May 7, 2025 • 20 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible threatfle guess what, You've got Decisions.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
It's another Wednesday and another You Got Decision, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
We're doing our You Got Decisions from Atlanta in New York.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
This is special.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
This is special because we have a book tour coming up.
We have so many things planned, so we were like,
you know what, we need to take it back old school.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
And if you're an og HI member, y'all always love
the t that was virtual.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
So there's not gonna be much t virtual here because
maybe it's you Got Decisions and we're reading your letters,
and if you haven't yet, make sure you send over
your letter your question to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Before we get into You Got Decisions, make sure that
you pre order No Holds Barred and come join us
(00:59):
bringing the book from the pages to the stages. We're
on tour. Make sure you go to NHB tour dot com.
This week, we are reading a letter from a mail
listener and it's quite interesting, if.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I may say so, in the least.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Now, the subject matter for this is quote unquote reverse
stealthing question mark.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Now, if you guys don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Stealth po oh, stealthing is something that is a criminal act.
And what's crazy about that is I share about my
stealthy experience in the book No Holds Barred under my
sexual assault chapter. So I'm really interesting to get into
this and this stuck out. So again, if you have
(01:52):
a question, make sure you send in your letter to
Decisions pod at gmail dot com so that we could
read it here on our second drop of the week.
You've got decisions. And again, if you want to see
the video of this, make sure you subscribe to our
patreon patreon dot com back slash Horrible Decisions. All right,
let's see if this is actually reverse stelthing Wizie.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Okay, it probably is.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Is it bad that I am quote unquote reverse stealthing
and sometimes faking it with my long term complicated boo?
She and I have been doing the grown up for
over five years with no commitment. However, a few years
ago she had my baby quote unquote, when a couple
(02:39):
of months later DNA proved that it was not mine.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
No big deal, bitch, the tea, No big deal.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
We get back to doing the grown up, I end
up having a baby on her I know, messy.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Now.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Though she is fervently adamant about my baby cream pies
and no condoms, I am not with this idea, however,
So I'm sneaking, slipping in on contraceptive films and during
backshots faking it thoughts. So I don't know how she
(03:19):
doesn't know she's not getting cream pied and I don't
know about contraceptive.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Film I thought she does know, and I think it's
just the turn on what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Like Okay, So for a while my partner and I
were going crazy with the baby kink, like it's also
known as a breeding kink, and it's basically just the
idea that somebody can get you pregnant, or talking about
the cream pies or talking about the type of sex
you're having. Sometimes it's not literal, like literally maybe once
(03:51):
a week, I'm like.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Ooh, get me pregnant. I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
So wait, you think she actually doesn't want to have
a baby by him at all, and she's just saying
it as a part of like dirty talk.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
If if she is really like not noticing, I do
have a feeling she might know that they're just being dirty.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
However, I don't like that there's no other backstory for
this baby that.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Wasn't yours, and why you used to a fucking Also,
when he said we're doing the grown up, I need
to know what this person looks like. Let's reverse engineer
the email. We're doing the grown up.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I guess you know. I never give a fuck about
what nobody looked like.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I believe good looking people and ugly people and everything
in between is fucking.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
My thing was that I'm curious because.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I wonder maybe this isn't a guy because I just
looked up that VCF is vaginal contraceptive, So I don't
understand how the baby wasn't hers or his because I
don't understand how you can use vaginal contraceptive film.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh it's spermicide. How do you get a woman to
do that without her knowing?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Or maybe that's just a part of I'm only gonna
come in you if we do this. So essentially, even
though she wants a baby, he's adding these other elements
so that she doesn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Because now I'm right right like in case okay, because
furmocide is the liquid jump.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, VCF film is a soft square film that dissolves
with your body's natural moisture to create a gel barrier
that coats the service cervix and kills sperm on contact
for up to three hours.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So so many questions, because how have we not taught
you niphing? How are we not teaching you nothing? First
of all, it is one hundred percent okay to tell
someone I don't want to have sex like this. I
don't want to have sex that are protected. This isn't
turning me on.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
I think the fact that oh oh oh wait, wait
wait wait.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Wait, now you're sitting here putting Kimmel.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Wait a second, Wait a second, I'm rereading this, which
I don't know if I like, So I am not
with this idea.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
So I'm sneaking.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
He's slipping in and on contraceptive films during backshots.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So wait a second, he is sneaking.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Contraceptive which is why it's probably reverse celting. So again,
if you guys don't know reverse celthing, it is removing.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
The condom ways removing healthing. That's what I meant.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Selthing is removing the condom without the other person knowing it,
and so essentially he is sneaking and slipping in and
on this contraceptive film, so the VCF is being slid
on and in her during backshots.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Bitch, I don't, I ain't gonna hold you to me.
I never thought of reverse selthing like that.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
But the fact that he is on the opposite end
not technically wanting to get her pregnant, so not having
unprotected sex doesn't sit well with him because clearly he's
aware of the consequences. So he's sneaking contraceptive during the act.
And it's not even like he's sliding on a condom.
(07:17):
He's sliding on vaginal contraceptive.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Like I'm gonna be real with you.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
This is just a testimony, and this is no shade
to the listener, but I guess it is.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
For some reason.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
We have a very difficult time advocating for ourselves when
we're uncomfortable, and we have very difficult times with hard conversations,
and this is why this is happening. For example, one
of my homegirls and her man, whenever they like get
kinky or whatever, she'll say come in me or do
this or no, He'll say, I want to come in you.
She doesn't want to ruin the moment, and then she
(07:50):
ends up taking Plan B. So oh hell no, that
Plan BE cannot be popped like skittles. She's like, it's
not like I'm telling him no, I've never had the
conversation about now. Sometimes I want to get it over with.
Sometimes I just don't want to make it awkward because
it's very sexy, and then I end up being the
one that has to take this thing. I actually do
understand somebody feeling so uncomfortable too, like a.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Conversation being so hard.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But at the end of the day, what you're doing
is absolutely wrong and weird.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
It is. It is weird, Yeah, and I would not
even know.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
She's doing something that you don't want. That's the other
thing too, the whole conversation of I want you to
get me pregnant, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
It could be sex talk, could be serious.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
What you need to do is find out ye talking
about we're having doing grown stuff, nigga, go be grown
grown stuff is also having the conversation.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I mean to me, if you're in a position where
this is clearly just a fuck friend. You guys were
fucking for over five years with no commitment, even after
she thought she was pregnant by you, and DNA proved
that it wasn't your baby. Y'all continued and went back
to clearly sleeping with each other unprotected, you were also
(09:07):
dealing with someone else. So I will say this if
anything else, the fact that you said you had a
baby quote unquote on her.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Brings me to believe and brings me.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
To the conclusion that you're having sex with multiple partners
technically unprotected. You giving her the contraceptive film without her
knowing during backshots also lets me know that in other
positions during the act there is a possibility that there
(09:41):
is no contraceptive at all being used, and so to me,
the conversation has to be had and you need to
let her know. Hey, I do not because you put
not in all caps in this email. Sir, you do
not want a baby with her, and although you enjoy
sleeping with her, you do not want to procreate, which
then in that case, it needs to be a very
(10:03):
serious conversation about sleeping with each other with protection, her
getting on birth control, or you guys stopping the.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Grown up altogether.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Because if we're being real about it, this is so
ghetto for me to say. But It's just something I've
said for a long time. Getting pregnant you can pay.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
To get rid of it. You over here, I have
a grown up time with a woman that.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Was clearly sleeping with someone else when you thought she
had your baby and you so have you heard of
in sexually transmitted disease.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
And you were that part.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I think you got to get your shit together, bro.
I appreciate the vulnerability and being honest about like, hey,
I'm thinking it, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. But
everyone listening, We've all been there. There's been something, whether
it be sexual, romantic anything. In this particular situation, you
gonna end up exactly where you don't want to be,
(11:02):
and it's either with something to burn.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Or with a baby to cry. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
I also want to let you know and this is
I know this is a very stealthing, but you don't
want this to be ever used with you. Recently in
BBC so this is an article from two thy and
twenty four. So just last year a man had nineteen
convictions to what is believed to be first in Scotland
(11:30):
for stealthing. Of course, again where a condom is removed
or not used without a partner's knowledge, and at thirty
five years old, he has been jailed and charged with
the abuse of nine women.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Well, but this.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Is from a twelve year period where he subjected a
lot of his victims to physical, mental, yes, sexual abuse,
but they ended up actually convicting him for stealthing. So
you also don't want to be deemed And I want
to let you know what the police in Scotland coined
(12:06):
this guy to be a dangerous and manipulative sexual predator.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Now that's my thing with this. What you're doing.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
On a psychological side of this thing is you're manipulating
her to believe something is happening during sex that isn't
really happening.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I mean, I guess it's not necessarily quote unquote reverse
in the most horrible way.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Because it's not the most horrible I agree.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Helthing is considered a form of rape, right right, But
the states that ban sell thing, by the way, in
the United States are California, Maine, and Washington. But there
are no other laws covering this. And the interesting thing
about the raids nineteen to thirty two percent of women
have experienced heealthing before the age.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Of thirty five. Yes, and I am of this statistic
I have.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I think the first time I experienced it, it was
almost like a foreman.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I hate the word gaslighting. Good.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
He was just like you ain't tell me you saw it,
like you saw me pull it out, you saw.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
You both times. For me, I did not see it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
And of course men normally will try to make you
feel better by saying things like, oh my god, it
was just feeling so good.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I wanted to feel.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
It all or oh my god, you're just so tight.
I just wanted to like they'll gaslights, So why they
did it? The reason, however, I do want to say,
you can still be considered, and not of course in
the grand scheme, but in terms of being.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Manipulative in the sense of sex.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Sex I say all the time is ninety percent psychological,
ten percent physical. And to me, we've been sitting here
debating for weeks about what happened with the Shannon sharp
Ord deal, and there's so many layers to that, but
one thing that I keep coming back to is the
fact that she explicitly said the things that she didn't
(14:02):
want and you did it anyways. So if this woman
is explicitly saying that she doesn't want protection and you're
doing it anyways, you're violating a verbal agreement, so to speak,
on what the two of you agreed upon. This sexual
experience would be in no way, shape or form, whether
you're putting protection on or technically making this experience quote
unquote safer and of less consequence. I don't think in
(14:26):
any act should you go into an agreement with someone
to say you're going to do something sexually and daring
the act change from doing the thing that you both
agreed upon.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
The largest issue, too, is that there's no communication at all. Yeah,
one girl is I mean that one party is asking
for something and you're complying to that you actually.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Really don't want.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
So the crazier thing about this message is that you're
the one who who is being that avoided.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I feel like the email should be.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Hey, like this guy is saying this to me and
I see this happening.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
It's actually a pretty.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Weak It's the guy who wrote in I know I'm
saying involved normally, Yes, you're right, you're right, you're right.
You know the fact that someone thinks they're doing something
with you that's consensual and it's absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Not like yeah, no, I feel like my feelings would
be hurt.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
If someone was like, hey, I've been slipping on spermicide,
I'd be like, damn.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Why are you just say something you know? Well? Then advice? Then?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Do you think that this is a larger conversation? Does
he admit to what he's been doing or moving forward?
Should he just suggest, Hey, we're not committed. I don't
really want kids right now. I want to only fuck
with protection. How would you advise him?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
He doesn't want to have sex protection, He just doesn't
want to. No, he doesn't want to have kids with her. No, no, no,
he's not using condoms on purpose. He's only doing the
spermicide because of this cream PI talk. So I think
in reality you need to cut all that out because how.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Does he approach the situation because okay, maybe it's not condoms,
but clearly he feels safe for using spermicide. He's using
it without her knowledge. So should he recommend this to her?
How would you suggest? What would your advice be to
him to actually communicating this to this partner?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Oh, I think you've got to make it really nice
and clean and be like, hey, after that whole thing
that happened last time with the baby, it makes me
real uncomfortable when we start talking about babies during sex.
So I want to just leave all that cream price
stuff out, like I want to pull out. That's my
safe form, which by the way, it don't stop.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Baby pull out. Yeah no, no, no, no. We two grown
we in our thirties.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
A man saying I'll pull out to me is not
like enough knowing that you don't want a baby.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's why I'm taking to say that that talk doesn't
turn you on. Well, no, it's she.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
But if he feels comfortable with the contraception being vaginal film,
then that is the contraception that you alert her and
that she agrees to using. It doesn't have to be condoms.
Clearly there's other ways of contraception. But he doesn't want
a baby, and pulling out is not a realistic form
(17:11):
of birth control.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
We all know that as adults.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
So to me, then my advice would be is to
bring this up to her and let it be known
that you do not want children with her, you're not
interested in having any other kids with her, or just
because you don't want them, and to suggest a form
of birth control. Maybe she doesn't want to use VCF,
(17:35):
so then you go to condoms. Maybe she's willing to
get on birth control. There's a lot of options for contraception.
But if you feel safer still engaging in sex with
her with the use of a contraception, that becomes a
conversation that you have with her.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
It's that simple, Like, it's.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Not that you don't like using contraception, because you're using
it just without the knowledge of her. And I think
that maybe you find a way to still make it sexy.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I mean, y'all know, I'm an.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Advocate on safe sex, protected sex, condom, dick, and so
I'm aware that you can still have all the fun.
My advice, too, would be is maybe not saying, you know,
in terms of dirty talk, not that you want to
put a baby inside of her, but that you want
to put all the babies on her, or you want
(18:24):
her to swallow your baby, or you want them on
her back.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
You can place the baby somewhere at else.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Now.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Nandy looked directly into the camera into my soul when
she said it, and I would like to go.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I mean, there's other good advice though, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Yeah, I think there's a way to make protected sex sexy.
And I know that there's all these stigmas and things
said on these podcasts and social media about protected sex
not being sexy, I one hundred percent, one hundred thousand
percent disagree with. And there's a way to still have
(19:01):
protected sex and make it sexy. Trust me, I've done
it with plenty of partners that y'all have heard on
this podcast, and currently doing it with my partner now
and we are exclusive together. So the fact that you
could still have sexy protected sex with someone you're with
or not with definitely takes the conversation, especially in terms
of family planning.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So hope that we helped you. Again.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
If you have any comments on this, make sure you
join our patreon. We love to talk to you. There's
a discord channel where the conversation continues and you could
always leave comments underneath the clip on our social media
at Underscore Decisions Decisions Again, guys, make sure you buy
your ticket and get your pre order no holds barred.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Get your ticket for the.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Tour nhbtour dot com. All right, guys, Well, thank you
guys so much for tuning in to another you Got Decisions.
Make sure you join us every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Bye m
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible threatfle guess what, You've got Decisions.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
It's another Wednesday and another You Got Decision, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
We're doing our You Got Decisions from Atlanta in New York.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
This is special.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
This is special because we have a book tour coming up.
We have so many things planned, so we were like,
you know what, we need to take it back old school.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
And if you're an og HI member, y'all always love
the t that was virtual.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
So there's not gonna be much t virtual here because
maybe it's you Got Decisions and we're reading your letters,
and if you haven't yet, make sure you send over
your letter your question to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Before we get into You Got Decisions, make sure that
you pre order No Holds Barred and come join us
(00:59):
bringing the book from the pages to the stages. We're
on tour. Make sure you go to NHB tour dot com.
This week, we are reading a letter from a mail
listener and it's quite interesting, if.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I may say so, in the least.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Now, the subject matter for this is quote unquote reverse
stealthing question mark.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Now, if you guys don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Stealth po oh, stealthing is something that is a criminal act.
And what's crazy about that is I share about my
stealthy experience in the book No Holds Barred under my
sexual assault chapter. So I'm really interesting to get into
this and this stuck out. So again, if you have
(01:52):
a question, make sure you send in your letter to
Decisions pod at gmail dot com so that we could
read it here on our second drop of the week.
You've got decisions. And again, if you want to see
the video of this, make sure you subscribe to our
patreon patreon dot com back slash Horrible Decisions. All right,
let's see if this is actually reverse stelthing Wizie.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Okay, it probably is.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Is it bad that I am quote unquote reverse stealthing
and sometimes faking it with my long term complicated boo?
She and I have been doing the grown up for
over five years with no commitment. However, a few years
ago she had my baby quote unquote, when a couple
(02:39):
of months later DNA proved that it was not mine.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
No big deal, bitch, the tea, No big deal.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
We get back to doing the grown up, I end
up having a baby on her I know, messy.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Now.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Though she is fervently adamant about my baby cream pies
and no condoms, I am not with this idea, however,
So I'm sneaking, slipping in on contraceptive films and during
backshots faking it thoughts. So I don't know how she
(03:19):
doesn't know she's not getting cream pied and I don't
know about contraceptive.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Film I thought she does know, and I think it's
just the turn on what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Like Okay, So for a while my partner and I
were going crazy with the baby kink, like it's also
known as a breeding kink, and it's basically just the
idea that somebody can get you pregnant, or talking about
the cream pies or talking about the type of sex
you're having. Sometimes it's not literal, like literally maybe once
(03:51):
a week, I'm like.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Ooh, get me pregnant. I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
So wait, you think she actually doesn't want to have
a baby by him at all, and she's just saying
it as a part of like dirty talk.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
If if she is really like not noticing, I do
have a feeling she might know that they're just being dirty.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
However, I don't like that there's no other backstory for
this baby that.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Wasn't yours, and why you used to a fucking Also,
when he said we're doing the grown up, I need
to know what this person looks like. Let's reverse engineer
the email. We're doing the grown up.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I guess you know. I never give a fuck about
what nobody looked like.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I believe good looking people and ugly people and everything
in between is fucking.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
My thing was that I'm curious because.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I wonder maybe this isn't a guy because I just
looked up that VCF is vaginal contraceptive, So I don't
understand how the baby wasn't hers or his because I
don't understand how you can use vaginal contraceptive film.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh it's spermicide. How do you get a woman to
do that without her knowing?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Or maybe that's just a part of I'm only gonna
come in you if we do this. So essentially, even
though she wants a baby, he's adding these other elements
so that she doesn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Because now I'm right right like in case okay, because
furmocide is the liquid jump.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, VCF film is a soft square film that dissolves
with your body's natural moisture to create a gel barrier
that coats the service cervix and kills sperm on contact
for up to three hours.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So so many questions, because how have we not taught
you niphing? How are we not teaching you nothing? First
of all, it is one hundred percent okay to tell
someone I don't want to have sex like this. I
don't want to have sex that are protected. This isn't
turning me on.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
I think the fact that oh oh oh wait, wait
wait wait.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Wait, now you're sitting here putting Kimmel.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Wait a second, Wait a second, I'm rereading this, which
I don't know if I like, So I am not
with this idea.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
So I'm sneaking.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
He's slipping in and on contraceptive films during backshots.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So wait a second, he is sneaking.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Contraceptive which is why it's probably reverse celting. So again,
if you guys don't know reverse celthing, it is removing.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
The condom ways removing healthing. That's what I meant.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Selthing is removing the condom without the other person knowing it,
and so essentially he is sneaking and slipping in and
on this contraceptive film, so the VCF is being slid
on and in her during backshots.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Bitch, I don't, I ain't gonna hold you to me.
I never thought of reverse selthing like that.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
But the fact that he is on the opposite end
not technically wanting to get her pregnant, so not having
unprotected sex doesn't sit well with him because clearly he's
aware of the consequences. So he's sneaking contraceptive during the act.
And it's not even like he's sliding on a condom.
(07:17):
He's sliding on vaginal contraceptive.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Like I'm gonna be real with you.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
This is just a testimony, and this is no shade
to the listener, but I guess it is.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
For some reason.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
We have a very difficult time advocating for ourselves when
we're uncomfortable, and we have very difficult times with hard conversations,
and this is why this is happening. For example, one
of my homegirls and her man, whenever they like get
kinky or whatever, she'll say come in me or do
this or no, He'll say, I want to come in you.
She doesn't want to ruin the moment, and then she
(07:50):
ends up taking Plan B. So oh hell no, that
Plan BE cannot be popped like skittles. She's like, it's
not like I'm telling him no, I've never had the
conversation about now. Sometimes I want to get it over with.
Sometimes I just don't want to make it awkward because
it's very sexy, and then I end up being the
one that has to take this thing. I actually do
understand somebody feeling so uncomfortable too, like a.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Conversation being so hard.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But at the end of the day, what you're doing
is absolutely wrong and weird.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
It is. It is weird, Yeah, and I would not
even know.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
She's doing something that you don't want. That's the other
thing too, the whole conversation of I want you to
get me pregnant, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
It could be sex talk, could be serious.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
What you need to do is find out ye talking
about we're having doing grown stuff, nigga, go be grown
grown stuff is also having the conversation.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I mean to me, if you're in a position where
this is clearly just a fuck friend. You guys were
fucking for over five years with no commitment, even after
she thought she was pregnant by you, and DNA proved
that it wasn't your baby. Y'all continued and went back
to clearly sleeping with each other unprotected, you were also
(09:07):
dealing with someone else. So I will say this if
anything else, the fact that you said you had a
baby quote unquote on her.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Brings me to believe and brings me.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
To the conclusion that you're having sex with multiple partners
technically unprotected. You giving her the contraceptive film without her
knowing during backshots also lets me know that in other
positions during the act there is a possibility that there
(09:41):
is no contraceptive at all being used, and so to me,
the conversation has to be had and you need to
let her know. Hey, I do not because you put
not in all caps in this email. Sir, you do
not want a baby with her, and although you enjoy
sleeping with her, you do not want to procreate, which
then in that case, it needs to be a very
(10:03):
serious conversation about sleeping with each other with protection, her
getting on birth control, or you guys stopping the.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Grown up altogether.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Because if we're being real about it, this is so
ghetto for me to say. But It's just something I've
said for a long time. Getting pregnant you can pay.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
To get rid of it. You over here, I have
a grown up time with a woman that.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Was clearly sleeping with someone else when you thought she
had your baby and you so have you heard of
in sexually transmitted disease.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
And you were that part.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I think you got to get your shit together, bro.
I appreciate the vulnerability and being honest about like, hey,
I'm thinking it, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. But
everyone listening, We've all been there. There's been something, whether
it be sexual, romantic anything. In this particular situation, you
gonna end up exactly where you don't want to be,
(11:02):
and it's either with something to burn.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Or with a baby to cry. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
I also want to let you know and this is
I know this is a very stealthing, but you don't
want this to be ever used with you. Recently in
BBC so this is an article from two thy and
twenty four. So just last year a man had nineteen
convictions to what is believed to be first in Scotland
(11:30):
for stealthing. Of course, again where a condom is removed
or not used without a partner's knowledge, and at thirty
five years old, he has been jailed and charged with
the abuse of nine women.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Well, but this.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Is from a twelve year period where he subjected a
lot of his victims to physical, mental, yes, sexual abuse,
but they ended up actually convicting him for stealthing. So
you also don't want to be deemed And I want
to let you know what the police in Scotland coined
(12:06):
this guy to be a dangerous and manipulative sexual predator.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Now that's my thing with this. What you're doing.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
On a psychological side of this thing is you're manipulating
her to believe something is happening during sex that isn't
really happening.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I mean, I guess it's not necessarily quote unquote reverse
in the most horrible way.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Because it's not the most horrible I agree.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Helthing is considered a form of rape, right right, But
the states that ban sell thing, by the way, in
the United States are California, Maine, and Washington. But there
are no other laws covering this. And the interesting thing
about the raids nineteen to thirty two percent of women
have experienced heealthing before the age.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Of thirty five. Yes, and I am of this statistic
I have.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I think the first time I experienced it, it was
almost like a foreman.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I hate the word gaslighting. Good.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
He was just like you ain't tell me you saw it,
like you saw me pull it out, you saw.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
You both times. For me, I did not see it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
And of course men normally will try to make you
feel better by saying things like, oh my god, it
was just feeling so good.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I wanted to feel.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
It all or oh my god, you're just so tight.
I just wanted to like they'll gaslights, So why they
did it? The reason, however, I do want to say,
you can still be considered, and not of course in
the grand scheme, but in terms of being.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Manipulative in the sense of sex.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Sex I say all the time is ninety percent psychological,
ten percent physical. And to me, we've been sitting here
debating for weeks about what happened with the Shannon sharp
Ord deal, and there's so many layers to that, but
one thing that I keep coming back to is the
fact that she explicitly said the things that she didn't
(14:02):
want and you did it anyways. So if this woman
is explicitly saying that she doesn't want protection and you're
doing it anyways, you're violating a verbal agreement, so to speak,
on what the two of you agreed upon. This sexual
experience would be in no way, shape or form, whether
you're putting protection on or technically making this experience quote
unquote safer and of less consequence. I don't think in
(14:26):
any act should you go into an agreement with someone
to say you're going to do something sexually and daring
the act change from doing the thing that you both
agreed upon.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
The largest issue, too, is that there's no communication at all. Yeah,
one girl is I mean that one party is asking
for something and you're complying to that you actually.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Really don't want.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
So the crazier thing about this message is that you're
the one who who is being that avoided.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I feel like the email should be.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Hey, like this guy is saying this to me and
I see this happening.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
It's actually a pretty.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Weak It's the guy who wrote in I know I'm
saying involved normally, Yes, you're right, you're right, you're right.
You know the fact that someone thinks they're doing something
with you that's consensual and it's absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Not like yeah, no, I feel like my feelings would
be hurt.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
If someone was like, hey, I've been slipping on spermicide,
I'd be like, damn.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Why are you just say something you know? Well? Then advice? Then?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Do you think that this is a larger conversation? Does
he admit to what he's been doing or moving forward?
Should he just suggest, Hey, we're not committed. I don't
really want kids right now. I want to only fuck
with protection. How would you advise him?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
He doesn't want to have sex protection, He just doesn't
want to. No, he doesn't want to have kids with her. No, no, no,
he's not using condoms on purpose. He's only doing the
spermicide because of this cream PI talk. So I think
in reality you need to cut all that out because how.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Does he approach the situation because okay, maybe it's not condoms,
but clearly he feels safe for using spermicide. He's using
it without her knowledge. So should he recommend this to her?
How would you suggest? What would your advice be to
him to actually communicating this to this partner?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Oh, I think you've got to make it really nice
and clean and be like, hey, after that whole thing
that happened last time with the baby, it makes me
real uncomfortable when we start talking about babies during sex.
So I want to just leave all that cream price
stuff out, like I want to pull out. That's my
safe form, which by the way, it don't stop.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Baby pull out. Yeah no, no, no, no. We two grown
we in our thirties.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
A man saying I'll pull out to me is not
like enough knowing that you don't want a baby.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's why I'm taking to say that that talk doesn't
turn you on. Well, no, it's she.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
But if he feels comfortable with the contraception being vaginal film,
then that is the contraception that you alert her and
that she agrees to using. It doesn't have to be condoms.
Clearly there's other ways of contraception. But he doesn't want
a baby, and pulling out is not a realistic form
(17:11):
of birth control.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
We all know that as adults.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
So to me, then my advice would be is to
bring this up to her and let it be known
that you do not want children with her, you're not
interested in having any other kids with her, or just
because you don't want them, and to suggest a form
of birth control. Maybe she doesn't want to use VCF,
(17:35):
so then you go to condoms. Maybe she's willing to
get on birth control. There's a lot of options for contraception.
But if you feel safer still engaging in sex with
her with the use of a contraception, that becomes a
conversation that you have with her.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
It's that simple, Like, it's.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Not that you don't like using contraception, because you're using
it just without the knowledge of her. And I think
that maybe you find a way to still make it sexy.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I mean, y'all know, I'm an.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Advocate on safe sex, protected sex, condom, dick, and so
I'm aware that you can still have all the fun.
My advice, too, would be is maybe not saying, you know,
in terms of dirty talk, not that you want to
put a baby inside of her, but that you want
to put all the babies on her, or you want
(18:24):
her to swallow your baby, or you want them on
her back.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
You can place the baby somewhere at else.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Now.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Nandy looked directly into the camera into my soul when
she said it, and I would like to go.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I mean, there's other good advice though, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Yeah, I think there's a way to make protected sex sexy.
And I know that there's all these stigmas and things
said on these podcasts and social media about protected sex
not being sexy, I one hundred percent, one hundred thousand
percent disagree with. And there's a way to still have
(19:01):
protected sex and make it sexy. Trust me, I've done
it with plenty of partners that y'all have heard on
this podcast, and currently doing it with my partner now
and we are exclusive together. So the fact that you
could still have sexy protected sex with someone you're with
or not with definitely takes the conversation, especially in terms
of family planning.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So hope that we helped you. Again.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
If you have any comments on this, make sure you
join our patreon. We love to talk to you. There's
a discord channel where the conversation continues and you could
always leave comments underneath the clip on our social media
at Underscore Decisions Decisions Again, guys, make sure you buy
your ticket and get your pre order no holds barred.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Get your ticket for the.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Tour nhbtour dot com. All right, guys, Well, thank you
guys so much for tuning in to another you Got Decisions.
Make sure you join us every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Bye m
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