January 19, 2023 • 36 mins
This episode offers new ways to overcome any challenges that may arise during your mediation practice. Whether you’re just getting started or discovering new obstacles during your ongoing routine. Finding unique ways to maintain your flow is a part of the commitment.
Devi shares a few ideas from her arsenal to help deepen your current meditation practice or begin a new one.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl ill
two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
(00:21):
were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
backs of diamond eyed school children who grew into hymnals
recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
out of the windows of restored Alchemedo chariots. To keep
the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,
(00:46):
Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of
jim see King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,
wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ass this
is And the ancestis told me that you would come
to give wisdom. Thousands They said you would come. Dropping
(01:09):
Dropping gim Hey, Welcome back to another episode of the
Dropping Jim's podcast. I'm Debbie Brown. This is the show
where we sink into ourselves, a nice soft place to
land to investigate all of the things moving through us
in service to hire consciousness and living a life that
(01:32):
allows you to be your fully expressed self always evolving
that mission statement. But yeah, that's the deepest intention alright,
this episode, I want to dive into something I've been
thinking a lot about lately as it relates to meditation.
So this episode is for everyone, and especially for those
that have a meditation practice already or are curious about
(01:55):
having a meditation practice, but have noticed that every time
may have tried UM, there seems to be some challenge
to it. So I want to really sink into calling
out what some of those triggers around beginning or deepening
a meditation practice can be. I was thinking recently, I
(02:16):
was actually talking to one of my girlfriends, and you know,
we were speaking about the dynamics of the kinds of
things you may be working with biologically depending on what
your life has looked like. So something that scientists gratefully
finally able to explain in some ways and is still
(02:38):
growing in many others, is that trauma does reside inside
of your body, becomes a part of your cells, of
your DNA, And so sometimes even when intellectually you're doing
as much as you possibly can to self investigate, to grow,
to heal, to change, to transport worm, why it's really
(03:03):
necessary to UM work that holistic approach, so you can
have potentially, you know, some somatic help in your healing
or some deeper understandings around why your body may reject
things that feel useful or good or helpful to you.
And meditation falls under that category as well. And I
(03:26):
remember when I first when I was first studying to
teach meditation. UM. You know, this is about a decade ago,
and so at that time, none of this information was
really around UM. There are a lot of people that
have theories. There are a lot of people who worked
(03:47):
in the space who were sharing thoughts potentially UM. I
did not come across any, but I've come to know
down the line after my own investigation that other people
were investigating in this way to UM. But this is
not something that was easily expressed. And I remember when
I was getting you know, some of my materials and
(04:08):
studying UM some techniques for meditation, there wasn't any special
needs care support per se. You know. The most that
came sometimes in the back of some of your teacher
manuals or your study guides was, you know, if someone
(04:29):
is a veteran, then they may need to, you know,
move more slowly in meditation. They you know, they may
find that their PTSD kind of has a little bit
of conflict with coming into stillness and silence, and that
was the extent of it, you know, But in reality,
I mean, so many of us live with PTSD for
(04:51):
such a variety of reasons, and even more um strenuous,
so many live with c PTS UM, which is really
these kind of daily battles with your nervous system and
so very naturally meditation can be a triggering experience for that,
(05:13):
you know, the core the base of meditation, it's being
able to be in such a neutrality with yourself, UM,
such a complete kind of UM disconnection from your physical
experience and being able to come into that soul led
space and so you're not really UM. The experience of
(05:40):
coming into the present moment with your body. If you're
someone who has PTSD or c PTSD or a variety
of other things, UM, it can be incredibly triggering and challenging.
It can make you so hyper aware of yourself and
of your history and of your body in ways that
(06:03):
you may typically avoid UM or maybe weren't invited to experience.
Yet so so many things come up, UM, and that's
what I want to sit in today. I want to
explore that because I believe without a shadow of a doubt,
meditation is it's just so paramount to your journey. It's
(06:24):
paramount to the longevity of your ability to maintain your awareness,
to maintain your healing um, to really elevate your consciousness.
I believe, and this is based on my personal thoughts,
my personal experiences, and my experiences with students and clients. Um,
but again just from my lens, my belief is that
(06:49):
meditation is the most powerful tool there is for self
mastery and for healing maintenance. So let's explore that today.
I want everyone, ideally as you feel comfortable, to stretch
(07:10):
yourself to invite in a meditation practice into your everyday life.
We just kicked off the new year. Um. My moment
of recording this episode is uh January, mid January, So
we just kicked off the new year, and this is
the perfect time while you still have connection to some
of that motivating energy, some of that really yummy day
(07:32):
dreamy energy. It's really powerful to use that, use that
little bit of forward momentum that we're naturally gifted at
this time of the year, a little bit of the
extra rest you got that hibernating energy and set some
intentions around creating a system that does not have to
be perfect, but it is useful to you, is in
(07:55):
service to you that you can really use as a
tool of sustained and consistent nourishment. So diving into this
episode the Triggers of meditation, UM, I want to talk
a little bit about the ways that I'm experiencing my
practice right now. So I've been meditating for um. I
(08:19):
never actually like to tell years anymore. I feel like
I'm dating myself so significantly I've been I've been meditating
a long time, over a decade, and when I it
took me several years too feel comfortable in my practice
the way that I do right now. And meditation, your
(08:41):
meditation practice so truly evolves with you. It evolves based
on where you are in your life and your journey,
and your capacity you know at that time in your life,
and your family structure, in your creativity. Meditation is a
evolving in such a multitude of ways based on where
(09:03):
you are. And sometimes some parts of the year are
more tender, so your practice may look away that's a
little more emotionally supportive, and some parts of your year
are just a little more blissful, and so your meditation
practice may feel a little looser, a little more creative.
There may be a little, you know, movement to it.
Even so it's about listening to your But meditation is
(09:26):
always meeting us where every we are, and it's an
opportunity to get creative with the ways we want to
support ourselves. So in the first few years of my
meditation UM, it was very tough for me to be
still really tough for me to be in full silence,
and I would go on a few different retreats, and
I remember I was able to get through early on
(09:49):
a two hour meditation, but it brought out an immense
amount of anxiety in me that I was kind of
struggling through back and forth. And so even though I
had had experience with it, it wasn't something I was
ready to connect to, and I wasn't for many many years.
So my my first base practice was twenty minutes in
(10:10):
the morning minutes UM late midday, so before the evening,
before my day ended, and I would typically do that
before I went to work. At that time I was
working and broadcasting, and then I would do it again
UM late afternoon before I headed home. I maintained that
(10:31):
pretty consistently, and then there were sometimes that based on
life and you know, the ways that I was able
to kind of flow with life or not. I would
go months without meditating and then I'd find it again.
And then sometimes I wouldn't be able to do it
in silence. I would have to do it um as
I guided, and so I'd use maybe some help, I'd
(10:52):
do some chance, or i'd have UM, I'd use you know,
beautiful teacher on an app And so those were ways
um that I was trying to stay consistent without judging myself,
but I was also kind of giving myself the flow
to be human. So it's really important to kind of
see it from that view, especially if you're starting to
(11:12):
build your practice, because you don't want to be in
judgment of yourself. It does not have to be pristine
every time. Eventually you'll get to a point where you
will want nothing but the pristine experience each time, and
you'll do your best to honor that. But you don't
have to start there. You don't even have to be
there within the first year, the first five years. It's
(11:33):
it's really unique to whatever ways you can be consistent
with yourself, whatever ways you can commit to honoring your
higher intention. So find the flow with it. You know,
if you're like I'm embarrassed to talk, you know, to
talk about meditation because I'm barely doing five minutes, what
(11:53):
rejoice so proud of you. It's hard to come by,
especially when you have, you know, potentially so many other
battles happening in yourself, in the world and your day.
It's fine, it is well. So that part of the
practice UM was my personal view. I've also had, you know,
(12:15):
friends that have practices that the moment they connected with
the gap first meditation, they were able to lock in
and build a really deep, advanced practice very early on.
So for everyone is absolutely different UM. And again there's
no there's no standard. You wanted to be serving and
nourishing and evolutionary to you in your life and your
(12:38):
soul's journey. So the first few years of my practice,
we're back and forth with a lot of that UM,
and then I just started moving and deepening. And the
more I taught UM, the deeper and more beautiful my
practice got. The more I created real space and time
to be flow with it. I didn't have to rush
to it or rush off from it, which is really
(13:00):
the number one rule and meditation. You don't want to
be frantically arriving and then hurrying and sitting down and
say okay, I'm closing my eyes, and you don't want
to have to keep one eye on the clock to
where you're saying okay, okay, okay, is it almost times?
It almost time? Okay, I'm up, Okay, gotta go, gotta go.
You know, you really want to create UM a very
soft container around both ends of experience for yourself. But
(13:25):
once you get UM, once you kind of lock into
that pretty consistently. I spent a few years in a
deeper practice UM. Sometimes I would just I would do
thirty minutes in the top of the day, thirty minutes
at the end. Sometimes it was just forty five minutes
in the morning. And then I found that I was
finding ways to make the time for the practice because
(13:47):
I was really noticing how much it changes my life.
So for myself now, my highest intention UM, what my
practice has been for probably the last three years, has
been a two hour day practice. As often as possible,
I try to at least four to five days a
week be able to get two hours of meditation in
each day, and then I'll try to do smaller ones, UM,
(14:10):
smaller windows on tighter days of the week. But the
last three years or so, my practice has really been consistently, consistently,
consistently that and it's revolutionized my life. It has fast
tracked UM, things that I personally, you know, work on
in my life and in my spirit and myself. UM.
(14:32):
It's really enhanced my ability to be a present mother,
which is something UM, you know that I think so
many of us struggle with in a in a life
and in a world that has so much going on.
You're constantly multitasking. And I see that the effect that
that has, you know, on the eyes of children and
on their ability to just have a little more space
(14:55):
to add to the creativity of the house. You know,
if every second is filled or three every single crevice
of your mind and heart are filled with something that
you're working on or cycling through, um or observing, there's
not a lot of space for that unique creativity to
arise in your child where they get to add something
(15:16):
to the room, they get to add something unplanned to
the conversation. There's no art to the flow of the
family UM, And I think about that a lot, you know,
as someone who is a single mom and just works
quite a bit UM, and it's always kind of self
investigating or investigating someone else for work. UM. I think
(15:37):
about that, and so I try very intentionally to carve
that into every every every single day with my son.
And what helps me have the space to do that
is cutting a lot of other things out to make
sure that I can get that UM more juicy, robust
meditation experience. In so it comes down to you know,
(15:58):
what are you willing to come it too too? You
know that being a part especially before you walk into
building your practice, because there will be things that arise,
and we're going to get into that in just a set,
but there are there are many things that can arise
in your practice. And so when you've identified that you
do want to commit to expanding your understanding of meditation
(16:20):
or your mastery of yourself personal growth and healing UM.
One of the things to commit to is really think
about time that intricately and get very clear on your
why why are you committing to doing this for yourself?
Because you want to make it less casual. It is
so easy to disregard ourselves, to disregard our choices, to
(16:42):
let ourselves down. If we're only casually committing to the
things that we say we want, are the ways that
we say we want to change. When you get a
lot more surgical with it and you really get into
some self investigation, maybe take a few notes, spend a
few days. You don't have to have, you know, a
fifteen minute or a five minute thought process with yourself
(17:03):
around how you're going to do this, write it down
quickly and say go. You can say I'm going to
commit to thinking about this for a few moments every
day for the next week, and then sitting and saying,
what's a solution? How do I really feel about this?
You know, there is time and space to build. So
when you're coming into your meditation practice getting clear on
(17:26):
you know, meditation, I also have to say, is a medicine.
It's a tool. It's it's a really powerful, powerful awakener
and shifter, and you know the ways that it's often
described in more of a mainstream context, especially in the
(17:46):
Western world and especially on Instagram, it's it's kind of
like the thing that you're doing for light maintenance on yourself.
It's like your car wash, you know, like, Okay, let
me dip down and feeling stressed out, I'll medic tape. Yes, powerful,
powerful tool for that to please keep doing that. But
(18:06):
meditation is holy, Meditation is sacred. Meditation is incredibly surgical, UM,
and it's it's a pathway for massive levels of awakening,
of shedding, of activating in your life. And so you know,
(18:28):
we have to go and I believe we have to
go into our practices um our spiritual practices or you know,
even if you're identifying it maybe in another way like
a self care practice, we have to go into it
with a certain amount of reverence because ultimately it's us
caring for ourselves. It's us meeting ourselves as us transforming ourselves.
(18:50):
What on earth is more sacred than that, than that
experience You came to earth to be yourself. So anything
you're doing in service to that self, you know, really
being able to hold it just a little, just a
little more intentionally, UM can really shift things forward. So
(19:14):
as we commit to this practice, building these containers to
support the sugars that will arise will be very helpful.
So right now, my practice, UM, I shared what has
looked like in the last three years. What I'm noticing
in the last several months, UH that my body has
been really wanting to shift to upgrade my practice again
(19:36):
and something that is becoming a part of a really
consistent daily practice. This is something I would do often
in my practice, but not every single day UM, but
now it's becoming a very deep everyday practice for me.
Is really utilizing um moudras, which are different hand movements
(19:57):
that assist you in moving energy as you meditate UM
and then getting into deeper awarenesses. And also I've restarted
UM my mala practice. The first probably two three years
of my meditation journey, I really consistently used uh mala
beads to guide my practice. And my first set of
(20:18):
malla beads I used for that were made of moonstone
UM and they're very beautiful set that I got at
the Choker Center. And then after that I had rose
Courtz mala that I really loved using UM and then
I kind of stopped using my mala's and I would
just kind of be in regular flow with my body
and in my practice. And recently I've started using um
(20:42):
mala's in my everyday practice multiple times a day, and
I've just really been enjoying that energy so much. It's
just it's brought me into a lot of new heightened awarenesses.
It's really UM in this moment in my life, it's
just been really really deeply nourishing and reconnect with that energy.
(21:03):
Especially I've been using U a sutrine mala and also
UM a laboratorite mala and some black onyx excuse me,
black termaline and Pye write right now, I've been using
a lot of meditation and it's just feeling so good.
So I share that to say, also, you know, that's
(21:25):
something I'm very I love when I'm able to get
creative about meditation, when I'm able to kind of have
that spark to life again of changing my practice and saying,
you know what am I craving right now? What's most
supportive to me right now? How can I you know, UM?
How can I go deeper? How can I experience this
(21:47):
UM in whatever way I'm meant to right now? So
that can feel really lovely. That's part of the creative process. Yeah. True,
these are all the ways that you can either deepen
your current practice or begin a practice for the first time.
(22:07):
But just a couple of ways UM sharing for my arsenal.
But then what you may start noticing, especially as you
begin becoming more of a co creator in your spiritual
practice and your meditative practice, well you may start to
notice is new awarenesses may kin't come up, and they
(22:28):
may come up around specific quote unquote issues that you
think you've already laid to rest and that can feel
really triggering. UM. But I really want to invite you,
if you notice that in your practice, UM, to also
take a look at you know, does this have to
feel wrong or bad? Or is this an opportunity to
(22:51):
clear out any extra residue I have around this scenario?
Is this an opportunity to cultivate and find eve and
more love for myself and deeper awareness for my experience?
And then using that time to kind of settle in
a little bit more into that into that thought and
(23:13):
noticing are there places that you can soften it even more? UM,
That's one of the tools I really like using, UM
And I would say also, you know that that is
one of the reasons, but I think especially if you
a trauma, that can be one of the reasons. But
another reason could also be you know, we're always experiencing
(23:37):
ourselves here on earth as our culturally created self, which
I've spoken to in previous episodes. UM, that term coming
from social scientists, your culturally created self, the version of
you that is you because of all the societal input,
your cultural input, your family's input, or are you connecting
(23:59):
to your author to self, which is the deeper knowing
of your soul. The version of you that feels um loved, accepted,
connected to your experience, UM. The version of you that
feels more fully expressed, that is not maybe constantly dancing
with the flow of emotion or input from others, and
(24:24):
so we're always kind of um hop scotching in both
them those kind of throughout our day, especially early on
the journey UM. And the deeper you go and the
more your awareness and your release kind of expands, then
I think you come into space UM where it's more
in the authentic self you know, ninety nine point nine
(24:48):
percent of the time, while you're also observing the experiences
that other people are having UM that are in the
culturally created bubble. So I say all that to say, UM,
you know, because we are in that container here, it
also means that we are individually holding ourselves and these
(25:09):
type little containers all of the time, that are so
deeply embedded into the roles that we are playing for
other people, um, That are so deeply embedded into all
the different perceptions we've created about ourselves, or that we
imagine other people are creating about us, or all the
(25:29):
coping mechanisms we had to take, all the different constructs
we've created within our own minds and bodies and hearts
about ourselves and our experiences and what they mean about
us or don't. It is so much happening in us
all the time, um, before we break into these deeper awarenesses,
(25:51):
so so much that so many are walking around with that.
Even the experience of sitting down own and being still
and being quiet, two things that are deeply natural to us,
they can feel so unnatural and confusing and wrong and
(26:11):
strange and setting and triggering or pointless, you know, just
just so many feelings can arise in that. But very
often what that is is just you noticing that you're
not your container, you're not the roles that you're playing,
and not yet understanding what to do with that information.
(26:32):
But I guarantee you that if you keep sitting in
your practice, m My belief is that that's when you
glimpse that soul. Then you get to know that soul.
And that's when your natural setting does feel like the
stillness and the quiet, the most authentic version of you,
(26:55):
that isn't trying to validate, that isn't trying to convince,
that isn't trying to earn things from other people. UM.
And that's something that is really powerful about going on
an all silent retreat. I had the chance to lead
those UM with Deepak Chobra over the last couple of
years and also go on them myself for my own journey.
(27:22):
But when you're in a in a silent meditation, UM,
even if you're surrounded by people, and I've lad silent
meditations with four hundred people before, UM, even when you're
in that container you are, it's astounding the feeling of
release you feel from not having to perform in any
(27:46):
way for anyone else. You know, we always suggest don't
worry about holding that door for that person, don't worry
about making eye contact the you know, even the niceties
you can cast aside. You don't have to make conversation,
you don't have to look to connect UM. You can
just have your own experience that feeling is so liberating,
(28:10):
and that's where you know you're really intended to land
with meditation and that feeling of being a little deconstructed
of well, what what am I if I'm not hyper
vigilant with my body? You know? Who am I? Am
I safe if I'm not you know, trying to control
everything around me all of the time. I'm constantly with
(28:31):
my eyes open um. Even the act of having your
eyes closed around other people. It can be so radically
courageous for you, depending on what your life experiences have
looked like. And so yeah, I can feel triggering. There's
a lot going on in each of us, and meditation
(28:52):
and building that spiritual practice is really an opportunity to
not have to be in do all of that, all
of the things that you are not naturally that you
didn't come to this earth with all of those mechanisms
or awarenesses, you know, you can really just release them
(29:15):
for those moments. So those are a couple of ways
that you might notice yourself being sugared in meditation, and again,
just a kit continued commitment to the practice, to breathing
through it, to supporting yourself in the ways that you
uniquely need you know, maybe don't close your eyes right away,
Maybe just have a very soft gaze, which is just
(29:37):
your eyes kind of with a slit barely open, and
trying to relax your face into that, noticing when you
feel vigilant in your body and singing, and release my
job and release my shoulder. So I'm gonna let my
belly be soft. I'm gonna let myself melt a little
more right here. Those are just small adjustments that we
(30:00):
can make in real time that you just don't have
to judge, So those can be helpful. Um And you know,
something I wanted to share too is, depending on what
your experience has been when you begin a meditation practice,
it very honestly and truly can feel very scary and
(30:24):
triggering at first, very and it's okay to settle into
feeling all that. And it doesn't mean you're wrong. It
doesn't mean you're defective, it doesn't mean you're broken, doesn't
mean that this is another thing that you're not able
to do for yourself or do well. Meditation can be
incredibly credibly triggering depending on your life experiences, and the
(30:49):
opportunity in that is the space to build more compassion
for yourself as you're in process with yourself. It is
the space to give yourself the dignity of your process.
Let it be a little messy. If you're sitting in
(31:10):
meditation and you find yourself breaking into tears, please God,
let yourself cry. Give yourself whatever you need. That is
the entire point of the practice. That is the entire point.
There is no test. You will not be judged in this.
This is just for you privately, in whatever ways you
(31:34):
need it to be. If you find yourself noticing how
uncomfortable you feel in your body and feeling ashamed of
what that discomfort means about you or what brought that
discomfort about in the first place, please release it. Please
give yourself an opportunity to get to know your body,
(31:58):
maybe for the first time, by noticing and releasing some
of these feelings, by getting the support that you need
by journaling about this, and you know, if you are
in therapy, you are in a cognitive therapy or somatic therapy,
or working with someone that is guiding you begin to
share some of these deeper knowings. These noticing um and
(32:22):
create more space for an opportunity to have more information
about what to do in those spaces. In those places,
about how to move with that, how to release that
there is more information available always, always, always, we just
have to learn how to observe, how to really quantify
(32:43):
with the experiences sometimes and then how to really ask
questions and tweak the questions to ask them in new
ways if the answers aren't supportive to us. So it's
important to know that some times being slow can be
(33:04):
very triggering. Sometimes being still and be very triggering. Sometimes
creating space in yourself, in your life, your day, in
your thoughts, in your feelings, it can be very triggering.
(33:29):
Slow can be unfamiliar to your body. Having space can
be very unfamiliar to your mind. Being still can be
very unfamiliar to the ways that you've had to experience
yourself in your life. But unfamiliar does not mean wrong,
(33:55):
and unfamiliar does not have to me stop. As you
continue to maybe sit in some thoughts that may be
emerging in this episode, I really want to invite you
to write things down. I want to invite you to
(34:16):
check in with your own gut and notice what resonated
with you, and also notice what didn't resonate with you,
and know that you don't have to take that with
you as well. If it resonates, allow it. And if
you feel that it doesn't, maybe investigate it. And if
it still feels like it doesn't, release it. These are
just my thoughts based on my practice and based on
(34:39):
the observations and information I've gathered from students and from clients.
But this in no way has to be universal for
everyone's experience. Ah, thank you for joining me this episode. Um,
My deepest intention is that for those that connected with it,
that this episode really it helps to inform the ways
(35:05):
that you build, grow and create your practice for your
highest good in your life. Thanks for joining me. I'll
catch you next episode, no mistake. Hey find me on
social Let's connect at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram,
or go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And
(35:28):
if you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts, please
please please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe, and
send this episode to a friend. Dropping Jim's is the
production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect Network.
It's produced by Jack Les and me Debbie Brown. For
more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I heart
(35:50):
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows is belu Ch
M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl ill
two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
(00:21):
were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
backs of diamond eyed school children who grew into hymnals
recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
out of the windows of restored Alchemedo chariots. To keep
the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,
(00:46):
Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of
jim see King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,
wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ass this
is And the ancestis told me that you would come
to give wisdom. Thousands They said you would come. Dropping
(01:09):
Dropping gim Hey, Welcome back to another episode of the
Dropping Jim's podcast. I'm Debbie Brown. This is the show
where we sink into ourselves, a nice soft place to
land to investigate all of the things moving through us
in service to hire consciousness and living a life that
(01:32):
allows you to be your fully expressed self always evolving
that mission statement. But yeah, that's the deepest intention alright,
this episode, I want to dive into something I've been
thinking a lot about lately as it relates to meditation.
So this episode is for everyone, and especially for those
that have a meditation practice already or are curious about
(01:55):
having a meditation practice, but have noticed that every time
may have tried UM, there seems to be some challenge
to it. So I want to really sink into calling
out what some of those triggers around beginning or deepening
a meditation practice can be. I was thinking recently, I
(02:16):
was actually talking to one of my girlfriends, and you know,
we were speaking about the dynamics of the kinds of
things you may be working with biologically depending on what
your life has looked like. So something that scientists gratefully
finally able to explain in some ways and is still
(02:38):
growing in many others, is that trauma does reside inside
of your body, becomes a part of your cells, of
your DNA, And so sometimes even when intellectually you're doing
as much as you possibly can to self investigate, to grow,
to heal, to change, to transport worm, why it's really
(03:03):
necessary to UM work that holistic approach, so you can
have potentially, you know, some somatic help in your healing
or some deeper understandings around why your body may reject
things that feel useful or good or helpful to you.
And meditation falls under that category as well. And I
(03:26):
remember when I first when I was first studying to
teach meditation. UM. You know, this is about a decade ago,
and so at that time, none of this information was
really around UM. There are a lot of people that
have theories. There are a lot of people who worked
(03:47):
in the space who were sharing thoughts potentially UM. I
did not come across any, but I've come to know
down the line after my own investigation that other people
were investigating in this way to UM. But this is
not something that was easily expressed. And I remember when
I was getting you know, some of my materials and
(04:08):
studying UM some techniques for meditation, there wasn't any special
needs care support per se. You know. The most that
came sometimes in the back of some of your teacher
manuals or your study guides was, you know, if someone
(04:29):
is a veteran, then they may need to, you know,
move more slowly in meditation. They you know, they may
find that their PTSD kind of has a little bit
of conflict with coming into stillness and silence, and that
was the extent of it, you know, But in reality,
I mean, so many of us live with PTSD for
(04:51):
such a variety of reasons, and even more um strenuous,
so many live with c PTS UM, which is really
these kind of daily battles with your nervous system and
so very naturally meditation can be a triggering experience for that,
(05:13):
you know, the core the base of meditation, it's being
able to be in such a neutrality with yourself, UM,
such a complete kind of UM disconnection from your physical
experience and being able to come into that soul led
space and so you're not really UM. The experience of
(05:40):
coming into the present moment with your body. If you're
someone who has PTSD or c PTSD or a variety
of other things, UM, it can be incredibly triggering and challenging.
It can make you so hyper aware of yourself and
of your history and of your body in ways that
(06:03):
you may typically avoid UM or maybe weren't invited to experience.
Yet so so many things come up, UM, and that's
what I want to sit in today. I want to
explore that because I believe without a shadow of a doubt,
meditation is it's just so paramount to your journey. It's
(06:24):
paramount to the longevity of your ability to maintain your awareness,
to maintain your healing um, to really elevate your consciousness.
I believe, and this is based on my personal thoughts,
my personal experiences, and my experiences with students and clients. Um,
but again just from my lens, my belief is that
(06:49):
meditation is the most powerful tool there is for self
mastery and for healing maintenance. So let's explore that today.
I want everyone, ideally as you feel comfortable, to stretch
(07:10):
yourself to invite in a meditation practice into your everyday life.
We just kicked off the new year. Um. My moment
of recording this episode is uh January, mid January, So
we just kicked off the new year, and this is
the perfect time while you still have connection to some
of that motivating energy, some of that really yummy day
(07:32):
dreamy energy. It's really powerful to use that, use that
little bit of forward momentum that we're naturally gifted at
this time of the year, a little bit of the
extra rest you got that hibernating energy and set some
intentions around creating a system that does not have to
be perfect, but it is useful to you, is in
(07:55):
service to you that you can really use as a
tool of sustained and consistent nourishment. So diving into this
episode the Triggers of meditation, UM, I want to talk
a little bit about the ways that I'm experiencing my
practice right now. So I've been meditating for um. I
(08:19):
never actually like to tell years anymore. I feel like
I'm dating myself so significantly I've been I've been meditating
a long time, over a decade, and when I it
took me several years too feel comfortable in my practice
the way that I do right now. And meditation, your
(08:41):
meditation practice so truly evolves with you. It evolves based
on where you are in your life and your journey,
and your capacity you know at that time in your life,
and your family structure, in your creativity. Meditation is a
evolving in such a multitude of ways based on where
(09:03):
you are. And sometimes some parts of the year are
more tender, so your practice may look away that's a
little more emotionally supportive, and some parts of your year
are just a little more blissful, and so your meditation
practice may feel a little looser, a little more creative.
There may be a little, you know, movement to it.
Even so it's about listening to your But meditation is
(09:26):
always meeting us where every we are, and it's an
opportunity to get creative with the ways we want to
support ourselves. So in the first few years of my
meditation UM, it was very tough for me to be
still really tough for me to be in full silence,
and I would go on a few different retreats, and
I remember I was able to get through early on
(09:49):
a two hour meditation, but it brought out an immense
amount of anxiety in me that I was kind of
struggling through back and forth. And so even though I
had had experience with it, it wasn't something I was
ready to connect to, and I wasn't for many many years.
So my my first base practice was twenty minutes in
(10:10):
the morning minutes UM late midday, so before the evening,
before my day ended, and I would typically do that
before I went to work. At that time I was
working and broadcasting, and then I would do it again
UM late afternoon before I headed home. I maintained that
(10:31):
pretty consistently, and then there were sometimes that based on
life and you know, the ways that I was able
to kind of flow with life or not. I would
go months without meditating and then I'd find it again.
And then sometimes I wouldn't be able to do it
in silence. I would have to do it um as
I guided, and so I'd use maybe some help, I'd
(10:52):
do some chance, or i'd have UM, I'd use you know,
beautiful teacher on an app And so those were ways
um that I was trying to stay consistent without judging myself,
but I was also kind of giving myself the flow
to be human. So it's really important to kind of
see it from that view, especially if you're starting to
(11:12):
build your practice, because you don't want to be in
judgment of yourself. It does not have to be pristine
every time. Eventually you'll get to a point where you
will want nothing but the pristine experience each time, and
you'll do your best to honor that. But you don't
have to start there. You don't even have to be
there within the first year, the first five years. It's
(11:33):
it's really unique to whatever ways you can be consistent
with yourself, whatever ways you can commit to honoring your
higher intention. So find the flow with it. You know,
if you're like I'm embarrassed to talk, you know, to
talk about meditation because I'm barely doing five minutes, what
(11:53):
rejoice so proud of you. It's hard to come by,
especially when you have, you know, potentially so many other
battles happening in yourself, in the world and your day.
It's fine, it is well. So that part of the
practice UM was my personal view. I've also had, you know,
(12:15):
friends that have practices that the moment they connected with
the gap first meditation, they were able to lock in
and build a really deep, advanced practice very early on.
So for everyone is absolutely different UM. And again there's
no there's no standard. You wanted to be serving and
nourishing and evolutionary to you in your life and your
(12:38):
soul's journey. So the first few years of my practice,
we're back and forth with a lot of that UM,
and then I just started moving and deepening. And the
more I taught UM, the deeper and more beautiful my
practice got. The more I created real space and time
to be flow with it. I didn't have to rush
to it or rush off from it, which is really
(13:00):
the number one rule and meditation. You don't want to
be frantically arriving and then hurrying and sitting down and
say okay, I'm closing my eyes, and you don't want
to have to keep one eye on the clock to
where you're saying okay, okay, okay, is it almost times?
It almost time? Okay, I'm up, Okay, gotta go, gotta go.
You know, you really want to create UM a very
soft container around both ends of experience for yourself. But
(13:25):
once you get UM, once you kind of lock into
that pretty consistently. I spent a few years in a
deeper practice UM. Sometimes I would just I would do
thirty minutes in the top of the day, thirty minutes
at the end. Sometimes it was just forty five minutes
in the morning. And then I found that I was
finding ways to make the time for the practice because
(13:47):
I was really noticing how much it changes my life.
So for myself now, my highest intention UM, what my
practice has been for probably the last three years, has
been a two hour day practice. As often as possible,
I try to at least four to five days a
week be able to get two hours of meditation in
each day, and then I'll try to do smaller ones, UM,
(14:10):
smaller windows on tighter days of the week. But the
last three years or so, my practice has really been consistently, consistently,
consistently that and it's revolutionized my life. It has fast
tracked UM, things that I personally, you know, work on
in my life and in my spirit and myself. UM.
(14:32):
It's really enhanced my ability to be a present mother,
which is something UM, you know that I think so
many of us struggle with in a in a life
and in a world that has so much going on.
You're constantly multitasking. And I see that the effect that
that has, you know, on the eyes of children and
on their ability to just have a little more space
(14:55):
to add to the creativity of the house. You know,
if every second is filled or three every single crevice
of your mind and heart are filled with something that
you're working on or cycling through, um or observing, there's
not a lot of space for that unique creativity to
arise in your child where they get to add something
(15:16):
to the room, they get to add something unplanned to
the conversation. There's no art to the flow of the
family UM, And I think about that a lot, you know,
as someone who is a single mom and just works
quite a bit UM, and it's always kind of self
investigating or investigating someone else for work. UM. I think
(15:37):
about that, and so I try very intentionally to carve
that into every every every single day with my son.
And what helps me have the space to do that
is cutting a lot of other things out to make
sure that I can get that UM more juicy, robust
meditation experience. In so it comes down to you know,
(15:58):
what are you willing to come it too too? You
know that being a part especially before you walk into
building your practice, because there will be things that arise,
and we're going to get into that in just a set,
but there are there are many things that can arise
in your practice. And so when you've identified that you
do want to commit to expanding your understanding of meditation
(16:20):
or your mastery of yourself personal growth and healing UM.
One of the things to commit to is really think
about time that intricately and get very clear on your
why why are you committing to doing this for yourself?
Because you want to make it less casual. It is
so easy to disregard ourselves, to disregard our choices, to
(16:42):
let ourselves down. If we're only casually committing to the
things that we say we want, are the ways that
we say we want to change. When you get a
lot more surgical with it and you really get into
some self investigation, maybe take a few notes, spend a
few days. You don't have to have, you know, a
fifteen minute or a five minute thought process with yourself
(17:03):
around how you're going to do this, write it down
quickly and say go. You can say I'm going to
commit to thinking about this for a few moments every
day for the next week, and then sitting and saying,
what's a solution? How do I really feel about this?
You know, there is time and space to build. So
when you're coming into your meditation practice getting clear on
(17:26):
you know, meditation, I also have to say, is a medicine.
It's a tool. It's it's a really powerful, powerful awakener
and shifter, and you know the ways that it's often
described in more of a mainstream context, especially in the
(17:46):
Western world and especially on Instagram, it's it's kind of
like the thing that you're doing for light maintenance on yourself.
It's like your car wash, you know, like, Okay, let
me dip down and feeling stressed out, I'll medic tape. Yes, powerful,
powerful tool for that to please keep doing that. But
(18:06):
meditation is holy, Meditation is sacred. Meditation is incredibly surgical, UM,
and it's it's a pathway for massive levels of awakening,
of shedding, of activating in your life. And so you know,
(18:28):
we have to go and I believe we have to
go into our practices um our spiritual practices or you know,
even if you're identifying it maybe in another way like
a self care practice, we have to go into it
with a certain amount of reverence because ultimately it's us
caring for ourselves. It's us meeting ourselves as us transforming ourselves.
(18:50):
What on earth is more sacred than that, than that
experience You came to earth to be yourself. So anything
you're doing in service to that self, you know, really
being able to hold it just a little, just a
little more intentionally, UM can really shift things forward. So
(19:14):
as we commit to this practice, building these containers to
support the sugars that will arise will be very helpful.
So right now, my practice, UM, I shared what has
looked like in the last three years. What I'm noticing
in the last several months, UH that my body has
been really wanting to shift to upgrade my practice again
(19:36):
and something that is becoming a part of a really
consistent daily practice. This is something I would do often
in my practice, but not every single day UM, but
now it's becoming a very deep everyday practice for me.
Is really utilizing um moudras, which are different hand movements
(19:57):
that assist you in moving energy as you meditate UM
and then getting into deeper awarenesses. And also I've restarted
UM my mala practice. The first probably two three years
of my meditation journey, I really consistently used uh mala
beads to guide my practice. And my first set of
(20:18):
malla beads I used for that were made of moonstone
UM and they're very beautiful set that I got at
the Choker Center. And then after that I had rose
Courtz mala that I really loved using UM and then
I kind of stopped using my mala's and I would
just kind of be in regular flow with my body
and in my practice. And recently I've started using um
(20:42):
mala's in my everyday practice multiple times a day, and
I've just really been enjoying that energy so much. It's
just it's brought me into a lot of new heightened awarenesses.
It's really UM in this moment in my life, it's
just been really really deeply nourishing and reconnect with that energy.
(21:03):
Especially I've been using U a sutrine mala and also
UM a laboratorite mala and some black onyx excuse me,
black termaline and Pye write right now, I've been using
a lot of meditation and it's just feeling so good.
So I share that to say, also, you know, that's
(21:25):
something I'm very I love when I'm able to get
creative about meditation, when I'm able to kind of have
that spark to life again of changing my practice and saying,
you know what am I craving right now? What's most
supportive to me right now? How can I you know, UM?
How can I go deeper? How can I experience this
(21:47):
UM in whatever way I'm meant to right now? So
that can feel really lovely. That's part of the creative process. Yeah. True,
these are all the ways that you can either deepen
your current practice or begin a practice for the first time.
(22:07):
But just a couple of ways UM sharing for my arsenal.
But then what you may start noticing, especially as you
begin becoming more of a co creator in your spiritual
practice and your meditative practice, well you may start to
notice is new awarenesses may kin't come up, and they
(22:28):
may come up around specific quote unquote issues that you
think you've already laid to rest and that can feel
really triggering. UM. But I really want to invite you,
if you notice that in your practice, UM, to also
take a look at you know, does this have to
feel wrong or bad? Or is this an opportunity to
(22:51):
clear out any extra residue I have around this scenario?
Is this an opportunity to cultivate and find eve and
more love for myself and deeper awareness for my experience?
And then using that time to kind of settle in
a little bit more into that into that thought and
(23:13):
noticing are there places that you can soften it even more? UM,
That's one of the tools I really like using, UM
And I would say also, you know that that is
one of the reasons, but I think especially if you
a trauma, that can be one of the reasons. But
another reason could also be you know, we're always experiencing
(23:37):
ourselves here on earth as our culturally created self, which
I've spoken to in previous episodes. UM, that term coming
from social scientists, your culturally created self, the version of
you that is you because of all the societal input,
your cultural input, your family's input, or are you connecting
(23:59):
to your author to self, which is the deeper knowing
of your soul. The version of you that feels um loved, accepted,
connected to your experience, UM. The version of you that
feels more fully expressed, that is not maybe constantly dancing
with the flow of emotion or input from others, and
(24:24):
so we're always kind of um hop scotching in both
them those kind of throughout our day, especially early on
the journey UM. And the deeper you go and the
more your awareness and your release kind of expands, then
I think you come into space UM where it's more
in the authentic self you know, ninety nine point nine
(24:48):
percent of the time, while you're also observing the experiences
that other people are having UM that are in the
culturally created bubble. So I say all that to say, UM,
you know, because we are in that container here, it
also means that we are individually holding ourselves and these
(25:09):
type little containers all of the time, that are so
deeply embedded into the roles that we are playing for
other people, um, That are so deeply embedded into all
the different perceptions we've created about ourselves, or that we
imagine other people are creating about us, or all the
(25:29):
coping mechanisms we had to take, all the different constructs
we've created within our own minds and bodies and hearts
about ourselves and our experiences and what they mean about
us or don't. It is so much happening in us
all the time, um, before we break into these deeper awarenesses,
(25:51):
so so much that so many are walking around with that.
Even the experience of sitting down own and being still
and being quiet, two things that are deeply natural to us,
they can feel so unnatural and confusing and wrong and
(26:11):
strange and setting and triggering or pointless, you know, just
just so many feelings can arise in that. But very
often what that is is just you noticing that you're
not your container, you're not the roles that you're playing,
and not yet understanding what to do with that information.
(26:32):
But I guarantee you that if you keep sitting in
your practice, m My belief is that that's when you
glimpse that soul. Then you get to know that soul.
And that's when your natural setting does feel like the
stillness and the quiet, the most authentic version of you,
(26:55):
that isn't trying to validate, that isn't trying to convince,
that isn't trying to earn things from other people. UM.
And that's something that is really powerful about going on
an all silent retreat. I had the chance to lead
those UM with Deepak Chobra over the last couple of
years and also go on them myself for my own journey.
(27:22):
But when you're in a in a silent meditation, UM,
even if you're surrounded by people, and I've lad silent
meditations with four hundred people before, UM, even when you're
in that container you are, it's astounding the feeling of
release you feel from not having to perform in any
(27:46):
way for anyone else. You know, we always suggest don't
worry about holding that door for that person, don't worry
about making eye contact the you know, even the niceties
you can cast aside. You don't have to make conversation,
you don't have to look to connect UM. You can
just have your own experience that feeling is so liberating,
(28:10):
and that's where you know you're really intended to land
with meditation and that feeling of being a little deconstructed
of well, what what am I if I'm not hyper
vigilant with my body? You know? Who am I? Am
I safe if I'm not you know, trying to control
everything around me all of the time. I'm constantly with
(28:31):
my eyes open um. Even the act of having your
eyes closed around other people. It can be so radically
courageous for you, depending on what your life experiences have
looked like. And so yeah, I can feel triggering. There's
a lot going on in each of us, and meditation
(28:52):
and building that spiritual practice is really an opportunity to
not have to be in do all of that, all
of the things that you are not naturally that you
didn't come to this earth with all of those mechanisms
or awarenesses, you know, you can really just release them
(29:15):
for those moments. So those are a couple of ways
that you might notice yourself being sugared in meditation, and again,
just a kit continued commitment to the practice, to breathing
through it, to supporting yourself in the ways that you
uniquely need you know, maybe don't close your eyes right away,
Maybe just have a very soft gaze, which is just
(29:37):
your eyes kind of with a slit barely open, and
trying to relax your face into that, noticing when you
feel vigilant in your body and singing, and release my
job and release my shoulder. So I'm gonna let my
belly be soft. I'm gonna let myself melt a little
more right here. Those are just small adjustments that we
(30:00):
can make in real time that you just don't have
to judge, So those can be helpful. Um And you know,
something I wanted to share too is, depending on what
your experience has been when you begin a meditation practice,
it very honestly and truly can feel very scary and
(30:24):
triggering at first, very and it's okay to settle into
feeling all that. And it doesn't mean you're wrong. It
doesn't mean you're defective, it doesn't mean you're broken, doesn't
mean that this is another thing that you're not able
to do for yourself or do well. Meditation can be
incredibly credibly triggering depending on your life experiences, and the
(30:49):
opportunity in that is the space to build more compassion
for yourself as you're in process with yourself. It is
the space to give yourself the dignity of your process.
Let it be a little messy. If you're sitting in
(31:10):
meditation and you find yourself breaking into tears, please God,
let yourself cry. Give yourself whatever you need. That is
the entire point of the practice. That is the entire point.
There is no test. You will not be judged in this.
This is just for you privately, in whatever ways you
(31:34):
need it to be. If you find yourself noticing how
uncomfortable you feel in your body and feeling ashamed of
what that discomfort means about you or what brought that
discomfort about in the first place, please release it. Please
give yourself an opportunity to get to know your body,
(31:58):
maybe for the first time, by noticing and releasing some
of these feelings, by getting the support that you need
by journaling about this, and you know, if you are
in therapy, you are in a cognitive therapy or somatic therapy,
or working with someone that is guiding you begin to
share some of these deeper knowings. These noticing um and
(32:22):
create more space for an opportunity to have more information
about what to do in those spaces. In those places,
about how to move with that, how to release that
there is more information available always, always, always, we just
have to learn how to observe, how to really quantify
(32:43):
with the experiences sometimes and then how to really ask
questions and tweak the questions to ask them in new
ways if the answers aren't supportive to us. So it's
important to know that some times being slow can be
(33:04):
very triggering. Sometimes being still and be very triggering. Sometimes
creating space in yourself, in your life, your day, in
your thoughts, in your feelings, it can be very triggering.
(33:29):
Slow can be unfamiliar to your body. Having space can
be very unfamiliar to your mind. Being still can be
very unfamiliar to the ways that you've had to experience
yourself in your life. But unfamiliar does not mean wrong,
(33:55):
and unfamiliar does not have to me stop. As you
continue to maybe sit in some thoughts that may be
emerging in this episode, I really want to invite you
to write things down. I want to invite you to
(34:16):
check in with your own gut and notice what resonated
with you, and also notice what didn't resonate with you,
and know that you don't have to take that with
you as well. If it resonates, allow it. And if
you feel that it doesn't, maybe investigate it. And if
it still feels like it doesn't, release it. These are
just my thoughts based on my practice and based on
(34:39):
the observations and information I've gathered from students and from clients.
But this in no way has to be universal for
everyone's experience. Ah, thank you for joining me this episode. Um,
My deepest intention is that for those that connected with it,
that this episode really it helps to inform the ways
(35:05):
that you build, grow and create your practice for your
highest good in your life. Thanks for joining me. I'll
catch you next episode, no mistake. Hey find me on
social Let's connect at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram,
or go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And
(35:28):
if you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts, please
please please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe, and
send this episode to a friend. Dropping Jim's is the
production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect Network.
It's produced by Jack Les and me Debbie Brown. For
more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I heart
(35:50):
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows is belu Ch
Host
Devi Brown
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