May 29, 2024 • 33 mins
Brendan reinvents himself for his big Hollywood break. The guys read a horrifying kids’ sports movie.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's Journey.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm Mark, I'm Greg, I'm Brendan.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And we are a team of Hollywood screenwriters who meet
every week to read from an original screenplay that one
of us has written. We give notes and rank the scripts,
and of course, at the end of the season, we're
going to pitch the best script to the now deceased
Dutch Huxley. Alright, but I mean now it will hopefully
be pitching to his son Duck, not Dutch, which is
(00:31):
a confusing title. We're not going to get into that.
Let's get into new business.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
New business.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well, the first things first. If you heard last week
the apartment was bright and shiny, and this week gets
back to what we know a dark dank He'll escape.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's a shit dump.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
The blackout curtains are back, the heat's back, the weight
bench is back.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
The sticky kind of whatever residue.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Itch. Yeah, well what else is back? As I'm back
to whacking it, let one loose, and I don't give
a shit anymore, So welcome back. Sad to say, what
I love about this apartment is back. I'm back to
loving and I.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Don't know you could love about anything about this apartment.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Well, you know what, you're still on the couch and
tell us your new business, asshole.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
New business is. I went ahead and ordered a new
couch from Joybird and it should be here this week
because this thing's impossible to sleep on with your money
and the other with your money. I have new business.
Oh the other new businesses. Okay, the other new businesses. Oh,
you guys are gonna love this. I ran into Lachland Bins,
(01:37):
fucking lockey boy. I hadn't seen him in like three years,
and it was three years too soon.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
The Lockaness Binster for.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Those who want to know, and I don't think I'll
ever listen to the podcast. Lachland Binch is a guy
that we've known for years around the industry.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
He's tell me you didn't make the mistake of asking
him how he's doing.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Yeah, I asked him how he's doing and he was like, honestly, man, great,
of course.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, always crushing everything, everything's crushing. The sun is always
shining right on his ass.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
And you know when he hugs you, but he gives
you like the high five hug and then he kissed
my neck.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, he holds my jaw every time he sees me. Yeah,
doesn't hug me. He holds my jaw like Jesus holds
the lamblessings Lamb.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I always have to reintroduce myself. He forgets he meets
me every time.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
He always is just.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Like, what's your name?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Brother?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Bro? It's so good to see you.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Bro. Want to know why we're not hanging out more? So?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
He's doing great. He said he sold three scripts this year,
he's working on a fourth. He's attached as a director
to all of them.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And lord, has he ever directed anything?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I don't think. So he's dating Zan Daya.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
What yeah, Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (02:42):
And isn't he like forty You can't tell?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I would be so awesome if my parents are rich,
I'd be the coolest.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Fucking is that thing?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
He's a trust fun death or trust fun kid Nepo
baby nepo baby.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Lord hate him.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
But then he said he'd pay me a thousand bucks
if I wrote his nephew's college essay.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
So really, are you going to do it? Well? Of
course I am one thousand dollars to write an essay?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Does he have other nephews?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I don't know. I'll email him.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Shit, please I'll email him, you know, I'll throw an
email in there too. He's a great guy.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Yeah, he's actually not a bad guy.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I don't mind him. He can be fun, gets ship done.
If you get to know him, he better than you.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Got to respect that.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
It gives out on a surface level.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, great guy.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
And it was hopefully boy Bence.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You know it was good to run into Bence.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, always a good time to run into Bence.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
That's so great, Brendan, any any business for you, Brenda?
Anything on the Big Wonder front?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Well, I had my network test, yes Wonder let us knowbody,
Small Wonder reboot, and I jinked it was that?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Is that bad? I fucked it all up? What did
you do? No, you were better than you think.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
The whole day just started bad. You know the bus
drivers are on strike in La. Yes, I didn't get there.
I don't drive anymore, so I have to take buses everywhere.
So what I ended up having to do was taking
a TMZ celebrity bus tour because they passed by the studio. Okay,
so I'm sitting on this goddamn thing for an hour
and a half.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Open top ones.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, and it was a score chair. I was just
dripping sweat. Get to the studio. They let me on
the lot. I go through a wrong door. I'm trapped
in a stairwell for like half an hour. I thought
it was going to get there early, be Colm and cool.
So anyway, long story longer. I get into the room.
I do the audition, and I'm reading with Small Wonder
(04:35):
herself Big Wonder, Tiffany Brissett, the original Vicky. Me and
her are doing the scripted stuff and we are crushing.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Awesome.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Course you are great.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
The room, rolling laughter going throughout, and then fucking Vicky
takes this goddamn swing and starts to do an improft.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I improf is never good.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I just froze me impro shut down.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
You took a workshop, didn't you?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
What did she think?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
She is? Ubc Well, anyway, I panicked. She starts improvising.
I panic and I just walked out. You know what what?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
You walked down?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
What am I? I'm not a fucking writer?
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Yes you are. That's this whole podcast.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
This is literally a writing podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm not a writer, hyphen actor. I am an actor period.
I am a writer, period. And so you know when
you tell me to improvise after doing written material for
a written material show. I feel like you're cheating. I
feel like you're trying to steal my ideas. And I
don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
What did your feedback did? Yeah, what's your managers at
A One Entertainment say?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I called Nan Plimpton and she said casting was big fans.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
That could be okay.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
You know, she's probably never dealt with this before because
she's got so many young clients and they never asked
kids to improvise.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Aren't the kids mostly tap dancers? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Tap dancing is coming back and very big way in
this town.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Oh, I'm taking a hip hop dancing class. It's going
quite well.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Really show us some.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Oh yeah, I guess like.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
The chicken dance.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
What fuck off? Mark? This is what we do now,
my people?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Anyway, what that means?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I got the big fan curse? Nobody gives a crap
about me?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well you were. They said you were big fans before
and you and you thought, oh, you screwed it up,
and then you got the network test.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
And we're big fans here in the real way, in
a good way.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You mean it?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, stop blinking so much. Anyway, I'm really down in
the dump saying.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Hey, man, this week is your script week? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Come on, it ties all into that. I turned on
my writer brain, yes, and I decided to take this
sadness and pump it into a script. All right, So, uh,
I have something here for you guys. Here's the scripts here.
This is one of my favorite genres. This is a
kid sports movie. Okay, like yeah, great ones from the eighties. Oh, great,
(06:57):
great ones in the nineties. So this is kind of
like teen Wolf meets Frankenstein meets Any Given Sunday.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Oh wow, last one. They're all that's a they're all
great movies.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, so this is like written for me. The coach
part is written for me because you know, I wanted
a starring vehicle for myself. I'm kind of like just
tired of this town saying, Oh, you're a chubby dufist.
That's what you are all the time. You bumble stumble
through everything, you know what. No, this is for me.
This is a hard edge coach. I wanted to, you know,
stretch my acting chaps.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
This says it was written for bb Starland on the
title page.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Who's that you're looking at him? Baby?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
You changed me? Did you change your name? Yes?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Brendon Jennings is dead. He died in that network test
room the second he walked out of there. Brendon Jennings
is dead.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Maybe we count on the ashes rises bebe Stalin Baby.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Is that your.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Voice that just sounds like al Pacino?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Maybe we should we should test some we should pitch
out on some other names other than BB Starland.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
And some others. Got a great name and some other voices.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
That's the name, Guy.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
The voice does sound like albat Who does it?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I think that's me. That's just the voice I think
of when I think of a no nonsense, lett it
all loose kind of character.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Any given Sunday.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Yeah, well, I can't wait because honestly, I love a good,
feel good sports movie. And that I mean, if you
can deliver on that, I'm excited me too.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I do love the genre. So set it up for us.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You're really gonna Guy is about a coach called vick Stein,
a very popular high school basketball coach who faces the
biggest challenge of his career. And this is a little
movie called Hoopenstein.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Copenstein, Oopenstein.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
There you go guys, that Greg, will you handle the
stage directs?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I would be happy to mark.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Your parts are highlighted.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
There, I see that all right.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Here we go exterior high school day. A crowd of
fans cheer and wait outside the gym doors. The doors
swing open and outcomes coach Victor Stein. Think al Pacino
and a team of basketball players. Wait, so you did
say it is it's al Pacino.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
No, I want you to think of me as al Pacino.
I love them. I've always admired how he just goes
for it, and that's who I am. Now, that's who
Bb Starland is as an actor. I go for it.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Okay. I just can never think of you as having
the name BB Starland.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
But go on.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
The players climb onto a bus with a banner that
reads Mary Shelley High fifteen time World High School Champions.
A gaggle of reporters surround Coach Stein.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I'm here with legendary high school basketball coach, mister one
hundred Victor Stein. After another season opening.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Win, Mallory, please call me coach Victory Stein.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Coach, you've gone from being the only high school player
ever to score one hundred points in a single game
to now being the coach of a basketball dynasty. How
do you feel about your chances of yet another world
high school champion.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Oh, I love my chances. Baby.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
With these kids in my famous monster offense, we can't
be beat when it comes to championships.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I'm just getting warmed up.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Ah. Coach Stein waves at the adoring crowd and gets
on the bus as we cut to interior bus. Sometime later,
Coach Stein is lost in thought as he stares out
the bus window when assistant coach Richie Igorski plops down
next to him.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Hell of a w today, Coach you okay, ah, yeah,
thank you, coach of Gorsky.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Coach Stein looks out the window and we are transported
on a memory to Mary Shelley High School basketball gym.
Principal Gary Rice stands at half court with tears in
his eyes. The empty gym is full with the echoes
of Glory's pass. We hear the footsteps of Coach Stein
as he enters with a newspaper under his arm.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Ah, this old gym show filled with the echoes of
Glory's past. Hey you Gary, Oops, we're at work, Principal Gary.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Gary starts to sob.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Dump Vick.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I fucked up huge?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
What is it? Gary? What did you do.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I had it. I had all the cars, Garry, the
mob they cheated me, they had to. I had all the.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Car garyy, What did you do?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Your fuck?
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Coach Stein rolls up the newspaper and starts to beat
Gary with it like a dog.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Don't fig, don't beat me no more.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
We've been for in since we were kids.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
What did you do? You degenerate gambling fuck?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I lost the school Mary Shelley High belongs to the mob.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Now, oh Gary, Oh how could you?
Speaker 3 (11:34):
But we can win it back. I made it double
and nothing with them. All you gotta do is do
I gotta do, all.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I gotta do. You drag me in this.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
All you gotta do is win like you always do.
If you win the championship, we can keep the school
and my ledger is clean.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh Gary, simple fuck? Oh you simple stupid fuck winn
It ain't Gary, indeed. Man, when it is a dame.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Shaking her ass and pearls in your face one minute,
then in a blink she's grinding the lap of some
other stumbles o the next.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
You can't put this on me, but you never lose?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Or what if this time I do get? What if
this time I do cut? Back to interior bus. Coach
Stein's sighs, a heavy sigh.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I just winning a coach.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
The bus jolts and everyone screams. Coach Stein looks to
the front of the bus at driver Aggi Wilcox.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
What's going on up there again?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It breaks through oud and the axles are coming on
done and the cats takes a fire.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Christ's mom, everybody listen.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Here, But no one can listen here because the bus explodes.
Cut to the bus is a twisted heap. Flames and
body parts are everywhere. Delirious Coach Stein reaches out, trying
to call to his team. Yeah, I got your coach
through a fog. Coach Stein's he's Coach Igorsky carrying him away.
The world goes black. Into your hospital, Coach Stein wakes up,
(13:00):
heavily bandaged and confused.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Coach Stein, I'm doctor Henry Muskin. I'm sad to tell
you that your whole team, with the exception of your
assistant coach Richie Gorski, is dead.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Oh shit, whoa okay?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah man?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Oh so is this a kid's movie?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, there's a lot of fucks and there was a
shaking of the ass.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, I mean, have you seen eighties movies. I mean
cursing and moves everywhere. This is fine, it's gonna be fat.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
It's fun.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I feel alive. Man baby, get on the bb Express.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So cool. All right, So coach Stein he's got a
monster offense. Yeah, so what is that? What's the monster offense?
Do we see it? Is it like the triangle offense?
Is it hard to understand?
Speaker 3 (13:52):
It's it kind of like the flying V or something.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's something I'm hoping a director knows.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Okay, So al Pacino is he's the coach, yes, and
well I'm the coach, right, Bobe Starlind right, But it's okay.
I can't not picture al Pacino is the problem.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
That's good. It's a great it's a great al Pacino.
I mean, the voice is fantastic. Oh I'm not this
was animated. I would see you doing it total al Pacino.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
That's how I act. Now that's my voice.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
You're doing the al Pacino thing where you just pick
random words to yell too, which I love.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
That's passion.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I kind of realized as I sat there in that
room just kind of delivering these big wonder lines that
I wasn't putting passion into it, like where's your hair?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Whoa, Yeah, it's a great again great al Pacino. It
only reads like an al Pacino movie where he's beating
his friend with a newspaper like a dog. And this
is a kid's movie. Oh, it's just a little bit
of a disconnect for me. If it's al Pacino, I
get it.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Well, this is the part of the movie that sets
up the fun sports part.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
This is great.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
His team is dead now, okay, So he gets this
kind of fun goofy team together. You know, a bunch
of misfits. You know, you have like a kid named Jupiter.
He's big and fat like Jupiter, and he eats everything
all the time. You get a kid named trash Mouth
who sucks at basketball, but he talks such good trash
like the other team goofs up.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
You got a kid named Jet He's super fast, but
he can't do anything else, so he just runs really
fast in the walls and stuff like that. So Coach
Stein has this group of misfits and they go through
all the funny things where they keep losing it. Coach
Stein has never ever lost before that. Then he has
this idea to end all ideas. He breaks into the
morgue and he finds the freezer full of his old
(15:40):
ex player's body parts for me, and he takes all
the best of them. You know, give me Murphy's legs,
give me Henderson's eyes, all that stuff, and he cobbles
together this perfect player, this seven foot five monstrosity that
is like horrifying to see, but is quickly beloved by
the wh community because he's a fucking legendary baller.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Okay, so this is kind of a fun yeah, Frankensteiny.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Yeah, the team's on a losing streak. Coach Stein enters
into the gym the next day for the big tournament.
The team looks up, the opposing team looks up, and
he says, say helo to my big friend, and then
in he comes.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Which is kind of which is an al pacino.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, wine, that is I mean, say a little my
big friend.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
It's pretty close. I don't know, so, okay, so who
this guy? So I mean I'm assuming the genre. He
starts winning more games because Hoopenstein is fantastic.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
So there's like stein Mania.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Oh okay, that's cool. So it's sort of like a party.
The monster's super happy to be there and is like,
you know, soaking in the celebrity status kind of way
not say that.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Honestly, I don't even want to. He's not happy talk
about the monster right now. Well, yeah, writing the Monster
is the hardest thing I've ever done. Honestly, kind I
kind of wish I never brought him back to life.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Well, do you want to set up the next scene?
Let's see?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Okay, do you not want to read it? What's wrong
with the.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
There's a bunch of monologues in here. I mean, there's
like one hundred pages of monologues for coach Stein.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
What if I just rattle out a couple of these monologues?
You know, let B B show you one?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Why don't you do one? This is pages and pages
of just you talking.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Okay, Well, I'd really like to show you guys what
I'm all about now, But if you only want to
do one, let's see. Let us jump here towards the end. Okay,
this is a good one, all right. This is the
low moment right here. The team is in disarray because
there was a quote in the paper where Coach Stein
says that he trashes the team. He calls him losers,
(17:47):
and they all see this, and now the team is
really mad at Coach Hoopenstein. The monster. He is an
unstoppable machine until he loses his right arm. Oh no,
why the arms parents, They had to move and the
arm gets redistricted to another team.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
The arm gets redistricted to another teams.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
So like the student would have had to change schools,
so the arm of the student. Yes, so we get it.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Now Hoopenstein has fun to right arm. So everyone's sitting
in the locker room before the big championship game. All
seems lost. And this is when Coach Vic comes in.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
You had me down for the monster. Is there a
particular monster voice you want me to use?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I wanted you to think of like ten people all
dying at the same time.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Okay, okay, he's not a happy monster, is what we're saying.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Here we go interior locker room day. The team sits dejected,
all still wearing their street clothes. In the corner, Hoopenstein
is slumped, nearly lifeless. His right arm is missing. Kachi
Gorski tends to him, pressing a cold damp cloth to
his head.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Easier, I got you. You'll be all right by game time.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Whoa million faults woa million feelings, all your modest prosulifund
like that.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
The room turns to the sound of the locker room
door opening and Coach Stein walking in.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Whoa, what is this?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
The stable horses? Why the long faces? All right, come on,
let's go get your gear on game.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
We can't win Houbinstein's right arm got taken off. His
parents moved, so it's been redistricted to Baylor Heights.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
And you don't win with us anyway, or you don't
read the paper front page. Coach Stein says, I can't
win with this team of goofy fucks.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
What is that? Let me see that?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I said that. Hey that's a good read,
I said it, sure, But this fool, this heck left
out the best part. I said.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
I can't win with this team of goofy fucks. I
can dominate, I can destroy. There's no place I'd rather
beat than with.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
These goofy fucks. But they don't print that, nah man,
do they No? That don't move papers.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Just stop, coach Everyone's right without Hoopinstein, were just a
bunch of misfits. We're not like you, mister one hundred,
miss the one hundred.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, yeah, I was missed one hundred? Is that what
you think basketball is? Boys scoring one hundred points, you
throw up a century of buckets, bust out the parade.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
You won, right? Pretty much?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
They never tell the other part of that story. Do they?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I scored one hundred.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
But the other team scored one twenty nine? That's right,
one twenty nine to one hundred. That's a loss, my man.
Sure you're in the news. Oh the ladies they love it.
They're lined up around the block. But the facts are facts, daddy.
One twenty nine beats one hundred every time.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
The worst part.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
O the worst part, all my teammates and coaches they
went and got pizza Pizza Hut on the coach man,
I love pizza Hut. That night, that night, mister one
hundred late crying in his bed because he got knowing.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Because no team wants to.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
Snoff a personal pad with some clown that can't pass
the ball and hogs all the glory for himself.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
That's what personal glory gets you.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Boys, a blown achilles, a pillowcase full of tears, and
an empty belly. Think I belled on you?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
You think I'm doing with you?
Speaker 3 (21:22):
No, boys, never check this Coach Stein, there's a big
duffel bag in front of the boys. They open it
and pull out a jersey.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
It's one giant jersey with five head spots.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
No one man can do it alone. There's something else
in that too, check the bottom.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Jupiter digs in and pulls out a right arm.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Careful with that.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Now that on scored one hundred points in the game
ones you mean that's right?
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Coach Stein turns dramatically, revealing a pinned up sleeve on
his suit where his legendary right arm used to be.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Coachagowski. Pop that arm onto our beastly boy post haaste.
Now let's go out there and play like a team.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I know, big daddy. Now listen up, gang, we go
out there, winna lose?
Speaker 4 (22:05):
The deal?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Is this?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
When it's over, we're putting this motherfucker out of his
misery and then pizzas on me.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
The team roared. Ah wow, BB, I'm sorry, Brendan.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
No, that's correct, call me BB. What do you think?
That's probably my favorite monologue and the whole piece.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
It's a cool monologue.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Yeah, I want to talk about the monster real quick.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
He's scaring me.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Oh, I mean I sat down and I tried to
think about this monster, not think of this. He is
so many different people, right, so many different dreams, so
many different desires, so many different teenage insecurities all rolled
up into one.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
I mean the thought of that waking up into that
is a nightmare that yeah, just kept me awake for
weeks when I wrote this thing.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Oh my god, it's so terrifying.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Yeah, I guess i'd have one note make the monster fun.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah. Yeah, is he like speaking from some demonic hell void?
Like why why is he so he he doesn't want
to exist?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, that's a horrifying nightmare. Every second that Hoopenstein's alive
is the worst tell you can possibly imagine.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
It almost feels like a horror movie. Yeah, No, I
don't think is a great thing.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I think about the horror movie wouldn't have somebody like
We're plenty goofy things. At one point, Jupiter like eats
a shoe because he thinks it's a piece of pizza.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
So I mean people are gonna be rolling well. And
that also brings me back to the use of the
word motherfucker that happens so often.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Yeah, I don't think you could have that. It's really
I mean I realized these movies typically are for the
whole family, So there's something for the adults, there's something
for the kids. But I don't think you can actually
have things that are for the adults that the kids
can't hear.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Sure, I feel like Bad News Bearers had like twenty Motherfuckers,
no rated X. Is that Mighty Ducks?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
No?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
One of them goes pretty heavy. I thought Estevez was
pretty geared up on Mighty Ducks and dropped a couple mefors.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I don't think so. I think you just need to
maybe pull back on that stuff. And again, could you
make the monster fun?
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, we want to like him.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I don't see how something like that could exist and
be fun.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Well, what do we got next?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I mean, I am satisfied bb Starland has made his
grand debut. I think this is a home run. I
feel great.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Well, isn't there like the Big Game or something else?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Let's read to the end or at least.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
I mean, I want to get those chills, you know.
That was what we were talking about at the beginning,
is like how do they come together as the one
player in the Jersey?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I love the thing I love about these movies hoosiers,
these mighty ducks. You go right to the end and
get that perfect hit where yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
The changels in the outfield.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
It's like you don't know whether you're gonna cry, but
certainly your body is just I mean, the chills is
a perfect word for it. Okay, it's there, right, Yeah,
let's do the final scene, the climax.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Oh, page ninety five, We'll get you the big sports ending.
Set your body for chills.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Oh great, nice, Here.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
We go interior basketball gym day.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
The days has arrived, folks, the championship game.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
And here they come. But Mary Shelley fighting monsters and
what's this? They're all wearing one giant jersey.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
The team emerges under the court. The crowd laughs and
heckles this latest monstrosity.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
You're laughing at us, coach.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Don't you worry about them, Joop. All you need is
right here together as one.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
The monster groans and all the players circle up with
their coach.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Well, one unit, one team, one monster. Let's go.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
We jump cut through the game action as dazzling dunks, blocks,
and steals keep the team's neck and neck until the
final minute. The Cougars hit a three point shot to
take the lead, and the Monsters call a time out.
I'm out with five seconds on the clock. The scoreboard
reads Cougars one hundred, Monsters ninety nine. The teams emerge
from their huddles and fan out onto the court. The
(26:03):
crowd holds its collective breath, anticipating the dramatic final play.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
The Cougars all know where the ball is going. Everyone
in the stadium knows where the ball is going to
Coach Victor Stein's right arm.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Sure enough, Jupiter inbounds to the right arm.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Just as everyone suspected. Five seconds to go. The Cougar's
triple team the right arm.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
The opposing coach smiles on the sideline, awaiting his inevitable triumph.
But then the right arm dribbles once and lobs the
ball all the way back over to the Jupiter on
the other side of the jersey. Jupiter catches the ball
and finds himself wide open, standing in front of the basket.
Shoot time slows Jupiter's face to face with the one
shot he's never been able to make. As the clock
(26:45):
ticks down, three two.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Shoot, Joop, you beautiful gool That school, that school, of course,
the granny shot.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Jupiter underhand heaves the ball in the air. As the
buzzer sounds, the ball circling the cylinder, out in, out in.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
The crowd goes wild.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
As the scoreboard changes to Cougar's one hundred monsters one
oh one. The team pig piles on Jupiter. Coach Stein
jumps in the air and hugs Coachy Gorski. Principal Gary
runs out of the crowd and hugs Coach. As the
bleachers clear and the crowd surges under the court.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
You did it, I always.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
The two friends Cheryl laugh and look out into the crowd,
where mob Boss Dino Muzzarelli tears up the deed to
the school angrily. Yes there we Wow, this is like great. Yeah,
I'm kind of into this.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Ten.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah, I'm on board two ten.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
The ending is a ten and a lot more page, guys.
I'm sorry to interrupt all that. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
I don't think we I mean, if they win, that's
all we really.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
There's just a little bit more that I wrote. I
think you guys will be happy with it. But yeah,
right after mob Boss Dino Muzzarelli tears up the deed,
we have one more page.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Okay, at center court Hoopenstein is mobbed by a cheering crowd.
Hoppenstein turns to see cheerleader Amber emerging from the crowd.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Hey, hoop, heck of a shot. You never miss, do you?
I know?
Speaker 3 (28:10):
But Amber holds her hands to her belly. Hopenstein gives
a look like, whoa you mean it?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yep, I'm pregnant and it's yours too. I ditched Winthrop,
That preppy loser can't compare to my big green daddy
of scare.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Hoppenstein beams and embraces his love well. The whole crowd
joins in on the big Man's catchphrase. Everyone cheers. Is
the gym doors fly open? It's Winthrop and a whole
group of townspeople with torches.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
There's the beasts pawing my Amber.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Get him, they're angry. Mob surges forward and sets the
monster a blaze.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Boo die, you evil, best it die.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Hopenstein screams a horrid scream. The whole gym cheers.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Now get him, he made the monster.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
The whole crowd turns to coach Stein. They rush him
and pull him apart with their hands. Winter holds Amber close.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
The night man is done.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Fade to black. The end What what chills?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Huh, well, kind of like the chills you get when
you have a fever.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Maybe yeah, can't we just end on like the karate
Kid moment, like freeze frame.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
They win, they tear him apart. This is a horror movie.
Why does Amber? Hold on Amber? I don't know who
Amber is.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
She is a cheerleader, that's the most popular girl in
school and he had sex.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
With or there's a scene where they sleep together.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Yeah, sure, you know the goofy thing.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
This is a kid's movie. Man, a monster is sleeping
with a cheerleader. He's underage.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It's an eighties kids movie. Then people were bopping and
banking all over the place.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
An, so it's a horror movie.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
No, it's a kid's a B movie. At one point,
Jupiter walks in and he starts eating his shirt.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
What was he a goat? He ate his shirt? He
eat his shoe. Yeah, you know, so hold on. Amber
says I'm pregnant. Mm hmm, so it's and then she
says get him yeah, and is a lot back with
win through. What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Okay, I beforehand put all this on Twitter and I
asked for notes, so I got a pretty big collection
of notes, and I kind of just took.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
All of them.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
That's probably why that's a little confusing.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Oh yeah, you put it on Twitter.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Okay you mean x Yeah, Oh that's right.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
So did you just kill the monster instead of taking
the note of people that were just telling you to
kill yourself?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
The monster? Okay, the monster, here we go, let's just
deal with it. The monster in the movie is me.
That was Brendan Jennings.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Okay that oh I see in the old Brendan Jennings
is dead and now he's immerges BB Starlandland.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
And in order for BB to rise up out of
the ashes, Brendan Jennings and all his insecurities, all of
his nervous diarrhea before every goddamn audition, every I gotta get,
everywhere I go an hour and a half, really, as
I sweat too much, is just burned and dead and
all that left is BB.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
You know, I think this is gonna need a major
rewrite if you're going to approach BB with it, to
be honest.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Or you know what, we leave this as a metaphor,
and like the monster, we tear it apart and throw
it in the fire. It's done right, Like you've killed
your demons, you know what?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, yeah, it's gone, you know, And I'm a whole
new man. You want to say, Pacino. Sure, I ain't gonna.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
Sit back and let this town, these people tell me
who I'm supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Huh. I'm talented. I sweat the perfect amount for a
normal human being.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Debatable, And I'm allowed to eat dairy if I want
to because it tastes good.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I'm here, baby, Let's rank this one, okay, I say, uh,
you know what, I can't even rank this thing. I'm
too close to it. It's dead and gone. I say ten,
then I gotta I give it a ten. But you
know what, don't even care.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Well, you don't have to give it a ten. You
could just give it another number, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah, you're right, I mean, it could be anything. I'm
just going to say ten.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Okay, Well, unless I can get confirmation that BB is attached,
which I'm not quite sure. We could do word descript
you know. Yeah, at this point, I'm going to go
ahead and give it a five.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Okay. I would give it a ten if it was
on a scale to one hundred. So I'll give it
a zero.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Okay, And look at that tad with all the other ones.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
So fifteen yeah, that puts it into a neck and
neck race with yeah every other yeah donello, mom d well,
thanks for joining us. Can't wait to have you back
next time. Until then, it's lights camera action, but for
writing
Speaker 4 (32:52):
Now still Dan
Welcome to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's Journey.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm Mark, I'm Greg, I'm Brendan.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And we are a team of Hollywood screenwriters who meet
every week to read from an original screenplay that one
of us has written. We give notes and rank the scripts,
and of course, at the end of the season, we're
going to pitch the best script to the now deceased
Dutch Huxley. Alright, but I mean now it will hopefully
be pitching to his son Duck, not Dutch, which is
(00:31):
a confusing title. We're not going to get into that.
Let's get into new business.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
New business.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well, the first things first. If you heard last week
the apartment was bright and shiny, and this week gets
back to what we know a dark dank He'll escape.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's a shit dump.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
The blackout curtains are back, the heat's back, the weight
bench is back.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
The sticky kind of whatever residue.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Itch. Yeah, well what else is back? As I'm back
to whacking it, let one loose, and I don't give
a shit anymore, So welcome back. Sad to say, what
I love about this apartment is back. I'm back to
loving and I.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Don't know you could love about anything about this apartment.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Well, you know what, you're still on the couch and
tell us your new business, asshole.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
New business is. I went ahead and ordered a new
couch from Joybird and it should be here this week
because this thing's impossible to sleep on with your money
and the other with your money. I have new business.
Oh the other new businesses. Okay, the other new businesses. Oh,
you guys are gonna love this. I ran into Lachland Bins,
(01:37):
fucking lockey boy. I hadn't seen him in like three years,
and it was three years too soon.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
The Lockaness Binster for.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Those who want to know, and I don't think I'll
ever listen to the podcast. Lachland Binch is a guy
that we've known for years around the industry.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
He's tell me you didn't make the mistake of asking
him how he's doing.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Yeah, I asked him how he's doing and he was like, honestly, man, great,
of course.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, always crushing everything, everything's crushing. The sun is always
shining right on his ass.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
And you know when he hugs you, but he gives
you like the high five hug and then he kissed
my neck.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, he holds my jaw every time he sees me. Yeah,
doesn't hug me. He holds my jaw like Jesus holds
the lamblessings Lamb.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I always have to reintroduce myself. He forgets he meets
me every time.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
He always is just.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Like, what's your name?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Brother?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Bro? It's so good to see you.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Bro. Want to know why we're not hanging out more? So?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
He's doing great. He said he sold three scripts this year,
he's working on a fourth. He's attached as a director
to all of them.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And lord, has he ever directed anything?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I don't think. So he's dating Zan Daya.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
What yeah, Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (02:42):
And isn't he like forty You can't tell?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I would be so awesome if my parents are rich,
I'd be the coolest.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Fucking is that thing?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
He's a trust fun death or trust fun kid Nepo
baby nepo baby.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Lord hate him.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
But then he said he'd pay me a thousand bucks
if I wrote his nephew's college essay.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
So really, are you going to do it? Well? Of
course I am one thousand dollars to write an essay?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Does he have other nephews?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I don't know. I'll email him.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Shit, please I'll email him, you know, I'll throw an
email in there too. He's a great guy.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Yeah, he's actually not a bad guy.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I don't mind him. He can be fun, gets ship done.
If you get to know him, he better than you.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Got to respect that.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
It gives out on a surface level.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, great guy.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
And it was hopefully boy Bence.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You know it was good to run into Bence.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, always a good time to run into Bence.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
That's so great, Brendan, any any business for you, Brenda?
Anything on the Big Wonder front?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Well, I had my network test, yes Wonder let us knowbody,
Small Wonder reboot, and I jinked it was that?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Is that bad? I fucked it all up? What did
you do? No, you were better than you think.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
The whole day just started bad. You know the bus
drivers are on strike in La. Yes, I didn't get there.
I don't drive anymore, so I have to take buses everywhere.
So what I ended up having to do was taking
a TMZ celebrity bus tour because they passed by the studio. Okay,
so I'm sitting on this goddamn thing for an hour
and a half.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Open top ones.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, and it was a score chair. I was just
dripping sweat. Get to the studio. They let me on
the lot. I go through a wrong door. I'm trapped
in a stairwell for like half an hour. I thought
it was going to get there early, be Colm and cool.
So anyway, long story longer. I get into the room.
I do the audition, and I'm reading with Small Wonder
(04:35):
herself Big Wonder, Tiffany Brissett, the original Vicky. Me and
her are doing the scripted stuff and we are crushing.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Awesome.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Course you are great.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
The room, rolling laughter going throughout, and then fucking Vicky
takes this goddamn swing and starts to do an improft.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I improf is never good.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I just froze me impro shut down.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
You took a workshop, didn't you?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
What did she think?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
She is? Ubc Well, anyway, I panicked. She starts improvising.
I panic and I just walked out. You know what what?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
You walked down?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
What am I? I'm not a fucking writer?
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Yes you are. That's this whole podcast.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
This is literally a writing podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm not a writer, hyphen actor. I am an actor period.
I am a writer, period. And so you know when
you tell me to improvise after doing written material for
a written material show. I feel like you're cheating. I
feel like you're trying to steal my ideas. And I
don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
What did your feedback did? Yeah, what's your managers at
A One Entertainment say?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I called Nan Plimpton and she said casting was big fans.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
That could be okay.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
You know, she's probably never dealt with this before because
she's got so many young clients and they never asked
kids to improvise.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Aren't the kids mostly tap dancers? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Tap dancing is coming back and very big way in
this town.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Oh, I'm taking a hip hop dancing class. It's going
quite well.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Really show us some.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Oh yeah, I guess like.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
The chicken dance.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
What fuck off? Mark? This is what we do now,
my people?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Anyway, what that means?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I got the big fan curse? Nobody gives a crap
about me?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well you were. They said you were big fans before
and you and you thought, oh, you screwed it up,
and then you got the network test.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
And we're big fans here in the real way, in
a good way.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You mean it?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, stop blinking so much. Anyway, I'm really down in
the dump saying.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Hey, man, this week is your script week? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Come on, it ties all into that. I turned on
my writer brain, yes, and I decided to take this
sadness and pump it into a script. All right, So, uh,
I have something here for you guys. Here's the scripts here.
This is one of my favorite genres. This is a
kid sports movie. Okay, like yeah, great ones from the eighties. Oh, great,
(06:57):
great ones in the nineties. So this is kind of
like teen Wolf meets Frankenstein meets Any Given Sunday.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Oh wow, last one. They're all that's a they're all
great movies.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, so this is like written for me. The coach
part is written for me because you know, I wanted
a starring vehicle for myself. I'm kind of like just
tired of this town saying, Oh, you're a chubby dufist.
That's what you are all the time. You bumble stumble
through everything, you know what. No, this is for me.
This is a hard edge coach. I wanted to, you know,
stretch my acting chaps.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
This says it was written for bb Starland on the
title page.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Who's that you're looking at him? Baby?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
You changed me? Did you change your name? Yes?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Brendon Jennings is dead. He died in that network test
room the second he walked out of there. Brendon Jennings
is dead.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Maybe we count on the ashes rises bebe Stalin Baby.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Is that your.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Voice that just sounds like al Pacino?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Maybe we should we should test some we should pitch
out on some other names other than BB Starland.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
And some others. Got a great name and some other voices.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
That's the name, Guy.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
The voice does sound like albat Who does it?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I think that's me. That's just the voice I think
of when I think of a no nonsense, lett it
all loose kind of character.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Any given Sunday.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Yeah, well, I can't wait because honestly, I love a good,
feel good sports movie. And that I mean, if you
can deliver on that, I'm excited me too.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I do love the genre. So set it up for us.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You're really gonna Guy is about a coach called vick Stein,
a very popular high school basketball coach who faces the
biggest challenge of his career. And this is a little
movie called Hoopenstein.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Copenstein, Oopenstein.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
There you go guys, that Greg, will you handle the
stage directs?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I would be happy to mark.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Your parts are highlighted.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
There, I see that all right.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Here we go exterior high school day. A crowd of
fans cheer and wait outside the gym doors. The doors
swing open and outcomes coach Victor Stein. Think al Pacino
and a team of basketball players. Wait, so you did
say it is it's al Pacino.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
No, I want you to think of me as al Pacino.
I love them. I've always admired how he just goes
for it, and that's who I am. Now, that's who
Bb Starland is as an actor. I go for it.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Okay. I just can never think of you as having
the name BB Starland.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
But go on.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
The players climb onto a bus with a banner that
reads Mary Shelley High fifteen time World High School Champions.
A gaggle of reporters surround Coach Stein.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I'm here with legendary high school basketball coach, mister one
hundred Victor Stein. After another season opening.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Win, Mallory, please call me coach Victory Stein.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Coach, you've gone from being the only high school player
ever to score one hundred points in a single game
to now being the coach of a basketball dynasty. How
do you feel about your chances of yet another world
high school champion.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Oh, I love my chances. Baby.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
With these kids in my famous monster offense, we can't
be beat when it comes to championships.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I'm just getting warmed up.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Ah. Coach Stein waves at the adoring crowd and gets
on the bus as we cut to interior bus. Sometime later,
Coach Stein is lost in thought as he stares out
the bus window when assistant coach Richie Igorski plops down
next to him.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Hell of a w today, Coach you okay, ah, yeah,
thank you, coach of Gorsky.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Coach Stein looks out the window and we are transported
on a memory to Mary Shelley High School basketball gym.
Principal Gary Rice stands at half court with tears in
his eyes. The empty gym is full with the echoes
of Glory's pass. We hear the footsteps of Coach Stein
as he enters with a newspaper under his arm.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Ah, this old gym show filled with the echoes of
Glory's past. Hey you Gary, Oops, we're at work, Principal Gary.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Gary starts to sob.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Dump Vick.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I fucked up huge?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
What is it? Gary? What did you do.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I had it. I had all the cars, Garry, the
mob they cheated me, they had to. I had all the.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Car garyy, What did you do?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Your fuck?
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Coach Stein rolls up the newspaper and starts to beat
Gary with it like a dog.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Don't fig, don't beat me no more.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
We've been for in since we were kids.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
What did you do? You degenerate gambling fuck?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I lost the school Mary Shelley High belongs to the mob.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Now, oh Gary, Oh how could you?
Speaker 3 (11:34):
But we can win it back. I made it double
and nothing with them. All you gotta do is do
I gotta do, all.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I gotta do. You drag me in this.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
All you gotta do is win like you always do.
If you win the championship, we can keep the school
and my ledger is clean.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh Gary, simple fuck? Oh you simple stupid fuck winn
It ain't Gary, indeed. Man, when it is a dame.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Shaking her ass and pearls in your face one minute,
then in a blink she's grinding the lap of some
other stumbles o the next.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
You can't put this on me, but you never lose?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Or what if this time I do get? What if
this time I do cut? Back to interior bus. Coach
Stein's sighs, a heavy sigh.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I just winning a coach.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
The bus jolts and everyone screams. Coach Stein looks to
the front of the bus at driver Aggi Wilcox.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
What's going on up there again?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It breaks through oud and the axles are coming on
done and the cats takes a fire.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Christ's mom, everybody listen.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Here, But no one can listen here because the bus explodes.
Cut to the bus is a twisted heap. Flames and
body parts are everywhere. Delirious Coach Stein reaches out, trying
to call to his team. Yeah, I got your coach
through a fog. Coach Stein's he's Coach Igorsky carrying him away.
The world goes black. Into your hospital, Coach Stein wakes up,
(13:00):
heavily bandaged and confused.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Coach Stein, I'm doctor Henry Muskin. I'm sad to tell
you that your whole team, with the exception of your
assistant coach Richie Gorski, is dead.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Oh shit, whoa okay?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah man?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Oh so is this a kid's movie?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, there's a lot of fucks and there was a
shaking of the ass.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, I mean, have you seen eighties movies. I mean
cursing and moves everywhere. This is fine, it's gonna be fat.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
It's fun.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I feel alive. Man baby, get on the bb Express.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So cool. All right, So coach Stein he's got a
monster offense. Yeah, so what is that? What's the monster offense?
Do we see it? Is it like the triangle offense?
Is it hard to understand?
Speaker 3 (13:52):
It's it kind of like the flying V or something.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's something I'm hoping a director knows.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Okay, So al Pacino is he's the coach, yes, and
well I'm the coach, right, Bobe Starlind right, But it's okay.
I can't not picture al Pacino is the problem.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
That's good. It's a great it's a great al Pacino.
I mean, the voice is fantastic. Oh I'm not this
was animated. I would see you doing it total al Pacino.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
That's how I act. Now that's my voice.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
You're doing the al Pacino thing where you just pick
random words to yell too, which I love.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
That's passion.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I kind of realized as I sat there in that
room just kind of delivering these big wonder lines that
I wasn't putting passion into it, like where's your hair?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Whoa, Yeah, it's a great again great al Pacino. It
only reads like an al Pacino movie where he's beating
his friend with a newspaper like a dog. And this
is a kid's movie. Oh, it's just a little bit
of a disconnect for me. If it's al Pacino, I
get it.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Well, this is the part of the movie that sets
up the fun sports part.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
This is great.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
His team is dead now, okay, So he gets this
kind of fun goofy team together. You know, a bunch
of misfits. You know, you have like a kid named Jupiter.
He's big and fat like Jupiter, and he eats everything
all the time. You get a kid named trash Mouth
who sucks at basketball, but he talks such good trash
like the other team goofs up.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
You got a kid named Jet He's super fast, but
he can't do anything else, so he just runs really
fast in the walls and stuff like that. So Coach
Stein has this group of misfits and they go through
all the funny things where they keep losing it. Coach
Stein has never ever lost before that. Then he has
this idea to end all ideas. He breaks into the
morgue and he finds the freezer full of his old
(15:40):
ex player's body parts for me, and he takes all
the best of them. You know, give me Murphy's legs,
give me Henderson's eyes, all that stuff, and he cobbles
together this perfect player, this seven foot five monstrosity that
is like horrifying to see, but is quickly beloved by
the wh community because he's a fucking legendary baller.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Okay, so this is kind of a fun yeah, Frankensteiny.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Yeah, the team's on a losing streak. Coach Stein enters
into the gym the next day for the big tournament.
The team looks up, the opposing team looks up, and
he says, say helo to my big friend, and then
in he comes.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Which is kind of which is an al pacino.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, wine, that is I mean, say a little my
big friend.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
It's pretty close. I don't know, so, okay, so who
this guy? So I mean I'm assuming the genre. He
starts winning more games because Hoopenstein is fantastic.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
So there's like stein Mania.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Oh okay, that's cool. So it's sort of like a party.
The monster's super happy to be there and is like,
you know, soaking in the celebrity status kind of way
not say that.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Honestly, I don't even want to. He's not happy talk
about the monster right now. Well, yeah, writing the Monster
is the hardest thing I've ever done. Honestly, kind I
kind of wish I never brought him back to life.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Well, do you want to set up the next scene?
Let's see?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Okay, do you not want to read it? What's wrong
with the.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
There's a bunch of monologues in here. I mean, there's
like one hundred pages of monologues for coach Stein.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
What if I just rattle out a couple of these monologues?
You know, let B B show you one?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Why don't you do one? This is pages and pages
of just you talking.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Okay, Well, I'd really like to show you guys what
I'm all about now, But if you only want to
do one, let's see. Let us jump here towards the end. Okay,
this is a good one, all right. This is the
low moment right here. The team is in disarray because
there was a quote in the paper where Coach Stein
says that he trashes the team. He calls him losers,
(17:47):
and they all see this, and now the team is
really mad at Coach Hoopenstein. The monster. He is an
unstoppable machine until he loses his right arm. Oh no,
why the arms parents, They had to move and the
arm gets redistricted to another team.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
The arm gets redistricted to another teams.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
So like the student would have had to change schools,
so the arm of the student. Yes, so we get it.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Now Hoopenstein has fun to right arm. So everyone's sitting
in the locker room before the big championship game. All
seems lost. And this is when Coach Vic comes in.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
You had me down for the monster. Is there a
particular monster voice you want me to use?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I wanted you to think of like ten people all
dying at the same time.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Okay, okay, he's not a happy monster, is what we're saying.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Here we go interior locker room day. The team sits dejected,
all still wearing their street clothes. In the corner, Hoopenstein
is slumped, nearly lifeless. His right arm is missing. Kachi
Gorski tends to him, pressing a cold damp cloth to
his head.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Easier, I got you. You'll be all right by game time.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Whoa million faults woa million feelings, all your modest prosulifund
like that.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
The room turns to the sound of the locker room
door opening and Coach Stein walking in.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Whoa, what is this?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
The stable horses? Why the long faces? All right, come on,
let's go get your gear on game.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
We can't win Houbinstein's right arm got taken off. His
parents moved, so it's been redistricted to Baylor Heights.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
And you don't win with us anyway, or you don't
read the paper front page. Coach Stein says, I can't
win with this team of goofy fucks.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
What is that? Let me see that?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I said that. Hey that's a good read,
I said it, sure, But this fool, this heck left
out the best part. I said.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
I can't win with this team of goofy fucks. I
can dominate, I can destroy. There's no place I'd rather
beat than with.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
These goofy fucks. But they don't print that, nah man,
do they No? That don't move papers.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Just stop, coach Everyone's right without Hoopinstein, were just a
bunch of misfits. We're not like you, mister one hundred,
miss the one hundred.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, yeah, I was missed one hundred? Is that what
you think basketball is? Boys scoring one hundred points, you
throw up a century of buckets, bust out the parade.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
You won, right? Pretty much?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
They never tell the other part of that story. Do they?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I scored one hundred.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
But the other team scored one twenty nine? That's right,
one twenty nine to one hundred. That's a loss, my man.
Sure you're in the news. Oh the ladies they love it.
They're lined up around the block. But the facts are facts, daddy.
One twenty nine beats one hundred every time.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
The worst part.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
O the worst part, all my teammates and coaches they
went and got pizza Pizza Hut on the coach man,
I love pizza Hut. That night, that night, mister one
hundred late crying in his bed because he got knowing.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Because no team wants to.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
Snoff a personal pad with some clown that can't pass
the ball and hogs all the glory for himself.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
That's what personal glory gets you.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Boys, a blown achilles, a pillowcase full of tears, and
an empty belly. Think I belled on you?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
You think I'm doing with you?
Speaker 3 (21:22):
No, boys, never check this Coach Stein, there's a big
duffel bag in front of the boys. They open it
and pull out a jersey.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
It's one giant jersey with five head spots.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
No one man can do it alone. There's something else
in that too, check the bottom.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Jupiter digs in and pulls out a right arm.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Careful with that.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Now that on scored one hundred points in the game
ones you mean that's right?
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Coach Stein turns dramatically, revealing a pinned up sleeve on
his suit where his legendary right arm used to be.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Coachagowski. Pop that arm onto our beastly boy post haaste.
Now let's go out there and play like a team.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I know, big daddy. Now listen up, gang, we go
out there, winna lose?
Speaker 4 (22:05):
The deal?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Is this?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
When it's over, we're putting this motherfucker out of his
misery and then pizzas on me.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
The team roared. Ah wow, BB, I'm sorry, Brendan.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
No, that's correct, call me BB. What do you think?
That's probably my favorite monologue and the whole piece.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
It's a cool monologue.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Yeah, I want to talk about the monster real quick.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
He's scaring me.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Oh, I mean I sat down and I tried to
think about this monster, not think of this. He is
so many different people, right, so many different dreams, so
many different desires, so many different teenage insecurities all rolled
up into one.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
I mean the thought of that waking up into that
is a nightmare that yeah, just kept me awake for
weeks when I wrote this thing.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Oh my god, it's so terrifying.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Yeah, I guess i'd have one note make the monster fun.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah. Yeah, is he like speaking from some demonic hell void?
Like why why is he so he he doesn't want
to exist?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, that's a horrifying nightmare. Every second that Hoopenstein's alive
is the worst tell you can possibly imagine.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
It almost feels like a horror movie. Yeah, No, I
don't think is a great thing.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I think about the horror movie wouldn't have somebody like
We're plenty goofy things. At one point, Jupiter like eats
a shoe because he thinks it's a piece of pizza.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
So I mean people are gonna be rolling well. And
that also brings me back to the use of the
word motherfucker that happens so often.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Yeah, I don't think you could have that. It's really
I mean I realized these movies typically are for the
whole family, So there's something for the adults, there's something
for the kids. But I don't think you can actually
have things that are for the adults that the kids
can't hear.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Sure, I feel like Bad News Bearers had like twenty Motherfuckers,
no rated X. Is that Mighty Ducks?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
No?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
One of them goes pretty heavy. I thought Estevez was
pretty geared up on Mighty Ducks and dropped a couple mefors.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I don't think so. I think you just need to
maybe pull back on that stuff. And again, could you
make the monster fun?
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, we want to like him.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I don't see how something like that could exist and
be fun.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Well, what do we got next?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I mean, I am satisfied bb Starland has made his
grand debut. I think this is a home run. I
feel great.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Well, isn't there like the Big Game or something else?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Let's read to the end or at least.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
I mean, I want to get those chills, you know.
That was what we were talking about at the beginning,
is like how do they come together as the one
player in the Jersey?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I love the thing I love about these movies hoosiers,
these mighty ducks. You go right to the end and
get that perfect hit where yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
The changels in the outfield.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
It's like you don't know whether you're gonna cry, but
certainly your body is just I mean, the chills is
a perfect word for it. Okay, it's there, right, Yeah,
let's do the final scene, the climax.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Oh, page ninety five, We'll get you the big sports ending.
Set your body for chills.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Oh great, nice, Here.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
We go interior basketball gym day.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
The days has arrived, folks, the championship game.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
And here they come. But Mary Shelley fighting monsters and
what's this? They're all wearing one giant jersey.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
The team emerges under the court. The crowd laughs and
heckles this latest monstrosity.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
You're laughing at us, coach.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Don't you worry about them, Joop. All you need is
right here together as one.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
The monster groans and all the players circle up with
their coach.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Well, one unit, one team, one monster. Let's go.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
We jump cut through the game action as dazzling dunks, blocks,
and steals keep the team's neck and neck until the
final minute. The Cougars hit a three point shot to
take the lead, and the Monsters call a time out.
I'm out with five seconds on the clock. The scoreboard
reads Cougars one hundred, Monsters ninety nine. The teams emerge
from their huddles and fan out onto the court. The
(26:03):
crowd holds its collective breath, anticipating the dramatic final play.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
The Cougars all know where the ball is going. Everyone
in the stadium knows where the ball is going to
Coach Victor Stein's right arm.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Sure enough, Jupiter inbounds to the right arm.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Just as everyone suspected. Five seconds to go. The Cougar's
triple team the right arm.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
The opposing coach smiles on the sideline, awaiting his inevitable triumph.
But then the right arm dribbles once and lobs the
ball all the way back over to the Jupiter on
the other side of the jersey. Jupiter catches the ball
and finds himself wide open, standing in front of the basket.
Shoot time slows Jupiter's face to face with the one
shot he's never been able to make. As the clock
(26:45):
ticks down, three two.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Shoot, Joop, you beautiful gool That school, that school, of course,
the granny shot.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Jupiter underhand heaves the ball in the air. As the
buzzer sounds, the ball circling the cylinder, out in, out in.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
The crowd goes wild.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
As the scoreboard changes to Cougar's one hundred monsters one
oh one. The team pig piles on Jupiter. Coach Stein
jumps in the air and hugs Coachy Gorski. Principal Gary
runs out of the crowd and hugs Coach. As the
bleachers clear and the crowd surges under the court.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
You did it, I always.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
The two friends Cheryl laugh and look out into the crowd,
where mob Boss Dino Muzzarelli tears up the deed to
the school angrily. Yes there we Wow, this is like great. Yeah,
I'm kind of into this.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Ten.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah, I'm on board two ten.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
The ending is a ten and a lot more page, guys.
I'm sorry to interrupt all that. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
I don't think we I mean, if they win, that's
all we really.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
There's just a little bit more that I wrote. I
think you guys will be happy with it. But yeah,
right after mob Boss Dino Muzzarelli tears up the deed,
we have one more page.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Okay, at center court Hoopenstein is mobbed by a cheering crowd.
Hoppenstein turns to see cheerleader Amber emerging from the crowd.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Hey, hoop, heck of a shot. You never miss, do you?
I know?
Speaker 3 (28:10):
But Amber holds her hands to her belly. Hopenstein gives
a look like, whoa you mean it?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yep, I'm pregnant and it's yours too. I ditched Winthrop,
That preppy loser can't compare to my big green daddy
of scare.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Hoppenstein beams and embraces his love well. The whole crowd
joins in on the big Man's catchphrase. Everyone cheers. Is
the gym doors fly open? It's Winthrop and a whole
group of townspeople with torches.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
There's the beasts pawing my Amber.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Get him, they're angry. Mob surges forward and sets the
monster a blaze.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Boo die, you evil, best it die.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Hopenstein screams a horrid scream. The whole gym cheers.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Now get him, he made the monster.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
The whole crowd turns to coach Stein. They rush him
and pull him apart with their hands. Winter holds Amber close.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
The night man is done.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Fade to black. The end What what chills?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Huh, well, kind of like the chills you get when
you have a fever.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Maybe yeah, can't we just end on like the karate
Kid moment, like freeze frame.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
They win, they tear him apart. This is a horror movie.
Why does Amber? Hold on Amber? I don't know who
Amber is.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
She is a cheerleader, that's the most popular girl in
school and he had sex.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
With or there's a scene where they sleep together.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Yeah, sure, you know the goofy thing.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
This is a kid's movie. Man, a monster is sleeping
with a cheerleader. He's underage.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It's an eighties kids movie. Then people were bopping and
banking all over the place.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
An, so it's a horror movie.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
No, it's a kid's a B movie. At one point,
Jupiter walks in and he starts eating his shirt.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
What was he a goat? He ate his shirt? He
eat his shoe. Yeah, you know, so hold on. Amber
says I'm pregnant. Mm hmm, so it's and then she
says get him yeah, and is a lot back with
win through. What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Okay, I beforehand put all this on Twitter and I
asked for notes, so I got a pretty big collection
of notes, and I kind of just took.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
All of them.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
That's probably why that's a little confusing.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Oh yeah, you put it on Twitter.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Okay you mean x Yeah, Oh that's right.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
So did you just kill the monster instead of taking
the note of people that were just telling you to
kill yourself?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
The monster? Okay, the monster, here we go, let's just
deal with it. The monster in the movie is me.
That was Brendan Jennings.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Okay that oh I see in the old Brendan Jennings
is dead and now he's immerges BB Starlandland.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
And in order for BB to rise up out of
the ashes, Brendan Jennings and all his insecurities, all of
his nervous diarrhea before every goddamn audition, every I gotta get,
everywhere I go an hour and a half, really, as
I sweat too much, is just burned and dead and
all that left is BB.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
You know, I think this is gonna need a major
rewrite if you're going to approach BB with it, to
be honest.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Or you know what, we leave this as a metaphor,
and like the monster, we tear it apart and throw
it in the fire. It's done right, Like you've killed
your demons, you know what?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, yeah, it's gone, you know, And I'm a whole
new man. You want to say, Pacino. Sure, I ain't gonna.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
Sit back and let this town, these people tell me
who I'm supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Huh. I'm talented. I sweat the perfect amount for a
normal human being.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Debatable, And I'm allowed to eat dairy if I want
to because it tastes good.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I'm here, baby, Let's rank this one, okay, I say, uh,
you know what, I can't even rank this thing. I'm
too close to it. It's dead and gone. I say ten,
then I gotta I give it a ten. But you
know what, don't even care.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Well, you don't have to give it a ten. You
could just give it another number, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah, you're right, I mean, it could be anything. I'm
just going to say ten.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Okay, Well, unless I can get confirmation that BB is attached,
which I'm not quite sure. We could do word descript
you know. Yeah, at this point, I'm going to go
ahead and give it a five.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Okay. I would give it a ten if it was
on a scale to one hundred. So I'll give it
a zero.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Okay, And look at that tad with all the other ones.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
So fifteen yeah, that puts it into a neck and
neck race with yeah every other yeah donello, mom d well,
thanks for joining us. Can't wait to have you back
next time. Until then, it's lights camera action, but for
writing
Speaker 4 (32:52):
Now still Dan
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