EP 445: Let Me Get In Your Unruly Womb (ft. Shelah Marie)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should
say decision Decisions.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
It sounded like you was talking to Kirsten.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
You definitely say welcome, Welcome to the new podcast. You
want to say together, Decisions Decisions.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Welcome everybody to this is the on. It is your girl.
Oh my god, I don't know it is you. It
is your girl. It's your girl, baby b A k
A that beach. I'm yours Marie.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Hello, everybody, Thank you so m weezy pedrol that hold
on pedal, Joe tango on toura bo bitch.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
Donelan Maybe all right, y'all, y'all welcome to another episode
of Decisions Decisions.

Speaker 4 (01:04):
We are really really glad to introduce our guests for
this episode. Now y'all be acting like y'all don't like Guess,
but y'all about to like her and y'all about to
be fans because I have been standing her a long
time and I'm really glad that we finally got the
chance to bring her on the pod.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Y'all, we have Sheila Marie.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
Who is an actress, author of Unruly, founder of the
Kirby Curly Conscious movement, and hosts of the Unruly podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
With she.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
That's okay, it's spelled Sheila, Sheila, Sheila, Oh Shela, the
money comes okay.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
Now YouTube may now demonetize us because we sounded too
good there.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Oh damn, I mean so welcome girl. My name is Gila,
my name and so my whole life.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
I've been saying that that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Can I get mad when men don't?

Speaker 4 (02:00):
Well, there's a there's a song about Mandy too, and
I Mandy Candy or something.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Can you do that?

Speaker 4 (02:10):
There's an actual song about Mandy you. I mean, I
think it's white people, but you know.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
A Mandy song. Damn, there's a whole Mandy song that
only white owner.

Speaker 5 (02:20):
Man.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
We're not gonna do that, y'all. And we do not
have ed in here with us.

Speaker 4 (02:24):
But we have a king as our as our penis
for the conversation, not.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
A fucking talking dicks ahead like like South Park.

Speaker 4 (02:35):
Oh my god, I love that they put eyes on
Trump's dick on a little dick, bro.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
It is great. Do you know?

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Hold on?

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Do you know?

Speaker 4 (02:42):
If ever we need to put anything on TV, you
gotta show or a cartoon or a post allegedly the
way around showing a dick on TV.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
You have to make it a character.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
So what South Park did was put eyeballs on the
dick and made it talk. So now you could have
the dick on TV because now it's technically a character.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
It's not a dick.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
I know, it was small, bro, it's so small.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
They had the dick like this. It's like three cinemeters.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
And that's the whole premise, that he got a little
dick and he'd be sleeping with Satan.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
It's crazy. They turned Trump into Saddam Hussein. Isn't he already.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Saying no, no, no, he's right, no shit, no, the
Cheeto is dating Satan, and they'd have made his little
peewee into a character.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
I don't think said anyways, welcome to the park. We
gotta get into a little bit.

Speaker 4 (03:34):
You are also an author, so we'll start off by
letting people know a little bit about you before you
attempt to read me for philp because she requested a
certain read to me out the gate.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
But go ahead, and let's be nice, very you know,
let's be nice.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
So talk to us about your book and what the
Kirby Curly conscious movement is.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yes, so it's just very simple. We live in a
world that is constantly trying to tell women what and
who to be, and I'm just saying, the best thing
you can do is be you be more of who
you are. And the words of one of my favorite thinkers,
Evnie Jennie's shout out to my dog, she told me
the other day, like Sheila, your only job is to
be more of who you are. And it sounds simple
and it sounds cliche, but it's actually very difficult when

(04:18):
you constantly get messages that are telling you to be
other than who you are. So that's another reason why
I love y'all, because I feel like you invite women
to be more of who they are by exploring the fringes,
Like you know, I do want to tell y'all too.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
Were sitting across this the conversation this pod. You know,
Weezie and I live differently currently as a partner that
I'm partnered with a lot of niggas. But you are married,
you're monogamous, you are mothers. So we're gonna get the
perspective from somebody with a different lived experience.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
So I'm really excited about that.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
And I guess out the gate, I'm here for the
conversation of you to read me or attempt to because
I have. I did not say I know y'all. First off,
she was because I asked her. I said, Girt, you
finally coming on. Is there anything that you're talking about
right now that you would like to talk about sex?

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Dating relationships?

Speaker 4 (05:13):
And she was like, no, cool with like, you know,
going with the flow, And she said, actually, there's one
thing that you said and I didn't like it, and
so I'd like to talk about it on the mind you.
I don't know what her take is, but I'm gonna
say the clip because many of you had thoughts and
opinions about it. It was about our visit to the

(05:34):
breakfast club during the week of our book release, where
I went into saying that as people, whoever you are,
you are in the relationship that you deserve.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
I'm going to play the clip.

Speaker 4 (05:47):
I'm going to play the clip for reference and so
that you guys know what she ain't like, because I
do think like, and this is gonna sound bad, I
do think everyone is with who they deserve.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
What do you mean if you're with someone.

Speaker 4 (06:00):
Who isn't that great to you, it's because you don't
believe you deserve better and so, and I've been talking
to this a lot with SO.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I had this recent conversation.

Speaker 4 (06:12):
I went to Malta and I'm sitting around a group
of women and we're talking about the Diddy trial. And
what happens is these women start sharing all of these
abusive relationships that they were in, and they talk about
how they didn't feel safe even to share with the
men in their lives because the men in their lives
were like, well, if he touched you, if he do this,

(06:34):
I'm going to jail because I'm gonna come. And So
I shared this story online and it was so sad
how many men were like yeah, but then we step
in and they stay. So then what And I'm just
like whoa basically even saying like, how do you know
you stay too long? Everyone in certain relationships, I feel
like they deserve it, because it's like, if you don't
want better for yourself, no one can lead you out

(06:55):
of it.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
You could take a you could take a horse to water,
but you can't make them drink it.

Speaker 4 (06:59):
And I do think that what if you're in a
bad relationship or not, you don't feel like you deserve more,
You're in a relationship you deserve, and so like, literally
in the book, I talk about being like.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Oh girl, you ain't have no self worth for yourself.
Oh you was?

Speaker 4 (07:13):
You was desperate, Oh you were you were insecure, And
I think it takes a lot of time for women
to say those words about themselves, and so until you're
able to do that, the person you're with is probably
more of a reflection of who you are. I would
love to know your response to that clip first, yes,
and then I'll deeper explain my sentiments because I stand
on this tick okay.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
Period, So I'm gonna tell you how it happened. First
of all, I'm just a fan. I love bold women,
so like I be, I'm also airy, so I'm just
like impulsively like y'all.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Yeah, period, they exist.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
So I liked I was listening to the video and
I was distracted, so I was doing two things at once.
So I just heard you say, Oh, everybody's in a
relationship that you deserve. If you're with the partner, you
know whatever, you're getting the treatment that you deserve, And
I like, I commented before the video was done, so
what you know, you comment for the shit? So I
was like, oh, my god, yes, period, like and I
tagged you or whatever something like that, and you responded.

(08:10):
I was like, period, I went on about my day,
my phone. My deal's going up. I said, what's going on?
I look, They're like, she was this way you support.
They're like, I'm disappointing. I said, oh my god, hold on,
what happened? What happened y'all. I went back and I
listened to the rest of the video, and I was like,
oh lord, let me take my life that hold.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
On, you know, And you're like, oh, move too quick,
which I'd be liking a photo, and then when you
swipe the photo or something else, oh, never mind.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
Okay, So when you continued listening, because I am, I
want to make sure.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Now this is where I agree. Yes, I'm gonna say
what I agree with, what I don't agree with you.
I do agree to a degree that you get the
partner you deserve. I like, I'm in the wellness space,
so energetic spiritual principles. Absolutely, we do match. We get
our energetic match in our reality and with the people
that we interact with. However, I think you got to
take that with a grain of salt, because if you

(09:03):
take it full stop it can turn into victim blaming.
And I work with exclusively women. I myself have been
in abusive relationships. I work with women abusive relationships have
ruined their life, and like what we know about abusive
I think that abuse is just not understood. And being like, well,
if she don't want to leave, is she don't want
better for herself? Why do I care? Is to me

(09:25):
a very dangerous tape, because women in abusive situations, it's
first of all, financially, does she have the finances to leave?
Is she being abused? Financially? Does that person have control
over her credit or her accounts? Like you know, does
she even have money for herself? All these things? Is
she safe? Is she actually worried about the safety of

(09:46):
the people around her or herself? The un I think,
just released a study that the most dangerous place for
a woman globally is in her home. So the danger
could be very real. So there's a reason why it
takes seven times on average before a woman can really
leave an abusive situation. And then to me, the most
damning part is like the psychological aspect, Like to me,

(10:07):
so I've been very open about this, Like I come
from a history of having very low self esteem, and
so abusers don't typically go after people who have a
lot of confidence, who have a lot of self esteem,
they know who to go after. They go with people
who already have these holes. They already have these like
you know, these little holes that they can latch onto
and then break you down even further. And so I

(10:28):
remember when I was in an abusive relationship, I lost
all trusted myself, Like I didn't know if I thought,
like is that light really white? Well, I don't know,
I don't know anyway, do I want to go left?
Or I don't know anyway. I'm stupid. I'm stupid, Like
you internalize all of this to the point where you
distrust all of your intuition, all of your impulses, which
makes leaving so difficult. You also don't even know because

(10:51):
this person might have been told you, like I have
been told in the past, you and never be nothing
without me, right like you need me, you need me?
Since he starts to believe that, So I was just
like I just got addressed with my dog because I'm like,
you know, you have a lot of women that listen
to you have a huge platform, and in that platform
or so and This was right around the time the
Cassie thing was in the.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah, yeah, I think that that's why we were talking
about it.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
And that's exactly right. And so it's just like you
probably have a lot of survivors of abuse listening to you.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Did you mean it?

Speaker 1 (11:19):
No?

Speaker 4 (11:20):
No, I think that that's where the conversation led because
he was he was in court.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
He was in court right there.

Speaker 4 (11:26):
I don't think it was Cassie, or maybe I could
have been talking about Cassie. I guess, and I do
because I at first I was like, damn, that was
the wrong word. But I did look up the definition
of deserve and it's to do something, or have or
show qualities worthy of either reward or punishment. And so
for me having even this book and talking about how

(11:47):
I was insecure and what I allowed to happen because
of my insecurity to be in a place of lacking
self worth, to me, we are I do find us
to be accountable and responsible for how we live the
one life that we have, and I talk about it
all the time. We could believe that we've been here
before and that we're going to be here in afterlife,
but we don't know those versions of ourselves right, and

(12:09):
so for me, in what we believe everyone deserves. We
think we believe that everyone deserves a living wage.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
Right, Do they have a job that pays that to them?

Speaker 5 (12:19):
No?

Speaker 2 (12:19):
And that's not necessarily their fault.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
In essence, however, it could be did you go and
get an education, did you go and get anything that
could lead you to a better job? And yes, we
can talk about how these states still just don't pay
us a living wage. Of all, rents go up, groceries
go up. I understand what I was saying is until
you reach the relationship with yourself, which is maybe why

(12:43):
I was able to say that I've reached the point
in my life to where as soon as a man
isn't giving me what I want, because I now know
I deserve it, I now know I'm worthy of it,
I'm in the control to do that. And so as
a person who is being manipulated, possibly in a psychosis
with this person, a lot of those stem from insecurities,
stems from lack of worth, stems from generational trauma or

(13:06):
things that they haven't gotten through with therapy. I've been
in therapy for four years. I don't even like to
be that therapy, bitch, because I'm not the mental health
ass whole, because I still got things that I'm working
on too. But when I say that, it's not to
victim blame. It's to literally be like, as a person,
wherever you're at in the space of how you value yourself,

(13:27):
your one life, you as a human being, you take
an accountability for what you allow to your ecosystem, your world,
the person around you. To me, you deserve what you're
getting because if you haven't done the work, if you
don't care about yourself, if you're continuing to live with
your insecurities, you're constantly going to get exactly that.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
I actually agreed with you before this take, like I
thought before you made more sense. Now I disagree, okay,
because the thing is therapy and healing is a privilege.
Like no one knows that in a bad situation until
they're gone. So you can't just say, pick yourself up
and go to therapy, pick yourself up and fix it.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
Oh I didn't say that, but you are though. No,
I'm saying work with you. I did the work.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
We all have real Like, Okay, maybe you don't have money,
but find the resources Like nah, I mean we.

Speaker 4 (14:15):
Can't get on the internet all day long, every day
and talk about as women what we deserve, how we
should be treated as women, how were these mothers, how
we're nurturing. We can't express as women all the ways
in which we know to be powerful and monumental and
and these beings while letting a nigga slap us, while
letting like, there's things and this is not victim blaming.

(14:38):
One moment, let me finish, because there's a right and wrong.
As people, we know what's right and wrong. We know
what's healthy and unhealthy, and it could be subjective. However,
we know in terms of women, we don't want to fight.
We know as women we we would like a bigger home.
Like even in terms of I don't even want to keep.

Speaker 3 (14:56):
This, relationships aren't getting aren't with these wealthy men systemically,
Like we can't say want of bigger homer one.

Speaker 4 (15:03):
Things, no, no, no, no, this was I was just trying
to remove it from abuse because I don't want to
seem like I'm victim blaming. I've been in a relationship
where I went back thirteen times and had PTSD afterwards.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
I understand it.

Speaker 4 (15:13):
But what I also realize is at the time, I
didn't feel worthy of anyone else. I did think that
he was the best thing I could have until I
until I formed a relationship with myself where I had
a voice to want more, to speak up, to actually
be like, this is not the treatment you deserve. You
deserve better, and until you get it, you you would
rather be with nobody. And which is I sat here
for a year.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Was like I don't need a man, I don't want him,
and though yes, and because the whole, the whole rhetoric
of being like I got what I deserved, because I
don't think I deserve more. Really, it just lets abusers
off the hook. That that type of rhetoric just supports
more abuse. It lets abusers off the hook, and then.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
It makes you go to jail.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
They feel worse. I feel like, well, damn, I'm choosing this.
I'm like it just it just to me.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
By the way, I believe in the death penalty. I
believe certain niggas don't need to be out of jail,
Like it's a yes, and you just said a yes.
And I believe in niggas going to jail. I don't
believe that if a man molested you or rape you
and I don't.

Speaker 2 (16:08):
Know how far we are under YouTube, so you might
have to bleep those things.

Speaker 4 (16:11):
I think that there's no money that should even supice
for that. I believe in men doing the time being
there's consequences for your behavior. If you lay your hands
on a bitch, if you sexually assault a woman, I
believe in there being hardcore punishment for those behaviors as well. Right,
But like it's a yes and yes and but I

(16:33):
don't want to more so letting them go.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
The larger issue though, is placing too much accountability on
the woman for picking it up. Agree, because in the
previous clip, you didn't really say that. I was like,
oh yeah, okay, Like I actually agree, But this part
of taking healing and taking power back, people aren't even
close to there. So, like, I've been an emotional abuse
relationship like you, but also a physical one. And the

(16:57):
physical one is super different because it's a different type
of fear. The emotional one is a self esteem thing.
The physical one and I don't know if you can relate,
but it's a fear of like speaking, doing something wrong,
whereas emotional is like I don't want to get left
or I don't want to like have them talk shit
to me.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
The physical one is a little bit deeper.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
And I think once your brain is there and I
was only nineteen, do I think it could happen to
me today? No, because I know I don't deserve those things.
But then I didn't deserve it either, Like there was
my brain wasn't even fully developed. I was like literally
in the workings of becoming a woman, get it, going
through the weeds, and.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
This band was molding me.

Speaker 4 (17:38):
No, no one deserves and as I think the alternal thing,
I don't think anyone deserves that.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Okay, let's be very okay.

Speaker 4 (17:45):
No one deserves to get their ass bet. No one
deserves to be sexually assaulted. No one deserves the hard no, no, no, no,
no one deserves that. From an outer lens. However, I
and maybe I do place too much accountability on people period.
Meant a women to just be better, to learn themselves,
to get the help. Like we can't have a book
talking about how we regained our powers without talking about

(18:07):
how we got to regaining our power.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Feel you, I feel you, but absolutely I know you
didn't want to put abuse in there, but it's in there. Yeah,
really nice, it's really not the same.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, that's which is what I said. I my mind
sometimes I guess that's what it is.

Speaker 5 (18:24):
A king.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
I know I talked about it. Uh.

Speaker 4 (18:26):
In my mind works faster than my mouth, and so
sometimes there's a lot of thoughts going on in my mind,
and when I'm talking, it just all comes out, even
though one thought doesn't relate to the next.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
And then I'm saying it and now.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
I got a double back and come, so that's what
That's what that was. I did not mean to tie
that story into what I was saying, but I did.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Okay, great that that was my only thing.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
But it was no, no, no, no, no, no no, this was
this was great dialogue.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
This was great dialogue.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
I do want to be very clear, not victim blaming again,
no holds barred, unruly to me, if you read books,
there's there's a thing that no one shared about really
getting into your thirties, right and where you talk about
how you showed up in a relationship at nineteen, how
I show up in the book in my twenties with men.
It's embarrassing, and so having gone through those things when

(19:13):
you're in your thirties, which mostly is when I start
calling bitches out on their behavior, like, girl, don't you
know better by now? So being being thirty five now
is just like okay, at some point, when do you
put you first? When do you stop chasing them in?
When do you want to live the life that you
should live? When do you find your power?

Speaker 2 (19:33):
You know what?

Speaker 1 (19:34):
This actually makes me think. It's something that I wasn't
originally thinking to say, but it ties into I don't
know if I'm maybe you have to cusins. I don't
know if I'm allowed to Am I allow to bring
up another Chrysale? Am I allowed to bring up another podcast?

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yeah? So Crystal christ ain't Chrysale. That's crazy shit.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
It's sorry, no disrespects.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
We just talked.

Speaker 1 (19:56):
Because I was just oh my god, all the all
the talking about the CARDIV take and everything, and my
main takeaway was like, damn, I hate that black women
feel like in order for us to get honest advice,
it has to come off so harsh. That's my only thing.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Like delivery the.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Lady on TikTok with the fitness she'd be on Live like, well,
you need to you need to eat sleep, that's what
you need to. You know you're eating too much? Go
to sleep like.

Speaker 3 (20:19):
You know Raven, which I would love to talk about.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
That only you can get into that too.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
The she was just too harsh.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Raven pilates by Raven dumb ass, and you got your
black woman ass up there and said it's not supposed
to be accessible.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Do you let about take and said where are the
black people? You stupid bitch.

Speaker 3 (20:47):
Actually, that's exactly what the fashion industry does, and it's
perpetually why we continue to see African faces. We continue
to see people with DEI getting angry. It's why Target
has no fucking money and they're seeing you, stupid bitch.
It's why Solid Cored literally has a black female comedian SNL.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
I'm losing her name right now, Ego. I think it's like,
are you dumb bitch?

Speaker 1 (21:16):
Okay, Actually we.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
Needed to see a black woman.

Speaker 4 (21:22):
I get that Dade Lay was creat she has wait
BOWI Crystal. I do want to say the show is.

Speaker 6 (21:29):
The read exactly if of the ones that was, I
want to say, you read, they read everybody. They don'et
came for my good girl Summer Walker. Every time she
done had a baby, it's headed the nigglary on.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
Her face consistent.

Speaker 4 (21:43):
It's the stirical for them to read people with that delivery.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
I think it got to the talk.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Again.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
She she has read Summer Walker, she has read they
read Chris Brown every goddamn other day, but they have read,
they have read Charlie kirk Coole.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Does so I guess that's another thing.

Speaker 3 (22:01):
But no, no, no, the read of the dating wasn't bad. Actually,
I think it was the child choice, like talking about
making the choice to have children, that being the read
from a woman, That's the part to me that was unfair.
Dragon cardiing for dating the fun nigga like that was funny.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
So I honestly don't mind me don't want to say
her too long because we did talk about this in
another episode.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
So anyway, the point is, oh, yeah, you're just gonna
say the harshness of that's that's my point. Yea. I
have less thoughts on if she's writing dah dah dah.
My main points is like, damn, I hate And this
is why I feel like I'm not as popular as
some other people because I just I do not give
too nice. That's been nice. That's like nicest phony, nicest
performative like nice is like oh hi, like not not nice.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
When you can't get that. Yeah, but I just feel.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
Like black women really need softness badly for each other.
And I think, like even just all the advice we
give to each other, all the feedback you know, well,
you shouldn't have been there, you shouldn't have been there,
you should know better. When I listened to her her thoughts,
I'm like, this sounds like my auntie. This is how
my aunties would talking.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
About was really soft back.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Yeah, and I think it hurts some of it.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
I think it's.

Speaker 3 (23:13):
Hurtful because I'm I'm assuming Cardi's heard of the read,
like the read is so iconic.

Speaker 4 (23:17):
Right, Like, nah, she she called her Chrysler at all.
I don't think she's well, well maybe Cardian is petty,
pretty and patty bitch, That's what I am.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
But yeah, I think it hurts to hear another black
woman talking about how you show up as a mom.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
Actually the worst thing to me was like, and I
just want to people run with it. When I say
black women, I'm referring to Crystal talking just that is
the delivery. I'm not calling Cardi black because I don't
want to get in to that debatey like she's black.
She's not black. She knows. I don't even care.

Speaker 3 (23:54):
An like, I'm tired of this ship already, you know,
but I'm not.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
I'm not gonna touch it.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
Yeah, she's not African American, she's not Africa, but she's
still black. Yeah, well that's the conversation. That's more about herburts.
We're not gonna get into that. Yeah, we have something
called truth and air.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
Because you don't get to choose, you have to do both.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
And so the truth, I'm gonna lean into something a
little bit more, you know, subtle with the dare be ready?

Speaker 2 (24:27):
Okay, So for the truth she loved.

Speaker 4 (24:31):
What would twenty year old you say about your love
and sex life that is now, you know, completely different
than what thirties year old you would say? One more time, Well,
would twenty year old you say about how you're navigating dating, love, sex,

(24:51):
your sex life. I talked about mine in the book,
and then compared to now thirties sex love dating.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
Life, she would think it it's so much better.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Okay, she would.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
Think like, oh, this ain't nothing.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
Twenties she would think she would know it gets better.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yes, okay, the twenties twenty year old me could see
me now, she'd be like, what a shit lick?

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Okay, she would be happy with it. I love it. Okay.

Speaker 4 (25:13):
Do you think in your twenties you you what would
is one thing in your twenties you were sadly mistaken
about and you you learned later.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Were you married in your twenties? Two?

Speaker 1 (25:23):
No?

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Hell no?

Speaker 1 (25:25):
Oh my gosh. Literally, And I feel like I'm still
doing this to this day in my twenties, I wish
I would have decentered the idea of marriage and children more,
oh sooner, oh much. That's what you really want to say.
You want to you want it to be a whole.
But let me, let me have the option, because I
could be a whole, go out and be a monk.
I could go out and warrior. I don't fucking know,

(25:47):
like I could do whatever we could do.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
I like all that.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
I like some quirky stuff. You see, I'm getting to
all this. I've done a lot of horse whispering, like
I like weird stuff.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
What is horse whispering? You don't whisper?

Speaker 1 (25:58):
No, horses are telepaths. Think girl, like I told the
horse to sit down.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
I ain't gonna you your mind.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
You have to win you do it one day, because
you will want you to text me. Okay. I told
the horse the lady was training us, and she said, okay,
now just look in his eyes and tell him to
sit down. And I did, and that horse sat down.
I was shook ands all types of things, like she's like,
horses can read you.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
That that horse was death.

Speaker 4 (26:24):
I felt that that horse was dead. Literally, that horse
was deaf. And they had when they had found different
ways to sign.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
No, they are they are the octopus ship.

Speaker 3 (26:36):
After we watched the teacher ship listen for six months,
what happened anyway?

Speaker 1 (26:42):
That's not the baby octopus.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
No, it's squid.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
It's a baby.

Speaker 3 (26:51):
I look like a little it looks like all authors.
It's actually kind of that's okay, we don't what's the bigga?

Speaker 7 (27:01):
First time I ever had calamari, I was with a
bunch of white people and I didn't know what I
was eating. I thought it was when I tasted it,
I was like, why is the onion rings.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
So tough?

Speaker 2 (27:10):
You think it was your rings? I wouldn't culture then
I wasn't cure.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
But anyway, I like, I liked. I'm just saying you
could also be a whole but you could do whatever.
You had a whole face, do all the things I'm saying.
What I'm saying is exactly what we got to. It's
like in my twenties, I think I had such a
narrow idea of what was possible for my life. Oh
my gosh, I have to graduate, I have to get
married and have to have kids. Like, there are a
billion things you can do. You could grow up and

(27:36):
be a fucking astronaut. I don't know. You can save
dogs and have an ethical kennel like. You know what
I'm saying, get created?

Speaker 3 (27:43):
Yeah, I think the most important out of kids man
chilled or college?

Speaker 2 (27:49):
Like, what was the thing that you were?

Speaker 7 (27:50):
Like?

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Out of anything? This is what I need. I just
wanted to be picked. Oh I told you no self
esteem d the time. I love an admitting pick me girl.
I was a what things would you say? Showed up
that you.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Knew I was being a pick me? That? Sorry?

Speaker 3 (28:08):
Girl?

Speaker 1 (28:08):
We getting deep here.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Come we will all give one too. Do you want
to do it in solidarity?

Speaker 1 (28:15):
No, I don't mind. I'm not ashamed of it. It's okay.
So I was I mean, have we all dated at
some point? So I'm definitely I'm married to a real
rapper right now, and have we all in the past
had a little respiring.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
I didn't know.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Oh that's okay. I love when people don't Yeah, I
love when people don't know because that means you know.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
No, Okay, in my brain now the photos of the
family are connected.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (28:40):
You see.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
I didn't want to introduce you, was that because but
you your own woman?

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Thank you lot.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
We interviewed Soria. That's all I can think about.

Speaker 4 (28:47):
Soria, Soria, Joey badasses partner see see.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
And I was but but you know what it is.
It's just the images on i G. So for me,
I don't lead the images on i G. I've seen
a Acehood's wife. I'm doing that in quotation for people listening.
But seeing your page or seeing your work.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Is something separate. Oh, I'll be honest. Can I be honest?

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Actually, before we get in see your pic me mode.

Speaker 4 (29:12):
When I first saw your page, I was actually mad
you had a nigga or I thought maybe y'all was
looking for a girlfriend because that girl that buddy, I
don't know, like I did want to fuck a long day,
but you are still buried, and I was.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
I've been waiting for you to like to take it down.

Speaker 8 (29:28):
Y'all.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
Y'all go see Sheila's stage.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
You do you do like you are the You are
the most innocent, thirst trapping ass bitch on the internet
that I've come across.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Your body is like, don't you don't have to.

Speaker 9 (29:44):
Ask me?

Speaker 2 (29:44):
She just be walking past the camera light. But you
know what you're doing. There is there. Maybe you just
can't it. Maybe it's that.

Speaker 6 (29:51):
If it's there, you're like, damn, you have been approached about.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
That a lot.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
I'm sure.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
I'm glad.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
I want you're telling me I both got sexy hair.

Speaker 5 (30:02):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
I'm just like I love women so much. I'm always
around women. They're like, well do you love being around
I'm like, okay, all right, I was.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
About to literally that was gonna be the dare I wanted.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
You to to, like tell us what the text message
would be to him asking for sex tonight?

Speaker 7 (30:24):
Me.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yes, what I would say to him, like to.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Let him know you want him to dig in your guts?
Like what is what is a little joke?

Speaker 1 (30:35):
I'm sorry, we have a little joke. Like I don't
know where it started, but we started doing this thing
of like I don't know if it was one day
I was like, oh, you you look like you know,
you could be an athlete. I say, you look like
an athlete. You like a little sexy, little football player.
I'm like, you look like you want a super Bowl.
You want a super Bowl. So you're a super Bowl champ.
So if I say, if I say, I'll text him,

(30:58):
I'll be like, bad, you want a super Bowl. He'll
be like hell yeah, He'll give me a fake score.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Like, yeah, we've done it out. We up, we gotta
celebrates so cute.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
That's that's that's what I was.

Speaker 4 (31:08):
And that gets you to know, y'all that night, Oh yeah,
because you're celebrating the super Bowl.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
Yeah, he'll just walk around because you know, his daughter
lived with us, so we can't say she is so
cute that somebody baby. That's my baby. Damn both of them,
so you know, we can't say stuff. You know, she's
very observing. So he'll just be like, hey, is super
all on the night. I'll be like, it is all
the night?

Speaker 9 (31:30):
You wan.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
I love this, But how does she she's fourteen?

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, you got one.

Speaker 4 (31:42):
Now, Look, maybe you don't have to talk about All
Star weekend or something he was right.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
He wanted to contest.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Okay, that'll be like, are you being weird? Dad stopped?

Speaker 7 (31:54):
You might have to switch the sport weekend dunk contest.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
Okay, back to the three in that point. Okay, let's
go back to three. Okay, that's what there we go.
This is what this was not. This is what I
want to know.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
Okay, So let's talk about the first time that it happened,
did happen and the thoughts that came to mind when
someone approached you or you realized.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
It was part of the energy.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Oh, she was not subtle about it at all. It's
actually I met I met her, I met her doing work.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Now I'm like, okay, so she famous too?

Speaker 1 (32:31):
No oh no, no, there there are yes. We're just
gonna keep it at not. She not famous.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
There was one.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
But you know, like women who have approached me about
that are not shy about it at all, and like
because they have, they approached me with so much reverence
and respect, and so there is no like subtle. It's
very much like so, I'm a I'm a doula, I'm
a fertility doula, and I work with women. I also
liked to get in your wound. If that's the thing

(32:58):
you'd like, that's totally fine. If it's consent, it's consentual.
I can speak with your husband have a meeting.

Speaker 4 (33:06):
I said, you want to get in, She said, we
want to get in your would yes?

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (33:12):
Man?

Speaker 1 (33:12):
That didn't work No, because I have I really like women.
I think there's a lot of healing with sensuality and
sexuality with women in safety. But I know some things
to me should be kept. The fins. You guys look
like a like, look at this.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
I don't know if we can.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
We're gonna have to make a hate y'all look like
a couple. That's a hedonism. You are treat that heato listen.
I never tell you why I'm gonna bring If you
have the body, you.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Got the oils. He looked all glistening. He got lotoked.
He jacked too, and he looked like y'all be going
over ship Like okay, baby, are you I can sit?
Y'all look like y'all start with a massage.

Speaker 1 (33:50):
Super Bowl now like super.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Look at the photo right now they about to get
on the boat. That little heat trip was asking, ahho
pluses suck?

Speaker 5 (34:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (34:03):
You just okay? So I do want to ask you.

Speaker 4 (34:05):
So during essence, we interview Candy burs don't know how
we got there. So we're talking about the book, and
I'm talking about the couple that I joined in Mexico
where I became a unicorn. And it's funny because Candy
openly talks about sex. We see she has bedroom Candy,
all the things.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
Bitch.

Speaker 4 (34:24):
Candy's mouth was to the floor and I said, girl,
don't be telling you I was with this couple in Mexico.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
Ate like crazy to you and she was like no.

Speaker 4 (34:31):
But in the moment, I'm thinking about what it would
be like to be the couple, to be approached by
someone singular, and what that's like because I'm the couple,
like I wouldn't be the single person. So then I
want to ask you, is there a way that has
worked when a woman has shot their shot at you,
respecting that you're in a couple, but wanting to join

(34:51):
the two of you, And clearly what you just said
is a I would say.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
A disrespectful way.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
I'm not gonna hound you.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Can I get in your womb?

Speaker 4 (34:57):
We wouldn't want a man to say that to us fast,
and so I think women women.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
Blur the lines.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
It was delivered in a respectful way because she said it,
you know what, it was because she was probably attractive.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Whenever we think of wrong, we give him a pass.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
But bro, if a man came up to you, it
was like, you know, I'm a doctor, I deliver babies
and I'd like to.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Get in your wound. We wouldn't.

Speaker 4 (35:19):
We wouldn't like that approach from a man. It's so
like women have to I kind of think be a
little bit more slick with it. Like so for my couple,
I bought them both shots and said that they both
were attractive and just started talking to both of them.
How would you want to be approached as someone who's
married for a third to join you? Because we get
that question a lot on this pot too. I don't

(35:39):
want to be approached period. Yeah, okay, I just feel
this is this is this is one.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
My main reason why is because I have so much
love and respect for women. There's just a part of
me who I just like if i'm if I'm going
to engage in it, I don't want to be like
having feelings with you. I don't want to consider like
this is true, this is not like a very good thing.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
I don't want to consider do you want to consider you?

Speaker 1 (36:06):
Like I don't want like this is about me, Like
you're not really a full person. You would just be
a prop to our like sexual adventures, and I'm not
okay with that. That's how I Yes, yes, I I can't.
And plus I'm just good, like I keep in it's a.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
Lot of them do want to be that, Like not
everyone that when you spoke of.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Prop but feel good for me to do. I don't
have any no, no, no, I know what.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
You're saying, because it's like it's actually difficult for me
when women want to save out with me and my man.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Sorry let me.

Speaker 7 (36:44):
Players being replaced with another player like you.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
That's good.

Speaker 3 (36:56):
So like, yeah, sometimes the serving is a little too
much when I know maybe I'll be done with it
after all. And although it's something that's like a total
kink for them, I don't really know what to do.
I can accept it for myself, but sometimes it's a
little too much for me. Like there was a really
sexy time Mandy talked about with a friend of hers

(37:17):
that was subbing for her and her man and listening
to it, I'm like, oh, this is hot. But then
in my brain. I'm like, I know, I can't do it.
Oh yeah, I made that girl sleep on the floor.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Yeap what and you was seven? I had a queen bed, bro.
It was hot, young floor.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
See I couldn't do that.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
I would feel so I could get on the floor.

Speaker 4 (37:37):
She was fine, she's on the floor. So it was
like for how we had engaged that night, I.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
Will tell you that the queen man at my la crib.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
There's a queen bed and we had a threesome with
this girl. And uh, for y'all that are listening, it's
the thick girl. And I was like, damn, we really
can't fitness.

Speaker 4 (37:57):
Oh I'm not gonna lie now that I have a
king bed. Someone by the way shout out to I
think it was dread on Patreon. He said, so all
those stories and three thoms in your house was on
a queen babit.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
Like, I don't even know how we fit. Bro.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
My ex was six seven and I'm a think bit,
so I don't want to king. But basically what happened.
She was in the bed and while they were sleeping,
I went on the couch.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Who wakes up. He's like, are you upset? And I
was like no, no, So I'm really tired. I had
to film text heals the next day.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Happing A three so be and you gotta get up
to work in the It's crazy.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
He's like, do you want to get back in the bed.
I'm like, baby, no, but I feel like we're gonna
fight about this tomorrow. And I'm like, I don't.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
Want to couch.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
God, I really buzzy bad, but I'm just like dog.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
And then you know, you sleep, and then they want
to fuck again, and I'm like, yo, they're so horny
like my sexual appetite. I like one really great elaborate session,
maybe in and out da da da. I can't do
marathon no sleep.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
Sex, No, I can't.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
Can't do it, bitch. Imagine with two other people that
want to fuck like that and they just.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Be up ready to fuck.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
At one point, I thought we were just gonna play
UO again and she was like, nope, strip you know,
oh yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Just be like, y'all gonna have fun. I'm done when
I'm done.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
I'm done some more than just like two partners. But
I don't you don't know, yeah, okay, it just becomes
a lot. And I don't feel like because a man
has to please both of us.

Speaker 4 (39:27):
I feel like I be left not fully unless he's
somebody that could go along, like one of my boyfriends
right now, bitch, he'll make me squirt while you fucking
another bitch is sit on the face. He is like,
he's not he's not normal. She's an alien and I
love it. I've been one of an alien and I
got one. One of my niggas is an alien and

(39:48):
I'm here for it.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
But see that the care of great sex to me.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
And I don't know if everyone has like a type
of sex they enjoy, like I feel like sometimes super
kinky is like one of my favorites or vacation texts
or whatever, vacation but that's at home, super in love.
And that's why I actually like more than the pick me.
Have you ready to get over the casual sex? Because
I need it deeper than that. Bro like the casual sex,

(40:14):
hu is too?

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Oh yeah for sure, definitely, Yeah, go ahead and pick me.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Okay, So that's like me back to being a pigmy.
What I was going to say is, I feel like
we all might have had a situation where you're dating
an aspiring rapper, so.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
We didn't get to marry up.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
Yeah. Right. This is another another situation when I was
in college and like, just how I knew I was
a pick me was like he would be in the
air quotes studio all the time, working hard, and I
would be like, Oh, make you dinner, you know, like
using my somebody. You know, we was all treating food
stamps and stuff like that. I would go and spend

(40:53):
my money, go get the food, bring it and he's like, oh,
I'm not going to be home till four am. Oh
I'll pack it for you, and like all stuff like that,
Like girl, I'm supposed to be focusing on my grades
right now. And like I just felt like.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Wait, is that pick me?

Speaker 4 (41:06):
I mean putting men and time and things into a
person before yourself.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
I think that he wouldn't do the same for me,
Like it wasn't no. And then I was also picked
me because I was in denial about this one guy
and he definitely had a girlfriend at another school and
I was just eating big denial about it and trying
to win him over. I felt like I knew I
was a pick me because I was too focused on
getting picked It wasn't like is this person good for me?

(41:33):
How do they treat me? What am I getting out
of this situation? It was like, how can I prove
to this man that I'm worthy of being a chosen.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Oh my gosh, that's there's something I bring up on
decision decisions and horrible a lot because it's so vivid
in my mind. It's a conversation and if you've never
heard it, great, Sorry if I'm telling it again.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
But it just always goes back to this.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
My man said to me on a few dates and
when we met, He's like, I date women that are
so obsessed with me. They love how I look. They
love that I'm independent, They like my test, they like
my look. They like that I'm a nigga that ain't
skimming or hole tempting or this or that that I'm
doing well, but I look like this. They have this
idea in their mind for the man they want. He's like,

(42:16):
but at the end of the day, they're just falling
in love with this idea of me.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
They just want me to want them so bad. They
don't even know me.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
He's like, I'll be saying shit, these bitches don't even
like and they just be like, whatever, right, I could
be anti feminist. I don't care, and they just want
me so badly. And I really believe this comes from
few things. One your first find nigga, two, your first
nigga with money, and three now I fall victim to this,

(42:46):
your first really good dick.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
All of you O. My first grade dick was a
poor dick.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
That dick was deaffy. It had roommates, Dick had ship
on the floor.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
The TV wasn't.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
A TV, it was a laptop, and I was sitting
right there like, well, I loved the office so much.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
I've seen that episode so many times. I don't care.
A good dick is a prison.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
It can be, it can it can be, it can be,
it can be to me, it depends.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
I'm God chosen.

Speaker 4 (43:24):
I don't have a fine nigga, rich nigga and good
dick my whole life, and damn it, good dick.

Speaker 3 (43:29):
I'm like, hey, take my credit, let's put a card,
let's get you out of here. So maybe I haven't
had that.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
Maybe Stefan Jesus, well, I want to go back to.
This is kind of reactionary, but the full crutch of
the episode. In terms of pick Mes, we talked about

(44:00):
security and self worth early on I want to play
a clip for us to talk about and I would
love for the men to really tune in here a king,
we might need your your input is the only pin
on the mic. But I'm gonna play this clip of
someone responding to a recent.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
One of the.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
Recent interviews because she's done it the last couple of years.
But recently, Aysha Curry sat on a podcast and talked
about how Steph Curry wasn't even her type when they
first met, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
But this is what I didn't hear all that.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:38):
She's also said in the past that she wishes people
would look at her and desire her to do Yes.
There's also been the recent conversation around Michelle Obama, who
said the same thing about our president because he's always
gonna be President Obama around hard not you know, even
them liking each other for a portion ten years of

(45:01):
their relationship. But I want to play this clip because
this is what a man had to say about it.

Speaker 9 (45:07):
I don't know if anybody else noticed this, but Ayisha
Curry is putting in maximum effort to let the world
know that she is struggling with trying not to cheat
on her husband, and because she can just smell an
opportunity to embarrass this man, because she gets on every
interview telling everybody about just.

Speaker 8 (45:29):
How frustrated she is with his success, how frustrated she
is that women desire him, how much she wished it
was her being lusted after by people who don't give
about her, how desperately she wants to get attention from
other men, how lockdown she feels with the kids. Every

(45:51):
interview she goes on, she unwarrantedly forces us to listen
to her vent about her not wanting to.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Be with her husband.

Speaker 5 (46:02):
She wants to go be glow rilla or something like
we get it, bro, just go drop an album, or
something like stop embarrassing this man, bro, Actually.

Speaker 4 (46:13):
Continue to drop your pocket pants now. I brought this
up because I wanted to have the conversation around as
a wife, as a woman in relationship, as someone who's
maybe even in a long standing relationship, right, what does
it look like to have whatever urge or desire a
to vocalize the fact that you don't feel either desired

(46:34):
by your partner and miss getting attention because sometimes you
feel like you want to see if you still got
it right and where does the line get drawn in
you expressing that and it being disrespectful to your partner
and you shitting on your partner publicly for expressing kind
of what you how you want to feel, and also
respond to the clip too.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
First of all, bring back war, okay, let them go
fight and do something and battle like you need a
purpose for your life because I just feel like, why
are you all in women's business? Why are you all
commenting on this man wife girl?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
That's the sound the music?

Speaker 8 (47:13):
Something?

Speaker 1 (47:13):
Really like Steph Curry jumped in the chat and was like,
I'm good, I'm good. I don't have no issue, right,
I ain't got no issue with that? So why are
you more mad than him? It gives you jealous to her?
You want to be next to him. I don't know.
I just to me, I feel like, what's really going on?
People be lying so much? So people lie all the time.

(47:34):
You don't care, Okay, you don't care about the sanctity
of marriage? What you don't care? You care so much
about Steph like your friends like, you don't care. You
just want an opportunity to shame women people who have
internalized misogyny, no matter your gender. Love shaming women. It
doesn't matter if she's dressed, if she's not dressed, if
she's married, if she's not married, if she has kids,

(47:55):
if she doesn't have kids, if she's sexual, if she's not.
It doesn't fucking matter. The whole It's like, you can
find whatever tool you want. The whole game is how
do I shame women's choices? And there's a certain brand
of men who get a certain satisfaction out of bringing
down the partners of their favorites.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
Yeah, like that's not gonna lie to you.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
This isn't exactly relative, but it's semi on par with
the Crystal thing, because that was why people were angry,
just like this dude is doing that. Shaming a woman's
choice kind of fucks you up. If someone is good
with their choice, there's only so much we can fight for.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Them, right, Like, good point, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
At the end of the day, CARTI clearly looks happy, glowing, rich,
whatever she does. Now, the thing that we saw with
Offset is probably why we're all irritated with Stephan But
Offset was her husband. Offset in her clearly from what
she told us, had their arrangement on what he was
allowed to do. We have no idea about Stefan. All
we know is this girls cute, rich, fucking another nigga

(48:55):
and pregnant. And the problem with like the shaming of
the choices is we pick and choose when it's okay.
So we either got to let them have it all
the way or don't. This in particular is worse because
it's coming from a dude. I think crystals maybe is
a place of like, I want you to do better,
whereas this nigga is just finding any opportunity to ship.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
Well, then let me.

Speaker 4 (49:13):
Ask for the overarching thing. Then, as a woman who's
in a relationship, is it? Are you allowed to and
I want to say aloud in airport? So you think
it's healthy that women are on mics and on platforms.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
Sharing how they feel essentially yeah, about their gut their relationships.

Speaker 4 (49:32):
Gee, what a concept we said this before?

Speaker 7 (49:39):
Or selective ignorance. These are undiagnosed people. Oh yeah, they're
in ecosystem.

Speaker 4 (49:46):
We just say everyone everyone's undiagnosed, like in something in
terms of just a little something, a little tism somewhere,
but in terms of you're right in terms of this
it is for what I see on the internet, the
men upset about what Michelle Obauma had to say. Hawaisha
Curry expresses these things and it's probably.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
Almost mad that the man isn't mad about it. Exeth,
why aren't you mad?

Speaker 2 (50:08):
You should be mad?

Speaker 1 (50:09):
And he's like, I'm actually fine with her expressing herself.
It's okay, And that happens to me.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
You're right, because.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
You know, I have a lot of opinions, and I
express my opinions and they'll be like, oh, what does
Ace think about this? Because I speak all the time.
Were you guys just or was the other episode I
was listening to when you guys were talking about how
like women who hate men like how the best relationships
just pat I do because I like one of y'all.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
One day i'mould get married and be like real last
bitch give except you.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
So let me ask you.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
Is there anything that is taking place in your relationship
that you over shared in public that did, like, didn't
make your partner feel good because he didn't want that
narrative out at all.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Not exactly. I think the closest thing to that would
be when we were on Love and Hip Hop and
I I was sharing like I had. I was just
I was naive. I can be very naive. So I
was just like, I'm just gonna talk about mental health.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
I'm gonna talk about Is that why people know you?

Speaker 1 (51:11):
No, not my audience loving hip.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Hop, like when people are coming up to you, is it?
Is it?

Speaker 9 (51:17):
Not?

Speaker 8 (51:18):
Really?

Speaker 1 (51:18):
Because I only did one season. There are some people
who know me from there, but most people know me
from it, from your arm.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
From my own brands.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
Sorry continuing and yes, so I was talking about mental health.
So it just the way it was edited, it looked
like I was just complaining NonStop about my marriage and
he didn't have Again, it's the same sence. He didn't
really have a huge issue with it, but everybody else did.
And like you know, during that time, people was like
you should divorce her. It was rough. I was like,

(51:47):
oh my god, I did not mean this, And so
that was like the closest time. But one of my
favorite things about Ace is he minds his own business
and drinks water and drinks his water and he knows
who he mayor read as you said, I first trip,
I've been doing that since I started Instagram. I've been
kiny pictures from twenty sixteen, like, this is how you

(52:09):
met me, is how you engaged to me, this is
how you married. Like, I'm this is the same person.
And while we're here, nobody ever asked Ace you have
your abs out the line?

Speaker 2 (52:20):
Does Sheila know about them?

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Out?

Speaker 9 (52:23):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (52:24):
Baby shirtless? Last second?

Speaker 1 (52:26):
Ho you daddy's on?

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Hold on? And you know what, respectfully, we wanted to
keep it off you now that.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
I think about it, No, you're right. I don't think
we get asked. No, how our man, I'll tell you.
I do got some homegirls that be acting a little
crazy and I'd be like, damn about what? But I
feel it though.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
They'd be like, oh, he's posting this, or he's like
in the water. Like one of my homegirls her man
just went on a trip somewhere in Europe and she's
like he knows what he's doing.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
And I'm like, yeah, but bitch, we too, weren't he
be's the last year.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Agreement in our relationship. Yeah, like we know, That's what
I'm saying. So to me, I think people be lying online.
I think online there's like online internet conversations and then
there's real life. They will always intersect. I just think
these conversations are online because people in real life, you
go out to a restaurant, You're gonna see the wife
looking fine at dinner. Who she dressing up for. It

(53:20):
doesn't matter like currency, attention is currency. We are visual creatures.
It's a vain ass society belving. People want to look nice.
You want to be looked at. I like sometimes posting
my third straps. So does he? I don't care, he
doesn't care.

Speaker 3 (53:35):
Is it that I'm curious when it comes to knowing
that you feel sexy by posting the bikini pick you me?

Speaker 2 (53:44):
Is it bad?

Speaker 1 (53:45):
No? I mean bad is subjective?

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Like are we really doing something so terrible by getting
a bit of an ego boo?

Speaker 1 (53:51):
That's what I'm saying. And we all do it. We
all do it in different ways.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
That's what we like.

Speaker 4 (53:57):
Bitch, I'm supposed to wear a turtleneck on the beach
of Benna, be in a baty.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
Suit, and you know, so I don't. I don't do like.

Speaker 4 (54:04):
I don't post like the lingerie panty pictures in the
mirror on online because them and I don't even like
taking them with dem sent to my niggas and they
be real picky about getting pictures that ain't on.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
Lie do you say something, do you send the same ones?
I said, everyone the same ones.

Speaker 4 (54:19):
I actually go in the chat and from that picture
that I sent to that one nigga, because sometimes I
have a you know, there's different ones, and I want
to make sure I'm sending the best one all of it.
I go straight from that picture in the group in
the message, I go to the raw.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
No, I go to the era.

Speaker 4 (54:36):
Message, to the next nigga message, to the next nigga message.
To mistake, they all get.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
The same picture. They're not doing that, and it was
really bad. How do you get caught sending everyone the
same picture because I wrote it with a message you
said you want?

Speaker 4 (54:49):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, there's
oh no no no. These niggas get First off, I
know what I'm gonna be even less nack. Right, we
glammed up, and I let all my niggas no, I'm
gonna be glamed up.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
I'm gonna sell you pictures. They all couldn't wait, so
they all got to I couldn't wait. I spent them
all the little picture and I got all the hearts
at the same time. Brother, let me tell you, I'm
so disgusting that my nudes.

Speaker 3 (55:12):
I'm gonna tell you all what I'll be doing this
to me is just like very extra, but I be
thinking it's cute and free. So I literally like, and
it's vulgar news. I'll take my leg, I'll hold it up.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
Show you what I learned the plates and be like,
do you like my new plant? And it'll be right
behind me. I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
And then you know, because I feel like the nails
is overdone, So then I try to pick other things.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
What do you think about these new jack or as colors? Bootyhole?

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Like like that I learned something new.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
Every day one a time. My nigga was like, I
don't know, I kind of liked the one before, but
that's why they don't really get news.

Speaker 4 (55:48):
My new thing is when I'm getting dressed, I have
my titty in between all my fingers and that's why
they get here. You go, you're getting a little nipple today.
That's it, real girl. If I show you the news,
I saying it's not really new, not a laziness.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
I don't send all that. I send lazy nudes. And
then I send porn. If you want to see a
bitch busting it wide open. Here's some poort. Here you go,
here's some port for you, here's some point for you.

Speaker 4 (56:16):
Okay, But before we get out of here, I want
to dive deep a little bit, because your book, Unruly
is a guy for black women to uncover your truest
story and step into your personal power through radical self love,
self acceptance, enjoy g not what I was saying in
the top of the episode. And so how do you

(56:39):
how is the guy broken down into this? We've talked
about No Holds Barred being more of a memoir and
holding up the marrior to ourselves and guiding people along
the way through sexuality, heartbreak, relationship, those things, but what
things in terms of radical self love, self acceptance?

Speaker 2 (56:56):
What steps do you give in Unruly?

Speaker 1 (56:58):
So the book is inspired for my treats. So my
treats are the Unrulery Retreat, which the first one we
ever did was that heat and I didn't know it.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Oh wait, you didn't know what he didn't doesn't want No,
I was again remember that you didn't look at it this.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
Story.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
Actually, I well the site though, if you look up
so I just went on the way. If you go
and hear those websites, they don't explicitly for a week
it says it doesn't say a swinging. I thought it
was clothing optional, and I was like.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
Okay, okay, okay, that's what you knew, is okay, you know,
clothing optional.

Speaker 1 (57:34):
I was like, this would be so freeing for us,
like we could go there and find acceptance of her bodies.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
La la la.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
It was, it was. It was great. They also got
into some of the stuff. But hey, I get treated
like the mom, so I don't get to know anything.
So but I just heard people had a great time.
But I didn't know it was. I didn't know the
swinging elements. I thought it was just clothing optional. So
but anyway, it was great. We honestly, that was one
of my favorite treats I've ever done, actually because my dad.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
I'm sure everyone was liberated after that.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
Literally, because like we were so sad the last day
to have to put clothes back on. We were like,
oh my god, that's hilarious because it's so it's so freeing,
like you don't have to worry about what do you
have on? And this person and they were all like,
Oh my god, is that your c section?

Speaker 8 (58:20):
Scar?

Speaker 1 (58:20):
I love that you have your clip heres. Wow, that's
so cool you have your like it was just so
for the world. I free. So anyway, Yes, I've been
doing myat my retreats for black women since twenty eighteen,
and that's actually where a lot of people remember me from.
For Love and Hip Hop Is. There was one scene
where I was talking about my retreats and I was
just saying, they're safe space for black women. I'm sorry,

(58:41):
if you don't identify as black, you cannot attend this.
There are so many spaces for everyone else, everyone else,
and this is a space for black women.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
And the story Sorry, could Cardi be come?

Speaker 1 (58:52):
No? Well, you know what if I asked her, do
you identify as a black woman and she said, yes,
that's all. That's okay, that's her identity. I'm not gonna
go back and forth about it.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Got you.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
I've never had an issue with it. So I understands
you you identify as black, do you feel like you
share the lived experience of a black woman.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Then all right, please come and join us.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
Yeah, because arguing about race is just a big distretch.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
I love that when is your next retreat.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
We're going to Ghana. So I'm doing Ghana for Detty December.

Speaker 9 (59:22):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
No, I'm doing Ghana in April.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
I cannot wait. Have you been there before?

Speaker 4 (59:27):
I've been to Ghana. I love Ghana first time and
the food. Ghana is my favorite part. So I've been
to Ghana, Nigeria, and South Africa. South Africa is beautiful,
but too many whites.

Speaker 9 (59:37):
For me.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Wasn't giving motherland. But Ghana, Oh my god. And everyone's
so they're so nice there. Oh my god. I had
a great time. Just be ready to not sure how
your knees work, or your hips.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Or anything till I told them. I said, I'm not
doing this.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
The sun is up and they're still going. I don't
tell you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
There's a good techno party, a good like deep House.
I remember saying to one of my homeboys and Johannesburg, like,
isn't it crazy in New York we have to do
drugs to be at the Tannam party.

Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
That's what it's Africa.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
They don't.

Speaker 4 (01:00:16):
You can wake up at six, like, have your coffee
and go to the club and they're still partying from
the night before.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
Because it's like like it's culturally just they party. I
wasn't ready, bro, Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:00:27):
I went to like four places in one night, and
normally I do that, but within like a four hour
time frame. No, girl, it was like a shift, a
work shift, a twelve hour one, like I was a nurse.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
You liked it the whole time.

Speaker 4 (01:00:37):
Yeah, but then I got tired, and then it's like
you're you're you're trying to get another wind.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
Because no one else wants to go.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
I don't know if you'll see the daylight at some
point like that, Bro, it's just sleep all days.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
You're ready to go out again, and then you eat.
It's the best food.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
It's ready. I'm ready to party. I'm ready. I'm definitely
ready for a little.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
So that on your retreat that they can come and join.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Well, yes, you can still join, Graghana. We're leaving in December,
so it's kind of coming up pretty soon.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
But our bitch has got money. The fuck you saying
what's the next one?

Speaker 7 (01:01:08):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
I love what says cancel the money scarcity period?

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
So, and then in twenty twenty six, in March, I'm
going to Thailand, which I do have spots open for it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Even I did.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
Didn't I say that too?

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
I love We talked about Thiland.

Speaker 4 (01:01:21):
You just you just came back from Thailand. I did
the last time I wanted to have her on the pot.
She was like, oh girl, I'm going to Thailand. I said,
excuse me, all right, never mind, next time we eat
some place, I feel like repeat, repeat, Yeah, I've been
there five times.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
I love it. I love it. We're going back with
their group. We have five spots left, so go ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
What's what's the website? Dropped the website? Dropped the pot at.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
The Best grad name and find me is on Instagram
at the Shila Marie and everything is linked there. If
you're interested in coming to Thailand, if you want to
order my book, if you want to just follow up
with what I'm doing. I'm chaotic, who knows? And yeah,
you can find me there.

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
And don't slide in her DMS asking for a threesome, y'all.
She said no, she said, don't do it. Actually, don't
do it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
No, I'm good.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
I'm good. Thanks.

Speaker 4 (01:02:05):
By the way, if you haven't yet, make sure you
purchased our book No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of
sexual exploration and power. It is available wherever you get
books and what we like to do. If you've already
read it, we have gotten I've gotten so many DMS stories.
If you like the book, it would do serve us
justice if you go on over to Amazon and leave
a five star review, please and thank you. Also, we

(01:02:28):
got a little horrible here with a little bit of
the sex talk. If you want more runch, more sex,
we didn't go anywhere. Horrible Decisions still exists just five
doll as a money the bare minimum over on Patreon,
So go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions where
you could still get all of the sex talk, and
of course join us. Everyone say you got decisions right here.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
This has been another episode of Decisions Decisions. THI yall
sye

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
Is the tdu the inblic in the

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