5 Reasons You Should Work Out with A Partner

Working out alone can be a way for one to escape and focus completely on the exercise at hand, but there are many reasons why working out with someone else can help you stay on the right track while getting the most out of your workout. In this episode, Tom runs though five of his top reasons for working out with a partner with a little bit of science sprinkled in.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Fitness disrupted, a production of My Heart Radio. Uh,
I am Tom Holland, and this is fitness Disrupted. So
I ran into a friend yesterday and this friend we

(00:25):
started talking about exercise, as often is the case with me,
shocking I know, with the people I run into, but
we were talking about exercise, and he told me that
he had just done his fiftie run run, just started
back running, and he was saying fiftieth run of the

(00:46):
COVID Lockdown essentially, so not in a very long amount
of time, relatively short amount of time, so fifty runs.
It surprised me. He is ridiculously consistent. So I obviously
probed a little more to find out why and how
and what was going on. This is what I do.
And he said he was getting up in the morning

(01:09):
first thing and running with a friend, and I thought,
this is the show I have to do. Have not
done a show yet about why you should work out
with a partner. So that's today's episode. Five reasons, really
powerful reasons you should find a workout partner. And I've

(01:31):
done the show on why you should get up early,
so that was connected to what he said. But I've
already done that show reasons you should exercise first thing
in the morning, So if you haven't listened to that podcast,
you should powerful, powerful scientific reasons why. Some are obvious,
some are less. But I was really excited for him

(01:53):
because this guy, he's an athlete. Uh my age older, older,
sounds weird saying that, but he was very proud and
listen at our age. I'm fifty one. I'm not sure
exactly how old he is, but he's close. I think
a little younger, but running fifty times and he was
running every day, five days a week. I should it's

(02:14):
five to six days a week with no issues. So
on several levels, this was impressive and the most important
to me, as I've talked about on just about every show,
is consistency. So that led to this show about five

(02:35):
reasons you should find a workout partner. Now, back when
I was a trainer working with different clients of all ages,
abilities and goals for many of them, that's exactly what
I was, and I literally was for some of them
outside the gym, especially I worked out with them. I've

(02:56):
talked about how when I moved out of the city
and continued to work with clients, what I ended up
doing primarily for a couple of years, several more than
a couple was just running, just running with clients all
different goals. Weight loss was a common one, training for
different events, uh, stress reduction. But I was their workout partner.

(03:20):
So even though I was their trainer, I was their
workout partner. And back when I was working out in
the gyms, there were clients who said that they wanted
to work out with me during the session. They wanted
that to be the session that I would throw on
my workout clothes and I would be their training partner.
And you know, it was amazing. So many of the
gym's wouldn't let us do that. That's what the client wanted,

(03:46):
and the gym just didn't like it that there was
no good reason. Is exactly what the client wanted. Now,
I wouldn't do that with all clients, and only if
they asked, and it was still about them. But that's
what certain people wanted and certain Jim said absolutely not.
That was a mistake in my opinion, because, as I

(04:07):
will outline shortly, having that workout partner is extremely powerful
on numerous levels. And let me say this as well,
I'm intrinsically motivated what's intrinsic motivation. It's basically exercising for
the satisfaction gained in the activity itself. Now, I am

(04:30):
an exception to the rule. Most people, when it comes
to exercise, don't find pleasure in it right away, I
should say, but you can become that, I will argue.
Most people don't start that way. But when you do
it enough, when you find what you enjoy, when you
get those feel good hormones, when you see the results,

(04:53):
that switch gets flipped. So that is what this show
will be about. If you don't have a training partner yet,
get excited. Get excited because this could be and can
be what flips the switch for you. Quick break will
be right back. Five reasons you should find a workout partner.

(05:26):
Five reasons you should find a workout partner. Now, let
me differentiate between at home slash outside versus the gym,
so you can have one or the other or both.
So I talked about my friend who was running is
running in the morning with a partner, So that's working

(05:50):
out at home, I would say, or outside. And then
there are those people who are Jim rats love it
and they have the gym partner both work and that shows. Also,
there's so many different ways of going about this. There's
not one way. I'm not saying you have to go
to the gym and find a workout partner. And I'm

(06:10):
not saying you have to go for a run in
the morning. You do what you like to do. And
let me just say the run in the morning can
also be a walk. There are so many people who
find that walking partner. And I'm just about to give
you all those reasons why, and listen, some of this
is gonna be self explanatory, is going to be common sense,

(06:31):
as is so often the case, but then you need
to hear the science and you just constantly need to
be reminded of it, and then you have to do
it and then change happens. So I love to see
people out in pairs walking and running, walking whatever it is,
biking that workout partner because you know that those two

(06:55):
people are helping each other be the best that they
can be and be as healthy as they can be
and helping one another do what I'm about to talk
about when it comes to the reasons why it's so valuable.
But if you go to the gym, it could be
the gym if you want to walk at home, or

(07:15):
walk outside with someone, or work out at the house.
By the way, it can be that as well. And
let me throw in, as I say this a third,
because this is the new world we live in, it
can be virtual. So many people are doing zoom workouts
now with trainers and different people. You can do that
with your workout partners, so you don't even have to

(07:38):
go to the gym or meet them outside. You can
wake up in the morning have a zoom workout together.
So why does that work well? First and foremost accountability.
Accountability because most people aren't intrinsically motivated. Most people don't

(07:59):
want to get it up first thing in the morning
by themselves an exercise. I get it. You can get there,
but you don't have to. By the way, you don't
ever have to be intrinsically motivated. There's a huge social
component to this that I will talk about. But accountability
first and foremost, what do I talk about excessive moderation?
The success comes from doing a little bit a lot,

(08:20):
not a lot a little bit. It's not going out
for that one really long run or walk once a
week or once a month. Ideally you are consistent, and
accountability is everything. That's why when I was a trainer.
You paid me to help you be accountable, and there's

(08:44):
nothing wrong with that. By the way, stop beating yourself
up if you say wow, listen. This is a great
example of that. When I was running with people, people
would say to those people, why are you paying someone
to run with you? They couldn't believe that someone would do.
And I would say to them, ask them if they're running,

(09:06):
ask them if they're working out. It's okay. It's more
than okay to invest in your health. And it is
not a condemnation of your motivation that you need to
pay someone if it's a trainer. What's the difference if
you are going to the trainer and you pay them
or you are going to a friend just because money

(09:27):
is exchanged, that that's not a a negative to you.
And I'll give you other reasons why as well. Shortly so,
that was one of my huge benefits as a trainer
was they were accountable not only that they made the
session with me, but that they had invested that they
had literally put money into it. And many gyms have

(09:50):
a twenty four hour cancelation policy for that very reason,
not to punish people, but because it's totally understandable that
people get busy and people don't prioritize exercise, and so
the number of people that cancel really close to the
session itself is exponential. And so having that twenty four

(10:11):
hour cancelation policy that helps with accountability. Oh my gosh,
I don't want to get charged, so it's financial, and
then hopefully it's emotional. I will get to that, but
at the end of the day, it's about being accountable.
So you don't want to disappoint that person. So if
you have that workout partner, and that is what this
friend said, the one who's running five days a week

(10:34):
with this friend, he knows that that friend is going
to be at his door at whatever time, seven am,
six thirty am. Number one way to be consistent is
to be accountable to someone else, okay, And that goes
to number two. Motivation. It's going to help with that

(10:58):
motivation that you're not intrinsically motivated, that you go, Okay,
now I'm a little bit more excited to do this workout.
I am motivated. This person is helping me with motivation
connected to the accountability, but still a little different. The
motivation getting you excited to reap the rewards of the

(11:23):
exercise you are going to do. And so motivation is
enormous and it is not a negative that you need
help with that. That is the norm. Again, I want
to just stress that you can get to that point.
If you I would argue, and I have seen it

(11:44):
has been my experience. Work out with your partner enough
you will get to that point where sometimes you want
to and sometimes you'll do it by yourself. And at
the end, I'm gonna say, how you know, that's not
only okay, that is good as well the variation there.
But motivation is huge, intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation, you know,

(12:07):
sports psychology. It's totally understandable. And at the start with exercise,
most people don't go, hey, I'm totally you know, jumping
out of bed at five am because I'm so excited
to do this. I do. But that's different, all right,
And then here we go, here's where it gets. So
those kind of things pretty common sense, right. Accountability, I

(12:30):
get it. People showing up super powerful though you're lying
in bed. It's really hard when you go there's gonna
be someone outside my door. And also, by the way,
if you're going to the gym, you're leaving work, let's say,
and you have your workout partner one two, three times
a week that you're meeting at the gym after work.
You don't want to let them down. You go, oh,
he or she is waiting for me. And so the

(12:52):
accountability and then the motivation because it's a little different,
right when you're working out with someone else, a lot different.
I should say, that is super helpful. And number three
and this gets exciting. This is where you know the
fund comes in you. You might not or many people
wouldn't have thought of this or even know the concept competition.

(13:13):
And I am going to give you three studies on this,
and this goes to one of the studies. The final study,
I will talk about competition. And let me give you
just an example from my experience personally. Years ago, when
I was training and really racing for iron Man's and marathons,
I found a training partner and we randomly met at

(13:36):
a y M c A and we started talking and
I said, this guy who was a cyclist and a runner,
and I said, you know, we're gonna we're gonna train together.
And I joked about him because we would meet in
his neighborhood, his town next door to mine, and we
would either run or cycle, and he was just two

(13:58):
steps better than I was. He was better, definitely a
better athlete, not incredibly better, but enough that I would
literally chase him around the hills when we were cycling
or running on the streets. I would chase him around
the track when we were doing track workouts. And I
joked that I always saw the back of his head
and we needed to go out socially because I would

(14:20):
like start to go into fits when I would see him,
because I was always a little bit dis you know,
uncomfortable in the workouts. But it works, and you know,
let me just jump to that study. Let's jump to
that study. I was gonna save it, but it's just
too important, all right. So this is a really incredible study.
The title of the study is Aerobic exercise is promoted

(14:41):
when individual performance affects the group. A test of the
color motivation gain effect. Now what is that effect? What
is the color effect? That is a phenomenon that occurs
when people work harder as a member of a group.
So when a person you work harder as a member
of a group, then when you work alone makes sense, right,

(15:03):
and so much of sports psychology is connected to this,
and sure common sensical, but it's pretty profound. And this study,
this is a really interesting study. So this was Annals
of Behavioral Medicine, October two thousand twelve, and so they
were looking at whether a virtually present partner would influence
the motivation to exercise longer, Like would you work out

(15:25):
longer if you were working out with someone virtually So
let me pull this up because this is so interesting.
So they had three groups and they're all gonna be
on bikes, right, So first group was a control group
and they exercised alone. The second group worked out with
a single partner, and the third group worked out with
a partner, but was told that the results of their

(15:47):
tests were based on the partner with a weaker performance,
So whoever quit first, the results would be based on
that person's results. What was really interesting about this too,
is they were virtual, so they were sky you were
on a bike, either by yourself, or you were on
a bike looking at a video screen of your partner.
And here's where it gets even more interesting. So even

(16:10):
though they were told that they were working out with
a partner, it was actually a prerecorded video. And so
the second video, the second group, I should say, those
people were working out with the video of their partner
who was just working out with them. But that third
group was that virtual partner on a loop, and the
partner was always a little bit better. I love this stuff. So,

(16:32):
just like my training partner, that third group was exercising
with a partner virtually, but it was you know, set
up so that they would always be a little bit behind.
Now again not surprisingly, but the results, the amount of
difference was profound, profound. Not only did improve performance to

(16:54):
work out with someone, it improved their motivation and all
that stuff. But the solo riders made it about ten
minutes on the bike before they quit. That's not bad.
The second group, the one that rode with a partner,
same level, though, twenty minutes double, so you go, okay,
just working out with a partner twice as long, exactly,

(17:19):
third group worked out twenty one point nine minutes double
more than double. Okay, then working out alone, that's amazing.
That's amazing. So you can find people that are your level,
a little bit better than your level, and you can

(17:39):
you know, I'll talk about you know, you can also
do small groups, but ideally you want to exercise with
someone who is either at your level or a little
bit better. Why, you've got the accountability, you've got the motivation,
and then you've got the competition. You've got the competition,
you are going to get more out of your workout.

(18:02):
And let me say this, this is such a cool
experience for me and the partner I was working out with.
I'm not sure, maybe he's a year or two. And
then one day we were at the track and we
were doing a workout and I beat him, and I
beat him, so I stuck with it. He wasn't so
much better than me that it was discouraging. You can't
have that, but it was motivating. I stuck with it,

(18:26):
and he made me better. He made me better, I
can truly amongst other reasons, but he was one of
the primary reasons I competed well back in the day.
He was the perfect training partner for me and that
was super helpful. All right, final break, When we come back,
two more reasons, a couple more studies why you should

(18:50):
find a workout partner. We'll be right back talking about
workout partners now. Just like exercise, I would ideally want
you to do a mix of everything, So not only

(19:11):
a mix of exercise, cardio, you know, mixing up those workouts,
strength training, mixing up those workouts, but also hopefully mixing
up working out alone, because you can't do it all right,
you can't do it all with someone, but you can
do some significant exercise as the friend I started the
show talking about does five days running twenty five miles

(19:33):
a week at you know, late forties, I think, which
is really impressive, and you know it wasn't a huge
runner before that. So mixing up some workouts, you know,
micro workouts, as I talked about, doing some some home
stuff throughout the day, but having maybe your bigger session
once twice, five times a week, whatever it is, with

(19:57):
someone else, accountable, reality, motivation, competition, that color effect so powerful.
You don't want to disappoint the group. So that was
the third third group. They didn't want to disappoint that
partner out tortures. By the way, I think of that
movie um Speed where you know it's on loop, the

(20:19):
video is on a loop, But what a cool study
where that third loop partner was just a little bit
better so you couldn't catch up. Awesome and that's why
it is super important to pick the right partner. So
let's go there. One huge part of this is the

(20:42):
emotional connection and that leads to a study. Let me
pull this one up, because there's an emotional connection when
he comes to disappointed. If you don't care about that partner,
if you don't care if you show up, if you
don't care, if you disappoint them, then that's not the
right partner, right. That's not gonna give you accountability. You go,
I don't really care that much about this person that
you're willing to blow them off or vice versa, text

(21:03):
them and say, you know, I don't want to work
out today, or you know, you don't really care about,
you know, keeping up with a workout if they say
we're gonna run five miles and you're like, uh, you know,
I'm only doing three, or if you're going for a
walk and cutting a short so you need that emotional connection.
And here we go. So the study is a new

(21:25):
exercise partner is the key to exercising more. This was
October two thousand sixteen, done at the University of Aberdeen
and researchers were looking at whether having an exercise companion
increases the amount of exercise we do, very common sense,
as I talked about, So not surprisingly, they found out
that finding a new exercise companion increased the amount of

(21:47):
exercise you did. But here's what's not so obvious to
so many people. It's really important. The amount was increased
when the partner was emotionally supportive a okay, emotionally supportive
and providing encouragement. That's a huge part of it. You know,

(22:07):
when I ran with those clients for a couple of years,
and I would literally start at five am and sometimes
not finished till eleven or twelve, having run with four
or five, six people back to back, I joked that
my my truck looked like a healthy homeless person lived
in there. It was just filled with sneakers and clothes

(22:29):
and water bottles and gatorade and power bars. Because I
would run four miles with one client, I might walk
five miles with the next client, you know, run three
miles with the next client, on and on and on.
But I would rarely open my mouth. I would rarely
open my mouth because it was their time and the

(22:50):
emotional support was just listening, and that was so profoundly
powerful for the client. Because let's be honest, most people
don't listen waiting to speak, right are you listening? Are
you waiting to speak? So when people would say why
do you run? Would pay someone to run with you?
That was one of the biggest parts is that it
was their time and whether we were walking for thirty

(23:11):
minutes or running, and it was often run walking by
the way for an hour, sometimes longer, it was their
time to speak, and I was just providing encouragers is
it's called in counseling and psychology. I would just say,
uh huh, tell me more things like that. And so
that's the partner you want. So not only do you

(23:32):
ideally want them to be the same level as you
or a little better fitness wise, but you want them
to be the right partners psychologically for you. And one
final time, back to that friend who's running five days
a week with that other friend, he said he was
the perfect partner, or he is the perfect partner for me,

(23:52):
because my friend doesn't want to speak and the other
friend talks. And so he said, you know, when they're
running up Steve Hills, he's listening to the other friend
because he can't he can't Breathe pretty much, so it's perfect.
So you not only want to match yourself physically with
your partner, but psychologically, you know, you don't want Debbie

(24:16):
downer or you don't want the guy who's you know,
talking when you know you'd like to talk every now
and again. So you gotta match up on that level
as well as super important because encouragement, Wow, I mean,
that's what I found. It was so powerful as a
coach and a trainer is helping to encourage people and

(24:37):
oftentimes that was just listening. So know that you have
to find that as well. Okay number four, Number four,
and this one isn't talked about enough when you read
articles and listen to shows on having a partner. Find
someone who is really good at what they do. Is
a teacher. So the guy I trained with, he was

(24:59):
a competitive cyclist, so he could teach me things that
I might not know about cycling or fitness or whatever
at the time. So if you can find that, now
we're getting, you know, making the pool smaller. So you
want to find the person that lines up with you
on the fitness side, lines up with you on the
psychological side, and then ideally, if you're a walker and

(25:20):
this person has been walking for a long time, maybe
has lost some weight, or if you're a runner, triathlete,
bike or whatever it is. We're going to the gym
and you are strength training with someone who has done
this for a long time, you can learn. So look
for that as well. You can learn from your workout partner,

(25:41):
and that goes for exercise as well as other things
as well. By the way, I say, I got a
you know, a business degree or you know, business school
degree from so many of my clients, I kept my
mouth shut and I worked with some top C e
O S celebrities and I just listened. So I learned

(26:02):
a lot. I learned a lot. But back to the
exercise part. You know, if you are starting strength training
and you're looking for a partner, find someone hopefully that
has a base of knowledge at the very least or
is super advanced at what you're going to be doing
with them, all right, because that is a third component

(26:22):
that will help enormously. And finally, can't go well, let
me say that number five in one second final study,
this is interesting again common sense, but it was a
study on couples, and not surprisingly, it was about couples
going to the gym uh. Study from the Department of
Kinesiology at Indiana University. They surveyed married couples who joined

(26:47):
health clubs together. So back to going to the gym.
Many of you are going to the gym. I want
a partner, uh, and it may be your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife.
They found the couples who worked out separately had a
forty three dropout ray over the course of a year.
Those who went to the gym together, regardless of whether
they did the same type of exercise. By the way,
only a six point three percent dropout rate. That is

(27:11):
enormous versus six percent. Now huge part of that accountability, right,
you don't want to disappoint your spouse. Now, there are
other problems that involved in that. Uh, it's a whole
another show. You know. I used to have couples asked
me to train them, and you can run into some
big problems. There's you know, some are successful, some are not.

(27:33):
They get angry at each other, they get angry at
the trainer. But that speaks volumes, right. So if you
are in a couple where you're both going to the gym,
going together, just walking in the door together, it's saying
is so powerful to your consistency. So you don't even
have to work out together. You don't have to take

(27:54):
the same class, you don't have to you know, be
together in the gym, just getting the door together. Have
that appointment to other that is super powerful. You know.
Now there's babysitting services and all those kind of things
at Jim's, so you know, going as a couple, and
it's not only powerful, by the way, but you know,
if you have kids that are old enough to kind

(28:16):
of understand that mom and dad are working out together,
that's powerful too. Your great role models. Okay, and then
you have to go to number five, which it's fun.
It's fun to work out with somebody else. It's more fun.
That is so important. Results are important, you know, accountability
is important, but it's got to be fun. So that
goes back to the person you choose. Make sure it's

(28:39):
someone you want to get up early, you want to
go to the gym with, whatever location you're doing it
with that person, make sure against psychologically it's the right person,
and it's someone who makes it fun, because if it's
not fun, you're not going to keep doing it. So
the person, the modality, the place, all of those things

(29:00):
coming together are going to make it fun. All right.
Let me just finish with this. By the way, so
there are I'm talking about one on one with a partner,
and that's generally what the show is about. But you
can have a small group. You know, you can have
a workout group of three or four people, you go
for walks together. That's okay. The only problem I find
there is you don't have that camaraderie. You know, one

(29:22):
person can take over the group. Right. You run into
that problem and it becomes a little bit more less
of you. Right, you're not just trading back and forth
between that one person. You know, the bigger the group,
the less kind of um special it can be, I
would say, But if you're that person, there are people
who are like, okay, I don't want the one on one.
That is totally something you can do. And by the way,

(29:44):
workout partner, it can be you know, having three to
four people come to your house and you do a
workout class together. You know, someone teaches it, where you
watch a video, whatever it is. So just know that
you can have the workout buddy where it's one on one.
You can have the workout group, small group, and then

(30:04):
as I talked about in that third study. It could
be your spouse, you know, and it could be your
spouse just going to the gym together. But there you go.
Don't beat yourself up about not being intrinsically motivated. Find
a workout partner that you will get excited to exercise with.
And when the show is over, if you don't have

(30:26):
that person yet, rack your brain and call them up
or shoot them a text and say, do you want
to start walking with me three days a week, or
do you want to start going to the gym two
days a week with me? Or do you want to
zoom with me three mornings a week before the kids
get up? Find that person and start on your way

(30:49):
two massive success. Say one final time that training partner
had and I have had other ones with you know,
that helps me as well, But he just stands out
because he was truly at the start of when I
was trying to get fast and he was just the
perfect partner psychologically fitness wise. Find that person for you,

(31:12):
all right, Thank you so much for listening. I am
Tom Holland, exercise physiologist, sports nutritionist, lover of everything fitness,
and my only goal is to help you have your
best life. That is it look better, feel better, live longer.
There are three things we control, how much we move,
what we put into our mouths, and our attitudes, and

(31:34):
that is awesome. If you haven't rated the show, I
would greatly appreciate it. If you have already, thank you.
If you can subscribe to the show again, don't miss
an episode, appreciate that as well. Tom h Fit is
my Twitter and Instagram. You can reach out to me there,
and Fitness disrupted dot Com can reach out to me
through that website. See more about what I'm doing as well.

(31:54):
Thank you again for listening. I am Tom Holland this
is Fitness Disrupt. Did believe in yourself? Fitness Disrupted is
a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from
my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.