January 29, 2025 • 59 mins
LOOK OUT! It’s only Films To Be Buried With!
Join your host Brett Goldstein as he talks life, death, love and the universe with the very funny comic who specializes in the one liner, it's MARK SIMMONS!
...but naturally does not ONLY work in one liners! Mark's a fabulous comic who has a great time with Brett, calling back a chemistry they formulated back in the days doing comedy together in some pretty odd places. You'll hear all about that of course, as well as Mark's experience with performing for a naked audience (was he also naked? you'll find out), his new special, run-ins with the spirit world and overall just a delightful episode's worth of goodies. You shall enjoy.
Video and extra audio available on Brett's Patreon!
SUPERBOB (Brett's 2015 feature film)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look, you show me films to be bettered with. Hello,
and welcome to films to be buried with. My name
is Brett Goldstein. I'm a comedian and actor, a writer, director,
(00:20):
a lava lamp, and I love films. As Zady Smith
once said, you can't learn anything without making a mess first,
which is why Greece two is a much better film
than Greece one. Mistakes were made than they were completely
and utterly and totally rectified. Every week, and by a
special guest over, I tell them they've died. Then I
get them to discuss their life through the films, the
men and most of them. Previous guests include Barry Jenkins,
(00:40):
Kevin Smith, Sharon Stone, and even Dead Clambles. But this
week it is the brilliant comedian mister Mark Simmons. All
episodes of Shrinking season two and season one are now
available on Apple TV. Get caught up on all of them.
You will fucking love it. Get over to the Patreon
at patroon dot com forward slash Brett Goldstein, where you
get an extra fifteen minutes of chat with Mark secrets,
(01:00):
beginnings and endings. You also get the whole episode uncut
and Advrey and does a video. Check it out over
at patreon dot com. Forwards left Bret Goldstein, So Mark Simmons.
Mark Simmons is a brilliant comedian. You've seen him on
Mark the Week. He's a fucking excellent joke writer. Loads
of his jokes have won awards at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
I hadn't seen him in a very long time and
it was really lovely to catch up on Zoom and
(01:22):
I really think you're gonna love this one. His new
special called Quip Off the Mark, comes out this month.
Check it out online. I think it's on YouTube, you
can find it there, and it's absolutely brilliant. Mark is
an old friend. We recorded this on Zoom and it
was really lovely to catch up with him, and I
really think you're gonna love this one.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
So that is it for now.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I very much hope you enjoy episode three hundred and
thirty six of Films to be Buried With. Hello, I'd
welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is I
(01:58):
Brett Goldstein, and I'm in today by an actor, a writer,
a podcaster and the Weaker, a one liner, a pun merchant,
a special, a star of youtubeer, star of TV, a
star of the BBC and a star of the Edinburgh
(02:19):
Fringe Festival, and star of the London comedy scene.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Please will you welcome to the show. I can't believe
he's here.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
He really is. It's the brilliant here he is. It's
Mark Simmons. Wow, thank you, thank you very much. I
was wondering what you're I'm a big fan of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Oh thanks mate.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
And I'm impressed how many things you could think of
fed because I couldn't come up that many.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I think actors generous, but I appreciate it. You had
your own BBC show.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
I had no I had some things I've made myself independently.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Are you going to retract it? Now? Rest, let's start again.
Let's going on.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Actually, this probably my most proud achievement is acting related.
It's a bit of a brag early on, but I
think it's a brag. I don't know if it's a brag.
You tell me if you think this is a brag.
But my friend and I used to make these improvised
mockumentary things, and that friend then went back to the
(03:22):
US and he's now studies at NYU and one of
his tutors is or like a specialist tutor with Spike Lee.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
And he showed he had to show Spike Lee some
of his work and some of which was me playing
these really mad characters. And he told me that Spike
Lee said about me, and I quote, where do you
find this motherfucker?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
That's fucking huge? Why aren't you in the next Spike
Lee film? Well? I put it out there now, mate,
this is it. He listens to this, right, Yeah, he's
a huge band, The Patriot. I mean it might not
be positive. Where do you find this motherfucker? Yeah? I
love that.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I want to see these. I said it to you,
Mark Series. It's so nice to you. I ain't seen
you in fucking ages. We know each other from comedy.
When did we?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
When did?
Speaker 4 (04:16):
I haven't seen you in like years, I think for
the last time I saw you. We were gigging in
a cave in Macfest. That was mad, wasn't it.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Oh? When we did Now I understand what you mean.
We really did.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
We did a gig literally in a like a cave tour.
People are doing a tour underground in a cave, and
we had to hide in various spots.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
Of the cave and we were just left there on
our own till they found us.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
It was so scary in the pitch black.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
We had to find like a sort of hiding place,
and then when they their torches came on us, we
had to like come to life and do a stand
up set.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know, I forgot that because you me and loose handers.
I think, yes, that was mad. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
We had to get a boat to get into the caves,
didn't we Yes.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And it was like we were like madame two swords,
like wax figures, hiding in the caves and then we
like suddenly are talking about porn.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
It's so small because there was a festival going on
and they could have just come to watch us in
a nice comfy venue, could have.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Come to the shows, but they decided to go splunking instead.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Is that what that is?
Speaker 4 (05:28):
I think so, but I take it. Yeah, Wow, that
is such a great memory. Word down Mark, I'd forgotten
that mental as comics, you do end up doing some
mad gigs, don't you, Yeah, because that what's the matterest.
I mean, I've done gigs to nudists, so I didn't
where everyone was naked.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Including Sydney. No, no, not me.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
But I did get one of those apron things, you know,
but got the naked man on the front. Yes, so
I wore that and that they appreciated that. Where was
that killburn pub No? Yeah, Ben Vanderveld ran it.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Oh yeah, was he naked? No?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
None of the comics were naked. I feel like you
lose as a comic. You need a little bit of
status and kind of power. And I feel like if
there's a staring that your thing.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
The thing is mark. I've said this, and it's a fact.
If you wear shorts as a comedian, you doomed. Yeah
you have you have your legs have.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
To be covered.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I think arms as well. I do much better if
I've got my arms covered than short sleeves.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I wear a T shirt?
Do you have your guns out? I can't do that.
That's all they're thinking about.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Fuck it, Yeah you're naked, But if everyone else is
naked and you're wearing clothes, then that feels disrespectful. I
don't know, but yeah, you're fuck there's no chance you're
making him laugh. You don't, And if they are laughing,
it's you don't want that. When you're naked. So the
one time you don't want people laughing is when you're naked.
But if I need to, I'll do it for the love.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
But you know, they say the thing that like, if
you're nervous about going on stage, you should imagine the
audience naked. In reality, it doesn't help. If anything, it
makes it worse.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Was it a good gig? Like I think? I think
it was all right.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
The weirdest thing about it is like after the gig,
you know, when you get sometimes get all these cup
to you say you're well done, nice.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Set, they just come out to you and they're just
all naked.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Like Actually, I tell you, the weirdest thing about the
whole gig was it sounds horrible, but it's the smell of.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
The room because.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
If you think when you have closed on it's protecting
you in that sweaty of iron man soaking some of
that up. But it was pungent. No, yeah, I can
still still still smell it. I can if I think
about it. They must have got undressed in the room
because I wasn't. There was a guy on the door
(07:56):
to stop just anyone walking in and everyone everyone's watching you.
Everyone's not secretly looking around at everyone else.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
They're all used to it. I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
If anything, I'm the one that was looking at everything else.
It's quite a lot to take here. What I did
notice that, You know how you have habits on stage.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
You don't realize.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
I at the time I had a habit of sort
of after a joke, looking down to my right hand side,
and every time I did, I clocked a man's penis.
But I did it so often it looked like I.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Was, Yeah, fascinated by that. Obviously more questions.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So then afterwards they were like, yeah, I really enjoyed
the gig, and you're just staring at their eyes. Yeah,
I'm trying to ignore the smell. Yeah, you get used
to smell after a while.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Fascinating, but yeah, but after that I did Actually, after that,
I kept getting emails asking if I do naked weddings.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
But I had to be naked, that was the that
was the issue, and I thought, I just can't do that.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
So you turned down the proposal. Yeah, yeah, would you
do it? And theyke your wedding?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yeah no, because I think think, I.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Guess I've never thought about it. I guess I don't
really understand nudes because if you're not, if you're not
aroused by it, what's it for? Do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Like? Or isn't it killing? So I don't know if
it's like wonder if that happens. Yeah, but then this
is why I don't get if it's inappropriate, then what
happens when you are meant to you know what I mean? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like we have clothes to differentiate between what is when
is an appropriate time and not to have an erection?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Maybe they put clothes onto sex.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Fucking right, they do. That's the mating ritual, I think.
So they cover up the legs, to cover up the arms.
Here we go, all something's happening, fascinating, So you prom
since we were hiding in a cave from Luce Anders,
you've got your first specially it's not your first pession.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
That I watched, That doesn't it? Oh? Yeah, did you
see it? Then? I did watch it. It's very very,
very funny. Where did you? Where is that? And that's
at the Forge, you know, the New Brighton venue.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Stephen Grant's got oh cool, really nice man, it's fucking great.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
It's so funny. Oh thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
So many jokes too, many jokes, too many jokes, so
many jokes.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
It's stressful because I got right the next one now,
Mark Simmons, if anyone is listening, like in American May
is brilliant comedian.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Mostly what do you say? One liners?
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Mostly yeah, one line is a little set pieces. When
I'm doing a full length.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Show, I find I think, I find it stressful because
I think of how much work you have had to do,
and I know with me, I go like, yeah, I
got one idea. I can string that out for ten minutes.
You've got one idea and it's gone in ten seconds.
I'm like, fuck, yeah, what a nightmare.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
When I'm writing, I am so jealous of acts like you,
where you can just get an idea and run with
it and get every little ounce of comedy out of
an idea. But I feel like for me, once you've
got that set that works and the jokes are good
for me, it's nothing better for just being able to
go bang bang bang bang. But it does take a
(11:03):
while to get to that point. You have to write
a lot of jokes. That's where my podcast idea came from.
It is because I write so many jokes that I
was like, so many jokes I like, and there's good ideas,
but the reason for them not working isn't always that
they're bad. There's so many different reasons. So I wanted
to give of some life to those jokes. I had
a podcast where I'll get comedians to talk about jokes
(11:25):
they can't get to work, and it's really fun. And
like I say, for a one liner show, I'd say, God,
if I have two hundred jokes in the show, maybe
I've probably written a thousand to get to that point
in total.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
And your warm up, you're trying stuff is just reading
out one hundred jokes, taking what works.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Yeah, I tried to reduce any performance. I'd have the
mic in a stand and I'll just I just want
the words to do the work, and then once I
know that is solid, I'll add stuff to it, expression, movement,
stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Is something I thought about you. If I may say
this is a compliment, don't panic. Some people with one
line of comedians are like I don't you know, because
of the sort of very nature of them. They aren't
necessarily particularly revealing about the comic themselves. They're not the
most personal, you know what I mean. Generally, the jokes
are jokes about anything. They don't necessarily tell you who
(12:20):
that person is. I think you, as a performer are
incredibly genuine, Like I think we are seeing you interesting.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
I'm glad you said that because for me, that was
actually the turning point of performing, was when I discovered
that I should just be me telling jokes.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, that's how.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
It's like, you're lovely, we like hanging out with you,
and you do brilliant jokes. It isn't just here's a
wacky guy doing incredible jokes. It's like, here's a really
funny guy being himself doing really funny jokes.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Oh, thank you mate, that's nice. Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
For me, when I write a joke, I want the
joke to start in reality, whereas a lot of oneline
of comics that there's no really you could say I
was talking to a camel.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
He had the I don't know. That's obviously not a
good joke, but do you know what I mean? He doesn't.
There's no rules, But I like it to start in reality.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
So each time I start a joke, the audience are like, Okay,
he got us with those last couple, but this is
definitely true. Yeah, I'll know he got me again, but
the next one is definitely true. I mean, that's what
I want to kind of keep resetting, so I guess
that helps.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It's so hard what you do. And also in your
specialized impressed with the different like sections, as in it
isn't just one line and one line of one liner.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
You've got some prop stuff, you do stuff with the audience,
like you break it up into kind of different things
to keep it.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
It's just so much work.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Man, Well you say that, but it's like this is
the best job in the world. It's like, yeah, I did,
Like I'm very glad I did kind of twelve years
of a proper job, so that I do appreciate that
this is a ridiculous job that we get to do
and how much fun it is. And like I do
work out, but I always feel like I could work
a carter because it doesn't feel like real work, do
(14:02):
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I do know what you mean.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
But also you're really fun, like you are not all
comics of You're like a fun comedian I think, and
you come across as fine on stage, and it is
like fun being in the audience. It's fun being in
a cave with you but.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Fuck, I forgot to tell you something.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh ship, No, with your special coming out and everything,
do you know what, I actually think this would be
good for your special. I actually think it'll get more
eyes on it on the upside. But on the down side,
you're dead.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Oh what.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I should have pulled it out. I should have brought
it out earlier.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Yeah no, I also I should have told you earlier.
It's mad that I forgot.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
But here we are. You've died. How did you die? Oh? Mate,
it's dramatic. It was a Tsuna army. Jesus. No one's
on this, no one. Yes, I've got points for that.
What happened? Yeah, you get actually twenty points. What happened?
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Well, so, I've always, since I was a kid, had
to recur in nightmares of tsunamies. That's the thing. That's
just I don't know why. It's really weird. So but
it turns out it was a premonition. What happened was
I I'm not a particularly I'm not particularly a dare
death for or anything like that, Like I went jump
out of a plane, I went anything like that. And
I was in Australia last year and someone wanted me
(15:25):
to go and surf and I've never surfed, and the
idea of sharks eating you and stuff like that, it's
not I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
But they were bugging me so much about it.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
I just went on my own to a secluded beach
to sort of have a go because I wanted to.
I want to be good at it when I did
it around people. Yeah, And I was just waiting for
the wave and as it was coming, I was like, oh,
this is like a good one, but it was like
it is too good and it was huge and it
just crushed me.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Oh my god, where was this brightan? No one else
was harmed, though, which was really nice. It's just you know,
it was really localized tsunami. Yeah. Fuck, I don't hate
this for you.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
You died sort of drowning in a washing machine type.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
I think I was kind of crushed between lots of things, right,
rocks and stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
It was throwing me around everywhere, and I think I
think I probably did drown in the end.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Do you think you had this premonition because you watched
Deep Impact when you were little?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
No, because that would have been too late.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
I was having it before that, right, I think that
how were was the deep impact deep backs nineties. I
do slightly remember there was a like a kid's you know,
like those kids TV shows where just as you get
back from school and it's like they're kind of like
a serial.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
There's like, I don't know, ten episodes or something.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
I vaguely remember something about a tidal wave in that,
but I have tried to look it up since and
I can't find what it was. But I think that's
what put the in my head. I feel like that,
isn't it if you're going to go? Yeah, I think
seeing that wave come up, isn't It's quite an experience
to have.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Before you go. I think so.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
I think if it's not hurting anyone else, if no
one else the time, it's just fine wave.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I love it. I think it's a great way to go.
Everyone just happened to leave Brighton for the day. Yeah,
they all went up down. Do you worry about death?
I used to, but I don't anymore really. So my
nan passed away like for about ten years ago now,
and we knew she was going, and so she was
(17:35):
on her deathbed and we'd sort of take it in
turns to sort of be with her constantly. Yeah, and
when she did pass. I just happened to be the
person that was with her, holding her hand, and it
was I was really petrified that I was going to
be the person. And then when it happened, it was
(17:56):
so kind of peaceful and it's hard to blame, but
it felt like it's difficult to describe. It felt like
something had happened. I know it had happened, but it
felt like something in the room. I don't know, but
it just did you feel her leave? So I guess
I guess subconsciously. I don't know. It's hard to explain,
but I definitely felt something. And after that I wasn't
(18:18):
really worried about myself as such dying. The thing I
worry more about is like the people I leave behind,
do you know what I mean? Like how will the
general public cope? But I feel like I don't want
to put anyone through that emotional stuff because I died,
do you know what I mean? I don't like the
idea of that.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Are you are you? Are you a spirit man? Did
you feel like your nan soul was in the room
and moved? But I'm not like that at all.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
No, that's not something that I had a preconceived You know,
But then I guess my nan just died in front
of me. I guess that is a big thing anyway.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, but I think you're feeling that makes sense, like
it definitely felt like something that happened, like a moment.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
And what do you think happens after you die? Well again,
so I can't. Before I used to think sort of nothing. Really,
I was quite satisfied with that's probably the case. But
I have had a few spooky experiences in the spooky incident.
(19:23):
So my stepdad's parents lived His whole family had lived
in this cottage for like five hundred years. It's very old,
and my parents, my mom and my stepdad inherited it
and there was this time that they want to do
work on it, so they had to wait for panning
permission because it was like a listed building. So I
went and lived there for a bit, just look after
the place. And over the years there have been stories
(19:44):
of creepy kind of spooky things happening there. And so
I had two experiences. So one was I got back
from work, I put my sports bag in the middle
of the table in the front room, and then I
went into the lounge and I was in the lounge watching.
I was probably watching the film and I was in
there for about two hours.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Now.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
I remember putting that bag in the middle of the
table and then out of nowhere, the bag just hit
the floor, fell off, and I know it was in
the middle and it was two hours, it's not like
it was just And that freaked me out. So I
went up to bed and I forgot something, so I
went back downstairs turn the lights on in that room.
And as I turned the lights on, that all the
light bulbs blue.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
It was like that that. I was like, absolutely not,
so straight up to bed, barricaded the door. Not that
would do anything. So that was weird.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
And then I moved out, my parents moved in, and
then during lockdown, so I had a breakup. So then
I moved back for the second lockdown into my parents' place.
And there was this one night, so I had my
phone on the charge, you know those you don't like
it in be just put it on top of the thing.
So I put it on there, went to sleep, and
I woke up to the sound of my hoodie hitting
(20:56):
the bedroom door. So that woke me up, and when
I looked up, the hoodie was over by the door.
And that isn't where I leave it.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Oh God. So then I was like, that's odd. And
then I looked for my phone.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
I couldn't find my phone, and I know i'd put
it on charge, remember it very clearly, looked everywhere, went downstairs.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
It was early in the morning.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
My mum was going to work, and I said to her,
could just come upstairs to have I quit look with
me because this is really strange. And she came up,
looked everywhere, and the last resort we thought, I would
lift a mattress up because it's the only place we
haven't looked. And as you lift the mattress up, on
the floor, right in the middle of the bed was
my phone, just sitting there with stuff around it. And
there's a gra gent in the room, so it was
(21:38):
your opposite, so it couldn't have fallen off and rolled
like impossible.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Like the only way to get it there.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Would be to go on your hands and knees and
push it through all the stuff under the bed and
place it there.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
So that's weird.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
And also later on in the day there's a spare
room next door, and later on we went in there
and you know, on the back of the door you
get like loads of hooks and clothes hanging off the
back of it. They all those clothes have been flung
across the room.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Oh my god, and we're everywhere.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
So that's kind of made me think there's something. What
did you do about this, Polta Ghuyst. Does your mum
and stepdad still live there? Yeah, they haven't had any
trouble at all. It was you they wanted you out. Well,
technically I'm not a blood relative, so that could be
a thing.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
But yeah, so that's that's made me think that there's
I'm not saying it's ghosts, but it's something. I think
it's something. My brother's a bit of a skeptic and
he he's like, so you're saying there's more likely to
be that than you sleepwalking and doing it all.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
But I've never been known to sleepwalk.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
No, I mean, it's definitely a poto gheist. You've just
described a post. Yeah, that's definitely.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
And they wanted you out of the house.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah, But weirdly, I'm not scared of it at all.
I actually I kind of like the idea that it
is something, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I do so what do you think will happened to
you when you're doing this tsunami? You think you'll go
around moving people's shit around?
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Get my own back? Just to my brother, Yeah, are
you sleepwalking? In sleep walk? So I I honestly don't know.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I don't think it's I know what you're going to
tell me in a minute, but I don't think it's
like a heaven or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Oh, what's something?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Don't be ridiculous, market, there is a heaven and you're
going and it's filled with your favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
What's your favorite thing? Wrestling? Fucking hell?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
It's there are matches day and night. There are wrestlers
as well. Do you want to be Yeah, yeah, you're
wrestling everyone. Everyone introduces themselves by smacking the chair across
your back, and you're so strong and you're picking up rowdy.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Roddy Piper and trying him.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah he'll be up there, Yeah, trying Bret the hit
man Heart and the undertakers there and you're like, oh,
good to see you. He's like, I got nothing to
do up here and everyone so all the rest are
so excited to see you. I had talked to you
about your life through film. The first thing they ask you,
what's the first film you remember seeing Mark Simmons.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
The first film I saw at the cinema, and I
know it definitely is this film is Edwards Hands.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Wow, that's a great first film. Yeah, but it's a
great first because it is a great film. Yeah, but
at the time it wasn't. So basically it It's brought
up all.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
The time in our family because it was the first
time my mum and her friend took all the kids
to the cinema, and even though I was four or five,
I think I have a clear memory of afterwards them
really laughing because of how bad the film was, because
they were not expected.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
It just wasn't what they thought it was going to be.
It's not a kids film.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Really, no, I don't think, and I'm guessing they saw
Edwards Hands.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I thought it's some sort of superhero film, do you
know what I mean? A shot.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
And I remember him cutting in himself freak me out
a bit. I have a clear memory of that. But
I didn't rewatch it for a long time after because
I just thought it was bad, because everyone just we
just knew it as a bad film. And then when
I've rewatched it. I really like it now. I watched
it actually last year.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Where was this you went? Where were you grown up
in Kent in the town called Ashford? As Did we
first meet at a gig in Kent?
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Was it?
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Now?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Says that King's Head we first met? How was it?
Open note? I think so? I think so? Do you know?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
I once seed that open make note? I did it
once and I forgot every single person's name every single
time there was It was like like I went mad.
Every single person I came went, please go in the days,
it was really bad, and he never he never brought
me back again.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
I've got a real fear about forgetting people's names because
I've forgot the names before of people.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
That I've known years.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
For some reason in my head, when I'm about to
do that bit, I just think, wouldn't it be bad
if I could remember their name and then it just
completely goes blank. So I always write it on the
back of my hand. Now yeahfo, you.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Would have had to have small writing for that gig. Yeah,
there's too many names.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
And I kept going again, come on, I come on
and I do a bit, and the bit would then
wipe my brain and I'd go fuck.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
I've wanted to talk to you about this because I
just quickly ask you about this thing please.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
So you remember Kurt Driver? Yes? Yes, you and Kurt Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
His real name is Stuart Foreman and he's sort of
just started comedy again in Australia.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
So we talked quite a lot. Why was he called
Kurt Driver?
Speaker 4 (26:41):
I think he said it was a stage name, and
whether if he used to play video games. That was
his video game name for some reason, so he just
went with that when he started comedy. Yeah, but we
quite often talk about this bit that you did. Do
you know it's a bit I'm going to ask you
about your little Miss Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, do you remember it?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Because I've got feeling we remember it way more than
you two.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
I feel like it must we must have seen a
really good because I have spoken about years ago and
you were like, oh, yeah, I think I only did
that a few times, but we must have seen one
of the times where it really worked and it stuck
in our heads.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Do you remember what it was at all? Yeah? I
think it because I did it at Richard Sandler's Perfect Movie.
That's what I did it.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
And then I tried it in the real world and
it kept I don't to be honest, I probably wasn't
an experienced enough comedian to make it work in rooms
where people didn't care about films. Well that was but
maybe now I could. But yeah, it was. It was
by film of the year. It was picking my family
and my family. It was a Little Sunshine and mid
(27:45):
Little of Sunshine were really close. And then on Boxing
Day there's enough going to do in its pans labor
and I'm like, is that it? That's yeah, that's what
I have to tell little and she's not going to
be filmed.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
So good.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
It's really so sad, so exciting, and I'm like, we
need to talk.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
You know how a year we've been saying, yeah, you
remember that?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Yeah, So it's stuck in my head. I know it's funny,
that isn't it. But there's loads of people where in
those early days. I think those early days are stand up.
I came into it so unprepared, Like so Stuart was
a friend of mine and he just confidded me to
have a go. I didn't know comedy clubs existed. I
knew nothing about because I was so scared of talking
in front of people. It wasn't anything I considered doing,
(28:42):
and I feel like it was so impressionable everything that
happened then. So there's le acts that I haven't seen
since the first year. Yeah, I can remember load of
their routines.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Oh yeah, me too, for sure. There's an open mic
person who may have only done three gigs that I
did a gig in Hammersmith. My sister and her husband
came to watch me. I think they were the only
two people in the audience. Maybe there was one other
person in the audience plus the acts. And there was
a guy who went on the middle who we to
this day still quote. We still really he might have
(29:14):
done three gigs, but we remember a word for word,
every single bit of his five minutes.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, love to Cat Driver, who I really thought was
called Kurt Driver all this time.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
So sorry to break that to you. What a fraud?
What is the film that scared you the most? Do
you like being scared?
Speaker 4 (29:33):
I don't like jump scares at all, zero tolerance, right,
not a fan of them.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
I don't see that. I just don't understand them.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
I don't see the point of them, Like you could
enjoy a horror film without those I think, do you
know what I mean? No, I like the concept of
horror films, like I like the creativity. I like how
there's no rules and you can literally come up with
something like it follows. Like that's just a really creative
(30:05):
concept and it's terrifying if it was something that could happen,
which it can't. So that doesn't scare me, do you
know what I mean? I just realized, I say, do
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
A lot? That's right. I just noticed that.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
I've never noticed that before, such a London thing, do
you know what I mean? And when I was a kid,
I used to get scared a lot, so everything scared,
like Ghostbusters, the dogs, Like I was just terrified of
certain sort of dogs because of that. And the same
thing with like never ending story. You know, that dog
in the Cave really really scared me. If you watch
(30:40):
it now, it's just like a puppet. It looks so
it's like Sesame Street. It's such a weird thing to
be scared of. But the actual film that scared me
the most, and I've only ever seen one scene out
of it is it And what happened was I'd woken
up from a nightmare.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I used to have loads of nightmare as well as
a kid.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
And I'd come down upstairs and my mom was sort
of seeing to me, and then I think she went
off to make me a drink, and the TV just
happened to be on, and I didn't know what the
film was, and for the years, I didn't know what
the film was.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
But there was a scene and I always remember it.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
So clearly where there's a washing line and then you
see the clown and it scared me so much and
I was terrifying the clowns for years after that. And
like I've only it was only recently, but where I
sort of described it to someone, they go, oh, that's it,
and I still haven't watched it. I haven't watched it.
(31:34):
I don't even know if it is a scary film.
That bit really freaked me out. Like the other day,
my mom was going through some old photos and that
was one of my brother's birthday parties and there's a
cloud older four years older, and there was a clown
at his birthday party. And I said to my mom,
I was like, Mum, why aren't you in any of
(31:55):
these photos? And she was like, I was outside deally
with you, like, I just had a sleep outdown.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Why are you such a sensitive boy? Do you think?
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
I don't know. I've got an overactive brain, I think,
But I used to. I mean I don't. I don't
have nightmares or anything now. But when I was a kid,
like awful, like my mum would like, I'd really scarer,
I think, because I'd wake up in such a state.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I'd be like, I'm dying. I'm dying.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
Like now, I'm like, my poor mom, I feel so bad.
Imagine that your kid, cry kid, But yeah, I was
an absolute mess. I don't know why. What about crying?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Then? What's the film that made you cry the most?
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Not linked to the way I died at all? But
the impossible?
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (32:40):
But that, but it's not the actual that the tsunami didn't.
Isn't what made me cry. I went to watch the
film with so I used to work in the gym
and I always used to go with my friend who
works there, to the Cinny World. We'd both had Senni
World cards and we didn't know what the film was about,
but we just went to watch it.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
And towards the end of the.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
Film, I noticed that we were more or less sitting
back to back because of how much we were crying.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Gradually the other person couldn't see us. That film. Have
you seen it?
Speaker 4 (33:16):
I have.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
I think it's a great, great film.
Speaker 4 (33:19):
Like the emotional, it just comes at you from all angles.
Because suppose it depends how you watch the film. But
for me, I tend to put myself in the place
of the characters. So like, so you put yourself in
the place of the mum and you're like, she thinks
her husband's dead, the two children are dead, and you
put yourself in the son's position, and the mom looks
like she's probably gonna die. And then he thinks his
(33:41):
dad and the others are dead, and then you go
from the dad's point of view he thinks the other
two and it's.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
All like crazy.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
And then at the end when they spoiler alert, when
they find each other.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I was a sobbing mess.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
There's scene and there's a scene that film I think
about I Love where you McGregor makes the phone call
home and he does it like he's a wreck, and
then they haven't got a lot. There's some people are
like sharing a fame and then he hangs up and
then they make him cool again.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
Yeah, because he's been said to it. Yeah, it's very
sweet that bit. They're like, you can't leave it like that. Yeah,
there's so many points, and like at the end, because
there's someone else that the.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Dad was was it a dad's helping but.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
There's some basically you discover right at the end that
the person that was helping the dad he was also
looking for his family and you find out that they'd
been killed. And the moment when the kids actually, for me,
the biggest, bigest emotional point was when the kids the
brothers found each other and they're sort of running towards
each other, and I guess I put myself in my
(34:43):
position with being my brother and yeah, it's just non stop.
And I don't know about you with crying, but like,
I'm totally open to crying. I don't mind crying at
a film. But I won't watch that film again. No, God, Like,
I've only ever seen Bambi once. Yeah, I watched that.
I watched the Where We Live in time and I
(35:03):
thought it was excellent. But I will not watch that again.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
I can't. I can't.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
I can't knowingly put myself through that. I agree with
that what's the film that you love? People think is shit,
but you think it's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Cloud atless.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Oh mate, great shout, you get another twenty points.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
It's one of my favorite films and I don't know
anyone that's seen it.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
I've seen it, and I love it. Yes, first person
I've been hable to talk to about it.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Yeah, huge, huge swings all over the place. I've made
people watch it and they haven't got it.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
And I feel like it is complicated, and because it's
jumping around six time periods and they don't spoon feed,
you don't really know what's happening, I feel like people
will just naturally resist it and go, this is not
just I don't know what's happening in rubbish. But when
I first watched it, I was in Canada and there's
(35:58):
a girl I used to work with and she told
me about this book and she was telling me that
the film was coming out soon and it sounded interesting.
And then when I was in Canada, I was just
killing a bit of time and I went to watch
this film and I didn't know what it was, but
as I was watching it, I started to twig that
this is probably the film she was talking about and
I was really enjoying it, but I wasn't really understanding it,
and I left and I remember thinking, I loved that.
(36:23):
I don't know why or what it's about, really, but
I thought about it constantly for the rest of the day.
And then I went back on the same trip and
rewatched it after reading up a bit about it, and
the second view was really nice because then I was
sort of piecing together everything and I watch it loads,
and it's such a great cast. I honestly, when I
(36:45):
came back from Canada, I was like, this is going
to be the biggest hit, Like I just because I
got so much.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
This is a terrible centers.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
I've got so much feeling from it, like it's a
real big emotional payoff, and I guess it's I love
the con set of the following the soul across the
time zones, which was represented by a birthmark during the film. Yeah,
I didn't pick up like I had to read up
to understand that, But I don't know if you've got
(37:13):
that straight away.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
But yeah, I I may have read it before. But
I love a film that's taking big swings. It's huge,
taking some big.
Speaker 4 (37:23):
Swings and what's also complicated is because they've got this
great cast. It's the same cast members are playing different
characters in each time zone, but it's not the same
The soul isn't the same actor, so that that makes
it slightly more complicated to get across.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I think that's true, but I love it. What great answer.
That's one of the best dancewers with that respect. Yes,
on the other hand, what's the film you used to
love that you do not like anymore when you've watched
it recently, perhaps you have changed.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
I feel like this isn't gonna I don't want minus points,
but I feel like this is probably up before. But
it was a big part of my childhood and I
loved it. And that's Police Academy.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
It's okay.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
And during the lockdown, so I was living with my
girlfriend at the time and she was a bit younger
than me, so we had these It was really nice.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
It sort of got us through the start of the lockdown.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Was we dove his movie nights, and we had another
housemate who was her age and we dove his movie
nights and each night we choose something. So I'd always
chose something that they wouldn't have seen from sort of
when I was growing up, and I definitely overregged it.
I was like, this is the funniest Honestly, this is
the funniest film.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
It's so funny.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
They made seven of them. It's like I really overregged it.
And when I was watching it, I was embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
That's how like. There are elements of it that are funny.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
There's also troubling things there, as well as most of
those eighties films, but one of them at one point
just went, why are we watching this? No retrospect, I
probably shouldn't have made them watch all seven. It gets better,
you have to get through the first ribe. And it
was such a tradition though, like so my parents. They
(39:13):
broke up when I was about four or five, and
then whenever we go to my dad's every other weekend,
we'd always watch like a he'd rent a film for Blockbuster,
and whenever a Police Academy came out, that would always
be one that we watched. That's quite a it's a
tradition and that feels I do miss that, that feeling
of like walking into his living room and seeing the
(39:35):
Blockbuster table on the table and you don't even know
what it is because it's like it's a blank cover,
so exciting.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Young people don't know what that's like. They don't know
they're born. I miss that too. What is the film
that means the most to you? Not necessarily the film
itself is good, but the experience you had seeing it
will always make it meaningful to you. So I'm going
for sky Fall with this one. So my stepdad, I've
(40:05):
had a stepdad in my life for a long time
and he is a brilliant stepdad, but we didn't ever
really have interest in common, so like he'd be into gardening,
fixing cars. I'm into sports movies, stuff like that. But
he loved James Bond and I love James Bond, so
(40:25):
when we were younger, we'd always watched James Bond films,
and then when the Daniel Craig films, like when.
Speaker 4 (40:31):
Casino Royale came out, I took him to see that
and we had a nice time, and it started this
tradition that every time a James Bond film we'd go
and watch that together. And it's something I really love
that we do. And with Skyfall, it's such a good
film and it's for me. It's definitely the best James
Bond film. And afterwards, throughout the film, we kept look
(40:52):
at each other like just the nostalgia of it and
kind of felt like that should be the last one.
So I feel, just feel it was so good you
just couldn't top it. And we just kept talking about
it all the way home the next days. Even now
we will talk about it every so often, and I
just love that ironically it bonded us. Sorry, but it did,
(41:17):
and I just love that tradition. So I hope they
crack on and bring some more out. So that's so sweet,
like you looking at each other. I can't believe this. Well,
it's like when the Asta Martin came out, like they
revealed the old Esta Martin, from the old Basic from
the old films.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
It's just such a good moment. Nice.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
What's the film we most relate to? The film I
most relate to is five Hundred Days of Summer. Oh Jesus,
oh god, oh, what's what's happening? Mate's sad? I love
that film, but his character, it was me. He's me
(41:58):
in my early twenties. Yeah, heart on my sleeve just
falls head over heels in love. And I had one
relationship that was very similar to that vibe where everything
she did was we're together, but she never would quite
commit to that being a thing.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
You watched that film and we're like, that's me those Yeah.
So it's such a good film.
Speaker 4 (42:23):
I really love the way it's put together, and I
feel like, so now when I look back at that relationship,
I'm like, yeah, she was twenty one, of course, yeah
you know what I mean, Like in retrospect, like that's mad,
but I was so kind of head over heels. It's
a really interesting film because it's it's really like I
spoke to someone about it and they took a complete
different view of it to what I did. So they
(42:47):
were like, like they were on her side, as in,
yeah he was you know, she'd made it very clear
that that's all she wanted, because there's a part of
the film where she says she's not looking for anything
serious and he's like yeah, okay, But then she carries
on acting like that they are together, you know, and
she knows how he feels. So it's really kind of
as a great line. I think, interest, what do you
(43:09):
think of it? I haven't watched it?
Speaker 1 (43:10):
In you the sequence in it, expectation versus reality is
that is That is one of my favorite scenes in
the film. Yeah, it's a really impressive and really depressing
sequence but so much Yeah, and I think, yeah, i'd
have to watch it again. But my memory is she
she makes it clear, but she also doesn't.
Speaker 4 (43:30):
Yeah, she makes it clear, but she carries on like, yeah,
and she knows that he doesn't think the same as her.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
But then he doesn't say it's all about communication in.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
It, Yeah, and it's but it's also about his journey
of that was everything that's the most important thing to him,
but then he finds other things to love in his life,
and that's kind of a journey he takes. Yeah, like
he saw, like he gets some focus on his career
and he just finds other things to focus on, yeah
than just and then when he's doing that, he actually
(44:03):
finds someone who likes him back, and it's yeah, happy
ever after. But what I like about the film is
that it doesn't follow the rules of so I love
a wrong com but like it actually says right at
the top, this isn't a love story.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
I just think it's excellent. I just like it's just
I don't really think there's anything another film like it.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
You know what I don't like about that film that
I remember for him person is at the beginning it says,
doesn't it say on the screen this is not about you?
And it has a name, and then brackets it says bitch. Yeah,
And I always thought that's the.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Way it nice. That is very nice. It is about
the writer, It is about something that. Yeah, it isn't
very nice, is it? That's not very nice? What if
the sexiest film you've ever seen? Mark Simmon.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
I probably wouldn't think it's the sexiest now, but the
moment I first saw it, it was the sexiest thing
I've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
And it's a film called Chasers with Erica Elenia. Yeah,
so then it's.
Speaker 4 (45:05):
Yeah, so she was so she was my favorite in
Baywatch and I would have been really young, but in
my teens I guess early teens.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
But I turned the TV on one night in my
room and this film was on. I was like, oh,
it's her.
Speaker 4 (45:19):
I quite like her, and the whole film she's trying
so basically she's being transported. She's in prison being transported
to another prison by two guys, and the whole film
she's trying to produce them. It's very sexy and then yeah, exactly, mate,
I didn't I didn't know sex scenes existed before this film.
Speaker 5 (45:42):
Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I could not believe what
I was saying. Yeah, is that the pinnacle of cinema
for that that exact moment for that fourteen year old boy,
probably younger. Yeah, is that not a good answer for
It's a wonderful answer, and it's exactly the right answer.
(46:04):
And I am sick of people coming on this podcast
and pretending that it's brief encounter or something. Yeah, I'm
being real with you when it's clearly Jesus. But also
like under siege obviously is her seeding that, yes, you
understand the.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Rules of this podcast. That is the correct answer.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
There is, however, a subpargree troubling Boner is worrying wide
ones a film you found a rousing that you weren't
sure you should.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Okay, this is this is a bit weird. I think great,
so so uh.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
When I was younger, very young, primary school age, there's
a film called ThunderCats. The movie and it's it's not
she Tara, I wish it was Sitara.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
So there's a scene. This is so weird there's a
scene where.
Speaker 4 (47:00):
It's being chased and Mumra is the bad person, but
it's not being chased by Momra, but it's being chased
by this mummy thing. And there's a there's a bit
where he's trying to get away and the bandages sort
of grab him and then it sort of holds him down.
Something about that did it for me. I don't know
what it was, mummy, but I was so but I
(47:22):
was so young, so but I do remember that's something
something about that moment, you.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
Like a mummy holding you down.
Speaker 4 (47:31):
Yeah, I think it was more me being the person
being held down. Yeah, I don't know, but I don't
even think I was old enough to be aroused. But
I definitely remember thinking.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Mark Simmons, I'm giving you more points to this because
you have fully fully understood the remit. I'm giving you
fifty points for your sexual answers. So, what is objectively
the greatest film of all time?
Speaker 4 (47:59):
Yeah, this is a horrible question, isn't it. Good Will
Hunting is the best film.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
For all time? Okay?
Speaker 4 (48:07):
Is that is that?
Speaker 1 (48:07):
Does that come up a lot? No, not in this category,
but it comes up a lot. People talk about this
film a lot, but it hasn't been object so great. No,
that's okay. You put it in a different category. I
think that's a lovely answer. I think it's flawless.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yeah, yeah, don't. I haven't thought about it in that category.
But you're like, yeah, there it is. It's stayed with
all of us. We all think about it. It's now, however,
many years old, didn't all of us remember it perfectly?
You may be right? What do people normally bring that up?
The category? Honest? This a lot, but I don't people
(48:40):
always say the Godfather, don't they? No?
Speaker 4 (48:43):
No?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
Sorry, what does goodwill hunting come up?
Speaker 4 (48:45):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Maybe cried or related to you? So you know some
people are math tenius. Yeah, I mean I actually my
real answer you take so I is you real answer
the Godfather? No?
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Though my real answers party kids. No, you won't accept it.
I've heard you pooh pooh the Karty Kid on there before,
and I also go to have it.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Okay you can. What is the film you could or
have watched the most over and over again, best of
the best. Okay, do you know it? The Martial Arts film? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (49:23):
Yeah, I love this film. Yeah, I'm like I was
as a kid I was obsessed with this film. Is
this John pil Bandett, No, who is No. You got
your Eric Roberts, You've got your Philip ree Lovely, You've
got your Sally Kirkland, I've got your Christopher Penn mm hmm.
And you've got your James L.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
Jones. But who is the best of the best. They
all are. That's the beauty of it.
Speaker 4 (49:51):
So it's a martial arts team and they're training to
fight in a tournament against the Korean team.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (49:58):
And the reason I love it I think when I
was a kid, so I grew up doing martial arts.
My dad teaches it so and we do taekwondo, and
in the eighties every film was karate, and I just
loved that this was actually taekwondo what they were doing.
So all the fighting and everything is in the start
of Takwando. Actually say karate in the film, which is
(50:19):
really annoying because it isn't but they said that. I
think they say that because that karate at that time
was what sold. Yeah, but it's such a good film
and it could be in the other categories of people
think it's bad. But what I love about it as
well as the ending. It's not like your standard ending
(50:40):
of a it's deeper than a standard ending of a win.
So they don't win is the ending.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
So what happens. So what happens is throughout the.
Speaker 4 (50:48):
Film, you you find out that the guy who's the
main fighter in the other team, he kills the brother
of the main fighter in an earlier tournament years before.
So that character is going through the turmoil of fighting
this guy in the training and can he do it?
This guy killed his brother, And at the end he
(51:09):
basically beats this guy and it gets to a point
where he just needs to finish him off to win,
but that would mean probably killing him, and he doesn't,
and they lose, but he kind of wins because he's
kind of dealt with that stuff.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah, so in a way, he's the best of the best. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (51:30):
When I was a kid, we watched this so much.
My brother and I would recite it back and forward
to each other. So when he was at UNI, i'd
message him one of the lines and he messages back,
and we just go back and forward.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
And through the whole film. It was a bit obsessive, really, Yeah,
what's one of the lines? I mean, a team is
not a team.
Speaker 4 (51:47):
Unless you give a damn about one another, we expect
you to function as a team.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
As James L. Jones very good. I love it. You
heard of him? Yeah, yeah, I heard of him.
Speaker 4 (51:58):
What's the worst for we've ever seen? The worst film
I ever see was Expendables three. It's the only film
I've ever actually walked out of a film. I don't agree,
I don't do that. But I saw it in Edinburgh
in twenty fourteen at the Festival, and I was my
first solo show and I was so I was having
(52:20):
a bad time out there. It was no one was
coming to the show. I had a bad room. Everything
was sort of going wrong with it, as you know,
as can happen in Edinburgh. So I went there just
to sort of get away from it. And it just
it's just it was just pointless. Just there's no point
to the film at all. It's just it was just nonsense.
Speaker 2 (52:39):
Like the first one. I kind of liked the first
one a bit.
Speaker 4 (52:41):
Because I'm a big fan of those action films back then,
and just seeing all those actors together was fun.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
Yeah, but you don't need to do it again and
again They've done more, They've done Expondables yeah, yeah, I
haven't seen it, but I think I was also probably
a bit annoyed that there were more people in there
watching that than my show.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
That's tough.
Speaker 4 (53:05):
I really get that, But I guess we feel it
is a lot of like it depends how you're feeling,
doesn't it with a film in all sorts of ways.
If you're feeling sad at the time, or there's lots
of things going on, you're probably more likely to quiet films.
So I wasn't in a good place when I watched it,
but I doubt if I really watched it, I change
(53:26):
my mind.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
You don't really get any better. What is what you're in? Comedy?
You're very funny. What's the film that made you laugh
the most? Or is it please Academy?
Speaker 4 (53:38):
It's not pleae Academy Actually interestingly talking about like the
environment and things. I feel like we've actually laughing out
loud at a film. I think that's hard. I think
that's really hard to achieve. And the best environment I've
ever been in watching films is I used to work
at Sinney World when I was eighteen nineteen, which one
(53:58):
in ASHCVID, and they'd quite often do advanced showings like
secret showings and everyone after.
Speaker 2 (54:05):
Work would go and watch the films. He wouldn't know
what's coming.
Speaker 4 (54:08):
And that was such a great environment to watch films
because it was full of it. There's like it was
full with it with everyone from work. Everyone's the same age,
everyone's into the same sort of things. And Anchorman came
on and I knew nothing about Ankerman, so I had
no conceptions hand sing a trailer, didn't know what it was,
(54:28):
and it was It blew my mind.
Speaker 2 (54:30):
It was like I was discovering gold and I didn't
know at this point.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
I had no idea who Will Ferrell was, no idea
who Steve Carrell was. The gut laughs in that room.
It was phenomenal. It's so surreal, so silly, the gag rat.
And obviously we don't have sn now over here, so
our experiences of watching these films must be so different
to the people in America because they're like, well, let's
go watch the film that Will Ferrell's in.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
We love him. But to discover him in that film
for the first time, I'll never forget it. I loved
it so much. I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (55:03):
Mark Simmons, you have been such a delight and I'm
so grateful that you reminded me about the caves. However,
when you were convinced to take up surfing, and you thought,
but I want to get good at this, and you
hadn't read up that actually to get good at surfing
probably takes a lifetime. Who before I just pop away
(55:24):
for a weekend goes You didn't go with an instructor,
by the way, you were on your own.
Speaker 2 (55:29):
You had a board, you bought, you had no idea
do it. You'd watch the YouTube.
Speaker 1 (55:32):
But when you went out here were bright and everyone
was up in London and you were like, you'd read
big Waves today and you said, are great. And what
you didn't read was big wave, huge waves, tsunami wave.
That's where everyone's left brighton for the day. And you're
paddling about on the board and you look behind you
and you, oh, this one looks like one. And the
way it just keeps growing, keeps growing, You're like, oh shit,
(55:54):
and you're on the top of the wave. And then
the way it turns you over and crushes you into
the heavily beach it right to start with, that's not ideal,
and it's smashing you into all the comedy clubs where
you have been. You've killed there, but you've been smashing
against all the comedy clubs, and your head gets smashed
(56:14):
into the comedia wall and then smashed against a hotel
you've rushed against rather in the water subsides. Everyone heads
back to Brighton.
Speaker 2 (56:23):
I'm with him. I've got a coffin with me, you
know what I'm like? I did Mark come with you?
Speaker 1 (56:27):
And then one goes no, he was practicing hisself, and
I go, oh no, And we go down to the
to the waterfront. Everything's fine, everyone's fine, except there's your
body wrecked, smashed about and everywhere. You're missing the head anyway,
I say, oh, help me with Mark. So we're picking
you up. We're putting you in the coffin, but there's
bits of you everywhere. Your head has swelled in the
in the water stuff, and you have to chop up
(56:48):
your head, stuff it in and get all of you
in the coffin. There's more of you than I was expecting.
The coffin is absolutely jammed. There is no room in
this coffin. There is only enough room for me to
slip one DVD into the side for you to take
across to the other side, and on the other side,
it's movie night every night. What film are you taking
to show the wrestlers in Heaven when it's your movie night?
Speaker 2 (57:07):
Mister Mark Simmons go.
Speaker 4 (57:08):
I'm taking Karate Kid Wonderful because it's my favorite film.
I could have answered it for nearly order of the questions.
Mister Meaghi is my favorite character in any film. I
think he brings everything to the role. He's funny, he'll
make you cry. Nominated for an Oscar and I'd really
(57:28):
for that role. And i'd really really like to sit
down and watch it with him, and he's not longer
with us. I'd like to pick his brain about it.
Speaker 1 (57:37):
Wow, that's a really lovely answer, Mark, You've been wonderful.
Would you like to tell people to look out for you?
What should they be watching? Where will they find your special?
Speaker 2 (57:46):
Oh? Yeah, see, I'm special on YouTube.
Speaker 4 (57:48):
It's called Quip Off the Mark And if you like
one liners, I think you'll love it.
Speaker 2 (57:53):
If you like one liners, he's got a load of them.
Oh and check out my podcast.
Speaker 4 (57:57):
It's called Jokes with Mark Simmons, and I chat to
comedians about joke So I can't get to work.
Speaker 1 (58:01):
It's really good. Mark Simmons, what a delight. Thank you
for doing this. I'm glad we managed to fill it in.
It's lovely to see you. I hope you have a
wonderful death. Good day to you, sir.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Thanks than thank you very thank you.
Speaker 1 (58:17):
So that was episode three hundred and thirty six. Head
over to the Patreon at patreon dot com. Forward to
Aspect Goals team for the extra fifteen minutes of chat,
secrets and video with Mark. Go to Apple Podcast. Give
us a five star rating, but right about the film
that means the most to you and why it's a
lovely thing to read. It helps with numbers and it's
much appreciated. I hope you're all well. Thank you for listening.
Thank you to Mark forgiving me his time. Remember to
watch his special online quip off the Mark Quip Off
(58:39):
the Mark. Thanks to Scrubi's pipp and the Distraction Pieces
of Network. Thanks to Buddy Peace for producing it. Thanks
to iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network hosting it.
Thanks to Adam Richardson for the graphics and leads to
Lining for the photography. Now next week I have a
genuinely very special guest, An astronaut, an actual person who
has been in space. It is the only yes and
(59:00):
person who has been in space I've ever had on
this podcast, and it is an incredible episode and you
do not want to miss it.
Speaker 2 (59:06):
So that is it for now.
Speaker 1 (59:08):
Thank you all for listening. I hope you're will, but
in the meantime, have a lovely week, and please, now
more than ever, be excellent to each other.
Look, you show me films to be bettered with. Hello,
and welcome to films to be buried with. My name
is Brett Goldstein. I'm a comedian and actor, a writer, director,
(00:20):
a lava lamp, and I love films. As Zady Smith
once said, you can't learn anything without making a mess first,
which is why Greece two is a much better film
than Greece one. Mistakes were made than they were completely
and utterly and totally rectified. Every week, and by a
special guest over, I tell them they've died. Then I
get them to discuss their life through the films, the
men and most of them. Previous guests include Barry Jenkins,
(00:40):
Kevin Smith, Sharon Stone, and even Dead Clambles. But this
week it is the brilliant comedian mister Mark Simmons. All
episodes of Shrinking season two and season one are now
available on Apple TV. Get caught up on all of them.
You will fucking love it. Get over to the Patreon
at patroon dot com forward slash Brett Goldstein, where you
get an extra fifteen minutes of chat with Mark secrets,
(01:00):
beginnings and endings. You also get the whole episode uncut
and Advrey and does a video. Check it out over
at patreon dot com. Forwards left Bret Goldstein, So Mark Simmons.
Mark Simmons is a brilliant comedian. You've seen him on
Mark the Week. He's a fucking excellent joke writer. Loads
of his jokes have won awards at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
I hadn't seen him in a very long time and
it was really lovely to catch up on Zoom and
(01:22):
I really think you're gonna love this one. His new
special called Quip Off the Mark, comes out this month.
Check it out online. I think it's on YouTube, you
can find it there, and it's absolutely brilliant. Mark is
an old friend. We recorded this on Zoom and it
was really lovely to catch up with him, and I
really think you're gonna love this one.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
So that is it for now.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I very much hope you enjoy episode three hundred and
thirty six of Films to be Buried With. Hello, I'd
welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is I
(01:58):
Brett Goldstein, and I'm in today by an actor, a writer,
a podcaster and the Weaker, a one liner, a pun merchant,
a special, a star of youtubeer, star of TV, a
star of the BBC and a star of the Edinburgh
(02:19):
Fringe Festival, and star of the London comedy scene.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Please will you welcome to the show. I can't believe
he's here.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
He really is. It's the brilliant here he is. It's
Mark Simmons. Wow, thank you, thank you very much. I
was wondering what you're I'm a big fan of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Oh thanks mate.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
And I'm impressed how many things you could think of
fed because I couldn't come up that many.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I think actors generous, but I appreciate it. You had
your own BBC show.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
I had no I had some things I've made myself independently.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Are you going to retract it? Now? Rest, let's start again.
Let's going on.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Actually, this probably my most proud achievement is acting related.
It's a bit of a brag early on, but I
think it's a brag. I don't know if it's a brag.
You tell me if you think this is a brag.
But my friend and I used to make these improvised
mockumentary things, and that friend then went back to the
(03:22):
US and he's now studies at NYU and one of
his tutors is or like a specialist tutor with Spike Lee.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
And he showed he had to show Spike Lee some
of his work and some of which was me playing
these really mad characters. And he told me that Spike
Lee said about me, and I quote, where do you
find this motherfucker?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
That's fucking huge? Why aren't you in the next Spike
Lee film? Well? I put it out there now, mate,
this is it. He listens to this, right, Yeah, he's
a huge band, The Patriot. I mean it might not
be positive. Where do you find this motherfucker? Yeah? I
love that.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I want to see these. I said it to you,
Mark Series. It's so nice to you. I ain't seen
you in fucking ages. We know each other from comedy.
When did we?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
When did?
Speaker 4 (04:16):
I haven't seen you in like years, I think for
the last time I saw you. We were gigging in
a cave in Macfest. That was mad, wasn't it.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Oh? When we did Now I understand what you mean.
We really did.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
We did a gig literally in a like a cave tour.
People are doing a tour underground in a cave, and
we had to hide in various spots.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
Of the cave and we were just left there on
our own till they found us.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
It was so scary in the pitch black.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
We had to find like a sort of hiding place,
and then when they their torches came on us, we
had to like come to life and do a stand
up set.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know, I forgot that because you me and loose handers.
I think, yes, that was mad. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
We had to get a boat to get into the caves,
didn't we Yes.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And it was like we were like madame two swords,
like wax figures, hiding in the caves and then we
like suddenly are talking about porn.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
It's so small because there was a festival going on
and they could have just come to watch us in
a nice comfy venue, could have.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Come to the shows, but they decided to go splunking instead.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Is that what that is?
Speaker 4 (05:28):
I think so, but I take it. Yeah, Wow, that
is such a great memory. Word down Mark, I'd forgotten
that mental as comics, you do end up doing some
mad gigs, don't you, Yeah, because that what's the matterest.
I mean, I've done gigs to nudists, so I didn't
where everyone was naked.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Including Sydney. No, no, not me.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
But I did get one of those apron things, you know,
but got the naked man on the front. Yes, so
I wore that and that they appreciated that. Where was
that killburn pub No? Yeah, Ben Vanderveld ran it.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Oh yeah, was he naked? No?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
None of the comics were naked. I feel like you
lose as a comic. You need a little bit of
status and kind of power. And I feel like if
there's a staring that your thing.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
The thing is mark. I've said this, and it's a fact.
If you wear shorts as a comedian, you doomed. Yeah
you have you have your legs have.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
To be covered.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I think arms as well. I do much better if
I've got my arms covered than short sleeves.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I wear a T shirt?
Do you have your guns out? I can't do that.
That's all they're thinking about.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Fuck it, Yeah you're naked, But if everyone else is
naked and you're wearing clothes, then that feels disrespectful. I
don't know, but yeah, you're fuck there's no chance you're
making him laugh. You don't, And if they are laughing,
it's you don't want that. When you're naked. So the
one time you don't want people laughing is when you're naked.
But if I need to, I'll do it for the love.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
But you know, they say the thing that like, if
you're nervous about going on stage, you should imagine the
audience naked. In reality, it doesn't help. If anything, it
makes it worse.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Was it a good gig? Like I think? I think
it was all right.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
The weirdest thing about it is like after the gig,
you know, when you get sometimes get all these cup
to you say you're well done, nice.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Set, they just come out to you and they're just
all naked.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Like Actually, I tell you, the weirdest thing about the
whole gig was it sounds horrible, but it's the smell of.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
The room because.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
If you think when you have closed on it's protecting
you in that sweaty of iron man soaking some of
that up. But it was pungent. No, yeah, I can
still still still smell it. I can if I think
about it. They must have got undressed in the room
because I wasn't. There was a guy on the door
(07:56):
to stop just anyone walking in and everyone everyone's watching you.
Everyone's not secretly looking around at everyone else.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
They're all used to it. I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
If anything, I'm the one that was looking at everything else.
It's quite a lot to take here. What I did
notice that, You know how you have habits on stage.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
You don't realize.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
I at the time I had a habit of sort
of after a joke, looking down to my right hand side,
and every time I did, I clocked a man's penis.
But I did it so often it looked like I.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Was, Yeah, fascinated by that. Obviously more questions.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So then afterwards they were like, yeah, I really enjoyed
the gig, and you're just staring at their eyes. Yeah,
I'm trying to ignore the smell. Yeah, you get used
to smell after a while.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Fascinating, but yeah, but after that I did Actually, after that,
I kept getting emails asking if I do naked weddings.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
But I had to be naked, that was the that
was the issue, and I thought, I just can't do that.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
So you turned down the proposal. Yeah, yeah, would you
do it? And theyke your wedding?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yeah no, because I think think, I.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Guess I've never thought about it. I guess I don't
really understand nudes because if you're not, if you're not
aroused by it, what's it for? Do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Like? Or isn't it killing? So I don't know if
it's like wonder if that happens. Yeah, but then this
is why I don't get if it's inappropriate, then what
happens when you are meant to you know what I mean? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like we have clothes to differentiate between what is when
is an appropriate time and not to have an erection?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Maybe they put clothes onto sex.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Fucking right, they do. That's the mating ritual, I think.
So they cover up the legs, to cover up the arms.
Here we go, all something's happening, fascinating, So you prom
since we were hiding in a cave from Luce Anders,
you've got your first specially it's not your first pession.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
That I watched, That doesn't it? Oh? Yeah, did you
see it? Then? I did watch it. It's very very,
very funny. Where did you? Where is that? And that's
at the Forge, you know, the New Brighton venue.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Stephen Grant's got oh cool, really nice man, it's fucking great.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
It's so funny. Oh thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
So many jokes too, many jokes, too many jokes, so
many jokes.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
It's stressful because I got right the next one now,
Mark Simmons, if anyone is listening, like in American May
is brilliant comedian.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Mostly what do you say? One liners?
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Mostly yeah, one line is a little set pieces. When
I'm doing a full length.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Show, I find I think, I find it stressful because
I think of how much work you have had to do,
and I know with me, I go like, yeah, I
got one idea. I can string that out for ten minutes.
You've got one idea and it's gone in ten seconds.
I'm like, fuck, yeah, what a nightmare.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
When I'm writing, I am so jealous of acts like you,
where you can just get an idea and run with
it and get every little ounce of comedy out of
an idea. But I feel like for me, once you've
got that set that works and the jokes are good
for me, it's nothing better for just being able to
go bang bang bang bang. But it does take a
(11:03):
while to get to that point. You have to write
a lot of jokes. That's where my podcast idea came from.
It is because I write so many jokes that I
was like, so many jokes I like, and there's good ideas,
but the reason for them not working isn't always that
they're bad. There's so many different reasons. So I wanted
to give of some life to those jokes. I had
a podcast where I'll get comedians to talk about jokes
(11:25):
they can't get to work, and it's really fun. And
like I say, for a one liner show, I'd say, God,
if I have two hundred jokes in the show, maybe
I've probably written a thousand to get to that point
in total.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
And your warm up, you're trying stuff is just reading
out one hundred jokes, taking what works.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Yeah, I tried to reduce any performance. I'd have the
mic in a stand and I'll just I just want
the words to do the work, and then once I
know that is solid, I'll add stuff to it, expression, movement,
stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Is something I thought about you. If I may say
this is a compliment, don't panic. Some people with one
line of comedians are like I don't you know, because
of the sort of very nature of them. They aren't
necessarily particularly revealing about the comic themselves. They're not the
most personal, you know what I mean. Generally, the jokes
are jokes about anything. They don't necessarily tell you who
(12:20):
that person is. I think you, as a performer are
incredibly genuine, Like I think we are seeing you interesting.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
I'm glad you said that because for me, that was
actually the turning point of performing, was when I discovered
that I should just be me telling jokes.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, that's how.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
It's like, you're lovely, we like hanging out with you,
and you do brilliant jokes. It isn't just here's a
wacky guy doing incredible jokes. It's like, here's a really
funny guy being himself doing really funny jokes.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Oh, thank you mate, that's nice. Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
For me, when I write a joke, I want the
joke to start in reality, whereas a lot of oneline
of comics that there's no really you could say I
was talking to a camel.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
He had the I don't know. That's obviously not a
good joke, but do you know what I mean? He doesn't.
There's no rules, But I like it to start in reality.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
So each time I start a joke, the audience are like, Okay,
he got us with those last couple, but this is
definitely true. Yeah, I'll know he got me again, but
the next one is definitely true. I mean, that's what
I want to kind of keep resetting, so I guess
that helps.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It's so hard what you do. And also in your
specialized impressed with the different like sections, as in it
isn't just one line and one line of one liner.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
You've got some prop stuff, you do stuff with the audience,
like you break it up into kind of different things
to keep it.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
It's just so much work.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Man, Well you say that, but it's like this is
the best job in the world. It's like, yeah, I did,
Like I'm very glad I did kind of twelve years
of a proper job, so that I do appreciate that
this is a ridiculous job that we get to do
and how much fun it is. And like I do
work out, but I always feel like I could work
a carter because it doesn't feel like real work, do
(14:02):
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I do know what you mean.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
But also you're really fun, like you are not all
comics of You're like a fun comedian I think, and
you come across as fine on stage, and it is
like fun being in the audience. It's fun being in
a cave with you but.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Fuck, I forgot to tell you something.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh ship, No, with your special coming out and everything,
do you know what, I actually think this would be
good for your special. I actually think it'll get more
eyes on it on the upside. But on the down side,
you're dead.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Oh what.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I should have pulled it out. I should have brought
it out earlier.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Yeah no, I also I should have told you earlier.
It's mad that I forgot.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
But here we are. You've died. How did you die? Oh? Mate,
it's dramatic. It was a Tsuna army. Jesus. No one's
on this, no one. Yes, I've got points for that.
What happened? Yeah, you get actually twenty points. What happened?
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Well, so, I've always, since I was a kid, had
to recur in nightmares of tsunamies. That's the thing. That's
just I don't know why. It's really weird. So but
it turns out it was a premonition. What happened was
I I'm not a particularly I'm not particularly a dare
death for or anything like that, Like I went jump
out of a plane, I went anything like that. And
I was in Australia last year and someone wanted me
(15:25):
to go and surf and I've never surfed, and the
idea of sharks eating you and stuff like that, it's
not I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
But they were bugging me so much about it.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
I just went on my own to a secluded beach
to sort of have a go because I wanted to.
I want to be good at it when I did
it around people. Yeah, And I was just waiting for
the wave and as it was coming, I was like, oh,
this is like a good one, but it was like
it is too good and it was huge and it
just crushed me.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Oh my god, where was this brightan? No one else
was harmed, though, which was really nice. It's just you know,
it was really localized tsunami. Yeah. Fuck, I don't hate
this for you.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
You died sort of drowning in a washing machine type.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
I think I was kind of crushed between lots of things, right,
rocks and stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
It was throwing me around everywhere, and I think I
think I probably did drown in the end.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Do you think you had this premonition because you watched
Deep Impact when you were little?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
No, because that would have been too late.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
I was having it before that, right, I think that
how were was the deep impact deep backs nineties. I
do slightly remember there was a like a kid's you know,
like those kids TV shows where just as you get
back from school and it's like they're kind of like
a serial.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
There's like, I don't know, ten episodes or something.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
I vaguely remember something about a tidal wave in that,
but I have tried to look it up since and
I can't find what it was. But I think that's
what put the in my head. I feel like that,
isn't it if you're going to go? Yeah, I think
seeing that wave come up, isn't It's quite an experience
to have.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Before you go. I think so.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
I think if it's not hurting anyone else, if no
one else the time, it's just fine wave.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I love it. I think it's a great way to go.
Everyone just happened to leave Brighton for the day. Yeah,
they all went up down. Do you worry about death?
I used to, but I don't anymore really. So my
nan passed away like for about ten years ago now,
and we knew she was going, and so she was
(17:35):
on her deathbed and we'd sort of take it in
turns to sort of be with her constantly. Yeah, and
when she did pass. I just happened to be the
person that was with her, holding her hand, and it
was I was really petrified that I was going to
be the person. And then when it happened, it was
(17:56):
so kind of peaceful and it's hard to blame, but
it felt like it's difficult to describe. It felt like
something had happened. I know it had happened, but it
felt like something in the room. I don't know, but
it just did you feel her leave? So I guess
I guess subconsciously. I don't know. It's hard to explain,
but I definitely felt something. And after that I wasn't
(18:18):
really worried about myself as such dying. The thing I
worry more about is like the people I leave behind,
do you know what I mean? Like how will the
general public cope? But I feel like I don't want
to put anyone through that emotional stuff because I died,
do you know what I mean? I don't like the
idea of that.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Are you are you? Are you a spirit man? Did
you feel like your nan soul was in the room
and moved? But I'm not like that at all.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
No, that's not something that I had a preconceived You know,
But then I guess my nan just died in front
of me. I guess that is a big thing anyway.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, but I think you're feeling that makes sense, like
it definitely felt like something that happened, like a moment.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
And what do you think happens after you die? Well again,
so I can't. Before I used to think sort of nothing. Really,
I was quite satisfied with that's probably the case. But
I have had a few spooky experiences in the spooky incident.
(19:23):
So my stepdad's parents lived His whole family had lived
in this cottage for like five hundred years. It's very old,
and my parents, my mom and my stepdad inherited it
and there was this time that they want to do
work on it, so they had to wait for panning
permission because it was like a listed building. So I
went and lived there for a bit, just look after
the place. And over the years there have been stories
(19:44):
of creepy kind of spooky things happening there. And so
I had two experiences. So one was I got back
from work, I put my sports bag in the middle
of the table in the front room, and then I
went into the lounge and I was in the lounge watching.
I was probably watching the film and I was in
there for about two hours.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Now.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
I remember putting that bag in the middle of the
table and then out of nowhere, the bag just hit
the floor, fell off, and I know it was in
the middle and it was two hours, it's not like
it was just And that freaked me out. So I
went up to bed and I forgot something, so I
went back downstairs turn the lights on in that room.
And as I turned the lights on, that all the
light bulbs blue.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
It was like that that. I was like, absolutely not,
so straight up to bed, barricaded the door. Not that
would do anything. So that was weird.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
And then I moved out, my parents moved in, and
then during lockdown, so I had a breakup. So then
I moved back for the second lockdown into my parents' place.
And there was this one night, so I had my
phone on the charge, you know those you don't like
it in be just put it on top of the thing.
So I put it on there, went to sleep, and
I woke up to the sound of my hoodie hitting
(20:56):
the bedroom door. So that woke me up, and when
I looked up, the hoodie was over by the door.
And that isn't where I leave it.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Oh God. So then I was like, that's odd. And
then I looked for my phone.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
I couldn't find my phone, and I know i'd put
it on charge, remember it very clearly, looked everywhere, went downstairs.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
It was early in the morning.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
My mum was going to work, and I said to her,
could just come upstairs to have I quit look with
me because this is really strange. And she came up,
looked everywhere, and the last resort we thought, I would
lift a mattress up because it's the only place we
haven't looked. And as you lift the mattress up, on
the floor, right in the middle of the bed was
my phone, just sitting there with stuff around it. And
there's a gra gent in the room, so it was
(21:38):
your opposite, so it couldn't have fallen off and rolled
like impossible.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Like the only way to get it there.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Would be to go on your hands and knees and
push it through all the stuff under the bed and
place it there.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
So that's weird.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
And also later on in the day there's a spare
room next door, and later on we went in there
and you know, on the back of the door you
get like loads of hooks and clothes hanging off the
back of it. They all those clothes have been flung
across the room.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Oh my god, and we're everywhere.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
So that's kind of made me think there's something. What
did you do about this, Polta Ghuyst. Does your mum
and stepdad still live there? Yeah, they haven't had any
trouble at all. It was you they wanted you out. Well,
technically I'm not a blood relative, so that could be
a thing.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
But yeah, so that's that's made me think that there's
I'm not saying it's ghosts, but it's something. I think
it's something. My brother's a bit of a skeptic and
he he's like, so you're saying there's more likely to
be that than you sleepwalking and doing it all.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
But I've never been known to sleepwalk.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
No, I mean, it's definitely a poto gheist. You've just
described a post. Yeah, that's definitely.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
And they wanted you out of the house.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah, But weirdly, I'm not scared of it at all.
I actually I kind of like the idea that it
is something, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I do so what do you think will happened to
you when you're doing this tsunami? You think you'll go
around moving people's shit around?
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Get my own back? Just to my brother, Yeah, are
you sleepwalking? In sleep walk? So I I honestly don't know.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I don't think it's I know what you're going to
tell me in a minute, but I don't think it's
like a heaven or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Oh, what's something?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Don't be ridiculous, market, there is a heaven and you're
going and it's filled with your favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
What's your favorite thing? Wrestling? Fucking hell?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
It's there are matches day and night. There are wrestlers
as well. Do you want to be Yeah, yeah, you're
wrestling everyone. Everyone introduces themselves by smacking the chair across
your back, and you're so strong and you're picking up rowdy.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Roddy Piper and trying him.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah he'll be up there, Yeah, trying Bret the hit
man Heart and the undertakers there and you're like, oh,
good to see you. He's like, I got nothing to
do up here and everyone so all the rest are
so excited to see you. I had talked to you
about your life through film. The first thing they ask you,
what's the first film you remember seeing Mark Simmons.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
The first film I saw at the cinema, and I
know it definitely is this film is Edwards Hands.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Wow, that's a great first film. Yeah, but it's a
great first because it is a great film. Yeah, but
at the time it wasn't. So basically it It's brought
up all.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
The time in our family because it was the first
time my mum and her friend took all the kids
to the cinema, and even though I was four or five,
I think I have a clear memory of afterwards them
really laughing because of how bad the film was, because
they were not expected.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
It just wasn't what they thought it was going to be.
It's not a kids film.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Really, no, I don't think, and I'm guessing they saw
Edwards Hands.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I thought it's some sort of superhero film, do you
know what I mean? A shot.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
And I remember him cutting in himself freak me out
a bit. I have a clear memory of that. But
I didn't rewatch it for a long time after because
I just thought it was bad, because everyone just we
just knew it as a bad film. And then when
I've rewatched it. I really like it now. I watched
it actually last year.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Where was this you went? Where were you grown up
in Kent in the town called Ashford? As Did we
first meet at a gig in Kent?
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Was it?
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Now?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Says that King's Head we first met? How was it?
Open note? I think so? I think so? Do you know?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
I once seed that open make note? I did it
once and I forgot every single person's name every single
time there was It was like like I went mad.
Every single person I came went, please go in the days,
it was really bad, and he never he never brought
me back again.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
I've got a real fear about forgetting people's names because
I've forgot the names before of people.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
That I've known years.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
For some reason in my head, when I'm about to
do that bit, I just think, wouldn't it be bad
if I could remember their name and then it just
completely goes blank. So I always write it on the
back of my hand. Now yeahfo, you.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Would have had to have small writing for that gig. Yeah,
there's too many names.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
And I kept going again, come on, I come on
and I do a bit, and the bit would then
wipe my brain and I'd go fuck.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
I've wanted to talk to you about this because I
just quickly ask you about this thing please.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
So you remember Kurt Driver? Yes? Yes, you and Kurt Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
His real name is Stuart Foreman and he's sort of
just started comedy again in Australia.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
So we talked quite a lot. Why was he called
Kurt Driver?
Speaker 4 (26:41):
I think he said it was a stage name, and
whether if he used to play video games. That was
his video game name for some reason, so he just
went with that when he started comedy. Yeah, but we
quite often talk about this bit that you did. Do
you know it's a bit I'm going to ask you
about your little Miss Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, do you remember it?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Because I've got feeling we remember it way more than
you two.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
I feel like it must we must have seen a
really good because I have spoken about years ago and
you were like, oh, yeah, I think I only did
that a few times, but we must have seen one
of the times where it really worked and it stuck
in our heads.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Do you remember what it was at all? Yeah? I
think it because I did it at Richard Sandler's Perfect Movie.
That's what I did it.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
And then I tried it in the real world and
it kept I don't to be honest, I probably wasn't
an experienced enough comedian to make it work in rooms
where people didn't care about films. Well that was but
maybe now I could. But yeah, it was. It was
by film of the year. It was picking my family
and my family. It was a Little Sunshine and mid
(27:45):
Little of Sunshine were really close. And then on Boxing
Day there's enough going to do in its pans labor
and I'm like, is that it? That's yeah, that's what
I have to tell little and she's not going to
be filmed.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
So good.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
It's really so sad, so exciting, and I'm like, we
need to talk.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
You know how a year we've been saying, yeah, you
remember that?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Yeah, So it's stuck in my head. I know it's funny,
that isn't it. But there's loads of people where in
those early days. I think those early days are stand up.
I came into it so unprepared, Like so Stuart was
a friend of mine and he just confidded me to
have a go. I didn't know comedy clubs existed. I
knew nothing about because I was so scared of talking
in front of people. It wasn't anything I considered doing,
(28:42):
and I feel like it was so impressionable everything that
happened then. So there's le acts that I haven't seen
since the first year. Yeah, I can remember load of
their routines.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Oh yeah, me too, for sure. There's an open mic
person who may have only done three gigs that I
did a gig in Hammersmith. My sister and her husband
came to watch me. I think they were the only
two people in the audience. Maybe there was one other
person in the audience plus the acts. And there was
a guy who went on the middle who we to
this day still quote. We still really he might have
(29:14):
done three gigs, but we remember a word for word,
every single bit of his five minutes.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, love to Cat Driver, who I really thought was
called Kurt Driver all this time.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
So sorry to break that to you. What a fraud?
What is the film that scared you the most? Do
you like being scared?
Speaker 4 (29:33):
I don't like jump scares at all, zero tolerance, right,
not a fan of them.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
I don't see that. I just don't understand them.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
I don't see the point of them, Like you could
enjoy a horror film without those I think, do you
know what I mean? No, I like the concept of
horror films, like I like the creativity. I like how
there's no rules and you can literally come up with
something like it follows. Like that's just a really creative
(30:05):
concept and it's terrifying if it was something that could happen,
which it can't. So that doesn't scare me, do you
know what I mean? I just realized, I say, do
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
A lot? That's right. I just noticed that.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
I've never noticed that before, such a London thing, do
you know what I mean? And when I was a kid,
I used to get scared a lot, so everything scared,
like Ghostbusters, the dogs, Like I was just terrified of
certain sort of dogs because of that. And the same
thing with like never ending story. You know, that dog
in the Cave really really scared me. If you watch
(30:40):
it now, it's just like a puppet. It looks so
it's like Sesame Street. It's such a weird thing to
be scared of. But the actual film that scared me
the most, and I've only ever seen one scene out
of it is it And what happened was I'd woken
up from a nightmare.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I used to have loads of nightmare as well as
a kid.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
And I'd come down upstairs and my mom was sort
of seeing to me, and then I think she went
off to make me a drink, and the TV just
happened to be on, and I didn't know what the
film was, and for the years, I didn't know what
the film was.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
But there was a scene and I always remember it.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
So clearly where there's a washing line and then you
see the clown and it scared me so much and
I was terrifying the clowns for years after that. And
like I've only it was only recently, but where I
sort of described it to someone, they go, oh, that's it,
and I still haven't watched it. I haven't watched it.
(31:34):
I don't even know if it is a scary film.
That bit really freaked me out. Like the other day,
my mom was going through some old photos and that
was one of my brother's birthday parties and there's a
cloud older four years older, and there was a clown
at his birthday party. And I said to my mom,
I was like, Mum, why aren't you in any of
(31:55):
these photos? And she was like, I was outside deally
with you, like, I just had a sleep outdown.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Why are you such a sensitive boy? Do you think?
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
I don't know. I've got an overactive brain, I think,
But I used to. I mean I don't. I don't
have nightmares or anything now. But when I was a kid,
like awful, like my mum would like, I'd really scarer,
I think, because I'd wake up in such a state.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I'd be like, I'm dying. I'm dying.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
Like now, I'm like, my poor mom, I feel so bad.
Imagine that your kid, cry kid, But yeah, I was
an absolute mess. I don't know why. What about crying?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Then? What's the film that made you cry the most?
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Not linked to the way I died at all? But
the impossible?
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (32:40):
But that, but it's not the actual that the tsunami didn't.
Isn't what made me cry. I went to watch the
film with so I used to work in the gym
and I always used to go with my friend who
works there, to the Cinny World. We'd both had Senni
World cards and we didn't know what the film was about,
but we just went to watch it.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
And towards the end of the.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
Film, I noticed that we were more or less sitting
back to back because of how much we were crying.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Gradually the other person couldn't see us. That film. Have
you seen it?
Speaker 4 (33:16):
I have.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
I think it's a great, great film.
Speaker 4 (33:19):
Like the emotional, it just comes at you from all angles.
Because suppose it depends how you watch the film. But
for me, I tend to put myself in the place
of the characters. So like, so you put yourself in
the place of the mum and you're like, she thinks
her husband's dead, the two children are dead, and you
put yourself in the son's position, and the mom looks
like she's probably gonna die. And then he thinks his
(33:41):
dad and the others are dead, and then you go
from the dad's point of view he thinks the other
two and it's.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
All like crazy.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
And then at the end when they spoiler alert, when
they find each other.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I was a sobbing mess.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
There's scene and there's a scene that film I think
about I Love where you McGregor makes the phone call
home and he does it like he's a wreck, and
then they haven't got a lot. There's some people are
like sharing a fame and then he hangs up and
then they make him cool again.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
Yeah, because he's been said to it. Yeah, it's very
sweet that bit. They're like, you can't leave it like that. Yeah,
there's so many points, and like at the end, because
there's someone else that the.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Dad was was it a dad's helping but.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
There's some basically you discover right at the end that
the person that was helping the dad he was also
looking for his family and you find out that they'd
been killed. And the moment when the kids actually, for me,
the biggest, bigest emotional point was when the kids the
brothers found each other and they're sort of running towards
each other, and I guess I put myself in my
(34:43):
position with being my brother and yeah, it's just non stop.
And I don't know about you with crying, but like,
I'm totally open to crying. I don't mind crying at
a film. But I won't watch that film again. No, God, Like,
I've only ever seen Bambi once. Yeah, I watched that.
I watched the Where We Live in time and I
(35:03):
thought it was excellent. But I will not watch that again.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
I can't. I can't.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
I can't knowingly put myself through that. I agree with
that what's the film that you love? People think is shit,
but you think it's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Cloud atless.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Oh mate, great shout, you get another twenty points.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
It's one of my favorite films and I don't know
anyone that's seen it.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
I've seen it, and I love it. Yes, first person
I've been hable to talk to about it.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Yeah, huge, huge swings all over the place. I've made
people watch it and they haven't got it.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
And I feel like it is complicated, and because it's
jumping around six time periods and they don't spoon feed,
you don't really know what's happening, I feel like people
will just naturally resist it and go, this is not
just I don't know what's happening in rubbish. But when
I first watched it, I was in Canada and there's
(35:58):
a girl I used to work with and she told
me about this book and she was telling me that
the film was coming out soon and it sounded interesting.
And then when I was in Canada, I was just
killing a bit of time and I went to watch
this film and I didn't know what it was, but
as I was watching it, I started to twig that
this is probably the film she was talking about and
I was really enjoying it, but I wasn't really understanding it,
and I left and I remember thinking, I loved that.
(36:23):
I don't know why or what it's about, really, but
I thought about it constantly for the rest of the day.
And then I went back on the same trip and
rewatched it after reading up a bit about it, and
the second view was really nice because then I was
sort of piecing together everything and I watch it loads,
and it's such a great cast. I honestly, when I
(36:45):
came back from Canada, I was like, this is going
to be the biggest hit, Like I just because I
got so much.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
This is a terrible centers.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
I've got so much feeling from it, like it's a
real big emotional payoff, and I guess it's I love
the con set of the following the soul across the
time zones, which was represented by a birthmark during the film. Yeah,
I didn't pick up like I had to read up
to understand that, But I don't know if you've got
(37:13):
that straight away.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
But yeah, I I may have read it before. But
I love a film that's taking big swings. It's huge,
taking some big.
Speaker 4 (37:23):
Swings and what's also complicated is because they've got this
great cast. It's the same cast members are playing different
characters in each time zone, but it's not the same
The soul isn't the same actor, so that that makes
it slightly more complicated to get across.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I think that's true, but I love it. What great answer.
That's one of the best dancewers with that respect. Yes,
on the other hand, what's the film you used to
love that you do not like anymore when you've watched
it recently, perhaps you have changed.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
I feel like this isn't gonna I don't want minus points,
but I feel like this is probably up before. But
it was a big part of my childhood and I
loved it. And that's Police Academy.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
It's okay.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
And during the lockdown, so I was living with my
girlfriend at the time and she was a bit younger
than me, so we had these It was really nice.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
It sort of got us through the start of the lockdown.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Was we dove his movie nights, and we had another
housemate who was her age and we dove his movie
nights and each night we choose something. So I'd always
chose something that they wouldn't have seen from sort of
when I was growing up, and I definitely overregged it.
I was like, this is the funniest Honestly, this is
the funniest film.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
It's so funny.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
They made seven of them. It's like I really overregged it.
And when I was watching it, I was embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
That's how like. There are elements of it that are funny.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
There's also troubling things there, as well as most of
those eighties films, but one of them at one point
just went, why are we watching this? No retrospect, I
probably shouldn't have made them watch all seven. It gets better,
you have to get through the first ribe. And it
was such a tradition though, like so my parents. They
(39:13):
broke up when I was about four or five, and
then whenever we go to my dad's every other weekend,
we'd always watch like a he'd rent a film for Blockbuster,
and whenever a Police Academy came out, that would always
be one that we watched. That's quite a it's a
tradition and that feels I do miss that, that feeling
of like walking into his living room and seeing the
(39:35):
Blockbuster table on the table and you don't even know
what it is because it's like it's a blank cover,
so exciting.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Young people don't know what that's like. They don't know
they're born. I miss that too. What is the film
that means the most to you? Not necessarily the film
itself is good, but the experience you had seeing it
will always make it meaningful to you. So I'm going
for sky Fall with this one. So my stepdad, I've
(40:05):
had a stepdad in my life for a long time
and he is a brilliant stepdad, but we didn't ever
really have interest in common, so like he'd be into gardening,
fixing cars. I'm into sports movies, stuff like that. But
he loved James Bond and I love James Bond, so
(40:25):
when we were younger, we'd always watched James Bond films,
and then when the Daniel Craig films, like when.
Speaker 4 (40:31):
Casino Royale came out, I took him to see that
and we had a nice time, and it started this
tradition that every time a James Bond film we'd go
and watch that together. And it's something I really love
that we do. And with Skyfall, it's such a good
film and it's for me. It's definitely the best James
Bond film. And afterwards, throughout the film, we kept look
(40:52):
at each other like just the nostalgia of it and
kind of felt like that should be the last one.
So I feel, just feel it was so good you
just couldn't top it. And we just kept talking about
it all the way home the next days. Even now
we will talk about it every so often, and I
just love that ironically it bonded us. Sorry, but it did,
(41:17):
and I just love that tradition. So I hope they
crack on and bring some more out. So that's so sweet,
like you looking at each other. I can't believe this. Well,
it's like when the Asta Martin came out, like they
revealed the old Esta Martin, from the old Basic from
the old films.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
It's just such a good moment. Nice.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
What's the film we most relate to? The film I
most relate to is five Hundred Days of Summer. Oh Jesus,
oh god, oh, what's what's happening? Mate's sad? I love
that film, but his character, it was me. He's me
(41:58):
in my early twenties. Yeah, heart on my sleeve just
falls head over heels in love. And I had one
relationship that was very similar to that vibe where everything
she did was we're together, but she never would quite
commit to that being a thing.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
You watched that film and we're like, that's me those Yeah.
So it's such a good film.
Speaker 4 (42:23):
I really love the way it's put together, and I
feel like, so now when I look back at that relationship,
I'm like, yeah, she was twenty one, of course, yeah
you know what I mean, Like in retrospect, like that's mad,
but I was so kind of head over heels. It's
a really interesting film because it's it's really like I
spoke to someone about it and they took a complete
different view of it to what I did. So they
(42:47):
were like, like they were on her side, as in,
yeah he was you know, she'd made it very clear
that that's all she wanted, because there's a part of
the film where she says she's not looking for anything
serious and he's like yeah, okay, But then she carries
on acting like that they are together, you know, and
she knows how he feels. So it's really kind of
as a great line. I think, interest, what do you
(43:09):
think of it? I haven't watched it?
Speaker 1 (43:10):
In you the sequence in it, expectation versus reality is
that is That is one of my favorite scenes in
the film. Yeah, it's a really impressive and really depressing
sequence but so much Yeah, and I think, yeah, i'd
have to watch it again. But my memory is she
she makes it clear, but she also doesn't.
Speaker 4 (43:30):
Yeah, she makes it clear, but she carries on like, yeah,
and she knows that he doesn't think the same as her.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
But then he doesn't say it's all about communication in.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
It, Yeah, and it's but it's also about his journey
of that was everything that's the most important thing to him,
but then he finds other things to love in his life,
and that's kind of a journey he takes. Yeah, like
he saw, like he gets some focus on his career
and he just finds other things to focus on, yeah
than just and then when he's doing that, he actually
(44:03):
finds someone who likes him back, and it's yeah, happy
ever after. But what I like about the film is
that it doesn't follow the rules of so I love
a wrong com but like it actually says right at
the top, this isn't a love story.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
I just think it's excellent. I just like it's just
I don't really think there's anything another film like it.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
You know what I don't like about that film that
I remember for him person is at the beginning it says,
doesn't it say on the screen this is not about you?
And it has a name, and then brackets it says bitch. Yeah,
And I always thought that's the.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Way it nice. That is very nice. It is about
the writer, It is about something that. Yeah, it isn't
very nice, is it? That's not very nice? What if
the sexiest film you've ever seen? Mark Simmon.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
I probably wouldn't think it's the sexiest now, but the
moment I first saw it, it was the sexiest thing
I've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
And it's a film called Chasers with Erica Elenia. Yeah,
so then it's.
Speaker 4 (45:05):
Yeah, so she was so she was my favorite in
Baywatch and I would have been really young, but in
my teens I guess early teens.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
But I turned the TV on one night in my
room and this film was on. I was like, oh,
it's her.
Speaker 4 (45:19):
I quite like her, and the whole film she's trying
so basically she's being transported. She's in prison being transported
to another prison by two guys, and the whole film
she's trying to produce them. It's very sexy and then yeah, exactly, mate,
I didn't I didn't know sex scenes existed before this film.
Speaker 5 (45:42):
Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I could not believe what
I was saying. Yeah, is that the pinnacle of cinema
for that that exact moment for that fourteen year old boy,
probably younger. Yeah, is that not a good answer for
It's a wonderful answer, and it's exactly the right answer.
(46:04):
And I am sick of people coming on this podcast
and pretending that it's brief encounter or something. Yeah, I'm
being real with you when it's clearly Jesus. But also
like under siege obviously is her seeding that, yes, you
understand the.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Rules of this podcast. That is the correct answer.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
There is, however, a subpargree troubling Boner is worrying wide
ones a film you found a rousing that you weren't
sure you should.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Okay, this is this is a bit weird. I think great,
so so uh.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
When I was younger, very young, primary school age, there's
a film called ThunderCats. The movie and it's it's not
she Tara, I wish it was Sitara.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
So there's a scene. This is so weird there's a
scene where.
Speaker 4 (47:00):
It's being chased and Mumra is the bad person, but
it's not being chased by Momra, but it's being chased
by this mummy thing. And there's a there's a bit
where he's trying to get away and the bandages sort
of grab him and then it sort of holds him down.
Something about that did it for me. I don't know
what it was, mummy, but I was so but I
(47:22):
was so young, so but I do remember that's something
something about that moment, you.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
Like a mummy holding you down.
Speaker 4 (47:31):
Yeah, I think it was more me being the person
being held down. Yeah, I don't know, but I don't
even think I was old enough to be aroused. But
I definitely remember thinking.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Mark Simmons, I'm giving you more points to this because
you have fully fully understood the remit. I'm giving you
fifty points for your sexual answers. So, what is objectively
the greatest film of all time?
Speaker 4 (47:59):
Yeah, this is a horrible question, isn't it. Good Will
Hunting is the best film.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
For all time? Okay?
Speaker 4 (48:07):
Is that is that?
Speaker 1 (48:07):
Does that come up a lot? No, not in this category,
but it comes up a lot. People talk about this
film a lot, but it hasn't been object so great. No,
that's okay. You put it in a different category. I
think that's a lovely answer. I think it's flawless.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yeah, yeah, don't. I haven't thought about it in that category.
But you're like, yeah, there it is. It's stayed with
all of us. We all think about it. It's now, however,
many years old, didn't all of us remember it perfectly?
You may be right? What do people normally bring that up?
The category? Honest? This a lot, but I don't people
(48:40):
always say the Godfather, don't they? No?
Speaker 4 (48:43):
No?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
Sorry, what does goodwill hunting come up?
Speaker 4 (48:45):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Maybe cried or related to you? So you know some
people are math tenius. Yeah, I mean I actually my
real answer you take so I is you real answer
the Godfather? No?
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Though my real answers party kids. No, you won't accept it.
I've heard you pooh pooh the Karty Kid on there before,
and I also go to have it.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Okay you can. What is the film you could or
have watched the most over and over again, best of
the best. Okay, do you know it? The Martial Arts film? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (49:23):
Yeah, I love this film. Yeah, I'm like I was
as a kid I was obsessed with this film. Is
this John pil Bandett, No, who is No. You got
your Eric Roberts, You've got your Philip ree Lovely, You've
got your Sally Kirkland, I've got your Christopher Penn mm hmm.
And you've got your James L.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
Jones. But who is the best of the best. They
all are. That's the beauty of it.
Speaker 4 (49:51):
So it's a martial arts team and they're training to
fight in a tournament against the Korean team.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (49:58):
And the reason I love it I think when I
was a kid, so I grew up doing martial arts.
My dad teaches it so and we do taekwondo, and
in the eighties every film was karate, and I just
loved that this was actually taekwondo what they were doing.
So all the fighting and everything is in the start
of Takwando. Actually say karate in the film, which is
(50:19):
really annoying because it isn't but they said that. I
think they say that because that karate at that time
was what sold. Yeah, but it's such a good film
and it could be in the other categories of people
think it's bad. But what I love about it as
well as the ending. It's not like your standard ending
(50:40):
of a it's deeper than a standard ending of a win.
So they don't win is the ending.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
So what happens. So what happens is throughout the.
Speaker 4 (50:48):
Film, you you find out that the guy who's the
main fighter in the other team, he kills the brother
of the main fighter in an earlier tournament years before.
So that character is going through the turmoil of fighting
this guy in the training and can he do it?
This guy killed his brother, And at the end he
(51:09):
basically beats this guy and it gets to a point
where he just needs to finish him off to win,
but that would mean probably killing him, and he doesn't,
and they lose, but he kind of wins because he's
kind of dealt with that stuff.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah, so in a way, he's the best of the best. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (51:30):
When I was a kid, we watched this so much.
My brother and I would recite it back and forward
to each other. So when he was at UNI, i'd
message him one of the lines and he messages back,
and we just go back and forward.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
And through the whole film. It was a bit obsessive, really, Yeah,
what's one of the lines? I mean, a team is
not a team.
Speaker 4 (51:47):
Unless you give a damn about one another, we expect
you to function as a team.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
As James L. Jones very good. I love it. You
heard of him? Yeah, yeah, I heard of him.
Speaker 4 (51:58):
What's the worst for we've ever seen? The worst film
I ever see was Expendables three. It's the only film
I've ever actually walked out of a film. I don't agree,
I don't do that. But I saw it in Edinburgh
in twenty fourteen at the Festival, and I was my
first solo show and I was so I was having
(52:20):
a bad time out there. It was no one was
coming to the show. I had a bad room. Everything
was sort of going wrong with it, as you know,
as can happen in Edinburgh. So I went there just
to sort of get away from it. And it just
it's just it was just pointless. Just there's no point
to the film at all. It's just it was just nonsense.
Speaker 2 (52:39):
Like the first one. I kind of liked the first
one a bit.
Speaker 4 (52:41):
Because I'm a big fan of those action films back then,
and just seeing all those actors together was fun.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
Yeah, but you don't need to do it again and
again They've done more, They've done Expondables yeah, yeah, I
haven't seen it, but I think I was also probably
a bit annoyed that there were more people in there
watching that than my show.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
That's tough.
Speaker 4 (53:05):
I really get that, But I guess we feel it
is a lot of like it depends how you're feeling,
doesn't it with a film in all sorts of ways.
If you're feeling sad at the time, or there's lots
of things going on, you're probably more likely to quiet films.
So I wasn't in a good place when I watched it,
but I doubt if I really watched it, I change
(53:26):
my mind.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
You don't really get any better. What is what you're in? Comedy?
You're very funny. What's the film that made you laugh
the most? Or is it please Academy?
Speaker 4 (53:38):
It's not pleae Academy Actually interestingly talking about like the
environment and things. I feel like we've actually laughing out
loud at a film. I think that's hard. I think
that's really hard to achieve. And the best environment I've
ever been in watching films is I used to work
at Sinney World when I was eighteen nineteen, which one
(53:58):
in ASHCVID, and they'd quite often do advanced showings like
secret showings and everyone after.
Speaker 2 (54:05):
Work would go and watch the films. He wouldn't know
what's coming.
Speaker 4 (54:08):
And that was such a great environment to watch films
because it was full of it. There's like it was
full with it with everyone from work. Everyone's the same age,
everyone's into the same sort of things. And Anchorman came
on and I knew nothing about Ankerman, so I had
no conceptions hand sing a trailer, didn't know what it was,
(54:28):
and it was It blew my mind.
Speaker 2 (54:30):
It was like I was discovering gold and I didn't
know at this point.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
I had no idea who Will Ferrell was, no idea
who Steve Carrell was. The gut laughs in that room.
It was phenomenal. It's so surreal, so silly, the gag rat.
And obviously we don't have sn now over here, so
our experiences of watching these films must be so different
to the people in America because they're like, well, let's
go watch the film that Will Ferrell's in.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
We love him. But to discover him in that film
for the first time, I'll never forget it. I loved
it so much. I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (55:03):
Mark Simmons, you have been such a delight and I'm
so grateful that you reminded me about the caves. However,
when you were convinced to take up surfing, and you thought,
but I want to get good at this, and you
hadn't read up that actually to get good at surfing
probably takes a lifetime. Who before I just pop away
(55:24):
for a weekend goes You didn't go with an instructor,
by the way, you were on your own.
Speaker 2 (55:29):
You had a board, you bought, you had no idea
do it. You'd watch the YouTube.
Speaker 1 (55:32):
But when you went out here were bright and everyone
was up in London and you were like, you'd read
big Waves today and you said, are great. And what
you didn't read was big wave, huge waves, tsunami wave.
That's where everyone's left brighton for the day. And you're
paddling about on the board and you look behind you
and you, oh, this one looks like one. And the
way it just keeps growing, keeps growing, You're like, oh shit,
(55:54):
and you're on the top of the wave. And then
the way it turns you over and crushes you into
the heavily beach it right to start with, that's not ideal,
and it's smashing you into all the comedy clubs where
you have been. You've killed there, but you've been smashing
against all the comedy clubs, and your head gets smashed
(56:14):
into the comedia wall and then smashed against a hotel
you've rushed against rather in the water subsides. Everyone heads
back to Brighton.
Speaker 2 (56:23):
I'm with him. I've got a coffin with me, you
know what I'm like? I did Mark come with you?
Speaker 1 (56:27):
And then one goes no, he was practicing hisself, and
I go, oh no, And we go down to the
to the waterfront. Everything's fine, everyone's fine, except there's your
body wrecked, smashed about and everywhere. You're missing the head anyway,
I say, oh, help me with Mark. So we're picking
you up. We're putting you in the coffin, but there's
bits of you everywhere. Your head has swelled in the
in the water stuff, and you have to chop up
(56:48):
your head, stuff it in and get all of you
in the coffin. There's more of you than I was expecting.
The coffin is absolutely jammed. There is no room in
this coffin. There is only enough room for me to
slip one DVD into the side for you to take
across to the other side, and on the other side,
it's movie night every night. What film are you taking
to show the wrestlers in Heaven when it's your movie night?
Speaker 2 (57:07):
Mister Mark Simmons go.
Speaker 4 (57:08):
I'm taking Karate Kid Wonderful because it's my favorite film.
I could have answered it for nearly order of the questions.
Mister Meaghi is my favorite character in any film. I
think he brings everything to the role. He's funny, he'll
make you cry. Nominated for an Oscar and I'd really
(57:28):
for that role. And i'd really really like to sit
down and watch it with him, and he's not longer
with us. I'd like to pick his brain about it.
Speaker 1 (57:37):
Wow, that's a really lovely answer, Mark, You've been wonderful.
Would you like to tell people to look out for you?
What should they be watching? Where will they find your special?
Speaker 2 (57:46):
Oh? Yeah, see, I'm special on YouTube.
Speaker 4 (57:48):
It's called Quip Off the Mark And if you like
one liners, I think you'll love it.
Speaker 2 (57:53):
If you like one liners, he's got a load of them.
Oh and check out my podcast.
Speaker 4 (57:57):
It's called Jokes with Mark Simmons, and I chat to
comedians about joke So I can't get to work.
Speaker 1 (58:01):
It's really good. Mark Simmons, what a delight. Thank you
for doing this. I'm glad we managed to fill it in.
It's lovely to see you. I hope you have a
wonderful death. Good day to you, sir.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Thanks than thank you very thank you.
Speaker 1 (58:17):
So that was episode three hundred and thirty six. Head
over to the Patreon at patreon dot com. Forward to
Aspect Goals team for the extra fifteen minutes of chat,
secrets and video with Mark. Go to Apple Podcast. Give
us a five star rating, but right about the film
that means the most to you and why it's a
lovely thing to read. It helps with numbers and it's
much appreciated. I hope you're all well. Thank you for listening.
Thank you to Mark forgiving me his time. Remember to
watch his special online quip off the Mark Quip Off
(58:39):
the Mark. Thanks to Scrubi's pipp and the Distraction Pieces
of Network. Thanks to Buddy Peace for producing it. Thanks
to iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network hosting it.
Thanks to Adam Richardson for the graphics and leads to
Lining for the photography. Now next week I have a
genuinely very special guest, An astronaut, an actual person who
has been in space. It is the only yes and
(59:00):
person who has been in space I've ever had on
this podcast, and it is an incredible episode and you
do not want to miss it.
Speaker 2 (59:06):
So that is it for now.
Speaker 1 (59:08):
Thank you all for listening. I hope you're will, but
in the meantime, have a lovely week, and please, now
more than ever, be excellent to each other.
Host
Brett Goldstein
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