriety cleanse or whatever from my Orca because I had
Sangria for breakfast a lot in my Orka and I
got back and thought, but I got so many d
ms from people who were also doing the thirty day
alcohol detalk with me. So what day are I on? Eight?

(26:54):
Or nine? I don't know. Let's just say, well, when
this airs, it will probably be like fourteen. So but
it hasn't been hard at all, probably because I'm with
you and Joe's not even Joe only drinks if I drink,
so he is fine not drinking. If I smoke a joint,
he'll smoke a joint. If I don't smoke a joint,
he doesn't smoke a joint. Right, you can take it
or leave it all. Yeah, right, so that's good. That's

(27:15):
good for me anyway. That's our love story, guys. Hopefully
it wasn't too annoying. No, not at all. Catherine yes,
should we start with some callers? Well, I want to
ask you a question. Okay, sure, honey. I think I'm
allowed to do that, right, Catherine? Yeah? Absolutely, So you
really never had not even an interest at all? Is

(27:37):
that what you're getting at right now, this whole love story,
not not even a tad, not a little bit of
an attraction from day one. Well, this is what I'll say,
is that, first of all, I don't think I was
in touch with my feelings enough to understand what those
feelings were. I would say by behaviorally what I was

(27:58):
doing would end Kate that I also had feelings but
didn't know how to they weren't registering. So I think
by going to therapy, like even when we were talking
for the last year, like I still had that same
energy with you, because historically that was our energy, which
was like I felt like you had a crush on me,
and I was in charge and I could kind of
just do whatever and you would always be smitten or

(28:22):
like taken by me in a way Like That's how
I felt. But now in retrospect, I realized that those
feelings were probably I just was suppressing them. I was
just not like in touch with myself to understand. Oh,
I knew I liked talking to you and I would
liked having you in my life because you're so positive
and upbeat and it's infectious, and I loved all of that.

(28:43):
But I wasn't like, had this desire to have something happened. No,
I wasn't thinking about that at all. I just thought, Oh,
and by the way, who gives a ship? Because look
where we are now? So if I, you know, I
would have ruined it if I had those feelings earlier. Probably, Yeah,
I think we're in a better place both, Puss. I
would have sexually assaulted you crying in a corner, yeah,

(29:05):
trying to file some sort of police report. And you
want to hear something else, Catherine. I didn't show Chelsea this,
but yesterday John lovetts text me I didn't show you. Yeah,
so I'll show you this. This is what he wrote
me this last night at like midnight. I'll do it
in John Love. It's his voice. You ready, He goes,

(29:27):
how do you meet your new girlfriend? You're welcome, glad,
You're happy? I went, ha ha, thank you, John, no problem?
Cash bleeds? Are you still funny? I'm selling out multiple arenas?
So yes, he goes, Jesus, that's awesome. But basically the
reason why that's funny is John's the reason why I

(29:49):
met Chelsea. Did she tell you that already? That's another
memory that I don't have, see she she doesn't remember
this either. John was doing a show at the laugh
Factory every Wednesday night and I would opening for him.
This is like sixteen years ago, whatever, sixteen or seventeen
years ago, and then all of a sudden, he goes,
you have to meet Chelsea handler. She's hysterical. She's my

(30:10):
only friend on my Space. And then it was literally
just you, that's all you had. And the other guy
I think it was whoever the other guy is, It's
just Chelsea. Yeah, so it was just Chelsea. And then
that that's when we met was through John. Yeah. Yeah,
So I don't remember that either, but I do know

(30:31):
who John Lovett is, So there we go. I have
a memory of him. Anyway, Thanks for listening to that,
you guys fantastic. Should we take a quick ad break? Chelsea? Yeah?
Why don't we take a quick ad break? Honey? You
can start reading my ads for me. Okay, yeah, okay, great, bye,
I mean, see you in a minute. Honey, get ready
to get your therapy cap on. Okay, Okay, Catherine, who

(30:54):
do we have on deck? So our first question for you,
Chelsea comes from John. Is it John Lovett's Hello? It's
not John Lovett, but he's from Texas. He's thirty two,
He writes, Dear Chelsea, first of all, thank you for
this hilarious and practical podcast. I absolutely love it and
applaud the work you're doing for your listeners. Here's the issue.

(31:15):
I want advice on my phobia of the gym, more specifically,
my worry when working out of the gym that I'm
being judged by others. I recently signed up for Planet
Fitness and I love their leave your ego at the
door philosophy. However, I still can't shake the feeling that
I'm either trying too hard or not hard enough. I
know it's in my head, but I'm in my early
thirties and want to get my body right for my

(31:36):
health and side note he is just over forty days
sober as well. Oh wow, well that's going to be
a big boost. Okay, Hi, John, let's see you. H
oh Hi, Hi, Hi? Where are you? I'm in Weatherford,
so I'm West of Worse so it's in Texas. Sorry

(31:56):
about that, but you know, yeah, seriously, I'm sorry that
you won't be able to get an abortion there. My goodness,
did you meet my lover Joe? Joe's here today too,
that's your lover. Yeah, that's new lover. Yeah. He also
doesn't use the gym. So but yeah. Anyway, I think,
first of all, great job, I'm not drinking for forty days.

(32:19):
How did you decide to do that? Kind of had
it decided for me? My body was like, you can't
do this anymore. So I got out of that period
and I was like, Okay, you have to commit to it,
and I did, and uh, I'm happier than ever. It's
the best feeling. Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world.
Like I get to take my dogs out all the time.
We go to the lake and we just walk around

(32:40):
and I'm like, what are people doing all day? Like
I don't know. It was just it's I'm so clear,
and I have so many things I can do, and
I'm so excited about life, and so that's a big
deal for me. That's so great to do that I've
got gotten because I'm doing a thirty day detox. I've
gotten so many dams from people who are struggling with
alcohol and the idea of even giving it up, you know,
and I think if it's if it's that hard to

(33:02):
even give up, then that means that you need to
consider it. Right, Yeah, it was hard. I didn't want
to give it up. And then once you give it up,
and I am in a better a lot better place now.
I don't regret it. I don't look back. But you know,
getting through that first period is not easy. I'm still
in the beginning of it. But I'm like so like
I couldn't even dream that I would be where I'm

(33:24):
at now. So yeah, so that's great. And then I
haven't I'm starting a new job this week. What are
you doing for your new job? Oh, I'm gonna be
working at so it's a hotel, working at the front desk.
So that's great, and I'm really excited. And I just
got my degree from Arizona State in May. So like
I'm on this whole like just resetting, you know. I

(33:46):
was trying to get in with life, and you know,
I really feel good about it. And the gym thing
keeps coming up, where like I go and I feel
I don't know, I just don't belong. I'm dirty two now,
and I'm like, if I can get this together, then
you know, I have everything. Else is kind of I'm
kind of getting in line, you know. If I just
get this body right, that's gonna be like just the

(34:08):
best thing for me. Well, first of all, you do
not have to give a ship about anybody in the gym.
Half of those morons don't know what they're doing either,
And there's no morm in asking people like if you
need help with something. Nobody loves to give people help
more than white straight guys at a gym. So if
you need help, you shouldn't be shy about asking for

(34:29):
it because it kind of ingratiates yourself to others, you know,
And if you don't, if that's not your issue, is
your issue you just feel intimidated or is there your
issue that you don't know what you're doing? Well, I
have like an access, So it's like one end, I'm like,
what am I doing here? I'm fat I don't belong here,
to the other end where I think I'm like hot
stuff and like I really know what I'm doing, and
so like I'm always in between there somehow, and then

(34:51):
I end up on like the elliptical for like thirty minutes,
and then I go home because I'm like, oh god,
I can't do any of this other stuff. I'm gonna
look ridiculous. And I just and I feel like other
people feel this way. I can't be the only one.
The things show you how to do them, like the
machines that are not like freeweights, like the ones that
you know, they'll show you how to do them and stuff,
and I just feel like, oh God, if I go

(35:11):
down there, I'm gonna be ridiculous and people are gonna
be judging me. First of all, do you have to
remember everyone at the gym is there because they're worried
about how they're being judged. So don't worry about them
judging you, because everybody's thinking about themselves, So just remember that.
Just like you're in your head, everyone else is in
their head. Also. Secondly, there are so many apps you
can download that can teach you how to do these things,

(35:33):
Like do you have the Peloton app or like Tonal
Fitness or one of those. I don't have those yet. Actually,
the Planet Fitness apps does some of that stuff. They
have like videos, but peloton. I watched TikTok and there's
that guy on there. I don't know if he's seen,
but he's really funny and I think he does peloton,
and I was like, oh, I should do that because
I think you can do just the membership and you

(35:53):
don't have to have a like no, you don't need
the bike. You just get the membership. You played on
your laptop or an iPad or whatever. There's like ten
it in fifteen minute classes they do like you can
do upper body, lower body, you can do apps, you
can do all of that, but just doing cardio a
if you've lost weight recently or anything like that, too
much cardio is never bueno, like you know, if people

(36:13):
think that's the way. But like, once you've lost the weight,
you want to you want to tone up right, you
want to be lifting weights and doing that stuff. So
any of those apps will teach you how to do
these exercises. You know, these aren't difficult things. They're so
easy and you just have to have a conversation with
yourself before you get to the gym because you do
belong there. That's what you're doing. You're going there to
get yourself healthier. So yeah, fuck everybody else. Don't worry

(36:35):
about other people, you know, spend a little bit less
time on social media and a little bit more time
on like boosting yourself and telling yourself how great it is.
All these changes that you're telling me that you've just
made are incredible. That's incredible that you stopped drinking for
forty days. You have a new job. Look how happy
you are. You're like, right, very happy. Yeah, you know,

(36:56):
I was thinking about I was like, Instagram does not
help me, but this whole situation be is like everybody
I look at on fitness on Instagram, their world wonderful looking.
I'm just like, those are called filters. Yeah, yeah, they're
called filters. Those aren't real people. By the way, you
said something about being thirty two. One thing you gotta
always do is never use your age as an excuse, right,

(37:18):
Just enjoy the moment that you're in right, Like, you're
in a healthy position right now. You stop drinking. Man,
a lot of people take forever to even get over
that hump, right, So it's like that's amazing. That has
nothing to do with age. It's just like your mental
fitness is beautiful right now. So maintain that. Don't sit
there and go, I'm thirty two and I'm gonna be
thirty three next year, I'm gonna be forty. What are

(37:38):
you doing? There's there's no read. Your whole life is
in front of you, man, So don't look at it
as a year to year things. Just your life. Who
gives a ship how old you are? And also, positivity
breeds more positivity. So when you're positive about yourself and
like you're really you know, feeling yourself, that's good. You're
attracting people. You track take people to that energy. And

(38:02):
you know, when you're having those negative thoughts about yourself,
you're negatively pushing people away. To keep that in mind,
that's so true, man, People feed off of that. When
you're positive, people want to they want to taste the
juice you're drinking, you know, without you even trying to
sell it. It's just it's just you and everyone wants
to be around that space, like yo, what is this

(38:22):
guy on? You know? But if you're moping around and depressed,
people don't working around that. That's not who I want
to be and that's not who I am naturally and
like this, like that's what I was saying this is
going to help me get past that hump, Like who
cares fulcom in the gym? You know this. I'm here
for me. Y'all here for yourselves too. It's not like
anybody's going there to watch people, you know, Like it's

(38:43):
in my head. I guess that that I'm thinking that,
and it's just you know, And that's what my college
roommates like got over that real quick. They never had
dec issue. I'm like, I can't be the only one
who's like a little shy, like on the work cup machines,
trying to do too much or whatever. But no, I
I am a positive person and I'm going to take
this advice and I'll probably go to the gym right
after this. Actually I'm feeling it. And don't be scared

(39:05):
about making friends at the gym. I mean, you're so likable, like,
go up to people, you know, get help from from
these guys or from girls or from whomever. Just be like, hey,
I'm new here, I don't really know how to use
this machine. I guarantee you will have no problem getting help.
And that's that's a sweet endearing quality. So yeah, keep
spreading positivity and everything's gonna come up, roses, especially with

(39:26):
that hairline. Look at your hairline. Thank you. He doesn't
have a hairline. I don't have a hair line. Yeah, yeah,
he's losing. He lost his hair when I shaved his
head a long time ago and sold his hair. But anyway,
good luck with everything. It was really nice to talk
to you, John, Thanks, Jesse, thank you, thank you all

(39:47):
so much. Follow up, let me know, like six months
down the road, how's it, how it's going, and what's
what happened with your gym experience and all that stuff. Okay,
keep in touch, yes Na, thank you? Okay, by cutie,
Oh look him, cutie, honey. That was nice advice. And
I love it how he always smiled every time every
time we spoke about that. Yea. Our next question is,

(40:09):
Dear Chelsea, I think I'm in love with my best friend.
For context, I am a twenty two year old male
and so is he. We've been best friends since the
seventh grade and he's always been the one person I
can count on. After high school, he joined the service
and was gone for three years. We stayed in touch
as much as we could, and since he's been back,
he's been staying with me about two months ago, we

(40:31):
were both drunk and somehow started making out. I don't
even remember how it started. I just remember not wanting
it to end. I've always told people I was straight
and always thought he was. I've dated girls before, but
I've never felt anything like this. We haven't talked about
that night at all. The day after he began seeing
this girl who he's been spending the majority of his

(40:51):
time with ever since. I feel like he purposefully makes
it evident to me that it's nothing serious with her
and he's just having fun. But I don't know how
to take that. It's like he has this huge wall
up ever since we kissed, and I don't know what
to do. Should I try to talk to him about it.
Should I tell him how I feel? Should I take
his sudden interest in this girl as my answer? Please
help me. I have no idea what I'm doing. Austin,

(41:14):
Oh God, yeah, no, Yeah, you got to talk to
him and say something, because obviously if he's dating. Yeah, no,
you have to clear the air and understand what the
situation is. You absolutely have to have a conversation with him,
and it can't be over drinks. It has to be
in the light of day and sober, and him being
with a girl is trying to send you a message,

(41:35):
but who knows what he's thinking. I mean, you know,
like there's so many men that are feeling that way
about other men, but don't think they're allowed to have
that behavior. And I mean, it would be easier to
talk to him to understand the dynamic about their friendship,
but you have to have a conversation. You have to
clear the air and get it out there, and don't
pretend what happened didn't happen. It doesn't matter if you
were drunk or not. You know, be the bigger person

(41:56):
in the situation and just and whatever his answer is.
If he's like, I'm not interested, that that was one night,
then that's fine, that's it. That's fine, except that as
his truth for that the time being. But at least
then you have your answer. And do you have any
advice for these two? I think it's done with that guy.
I don't think there is a future there. Well, they're
but they're best friends and they remain best friends. But

(42:17):
that's why when you're in love with somebody or you
have that type of feeling, I never want to act
on those feelings. When you're not sober. Yeah, but it's
too late. He already has I know, And this is
what I didn't want to happen in any relationship. I
never want to go in without a clear mind, right.
I don't want to act on what I was drinking

(42:37):
that night. You know that it's never real love at
that point, right, So your advice is to don't do
that again. Don't hook up with him again drunk. It
just don't let that happen. Yeah. If you ever have
feelings for someone that's bigger than just a friendship, don't
act on it when you're not clear minded, right, like
when you're drunk. That's not a good time because you're
going to find yourself in this situation because the other

(42:58):
person probably didn't even think of it that way. It
was just a hook up. Yeah, agreed, Agreed. Okay, So
stop getting so ship faced all the time. Problem solves well.
Our next question comes from Elizabeth. Elizabeth is a caller.
She's here with us. She's twenty seven. She's in Tennessee.

(43:22):
She said, Dear Chelsea, I do not like my sister's partner.
My sister, Alice and I were members of a gym.
It's another gym related one members of a gym where
this man, Michael, was a staff member. For the first
several months of us being introduced to Michael, he was
known as the creepy guy at the gym. At the time,
My sister had just turned eighteen and was a senior
in high school. Michael was thirty years old at the time. Alice,

(43:46):
who's naturally more friendly and outgoing than I am, eventually
began defending Michael when I would state that I was
creeped out by him, but I dismissed it as typical
friendly Alice. There were early red flags like him convincing
her to go off important medication in and a secret
camping trip before I found out they had secretly been
dating for the entire summer. Now three years later, Michael

(44:07):
has not made any effort to get to know our family.
When he picks her up for dates, he sits at
the end of the driveway, doesn't come to the door,
et cetera. I can count on one hand the number
of times he has held a conversation with my parents
and me. Alice has also cut herself off from friends,
so she has had minimal interaction with anyone but Michael.
Speaking for myself, I cannot accept him. I can confidently

(44:30):
say that my sister was groomed by him during a
vulnerable and transitional time of her life, and he has
knowingly isolated her from everyone but himself. Now, Michael is
moving out of his parents house and Alice will be
moving in with him. How do I continue to work
on my relationship with my sister when such a large
part of her life upsets me so much? Elizabeth? Oh,

(44:52):
that's terrible. That's such a bummer when your sister gets
hijacked by an asshole. Hi, Elizabeth, Hi, Hi, how are you?
I'm good? How about you? I'm good? This is my lover,
Joe KOI Hello, Joki. He's our guest today. We're just
talking about love, and I guess so are you, because
you're talking about the love for your sister. Right, Yes,

(45:13):
somebody just came up to your wind. She's like, hold on,
I gotta fill this bag up with an order. So
is your sister younger or older than you? She is
five years younger? Okay? And how many other siblings do
you have? It's just us, just the two of you,

(45:34):
and you've always been pretty tight. We've always been pretty tight.
This kind of overlapped with me coming home from school
and her going away, so there was that transition happening,
and so he kind of swooped in right as shoes,
becoming one of my peers in a way. And so
it's just kind of gotten a wedge into this relationship.

(45:56):
And your parents feel the same way that you do. Yes, yeah,
Other than her knowing that you thought he was creepy
at the gym and stuff, have you had a real
conversation with her sitting down and expressing the concerns you
have about his relationship with her and your family. Yes,
And in the beginning, there were definitely conversations that we
had expressing our concerns about this relationship because of the

(46:17):
age gap and just the different stages of life there.
And it was just, so, what's the age gap again?
So she was eighteen when he was thirty. Twelve year gap.
Now the age gap doesn't necessarily mean as much, but
but she's what now? Oh so they've been together for

(46:38):
four years now. Yeah, it's hard to break up. I know,
what is it about him that you hated? Like, just
what's the main thing when they first started dating? That
was it? The age? It was I felt like he
swooped in at a impressionable time in her life and
it was very opportunistic. So like her first weekend she

(47:00):
went away to college, he came and to grow off
the grid basically. And he hasn't ever validated that we
had reason to be concerned for her, or that we
would feel somewhat offended that he didn't make any sort
of effort to get back into our good graces. So
it's that character flaw, and there are other examples. But

(47:23):
is he a bad guy? I mean, like that's not
great behavior, but is he Yeah, he doesn't have the
greatest personality either. Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not enough of a
reason to make somebody break up with somebody because somebody's
personality isn't good enough. Right. I'm not going to say
the age isn't the thing as well, but eighteen isn't
a good time for you to be you know, the

(47:46):
rules should be wait till she has experiences, you know,
I mean like two and he was thirty. Yeah, I
get it, but like eighteen, you just got out of
high school. Man, you don't know anything else what high school?
So I get that, and I can understand where your
concern was, but is he a bad guy? He's not

(48:07):
a bad guy. I just need to know how to
move past those feelings I have about him with them
then and move forward with my sister. Right. I don't
need to like him, but I don't want to have
a relationship with my sister. I mean, you don't have
to like him, but like your sister. You know, it's
like it's like, yeah, you want to you want to

(48:28):
mend that relationship with your sister, but how do you
mend something when you go I like you, I just
don't like him, right, So it's like I guess every Christmas,
I'll just see you for like an hour and then
you go back to him. Like what happens over the
holidays like Christmas? Is does he come? No? He doesn't,
So she comes by herself? Does she go see his family? So,

(48:49):
up until a couple of weeks ago when she moved
in with him, she had still been living at home.
She switched to all online classes after meeting him, and
so she was living at home while he was still
living at home. So we haven't really run into that.
Is she traveling back for holidays yet? And where are they?
How far away are they from? Where you are. They're
about two hours away, kind of out in the country

(49:12):
in small town. Yeah, I would say you need to
figure out a way to a just focus on the
love you have for your sister and keeping your family intact,
because that is your responsibility that everyone in a family
bears like you are responsible for communicating and making sure
that you are just reciprocating, right, And it's unfortunate, But
the reality is that she's been with him for four

(49:32):
years now, she's two hours away, so you've got to
just lay off disliking him and focus on loving her,
you know, and making sure that she knows if and
when the time comes that she is ready to like
jump ship, that you are going to welcome her with
open arms and not. And I told you so. We
never liked him. She already knows that she knows you
don't like him. I've dated guys that I know my

(49:53):
family didn't like, and no one said anything and I
still knew. But I think you that you didn't even like.
We've all dated people that we didn't like heavy. Do
you have a boyfriend or a husband? No, I don't, Okay,
So I think you should just focus on your relationship
with her. You know, even overdo it to a point
to make sure that you're filling in for any sort
of love she may feel like she's missing, because usually

(50:15):
when you end up with a guy like that and
he doesn't really have any interest in knowing your family
or getting to know your family or doing stuff like that,
it's because he's trying to just isolate you. And you know,
you have your own little bubble and that's not good
for families. So like any sort of chasm that you
create or space that you create between her is going
to be a price that you guys are gonna pay,

(50:36):
You and your parents are gonna pay, because she's just
gonna be pushed further into him, you know. So you
just want to make as much of an effort even
with him, even if it's fake, Just make as much
of an effort as you can, you know, make the
effort to go see her for the two hours, Make
the effort to see them both for the two hours,
so that it's demonstrated time and time again that you

(50:56):
will keep showing up and that whenever she is ready,
if and when she knows that she can come to
you and it's going to be a safe place, and
that you'll support her instead of her being in a
situation where she feels like she doesn't have any family
to reach out to. And how are your parents dealing
with it? We've all pretty much fallen into that, like

(51:16):
we can't protest too much because then she won't have
anywhere to go. Um, So it's kind of it's kind
of like that they're obviously not crazy about him. But
and have you guys ever talked about having like an
intervention with her at some point? We have talked to
her before and it just doesn't do any good. It
pushes her away, interrupt them. Sorry, we're still sounding like

(51:38):
is a horrible man, Like you know, like have no
offense Chelsea, But like, have you guys had an intervention?
It's like what are you having an intervention on? Like
she's still in love? I mean we can't say she's not.
She's not being held hostage, you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
the situation was a twelve year old, twelve year gap,

(51:59):
but it's like he's still been together for four years
and it's like, I don't know, maybe there's a time
where you guys have to like, hey, can you bring
him over? Let's have a dinner. Let's let's all get
to know him. Yeah. I think that's more of an
effort that you need to do for your sister because
she's in love and she fox up and in ten
years for now she's like, god, damn it, he was
an idiot, and just be like, you don't have to

(52:21):
say I told you, but welcome. I knew we were
here for you. But right now, she's in love, right, right,
right right, didn't interned as a wrong word. She's not
being abused or anything like that that you're aware of
or I knew what you meant. Yeah, so that you're
right honey this time, and you should I get an
intervention last week. So yeah, it's called agua kalian. That's

(52:42):
our safe work. I think you just have to overdose
her with love. Just be there for her and make
an effort with him, even if it makes you sick.
You just have to be the bigger person, right, you're
a big sister, and this is an opportunity to act
like a big sister. Just be there for her in
spades over and over again. Make sure that you're always
communicating with her so that she as you're there and
the same for you. If you can talk to your

(53:02):
parents to do the same thing, because when people feel that,
they retreat. If you feel like, oh, my friends don't
like my boyfriend, then I'm not going to bring my
boyfriend around my friends. You know. You know what I
think would be cool? Elizabeth? It's Elizabeth, right, Yes, I
think my name is Chelsea. Okay, I didn't know who
you were talking to. I think it would be kind

(53:23):
of cool if you go, what's your sister's name, Alice?
You should call Alice and go, hey, you know, would
be fun. You me and your boyfriend go get something
to drink. Let's just hang out or eat or go
do something. Let's just let's just hang out, just to
initiate that. It's not like I want to get to
know him or is he better or whatever, just like, hey,
is it cool to be hanging out one night? Watch

(53:45):
how she acts, Watch how he acts. It's probably gonna
be a completely different situation and you're probably gonna end
up liking the guy. Well, maybe maybe it is worth
a shot. It's worth because what you're doing isn't working, right,
Like for you guys, having all this kind of negative
energy towards him isn't working. He feels it. She feels it,
and that's why they're probably two hours away. So if

(54:06):
you can just reverse all of that negativity into positivity,
even if you're there and you're at dinner with him
and he's not saying anything, it's just like, instead of
having those negative feelings, have positive ones like, oh, how
can I engage? What can I what kind of question
can I ask him to make him start talking about something?
What's happening and transpired so far hasn't worked, So you
have to completely try a different approach, and I guarantee

(54:29):
you you'll get different results. With every different approach, there
are different results. And mind you, the more you don't
like him, the more she's gonna like him. Yeah, that's
also a problem. I had that experience with one of
my friends once and we all told her and then
they got married. So that doesn't really work either, especially
when there's really no legitimate reason not to like him.
It's just his personality seems lame. Yeah, so does that

(54:53):
help you at all? Elizabeth? It does, And you're right,
I need to focus more on being positive about this
suation and yeah, just think about yeah, yeah, I really
do try and think about that. How you can kind
of flip the switch on that. There's a lot of
meditations to that help you do that. To get all
the kind of negative stuff out and replace it with
positive stuff. It's important to do that. Like I, I

(55:14):
have that issue a lot with respect to certain things,
and I just try to always be like, Okay, anytime
there's a negative thought, I try to replace it with
a positive one. You know, another thing, too, Chelsea, is
when you spend a lot of negative energy on something
that doesn't have to do with you, you start neglecting
yourself and that sucks. She'll just love you so much
more if you are just really reaching out instead of

(55:35):
withdrawing for him him, you know, especially if you make
an effort with him that's indisputable. When she sees that,
now blood is thicker than water, it's like my sister.
Now she's going to take your side because if he
denies the lunch and she's like, well, you know what,
then she's fucking right. You are a piece of ship
because she asked you out. Yeah, I get it. Thank you.

(55:57):
Well that would be do you have venmo because we're
gonna actually charge. We don't charge on this podcast. Okay,
that's a private thing that you do on your podcast, Elizabeth,
if you could just send me your venom, I'm going
to charge you just for my pution. I'll drop in
the chat. Okay, thank you, thank you, Elizabeth. But check
in with us, Okay, check in with us later and
let us know what happens. Okay, thank Okay. If they
ever break up, we'll have a big party. All right, Okay, bye, Okay,

(56:21):
we're going to take another break so Joe and I
can make love. Joe, you look like you need a
little advice. Yeah, do you have anything that you need
to ask me? Yeah? How about if I just ask you.
I deal with a family that holds grudges, and I
feel like every time I say it on stage, I'm
not the only person. I'm not alone. I feel like

(56:42):
it's very common within my community, my people. Yeah, you
mean in our culture, it is a thing that grudges
are a big thing. How do we deal with that
without destroying the family? I told you I'm going to
talk to your mother. No, but I mean even in general,

(57:03):
like I'm pretty sure not just Filipinos, but everybody has
that conflict within the family where there's a grudge but
no one's able to talk about it. But there's this grudge. Yeah,
you know me, I like language, so I am always
for communicating and overly communicating until you know, you wear
somebody down with language. I know what you're talking about personally,

(57:25):
and I know that that it's not obviously Filipino thing.
It's a world thing. People hold grudges against each other,
but it can be stronger in different cultures. But you know,
you can't go to a dry well for water, right,
Like what's the point. But there's a different avenue always
to get what you want, you know, being in a
relationship with me, Like, there's different ways to go about
those things. So whatever you've done thus far, it doesn't work.

(57:47):
And it's time to think of a new avenue. And
now you've got to be willing to talk to somebody
that wants to talk though, and that's what sucks. Yeah,
that's how do we conquer that? Because with you, the
relationship with you is great because you love to talk
and when you see something wrong, you want to you
want to finish that right away, right, and I love
that about you. We'll talk about it right now. We're

(58:09):
not waiting right right, but I would encourage that to
you to do that with your family members to like
not on the phone, show up like in person, being like, listen,
this is it. Let's have this conversation right now. Let's
sit down and talk. Don't walk away from me. This
is it. This is our moment to get this out
in the open. I'm serious about it. And I think

(58:29):
sometimes when people try and do that over phone calls
or text or emails, obviously that doesn't work, you know
what I mean. But face to face has a different impact.
And like, it is important to sit down and look
someone in the eye and say what you're feeling, because
people have to see your emotions and they have to
see how much it hurts you that a grudge is
being held, and how baseless that is and how short

(58:50):
life is and how small that behavior is. So I
would just say talk. I would say, just push it.
You know, the next time you're in a position to
confront that person, go and go out of your way,
set aside the time and go and have that conversation,
because you'd be surprised. You know, people just give up,
and that's half the problem. I think people hate swallowing

(59:10):
their own pride to what they do. People hate to
be wrong. But if you know that then you already
have an advantage over the person that hates to be wrong. Right,
you know that, so you can act in a bigger way.
Great problem solved. Okay, So thank you for joining us
on our season two premiere episode, Joe Coy. It was

(59:30):
a pleasure having you as usual. And what else do
we want to say? Joe? Oh? You know what I
want to say to girls out there who have guys
in their lives that they think are their friends, or
that they don't necessarily feel like there's an attraction or
they feel like a brother dynamic, I would really encourage
you to just really consider how important it is to

(59:55):
have somebody who loves and respects you like that is,
barn on, the most important thing that you can get
from another human being, never mind somebody that you're in
love with. So that is the foundation of everything, right,
is love and respect. You want to be seen and
you want to be heard, and if you have somebody
in your life that is like that, and you think,
oh no, please be a little bit more open minded,

(01:00:18):
because I'm the happiest I've ever been and it's because
I finally had an open mind instead of a closed one.
So I think we can end on that I love you.
How's that I want to end on that, thanks for coming, Joe.
Joe and I are going to go to the airport
right now, and then we're going to spend six hours
looking at each other from across the aisle on the plane,
probably while he takes pictures of me, because that's what

(01:00:41):
our last flight was like. Right and then and then
she looks like she's building a nest. That's what her look. Immediately.
I put it in reclined before we even take off.
I have my pillow ready as put my socks on. Snacks. Yeah, TV,
that doesn't work. Even though it does work, I can't

(01:01:03):
work it anyway. That's enough. Thank you, have a great week.
We'll see you next week. And if you want to
see more of Joe, you can come over to my
house or you can find him hosting Metal Shop Masters,
which is on Netflix and it was released September ten.
And please buy his book, his autobiography, it's called Mixed
Plate Chronicles of an All American Combo. And also you

(01:01:26):
can buy tickets for his Just Kidding World tour. If
you've never seen Joe Coy perform live, you need to
go because it's not only a stand up show. It's
a fucking concert. It is so fun and he sings
and he dances and it's like, oh my god, the
vibes are so fun. Oh and everybody, I am performing

(01:01:47):
this weekend. I am picking back up my Vaccinated and
Horny tour. If you don't have tickets, please get them
Chelsea Handler dot com and going to Norfolk, Virginia, Hanover, Maryland,
and Northfield, Ohio, two of those places I've never been.
So that's October ninth. I will be coming to Virginia, Maryland, Ohio,
So please get your tickets. I can't wait to see everybody. Okay, guys,

(01:02:11):
thanks
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