May 11, 2023 • 56 mins
The beauty of motherhood. Myleik Teele joins this episode to discuss the healing opportunities of being a mother; to be more creative, finding joy, and reconnecting with your inner child. Every mother has their journey, and as we raise and nurture divine beings it is important to be in a space to receive what they are here to offer us as well.
There are over 27 million Black moms in America, and we are some of the most isolated and unsupported women in our society. Myleik is working to change that. She is the founder of CURLBOX, a mother of two, and behind the online community for moms, Myleik+Mommas is dedicated to helping mothers build their village one connection at a time.
How would you parent, if you had access to more information?
Connect: @DeviBrown @Myleik
Learn More: Myleik+Mommas
Subscribe: Devi Brown's YouTube Channel
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it now,
release slowly again deep in helle hold release, repeating internally
(01:02):
to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply,
deeply well. I I am deeply deep well. I am
(01:24):
deeply well. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply
Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well. Hi, I'm Debbie Brown.
(01:44):
This is your soft place to land. This is a
show where we are curious, we are creative, and we
are connected to an intention of higher consciousness and transformation.
This is where you heal, this is where you become.
This episode, wow, I am. I always feel deeply open, grateful,
(02:09):
enthusiastic for every guest that comes on this show, but
this one a little bit different. This is going to
take it up a match. I am really blessed today
on this show to have one of my dearest friends,
a woman who I admire, I love, and who brings
so much depth, joy, intention, introspection and real tools to
(02:32):
so many in the world today. I am joined by
my leak teal. Let me give you a little rundown
on my leak before we get started. My leak And
is astute business woman who unapologetically pursues excellence in all
that she does. My Leak Teal is a founder and
chief Experience officer of CurlBOX, the first monthly subscription service
(02:56):
for naturally textured hair. Through her notable career as a
public reallygations executive, major clients and brands across many industries
such as entertainment, tech, and beauty have sought her talents
as a consultant and collaborator. A teacher at heart, her
wildly popular podcast My Taught You has become her global
classroom where women from all walks of life tune in
(03:19):
for guidance and a healthy dose of motivation to live
life on their own terms. Recently, she's launched an online
community empowering Black Moms. My Leak's work centers on black women,
and the most significant intention behind her work is to
be of service to black women who aren't afraid to
do the internal work external success hinges on. When she's
(03:42):
not working on building her empire and speaking around the country,
you can find her exploring the world through travel or
hidden behind pages of a good book.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Welcome my Leash, thank you for having me. I'm thrilled
to be here, thrilled.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I'm like so we're friends friends, right, friends, Yes, yes,
we're definitely you know, you'll see us hopping in each
other's comments and all that, but we're friends in real life.
So it was really fun because before this episode we
spent the morning together. Yes, and I had to be like, wait,
we got to stop talking because we got to save
we have to save some for the show today or
(04:22):
the show the last time. Well, I recently had an
amazing opportunity to be on your show as you took
over the Samsung stage. Yes, in New York. My leek
had us on billboards in Times Square, Honey, I did.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It was fun.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
It was so fun. Yeah, before that, I was on
your show five years ago. I can't believe when we
were both pregnant, Yes, our sons. And you know, something
we have been reflecting on is that journey of kind
of highly irritated pregnant women.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yes, highly, highly please go back and find it.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
But we were like reading people there, right, we were
don't touch my belly.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yes, and don't ask me what I'm having, don't ask
me the name, but like we were hot hot.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
We were. We were and miserably pregnant together.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yes, yes, and something that you share quite a bit
with your audience, and something that I love to share
is how soft and syrapy and slow we've been able
to become as mothers over the last five years, and
(05:37):
how much our motherhood has radically healed us, transformed us,
and given us access to parts of ourselves that were
always there but maybe lied a little bit dormant. Yes,
so I would love to start there, my leak as
someone that has really, I mean, you have been substantially
(06:00):
out pouring in your work in a multitude of ways
for a very long time. Yeah, in a way that
has uplifted so many that have found you as someone
that was always in an elevated position of teaching, tell
me some of the things that you have been learning
and embodying over these last several years.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Oh my goodness. Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I think about the last conversation we had on my
podcast and how we were just talking about the pregnancy,
and I don't even know what I expected motherhood to be,
But if I had tried to guess on that day,
I would have never even I wouldn't have gotten close
to what I thought it was going to be.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And so.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Becoming a mother has, I mean, one of the first
lessons was allowing people to help me. I needed help
and asking for help. You know, that was the first
you know, you spend those first two weeks. I didn't
really know what I was doing, and you come over.
Somebody helped me. Learning to ask for help. As my
(07:08):
kids have grown up, you know, accessing silliness like I
was not ever allowed to be silly as a kid,
and so you know, in the moments that I'm like
wanting my my children to like, you know, I am
wanting cooperation sometimes and when I'm wanting that instead of
(07:29):
leaning on what I know, being stern, being short, I
have found that I get more cooperation when I am
silly and I join in and I'm using the words
and I'm and I'm doing a booty shake, you know,
and everyone's there losing it, you know, and sometimes you know,
we're doing a dance, and I I didn't know how
much the relationship that I have with my children would
(07:53):
heal my inner child.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
I just didn't know.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Tears already for I mean, yeah, I relate so deeply
to that. And when you talk about like the silliness,
right the freedom that you know, it's interesting we're in this,
We're in such a powerful time that I'm really excited about, right,
like all the paradigm shifts we have all been living
through and are still living through, and all especially especially
(08:21):
for women of color, this new agency and sovereignty that
we are coming into in a large collective. Right, We've
always had the outliers, yeah, but the majority, you know,
having large bodies of people come into new awarenesses around
how we can shift the way we love our children. Yeah,
we feel about our children, the way we love and
(08:43):
tend to and feel about ourselves. It is so powerful
and so dynamic, but it really does. The ease is
in the surrendering. But it requires a significant amount of
presence with Yes, it requires a significant amount to be
(09:04):
this soft Like it's not just the hashtag soft girl star,
I want to live a soft life. Like, to live
a soft life, you have to dive into the depths
of your own spirit to free yourself enough to be soft.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Come on, yes, you know it's the curiosity that this requires, Like,
the softness requires this curiosity of you know, everything that
triggers you has a story to tell. And so I
mean it started with like crying. Yeah, crying was such
a trigger for me, and instead of getting angry, I
(09:43):
got curious, you know, instead of turning it off, I
got curious in motherhood with my you know, my son
wants endlessly. This is a child that never stops wanting.
And I got curious of like, why does this bother
me so much? Why am I so bothered by the
(10:06):
fact that he wants more than what I've given him,
you know? And what I had to learn is that
if I want to help him maintain the access to
his desires, so many of us don't have access to
our desires.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
And I knew I was there.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
If I want to help him maintain that, I have
to be okay with him wanting more. And I think
sometimes in parenting we think wanting more means giving more. Yeah,
I'm not doesn't mean I'm giving more.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Which then triggers in a lot of people, Yes, this
feeling of lack are not enoughness, or especially if you know,
if it's the toys, Yes I got you a toy,
I can't get you, whether it's financial hardship or just
you know, the discipline, right, But what that triggers inside, Yes,
what we take those things to mean about us?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Absolutely, and just getting to a point where I can
say to my son, you know, he wants another kick
pop and I go, oh my god, pink cake pop,
And I said, cake pops are good.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Cake pops are good.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
And there is nothing wrong with them wanting another one,
but we are not having a second one today. My
job is to keep you safe, and I am going
to keep you safe with one cakepop today. And then
I just bring him up and like, but we can
revisit tomorrow, and he's like cool.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
You know, isn't it interesting? Like I would love your
thoughts on this. Something I I've experienced and that I
think about is the ease and just explaining to your
child right. And I think that from previous generations that
(11:46):
was there's again, there's always been outliers, So there's always
been some people that did have really emotionally evolved community
and parents and adults in all the.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Aspects of your lives. Yep, I would dare to say
that is.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Nowhere near the norm for the maturity of people living
on earth. No, but that piece of it was a
piece that was always withheld. And I think in a
lot of ways, so many of our parents didn't get
to explore themselves for real.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
No, they got to explore parts.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Of themselves that were possible in those times, but that
deeper emotional depth of their own experience, which could free
them to then have the space to allow you know,
many of us to be our full selves. Yes, that
piece of it. It's always like what I you know,
do what I say? No, what I do that makes
utterly no sense, that's gaslighting like other pieces of just no,
(12:34):
I just said no. And it's like, well, sometimes you're
you're trying as a young person to understand life, so
you need the explanation.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You need the explanation, and it needs to know how
it's you know, it's not a respecting But there was
something I was talking about recently and about how my
son we were just talking about this idea of like
what are some of the things that he's done that
that have kind of like made you feel it? And
I'm like, oh about the time when he told me
(13:02):
he wanted to slap me in my face, like not
just slap me, but in my face. And something that
the child' psychologists brought up to me as she goes
what would life be like if you were unafraid of
your caregiver like your parents?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Like like this.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
When someone is unafraid they get to explore try things.
I mean, how children are so powerless. How powerful is
it to just even if you don't want to do it,
to just want to say it and to know that
they can safely get that out with you, you know,
and even just doing my own inner work instead of like,
(13:44):
you know, I'm looking like okay, but just realizing, like wow,
feeling so proud that like you feel safe to throw
that out with me. And I know, I know how
you feel about me, I know the truth of our relationship,
but I also recognize that as you grow, these are
just some of the things that have to happen.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
It's like I would like for you to practice all
of these things with me in a safe place. I
don't want you to go out in the world and
tell someone else that you know, in a place that's
not safe. And so yeah, it has been a ton
of work for me to just say, you know, in
all of those moments where that I didn't get to
(14:24):
do any of these things and where no one explained
anything to me, to just allow my kids to try
and evolve and when they're safe and I'm afraid, you know,
like they are their truest self. Yes, and I everyone
deserves to have a place where they can be their
(14:46):
truest self.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
God, that is so beautifully real. And because everything always
has an exchange on the other side of that, it's like,
now I privileged to witness you, Yes, as you grow
as your truest self. Right, I am not trying to
control the outcomes of you, And I'm not trying to
control your emotions in a way that makes me feel
(15:10):
most calm, yeah, or you know, most makes me feel
best in my space. I'm now able to witness the
way your mind and spirit are processing this guidance and
who that allows you to become.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
And it set me free, Yes, it set me free
as you know it fills you as it extends completely. Yes,
it's just, you know, if I can do this for them,
I can do this for me.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
And so allowing myself the space in the room to
feel what I feel and to feel safe in our home.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
I don't know. I didn't expect. I didn't expect any of.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
This when I became a parent, and just the softness
of just you know, I don't know that prior to
having children, I was even available to truly receive love.
Yeah you know, and yeah I am seven incapable of
denying their attempts, requests, you know, bids for love, you know,
(16:13):
and so they have they have really they have brought
me places, uh for sure?
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Tell me how this deepened awareness and this this expanded
sense of self compassion and patience for self, right, because
that's that's what we're really learning. Like every time you're
patient for your kids, melt down, every time that you're
present enough to let them have this moment and not
(16:41):
feel like you have to control it or force something,
it teaches us a new It gives us access to
more capacity within ourselves to mirror that for ourselves. Right Like,
now that grace is transferable for me, Now that acceptance
is transferable for me. Now one mistake doesn't mean something
(17:03):
is so over bearingly hard, you know, it doesn't have
to mean something about me?
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Right right now, you have space totally. With space.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Comes the opportunity to call in limitless possibilities. It comes in,
you know, the opportunity to have more creativity. Yes, where
has this space that you've created inside taken you? As?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Ah, my goodness? I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Being able to invest more time you know in those
moments where I've rushed myself along all the time. Get
over it, get past it. You can do this, you know,
get over it. And it's like just giving myself room,
you know, I had there was a period of my time,
(17:54):
maybe like a year ago, where I was just really best, worried, concerned.
I felt very alone in some things. And before I
would just like, you know, like feelings aren't facts.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
You got this that that that.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
You know, and it's like, well, maybe feelings aren't pacts,
but feelings are information and you get to feel, you
get to feel, and you don't have to run those
feelings off. And so this space and this capacity, and
I didn't even realize this making a home for every
(18:35):
part of me inside of my body instead of trying
to chase it off.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
And so I.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Remember I would be I would be so worried, and
you know, I could feel it coming in my body
and I would just hold myself like I like to
hold my face like either here or hold my shoulders,
and I would say to that part of myself, I
would say, I'm not gonna I'm not going to run
(19:00):
you away.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
I'm not going to run you away.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And some deep breaths and really just being okay with
It's okay if I feel worried, you know, I don't
have to. I was just spinning my wheels, always trying
to push off that feelings. Oh I should just you know, positivity,
I should feel good. Let me read a positive mantra.
And it's like, I don't know, I'm just I'm feeling
(19:25):
sucky today, and I'm going to invite that feeling in,
make a home for it, breathe with it. And I
don't know, I didn't realize that I could live with
all of the parts of me, like true acceptance, you know,
because if I can look at my children and be
really generous with what they might be feeling, like, why
(19:46):
can't I do that for myself? And so I have
been and I don't know, it's just it's made me
truly feel so much better about myself, you know, welcoming
those parts to me that I pushed away for so long.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yes, yeah, it's just the most exquisite feeling beyond. And
it's so interesting because I think, you know, for a
lot of decades, we were collectively our consciousness was stuck
in this loop of motivation and positivity. And when I
(20:27):
was coming into my space as a teacher, and when
I was, you know, really beginning to build my acumen
and being trauma informed, It's like I rejected so much
of that because I realized that's that's what everyone always did,
that's what everyone's parents always did. It was bypasses, move
through it, don't feel it, just okay, come to the
(20:48):
other thought. And I think, what people, and I say
this with grace, right, because this is a tool that
requires a lot of presence with self, a lot of
willingness to be in your shadows. What a lot of parents,
what a lot of people, what a lot of friends
who want to rush people out of a feeling don't
realize is how incredibly detrimental that is to the other
(21:12):
person's mental health. Like it's not just a matter of
your comfort of trying to like, oh, I don't know
what to say, so let me just try to make
them feel positive, let me distract them, you know, especially
when you're doing that with your children, for like their
whole childhood.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Their whole childhood, it is so so so detrimental to
the formation of their actual identity completely.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
It's detrimental to their development of their emotional life, their
mental life, their spiritual life, like those small moments that
seem so fast. As a parent or a friend or
however you are showing up for someone, it seems like, well,
that was just one conversation that afternoon, we got out
of it. I'll have other chances to do better. Or okay,
(21:58):
well life will get easier, you know, they'll move past it.
Those are the experiences that shape us completely. Our entire
identity in life is based on the tiny details in
the moments. It's based on the crisises that only happen
once in a while. And when you're not present for that,
(22:19):
or you don't have the ability to help someone just
be present with themselves in their own emotions, you're shutting
off what they're here to know as a human being,
as a spirit embodied on earth, as a person. You
are ending their capacity to ever meet that need for themselves.
(22:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
One of the greatest gifts that I learned and I
have used with my daughters just too, and so she's
getting there and I have more skills with her, But
with my son, one of the greatest gifts I have
is telling him I believe you. I believe you, you know,
even if I don't understand it. You know, it's like
(23:02):
he has a full meltdown over being given the wrong
color cup.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
You know, I believe you that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
You know, I don't ever want to be in the
business of like denying his emotional experience because I don't
understand it or doesn't make sense to me. I believe you.
I believe this is a big deal for you. And
I remember the very first time I said that to him.
You know, he's screaming he doesn't want to go to school,
and I said, I believe you, and it.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Was like stop in his tracks.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I believe you.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
And it's just been so helpful. And I'm like, if
we're sitting with friends, we've been in those situations right
where you're with a friend and something happens to him
that maybe and when I go back into this, it's
like that maybe when't it just amazed me like that,
you know, and it's like, I believe you.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Yeah, that hurt.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I don't know what you experienced before you arrived at
this experience.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yes, the context of the moment, I don't have everything.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
To it, but it's like I believe you.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I do, And so that's just been so helpful and
just applying that it's like all of the stuff that
I all of the stuff that I do with my kids.
You know what it helps me, de Wie. It helps
me see the inner child and everyone that I engage
with where I just I see whatever you know, someone
is coming to me with or whatever they're going through.
I can think about all the ways that maybe their
(24:21):
needs weren't met. And so now here we are, you know,
we aren't.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Engaging as adults.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, completely, you know it's like I'm engaging with here
in a child. Well, maybe didn't have their needs met.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
And age is not something we control, right, none can
grow into the physical form of what is a quote
unquote in our species adult human, an adult human, and
that has nothing to do with your internal life, no emotional,
mental capacity.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Your internal age. You were like, what is that?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, it's really I mean something that was really freeing
for me was I. I remember years ago I was
dealing with some frustrating, painful experiences and I remember my
therapist said, look at everyone as if they're three years old.
Use a voice with even the people you don't like
when you're reexperiencing these situations privately as if they were three.
(25:20):
And so I had some significant experiences with a couple people,
and those experiences were not repairable in any way. There
was never going to be access to me again. But
to come to my own peace with it, I made
it a practice to think about them every day for
twenty minutes on purpose, but imagining them as children, yes,
(25:41):
and then talking to them in my life and my
own dialogue in my mind as a three year old
version of them.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And you know, the first couple times it pisses you off, right,
you're just like now, but this person, you know, depending
on what people do. And I'm not saying that this
is easy, it's right because there are some things that
you experience at the hands of other people that feel
utterly unforgivable, yes, or things that did not receive your consent.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
So this is a practice that if it resonates and
as needed, could be helpful. And also something else may
may be needed. But that freed me in such a
way to just be able to see that we are
all children with unmet needs. At some point, at.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Some point, everyone, everyone, no one, we won't meet We
won't meet all of our children's needs.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, we won't.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
God, But I think I'm doing such a good.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I don't know, but it's like as humans, you know,
and it's my fault was something, yeah, for sure. But
the thing that I look forward to doing when that
time comes is saying I believe you, yeah, and I'm
you know, and I can apologize and I'm sorry that
I wasn't able to meet that need. And I think
that's a lot of what we all are just wanting
to hear.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yes, it is just the accountability, that's it.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Yeah, but accountability is not.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
Easy deeply, Well, talk to me about my leak.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Mamas. You created a really amazing group of women in
a multitude of way. Is like you have a forum,
you have an amazing newsletter with so many tools. You
have meetups that are happening all around the country with
black moms. Yes, you know, coming as someone that especially
(27:41):
from what I know about you as a woman, as
someone that has always sought to serve, You've always sought
to share wisdom, whatever wisdom you got, I've always seen
you say how do I get this out of me
and into the world in service to other people? Yes,
you've always been doing that. But then this next layer
(28:02):
of really supporting black moms, yes, and really sharing information
creating safe space to explore a lot of parents from
family systems that weren't into this. You know what we're
calling it now, this quoe unquote gentle parenting. Right, tell
me about the formation of this part of your life?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Of this was I, you know there once I became
a parent and I realized how unacknowledged black mothers are,
and just across the board, it's this idea of like,
you know, I think it's like eighty percent of black
(28:45):
mothers work, so there's no like meetup for a working
mom to go have coffee at eight thirty.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Or nine thirty. She's at work. You know, she's working.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
And you know, I was thinking to myself, just because
I've created a flexible life for myself, you know, I'm
able to I can read more. And I kept saying
to myself, how would a black mother, how would she
show up if she had more info. It's like, I'm
not trying to tell you what to do, but I
want you to know that, like, hey, here's what you
(29:19):
need to know about this. Here's what you need to
know about that. Here's what I read, almost like a
cheat off my paper. I've had the time because what
I realized very quickly after I brought my second baby home.
I was like, there is no joy in this if
you cannot regulate your emotions, all the crime, all the work,
you know, and so little by little, Debbie I started with.
(29:42):
I started with just an email newsletter of like, this
is all the stuff I found, This is all the
stuff I needing you and I you've been paying me.
You need these sheets for better sleep, you know. So
I'm like, Okay, when you're in this, when you're in
this space and you are just depleted and sleep deprived,
you really do need someone to just hand it over
to you. And so so I started doing the newsletter
and then people just kept pinging me. I would I'd
(30:05):
be out in the world and everyone that would stop
me would just be like, you know, I'm not a mother,
but all of the things that you share they really
help me. Or I am a mother, or my kid's nineteen,
you know. And so I was out one day, Debbie,
and a woman stopped me and was like, I have
a three year old, and you know, I keep up
with what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
I'm in your group.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And my son was just having a hard time one day.
He's screaming and crying and I offered him a hug,
and essentially she was just like, it works, and it's
not just about us trying to raise better humans, because
we are, but it's like it's about us wanting to
be better humans. We want to be we want to
(30:45):
feel better as we do this.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
And so.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
The group what I started to realize as we were
in just like community, and I was like, I can't
believe I'm going to do this because I am a
person who's like I love people.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
But this might be too much for me.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
But the call just kept saying, my league not just
I don't want just want you to show up in
an email. I don't want you to show up in
a farm. I want you to just show up in person.
And so we started gathering in person and we had
to meet up recently where we rented out an entire
sort of like play space, and you just have twenty
(31:23):
two black moms and little black kids like the Squeels
and the Freedom Like there were some kids who didn't
want to join. And in my experience, you know, back
in the day, it would be like you get over there,
like there would be all this like this pride of
like I need to show you how good of a
parent I am by how well my kid cooperates, and
(31:44):
you just had some kids just kind of like nah.
And it was just the freedom of like some kids
were participating, some kids weren't, but all kids were free
and all moms were free. And I was like, we
need more of this, more of this, please, And so.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
We do we do play days. We do.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
We had like a little Christmas party, uh. And I
mean and we are playing games, Debbie. I mean, I
just the playfulness that we are welcoming into our lives.
So it's not just a playd eight for the kids.
The moms are playing. So the mamas are playing, they're gardening,
they're sharing stories, they're saving money. You know, we're talking
(32:23):
about generational wealth doesn't mean anything without generational health, mental health,
you know. And we're parenting for the lifelong relationship. Our
kids are going to be out of our home far
longer than they're going to be in there.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
And so we heard a time. Yes we you know
what is it?
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Roots and wings? Like I want you to fly, but
I would like for you to know that, like this
is where your roots are and for you to want
to come back and see and see me and even today,
I still ask my son, I mean, I know, I
know you're going to go, but do you think you'll
ever come back?
Speaker 3 (33:01):
You'll ever come back and visit mob for holidays? You know.
It's like when they get partnered.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I'm like, like, how can I how do I get
on the top of the list. Everyone's welcome, bring everyone,
bring everyone in. So yeah, and so I just I
love the mamas. I love watching them sort of transform
and be in community with each other and make friends
and learn, and so it is the thing that I
(33:28):
wake up and I want to do every day, you know,
is check on my mom's check on the kids. You know,
because a free mom, I mean a free black mother
can literally change the world.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
So we're loving on those babies, love and sharing pictures
Easter fits. We did see them in the in the
outfits and the smiles, the joy, the smiles on all
those little kids' faces because they're mothers are for your
working towards freedom.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Yeah, it's huge for me.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
God, and especially like I'm thinking of especially like the
single moms, yes, or in that group, like as someone
that was raised by a single mom, that is a
single mom, Like yeah, that feeling of being able to
be in that community but also not have to, you know,
like it's an extra lift. It is like to be
(34:26):
in community, there is an extra kind of layer when
you're doing it alone.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Completely.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I did something small for so we have a separate
section for sort of single mothers in our group, and
because this probably won't be out by then, I put
I did a post and I said in this in
the form that we have for single moms, if you
if you think that you may not get a card
(34:52):
or any acknowledgment on Mother's Day, I want you to
send me your address. And like one by one, I
wrote each my single mom a card and I said,
you deserve to be celebrated every day.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Wow, you are.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Loved and you are enough, and you are doing an
incredible job. And it's like, one by one I wrote
out and I set them on Mai. Also by they
won't know this, but by the week of Mothers Day,
all of the single moms in our group that gave
me their address, we'll get a card for me because
that matters to me. This is hard and I'm not
(35:31):
a single mom, so I can't even imagine.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
And so.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'm like, I just wanted to do that because I
don't know if you think you're gonna wake up and
not get anything like, oh, here's what I need you to.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Know this every day, every day you deserve a day.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
So I did that, Oh, full chills, Like, yeah, that's
so powerful, my leak. Yeah, that's a piece that you know.
I think also like if you're not in a relationship
that feels fully supportive to your parenting, it's the case, yes,
you know, when you're a single parent, you don't really
(36:10):
get a lot of feedback on your parenting, right, so
there is never even an acknowledgment of any choice you're making,
or of anything that's going well or anything.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
You know.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
It's like, yes, you're not even getting pictures of yourself
and your child except the superposed ones that you're asking
someone to take for you. But you don't even get
to see, you know, a full understanding of like how
how how is my parenting? How does it look? How
do we look together? Yeah, experience, how do we know?
Speaker 5 (36:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (36:42):
How do you look? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:44):
It's really there's a lot to those dynamics. And I
say this to say, you know, for everyone listening and
some of what my leak and I are kind of
expanding on here for the things that resonate, take them
for the areas that don't leave them. But look at
your own experience with a little more nuance, you know,
(37:05):
because sometimes even when we're trying to understand what our
needs are so that we can meet them, we have
to go into so many crevices of the experience to
see all the ways that it's showing up so that
we can feel like our lives are enough, you know.
That's the desire, Like our circumstance isn't always going to change,
(37:27):
right There is not always this easily wrapped in a
bow resolution for what it is. But it's the acknowledgment
of this is my present moment, and then diving into
those crevices allows you to say, yes, this is true,
and how do I feel good about whatever my experience is?
(37:48):
How can I get more present with whatever my experience
is so that it can be enough for right now?
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Absolutely, I look at all those different corners.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Something I was doing recently is I've just been thinking
about in the back of my mind mothering through the night,
because night time is hard.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
It is so hard.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
When you know someone's screaming and crying or just waking
up for whatever reason, wetting the bed, all the things
that happen when you have to like mother through the night.
And I've been just trying to be more present as
often as I can in that of like, yes, I'm exhausted,
Yes I'm tired. How can I show up and like
mother through the night?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
You know? And so even just that thought helps me.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
You know, I'm softer when I come in my energy,
and I've noticed that we can, you know, move along
whatever is happening through the night when I just can
change my mind of like, all right, not like I'm tired,
you know, I'm mothering through the night. Now it's a
different it's a different cat, it's a different it's a different.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Deeply, well, you know, we've been just waxing so beautifully
poetic about the feelings of the softness, of the freedom
right doing the work, done the work, when you're just letting.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Yourself live the work.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
Talk to me about how, over the last you know,
five years, all of this nourishment that's come in from
being a mother, how has this softness changed you as
a friend and as a business woman?
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Oh my goodness, I can tell you that I as
a business woman, I'll start with that one, because I
feel like I have so much more empathy. I have
so much more empathy for people that I did not
have before. I don't even know that I saw people
(39:55):
that I worked with as actual people. Wow, I don't
know that I did. And now I can see the
people that I work with as you know, I can
see all of them or more of them, you know,
And so that has just been so helpful for me.
(40:16):
The parts of the softness, which you know, some of
the parts of the softness have been even just this
is going to be just my desire for more, you know.
Sometimes we think like just in as I sort of
repairent myself around this with my son, of like just
wanting more of like I can ask for more in
(40:37):
a situation, it's not just about what I you know,
taking what I get.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
It's like what do I want?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
And so that has been sort of crazy for me
because I think, you know, I've always been like about
my hustle and about my grind and going after it,
but I wasn't really I don't know if I if
I valued myself, you know, in the way that I
feel like I do now. So from a business standpoint,
I definitely feel that and more boundaried. You know, I
(41:07):
think that I really want to like save everyone that's
like my thing, and it's like I can't, and I
just I am so much more clear, you know. I
used to be afraid of that. You know, so many
people are like, oh, yeah, I can have hard conversations,
but I couldn't. I really couldn't, you know. And so
I have been able to stay up front like, hey,
(41:28):
this is what's going to work for me, and this
is what isn't and if you aren't able to do this,
there's nothing wrong with you. I'm just letting you know
what I'm able to do, and so not sort of
pinning people or sort of like labeling people based on
like my needs, like these are just my needs and
if you aren't able to be my needs, I totally understand.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Just not a good bit.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
So that has been helpful as a friend. In the
same way, I am able to see more parts of people.
I am able to recognize the love and my friendships
(42:08):
that I don't think I was able to see before,
you know, like I don't and you and I have
talked about this intimacy and friendship and really just being
able to tell I think I have so badly wanted
(42:28):
to tell people how special I think they are, wow,
how much they mean to me, and realizing prior to
having my children that I didn't have the language. I
really just didn't even know what to say. And you
and I have jokes. It's like I'm just like blurting
out like I need you to know you matter, but
(42:50):
I don't have the words, and finding the words you know.
With my children and even sometimes they'll give me the
words I will look for the words of just like
I need them to know how much I love them,
how much I love being their friend in the way
that I love being their mom, like I love being
your friend, I love spending time with you. And so
(43:15):
I've had such a like a like a the other day,
I was like, I post it on Instagram, like I
don't know what is happening to me, but my heart
is like blowing open and I can't even stop it.
And it's like everywhere I go I say something, you
have a lovely day, not a good day.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
I need you to have a lovely day.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
You know.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
It's like I feel like free to be, you know,
to pour syrup on everything as often as I want to,
and it's like I don't need it back because I
got it's all in me, you know.
Speaker 3 (43:49):
So it's like you take it.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
I have an overflow, you take it like you don't
have to give it back, you know. But I'm like,
you know, just walking around and just the things that
I feel like I can now I'll say freely to people,
you know, without fear or without expectation, you know, of
like oh are they going to think? It's like think whatever,
You're lovely, you look wonderful.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
Everything's great. You know. It's like you're shining. Look at you.
You know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
So I feel free to be that with my friends
in a way that I don't think I ever. I
don't think I ever was, you know. I was always
so afraid to just tell people how like impressed I
am with some maybe work that they said, or a sentence.
It seems silly. But in the way that I can
like sort of like lose it over my kid doing
something so small and simple, I feel like that with
(44:36):
my friends, Like that sentence you just wrote, that was it,
And I'm like I get to do that and you
get to feel whatever. But I said it and I
mean it. So it's been ugh. I think the the
freedom to be able to share what I feel and yeah,
(45:00):
to like let my heart be wide, and to not
be afraid of what could happen if I if I.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
Yeah, if you share.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Joy. Yes, Yes, I.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
Remember I had a moment with you. I don't think
I've shared this with you before, but we were.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm already
sitting here, like I'm like, so you're just gonna, You're
just gonna.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
Oh my god, Oh I love you so much.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
I remember you and I we were traveling together and
we were in Mexico and we had just like a
really beautiful day together. And we had snuck away with
our kids before and had like a mom's vacation, but
this was like Jesse and me, and it was like
a self care vacation. Yes, And we snuck away and
I remember we like we spent the whole day having
(46:03):
like delicious, nourishing food, getting in and out of the ocean,
like being in silence together or just like walking on
the sand, sitting next to each other like and I
remember we had got back to where we were sleeping
and I put on selection, which is like my favorite
(46:26):
thing in the history of life. As everyone on the
show notes, you put me on, Kee put me on,
and I remember I put up the music and me
and you just started dancing and we were just having
so much fun. And I remember I looked over at
you and you smiled at me, and I saw like
a smile I had never seen on your face before.
(46:47):
Like You're always beautiful and I always see you, know,
you're always exquisite, and I always see your smile, but
there was a new way that you smiled in that
moment that like I really felt and saw the freedom
and the joy and the delight and like all of
the beauty inside of you. Like I remember seeing your
(47:08):
face and I was like, I just saw like five
year old my week smile at me, and she's.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
So beautiful, and it was just like such a It.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Just felt so special, and you know, as someone that
loves you and as your friend, it just felt so
good to like for us to be in like that
new depth of intimacy with each other.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Yes, uh, that that trip you know goes down and
I think I don't even know when I text you
recently to share like I remember every single moment, but
as I was like riding off in the car to
the back to the airport. I was like, wow, you know,
(47:54):
I felt so loved by you. And I think probably
in the smile that you saw was like I felt
like and I was able to receive it.
Speaker 3 (48:08):
So it was just like.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
From in and out of the pool and I didn't
question it like I normally find myself, Oh, I wonder
if they're thinking this or if I'm too this, and
it was like I didn't. I just was like I'm
receiving it. And it's like every moment it was such
a you know, and I was like I was so
(48:34):
sad to be leaving, you know, of like ah, I'm
going to miss her, I'm going to miss this, and
giving myself like making room for that, like you can
not like ah, like you can miss people. Yeah, you
can be sad, Like you can be sad at the
time is ending, you know. And I was like, I'm
(48:55):
sad at this time is ending. And so it was
a time. It was time, and I can tell you
that I have not been the same. It's not been
the same since that selection for Startars. So like okay, okay,
you're the king.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Do you played the music?
Speaker 2 (49:14):
And I was like I was, I have forgotten about
how like romantic music and I'm Beyonce and environment like
how everything working together, I have forgotten And so ever
since then, it's like I have my moments where I'm like.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
I really try to recreate that time. We are inviting that.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
Love in because it was just so special and so
I thank you. I had looked forward to that because
that's how we are. We make plans to see each other,
to spend time like one year from now. Okay, I
don't literally like out of state friendship.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
Next year.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
It is like I feel like and I love this
with us, and I hope you know everyone listening, and
especially those that have found these friendships or those that
are are looking to create them, looking to co create them,
looking to open to them. The reason I think it
is so powerful for you and I to share this
more intimate layer is that's an area people need guidance
(50:16):
in too, Like everything that you spoke to is so
real and felt for so many people. Because we have
to build tolerance for joy. Yes, we have to build
sometimes the tolerance for that depth of friendship where we
can just like giggle, like giggle for real, like be
delighted like yes, you know, and I love that, like
(50:40):
in our friendship and how we're each expressing we are
with ourselves, like there is a commitment to romance. Yeah, right,
Like yes, I want you to feel pleasure when we're
having an experience together. I want to feel pleasure, you know. Yeah,
and like those like that ability to be soft and
(51:00):
receive and give and be in that dynamic exchange and
not have your thoughts moving through. But will I be
betrayed or is this real? Can I trust it? Can?
I like the freedom in that, you know, and like
these you know we are we live in different states
at this time. It's on my vision board down, but
(51:22):
you know, it's like we do. It's like we have
a trip on the books now that we do planning.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
And just on my on my flight on my flight here,
I started like building out the itinerary and so it's
like restaurants everything, you know, it's like and wanting to
do that, like oh my god, like I said, I
want to do this. I'm going to let me build
the itinerary. You know. It's just it doesn't matter if
it's a year from the last time I saw you,
and the got to spend time like it's going to
(51:47):
be amazing.
Speaker 3 (51:48):
It's it's going to be all ya o, yes we do.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Yes, okay, my week, Oh my god. I could talk
to you for lifetime as as we close this episode.
I would love you know, something I love to extend
at the end of every episode is a little bit
of soul work. So something that those who are resonating
can savor, can deepen into over this next week until
our next episode. Is there a thought, an inquiry, a journal, prompt,
(52:20):
an exercise of some sort that you would like to
share with anyone listening about opening to that dynamic exchange
of giving and receiving or opening to joy.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
I'm going to try. So something that has sort of
been swirling for me has been this thought of wanting
to show up perfectly, or wanting to show up in
a way that would attract fans or more people. But
(52:58):
it is essentially not all of me. And so something
that a sentence that I've been just saying is like,
dare to leave an aftertaste, dare to not be palatable sometimes,
you know, and let people have you.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
And so I guess that is what I'd like for
people to think about, you know, is that you might
leave an aftertaste and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
I love that. Yeah, thank you sit with that. Yeah,
right to that tonight. Yes, I love you so much.
I love you more. Thank you so much for the invitation.
Thank you, Thank you for coming on the show. Thank
you for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for what you
were giving. All that observe you, all that are gifted
(53:54):
the opportunity to witness you. Whether it is in your work,
it is in your personal life, whether it's your stories,
your Instagram. But yes, your presence, your existence is so valuable,
it is so deeply necessary, and thank you for saying
yes to your calling and yes to yourself.
Speaker 3 (54:16):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
As always, you can connect with my leek in so
many ways, but the hub is join her on Instagram
at my Leak. From there you will be able to
get into all the different pathways my Leak Mamas. You'll
be able to sign up for the newsletters, sign up
for the events, check out her incredible, wildly, wildly popular podcast,
(54:43):
and dive into all the things. As always, thank you
for joining, Thank you for being present for your life
and for yourself. As you listen to this show, take
a deep breath, and everything you heard today. Where do
you want that to in your life? Where do you
want to take that? How do you want to allow
(55:06):
this to expand in your chest and your body, in
your consciousness, and how will it then radiate out onto others?
Speaker 3 (55:16):
Big love and I mis.
Speaker 1 (55:18):
Stay connect with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's
Twitter and Instagram, or you can go to my website
Debbie Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the
show on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, Please rate, review, and
subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well
(55:39):
is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network.
It's produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.
The Beautiful Soundbath You Heard That's by Jarrelyn Glass from
Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it now,
release slowly again deep in helle hold release, repeating internally
(01:02):
to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply,
deeply well. I I am deeply deep well. I am
(01:24):
deeply well. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply
Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well. Hi, I'm Debbie Brown.
(01:44):
This is your soft place to land. This is a
show where we are curious, we are creative, and we
are connected to an intention of higher consciousness and transformation.
This is where you heal, this is where you become.
This episode, wow, I am. I always feel deeply open, grateful,
(02:09):
enthusiastic for every guest that comes on this show, but
this one a little bit different. This is going to
take it up a match. I am really blessed today
on this show to have one of my dearest friends,
a woman who I admire, I love, and who brings
so much depth, joy, intention, introspection and real tools to
(02:32):
so many in the world today. I am joined by
my leak teal. Let me give you a little rundown
on my leak before we get started. My leak And
is astute business woman who unapologetically pursues excellence in all
that she does. My Leak Teal is a founder and
chief Experience officer of CurlBOX, the first monthly subscription service
(02:56):
for naturally textured hair. Through her notable career as a
public reallygations executive, major clients and brands across many industries
such as entertainment, tech, and beauty have sought her talents
as a consultant and collaborator. A teacher at heart, her
wildly popular podcast My Taught You has become her global
classroom where women from all walks of life tune in
(03:19):
for guidance and a healthy dose of motivation to live
life on their own terms. Recently, she's launched an online
community empowering Black Moms. My Leak's work centers on black women,
and the most significant intention behind her work is to
be of service to black women who aren't afraid to
do the internal work external success hinges on. When she's
(03:42):
not working on building her empire and speaking around the country,
you can find her exploring the world through travel or
hidden behind pages of a good book.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Welcome my Leash, thank you for having me. I'm thrilled
to be here, thrilled.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I'm like so we're friends friends, right, friends, Yes, yes,
we're definitely you know, you'll see us hopping in each
other's comments and all that, but we're friends in real life.
So it was really fun because before this episode we
spent the morning together. Yes, and I had to be like, wait,
we got to stop talking because we got to save
we have to save some for the show today or
(04:22):
the show the last time. Well, I recently had an
amazing opportunity to be on your show as you took
over the Samsung stage. Yes, in New York. My leek
had us on billboards in Times Square, Honey, I did.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It was fun.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
It was so fun. Yeah, before that, I was on
your show five years ago. I can't believe when we
were both pregnant, Yes, our sons. And you know, something
we have been reflecting on is that journey of kind
of highly irritated pregnant women.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yes, highly, highly please go back and find it.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
But we were like reading people there, right, we were
don't touch my belly.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yes, and don't ask me what I'm having, don't ask
me the name, but like we were hot hot.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
We were. We were and miserably pregnant together.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yes, yes, and something that you share quite a bit
with your audience, and something that I love to share
is how soft and syrapy and slow we've been able
to become as mothers over the last five years, and
(05:37):
how much our motherhood has radically healed us, transformed us,
and given us access to parts of ourselves that were
always there but maybe lied a little bit dormant. Yes,
so I would love to start there, my leak as
someone that has really, I mean, you have been substantially
(06:00):
out pouring in your work in a multitude of ways
for a very long time. Yeah, in a way that
has uplifted so many that have found you as someone
that was always in an elevated position of teaching, tell
me some of the things that you have been learning
and embodying over these last several years.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Oh my goodness. Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I think about the last conversation we had on my
podcast and how we were just talking about the pregnancy,
and I don't even know what I expected motherhood to be,
But if I had tried to guess on that day,
I would have never even I wouldn't have gotten close
to what I thought it was going to be.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And so.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Becoming a mother has, I mean, one of the first
lessons was allowing people to help me. I needed help
and asking for help. You know, that was the first
you know, you spend those first two weeks. I didn't
really know what I was doing, and you come over.
Somebody helped me. Learning to ask for help. As my
(07:08):
kids have grown up, you know, accessing silliness like I
was not ever allowed to be silly as a kid,
and so you know, in the moments that I'm like
wanting my my children to like, you know, I am
wanting cooperation sometimes and when I'm wanting that instead of
(07:29):
leaning on what I know, being stern, being short, I
have found that I get more cooperation when I am
silly and I join in and I'm using the words
and I'm and I'm doing a booty shake, you know,
and everyone's there losing it, you know, and sometimes you know,
we're doing a dance, and I I didn't know how
much the relationship that I have with my children would
(07:53):
heal my inner child.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
I just didn't know.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Tears already for I mean, yeah, I relate so deeply
to that. And when you talk about like the silliness,
right the freedom that you know, it's interesting we're in this,
We're in such a powerful time that I'm really excited about, right,
like all the paradigm shifts we have all been living
through and are still living through, and all especially especially
(08:21):
for women of color, this new agency and sovereignty that
we are coming into in a large collective. Right, We've
always had the outliers, yeah, but the majority, you know,
having large bodies of people come into new awarenesses around
how we can shift the way we love our children. Yeah,
we feel about our children, the way we love and
(08:43):
tend to and feel about ourselves. It is so powerful
and so dynamic, but it really does. The ease is
in the surrendering. But it requires a significant amount of
presence with Yes, it requires a significant amount to be
(09:04):
this soft Like it's not just the hashtag soft girl star,
I want to live a soft life. Like, to live
a soft life, you have to dive into the depths
of your own spirit to free yourself enough to be soft.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Come on, yes, you know it's the curiosity that this requires, Like,
the softness requires this curiosity of you know, everything that
triggers you has a story to tell. And so I
mean it started with like crying. Yeah, crying was such
a trigger for me, and instead of getting angry, I
(09:43):
got curious, you know, instead of turning it off, I
got curious in motherhood with my you know, my son
wants endlessly. This is a child that never stops wanting.
And I got curious of like, why does this bother
me so much? Why am I so bothered by the
(10:06):
fact that he wants more than what I've given him,
you know? And what I had to learn is that
if I want to help him maintain the access to
his desires, so many of us don't have access to
our desires.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
And I knew I was there.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
If I want to help him maintain that, I have
to be okay with him wanting more. And I think
sometimes in parenting we think wanting more means giving more. Yeah,
I'm not doesn't mean I'm giving more.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Which then triggers in a lot of people, Yes, this
feeling of lack are not enoughness, or especially if you know,
if it's the toys, Yes I got you a toy,
I can't get you, whether it's financial hardship or just
you know, the discipline, right, But what that triggers inside, Yes,
what we take those things to mean about us?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Absolutely, and just getting to a point where I can
say to my son, you know, he wants another kick
pop and I go, oh my god, pink cake pop,
And I said, cake pops are good.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Cake pops are good.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
And there is nothing wrong with them wanting another one,
but we are not having a second one today. My
job is to keep you safe, and I am going
to keep you safe with one cakepop today. And then
I just bring him up and like, but we can
revisit tomorrow, and he's like cool.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
You know, isn't it interesting? Like I would love your
thoughts on this. Something I I've experienced and that I
think about is the ease and just explaining to your
child right. And I think that from previous generations that
(11:46):
was there's again, there's always been outliers, So there's always
been some people that did have really emotionally evolved community
and parents and adults in all the.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Aspects of your lives. Yep, I would dare to say
that is.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Nowhere near the norm for the maturity of people living
on earth. No, but that piece of it was a
piece that was always withheld. And I think in a
lot of ways, so many of our parents didn't get
to explore themselves for real.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
No, they got to explore parts.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Of themselves that were possible in those times, but that
deeper emotional depth of their own experience, which could free
them to then have the space to allow you know,
many of us to be our full selves. Yes, that
piece of it. It's always like what I you know,
do what I say? No, what I do that makes
utterly no sense, that's gaslighting like other pieces of just no,
(12:34):
I just said no. And it's like, well, sometimes you're
you're trying as a young person to understand life, so
you need the explanation.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You need the explanation, and it needs to know how
it's you know, it's not a respecting But there was
something I was talking about recently and about how my
son we were just talking about this idea of like
what are some of the things that he's done that
that have kind of like made you feel it? And
I'm like, oh about the time when he told me
(13:02):
he wanted to slap me in my face, like not
just slap me, but in my face. And something that
the child' psychologists brought up to me as she goes
what would life be like if you were unafraid of
your caregiver like your parents?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Like like this.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
When someone is unafraid they get to explore try things.
I mean, how children are so powerless. How powerful is
it to just even if you don't want to do it,
to just want to say it and to know that
they can safely get that out with you, you know,
and even just doing my own inner work instead of like,
(13:44):
you know, I'm looking like okay, but just realizing, like wow,
feeling so proud that like you feel safe to throw
that out with me. And I know, I know how
you feel about me, I know the truth of our relationship,
but I also recognize that as you grow, these are
just some of the things that have to happen.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
It's like I would like for you to practice all
of these things with me in a safe place. I
don't want you to go out in the world and
tell someone else that you know, in a place that's
not safe. And so yeah, it has been a ton
of work for me to just say, you know, in
all of those moments where that I didn't get to
(14:24):
do any of these things and where no one explained
anything to me, to just allow my kids to try
and evolve and when they're safe and I'm afraid, you know,
like they are their truest self. Yes, and I everyone
deserves to have a place where they can be their
(14:46):
truest self.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
God, that is so beautifully real. And because everything always
has an exchange on the other side of that, it's like,
now I privileged to witness you, Yes, as you grow
as your truest self. Right, I am not trying to
control the outcomes of you, And I'm not trying to
control your emotions in a way that makes me feel
(15:10):
most calm, yeah, or you know, most makes me feel
best in my space. I'm now able to witness the
way your mind and spirit are processing this guidance and
who that allows you to become.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
And it set me free, Yes, it set me free
as you know it fills you as it extends completely. Yes,
it's just, you know, if I can do this for them,
I can do this for me.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
And so allowing myself the space in the room to
feel what I feel and to feel safe in our home.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
I don't know. I didn't expect. I didn't expect any of.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
This when I became a parent, and just the softness
of just you know, I don't know that prior to
having children, I was even available to truly receive love.
Yeah you know, and yeah I am seven incapable of
denying their attempts, requests, you know, bids for love, you know,
(16:13):
and so they have they have really they have brought
me places, uh for sure?
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Tell me how this deepened awareness and this this expanded
sense of self compassion and patience for self, right, because
that's that's what we're really learning. Like every time you're
patient for your kids, melt down, every time that you're
present enough to let them have this moment and not
(16:41):
feel like you have to control it or force something,
it teaches us a new It gives us access to
more capacity within ourselves to mirror that for ourselves. Right Like,
now that grace is transferable for me, Now that acceptance
is transferable for me. Now one mistake doesn't mean something
(17:03):
is so over bearingly hard, you know, it doesn't have
to mean something about me?
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Right right now, you have space totally. With space.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Comes the opportunity to call in limitless possibilities. It comes in,
you know, the opportunity to have more creativity. Yes, where
has this space that you've created inside taken you? As?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Ah, my goodness? I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Being able to invest more time you know in those
moments where I've rushed myself along all the time. Get
over it, get past it. You can do this, you know,
get over it. And it's like just giving myself room,
you know, I had there was a period of my time,
(17:54):
maybe like a year ago, where I was just really best, worried, concerned.
I felt very alone in some things. And before I
would just like, you know, like feelings aren't facts.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
You got this that that that.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
You know, and it's like, well, maybe feelings aren't pacts,
but feelings are information and you get to feel, you
get to feel, and you don't have to run those
feelings off. And so this space and this capacity, and
I didn't even realize this making a home for every
(18:35):
part of me inside of my body instead of trying
to chase it off.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
And so I.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Remember I would be I would be so worried, and
you know, I could feel it coming in my body
and I would just hold myself like I like to
hold my face like either here or hold my shoulders,
and I would say to that part of myself, I
would say, I'm not gonna I'm not going to run
(19:00):
you away.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
I'm not going to run you away.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And some deep breaths and really just being okay with
It's okay if I feel worried, you know, I don't
have to. I was just spinning my wheels, always trying
to push off that feelings. Oh I should just you know, positivity,
I should feel good. Let me read a positive mantra.
And it's like, I don't know, I'm just I'm feeling
(19:25):
sucky today, and I'm going to invite that feeling in,
make a home for it, breathe with it. And I
don't know, I didn't realize that I could live with
all of the parts of me, like true acceptance, you know,
because if I can look at my children and be
really generous with what they might be feeling, like, why
(19:46):
can't I do that for myself? And so I have
been and I don't know, it's just it's made me
truly feel so much better about myself, you know, welcoming
those parts to me that I pushed away for so long.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yes, yeah, it's just the most exquisite feeling beyond. And
it's so interesting because I think, you know, for a
lot of decades, we were collectively our consciousness was stuck
in this loop of motivation and positivity. And when I
(20:27):
was coming into my space as a teacher, and when
I was, you know, really beginning to build my acumen
and being trauma informed, It's like I rejected so much
of that because I realized that's that's what everyone always did,
that's what everyone's parents always did. It was bypasses, move
through it, don't feel it, just okay, come to the
(20:48):
other thought. And I think, what people, and I say
this with grace, right, because this is a tool that
requires a lot of presence with self, a lot of
willingness to be in your shadows. What a lot of parents,
what a lot of people, what a lot of friends
who want to rush people out of a feeling don't
realize is how incredibly detrimental that is to the other
(21:12):
person's mental health. Like it's not just a matter of
your comfort of trying to like, oh, I don't know
what to say, so let me just try to make
them feel positive, let me distract them, you know, especially
when you're doing that with your children, for like their
whole childhood.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Their whole childhood, it is so so so detrimental to
the formation of their actual identity completely.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
It's detrimental to their development of their emotional life, their
mental life, their spiritual life, like those small moments that
seem so fast. As a parent or a friend or
however you are showing up for someone, it seems like, well,
that was just one conversation that afternoon, we got out
of it. I'll have other chances to do better. Or okay,
(21:58):
well life will get easier, you know, they'll move past it.
Those are the experiences that shape us completely. Our entire
identity in life is based on the tiny details in
the moments. It's based on the crisises that only happen
once in a while. And when you're not present for that,
(22:19):
or you don't have the ability to help someone just
be present with themselves in their own emotions, you're shutting
off what they're here to know as a human being,
as a spirit embodied on earth, as a person. You
are ending their capacity to ever meet that need for themselves.
(22:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
One of the greatest gifts that I learned and I
have used with my daughters just too, and so she's
getting there and I have more skills with her, But
with my son, one of the greatest gifts I have
is telling him I believe you. I believe you, you know,
even if I don't understand it. You know, it's like
(23:02):
he has a full meltdown over being given the wrong
color cup.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
You know, I believe you that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
You know, I don't ever want to be in the
business of like denying his emotional experience because I don't
understand it or doesn't make sense to me. I believe you.
I believe this is a big deal for you. And
I remember the very first time I said that to him.
You know, he's screaming he doesn't want to go to school,
and I said, I believe you, and it.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Was like stop in his tracks.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I believe you.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
And it's just been so helpful. And I'm like, if
we're sitting with friends, we've been in those situations right
where you're with a friend and something happens to him
that maybe and when I go back into this, it's
like that maybe when't it just amazed me like that,
you know, and it's like, I believe you.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Yeah, that hurt.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I don't know what you experienced before you arrived at
this experience.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yes, the context of the moment, I don't have everything.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
To it, but it's like I believe you.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I do, And so that's just been so helpful and
just applying that it's like all of the stuff that
I all of the stuff that I do with my kids.
You know what it helps me, de Wie. It helps
me see the inner child and everyone that I engage
with where I just I see whatever you know, someone
is coming to me with or whatever they're going through.
I can think about all the ways that maybe their
(24:21):
needs weren't met. And so now here we are, you know,
we aren't.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Engaging as adults.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, completely, you know it's like I'm engaging with here
in a child. Well, maybe didn't have their needs met.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
And age is not something we control, right, none can
grow into the physical form of what is a quote
unquote in our species adult human, an adult human, and
that has nothing to do with your internal life, no emotional,
mental capacity.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Your internal age. You were like, what is that?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, it's really I mean something that was really freeing
for me was I. I remember years ago I was
dealing with some frustrating, painful experiences and I remember my
therapist said, look at everyone as if they're three years old.
Use a voice with even the people you don't like
when you're reexperiencing these situations privately as if they were three.
(25:20):
And so I had some significant experiences with a couple people,
and those experiences were not repairable in any way. There
was never going to be access to me again. But
to come to my own peace with it, I made
it a practice to think about them every day for
twenty minutes on purpose, but imagining them as children, yes,
(25:41):
and then talking to them in my life and my
own dialogue in my mind as a three year old
version of them.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And you know, the first couple times it pisses you off, right,
you're just like now, but this person, you know, depending
on what people do. And I'm not saying that this
is easy, it's right because there are some things that
you experience at the hands of other people that feel
utterly unforgivable, yes, or things that did not receive your consent.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
So this is a practice that if it resonates and
as needed, could be helpful. And also something else may
may be needed. But that freed me in such a
way to just be able to see that we are
all children with unmet needs. At some point, at.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Some point, everyone, everyone, no one, we won't meet We
won't meet all of our children's needs.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, we won't.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
God, But I think I'm doing such a good.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I don't know, but it's like as humans, you know,
and it's my fault was something, yeah, for sure. But
the thing that I look forward to doing when that
time comes is saying I believe you, yeah, and I'm
you know, and I can apologize and I'm sorry that
I wasn't able to meet that need. And I think
that's a lot of what we all are just wanting
to hear.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yes, it is just the accountability, that's it.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Yeah, but accountability is not.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
Easy deeply, Well, talk to me about my leak.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Mamas. You created a really amazing group of women in
a multitude of way. Is like you have a forum,
you have an amazing newsletter with so many tools. You
have meetups that are happening all around the country with
black moms. Yes, you know, coming as someone that especially
(27:41):
from what I know about you as a woman, as
someone that has always sought to serve, You've always sought
to share wisdom, whatever wisdom you got, I've always seen
you say how do I get this out of me
and into the world in service to other people? Yes,
you've always been doing that. But then this next layer
(28:02):
of really supporting black moms, yes, and really sharing information
creating safe space to explore a lot of parents from
family systems that weren't into this. You know what we're
calling it now, this quoe unquote gentle parenting. Right, tell
me about the formation of this part of your life?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Of this was I, you know there once I became
a parent and I realized how unacknowledged black mothers are,
and just across the board, it's this idea of like,
you know, I think it's like eighty percent of black
(28:45):
mothers work, so there's no like meetup for a working
mom to go have coffee at eight thirty.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Or nine thirty. She's at work. You know, she's working.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
And you know, I was thinking to myself, just because
I've created a flexible life for myself, you know, I'm
able to I can read more. And I kept saying
to myself, how would a black mother, how would she
show up if she had more info. It's like, I'm
not trying to tell you what to do, but I
want you to know that, like, hey, here's what you
(29:19):
need to know about this. Here's what you need to
know about that. Here's what I read, almost like a
cheat off my paper. I've had the time because what
I realized very quickly after I brought my second baby home.
I was like, there is no joy in this if
you cannot regulate your emotions, all the crime, all the work,
you know, and so little by little, Debbie I started with.
(29:42):
I started with just an email newsletter of like, this
is all the stuff I found, This is all the
stuff I needing you and I you've been paying me.
You need these sheets for better sleep, you know. So
I'm like, Okay, when you're in this, when you're in
this space and you are just depleted and sleep deprived,
you really do need someone to just hand it over
to you. And so so I started doing the newsletter
and then people just kept pinging me. I would I'd
(30:05):
be out in the world and everyone that would stop
me would just be like, you know, I'm not a mother,
but all of the things that you share they really
help me. Or I am a mother, or my kid's nineteen,
you know. And so I was out one day, Debbie,
and a woman stopped me and was like, I have
a three year old, and you know, I keep up
with what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
I'm in your group.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And my son was just having a hard time one day.
He's screaming and crying and I offered him a hug,
and essentially she was just like, it works, and it's
not just about us trying to raise better humans, because
we are, but it's like it's about us wanting to
be better humans. We want to be we want to
(30:45):
feel better as we do this.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
And so.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
The group what I started to realize as we were
in just like community, and I was like, I can't
believe I'm going to do this because I am a
person who's like I love people.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
But this might be too much for me.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
But the call just kept saying, my league not just
I don't want just want you to show up in
an email. I don't want you to show up in
a farm. I want you to just show up in person.
And so we started gathering in person and we had
to meet up recently where we rented out an entire
sort of like play space, and you just have twenty
(31:23):
two black moms and little black kids like the Squeels
and the Freedom Like there were some kids who didn't
want to join. And in my experience, you know, back
in the day, it would be like you get over there,
like there would be all this like this pride of
like I need to show you how good of a
parent I am by how well my kid cooperates, and
(31:44):
you just had some kids just kind of like nah.
And it was just the freedom of like some kids
were participating, some kids weren't, but all kids were free
and all moms were free. And I was like, we
need more of this, more of this, please, And so.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
We do we do play days. We do.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
We had like a little Christmas party, uh. And I
mean and we are playing games, Debbie. I mean, I
just the playfulness that we are welcoming into our lives.
So it's not just a playd eight for the kids.
The moms are playing. So the mamas are playing, they're gardening,
they're sharing stories, they're saving money. You know, we're talking
(32:23):
about generational wealth doesn't mean anything without generational health, mental health,
you know. And we're parenting for the lifelong relationship. Our
kids are going to be out of our home far
longer than they're going to be in there.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
And so we heard a time. Yes we you know
what is it?
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Roots and wings? Like I want you to fly, but
I would like for you to know that, like this
is where your roots are and for you to want
to come back and see and see me and even today,
I still ask my son, I mean, I know, I
know you're going to go, but do you think you'll
ever come back?
Speaker 3 (33:01):
You'll ever come back and visit mob for holidays? You know.
It's like when they get partnered.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I'm like, like, how can I how do I get
on the top of the list. Everyone's welcome, bring everyone,
bring everyone in. So yeah, and so I just I
love the mamas. I love watching them sort of transform
and be in community with each other and make friends
and learn, and so it is the thing that I
(33:28):
wake up and I want to do every day, you know,
is check on my mom's check on the kids. You know,
because a free mom, I mean a free black mother
can literally change the world.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
So we're loving on those babies, love and sharing pictures
Easter fits. We did see them in the in the
outfits and the smiles, the joy, the smiles on all
those little kids' faces because they're mothers are for your
working towards freedom.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Yeah, it's huge for me.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
God, and especially like I'm thinking of especially like the
single moms, yes, or in that group, like as someone
that was raised by a single mom, that is a
single mom, Like yeah, that feeling of being able to
be in that community but also not have to, you know,
like it's an extra lift. It is like to be
(34:26):
in community, there is an extra kind of layer when
you're doing it alone.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Completely.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I did something small for so we have a separate
section for sort of single mothers in our group, and
because this probably won't be out by then, I put
I did a post and I said in this in
the form that we have for single moms, if you
if you think that you may not get a card
(34:52):
or any acknowledgment on Mother's Day, I want you to
send me your address. And like one by one, I
wrote each my single mom a card and I said,
you deserve to be celebrated every day.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Wow, you are.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Loved and you are enough, and you are doing an
incredible job. And it's like, one by one I wrote
out and I set them on Mai. Also by they
won't know this, but by the week of Mothers Day,
all of the single moms in our group that gave
me their address, we'll get a card for me because
that matters to me. This is hard and I'm not
(35:31):
a single mom, so I can't even imagine.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
And so.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'm like, I just wanted to do that because I
don't know if you think you're gonna wake up and
not get anything like, oh, here's what I need you to.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Know this every day, every day you deserve a day.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
So I did that, Oh, full chills, Like, yeah, that's
so powerful, my leak. Yeah, that's a piece that you know.
I think also like if you're not in a relationship
that feels fully supportive to your parenting, it's the case, yes,
you know, when you're a single parent, you don't really
(36:10):
get a lot of feedback on your parenting, right, so
there is never even an acknowledgment of any choice you're making,
or of anything that's going well or anything.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
You know.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
It's like, yes, you're not even getting pictures of yourself
and your child except the superposed ones that you're asking
someone to take for you. But you don't even get
to see, you know, a full understanding of like how
how how is my parenting? How does it look? How
do we look together? Yeah, experience, how do we know?
Speaker 5 (36:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (36:42):
How do you look? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:44):
It's really there's a lot to those dynamics. And I
say this to say, you know, for everyone listening and
some of what my leak and I are kind of
expanding on here for the things that resonate, take them
for the areas that don't leave them. But look at
your own experience with a little more nuance, you know,
(37:05):
because sometimes even when we're trying to understand what our
needs are so that we can meet them, we have
to go into so many crevices of the experience to
see all the ways that it's showing up so that
we can feel like our lives are enough, you know.
That's the desire, Like our circumstance isn't always going to change,
(37:27):
right There is not always this easily wrapped in a
bow resolution for what it is. But it's the acknowledgment
of this is my present moment, and then diving into
those crevices allows you to say, yes, this is true,
and how do I feel good about whatever my experience is?
(37:48):
How can I get more present with whatever my experience
is so that it can be enough for right now?
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Absolutely, I look at all those different corners.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Something I was doing recently is I've just been thinking
about in the back of my mind mothering through the night,
because night time is hard.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
It is so hard.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
When you know someone's screaming and crying or just waking
up for whatever reason, wetting the bed, all the things
that happen when you have to like mother through the night.
And I've been just trying to be more present as
often as I can in that of like, yes, I'm exhausted,
Yes I'm tired. How can I show up and like
mother through the night?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
You know? And so even just that thought helps me.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
You know, I'm softer when I come in my energy,
and I've noticed that we can, you know, move along
whatever is happening through the night when I just can
change my mind of like, all right, not like I'm tired,
you know, I'm mothering through the night. Now it's a
different it's a different cat, it's a different it's a different.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Deeply, well, you know, we've been just waxing so beautifully
poetic about the feelings of the softness, of the freedom
right doing the work, done the work, when you're just letting.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Yourself live the work.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
Talk to me about how, over the last you know,
five years, all of this nourishment that's come in from
being a mother, how has this softness changed you as
a friend and as a business woman?
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Oh my goodness, I can tell you that I as
a business woman, I'll start with that one, because I
feel like I have so much more empathy. I have
so much more empathy for people that I did not
have before. I don't even know that I saw people
(39:55):
that I worked with as actual people. Wow, I don't
know that I did. And now I can see the
people that I work with as you know, I can
see all of them or more of them, you know,
And so that has just been so helpful for me.
(40:16):
The parts of the softness, which you know, some of
the parts of the softness have been even just this
is going to be just my desire for more, you know.
Sometimes we think like just in as I sort of
repairent myself around this with my son, of like just
wanting more of like I can ask for more in
(40:37):
a situation, it's not just about what I you know,
taking what I get.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
It's like what do I want?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
And so that has been sort of crazy for me
because I think, you know, I've always been like about
my hustle and about my grind and going after it,
but I wasn't really I don't know if I if
I valued myself, you know, in the way that I
feel like I do now. So from a business standpoint,
I definitely feel that and more boundaried. You know, I
(41:07):
think that I really want to like save everyone that's
like my thing, and it's like I can't, and I
just I am so much more clear, you know. I
used to be afraid of that. You know, so many
people are like, oh, yeah, I can have hard conversations,
but I couldn't. I really couldn't, you know. And so
I have been able to stay up front like, hey,
(41:28):
this is what's going to work for me, and this
is what isn't and if you aren't able to do this,
there's nothing wrong with you. I'm just letting you know
what I'm able to do, and so not sort of
pinning people or sort of like labeling people based on
like my needs, like these are just my needs and
if you aren't able to be my needs, I totally understand.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Just not a good bit.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
So that has been helpful as a friend. In the
same way, I am able to see more parts of people.
I am able to recognize the love and my friendships
(42:08):
that I don't think I was able to see before,
you know, like I don't and you and I have
talked about this intimacy and friendship and really just being
able to tell I think I have so badly wanted
(42:28):
to tell people how special I think they are, wow,
how much they mean to me, and realizing prior to
having my children that I didn't have the language. I
really just didn't even know what to say. And you
and I have jokes. It's like I'm just like blurting
out like I need you to know you matter, but
(42:50):
I don't have the words, and finding the words you know.
With my children and even sometimes they'll give me the
words I will look for the words of just like
I need them to know how much I love them,
how much I love being their friend in the way
that I love being their mom, like I love being
your friend, I love spending time with you. And so
(43:15):
I've had such a like a like a the other day,
I was like, I post it on Instagram, like I
don't know what is happening to me, but my heart
is like blowing open and I can't even stop it.
And it's like everywhere I go I say something, you
have a lovely day, not a good day.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
I need you to have a lovely day.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
You know.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
It's like I feel like free to be, you know,
to pour syrup on everything as often as I want to,
and it's like I don't need it back because I
got it's all in me, you know.
Speaker 3 (43:49):
So it's like you take it.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
I have an overflow, you take it like you don't
have to give it back, you know. But I'm like,
you know, just walking around and just the things that
I feel like I can now I'll say freely to people,
you know, without fear or without expectation, you know, of
like oh are they going to think? It's like think whatever,
You're lovely, you look wonderful.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
Everything's great. You know. It's like you're shining. Look at you.
You know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
So I feel free to be that with my friends
in a way that I don't think I ever. I
don't think I ever was, you know. I was always
so afraid to just tell people how like impressed I
am with some maybe work that they said, or a sentence.
It seems silly. But in the way that I can
like sort of like lose it over my kid doing
something so small and simple, I feel like that with
(44:36):
my friends, Like that sentence you just wrote, that was it,
And I'm like I get to do that and you
get to feel whatever. But I said it and I
mean it. So it's been ugh. I think the the
freedom to be able to share what I feel and yeah,
(45:00):
to like let my heart be wide, and to not
be afraid of what could happen if I if I.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
Yeah, if you share.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Joy. Yes, Yes, I.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
Remember I had a moment with you. I don't think
I've shared this with you before, but we were.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm already
sitting here, like I'm like, so you're just gonna, You're
just gonna.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
Oh my god, Oh I love you so much.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
I remember you and I we were traveling together and
we were in Mexico and we had just like a
really beautiful day together. And we had snuck away with
our kids before and had like a mom's vacation, but
this was like Jesse and me, and it was like
a self care vacation. Yes, And we snuck away and
I remember we like we spent the whole day having
(46:03):
like delicious, nourishing food, getting in and out of the ocean,
like being in silence together or just like walking on
the sand, sitting next to each other like and I
remember we had got back to where we were sleeping
and I put on selection, which is like my favorite
(46:26):
thing in the history of life. As everyone on the
show notes, you put me on, Kee put me on,
and I remember I put up the music and me
and you just started dancing and we were just having
so much fun. And I remember I looked over at
you and you smiled at me, and I saw like
a smile I had never seen on your face before.
(46:47):
Like You're always beautiful and I always see you, know,
you're always exquisite, and I always see your smile, but
there was a new way that you smiled in that
moment that like I really felt and saw the freedom
and the joy and the delight and like all of
the beauty inside of you. Like I remember seeing your
(47:08):
face and I was like, I just saw like five
year old my week smile at me, and she's.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
So beautiful, and it was just like such a It.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Just felt so special, and you know, as someone that
loves you and as your friend, it just felt so
good to like for us to be in like that
new depth of intimacy with each other.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Yes, uh, that that trip you know goes down and
I think I don't even know when I text you
recently to share like I remember every single moment, but
as I was like riding off in the car to
the back to the airport. I was like, wow, you know,
(47:54):
I felt so loved by you. And I think probably
in the smile that you saw was like I felt
like and I was able to receive it.
Speaker 3 (48:08):
So it was just like.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
From in and out of the pool and I didn't
question it like I normally find myself, Oh, I wonder
if they're thinking this or if I'm too this, and
it was like I didn't. I just was like I'm
receiving it. And it's like every moment it was such
a you know, and I was like I was so
(48:34):
sad to be leaving, you know, of like ah, I'm
going to miss her, I'm going to miss this, and
giving myself like making room for that, like you can
not like ah, like you can miss people. Yeah, you
can be sad, Like you can be sad at the
time is ending, you know. And I was like, I'm
(48:55):
sad at this time is ending. And so it was
a time. It was time, and I can tell you
that I have not been the same. It's not been
the same since that selection for Startars. So like okay, okay,
you're the king.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Do you played the music?
Speaker 2 (49:14):
And I was like I was, I have forgotten about
how like romantic music and I'm Beyonce and environment like
how everything working together, I have forgotten And so ever
since then, it's like I have my moments where I'm like.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
I really try to recreate that time. We are inviting that.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
Love in because it was just so special and so
I thank you. I had looked forward to that because
that's how we are. We make plans to see each other,
to spend time like one year from now. Okay, I
don't literally like out of state friendship.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
Next year.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
It is like I feel like and I love this
with us, and I hope you know everyone listening, and
especially those that have found these friendships or those that
are are looking to create them, looking to co create them,
looking to open to them. The reason I think it
is so powerful for you and I to share this
more intimate layer is that's an area people need guidance
(50:16):
in too, Like everything that you spoke to is so
real and felt for so many people. Because we have
to build tolerance for joy. Yes, we have to build
sometimes the tolerance for that depth of friendship where we
can just like giggle, like giggle for real, like be
delighted like yes, you know, and I love that, like
(50:40):
in our friendship and how we're each expressing we are
with ourselves, like there is a commitment to romance. Yeah, right,
Like yes, I want you to feel pleasure when we're
having an experience together. I want to feel pleasure, you know. Yeah,
and like those like that ability to be soft and
(51:00):
receive and give and be in that dynamic exchange and
not have your thoughts moving through. But will I be
betrayed or is this real? Can I trust it? Can?
I like the freedom in that, you know, and like
these you know we are we live in different states
at this time. It's on my vision board down, but
(51:22):
you know, it's like we do. It's like we have
a trip on the books now that we do planning.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
And just on my on my flight on my flight here,
I started like building out the itinerary and so it's
like restaurants everything, you know, it's like and wanting to
do that, like oh my god, like I said, I
want to do this. I'm going to let me build
the itinerary. You know. It's just it doesn't matter if
it's a year from the last time I saw you,
and the got to spend time like it's going to
(51:47):
be amazing.
Speaker 3 (51:48):
It's it's going to be all ya o, yes we do.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Yes, okay, my week, Oh my god. I could talk
to you for lifetime as as we close this episode.
I would love you know, something I love to extend
at the end of every episode is a little bit
of soul work. So something that those who are resonating
can savor, can deepen into over this next week until
our next episode. Is there a thought, an inquiry, a journal, prompt,
(52:20):
an exercise of some sort that you would like to
share with anyone listening about opening to that dynamic exchange
of giving and receiving or opening to joy.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
I'm going to try. So something that has sort of
been swirling for me has been this thought of wanting
to show up perfectly, or wanting to show up in
a way that would attract fans or more people. But
(52:58):
it is essentially not all of me. And so something
that a sentence that I've been just saying is like,
dare to leave an aftertaste, dare to not be palatable sometimes,
you know, and let people have you.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
And so I guess that is what I'd like for
people to think about, you know, is that you might
leave an aftertaste and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
I love that. Yeah, thank you sit with that. Yeah,
right to that tonight. Yes, I love you so much.
I love you more. Thank you so much for the invitation.
Thank you, Thank you for coming on the show. Thank
you for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for what you
were giving. All that observe you, all that are gifted
(53:54):
the opportunity to witness you. Whether it is in your work,
it is in your personal life, whether it's your stories,
your Instagram. But yes, your presence, your existence is so valuable,
it is so deeply necessary, and thank you for saying
yes to your calling and yes to yourself.
Speaker 3 (54:16):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
As always, you can connect with my leek in so
many ways, but the hub is join her on Instagram
at my Leak. From there you will be able to
get into all the different pathways my Leak Mamas. You'll
be able to sign up for the newsletters, sign up
for the events, check out her incredible, wildly, wildly popular podcast,
(54:43):
and dive into all the things. As always, thank you
for joining, Thank you for being present for your life
and for yourself. As you listen to this show, take
a deep breath, and everything you heard today. Where do
you want that to in your life? Where do you
want to take that? How do you want to allow
(55:06):
this to expand in your chest and your body, in
your consciousness, and how will it then radiate out onto others?
Speaker 3 (55:16):
Big love and I mis.
Speaker 1 (55:18):
Stay connect with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's
Twitter and Instagram, or you can go to my website
Debbie Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the
show on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, Please rate, review, and
subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well
(55:39):
is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network.
It's produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.
The Beautiful Soundbath You Heard That's by Jarrelyn Glass from
Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Devi Brown
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.