November 25, 2025 • 31 mins
Hey, Fellow Travelers. This week, a dedicated young teacher deals with the guilt of not being able to connect with her students while being physically separated from them during the pandemic. But it isn’t just her students who are craving connection. We help Allison navigate through her own loss as well.
If you have a dilemma you’d like to discuss with us—big or small—email us at LoriAndGuy@iHeartMedia.com.
Follow us both online:
LoriGottlieb.com and on Twitter @LoriGottlieb1 and Instagram @lorigottlieb_author
GuyWinch.com and on Twitter @GuyWinch and Instagram @Guy Winch
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey to your Therapist listeners. It's Lori and Guy and
we have a quick update.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Many of you have told us that you get something
new out of each episode when you listen to it
again the second or third time. In fact, when we
listen to the episodes again, we also get takeaways we
didn't remember.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
We're They're therapy is like that too. There are so
many learning moments in a session, and it's difficult to
absorb them all at once. So while we're not taping
new episodes right now, we are offering you our most
popular sessions as encores so that you can continue to
gain value from them.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
We love doing the Therapists episodes, but we're each busy
with new and exciting projects that we hope you will love.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Just as much.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I have a new advice podcast called Since You Asked,
which you can get wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
And I have a new book coming out. It's called
Mind Overgrind, How to Break Free when work Hijacks your life,
and it will be published by Simon and Schuster. You
can find out more about it on my website.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
You can learn more about these on our socials. And meanwhile,
we hope you find these Dear Therapists sessions as valuable
as we have making them for you. Hey, fellow travelers,
I'm Lori Gottlieb. I'm the author of Maybe You Should
Talk to Someone, and I write the Dear Therapist column
for The Atlantic.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And I'm Guy Winch. I wrote Emotional First Aid and
I write the Dear Guy column for Ted. And this
is Deo Therapists.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
This week, a teacher talks to us about the challenges
of being physically separated from her students.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
I have students who, when it comes up at the
end of the hour will say, I can't believe this
is almost over. This is the time during the week
that I don't feel lonely and that's just heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Listen in and maybe learn something about yourself and the process.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Deo Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute
medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnoe,
or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental
health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions
you may have regarding a medical condition. By submitting a letter,
you are agreeing to let iHeartMedia use it in Potter
(03:23):
and Full and We may edit it for length and
or clarity.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Hey Guy, Hi Laurie. So this week we got a
letter from a teacher, and I'm going to read it
to you. Dear Laurie and Guy. I am a teacher
who is now transitioning to online learning with all of
my ninth grade math and science students. Trying to be
a good teacher in the midst of this pandemic has
taken a toll on me. I love teaching math and science,
but I also became a teacher to be a source
(03:50):
of emotional support to kids because I recognize that students
can't learn well while stressed or distracted. For me to
feel like I'm teaching them well, I need to be
addressing a wide variety of needs. Teenagers don't often ask
for help verbally. Typically it is through behavior, But now
I can't really see changes in their behavior overhear comments
or pull them aside to check in, but I know
(04:11):
they need it. I feel bad about not being able
to offer my usual level of support to these kids,
and on top of that, I'm trying to take care
of myself. My boyfriend and I don't live in the
same town, so we spend several hours together online each night,
watching movies, shows, playing games, or researching future activities, and
I find that regular interaction very helpful. Overall, though, I'm
(04:32):
feeling very restless and feel a deep yearning for face
to face interaction. I've been organizing and cleaning, taking baths,
talking to friends on the phone or on video calls,
sitting outside, and going for walks. I also like to
plan ahead and have things to look forward to, and
not knowing when this will end feels very daunting. I
had trips to visit my boyfriend planned, as well as
(04:54):
trips to Australia and Indonesia. I'm finding that the stress
of not being able to help my students in the
same ways I used to, along with the need to
care for myself daunting. My question is how do I
do both well? And this is signed from Alison.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I wish I had Allison as my teacher. Yeah, A
lot of teachers feel like her in that they are
not going in to just impart academic knowledge. They really
want to connect with as students. That's an important part
of their jobs and I can just imagine how difficult
it must be to teach with the remote learning going
(05:32):
on to not be able to have that face to
face informal kind of connection with them and check ins
and be able to talk to them must be a
real loss for her.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think what people are noticing during these times when
they can't go to work, like people in lallison situation,
is that they're noticing what was meaningful to them about
what they did every day. But a lot of times
we complain about work and you know, oh, I wish
I could take the day off. But I think we
actually get a lot of nourishment from the little things
(06:05):
and the big things. But some little things are talking
to our co workers in the hallways, or having lunch
with somebody, or the chit chat. And sometimes it's about
the work itself, like with Alison, where she gets so
much out of being the kind of teacher that matters.
She loses so much of this sense of purpose that
(06:26):
she had when she would go to work every day.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yes, and I think that's a really profound loss of
this time. And she's got a bunch of them. I
mean these trips, these are not small trips Indonesia and Australia.
These are big trips that were probably planned for quite
a while. And I think she said that she enjoys
that process of planning as well. You get excited about
planning trips, and now you have to spend almost exact
(06:50):
amount of time trying to cancel everything. That is super depressing.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
When you were talking about losing those vacations, I had
two reactions, and the first was the reaction that I
think a lot of us have, which is about she
could always go later. But then there's the other reaction,
which is that there's no hierarchy of grief. And we
talk about this with our patients all the time. People
will come in and they'll be talking about something and
(07:17):
they're embarrassed to bring it up. They'll say, yeah, I
have this problem, but hey, I know a lot of
people have it worse, and that prevents people from looking
at their problems. This isn't the Pain Olympics, this isn't
the grief Olympics. So right now, a lot of people
feel like if it's not about loss of life, loss
of health, or loss of a job or income, we
can't really talk about these losses like they're missing their
(07:39):
book club, the daily things of life, that the things
that make us feel human on a daily basis. I
think that sometimes because we worry that other people will
minimize our losses. We tend to do that to ourselves.
I know she said, I think they're making me depressed.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
So that's good. That's good that she can acknowledge that
she's struggling. And I think it's appropriate to struggle given
the circumstance. Sometimes people are having bad days and they're
wondering whether they're failing at self care or whether they're
not managing, when in fact they're pretty much as well
as you can manage. You're listening to Deotherapists from iHeartRadio.
(08:16):
We'll get Alison on the phone after a quick break.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I'm Lori Gottlieb and I'm.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Guy Wench and this is Deotherrapists. So we talked about
Alison's letter about being disconnected from her students during the pandemic.
Let's talk to Alison herself. Hi Alison, Hi, Hi Alison, Hello,
thank you so much for coming on our show. We
read your letter and we were really impressed by how
(08:47):
dedicated you sound as a teacher, and I'd like to
hear a little bit more about what are your touch
points with students pre COVID when you're teaching them in person,
and what are the touch points you have with them
now when you're doing the remote learning? What are the differences?
Speaker 4 (09:04):
So pre COVID, I spent both three hours with each
of my classes each day. I teach two separate Grade
nine classes. I teach both of them their math courses
and their science courses. And I consider it pretty significant
because it's more time than they spend with their parents
face to face each day. So I take that pretty seriously.
(09:28):
So throughout the day, I can check in on them,
I can observe any changes of behavior, i can overhear
their conversations, and I'm also seeing how well they're working
in class and how focused they can be, which is
often an indicator of how well they're doing overall. But
now that I have far less contact with them, and
from what I've heard from them, they are struggling and
(09:50):
they are looking for that connection, but they don't necessarily
know how to find it.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Can kids set up an individual time to talk with you.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
They're definitely more than welcome to set up an individual
time to talk with me. But my office hours are
scheduled one hour on Tuesday and when on Thursday. But
what I'm fine most interesting is that during my office hour.
I have a group of kids that I would not
have picked out as the ones who had come to
my office hour, had I been asked to predict. And
(10:19):
they don't often actually want to talk about any of
the academic things. They'll ask me questions for the first
five or ten minutes, and then they want to show
me their room, or they want to show me their pet,
or they want to tell me what trouble they got
in with their parents. But it's not nearly the same,
and I know that they're craving it because I have
students who, when it comes up at the end of
(10:40):
the hour will say, I can't believe this is almost over.
This is the time during the week that I don't
feel lonely, and that's just heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
They get so much out of connecting with you. It's
interesting because your concern and your letter is that you're
not able to give them that kind of support that
you normally would give them at school, and yet it
might not be the way that it normally happens. They
are saying, you matter so much to me, you make
me feel less lonely. Let me show you my dog,
(11:11):
let me show you my room. So I think sometimes
we don't realize the impact that we have on other
people just because it looks so different right now.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Yeah, it's true. I just worry about the kids who
don't have that self advocacy tool set. I used to
have class meetings with my homeroom and we would go
around and thank each other, and oftentimes they would thank
me for something that I had said two weeks prior.
You never know what little comment that you make that
makes a huge difference to them. And oftentimes it was
(11:44):
kids that I didn't feel personally that I had that
deep of connection with. But you learn that they really
take what you say pretty seriously and it does matter
to them quite a.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Bit, right And I think given this act of them
wanting to show you their room or their pets, that's
such a personal invitation into their lives. It's such a
trust thing for a kid to do. So it's very
clear they have this really strong connection with you if
they're doing that kind of thing.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Last week, I offered to show my house to them,
and I had the highest attendance that week.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Did you clean up?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Yeah, yea, yeah, I sure you must have prepared.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
So true.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I have a question about what happens during school you
said you might overhear something between classes, or you'll notice something.
What's an example of something where maybe you overheard a
conversation or you just noticed something because you were physically there.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I could hear anything from the a couple has broken up,
or someone's parent lost a job, or someone's father's in
the hospital, or just really anything. You find out so
much about these kids' lives. I often say that the
parents would be mortified if they knew how much I
knew about their home life.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
You mentioned travel in your letter. You had a trip
to Indonesia to Australia that you've had to cancel. Can
you tell us a little bit about what travel means
to you and maybe mention one of the meaningful experiences
you've had in travel That bit he resonates with you.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
So last year I had my first really big trip,
and I actually went with my dad. My mom passed
away unexpectedly about two years ago, and so he and
I planned a really big trip together. And so that
kind of gave me just a taste for the travel
bug in terms of going outside of North America. And
(13:46):
so this summer I was planning to go to Australia
and Indonesia with a friend of mine. We had spent
hours and hours planning and I put aside a whole
bunch of money for this trip and I was to
celebrate my thirtieth birthday. And so it's been a huge
loss for me because I've lost a whole bunch of
(14:07):
money and I just have so much time to think
about it now that we're in COVID and there's not
a ton of structure to my day. I definitely am
someone who likes to plan and look forward to things.
I still, fortunately have had the trips with my boyfriend
because we have decided that it's just more important for
(14:29):
both of our mental health and just our overall well being,
and we're just extremely careful.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You know what I'm hearing so much of and what
you just said and what we were talking about with
your students is the sense of loss. I think that
when we think about going to work right A lot
of times maybe people think, oh, I wish I could
sleep in or I wish I didn't have to go
every day, but we get so much out of going
to work. For you, a lot of it is your
(14:58):
connection with your students, in addition to what you like
about teaching the academic side of things. I imagine you
have relationship with your coworkers and you miss seeing them
as well. There's the routine of our lives that we're losing,
and here with the travel you mentioned, you experienced, first
of all, a huge loss. A couple of years ago
(15:19):
you lost your mother, and your mother now in this
time is not here. So I think that that is
a big loss to go through something so incredibly difficult
and not have your mother here to talk to.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Yeah, it is. I think about it quite a bit.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
There's just a lot of things, whether it's how to
follow a certain recipe or how to do something in
my house that she would normally know. There's a significant
loss there, and I've really tried to build that up
with a variety of people in my life to kind
of piece together what I've lost, But it will never
be the same.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
What do you imagine you would be talking to her
about right now?
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Oh, I'd probably call her multiple times a day and
it would just be about a different project or She
would often give me creative ideas of what to do
with my students. She often knew all of my students
by name. She looked forward to the crazy stories of
the things they get up to, but really just everything
and mathing at the same time.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
The thing about this pandemic is that sometimes it brings
up other big losses that we've had, And so I
imagine that it's not just not being able to talk
to your mom right now, but it might bring up
what it was like a couple of years ago when
you lost her, and you were talking about your relationship
with your dad and how much traveling with him felt
(16:46):
so good, how much you get out of planning and
anticipating these trips. And now you've had this other trip
canceled that was not only just a trip, which is
fun in and of itself, but it was a trip
to celebrate your thirtieth birthday. And so there are all
these layers of loss in here.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
There are a lot of layers. My dad actually ended
up in the ICU last week in critical condition, and
he's home now, but he was there for ten days
and it was a bit touch and go, and that
certainly spiked a lot of fear in me and a
lot of memories of losing my mom. But it was
all the more difficult because I just don't have people
(17:31):
around me right now.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I think that's one of the real hardships that everyone
is going through at the moment, is that when life
events happened, like your dad ends up in the hospital
in the ICU, you can't be with anyone, and you
also probably can't go and really visit him. Were you
able to visit, I don't know if you live close enough,
is that something you could do.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
We actually live on opposite sides of the country. But
when he went into the hospital, I certainly had my
eye on a plane ticket. I had had a similar
experience with my mom past. She was on a cruise,
and so I had to really quickly find my way
to to be with my dad. So it just kind
of seemed like, Okay, here we go again. But at
(18:14):
the end of this one, I might not have any
parents left. Thankfully that didn't happen, but I was. I
was really expecting to have to go home and take
care of my brothers and just kind of fix everything out.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Yeah. So that's trauma that activates trauma that sounds like
you've really been through a rough, rough couple of weeks.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Yeah, which makes teaching and being emotionally present and available
for my students even more difficult.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I'm wondering, as you're talking about this, who's taking care
of you?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yeah? I mean, right now, it is just me physically here.
I'm pretty drained from video chat at this point. It's
really just not the same and it's pretty hard. But
I have an incredible group of friends. I've collected a
lot of really wonderful people in my life, and then
(19:08):
my boyfriend's pretty seemed to so he and I spend
a number of hours on the phone each night, and
that really helps me.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Anderson, you're turning thirty.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Yeah, don't tell anybody, no.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
No, we'll keep it secret.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
It's just a podcast.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Sweet for a living. How did you celebrate?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
My boy friend sent me a pretty extravagant gift that
took me a while to like fully work through. And
basically he sent me a puzzle. I really love puzzles,
And he bought me a thousand piece puzzle, put it
together himself, and flipped it over and wrote me a
secret message on the back, and then took it apart
(19:51):
and sent it to me. But parts of it were missing,
and so then when he arrived for his trip, he
brought the rest of the puzzle pieces and I got
to finish the letter, So that was probably the best
part of my birthday.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
That is beautiful and so creative, and that made you
feel so seeing because that was such a specific kind
of gift, which is the best kind of gift where
it specifically meant something to you in a way that
it would not to anybody else.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Yeah. He even sent me the glue so I could
glue it together and then well, so.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
I thought through one thousand pieces that didn't happen in
one sitting, for sure, and so that's an amazing gift.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
We could see why you miss being with him.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Yeah, and it's pretty significant too that he's willing to
travel during a pandemic to see me, So I'm thankful
for that as well.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, so what do you think turning thirty will be
like now without these trips.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I have a bit of a bucket list, and one
of the items on my bucket list is to snarkle
the Great Barrier Reef and that was what my immediate
family gave me money for to do on that trip
to Australia, So that was what I was really looking
for far too. So it's kind of a thirtieth birthday
(21:12):
celebration event plus a bucket list item. So in my mind,
I fully intend to still go to Australia at some point.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
We want to offer you some suggestions to the first
thing is that we know that it's important for you
to be there for your students and you can still
do that even if you can't catch them in the
hallway for a chat. And so what we'd like you
to do is to think about maybe sending videos to
your kids, like maybe make a video once a week
(21:51):
for them with maybe a tip, maybe some humor, maybe
some reassurance, whatever you would offer them in person. That
becomes something fun for them and a way for you
to connect with them and then get them involved. So
it's not one way, so it's not just you're putting
out a video, but you get their feedback, Like you
can put out a question to them like how are
(22:12):
you coping? Do you have tips for your classmates and
they can post them with the video. Are there any
other subjects you'd like me to cover and then have
them suggest, like what the topic of next week's video
will be. And that will also help you to get
a window into what maybe is going on in their
hearts and minds as well. So there's a real sense
of community, a sense of fun, a sense of the
(22:33):
students communicating with each other and communicating with you and
getting them to participate. And maybe that would feel even
though it's not the same as spontaneously running into them
at school, it would be a new way of connecting
with them that isn't just and here's your algebra assignment.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
So great, yea.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
And we also think you know them well enough that
even if they're not telling you some of the things
they're struggling with, you can probably anticipate and address them
without naming any students, but just in those general videos
that you send, and thereby know that you're actually touching
them in that way. Yeah, definitely, So, Adison, we have
another piece of advice for you. Since you love trips
(23:12):
and the planning and the traveling, and since you were
planning to have a real celebration of your thirtieth birthday
with your friend in Australia and Indonesia and in snarkling
the Great Barrier reef, which you won't be able to do,
one thought we had is that there might be a
way to take some virtual trips with your friends, perhaps
perhaps even with a friend with whom you were going
(23:34):
to go to Australia and Indonesia. And one way be
thinking of how you might do that is to choose
a destination one you haven't chosen so far, that isn't
on your list, and then to plan an evening where
you both agree on a recipe and cook together a
recipe from the area that you'll be visiting. That you
(23:56):
each dress up in whatever the local garb is and
then do a reveal and kind of show each other
how you got dressed up, and then take a virtual
tour in a local museum or heritage site. A lot
of those have virtual tools that you can take and
then even learn a phrase in the local language or
(24:17):
if it's English, a local dialect or accents, pronunciations, whatever
makes it fun and teach it to the other person.
But if once a month you have some kind of
virtual travel planned, it can keep your travel routine alive
and well even during the pandemic and the shutdowns.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What's fun about this is there are some surprises built
into it that make it different. So when you are
thinking of I'm going to teach my friend or my
boyfriend a phrase in the language of that country, find
something that's very personal, just like the puzzle was for
your birthday, and it's almost like giving them a gift
in another language. The point is to just have some
(25:00):
kind of adventure and surprise that's in connection with somebody
else on a regular basis, so that it does kind
of break up the routine in the mina and it
also gives you that pleasure that you lost of planning
and anticipation, which seems really fun for you.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
Yeah, that sounds like a really fun idea, just to
go to different places and save me a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
That's right. We have one last piece of advice. We
feel like we enumerated the losses for you, but we
don't know how much you've enumerated your losses to other people.
And it's really important to acknowledge what you're going through
with the people who care about you, because then it
kind of lightens you up. You're not carrying that burden
(25:48):
inside and wondering why you're feeling the way you're feeling,
and you'll get a lot of support and compassion when
you talk to your boyfriend or your friend, your family
about what you're actually experiencing. So we just want you
to be able to have one conversation with a friend
about Hey. You know what, even though I'm doing relatively well,
I have some hard days and here are some of
(26:09):
the things that I notice that they don't have in
my life anymore. I just see what it feels like
for someone to mirror back to you. Yeah, I get it,
I see you, hear you, I understand you.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
So how does that all sound to you?
Speaker 4 (26:26):
But I mean it sounds good, sounds like there's some
structure to be added, which is something that I create,
and it all sounds pretty fun. I think my kids
with like a video for sure, So I'm sure that
they will will respond pretty positively to that.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
That's a great idea, wonderful all right, Edison, It's been
a pleasure speaking with you, and we look forward to
hearing how things go for you this week. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Yeah, it's been awesome.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Allison. You're
listening to Dear Therapist from my Heart Radio. We'll be
back after a quick break. So, guy, we heard back
(27:20):
from Alison.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Oh great. Remember we only asked her to get back
to us about the assignment for her students. The other
suggestions were for her to do on her own time.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Ready, let's take a listen.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
So I decided to make a little video of myself
sitting on my couch talking about how bored I am
at home and how much I'm missing my students. And
I talked about how we were likely in day six
thousand if I have counted correctly, and so they must
be just as bored as I am. And I asked
them some questions about what they're doing, see if they
(27:54):
could provide anyone else some suggestions on how to stay
busy and connected during this pandemic. And I also asked
them to do something kind for a family member and
to reply with how that went if they're comfortable. And
I was posting this on my Google classroom, and I
posted it just as an option for them. They didn't
(28:17):
have to do it, they didn't have to watch my video.
But I got the most immediate response then compared to
any of the other actual assignments of post and most
of them responded as though they were talking directly to me.
I called a few students out in my video about
specific things that I miss about them, and in future videos,
(28:37):
I'm planning to eventually mention each student in my homeroom
class and something that I'm missing about them, and it
was pretty incredible to see their reaction and to see
that they are seeking that connection and that they still
they're missing school. Despite kids notoriously saying that they don't
like school, I think they really do, and I think
(28:59):
they are missing it big time right now. It really
helped me as well, because it helped me to feel
connected to them and helped me feel like I was
still connecting and doing a good job for them. So
it was really great advice.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Wow, that was beautiful. She took the suggestions and then
used her intuition as a teacher to really know how
to reach her students. So I love that part where
she called out specific students and that she's going to
call out her whole homeroom and talk about what she
appreciates about them, but also the piece about where she
(29:44):
asked them to do something kind for someone else during
this time, because she knows intuitively as a teacher that
when we reach out and do something for someone else,
it actually boosts our own sense of well.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Being absolutely, And I think when she said at the
end that that video got the quickest response from her students,
I tend to think that teachers sometimes underestimate the impact
they have on their students, underestimate the meaningfulness of the
connection they do have with their students, and maybe don't
(30:18):
quite realize how powerful that connection is. You know, students
want to show her their rooms. She's showing them her apartment.
I really hope she realizes how significant a role she's
playing in their lives and in many lives.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Also. It's interesting we gave her an assignment and to
watch a teacher do an assignment, and she did it
so beautifully because she did it from the heart, and
she added her own specific pieces to the assignment, and
she got something out of it. Her students got something
out of it. And I think if we were to
(30:53):
grade her on her assignment, not that we great people
on what we do here, but she would get an
A plus.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Hey, fellow travelers, if you've used any of our advice
from the podcast Our Own Life, send us a quick
voice memo to luridguy at iHeartMedia dot com and tell
us about it. We may include it in a future show.
That brings us to the end of our show for
this week. Thank you so much for listening. If you're
enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and
(31:26):
review it.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
You can follow us both online. I'm at Lorigottlieb dot
com and you can follow me on Twitter at Lorigottlieb
one or on Instagram at Lorigottlieb Underscore Author.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
And I'm at Guywinch dot com. I'm on Twitter and
on Instagram at Guywinch. If you have a dilemma you'd
like to discuss with us, big or small, email us
at Lorianguy at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Our executive producers, Christopher Hasiotis were produced and edited by
Mike Johns. Special thanks to Samuel Benefield and to our
podcast Fairygodmother Katie Couric.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Next week, a new father worries that his parents' constant
criticisms could be as damaging to his child as they
were to him.
Speaker 6 (32:09):
I called my mom and it was a snotty, crying
mess and told her, when you say those things, it
makes me feel really bad, and I've been working really
hard to accept myself and love myself and it just
really hurts. I appreciate it if you didn't. And her
response was something along the lines of you think you've
got problems, get over it.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Dear Therapist is a production of iHeartRadio
Hey to your Therapist listeners. It's Lori and Guy and
we have a quick update.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Many of you have told us that you get something
new out of each episode when you listen to it
again the second or third time. In fact, when we
listen to the episodes again, we also get takeaways we
didn't remember.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
We're They're therapy is like that too. There are so
many learning moments in a session, and it's difficult to
absorb them all at once. So while we're not taping
new episodes right now, we are offering you our most
popular sessions as encores so that you can continue to
gain value from them.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
We love doing the Therapists episodes, but we're each busy
with new and exciting projects that we hope you will love.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Just as much.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I have a new advice podcast called Since You Asked,
which you can get wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
And I have a new book coming out. It's called
Mind Overgrind, How to Break Free when work Hijacks your life,
and it will be published by Simon and Schuster. You
can find out more about it on my website.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
You can learn more about these on our socials. And meanwhile,
we hope you find these Dear Therapists sessions as valuable
as we have making them for you. Hey, fellow travelers,
I'm Lori Gottlieb. I'm the author of Maybe You Should
Talk to Someone, and I write the Dear Therapist column
for The Atlantic.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And I'm Guy Winch. I wrote Emotional First Aid and
I write the Dear Guy column for Ted. And this
is Deo Therapists.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
This week, a teacher talks to us about the challenges
of being physically separated from her students.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
I have students who, when it comes up at the
end of the hour will say, I can't believe this
is almost over. This is the time during the week
that I don't feel lonely and that's just heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Listen in and maybe learn something about yourself and the process.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Deo Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute
medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnoe,
or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental
health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions
you may have regarding a medical condition. By submitting a letter,
you are agreeing to let iHeartMedia use it in Potter
(03:23):
and Full and We may edit it for length and
or clarity.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Hey Guy, Hi Laurie. So this week we got a
letter from a teacher, and I'm going to read it
to you. Dear Laurie and Guy. I am a teacher
who is now transitioning to online learning with all of
my ninth grade math and science students. Trying to be
a good teacher in the midst of this pandemic has
taken a toll on me. I love teaching math and science,
but I also became a teacher to be a source
(03:50):
of emotional support to kids because I recognize that students
can't learn well while stressed or distracted. For me to
feel like I'm teaching them well, I need to be
addressing a wide variety of needs. Teenagers don't often ask
for help verbally. Typically it is through behavior, But now
I can't really see changes in their behavior overhear comments
or pull them aside to check in, but I know
(04:11):
they need it. I feel bad about not being able
to offer my usual level of support to these kids,
and on top of that, I'm trying to take care
of myself. My boyfriend and I don't live in the
same town, so we spend several hours together online each night,
watching movies, shows, playing games, or researching future activities, and
I find that regular interaction very helpful. Overall, though, I'm
(04:32):
feeling very restless and feel a deep yearning for face
to face interaction. I've been organizing and cleaning, taking baths,
talking to friends on the phone or on video calls,
sitting outside, and going for walks. I also like to
plan ahead and have things to look forward to, and
not knowing when this will end feels very daunting. I
had trips to visit my boyfriend planned, as well as
(04:54):
trips to Australia and Indonesia. I'm finding that the stress
of not being able to help my students in the
same ways I used to, along with the need to
care for myself daunting. My question is how do I
do both well? And this is signed from Alison.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I wish I had Allison as my teacher. Yeah, A
lot of teachers feel like her in that they are
not going in to just impart academic knowledge. They really
want to connect with as students. That's an important part
of their jobs and I can just imagine how difficult
it must be to teach with the remote learning going
(05:32):
on to not be able to have that face to
face informal kind of connection with them and check ins
and be able to talk to them must be a
real loss for her.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think what people are noticing during these times when
they can't go to work, like people in lallison situation,
is that they're noticing what was meaningful to them about
what they did every day. But a lot of times
we complain about work and you know, oh, I wish
I could take the day off. But I think we
actually get a lot of nourishment from the little things
(06:05):
and the big things. But some little things are talking
to our co workers in the hallways, or having lunch
with somebody, or the chit chat. And sometimes it's about
the work itself, like with Alison, where she gets so
much out of being the kind of teacher that matters.
She loses so much of this sense of purpose that
(06:26):
she had when she would go to work every day.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yes, and I think that's a really profound loss of
this time. And she's got a bunch of them. I
mean these trips, these are not small trips Indonesia and Australia.
These are big trips that were probably planned for quite
a while. And I think she said that she enjoys
that process of planning as well. You get excited about
planning trips, and now you have to spend almost exact
(06:50):
amount of time trying to cancel everything. That is super depressing.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
When you were talking about losing those vacations, I had
two reactions, and the first was the reaction that I
think a lot of us have, which is about she
could always go later. But then there's the other reaction,
which is that there's no hierarchy of grief. And we
talk about this with our patients all the time. People
will come in and they'll be talking about something and
(07:17):
they're embarrassed to bring it up. They'll say, yeah, I
have this problem, but hey, I know a lot of
people have it worse, and that prevents people from looking
at their problems. This isn't the Pain Olympics, this isn't
the grief Olympics. So right now, a lot of people
feel like if it's not about loss of life, loss
of health, or loss of a job or income, we
can't really talk about these losses like they're missing their
(07:39):
book club, the daily things of life, that the things
that make us feel human on a daily basis. I
think that sometimes because we worry that other people will
minimize our losses. We tend to do that to ourselves.
I know she said, I think they're making me depressed.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
So that's good. That's good that she can acknowledge that
she's struggling. And I think it's appropriate to struggle given
the circumstance. Sometimes people are having bad days and they're
wondering whether they're failing at self care or whether they're
not managing, when in fact they're pretty much as well
as you can manage. You're listening to Deotherapists from iHeartRadio.
(08:16):
We'll get Alison on the phone after a quick break.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I'm Lori Gottlieb and I'm.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Guy Wench and this is Deotherrapists. So we talked about
Alison's letter about being disconnected from her students during the pandemic.
Let's talk to Alison herself. Hi Alison, Hi, Hi Alison, Hello,
thank you so much for coming on our show. We
read your letter and we were really impressed by how
(08:47):
dedicated you sound as a teacher, and I'd like to
hear a little bit more about what are your touch
points with students pre COVID when you're teaching them in person,
and what are the touch points you have with them
now when you're doing the remote learning? What are the differences?
Speaker 4 (09:04):
So pre COVID, I spent both three hours with each
of my classes each day. I teach two separate Grade
nine classes. I teach both of them their math courses
and their science courses. And I consider it pretty significant
because it's more time than they spend with their parents
face to face each day. So I take that pretty seriously.
(09:28):
So throughout the day, I can check in on them,
I can observe any changes of behavior, i can overhear
their conversations, and I'm also seeing how well they're working
in class and how focused they can be, which is
often an indicator of how well they're doing overall. But
now that I have far less contact with them, and
from what I've heard from them, they are struggling and
(09:50):
they are looking for that connection, but they don't necessarily
know how to find it.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Can kids set up an individual time to talk with you.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
They're definitely more than welcome to set up an individual
time to talk with me. But my office hours are
scheduled one hour on Tuesday and when on Thursday. But
what I'm fine most interesting is that during my office hour.
I have a group of kids that I would not
have picked out as the ones who had come to
my office hour, had I been asked to predict. And
(10:19):
they don't often actually want to talk about any of
the academic things. They'll ask me questions for the first
five or ten minutes, and then they want to show
me their room, or they want to show me their pet,
or they want to tell me what trouble they got
in with their parents. But it's not nearly the same,
and I know that they're craving it because I have
students who, when it comes up at the end of
(10:40):
the hour will say, I can't believe this is almost over.
This is the time during the week that I don't
feel lonely, and that's just heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
They get so much out of connecting with you. It's
interesting because your concern and your letter is that you're
not able to give them that kind of support that
you normally would give them at school, and yet it
might not be the way that it normally happens. They
are saying, you matter so much to me, you make
me feel less lonely. Let me show you my dog,
(11:11):
let me show you my room. So I think sometimes
we don't realize the impact that we have on other
people just because it looks so different right now.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Yeah, it's true. I just worry about the kids who
don't have that self advocacy tool set. I used to
have class meetings with my homeroom and we would go
around and thank each other, and oftentimes they would thank
me for something that I had said two weeks prior.
You never know what little comment that you make that
makes a huge difference to them. And oftentimes it was
(11:44):
kids that I didn't feel personally that I had that
deep of connection with. But you learn that they really
take what you say pretty seriously and it does matter
to them quite a.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Bit, right And I think given this act of them
wanting to show you their room or their pets, that's
such a personal invitation into their lives. It's such a
trust thing for a kid to do. So it's very
clear they have this really strong connection with you if
they're doing that kind of thing.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Last week, I offered to show my house to them,
and I had the highest attendance that week.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Did you clean up?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Yeah, yea, yeah, I sure you must have prepared.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
So true.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I have a question about what happens during school you
said you might overhear something between classes, or you'll notice something.
What's an example of something where maybe you overheard a
conversation or you just noticed something because you were physically there.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I could hear anything from the a couple has broken up,
or someone's parent lost a job, or someone's father's in
the hospital, or just really anything. You find out so
much about these kids' lives. I often say that the
parents would be mortified if they knew how much I
knew about their home life.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
You mentioned travel in your letter. You had a trip
to Indonesia to Australia that you've had to cancel. Can
you tell us a little bit about what travel means
to you and maybe mention one of the meaningful experiences
you've had in travel That bit he resonates with you.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
So last year I had my first really big trip,
and I actually went with my dad. My mom passed
away unexpectedly about two years ago, and so he and
I planned a really big trip together. And so that
kind of gave me just a taste for the travel
bug in terms of going outside of North America. And
(13:46):
so this summer I was planning to go to Australia
and Indonesia with a friend of mine. We had spent
hours and hours planning and I put aside a whole
bunch of money for this trip and I was to
celebrate my thirtieth birthday. And so it's been a huge
loss for me because I've lost a whole bunch of
(14:07):
money and I just have so much time to think
about it now that we're in COVID and there's not
a ton of structure to my day. I definitely am
someone who likes to plan and look forward to things.
I still, fortunately have had the trips with my boyfriend
because we have decided that it's just more important for
(14:29):
both of our mental health and just our overall well being,
and we're just extremely careful.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You know what I'm hearing so much of and what
you just said and what we were talking about with
your students is the sense of loss. I think that
when we think about going to work right A lot
of times maybe people think, oh, I wish I could
sleep in or I wish I didn't have to go
every day, but we get so much out of going
to work. For you, a lot of it is your
(14:58):
connection with your students, in addition to what you like
about teaching the academic side of things. I imagine you
have relationship with your coworkers and you miss seeing them
as well. There's the routine of our lives that we're losing,
and here with the travel you mentioned, you experienced, first
of all, a huge loss. A couple of years ago
(15:19):
you lost your mother, and your mother now in this
time is not here. So I think that that is
a big loss to go through something so incredibly difficult
and not have your mother here to talk to.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Yeah, it is. I think about it quite a bit.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
There's just a lot of things, whether it's how to
follow a certain recipe or how to do something in
my house that she would normally know. There's a significant
loss there, and I've really tried to build that up
with a variety of people in my life to kind
of piece together what I've lost, But it will never
be the same.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
What do you imagine you would be talking to her
about right now?
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Oh, I'd probably call her multiple times a day and
it would just be about a different project or She
would often give me creative ideas of what to do
with my students. She often knew all of my students
by name. She looked forward to the crazy stories of
the things they get up to, but really just everything
and mathing at the same time.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
The thing about this pandemic is that sometimes it brings
up other big losses that we've had, And so I
imagine that it's not just not being able to talk
to your mom right now, but it might bring up
what it was like a couple of years ago when
you lost her, and you were talking about your relationship
with your dad and how much traveling with him felt
(16:46):
so good, how much you get out of planning and
anticipating these trips. And now you've had this other trip
canceled that was not only just a trip, which is
fun in and of itself, but it was a trip
to celebrate your thirtieth birthday. And so there are all
these layers of loss in here.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
There are a lot of layers. My dad actually ended
up in the ICU last week in critical condition, and
he's home now, but he was there for ten days
and it was a bit touch and go, and that
certainly spiked a lot of fear in me and a
lot of memories of losing my mom. But it was
all the more difficult because I just don't have people
(17:31):
around me right now.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I think that's one of the real hardships that everyone
is going through at the moment, is that when life
events happened, like your dad ends up in the hospital
in the ICU, you can't be with anyone, and you
also probably can't go and really visit him. Were you
able to visit, I don't know if you live close enough,
is that something you could do.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
We actually live on opposite sides of the country. But
when he went into the hospital, I certainly had my
eye on a plane ticket. I had had a similar
experience with my mom past. She was on a cruise,
and so I had to really quickly find my way
to to be with my dad. So it just kind
of seemed like, Okay, here we go again. But at
(18:14):
the end of this one, I might not have any
parents left. Thankfully that didn't happen, but I was. I
was really expecting to have to go home and take
care of my brothers and just kind of fix everything out.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Yeah. So that's trauma that activates trauma that sounds like
you've really been through a rough, rough couple of weeks.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Yeah, which makes teaching and being emotionally present and available
for my students even more difficult.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I'm wondering, as you're talking about this, who's taking care
of you?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yeah? I mean, right now, it is just me physically here.
I'm pretty drained from video chat at this point. It's
really just not the same and it's pretty hard. But
I have an incredible group of friends. I've collected a
lot of really wonderful people in my life, and then
(19:08):
my boyfriend's pretty seemed to so he and I spend
a number of hours on the phone each night, and
that really helps me.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Anderson, you're turning thirty.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Yeah, don't tell anybody, no.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
No, we'll keep it secret.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
It's just a podcast.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Sweet for a living. How did you celebrate?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
My boy friend sent me a pretty extravagant gift that
took me a while to like fully work through. And
basically he sent me a puzzle. I really love puzzles,
And he bought me a thousand piece puzzle, put it
together himself, and flipped it over and wrote me a
secret message on the back, and then took it apart
(19:51):
and sent it to me. But parts of it were missing,
and so then when he arrived for his trip, he
brought the rest of the puzzle pieces and I got
to finish the letter, So that was probably the best
part of my birthday.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
That is beautiful and so creative, and that made you
feel so seeing because that was such a specific kind
of gift, which is the best kind of gift where
it specifically meant something to you in a way that
it would not to anybody else.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Yeah. He even sent me the glue so I could
glue it together and then well, so.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
I thought through one thousand pieces that didn't happen in
one sitting, for sure, and so that's an amazing gift.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
We could see why you miss being with him.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Yeah, and it's pretty significant too that he's willing to
travel during a pandemic to see me, So I'm thankful
for that as well.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, so what do you think turning thirty will be
like now without these trips.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I have a bit of a bucket list, and one
of the items on my bucket list is to snarkle
the Great Barrier Reef and that was what my immediate
family gave me money for to do on that trip
to Australia, So that was what I was really looking
for far too. So it's kind of a thirtieth birthday
(21:12):
celebration event plus a bucket list item. So in my mind,
I fully intend to still go to Australia at some point.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
We want to offer you some suggestions to the first
thing is that we know that it's important for you
to be there for your students and you can still
do that even if you can't catch them in the
hallway for a chat. And so what we'd like you
to do is to think about maybe sending videos to
your kids, like maybe make a video once a week
(21:51):
for them with maybe a tip, maybe some humor, maybe
some reassurance, whatever you would offer them in person. That
becomes something fun for them and a way for you
to connect with them and then get them involved. So
it's not one way, so it's not just you're putting
out a video, but you get their feedback, Like you
can put out a question to them like how are
(22:12):
you coping? Do you have tips for your classmates and
they can post them with the video. Are there any
other subjects you'd like me to cover and then have
them suggest, like what the topic of next week's video
will be. And that will also help you to get
a window into what maybe is going on in their
hearts and minds as well. So there's a real sense
of community, a sense of fun, a sense of the
(22:33):
students communicating with each other and communicating with you and
getting them to participate. And maybe that would feel even
though it's not the same as spontaneously running into them
at school, it would be a new way of connecting
with them that isn't just and here's your algebra assignment.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
So great, yea.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
And we also think you know them well enough that
even if they're not telling you some of the things
they're struggling with, you can probably anticipate and address them
without naming any students, but just in those general videos
that you send, and thereby know that you're actually touching
them in that way. Yeah, definitely, So, Adison, we have
another piece of advice for you. Since you love trips
(23:12):
and the planning and the traveling, and since you were
planning to have a real celebration of your thirtieth birthday
with your friend in Australia and Indonesia and in snarkling
the Great Barrier reef, which you won't be able to do,
one thought we had is that there might be a
way to take some virtual trips with your friends, perhaps
perhaps even with a friend with whom you were going
(23:34):
to go to Australia and Indonesia. And one way be
thinking of how you might do that is to choose
a destination one you haven't chosen so far, that isn't
on your list, and then to plan an evening where
you both agree on a recipe and cook together a
recipe from the area that you'll be visiting. That you
(23:56):
each dress up in whatever the local garb is and
then do a reveal and kind of show each other
how you got dressed up, and then take a virtual
tour in a local museum or heritage site. A lot
of those have virtual tools that you can take and
then even learn a phrase in the local language or
(24:17):
if it's English, a local dialect or accents, pronunciations, whatever
makes it fun and teach it to the other person.
But if once a month you have some kind of
virtual travel planned, it can keep your travel routine alive
and well even during the pandemic and the shutdowns.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What's fun about this is there are some surprises built
into it that make it different. So when you are
thinking of I'm going to teach my friend or my
boyfriend a phrase in the language of that country, find
something that's very personal, just like the puzzle was for
your birthday, and it's almost like giving them a gift
in another language. The point is to just have some
(25:00):
kind of adventure and surprise that's in connection with somebody
else on a regular basis, so that it does kind
of break up the routine in the mina and it
also gives you that pleasure that you lost of planning
and anticipation, which seems really fun for you.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
Yeah, that sounds like a really fun idea, just to
go to different places and save me a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
That's right. We have one last piece of advice. We
feel like we enumerated the losses for you, but we
don't know how much you've enumerated your losses to other people.
And it's really important to acknowledge what you're going through
with the people who care about you, because then it
kind of lightens you up. You're not carrying that burden
(25:48):
inside and wondering why you're feeling the way you're feeling,
and you'll get a lot of support and compassion when
you talk to your boyfriend or your friend, your family
about what you're actually experiencing. So we just want you
to be able to have one conversation with a friend
about Hey. You know what, even though I'm doing relatively well,
I have some hard days and here are some of
(26:09):
the things that I notice that they don't have in
my life anymore. I just see what it feels like
for someone to mirror back to you. Yeah, I get it,
I see you, hear you, I understand you.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
So how does that all sound to you?
Speaker 4 (26:26):
But I mean it sounds good, sounds like there's some
structure to be added, which is something that I create,
and it all sounds pretty fun. I think my kids
with like a video for sure, So I'm sure that
they will will respond pretty positively to that.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
That's a great idea, wonderful all right, Edison, It's been
a pleasure speaking with you, and we look forward to
hearing how things go for you this week. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Yeah, it's been awesome.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Allison. You're
listening to Dear Therapist from my Heart Radio. We'll be
back after a quick break. So, guy, we heard back
(27:20):
from Alison.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Oh great. Remember we only asked her to get back
to us about the assignment for her students. The other
suggestions were for her to do on her own time.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Ready, let's take a listen.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
So I decided to make a little video of myself
sitting on my couch talking about how bored I am
at home and how much I'm missing my students. And
I talked about how we were likely in day six
thousand if I have counted correctly, and so they must
be just as bored as I am. And I asked
them some questions about what they're doing, see if they
(27:54):
could provide anyone else some suggestions on how to stay
busy and connected during this pandemic. And I also asked
them to do something kind for a family member and
to reply with how that went if they're comfortable. And
I was posting this on my Google classroom, and I
posted it just as an option for them. They didn't
(28:17):
have to do it, they didn't have to watch my video.
But I got the most immediate response then compared to
any of the other actual assignments of post and most
of them responded as though they were talking directly to me.
I called a few students out in my video about
specific things that I miss about them, and in future videos,
(28:37):
I'm planning to eventually mention each student in my homeroom
class and something that I'm missing about them, and it
was pretty incredible to see their reaction and to see
that they are seeking that connection and that they still
they're missing school. Despite kids notoriously saying that they don't
like school, I think they really do, and I think
(28:59):
they are missing it big time right now. It really
helped me as well, because it helped me to feel
connected to them and helped me feel like I was
still connecting and doing a good job for them. So
it was really great advice.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Wow, that was beautiful. She took the suggestions and then
used her intuition as a teacher to really know how
to reach her students. So I love that part where
she called out specific students and that she's going to
call out her whole homeroom and talk about what she
appreciates about them, but also the piece about where she
(29:44):
asked them to do something kind for someone else during
this time, because she knows intuitively as a teacher that
when we reach out and do something for someone else,
it actually boosts our own sense of well.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Being absolutely, And I think when she said at the
end that that video got the quickest response from her students,
I tend to think that teachers sometimes underestimate the impact
they have on their students, underestimate the meaningfulness of the
connection they do have with their students, and maybe don't
(30:18):
quite realize how powerful that connection is. You know, students
want to show her their rooms. She's showing them her apartment.
I really hope she realizes how significant a role she's
playing in their lives and in many lives.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Also. It's interesting we gave her an assignment and to
watch a teacher do an assignment, and she did it
so beautifully because she did it from the heart, and
she added her own specific pieces to the assignment, and
she got something out of it. Her students got something
out of it. And I think if we were to
(30:53):
grade her on her assignment, not that we great people
on what we do here, but she would get an
A plus.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Hey, fellow travelers, if you've used any of our advice
from the podcast Our Own Life, send us a quick
voice memo to luridguy at iHeartMedia dot com and tell
us about it. We may include it in a future show.
That brings us to the end of our show for
this week. Thank you so much for listening. If you're
enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and
(31:26):
review it.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
You can follow us both online. I'm at Lorigottlieb dot
com and you can follow me on Twitter at Lorigottlieb
one or on Instagram at Lorigottlieb Underscore Author.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
And I'm at Guywinch dot com. I'm on Twitter and
on Instagram at Guywinch. If you have a dilemma you'd
like to discuss with us, big or small, email us
at Lorianguy at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Our executive producers, Christopher Hasiotis were produced and edited by
Mike Johns. Special thanks to Samuel Benefield and to our
podcast Fairygodmother Katie Couric.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Next week, a new father worries that his parents' constant
criticisms could be as damaging to his child as they
were to him.
Speaker 6 (32:09):
I called my mom and it was a snotty, crying
mess and told her, when you say those things, it
makes me feel really bad, and I've been working really
hard to accept myself and love myself and it just
really hurts. I appreciate it if you didn't. And her
response was something along the lines of you think you've
got problems, get over it.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Dear Therapist is a production of iHeartRadio
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.