"Do You Accept This Assignment?" with Mission Implausible

Ever wonder how the CIA gets an informant to trust them? Do you want to know which movies get the CIA right? Former high-level CIA operatives John Sipher and Jerry O'Shea walk Zach and Donald through how they would craft fake conspiracies to help solve real crimes. Learn what kind of person the CIA is looking for and how you could become a member. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Deb are you recording?

Speaker 2 (00:01):
For Fox's sake? Just stop talking about your willies? Okay,
I even talked about my penis yet, deb Wu Tang forever,
Wu Tang forever. Yeah, all right, a given.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Are you ready to start the podcast?

Speaker 2 (00:15):
We haven't started yet.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Well, this is it's probably started. Daniel always decides when
he starts putting on the show. But I think this
is all good. Content is great, so too.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (00:26):
You know? What I realized is that you've got a
big birthday coming up. I've been thinking I had. I
just had a fucking genius idea what to get you,
and I'm very excited about it.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Does it have something to do with that motion animation?
Let's say, a motion control rig?

Speaker 3 (00:45):
No?

Speaker 1 (00:46):
Is that what you want?

Speaker 2 (00:47):
No, I'm just saying it could be.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
I don't think you'd use that.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
You don't think I would use a motion control rig?
Are you kidding me? Don't your light in magic? I
know you guys are my friends. There's a mini motion
control rig that you that everybody has except for me.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
What is it called?

Speaker 2 (01:04):
It's the mini rig?

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Would you really set that up and use it?

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah? For sure, Like all of the stuff that I do.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
If I spend some fortunate amount of money on this
mini rig, and I come over your house and it's
in fucking cardboard boxes, and you're like, bro, come on outside,
I'm lighting a doobie. I'm gonna be so upset.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
You would never have to worry about that with me.
This shit's so expensive. Look, this ship is so expensivebout.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
How are you talking about? Like twenty grand more?

Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yeah? Like that?

Speaker 4 (01:34):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (01:35):
What's I want to look it up? Yeah, look it up, Daniel.
It's it's the Many Many rigs. It's called Motion Control
Mini rig for Donald. Anyway, Daniel's figuring out how much
this rig costs. Because I love you and you are
turning fifty. I didn't really have twenty grand in my
budget for your birthday, but I do love you.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Well, you got Crystal horse.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
I didn't get Oh that's funny, I got that conversation.
We did get the horse. We did get her. Oh
that's from our joint account. By the way, I sent
her a two hundred and fifty thousand dollars horse.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Then, yeah, I'm going to need some of that back
for this motion control rig.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
All right, Well, Daniel's going to figure out how much
it costs. I probably won't spend twenty grand on you,
even though I love you so much. But what are
you doing doing? What are the plans?

Speaker 5 (02:25):
You know?

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Joell Daniel Donald has a fiftieth birthday coming up?

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Is that what it is?

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Fifty?

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:33):
What's the dream?

Speaker 5 (02:34):
You know?

Speaker 2 (02:35):
I don't really have a dream for my fiftieth. I
thought the dream was a big ass party. I think
my parents are coming into town, which is really cool
and that'll be fun. But I don't really have a
dream for my fiftieth.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Why did you turn melancholic over?

Speaker 2 (02:49):
But you got to make a dream.

Speaker 6 (02:51):
We got to get a whiteboard, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
You had a whiteboard. This shit. We got to create something.

Speaker 6 (02:55):
I don't like this attitude.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I don't like the attitude you like your shoulders slumped,
you got body?

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Well, I don't got said. I don't got wifi's right now,
but I definitely am. I don't know, man, I don't
I'm I'm looking forward to turning fifty. I don't know
how I want to turn fifty in because I don't
know how. Uh, you know, anything's up for like after
Christa's party, there's no party that can be thrown now.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
But if you don't need to go like that. Why
don't you do You couldn't. You couldn't make my party,
But why don't you do something small like I did?
I had twenty five people a meal at a restaurant.
You got, you get a private room? Like, why not
at least do that?

Speaker 2 (03:33):
It's so not up to me.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
I mean, Casey's planning it. You're allowed to weigh in
on your fiftieth.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
I don't know, man, you have a weird attitude about it.
It's like I like to.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Work on my I like to work on my birthday.
A lot of people don't like that. That's my goal
is working on my birthday always. My birthday is on
a weekend this year, so.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
Okay, well that's not gonna happen. Is the only song
need to plan something? Or is Casey planning something?

Speaker 2 (04:02):
No, it's the onus. Isn't on anyone to plan anything?

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Well, I'm your bestie and you got sad body when
you talk about your fiftieth, so I need to step up.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Well you don't need to step up. I yeah, you guys,
get on the phone. I don't think there's anything. I
don't think anything's happening.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
That's not acceptable. But she's a really good wife. I
bet she might be cooking something up.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
No, I know my family's coming in. She got, like,
you know, my mom and dad are coming to visit
and everything, Like.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Why don't we throw up at least, at the very
least a dinner with all the people you love? What
do you really want? If you could have anything? I
don't mean, I don't mean an easy rig. We'll figure
out how much a mini rig is. But like if
you get for the party, what could the party be your.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Dream or you're asking me for a dream party. I
don't have a dream party. But if I could really
have something, yes, a budget for a stop motion short,
that would be I want to be working.

Speaker 6 (04:57):
Donald said, is to you put it to work? And okay,
I feel the vibes.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
You don't even want to party. You'd like everyone to
contribute a budget for you to make a short film?

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Why not? Fifty? I realized I don't necessarily like to
get drunk, so when I get drunk.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Now, why is to be drunk? Bro I didn't want
to get drunk either, So I had a brunch. I
did a twenty five person brunch. No one got I
mean there was booze for people that wanted mimosas or anybody.
It wasn't a drunk thing, right.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
I don't know, bro, I don't know why I got
all melancholic. I don't know why I got all what
about paintball? That's what I really wanted to do? See
this so hot?

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Man cares? God, you're such a fucking ere right now.
I don't know who paintball? Paintball?

Speaker 2 (05:41):
I would love to go.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
I'm going to take your mom out with that.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
I know, lace her. I don't think my mom would
make it.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
Would Shirley play paintball?

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Hell no, she'd stay back. She'd be like, oh, you guys,
go ahead.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
What if what if we posted her up in like
a sniper position?

Speaker 2 (05:57):
She'd be like, you guys, go ahead, I'm mistake at
the house.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
What if we Sureley likes an occasional bit of ganja, Right,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
I caught my mom smoking weed once. It was the
most awkward moment ever because she was like, she was
smoking weed and she didn't want nobody like it was
she was smoking, and it was at the end of
a blunt and she was smoking. First of all, she
was smoking a blunt and I was like, what the
fuck is going on? And she was just finished.

Speaker 4 (06:25):
She was like.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Getting it out, like trying, and I'm like, what the fuck.
You might as well just finish the ship now, like
why are you trying to hide?

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Funny?

Speaker 2 (06:37):
So what she wanted to get that extra.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
My wish for your birthday is that we give Shirley
a blunt and a sniper position at the people.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
No no, no, yeah, no no no no no.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
No, Daniel, Daniel's in New York. Joelle, you would come
to paintball.

Speaker 6 (06:55):
Yeah, and take that sniper position with the blood if
it's still being offered.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
Let's right, that's all right. If your mom's not going
to take the blunts niner position, can Joel have that?

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Absolutely? But let's go play paper. I mean, let we
could go play paintball.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
That was all right. That's one thing I worked out good.
That's on the list. By the way, Glendale, I passed.
It has a laser tag still they got old school
laser tags. So fine, it's a really cool. Have you
been there with you Joey.

Speaker 6 (07:27):
Sixth birthday party there in Glendale.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
I just keep driving by it and I'm like, I
can't believe someone's top.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
How big is the one in Glendale, because there's one
in Sherman Oaks that is uh, you take the kids
for that one, and it's a lot of fun for
the kids, but not necessarily for the adult.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
I want to do.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
I have been to multiple laser tags.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Oh all right, so wait, Daniel, did you find out
how much the mini rig costs?

Speaker 7 (07:54):
I still can't find exactly what you're talking about. There's
lots of motion control rigs, but like, I don't know
the exact model yourself.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Here's the thing. It's an old rig and there the
dude that makes it only makes a few of them
every year. Well, he's one of those finicky people too,
so like when you get on the phone with them,
even after you've you know, struck the deal, he's like, well,
I'm making a bunch for this company right now, and
if there's one left over for you, I'll call you.
But I want to warn you. This is about thirty grand.

(08:21):
And you're like, yeah, okay, I get that, Sure.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
I still want to I know it's thirty grand, but
here's my question. Thirty grand might be like the premiere version.
What if you got like.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
A Siah No, no, no, this is the only version
of this. It's a ten it's not even ten feet.
It's like a really tiny The track is like maybe
four feet and it's up. You put it on a table.
The rig itself is it looks old school. It comes
with an arm and an arm comes out and you
put your you mount your you know, your camera on

(08:52):
it and it it's a tiny rig. It's like a table.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
And for those that don't know, this would enable you
to while you're doing stuff, have the camera move and
Dolly and crane up in the world of your figures.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
Right right, Well, what I could do is I could
do a shot with the camera doing it, and then
I would remove all of the figures and redo the
shot with just the camera doing it. That way, I
could superimpose it all or with spaceships do flybys.

Speaker 1 (09:20):
But you're not open to accepting a lesser expensive version.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
There is no lesser expensive version.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
I'm sure there is. That's not true. You're saying like
you're basically saying, hey, man, I want to Porsche, And
I'm saying, hey, what if I got you, like a
really sick Miata and you're like, no Porsche or nothing.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
You must you must think I'm crazy. I would never
say no to a Mayata. I would never say no
to any car if it was offered to me. Like,
that's what I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
So what I'm telling you is you're saying I want
this thing, right and it's thirty grand, And I'm saying, bro,
just let me finish my sentence. And I'm saying, I'll
bet with my connections. If I knew Recon, I could
probably find a sick version that's not everything you want,
but maybe ten grand. And you're like, I don't want
that ship.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
I don't think there's a ten grand version of this
is my point.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
You're gonna Daniel's gonna spend the rest of the episode
searching one. Al right here, all right, I'm gonna go
a different route then for your president already, I have
a good idea.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yo. Do we really got the CIA up on the
show today?

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, we have two CIA agents. We got a lot
of questions for them. But before we get to them,
I wanted to tell you that I finally watched Dune too.
I'm so embarrassed that I didn't go see this movie
in the theater.

Speaker 7 (10:37):
So good.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, it is a masterpiece. I mean, it is the
most is that the prettiest sci fi movie ever.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Gorgeous. It's up there, bro, it's up there.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Maybe we should say spoiler alert spoiler alert skip skip
skip like a couple of minutes, because we're gonna talk
about Dune two for a second.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
The only thing that I didn't like was the end
when he's having the conversation with the emperor. It was
weird how it was lit on him. But then you
pan back and then there's a bunch of same type
of situations all over, and it's like, well, how did
everybody hear him and hear this conversation? If the whole
you know, if not only not only the planet, but

(11:18):
everybody's you know, there's a lot of people listening at
the end of him taking control of it. Right.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Well, but okay, that's a that's that's a that's nippicking.
Let's talk about the production design, the trustume design, the cinematography.
I mean, my jaw was on the floor. I mean,
every single costume is more mind blowing than the next.
If that's how what movie could possibly come along and
beat that movie for production design, cinematography, costumes?

Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure you could find some simple
movie that could do that. Also, though, meant with beauty
and touch and you know what I mean, like visual effects.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
There's not a there's.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Visual effects, visual effects.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
I mean I never see a movie before where I
went like it's because I'm in the business. I can
spot the shots. I usually I go, wow, that's pretty
cool for I know what they did, and that's cool.
It looks good this movie. There's not a single shot
that doesn't look real.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
That's true. I think I had a big budget you
render something.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
It was one hundred and sixty five million dollars. Wow,
but it looks like it.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Man, it looks like yeah, but you know it is.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
By the way, let's talk about the actors for a second.
Obviously I'm biased and flows beautiful and amazing. Every single
actor in that movie. I was stating there going is
the best at their type. They do it whether you're
walking or your Chalomey or your Rebecca what's her name?

(12:49):
I love her.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
She's amazing.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
Rebecca Ferguson, you are the best of that type that
is the most ball or cast.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Yeah, you got Zendaya the best of that type as
a single person. I'm just saying, Man, I told you
about this before that movie's fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
I really am embarrassed I didn't see it on a
big screen. I hope that one day they reprojected so
I can go see it, But I h I did
have to turn the subtitles on at a certain point.
I know, like the young kids do that these days,
but I couldn't understand at certain points what the fuck
anybody was saying? No it's and it's also like there's

(13:30):
so much like grunting and yelling. You're like, wait, what
did he just grunt? And there's also so many of
the languages right, and you're like, wait was that English
or was that in the language? And that was that
a key plot point? That was just grunted? You know?
So I realized like, oh dude, let me try subtitles.
I really don't usually don't watch movies with subtitles, but
for Dune too, it did help because you're like, Okay,

(13:50):
that was just it'll just say, like nonsensical grunting, and
you're like, okay, good, I didn't miss anything that.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
What's really crazy is that you can see where you
can see where George Luke is got Star Wars. You
can see where like there's so many different things in
this movie where it's like, Wow, a lot of people
took from this novel and.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
I would imagine that, and I would imagine George Martin. Right,
there's a lot of Game of Thrones and this.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Dude, there's everything in it. Dude, there's everything in it.

Speaker 7 (14:21):
Why are you laughing, Dannal, It's just George R. George
Martin is the producer for the Beatles. So when you
said that, I was like, oh, George, Yes, George George R. R.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Martin's books I assumed came out were written after Dune,
well after Okay, well he was definitely inspired by this.

Speaker 6 (14:39):
Yeah, the sandwriting, the sandworm writing scene, amazing, Just how
that scene in theater?

Speaker 1 (14:47):
It wasn't that in Jedi? Didn't he put a sand
what's the Jedi writing?

Speaker 2 (14:53):
What's the thing?

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Isn't the starlac as total bite off?

Speaker 2 (14:57):
This kind of where the bite comes in is there's
a lot of a bite where the chosen one, you
know what I mean. There's so many things that are
I mean, all comes from you could say it's from
prophecies from before, mythologies from before, of courses, but like
a lot of the stories that come out of doom.

(15:17):
You can see in the first the episode one through six,
it's a lot of that.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Of course, and the Force, I mean it's the Force
is all over this, like he can foresee the pass
and he sees the way.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
And he has control over people, and he can Jedi
mind trick people, and he can do all of these
things like one of the powers. In the first one,
him and his mom are captured and she's like, Yo,
we can't get away because this motherfucker right here's death.
I need you to work it so that you can
get all these other cats to talk kill him. They
got to kill him.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
What about Sorry, this one moment it's a spoiler. If
you haven't turned off yet, skip thirty seconds. What about
when they cut to the future and his sister is
Anya tailored and she's got a teared fucking dripping down
her face and you know she's gonna be in three Yeah, Oh,
I was fucking.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Good, dude. This shit is fire man. The Dune goes
even way further into the future than you ever would imagine,
like light years into like this planet all of a
sudden becomes habitable with fucking trains and shit on it.
It's fucking crazy dude.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Well, I guess I know that Florence has a big
part in three and uh, that's going to be so amazing.
I'm in one ticket sold. I will not miss three projected.
All right, Joelle, tell us about these guests a little
bit before they come in. They are they are CIA
agents retired, yes, and they have a podcast now and

(16:42):
and explain to me exactly what they do. It sounds fascinating.
I have so many CIA questions.

Speaker 6 (16:47):
But yeah, So John Siffer and Jerry O'Shea are their names,
And I guess their job at the CIA used to
be that they would create fake conspiracies and like try
to work backwards and break down and understand and how
like a spread of conspiracies and how they I packed
like cultures and stuff. And so now they started a company.

(17:09):
They've co founded a company together called Spycraft Entertainment where
they consult with they I think they also they developed
their own films in house and stuff. But they are
also consultants on big projects where the CIA's history is
involved or people are trying to use agents and spycraft
and so they sort of like good. Yeah, So I'm

(17:29):
excited to talk to them. There I've heard, listened to
a couple of pods. They've done their funny their guy friends.
So I was like, I think these guys would be
a good fit for zecond Donald.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
So well, let them in. They're probably in already because
they're CIA agents. They've been they've been there, ready to go,
all right, bring them in. They've been in the they've
been in this riverside studio the whole time. And Donald.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Made about a bunch of.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
Stories.

Speaker 8 (18:10):
So YadA, Oh there they are, Hey, John, I j Hello, gentlemen.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
Hi Jens, gentlemen, you've made your first mistake. Man, we
let you guys in the room.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Poor judge of character. Gentlemen. Oh god, I'm excited to
see you. We have so many questions.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
For Yes, we have so many question.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Like are aliens real? Or is that a conspiracy?

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Give us the scoop on aliens. Let's just start off
the bat.

Speaker 4 (18:48):
Let's just start out with we can either confirm nor deny. Right,
We're going to answer every question. That's going to be
our response.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
So let's real.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
That's how you start, how you started conspiracy theory?

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Obviously, Wait, are you guys when you go on podcasts?
I know I want to talk about what you guys
are up to, obviously, but people must ask you the questions,
don and I want to ask you so badly, and
you're going to say, we can't. We can't answer that.

Speaker 4 (19:12):
No, you'll be surprised. Now we can talk a lot.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Okay, Now, during the pandemic, aliens seem like they were
coming in hard. And I remember something. I remember. I
remember some funny memes, some funny memes with people like
not now, aliens, we really fucked with the pandemic, can
you please come back in like a year? And then

(19:35):
there was some stuff. Then there was some stuff in
Congress like really looking at at any evidence. I saw
this fighter jet footage. I'm sure everybody saw that was.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Increasing what they pulled out and uh was in Mexico
City with the freaking uh.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
Well that was clearly fake. But there was a fighter
jet thing that really stuck with me. Where this where
this fighter jet pilot was just freaking out about that
he was seeing. And so I wonder what you guys.
Sorry if this is our first question for CIA agents,
but we wanted about aliens.

Speaker 4 (20:08):
Well, first of all, John, do you want to say
them right on? Agents? And they can talk a little
bit the show why we're doing this and all that.
I say that, yeah, that would be a good way
to kick it off.

Speaker 9 (20:18):
Yeah, FBI people are called FBI agents, but in the
CIA were called officers. Our sources we run, So we
are in an espionage business and we live overseas and
run spies and sources and we call them agents or
sources or assets.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
And so assets.

Speaker 9 (20:33):
Okay, so right, But yeah, in terms of of aliens, sure,
let's talk about did we have the podcast Mission Implausible
And we did an episode with Michael ian Black, the
comedian who apparently is very into the whole alien thing.
And frankly, I had no idea how many people truly
are into the whole thing. And there are quite up
to date on things. There is a office at the

(20:56):
Department of Defense at the Pentagon who studies these things.
The number of senators and congressmen have been pushing to
provide money to get to the US government to put
out what it knows about unidentified flying objects or they
call them UAPs now whatever that whatever that is, unidentified
aerial phenomenon.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
Or something like that.

Speaker 9 (21:18):
And so there's great interest in it.

Speaker 4 (21:19):
But but but let me set the stage for this.
So the Mission Implausible, which is the podcast we're doing.
We John and I as former agency office. We've rolled
our cover back so we can say that now we
were conspirators. We did conspiracies, but little ones, like a
conspiracy like I work for the State Department, or if

(21:42):
you're going to approach you North Korean missile scientists, she
can't say, hey, I'm a CIA guy. You have to
come in and say I am. I am a German
businessman and O vish to warcris you y'ah. You know,
we will make money to guess, and so we make
little conspiracies and we're looking at like big conspiracies, and
we're talking about like we've done conspiracies. We know how

(22:03):
they how they don't work, mostly because most of the
times they fucked up. They're smaller the better, and so
we're looking at bigger conspiracies. So we're probably going to
talk now about aliens and you know, all these big conspiracies,
and we'll give you sort of like what it's really
like inside of the agency and like how like we
see the world really working. So bring on the aliens.

(22:23):
There are aliens, by the way, but they're they're Guatemalans.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Aliens always come to America. What's that about? Like, how
come America as always the number one spot you don't
have to hear about Russia and saying listen, we got
the aliens over here.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
Man, I'm sensing you guys. Obviously aliens are probably not
under the purview of the CIA, but we just thought
you might want to share some secrets with us.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
If there's any stories that you have, we'd love to
hear them.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
We'd love to tell you, but there's no way we
could kill both you and your audience. It's listening in
if you tell the truth, right, you know.

Speaker 9 (22:58):
Well, Tonny Donald, you bring that up, And that's one
of the questions. We thought we were being clever, and
we were asking Michael Ian Black because he's a big
UFO follower. We don't know much about it at all,
and uh I said the same thing, like, well, you know,
why are they all come in here? Like if if this,
if there's a phenomena out there that comes to earth,
why what does the US government have to do with it?
Why they'll come to the United States? And he schooled

(23:20):
me like, oh, it's not true. They're all over and
these other places have reported things, and so.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
So we'll have to have Michael ian black On to
ask about aliens. Yeah, let me ask you guys a question.
I would imagine a lot of people in our audience
would want to know. Is it seems like a very cool,
exciting job. How do how does the CIA recruit people?
What is what is the what are the criteria for
becoming a CIA What did you say the term was

(23:46):
an agent officer?

Speaker 4 (23:48):
I mean obviously good looks and charm, right, I mean
that goes without saying it's not true.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, well charm has definitely got to be a part
of it, right.

Speaker 9 (23:58):
Oh yeah, well it depends. So the CI, you know,
that is the nation's intelligence organization. It's part of a
larger intelligence community that includes the Parmer Defense and then
essay in all those places. But so the CIA has
a big analytic codre. So the people that are looking
for there are almost like, you know, university professors or
experts on things.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
I mean, I mean people in the field undercover the
cool part the James Bond shit.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Right, So that's what we did.

Speaker 9 (24:24):
We spent our career overseas living in embassies undercover. In
our cases, we pretended to be State Department diplomats while
we're overseas, and what they're looking for. In fact, nowadays
most people just apply online on to the website. But
what they're looking for is a variety of things. Obviously,
people who are interested in foreign cultures, that like people
and like foreigners, and developing relationships, because that's what we do,

(24:46):
is we meet people overseas and try to develop a
set of trust with them so that they might actually
have secrets that they're willing to share with us. So
they're looking for, you, people who like foreign cultures, that
are interested in living overseas, that are pretty good at
speaking languages, that are interested in the issues of the day,
that right well, but also that have you know, they're

(25:07):
comfortable operating on the streets under potential surveillance. A spatial
awareness to determine whether they're under surveillance. Used to be
when the CI first started. There was from the OSS
days in World War Two. The idea was you're looking
for essentially a PhD who could win a bar fight.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
That is what they used to say.

Speaker 4 (25:27):
That's cool, So let's talk about the mission of the CIA, right,
because you your people into what they need to do.
So if the US government has a problem, right, or
any democratic goverment it has an issue, it looks to
this toolkit, right, and it's like, oh, this is an
issue with the military should do this, or the diplomat
should do this, or treasury should do this. But when

(25:49):
it has an intractable issue that nobody knows how to solve, right,
like you know, Iranian missiles or a North Korean nuclear program,
or you know, how do you get inside the the Kremlin?
Nobody knows how to do that, so they turn to
the CIA. So we get the hardest jobs that no
one else knows how to do. So we recruit people

(26:10):
who are able to deal with ambiguity, able to deal
with failure because a lot of what we do is
like I don't know if you sposed to swear in
the show, but really hard, right, it's.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
Really fucking hard. We don't know.

Speaker 4 (26:23):
And the thing is we don't know how to do
it either, but we work to figure it out. So
we're people who, like often are outside the box rule abiders,
but we understand you know that we can't. We got
to think outside of the box. So the FBI is
law enforcement, they're cops, and we're essentially robbers, right. We

(26:44):
spionage is a legal yea.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
So it's all fair in love and war. Baby, Let's
take a break.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
We'll be right back after these fine words that. So
you're you're undercover and then you're trying to recruit just
from watching TV shows, you're trying to recruit assets, right,
So who will feed you information? Sometimes they know they're

(27:12):
helping you for some reason, and sometimes they don't know
they're helping you.

Speaker 9 (27:14):
Right, Almost always know because what you want that person
to be motivated to do what they want to do.
What we want to do is develop a relationship of
trust with a source of someone who has accessed the
secrets that the US government can't get any other way,
and then have that person work with us over time
and maybe move up in their bureocracy so that eventually
we have a very senior person who's providing us the

(27:36):
secrets that presidents need to know. And so you know,
there's occasions that would work on terrorism or something that
the person might not know who we are, Like Jerry said,
we might pretend to be a German or pretend to
be something else, but usually our sources know exactly what
they're doing.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
Right, So I'll just give you my personal journey. Right,
this might surprise your audience. Like I'm an ex hippie, right,
you see my age, but like I was, even those
hippies are anymore, I know, I.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Know, I know we do of a certain age, right,
a certain age.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
But I like I lived in Europe. I worked on
a you know, it's construction site. I worked as a
waiter in Germany. I smuggled cars into Iran. I got
thrown into jail and around for smuggling cars. For a
little bit. I was smoking dope in Afghanistan. I was
a disciple in the Seguld and temple hiked in the Himalayas.
I like hitchhiked through Africa, lived in the Middle East,

(28:27):
lived in Mexico. And then I like I got to
grow up, right, I mean, got a feed.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
With this was all about being I thought this was
before then I went.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Then then I showed up in grad school, like I
got to you know, and degree in international business management. Right,
I gotta feed myself. And and I got a letter
in the mail and just said, hey, basically, you're a
weird dude. We've heard about you from a professor I
think narked on me and they said hey, and I thought, well,
there's no way they'll accept me, right because like I

(28:58):
was going to try meetings in Germany as a student
and smoking.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
They probably should, But in the end they.

Speaker 4 (29:06):
Said no, no, we're looking for people with different backgrounds, who
problem solved differently. And and I have to say, I
I I love my thirty three years So what was
it training like?

Speaker 1 (29:15):
Then? Then they you know where where?

Speaker 2 (29:17):
What is it? You got to become right, you've got
to become a lethal and you got to become.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
A legal agent.

Speaker 4 (29:22):
You can't so John was a trainer. John actually worked
out at the.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
But there's no way you can go under cover and
not be able to protect yourself.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Like, why would Well tell us about that?

Speaker 4 (29:32):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Is it bullshit that you have You said you have
to win a bar fight. But you know in the
movies obviously I know you guys advise on movies. Agents
Sorry c A A fucking officers are always represented as
being badass fighters. And do you go to training like that?
You're shaking your head, John.

Speaker 9 (29:49):
No, I mean, in fact, for the most part, I
never carried a gun or needed a gun in war
zones and things. Obviously we have to protect ourselves. Jerry
is one of these guys riding horses in Afghanistan. I'm
looking for and loud and in that case he was
with special forces carrying weapons and things. But for most
of our career is not at all. Again, we're trying
to just develop relationships with people who have secrets and
see if we can't get those secrets. So, you know,

(30:11):
it's more mundane in that sense. I mean, obviously US
government needs secrets from around the world, and there are
dangerous places. So we if we're in a dangerous place,
we are trained how to protect ourselves there, how to
drive spin cars, jump out of planes, shoot things we
need to. But that's not the basis of the job. Obviously,
movies love that piece of it.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
That's so, that's what the audiences love.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
Well, yeah, exactly, and it's not so. But by winn
bar fight, it's really more talking our way out of it, right, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
Out of a bar fight, you would be perfect. Don't
get in a bar fight.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
I've made that mistake a couple of times where I've
gotten where the fight's about to happen and I've found
a way out of that thing.

Speaker 9 (30:53):
And you're smart, So that's what they do. And they
when they train us on weapons. For the most part,
we're trained to what they call get off the X,
which is another nice way of saying run away, like
we were trained. You know, military they run to the fight.
Their job is to use their weapons. Our job is
the last resort if we have to use a weapon.
But in general we're talking to.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
Run out of the get out of the.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
X of I like that.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
I'm gonna try that expression.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
I have a secret, Then what's your secret? Is it Putin?

Speaker 4 (31:25):
We already know it, man, we already know your secret.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Is it Putin?

Speaker 9 (31:28):
Is what Putin?

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Is that Putin? Or is that somebody else is Putin? Putin?
You know what?

Speaker 4 (31:35):
Yes, it's Putin.

Speaker 9 (31:36):
And I served in Moscow and Russia have dealt with
Putin and a number of other KGB guys around him.
But yeah, I think nowadays, when you become a dictator,
you start being afraid of your own people. And so
I think there are some body doubles out there now,
which you know, like Sodam Hussein and other people like
that when they worried about getting shot.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
So I think I would do that if I had
infinite money and so many people wanted to kill me,
I would certainly say, go hire some lookalike, start with
Dax Shephard.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
Start with Dax, and then get see.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
How much Dax costs, because that we can. You can
do that right off the bat. He can.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
And if it's not him, you got to go after.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
Ray ram Monol you fucking asshole.

Speaker 4 (32:16):
You're right, And how do you have character assassination?

Speaker 2 (32:19):
So it's just as bad, right, Well, what about.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
The what about the secret tools that we see in
the movies? Are any of those real?

Speaker 5 (32:26):
Like, uh, you know the screen or oil slick, No,
that's fucking that's the video game. We love SpyHunter, Yeah,
not Spy Hunter.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
No, But I mean, like, is all that bullshit that
when I think of the CIA, I think of them
using cool secret tools? Is any of that accurate?

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Cameras well?

Speaker 9 (32:50):
Likeny Kramer's for surely? So what Jerry said is, you know,
our job is to, if there's a problem, to figure
out how to solve the problem. And usually we try
to solve it by finding a person inside at an
institution that we can suborn or work with or what
have you. And if we need tools to do that,
if you need to listen to their phones, if you
need to take surreptitious pictures, if you need to surveil them.

(33:12):
You know, we do have people who can get us
the tools and fancy things we need, but for the
most part, again it's just building relationships. We don't we
don't need those things. And in fact, when we debrief
a source, you know that we've we've made sure we're
not under surveillance, and we meet them secretly in a
place to get information, to share the secrets with us.
You know, we often we don't record that. We just

(33:34):
usually listen and remember it and go back.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Why because you're worried you'd be caught. I mean, why
not record it? You're worried that they'll pat you down
like they do in the movies and be like it
depends where you're recording me U asshole.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Well, that's that's for sure.

Speaker 9 (33:46):
If you're in Moscow and you meet someone and you
know on their way back here, you know you're caught
or something, that's certainly a concern. But also you know,
just yeah, I mean, we don't need to train. We're
trained to elicit information and remember what it is and
write it down. So it's better not to have extra stuff.

Speaker 4 (34:05):
I want to commit because it's a really good question.
Sack on the high tech stuff. So, yeah, some of
the high tech stuff exists, but increasingly and ironically, the
more high tech there is, the more we go stone age, right,
anything technical.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Like if I send you a coded.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
Message that no one can break if you're my asset,
what if ten years from now someone can break that,
you're screwed. But if it's not recorded and it's not
put on video anywhere, if nobody sees it, it didn't happen.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
You have to sort of future proof everyone.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Like that there might be a code breaking app in
five years in that person, going.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
Back to the nineteen fifties.

Speaker 9 (34:45):
Yeah, Like you don't want to use your phone drop
to be tracked, but.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
The CIA, you can't CIA get into anybody's phone, like
if they want to.

Speaker 9 (34:54):
That's more the NSA's job often helped by the CIA,
so overseas, not anyone's phone. I don't think. I think
there's a lot of very skilled people who can get
into get into those kind of places. But we can
come up with an operation. If we need to get
into a Iranian scientist's computer, we would try to come
up with a means to do that, and that's essentially

(35:16):
what our job is.

Speaker 4 (35:17):
And so yeah, we do that.

Speaker 9 (35:18):
But it isn't as if there's some dude sitting back
here like and nobody's clicking on his computer and they
can't get into anything in the world.

Speaker 4 (35:24):
And on a phone, if you do a phone tap,
you're talking like huge resources to listen to somebody's phone
and actually understand it, especially in a foreign language, because
we're not allowed to tap us phones. So it takes
like a team of like, sure you're not Jerry, Sure.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
You're not Jerry.

Speaker 4 (35:41):
We have.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Sure Jerry wink emoji.

Speaker 9 (35:50):
Americans are boring. Who wants to listen to their freaking phones?
It's all low porn and ship.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
I think that it's possible for the CIA to get
into anybody's phone, at least in the country.

Speaker 9 (36:01):
Possible.

Speaker 4 (36:01):
Why would you want to.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
You're not supposed to operate in the country, right, You're
all overseas.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
No, they can operate anywhere. It's as long as it's
it's just.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
But is it is it foreigner related?

Speaker 4 (36:12):
Like?

Speaker 1 (36:13):
Where do you not overlap?

Speaker 9 (36:14):
We are foreign intelligence operation. Our job is to collect
foreign intelligence from China and Russia around.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
So you can't do it. You can't you can't get Okay,
thank you there.

Speaker 9 (36:23):
So, yes, So we operate overseas. Our job is to
recruit foreigners to collect foreign intelligence. However, we do have
people in the United States who work with the FBI.
So the FBI's job is to track foreign counterintelligence counter
intelligence operators that are in the United States, and so
we often work with them, and we sometimes work with
the US companies that have relationships overseas to collect foreign intelligence.

(36:47):
So we do have people in the United States that
work on They're not we're not looking Americans. We're looking
to cru If there's an Iranian scientist studying nuclear physics
at cal who might go back into that thing, it
would be nice to meet them before they go back.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
Right, let's take a break.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
We'll be right back after these fine words. I have
a question, would the CIA ever hire a forty nine
year old actor? Because this sounds very exciting? Is it
too late for me?

Speaker 2 (37:22):
I bet you, I bet you. There are actors in
the industry that are already working for the CIA.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
Zach Okay, Well, I would like to audition. I'll do
a monologue, I'll do whatever.

Speaker 9 (37:36):
You're very smart to make your money first and then
join the CIA.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
I'll tell you you got good benefits.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Is that if you're like really in deep and you
and you and you get some bonus. If you're like
in deep and you do something amazing and then you
come back or they like hear ja, That's what.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
I was going to ask you. That was my question.
Has anybody ever gone into deep?

Speaker 4 (37:58):
Like?

Speaker 2 (37:58):
Is anybody Donald Joson to Jerry? I do like to
go deep, but as have you guys? Ever do you
know of anybody like well, do you know anybody's like Yo,
Sally went too deep man, she fell in love with
fucking the dude. And or Jim went too deep he
fell in love with her. Did that ever happen? Yes,
but please tell us yes.

Speaker 4 (38:19):
Yes, no, no, the yes is and this is this
is actually serious and tragic. Sometimes this job can be
like an addiction, right. I mean, we have a lot
of failed marriages, We have a you know, alcoholism is
an issue because people are like you, just you work
at your job and you believe in it, and I

(38:40):
think you give up. You know, we miss we miss
the birth.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
Of our kids.

Speaker 4 (38:44):
Sometimes we miss things and so yeah, I think I
think we also have a very low attrition rate, like
people never leave the agency once you're in. Once you
people are like I love this by and rug.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
What Donald's asking is, have you guys seen real, real
life experiences of people falling in love or getting too
close to the person that they're tailing.

Speaker 9 (39:04):
So in general, we don't. It's interesting if you see
movies and stuff the ideas we use sex to compromise me.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
John, you're handsome. I bet you used how many I
bet them?

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Russian girls was all over here?

Speaker 1 (39:18):
How many.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Get John to tell you his Russian girls story?

Speaker 1 (39:25):
John, I don't see a Russian girl story? And does
it have anything to do with going too deep?

Speaker 2 (39:37):
John's like, how do I answer this question? How do
I get So?

Speaker 9 (39:41):
We do not use sex because or compromise, because the
problem is we're trying to develop relationships with people that
they trust us and their supports so they e spy
for us for years. If you compromise someone, they're looking
to get out of it, or they're looking to screw
you with the first opportunity. And I'll tell you my
Russian it's a little it's a little long. I'll tell
you real quick. I'll try to do the quick version.

(40:01):
When I was in Moscow, I was at ciaf S,
I was undercover working in the embassy. And I met
this beautiful girl at a party. It was a German
diplint was having this party, and we are not allowed
to date Russians because the Russians use people against us,
They try to run sources, they try to make us
have sex with people so that they can then.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, use that must be hard because they they seduce you.

Speaker 9 (40:22):
And so I was single and I met this woman
and she was a concert pianist and she was just stunning.
And we were't allowed to date Russians at the time.
And I met her at a party and I said, well,
you know, maybe she's Ukrainian. So I said, let's meet
try work, trying to work tomorrow for brunch. And so
I drove home that night from the party, not with her,
and and I had my surveillance that followed me everywhere.

(40:44):
I'll explain that to you later, like Russians follow you
and they have audio and video in your house where
they watch everything you do. And so I got home
and I realized, yeah, this is stupid, she's Russian. This thing.
So the next morning I went to the brunch with her.
My surveillance cars followed me this fancy hotel. I had
this brunch and I said, listen, I'm really sorry. My
embassy discourages us having relationships to the Russians. You know,

(41:05):
I think it's really nice to meet you and have brunch,
but I'm going to be unable to see you again.
And she got really like upset, like what's wrong with
your embassy? The Cold War is over. This doesn't make
any sense, you know, why can't young people meet each other?
I said, listen, I'm sorry, I understand. Fast forward about
a week later, I get a call in the embassy
and it's snowing. It's the embassy is writing an old
downtown Moscow, and she called, can you meet me outside

(41:28):
my conservatory? I have something to tell you. And I
was like, oh, Christy in Moscow. I was going to
set you up a side. I said, oh, what's happening here?
So I did so I have to. At the end
of the day, I was like seven at night, it's dark,
I'm driving home, it's all snowy, and my surveillance cars
are following me into the old part of Moscow and
she's standing out in front of her conservatory and on
the sidewalk in a big, long fur coat. And so

(41:49):
I got out to see her and I'm like, Okay,
what's going on. This could be weird, And she said, listen,
I just want you to know that I won't date
you either. After I met you, the cage came to
my house. They threatened my parents. They told me I
had to date you, I had to sleep with you,
and they told my parents they would lose their jobs
unless I continue to do that. And I now realize

(42:09):
you're right. Your country is right. My country is still
thinking in the old way. And uh, you know, I
understand why you did that now. And I was like, no, man,
I like you more now.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
But having to sleep with John right, good point.

Speaker 9 (42:26):
So that's to give you a sense of how the
Russians are, the intensity of them trying to stop what
American diplomats, American intelligence officers are doing. They're willing to
use anybody, their own citizens included.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
I am, that's that's incredible. Yeah, I'm sure that a
lot of officers must fall to that, even though they've
been briefed on it. You know, the powers of sexual
attraction can are can be very.

Speaker 4 (42:52):
That's why we don't use it.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, yeah, I'm saying that they must.

Speaker 9 (42:56):
Jerry's married to a foregner. So if we meet a foreigner,
not Moscow is unusual because they use it the Intelligence Service,
Security Service against us. If we meet a foreigner. We
can date foreigners, but we have to report it for
counterintelligence purposes or can't be used against us. So if
I meet am single and I meet a foreign woman
and I start dating or I just have to write

(43:16):
to Washington and tell everything about her and they look
and to see if there's any information on them or whatever.
And so that's that's the process there. And so a
number of agency people and also Stayed, Parma, Tiplants and
other people marry foreigners.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
But when you.

Speaker 9 (43:32):
Propose to marry them, you have to then break the
news to them where you really work, that you work
in the CIA, and they have to become they have
to agree to become American citizens, and they have to
take a polygraph, so you have to if they.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
Can't being able to tell a woman that you're like,
I have to tell you something, and she's like, like,
I work for the CIA. I'm a CIA officer, and
I mean I just feel like Donald we should use.
We should be using that line anyway in our own line.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
So a big care careful bro, be careful bro, counter intelligence.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Listen. You might think that I'm an actor. I understand
why you would think that about the.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Actors are.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Actually work for the CIA. I'm undercover as a as
an actor.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
A friend of mine he was in Germany. He was
dating a German woman and he wanted to, you know,
he filled out the paperwork. She was fine. It's just
you know, she wasn't a spy except to get him.
And so he takes her through these this romantic evening. Uh,
the son's going down and they go up to these
all these vineyards are bottle wine, some cheese and bread,
and I think she suspects that he's gonna like propose,

(44:38):
and he sits down and he says, I need to
talk with you. This is really serious, he says. So
the first thing I need to tell you, he says,
is I work for the CIA, and I want you
to marry me. And she faints like God, and she's like,
He's like, oh my god, you know the CIA thing
it like, and so he like wakes her, wakes, she comes,

(45:00):
she comes to and he goes are you okay? He says,
I'll resign from the CIA if you want, and she goes, no,
I thought you were gonna tell me you were gay.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
And just like what he says, well, you always put
palmade in your hair and you dressed nice, and I
thought maybe you were bye and like.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
She's like, I was so certain that was what it was.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
And and he says no, and she goes.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Oh, you just I just work with this.

Speaker 4 (45:27):
And she's like, oh, that's no problem right there, still married.
She's like, no, no issue.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
That's funny. I'm fine that we could get assassinated. I
just don't want you to be fine.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
That's a good question. Have you ever seen someone get
Have you ever been like next to the dude that
got caught and looking at him like, shut the fuck up,
Shut the fuck up, shut the fun up, say my name.

Speaker 9 (45:48):
Well, no, we're usually because we work in embassies overseas
under the diplomatic cover. If we're with a source and
get caught, you know, we get kicked out of the country.
So to us, people say, oh, it's brave or whatever.
You know, the brave people are the sources that work
for us, because those guys are committing espionage and they
get arrested, they go to prison, they get shot, their
family gets arrested. And so our job is to protect

(46:10):
those people.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
What's their incentive? You give them? You give them money?
Is that their incentive?

Speaker 2 (46:14):
No? Rarely?

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Sometimes why why did these why are these brave people
put their lives on the line.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
I'll give you one story that covers both what they're
facing and why. But I'm sort of mixing two stories.
But I won't say the country. But one guy was
a real patriot of his country, loved his country. I'm
not going to say where. He loved his country. And
he and Yeah, he would meet, He and I would meet,

(46:41):
and eventually he says to me, I need to borrow
a thousand dollars and I'm like, okay. He knows I'm CIA,
by the way, and I know he's an intelligence officer
with his country and we're working together on a common thing,
but we don't trust each other, which is another weird
angle on this. And he says, look, you know what
you're thinking, because you're a CIA guy, You're not going

(47:02):
to fucking recruit me, right, I'm not recruitable, but I
need the money. And I said sure, but I can
ask why, and he says, well, my daughter needs an operation.
And in the country where it was, the medical care
isn't very good, and I want to get a doctor
with more training. And I'm like, okay, but why don't
you borrow like fifteen hundred dollars and get like a real,

(47:25):
you know, decent medical care. He goes, no, no, this is
good enough. It's it's just a basic thing on you know,
it's a stomach operation. It's it's pretty run of the
mill because his country's health care industry had sort of
broken down. His his insurance didn't really work because it
was all corrupted in this country. And so later I
met him, and I have daughters too, and I brought

(47:47):
him some beanie babies and you know, a video from
a Disney film. And I see him and I say, hey,
you know, how's it going. And he's got a bag
with him and in the bag he's on the top
of it or some beanie baby I'd given him from
before for his daughter and who was five. And he
hands me the bag and he says, no, no, this
is for you. I said, no, no, keep on until she

(48:09):
gets better. And he said, my daughter died on the
operating table. She bled to death. He says, because we
don't have medical care because the president and my boss
stole all the insurance money and I can't get And
he said, he said, that's it. He said, I am
a patriot, I love my country. My government has betrayed
my country. You know, this is pretty serious shit. This

(48:31):
is like wrong. And he says, I'm in right. I'm
going to use you CIA as my weapon of revenge,
like making it right. There's shit you need to know.
And he says, we're all over you, like people you
know who are working with you, they work for us,
and I'm going to tell you who they are. So
fast forward, sort of a blend in the story. But

(48:53):
we're driving through through the night at nighttime. I pick
him up at a place and we're driving along and
we're talking and there's a surprise checkpoint in front of us.
So there's militia, guys wearing the sun you know, the mirror,
sunglasses at night. Weapons, they're high. And we ride into
this thing and I'm like, oh fuck and go. I

(49:13):
don't smoke, but I've got a carton of cigarettes. Ride
into this checkpoint and I give the head. I'm like, hey, man,
you know, nice night. Here's some cigarettes American diplomat and
they let me through and he's sitting next to me,
this guy. And as we drive through, I look at
him and I'm like, that was that worked? He pulls
out a maker off and he says very serious. He says,

(49:35):
they wouldn't take us alive, and I'm thinking, fuck us,
Like I got diplomatic community. All they do to me
is like throw me out of the country. But he
would be executed, right, So so it's a it's a
serious thing, and it's a it can be, but it's.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
It sounds like the CIA and other country is what
we're talking about, Zach. The they're the ones that are
freaking like, I'm gonna sleep with you, I'm gonna shoot
you ass, I'm gonna do all the things that y'all
aren't willing to do. Y'all are like Batman and fucking
you know what I mean, or like Superman and everybody
else is like the Vigilanti that's willing to do anything
in everything.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
Yeah, James Bond, you know, keep in mind he was English, so.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
That's why he was able to sleep with all these women.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Yes, maybe the id English and I five has different
rules they're allowed to have, Like.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
You can fuck and you can shoot anybody you want.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
That's what you learn. That's what you learn on day one. Hey, guys,
before we start stretching and doing some exercises, you guys
are allowed to fuck whoever you want.

Speaker 4 (50:35):
Democracy start allow that and we're gonna.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
Give you an Aston Martin. Right, Hey, guys, just try
out your Asston Martins and then meet back here for stretching.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
All right, That sounds that sounds I'm sorry, Jay, but
that sounds like the most dangerous thing ever. Man, I'm sorry.
I Like, it's great to be an actor and to
tell lies in front of a camera and everything like
that and get paid to do that. Ship, but to
go into a foreign country and then make up a
completely new identity and have to stick to the bible
that you've created so that you don't get caught out there,

(51:09):
or to go there and nobody else can know that
you're CIA, but trust one person to tell them. Listen,
I'm CIA, hook me up. That sounds like the most
dangerous thing on the planet to me. And I don't
know why anybody would ever want to do that without
some form of protection and or you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (51:30):
Yeah, but most CIA officers take a cut in pay
to do this, right, I mean, with our backgrounds and
things like that, we could have gone into banking or
Wall Street and they.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Just four five times. It's the thrill, right, No, it's
the mission.

Speaker 9 (51:44):
Like you know, we feel that we're working on the
issues that matter, right, so whatever. Right now, you can
imagine what's happening in Israel, what's happening in Ukraine, what's
happening in Iran, and North Korea is developing nuclear weapons.
We're trying to find the answers the questions that the
administration needs to make smart policy. Now, they don't always
make smart policy, even if you bring them good information.

(52:05):
That's a different thing altogether. But you know, we feel
like you're doing something that matters, and the people who
are helping you are risking their lives because they believe
in the United States. They believe the United States can
help them because their country is either greedy, corrupt, you know,
or violent or what have you. And they're working with
us to try to fix things for their family and

(52:26):
their country. And that's that's pretty heavy stuff.

Speaker 4 (52:27):
It's fun and I know your audience is going to
think like, oh, it's CIA, so CIA, let's get up
to the front. CIA has got skeletons in its closet, right,
it's a It's an organization made up of people. So
we have fuck ups, we get things wrong, we make mistakes.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
We're not perfect.

Speaker 4 (52:47):
You know, you can look back in history and there's
all sorts of things that, like back in the forties,
fifties and sixties that we shouldn't have done that I
think are immoral and wrong. But you know, like that's
sort of the way it is.

Speaker 1 (53:01):
What is the podcast that you guys do. As we
wrap up, tell us about your show.

Speaker 9 (53:06):
It's called Mission Implausible. And the notion was, like Jerry said,
you know, we do. You know, we were in a certain
sense where conspiracies oversea, we were trying to hide our
real intentions from those that were tracking us and following us,
so we did small sea conspiracy. So the idea is
we're going to look at conspiracy theories and try to
dissect them and interview people. And you know, it's similar
to your programming. It's mostly lighthearted and sort of banter.

(53:29):
And we've looked at Bill Gates microchips, we've looked at
Kem Trail's Jewish space lasers. We've done Hunter Biden's laptop.
We've done Vana Syndrome, We've done UFOs, We've done the
deep State, under dead, Illuminati, living under.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
Have you done Ken John un Is that really him?
Or is he dead? And somebody else is running the country?
Like what's going on?

Speaker 9 (53:54):
If you know something, we can have you on to
talk about.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
I don't know anything. All I know is what I
hear in the media, and this it sounds like it
sounds like the media is part of this whole conspiracy
machine that's going on. Click.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Thank you guys. The podcast is called Mission Implausible. You
guys are so interesting and and thank you for you.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Love to have you back for a part too.

Speaker 4 (54:17):
At some point if.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
You guys should go do a little recount on aliens
and come back, it would be great.

Speaker 9 (54:24):
We weren't too helpful on that.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
No, it's all right. We appreciate you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (54:30):
Let's take a break.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
We'll be right back after these fine words. That was great.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
That was they were actually great, man, they were you know.
I wish they would have answered the alien question.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Well, they don't know anything about that, because I don't
think you know, for some reason, you and I both
thought the CIA would have alien information, but I think
it's not their department.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Well then we need to find out who does have this, Joelle.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Can you book the guy the night manager of Area
fifty one the interview? Are you kidding me?

Speaker 6 (55:06):
Let me see what I could do.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
I wish you could book the fighter jet pilot that
if you got you know the thing I'm talking about,
the dude just look on YouTube with the guy. If
the audience, if you don't know what I'm talking about,
just look up, like what's it called?

Speaker 2 (55:18):
He tracked it?

Speaker 1 (55:20):
Oh yeah, look up UFO tic tack on YouTube and
this fighter jet.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
But I have a question. How big was the Actually
it's not the size of a tic tac obviously, but
him trying to pin it with it right.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
The size of a tick tack. He sees it, and
he's he's following it, and.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
Nobody doesn't see it outside the window. He sees it
in the computer, I thought, And then he locks.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
On you know, he's just on the and no, it's
not a computer. It's his goggles with night vision, I believe.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
And then he locks onto it with the goggles.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
Right, and he's freaking out. He's like, look at this thing.
Look at this thing's moving. He's freaking out, and he's like.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
I wonder how I wanted to the size of that thing.
I wonder what the.

Speaker 1 (55:59):
Side I think in your mind you were like you
questioned whether it was the actual size of.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
A I knew it wasn't the size of a ticktack,
because that wouldn't make sense.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
How would funny would it be if aliens finally invade
and they're like they come in the size of a
real tick tack. They're like, we're here to take over.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
And but it's but it's kajillions of them.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
Right, but they all like they land their little tik
tak and they're like, we're getting out, getting out.

Speaker 2 (56:24):
We'd win for a little bit, but it would be
like Gulliver's travel away. We'd be fucking stuck on the
ground and everything they can get us eventually.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
I gotta tell you, I think I would really love
to ride one of those dune.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
Snakes, the worm, the sandworm.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Yeah, the sandworm. I would love to I would love
to fucking get my clippers in there and ride it.
You're that's what it must be for Like Casey when
she has sex with you.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
Wait are you calling? You're calling my penis sandworm?

Speaker 1 (56:54):
Yeah, she like has this case you have giant like
clippers that she clips in to ride it. Yeah, you
should role play, Lisa, guy, you should role play that
you're right that she's riding your sandworm and have her
yell about it like that. That's not gonna get you

(57:16):
for your birthday. I'm gonna get casey two of those
fucking extender claw clicking worm riding.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Things to click onto my sandworm. Yeah right, I don't know,
I don't know. I don't know how well to.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Get her a thumper. I'm gonna get a little thumper
that you put in the vision. All right, everybody, that's
our show. Thank you for tuning in. We love you,
we appreciate you. Be safe out there would be kind five, six, seven, eight.

Speaker 5 (57:42):
Stories show we made about a bunch of times and nurses.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
He said, he's a story next.

Speaker 8 (57:55):
So yea here, yea here Arts for Freehobies and Dano