May 8, 2024 • 38 mins
Jennifer Lee McQueen Barnes Balenciaga spent years in the Atlanta ballroom scene and is now pursuing law.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
It's Monday, and it is officially the first day of school.
I am excited a little more.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Calm than I expect it to be, but extremely grateful
for this opportunity to finish.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
A very necessary part of my career. And I'm excited
this is finally a show about the first day of school.
Jennifer was in the Atlanta ballroom scene. Wants to put
(00:45):
it to law. So seventh grade, first day of seventh grade.
I love my first days. Listen. First days are very
very important to me. So when I got on the
bun my cousin was on the bus and I think
at that time she was dating a boy and so
(01:05):
she was sitting with him, but she still let everybody know,
like this is my cousin, blah blah blah blah. And
I remember that was the first time people had CD
players back then, so I had the headphones on I
was listening. I was like, Oh, this is so cool,
you know, I can zone out to music. Was kind
of like my hideaway, like headphones and a CD player
(01:30):
and batteries. I was good, correct, that's me. Today marks
the beginning of what I would say is a completion
of a degree. I've been pursuing bachelor specifically, professionally, I'm
(01:55):
known as Jennifer Barnes, Palenciaga and Leek. I am missus
Jennifer Lee McQueen, and I think for the beginning of
school purposes, I am Jennifer Barnes simply. And we're riding
through East Harlem right now, headed to Baroke College on
(02:18):
a busy traffic field Monday. No better way I'd like
to start off the week. I achieved my associates last
semester and now I get to complete my bachelor's after.
I guess this would be going into the eleventh year.
(02:39):
So I'm excited and a lot of life experiences has
brought this point to where it needed to be. Is
there anything you did this morning to get yourself in
the right headspace? So I listened to David Bowie's when
I listened to Lenny Prafits, Black Girl, I listen to
(03:03):
Paul Jackson New York. I listen to Pol Jacks and Bulldozer.
I am a music person, so that helps me get ready.
I am pursuing an undergraduate degree in political science and
minoring in law. This would make me I think this
(03:23):
is my beginning of my junior year, so end of
sophomore beginning of junior is kind of where my placement
is at this point within college. First class is Civil Liberties.
From there, hopefully we can get something made somewhere around
here and then go to the second class. Second class
(03:46):
is European political systems, and the third is public policy.
But that is on zoom Yep. They're all in the
main building. Oh look, you can see the banners. We're
almost here. Seventeen. My biggest hope for today is to
(04:12):
have a great ID picture.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
I was set. I was a set person. I knew
who I was for a long time. I was born
January first, nineteen eighty nine in Hamilton, Ohio, to two
parents who were very young, one of which had just
(04:54):
graduated high school and one of which was going into
the military. And I think I was a lot more
than they expected, a lot more. I am brushing my
hair out because we have to look like something.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Now.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I'm putting on lift gloss. This is fortune Cookie and
I can't remember what this color. I think it's like
temptation or something. A tempted fortune.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Cookie looked this way. Smild you like ready, stand away
from your car.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You friend.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Nice?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Why didn't Now it's the waiting game. It's a good
fingers crossed legs, crossed toes too.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Oh please, oh please.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Please, school gods help me. I look like my mom. Dank,
h God, I look just like my mother. It's hilarious.
(06:44):
Well we're official. Oh god, I like my mom. I
had to send it to my husband. I'm still gonna
face tyring. You want to see the picture. It looks cute.
(07:13):
Don't I look like my mom?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
My god. Okay, that's all I wanted. We're walking around
campus and think from the beginning, I showed signs of
high expression. I loved with my mother while my father
was in a military and I started second grade at
Kramer Elementary, which is in Oxford. Activities that I was
(07:39):
allowed to do at Kramer Elementary were that of playing
with dolls. If I requested, I could do that. Seventy
percent of the class was black. I had a black
first grade teacher. Seventy to eighty percent of that class
was black. All of the black figures of leadership and
trailblazing movements were kind of presented to me at that time.
(08:04):
When I went to Kramer, my mother had started to
figure out that I was into women's things heels firstly,
and from there I think my mother was looking for
my father to save me and bring me back to manhood.
(08:24):
And so I went to live with my dad at
the age of seven and a half eight. So when
I moved my father a few months after going to
Kramer in Newport News, Virginia, which is of course a base,
totally different environment, very structured. It was very you know,
(08:49):
these are boys toys. I'll get you boys toys. We'll
get your boy clothes. When I went to school in
Newport News, I was made to do punishment if I talked,
or because I was talkative, of in the corner, like
I'd have to hold the push up position just because
I was being expressive. So the introduction of a black
(09:12):
male at that time, because that's what I identified as
and was, it's just a It was a lot. Once
I school became kind of the focus, and then not
just the focus, it was kind of like that you
have to and then not just that you have to,
it's you have to do better. And then with each
(09:37):
grade it just felt like more and more and more
was paling on to something that was already not being
dealt with like who I am, how I identify? School started
to be something where I would ditch class to be
with boys, Like we ditch and go to the bathroom,
and you know, you learned about anatomy and atomical mod movement,
(10:00):
but that was it, you know, not how to handle
yourself in those situations. So with that being said, I
ended up in detentions and alternate school assignment so kind
of like in school suspension, so you're removed from the
other students in place with these students that they're labeling
(10:22):
as bad or you know, disruptive, and you have to
do all the assignments that are put in class, but
without any of the fun. And I think I was
fourteen fifteen, and one day I came home and then
was like a fifteen I was supposed to be in
by eight, and my father would not let me in
(10:42):
the house. I walked away from the house and I
was going to my friend Sabrina's house, and my father
apparently had come looking for me. He was like, well,
you better beat me home before I get home. Impossible
in a car, And when it got out car, he
like threw me over the hood of the car and
(11:03):
was just really upset that I didn't make a home
by curfew. I mean, that's what all of this was
out for her. And after he left and that happened,
I called the police. I went to some neighbor's house
and I just called the police. And when the police
got to the house, they basically blamed me and said
I should be listening to this man in this nice
(11:24):
home and all this bullshit. And after they left, you know,
my dad came into the room after I said, oh,
didn't to go to sleep, and was like, well, since
you don't feel so safe, you need to find yourself
somewhere else to live. When I got to my mom's house,
(11:46):
you know, it's a great time for a period of time,
and then it starts to settle. End that one. You're
poor in this space. Not only poor, you're dealing with
the mother who has issues. So I go to register
for school and I was started in the freshman building.
(12:09):
At this point, I had been held back about two
to three times in school, and after three days there,
I just couldn't do it. It was children. I dropped out.
My mom the next day she said, come on, I'm
gonna take you somewhere. We went on this trip to Cincinnati,
and she was like, I found somewhere where you can
(12:32):
make some money. And I was like, okay. We wound
up going to job Corps, the recruiting space, and the
lady was like, well, you got two options. She said,
you can either stay at home with your mom and
she take you to class, or you can go to Dayton,
(12:54):
where you can live on campus and I'll pay you
a little stipend every week. And oh, well, I'll go
to Dayton. I had to shave my hair. I had
(13:15):
a mohawk, a literally a literal mohawk, and it was
blind ends and they told me, they said, you're gonna
have to cut the hair, and I was I was devastated,
but I was like, okay, okay. And when I cut
(13:39):
my hair, it felt like my whole life started that
At that very moment, I felt like adult had started
for me. I not only past the ged the first
time I took it. I graduated the same month as
(14:02):
my actual class was supposed to graduate. From the very
beginning of me being in school, I graduated in May
of seven. Like it was. I can't even explain to
you how much all of that turmoil was meant to
happen in order for me to understand what it means
to be traumatized and get past it.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And going to this.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Dang. I have three pages of notes already, learn some
new terminology. It's pretty exciting. I mean, it was a
(14:55):
good class, great professor. I think he is extremely knowledge
of He asked a question about what is quit pro quo,
and of course I know exactly what that is. A
sea of diversity and youth. We're singing questions so diverse.
(15:22):
Right now, we're headed to the fourth floor in order
to go to find where the second class is and
then starting till twelve fifty and so we're just making
our way downtown, walking fast faces past and we're class bound.
(15:49):
I ended up meeting a friend of mine who was
from Muskegan, Muskegan, Michigan UH named Torrianto and he he
he was the introduction to ballroom for me. He was
playing a Miss Jay Kuran beat and voguing in the
(16:09):
courtyard and and I was like, child, I could do that.
And that was kind of the moment where I started
learning how to vogue and dip and all this stuff.
And I was like, oh, I love this. So he
was showing me videos of you know, Sonaia, of Ashley Yaalanda,
(16:36):
of Katrina, of Mika, of like all the girls that
were the girls at that time, and I was just obsessed,
totally obsessed. Just the beat, the presumptuous understanding that with
this beat your meant to dance. Like That's what registered
(16:59):
in my mind as soon as I saw voguing. I
they just like it's slammed together. It was perfectly pronounced
that this is what happens. And so I've always been ballroom.
I just didn't know how to express it. So at
(17:20):
home when I was living with my father, looking on
YouTube and stuff like that, my best friend Cameron, we
had watched many, many clips voguing in the house all
the time. One day we went to this mini ball
in somebody's house because they're called many balls, and I
was walking the category of runway because duh. But the
(17:48):
crazy part about it was I didn't understand the fundamentals
of it. And I got on the floor and it
was almost like everybody was waiting for me to do anything,
and they chopped me in this house for walking this category.
And the funny thing was when me and my best
(18:09):
friend left, we was like that's the last time that's
ever gonna happen. Like we were determined to be the
best Cincinnati had ever produced, right amazing. I gave him
a business card and tell him how excited I am
about that class. I'm really enjoyed the syllabus, so I'm
(18:36):
looking forward to it because I got so much information
just from today that had I not been in class
at the appropriate time and listening, like I truly would
have missed some very good points in some initial ways
(18:56):
to study. Like I now know how my study it
needs to go. I feel like the first day of
class is supposed to give you that, and that's what
I got. I feel totally affirmed in the decision I made.
(19:17):
The diversity that I've seen there today has been affirming
as well. A lot of the interest that the students
seem to have seem to be pretty much aligned. I mean,
there's a probably a ten year age difference between myself
and the majority of the ten years plus of myself
(19:37):
and the students, so I think they're just a little
more excited than I am. Probably I'm like, yeah, when
can I take a nap? Me and my best friend
Sydney at the time was like we could go to
one or two places, you know, replaces La New York
(20:02):
or Atlanta. And I was like, fucking I mean, I
had two trash bags and a suitcase and I got
on that bus and I went to Atlanta sixteen hours.
If I'm not mistaken, Atlanta was full of you could
(20:26):
be whatever you want, but you better make it work.
That's what Atlanta was built on. I ain. During that time.
I had contracted HIV In twenty eleven, I was at
a club night. My best friend Camera and had come
(20:46):
down to visit, and it was getting free if you
just tested, and I was like, okay, well cool, we'll
go test because I can spend more money on drinks
at this point. So and got to test. My vest
friend Guy as the results he was fined, and I
got my results and they said, well this is showing
(21:07):
up preliminary positive, and so my entire world was crumbling.
I was absolutely, you know, distracted by survival. How was
I going to survive? Am I going to live? What
does this mean for sexuality? How do I engage sexually
with people with being HIV positive? All of these thoughts?
(21:31):
How old were you on this? Twenty one two and
it was just horrible. I had to drop out of school.
My grades were horrible, and yeah, I was homeless. I
was sleeping on some friends who were still in the
same schools couch for a while for a few months,
(21:53):
I think, and I one day I had gotten into
housing and founder program Evolution Center and they would give
gift cards and resources and shout out to John Diggs
changed my life. He recommended me going to the Grady
(22:14):
IDP building anyways, that's where all the infectious people were going.
And so I signed up for and I was waiting
around and one day I was able to get an
apartment and downtown in this place called the Etgewood Center,
(22:34):
and that came with supportive services. So the supportive services
place was behind. So I moved in there. My best
friend helped me move in. It's a room like this,
a little smaller than this. And I lived there for
six years, six seven years. The first four I cocooned
(23:00):
twenty three, twenty four. I was like, okay, bitch, do
you want to be a man walking around in hills
at forty five? And I started identifying with exactly what
made me happy, and my womanhood was what made me happy,
(23:21):
like truly being able to just go ahead and follow
that path. And so the next time I had a
doctor's appointment, I think it's a week or two later,
I told him what I was thinking. You know, I
would love to hear about options of that, and he
looked at me. The doctor looked at me and he said,
(23:41):
I absolutely can see where that would go for you,
and if that's what you want to do it, gave
me a pamphlet and tell me he'd give me a
week to think about it. That night, I called my
parents and told him. We came up with a name,
me and Ifat and Cody, and I chose Jennifer. My
(24:04):
aunt Ifat gave me the last name of Barnes. She
was like Barnes the name Salama, and it stuck and
I became Jennifer Barnes. I called my parents and told
them that's what my name was. That's how I wanted
them to refer to me. And yeah, I really focused
(24:25):
on what did it mean to be the woman that
I saw inside of me? What did that mean? What
did I desire? How could I do that efficiently productively?
I didn't want to be the same person I was before,
So I got in touch with Chanelle Haley because I
(24:49):
was changing my names at this time. Chanelle Haley at
Georgia Equality in Atlanta, Georgia, and I was like, oh,
they won't let me change my name. I had no
idea about how to do any of that shit. She
listened to me, huh, because she's very about our business.
And then she got me in contact with Emily Halden Brown,
(25:12):
and Emily Halden Brown got me in contact with BT.
He goes by BT, and he literally hand held walked
me through changing my name for free in Atlanta. It
was the most underground shit I had ever seen. I
(25:42):
remember my court date. I have a picture on my
phone of the day that I changed my name to Jennifer.
That was the first thing that I had really done
in completion. And after I started doing that, I became
an advocate for it becoming easier for people to be
able to change their name. So that was my platform
(26:04):
in the beginning, was being a name change specialists. Everything
started to blossom once I started becoming happy with my decisions,
being able to make my own decisions. You know that
is truly, it is the truth. If you allow a
(26:28):
flower to just be, it will bloom. If you give
it all the necessary things that needs it will bloom sunlight,
photosynthesis is real, water feeding drinking is real, and food
or pollination it does, it works. All those things work
(26:50):
together in tandem. So I think all of those things. Internally,
I started to understand and started to be appreciative of
the opportunities. I was given the peace that I was
able to sustain for myself and started to pay attention
to Okay, now what else can I do to help?
Once I figured out legally that I was me that
(27:14):
everything started to click. I got invited to come to
a youth policy HIV Advisor's interest meeting and then they
said that they were going to give us a stipend
and I was like, oh, well, I'm set I this
ain't sure, I'll do it. Absolutely sure will. The next
(27:34):
week or maybe the week after, we had a meeting
with state Representative Park Cannon. That was my first time.
I think I have a picture of that too, of
like me being able to be on the bill. So
it was the Georgia Legislative Black Caucus, and it was
Georgia's Sexual Health Policy Symposium of twenty fifteen, and I
(27:59):
was on a panel for voices of the epidemic black women,
transgender people, black MSM, and LGBTQ youth. I felt like
I was trusted in what I would, what I knew.
I felt like this was the first time that I
was able to really do things my way. And that's
(28:19):
all I've ever wanted, all I've ever wanted. If you
be and anybody, they'll probably tell you that's the one
thing about me. I've got to do it my way.
My life skyrocketed. It was just like it just went
up and it was the only person that could stop
me was me. Okay, so I just reapply my lip gloss.
(28:41):
After eating a delicious lunch at Chipotle, we are headed
back now to European Political Systems class at Barot College.
Whoo yeah, ver y. I want to power. I definitely
(29:03):
am a person that's looking forward to leaving d US.
I'm not sure if it'll be short term or I'll
be an expat or who knows, but I definitely am
looking for future career moves. That's the goal. I'm looking
(29:28):
to leave the US to become better acquainted with international procedures.
I believe that America has a lot of growth to do.
Being one of the youngest nations in existence with so
much controversy that could have probably been avoided if we'd
(29:49):
only learned new and more efficient and inclusive and equitable
means for Americans to exist row versus way being overturned,
ways that we can certainly identify and find layers of
(30:11):
how to make sure that those types of inconsistencies don't happen.
The only reason why I'm able to pursue these goals today,
you know, it's because I saw Shirley Chisholm. This is
the only reason why I do what I do, and
(30:33):
she did, you know, the first. So ballroom prepared me
to face any room head up, shoulders back, legs stretched
(30:54):
for the stripe, like I am absolutely prepared to do
whatever is necessary to make sure that equity is completely enforced.
So barroom in itself is a rebellious movement, a rebellious
movement of what we couldn't be included in. So if
(31:15):
I can't be a lawyer, I'm going to portray a lawyer.
If I can't be a runway model, I'm going to
portray a runway model. If I'm not asked to be
a beauty queen, if I'm not allowed to compete as
a beauty queen. I'm going to portray that within ballroom.
That's what the face category is for. You see the
(31:36):
presentation of life in America. It truly is the most
beautiful mockery of it. That's what it was created for.
Because you won't let us in, we'll do it ourselves,
and we'll do it probably even better in ninety nine
percent of time. That's what happens. You know, everything glamorous
(31:57):
comes from ballroom. Believe that we're talking about mainstream of
black and brown ball room. And for me, the highest
house in the land was always the House of Balenciaga.
I have been approached by the House of Mizrahi, the
House of gar Song, I'd been approached by House of Ebony,
(32:23):
I had been approached by the House of avant Garde,
which I did have a lot of mentors during that time.
In that house, I helped impost group with a voter
registration and at the voter registration is where I ran
into the legend Rico Balenciaga again, and that's where he
(32:47):
said the statement about how aga ish I was starting
to look and carrying myself, and you know, he knew
I was there doing then, so he was like, you know,
I see what you've been doing, and I want you
to be under my care. I'm gonna, you know, help
maneuver you. But I want you to come to a
(33:08):
house meeting. Being a part of the House of Lincayat.
I got in for, of course the work that I
was doing. But I am a talent and so walking
runway is my thing. I am a multiple of the
year runway winner in multiple states. I'm not just one
(33:30):
in Atlanta. I have won also in Philly. I've gotten
awards in Milwaukee for what I do in community as
well as being a presence on the floor. I am
(33:51):
to read the Constitution and its entirety, so I'm going
to take pieces. Today. I got through article one and
started article two, so I want you at least be
done by about five articles. Wednesday is the next time
I see him, So we're going to go over two
and three strongly. So if I can get those strongly
(34:15):
under the veil, then I should be fine. Student life,
I wonder if we're I want to go in there
because I want to see how I can buy some
what we call it paraphernelic. Hello, So I know that
(34:42):
we don't have a bookstore, right, so how do I
get swag? We used to have a store, bookstore, But
they tell me in the library, why right, bring back
the bookstore? I'm heard, so like, literally, no, no anything
(35:06):
sold here. If I started a petition, would you sign it?
I love in order to be taken serious and make
sure that the funding that I deserve is given to me.
I have to have credentials in my line of work.
And for what I am a woman, you know, women
(35:28):
in America eighty six cents to every man's dollar, you know,
and that's if you're getting You're just due a pay.
So now I wanted to make sure that educationally I
was garnered the respect that I deserved. That's what made
me go back to school. I'm great at advising, so
(35:52):
if I could advise specifically on international terms, then there's
not many people that are doing especially trands, that could
do that. I can do that. I am certainly well
(36:14):
equipped mentally to do that. My husband knew that that
was something I wanted to do, and he would always
say that you can do it. Everything about school I
did myself. My husband didn't help me anyway get started.
He don't pay for any of my books or things.
I've gotten multiple scholarships, I've been on Dean's lists. I've
(36:38):
written essays to get extra funding from private donors. I've
worked really hard, and it's just showcasing to me that
if you just do what needs to be done, what
you desire will be given to you. Alright. It is
(37:21):
currently ten fifty two, the night of Monday. It is
the first day back to school. I feel like the
day has been completed. I am extremely thankful for such
a consistently structured day.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
It is good night for now and math tomorrow
Speaker 1 (38:00):
To do.
It's Monday, and it is officially the first day of school.
I am excited a little more.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Calm than I expect it to be, but extremely grateful
for this opportunity to finish.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
A very necessary part of my career. And I'm excited
this is finally a show about the first day of school.
Jennifer was in the Atlanta ballroom scene. Wants to put
(00:45):
it to law. So seventh grade, first day of seventh grade.
I love my first days. Listen. First days are very
very important to me. So when I got on the
bun my cousin was on the bus and I think
at that time she was dating a boy and so
(01:05):
she was sitting with him, but she still let everybody know,
like this is my cousin, blah blah blah blah. And
I remember that was the first time people had CD
players back then, so I had the headphones on I
was listening. I was like, Oh, this is so cool,
you know, I can zone out to music. Was kind
of like my hideaway, like headphones and a CD player
(01:30):
and batteries. I was good, correct, that's me. Today marks
the beginning of what I would say is a completion
of a degree. I've been pursuing bachelor specifically, professionally, I'm
(01:55):
known as Jennifer Barnes, Palenciaga and Leek. I am missus
Jennifer Lee McQueen, and I think for the beginning of
school purposes, I am Jennifer Barnes simply. And we're riding
through East Harlem right now, headed to Baroke College on
(02:18):
a busy traffic field Monday. No better way I'd like
to start off the week. I achieved my associates last
semester and now I get to complete my bachelor's after.
I guess this would be going into the eleventh year.
(02:39):
So I'm excited and a lot of life experiences has
brought this point to where it needed to be. Is
there anything you did this morning to get yourself in
the right headspace? So I listened to David Bowie's when
I listened to Lenny Prafits, Black Girl, I listen to
(03:03):
Paul Jackson New York. I listen to Pol Jacks and Bulldozer.
I am a music person, so that helps me get ready.
I am pursuing an undergraduate degree in political science and
minoring in law. This would make me I think this
(03:23):
is my beginning of my junior year, so end of
sophomore beginning of junior is kind of where my placement
is at this point within college. First class is Civil Liberties.
From there, hopefully we can get something made somewhere around
here and then go to the second class. Second class
(03:46):
is European political systems, and the third is public policy.
But that is on zoom Yep. They're all in the
main building. Oh look, you can see the banners. We're
almost here. Seventeen. My biggest hope for today is to
(04:12):
have a great ID picture.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
I was set. I was a set person. I knew
who I was for a long time. I was born
January first, nineteen eighty nine in Hamilton, Ohio, to two
parents who were very young, one of which had just
(04:54):
graduated high school and one of which was going into
the military. And I think I was a lot more
than they expected, a lot more. I am brushing my
hair out because we have to look like something.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Now.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I'm putting on lift gloss. This is fortune Cookie and
I can't remember what this color. I think it's like
temptation or something. A tempted fortune.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Cookie looked this way. Smild you like ready, stand away
from your car.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You friend.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Nice?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Why didn't Now it's the waiting game. It's a good
fingers crossed legs, crossed toes too.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Oh please, oh please.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Please, school gods help me. I look like my mom. Dank,
h God, I look just like my mother. It's hilarious.
(06:44):
Well we're official. Oh god, I like my mom. I
had to send it to my husband. I'm still gonna
face tyring. You want to see the picture. It looks cute.
(07:13):
Don't I look like my mom?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
My god. Okay, that's all I wanted. We're walking around
campus and think from the beginning, I showed signs of
high expression. I loved with my mother while my father
was in a military and I started second grade at
Kramer Elementary, which is in Oxford. Activities that I was
(07:39):
allowed to do at Kramer Elementary were that of playing
with dolls. If I requested, I could do that. Seventy
percent of the class was black. I had a black
first grade teacher. Seventy to eighty percent of that class
was black. All of the black figures of leadership and
trailblazing movements were kind of presented to me at that time.
(08:04):
When I went to Kramer, my mother had started to
figure out that I was into women's things heels firstly,
and from there I think my mother was looking for
my father to save me and bring me back to manhood.
(08:24):
And so I went to live with my dad at
the age of seven and a half eight. So when
I moved my father a few months after going to
Kramer in Newport News, Virginia, which is of course a base,
totally different environment, very structured. It was very you know,
(08:49):
these are boys toys. I'll get you boys toys. We'll
get your boy clothes. When I went to school in
Newport News, I was made to do punishment if I talked,
or because I was talkative, of in the corner, like
I'd have to hold the push up position just because
I was being expressive. So the introduction of a black
(09:12):
male at that time, because that's what I identified as
and was, it's just a It was a lot. Once
I school became kind of the focus, and then not
just the focus, it was kind of like that you
have to and then not just that you have to,
it's you have to do better. And then with each
(09:37):
grade it just felt like more and more and more
was paling on to something that was already not being
dealt with like who I am, how I identify? School started
to be something where I would ditch class to be
with boys, Like we ditch and go to the bathroom,
and you know, you learned about anatomy and atomical mod movement,
(10:00):
but that was it, you know, not how to handle
yourself in those situations. So with that being said, I
ended up in detentions and alternate school assignment so kind
of like in school suspension, so you're removed from the
other students in place with these students that they're labeling
(10:22):
as bad or you know, disruptive, and you have to
do all the assignments that are put in class, but
without any of the fun. And I think I was
fourteen fifteen, and one day I came home and then
was like a fifteen I was supposed to be in
by eight, and my father would not let me in
(10:42):
the house. I walked away from the house and I
was going to my friend Sabrina's house, and my father
apparently had come looking for me. He was like, well,
you better beat me home before I get home. Impossible
in a car, And when it got out car, he
like threw me over the hood of the car and
(11:03):
was just really upset that I didn't make a home
by curfew. I mean, that's what all of this was
out for her. And after he left and that happened,
I called the police. I went to some neighbor's house
and I just called the police. And when the police
got to the house, they basically blamed me and said
I should be listening to this man in this nice
(11:24):
home and all this bullshit. And after they left, you know,
my dad came into the room after I said, oh,
didn't to go to sleep, and was like, well, since
you don't feel so safe, you need to find yourself
somewhere else to live. When I got to my mom's house,
(11:46):
you know, it's a great time for a period of time,
and then it starts to settle. End that one. You're
poor in this space. Not only poor, you're dealing with
the mother who has issues. So I go to register
for school and I was started in the freshman building.
(12:09):
At this point, I had been held back about two
to three times in school, and after three days there,
I just couldn't do it. It was children. I dropped out.
My mom the next day she said, come on, I'm
gonna take you somewhere. We went on this trip to Cincinnati,
and she was like, I found somewhere where you can
(12:32):
make some money. And I was like, okay. We wound
up going to job Corps, the recruiting space, and the
lady was like, well, you got two options. She said,
you can either stay at home with your mom and
she take you to class, or you can go to Dayton,
(12:54):
where you can live on campus and I'll pay you
a little stipend every week. And oh, well, I'll go
to Dayton. I had to shave my hair. I had
(13:15):
a mohawk, a literally a literal mohawk, and it was
blind ends and they told me, they said, you're gonna
have to cut the hair, and I was I was devastated,
but I was like, okay, okay. And when I cut
(13:39):
my hair, it felt like my whole life started that
At that very moment, I felt like adult had started
for me. I not only past the ged the first
time I took it. I graduated the same month as
(14:02):
my actual class was supposed to graduate. From the very
beginning of me being in school, I graduated in May
of seven. Like it was. I can't even explain to
you how much all of that turmoil was meant to
happen in order for me to understand what it means
to be traumatized and get past it.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And going to this.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Dang. I have three pages of notes already, learn some
new terminology. It's pretty exciting. I mean, it was a
(14:55):
good class, great professor. I think he is extremely knowledge
of He asked a question about what is quit pro quo,
and of course I know exactly what that is. A
sea of diversity and youth. We're singing questions so diverse.
(15:22):
Right now, we're headed to the fourth floor in order
to go to find where the second class is and
then starting till twelve fifty and so we're just making
our way downtown, walking fast faces past and we're class bound.
(15:49):
I ended up meeting a friend of mine who was
from Muskegan, Muskegan, Michigan UH named Torrianto and he he
he was the introduction to ballroom for me. He was
playing a Miss Jay Kuran beat and voguing in the
(16:09):
courtyard and and I was like, child, I could do that.
And that was kind of the moment where I started
learning how to vogue and dip and all this stuff.
And I was like, oh, I love this. So he
was showing me videos of you know, Sonaia, of Ashley Yaalanda,
(16:36):
of Katrina, of Mika, of like all the girls that
were the girls at that time, and I was just obsessed,
totally obsessed. Just the beat, the presumptuous understanding that with
this beat your meant to dance. Like That's what registered
(16:59):
in my mind as soon as I saw voguing. I
they just like it's slammed together. It was perfectly pronounced
that this is what happens. And so I've always been ballroom.
I just didn't know how to express it. So at
(17:20):
home when I was living with my father, looking on
YouTube and stuff like that, my best friend Cameron, we
had watched many, many clips voguing in the house all
the time. One day we went to this mini ball
in somebody's house because they're called many balls, and I
was walking the category of runway because duh. But the
(17:48):
crazy part about it was I didn't understand the fundamentals
of it. And I got on the floor and it
was almost like everybody was waiting for me to do anything,
and they chopped me in this house for walking this category.
And the funny thing was when me and my best
(18:09):
friend left, we was like that's the last time that's
ever gonna happen. Like we were determined to be the
best Cincinnati had ever produced, right amazing. I gave him
a business card and tell him how excited I am
about that class. I'm really enjoyed the syllabus, so I'm
(18:36):
looking forward to it because I got so much information
just from today that had I not been in class
at the appropriate time and listening, like I truly would
have missed some very good points in some initial ways
(18:56):
to study. Like I now know how my study it
needs to go. I feel like the first day of
class is supposed to give you that, and that's what
I got. I feel totally affirmed in the decision I made.
(19:17):
The diversity that I've seen there today has been affirming
as well. A lot of the interest that the students
seem to have seem to be pretty much aligned. I mean,
there's a probably a ten year age difference between myself
and the majority of the ten years plus of myself
(19:37):
and the students, so I think they're just a little
more excited than I am. Probably I'm like, yeah, when
can I take a nap? Me and my best friend
Sydney at the time was like we could go to
one or two places, you know, replaces La New York
(20:02):
or Atlanta. And I was like, fucking I mean, I
had two trash bags and a suitcase and I got
on that bus and I went to Atlanta sixteen hours.
If I'm not mistaken, Atlanta was full of you could
(20:26):
be whatever you want, but you better make it work.
That's what Atlanta was built on. I ain. During that time.
I had contracted HIV In twenty eleven, I was at
a club night. My best friend Camera and had come
(20:46):
down to visit, and it was getting free if you
just tested, and I was like, okay, well cool, we'll
go test because I can spend more money on drinks
at this point. So and got to test. My vest
friend Guy as the results he was fined, and I
got my results and they said, well this is showing
(21:07):
up preliminary positive, and so my entire world was crumbling.
I was absolutely, you know, distracted by survival. How was
I going to survive? Am I going to live? What
does this mean for sexuality? How do I engage sexually
with people with being HIV positive? All of these thoughts?
(21:31):
How old were you on this? Twenty one two and
it was just horrible. I had to drop out of school.
My grades were horrible, and yeah, I was homeless. I
was sleeping on some friends who were still in the
same schools couch for a while for a few months,
(21:53):
I think, and I one day I had gotten into
housing and founder program Evolution Center and they would give
gift cards and resources and shout out to John Diggs
changed my life. He recommended me going to the Grady
(22:14):
IDP building anyways, that's where all the infectious people were going.
And so I signed up for and I was waiting
around and one day I was able to get an
apartment and downtown in this place called the Etgewood Center,
(22:34):
and that came with supportive services. So the supportive services
place was behind. So I moved in there. My best
friend helped me move in. It's a room like this,
a little smaller than this. And I lived there for
six years, six seven years. The first four I cocooned
(23:00):
twenty three, twenty four. I was like, okay, bitch, do
you want to be a man walking around in hills
at forty five? And I started identifying with exactly what
made me happy, and my womanhood was what made me happy,
(23:21):
like truly being able to just go ahead and follow
that path. And so the next time I had a
doctor's appointment, I think it's a week or two later,
I told him what I was thinking. You know, I
would love to hear about options of that, and he
looked at me. The doctor looked at me and he said,
(23:41):
I absolutely can see where that would go for you,
and if that's what you want to do it, gave
me a pamphlet and tell me he'd give me a
week to think about it. That night, I called my
parents and told him. We came up with a name,
me and Ifat and Cody, and I chose Jennifer. My
(24:04):
aunt Ifat gave me the last name of Barnes. She
was like Barnes the name Salama, and it stuck and
I became Jennifer Barnes. I called my parents and told
them that's what my name was. That's how I wanted
them to refer to me. And yeah, I really focused
(24:25):
on what did it mean to be the woman that
I saw inside of me? What did that mean? What
did I desire? How could I do that efficiently productively?
I didn't want to be the same person I was before,
So I got in touch with Chanelle Haley because I
(24:49):
was changing my names at this time. Chanelle Haley at
Georgia Equality in Atlanta, Georgia, and I was like, oh,
they won't let me change my name. I had no
idea about how to do any of that shit. She
listened to me, huh, because she's very about our business.
And then she got me in contact with Emily Halden Brown,
(25:12):
and Emily Halden Brown got me in contact with BT.
He goes by BT, and he literally hand held walked
me through changing my name for free in Atlanta. It
was the most underground shit I had ever seen. I
(25:42):
remember my court date. I have a picture on my
phone of the day that I changed my name to Jennifer.
That was the first thing that I had really done
in completion. And after I started doing that, I became
an advocate for it becoming easier for people to be
able to change their name. So that was my platform
(26:04):
in the beginning, was being a name change specialists. Everything
started to blossom once I started becoming happy with my decisions,
being able to make my own decisions. You know that
is truly, it is the truth. If you allow a
(26:28):
flower to just be, it will bloom. If you give
it all the necessary things that needs it will bloom sunlight,
photosynthesis is real, water feeding drinking is real, and food
or pollination it does, it works. All those things work
(26:50):
together in tandem. So I think all of those things. Internally,
I started to understand and started to be appreciative of
the opportunities. I was given the peace that I was
able to sustain for myself and started to pay attention
to Okay, now what else can I do to help?
Once I figured out legally that I was me that
(27:14):
everything started to click. I got invited to come to
a youth policy HIV Advisor's interest meeting and then they
said that they were going to give us a stipend
and I was like, oh, well, I'm set I this
ain't sure, I'll do it. Absolutely sure will. The next
(27:34):
week or maybe the week after, we had a meeting
with state Representative Park Cannon. That was my first time.
I think I have a picture of that too, of
like me being able to be on the bill. So
it was the Georgia Legislative Black Caucus, and it was
Georgia's Sexual Health Policy Symposium of twenty fifteen, and I
(27:59):
was on a panel for voices of the epidemic black women,
transgender people, black MSM, and LGBTQ youth. I felt like
I was trusted in what I would, what I knew.
I felt like this was the first time that I
was able to really do things my way. And that's
(28:19):
all I've ever wanted, all I've ever wanted. If you
be and anybody, they'll probably tell you that's the one
thing about me. I've got to do it my way.
My life skyrocketed. It was just like it just went
up and it was the only person that could stop
me was me. Okay, so I just reapply my lip gloss.
(28:41):
After eating a delicious lunch at Chipotle, we are headed
back now to European Political Systems class at Barot College.
Whoo yeah, ver y. I want to power. I definitely
(29:03):
am a person that's looking forward to leaving d US.
I'm not sure if it'll be short term or I'll
be an expat or who knows, but I definitely am
looking for future career moves. That's the goal. I'm looking
(29:28):
to leave the US to become better acquainted with international procedures.
I believe that America has a lot of growth to do.
Being one of the youngest nations in existence with so
much controversy that could have probably been avoided if we'd
(29:49):
only learned new and more efficient and inclusive and equitable
means for Americans to exist row versus way being overturned,
ways that we can certainly identify and find layers of
(30:11):
how to make sure that those types of inconsistencies don't happen.
The only reason why I'm able to pursue these goals today,
you know, it's because I saw Shirley Chisholm. This is
the only reason why I do what I do, and
(30:33):
she did, you know, the first. So ballroom prepared me
to face any room head up, shoulders back, legs stretched
(30:54):
for the stripe, like I am absolutely prepared to do
whatever is necessary to make sure that equity is completely enforced.
So barroom in itself is a rebellious movement, a rebellious
movement of what we couldn't be included in. So if
(31:15):
I can't be a lawyer, I'm going to portray a lawyer.
If I can't be a runway model, I'm going to
portray a runway model. If I'm not asked to be
a beauty queen, if I'm not allowed to compete as
a beauty queen. I'm going to portray that within ballroom.
That's what the face category is for. You see the
(31:36):
presentation of life in America. It truly is the most
beautiful mockery of it. That's what it was created for.
Because you won't let us in, we'll do it ourselves,
and we'll do it probably even better in ninety nine
percent of time. That's what happens. You know, everything glamorous
(31:57):
comes from ballroom. Believe that we're talking about mainstream of
black and brown ball room. And for me, the highest
house in the land was always the House of Balenciaga.
I have been approached by the House of Mizrahi, the
House of gar Song, I'd been approached by House of Ebony,
(32:23):
I had been approached by the House of avant Garde,
which I did have a lot of mentors during that time.
In that house, I helped impost group with a voter
registration and at the voter registration is where I ran
into the legend Rico Balenciaga again, and that's where he
(32:47):
said the statement about how aga ish I was starting
to look and carrying myself, and you know, he knew
I was there doing then, so he was like, you know,
I see what you've been doing, and I want you
to be under my care. I'm gonna, you know, help
maneuver you. But I want you to come to a
(33:08):
house meeting. Being a part of the House of Lincayat.
I got in for, of course the work that I
was doing. But I am a talent and so walking
runway is my thing. I am a multiple of the
year runway winner in multiple states. I'm not just one
(33:30):
in Atlanta. I have won also in Philly. I've gotten
awards in Milwaukee for what I do in community as
well as being a presence on the floor. I am
(33:51):
to read the Constitution and its entirety, so I'm going
to take pieces. Today. I got through article one and
started article two, so I want you at least be
done by about five articles. Wednesday is the next time
I see him, So we're going to go over two
and three strongly. So if I can get those strongly
(34:15):
under the veil, then I should be fine. Student life,
I wonder if we're I want to go in there
because I want to see how I can buy some
what we call it paraphernelic. Hello, So I know that
(34:42):
we don't have a bookstore, right, so how do I
get swag? We used to have a store, bookstore, But
they tell me in the library, why right, bring back
the bookstore? I'm heard, so like, literally, no, no anything
(35:06):
sold here. If I started a petition, would you sign it?
I love in order to be taken serious and make
sure that the funding that I deserve is given to me.
I have to have credentials in my line of work.
And for what I am a woman, you know, women
(35:28):
in America eighty six cents to every man's dollar, you know,
and that's if you're getting You're just due a pay.
So now I wanted to make sure that educationally I
was garnered the respect that I deserved. That's what made
me go back to school. I'm great at advising, so
(35:52):
if I could advise specifically on international terms, then there's
not many people that are doing especially trands, that could
do that. I can do that. I am certainly well
(36:14):
equipped mentally to do that. My husband knew that that
was something I wanted to do, and he would always
say that you can do it. Everything about school I
did myself. My husband didn't help me anyway get started.
He don't pay for any of my books or things.
I've gotten multiple scholarships, I've been on Dean's lists. I've
(36:38):
written essays to get extra funding from private donors. I've
worked really hard, and it's just showcasing to me that
if you just do what needs to be done, what
you desire will be given to you. Alright. It is
(37:21):
currently ten fifty two, the night of Monday. It is
the first day back to school. I feel like the
day has been completed. I am extremely thankful for such
a consistently structured day.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
It is good night for now and math tomorrow
Speaker 1 (38:00):
To do.
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