EP 447: Finding Love & Sharing Results (ft.Danielle Campbell & Raheem DeVaughn)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
I don't think you should say decision Decisions. It sounded
like you was talking to Kurston.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast.
You want to say together the Decisions Decisions.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Cizions Decisions.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
I'm your girl, Mandeb I'm weezy, y'all, we have a
great episode for you today.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Over the years, you heard us talk about and fuck
up a lot of conversations about STD and we've fucking
about Man, which we've had some confusion, but you know
what we've learned. It's been almost a decade and we're
still learning. So this episode, I'm actually excited to.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Like get my myth busted.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
But y'all have heard us also talk about Gilliad. I've
been doing the risky dinners with them for the last
five or six years. Mandy and I came with Gilead
to Essence and they actually introduced us to our guest today.
Let me give you the real intros. Sister, I want
to make it feel like you on a real daytime
TV show, and you.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Gotta look at us over looking at yourself on a
We're right here.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Damn you want to watch this on TV. Here we go.
Doctor Danielle M.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Campbell's an HIV prevention, treatment and care researcher and community
organizer for the HIV AIDS and Sexual and Reproductive Health
Rights Justice. But you know you you did a type
on this maybe not anyway, you know a lot and
we are so glad to have you. You do a lot
of awareness policies and campaigns and so yeah, we would

(01:38):
love to have conversations with you today just about the
stigmas around HIV, the stigmas around std learning, how to
get prevention, learning, how to get it and not be
told no.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
As we heard Mandy her experience.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Years that was yeah years ago. I'm now on on
that thing. But just a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 4 (01:57):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
If you guys tune into our win as they drops,
you got decisions. When a sante came on with me
shout out to a sante. We had a listener write
in and say that she found the PREP medication in
her boyfriend's medicine cabinet. And it was just really interesting
the conversations that shout out to our patrons that dropped below.
Because there was a conversation around it being that he

(02:21):
dealt with men or was promiscuous, and so there was
just I really loved the back and forth conversation around
why someone may want to get on it. Y'all know me,
I'm still waiting for my bisexual husband.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
So I'm fine with you know, air aboudy love and
everybody watching, But him and his boyfriend aren't sure.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
No no no no no no no no, no girlfriend,
And maybe they just suck a little dick together, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
I don't know, but for me being.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
Super in and like open to dating a person who's fluid,
I think going to sex clubs. I think also being
very aware of casual sex and how many people just
out here don't want to use condoms. I'm very just
aware of everything, and so prep has been something that

(03:10):
I've talked about on this pod now for a few years.
I'm so now I'm on it, and now I'm waiting
for the goddamn two shots that I hear is out here.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
You have to keep us updated on your journey to
get it.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Yes, because and I actually and I'll talk to you
off of here, and I wanted to share it. Guys,
if you are listening to this episode. Go to the description.
If you're in New York City. There are now two shots,
and I'm gonna share the four locations that were given
to me that are giving them out. So look in
the description of this episode if you're curious about getting it,

(03:43):
we're gonna put it there.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
And also even just beyond I feel like we all
know condom, but even beyond that, I think that's why
the prep conversation is so good, because absolutely one people
forget condoms can break and at the end of the day,
sometimes we're lit, they don't happen whatever they cases. If
it's not one hundred percent, at least you've got this backup.

(04:04):
And I love having the conversation about PREP because for
years we've heard our male gay friends talk about it,
and now we get to have the conversation for our
number one demo black women and all our.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
Other sisters in there. Twenty seven caucations. Okay, oh lord,
not the twenty seven Caucasians. We've been joking. We got
twenty seven white listeners. Since you're one. That's about But
it's way more than that now, I think, so, oh
it's way more.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
So you know, it's thirty five, So all right, we
don't do a little practice with the both of you.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
So Mandy actually had just said to us on an episode.
She was basically saying, this guy was like, all right,
how many times until we fuck to not use a count?
Oh yeah, yeah, I think we need to do a
little role play on even before Nigga gets there.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
So here we go, both of you.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Okay, scenarios on how to make asking for test results
less awkward. So previous partner you've had in the past
spins the block before in the past, you guys have
shared results, he says, Baby, you just got tested. Though,
you good? I ain't knowling nobody anyway, so I'm good too. Right,

(05:09):
what is your response?

Speaker 1 (05:11):
Can I see your my chart? Can I see your
my chart? Uh huh? Just immediately? Can I see your
my chart? Now? Yeah? Okay, off teaser. We would have
the conversation. You have to have a conversation, right. You
have to feel empowered to ask folks about their sexual
health history. It's important. It's an important component of empowerment,

(05:35):
and it's just something that we should normalize as we
talk about sex.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
I agree with the my chart, but I actually Amandya said.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Was like a year ago.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
So I'm like, if you don't know what my chart is,
like you ain't got the language. And I kind of
agree because.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
I'm being a little empowered parent empower.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
I would say, everybody pretty much knows my chart.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
You know what's crazy? No, no, no lifestyle people.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
And I think for the people that are not a
lot of my friends do not get tested. Okay, so
a lot of a lot of men, a lot majority
of our listeners.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
I would even say, don't know what my chart is.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
I the casual sex person, the person who's in relationships,
the person who's not in the lifestyle, I don't think
gets tested as often. I don't think they know what
my chart is to just ask it like that. Like
I shared last year, I was wanting to be a

(06:36):
unicorn and I dated a couple and we all went
out and they were like, well, recent test results are
necessary before we play.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Mind you.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
Also, when I did end up playing with them, condoms,
were you still but before we all literally me, the guy,
the woman, we all have to share our recent results.
And when I told my friend friends that, oh, the
conversations were like, what do you mean? So like y'all
were vibing and y'all you didn't go back with them

(07:07):
because they wanted your results.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Do they think you're dirty?

Speaker 5 (07:10):
Do that?

Speaker 3 (07:11):
And that's always the conversation too. But when I was
telling my friends, oh, we're gonna plan to play after
we all get tested. When I tell you, those conversations
were like what they like? I know as sex positive
as I am as long as I've had this podcast.
My closest friends, I can say my chart and they

(07:31):
would say, what is that?

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Wow. So even aside from conversations around sexual health, your
lab results, your plans of care, all of those things
are part of your mind.

Speaker 5 (07:42):
Child.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
You know, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
They know whether they need ybroid removal, like a lot
of them.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
Your check on their reproductive health. But I and I
guess when they go and get checked for that. Sometimes
they get checked for the other things as well.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Times but some times.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Year is probably the average of most women because if
they're getting the results, when to get.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Their path right.

Speaker 5 (08:04):
Yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Recommendations around have changed, so it's not annual. But part
of the conversation we should be having around sexual health
reproductive health is just what we're saying normalizing.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
It doesn't matter if you had only one one sexual
part three months. Like I'm it's every every three months.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
And if I do a little too much, I'm like, oh,
let me like hedonism what Okay?

Speaker 3 (08:33):
So I went and was like, let me make sure
everything is is in the clear. But it's crazy because
one of the questions asked, especially when you I go
to plant parenthood, trump, you fucking orange cheeto bitch, you
better stop fucking with the goddamn funding. Okay, goddamn it.
I love planted parenthood ship. I think that's that where

(08:58):
I got my abortion when I was sixteen. I don't know,
but for for everything that I get done, one of
the questions asked often is do you have any symptoms
of any STDs?

Speaker 1 (09:11):
Like what is your reason for coming in?

Speaker 3 (09:13):
And it's crazy because having that conversation with the provider yesterday,
I'm an open book, but I can understand how kind
of like alarming A lot of the questions are they
ask like men, women, how many partners? How how how
like how often do you have sex? Like a lot
of the questions, Even for me when I was putting,
I was like, damn, bitch, I just want to hear it.

(09:36):
Oh I did, But how many people could be like
not want to share those questions. And so if and
this is just me telling you, if you don't even
have symptoms, if you know P is right, you ain't itching,
you ain't scratching. Still go and get tested because there

(09:58):
are a lot of us who can be asymptomatic where
you don't know. And another thing too, because I always
have to request it. When you go and get tested
for the things you have to ask for. Trick trick
is one of the tricky ones, y'all. Trick trick be
out here, tricky you bitch's trick. Tricksis trick and monias y'all,

(10:20):
there's both, right, are we just saying it wrong? It's
trick trick trick what wait, let's get I just know
trick bitch and it's trick with a C H. But
the rest of the word trick of tillmania not sure

(10:45):
be part right? Is that I would disorder that involves recurrent,
irresistible or.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
Just to pull out by the air. That is something
completely that is that is given kick.

Speaker 5 (10:55):
Of the week.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
What tricks, which we've been saying it wrong. See what
I mean, y'all? They new t r I c A
you got it.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
See that's why we got damn yell dan, y'all, we
don't a moment to educate.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
I smooth ask you the.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Trick test though, y'all let me tell you the HIV
test too, but they ain't gonna test. Let's uh, let's
take into it a little bit. Would you rather, Okay,
let's go. Would you rather tell the public you're on

(11:34):
ozembic or to tell the public you're on prep prep.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
I'm not gonna lie. It's easier to tell people await
loss strung than prep. Especially why because like, first off,
I say it all the time, we have men who
aren't able to live in their best selves, and black
women are a part of that because we don't provide

(12:00):
a safe space for them to limit that contramatory I
don't give off fuck they don't.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
And so are you saying all black women? Because you
said no, no, no, no, I mean I would say majority
definitely not black. I would say no, not all, but majority. Okay,
But I know you talk about your friends all the
time saying that, like, and this is a conversation too.
When we were getting into it, I'm like, I feel
like it's the majority. I feel like the majority aren't
having the conversation. I feel like the majority are blaming

(12:26):
gay men, and I know you haven't had many of
those experiences because with your friends.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Oh no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
No they are Oh no, I've said my friends are
in the lifestyle and my friends.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
No, they're not. Like a lot of my friends are
not a lot of my friends don't know what my
chart is. I'm in the lifestyle.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
But when I talk about my friends, my circle of
non lifestyle groups of people, No, I said, most of
my friends don't know what my chart is.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
And judge me because.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
No, No, I was talking in regards to the conversation of like, uh,
we're saying safe space.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah, and we've even had.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
This conversation like a year ago, were you're like, I'm
not having this experience for me over the last few
years of working with Risky and Gilead. In a room
full of influencers, so if no one's heard me talk
about this, it's a dinner where we invite a bunch
of black women influencers to pretty much educate them and
the public and their followers on HIV prevention for black women,

(13:15):
specifically doing this in cities where the rates are high
amongst black women.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
At your next one, I want you to ask people
about my chart and bring it back. And that's over one.
I don't know if I've ever done right, but i'll you.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
Would, but you would rather tell people that you're on
prep over saying you're on a weight loss drug. I
just think we've normalized weight loss drugs now, and unfortunately,
like we just talked, oh my chart, there's not a normalization.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
I think it's culture dependent.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
But so this is why I wanted to go to
go to this dinner, Go for it. The reason I
think that it's a lot easier for the weight loss
drug is ninety percent of the time at these dinners,
the conversation surrounding HIV prevention is geared towards women that
are sexually promiscuous and or living in a city. Oh
y'all should have seen the Atlanta dinner.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Oh shit, I can imagine.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
It was like, well, these are just out here, line
every single one, there's someone blaming the men they're sleeping with. Well,
dub bitch, he ain't gotta be fucking another man. Have
you fucking a man?

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Are you fucking a woman?

Speaker 2 (14:13):
And you end up getting it like are we just
under the accusation that black women are only sleeping with
men that have sex with men, which isn't true.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
HIV prevention starts with you.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
And also keeping it clear to anybody listening, we're encouraging
you to get tested. This is how you know your status.
It's not a death sentence. We have so much language
around it today. Let's just figure out and know that way.
You're not getting sick that way, it's not turning into
something else. Like knowing your status is the most powerful thing.
And we've all heard someone be like, I don't want
to get tested yet.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
I don't even know. I want room all week. But
there's the thing, though, we have to provide the framework
for people to get to a place that they can
get tested.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
Right.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
You just describe challenges that you've had in the healthcare
system around getting ted tested and access to prep. Imagine
as an advocate who is out and about and in
the streets and empowered in the street. You said you
was in the streets.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
You just said, okay, she's in these streets. But the
girl girl you on the boat, you were telling us like, y'all,
I had other bitches suck the dick. I stopped sucking
the dick. Oh wow, anyway to patriot hear the story.

(15:26):
But yeah, is right.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
We shouldn't assume that people are empowered enough, are educated
enough about these systems of care that can put them
into place to be tested. So as we talk about testing,
we have to talk about all the other systematic structures
that are in place that prevent people from getting tested.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
But from a psychological standpoint, I will say, I now
go get tested. Like when I first was getting tested
with my little whole ass, I set nervous. I used
to think about, Okay, which bitch, which nigga gave me something?

Speaker 1 (15:59):
One of these is gonna go. Don't care I'm nervous
every time. No Oh, I was gonna say, I'm not nervous.
I could have sex with nobody knew.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
And there's something about knowing you got that white. I know,
once I put that little pea cup through that window,
I'd be like, how long gonna be? Don't let me
do it on a Friday and bitch, you don't get
it back to me till Tuesday weekend. You should have
seen me yesterday. I actually had fun doing my little swap.
Y'all know where you used to have to get swabbed
in your nose, bitch. I took that little cute tip

(16:26):
of my pussy and I said, oh, let me, I
was just twirling talked about so we're gonna talk about that.
Apparently she telling me, bitch, you could still be dirty,
so I said.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
The word dirty.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
No, well, sorry, we're not using the word dirty, bitch,
you could still have something.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
Because they didn't do all the swaps. Was there should
be three? Mind you?

Speaker 3 (16:53):
I have never been swabbed three times. So we had
the conversation last night. Tell me the correct way, because
apparently I got the wrong way. But what is the
correct way or what we what should we advocate for
when we go and get tested, because you let me
know something new.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Right, you're doing the things and putting things in places.
There should be a swab for all of the place
you put something.

Speaker 3 (17:15):
Now, I haven't put nothing but a butt plug in
my ass, so I'm good for my ass.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
Right I had any sex? We haven't had a test run,
so I can't confirm it.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
No, goddamn you just say no, I've never I've never
tested my asshole, so I don't haven't either.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
I just found out there. Tell them put the swab
in your brother?

Speaker 3 (17:34):
How the swaps. The swap should go. You said you
throw in all of your holes.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Essentially correct you everywhere something could go.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
I've never had a throw swap, only blood and urine
and penises in your throat.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
And you know, I'm literally.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
Saying I've actually never been offered the throat swap.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
Yeah, that's part of the issue that we're saying. When
you talk about differential care, care should be universal. Sexual
health care should be standard across the board wherever something
goes a swapshift. That's great to know. Well, you ever
had someone off.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
Well, I know that that's been the conversation recently, that stigma,
well chlamydia has been being found in a lot of
people's throats now. And maybe you going to the doctor
thinking you got strip, strip ain't coming, COVID ain't coming.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
It might And I don't think you're right.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
I think there's a lot of healthcare providers that don't
even think to it's their own patriarchy, it's their own
perceptions about what women do.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
It shouldn't be about you. But if you suck an
opinions that went in a.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Butt, Okay, let's.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Okay, I'm not trying. We don't we listen and we
don't judge. All I'm saying is follow up the ass
What what other?

Speaker 3 (18:50):
What other STDs can be found in the mouth? Like
I said, I only know of chlamydia, But what are
what else can what else could could live in your
throat that maybe you would test positive for.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
I think so if you're not testing, or if you're
not swabbing your oral cavities, right then there is the
possibility of STI to live in those places, right. I
think that's the message. Okay, so let's av rushing.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
Isn't enough brushing your teeth after enough?

Speaker 1 (19:27):
Or are we and brushing you used to just do
a little throat valve, I mean a little mouth washing.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
It got it, by the way, I did look it
up because yeah, y'all know I love my husband, shout
out to chat. So in your throat gonner riia, chlamydia, syphilis,
the main ones that you get tested for. Those are
the main exact trick trick can no rarely trick actually

(19:54):
rarely infects the throat and microplasma also very rare.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
And this is also about sex workers put condoms on
penises during oral sex too. A lot of times I
was reading that like it was up to comfort. But
when documenting out a brothel, it was a moonlight. Maybe
I'm getting that from Cathouse back in the day. But anyway, girl,
one of the best television shows of all time, tell
Me So covers a brothel. No it's not, and the

(20:23):
owner died. He would have definitely been a trump Pizzo.
But anyway, when covering this brothel, I only went two
years ago.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
It was cat House.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
I covered this brothel on sex Cells and they basically
talked about how no matter what condoms are used. Back
in the day, they used to say, okay, oral sex,
maybe without someone can pay a certain price, but always
condoms during sex. But they're like no, because we're talking
about open source here. Stuff that we can't see on
the penis. They do what's called DC's dick checks. So

(20:53):
basically before taking a client, they're like looking at the
penis to ensure there's got nothing on it. But there's
that's still not an We all got to do dick checks,
bro we do need to do the DC's.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Oh my god, and I did. It was crazy.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
If you got to put it in your mouth, your
eyes is right there you should be looking at.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
By the way, we know why we really need a
look tell me.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
Because HPV it's really general warts, but for some reason
it just at HS right. No, no, no, general warts
is different h the mouth. So HPV turning into general
general warts now because men can't get tested for HPV, right,
so women can and the problem with that is that
they really don't know their status.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
But they've been fucking all These women are all and
we know. But there's the assumption if you clean, then
I'm clean. And guess what. But that's the responsibility on the.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
Oh oh, so back to Theosimpic thing. Okay, this conversation, right,
it's always get it's always turning into this thing. I'm
telling you right now, if we hosted a general and
keeping fitting weight loss that you know one would bat
nine s cream about Olympic. It is something that we
have all felt like is understandable. At some point. Everyone

(22:06):
struggled with their weight. Your mama is somebody. We have
the weight conversation throughout our life as women, hormones whatever.
When it comes to sexual health, that's the one that
we're quiet about. And I really do believe telling someone
you're on Ozmpic versus telling them you're on prep would
make them quote unquote judge you less.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
You get judged either way. Yeah, you needed the weight
loss one though, like a lot of my homegirls, and
I'm you know, I'm gonna speak generally, a lot of
my homegirls would rather or would rather not take Ozmpic.
I had a homegirl who did this leave. She was
one hundred percent anti Ozmpic. Same for me. I struggled
with weight loss and recently I was I've been on

(22:41):
my all my shit, but it was weight loss associated
with the dissertation. I'm not even gonna hold you, he said.
Schools stressing me out. Oh my god, took me to
with an inch of my life. But folks are just
not pro let's do this Osembics thing, because when you
look at all of the potential negative health outcomes that

(23:05):
have not been studied in women, we know more about
prep from the science than we do Olympic. And you
see a lot of folks when this ship started really
popping off with the Olympics, who were lying like, oh,
this is me, this is the gym, and then thirty
minutes later they're on the podcast or on a news
segment talking about, well, it actually was the Olympic and

(23:25):
the gems. Yeah, we saw Oprah go from weight Watchers.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
So so let's get into an essence article because it's
cuffing season right now. It's getting a little chilly, it is,
and it's time to cuddle. Mandy got pho niggas to cut away,
But what do you get?

Speaker 1 (23:36):
No, I don't. It's all long distance. I ain't got
not naw nigga in Atlanta that we are what now?

Speaker 2 (23:43):
I thought you say you was looking for a bisexual
bay you know I am I, but I ain't found
one in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
I like you, I'm very big.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
I would love I would love someone local, but right
now everybody is scattered and we traveled to each other.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
But yeah, no, I'm gonna be cuddling with body. I'm
gonna be cuddling with my cat this fall, so breaking
my punkin Spike.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Here are the top ten cities for black singles to
find love.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
So we're gonna go, We're gonna give you these cities
and then we're.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Gonna tell you what the HIV rates are actually the highest,
which kind of crazy because they're almost.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
You're starting with the top ten cities that's best for
single to black women.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
To find love.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, okay, black singles doesn't like black singles. So number
ten bottom the list, Dallas, Texas. I believe that nine, Philly, eight, Delroy,
Detroit got some. They be generous in Detroit.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
Dang, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
Yeah, which we're gone the generous with the money.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Okay, they about to pull out the first, y'all.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Detroit got them one.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
And you know what else to Yeah, the house to
they got the follow Detroit.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
Detroit got them one, all right.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
So in to number seven. I think you know why
they say that. I think it's just so many people
in Atlanta. But I hold you, I'm an interesting My
homegirls found love in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
They found them in other cities. My homegirl she was driving.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
To get him man and Birmingham rod him out the
back of Not only that, the thing about that is,
if you find love in Atlanta, you're sharing it with somebody.
There's too many beautiful somebody they don't know how to be.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
It's hard.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
You walk down the street, you go to a cafe,
like you know, I love shits and gigs.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
But they were wrong in it in Atlanta, jig gigs.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
They said that the girls weren't in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
But I'm gonna tell you this. You talk about people
who don't even live here. I commented on it.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
There is a club culture of Atlanta. There is a
subculture of Atlanta of the love and hip hop attitude
with men and women. But you walk down the street
in Atlanta, you're not gonna not see a bad bitch.
Number six Baltimore. I actually really believe this one with
baltimorean hy.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
Of Baltimore is tricky.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
DC is number five because like DC, they end up
going to Baltimore to.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
Buy the house, okay, and they ready to wipe you up.
Now the the holes go to Virginia, they go to Maryland.
When you get up to Baltimore, Maryland, Baltimore, Maryland, Maryland, Maryland, Garland.
The number four is Charlotte. What number three?

Speaker 3 (26:25):
Charlotte got some one? I'm all some niggas on Instagram
from Charlotte. Well, they friends, and I'm like, which one
they in.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
The little Charlotte. Number three is New York, which I do.
I believe it.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
I'm not gonna hold you dating in New York. Now,
it might get tough because there's a lot of volume
like in Atlanta, but there's a lot of motherfuckers in
New York. Bitch, go outside, you've had the summer. If
you wasn't at a black party, what the fuck was
you doing, probe, get your ass out of the house,
wake up home.

Speaker 1 (26:58):
Number two Chicago and number one Yago got them ones
to Houston, Texas.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
Now what's crazy about Houston, Texas is I remember going
to Risky over there and they said that was some
of the highest rates for black women with HIV. And
like Florida didn't make the listen all for black.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
Singles for love, no big for black singles. We all
been down at this survey. Where would you think black
singles in Florida? I don't know made Miami? No, they
all speak Spanish.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Seven of these cities have the highest rates of HIV
in the country. By the way, that's because the dick
is good and you forget to put the condom on.
So let me tell you the cities that don't. They're
also Republican. They also don't have some second like let's
say all of the things. But so Charlotte, Detroit, and
Dallas are the only ones with the low rates from

(27:46):
that list, which is crazy when you think about it,
because it's like Texas to me, especially with like the
reversal Roe v. Wade people just not wanting even to
walk into a planned parenthood all of that shit. I
know a lot of them aren't really getting tested to
going down in Texas as well, so but Dallas maybe
because more white people.

Speaker 1 (28:04):
I love Dallas really why?

Speaker 2 (28:07):
I just loved, I love, I love just the shout
out to Dallas. I go every Thanksgiving, even though I
might not go this year for Thanksgiving because she got
a baby and might be at his house anyway, But
just love Dallas. Out of these oh wait, shout out
to uh, well, if you're from Dallas, right, we talked,

(28:29):
We've talked about and he got a Cowboys shirt off.
Where out of these cities have y'all had some luck
in dating all of them?

Speaker 1 (28:40):
I had a nigga every last one of them cities.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
I think I've had everything that Detroit and Chicago detroittment
is that billy y'all tell you this though away, I'm
not gonna you get you a little Root's picnic type
of nigga that read out Auncle Bobby's baby in the
feeling Wow, they have a I don't rapper, you know,

(29:04):
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
I told you, I ain't doing the Muslims. Why not?
What what happened? They types of Muslim in New York?

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, they like they're like the Malcolm Mexicans. Okay, they're
like Malcolm was fine though, was very fine. But they're
like the ones that converted through your day. You would
put he drop off for Kevin Gates. Let us not forget.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
By the way, that was entertainment. But my problem is,
and I think that's why somebody else now though, So
I don't know if he hold on. Let me see
can have That's the thing. Muscles can have multiple wives.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
If I started running broke, i'd have my ass out.
Something gotta be balanced.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
You're your faces out, your hands will be out. Makeup,
they make up down face. We had a tour Ones.
We excuse me.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
We had a show on tour Ones where a Mustlim
girl walked to the door. And I know, because you
know you book a makeup, I don't really know what
they look like. This bitch came to my hotel room.
I said, I know this ship gonna be.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
Getting the lashes out because I'm not your god ship.
He said, it's gonna be good.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
And by the way, I would love when you Love
East baddies to come in here and we could do
anonymous tell us how you be hose because my man
was telling me when he was ramping in the streets,
he was like, all them holes.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
In yah said, they was really even right.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Honestly, I think it's like he's like, yeah, they are religious,
but like hed be wont the fuck He's like, I'm
never there first.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
He's like, they just be ready to go. He said,
they all be every day people. I'm pointing out the bitches. Sorry,
I know. Wolf. I was like, I was like from
Dallas and the Cowboys. He has people, but he jibs.
I can't.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Okay, now we're gonna get into Howard try. This is
where you're gonna get a song lyric, Mandy, don't guess
that you're gonna know from the first word. I say, Okay, Dan, Yelle,
this is for you. This is almost too damn easy.
I'm trying to pull like a verse from it that
you may not get.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
Slow head, show me so much love. The best head
comes from a thug. The dick, good thick, big and long,
slow thumping till the crack of dawn on the X.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Making faces and stuff.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
The girl what through the night making so much love
dead sleep when the sun comes up, you still ain't well.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
I bet you. I got it in my mind. Go
go go so look it now, look it good? Yeah,
just like keep going. I don't know the name of
the song, but I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yes you do, I don't right now, looking good in
my mind. Lick this pussy just like you should. It
was just a commercial now now we get my back
was just commercial commercial.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
It was commercial walk before I walk? You know what?

Speaker 5 (32:17):
You know?

Speaker 3 (32:18):
She said that song keep her pape. Yes, the way
they sample and put that song every much. It was
about a gym or something like wait what yeah, they
you know how they put the commercials and they'll take
the song and then they remixed it and there she
was like all the women out there get ready to
go to the gym.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
I was like, what the fuck? And then you hear
the beat in the background. I just walked up like
you live in l A. This was for something around
the corner in New York. This is New York. My neck,
my back for a gym is funny. I mean, I do.
Let me get your bread.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
Let's talk about it. Let's do some myth busting. Tell
us a little bit about some of the people you've
interacted with and maybe some of the craziest misconceptions you've
heard when they've come to you for HIV prevention and help,
or maybe just being confused.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Around their status.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
Like, I just kind of want to get into what
you do and the people you've encountered with your work.

Speaker 1 (33:17):
I've done a little bit of everything. So I started
out wanting to understand more about how HIV affected Black
women specifically. I was in a class once in this
instructor was talking about how Black women are disproportionately affected
by HIV, and I'm like, why is this something that
we do that makes us more prone to it? Is
the biological? Is it genetic? What is it? And so girl,

(33:40):
I started to unpack all of the things, both social
structural policy related. So I started to volunteer on a
mobile testing unit. So mobile testing units before they were
not a thing where you would go to homeless encampments,
college campuses, anywhere you could drive. We will pull up,
pop the tent, be outside, and then people would just

(34:03):
come up to us and ask us for an HIV test.
I don't see them as often anymore. No, I think
so some maybe funding it could be funding. I think
part of its funding. Part of it is that people
who are in positions of power believe that it's more
practical for someone to walk into a clinic, then walk
to a corner work and hop on them.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
In my early twenties, I was getting tested I say annually,
like like that nineteen to twenty four age yep, I
was getting tested whenever I went to a doctor, right,
but HIV specific testing was always a bus, always, actually
always a bus. Like it was almost like, oh, one
will pop up a gospel. I don't know, like that
was really just me.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
You know, in community, you can go on a van
with people who are trained in sexual health, who can
administer you a test, give you results in twenty or
forty or one minute, and you were about, yeah, I'm
gonna need that one minute. You don't have to go
in and click in, check in with somebody at the
front desk who got an attitude because they at work,
or wait thirty seven million minutes to see a provider.

(35:02):
Boom checkswibby, your mouth, poke your finger and you were out.
The poking of the finger.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
I remember even getting it done as early as high
school because I used to be able to get out
of class for the blood drives, but in order to
be a part of the blood drive they would It
would be the same thing.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
School based health centers. You can go right to the
back boo boo, and they can't tell you. You can't
walk off campus to go to a school based health center.
It's part of you can't they can't tell you.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
So one of my craziest tests I ever had was
during the music festival. I don't know what the fuck
I was thinking and shout out to VINNI. I always
remember his reaction. I was twenty one, maybe got on
this bus.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
I don't know what they was given out. They must
have been given.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Out something, because why else was I wearing a tu
tuo and getting an HIV test?

Speaker 1 (35:43):
I was probably fut up. They might have tested me
for drugs and HIV. But where were you want with
the tutu?

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Though I was at a grade, I was at music festival, okay,
So when he saw me getting on the bus that
I came off, I was like, I have to wait
twenty minutes.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
He goes, but what did you have it? Why would
you do this to us for trying to have a
good time. And I was like, ship, oh my god, no,
but he was right, now, okay, get your sexual help together.
Oh think about it. You had a concert and he's like, bitch,
now what if you got it d We paid four
my god.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
And I was like, this is in a room out
Vinnie's our tour manager too. I'm telling you that. I
stood there, we were waiting and the guy was like, sorry,
it's taking too long. Now He's looking at me and
he was like, but you really did this to us, y'all.
We are sitting there with four other friends and the
guy came off the bus. They shared our results of
us on site.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
It was like, yeah, isn't that great where you can
get your results? And then if you would have tested positive,
you would have been pull me back on that bus.
You would have been connected to care.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Now tell me one of the craziest stories you've heard,
one of even something that is a little bit darker,
said whether be a married woman. It is something like that,
like that you found out how the HIV and had to.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
Tell I was downtown skip Row in LA and I
already noticed about to go. Oh yeah, so you see
some of the most disparaging human conditions that you've ever seen.
And we were downtown skid Row and there was this guy.
I'll never forget. It was the first positive, a preliminary
positive result I've ever had to give. And you're in

(37:15):
skid Row. It's a bunch of tents, people are parked
at a park. They're just kind of vibing. So I
found this guy. He came on we were doing like
twenty dollars subway cards. He got his test, and you
have to find the person and administer the test result.
But you bring him back on the van and then
you connect them to care as best you can. But

(37:35):
before you go back and get that person, you have
to have your things in a row. So if they
test prelim positive, you want to be in a position
where you're not fumbling looking for resources. You have your
care plan lined up, so that person is immediately warmed off,
warm handed off to an HIV care specialist so that
they can take further test results and then get in care.

(37:57):
So I found this man and he was like just
standing on the street and a bunch of guys and
it's already awkward. They know you work on the HIV bus.
So you're going back down and interrupting this group of
guys vibing, and you're like, gonna talk to you for
a minute, and so everybody looking at him, and so
it's awkward. So you're automatically putting him in a position

(38:20):
to make people in his circle wonder that could be
dangerous for someone who lives on the street.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
Oh, I say, I would never have thought of that.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh absolutely, So you're interrupting this this social dynamic and
asking him to come back to the test. Why people
are gonna ask why. So if I felt that I
had put him in harm's way by giving his result
the way I gave it, he didn't wait at the
mobile unit, so I have to go find him. He
had already tested prelim positive. So my responsibility is to

(38:51):
connect him to care immediately so that he can get
on HIV manage, get his virus suppressed, and then get
access to any other social services that he may have needed.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
So how do the meds work, because I want to
talk about specifically PREP and the meds because.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
They work the same way interrupt the So for people
who are living with HIV, it interrupts the ability of
the HIV virus to replicate. You take it daily, right,
it could be daily, or if you're taking a shot,
it could be less frequent than daily. It can be monthly, quarterly,
six months. The scientists moving at rapid pace.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Because we just know Magic Johnson and everybody always used
to say he must be rich, he must have the
thing to.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Make you get rid of it. He lived this on.
Magic was just in DC the other day at the
largest HIV conference domestically. He was on the stage saying
that he takes it to HIV meds like everybody else
who's diagnosed with HIV.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
And what exactly is we keep saying prep, prep, prep?

Speaker 1 (39:50):
What is it? Is it a shot? Is it pills?
It's both, it's both, and depending on your sex assigned
at birth, you have access to different options of prep. Hmmm.

Speaker 2 (40:01):
Now, the girlfriend's episode about being undetectable, Yeah, tell us
a little bit about that. Can you, like bring back
that episode the HIV conversation and it can we relive
that moment with you?

Speaker 1 (40:13):
Tell us about it. So you're talking about where she
was using a knife and then she bled and everybody
was like and it's like I was sitting there like girl,
and so I have nieces who are like my babies.
I have to know me is to know how I
am about my family. So we were watching this episode,
so I oriented them to like ninety sitcoms, and so

(40:37):
we would like Netflix and just kind of vibe out.
So there was this one episode and they pulled that
episode right, don't give a damn. You can find it anywhere?
Did they really?

Speaker 2 (40:48):
A lot of it's so I know a lot offlix. Well,
a lot of episodes from the nineties that had like
problematic things because we now are in a very.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
You know, but they sensitive anything they can find it.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
But a lot of a lot of episodes around certain
topics and just how it was handled.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
I want to say, I thought it was poor. We're
gonna find that clip so y'all can see it today.
Find it.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
So with that whole with the whole slicing thing, et cetera.
How is how does transmission work outside of sex?

Speaker 1 (41:20):
So HIV transmission we talked about yesterday. Rites spread five
different ways, two from him, two from her when you share,
and so if there is a biological fluid that is
being exchanged, then there's a possibility of HIV transmission. It
could be a greater possibility or lesser possibility? So what

(41:41):
are the two from him too? From her pre come
pre come but them that's him. Blood is one you share? Okay,
everybody's got blood, right, and then her vaginal secretions, breast milk,
oh god, it got it? Everyone from him? Two from
her one you share and so not from spit at all.

(42:05):
We had this conversation, I know, but I don't.

Speaker 3 (42:07):
Find bringing it on here because I thought this spit
at one point was so can I swallow semen and
that person as HIV?

Speaker 1 (42:17):
I'm now at risk? Are are they undetectable risk for what? Okay?
So you have to qualify not risk, but possibility. Risk
is a very stigmatizing word. So what's the possibility of
what getting getting HIV from swallowing? Yes, from swallowing semen? Yeah,
but you just looked up and it's you looked up,

(42:37):
you googled, or you use your friend chat, and what
did chat say about HIV or other sdis in the throat?
It does say you can get HIV. There, it's a possibility. Okay,
so you need to consult a medical provider. Okay.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Now, what is the number one way men and women
heterosexual couples are contracting HIV.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Do sexual context penetrative sex unprotected and partners could potentially
be unaware of one one's status and one person could
be virally could not be virallly suppressed.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Is that through cuts? It's not through a cut, you're
saying it's secretion. I feel like we always thought it
was a viral blood disease growing up. So it's like, oh,
and that's why anal sex made so much sense. Oh,
of course, because anal tearing. So men and women having
vaginal penetrative sex.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
But you you missed one point though. Yeah, let's take
us back to this. You equals you are undetectable, equals untransmittable.
So if my virus is suppressed, I have virtually no
possibility of transmitting HIV to someone else. Now, if it's not,
then there is the possibility. Right, So if absent, this

(43:50):
unsuppressed viral low anal tearing means what you address a
different issue. It could be related to size, it could
be related to technique, it could be related to activity.
So it isn't anal sex that increases possibility for HIV possibility.
It's the undiagnosed and untreated virally not suppressed HIV that

(44:13):
could create the issue. It's not the sex itself at all.
It could be through vaginal sex, it could be through
anal sex, whatever type of sex you want to have.
We want to encourage people to do all of the things,
all including getting tested, taking PREP if you want to
take it, but taking your med prescribed if you are

(44:35):
someone who is diagnosed, to reduce that risk of transmission
of HIV to your sexual partners. It's about being aware,
not someone. We don't want to lay the blame at
the feet of someone living with HIV regardless. You and
I had this conversation a couple like about a week ago.
It's about empowerment, knowing your status and then taking the

(44:56):
necessary steps to protect yourself thereafter to the of your ability.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
Is there anything you'd want to leave our listeners with
who may not be I don't know, just in the
know on where to get prepped, don't feel like they've
got community enough to discuss this with.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
That's that that blows me sometimes, because I know we
talk from a place of privilege. Knowledge is power. We
know about PREP, we know about all the things. We
feel empowered to advocate for our sexual health. But some
women are not. Some women are not. I've heard stories
from women who are in abusive relationships, who have partners
who do horrible things to them sexually that they don't

(45:33):
always have control over. But you want to encourage people
to find a community and answer your DMS. Okay, we'll
do the community.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
And also, is there any website just for where someone
in the country can like figure out how to get
it done, where to get it done, just get more info.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
Ah. So I'm trying to think there are tons of
different resources planned parenthood. As you mention, I know you
love a good plant parenthood. So parenthood has resources. It's
just the easiest. I will say that plan parenthood is yeah,
in your local state health department.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Oh yeah, it depends on where you live. Depends on
where you live, depends on where you live.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
But also some pharmaceutical companies have amazing websites related to
the drugs that they manufacture. Okay, but I would start
with a good instagram of plant parenthood. They have diagrams,
they have memes, they have videos, testimonials. They are not
just the abortion place, y'all.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
Okay, They're the birth control place, They're the HIV prevention place.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Just go over there gender affirming care place.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
Oh great, how about that. There might be a little
bit of crazies outside with the signs.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
I give them a girl, walk right past them and
do your business. Jesus love you there.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
Well, bitch, sorry he sent you out here today with
the hole spiel.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Well, thank you so much for joining us on the
podcast today and having this conversation. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
Hopefully we encouraged and urged you and we're gonna pave
you the us to go and.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
Get tested because it's not as scary as y'all. Goddamn think,
what are you waiting? And we're all humans sometimes we're
afraid of the thing. I'm telling everybody, get tested in
forty eight hours. I can't have a good time. It's
definitely not forty eight hours anymore. And HIV is immediate,
that's correct. HIV.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
I was still waiting for the provider and my HIV
result was in my amati. We had a great time
speaking to doctor Danielle. We are even more excited to
introduce our next conversation with our m B legend Raheem Devon.

(47:47):
He is known for his soul full, love centered R
and B. But what a lot of people do not
realize is how deeply involved he is in his advocacy,
especially around HIV prevention. Raheem has been doing the work
of educating black men about the importance of getting tested,
knowing their status, and having real, honest conversations about sexual health.
He's also been using his platform to spread awareness around

(48:10):
prep the HIV prevention medication, and to normalize brothers taking
control of their health without shame or stigma. We are
really excited to continue this conversation and without further ado,
please enjoy our conversation with Raheem Devon.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Hey, everybody here, we are with Rahem Devon. We are
out of the studio in person and we just had
to join because y'all know I love niggas with drid
So that's really what sorry, I mean singer songwriters. But
first what I pulled up on Google. Raheem Devon is
an American R and B singer songwriter, a tourus known

(48:46):
for smooth vocals and romantic themes.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Do you want to know what chat GPT's got for you?

Speaker 4 (48:52):
Rahim influenced by his father's music and his mother's vinyl
collection from the DMV, and also a radio personality, philanthropic,
We love all of that.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
I almost couldn't say that word. I got braceist.

Speaker 5 (49:06):
But everybody walking, yeah, hey going.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
Can I also say shout out to anyone that had
a vinyl collection because I thought that was gonna be
like my little cheap hobby.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
I did had no clue then.

Speaker 2 (49:22):
Motherfuckers were like sixty to eighty dollars a peak. That
is an expensive hobby.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
Maybe it wasn't back then. Was it is that expensive
back then?

Speaker 2 (49:31):
No? Back then I thought they were ten cents. I
thought I was about to get vinyls for ten cents.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Honestly, are you know anything?

Speaker 5 (49:37):
You know? You know anything costs more.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Now Nigga's got an aesthetic.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
Like when you go into somebody's house and they got vinyls,
I'd be like, wow, he is so like.

Speaker 5 (49:45):
Thee Yeah, check on my vinyl baby.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Inflation has hit the vinyls. Well, Reggie really excited to
have you.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
We're gonna be talking about a lot of things today,
but what we're really excited to I have the conversation
with you about is you being an advocate for prep
and continuing the conversation specific specifically as a heterosexual black
man and the conversation around PREP. So I guess before

(50:16):
we start, can we talk about how you got involved
with this specific campaign and why it's so important for
you to talk about it?

Speaker 5 (50:24):
For sure? Well, I started my foundation, the Love Life Foundation,
back in twenty twelve. So one of our major initiatives
has always been HIV awareness and among other things, domestic
violence and you know, textbook scholarships for the you for
kids and you know, in my area here in the DMV,
So I always been doing things as it relates to community.

(50:46):
But how I found out about how I found out
about PREP was my primary care physician, who I've had
for some a few years now at the time, a
little after COVID, I was searching for a new doctor.
Stumbled upon doctor Hodge, who's out here in my area
in the DMV. And one of the first things probably
he asked me, getting like leading into the conversation as
we were talking about sexual health. And you know, he's

(51:07):
drawing my blood and doing the you know, the NECESSF
the first physical primary care physical. You know, we're getting
acquainted with each other. He says, are you on PREP?
And uh? And I said, and I said no, and
and and you know, at the time. I mean, I
want to say, maybe I had heard about that there
was a medication but didn't quite know what it was.

(51:29):
You know, and with all the different types of stigmas
out you hear all these different things. So but it
was the first time that that, you know, I had
had a primary care doctor, you know, or where they
just blameant, just like straight up asked. And you know,
he went on to tell me about statistically what's going
on in d C and how you know HIV was
back on the rise. He asked if I was married.

(51:51):
He has read a lot of questions and he strongly
suggested we trying. And you know, I quickly asked about
the side effects. You know what I mean, I'll all
consider myself like outside outside, but if you know, if
you're outside your outside, you know, think about HIV. Is
that anybody could be HIV possible? Everybody's HIV possible, meaning

(52:11):
if you don't do the proper things, had to you know,
get tested regularly, had to you know, sexual health conversations
you need to have with your partner. So I said,
I try it. I've been on there ever since. You know,
you're here.

Speaker 3 (52:25):
In one moment, I I the question will not leave
my head, and I have to ask you, and it's
going to be completely ignorant. I lean into my ignorance
because I have questions that maybe other people are asking.

Speaker 5 (52:36):
Lean with it.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
Oh so did your primary care physician tell you or
ask you or educate you on PREP just because you
were in a city with high rates like DC, or
did they ask you first, hey, are you.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Having sex with men?

Speaker 3 (52:53):
To my knowledge, PREP for a long time was only
offered to men having sex with other men, so not
to you know, super ask you about your sexuality. But
how did your primary care physician straight up ask you
without knowing your sexual history?

Speaker 5 (53:09):
No, definitely ask my sexual history, like you know, you
know what I mean. You know, you got to get
a pro state uh check in the physical. Well, you
got all the things, so you know, I was just
as as honest and transparent as I wanted to be,
you know, with as you know, we got hippo law
and all that kind of thing. So I felt comfortable,
you know, And and of course it wasn't like that
it would be my first physical or visit to a

(53:31):
doctor's office, you know what I mean. But I think, honestly,
I think it was purely out of uh, just like
genuine concern and sexual health conversations, you know what I mean,
That that that he was letting me know like, hey,
there's something out here that that you know, that can
kill you, and there's something out here that that can

(53:52):
be a great say it can be it can save you,
be a perpenitive measure, you know, Like it's not it's
not the green light, the go grow dog in it,
you know what I mean, like just just not not
at all, because obviously it's it's it's a long list
of other things that that that that are out there
that we don't want, you know, s T I S
and stuff like that. So I mean, he really broke

(54:13):
it down and made me feel very He made me
feel very comfortable to have a conversation, you know, me
me in particular, I was looking for a black doctor,
just me in particular, you know what I mean at
the time and wed we immediately like hit it off
and had a and and and and and you know,
and I feel like it was coming from a place

(54:34):
of like who I am or what I do? You know,
you know what I mean, because I've been you know,
being a public figure can be it could be I
won't say annoying, but you know, I've been in places
where like I'm not trying to I'm not trying to
dap you up in the restroom home or literally or
literally getting you know, getting an HIV testing. It's like
can I get an autograph? And I'm like, that's crazy,

(54:55):
are you?

Speaker 1 (54:57):
I mean.

Speaker 5 (54:59):
You know, yeah, so so you know so so yeah again,
you know, doctor, he's amazing. You know I had I
did have a lot of questions. I too, I too
have heard have have heard you know, and and and
and now that I know what I know that yeah,
like you know, this is not a you know, HIV

(55:20):
is not a lgbt Q thing. HIV is a global, yeah,
pandemic epidemic.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
That that that.

Speaker 5 (55:32):
It's back on the rise. You know, I come from
a I come from an era where there was a
lot of messaging, you know, and you just don't see
that anymore, you know what I mean. So you can
there you know they're there, there are you know, there
are there children my you know, my oldest son is
my oldest son is twenty, you know what I mean.

(55:53):
So his brother right behind him a seventeen. So you
know they're there for they're you know, there are folks
out here they don't know what HIV is, which is crazy.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
You know, I really wanted to tell y'all you just
had me thinking of this. I completely wanted to share
this story, but forgot this was a perfect time. Last
week I got tested and for some reason, I was nervous,
because you know it, you cannot fuck for a year
still be nervous. And the doctor saw me being nervous
and she goes, have you heard about PREP? I said, yes,

(56:24):
I have a sister, and you know what, I appreciate
you saying that I don't know what I'm giving off.
And just how Mandy asked you, did the doctor assume
you might have been gay or sleep well? Man? I
was starting to think to myself because we all have
that stigma no matter who we are, even though we're
all advocates. I was like, does she think I'm a
home or she just saying it because I'm nervous, And
it's like, we actually have to get over and it's

(56:46):
me here right wanting to tell everybody to get on
this thing.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
But I was also like, damn, I can't believe that
even came into my brain.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
So I can't imagine those of you listening that are
like maybe feeling a little pressured to get on prep
or feeling like you don't need it because you ain't
out here. But it's the pool, the dating pool that
we're in, right. You could be with one person, but
when rates are as high as they are, that one
person can be affected. But speaking of one person, I
wanted to play a little icebreaker game with you, Mandy,

(57:14):
and I love to do this with our guest, and
I feel like you're gonna have some good answers, so
you will play smash your pasts.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
But it's.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
So even now to honesty their past sex and longestant relationships. Okay,
so she is a ten, but you find out by
scrolling on her ig before the date that she's been
to a bunch of your shows before, even though she
says she's never heard your music.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
You're gonna smash your past.

Speaker 5 (57:46):
I'm probably gonna past and she's a man.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Depend on what she looked like.

Speaker 5 (57:52):
Nah, I'm a past because.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
He said she's a liar helped the game. She's a ten.

Speaker 5 (57:57):
I mean with these so you gotta factor and the
lion you know, you know that's it's that seems like
while why live about something like live about the little things,
live about the big things, and and the and the
and and then there's a lot of other things that
come into play, like what what's what's the what's what's
the agenda?

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Like what you know to get your money?

Speaker 5 (58:16):
What's what's the alternated?

Speaker 2 (58:18):
Okay for the past, she's a ten But five years
ago on Twitter, she said, damn Donald Trump really starting
a new wave?

Speaker 1 (58:27):
I mean.

Speaker 5 (58:31):
Five years ago, five years ago meaning meaning like we're
going meaning like meaning like we are, we're already together.
And then and then like one day I stumbled upon.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
The old you didn't smash yet, so you're gonna smash
your pass based on the tweet it was five years ago.

Speaker 5 (58:49):
Though, Yeah, I'm a probably past.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
I'm smashing and we're having a conversation. And depending how
far you are.

Speaker 5 (59:00):
I mean, I mean, let me say that it ain't
gonna be paid. It wouldn't be just upon that that
I'm going to base my decision. No either, So so
there's a there's a few other dynamics that are involved.
But you know, maybe be there. How about this. I
smashed and I'm good and I'm there for a good time,
not a long.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
Time while Okay, all right, hold on a ten your
dreams celebrity crush. You've been liking all her photos on
I G. She says, Hey, rahiem, I'm in Australia on set.
I can't leave, but I want you to come and
see me. Are you gonna blindly fly out to smash.

Speaker 5 (59:43):
Hell? No, they got all kind of face recognition of
what they got, all kind of you said, you said,
you said, Am I flying out off of the You're not.

Speaker 1 (59:56):
Going to Australia to beat your celebrity streets?

Speaker 5 (59:59):
Na, not without not not not not without confirming that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
It's really it's they're writing you back.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
You're having this convent, we're having this conversation on.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
On I G G.

Speaker 5 (01:00:16):
You want me to assume they're real. We don't live
in the era. We don't do We don't live in
the air where you can assume me. You got to
fight check everything now flight or not? Oh for sure,
for sure, like depending on what. Absolutely it's my dream
celebrity now absolute, absolutely absolutely Australia am back.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
I'll go to Middle America. What are we talking about? Australia,
But I'll go to funking Dayton Ohio, what I'm thinking
of Australia.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
Okay, she's a ten, but it's the final one that
sex related. She thinks Prep is a little gay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
Now do you mean to educate?

Speaker 5 (01:00:57):
Do you still I'm not so so one, I'm not
insecure about my sexuality, you know what I mean? So
so yeah, so I'm I'm I'm that's an opportunity to educate,
you know what I mean? Like I've and and and ironically,
you know, you know, I've dated and since being on prep,
I've had to have a conversation, Hey, I'm on prep,

(01:01:18):
and it was it's it's a it's a It's amazing
the amount of people who still think, you know, which
is which is a crazy stigma that it's only for
gay people or you know, I.

Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
Mean, I can imagine explaining it as a as a man,
like because even as a woman.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
I was just telling my boyfriend about it and he
was like, so does that mean you have sex with
guys that have sex with guys? Like what does that mean?
And and we're open, so we have sex with other people.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
And the conversation literally went to educating that, especially as
someone who goes to sex clubs, who has other partners.
It's just like mind you and I use condoms with everybody,
but boy, do I just not trust anybody for real?
And again, like kind of like you said, h HIV
is you know, it's it's possible for anybody. It doesn't

(01:02:11):
care who it attaches itself to.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
It literally can be for all of us.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
You had a QR code before they can meet you
to learn about PREP.

Speaker 5 (01:02:22):
Yeah, well, to learn about HIV, to learn about health,
to learn about PREP, to notice statistics of what was
going on, statistics, what's going on? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Yeah, I love that you bring that up because like
so many people have a negative thought on celebrities who
get involved, say with you know, voting and elections and
getting into politics.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
I love that you're getting into this space. And we've
seen other artists recently talk about PREP as well. I
know Tamar has talked about it. Do a liipa cardi B.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
I want to ask you, however, though, taking the celebrity
out of it, how do you have this conversation with
your male counterparts, with your friends. I don't know many
other men advocating for this at this moment, celebrity wise
or just influencer wise. So I would like to know,
how does this conversation start or begin with your male friends, Like,

(01:03:20):
are you also educating them outside of black women? We
know that that's who we're trying to reach, but we
also have a lot of black male listeners here as well.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
What do those conversations look like?

Speaker 5 (01:03:31):
Absolutely absolutely having a conversation. I mean, for me, it's
it's it's you know, it's easy. You know, most of
my male friends, most of my closest in a circle
that I can think of, everybody's married except for me,
you know what I mean? And which which By the way,
taking it back a step with doctor Hodge, he mentioned
to me when he was when he was telling me

(01:03:52):
about rep You know, that was one of the things
that kind of stood out to me, I think in
that conversation that day, is that he has married couples
that are on app for a number of different reasons
as well. Okay, you know what I mean, so that
you know, so it was just it was just that
he was just telling he was just just being like
really raw and honest, just just what he's seeing it

(01:04:15):
on the day to day, you know what I mean.
The fact that uh, you know, people are stepping outside
of their relationships. You know that maybe maybe maybe they're
you know, maybe maybe they what one partner thinks is
a monogamous relationship while living a poly lifestyle, Like just
so many things, not being honest about their partners about

(01:04:35):
you know, their sexual health, of what it is they're into.

Speaker 1 (01:04:39):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
You know what I mean when you when you thawt
to your homeboys and we we know homies share like
when they have side chicks or when they're stepping out,
Like are those moments that you that you would bring
up prep to your friends? Like again, like I know
the importance of bringing this to public platforms and going
on tour with you, but I think it's important also

(01:04:59):
to talk about how these conversations can be had in
the group chat or over a spade game or how
to cookout, Like how are you bringing this into your
personal life?

Speaker 5 (01:05:08):
Absolutely? I mean for me, Like again, it's an easy
conversation because I'm not you know, if any conversation that
can save you know, my life, my homies life, Like
I'm going to have a conversation, right, but I had
a conversation with my twenty year old son and my
seventeen year old in particular, you know what I mean,
I mean we we're out and I mean I was

(01:05:28):
just I'm one of those dads. It's like we have
like warp sense of humor anyway, so that so that
allows us to be able to kind of like tie into,
you know, conversations about sex. I mean, I think, I think,
I think it. I think it never be I don't
know if it ever becomes comfortable for your kid that

(01:05:48):
like want to talk to you about like what they
got going on sexually, you know, dating, you know, you
know what I mean, and coming and coming to you
for a vice. He in there, but but I like
to always I like for them, I always know that
the doors open and had a conversations, you know. So
you know, my oldest he's in he's in the military.
He's an airman and stationed out in Arizona. So I know,

(01:06:10):
like I'm pretty certain he's no.

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
No, you know, my my sister and my brother are
army veteran.

Speaker 5 (01:06:17):
Yeah, I know he gets some sticky and I've been
and I've been on a base of two in a lifetime.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
Maybe now, no, you hear something crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
We had a risky dinner that I've been doing with
Gilliad and y'all probably seen it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:35):
It's the whole red thing.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
So one of the women at the dinner starts the
conversation by saying, yo, like, I can't have children anymore
due to a sexually transmitted infection I had. So I'm
telling y'all make sure you protect yourself. This is like
first five minutes of dinner, right, so everybody judging her.
An hour later we started getting to the real thing.

(01:06:57):
She's like, I was on the base with my husband.
You got to get tested to even obviously get into
the military, she said.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
While being there, her man was such a hey.

Speaker 2 (01:07:11):
She found out when she got her next annual that
he ended up giving her something. And because she wasn't
able to check because like you know, they were busy,
they were doing anything, they're not getting tested as often.
She literally they had to remove her fallopian tubes. And
she said to me and the rest of the women
at this dinner, like, y'all are married at this table,

(01:07:32):
not realizing that this protective conversation also has to do
with you. It ain't just me, it ain't just the
other single bitches here, Like, we're all included in this.
And when you think about how so many people in
relationships feel safer.

Speaker 1 (01:07:47):
Like, oh, I'm not on the streets no more. I'm good.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Like this conversation is for everybody, not just the three
of us who are outside. You know, like sometimes Mandy
and I are talking about things, our open relationships and
the fun crazy things we do, and I really feel
like people be listening to us or you know, a
mean comment saying like.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
Oh they why they this. I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:09):
I'm not putting myself at risk that may be out
with his friends, like it's the same.

Speaker 5 (01:08:14):
Yeah, And that was, and that was and you know,
and that was the conversation you know that I have
with the boys. It was just like just like, hey,
just so you know, there's something out here called HIV
that can become as you know what I mean, and
it can kill you. And you know, it was interesting
because they don't it's not being talked about and you know,

(01:08:36):
amongst amongst their them and their crews and you know,
their their their their age bracket, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
So are you single or are you dating? Single?

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
Dating?

Speaker 1 (01:08:48):
Or that's the same thing.

Speaker 5 (01:08:51):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:08:53):
Because I want to know how you bring this conversation
to any of your partners as a man, how do you.

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Say, let's get tested together?

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
Do you have any stories of how that conversation happens
while dating?

Speaker 5 (01:09:09):
I've dated, and I've dated and had I've been in
multiple situations where I've dated and where we sat down
and like got tested like before we did whatever we did,
you know what I mean. So I've been So I've
been Yeah, but so I've been in like little like
literally you know what I mean. Like and at the

(01:09:29):
first in the first time, it was it was it
was if it was it was awkward for me, but
it was refreshing them, Okay, I mean because because of
course there's like a there's like a you know, there's
like a who saw that happens like after the fact,
right and then and then I can't deny, like you know,
there's a period where you're waiting, You're waiting for the
you're waiting for the results. You're sitting there and you're

(01:09:50):
waiting for the results with your partner and you're like, ship,
what if it comes back? When did it comes back post.

Speaker 1 (01:10:01):
You know, at home test?

Speaker 5 (01:10:03):
Yeah, tell us about it. Bring the at home test? Yeah.
So so so at home tests. And I definitely was
seventeen with that test. That's very it's definitely, there's definitely
it's definitely, there's definitely back in it. This is definitely
within the next Lets we just said in the last decade,

(01:10:25):
you know what I mean for sure?

Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
Yeah, And where are you getting these at home tests?
Let's for anyone want.

Speaker 5 (01:10:33):
They got a home tests everywhere, CBS, Amazon, same place
you Amazon, they do home delivery, same place you go,
you know, same place you go, you know to get
a pack of Magnam said yell.

Speaker 1 (01:10:46):
The brand.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
The ones that I've used are or Quick and they're
like dollars I think and Dwayne read I know some.
But the ones that I've seen in the stores or
Quick and it's quick and it's not even blood.

Speaker 5 (01:10:59):
It's so yeah, so so so that so there's that
period of time where you're like, what if my test
go that positive? Ship, where does she positive? You know
what I mean? Like, you know, but yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
Mean wait, wait, now what would you do if the
test did come back positive?

Speaker 5 (01:11:22):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:11:24):
I mean, I mean not his test, but the other person,
right right, yeah, you know me.

Speaker 5 (01:11:31):
I'm a human being. So the first thing I'm gonna
the first thing I'm gonna do is try to be
consoling or I'm probably gonna talk like this listen real, yeah,
I mean obviously they just got some news that is like, right,
life changing, right do I do I just burn up
the road to just leave, like absolutely not, Like you know,

(01:11:52):
I'm gonna, you know, on a serious note, I'm gonna
be as helpful as I can be. And and and
you know, I'm assuming like this is somebody that I
don't know that well, right, and maybe this is our
first time, maybe we've been hanging out, we've been a
few dates, whatever, and we decided that we were about
to be intimate, and then we get that news. Like
I'm not gonna just like just roll out, like you know,

(01:12:13):
I'm gonna try to try with with with with with
Now I got it, And now of course I got
cheat code advantage that I can call somebody literally from
Gilliad or you know, somebody from my team. I can
call and say, like Hevy in confidentiality, I have a
friend and you know, and and try to be there
like you know, that's that I would imagine that that

(01:12:33):
would be like I can I can imagine.

Speaker 1 (01:12:36):
And luckily, you know Senten right, because at the end
of the day.

Speaker 2 (01:12:39):
There's a path of health forward regardless of your HIV status.
Like there's prevention. You're already on prep, you know what
I mean. Like condoms, like the thing I think that
people don't understand. We're all trying to force them to
get tested. I feel like sometimes I'm screaming it is
because the only problem is not knowing if you have it,

(01:13:00):
you can control it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:00):
You get on medicine, you live life easy. But not
only that, we see Magic Johnson and Cookie. Yeah, baby,
you know what I mean. So there's also a path.

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
Or a relationship and romantic partnership in all of these things,
you know, with medication and things.

Speaker 5 (01:13:18):
But respectfully, though, when we talk about Magic Johnson the Cookie,
be talking about a different generation, you know what I mean,
Like that there's a whole enough, there's a whole enough
that set of demographics you know, from what fourteen to
twenty eight that may not they may not either they
may they may not know or they don't care. You know.

Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
Oh, I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
I think at one point, especially seeing how long Magic
Johnson has lived, there was quite a bit of time
or an era where the conversation around HIV literally ceased
to exist.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
It's almost like they thought it just disappeared though he was,
so I can definitely I'm back then. I was just like,
ain't no way he paid somebody like he got the magic.

Speaker 2 (01:13:59):
Well, even I say, the generation under us, I think
we definitely had enough education to know.

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
How it was.

Speaker 2 (01:14:06):
I actually lost an aunt too to the virus, and so,
you know, it's it's interesting just now seeing that the
conversation is coming back to the front, which I think
is very important because you're right, Inge, I do think
like this younger generation right now just isn't having the conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:14:27):
And even though they're having less sex, I think with
the sensationalizing of raw sex, I think these conversations go
hand in hand. For sure.

Speaker 5 (01:14:38):
It makes it makes for it makes for a very
dangerous time. You know. You think when you think about
where we are, you know, on this political climate, and
you think about what's what what, what's what it's potentially
about to happen in terms of like insurance, growing up
and care and.

Speaker 1 (01:14:56):
The deep funding of planned parenthood.

Speaker 5 (01:14:59):
It's like that, it's it's like the perfect storm. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:03):
I do want to also remind you guys that we did,
in fact have an episode.

Speaker 1 (01:15:10):
This was maybe within our first year. We did have
an episode where.

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
Someone was born with HIV, so I'm gonna make sure
to link that episode in the description here.

Speaker 1 (01:15:22):
But we spoke to someone who literally their.

Speaker 2 (01:15:25):
Mother had it and contracted it prior to being pregnant
and they were born with HIV, so I'll be sure
to link that episode as well in the description of
this file.

Speaker 1 (01:15:36):
Well, Rahiem, I do want to thank you so much
for having this conversation with us. I guess if you
can leave with a final words, I would love to know.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Your final thoughts to getting tested and also just speaking
to our male listeners as well.

Speaker 5 (01:15:52):
Again, you know, anybody is HIV possible, you know what
I mean. So you know, have the conversations you need
to have, you know, learn about crap, you know, see
if it's for you, talk to your primary care physician
about it, you know, educate yourself about it on it
and and and and see if it's for you. And

(01:16:13):
then and then of course for like all the things
that we've been talking about, you can go to Healthy
sexual or Healthy Sexuals with the s dot com, uh,
you know, to give more information.

Speaker 1 (01:16:24):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (01:16:25):
Yeah, it's something that you know that that we continue
to fight and you know, create awareness about you know.
Thank you for having me on the platform. I look
forward to the coming back and having more of a
raw conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:16:38):
Yes, protected, protected, but protect Ratty.

Speaker 2 (01:16:45):
Thank you so very much, And guys, we will be
putting all of the resources and links in the description
of this episode, make sure you also join us over
on patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions where we're gonna
continue the conversation but also provide you with those links
and resources so that you can educate yourself on prep.
The year is almost over, but you definitely want to

(01:17:08):
go into twenty twenty six knowing your status, so make
sure you go ahead and set up those appointments to
get tested. We highly encourage it, and we want to
thank you guys for being educated and edutained while.

Speaker 1 (01:17:21):
Listening to this episode. Thank you so much, and we
will see you next week.

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