June 1, 2023 • 29 mins
Amara shares her perspectives on what deal breakers in a relationship are non-negotiable. From bad habits to past relationships and intolerable behaviors, she offers invaluable insights into setting boundaries and keeping the relationship stress-free.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
All right right around, Welcome to my show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I am a Marara and you're listening to Exactly Amada,
a production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in,
and as usual, don't forget us. Don't forget to give
us those five stars because jommees and I always give
you the best of me. Subscribe to the podcast, and
of course go check us out on the YouTube channel
by searching for Mike Coltuda podcast and clicking on Exactly
(00:28):
A Mada. With that being said, I've had like three
red bulls. I am ome, I am running, and I
had Cuban coffee. You already know that I am with.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
The shit today.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
And Don says, ever since I started this podcast, I
want to do something where I was organic, I was
really me. I was just you know, transparent and this
is exactly a Mana. But I can't do this show
without my producers that have become my friends. They are
my half of my brain. They literally are half of
my brain. And that is Alex and Arlen Better before
(01:04):
I liked I don't like the Alex and Arlene.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
I like it better when it was what was it, Alex?
It was a.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Big sexy for me of course.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Big sexy and Arlene, what was your sexy name?
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Miss nasty?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We always change your sexy name. We need your sexy name.
You know what, guys, let me know what world name
should we give Arlene her sexy name on exactly amada
on social media on Instagram, Twitter or something good? Yeah,
something good? What should be Arlene's sexy name? Anyways, how
have you guys been?
Speaker 5 (01:36):
You woke me up like I drank a million rebels
because you are already before we even started recording, you
were already dropping some gems about deal breakers. Learned it
like bad breath in the morning. I didn't realize you
were into that.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, that's how you know if you really love someone,
you just had to get them that breath in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
And if they still love you that, oh my god,
that morning, that morning saliva.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But it ain't good.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It ain't good for everybody. Some people can pull it
off like their breath is still like it's it's a little,
it's a little stint a little, but it's okay.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And some of y'all, y'all need to not do it.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Y'all's breath is reading the detox and it'd be like
that morning, Saliva'd be like, you just had like a
whole spoonful of yogurt.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's just too much, Like I can't do it. I
just don't want to. I do drool.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I drew.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, sister.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
By the way, yo, what what are a couple of
deal breakers, Alex, have you ever had any deal breakers
with any girls?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
They'd be like, yo, I can't do it.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Oh man, you know that's a that's a good question.
I am not a very picky person, but Jesus, I
would say, don't be super jealous and crazy. I hate that. Like, yeah,
that's a deal breaker for me. If I notice off
the bat that you're over possessive and at that day
(03:13):
right that that is a turnoff. That is a deal breaker.
That is a no. No. I don't like drama. So
all of that combined is like I run the opposite direction.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
But if you've noticed women, like in your case, if
you've ever had that situation.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Happen to you, that means you have a good dingling.
Because if your dingling.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Is whack and doesn't it they be like, yo, I
don't care what you do, want to do whatever you
want to care.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
If she's only like where you at, Where are you at?
Who are you with?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Hell no, he's giving me daing somebody else. And then
that's when you go crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
That's exactly how it happens. You know, I'm not gonna
lie or.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
You were doing something suspicious. Why we cause there's a
difference between being jealousy and just trying to hold you accountable.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Can that what I mean being?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
And if you haven't figured it out, today's topic is
deal breakers and the behaviors that sometimes we encounter when
we're dating, hookups or just when you're playing you know, dating.
And honestly, I've had a couple of deal breakers. But Arleen,
what are some of the deal breakers for you?
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Oh no, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I have high standards.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Give me some Let me see their high standards. Let
me see, okay, I.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
I can't no, mam. Second, thetis I don't.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Like, okay, like to even the littlest even the littlest lie,
because if you can say one little lie to me,
that's like you can say anything right.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Deal Breakers for me are, for example, bad hygiene is
a deal breaker. And if you have a bad hygiene
one or two days or you know you're having I
understand it.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm cool with it.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
For example, when I had my girls, my hormones were
all over the place, not during my pregnancy, but after
for like for like a mon month afterwards, I don't
know sometimes what is happening. That's not like me. And
then afterwards yet got back into place. But you have
to understand your body is going through a transformation. But
for men, if you have a moment that being, you know,
(05:14):
I don't even mind. I love sometimes to have my
man smell a little funky ogain.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I like the funk.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
I like the girls.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
If you're sweaty and you know you have sweaty balls
or whatever, you know, you have a little.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Must come get.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
That's moment.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I'm let me smell colado. Sometimes it's okay.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Now if the funk is real, you gotta go handle.
But hygiene is the thing. Teeth is a thing. If
your teeth, teeth is a thing. For me, I don't
want to get put my mouth, you know, all in it.
I just it makes me feel like I'm okay. Just
from looking at it, I'm already itching, Like, don't put
your mouth any word. No, I don't want to do it.
(06:01):
Mons that I just don't they want to.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
You want to make sure that they that they've cleaned
their teeth, that they're flossying and brushing.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
You're talking to your teeth and I can't even imagine.
If you're kissing or doing things in certain places, I
feel like the bacteria. I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
So that's one. Nails.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
If your nails are really dirty, you know, I don't mind.
But sometimes you you look like you've been working soon,
super nasty that I start to itch. I feel like
it's a bacteria. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Into beards. I love beards.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, I don't mind the beards. I don't mind the being.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
That's not a deal breaker for you. You're a lot.
You could go with a guy that's clean shaven or
a guy that hasn't.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I like metrosexual men in that aspect. Get that to pericure,
to manicure, get you know. I think that's important on
both sides. What else is a deal breaker?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Baby mama's You know, every baby mama is a hot mess.
You have to have your things under control.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
You don't want anybody who's gonna be aut up in
your relationship while you guys are trying to date, indicate
every time you're on in the day, she.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
They come, get the kid, or through where are you at?
There's some mom.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
There's some ex ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends that can be
very toxic and can mess up your relationship. So those
are definitely deal breakers.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
So so if if they have an old significant other,
they most most likely a mom, baby mama, right, that's
what we call them, baby mom or baby daddies or
baby daddy's right. How much do you do you take
before it is a deal breaker, because you're not starting
it off as a deal breaker, right, right, It's something
(07:49):
that maybe a month and you're like, fair, I don't
want this anymore, right, correct? So for you, have you
experienced that where you've had a dated someone that maybe
had a sign X significant other that was just out
of their mind.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah, I did it once.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Every time we would go out, they get specifically when
we when we were out, Yes, the cthographer, the baby,
and that's weird. I'm pro baby. There's some women that
can get over the relationship. They can't get over their X.
They can't get over the fact that they've moved on,
especially if if they still have feelings for that person.
So they'll use their children as a way to try
to control their you know, their X, like come get
(08:29):
the baby, I need a babysitter, or I need to
do this, or I need to do that or yeah okay,
got And those things can be very good, okay, damaging
because you could really have something good. But if you
don't know how to control that X part of your
life that's somewhat is still part of your life, then
that is definitely an issue.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
So you know what I want. I want to know, honestly,
I want to be a fly on the wall somewhere
and I would like to figure out whose deal breaker
you are, which sitting out there right now saying uh
uh that to the breaker I cannot be with a
mata like I want to. I would like to know,
oh yeah, yeah, so who's using a matter as their
(09:09):
deal breaker right like I, you know, because a lot
of guys might not be able to take on the
mantle of like you have a very busy lifestyle. You're
you're flying around, you're doing this, you have kids, you
you know, just a new business.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
By the way, I just started a new business.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Let me promote who has Royal Twins Transportations. I am
now renting vehicles, so you have to sell you memore,
I'm always looking for something else to do, but I
definitely get it. You know what would be interesting, Alex,
Give me the reasons why you think you would be
a deal breaker to someone.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Oh, man, I'll tell you what. Give me your flaw,
I'll tell you what I am. I like this because
I can tell you that I have a lot of
flaws and one of them is a lot of them,
A lot of them could be. I'm not as super
organized as I think that I am.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I am.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Thriving chaos, right, so I have what's called control chaos.
It's everywhere. Things might be everywhere, but I know where
they're at, not like messages, like on the bed because
at all what I'm doing, the things that i'm My
mom is just.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Like but she knows exactly where everything is under everything.
So you're one of those.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Yeah, So mentally, that's where I'm at. One and two.
I think I might be a deal breaker because I
did have kids. You know a lot of girls. I
don't know. You tell me about it. I think that
I was always a deal breaker because I had a
past and I had two older daughters, So to me,
in my head, I thought maybe that was a deal breaker,
because girls always.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Just want the deal breaker is not your babies? Is
the baby moms?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Is she the baby mom's right?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Is she cool?
Speaker 5 (10:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, she's she is now. But back then she wasn't bad.
She would never meddle in my relationships. But but you yeah, yeah, yeah,
especially since I was a dad, they came first. They
always came first, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And let me tell you something, the woman that you
date that feel some type of way about your children
as a man, if you are a man and you're
dating a female, doesn't matter how fat her ass is,
how is, it doesn't matter about none of those things,
doesn't matter how pretty she is not. So if you
say I need to go take care of my kids
or whatever, or your kids are your priority and she
(11:16):
has an issue with them.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Red flag.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Cut her ass off immediately. Don't even question it, don't don't.
It's not going to get any better, is only going
to get worse. As a man, as a father, as
a woman, as a mother, your children are your priority.
Everything after comes out. So if she has a problem
with him, mama, you gotta go out what that is.
So my kids are always going to be mine's. You're
(11:38):
here today, we don't know about tomorrow back.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
So would it be the same if if for a
man dating you, I'm out since you have children and
you have a relationship or you know sometimes you know,
contentious relationship with your ex him getting jealous of the
relationship with him.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I haven't seen the donor in months. I haven't seen
the donor.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
He's he hasn't even seen my daughters. I said, that'sn't
even even there'sn't even a question. That's never gonna happen.
He doesn't even care.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
My kids come first, and my kids are part of me,
and I am a package.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Before my biggest daughter was my oldest daughter was my mother,
and I always said, this is the two for one deal.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
You want me, then I get an I know, I
know it's hard, but we all live together.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
No, okay, you want to have privacy, you want privacy, mole.
I can for a day, but as soon as it's done,
she's coming back. You know why, because I know that
this sounds terrible. But for me, my mother, as a
single mother, as her only child, she would never leave
me for a man.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Therefore I shall never leave her for a man. So
you'll say they ain't.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Got pass that they had to give me my viva Sola.
Sue has you know, for her to get old by
herself somewhere in an apartment and house by herself, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Over here with my husband and my daughter's living my
best life. Yeah, yeah, Sola.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I want everything that I have and the woman that
I am today is thanks to her.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
So we all live together and that's it, no matter what.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
If you were just doing your thing, don't don't think
of your mom as as part of the equation.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
But the man you were dating and they would have
the same, oh.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Really, you will be would That's not a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
And if my mom and her and his mom don't
get along, y'all better figure it out. You'all better scream
at each other. Y'all's gonna figure it out because family
is family. We can argue, we can fight, but at
the end of the day, we can't get rid of
each other. This is what it is. God put us
together and now we're stuck. So let's figure it out.
And that's just it. So that's for me, Arlene. What
(13:37):
are some deal breakers for you? Like meaning like the
reason why you would be a deal breaker for someone.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
So many deal breakers.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
I think I have high standards for men.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
I've dated a lot and I've been through a lot
of bullshit, so I'm already like, I know what I want,
I know what I don't want. So if you're not
willing to give me, I'm willing to compromise. But I'm
too tired. I'm too tired, and I'd rather live a
peaceful life on my own than dealing with some bullshit.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Well, so you have high standards, would be your deal breaker?
I mean that's not good. It's like, oh, I'm too loving.
You know that's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
No, that's not a deal breaker. Perfect what else? Oh
one of reasons you're picked. I'm not picky of it.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Let's see.
Speaker 5 (14:24):
I I will tell you this. I dated this guy
many years ago, and he told me, if we're gonna fight,
don't fight dirty. You're a fighter, because when we would
fight was I would get you know, I would melt
awa and I would say some things that maybe I
would regret. So he told me, he's like, I'm down
(14:44):
to fight, and we're down. I'm down to argue. Just
don't fight dirty. And I never forgot that and.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
So you'll say all the things that he told you
in his vulnerable state, like oh, you know what, and
then when you fight, you're like, oh, you know, I
just I would.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
I don't know, Oh I would back in the day.
I don't do it now. I'm more peaceful. I'm a lover,
not a fighter now.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
But yay, okay, well I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I'll tell you some reasons why I would be a
deal breaker for someone.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I am very ambitious. Sometimes that could be an issue
because sometimes.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You're like, yeah, you said that the goal would be
to get this. Yeah, that's it, and I'm like, no,
let's do this and let's do that. You know, I
make myself too busy, which sometimes I run myself too thin,
and that can affect the relationship because sometimes you just
want to have some relaxing time.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
You just want to chill. And I can chill and
watch a movie and Netflix.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
But in between the movie, I'm on my phone researching
something or writing something, or texting something or working.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's hard for me to turn off the work button off.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And now that I am a mother, it's hard for
me to turn off the mom and working button off.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
My mother can sometimes be a deal breaker.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
A lot of men don't want to date someone that
you know, we're making out and my mom is in
the kitchen, you know, like.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
What are they is doing?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Like we're still fifteen, which something can be an issue.
I travel a lot. Traveling a lot can sometimes be
an issue because I may be here. I may tell you, babe,
I'm going to leave for two three days, and next
thing you know, I left for a month or two.
You know, you have to be willing to be able
to travel. There's a lot of things that come with
a woman that's successful, with a woman that's independent, with
(16:20):
a woman that's an entrepreneur, with a woman that you know,
with all these things. It doesn't make me perfect. They
get get oh, I think I'm so perfect? No Branada.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
But I think that moving forward, now that I do
know what.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I want where I stand in my life, I will
be very direct. I am a woman that is meant
to be great, And if you want a woman that
is meant to be great, I want you to hop
on this boat with me. We're going to do this together.
But unfortunately, these are the things that come with me.
And it's funny because when it's a woman that's going
through it. It's it sounds different. But when it's a
man that's a successful man that travels, it does all
(16:53):
these things, it's like, you know, deal with it. He's
you know, a le nombre. So sometimes it could be
that little issue. But here is a list of a
couple of deal breakers, and let's break them down just
a little bit because the list is pretty long. Addiction
of any kind is that a deal breaker for you?
He's addicted to sex, drugs, licker.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
I mean, if it's liquor and stuff like that, I
don't care. Yeah, video games don't bother me, liquor doesn't.
It doesn't bother me. Party bothers me. Because I'd like to.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Have shopping, shopping, shopping.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
It's okay shopping. Do you like shopping?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Right me?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, I'm kind of built like a man. I know
exactly what I want. I go and I get it,
and I'm out.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Right same right because I'm a man. So you know, no, there's.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Give me options one, two, three. If I have like
options one through Z, you know a brew, I'm just like,
oh my god, I can't decide. So I'm not a shopaholic.
If you were in decisive, is that a deal breaker
for y'all.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
It's annoying.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
It is defind it goes hand in handled what you
just said with giving me too many options as being
undecisive as hell, if you're giving me thirty options.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, I think that the issue. If you're undecisive, it's
definitely not a deal breaker. But it is annoying, like
Arlene said, because it's like yes or no, it's not.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Well, let me think, let me see. I'm just sure
to see.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
It's where do you want to worst question ever? Where
do you want to go eat? And it goes back
and forth for an hour. No one knows what the
freak they want to eat? And it's like, now you pick,
It's okay, I'll eat whatever you want. They're like, but
I'm asking you because I need advice to let me
know exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I already learned.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Mine.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
My to go is always Italian. Give me Italian food.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, because in the Italian you can have satad, pasta,
this chicken, whatever.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
So I always like to go for the Italian.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But the thing is, what about it if you ask
and they're like, oh no, I don't want to eat that.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Yeah, there's the indecisive. There you go.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
There okay. What about lack of humor?
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Oh you need somebody although you know, sometimes jokes can
come in at an inappropriate time and you're like, I'm
bered serious, working exactly, but you need to have a
little humor.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I like men with humor.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Yeah, me too, No, I like men with humor.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
However, I have dated someone. I did it someone for
like a week, and I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You just laughed for no reason. What is so funny?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Like? Shut up?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Everything was just for everything. I'm just dude, I didn't
say anything. What what is funny?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
It's all the In the beginning, it's like and you
laugh along, but.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Then afterwards do you think that because a lot of it,
a lot of that little like towers like laughing and
could be nervousness. It's and it's hidden. Nobody will ever
understand it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
But you need to take your nervous ass else.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I want to do it.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
You're indecisive, you lack humor, and sometimes you have too
much humor. I hate you.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Get here, I am done. How about this one. This
one's a good one. What about people that are broken?
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Broken? Let's break it down. Broken is like, oh, you know.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You had issues in your childhood or you know, you
come from a broken home and that lack of whatever
whatever now has affected you as an adult. Those people
that come go, Okay, you need therapy, Okay, you have
all this drama, all this hurt, you know, held up inside.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Are you describing me? Oh, Aleen, are you broken?
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I'm kidding now. I feel like everybody's a little broken.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yes, everybody is a little broken. Though I'm not.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Everybody's a little broken. I'm going to therapy right now.
Speaker 5 (20:49):
I got childhood issues that I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Girls, I'm dealing with it.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
Well.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I know I definitely am broken. I am. I don't
know if I'm healing. I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I'll tell you this much.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
My mother always said just deal with it, deal with it.
It was it was like her way. It wasn't so
much of it.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
That's life. Deal with it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah, there's people going through worse things than you, and
you kind of feel like you just move forward, you
move on, but.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Doesn't mean that you've healed.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
You just cover it up with work or with life
or whatever. Eventually, at some point you explode. And I
know I have daddy issues. I know I have you know,
sexual trauma issues. I have many type of issues that
I've covered for many years because life doesn't wait for you.
You have to move forward, you know. And I do
understand the broken part. And then now with my donor
(21:36):
and my daughters, I know that that definitely left the
mark in me. But I saw something on Instagram that
touched me and I will always carry this. It was
a scene from a movie and he said, Denzel Washington,
some things in life are meant to hurt you, and
others are meant to change you. And the you know,
(21:57):
the things that have happened to me have changed me
at this moment to the better version of me because
I've used this to empower me. But I do understand
how some men are broken and their brokenness can come
into domestic abuse. Their brokenness can come into being bad
fathers there, you know, their traumas can come into being
bad husband's, bad boyfriends, being verbally abusive.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
It can come into many things. So being broken comes
in many different levels.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
But you know what, don't feel bad because being broken,
having malfunctions you know, in your in your brain and
your system, doesn't mean that it's over.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It can be reset, it can be restructured. It can.
It can be fixed.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
You know I personally last season, I spoke about me
going to therapy. I was going to therapy while I
was pregnant because I was going through a terrible pregnancy
as far as my personal relationship, and it.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Was affecting my pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And then afterwards, you have postpartum and you go through
so many things. Postpartumer is even one of those serious
things where they're women that kill themselves and they can't
help it. Your hormones all over the place and you're
not thinking correctly. You kill There's women that have killed
their children. There's women that done all chips of craziness
because of the postpartum, and that's something that you can't
(23:06):
even control. Your body is going through these changes. So
don't feel that because you are going through a stage
in your life or you've been through things that it
can't get fixed, it can't get better, because it can.
Here's another one. What about someone who doesn't like to
hang out with your family, who is like I like you,
I just can't stand your mother, I can't stand your kids.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
I don't like your daddy.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
You know what, I want to be around your sister
or your cousins, or none of them. I want to
be around none of them. Can that be a deal breaker?
Or it's like, you know what, you're dating me and
you like me, so who cares if you don't like them?
Speaker 5 (23:40):
Well, if you come from our culture, you better be
okay hanging out with the family because A they're metheaches,
they're always in your business.
Speaker 4 (23:49):
They're always around.
Speaker 5 (23:50):
Yeah, they're calling you at inappropriate hours.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
If you live next to them.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
They don't they have a key to the house, they
don't knock, they just walk in and out.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah, that's basic of her.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Have you ever did anybody Alice who didn't like your
family members?
Speaker 3 (24:04):
No, Thank the Lord, because my mom, my mom is
the opposite. My mom will tell you straight up to
your face she don't like you, you know what I'm saying.
So I've been very blessed with the fact that no one,
no one has ever because I've also take my family's side.
So there's that.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Well that's important me.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
I've had people there like I like you, but I
can't stand your mom, and I just you know, I'm
dating you. I don't want to do with it, and
that's terrible because my mom and I are one. But
then with my mom, I said, But she now that
I know better, I can see it. There's something about
mothers and fathers at times that they can see the
things that we can't see. It's experience, it's intuition, it's
(24:41):
many things that they're like, you know, same. But I mean,
I'll go something feels weird, it's set on the end,
and I want to on it for you. I don't
like it, And later.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
On they're actually right.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
So my mom can always peep, you know, the guy
that's trash, and whenever she he's like, he's trash, he's
no good.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
You shouldn't. I'm like, I want him. So that's the
one for me, last, but not least among so many.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
What about if they don't want to introduce you to
their family or friends?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Is that a deal breakers?
Speaker 3 (25:15):
That's a super red flag. Why I'll let our lanes
start first and then I'll throw mine.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
I don't know, they don't want to introduce you. That
happened to me once. The first guy I dated when
I moved to LA didn't introduce me to anybody.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
Sounds like he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
That's what.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Oh, well, you're lucky and you had a girlfriend. They
have a whole wife with like a whole second case.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
That's true. That's true. Oh my god, what about you.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Have you ever hit in a girl or that you've
dated from your family and friends.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
No, there's no reason for that. I mean, I'm very
private on social media. I have a complete separation of
church and state when it comes to social media. Okay,
my private life is my private life. I don't need
anyone's approval nor anyone's quote unquote life for me to
feel approved or or happy or this is my relationship.
(26:05):
You get what I'm saying. And there's always the fact
that there's a lot of scrutiny and people out there
that are always if you get on someone's bad side,
especially on social media, that will try and do something
to harm you. And I hate that because I see
friends who are in that situation where they're saints, they
love each other, but there's so many mouths on the
(26:28):
outside trying to talk, you know, sabotage.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
So so that's that's a that's an er not doing
it well.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Definitely, Ladies, here we go.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
If you're dating someone and he is hiding you from
his friends and family, most likely he just wants to
smash and uh, definitely red.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Black zone zoo it.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Okay, if he hits you with the I don't have
any social media red black zon't zoo it. If he
doesn't want to, you know, take you out in public.
What else is if he doesn't want to post you
on his social medium? That is so who not in
my little Fido. It could be that, you know, he
wants to keep his personal left to himself, or he's
trying to hide you from the girl that he actually
does love and care for, which is his wife, his girlfriend,
(27:10):
his baby moms.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Or whoever else.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
So if you really like me and you're really into me,
please introduce me to your friends, Please introduce me to
your family. If not, I'm just gonna find them on
social media and I'm gonna send them a picture about us.
So everybody knows that your minds and your mother made
you for me.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Amen. So with that being said, ladies, tell me what
you think.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Hit me up on exactly I'm not on Instagram and under
the comments, give me give me a couple of red flags.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
What have been some red flags for you?
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Why do you consider that you could have been a
red you know, have some red flags for someone that.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
May be dating you if you've gone through.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Any experience that has been you know, weird or awkward
while you're dating. I want to know all those things.
The list of red flags can go on and on
and on. Unfortunately we don't get that type of time,
but I'm glad that we went through a couple of them.
Alex Arlene as usual, guys, thank thank you so much
for being part of exactly Amada and giving me a
(28:04):
couple of tivity because now I have I have a
couple of things to think about now for the next
time I start dating.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Uh, definitely, you.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Know, I have some things to think about. I don't
know what my next date is going to look like.
At this point, I'm still traumatized and broken. I might
need some therapy after this. But with that being said, guys,
thank you so much for being part of exactly a Mata.
Like every week, make sure to find me on YouTube
catch my show by searching for Microtuda podcast and clicking
on exactly Amada. Find me, like I said before, on
(28:32):
all the social media platforms at exactly amata, or just
check me out at a and remember that this has
been a production of Iheart's Microthuda podcast network for more
podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Is your girl Check me out next time.
All right right around, Welcome to my show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I am a Marara and you're listening to Exactly Amada,
a production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in,
and as usual, don't forget us. Don't forget to give
us those five stars because jommees and I always give
you the best of me. Subscribe to the podcast, and
of course go check us out on the YouTube channel
by searching for Mike Coltuda podcast and clicking on Exactly
(00:28):
A Mada. With that being said, I've had like three
red bulls. I am ome, I am running, and I
had Cuban coffee. You already know that I am with.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
The shit today.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
And Don says, ever since I started this podcast, I
want to do something where I was organic, I was
really me. I was just you know, transparent and this
is exactly a Mana. But I can't do this show
without my producers that have become my friends. They are
my half of my brain. They literally are half of
my brain. And that is Alex and Arlen Better before
(01:04):
I liked I don't like the Alex and Arlene.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
I like it better when it was what was it, Alex?
It was a.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Big sexy for me of course.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Big sexy and Arlene, what was your sexy name?
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Miss nasty?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We always change your sexy name. We need your sexy name.
You know what, guys, let me know what world name
should we give Arlene her sexy name on exactly amada
on social media on Instagram, Twitter or something good? Yeah,
something good? What should be Arlene's sexy name? Anyways, how
have you guys been?
Speaker 5 (01:36):
You woke me up like I drank a million rebels
because you are already before we even started recording, you
were already dropping some gems about deal breakers. Learned it
like bad breath in the morning. I didn't realize you
were into that.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, that's how you know if you really love someone,
you just had to get them that breath in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
And if they still love you that, oh my god,
that morning, that morning saliva.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But it ain't good.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It ain't good for everybody. Some people can pull it
off like their breath is still like it's it's a little,
it's a little stint a little, but it's okay.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And some of y'all, y'all need to not do it.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Y'all's breath is reading the detox and it'd be like
that morning, Saliva'd be like, you just had like a
whole spoonful of yogurt.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's just too much, Like I can't do it. I
just don't want to. I do drool.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I drew.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, sister.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
By the way, yo, what what are a couple of
deal breakers, Alex, have you ever had any deal breakers
with any girls?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
They'd be like, yo, I can't do it.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Oh man, you know that's a that's a good question.
I am not a very picky person, but Jesus, I
would say, don't be super jealous and crazy. I hate that. Like, yeah,
that's a deal breaker for me. If I notice off
the bat that you're over possessive and at that day
(03:13):
right that that is a turnoff. That is a deal breaker.
That is a no. No. I don't like drama. So
all of that combined is like I run the opposite direction.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
But if you've noticed women, like in your case, if
you've ever had that situation.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Happen to you, that means you have a good dingling.
Because if your dingling.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Is whack and doesn't it they be like, yo, I
don't care what you do, want to do whatever you
want to care.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
If she's only like where you at, Where are you at?
Who are you with?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Hell no, he's giving me daing somebody else. And then
that's when you go crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
That's exactly how it happens. You know, I'm not gonna
lie or.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
You were doing something suspicious. Why we cause there's a
difference between being jealousy and just trying to hold you accountable.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Can that what I mean being?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
And if you haven't figured it out, today's topic is
deal breakers and the behaviors that sometimes we encounter when
we're dating, hookups or just when you're playing you know, dating.
And honestly, I've had a couple of deal breakers. But Arleen,
what are some of the deal breakers for you?
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Oh no, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I have high standards.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Give me some Let me see their high standards. Let
me see, okay, I.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
I can't no, mam. Second, thetis I don't.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Like, okay, like to even the littlest even the littlest lie,
because if you can say one little lie to me,
that's like you can say anything right.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Deal Breakers for me are, for example, bad hygiene is
a deal breaker. And if you have a bad hygiene
one or two days or you know you're having I
understand it.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm cool with it.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
For example, when I had my girls, my hormones were
all over the place, not during my pregnancy, but after
for like for like a mon month afterwards, I don't
know sometimes what is happening. That's not like me. And
then afterwards yet got back into place. But you have
to understand your body is going through a transformation. But
for men, if you have a moment that being, you know,
(05:14):
I don't even mind. I love sometimes to have my
man smell a little funky ogain.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I like the funk.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
I like the girls.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
If you're sweaty and you know you have sweaty balls
or whatever, you know, you have a little.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Must come get.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
That's moment.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I'm let me smell colado. Sometimes it's okay.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Now if the funk is real, you gotta go handle.
But hygiene is the thing. Teeth is a thing. If
your teeth, teeth is a thing. For me, I don't
want to get put my mouth, you know, all in it.
I just it makes me feel like I'm okay. Just
from looking at it, I'm already itching, Like, don't put
your mouth any word. No, I don't want to do it.
(06:01):
Mons that I just don't they want to.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
You want to make sure that they that they've cleaned
their teeth, that they're flossying and brushing.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
You're talking to your teeth and I can't even imagine.
If you're kissing or doing things in certain places, I
feel like the bacteria. I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
So that's one. Nails.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
If your nails are really dirty, you know, I don't mind.
But sometimes you you look like you've been working soon,
super nasty that I start to itch. I feel like
it's a bacteria. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Into beards. I love beards.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, I don't mind the beards. I don't mind the being.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
That's not a deal breaker for you. You're a lot.
You could go with a guy that's clean shaven or
a guy that hasn't.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I like metrosexual men in that aspect. Get that to pericure,
to manicure, get you know. I think that's important on
both sides. What else is a deal breaker?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Baby mama's You know, every baby mama is a hot mess.
You have to have your things under control.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
You don't want anybody who's gonna be aut up in
your relationship while you guys are trying to date, indicate
every time you're on in the day, she.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
They come, get the kid, or through where are you at?
There's some mom.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
There's some ex ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends that can be
very toxic and can mess up your relationship. So those
are definitely deal breakers.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
So so if if they have an old significant other,
they most most likely a mom, baby mama, right, that's
what we call them, baby mom or baby daddies or
baby daddy's right. How much do you do you take
before it is a deal breaker, because you're not starting
it off as a deal breaker, right, right, It's something
(07:49):
that maybe a month and you're like, fair, I don't
want this anymore, right, correct? So for you, have you
experienced that where you've had a dated someone that maybe
had a sign X significant other that was just out
of their mind.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah, I did it once.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Every time we would go out, they get specifically when
we when we were out, Yes, the cthographer, the baby,
and that's weird. I'm pro baby. There's some women that
can get over the relationship. They can't get over their X.
They can't get over the fact that they've moved on,
especially if if they still have feelings for that person.
So they'll use their children as a way to try
to control their you know, their X, like come get
(08:29):
the baby, I need a babysitter, or I need to
do this, or I need to do that or yeah okay,
got And those things can be very good, okay, damaging
because you could really have something good. But if you
don't know how to control that X part of your
life that's somewhat is still part of your life, then
that is definitely an issue.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
So you know what I want. I want to know, honestly,
I want to be a fly on the wall somewhere
and I would like to figure out whose deal breaker
you are, which sitting out there right now saying uh
uh that to the breaker I cannot be with a
mata like I want to. I would like to know,
oh yeah, yeah, so who's using a matter as their
(09:09):
deal breaker right like I, you know, because a lot
of guys might not be able to take on the
mantle of like you have a very busy lifestyle. You're
you're flying around, you're doing this, you have kids, you
you know, just a new business.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
By the way, I just started a new business.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Let me promote who has Royal Twins Transportations. I am
now renting vehicles, so you have to sell you memore,
I'm always looking for something else to do, but I
definitely get it. You know what would be interesting, Alex,
Give me the reasons why you think you would be
a deal breaker to someone.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Oh, man, I'll tell you what. Give me your flaw,
I'll tell you what I am. I like this because
I can tell you that I have a lot of
flaws and one of them is a lot of them,
A lot of them could be. I'm not as super
organized as I think that I am.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I am.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Thriving chaos, right, so I have what's called control chaos.
It's everywhere. Things might be everywhere, but I know where
they're at, not like messages, like on the bed because
at all what I'm doing, the things that i'm My
mom is just.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Like but she knows exactly where everything is under everything.
So you're one of those.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Yeah, So mentally, that's where I'm at. One and two.
I think I might be a deal breaker because I
did have kids. You know a lot of girls. I
don't know. You tell me about it. I think that
I was always a deal breaker because I had a
past and I had two older daughters, So to me,
in my head, I thought maybe that was a deal breaker,
because girls always.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Just want the deal breaker is not your babies? Is
the baby moms?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Is she the baby mom's right?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Is she cool?
Speaker 5 (10:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, she's she is now. But back then she wasn't bad.
She would never meddle in my relationships. But but you yeah, yeah, yeah,
especially since I was a dad, they came first. They
always came first, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And let me tell you something, the woman that you
date that feel some type of way about your children
as a man, if you are a man and you're
dating a female, doesn't matter how fat her ass is,
how is, it doesn't matter about none of those things,
doesn't matter how pretty she is not. So if you
say I need to go take care of my kids
or whatever, or your kids are your priority and she
(11:16):
has an issue with them.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Red flag.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Cut her ass off immediately. Don't even question it, don't don't.
It's not going to get any better, is only going
to get worse. As a man, as a father, as
a woman, as a mother, your children are your priority.
Everything after comes out. So if she has a problem
with him, mama, you gotta go out what that is.
So my kids are always going to be mine's. You're
(11:38):
here today, we don't know about tomorrow back.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
So would it be the same if if for a
man dating you, I'm out since you have children and
you have a relationship or you know sometimes you know,
contentious relationship with your ex him getting jealous of the
relationship with him.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I haven't seen the donor in months. I haven't seen
the donor.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
He's he hasn't even seen my daughters. I said, that'sn't
even even there'sn't even a question. That's never gonna happen.
He doesn't even care.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
My kids come first, and my kids are part of me,
and I am a package.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Before my biggest daughter was my oldest daughter was my mother,
and I always said, this is the two for one deal.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
You want me, then I get an I know, I
know it's hard, but we all live together.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
No, okay, you want to have privacy, you want privacy, mole.
I can for a day, but as soon as it's done,
she's coming back. You know why, because I know that
this sounds terrible. But for me, my mother, as a
single mother, as her only child, she would never leave
me for a man.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Therefore I shall never leave her for a man. So
you'll say they ain't.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Got pass that they had to give me my viva Sola.
Sue has you know, for her to get old by
herself somewhere in an apartment and house by herself, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Over here with my husband and my daughter's living my
best life. Yeah, yeah, Sola.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I want everything that I have and the woman that
I am today is thanks to her.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
So we all live together and that's it, no matter what.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
If you were just doing your thing, don't don't think
of your mom as as part of the equation.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
But the man you were dating and they would have
the same, oh.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Really, you will be would That's not a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
And if my mom and her and his mom don't
get along, y'all better figure it out. You'all better scream
at each other. Y'all's gonna figure it out because family
is family. We can argue, we can fight, but at
the end of the day, we can't get rid of
each other. This is what it is. God put us
together and now we're stuck. So let's figure it out.
And that's just it. So that's for me, Arlene. What
(13:37):
are some deal breakers for you? Like meaning like the
reason why you would be a deal breaker for someone.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
So many deal breakers.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
I think I have high standards for men.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
I've dated a lot and I've been through a lot
of bullshit, so I'm already like, I know what I want,
I know what I don't want. So if you're not
willing to give me, I'm willing to compromise. But I'm
too tired. I'm too tired, and I'd rather live a
peaceful life on my own than dealing with some bullshit.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Well, so you have high standards, would be your deal breaker?
I mean that's not good. It's like, oh, I'm too loving.
You know that's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
No, that's not a deal breaker. Perfect what else? Oh
one of reasons you're picked. I'm not picky of it.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Let's see.
Speaker 5 (14:24):
I I will tell you this. I dated this guy
many years ago, and he told me, if we're gonna fight,
don't fight dirty. You're a fighter, because when we would
fight was I would get you know, I would melt
awa and I would say some things that maybe I
would regret. So he told me, he's like, I'm down
(14:44):
to fight, and we're down. I'm down to argue. Just
don't fight dirty. And I never forgot that and.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
So you'll say all the things that he told you
in his vulnerable state, like oh, you know what, and
then when you fight, you're like, oh, you know, I
just I would.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
I don't know, Oh I would back in the day.
I don't do it now. I'm more peaceful. I'm a lover,
not a fighter now.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
But yay, okay, well I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I'll tell you some reasons why I would be a
deal breaker for someone.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I am very ambitious. Sometimes that could be an issue
because sometimes.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You're like, yeah, you said that the goal would be
to get this. Yeah, that's it, and I'm like, no,
let's do this and let's do that. You know, I
make myself too busy, which sometimes I run myself too thin,
and that can affect the relationship because sometimes you just
want to have some relaxing time.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
You just want to chill. And I can chill and
watch a movie and Netflix.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
But in between the movie, I'm on my phone researching
something or writing something, or texting something or working.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's hard for me to turn off the work button off.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And now that I am a mother, it's hard for
me to turn off the mom and working button off.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
My mother can sometimes be a deal breaker.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
A lot of men don't want to date someone that
you know, we're making out and my mom is in
the kitchen, you know, like.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
What are they is doing?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Like we're still fifteen, which something can be an issue.
I travel a lot. Traveling a lot can sometimes be
an issue because I may be here. I may tell you, babe,
I'm going to leave for two three days, and next
thing you know, I left for a month or two.
You know, you have to be willing to be able
to travel. There's a lot of things that come with
a woman that's successful, with a woman that's independent, with
(16:20):
a woman that's an entrepreneur, with a woman that you know,
with all these things. It doesn't make me perfect. They
get get oh, I think I'm so perfect? No Branada.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
But I think that moving forward, now that I do
know what.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I want where I stand in my life, I will
be very direct. I am a woman that is meant
to be great, And if you want a woman that
is meant to be great, I want you to hop
on this boat with me. We're going to do this together.
But unfortunately, these are the things that come with me.
And it's funny because when it's a woman that's going
through it. It's it sounds different. But when it's a
man that's a successful man that travels, it does all
(16:53):
these things, it's like, you know, deal with it. He's
you know, a le nombre. So sometimes it could be
that little issue. But here is a list of a
couple of deal breakers, and let's break them down just
a little bit because the list is pretty long. Addiction
of any kind is that a deal breaker for you?
He's addicted to sex, drugs, licker.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
I mean, if it's liquor and stuff like that, I
don't care. Yeah, video games don't bother me, liquor doesn't.
It doesn't bother me. Party bothers me. Because I'd like to.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Have shopping, shopping, shopping.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
It's okay shopping. Do you like shopping?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Right me?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, I'm kind of built like a man. I know
exactly what I want. I go and I get it,
and I'm out.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Right same right because I'm a man. So you know, no, there's.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Give me options one, two, three. If I have like
options one through Z, you know a brew, I'm just like,
oh my god, I can't decide. So I'm not a shopaholic.
If you were in decisive, is that a deal breaker
for y'all.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
It's annoying.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
It is defind it goes hand in handled what you
just said with giving me too many options as being
undecisive as hell, if you're giving me thirty options.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, I think that the issue. If you're undecisive, it's
definitely not a deal breaker. But it is annoying, like
Arlene said, because it's like yes or no, it's not.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Well, let me think, let me see. I'm just sure
to see.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
It's where do you want to worst question ever? Where
do you want to go eat? And it goes back
and forth for an hour. No one knows what the
freak they want to eat? And it's like, now you pick,
It's okay, I'll eat whatever you want. They're like, but
I'm asking you because I need advice to let me
know exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I already learned.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Mine.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
My to go is always Italian. Give me Italian food.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, because in the Italian you can have satad, pasta,
this chicken, whatever.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
So I always like to go for the Italian.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But the thing is, what about it if you ask
and they're like, oh no, I don't want to eat that.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Yeah, there's the indecisive. There you go.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
There okay. What about lack of humor?
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Oh you need somebody although you know, sometimes jokes can
come in at an inappropriate time and you're like, I'm
bered serious, working exactly, but you need to have a
little humor.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I like men with humor.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Yeah, me too, No, I like men with humor.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
However, I have dated someone. I did it someone for
like a week, and I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You just laughed for no reason. What is so funny?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Like? Shut up?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Everything was just for everything. I'm just dude, I didn't
say anything. What what is funny?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
It's all the In the beginning, it's like and you
laugh along, but.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Then afterwards do you think that because a lot of it,
a lot of that little like towers like laughing and
could be nervousness. It's and it's hidden. Nobody will ever
understand it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
But you need to take your nervous ass else.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I want to do it.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
You're indecisive, you lack humor, and sometimes you have too
much humor. I hate you.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Get here, I am done. How about this one. This
one's a good one. What about people that are broken?
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Broken? Let's break it down. Broken is like, oh, you know.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You had issues in your childhood or you know, you
come from a broken home and that lack of whatever
whatever now has affected you as an adult. Those people
that come go, Okay, you need therapy, Okay, you have
all this drama, all this hurt, you know, held up inside.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Are you describing me? Oh, Aleen, are you broken?
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I'm kidding now. I feel like everybody's a little broken.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yes, everybody is a little broken. Though I'm not.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Everybody's a little broken. I'm going to therapy right now.
Speaker 5 (20:49):
I got childhood issues that I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Girls, I'm dealing with it.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
Well.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I know I definitely am broken. I am. I don't
know if I'm healing. I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I'll tell you this much.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
My mother always said just deal with it, deal with it.
It was it was like her way. It wasn't so
much of it.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
That's life. Deal with it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah, there's people going through worse things than you, and
you kind of feel like you just move forward, you
move on, but.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Doesn't mean that you've healed.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
You just cover it up with work or with life
or whatever. Eventually, at some point you explode. And I
know I have daddy issues. I know I have you know,
sexual trauma issues. I have many type of issues that
I've covered for many years because life doesn't wait for you.
You have to move forward, you know. And I do
understand the broken part. And then now with my donor
(21:36):
and my daughters, I know that that definitely left the
mark in me. But I saw something on Instagram that
touched me and I will always carry this. It was
a scene from a movie and he said, Denzel Washington,
some things in life are meant to hurt you, and
others are meant to change you. And the you know,
(21:57):
the things that have happened to me have changed me
at this moment to the better version of me because
I've used this to empower me. But I do understand
how some men are broken and their brokenness can come
into domestic abuse. Their brokenness can come into being bad
fathers there, you know, their traumas can come into being
bad husband's, bad boyfriends, being verbally abusive.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
It can come into many things. So being broken comes
in many different levels.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
But you know what, don't feel bad because being broken,
having malfunctions you know, in your in your brain and
your system, doesn't mean that it's over.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It can be reset, it can be restructured. It can.
It can be fixed.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
You know I personally last season, I spoke about me
going to therapy. I was going to therapy while I
was pregnant because I was going through a terrible pregnancy
as far as my personal relationship, and it.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Was affecting my pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And then afterwards, you have postpartum and you go through
so many things. Postpartumer is even one of those serious
things where they're women that kill themselves and they can't
help it. Your hormones all over the place and you're
not thinking correctly. You kill There's women that have killed
their children. There's women that done all chips of craziness
because of the postpartum, and that's something that you can't
(23:06):
even control. Your body is going through these changes. So
don't feel that because you are going through a stage
in your life or you've been through things that it
can't get fixed, it can't get better, because it can.
Here's another one. What about someone who doesn't like to
hang out with your family, who is like I like you,
I just can't stand your mother, I can't stand your kids.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
I don't like your daddy.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
You know what, I want to be around your sister
or your cousins, or none of them. I want to
be around none of them. Can that be a deal breaker?
Or it's like, you know what, you're dating me and
you like me, so who cares if you don't like them?
Speaker 5 (23:40):
Well, if you come from our culture, you better be
okay hanging out with the family because A they're metheaches,
they're always in your business.
Speaker 4 (23:49):
They're always around.
Speaker 5 (23:50):
Yeah, they're calling you at inappropriate hours.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
If you live next to them.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
They don't they have a key to the house, they
don't knock, they just walk in and out.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah, that's basic of her.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Have you ever did anybody Alice who didn't like your
family members?
Speaker 3 (24:04):
No, Thank the Lord, because my mom, my mom is
the opposite. My mom will tell you straight up to
your face she don't like you, you know what I'm saying.
So I've been very blessed with the fact that no one,
no one has ever because I've also take my family's side.
So there's that.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Well that's important me.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
I've had people there like I like you, but I
can't stand your mom, and I just you know, I'm
dating you. I don't want to do with it, and
that's terrible because my mom and I are one. But
then with my mom, I said, But she now that
I know better, I can see it. There's something about
mothers and fathers at times that they can see the
things that we can't see. It's experience, it's intuition, it's
(24:41):
many things that they're like, you know, same. But I mean,
I'll go something feels weird, it's set on the end,
and I want to on it for you. I don't
like it, And later.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
On they're actually right.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
So my mom can always peep, you know, the guy
that's trash, and whenever she he's like, he's trash, he's
no good.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
You shouldn't. I'm like, I want him. So that's the
one for me, last, but not least among so many.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
What about if they don't want to introduce you to
their family or friends?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Is that a deal breakers?
Speaker 3 (25:15):
That's a super red flag. Why I'll let our lanes
start first and then I'll throw mine.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
I don't know, they don't want to introduce you. That
happened to me once. The first guy I dated when
I moved to LA didn't introduce me to anybody.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
Sounds like he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
That's what.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Oh, well, you're lucky and you had a girlfriend. They
have a whole wife with like a whole second case.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
That's true. That's true. Oh my god, what about you.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Have you ever hit in a girl or that you've
dated from your family and friends.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
No, there's no reason for that. I mean, I'm very
private on social media. I have a complete separation of
church and state when it comes to social media. Okay,
my private life is my private life. I don't need
anyone's approval nor anyone's quote unquote life for me to
feel approved or or happy or this is my relationship.
(26:05):
You get what I'm saying. And there's always the fact
that there's a lot of scrutiny and people out there
that are always if you get on someone's bad side,
especially on social media, that will try and do something
to harm you. And I hate that because I see
friends who are in that situation where they're saints, they
love each other, but there's so many mouths on the
(26:28):
outside trying to talk, you know, sabotage.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
So so that's that's a that's an er not doing
it well.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Definitely, Ladies, here we go.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
If you're dating someone and he is hiding you from
his friends and family, most likely he just wants to
smash and uh, definitely red.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Black zone zoo it.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Okay, if he hits you with the I don't have
any social media red black zon't zoo it. If he
doesn't want to, you know, take you out in public.
What else is if he doesn't want to post you
on his social medium? That is so who not in
my little Fido. It could be that, you know, he
wants to keep his personal left to himself, or he's
trying to hide you from the girl that he actually
does love and care for, which is his wife, his girlfriend,
(27:10):
his baby moms.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Or whoever else.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
So if you really like me and you're really into me,
please introduce me to your friends, Please introduce me to
your family. If not, I'm just gonna find them on
social media and I'm gonna send them a picture about us.
So everybody knows that your minds and your mother made
you for me.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Amen. So with that being said, ladies, tell me what
you think.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Hit me up on exactly I'm not on Instagram and under
the comments, give me give me a couple of red flags.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
What have been some red flags for you?
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Why do you consider that you could have been a
red you know, have some red flags for someone that.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
May be dating you if you've gone through.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Any experience that has been you know, weird or awkward
while you're dating. I want to know all those things.
The list of red flags can go on and on
and on. Unfortunately we don't get that type of time,
but I'm glad that we went through a couple of them.
Alex Arlene as usual, guys, thank thank you so much
for being part of exactly Amada and giving me a
(28:04):
couple of tivity because now I have I have a
couple of things to think about now for the next
time I start dating.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Uh, definitely, you.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Know, I have some things to think about. I don't
know what my next date is going to look like.
At this point, I'm still traumatized and broken. I might
need some therapy after this. But with that being said, guys,
thank you so much for being part of exactly a Mata.
Like every week, make sure to find me on YouTube
catch my show by searching for Microtuda podcast and clicking
on exactly Amada. Find me, like I said before, on
(28:32):
all the social media platforms at exactly amata, or just
check me out at a and remember that this has
been a production of Iheart's Microthuda podcast network for more
podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Is your girl Check me out next time.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.