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November 2, 2023 20 mins

Love is a complex and delicate topic. Amara explores the tension between giving and receiving love. How much of ourselves are we willing to share with someone, and what are the indicators that the love we offer is not returned equally.

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Speaker 1 (00:04):
That's right, Yatas, And you guys already know me. It's
your girl mad and you're listening to Exactly Almada, a
production of iHeart and thank you so much for tuning in, Mira.
Don't forget to subscribe, Okay, don't forget to subscribe to
the podcast on your favorite podcast platform, whichever want may be,
and rate us those five stars, leave us those reviews.

(00:25):
Head over to the YouTube channel, where you can also
watch and listen to the podcast by searching for micro
through that podcast and collickting on Exactly a'm ada. I
always want to do episodes that are impactful, episodes that
connect with the people that are listening, that connect with you, guys, because.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
I do this for you by me, Beto. I do
this with so much love.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
And today I really want to explore, you know, the
complicated question of life, love and everything in between. Today's
episode is a deep dive into a timeless question.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Loving versus being loved? Which one feels better? Which one?

Speaker 1 (01:03):
Are you?

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Are you more of a lover or are you more
of like? Love me? Love me?

Speaker 1 (01:08):
And if you are a love me? Does that make
you selfish? Loving and being loved are two sides on
the same coin, you know, because it's all loved, you know,
no bad vibes, but the energy feels different.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
They are both bringing a unique joy and challenges. What
exactly is love?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
I really want to talk about the difference in between
loving someone and being loved, and I honestly feel that
a lot of us are constantly looking for love in
the wrong places because we feel felt or didn't grow
up feeling loved, whether it is by your mother or
your father, your siblings, or whatever the case may be.

(01:49):
In my case, I am going to speak from the
perspective of being in a relationship with someone at some
point in life and something in a habit that I've
worked really hard on breaking is I've had the build
a bear syndrome, the build a man's syndrome where you
find someone broken somewhat and you feel the need to fix.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Them, and that is my way of loving.

Speaker 1 (02:14):
I want to love you by fixing your hurt, by
fixing the broken pieces that I feel that I can repair.
And that is the biggest mistake we can do. Because
people come as they are. They need to be loved
and accepted for who they are as they are in
that moment you meet them. In life because yes, people
can grow, evolve, and change, but you have to love
them with their challenges. The biggest mistake you can do

(02:36):
is try to change someone. No one can be changed
unless they choose to change if they want to change,
you know, because if you feel like you want to
change someone, then that means you need to find somebody else,
someone that is what you visualize, someone that is what
you want to love, because you would hate for someone
to try to change you.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
And been there, done that.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Loving someone, I've learned that is to love them with
flaws and all, whether it's your friend, whether it's your
you know, a father, a mother. We've had situations, obviously,
we've all seen it where you have an alcoholic father
or a mother or drug addict, whatever, and you have
to love people how they are, for who they are

(03:17):
in that moment in life. You can help them in
their journey. But there's a difference between helping and changing,
and a lot of times we feel that we we
do it with love. So it's okay to change someone
and that's not okay. We all express our sense of
love for one another differently.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
You know, my mom shows me her love.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Obviously by well obviously through food because it's a very
Latino things. She shows me her love through food, but
she also shows me her love through being really hard
with me. She expects a lot out of me because
in many occasions, you know, they can see things that
we can't see for ourselves.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
And that also happens when.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
We feel that, oh, you know, I am going to
love you by trying to change who you are and
I am going to change you by forcing you to
see the best in you. And we don't all receive
that love the same way. And also, you know, when
it comes to being loved by you know what it
is to be loved as a Latina or from the
Latino perspective. In many occasions when it comes to relationships,

(04:20):
we've seen that there's women that have accepted men as
well that I have accepted this love that can be
very toxic. You know, Oh, I love you so much
that I am going to change you. I am going
to treat you with this masculine love that can become toxic,
that can become hurtful. I like those relationships where they

(04:41):
slap you and then they they like, you know, that's
just me because I love you so much.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
I have heard it you, or because I love you
so much, I.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Did this, and we in many occasions are in so
much need of love that we accept the wrong type
of love.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Does that make sense? I mean, I'm going to speak
from my perspective.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
I've spent in many occasions that I was raised without
a father, and that, you know, affected the way that
I see love from the male perspective. I've been in
many relationships that have been toxic, that have been not healthy,
but looking for that love and acceptation. Like I want
you to accept me, I want you to want me.
I want you to embrace me. You accept things that
obviously are not good for you, that shouldn't be tolerated,

(05:23):
but you're always seeking to be to be loved right,
and that makes you, in many occasions, become the lover.
I want to love you because I wasn't loved. I
want to love you the way that I wish I
was loved. I want to do this for you, and
in many occasions, that person may not want that, that
person may not need that.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
That's why therapy is so important. I'm not going to lie.
You know.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
The older I become, the more I understand that finding
a professional that can help you really is important. When
we love someone, we experience the incredible feeling of nurturing,
caring and providing support. You know, when if someone loves you,
it's a beautiful validation of worthiness and it can boost
your self confidence.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
And that's extremely important.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
And we have to appreciate those people that put the
effort into trying to show us how much they care
about us, because in many occasions, when.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
We're not prepared for that, what we can do is
push them away.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
You know, a lot of us don't know what it
is and don't know how to accept and receive being
loved by somebody else.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
We can push them away without even noticing. And I really.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Feel that those things can come from traumas, from our
earlier ages of how we were loved, how we were treated,
even in school.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
It could be anything.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
It could be one traumatic situation can affect the way
that you perceive love from your family, from your friends,
from your loved ones. All those things really do matter.
I never want to be the one to point fingers

(07:01):
and judge any of the parents because now as a
parent myself, I understand how hard it is. I'm a
workaholic because I'm trying to give my daughters, the best
future possible. And in many occasions, kids don't really care
about none of those things. They care about the time
and the quality time that you spend with them. And
then that from the Latino perspective, from the immigrant perspective,

(07:21):
a lot of our parents didn't spend too much time
with us growing up, and they didn't give us all
that love and affection that we were seeking for because
they were so busy trying to be a parent, a
parent that had to have a you know, not only
one job, but two full time jobs besides being a parent.
Who weren't you know, at home as much as we
may have wanted to, who may not been able to

(07:43):
support us the way that we wanted to work, or
just show us that love and appreciation the way that
we wanted to write, because they were so cut up
working and trying to provide for us, and all those things,
believe it or not, do affect you.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
I'll see how it affected me.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
It affected me because I have become a workaholic, you know,
seeing the way that my mom had four jobs and
was barely ever there for me. She would come out
of work super late at night. That was her time
to clean, cook, whatever prepare meals for me in the morning.
She would leave at six o'clock in the morning to work.
I would barely see her, maybe to you know, umbsito
lamagana to wake me up, and I would have to.

(08:21):
She would leave like you know, the breakfast or lunch,
you know, ready for me to take it home. But
then I wouldn't see her again to the next day
in the morning. And I knew the rules and regulations
of when you come from school, close the door, don't
let anybody in, even if they not you know. I
knew what it was to have to be basically raised
on my own for a very long time, and it
was her way of trying to fine ends meet as

(08:42):
an immigrant with no documents back then at that time,
she had to figure out ways to financially stay afloat.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
With a child. And at that moment maybe I judged her.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Now as an adult, I thank her and I respect
her for the grind, the hustle, the things that she
had to do. I think that sometimes we can be
very ungrateful with our parents and not you know, give
them their credit for all the hard work that they
had to do to raise a child in this world
in these times things have changed.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
You know.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
It's not like back in the days when La Vesina, Elvesino.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
Whatever your neighbor would.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
Be like, Oha, take care of my kid for a
couple of hours, I'll be right back.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
Those days is gone.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
You have to figure out who you know, what babysit
or what nanny, what daycare center, whatever it is you
have to do in order for you to go out work, hustle,
grind and unfortunately all those things. You know, the way
the society is set up can affect the love and
support and the structure that you feel from your household,

(09:42):
from your mom, from your dad, the quality time that
you get to spend, and in many occasions as you grow,
you try to find that and replace that love in
other places, whether you do it with your friends, whether
you do it in relationships, or whether you do it
with other things.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
We see people that you know.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Try to fill up that void with drugs, alcohol, with sports,
with dance, with games, with Whenever we feel that we're
not loved, whenever we feel that there's a gap, whenever
we feel there's a space missing in there, we usually
try to fill it up with other things. All the
things that I personally have suffered and been through because

(10:17):
everybody in life has gone through their own stuff.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
Let's be clear about that.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
Nobody's perfect and everybody is struggling with their own demons
in one way or another. Nobody's life is perfect, no
matter how perfect they make it seem through social media.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
Everybody is going through their things.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
There's a lot of people that portray to be, you know,
so happy and have a perfect life outside the exterior
of them, But when that door closes, they're really looking
and searching and seeking for love. They want to be loved.
In many occasions, like myself as an entertainer, I am

(10:52):
accustomed to giving of me. I give my voice, I
give my talent, I give my personality, I give you
my body, I give my image, I give my charisma,
I give my I give I'm a giver. But in
many occasions, because I give so much, people don't worry about.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Pouring back into my cup.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
People don't worry about maybe she needs love, maybe she
needs to be you know, maybe she needs back.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Nobody really worries about that.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
And that's you know, in many occasions, even when you
see artists that you know, their life changes and their
live shifts, and many things may occur is because you
become so used to giving that your your cup gets empty,
and you also need love, and you also need that support.
And like I say, in many occasions, this happens also
with her parents. This also happens with the wives. This

(11:38):
also happens with fathers. This also happens because let's say
I heard this one too, also from a male perspective,
that as fathers or as men, they're expected to be strong,
to be brave, to provide, to be the provider, to
be the protector, to give you. You're supposed to do
all these things. But who protects you, who loves you,

(11:58):
who caters to you, who comforts you, who hugs you?
And I think there, we're so caught up in all
the things that we're doing ourselves, you know, we're so
caught up in wanting to be loved and be taken
care of, in the validation and all these things for ourselves,
that we forget to be that loving person for someone else,
that we forget to fill up that cup that spades

(12:20):
that emptiness for somebody else. The smallest question of like
how can I help you? Can I be there for you?
Just even a simple hug you may not know what
that person is going through, because as much as they
may try to portray, we're all out here in this
world portraying this facade, the facade of being happy. We're
so loved, everything is perfect, we look good, we eat well. Everything,

(12:44):
Especially now with social media, we're in a world where
we're so accustomed to portraying this happiness and everybody's good,
these perfect relationships where nobody argues and everybody's always in
a vacation with matching outfits, that it's like when that
door closes, what is really going on? How do you
really feel those business that have become multimillion dollar you know, businesses,

(13:07):
and everything seems good. Can we see the behind the scenes?
Can we see you cry because your business didn't go well?
You know that you lost money, that they ripped you up?
Can I see the behind the scenes. Everybody has their
vulnerable side. Everybody has had to sacrifice something, Everyone has
had you know has gone through a heartbreak. Everybody has
gone through something. Why is it so hard for us

(13:28):
to be honest, vulnerable and just transparent with our lives.
Why are we so busy trying to portray this perfect
life that's not true? Why is it so hard for
us to say I need to be loved, I want love.
I feel empty, I need something, I need someone to
help me fill up this void.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
And as much as you're.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
Supposed to do that for yourself, because self love is
the most important thing, I understand that.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's great. You can love yourself as much as you want.
But we're human.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
We're meant to have human can We weren't born in
this world by ourselves, right, We're meant to have human connection.
And sometimes we just want to be loved. Not by ourselves.
We want to be loved by somebody else. It could
be your friend, It could be your mother, it could
be your father, it could be whoever. It is. Just
love overall is universal. You may not speak the same language,

(14:20):
but you can feel what it is to be loved.
And it could be from the smallest things. As like
I said, my mom loves to love me, loves to
love people through food.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
That is her way.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
She likes to cater, she likes to see you eat.
She likes to know that her food what she did
with her hands, you know, being able to cook a
hot meal for you and fulfill that hunger in your stomach.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
That is her way of showing you her love.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
I remember my mom would argue with me, or be
upset at me, or you know, give me my whoopings,
and then she would come with a plate of food,
and that was her way. And later on through life
I understood that was her way. There's people that show
their love by being physical. They like to touch, they
like to hug, they like to There's others that like
to give things. You know, there's different ways of showing

(15:09):
your love. Some people show their loves by giving, by gifting.
I'm going to give you this, and this is my way.
And I understand that part too, because if you work,
and your work requires sacrifice, and you use your sacrifice
money to buy something to give, to provide for somebody
to show them or your token of.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
Love, you got to appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
I think it's also important to know overall the people
that surround you, how do they love to be loved?
And I also think it's important as that other person
on the other side, use this conversation that we're having
right now for you to bother, to take time to
ask somebody the simplest question, how can I love you?

Speaker 2 (15:57):
How can I love you better? How can I show
you how much you mean to me.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
I know it sounds really corny, but you have no
idea how that simple question that can feel awkward can
change somebody's life, can change your relationship, can change the
dynamic of the situation or the life that you're living
at this moment, the smallest question. I know it feels awkward,
and if you are an awkward person like me, then
I'm socially awkward.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Text it. Maybe texting it makes you feel more comfortable.
Out of no word, out of the blue. How can
I love you better?

Speaker 1 (16:30):
I think it's important to ask each other. How can
I love you better? What can I do to be
a better person for you? Since I am part of
your life? And honestly, there is no one size fits
all answer. It's a matter of perspective and personal experience.
Some of us may find more happiness in giving love,
while others are extremely happy in just receiving it.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
And I don't think that makes you selfish either, you know.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
I feel like everybody has their own ways, were all
born with different mechanisms, and that's okay too.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
But here's the beauty of it all. Love.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Love is love, you know, and it feels good whichever
way it may be, it enriches you, It enriches your life.
It's not an either or situation, Okay, It's a delicate
dance between loving and being loved that makes our relationships
so profoundly fulfilling. And that's really what matters at the
end of the day, you know, just trying to figure

(17:27):
it out naturally, it's the best way to go about
it with no pressure.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
So how do we find balance?

Speaker 1 (17:36):
Honestly, would be the question for me, because it's very
hard to figure it out and there's no rule books.
I always say that there's no rule books on how
to live your life. But how do we navigate the
intricate interplay of love in our lives. It starts with
self awareness, understanding what you need, what you can give,

(17:56):
how to have open communications, you know, just freely feeling
like you can be honest no matter what it is
that you're feeling. Feeling like you can communicate openly really
is important. And understanding and also talking about expectations and boundaries.
You know, I expect this, I want this, How can
I do this? I think communication overall is the key

(18:18):
to me when it comes to love, to loving or
being loved don't be afraid to talk. Okay, here's where
you can take home with you. As I wrap up
today's episode, remember that the magic of love lies in
giving and receiving. Embrace both sides, Cherish the love you give,
and savor the love that you receive.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
Tell me that's not fire. That quote right there?

Speaker 1 (18:42):
You better you better use that as a caption on
your Instagram post.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, guys, by.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
The way, like I always say, thank you so much
for joining me on this thoughtful journey of today's episode.
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe and
share and just leave amazing review until next time. Guys,
love love as much as you can love the love
that you receive. My beautiful listeners, stay true to yourself.

(19:11):
Embrace the people around you that surround you with positive energy.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
Be that light that just you know, lightens up the
room when you walk in. Make sure to find me
on YouTube.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Catch the show by searching for Microturda podcast on YouTube
and clicking on exactly Amata. Follow me on Instagram at
Amala aln and come on sept You guys already know
this has been a production of Ihearts Microthuda Podcast Network
and for more podcasts from My Heart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
This has been exactly Amada
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