we fired ky

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Oh my god, it's Friday. It's direct day for uploading
true Drew. We said we were going to talk about
that on camera.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
We this, no, it needs to be addressed. So there's
been a part of us missing for the last six
weeks or something like that, and we thought like we
we might just let it go and no one will notice.
But ye, Kai holds a big spot in all of

(00:54):
our hearts. This is about Kai. But yeah, we we
decided to go separate ways. We fired Kai. I know
this is like a horrible like horrible timing for this
to come out, but like, yeah, Kai is gone, He's
out of the picture.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
You fired him because you found out he went hooked
up with somebody else, even though you like said okay.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
And we don't have hr and like what like like
what literally like what.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
I told you guys, You guys shouldn't have been like
romantically inclined if you were gonna work together. I said
that like from the beginning.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Well, once you do us with someone, you're spiritually connected.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
We have no connection.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
So now I'm gonna have to fire you.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
You can't fire I'm firing. Also, Kai isn't fired. He's
like in the hallway I'm pretty sure Kai, you didn't
fire him. You just said he can't be in the
room anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
We were saying, you're fired.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Well, he's been trying to fire you.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
What because you're like hooking up with people and you're
blowing vape smoke in my face.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
I know he did just walk into the kitchen and
blow up smoke.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Drew.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yeah, should we start the episode? Where were you guys
talking about when I was in the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
No, we were saying, like, you're gone, You're out of here,
You're out of the.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
Are you like flirting with me?

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Is it's like? No, No, it's.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
Been like a huge decision. We've been thinking, we've.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Been We've been talking about this for a very long time.
I thought you were already gone, but apparently you want
to hook up with other fucking hose Oh is this.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
About when you sat me down and said, since you're
fucking like hundreds of other people, I can't work on
the podect. I thought that was a joke.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
No, I was, okay, let's play.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Wait, who was fucking hundreds of people? Because girls coming on?

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Was he was doing what you do? I was doing
what you do.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's gonna you can do what the master does.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's different. Yeah, like I'm ran through, but I still
look put together. You're ran through and look.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
You're ran through and you don't look put together. I'm
ran through and I look perfect.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
You're falling apart from all the all the insertions you've had.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
I'm having a lot of work done.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
We need to say that about people who are looking
up lot low key. You are getting a lot of
work done.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
You're getting a lot of getting work done. All right, guys,
and scene Kai is not fired.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
I was improv. He's all funny improv.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
He's just been traveling the world.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, he's been too cool for us.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
So, no, that's not true. You guys are my priority.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah, oh that's what you say.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Yeah, you guys are my priority.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Hey yep, yes, not yep, yes, but I just I
dot no not yet you said yep. You say yes.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Yes, papas and Mama, queen, queen.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yes queen, and yes Daddy yes no yet? Say kay?
Can you say good boy?

Speaker 1 (03:57):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (03:57):
No, just boy? Good boy?

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Wow? So much I've missed so much stuff. I saw
a baby girl and I've been saying that to people
when I check out it groceries. I'll be like, good girl, you.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Shouldn't be saying that's a random.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Like it's Trader Joe.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, the.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
First they're all slugs.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Like when did that start? When did the like Trader
Joe to whore pipeline start? Like when did that become
like a theory?

Speaker 2 (04:27):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Is it just because all their workers are like sexy?

Speaker 4 (04:31):
No?

Speaker 2 (04:31):
I think they're just like trained to be nice and
like we live, we were existing in like a loneliness epidemic,
not just men but women too, and like when someone's
nice to you, it's like, oh wait, like they want
to have sex, they want me, But I fall for that.
Every time I.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
Heard something that was like Trader Joe's business models. They're
trying to commodify the small town grocery store, so like
their aesthetic is like not super like it's not branded
like a CBS. And then they train people to treat
patrons bell basically. Yes, yes, it's the Southern bell technique.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
That actually is interesting because when I go to the
grocery stores in Granberry, they're all like chit chatty, want
to have a conversation, and I'm like, leave me the
fuck alone.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
I know, I will say yesterday I went grocery shopping
and two people spoke to me. One this guy saw
me like he was a gay guy, so I let
him speak to me. This older gay guy saw me
getting pretzels and was asking about them, and like I
entertained the conversation about my head. I was like, you're old. I,
here's gay guy.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
Okay, here's gay guy. And last.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yeah, well look.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
You can't say yeah. You gotta say yes, yes, daddy
and mama you stop that can't like I mama's and poppa.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
But he was asking me about the fucking pretzels, and
I just entertained it, even though I was not in
the mood and I was like in a rush. I
entertained it. And then this older lady was asking me
to grab some honey off the top shelf for her.
She was tall enough to grab it. Yeah, her old
ass was tall enough to grab it. She was not
my fucking I. I just grabbed it for her. And
then twenty minutes later, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
Narcissist, like a literal narcissist. Everybody wants her.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well, no, I don't actually think that. You said that.
I didn't think that. I did think she was just
like a little loose because she asked me to grab
the big she has through its because she asked me
to grab the bigger container. I want to go grab that,
and she's like, no, can you shut the fuck up
for three goddamn fucking seconds down.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
You should slap him or something. Hit me?

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Hit me, hit me, hit me. I can't feel my
fucking face. Just hit me?

Speaker 1 (06:37):
Did they like was that far in the movie? Just
like they did drugs or some shit and they were
like being freaky when they do smoke weed or something
or I don't.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
I don't know what they might have done, like nitrous
oxide or some shit.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
What are you guys talking about?

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Thirteen thirteen?

Speaker 3 (06:51):
Oh, I haven't seen that since I hit me.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
And it's liken and like it was like a huge
thing on me. Fuck fucking hit me.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
I don't feel anything. Hit me. But I went to
go grab the bigger thing of honey because she was
pointing at them and she was like, no, no, a small one.
I grabbed her one small one, and then she was like, actually,
can you get me another one? And I was like okay,
So I grabbed her another one and then she asked
me for another one, so she got three smaller ones
instead of just the big one, which I'm whatever, but
the point of the story. Literally three minutes later in

(07:22):
the next aisle, we were in the produce aisle and
she comes around the corner and she slams into my
car hard as fuck, didn't say sorry, didn't look at me,
and I was like, oh my god, I think she
might just have dementia. Like she literally like turned the corner,
slammed into me, looked at me, and looked away, and
then started like inching closer and pushing my car out
of the way with her cart without saying a word.

(07:42):
And I was like, bitch, I don't know what, but
I just fucking helped you around the corner. Why are
you like with the fucking carts now? So she was
mad at me for help.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
He's tweaking out. Also, like the entire time you were talking,
I realized every single word that comes out of anybody's
mouth in my vicinity, I can sexualize. I know it's
I know, it's really like you said, like inches, and
I was like, oh, inches, penis, because I was Okay,

(08:12):
we're getting a new TV, but I wanted to measure
the old TV. So I think it's sixty five inches,
which is three Drew penis slings. That's like a new
unit of measure we're using.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
Your dick? Is that long? Long?

Speaker 2 (08:26):
Is that it's like twenty one point five inches twenty
one point three three, but I.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Round it's actually twenty one point six six.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, twenty one point sixty six, So I round.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
Down is that when it's you have a oh onsoft?

Speaker 2 (08:39):
But yeah, we You also said slams, like her cart
slams into you, slams like.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
Doing s Who says slams?

Speaker 2 (08:49):
You said slams?

Speaker 1 (08:50):
No, I'm saying, like, who says that in a sexual content?

Speaker 3 (08:52):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (08:53):
I slammed her? That think this new fucking thing that
like guys are saying that's abs absolutely like repulsive, like
you know, like they have riz and they have huzz
and they have all that shit. Bitch. The new thing
they're saying is splitting, like, oh, I'd split that, which
is like that's gross. Yeah, And they're like talking about

(09:14):
like the most what's craziest.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
I think, Drew, somehow you interact with the straightest side
of the internet, because every time you bring up some
stuff that like guys are talking about, it really freaks
me out.

Speaker 3 (09:25):
Who told you that you knew about like mogging culture
so long, like a year before people were.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Oh, no, I was.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
I was tapped in so he knew about mewing way
too early.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
You know, I was. I was tapped the fuck into
the like looks Max and culture because I just thought
it was literally the most deranged, funny thing I've ever
seen in my life. And the reason I found out
about it was this kid, Dylan Latham, who is a
part of the cookie Verse, who is also a part
of Santa Cruz. Is like it's chop house.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
Chopped how.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
No, you don't know, you don't know power mb.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
No, No, I don't want to know. I like Ie Squad,
Like no, I feel like I genuinely, genuinely think these
are things I should never hear, Like do you know
what I mean?

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Sometimes like no, Vex Boltz is a part of Ya Squad,
and yes, Vex Bolts snuck into the cookie Verse lore
he was sneaking in.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Yeah, I really, I really, I'm not kidding. It feels
like a world that I just shouldn't know exists. It's like,
oh my god.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
It's a world no man over the age of sixteen
should know about. And It's like really crazy because like
I'm like so locked into this universe. I even DMed
Cookie King because I want to sneak into his lore.
I want to sneak into the Lord. But no, the
reason I found out about looks.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Nexting Karen Drew say that he DMed Cookie King.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
No but and then sneaking into the lore. I'm going
to be in season eight. I'm gonna be in season eight.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
Seasons.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, we're in season seven right now.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
And it's what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (11:08):
How you want to season of? Why?

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Like universe y'all don't know Hills bro Hills.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Like like why you have all the information in your ad?
Like what scares me? Is I genuinely do think Yourew
is gonna be like dementia ridden really early.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Now I'm gonna remember, cared for.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
The things you're gonna remember, Like you're only gonna remember
the weirdest ship Cookie King, brit.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
How can I, as a thirty year old man get
involved in this? DM Zeta Well, speaking of looks, Maxim,
you guys are both looking very good, very attractive. You
guys both look like the bell of the ball. Thank you,
you're welcome, and you look good okay, and you look good. Yeah,

(11:58):
I get a haircut every month.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
Look good. Every time you get here, I.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Can tell thank you.

Speaker 4 (12:04):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
The craziest part about me reacting like that is there
are some of y'all who would have had to like
bear the bravery of explaining what this is to one
of your friends, and that is probably exactly how they
feel hearing.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
About my well, their cousins, and they fucked. I mean no,
that's really still so.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
That sound before.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
I was also driving and you know that billboard by
our apartment in you no, like right on the corner
over there. I was swear to god, I was like
imagining because it's a big ass fucking billboard and I
was like, oh, a good billboard would be like let
cousins date or let cousins love, and it's just our
pictures up there. And that's the only that's what all

(12:47):
the billboard is.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Is every time we're in the neighborhood, are going to
like like the areas we like to go around here.
Imagine somebody has seen that like right before they got
there and holding hands because we really hold hands and
grab each other like we're a couple of yea. But
my favorite things oh, we've been straight maxing, like yeah,
in a crazy Wait wait, what were you doing in

(13:09):
Whole Foods when we scared that guy?

Speaker 2 (13:12):
I don't remember.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
We were like having a fake argument or I like
said something to you. I was like, you need to
leave me the fuck alone.

Speaker 2 (13:19):
Oh, I don't remember what it was. But yeah, we
fake argue in public and it scares the shit out
of people. But like we fake argue and then like
we like hug and fake kiss and like yeah right
each other, right, and it just looks like a chaotic,
toxic relationship.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Like wait, why do we like to cosplay? Is like
crazy couple?

Speaker 2 (13:37):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
It's because I like, I love a crazy couple that's
like not actually crazy, but just says crazy remarks to
each other in public that will always get me. And entertainment.
I just feel like I was born to entertain so I.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Like to like, you're an entertaining todding, You're you're a
stay entertaining, You're a star. Did that sound like old Hollywood?

Speaker 3 (13:59):
I did?

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (14:02):
Did you guys see that? A lot of people on
the internet think that I look like Elio Leo from
calling me by your name.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
No, you have a picture.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
Well just look, so they drew this beautiful drawing and
then the comment, the top comment says, that's kind new.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
Man guy, That does not mean you look you look
like the shitty drawing of l e Oh.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
I know they're saying you took that with grace. I
will say, you took that like a.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
Being called a handsome movie start lookike, yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Being called tnnedy chaamagna. What like the you know.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
The hyper pigmentation. That's kind. Oh I want like a
kid to draw an ugly portrait of me so I
can see it and hold it. Why are you crying?

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Bro?

Speaker 1 (14:51):
My fucking god.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, I looked up, I looked down at my phone,
and then I looked back up, and you're fucking crying.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Why it's what? Just is it the TikTok man?

Speaker 2 (15:03):
You're banning red dye three? They're ready, they're banning red
dye three.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Wait are they actually wait? Did they did it go through?

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Because twenty seven they're banning red dye three.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh my god, you have so much time.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
And this is my nine to eleven, This is my
nine eleven. They hit the fucking Pentagon, give me my
red dye.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
They hit the fucking Pentagon.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah, they they're taking care.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
I would fucking hope in two years your ass is
not eating Red forty anymore. I learn a lot of
bad lesson. You're gonna learn a lot of.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
Scary less my hemorrhoids. I don't have hemorrhoids, but I
like to say I have hemorrhoids. But I'm like, in
a way manifesting hemorrhoids, and I do not want him.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
I've never had hemorrhoids, and I've always been convinced I do,
but I don't even know they existed until I met
like my guy friends, and every guy I know has
had a bunch of hemorrhoids.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
So now, just have you had a hemorrhoids?

Speaker 1 (15:57):
Tendency is every time have you ever had a fit?

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (16:02):
Who has a had a fisher there here or there?

Speaker 3 (16:04):
Like, I'm not no comment.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Everyone's dropped a huge.

Speaker 3 (16:10):
Everyone has had we just say a huge dry load,
A huge.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
Stinky load, No, a huge hard load, A.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
Really painful thing. Is like when you're constant and you
have the big dry log and you push it out
and it's like it's very dense.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
You end up talking about ship.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
I know, we need.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
To talk about important stuff.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
Like the TikTok band. Y'all, bitch, I don't believe that. See,
I wrote all of the things I want to.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
Don't either, I don't. I don't think it's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
I wrote all the things I wanted to talk about.
I genuinely I don't believe it either. But if it
does get banned, like earth shattering, heartbreaking, fundamentally changing, like
like we still exist in the wild wild West of
the Internet, even if it doesn't feel like it. And
this sets a precedent where it's like, oh my God,
like they can just take whatever the fuck they want
from us. And also, y'all, I everybody I give a chance,

(17:02):
you better hope I don't give you a fucking second chance,
because every single person I give a second chance squanders it.
Mark Zuckerberg counts your fucking days. You and Elon Musk
are gonna end up in the same fucking place together
if I get my hands on y'all.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
They're such like little dick ass hose, like they just
have like.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
His stupid fucking perm, Like why are you perming your
hair in your fucking forties?

Speaker 1 (17:25):
You feel like they have like vaginal type fupas does
that make sense. Yeah, no, Lily, Like I just know,
like if you if you got that fat like Kuchima Bob,
you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I feel
like they have that.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
They both have like concave chess or X like, dude,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
They're just disgusting and fucking ugly.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
And take that fucking gold chain off, you freak pitch.
I don't give a fuck if it has sentimental value.
Oh look, my child gave it to me, you fucking pervert.
Like it's all his fault. He's a fucking perv. Like literally,
he's a perv.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
They're fucking nasty, bro. I want so badly I would
pay any amount of money to have them both like
put in velcrow suits and like launched on a machine
onto a target and then everybody gets to throw like
something at them.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah, I would throw bricks.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
Tomato, Oh, I would throw Okay, So here would be
the order. We strap Elon and Mark Zuckerberg up to walls.
We start with tomatoes. No, no, no, We start with
water balloons that have like a bit of gelatin in
the water. We start with that it's gonna be cold
water like jello. Shans We start with that. Then we
do cold mushy tomatoes.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Do that.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
Then we do balloons like but more so like condoms,
something that can like snap if it's like overfilled. We
fill it with powder a powdered sugar. We throw that.
We leave them outside overnight so they get covered in
ants all night, and then in the morning we come
and we use a power hose that's made for taking
mold off of concrete and we.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Just spray the spray their their first layer.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
Of skin off and they get to live. But that's
just like punishment.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
I want to cover them in bees.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
I think. So I'm imagining we build like a big
diving board and we put them at the top, and
then there's this huge like body of liquid and then
I'm like, I walk into it. I'm like, look like,
all you're gonna do is dive into this, and then
they dive in, and then it's non Newtonian, so like
since I walked through it very slowly, they they'll say
that dive in and then when they hit it, it's

(19:22):
basically just concrete and.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
But everything I wrote that I wanted to talk about
about the TikTok ban has already been said a million
times by now, and I wrote it all like three
days ago. So whatever. I don't know why I'm saying this, but.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
They hacked his neuralinks he passed.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
His Elon must It's like I love Elon musk no
the the way that like they thought like banning this app, well, okay,
let me back it up a little bit. China government, they.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Thought they way.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
No, but China and America. China and America have worked
very hard over the last thirty fifty sixty eighty decades
to get us to hate each other, like they want
us to hate each other. They don't want us united,
They want us to hate each other through propaganda whatever

(20:37):
the fuck it is. In banning TikTok, they wanted us
to like be separated even further. They said it was
a data issue, like da da da da da. We
all know why it's getting banned, But it's hilarious that
in doing so, they've like kind of united China and
American people like with this red no note, like the amount.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Of like Americans on my iPhone right now learning Mandarin.
I didn't know that many people could speak Mandarin. Isn't
that like the hardest language to learn? That some of
y'all need to be careful because it's showing the text
wracket you grew up in. Because some of y'all are
a little too young to know Mandarin. I'm saying that,
like people don't have fucking free will and actual like
academic access and dueling.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
God exists, I guess I think is cool. I want
I love China.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
I really want a yang wang U nine.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
It's like you've been talking about that.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, it's like an electric supercar that they built.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
Oh I do remember, yeah, bad. I just want to
go to China because it sounds lit as fuck, like
it sounds pretty. I have friends who've gone, and they
all say it's pretty, and I want to go. Oh
my god, the next brand trip like fuck all that
Turks and Keko shit? Who was taking me to China?
But no, I actually can't believe so many people know
Mandarin because I barely know Spanish anymore and it is

(21:56):
so impressive, and that they are just jealous. I'm jealous
of people.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
What I've been practicing Mandarin. No you haven't, I literally have,
and ironically.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Then fucking speak it. Now, give me your phone because
I feel like you're gonna like just look something up.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Or chunga chung shout? What's that? Timin the mankom he
is a child ing the Uhan?

Speaker 3 (22:34):
That sounded perfect.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, what did you say?

Speaker 2 (22:37):
I said? I can't remember all of it, but basically
I said I want to have sex?

Speaker 1 (22:43):
Wait, how did you do that?

Speaker 2 (22:44):
Like?

Speaker 1 (22:44):
When did you learn that? I'm so confused.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
I've been learning Mandarin in Swahili?

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Do you know?

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (22:50):
Okay, because I remember him trying to learn Swahili. He
said that he was going to learn it in a month,
and he did.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Do a link or a week one of those things
that he said that he was never going to fall
through with.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Yeah, fucking god, so annoying, Like y'all are so annoyed?
Well did I try?

Speaker 1 (23:07):
Okay? Also, like if you're not actually speaking mander and
I hope you know that's like fucked up.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Oh wow, the liberals here the liberals go again. You
can't even speak a language. Okay, Well, let that gett canceled.

Speaker 3 (23:18):
Let me try, let me try. Well, what instiden kind
ad me?

Speaker 2 (23:25):
I'm concential, tilla, Oh what'd you say?

Speaker 3 (23:28):
I said that. I'm just happy to be back and
I'm happy to see.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
You guys, I feel like, that's not what you said.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
Why are you not impressed when I when I do it.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
Well, because you're just like this guy with a phone
who like uses it and like, I.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
Don't know, but that's hard. It's hard to learn.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Like you're a guy with the phone with crypto.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, literally you just like I feel like you're on
the internet like that. It's like not that shocking to mab.

Speaker 3 (23:51):
Still impressive that I know languages.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
You know what is really fucked up about me? When
that was a good guy? No crazy like random languages.
I don't find it impressive. I actually usually find it
extremely annoying. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
So h wait. That one white guy that goes to
like Chinatown and speaks Mandarin and everybody.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Weirdly it's impressive because he's just he's very polite.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
I love the reactions of the people like so much.
And there's one where he's like getting like a pedicure
or something and they're like talking about his toes and
they're like nasty, like they're like nasty, fucking gross white
people toes or whatever the fuck they say, and then
he clocks them and is like starts speaking the language.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Wait, what does he say back?

Speaker 2 (24:32):
I don't know, I don't remember.

Speaker 1 (24:34):
He's like, you, stupid fucking bitch.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
He kicks Oh hope not no.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
I think he just says something in Mandarin random and
then they're like, he can he understands us I did
remember the.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
Kind of people who That is how the episode that
video ended, and we were just mentioning casually, like oh,
it's a really funny video. You guys should go watch it.
And then they went and watched it and somebody got
kicked in the face. People who watch like a lot
of violand videos really scare me. And that's all I'll say.
That is coming from somebody who watches murdered documentaries. But
there's one thing to watch, like a like a crime
investigation or something, which I don't do as often anymore.

(25:05):
I'm back out of the dark.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Trade update, Trade update, Trade update. Read all about it,
Read all about it. Wait, hold on, I'm easy, I'm extra,
I'm an alien.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
Read out about it, Read out about it.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
It's like the news. I'm eatsy, I'm an alien, I'm extra.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
I like, okay, actually, I'm so sorry to intarpe, but
I have to get this out The thing that really
actually annoys me about someone like Elon Musk or Mark
Zuckerberg is if I had that kind of money and power,
what I would really be doing is putting ray bands
Snapchat glasses on a handful of people and watching their
days and then paying somebody an absurd amount of money

(25:47):
to do super cuts of those.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
Wait I at.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Night and just watch their updated days.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
I have a documentary idea like this. Mine's way darker
and I don't want to get into it.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
But no, mine fun.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
I told both of y'all about it.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
Mine is like fun, though, like I want like fun,
Try it update, try it, update U.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Y'all. The trade in question, not the phony which I
found out he had made a video talking about our
taste being similar in men and that he wanted to
see my Twitter. I don't have one, but he wanted
to see my Twitter because Twitter is all porn, Yeah,
to see if we have the same taste. Right, that's

(26:29):
I'm assuming that's what you was saying. But he left
a comic because I commented, like my trade, because he
made a video like responding, and I was like my
trade and he said something so funny. He was like
if Drew no if and yet yes.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Hey, come over, I have space in my bed for you.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
Yeah. But basically, I'll give you the brief synopsis because
it's all I talk about now, and everybody's so tired
and bored of it, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
I love it. It's like watching sex in the city
for the I.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
Don't like hearing about this ship. I think we should
just move on.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
You want a job or not?

Speaker 2 (27:04):
You're so jealous.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Not jealous, and just so you talk about a lot.
It's like, okay, great, like he's awesome, he's handsome, whatever.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
And you saw a picture of him too, I want
to see a picture.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
I haven't seen a picture.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
But basically I had more in the loss of him
because I decided I'm not texting him first. I will
never tell I will literally rather never text him again
than me have to text him first one more fucking time.
And granted he has texted me first several times, but
the last like three times we spoke, he didn't text

(27:39):
me first, so I was like, fuck you, like we're done.
So I didn't message him. Two days go past and
I was like fuck I actually, like, I actually think
he doesn't give a shit about me, cuz if you're
confused what he's not interested?

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, where did you hear that? Because that's like I
don't necessary.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
I literally don't know where I heard it.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Al So it's not really good advice.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
No, I think it is, because like literally, like you
if you're confused, like you should know if someone likes you,
off rip. But also I give off this like weird, mysterious,
creepy energy, and I think he's terrified of me. I'm
like literally creepy to him, bro, But.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
You're saying it like you're texting him, like what's the typical.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Well I almost want to come in. I almost asked
him if he watches true crime stories, but then I
got in my head and I was like wait, because
we're watching the Jinx and I was like, oh, we
can talk about the jinks. But then I was like, wait, actually,
I don't want to bring up true crime because like
we don't know each other, and it's weird if someone's
like I don't know, I just get him overthink.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
He's been overthinking every step. I'm just watching somebody with
like intense paranoia and anxiety and like trying to navigate
a crush. But also we're just so opposite and you.
I say this all the time, but you can't ask
me for advice because the way I text people who
I like, like, I don't give a fuck. What are
you just gonna not like me anymore?

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Okay, fine, crush, we have to keep that in mind.
This is my first crush. But I didn't text him.
He didn't text me for like two days, and I
was like, really sad. I was like, fuck, dude, I
actually like, don't think he gives a shit about me.
He never cared about me. He just wanted my body.
He doesn't give a fuck about me. Well, he texted
me back first, y'all. He asked me how I was
doing because of the fires.

Speaker 3 (29:26):
He text me back, Has your crush grown since the
last time?

Speaker 2 (29:30):
No, it's only shrunk, but it's shrinking. Its shrinking, its shrinking,
But it's gonna be like a black hole where eventually
it shrinks in the matter falls upon itself, and it
explodes out. That's how I've been thinking about it, or
what I still do. The first thing I think about
in the morning is him, and the last thing I
think about before going to bed.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
Way, when celestial bodies collide, they create universes.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
I'm scared to have text with him again after developing
this crush because my penis is not gonna work.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
Also, have you ever like, had like sex with somebody
who you really had a crush on?

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Oh my god, people have had really big crushes on me,
have had sex with me.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
Wow, Well that was really bad.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
Also, that's the beast of its own. That must be
like so awesome. I don't think anybody I've had sex
with liked me more than I liked that. I don't
think anyone I've ever liked has liked me more than
I liked that.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
You know, that's impossible. You have like three thousand bodies,
you're ran through it.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Don't air me out like that. Also, I've gotten it
down because in the ten year gap it goes now,
so it's now at.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
Plus your body sheds its. All of the cells in
your body replace themselves after seven years. So those bodies
in the past seven years, that's a really good They
don't give they don't count.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
They don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
Also, give a fuck three thousand bodies. Three thousand bodies
doesn't that much.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
It really is not like.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
That's not bad.

Speaker 2 (30:54):
She's not gonna bang you, bro, dude.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying you're not blushing.
I'm not rs I'm not blushing. What else did you
crush me? I'm not saying that I was just right right. No,
I just don't think that we shame body count.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Wait, what did you say recently? In an episode? He
said something so stupid that would be perfect for this moment,
But I'm not gonna remember. And I don't know why
I just interacted because.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
I hate when I do that too.

Speaker 3 (31:25):
Figure it out.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
Yeah. Also, last night, I have this hat on because
last night, when I was making myself a little snack,
I flung hot sugar at my face and look, Oh
it's bad, it's bad.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Oh my god, she has third degree burns.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
It burns like all my skin off. And immediately it
burns my skin off. And I did something so stupid
because the sugar not only flung on my face, but
it stayed there for a second because I had all
this stuff.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Tongu that one crazy And here's a tongue hulu.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
A tongue hulu.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Wait, but I'm not done talking about my crust.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
You no, get back to it.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Actually I am done. Really, Basically, I make him text
me first now and he does.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
You know what it is is you just haven't survived
like a Hay scenario. Like the thing is, you don't
need to keep in mind the Hay scenario is the
least of my worries in terms of embarrassing romantic endeavors.
Like I genuinely, from the beginning of being.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
My god, I curved and friend zoned her so hard
and you weren't.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
You weren't the first, and you aren't gonna be the last,
like damn, because like the thing is, I am very
aware that I'm like a pretty girl whatever I'm fond
of interesting. I am batshit crazy like that Like that,
I think everyone in my life can attest to. I
am batshit crazy and my priorities are really not in
any romantic person. So everybody who dates me.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Has to bat bat shit crazy right now too, Like
you're like, I'm bad, shit crazy crazy.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
No, I have been feeling like so insane the past
three weeks.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
Like so in insane.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
I want to I just I really need to go
to the middle of America and find like a Derby
car park thing I'm driving the boat, I'm driving the
Derby car. I want to just crash a car, like
I want it to be a safe scenario, but like
my body feels like it needs to just like blast
a song of my choice.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
And just like my dream is to buyo like a
thousand dollars car and crash it.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
No, but I wanted to be like safety modded out
because I'm not gonna die like that.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
Come on, like, oh, you want to be in it.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
You know, I'm saying I want to drive it, but
I wanted to be like modded out that like there's
phone cushioning all around me, so like at worst, I
feel like a blow to my chest to.

Speaker 3 (33:52):
Be like you know what I feel like. One of
the most cathartic things is you know when people are
like I was in this insane crash and my car
flipped over, but I'm line, yeah, that feels like a
really cool experience to be okay.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
And it's like spinning like the upside down yeah, ye,
spinning on the roof of the car.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
And you know, I would really hit for somebody to
find me upside.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
Down car, Like your seat belts not working, Like what
do you mean?

Speaker 1 (34:16):
Just hanging upside down? And I need like my seat belts.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
You have like little cuts on your face cut me off,
and I to be like all my head the jaws
of life, like like it's really dramatic for no thing,
you really, I mean. That was my New Year's resolution
was to get in a car crash. One of them
was to get in a car crash, but not in
like a deadly car.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
Because you can't say that because you don't care enough.
I'm always driving when you're in a car, but.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
I know or even get hit by a car like
crossing the street.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
But one time I was parked in San Francisco. I
was with my friend and he was dropping me off,
and then a car hit us at like eighty miles
an hour, and we were parked on one of like
the really steep hills in San Francisco, and the car
flipped over it hit us, and then it shot down
the hill and it flipped.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
Over me all the time like walking we.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
Were in the car, but it smashed into our car
and then it flipped rolled down the hill and then
the guy just got out and said I ran up
to him to like get a photo of the thing,
and I was like, are you good? And he was like,
I just need to go to sleep. Like, I just
don't want my boss to find out about this. It
was so weird.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Did the hospital So.

Speaker 3 (35:27):
I was like, okay, wait here, yeah, the hospital came.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
No, my hospital.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
I was in front of my house at the time,
and I went inside to get water with my friend
that was parked with me and we were.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Lived in San Francisco.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Okay, that first of all homophobic.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
No, no, I mean it's literally it's literally gay.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
I didn't even think about it, and.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
Like theory you were the homophobic one, because why are
you so offended at being.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
Yeah, that's a good point.

Speaker 3 (35:54):
That's a good point, and I'm gonna I'm gonna think about.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
It to kiss later. You'll just have to kiss me.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
We broke up whatever manipulative Okay. We went inside to
drink water. Then when we came back out, the guy
drove the car off. When we were inside we were
drinking water. We were gonna like come back out because
I don't know. We were just like, let's just go
inside for a second. And then when we were inside,
we heard the car start and it like drove off
and what I don't know. I mean, I have a

(36:21):
I ended up like reporting it and we got like
physical therapy out of it. But it was like some
weird thing that ended up being this guy who worked
for like this rich tech person and what would like
this is like the seventh time it had happened, Oh
my god, where he was like his assistant. He would
like do xanax and.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Drive and it was his boss's car.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
It was his boss's car.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Oh hell no.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
I would be like, I want to go to sleep too.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
For a long.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
I want to be in a coma please video wait.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
That just reminded me of when you and Arrinde took
my car and O Ryan had already got into a
car accident in my car and then I let them
take it to San Francisco and they thought they got
hit and they were talking about if they brought my
car back, and it was like Flintstones.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
I literally was sobbing crying. I have never left that
heart of my life, and I truly it wasn't that funny.
I know.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Well, also the imagery of like me standing on the
front porch and y'all coming up in the car and.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
Like, yeah, what was the thing that happened with O
Ryan's car where there was like that security?

Speaker 2 (37:28):
God, I forget what it was we haven't. I've always
asked Oryan for it, but she'll never send it to me.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
Okay, we should like save onto that story because we
want to have a Ryan on again. So we'll tell
that story because that ship is so funny.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
Just look out. Me and O'Ryan got in a car
crash and it's quite literally the funniest security cam footage.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Feels like the silent films that cut it and they're like.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
But what, Yeah, it's so fucking funny.

Speaker 3 (37:53):
But oh that's awkward.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
I was gonna say, have y'all seen that the video
of that truck that gets in the tornado and it
flips and rolls over and all that shit. It happened
like probably five years ago.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
I need to see it.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
But it gets hit by a tornado, it rolls a
bunch and then just drives away.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
It's like the greatest ad honestly, Like if I got
rolled around by a tornado but my car and I
was fine, Like, yes, I would drive away. Actually no,
could I make any money off of that situation? If
I say?

Speaker 5 (38:31):
Okay, back to the wild weather out of Texas following
a tornado outbreak, folks, this is video you're looking at
from Elgin, just east of Austin.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
Watch as a twister lifts a pick up.

Speaker 5 (38:41):
Off the ground, spinning it around and then landing it
back on its wheels. Take another look. Okay, if that's
the driver, continues as if nothing.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
Even you want driving.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Didn't even show it, fucking driving off.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
I mean, I believe it. I believe you, Drew, I
believe you.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Pisses me off. But it was a Texas team and
he got fifteen thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
Okay, then yeah, I would say good.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
To know who pays the money for I.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Think it was like the fucking state. I think it
was the car company because they like it was like
the greatest ad for them ever, because like they're hard
to get hit by.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
Hid him fifteen k Now it's not a good adoption, true,
I want more.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
I could have died because that's at least like a
three million dollar budget commercial. Yea, yeah, but they saved
three million dollars.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
They saved so much money on editors.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
Speaking of cars. Yeah, literally, because Ellen ellen Degenner has
saved so much money on editors, because or saves so
much money because she hires.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
She does hold the editing for the show herself.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
But but oh, you know that like hoodie that Ellen
and jay z ware that has like the Bosquiocht painting
on it. I think it's off white and all of
like the conspiracy freakazoids like uh talk about it like
it's like if you know this symbol like and what
it means, you would be shocked. Then it's like just
pictures of Ellen and other celebrities wearing that hoodie.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
I want it so fucking bad you're talking about it's just.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
Like a Boscocht painting, Like Boscocht like a state collab
with off white and there's like this little creepy Boscot
painting right here.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Oh maybe I have seen it and.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
It looked it does look kind of demonic. But something
that's legitimately been pissing me the fuck off recently, like
actually driving me insane.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
Is.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
Why the fuck are the speed limits fifty miles per
hour but my car can go one hundred and fifty
miles per hour? Like literally, what is the point of
making my car go that fast or making the speed
limits that low if my car can go that fast?

Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, I don't really understand it either. Also that, but
that's why I don't understand people who want sports cars
that go like, why would I ever need.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
My car to go three hundred miles per hour? Like okay,
so I can drive in the salt flats, Like cool,
that's so fun.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
Do you need a car that faster to driving the
salt flats?

Speaker 2 (41:17):
No, but you can drive that fast in the salt flats.
That's where they set all the world records for land speed.
I can't believe that. It's really cool. There's this really
awesome documentary about like a motorcycle.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Is it dangerous to drive that fast even on like
flat area?

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Yeah, I feel like there could be like a because
in the salt flats there's like little pockets where the
water like erodes the salt away and then it gets covered. Yeah, exactly,
and you don't see it. Yeah, you're if you're going
three hundred miles and you hit that, it's not in
the yang Wang yang Wang.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
That is fucking insane. Also, yang Wang literally sounds like
the name of like a beauty influencer, Like it sounds
like a guy.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
To yeah, like, are's thel beauty.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
I feel like cars can go that fast because I've
always in my head rationalized of like if you aren't
an emergency situation and you have to like drive really
fast around. I don't know, I'm like for men.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
Emergency situation is like when we pulled up today to
film the episode, I saw Kai and I felt like
I had to put my car.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Oh, speaking of the emergency situ fucking wait, wait, why
I was perving on me when I was in my car.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
I was just filming.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
I had look look at this creepy video.

Speaker 3 (42:32):
He's a little I was just filming you.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
We've become obsessed with saying all ew, why are you
breathing so hard?

Speaker 3 (42:47):
I'm just filming.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Why were you filming?

Speaker 3 (42:49):
I'm so ugly when I'm to add it to the
to the database of videos that I have of you guys,
because you guys just look so cute when you don't
know that someone's filming you. And I just I want
you guys to see what the world sees.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
I never want to see what the world sees. Actually,
I decided, like I think I'm gonna get rid of
all my mirrors and get rid of my phone and
move to the woods and die.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
Okay, we are back. Wait, I'm gonna taken off guard
photo of Okay, there we go, got it? This is
actually so.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
He looks so cute.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
Let me see that's.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Actually that is weirdly enough, the lighting your back lit.
But like that.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Photo, Can I see it again? Because I feel like.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
The lighting was really good even though it's back lit.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
I was.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
I don't think I look photos like photographs I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I know, I'm like Loki, a photographer. I can capture
someone's essence perfectly.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Just they're like, snap, that's real life. This is real life.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
Really imposing that you're saying, I actually look good because
I'll put it on on my main.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Yeah you should.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
This is a good photo of you and you guys
aren't working with me, No, you.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
It's so moisturized, and your teeth are really.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
White, real white teeth. You got that?

Speaker 1 (44:04):
That a smile?

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Honestly, I trust you, guys. I trust you, guys. I don't.
I don't trust my own image of myself, So I
trust you. Be okay, then send me that.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
Well we've been saying, y'all, this is so fucking funny.
Before I got I, before I wrote the trade update,
I took a note saying I didn't re checked. It's
so fucking dramatic. I didn't know it was possible.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
Love to read your fucking journals right now.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
They're not really like they're so psychopathic, like they're really intense.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Uh well, my car story. Have I told the story
about me crashing the car when I was fifteen?

Speaker 3 (44:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Yeah, yeah, like the hit and run, Yeah, the hit.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
And run, the Starbucks hit and run.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Oh that one isn't that funny. But I'll tell that
one a different time if actually people want to hear it,
because it is a funny story. But the one I
was just thinking of is one time when we were
driving home from school, me and my whole family were
in the car, or we're driving to school, because it
was like seven am, and this tiny like Toyota Camry,
it was a gold color just like, ran through a

(45:08):
red light and t boned somebody who was right in
front of us. And I am not kidding. Twelve high
schoolers jumped out of the car and it felt like
I was actually watching a clown car because it was
a tiny like nineteen ninety six camera and twelve big
ass teenagers got out and ran all different directions, and
it turned out that it was a bunch of eighth

(45:28):
graders from my school who had taken their mom's car
to school, and they were like just listening to a
bunch of music. And this kid had gone around and
picked up all his friends and were like all laughing,
like dude, just get in, just get in, we can
all fit. And they were all in there, like laying
on top of each other, and they weren't paying attention
because they were too busy just like laughing. They hit
this car. Nobody got injured, but all of them ran
out and just the one kid who I knew who

(45:50):
I went to YMCA with was Stan left standing at
the car and I just like we looked at my
dad was like, oh my god, these kids are crazy,
and we were like, yeah, they're so crazy. But they
were like all of our front.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
They're free too. I told you my car crash story.
Wife two. So one of them I was getting slurpees
from racetrack and we were.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
We had our first problem is getting slurpees from race track.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I was we would go to the YMCA and then
we'd it was like across the street and then we
would drive my friend's dad would drive us across the
street and we were drinking slurpees and we had small
cups of Slurpees, but they had really long straws in
them because they only had long straws, And we were
both sipping our slurpies as we were rear ended, and

(46:35):
we both deep throated our slurpee straws and cut the
back of our throats.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
Like wait, Also, I just remembered another car crash story,
which was a very very sure sign of me from
a young age having OCD. But the first car accident
I remember being in I had it was my first
day second grade. My mom picked me up. I was
in the front seat. I didn't put a seatbelt on,
and I was talking mad about my new teacher because

(47:01):
I thought she was a fucking bitch and her name
was like miss Adams or some shit, and she was
a bitch. It was literally like she was evil version
of missus Frizzle from that one fucking show. But like
now looking back, she was very cute, because there were
times where she was very nice. But the first day
of school I was talking mad shit about her, and
then we got into a car crash, and since I

(47:22):
didn't have my seatbelt on, I shot into like the
foot space because I was a tiny person, and I
shot into the foot space I twisted my ankle, and
I was I never talked shit about her for the
rest of the year, even though she was so mean
to me. I was convinced that talking about her made
my mom crash the car karma, so I was like,
I can't talk bad about her anymore because she's like

(47:44):
a witch or something.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
The last cars crash story I'll tell is I was
driving in Grand Burry and we were going down you
know that big road by like like you know, Hb's
here where I worked is here. We were going down
that road and there were like, no, I'm not even
gonna tell it. Okay, I'm not gonna tell it.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
We don't deserve it.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
No, y'all don't get it. Y'all will never understand it. Now,
I was just gonna lie and say hit a bunch
of bikers. But I was like, honestly, that's not funny.
But the last thing I'll bring up, and this was diabolical.
This was full y'all are evil for doing this to me.
But I saw the video and it was like when

(48:32):
they're an ugly type of hot, and it was like
this girl like like when they're an ugly type of hot.
I got tagged in that thirty plus times, and there
was a comment saying, oh, this is Drew Phillips that
had three thousand likes an ugly type of hot. You
were not an ugly type of hot.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
We're not ugly hot like I think you are just hot.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
You are take the hot you honestly aren't. Yeah, drop
the ugly purely hot.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Well, I need to find the screenshot because I saw
something like that of me recently that made me crack
d fuck up. Oh, it was like going into the
new year with an any humanser mindset, and it was like.

Speaker 4 (49:14):
A slideshow of a bunch of really really cute pictures
and like just my vibe, like aesthetically And then the
top comment was isn't she like super sad?

Speaker 2 (49:25):
Yeh yeh, yeah, not anymore. It's five exact and you're
so happy. Actually, you have been really happy recently. I
have been, like the last week. There was a rough
two weeks when we got back.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
Have you been happy the last week?

Speaker 1 (49:43):
No?

Speaker 3 (49:44):
Actually, well I was gonna say, I've also been happy, So.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Make it end with me while you're bragging.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
Bragg I'm usually sad.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
Usually when we're sad, you have to be sad. You
can and when we're happy, you have to be sad.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
What you need to stay sad?

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Dude.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
I love hearing that, though, kaya because.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
I felt so good. That's awesome. Yeah, it felt good you.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Were in I mean, you've been going back and seeing
your family a lot. What if that's like the key?

Speaker 3 (50:10):
It might be it really is. I'm not kidding.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
I think like removing yourself from like high.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
Social helping your parents with stuff is like, so it's
what we were meant to do.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
Yeah, it was truly. We were supposed to be like
in the villages, like helping our parents build the mud hut.

Speaker 5 (50:25):
Like.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
Yeah, when I was younger, I would go visit my
family and I would just regress and that that was
my activity. But now I just I go back and
I help them do chores and stuff.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
That's that is so cute. I don't have a Drew
sigh up today, but I have a monologue.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
I if this is what I think it is, I'm
gonna walk away while you do it, all.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Right, no lube, no protection, all night, all day. From
the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining
room table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to
the shower from the front porch to the battalcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratically, exponentially,
fuck exponently, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream until

(51:11):
I see the light. Missionary cowgirl, reverse, cowgirl, doggie, backwards, forwards, sideways,
upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch,
on a chair, being carried against the wall outside, in
a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle,

(51:31):
the bed of a truck, on a trampoline, in a
bounce house, in the pool, bent over in the basement
against the window. Have the most toe curling, back arching,
leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, ear ringing, mouth drolling,
ass clenching, nose sniffing, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheets, gripping, knuckles, cracking,

(51:57):
jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth, theator bug, mind boggling, soul snatching,
over stimulating, vial, sloppy, moan inducing, heart wrenching, spine tingling, backbreaking, atrocious, gushy, creamy, beastly,
lip biting, lip biting, gravity defying, nail biting, sweaty feet kicking,

(52:21):
mind blowing, body shivering, orgasmic, bone wrecking, world ending, black
hole creating, universe destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable,
body numbing, back worthing, can't walk, head nodding, soul evaporating,
don't cough, uh sorry, soul evaporating, volcano erupting, sweat rolling,

(52:46):
sweat rolling, voice cracking, trembling, sheets removing, eye widening, pussy popping,
nail scratching, back cuts, spectacular, brain cell dissolving, hair ripping, slow,
show stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, splendid, phenomenal, mouth foaming, heavenly

(53:07):
awaking Devn's Devil's tattoo. That was a Fredine Switt slip,
Hi devn Devil's tango. He could not put a nuclear
bomb inside of me and I'd still ride it. Or
he could put a nuclear bomb inside of me and
I'd still ride it, and I would give this man
the sloppiest, wettest, creamiest, soul taking, slimy, life changing, death, defying,

(53:33):
heaven sent flabbergasting, hypnotizing, ungodly.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
Head that is sexy. That was a very sexy poem that.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Felt like when you and your friends go to a
new restaurant and the waitress asks if y'all have been
there before, and some fucking idiot the table decides to
admit you haven't been there before, So now you have
to hear the whole spiel. That's what it is.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
What is the suit? Mini? Also, I have to give
what's on the sup menu today.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
And the special today. Drew is the kind of motherfucker.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
I do do that. I do do that, but I
have to give credit where credit is due. That was
from at cunt rs on.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Oh, I thought you were writing sex poetry.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
I was gonna say, because I've I've actually been writing
some sex sexy poetry as well.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
Read some.

Speaker 3 (54:18):
This one's called clever Girl. I feel like a cursed
time traveler, one that can only move forward in time.
My addiction to the arts rivaled only by my addiction
to beautiful women. What does a night out with a
guy like me look like? I take you to a restaurant,
I wine and dine you and shower you with sexy compliments.

(54:38):
I take you back to my apartment and impress you
with my sexy furniture. I make you laugh until you squirt,
and best of all, we make love in the morning,
I make you breakfast, and you bake me for more sex.
A bachelor tethered only to his cock.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
What is this?

Speaker 3 (54:55):
It's poetry. I've been working on a coffee in a
hip downtown cafe, overlooking the side. God, I indulge in
a cigarette, sue me. May you find me guilty? You
find it?

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Where is this from? God?

Speaker 3 (55:09):
You find it relaxing to be around me, even when
I'm giving you little kisses and nibbles. God, I'm almost done.
The sun sets, The sun sets on a brazen New
York City skyline. Your body quenches my thirst, a sexual oasis.
I laugh at it. You introduce me to your friends.
They are offended by my candor.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
So it ends there.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
That's it. It's yeah, that was.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
Beautiful.

Speaker 3 (55:37):
When I was in New York, me and my friends
were like, we're trying to write like the most like disgusting,
like straight guy poetry. We can.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
That's your milk and honey.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
Yeah, I'll just keep working on that. I'm gonna keep working, you.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Know, I think, right, a couple more and we'll bring
one every episode so and you can hear it every time.

Speaker 3 (55:54):
Now I like them longer.

Speaker 1 (55:56):
Too, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna kill myself tonight.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
Okay, Drew's high up corner. I'm always intrigued by close friends' stories.
Who's not allowed to see you grilling zucchini?

Speaker 1 (56:14):
That's how I feel about, like ice cream? Like why
who can't know you're having a sweet treat right now?

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Why is six gagged? Why because seven eight?

Speaker 1 (56:27):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (56:30):
That was at shape Ports on Twitter. Y'all merge perfectly
at chick fil A. But y'all merge perfectly at Chick
fil A? But why not? On the I forty five,

(56:52):
that's really good. That was from Cassidy Jane, And that's
all y'all get well.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
My media of the week is still just Walk a
Thin Line by Fleetwood Mac because I don't know, I
just feel like that song, and that's all I've been
listening to on repeat.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
My media of the week is The Dark Tower one
in the Dark Tower series by Stephen Hawking or Stephen
King because my crush really likes it and so I
started listening to it. That's cute all, but no, for real,

(57:31):
my media is I might break, but I won't buy
Thrillium Angels Maury Moury' that's all y'all get. And then
I've been only listening to the Challengers soundtrack. It's been
the score to my life the last three weeks. It's

(57:53):
been the soundtrack to my life. So tap in and
then anything Trent Reznor Atticus Ross. I started listening to
the Social Network soundtrack because every once in a while,
like if I have an album I really really love,
I like have to withdraw from it because I'm like
too like dependent on it and I'm also like just desensitized. Yeah,
so I like take like a tolerance break from it.

(58:16):
And oh my god, the Social Network soundtrack is so
fucking good, y'all, And I'm back on that ship. I'm
back on that good ship. And my media, well, Ky,
do you have a single song you would like to type? People?

Speaker 3 (58:30):
Movie the movie Media, The Before Sun Before Sons. Yeah, yeah,
I had never seen him, really, I've never seen him.
They're so good.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
We've we've talked about you not seeing them before. They're
so fucking lit.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
So crazy. And actually in the first one.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Was that one car away No no, no, no, no,
it's link later, yeah, link later.

Speaker 3 (58:51):
But in the first one, the guy is like, I
have this idea for a TV show where we just
follow people's lives, like what you guys are talking about. Yeah,
before sunset?

Speaker 2 (59:02):
Are there two or three?

Speaker 3 (59:03):
There's three and they're ten years apart every time were
they made?

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Do you know if they were made like like years
apart or they.

Speaker 3 (59:13):
Were made over the course of thirty years with the
same actors, so lit it's it's really.

Speaker 2 (59:18):
Cool, so goodd but okay, well, thanks for listening to
this episode of Emergency or Calm. This is the last
episode to talk what's fun

Speaker 4 (59:54):
M