Live Like Your Dad Is Dead

As aging millennials, we're all getting to the midlife point where we start to question the rigidity of our lives.The choices we've made because other people said we should. The people and things we've prioritized over our own joy. But before we breakdown, maybe we should break up with people's expectations and live the way we truly want to. In this episode, the Ellises and the crew discuss why midlife ain't a crisis. Dead ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't think I'm ever gonna go through a mid
life crisis that ass. That as I'm gonna explain why though.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Okay, okay, the term midlife crisis to me is not
necessarily a crisis. What came to me was a midlife clarity.
Mm let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,
be raw.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Of course, but most apportly be us.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed. This
is a severafter because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
So storyteme, I'm gonna talk about what year this was?

Speaker 2 (01:01):
You good at the years? Man? Because everything is jumbled together,
timelinds me so jumbled together in my head.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Nineteen ninety seven, ninety seven, I was in seventh grade,
and now I'm explaining to you why I think I'm
never gonna go through a mid life crisis. Seventh grade,
My parents and I were having a family caucus right,
and the family caucus was chores.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
As always, things were not getting done right. And at
this moment in my life, I was thirteen.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
I had already gotten kicked off the basketball team by
my mom.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Because how did your mom kick you off the basketball team?

Speaker 3 (01:39):
I told you, remember mister you know, she pulled me
off the basketb team.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
But remember mister fast gave me fifty five and then
I had to prove I did my work and he
ended up giving me an eighty. My mom still didn't
let me play basketball because we had to go through
that just because and it was just like what like
just because I had to do something because he didn't
do his job and I had to prove that he
was to do his job. I still couldn't play basketball.

(02:04):
I was fed up.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
So now we're going through chores and stuff, and I
think this was my midlife crisis my mom.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
At seven seventh grade, my parents are going through a
list of chores that needed to be done, and it
was front yard, backyard, develop Brian bathrooms, develop Brian basement,
develop Brian kitchen, develop Brian so and once she got
to that, I said, so pretty much, we have to
do everything, just say that, like y'all had children to
have slaves.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
And my mom said, excuse me. I said, this isn't.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Fair, Like I wasn't in the universe asking for someone
to bring me here. I came here off of y'all
guilty pleasures, and now y'all want me to do all
the work.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
The fact that you still have all your teet crazy.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
That was my midlife price at thirteen, But I honestly
felt that way, and it was in that moment when
I realized.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Stuff wasn't fair.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
I stopped trying to conform to what everybody wanted me
to do, because I realized, while trying to do everything
everybody wanted me to do, I was still feeling I
was still getting in trouble at school, I was still
getting in trouble at home while trying.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
To do everything.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
So at that point, I said, I'm gonna just do
what I want to do, and I moved into the
basement out of my room upstairs, and I just started
focusing on what I wanted to do.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
And my parents told me that.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I was going to reap the benefits of that or
I was going to deal with consequences, and clearly it's
been the benefits, God so much the consequences. But I
said that was my midlife crisis at thirteen, I was
done with everybody, period.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
All right, karaoke time shot. I forgot what I saw
was today for Cary.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
Come on, I texted to you.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
You did take it to me? Oh my goodness.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
He forgot too to.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
The text me.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Oh, it is clearly.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
Talking about clarity, mid life clarity. So here we go.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone. It's
gonna be a bride right right, unhine day. And that's
all I know. But shout out to uh, was it
Jimmy Nash?

Speaker 3 (04:11):
I don't know, Jimmy, you had the clarity you're supposed
to know since you had the clay.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
That is a fact. I mean, the fact that you
even had a midlife crisis in the seventh grade is crazy. Yes,
but it was just a byproduct of how you felt,
I guess apparently at all. Yes, you realize that you
need to do your own thing, yes, in life?

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Yes, All right, y'all.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Well let's go take a quick break and we're going
to get back into story.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Time and opera now, all right, so we're back.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, So that storytime had me laughing during the break
because I was like, Wow, you feeling as though you
now have midlife clarity was simply a byproduct of UH
at thirteen. At thirteen feeling like things were unjust in
your household.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Yeah, because I got tired of people telling me things
to do, with me following everything they told me to
do and still not reaping the benefits of what I
was told.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
I was going to get like, you go.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
To school, you do things the right way, and your
teachers will help support you, and then you can go
play basketball if you I did everything.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
And this guy, mister Fast, I'll never forget him.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
He can't wait till where is he at nowadays? Probably
ever see you in these streets.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Probably still at Andrews Hurdy Junior High School, terrorizing kids.
That was my first time realizing that some adults just
be jealous of kids, right like, because he had no
reason to do that.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
My mom's pressed them, my pops pressed them in.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Then he changed my grade at a minute, he was wrong,
but then in eighth grade tried to get me kicked
off the Florida trip.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
Same guy, so he.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Had this like a personal vendetta against you.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
It seems as though, I also found out was because
he liked little girls and he was one of the
teachers that used to be rubbing their backs, and oh,
your broadstrap was you know now as a grown man,
what you saw back then, what you didn't realize what
was happening. And it just so happened that I was
the cute kid that the girls liked. And I guess
mister Fast didn't like the fact that they liked me,
so he was hating on me big. As a grown adult,

(06:00):
now I see it. Didn't understand it then.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
The time, you know, but I was see you now,
Oh yeah, he probably hate me now.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
But you know, I went back to Andrew's Herty Junior
High School when I was in the NFL, and I
asked to go directly to his class.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
Did you found I went right to his class, and Fast, yes,
he was still there. And I didn't realize. I realized
now because I was smaller than that.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
He's only about five six, you know, he's a large guy,
doesn't take care of himself. And in a minute I
walked in, he was just looking all weird, and I
was just like, what's up, mister Fast?

Speaker 3 (06:31):
You remember me? Daval Ellis he was like, oh, nineth Glass.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Of ninety eight, so you do remember me, yeah, remember
you tried to get me kicked off the Florida trip.
And I went right to the class said, hey, man,
make sure you keep received. This guy said, I wasn't.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Doing my homework. Good thing.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
I was doing my homework on the computer, remember that,
mister fast. And he was just standing there like.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
He was just looking mad at you, like you. I
didn't mess with him at all. I didn't. I was thirteen.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
I had no clue that this guy had these issues
with me. He got he took my lucky Bucks away.
It's a whole story, still.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Chick quick story.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
I heard about lucky Bucks a couple of times.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Story.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yo.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
So lucky Bucks was the thing we had in seventh grade.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Right, So whoever at the end of the year got
had the most lucky bucks was able to get a
prize or something, right, So he gave lucky bucks to
kids who answer questions correctly.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
Right.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
So I'm walking back from class and I hear him
talking to the girls and he had a tie on
that had a bad love it and he was just like,
this tie is from.

Speaker 3 (07:35):
The Battle of Gettysburg. You can tell specifically because the.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Helmets and this and that, and I'm walking by I
hear him talking to the girls, And now I realized
he was just trying to be cool.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
He probably was never cool kid his whole life, but
now he had a chance to be his way. Okay,
they were thirteen year old holds.

Speaker 4 (07:56):
But you messed up, I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
But he was trying to stunt right. So I walk
into class and walk into class, and he was just like,
whoever can guess what battle my tires from gets fifty
lucky bucks. Now, he only gave two lucky bucks out
like per question, so fifty lucky bucks was a big deal.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
He automatically assumed I would know.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
So I raised my hand up because I was I hustling, right,
I raised my hand and he chuckled, Okay, ellis what
battle you think this is? And I said, well, based
on the helmets and the attire of the soldiers, I
would have to say the Battle of Gettysburg. And he
turned beat red. Oh he red, yeah, he's white, right,

(08:43):
beat red right, So he said, come get your lucky bucks.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
So he gave me fifty lucky bucks.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
There's little pieces of paper, right, So now he asked
another question, and then someone else answer. He said, val,
give him ten of your lucky bucks. Oh no, no, yes,
story asked my mom. So I said, I said, why
am I giving him ten of my lucky bucks? I'm
not giving nobody my lucky bucks. And it's like give
him ten of lucky bucks. It's part of the part
of the whole thing. So then after like the third

(09:09):
time of me giving someone my lucky bucks, I just
gave him all back and I said, I don't want
none of your fucking lucky bucks. Then he sent me
to the principal's office because I cursed at him. So
when I went to the principal's office, you know what,
I did.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
The original caring list.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
And then yeah, my mother called my father because she
couldn't come, and my father came up there and pressed him,
and when he pressed him, he admitted it. And while
he was admitting it, another teach in the room was
just like, you, you did that to a kid, and
that's and then that spiraled into that that semester, I
got a fifty five.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
I've never failed the class ever.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
I got a fifty five in social studies and he
said it was because of poor missing homework. He had
a rule if you missed three homeworks, you automatically fail.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
But I was smart.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
I used to do all my homework on the computer
because most kids at that time it's ninety seven, didn't
have a computer. I did my homework on the computer.
I saved it and I had my mom, I'm my homeworks.
So I said, can I get a list of the
homeworks I missed? So when he gave me the numbers,
I went right to the computer and I pulled them
all out and I said, Mom, you remember these homeworks.
I said, look, you signed these homeworks. These are the

(10:13):
homeworks He said.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
I didn't do.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
I said, they were done on the computer and you
signed them. So that she took the homeworks in and
he changed my grade from fifty.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
Five to eighty.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
But she punished me because she said, you shouldn't have
to be going with I don't know what's going on
with you and this man, and this shouldn't be happening,
so you're not playing basketball. That pissed me off. Then
on top of that, I have to come home and
clean up after everybody. So I realized in that moment
in my life at thirteen, was like you know what,

(10:41):
when I do everything y'all tell me to do, I
still don't get what I deserve.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
So I'm gonna just do what I want to do.
And my parents told me I had a bad attitude.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
I always started answering back and asking questions, and because
to me, at this moment, if I'm gonna get in trouble,
I'm gonna get in trouble on my turn. You know
what I'm saying to get in trouble. So I asked why.
I said things like this isn't fair. I said things
like guilty pleasure. I didn't ask to come here. And
in those moments, I started to realize when I took

(11:10):
the power into my own hands, even when I still
got in trouble because I got in trouble for saying that,
don't don't think I didn't like. I got hell of troubles.
But it felt good to get my point across. It
felt good to say how I felt. And I sat
in my trouble and my mother used to tell me
I was the most stubborn person and I was going
to have kids. I was gonna be just as stubborn,
And I said, I hope my kids are just as
stubborn and don't listen to everybody else telling them everything.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
My nephew is just like that. Well, yes he is,
just like you.

Speaker 5 (11:37):
I'm listening to you, and I'm like, he gets in
trouble all the time saying stuff like that, but he'd
be having a point, like he makes sense.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
At what point is it having a point in disrespect?

Speaker 5 (11:48):
Well, well, it's always He's Jamaican, right, my sister's Jamaking.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
It's always disrespect.

Speaker 5 (11:57):
But I kind of get it, Like, I mean, not
the guilty pleasure part, but you're not a communist.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
You don't want to give your money to everybody. I
get that part, you know what I'm saying. I'm like,
now you laughing, but I'm been serious, like, mom, make
this make sense for me.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
And the thing I realize is that when they couldn't
make sense of what I was saying in their mind
or couldn't answer it, then I was just labeled like
a bad attitude, bad kid.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
And we do the same thing now with people who
going through midlife crisis.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
There comes a point in your life where you start
to realize, like, wait a minute, I'm doing all of
this stuff.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
To appease everybody else.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
People and I don't want to do it no more.
And the minute you stop wanting to do things, go
to this event do things. They're going through a midlife crisis.

Speaker 3 (12:34):
Look and it's like, no, I just don't want to
do this for y'all no more.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, that's and I think that's what we're watching people
go through now when their forties, because that's our friends.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Think about a couple like men. You hear, oh he
went and got a motorcycle at forty five, It's like
he's never driven a motorcycle.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
Maybe stop answering to what everybody else said.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Maybe you wanted a motorcycle your whole life. You've been
sacrificing your whole life, and you're finally at the point
where you're like, you know what if it, I'm gonna
get what I want. Finally I'm gonna get what I deserve.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
I get it.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
I completely understand it as a forty year old, because
I understood it as a thirteen year old.

Speaker 5 (13:08):
That's usually happens when people like evaluate their own mortality, like, yo,
our kids are grown or you know what I'm saying,
I'm stuck at this job or whatever.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
Let me just splurge. You did it at thirteen you
looked at your own mortality. Why I had eighty more
years last. I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
To get ahead started.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
I mean, you're right if you ask my mom and
dad did tell you, like, yeah, I was. I was defiant,
but I was like sticking my heels in the ground,
like I'm not doing this, this is not fair. And
they all thought I was crazy.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
Adolescent life crisis. That's what I have had, an adolescent
life crisis. Thanks mom and dad.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Love it all right? Well open a op time. What
you got for us today? Trips, We're back. Do we
welcome everybody back?

Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yet? Yo, we're back.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
We're back. And to commemorate you know, deadass, my dead
ass earrings today nostalgic, you know, shout out to Anika Zuyne.

Speaker 3 (14:09):
That's fire.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
These are like these are little vintage keepsakes that remind
me of how it all started. Here we are seventeen seasons, y'all.

Speaker 3 (14:19):
New merch alert. If you want your dead ass air
rings is contact Josh. Yeah, takes Airing Underscore, Envy air
Ring Underscore to put a.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
Link up, run it up that you got to get
you your vintage dead ass hoodies. We still got a
couple of those lifts and T shirts is about to
be hoodie season, so yeah, make sure y'all shot the
merch link. And we have some lser after our stuff
coming soon too, so stand by.

Speaker 6 (14:48):
Yeah, I need a pair of those ear rings as well. Lie,
I'm about to put my pre order in. Come on
now whatever. Speaking of I guess mid life crisis or
a young life crisis. I feel like, uh, young men
are having a little bit of a young life crisis
out here throwing dil doo's on w n b A
basketball courts.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
First of all, when I heard the story, I said, what.

Speaker 6 (15:12):
Yeah, Like, how you freaking as hell if you see
women playing basketball and the first thing you think about
is a dildo?

Speaker 3 (15:20):
That's crazy?

Speaker 7 (15:21):
Like, get what's going on there?

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Well?

Speaker 2 (15:23):
Did we get to the root of like what happened? Like, gosh,
what happened?

Speaker 3 (15:28):
I don't know what the Why are you looking at
me googling? I noticed?

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Because I refuse to google it because that's not gonna
be in my browser history.

Speaker 3 (15:39):
That is not so Josh, go ahead, let us know
what you found.

Speaker 5 (15:43):
All I see from first of incognito mode. Thanks shout
out to Matt. I can't get that in my search history.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
Crazy.

Speaker 5 (15:53):
So basically a crypto group is claiming responsibility for throwing
the sex toys on the court.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Wait, a group actually claimed that they did it. A
crypto group like o this was terrorism? What was this
crypto Bros Or something like that.

Speaker 5 (16:07):
I guess they want to It's a marketing stunt pretty much,
just to get the worried out on their campaign. But
obviously the dildo is trumping the actual marketing campaign because
I just learned about this when I googled it.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
Yeah, this is where we were also arrested. Yeah, two
people was arrested.

Speaker 7 (16:25):
Two people were arrested. The name of the crypto coin
is Green dil Do Coin.

Speaker 6 (16:29):
For whatever fucking reason, people are freaked out, you know
what I'm saying. That's the new phrase the young people
are saying. These people are freaked out. You know what
I'm saying, the freak Why would you even do that?
But that's what it's called. And they make it's a
meme coin. I don't know, and it's intended to be lighthearted, funny,

(16:49):
and they claim responsibility.

Speaker 7 (16:50):
But two people did get arrested. Twenty three year old
just did it.

Speaker 6 (16:54):
July twenty ninth at an Atlanta game and then an
eighteen year old was arrested August fifth for another one.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, it happened three times. I think three times.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
We have the mass dildo throwing. Yeah, serial did throw
out of mass.

Speaker 3 (17:11):
And these things are not cheap from wait, shrip let
us what's going right?

Speaker 7 (17:20):
It's an investment that you make. You know what I'm
saying you.

Speaker 6 (17:26):
You're not getting a dial though for under sixty nine
ninety nine and with inflation, it could be about one hundred.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
And fifty and yeah, and.

Speaker 7 (17:36):
Six weeks just to throw it.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
So it was one at each game or it was
like they was holding like hurling dildos. I'm dead serious.

Speaker 6 (17:45):
It was just one one at each game. Just one, yeah,
just one. Now they ain't balling like that. The green
Dildo coin must not be going on if they.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
Because I don't even though I can't even what the
quest happening, ain't no question, I just don't know where
we all normally marketing strategy. I guess it has us
talking about it, right.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah it does. But it's disrespectful man for their livelihood
is throwing.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
The assumption that that's a good I just think it's stupid,
like I just think it's like, I don't think.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
It was a good marketing. That's why they wanted to respectful, man,
all those reasons.

Speaker 5 (18:25):
If you're marketing your business and then you're being disrespectful
on top of that, especially for this league where they
are right now finding for equal pay, well equal pay,
but they're finding for money or getting proper ad revenue
a revenue.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
I just think it's wildly disrespectful.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
And I was going to say something, but I had
to kind of take it back because I was going
to say, you can't get good marketing by being disrespectful
to a group of people.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
But if you look at.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
Where America is now, that's exactly what that is, literally
what Trump has built everything on. It's just disrespecting people,
and it's been good marketing because people talk about it. So,
I mean, I guess in their eyes it makes sense.
I just it just seems stupid and low hanging fruits,
and I don't know, it's just corny.

Speaker 6 (19:07):
Yeah. I I didn't see the second dude who did it,
but the first guy, he looks exactly like the.

Speaker 7 (19:14):
Kind of dude who with the deal on his pot boy.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
He's a fat boy. He looks like Mulley.

Speaker 7 (19:21):
Drinks Mountain dew all day.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
He sits in front of his computer, bad sisteric acne.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
Yeah, they paid him.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
I guarantee you that the Dildo company paid him to
go do it. And he was just like, okay, I'll
do it. Like he's probably not even part of the company.
And now he's arrested and now he's probably pissed. Yeah,
just like the people at the Capitol.

Speaker 3 (19:42):
They ban book bags from certain games too because of that.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
I mean I should have been banned already.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, their clear bag. Anyway, this whole.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Thing's stupid, bro. Yeah, you can still get it in there.
You can still get paulus your mouth while we're talking
about Dudo. Yo, she got it. That one got that.

Speaker 6 (20:15):
So we're talking about midlife crisis today and somebody that
we all know, I don't know if we love him,
but we know him.

Speaker 7 (20:23):
You can just going through a mid life crisis. Just
lost his job.

Speaker 6 (20:26):
Shannon Sharp lost his job at ESPN after he had
to settle a fifty million dollar lawsuit with his twenty
year old ex girlfriend and apparently she retired from OnlyFans
due to this settlement, and he lost his job in
the meantime. Now, the reason why I wanted to bring
this up is because Monique months earlier, had went on

(20:49):
Shape Club Shasha and she tried to convince him that
he hated to find him.

Speaker 7 (20:53):
An older woman.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
And he was like, no, no, I don't you know
how you talk?

Speaker 7 (20:58):
You know, and I just want to say, I just
want to know, op.

Speaker 6 (21:03):
I know, men, we talk about this sometimes where as
men age, they have options because they can date younger,
but op, should they actually date in their age range?

Speaker 7 (21:13):
Is it safer?

Speaker 3 (21:15):
Opro?

Speaker 1 (21:15):
No?

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Ops? Should older men date in their age range? I
have an op.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Man, you you can't limit somebody to an age range,
you know, because there are there are people in every
age rage that are evil, manipulative and destructive. And just
because she was a younger woman doesn't mean an older
woman would and did the same thing. I feel like
he just got to make more better choices. You discernment.

Speaker 3 (21:39):
We talk about this all the time. Number one. I
hate the fact that it's national news, like.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Realistically, like I don't care, I don't know the details,
I don't care what he does in this off time.
I think him being fired though, was warranted, only because
this was like the second incident where I know there
was something else with like an ig live, and it
just seems like it just keeps distracting from what he's
supposed to be doing, which is talking about sports. And

(22:05):
if you become a detriment to the company, you lose
your job period. Like it's bad press. But I don't
care who he dates, so who you sleep, But I don't,
I don't care, Like I just don't care. I just
hope that he finds peace and using discernment and choosing
a better woman next time, and hopefully he choose a
woman he could raise a family with.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
That's just my ap. Like, other than that age, it
ain't the age.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
It's not the age thing either. Yeah, my ap was
actually something similar to what you were saying. But at
some point, when your personal life starts to intervene with
your with your professional life and it becomes a distraction
like that in itself, is I think grounds for some
kind of action, whether it's termination or something, you know,
especially when you're in the public eye and social media
likes to just take everything and run with it.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, that's the only app I have because I've never
been a man, so I don't know what it's like
to have to date older or younger. But yeah, if
it's distracting from what you're supposed to do as your livelihood, yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Agree with everything.

Speaker 8 (22:57):
Dude just said, like, you're not gonna put an edge
range on any body dating, but is it safe or not?

Speaker 4 (23:01):
You can't say that, So.

Speaker 5 (23:04):
I ain't giving no new information, man, y'all said it all.
I can't tell him who like, what age, or any
man for that matter, what age to date? Doesn't make
any sense because the flip side, no one tells a
grown woman that she can't date a younger man, so
that it's no, it's no real issue for me in
that In that point, he just got to be more responsible, man,
You got you gotta be more careful.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
Man.

Speaker 5 (23:25):
You deal with millions of dollars bro like, and at that,
at that point, you can't, you can't. You gotta be
able to desern what's happening. And and he got a
warning like Monique came on it and warned him, which
was crazy. Yeah, you know, you play with fire man,
you're liable to get burnt.

Speaker 6 (23:43):
Man.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
You brought up a good point though, It's like when
you represent a brand that's value that millions and millions
of dollars, and you know that you represent that brand.

Speaker 3 (23:51):
You have to use better discernment for all the things you.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Do in sexual activity using social media because you do
represent a brand. And people like to say, like, when
I ain't doing nothing for no company, that's why you're
not getting paid the millions he was. And because he
didn't use that the sermon, he lost it. So that's
the only thing I'm sad about. You never want to
see somebody lose their livelihood.

Speaker 8 (24:09):
I feel like the first time he did it, it
was like, all right, cool there, there should have been
some change, but yeah, he profited off of it. He
started getting sex pill ads on his show you Know What? You,
so why would he be careful the second time?

Speaker 1 (24:20):
You Know What?

Speaker 8 (24:21):
Immediately after the first one started advertising sex pills. So
he's profiting off of his behavior. So there's no jeopardy
for him.

Speaker 4 (24:28):
Really.

Speaker 3 (24:29):
I never even thought about that, but you are absolutely right.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Once the ig live thing happened, he got a he
got a warning from ESPN, but he didn't lose his job.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
But in his mind, he's like, this, wasn't that beast
to let me continue in that behavior.

Speaker 5 (24:41):
I feel you on that it didn't come off across
as intentional, and I think that's what the issue is. Like, Yeah,
it seemed like a legit mistake. I don't know how
you make a mistake like that why, But it didn't
seem like it was an actual publicity stunt. The younger
the younger girls situation is a bit different, man, Like,
you just open yourself up to so many either accusations

(25:04):
or there's just such a disconnect with age ranges in general,
like grown, he's older than me and she's younger than me.
Right there, there's so much difference there. So I think
once you do that, you just open yourself up to
so much that you have to walk.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
So let me get a.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Question, though, what if she was older and still the
same woman, would it still be the same backlash or
is it because she's younger and making these claims. Because
my thing is, if she's forty five and making the
same claims, I don't think people are gonna say, oh,
she's a forty five young woman. They're gonna still say
he wasn't abused or whatever it was that they were saying.

Speaker 4 (25:40):
You know what I'm saying, It's just not gonna be
as bad because she's.

Speaker 5 (25:42):
Twenty exactly, and I think that's where you fall into
the issues that she's twenty, So the optics of it
all makes everything look worse, Like I mean, it is
sexual assault.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
It is like battery and emotional distress.

Speaker 5 (25:56):
You can't do that with a woman at any age, right,
But the fact that she's money it makes you look
like you're more manipulating her in that situation as opposed
to just like y'all just had disagreements with it, and
she was, Yeah, it doesn't.

Speaker 6 (26:11):
Seem like he's getting a lot of backlash, like as
an abuser, it seems like people are like, you're dumb
as hell.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
For pretty much.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, it is kind of overshadowed. I forgot that it
was even like an abuse claiming there. I thought it
was just the age difference. You know.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
Well, I think I think from what I saw a
little bit of it, they were going back and forth
of whether it was abused or not. They're both engaging
in sexually aggressive behavior and then now she tried to
make him abuse, but it.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
Was consensual for a while.

Speaker 8 (26:42):
So based on timelines, I don't know how careful he
was going to be if he was doing that prior
to being at ESPN.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yes, that's a good that's a good point too.

Speaker 4 (26:50):
Either way, just stay away.

Speaker 5 (26:52):
Stay and who man, he's settled, so you can't really
blame him at this point, he's not proven guilty at all.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
Settlement.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
So with the overarching topic here for me, whether you're
a man or a woman, if you are of a
certain age forties, fifties, sixties, don't you realize or believe
that there may be some repercussions if you're dating somebody
vastly decades younger than you, like, is that not a
thought or is it just like, hey, well I'm going
to get what I want and they're gonna get what
they want. So, you know, I just wonder what the

(27:23):
mindset is.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
I think it varies from person to person. Some people
don't have the same values. So for example, I look
at a twenty year old girl and that looks like
a child to me, Like this, I'm just just a
child to me. But for some people it's like she's twenty,
she's legal, she can make her decisions, and if that's
their mentality, then that's just what they think.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Right, you know.

Speaker 6 (27:44):
So yeah, what can you what can you really get
out of a relationship with a twenty year old as
an almost sixty year old man, right exactly what we
got it was doing right exactly, Get off the pills,
get off the honey pack. You freaked out? Do you
know what I'm saying? Everybody's freaked out?

Speaker 4 (28:02):
Everybody ever, say somebody who.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
I got to learn this.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Shadow Listen. It's too much, too much to keep track of.
But you know too, that kingdom comes, we will be
so we're gonna spiral back and do we have any
more opera or we're gonna lead.

Speaker 7 (28:22):
Into Yeah, let's leading topic of the day.

Speaker 6 (28:25):
I feel like that's that's a real major public midlife
crisis that's happening right before our eyes. But millennials, we're
kind of getting to that age. Well, y'all, are you
know what I'm saying? I'm on, we're getting to that
age where midlife crisis starts to creep in. Typically the

(28:45):
mid life crisis occurs around forty to sixty years old.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
So what do you think?

Speaker 7 (28:50):
Like, man, where how are y'all feeling?

Speaker 3 (28:52):
You know what?

Speaker 2 (28:53):
When the topic came up as we were brainstorming, and
I'm like, oh, mid life cricess Okay, So when I
hit that point, and I was like, oh shit, I'm
at that point. If the life expectancy for most people
is like, what's seventy six or something like that is
what I research, then yeah, I'm pretty much right at
the mid life. But it makes more sense to me

(29:14):
now when people celebrate turning forty nowadays, whereas back in
the day you used to see it as like, oh
my god, forty is so old. Now, people who make
it to the fourth floor we almost rejoice in the
fact that we've come to the point where we've lived
enough life where we feel like we haven't handle on things,
we understand how the world works, and because of that,

(29:35):
we're now not giving a fuck, Like we are literally
adjusting the way that we've done things to better suit
us moving forward. You also realize that this is the
second half of life. Life is so fleeting. You never
know when your last day will be. So it's like, Yo,
forget everything that I was taught. Forget trying to people please,
because where has that gotten me in life. I'm gonna

(29:57):
do what I want. I don't really care the brink
of perimenopause, Like, there's so many bigger fish to fry
at this point that I'm just like, yo, oh menopause.
Oh jeez yo. Midlife clarity. Baby. That's when it hit
me when we were having the conversation. I'm like, this
is midlife clarity. It's not a crisis when you have
a handle on what exactly you know is happening in

(30:17):
your life. If you create those boundaries, you know, you
do the things you want to do. You say, I'm
not gonna wait, I'm gonna book the flight, I'm gonna
take the trip, I'm gonna meet up with this friend.
I'm gonna love on my man some more because I'm
halfway through.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
I think Josh brought up a good point when he
said mortality. I didn't even consider that. When I was thirteen,
I wasn't thinking about death like that.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
But at forty, I like.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
We just went to see my family for a family
reunion down in Florida. Yes, and I saw all my
aunts and uncles and family for the first time since
last year.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
And you can tell people.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
Who've aged, Yeah, And I kind of lost it a
little bit, and I cried leaving. I was holding my
aunt and I was cry leaving because I'm watching people
who I grew up, who were like strong moving around
who are like not moving at all. You know, my
aunt Debbie's in a wheelchair. You know, my aunt was
an elite athlete, played volleyball and basketball in college, and

(31:09):
now she's moving around.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
She had hip surgery. You know, my dad is sixty four.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Now I think it's like yo, like yeah, you know,
the people around me who I see may not always
be here. Let me put more emphasis on the things
that matter, right, Like Kadina and I talk about it
all the time, being intentional about spending time with friends
and family. You know that also comes with what people
call a mid life crisis, but we call midlife clarity

(31:34):
because running to that job is no longer as important
as it was.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
Like for me, it's not like I want to spend
time with my kids.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
I want to spend time with my friends and my
family because I don't ever want to get the phone
call that so and so is no longer here and
I say, dang, I was supposed to see them and
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
Yep, that happened with my uncle Paul. Remember he was
supposed to get down here that summer, get down here,
and all the other riff raff got in the way
of him. Coming here. He passed unexpectedly, and it's like, damn,
I was robbed at that moment. So yeah, that's a
good point. I didn't think about the morti morutality of
it all, but yeah, seeing your family age and get
older and knowing that they were the young, vibrant ones,

(32:13):
like now we know weird ones that's having to put
on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We even said recently, was it
last Christmas? I think my sister and I were here
getting stuff together for the holiday, and we're like, man,
it doesn't feel like it used to feel like that
that magic around Christmas, though it's still there because we're
creating it for our children. It doesn't feel the same
as when we were younger, but that's because we're now
the generation that has to put on all of the festivities.

(32:35):
We have to cook the meals, like that torch has
been passed because the generation before us are now starting
to slow down.

Speaker 7 (32:41):
Yeah, we ain't using that.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
They ain't not listen, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
There's something here on the astrable part. It says not
a clinical diagnosis. While a midlife crisis is a recognized phenomenon,
it's not a recognized psychological disorder.

Speaker 3 (33:00):
Do you know why I wanted to point this out?

Speaker 2 (33:02):
What midlife crisis being a psychological distor it's not okay.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
Okay, Which goes back to what I initially said, right,
it's all us being conditioned to think one thing, and
the minute you don't want to no longer think or
behave in a way that everybody wants.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
You everyone deems normal.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
They say you're going through a midlife crisis, although there's
no studies, in no medicine that says that that's what's happening.
Society is telling you, which is also another way of
bullying people into saying, Hey, you're behaving in a fashion
or a manner that we deem that's not acceptable for
us as a society, and if you don't fall in line,

(33:42):
we're going to label you and ostracize you. I think
it's important that we stop doing that to each other.
When you see a friend that's of a certain age
starting to make decisions and choices for themselves, don't ostracize
them and make them feel like something's wrong with them.
Allow them to discover who they want to be and accepted.
And I just want to make that clear, Like when

(34:03):
I read here that it's not recognized. It was like
being if it's not recognized and it's not a real thing,
it's something we just say.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
Right.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
You know what I'm saying, and what I was going
to add to what you said. You're talking about not
moving in alignment with what everyone else is doing, but
it's also deviating from what people see as your norm.
So it's like used to seeing Josh like like this,
and now she's doing something that's so it's like, oh,
let's label this a mid life force, whereas Josh is

(34:33):
probably like, nah, fuck y'all. I'm gonna do what I
want to do right now because for so long I
have been I haven't been doing it. I've been putting
myself on the back burner for everybody else. I'm gonna
pull the trigger on something I want to do because
I always wanted to do it.

Speaker 5 (34:45):
I noticed my wife, like, you know, you've been together
for such a long time and then you guys are
just like on a path like together, right, and you
know sometimes you might do things that differently. But I've
watched her evolve into she wants to do right And
at first that was me, like I'm just looking at

(35:05):
it like, nah, we gotta, we gotta do it like this.
But over time, you see, like you can't hold anybody
from doing whatever they want to do. Like if somebody
wants to do something because they're at a certain age
and because they're tired of what society might say, or
friends might say, a church might say, whoever, like family
might say, you realize, like their happiness is more important

(35:28):
than what we think might be right.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
How did you come to that? Because most can't. That's
when it took time. It took time, and then it also.

Speaker 5 (35:40):
I'm also experiencing it in certain areas as well, so
I might not it might not be as an extreme,
you know, as mine or hers hers her crisis, if
you will, I won't say it's a crisis, but her
choices might not be as extreme as mine. But I've
noticed I've had that same thing too, and I'm like, yo,

(36:01):
I want to do this. Why am I not doing it?
Which is funny because Matt and I went to Jamaica
back in twenty twenty two. We went with a front
of ours Curve shout out to Curve. He has a
villa out in Treasure Beach. Call Amelia's go check that
out if y'all looking for a really nice vacation in Jamaica.
But we went out there to go check out his
spot and we were just having a conversation about family,

(36:25):
and he was like, Yo, you know what you need
to do.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
Bro. He was like, yo, you need to live like
your dad is dead, right, And that's extreme. It was crazy, right.

Speaker 5 (36:34):
But he spoke to me because I'm having conversations about
things that I'm not doing because of the influence my
dad has in my life.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
Oh, it just hit me there you go.

Speaker 5 (36:48):
So it put things to perspective for me back then
that I'm moving in such a way where I'm using
his lens, I'm using my dad as a barometer, well
should I do this?

Speaker 3 (37:00):
And should I do that? Or should I do this?

Speaker 5 (37:02):
Or should And the reality is as a grown man,
I shouldn't. No, I got my own choices to make.
I got my own things to do, right, And when
you see that when he had that conversation with me
about what I should do, and then you look at
your wife and like, yo, nah, you need to move
like nobody.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
Else really matters.

Speaker 5 (37:24):
You need to move like everything that you want to do,
you should just go ahead, good, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (37:29):
You know how profound that is.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
Think about how we're raising the boys. I'll tell Jackson
to do something. Jackson will say to me, Dad, what
do you think? My first thing is, why are you
asking me what I think? When you have to start
making decisions for yourself you're fourteen. It's like, I'm trying
to teach him to live like that while I'm here,
so that he doesn't grow up to live like that

(37:50):
when I you know, because I used to do that
a lot. I used to do that a lot. I
used to consider like and it wasn't just my father,
but it was like, my mom taught me how to
do this.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
My dad told me.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
Even a lot of the things I said early in
dead ass podcasts, even even now, my dad told me
my dad taught me. Remember I taught I talked about
finding shiit all the time. I said, all the time.
My father told me that you got to pay for everything. Yo,
your wife shouldn't have to do this. Your wife shouldn't
have to do that. And then as we got married,
I started realizing, like, wait, my dad was telling me

(38:20):
not to have these conversations with my mom because he
was handling and holding onto all of the stress to
take it.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
Off of her.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
It was better for me to talk to my spouse
and we could figure it out together. And that was
just one thing that my dad told me that I
changed that helped benefit me. But now that I think
about it, if I would have just lived my life
like my father was dead, not you know, knock on
wood on, not.

Speaker 8 (38:42):
Literally yet no, no, no, we can go to literally
my father died at nineteen. I've never said this out loud,
but literally probably a week after he died. In my mind,
I told myself, your life just changed, and life is
different now that he's dead.

Speaker 4 (38:54):
Better act like it.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
That's so profound though that you said that, though, But
it's like really like like like oh, like an epiphany
that you said that.

Speaker 8 (39:01):
Your life literally changes once you start acting like, yo,
my father's not here. And I wasn't a kid who
was looking for my father's approval all that type of stuff.
But there's a there's a difference when you know he's
there and you're cognizantly thinking about that.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
So it's like a comfort level assion that you feel
because you have your parents as like a backup.

Speaker 5 (39:19):
I wouldn't says for me. It's not comfort for me.
It's making your decision, making decisions based on if my
dad would approved or not got it right.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Yes, it is.

Speaker 5 (39:30):
It is living in the shadow of your parents, or
living in the shadow of your friends, or living in
a shadow of expectations you have to from personally. And
I feel like I am in a sort of mid
like midlife crisis, not in a negative it doesn't have
a negative kind of takes to what I'm dealing with.
But I need to make decisions that that feel right

(39:51):
to me and not based off of how everyone else
feels right. And that's that's the crisis. It's not that
I need to go buy a lambo or need to
go pierce my nose or do these other things. But
I need to just make decisions based off of how
I feel. And it doesn't really matter what anybody else says, because.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
This is my life and having similar upbringings, Josh, like
you and I just a very Caribbean household. That like
breaking yourself of the shackles of what everyone else is
going to think. Is like, what are some of the
most crippling feelings that you could feel? If you're not
able to do that, because you're always going to have
that in the back of your head.

Speaker 5 (40:29):
And that's where the optics come in, is that you're
having a crisis. Once you step out of those that reality.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
That norm Yeah, and I'll tell you the minute you
move like that, your life can become better. In high school,
I had a full scholarship to go to Stonybrook. I
chose to walk on the hostraal. People thought I was nuts.
I wanted to do it my way though I didn't
want to do it the way other people said. Right.
I had an opportunity to start working at Hostro when
I graduated as an assistant athletic director, but I chose

(40:54):
to be a fridge and try out in the NFL
because I didn't want to do what everybody thought I
should do.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Or what was easy.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
And it worked out for me. It was more difficult
to go my own way. I'm not going to sit
here and say it's easy.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
In social media. Yes, the social media example, we wouldn't
be here if we didn't think. For you didn't to
have the foresight to say, you know, let's do this,
because I would have been like, no, but my mom.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
Going to think that.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
Josh says that really made the most sense, and in
Matt doubling down. You can't look at your life through
your father's lands. You want to know why the world
is evolving. Right, It's almost like the Old Testament in
the New Testament. Right, if we lived by the Old
Testament in the Bible, then if something happens to me,
you belong to Brian.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
You know what I'm saying. The Old Testament in the
Bible belong to my.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Doing it. I'm not going I would stay right here,
no friends, bro, but I'm staying right here.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
I'm pretty sure, Brian, I'm much.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Thanks, but no.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
But seriously, though, the way the world evolves, if we
continuously look at the world through our parents' lens, will
always be behind the same way our children will always
behind if they look at the world through our lens
like that, Right, there was a breakthrough. I didn't want
to hear it when you said, like, my father's dead.
The first thing they came to me was like, why
somebody got die all the time? But you're absolutely right though, Yeah.

Speaker 6 (42:23):
Wow, that's actually super I feel like being a queer person,
it kind of forces you out of living through your
your parents'.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
Approval because you have for a life, absolutely.

Speaker 6 (42:31):
You have to kind of reckon with you're living a
life that they don't necessarily approve of, and you have
to kind of you got to decide, like do I
want to live the life that they want me to live,
or do I want them to be a part of
my life the way that I'm I'm living it. So
I think I came out to my parents when I
was like twenty eight, and for a long time I
was like, well, I'll come out to them when you

(42:54):
know this happens, or when this happens. But then it
came to a point where it's like, we can either
have a relationship that is genuine and full today.

Speaker 7 (43:03):
Or it might be too late at.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Some point, or we'll have a false exactly if you
can't be truthfully who you are.

Speaker 6 (43:11):
Yeah, and so with that, and because you know, I
think when you have parents who have never done the
things that you have done, they also give you more
kind of independence to show them what the world is.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
Okay, because you came out and told them this is
what I want to do, and since they automatically knew
that that's something I've never done, it was, well, you've
shown me, Well, right.

Speaker 7 (43:34):
Hell, we don't know, you know.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
So it's like sink or swim. Yeah, so I'm gonna
put you out on this limb and if it works
and if you're okay and if you're happy. Kind of
like what we're going through with our parents having to
like parent our parents now, it's like they have to
see that we've been successful in this route to then say, Okay,
well maybe I'll I'll take your advice on this because
they're so stuck in how they do things.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
You know, and imagine trying to live your life through
that person's lens.

Speaker 5 (43:58):
That's the person you say yourself over a failure, you know,
a failure if you try to live through that because
they don't know nothing.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
That is a fact, right.

Speaker 5 (44:07):
Their job is to teach you, to to let you go,
for you to not experience things on your own. But
what we do for me, especially is they've taught me.
Now I'm relying on what they've taught me and holding
on to it, you know.

Speaker 7 (44:21):
What I mean. Yeah, So here's another perspective about the
midlife crisis.

Speaker 6 (44:25):
Most of the time, we think about midlife crisis as
when someone has lived a traditional life and now they're
in their forties and they want to get a motorcycle
or they want to die. They hear they want to
day a younger person, But what about a person like
me nowhere near forty?

Speaker 3 (44:42):
I wouldn't say nowhere nowhere fucking yeah and a half.

Speaker 6 (44:51):
But see that I lost my train of thought trying
to be young. Oh yeah, somebody that liked me that's
approaching forty in about a decade, who's like, not married,
doesn't have kids, and you're kind of having a mid
life crisis, Like, well, then what do I do if
I'm not gonna have kids, if I'm not gonna get married.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
Like, do I let go of this idea? Do I
you know, let go with the idea?

Speaker 7 (45:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (45:18):
Because think about it, the idea was everything. That was
what was the movie Inception, Remember Inception. The idea of
Inception was.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
That they could plant an idea in your mind and
make you believe that you thought about it on your own.
That's social conditioning. It was made into a movie. But
that's what people do to each other, right. They constantly
repeat things to you and how you should live, how
you should be, what you should think, what you should eat,
And it gets to a point where you start thinking that, yeah,
I want to do all of this. Yeah, until you

(45:48):
get older and to the point now where you are
in your life and you like, I never wanted to
do that, I don't want to do this, and I
don't think these things are important.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
I applaud Actually this generation and the generation after us.
I'm seeing a lot more people being vocal about, for example,
not wanting children, like that's what we have seen, that's
what we're accustomed to. Is that's a succession. You grow up,
you get married, you have kids, you live a life.
There's a lot of people that are just like I

(46:15):
know for a fact that I don't want to have
children for all these reasons.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
But I will say this though, they don't want to
have children because of the amount of like there's such
a bad narrative around families and children now that now
having a family is no longer as important because conditionally
they've been telling people for the last two decades, like

(46:39):
you are more important than your family. It's all then
about you. You you you that now we as a
culture of people don't value the things that really make
us happy. If you think about it, I enjoy being
around my family. I love my kids, right, And when
I hear people say I don't want to have kids
because of the way I was raised. I'm like, dang,
that means someone socially can conditioned you to not want family.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
You don't even really believe.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
That yourself, But it's because you were raised poorly and
because no one took care of you while you were
a child.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
You're like, I'm not doing the same thing. So I
think it goes both ways.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
But I will say this though, you are absolutely right
about them being honest about it early, as opposed to
doing like our generation did, which was just get married,
have kids.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
And then fuck those kids off.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Because that's what a lot of if you go back
and look at the nineties two thousands, there were broken
people having families because they were socially conditioned to think
that by this age, I have to have a family,
I have to have kids. Then the kids came and
you let the kids be raised by TV, social media outside.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
Yeah, there's reasons. I was seeing a couple of people say.
Some people just were admittedly like, I'm selfish. I don't
want to be on anybody else's time. I don't want
anybody relying on me. This world is now so fucked
up that I don't want to bring children into this world.
They're expensive, they cried, and I'm like yeah, and I'm
like shout out to y'all for knowing that's exactly what
you don't want. But I guess triple. Like you said,

(48:00):
once you reach a certain age, if you're not checking
these boxes based off of timeline or what you've been
conditioned to believe that you should want, it's like, now's
the time to kind of have the conversation or start
to scramble. I know some women who are approaching forty
or in their early forties that are like, I gotta
freeze my eggs now. I got to put them aside
just in case there's Those are the conversations that I'm
in now perimenopause and talking about all the things that's
happening at this age. So there is kind of like

(48:22):
a scramble. I think that happens when you approach forty,
that midlifetime where it's like, let me reassess what's important
in life, the things that I've achieved, what's left to
be achieved, what I've been putting on the back burner.
This is the time where that stuff comes to fruition.

Speaker 7 (48:37):
And that's it.

Speaker 6 (48:38):
It's a bigger conversation in the mortality piece because you
think about legacy, like, you know, when I cease to exist,
if I don't have kids, that's the end, you know?
Or what if I were to get sick or as
I age, who's going to take.

Speaker 7 (48:53):
Care of me?

Speaker 6 (48:53):
Like I live alone now, if I'm having a panic attack,
I got to figure out who can I call right now?
And it's got and somebody's not gonna text me back,
then I gotta find another person. Whereas like if you
have a partner, you wake that monther fuck up, like, hey, yeah,
we are having a panic attack.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
I like that. I'm gonna use that one. I love that.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
Or when people say it's damn y'all don't have no daughters,
who's gonna take take care of y'all? Because the boys
are going to get married and they're gonna move on
and have their own lives. Like, who's gonna take a
y'all take care of y'all with no daughters?

Speaker 6 (49:24):
I will say my oldest brother is it takes care
of my dad more than Yeah the rest of us too, Yeah,
more than I.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Because it's not gender specific, No, it's not. It's just
we've conditioned to think that, like to be honest. We
even condition our boys. I think it's okay to go
out and do your thing, but if it was a daughter,
we would be conditioning our daughters to be like, make
sure y'all take care of dad. I don't think it's
gender specific. I do think it's all social conditioning. But
listening to some of the stuff y'all said really open,
like I'm my mind is going right now. I'm thinking

(49:53):
about how I'm.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
Like the boys. I don't want them to grow up
with that that in their mind.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
And I feel like a lot of things that I've
done have created that social conditioning from my boys to
look for me for everything, and I don't want that.

Speaker 5 (50:08):
I think it's just independence. I think you have to
teach them, but also teach them they need to make
their own decisions when it comes down to it all.
I mean, I think for me personally, I want to
say I grew up a sheltered life, but I mean
relative to what the world is, it's sheltered. So I
look to the things that my parents taught me. My

(50:30):
parents are very conservative. I grew up in a church,
so a lot of those things and a lot of
the decisions I make in my life are based off
of those things. But if you're teaching those things and
also independence and make decisions for yourself, I think you
give them a healthy start in terms of not necessarily
depending on or reflecting on the things that you've taught

(50:53):
them to make decisions solely off of that. They got
to use other data like where are you at in
your life? What do you want for yourself? So me personally,
like it took me. I remember I got an airing
at eighteen years old, and I hid my damn airing.
I got my earring like this day before I went
to college or something like that.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
Oh no, no, I hit my braids. I had braids.
I hit my braids.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
You hit the braids.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
I hit my braids at a party.

Speaker 5 (51:19):
At the house, and my god sins, it was always
he braided in my head. But I threw a dew
rag on and put an ad.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
One, went to sleep, been there before.

Speaker 5 (51:27):
My parents drove me to Rhode Island to school, didn't
know I have braids under my hat.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
I get there, I'm like, I got my braids. Now
you know what I'm saying, Like, do you.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Show them the braids before they left?

Speaker 6 (51:41):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (51:41):
Yeah, remember when I got my airring. What did they
say they said when they saw your braids? My father
didn't say nothing. He says nothing.

Speaker 2 (51:49):
He just he was probably hot.

Speaker 3 (51:51):
Going home anywhere. So at this point the judgment, you
can feel the judge. You can feel the judgment.

Speaker 5 (51:56):
That the part where that kid you got to teach them,
that end the pendent part, like you're gonna make a decision.
You make a decision for this. But here's what here's
what I think about what you're doing. But it's your
decision to make. And we do that with Jackson.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
We're good at not Yeah, we're good at not shaming
them from making their decisions.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
It's like, yo, whatever you do, we're going to be
in support.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
I think, did you weigh out all of the options
that we do?

Speaker 3 (52:18):
Do that you see it?

Speaker 8 (52:19):
I definitely do that.

Speaker 3 (52:20):
We do that.

Speaker 8 (52:20):
I don't think you need to worry about I was
stressful a little. You're doing too much of the old
school way. But I think you still you still need
to teach them, and then in that teach and teach them.
How would you operate if I'm not here?

Speaker 4 (52:32):
Like you need to go through this.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
That's something I say.

Speaker 4 (52:34):
Think about it, like what if I'm not here to
make a decision for you?

Speaker 3 (52:36):
What would you do? I do say Dad might not
be here, that is not going to be here. What
would you do?

Speaker 1 (52:41):
And I do see the panic in their eyes sometimes,
but I say, YO, figure it out. That's been our
model forever's figure figure it out. That's how you prevent
I got my mom and the truth. Oh, I got
my more and the truth. And first of all, I
want to I want to thank y'all because that statement
act like your father is dead, live live like you
is that we have to put that on the shirt

(53:02):
or something, live like your father's dead, because it really
does mean a lot, and it'll dulls people, you know
what I'm saying if because if your father's dead, there's
nobody to call and for you got to figure it out.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
You have to trust your own I'm not gonna say
my moment of truth until we get there. I'm a
hold it. I'm a hold of you.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Be excited.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
I'm thinking about it like that's the point.

Speaker 5 (53:24):
Of having I didn't It's funny enough I didn't bring
it up. I didn't bring that point up for you know,
mid life crisis. I think from my perspective, making decisions
at this point in my life, it really affects me
that my dad is alive and my dad is still present, Like,
you know, thank God my dad is alive.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
I don't want to get to the point where my
dad is no longer here. Now I'm like, yeah, now
I can do what I want. It's not about that.

Speaker 5 (53:49):
It's like you want to get to that midlight part
in your life and do the things that you always
wanted to do that you didn't do before that.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
That's what.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Think about the shackles that we have over our lives
where somebody will pass away and then the comment you
hear if you do something is such and such as
rolling their grave thinking about it, or oh my god,
I wish somebody could see this moment.

Speaker 3 (54:14):
It's like, Josh, that's good.

Speaker 5 (54:19):
That's good.

Speaker 3 (54:22):
I'm not doing what I want because of a dead person.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
But it's the shackles that we have still.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
Been in school and cr and current mad amounts of debt.

Speaker 8 (54:33):
If I thought about like that, stay here only because
my father would still want me here, No, I was
serving no purposely.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
I want to pursue something I would.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
Really want to do.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Some people are still living with those shackles of what
this dead person would It's not only that.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Yeah, it's not only that because moms.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
I see how your mom, in particular, she was very
and the one thing I would say about made me
creating a foundation for y'all to have substance was.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
So important paramount.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
But I also see how sometimes it was it was
like it was like shackles to you where you was
like I can't do this because of my mom and
all the time.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
I mean, it did save me some for some trouble,
like if my mother found out. Yeah, that's that fair
alone was enough for me to be like, I'm gonna
walk the straight and narrow.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
That's one thing I want to say too, And we
should do another podcast about this. We are not shaming
our parents. We are exactly who we are because of
our parents.

Speaker 4 (55:26):
Like I would love to have a podcasts.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
We have to because there's a lot of parents bashing
that goes on and from all of our parents. We
look at all of us and how we are. We
had to have had good parents in order to be here,
you know what I'm saying. But it's so so fair
to say, you know what, I could tweak this so
that I could be better for my kids. So I
just want to be clear of the times.

Speaker 4 (55:47):
Right you got.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
They did the best they could with what they had.

Speaker 6 (55:51):
You know, I think my mom is gonna live so long,
which is great, but every year she's gonna ask me
when I'm having a bang, and I'm gonna have to
tell her for the next like thirty fucking.

Speaker 7 (56:04):
Years, I got a green dos on Mo, it's not
fucking happening.

Speaker 6 (56:12):
I'm gonna have the longest mid life crisis just because
i'ma have to answer my mom this question for the
rest of my life.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
You don't have to true. You could just be like, look, mom,
you see this, this is what I use.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
You want to have green babies, your plastic babies.

Speaker 7 (56:30):
I don't care what they.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
Look like.

Speaker 7 (56:33):
Anyway, I don't care how to get here?

Speaker 3 (56:36):
She said that.

Speaker 7 (56:38):
She said that, She's like, I don't care how you
gotta go get a baby from the fire station?

Speaker 2 (56:42):
You do that?

Speaker 3 (56:44):
Just go take a baby. You need a kidnapp you're kidnapped?

Speaker 8 (56:49):
Do that.

Speaker 7 (56:49):
I won't tell.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (56:53):
That's a good mom right there. That how you get
that baby? Go take somebody else, baby, come here with.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
All right, you're a felon in fact, let's take a
quick break. We're gonna pay some bills, and we're gonna
come back into the first listener letter of He's in seventeen.
Y'all stick around. We are back now with our listening letter,

(57:26):
ready to dive in. Maybe all right, Hey ellis Is,
I've been watching you both since I was seventeen and
now I'm twenty five. That's pretty dope, the fact that
like seventeen year olds and tune in. I just want
to say how proud I am of everything you've built.
You've inspired me in so many ways, especially as I've
stepped into my own womanhood. I'm already impressed. Because she
us in commas punctuation, she's twenty five.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
I love it.

Speaker 7 (57:46):
Well, let's thank the editor for that. She put you on.

Speaker 3 (57:55):
This whole thing was one run on sentence.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
It was just I appreciate that, honey, because we've been
here like out make me look like I can't read,
and I know I could read all right. That inspiration
led me to finally share a story I've kept tucked
away for a while. I met this guy when I
was seventeen and he was twenty one. We dated for
a year, but it's been on and off as a
situation for the past six years. I know, wow, right

(58:18):
back then, I wasn't thinking about stability. I was dating
based on looks and vibes, which got me absolutely nowhere.
Throughout our relationship, he's cheated on me with multiple women,
dabbled in dark magic to manipulate women into sex. What's freely?

Speaker 1 (58:32):
They can't be a follow up question? Frequently someone dibbled
dabbled in dark magic to get women to have sex.
You might want to lead it, right, She probably wanted them.
She probably is still stuck under the spell.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
Right, Oh Josh? All right?

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Well wow, okay, so manipulated women into sex. Yes, really,
and even tattooed a woman's birthday on his neck, someone
he later claimed, meant nothing to him. And that's just
the surface.

Speaker 7 (59:00):
This is just the surface.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
It's honestly painful and embarrassing to admit. Despite it all,
I stay connected. But the year. As the years passed,
I noticed a pattern, no growth, no car, still living
with his mom, always switching golds and chasing different dreams.
His upbringing was rough, and I gave him grace, maybe
too much. Now at twenty eight, he says he's changed,

(59:22):
but he's still in the same place physically and mentally.
I care about him deeply, but I've realized I'm not
in love with him anymore. I think what has kept
me emotionally invested was guilt. Guilt for growing while he
stayed stuck. But now I'm in a different season. I
got my own apartment, two cars, I'm enrolled in law school,
and I'm thriving in my business. I'm proud of how
far I've come, but this emotional tie has lingered, and

(59:45):
I guess that's why I'm writing to you as a
twenty five year old woman trying to choose herself while
feeling compassion for someone I've once loved. How do I
navigate this?

Speaker 3 (59:54):
Don't?

Speaker 2 (59:55):
How do I honor my heart without betraying my growth?
May fact your heart? No, just kidding, don't the growth
feel better? Thank you both for being a light. I
love Any insight you can share.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
Can go ahead. You're gonna be really profound. I'm not
going to be your run run. There's nothing profound to say.
He hasn't grown at all, he physically or mentally.

Speaker 5 (01:00:19):
As she got get a law degree, she got a car,
she got he own apartments, she's doing exactly what she
needs to do to level up to gets the next level,
and he's holding it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
Literally, he's an anchor. You gotta start at the beginning.
She was seventeen, he was twenty one. Yes, what were
you doing dating a seventeen year old at twenty one?
So you were a junior in college? If you was
a junior in high school, wow, there's nothing you have
in common. He was using black maverage, using black magic,
got another woman's name.

Speaker 3 (01:00:48):
Tattooed on his neck.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
These are the issues I have, right because this young
lady will say, you know, after gonna be like, niggas
ain't shit right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
This is a niggas.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
No, you've seen all the red flags and you still
continue to lay down with this dude, and then when
something happens, you're gonna blame him.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
Run like at this point, you can't.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
You showed us everything that we know was wrong, and
we the same people that will tell you, like, you know,
sometimes you.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
Gotta work with red flags. That's not a red flag, man,
this is terrible. Dabbled in black magic to manipulate other women.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
This is emotional, so you're essentially being manipulated. Yes, you
know this yes, there's some people also you can still
care for it from a distance. Like this person. I
don't think you should care for him from a distance.
This is somebody that you cut off. And the fact
that you are doing all the things to level yourself up,
you're putting yourself into a bracket where you attract the
kind of person who is your equal. There's nothing else

(01:01:40):
to talk about.

Speaker 7 (01:01:41):
Baby. Run.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
You heard what Josh said. See them run, see them run,
see them run. My gun, my guns, guns man. You
got too much to offer. We love you, We love you.
Got too much to offer, man, And that is a fact.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
All right, y'all. If you want to be futured as
a listener letter, we can't wait to hear from you.
Season seventeen. It is just getting started, baby. You can
email us at the Ellis Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:02:09):
That is t h E E L l I S
A d V I c E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
All right, you have been chomping at the bits to
give your moment the truth, Baby, you can get started.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
Thank you to Josh and Matt for the most clearest
amount of clarity being said.

Speaker 3 (01:02:30):
Bro, My moment of truth is live your life like
your father's death. It's mine, I still begin it's gonna
steal it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
No, it's only only because and I'm gonna keep it short, bro.
We spend so much time holding ourselves to the standard
our fathers and the people before us lived in a
time that is no longer being lived. We cannot uphold
that standard. As times evolve and change, we have to
evolve and change, and by holding up their standards, we
limit ourselves, and that's why we feel unfulfilled. I did

(01:03:02):
want to ask one thing before we get off. Do
you know what your purpose in life is?

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
I think I do.

Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
Do you know what your purpose in life is? I
think I do? You Do you know what your purpose
in life? We're still working on it. Do you know
what your purpose in life?

Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
I do. I think people need to focus more on
what their own individual purpose is rather than what other people.

Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
Want them to do.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
I love that. I think my moment of truth is
in order to eradicate the idea of a midlife crisis
and having that start living life sooner. Don't wait until
you're in your forties to feel like this is the
time now that I have to self correct, self regulate,
do all the things I didn't do. Start living essentially
more in your purpose, or at least seeking that out earlier.

(01:03:48):
Stop living your life where you feel like I'm at
this crossroads now and I have to make this rash
decision just to feel good because you've been so concerned
about making other people feel good for so long. So
start doing the thing you want to do now to
avoid the midlife clarity slash crisis later.

Speaker 8 (01:04:04):
On, I'm gonna repeat the same thing. Live like your
father's dead, and I'm also repeat part of what case that.
Start making cognizant decisions that I want to do this
for my life, not I'm going to do this because
somebody else told me this is good for my life.

Speaker 4 (01:04:19):
Just start the process. It's gonna be difficult early, but.

Speaker 3 (01:04:22):
Just do it. That's that's deep, but that's a fact.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
Mm hm. Trips, you got anything for this moment of
truth time?

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (01:04:28):
All this ship is made up, so make up your
own Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
I like that trip.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Yes, that's so true. We're all here trying to figure
out life every day.

Speaker 5 (01:04:35):
I was going to say something like that, like this
is all. This is guidelines, This is not a script.
This is not instructions on what we need to do.
So whatever we've learned in life, use it as guide.
And you know, when you use a guy, you're putting
it the stuff together. You're fixing your your shows up
in the crib. Sometimes you toss that you ain't even
do whatever you want to do. You might, you might

(01:04:55):
get it right, fall apart, it might fall back, but
it was like one hundred dollars of ike.

Speaker 3 (01:05:01):
You get another one. That is a fact though, that
is a fact.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
Oh man. Awesome episode, y'all, great way to start the
season out. Be sure to find us, y'all on Patreon.
There's so many amazing things happening with us in the
Patreon family, so stay tuned, and if you're not already
a part of Patreon, be sure to join so you
can see the After Show as well as more exclusive
Ellis Family and Ellis ever After content. And you can
find us on social media at Ellis ever After. I'm Kadeen,

(01:05:27):
I am and.

Speaker 5 (01:05:28):
I am Daval, I'm on the Score Matt Ellis, and
I'm Joshua Underscore Dwayne, and.

Speaker 6 (01:05:33):
I'm Trips the Cool TRIBBV, The Cool on Everything.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure you
great with you and subscribe, and also make sure y'all
download them episodes Baby download, download.

Speaker 3 (01:05:46):
Download, tell a friend to tell a friend, and tell
a friend. Yeah, make sure you download them.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
That will help us out greatly.

Speaker 6 (01:05:52):
Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by
Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, Production
by Joshua Dwane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Lashan rowe.

Speaker 4 (01:07:02):
Kep hast To Different has.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
Different cans

Speaker 8 (01:07:29):
Everything