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March 5, 2026 13 mins

From brutal breakups, to the burden of commitment, the ladies look back at love affairs that went awry. Plus, Teri’s favorite piece of advice that will bring you peace once you hear it!

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to desperately devoted Think of us as your favorite
neighbors as we chat about life and relationships.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
All while we revisit the iconic show Desperate Housewives together.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
I'm Terry Hatcher, I'm Andrea Bowen, and I'm Emerson Tony. Well,
we're back and we're here to continue talking about episode twenty.
And actually, you know this aired at the beginning of May,
which is also when a very famous cover of all
of us girls on Vanity Fair magazine came out in

(00:33):
that first week of May, and I thought this was crazy.
So that was a very iconic photo by a pool,
all of us in bathing suits looking fabulous. And just
the other week, the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
did a copy of our photo for the cover of

(00:57):
US magazine to promote their show, and down to the tea,
like one of the women was wearing a red bathing
suit like me, one of the women was wearing a
black bathing suit and lying across on a lounge chair
like Eva was. I mean, it was exactly the same
foot And I just know we're here doing this podcast

(01:17):
partly because the show continues to be relevant to a
certain group of people and new generations of people seem
to be enjoying it. But isn't that crazy that this
this image from pop culture was I guess significant enough
that a show that's actually on the air right now

(01:38):
uses it to promote their show.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
It's amazing. I mean, it's it's it's actually very cool
that the show has maintained this type of relevance. But
also we've noted that there's a little there's an obvious
tie in between the Real Housewives franchise and Desperate Housewives,
and so I sort of love that they just went
full let's let yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Let's just do it. Do you have an all time
favorite house? Real house Oh my gosh, because I know
what you'd say if I asked you your all time
favorite house. Well, that's right, no, no, no answer.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
I am a big sonya Morgan fan, I love me
some Dunda, which is a reference to the show for this.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
But I mean, really, then, you guys have I've heard
It's not like one I've heard is supposed to be
really good. It is.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
It's really good because they're all bold and and and
they put it all out there and it's just h.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, that makes sense why they did the cover because
we were bold and put it all out there.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
I was going to say, yeah, and you're all You're
all by a pool in the cover. And here we
are at the end of episode twenty buy a pool again.

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yes, this time by Gabby and Carlos's pool in their backyard.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
I had a wildly large fiesta party to go.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Away going to prison y you know, as one does.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, full of drama, full of Gabby slapping Carlos in
the face and realizing he's been tampering with her birth control,
full of so many things.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
Brion George end up in the pool because Rex pushes
George into the pool.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
And he takes Bree down with him, which I feel
like that's gonna pay off more.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Ali breaks up with Zach.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Well, that's what I wanted to get to. Yes, Julie
breaks up with Zach and I find it interesting because
at the beginning of episode twenty, Julie says to Susan God,
I've been trying to break up with him for so long. Yeah,
and you even said when we were talking about it
that you, as an actor, like, didn't even remember how
significant this storyline was between Julie and Zach. And I

(03:46):
think that is probably because Julie was not particularly present
or significantly invested in the relationship with Zach. It's such
a one sided I mean when we see that final
of how Zach has like all these images of Julie
up on his wall a camera, I know I would
a borderline obsession. Have you ever found yourself in a

(04:12):
dynamic that was a maybe initially a romantic relationship that
then you realized very quickly you were on very different
pages with the person than they were on with you.
Or similarly, have you ever struggled to end a relationship
like to you think it's been clear and and the
other person doesn't, or you like it's hard to break up.

(04:34):
Have you just turn that question back? Yeah, immediately, No,
I just like as you were saying, and I was
just like, oh, I wonder if you have I think
I have. I have certainly been in a few relationships
that I I'm one in particular is coming to mind
where I feel like I knew for a long time

(04:54):
that the relationship was not right for me, and that
I had and I was compared to from well, this
is the fascinating psychology of it. Like, I think I
was transparent with the person I was dating at the
time and told her and said, you know, I'm not
ready for this committed of a relationship. I whatever like

(05:15):
from the jump of our relationship, and I feel like
she sort of strong armed like, well, I don't want
to date casually into me being like well, I do
still want to see each other, and so I sort
of agreed to be in more of a committed relationship
than I was ready for. Yeah, and that I mean
from that very inception with someone who is a bit
more like domineering personality. I felt for months in the relationship.

(05:39):
I know this isn't right. I don't want to be
in this, but I she had a hold on me.
I really and I've never I've not since then or
before then, ever experienced something quite like it. Maybe it's
because it was the first woman that I like, seriously
had a committed relationship with, a committed, romantic reallytionship with,

(06:00):
and I think you're when you come out your first
queer relationship often holds a lot of significance and a
lot of fear around the idea of, well, if I'm
finally feeling attracted to this person in a way that
feels like how I am attracted to people, and if
this relationship ends, will I ever feel that attraction to
someone else. I think there was just like much more

(06:22):
fear in ending that at the time. And obviously since then,
I've gone on to be in other relationships and I
don't have that feeling. But it was tough, and I
remember when we finally did finally did break up, being like,
I've tried to do this for a few months and
now I have to really just do it. And I
felt for Julie in this scene.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
You know, I do think Julie has done nothing wrong,
Like I think it's totally okay that she has moved
on and she's not interested in continuing this relationship, and
I think that needs to be loud and clear respected.
But I on the heels of obviously, we know that
Paul has that horrifying line to Zach in this episode
where he tells him that Julie could have anyone she
wants and that he can't because he's not that special.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
I was like, yes, that's right, Julie, go off, you
can have anyone you want.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
And then you know he is trying still with Julie
and she's like, listen, I don't want to hang out
with you. I don't want to talk to you. I
don't want to date you. You know, she has been.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Really weird when you get pushed into like having to
be mean yes, yeah, because they just won't accept what
you're saying. Yeah, trying to say it nicely, like letting
them down gently, and they just won't let you.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
I've had someone in a breakup say to me before,
just say you're not in love with me any like,
like say you don't love me anymore.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
In what way were they trying to just actually say that?

Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah, Well I don't I don't know what they were
trying to accomplish in that. I was trying to because
I do hold a lot like you can have love
for someone and not want to be in a relationship
with them anymore. But I remember feeling like, God, that's
so mean. But they were like, I need to hear
you say I don't love you.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah. What they really needed was to somehow be able
to position you as the villain so that it wasn't
like so hard for them. I feel like the last
the person that I broke up with that I still
cared about, Like this thing you're talking about, I did
so when you were still pretty young, like maybe seven

(08:38):
or so, and the dating was getting to the point
where the other person wanted it to be more serious,
which then, of course was going to involve being in
the house more and then you become more inclusive with
your child. And I just couldn't do it. I just

(09:00):
couldn't do that. And and I feel like the person
did push me to be me because they they I
didn't know how to break it off and be nice,
because they just they just didn't want to accept where
I was at. And in hindsight, what is really been

(09:22):
interesting to me twenty years later, as I'd sort of
done work on myself and like, looking back, you know,
I was abused as a child and by my uncle,
and it makes so much sense to me in hindsight
that some unconscious part of me was never going to

(09:42):
let a man that wasn't your father into our house.
Like I don't think I knew it at the time,
Like I wasn't purposefully walking around going well, I can't
have a man that isn't Emerson's father in this house.
But the discomfort that, just like on a cellular basis,
lived in my body, I just don't think I was

(10:05):
going to fall in love and have a relationship while
you were still a child.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
You weren't able to let yourself do that.

Speaker 1 (10:11):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
That's fascinating.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
I really don't think so.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
I've never heard you say it like that. That makes
so much sense.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah, it makes sense to me too.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
Just said, is such a proof of so much time
that you have reflected on your life and your choices.
And I mean, I think that's incredible. I'm curious how long,
like when did you unpack that?

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Probably when Emerson was in college, okay, and I was
beginning to be like an empty nester and really look
at my surroundings alone in the house, and I think
I was talking to a therapist and also understanding what
are my hang ups with intimacy or trust or all
of that that comes along with being a survivor. And

(10:54):
I don't know, you know, when you're a busy mom
and you're busy protecting your child, and you're busy focusing
on lifting your child up and giving them every opportunity,
and those are all the things that I was doing,
along with making the money to support all of those things.
There just wasn't I didn't have to look at it

(11:15):
I didn't really have to question, you know, why am
I not dating? Like why am I not letting myself
fall in love with someone? You know, It wasn't really
until after you went to college and then on upwards
and onwards out with your adult life that I was
sort of left with the space to go what happened there? Right?
And I do find also that women are you know,

(11:37):
self sufficient in terms of like I think men when
they get out of marriages, like they do, tend to
just get right back into you know, because like men
need support systems, women are really good doing it by themselves.
But you know, so there might have been a tiny
bit of that too, But I'm honest with myself when
I reflect on it, to look at that, and you know,
it is what it is. I'm not sorry about.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
It, but well, you do what you can with the
tools you have at the time that you have them.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
You know, is that something I said to you, because
I feel like I've said that to.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
You probably something along those lines, but really to take it.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
That was one of my not bad parenting moments. No,
I wasn't a bad parent.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Now you're a good parent.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
Well, thank you for sharing that, Terry.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, I hope it helps somebody. I mean, I hope
you know all of our you know, but I kind
of like laugh that off because I do believe what
you said. Say that again, Uh, you.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Do what you can with the tools you have at
the time that you have them.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, And I think that actually should be on a
shirt because what hearing that deeply and sort of considering
what that means is that we should all be giving
ourselves a bigger break for what we haven't done right
in the time that we did it. You know that

(12:51):
that we might feel like, oh I could have done
that better. I wish that had been different. And I
really do think that that is true. You know, part
of the joy of being human is growing and changing
and learning and becoming better and and so you can't

(13:11):
be mad at yourself about what you weren't able to
do fifteen years ago because you didn't have the tools. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
I think that's great advice. I think that's great advice
for life. I think that's great advice when you're trying
to get yourself out of a relationship and not knowing
how to gracefully do that. And so thank you for
adding another tool to my tool belt.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
TV Mom TV Mom, TV Mom.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
That's my favorite thing of it too. I'm jealous. I
can't say it well, you get mom.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Real mom. Okay, so this is TV Mom and real
Mom saying goodbye and good luck.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Now until next week.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
We will not be breaking up with you because we
are desperately devoted to you
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