Divorced, Naked, and Not Ashamed ft. Rachel Lindsay

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
She couldn't.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
She cleaned and cared for her children and the man
of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
a good woman who always made good choices.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
That shit, we're good Mom's bad choices too, single mom
who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Found out they were so bad after all, we're experts.
Overshares and your new besties. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
I can do it.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Meila. Happy hump Day house, Happy hump Day bitches.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
How you doing, I'm doing good. Got my little bo
peep skirt. It's so cute today. It looks very fin.
You know this is my style.

Speaker 4 (00:47):
I'm very fem I like leyson poof and pink and cleavage.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
If you're not watching us on YouTube, make sure you
go and subscribe to her YouTube channel so you can
see all of our outfits. Nila is giving little bo Peep.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I don't know what I'm giving this sexy business. Sexy business.
I'll still your man, secretary titties are out.

Speaker 4 (01:07):
Why is there always a stigma about secretaries, Like there's
always there's a spend a lot of time with your husband, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
And they're doing stuff for him, they're taking care of him,
and they're wearing pencil skirts. Yeah bitches.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
Yeah, they're just there, readily accessible to suck his dick
at any moment.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
Do you remember when you're young. I remember young, like,
I'm gonna let's pretend, let's play secretary. I don't know
my typing and being the secretary was important. I just
thought about that because that.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Woman ever trusted secretaries after Mary J. Blige, actually know
she was. She was the secretary, wasn't.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
She was your lover and your secretary, working every day
of the week.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
It must be hard to be the secretary. I don't think.
I really don't get you don't get no respect. I
bet she was married.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
I think she was.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
I think she was inevitably because she was the wife.
She was also handling the fucking at Maybe she was
the side bitch.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
I think maybe didn't he had a whole wife and
she was the secretary.

Speaker 4 (01:57):
I mean to be looking like that, but didn't you
see fucking uh waiting Trixail. She was the main bitch.
He left her for the White Bitch. That was the
song in Wedding Trixail. The White Bitch was a secretary
after she built the business.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
I'm getting that movie or was it working before.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
I don't know, but I always associate them. And my
mom listened to it maybe four billion times in the car.
So I just was angry. I just got angry. I
just channeled my mom's angry energy because we listened to
that song a million fucking times, and I'm pretty sure
she hated my dad at that time.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
So so I have something to add to that.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
But I want to I want to introduce our guest
because we have a very special guest today.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
I'm very excited to introduce to the show.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Rachel Lindsay. Thank you guys. It's so happy to be here.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
I know finally, I know.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Right.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
You may have seen Rachel on Hire Learning Podcast, The Bachelorette,
or just in your on your local television.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Because you be everywhere, girl, I.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Try to be, got a hustle underlot.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Everything gonna be Jamaican in this town.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
Wait, So I want to add to this because yesterday
I had a very like nineties moment at Juicy Ladies
near my house. So there's just like usy little spot.
It's like organic foods and stuff. And I'm sitting there
and I'm like this, this attractive black man walks in
and he's a little bit older.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
And then I look at him. I'm like, is that
Eric Benet? And I'm like, oh shit, is Eric what
is he?

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Harefoot?

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Bare?

Speaker 1 (03:16):
You know he's always barefoot?

Speaker 2 (03:17):
He is that thing. Oh shit.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
He was looking like very like like more. I didn't
I don't know what I was expecting of him, but
he's looking like Topanga, like hip guns a little like
he yeah, like he like sits on his patio and
like takes care of his plants, smokes. I like an
older man that takes care of good was a little soft,
like it's not like he's giving, like like I saw

(03:40):
dad body.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, but when I saw him, I was like, damn,
he's just kind of fine. And then I was like no,
and I was just telling Shakim.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
I was like, I feel like every black woman when
they see Eric Benet, they can't help but think of
halle Berry and how he played her, and like we
kind of hate him a little bit, but he is
kind of fine, but we'd never date him because how
the fuck do you shoot on halle Berry?

Speaker 2 (03:59):
He had a sex and I know, and that's the
whole other thing. And I was like, did he have.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Because we haven't heard anything about it since I think
he's in a relationship and totally happy and totally fine.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Like literally, that was my thought. I was like, did
he actually have a sex addiction or did he?

Speaker 3 (04:14):
Was he getting no pussy because Hallie has her own
traumas and we don't really know the full story, and
actually he just wanted some pussy like a regular nigger.
The fact that twenty years later we all still remember
the same exact narrative. I thought about the same thing,
barefoot sex addiction. Fine, is he short?

Speaker 2 (04:28):
No, well he's not, but he's kind of like skinny.
He's like, he's not like skinny dead book. Yeah, it's
like like soft, little like lower gut type of situation.
It's kind of like like a like too big, it's soft.
Like I've done some living like yoga. You know, he
walks and does yoga, that's it. He doesn't lift weights.

(04:50):
But when I saw him, I told to Kim, I.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
Was like, every black woman knows to not fuck with
Eric Biney like we might. We might on the side
because he's so fine, but we also like don't respect
him because as he cheated on one of our black queens.

Speaker 4 (05:01):
I don't know if I don't respect him, I just
automatically think, does he have a sex addiction?

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Hey, Eric, that's luck, that's lack of respect. I don't
believe them, but we don't believe him, like we we
don't believe him, or we don't believe Holly. I don't know.
There's a there's too many questions. Eric, you don't trust him.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
I used to write a book.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
She does.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
I don't think she seems very private. I just need
to make an announcement. Hi, Eric hates me.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
Hi.

Speaker 4 (05:26):
Yeah, it's good moms. Eric has saw you down the street.
I think you live in Tpanga.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Come on over.

Speaker 4 (05:30):
We're talking a lot of you know, open ended questions.
But if you're in the valley, just come on over
and answer him for us.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Okay, bye, what you want Eric on the show?

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yeah, I have questions.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
I could source him. I was going to go to
Jucy Ladies, Okay, so work over there. So then I left.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
So right before I left, I walked by and he
smiled at me, and I was like, I was like, oh,
he's cute.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
I was like, no, was it because you have a
man or because you were confused? Think about it, I
have a man. It was more so like it was
more so like you cannot be trusted.

Speaker 3 (05:59):
I And then you know who else I saw and
the same They were at the same They were there
at the same exact time, and I was like, wow,
this is a real nineties moment.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
To Panga was there Danielle from from Morman's World?

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Did she just get in trouble for some for some
like racist stuff.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
I don't know she do.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
I didn't want to cat remember the black girl who
was on the show that, like to Panga, was traump
like she was traumatized by the way to Panga used
to treat her on the show.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Really, I will say that that black girl is that
black girl who I used to really love because she's
the only black girl empoyments world she has.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
I think she's a little bit crazy. Okay, so we
don't believe.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Okay, so don't hold what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
I don't know that story was out there.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
I was about to Panga. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
This is This is a problem with the Internet and
with rumors, because we just don't know, and then we're
just making ideas in our head.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
I hope to Pang is not a fucking racist, but
maybe I don't know.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Maybe in the nineties.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
Maybe no, it's the panga looks. It was acceptable in
the nineties. All I know is the panga looks she does.
Panga looks exactly the same. Her name is Danielle, her
her hair, I don't know. I don't know. I don't
even name my daughter. To peg it was so thick,
just like we remember, like, looks exactly the same. I
feel like this conversation is kind of aging us whatever.

(07:14):
The young butchers are like, who's to Panga? Why is
she racist? It's my blair.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
We're just well researched.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
When we researched, this is trans twenty four, so she
doesn't identify what world Eric there you go. I'll look
at for some music later. I never heard of him.
I don't know. I'll send you the link in n
La Chappa. Oh god, wait, that reminds me. This is

(07:42):
totally off topic.

Speaker 4 (07:43):
But I was I think we were going to like
a Lauren Hill concert, and we were in and out,
like in the drive and I'm like telling, you know,
I tell everybody my goodness, like we're going to Lauren Hill.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
And then he was like who, And I was like,
fuck you, what the fuck are you talking about? And
I was just like, this is ridiculous.

Speaker 4 (07:58):
But yeah, it's so crazy how you think, Like the
people who are major fucking celebrities and staples in our lives,
these fucking kids don't know she.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
People don't even know that Beyonce had a girl group.
They don't even know. That's not culture.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
See to me, that's not even young. You're just not culture.
You have to know about Destiny's Child. Have you not
been listening to Beyonce's music? How do you not know
Lauren Hill?

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Because people just start where they find them and they
don't go back.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
They don't need But think about it. We know Motel, true,
that's true.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
We're cultured.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
Well, then what's up with these millennial parents?

Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's the parents parent sucked up. Call your kid.

Speaker 4 (08:32):
If you have this young adult child in the twenties nineteen,
if you go and call them and ask them these questions,
if they don't know who the fuck Lauren Hill is?

Speaker 2 (08:40):
Or I think there's need to be a checklist. There
needs to be like, am I doing good job? Checklist?
You need to go.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
You need to pull them back in the house and
replay the music because they need to be a little
bit traumatized like I am.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
When I hear Mary J. Blitz blights right, she's back. God,
she's switching between ages. It's very confusing.

Speaker 4 (09:02):
I need you to honor my translation or else it's
gonna get confusing.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
Anyway, Rachel k I'm I'm I'm so interested in in
all things you. I'm gonna be honest. I didn't do
that much research and I alway so because I was like,
I'm just gonna ask her here. Great, So tell me
about you.

Speaker 2 (09:21):
Where'd you grow up? Oh?

Speaker 3 (09:23):
Okay, so you're all you childhood Tramas. When did you
lose your virginity?

Speaker 2 (09:26):
What are your three top three signs? Oh?

Speaker 1 (09:28):
My?

Speaker 2 (09:29):
Like did I date now? You're your astrological top three?

Speaker 5 (09:32):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Oh my, sun?

Speaker 1 (09:33):
We were? I say, okay, okay, okay. Born and raised Dallas, Texas.
I grew up and I'm a proud Texan, Like I
don't know if I could go back there because of
everything that's going on. But I do love that I'm
from Texas and I love the culture and everything it represents.
Families from Louisiana, the country of Louisiana. So I've got
like the country trail ride horse side. And then my

(09:54):
mom grew up inner City, Houston, Fitzward, South Park, so
like the best of both worlds. My dad grew up
on a farm, very religious family.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Not a dive into that, you know.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
I love that religious, pragmatic Jack and Jiller. Yeah, I
grew up like that.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
So I my dad.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
My dad is a first in a lot of ways.
My dad was city attorney of Dallas. My dad was
first federal judge in his district. So I grew up
like thinking we were like the Cosby Show, Slash Fresh
Prince Slash. I didn't live in a mansion or anything
like that. I'm just saying like that I could relate

(10:35):
to those those type of shows. And I was always
like the girl. I'm a middle child. I think that
means something. Three sisters, I'm the middle, No, no brothers.
I'm very tomboy. Grew up a big sports fan, big
Dallas Cowboys fan. From a young age, I was like,
I'm gonna be a lawyer. I'm gonna be just like
my dad. I admired my dad, like my eyes. My

(10:58):
dad was like Martin Luther King, and my mom is
just like this beautiful angel, like like the sweetest person
on earth. So like I grew up, you know, a
really fun, good life, but also in a bubble and
in a box. And so I was very much so like,
I'm gonna do exactly what I'm told. I'm gonna be

(11:19):
a lawyer, just like my dad. I'm gonna go to school,
go to law school, and then I'm gonna have everything
that I want and I'm gonna be happy. I'm gonna
get married. I'm from the South, I get married young.
I'm gonna be a virgin until marriage. I'm gonna have
kids by this age. I'm gonna make partner like I
had it all planned out. And then I got to college.

(11:40):
And then I got to.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
College, and then what well is open?

Speaker 1 (11:44):
I went to the University of Texas, which, yes, still
in Texas, but Austin, very liberal. It opened my mind
to so much stuff.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
I room at.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
My roommate was my first cousin, who's like my best friend.
And I'll say she's wild.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Didn't parents were like, yes, okay, but but.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
They were happy that we had each other. But she
taught me so much and she opened my eyes and
she questioned things that for me it was like, no,
this is this, you know, this is this with religion,
this is how you're supposed to wait till marriage. This
is like everything I had. I was what I was
told I did. And my cousin questioned me in a
way where I didn't really have the answers to, and

(12:24):
I started thinking about things totally different. I didn't tell
my parents this, you know, like I still wanted to
live a certain life.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
Cousin turned me out, psychologically.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Turned me out. Shout out to my cousin, Andrea.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
Andrea.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
And then I had a boyfriend pledged.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
And so this I was gonna ask her, did you pledge?

Speaker 1 (12:45):
I pledged Delta. But this gets to the virginity story. Okay,
So I was a virgin until I was twenty and
I was dating this guy. I thought, this is it.
I found my guy, just like my mom found her
guy in college. I'm really trying to emulate my parents' life.
And I was like, we're gonna get married, We're gonna
live happily ever after, this is going to be great.

(13:07):
And then I'm still a virgin. When I was pledging,
big sister pulled me over and was like, you're not
supposed to know. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but you're
not supposed.

Speaker 4 (13:16):
To men when you're pledging, right, your sisterhood, you're not
supposed to know men.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Now it's all about the girls, like suddenly or like
you can't talk to them. Oh yeah, you're not supposed
to do any of that. It's about the sisterhood. It's
about like all of that right, focused on that. And
so she pulled me over and she was like, I'm
hearing that your guy is not faithful. And I'm like,
oh no, not my guy, Like he would never. I
always thought it would be me because as much as

(13:40):
I was, you know, a virgin and religious, I was
a big partier. I might still be a little. I've
tapered off a bit. I love to be on the scene,
like I'm talking dancing on couches, tables, like I'm like, hey, everybody,
look at me. That was my energy, right, that was
my energy and college for sure and after and so

(14:03):
I was like, no, it would be me. She's like
this is what I'm hearing. I get offline. He starts
to act weird. I go the first time I went
through a guy's phone, maybe the last time. Actually, I
went through his phone, saw like the number was saved
under frat and it should have been. But I called
it because I was like, this is suspicious, and I'm
looking at these text messages. It was a girl. Of course,

(14:23):
I confront him. He tells me he was unfaithful, and
I was like, man, it just it was another thing
that burst my bubble. Oh wow, people cheat, You cheated
on me my perfect world. My perfect reception was that
your first boyfriend college. Okay, I mean my high school
boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex

(14:45):
prom night and he and he went with another girl
to prom my same night. Because yes, this is a
these are crazy stories all over the place. He did
not take me. He didn't tell me the reason, but
he was just like, oh, our proms are the same night,
went to a different school. His friend showed up at
my prom and was like, I'm gonna be with you

(15:08):
because he didn't take you because he wanted to have
sex and he knew this girl would have sex with him,
and you won't.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
So he sent his friend to be her date.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Send his friend his friend just came.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Did you have a date?

Speaker 1 (15:19):
You?

Speaker 2 (15:19):
I didn't, so you didn't know he was He didn't
know the friend was.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Coming, didn't know the friend was coming.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
But the friend didn't tell you to deliver this message
and stayed and was like my date, emotional support, emotional support.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
And I didn't even date the friend after. It wasn't
even like that, just like, yeah, was really bad for me.
And anyways, so fast forward to this, I'm still a virgin,
and I'm like, man, if this guy that I thought
was so right for me and checked every box and
it's perfect, can cheat on me?

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Like what is this?

Speaker 1 (15:51):
What am I holding on to? What am I waiting for?
I really got into a like who gives a fuck?

Speaker 2 (15:55):
Who cares?

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Mentality? And what did I do at twenty when he
kept coming back into my life? Not only do I
let him come back in, I gave my virginity to him.
The problem, you know, the guy who cheated on me
in college because it didn't mean what it meant to
me and anyway, it didn't have its value, and I
was just like whatever, let.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
Me get out the way that set me on a path.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
What path was that since I was and Andrea, we
were outside Andrew's like finally we were out.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
I just I just didn't look at sex the same way.
I didn't romanticize it, fantasize it about it. And when
I I wrote two books, and one is fiction and
one's nonfiction, I wrote a book of essays and I
wrote about the danger of purity culture because when the
bubble burst and it's not what you think it's going
to be, then you just your whole world collapses. And

(16:50):
for me, there was shame.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
It was a lot of shame already.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
And who was I going to talk to? I mean, yes, Andrea,
but like I could talk to my parents, I was
scared to talk to my sisters. My friends from high
school all grew up in the same culture, and I
just held on to it in a way where I
didn't know what to do with it other than like,
I'm just gonna keep doing it. So I think that
mentality and I wrote about it, is very dangerous because
it's not the movies, it's not the fairy tale. And

(17:15):
it's why I have friends from high school who are
on their second and third marriage is because they rush
to get married and then it's awful and it's terrible
and it's and the relationship is and what it should
be and it's a disaster and they're still trying to
figure it out, you know, at this big age or whatever. Okay,
so where are we? We're virgin lost it outside to

(17:36):
law school majored in sports management. In college, studied sports law.
I thought I was going to be an agent. Started
dealing with athletes and I was like, I don't want
to babysit them. I just want to do them.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
I just want to have a Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
I thought I wanted to. I thought I wanted you
to be my client. But I've shifted a little, So
just get in my back.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
So twenties was my athlete phase. And what'd you learn?

Speaker 2 (18:03):
What did what do you think you've learned from? What
did you learn about dating athletes?

Speaker 1 (18:07):
They are very used to being catered to like men are, period,
but an athlete in a totally different way. Their princesses
because they've been especially like the good, like the really
good ones. They've been. They've been in that little league,
they've been in Pop Warner football, whatever it maybe high school, college,
they're superstars. Everybody's been taking care of them. So why

(18:27):
quite naturally, why would they not expect their women to
or they wanted you to not settle but accept certain
things because you're lucky enough to be with me and
you get this lifestyle and in return, these are some
of the things that came with it.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
That's not me.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
I'm not that type of girl. Also, wasn't down for
the chase, Like I wasn't the girl because I had
these friends who would like know where the athletes were
saying when they came in town, hide I hide out
in the bathroom, hide out at the REarth.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
Not high out. Yes, they like they would, literally they would,
and this was not me.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
I just want to be very clear.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
I just know I know those girls or.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Just would like camp out at the bar, and it's
like is it worth it? Like to me, it just
I wasn't about that kind of chase. I'm not saying
all athletes are, but majority you know, that's the type
of woman. Remember that line in Love in Basketball where
the dad is trying to explain why he cheated on
Omar Eps's mom. I can't think of his character's name

(19:26):
right now, and he says He's like, you don't understand
how hard it is. This woman does this, and then
the boldest woman gets on your floor, and the next
one is in your room already waiting for you.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Remember doing that.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
I'm not signing up for that, so I let that go.
But I was saying all this to say I was
doing what I thought. Every time I was doing what
I thought I would do, something would happen where I
was like, it does That's that's not how life is.
You can't stay in a box. I mean you can,
but you're probably not going to be happy. But every
time I would veer off the beaten path, it was

(20:00):
much more exciting. When I was doing maybe what I
wasn't taught or supposed to do. I was learning so
much more about life and myself. So the same thing happened.
Career wise. I did everything I said I was gonna do.
I became a lawyer, and I was so not fulfilled.
I just was like I was going through the motions.
It was cool to say I passed the bar and
I was a lawyer, but I was bored, to be
very honest with you, and I was searching for things

(20:23):
to fulfill me in ways, whether it was in a man,
whether it was in friendship, whether it was being outside
something to fill that void. And then one day two
of my coworkers knocked on my door and they were like, hey,
the batter tryouts are down the street in two weeks.
We think you'd be great. And I literally go, I
don't watch that show. All I know is black people
don't go far. And they said, if you do it,

(20:44):
you will and it was one of those moments where
I felt so pulled. I cannot explain the feeling really
that something was like you will regret it if you
don't do this. It was a deep, deep feeling. And
I feel like I'm a very intuitive person. I so like,
if I'm looking at my all my full chart, my

(21:05):
first and last house are in Scorpio and my rising
is Scorpio, and I'm just and my astrologist said, you're
more Scorpio than you are anything, and she particularly was
like it being in your last house, if you are
open to it, you can be very tapped in intuitively spiritually,

(21:26):
and like, I'm a deep dreamer and I'm very and
this goes into like recently, I guess my divorce. I'm
very in tune to when when I ignore the voice,
I know what you're doing. I do it anyway because
I'm a tourist and I'm stubborn. I'm super stubborn. But anyways,
I felt very pull to it. I did it when

(21:47):
on the Bacheler eventually became the Bachelorette, and it changed
my entire life and it's opened me up to so
many things that I never even thought were possible, that
I had wanted or dreamed about. But literally everything from
what I wanted to do, to who I wanted to meet,
to a show I wanted to be on came true
through this opportunity. So it was like a roundabout way

(22:08):
of getting the things that I wanted.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
So that's me, guys, smart, I thank you.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
I'm a podcaster.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah, and now we love it. We're here for it.

Speaker 4 (22:17):
I actually your season of The Bachelorette or The Bachelor
or any of them is the only when I watched
because I was in New Jersey with this girl who
watched a lot of TV and she just continued to
turn it on and then I was invested and I
was like the first black one. She's like yeah, and
I was like, Okay, let's watch it. And I was
rooting for you, and I was like really into the
Bachelor for that one season. So it's really nice to

(22:39):
have you here and like, you know, sit with you
and talk to you because I had a lot of
commentary that was a long time ago, though, like it.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
Was eight years eight years ago, crazy to think about.

Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah, I mean it felt like time honestly is always
like moving so quickly. But did you feel like, because
The Bachelor and the Bachelorette is obviously a very white
franchise when you went on that show, did you feel
like you kind of got pulled back into those like, uh,
respectability politics in ways?

Speaker 1 (23:06):
I knew that's why they chose me.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Okay, you went that, you went, you went that side
so that they could you would be well I was.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
I didn't. I was so green. I didn't realize at
the moment they met me during Bachelor auditions, they were like,
if she's not cuckoo, she could be our first black lead.
Because I checked their boxes because I was easy for
a white audience to digest.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Ye one are the boxes that they had a job which.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
You look at other white and it's not every white
bachelorette that came before me, but a lot of them
like lived at home, didn't have jobs. But do you
think like a first person, whether it's black, Latina, Asian,
could do that now, Like I had to for that audience.
They had to be like, Okay, I get it.

Speaker 4 (23:50):
She's a cheam, she's a lawyer, like one of one
of those intelligent which we always do, we do.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Oh, her dad is a judge. Oh my gosh. And
they you know, it's like, oh, she'll behave she's a
full time job. She's not gonna want to do anything
to lose her job because I still had my job
the entire time I was in the show. She's like,
shout out to Cooper and Scullies. They were they paid
me still while I was on the show. They let
me keep my job. They saw the benefit of hey,
this is our attorney and this is what she's doing.

(24:23):
But yeah, I guess though that's what I mean those blocks,
like I wouldn't ruffle any feathers. I knew how to
act right for that audience because I was told later, well,
it couldn't be a man because America literally, a producer
said this to me. America is not ready to wake
up to see a fantasy suite with a black man

(24:43):
waking up with a white woman. And if you watch
James's season compared to other seasons, you don't see him
in the bed with the white girl. So when I
wake up in the you see me in the room
getting ready. Sometimes you saw me in the eating breakfast.
They didn't do that.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
They did that with the not I.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Mean with the non white girls, but not the white woman.
So like they understand their audience. So for me, I
was like, all right, I'm gonna play this game while
I'm under contract, and then the moment I can, I'm
going to speak out about the lack of diversity because
I knew I could.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
So you knew you had a plan for me. I knew.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
I didn't go in thinking that.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
As things were happening, you're like, oh hey no.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
And I knew that there wasn't much that they could
do because I was the first, and they were so
afraid to do something, you know, like, this is our
first one. We don't want to do anything where it
can look really bad, because we already looked bad because
for fifteen years we have had no lead of color.
I'm fifty thirteenth season of the Bacherette, and there were
twenty one seasons of the Bachelor before not one lead

(25:47):
of color.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
The Bachelor's never been black.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
Matt James was after me three years after that.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Oh wow, okay during.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Twenty twenty, you know they had they had Little Larryes
on it. Yeah, they they had to, and so or
they thought they had to. So yeah, I just I
started calling it out for what it was. I felt
like I could make a space for other leads of color,
and even when people are like, I mean, it is
a silly dating show, and I'm like, it is, but

(26:14):
so I didn't watch it, but I have talked to
moms or young girls who watched the show and they
see me, and they're like, oh, I can be desired.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
I can.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
So Yeah, it might be a silly show, but for
a young girl who wants to see someone like looks
like that's the most eligible bachelorette or eligible woman and
she can look like me and I can find love
or I can have a fairytale story. I wanted them
to see that, and other people should be able to
see that too, whether it's size, age, because I was

(26:47):
the oldest at the time too, I was thirty one.
You're the oldest and I was the oldest bachelorette. So
it's like there was so much that they needed to
do and I felt like I could call I could
one represent myself as a black woman well, and I
could call it out in the ways that it needed
to be.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
And you did a great job.

Speaker 4 (27:02):
I watched the whole thing and I was like, Wow,
she's really not she And I was like, think, she's
really staying within the parameters and really like speaking her
mind but doing it eloquently. And that's difficult when I'm
sure a lot of the world is like waiting for
you to do something ghetto or do something black or like,
because that show is predominantly even the viewers are white. Yeah,
it's like very white. And I you know what it

(27:23):
isn't like a silly dating show. But I'd never until
you said it right now, like the black women seeing
themselves have the fairy tale ending is it's like a
very important representation that we need to see that we
don't necessarily see and like so we don't place ourselves there,
and like it's like, oh, seeing you as a bachelorette,

(27:43):
seeing you leave with someone, seeing you choose that's part. Yeah,
you get to choose, No one's choosing you and you're hoping.
It's like I'm doing the choosing and I'm getting married
and I'm you know, doing all the things. I'm on
vacation in the fucking suite. So that is important for
like other women to like, oh, yeah, I'm worthy, I'm
just I can be a wife, even though every other
fucking movie, unless it's Tyler fucking Perry or whatever, casts

(28:06):
me differently.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
Like that that was important and now I understand that. Yeah,
how do you feel about the representation since then? In
reality TV?

Speaker 3 (28:14):
I mean there's there's so many different I guess dating
shows now too, Like do you think that there is,
in your opinion, an improvement or is it pretty much
kind of the same.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
I mean with The Bachelor, not really. I just think
they just don't get it. You have to have people
of color behind the camera if you want to get
it right. You know, you just can't just be like, oh,
I'm gonna prop up this person in a couple of years.
You have to under there's no understanding of it. So
I think they try, and I'm using air quotes for
people who are just listening, but they get it wrong

(28:43):
because they really aren't trying to understand. But I don't
really watch other dating shows. You I it's too much.
It's every day. I can't get into it every day.
And the crazy thing is it is so popular right now.
I'm know who the people are just because it's in
my soul, like my algorithm. I know everybody that's in it,

(29:06):
but I can't watch it. But when I see it,
I'm like, Wow, there's a lot of diversity. I was
surprised by that Love Island there seems to be even
last season. I'm looking at the couples who won last season.
I'm looking at this season also, like mixed couples. That
seems to be a thing there. This Bachelor is started
in two thousand. It is still and it's still holding

(29:27):
on to that format. What I do see in the
new shows is they are not whether it's fuck Boy
Island with the guy who created that came from the Bachelor,
or it's Love is Blind.

Speaker 4 (29:36):
I've watched a couple of Boy Island as an actual show.

Speaker 3 (29:39):
Yeah, it's called it's not Temptation Island. It's called it's called.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
It was on HBO Max. I think I know what
they did it like f Boy Island, but I think
I just saw that the unedited version, so now you
actually can't say fuck boy Island is out somewhere. But
I had like two or three seasons, and it was
about finding the fuck boy amongst amongst the good boys,
because that's the that's real life. So I feel like
these real show, these new shows are trying to reflect

(30:07):
the reality in some ways. Of dating. Of course, you
have the drama. Of course you have you know, like
all like the foolery, fuckery of it all, but the
Bachelor does not Nothing about that is real life.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Had you dated interracially prior to that show?

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Not seriously?

Speaker 2 (30:23):
Okay, so that was your first and then you left me?

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, My first was when I was on the Bachelor
and I was dating Nick. My mom even said it.
My mom was like, you know, she's never brought anybody
home that wasn't black, But people forgot that. People met
me dating on a on a white show, a white man,
and then I go on the Bachelorette and I pick white.
He's Columbian but white whatever, and so everyone's like, oh,

(30:47):
that's she's one of those. You know, I get that
a lot, and anybody who knows me knows I that
is so not me, but I really when I went
on The Bachelor, I knew that time a black man
id eate.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Is never coming on this show.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
They're a little bit more private, they do their own thing.
They're not that's they're not going to be on a
reality show. And that's no shade to the black men
who go on it. Just the type of guys I'm
interested in black men wouldn't so I was very aware
of that. But at the same time, I don't know,
I just yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Do you think that you're do you think that your
I guess when you were saying how this this, how
dangerous it is for this purity culture and like kind
of not looking at sex as this like I don't
want to say sacred thing, but maybe not for a while.
And I don't know where you stand on that now,
But do you think that that also kind of encouraged

(31:41):
you to go on the Bachelor? Because like, did you
think you were gonna leave marriage? Like were you like
I could get married or like maybe marriage also kind
of didn't have the same uh, I guess value after everything.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
No, it did actually okay, but I did not think
I was going to find someone I would like. I
went on because I thought I could represent myself as
a black woman well, and I thought, like the young
girl who watches it needs to see me in this way.
I left and not till my parents was like, don't worry,
I'm not picking any of these men. And then the
first night you do get caught up in the fairy

(32:13):
tale of it all. You know, you have no phone,
no TV, no access to the outside, and men are.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Pining after you, literally just putting their best and you're like, oh.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
My god, maybe maybe he is out here. And you're
doing all these interviews where they're like, did you see
the way he looked at you? And they're bringing you
gifts and it's so romantic and the most skeptical person
it is people everyone, Yeah, it's how not today. And

(32:43):
the men are even more competitive, so it's like, am
I trusting what their motives are or do they just
want to win? So it's I never thought that I would,
but then shortly after I was like, oh, there are
a couple of guys that there's potential for. So even
when I left the show, my parents were like, wait,
the cameras are done.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
This is for real actually married.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
It took a long time to convince my parents that
this engagement is a real thing.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Do you leave the show married or engaged?

Speaker 3 (33:11):
But now people don't even really leave it now then
the US weekly promotes the wedding, okay, and they get
them on the cover, and then the whole wedding is
paid for.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
No, not anymore. I didn't do a pay our wedding.
Everything was separate because they realized, like nobody really watches
the weddings. They don't make they lose money instead of
making money. So I got some things, but just like
being an influencer, but it was not filmed. It was
not nothing. This show had nothing to do with our wenning.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
How long after the engagement after you left the show, did.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
You two and a half years, So like really took
the time to do it. But to answer your question,
marriage And that's part of the mistakes that I made
and not listening to my gut, I still held like
really high and I and and it was controversial on
my show because when it came down to my last
one guy did not want to get engaged and the

(34:02):
other guy who I ended up picking did and I
was like, I didn't put myself through this. I was
in a five year relationship before the guy never wanted
to take it to the next level. Why would I
go back to show the boyfriend? And I did also
not feel he was the one, but that was a
big deal for me. I'm like, you what you come
on the show for. If you don't see it with me,

(34:22):
this isn't it. And so part of that was societal
pressure of being the first black bachelorette, being the age
that I was, so I was thirty two by the
time the show in and now that that's old or anything,
but just I was ready for it. I thought, Okay,
here's a good man. Let me just play this out.
I just was like, I'm ready to get married, I'm
ready to have kids. That is still my traditional upbringing,

(34:47):
religious upbringing, that was still in me at that time
where I valued it in such a way. So it
became very important to me to pick somebody who it
could lead to marriage. And then I became even more
dedicated to that, ignoring red flags, ignoring my inner voice,
because I was like, I just do I want to

(35:09):
be out here in this jungle or do I just
pick the good man who I thought was good was not?

Speaker 2 (35:15):
But how long is how long do they shoot the
Bachelor ten weeks. Oh so it's time. So it's like
three months, two and a half months.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:22):
Yeah, I'm curious, Like, because you had this foresight around
going on to the show, like you went in with
I guess somewhat of an intention. What advice would you
give to reality like the women on Reality now that
have this moment right now and it seems like Love Island,
Like I see a lot of like like brand partnership

(35:43):
deals happening and all these things, But like if you
could give some advice to like these women or maybe
even men that are on these shows and like how
to like continue on with their career and keep it going.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Yeah, I would say it's so easy to take the
low hanging fruit when you come off the show, because
I was on the boucher during its height. Like, now
you go on, it's not what it is. It's all
about Love Island if you and so many people are like, well,
how did you get into media? And I'm like, because
I said no to every reality show that asked me
to come on after I was like, I don't want

(36:17):
to be known as a reality TV star. I want
to move towards being a media personality. I didn't move
to LA. I stayed in Dallas. I stayed practicing law.
When I had free moments, then I would hustle, come
to LA, go to New York, use my degree, use
my expertise. I would say yes to every opportunity that
fit that more than I did of I'm going to

(36:38):
go on the show. I did brand deals, but only
did brand deals that aligned with stuff I actually really
liked because I was trying to build an audience that
showed that I was authentic, and I think that really
helped me. I would speak my mind a lot. I
would say things that maybe people were afraid to say
because I was going into media. That helped me too.
So I think the mistake people make is it is
so easy to be back in a bubble and to

(37:01):
take all the good and say like I'm this, I'm this,
it's going to last forever. They are already casting for
the next season. Your time is short. I don't know
how often Love Island films before the Bachelor, it is
six months. You have six months to make a difference,
to build your audience, to create that foundation, to network,
make connections, and not just rest in all this money

(37:23):
is coming at me at once, like, you have to
have a plan if it is to be a content creator, great,
figure out what kind of audience you want to cultivate.
But you just have to be very focused and keep
your eye on the prize because it's so easy to
take all the money and opportunities that are throwing at you.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
All Right, that's what I imagine I'm seeing.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
I don't even I watched two episodes of Love Island,
and now the whole cast is totally different. I keep
seeing like a Maya Papaya or some shit. There's all
these other girls that I never even saw before because
I only watched a episode because my brain was melting
watching it, and I was like, how the fuck are
people investing all the time?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Like my brain can't handle it.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
It's like for high school students, there's so many like
no grown watch, celebrity watch the show. Like people are
obsessed with these characters, and I'm so curious. I'm like,
should I get in?

Speaker 2 (38:10):
And then I'm like, don't do it.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
I can't commit to every day.

Speaker 4 (38:13):
After like two episodes, you're gonna it's just crying and
making out, making out, crying, crying.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
I mean when I watched the intro I was like,
this is a TikTok intro. When I saw the intro,
I was like, they have funding. This is a lot.
They have a lot of better dancing. They're doing TikTok dances.
There's a choreography. Yeah, and hired. Yeah, like it's a
The intro says, we got money and.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
The audience is involved, right, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
The audience votes on who can leave some weeks, and
I think that is also a thing.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
People feel like they're involved in the decision.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
That's genius.

Speaker 4 (38:42):
That's like it's like American Idol plus like spring Break
in two thousand and six plus like the dating love element.
So yeah, it's it's it's ridiculously silly. And I also
realized the cast really young, so that the people could
be kind of emotionally immature, and THEMB because you can't
cast a bunch of fucking thirty five year old bitches,
would be like that's a red flag and like it's

(39:05):
just too real, you know, like these bitches are just
like making out and making out and swapping and making out.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
It's really gross.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yeah, I've read something about cold Source.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
Yeah I saw oh no, yeah, girl, what's that guy's name?
The one who's the pool boy Austin. There was a yeah,
thanks Orlando. There was a video of him. Someone posted
some girl I follow and they zoomed in on his
face and he had all these red bumps, all red
right here, and it was from like they were like
they were saying us from all the fucking making out
he'd been.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Doing with all these differ that's not nice have that.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
On the Bachelor, we made out, but not like that.

Speaker 4 (39:39):
Well, you are making out with them and they're locked.
It's like a close container. It's just I'm a bitch.
I'm making out with everybody.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
I have all the men.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
These motherfuckers are putting new people in blindfolding them. You
could be blindfolded and make out with people you haven't
even met, and then you and then make up, Like.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Who the fuck are you introduce new cast members when
you're blind for Yeah, so I don't know what the
contract is.

Speaker 4 (39:59):
It's like you must make out, but those bitches are
making out but so it's hard. Yeah, it's an interesting
dynamic because they like at the beginning, you could see
some of the girls are trying to have like respectability politics,
Like I just did not like that. But then like
by this third episode, like we're gonna get voted off.
They're just fucking making out with everybody, so you see
the ship real quick.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
But yeah, I'm not there yet. I'll stick to my
Bravo war.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
Would you ever do reality TV again?

Speaker 1 (40:23):
I think I would do not my personal life, like
I it would have to be about career. It would
not be Housewives. I watched too much so I know
too much. I could do that, But I maybe like
a competition show like Traders okay or something like that.
I could do, but I just couldn't. I want to

(40:44):
date again, and I don't want people to be afraid
of I mean, I am dating, but I don't want
people to be afraid of Oh my gosh, is she
gonna have a camera out? Is she gonna tell this story?
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (40:54):
Is that something that you even countered?

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Like because I mean, because I mean, I know, for
even us as podcaster, as we talk about I mean,
for our show, we talk a lot about our personal lives. Sure,
that's been the thing for men wondering like are you
gonna talk about me.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
On my on your show?

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Or you don't say names never?

Speaker 4 (41:09):
But people are still either they really want you to
and they're like, well, why didn't you talk about this?
Or yeah, they expect you to and it's like, you're
not that important. And I don't say anybody's name anyway
because I'm not scared of that.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
So I am in dating now. I get really nervous
having to tell say that I was on the Bachelor
and then I married the guy from the Bachelor. It
gives me anxiety.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Is it a b or is it a more? Is
it because you think people are gonna judge you and
be like well, what, like how did this happen? Like
what what is the what is the insecurity about it?

Speaker 1 (41:41):
That I have to tell the story? And I like
this is this is like girl chat. We're talking now,
We're getting to know each other in a different level.
It's a deeper conversation. But I can see that their
eyes widen like wait what wait you did? Because anybody
I've been on a date with doesn't why my season
like that? So then I have to tell the story,

(42:03):
and I feel like they become more fascinated and I
almost become this character to them more than I am
of this woman that maybe they were attracted to, and
they get to know and I'm realizing, Oh my god,
I'm having I'm starting to have anxiety about that. I
don't like I mean, I have to write. That's why
I haven't been on apps. I'm not on a dating app.
I've never been on a dating app in my life.

Speaker 4 (42:23):
Because you're afraid you were going to see you and
then like make a story in their head about oh,
if you've done The Bachelor, this is who you are
and blah blah blah blah blah, or.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Google me right because I'm going to google somebody. They're
going to google me. They're going to see The Bachelor,
They're going to see my divorce, They're going to see
how much money I had to give out in my divorce.
And I just am like, what am I?

Speaker 2 (42:41):
What is that going to do to you?

Speaker 5 (42:43):
What?

Speaker 1 (42:43):
I just don't know?

Speaker 4 (42:44):
You need a date by like RL. You're like, oh,
I'm r L. What mean Rachel lindsay like, don't say.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
Oh, I'm like you are L real life, like rebrand yourself.
You know, people give themselves nay ray and then.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
They find out and they're like, wait a minute.

Speaker 4 (43:02):
I needed you not to know for the first six
months because I didn't need any now you know me.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
So surprised I did this thing.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
It's kind of like celibacy, but withholding of information hard.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
I got to figure out how to do it. What
I have found is better for me is younger because.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
They don't even know nothing about the Bachelor, you know, like,
what's that? It's like the twenty four year olds who
don't know who Lauren Hill is.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
Oh my god? How much younger? How much younger are
we talking?

Speaker 1 (43:30):
The youngest I've done is ten ten years, ten years.
I do think younger my thirties, thirties, okay, Yeah, thirty
is okay for me because I don't feel forty. I
really even like ages of social media, you could.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
Be transaged to Rachel. What's your trans age? Rachel? How
do you identify?

Speaker 1 (43:52):
I'm probably twenty nine. I'm definitely not in my thirties.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Have a cross that hump you.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
I have a friend who invited me to an anti
party and I was and I told her, do you
wear a momo and a body? I didn't get that far.
All I saw was that it was an auntie party
and I don't identify that. And I'm older than she is,
and I'm like, I don't I don't identify as that
I am. I feel more myself post divorce. Dating is

(44:23):
still I'm still a little scared in some ways, but
I'm over the anxiety of oh my god, somebody's about
to look at my body. That was a whole thing too,
Like what like post divorce, I was so afraid to
have sex with someone really that first time. I'm like,
the same man has been looking at my body for
almost seven years, and and you know, like towards the

(44:45):
end of a relationship, sex is not great. So then
I'm like, am I periman apostle? Am I am? I?

Speaker 5 (44:52):
Not?

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Because?

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Not horny, not wet, not like nothing, And so I
really was like, how am I going to be sexually?
I was very nervous to have sex the first time,
and only in my fine I'm like, oh my god,
I'm like so aware of exactly what I want, how
I want it, what I like.

Speaker 3 (45:15):
Oh yeah, how long did it take you after divorce
to even consider to start dating?

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Dating?

Speaker 1 (45:22):
Well, they say when a woman is done, she's been
done for at least a year, So I try to
explain that to people. But like an actual date, I
always knew the first person I would be intimate with
is somebody I knew from before, okay, because that was
that was a nice segue, felt like safety.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
Yeah, now you're planning strategically. As soon as this shit
is over, I'm about to call it. I thought.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
I was like, if I do it, I think it's
going to need to be somebody that knows me. Even
though I had never done it with that person before.
I just was like, that makes me feel comfortable, and
it made me feel confident in myself. That gets taken
away from you in a divorce, like it can't, especially
if it's message it's messy. A date date I got

(46:05):
my divorce was announced first January. I went on a
date in May.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Okay, that that aligns with the statistics that I looked at.
I was looking at.

Speaker 3 (46:14):
I was so curious about, like women dating after divorce
and like how quickly they jump back in versus men
and men and women are generally like around the same.
It's like three to four months and that I think
a lot of people might be shocked by that. But
to what your point is, Like women you're usually done
like while you're still.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
Married, but you have kids, Like it's it. The divorce
was messy, but it shouldn't have been right, So it's
like I don't have if there were kids, I think
maybe it would have been a little longer for me.
I definitely had sex before I went on a date,
but the date, I would say.

Speaker 3 (46:45):
And then okay, so after, because I know for me,
after I wasn't I wasn't married, but I was in
a very long term relationship with my child's father, and
I remember like my first sexual encounter A was that
like I was like, oh, bitch, I still got it.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Wait, I am horny, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 (47:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (47:02):
But I also had a really hard time with cuddling
afterwards and allowing and spending the night, Like I could
not even fathom spending the night and waking up to
someone because I was so used to waking up to
this other person and still not that I didn't even
want to wake up to that person other person anymore,
but it was just like it was too foreign, it

(47:22):
was too weird, it felt too serious.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
I was the opposite. Okay, Well, when I did actually
sex the first time after my divorce, I was not
in La so that was I didn't have to do
that and they don't live here, and that was also
my thing. I don't want anybody who lives here.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
I want to see you.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
That's my night. Like I like the distances.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Maybe it's a tip for newly divorced. Yeah, women, I.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Really want to write a book on this because it's
just weird to navigate. The more I talk about it,
the more I feel like women are like I needed
to hear that, or thank you for being comfortable enough
to say that. But I'm the opposite in you in
the sense that when I did starting somebody into my house,
I realized I missed the security. Not that my ex

(48:06):
made me feel safe in any way, because he actually
did not, but I just the having a body there,
living by myself in my house. It was was really
unnerving for me at times. No mind you, we'd have
to go back to this. I love how I was like,
and I told you this was gonna happen. I was like,
I don't really gonna talk about the divorce, but it's

(48:26):
naturally gonna come out. My ex lived with me for
seven months after the filing of the divorce because he
would not get out the house, so I couldn't really
bring somebody to the house because he was still there
because he wouldn't get out.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
Didn't he file He filed, So why won't he get out?

Speaker 1 (48:44):
Because California is so fucked up? Don't ever?

Speaker 2 (48:48):
So, so you were pulling up to the crib every
night and he'd be sitting on the couch.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
And he was there. He would go to a separate
room because I had turned off because I paid for everything,
so I had changed the password to the wife.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Five. Do you want to stay here? I'll make this shit.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
Exactly. I'll do what I can do. I couldn't kick
him out. I had to in California once he filed,
I could not kick him out. I either had to
pay for him to go somewhere else. But you have
to give them the same standard of living. This is
where spousal support comes from. What or they just have
to stay there until that court hearing comes. So that
our court hearing was in July.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
You don't have a prince, so it.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
Was seven months. I did not have a pren o,
I didn't have the money I had I made. It's
a perfect storm. I made all my money after But
and I've never told the story before. See this is
why I don't look at stuff before, because the stories
come out. I so your point about staying so nobody
ever stayed with me because he was there until July,
so I never so even though we weren't talking and separate,

(49:44):
there was still a person there, so it was like
a roommate. But one time I brought somebody to the
house and we didn't do anything, but we fell asleep
on the couch and like God must have been watching
over me, because he did not come home that n
night and it was like maybe there were three nights
or something like that he didn't come home, and I thought,

(50:06):
oh my god, he's gonna How did he not see
or how I don't know what made him not come home,
but he would have walked in the house, and he.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Was like he maybe would have got the fuck out soon.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
I was right there at the front.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
Needed to bring some niggas oversusand are like, okay, well
maybe a little loud, just tell the music out.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
I brought friends over one night and he literally came
out and just was like in the kitchen, just taking
his time, like he like, you, well, yeah, he was
fucking with me, like he knew I would have an
issue with it, so he just like kind of was
just like taking his time, kind of like yeah, I'm here,
what you're going to do about it now. I never
did that. I I think I was just nervous of

(50:50):
I wanted him out and I wasn't trying to do
anything to instigate, just like get along. That's why we
ended up just folding over. And it was like, whatever
you want to, just take it. You're still in my peace.
It's money, I'll get back. It hurts, It still hurts,
like if I really think about it, that stuff really
bothers me. But I have my peace. The divorce is done.

(51:12):
You can't keep coming at me with because for you
it means something. I'm moving on. Like, It's just we're
in two totally different places than I told him. I
was like, you will always be tethered to.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Me, honest.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
And I don't know when I hear about men taking
like alimony from their wives or just like overstaying their welcome.
And so I have another friend who's very successful as well,
and she has to pay her ex husband spousal support
and to.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
Me, I don't know, call me old school, but what
the fuck are you talking about? Man?

Speaker 3 (51:45):
Like, how are you looking at yourself in the mirror
every day? I mean and saying, yeah, my wife pays.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
Me or she's she better pay my note or I'm
saying in my my ex.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
My my soon to be ex wife's house and I'm
not leaving because like I just don't. It's there's a
level of bitch ass that has to exist.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
For you to go back to me.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
For men that are proud to do that, and like,
of course they'll stay on the other side of that,
will women do it?

Speaker 1 (52:11):
They and that I get a lot of that. Yeah,
Like I get a lot of the city boys.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
If a nigga has to say, well, women do it, well,
then you're.

Speaker 4 (52:18):
Exactly okay, Well as long as you I understand that
the woman in the relationship, okay, it's it.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
Is why I'm against it. If you if you can
provide for yourself. I am against spousal support. I'm for
like I was always willing to be like, all right,
I know I made significantly more than you. You were
starting up a business. I will give you some money,
but the support kind of you and I really because
I was just like, I don't want to fight it.
I don't want all the legal fees because that's also

(52:44):
what will bring you down. That's also why you have
to settle. But the idea of just like there's a
level of delusion in addition to the bitch asseness of it,
because there was this way he convinced himself that well
it's ours not you didn't do one fucking set it
in court. She wouldn't have her success without me. I'm sorry,
then why aren't you successful? Like that's what he said

(53:07):
in courts the turn said he would not, she would
not have Even the judge goes, what, I think, that
doesn't make any sense. But I at that point I
knew his mind.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
So he was like, it is this is our house,
our money.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
This is our money because it's community property money, so
legally it's our money. But was literally like, well why
should I leave? This is our house. This is our
That's the crazy part of it. So she's not paying
the spousals, she's just giving me my money. But that's
why I say there's a difference. It's one thing where
you split assets in half. It's a whole other thing

(53:40):
where I am giving you a monthly allowance to support you.
Now I settled, so I paid two lump sums. But
I don't have to do that.

Speaker 4 (53:49):
Because that would piss me off every month seeing that
fucking that come that come out of my account and
still having to think about this motherfucker here you go,
get the fuck about my face, and good riddan's good luck.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
And that's what he he did me so and like
a lot of the stuff I'm giving like a little
bit more details to it, but it's public. But the
first payment I gave to him, I titled it temporary
leech money. And because you know when you sit in
the bank, he filed emotion and wanted me sanctioned and
wanted me to pay. We're saying that, and I'm like,

(54:20):
you get your money? Did you not get it on time?

Speaker 5 (54:23):
No?

Speaker 1 (54:24):
He did, And nobody would have known that I did
that if he had not publicly filed that. And I
was like, oh, you really want people to hate me,
You want people to dislike me, and you thought that
would happen.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
That's right. Yeah, they call him leech. This is this
is not making you look good. This could have been personally.

Speaker 4 (54:46):
I was telling you personally that you're fucking le like
I've told you in the past, but now you told everybody.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
Now everybody knows your lead. I know and you know.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
And I'm wondering, like when you go through a breakup,
because back to something you said before of like how
I look at marriage Like now I look at marriage
totally different. I don't know if I would ever get married.
Every time I say that, my mom's like, please don't
say that. And maybe I could with the right person,
But I don't look at marriage what I have to
the things that I want out of a significant other.

(55:15):
To me, marriage doesn't have to be a part of that.
I want companionship, I want a partner, I want a friend.
I want to make memories, I want to have experiences.
I don't need a marriage certificate for those things because
I had that and I had none of those things.
But what was I gonna say when you guys come
from a breakup? Because I'm find myself with doing this

(55:38):
to myself. All the stories that I'm telling you I
can laugh about, but at the same time, I'm very
hard on myself because I'm like, you chose that? Do
you ever think about that? I have a lot of
shame and I chose I didn't see it. I chose
somebody like that.

Speaker 4 (55:55):
I feel like, initially, yeah, I think it's healthy. I
think it's healthy self awareness. We're going to fuck up,
We're going to make bad decisions. We're going to ignore
red flags at some point. But I think the opposite
on the other end of that is, yes, you chose this,
but in hindsight you have the awareness be like, this
is where I fucked up, This is where I knew
that better, this is where I should have made a

(56:15):
left turn, and now take that. Yes, but people fuck
up and make choices, and you have to also, like
you said, like there's so much programming for women, specifically
about the expectations about marriage and what it's supposed to
look like, and.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
Be like, Okay, well this is safe.

Speaker 4 (56:29):
This is a good guy, even though you're like, maybe
I'm not hot in the pants for him, but like
he's safe, and this is checking off on paper, and
you know there's and not to mention everybody in America
is telling you do this shit.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
You know, it's probably a couple of perks over there too.
But also give yourself grace. And this is for me too.
I've fucked and been with a lot of Tomassenius.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
You know, I've done a lot of super shit and
I used to feel bad, but I think that I've
given myself grace to be like, but look at what
those relationships have led you to I am this version
of myself now because I may I've allowed myself to
make stupid decisions, probably based on my pussy, and now
I can look at my partner and be like, you're

(57:08):
this relationship is a reflection of the mistakes I've made
and the lessons that I've learned, and I respect and
love where I'm at, and I can see the growth.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
I can see the growth and the.

Speaker 4 (57:18):
Partner that I'm choosing now, and wow, that's great to
look back and be like, you would have to drug
me to fucking lay up with this other nigga, now
you know what I mean? So I can be like,
I can laugh at it and be like, yeah, it
was a dumb bitch. And I also feel like there's
a lot of dumb bitches who won't even who are
not even aware they're being dumb bitches, and they'll go
choose the same nigga in a different skin suit.

Speaker 3 (57:39):
I mean, but I also think, like those women, I've
been that woman, even after having a horrible breakup and
saying how did I Oh my god, these are all
the red flags ignored for years, and then somehow I
still choose a man that has similar qualities, and I've
done that continuously since that first I guess like you
could say that marker that one person your yours is

(58:01):
your marriage, mine is my baby daddy. And I think
as maybe a married woman or someone that's been in
a relationship for a long time, we think that Okay,
I've learned my lesson and I'm never gonna do that again.

Speaker 2 (58:12):
You will, I'm here to tell you you will. No,
there's test. I think. I think those men are tests
because there are the God.

Speaker 4 (58:19):
You'll do the work, you'll make some you'll do some healing.
You'll be self aware. You'll be like you look back
and be like I did this wrong.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
I did this wrong.

Speaker 4 (58:25):
But then there will always be someone that will come
and test you, and God will be like, did you learn?
And then you'll have the awareness because even those times
I was like, I know I'm being a dumb bitch
right now.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
This is not my naked but I want to do
this because it because it feels good. I feel like
if you're actively.

Speaker 4 (58:41):
Being a dumb bitch and you're like, I know, I'm
being a dumb bitch. This is a temporary thing. You're
doing it with the awareness of doing it.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (58:49):
It's like it's it's something to be said when you're
like completely unaware and you're like in denial and you're like,
he's gonna.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
Change, It's gonna be great.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
I think, like what I was gonna get to is
that I think that the lessons get shorter, you know,
like the like they do, they will, especially if it's
been traumatic, which it sounds like it has been, you
might still choose similar men and like, I don't know,
I don't know if you've felt that way on your
journey in dating, like where you've dated men and you're like, damn,
that was a red flag, but I still like went
for it, because fuck it, I'm consciously I'm consciously choosing

(59:19):
it now because at least that is that is a
level of awareness that maybe you didn't have before, So
there is growth there even when you're being a stupid pitch.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
But I think that the lessons, they do get shorter.

Speaker 3 (59:30):
But I think that it's a myth to think that
after a divorce or after a serious relationship that suddenly
you just start choosing the right one automatically. No, you
have to you're now you're in the lesson. Now you're
in the lesson and now you're a student of Okay,
I now need to understand these red flags and understanding
why I'm choosing them. What does that say about myself?

(59:52):
What is this mirror that I'm seeing in these men
that I'm.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
Choosing the cheater?

Speaker 3 (59:57):
What is it because I don't like, I don't believe
that a man can be like, can can value me
in that way?

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Is it because like, actually.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
My I have other needs that are not being like
you start seeing like the mirrors and in your choices,
and you have to also take accountability.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
You know, I know, I know I'm running from it. Now.
I'll tell you that my therapist said to me right
before I went to Europe, so a month ago, he said,
I want to talk about your relationship to men. And
I was like, I'll see you in twenty twenty six.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
I just now he's bringing up to you, and you said, no,
thank you. He said it now.

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
He told me you have broken wings syndrome, and I like,
you like broken men, you want to fix them. I
want to fix I mean, I'm a Taurus. It is
women is just within this period black women even more.
And then I'm a Taurus. A Taurus as well, I'm
a double tourist scorpioizing and a Scorpio rising, and I

(01:00:47):
also am drawing a little bit of chaos like turists
and Scorpio was like, I have a lot of Scorpion
on my chart. They're complete opposite and that's astrology.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
Just like you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
You present calm, but you're very chaotic. And I cried
when she said it because I felt so seen, like
I don't say that out loud because there's a perception
that people have and I and I just was like, wow,
you just in two seconds cut me to my core
because that's very true. So I'm drawn to some of

(01:01:18):
the chaos that is within a broken wing because it
allows me, I guess, to feel connected and connected because
that's what I feel internally. And I'm like, I don't yeah,
And that's when he was like.

Speaker 4 (01:01:31):
We need to talk, and I was like, no, no,
we'll talk at twenty twenty six, not even when you
come back. You said twenty twenty six, you said you
try to have a hot girl summer.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
Let me be I'm having a good summer.

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
Traveling is the best type of hot girl activities.

Speaker 4 (01:01:45):
You might consider getting on a dating app while you
travel in Europe with the name Ray.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
I had full ray. I have full anxiety about getting
on a dating app a full first time I went
out out out post of Force, I had full anxiety
because the ring is almost like it's like protection, and
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Have my ring on.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
And it was like this rooftop party and it was
like an all black party, which is also rare. I
feel like in La and I remember I was like,
oh my god, people can talk to me and I
can't say I'm married, and I don't I don't want
to say I have a boyfriend. And I just I
really just like sat down by myself when there there

(01:02:27):
was no standing on top of the couch nothing. I
just sat down and I was like, I'm scared that
people are going to try to talk to me. I'm
past that now, but I just the apps, big crowds.
I'm still like not fully there yet. Organically meeting somebody
is the best way for me.

Speaker 4 (01:02:46):
Yeah, was there any time in your relationship when you
were at the all black party with your non black
husband and like, damn, he.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Always pulled me in tighter, always like when there's.

Speaker 2 (01:02:57):
When there was when there was a lot of black
men around, like com here this.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Is my bit always like I could feel it because
the insecurity, and I felt sad for him because he
also knew that I've only dated black ben and so
in his mind it was like, well this is and
he's He would say that to me a couple of times.
Is this what you really want?

Speaker 3 (01:03:15):
Did you have to do to overcompensate when you were
in those spaces, like to like make sure he felt secure?

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
No, I didn't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
But had he ever dated any black woman? Yeah? Okay,
See that was important for me.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
I didn't want to be his first black woman, but
he for me seriously right, Like I might have gone
on the date, but then I'd be like, nah, this is.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
For me at all.

Speaker 4 (01:03:40):
You learn, baby, And you know what I also think
about you going on the Bachelor at thirty one and
getting out, you know, and going into a marriage right
after that thirty one, like twenty nine to thirty one
is when you like you, there's a huge transition that
happens in your womanhood. You become deeply like ten tones down,
like ten toes down, and like secure in who you are.

(01:04:01):
I think your sexuality shifts and you become like sexually
like activated in ways like I feel when I got
into my thirties, thirty one was like, oh oh here
I am.

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
I felt so confident.

Speaker 4 (01:04:12):
I mean I was also coming out of a breakup
I mean from my child's father at that time, and
like back in the streets and like owning that and
it felt really good. But I felt like finally, like
the wisdom and like all the things click into place,
so for you to be coming in like taking that
specifically that time and then getting married and now you're
coming in on this side. Yeah, girl, I feel like

(01:04:33):
you don't have a real couple hot girl summers because
you're still like, you know, like thirty one.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
You know, you're coming back to the place you.

Speaker 4 (01:04:41):
Left off, and I think that's a really beautiful thing
and you should feel fucking activated.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
It's I feel really good. And then I'm like, should
I be feeling this good? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
But I the right decision.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
I'm more confused than I was before. Like I'm a
person who likes to know exactly what I'm doing where
I'm going. I have no idea what's gonna turn upside
down financially because of the divorce. I you know, with
the divorce or even if it's not marriage, just long term.
You have planned your life out like this is what
it's gonna be, this is how with this person, this

(01:05:14):
is where we're gonna live, We're gonna grow a family
in this way, and then all of that is taken
away from you. So you start over. So I've and
I mean, yeah, at the beginning, I was confused and
all of that, but now I'm like step excited about
the unknown. And that's new for me because I like
to control so much.

Speaker 4 (01:05:31):
Yeah, lean into that, lean into the unknown. I think
that's where like the magic happens.

Speaker 3 (01:05:36):
Speaking of being in a good place and leaning into
the unknown. We have a segramore time. It really a segment.
We ask our guests to share an affirmation. Do you
have an affirmation that maybe you can share with our audience.

Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
So it's changed recently. I went to a retreat. I'm like,
you just started searching for answers everywhere. So I'll go
to this retreat, not retreat, but two bunch of palms,
and I love it there and they have the angel readings.
And I've been before, but I had never done the
angel reading. So I do the angel reading cards laid
out and I pick two cards and The first card

(01:06:13):
is Healing, and I look at my friend and she's like,
and I go, oh my god, I'm gonna cry because
I was and this was a couple of months. This
is May, because I was just in this place where
I'm just I'm like, ah, do I let go of this?
Do I keep going? Like I just was feeling really
sad for someone, and I just and I kept everything,

(01:06:35):
kept saying, you need to start prioritizing yourself. I am
so quick to put everybody else. It feels very unnatural
and selfish for me, and I need to be more
selfish to put myself first. I'm like, how can I
help this person? As I get healing, and then the
next one I get is Blessings, and the woman goes,

(01:06:56):
she looks at me and she goes, wow, you've really
been going through it. If you can tell I loved
I cry once I started therapy. It's like I cry
and I started crying. She was like, she goes, in
an angel reading, there are angels that govern the cards.
There are only two cards that are under the angel Raphael,
and they are Healing and Blessings, and she goes, I

(01:07:18):
rarely have ever seen somebody pull both those cards in
a reading. So she was like, I can tell you've
been going through it, but I can tell whatever you're
going through, you're on the other side of it. It's
like pushing a rock up a hill, a mountain, you're
pushing it down. She goes, you need to prioritize yourself,
and she said, there's a saying that is I am,
I am, and you need to start telling yourself that

(01:07:41):
every day, every morning, praying to this angel and realizing
the power that you have within yourself. You're gonna be okay.
You need to heal, you need to stop running away
from your sol I'm also a person who keeps himself
busy because I don't want to be with my thoughts
all the time. And I know that about myself. So
all that to say it is I am, I Am,

(01:08:03):
I Am, I Am, I Am, I am.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
I love that. That's beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:08:09):
Well, speaking of cards, I think it's terror tyme, let
me pick a card for for us.

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
Okay, the four of ones.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
Okay, fo the magical number.

Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
Look at the card that looks like very happily ever after.

Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
Yeah, it's two people black, I ad okay for anybody
who doubts me in the future. Yeah, they look like
they're in front of a castle. They have to face
the camera.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
Beautiful, Okay, I'm ready to read it. Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:08:53):
The four of Wands is a card of joyful celebration,
blissful happiness, and appreciation for good things in life. When
this court appeared in a tarot reading, it is the
perfect time to celebrate with those you love most. You
may commemorate a significant event or milestone such as wedding, birthday, homecoming, reunion.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Or divorce.

Speaker 4 (01:09:15):
Or you may invite a few of your favorite friends
over for an intimate dinner for no particular reason. Expect
to reveal in each other's company, Revel in each other's company,
Relax and let your hair down. Enjoy this special time together.
The four A Wands can show you that you are
returning home or to the people in places familiar to you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:31):
Go a homegirl.

Speaker 4 (01:09:32):
You feel supported and secure knowing you are with those
who love you and care about you. Because the for
e wants associates so closely with home environment, you may
work on improving or renovating your house or close to
finding a new one. Perhaps you're recently purchased a home
and are getting ready to settle down in your new habitat.
It tells you that after a period of rapid growth
and expansion the energy of the three of Wand's, it's

(01:09:53):
now time to pause and.

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
Celebrate what you have achieved so far.

Speaker 4 (01:09:57):
Step back for a moment and enjoy the fruits of
your labor, knowledge, your hard work, and give yourself permission
to take a small break before embarking on the next
phase of your journey. Oh, it's essential you observe these
small milestones.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
Okay, the latter part is on point, the latter part
because I think you know all the stuff we've been
saying there. I mean when I talk about my divorce,
like there's negative but parts to it, but I have
seen the beauty in it, Like how I survived it
was family, friends, and just like community at the end

(01:10:31):
of the day, and people looking out for me. But
sometimes I'm so focused on trying to restore what I
lost that I don't take time to focus on the
little small things, Like I just got back from Europe,
you know what I mean, Like I'm talking about being
financially upside down, but I got to spend two weeks
in Europe, and that's something that you know, we were

(01:10:51):
talking about before I manifested, I was able to go
vir work. Everything was taken care of for me. I
had friends out there, I was able to stay for free.
It was a very inexpensive trip, you know, and I
feel like I came out a little bit on top
of it and like that's a big thing for me,
and I was able to network and grow and certain
things that I think going to Europe is very healing,

(01:11:12):
especially when you get in the water. I'm a big
water scorpio water person, where I like just came back
from Cabo, made new friends, a new place in Cabo
that I went, beautiful girl time experience. So I need
to focus on those little things and stop maybe getting
anxious on what's ahead and what I've lost. So I've
I've I received that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:34):
I haven't gratitude being present.

Speaker 1 (01:11:36):
I am a yeah present.

Speaker 4 (01:11:38):
It's hard, especially in this you know, this society. It's
always like what's next? Is it a good enough or
good enough? For you're doing enough?

Speaker 3 (01:11:44):
I think it's the society, and I think it's also
the work that we do in like this industry, working
in entertainment, it's always like what's next, What's next?

Speaker 2 (01:11:50):
What's text?

Speaker 3 (01:11:51):
What are we talking about next we How are we
gonna stay relevant? How are we gonna stay on top?
How are wenna make money next week?

Speaker 1 (01:11:56):
For sure? And everybody ask you, so, what's next? What
do you have going on?

Speaker 3 (01:12:00):
And everyone has the perception of you too while you're
doing so great, everything's so good.

Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
Wow, you're really killing it, and you're like, Rachel, do
you want kids?

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
I do? I do, and it's it's I shouldn't even
hesitate saying that I want kids, and I've always wanted kids.
And when I hear a baby voice or I'm eating
my nephews who are seven and ten, now I'm like,
I want kids, but I don't know how I would
go about it. I haven't really talked about what was
going on in my marriage with that because it was

(01:12:32):
so personal. But like people are like, oh, she wasn't trying,
she's always partying, she was out. No, I actually was,
but I now I'm forty. I froze my eggs right
before the divorce, which I also should have been telling
not embryos. I only froze eggs, and he knew, oh right, like,
oh your shit, Yeah, I didn't doctors like you want

(01:12:54):
to do embryos like no eggs, and there's a particular
reason why I decided to do that, But I don't know.
I have a friend who just did it all by herself,
which I so inspired. She chose, like went to a
sperm bank.

Speaker 3 (01:13:08):
No, I know, I'm just I always wonder like women
that choose. I get that, I get that you've chosen,
but it's a different thing once you have the kid.
You'd be like, because I've seen other women that have
done that, I've been like, Fuck.

Speaker 1 (01:13:19):
That's what I think that would be me if I
did that. Right, she did it, she her family, She's
got plenty of family around, and so yes, for me,
I don't have family out here like that, So it
would be a totally different experience to do it. But
I don't know what it looks like. But I do
want kids, but I'm open to it being different. You know,

(01:13:40):
I'm totally into dating somebody with children that I've been
dating somebody with kids since I was twenty five. I'm
into adopting if necessary. I'm into you know, maybe doing
it by myself whatever it maybe naturally, but yeah, I
do want kids.

Speaker 4 (01:13:56):
Nice nice you should come on a retreat and I
needed to Springs Retreat. But you should come onto the
good vibe or treat with us.

Speaker 2 (01:14:02):
I love it. Where do y'all do it? Costa Rica?
The black side per too?

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
Vieho the black you mean like the black sand side
or like the black people's.

Speaker 2 (01:14:11):
Both black sand and black people.

Speaker 1 (01:14:13):
I'm trying to think that's the side that I went to.
When I went, I don't know, I don't know where
else you would did you see black people? We were
off We were at the what it was it was
literally my bachelorette party. We were on the side that
nobody was there, like there was I can't even think
of the hotel's name, but it was they We got

(01:14:34):
a discount because they were trying to they were trying
people promote it, but nobody was around. We just were
at the resort and we would leave.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
It's like small town.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
Nothing was there, but we were on the black sand.
I do know that.

Speaker 2 (01:14:50):
Okay, well you need to come with us, come on,
pack your bags, it's time ago. No. I think you
would enjoy it.

Speaker 4 (01:14:56):
And I think this is like a pivotal time in
your life, you know, like just you know one I
think about American eyes.

Speaker 2 (01:15:01):
We're good at uh ushering our friends to get out there.

Speaker 4 (01:15:05):
You know, we've this is what a lot of our
show has been built on, Like we found each other
at a pivotal moment in our lives, like not getting
out of a marriage, but even getting out of relationship
with their baby daddy, which if you think is a marriage,
because you're like this is We're gonna be a fucking unity.
We're gonna be a unit, We're gonna be a black
love family.

Speaker 2 (01:15:19):
And it doesn't work out that way.

Speaker 4 (01:15:20):
And there's like a bit of like it's hesitation, it's fear,
it's stereotype, it's a bunch of shit, and there's a
lot of you know, society tells you so much, but
like it's such an empowering time to like be solo
and date and to make your own decisions and to
heal and to do it intentionally, Like it's like being
in your twenties with intention and wisdom.

Speaker 2 (01:15:41):
So it's like money and most importantly money, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:15:45):
So I just think, like I'm just proud of you,
and I think this is like just talk about it,
to be real about it. A lot of people always
try to maintain like these perfected, perfect images, and it's
just not real. It's just not relatable. It's not real beca.
Everybody's going through some ship. It's the human experience. And
I just think this is like a really beautiful time

(01:16:06):
like that you're going to blossom and shift and figure
all the shit out. It's going to land in place
exactly how it's supposed to land. And I think like
the retreat really helps, like just let you be free
and a container that you could just like everything's okay,
even if I don't know what's next.

Speaker 1 (01:16:20):
I love where's the retreat. It's the summer thirty first, Yeah,
two weeks, come on, Oh, I have family reunion.

Speaker 2 (01:16:27):
Another one, this one after that? Okay, there will send you.
We'll send you there. Yes, keep you, I'll keep you abreast.
Wait so before we get out of here, because then
we gotta get out of here. Just have a question
because now you're outside like Cardi B. Oh my god,
I was listening to Cardi B's song today. Have you
heard her song outside?

Speaker 1 (01:16:45):
It?

Speaker 2 (01:16:45):
Really? It really gets me going.

Speaker 1 (01:16:47):
She performed it in can it really she did a
second before.

Speaker 2 (01:16:51):
Let me let me just play it real quick. I
don't think you're allowed to do that, Okay, don't do that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:16:55):
Yeah, when I tell you that these niggas ain't shit,
please believe me. Oh yeah I did outside them outside.

Speaker 2 (01:17:03):
Outside. Yeah, it's really getting me going. I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:09):
I'm not single, but I will be outside. Okay, So
since you're outside and you're dating, do you have any
horror stories that you can share, Any any exciting maybe
European hotels that.

Speaker 1 (01:17:23):
Are just horror stories.

Speaker 3 (01:17:26):
I mean, horror is relative, but just some sexy tales,
some sex tales, some sexy stories, some funny sex stories,
anything that's happened in your newly single, post divorce life
that maybe you feel my pro Oh, it's.

Speaker 1 (01:17:43):
Not that I don't feel like sharing. I don't have
any crazy because because here's here's the thing with me,
I'm a Taurus. So when I connect with you, I
connect with you and it's very hard, and then I'm loyal.
I'm super loyal, so it's hard for me to like

(01:18:04):
have multiple people, you know what I mean. Like and
maybe this age too. I don't know, but I'm trying
to think. Not a horror, I.

Speaker 3 (01:18:15):
Mean, horror is relative. My horror story last week was
me making love to my boyfriend and outside in the
jungle and the birds, cooking and cock cok.

Speaker 2 (01:18:24):
You know, like horror's relative, it's just mostly empowering women
to share, you know, stories around their pleasure, where they
felt desirable, where they felt beautiful, where they felt like
maybe they.

Speaker 4 (01:18:36):
Were sexually activated sexual maybe did some ship someone told
you not to do and then you did it and
you're like, oh, I love it here.

Speaker 1 (01:18:44):
I didn't do that, but I will say, well, if
I had a horror, it is going on a date
and then having to talk about the Bachelor, and then
it came out, see the interest, and then the it's
it's it's almost like you're being interviewed rather than on
a date, which is like my biggest fear. No, no,

(01:19:07):
I don't think so. I hope not a beautiful like experience. Okay,
So post divorce, all this supposed divorce, like I feel
like when you said the twenties thing, I'm like, yes,
that is me. But I wanted to find something that
is totally separate from that life before and something new

(01:19:30):
and that became skiing for me.

Speaker 2 (01:19:32):
I was, oh my god, I'm a sad diamond, black
green circle.

Speaker 1 (01:19:41):
Well I'm new Okay, So I see for the first
time in January and I fell in love with it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:47):
It's amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:19:47):
And I was like, weirdly because my trainer kept saying,
my instructor kept saying, it's harder for adults because you
question every fear. But I'm I'm post divorce. I'm like
throwing myself off the mountain.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
You know what I've been through.

Speaker 1 (01:20:00):
My instructor was like, so when we go to the top,
do you want to drink? And I go, are you
fucking kidding me? And I'm like, I can drink and
I do this shot girl.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
So I was like, yeah, let's.

Speaker 1 (01:20:11):
Take a shot first thing in the morning, take a
shot shroom. I was like, are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 (01:20:17):
This is this is my sport.

Speaker 1 (01:20:19):
So I was. I became obsessed, like it is my thing,
and I went like maybe five. I skied five times
that last year, and this year I was like three times,
five or six days. And then this year I went.
I spent a week in Aspen and I did a

(01:20:40):
blue for the first time, it blues by myself because
the weather was harder. He had me do a black
at the top and I was like, but I'm not
afraid to fall and get back up. But he was like,
what's your goal, and I was like, I'm just trying
to get to Cloud nine and like ski with my friend.

Speaker 2 (01:20:55):
Like that's it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:56):
I'm trying to be I leisurely. I'm not trying to
do the most and challenge myself. I'm not anywhere near there.
But Aspen has become my happy place. So when I
got to go, I went for like a week with
the girls whatever. It's fun, always fun. I ended up
going back. Surprisingly I did not know that, so to
go back with a man. It's always a girl strip

(01:21:17):
to go back with a man in my happy place.
And like we didn't ski, but just like had like
a couple of days and the cold and the mountains
and then like I got to show you some of
my favorite restaurants and eating places and Aspen and just
like taking hot baths together and just it was just

(01:21:39):
like very romantic and just beautiful. And it was like
my place post divorce, you know, not a cobble where
I've been or even a year. It was like Aspen
is my post divorce and I'm bringing this lovely man
here and we're having this amazing time together.

Speaker 4 (01:21:56):
I love that fucking in the snow is top notch.
Make sure like Mariah and like hot tup time Machine.
It's just like it's like Christmas, but it's Christmas unless
you you unwrap those boxers.

Speaker 1 (01:22:06):
Baby, it was a good time.

Speaker 4 (01:22:11):
Okay, Well we're also we're gonna put that on the
schedule of retreat plus skiing and and you know what,
if I always tell people, you're lucky that you got
to go multiple times, like five days, that's what you
need to do. If you go on a trip and
you can ski like three times, you get good. That's
how you get good, Like you go on five day stunts.
You take one little fucking class and then you're gonna
be black time in by no time.

Speaker 1 (01:22:32):
What I really want to do is get a group
of people black people prefer yes together and get a
place I love asthmen. It doesn't have to be I've.

Speaker 2 (01:22:40):
Never skied, I've never been.

Speaker 1 (01:22:41):
I love. Yeah, I've only been. I've done like Beaver
Creek and Veil, But Aspen is it for me. Get
a place. We rent it for like a month and
it's so easy to go in and out and just
go out and like we all go in on it,
you know what I mean? Like I think that's what
I would love to do so I can get sign me.
You got too, volunteers, I'm ready to this point.

Speaker 2 (01:23:05):
This is mostly this is very important that we've discovered
that you want.

Speaker 3 (01:23:07):
It's also forced our kids to learn how to ski. Yeah,
pushing them down mountains.

Speaker 2 (01:23:11):
Maybe cursing them out. Can I take on their balance?

Speaker 4 (01:23:13):
I know.

Speaker 2 (01:23:13):
I told my daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:23:14):
I was like, if you don't learn how to ski,
you're out of this family. Like I don't know, Like
we're all skiers, my mom, me, my brother, like everyone
we ski.

Speaker 1 (01:23:21):
That's so good though, I see these kids and they
don't look like us when I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:23:25):
I love when I'm down on the slopes and if
I could see if it's not too cold and everyone's covered,
but you.

Speaker 4 (01:23:30):
See like one of us, and we'd be like mm hmmm.
That it's also very Also, skiing is very expensive sport. Yeah,
and it requires a lot of Like you got to
carry your ship and stuff is heavy.

Speaker 3 (01:23:41):
So that's when you need a fucking jacuzzi after a
long Yeah, those heavy ass boot whole culture.

Speaker 1 (01:23:47):
But I like the culture of Like I would leave
my friends, I would get on the bus, I would
go to the mountain. I have my skis and have
my boots.

Speaker 2 (01:23:55):
I like own little solos.

Speaker 4 (01:23:57):
Like it's so it's a solo sport because you can't
really get go next to each other.

Speaker 2 (01:24:00):
We're gonna lose. You can't really talk and I don't
want to wait for you and you just only take.

Speaker 4 (01:24:05):
The shots together, which I did. You also notice you're
getting really drunk because you're elevated.

Speaker 2 (01:24:09):
I did.

Speaker 1 (01:24:09):
It didn't hit me that like that. That doesn't hit
me like that at all. Like I'm not bothered by
the elevation.

Speaker 2 (01:24:16):
Okay, well, because it's the elevation will make you get
drunk fast.

Speaker 1 (01:24:19):
I did not. I probably it's a lot of stuff
in Aspen and it doesn't bother me. Okay, it doesn't
bother me at all.

Speaker 2 (01:24:26):
Well, shout out to the black women. That's ski. Actually,
we had like made a we had made like a
type form of it because we wanted to do a
ski retrieve and like, how many people can ski? Is
it just as five of us? And we had a
lot of people.

Speaker 3 (01:24:41):
It was like some people were like I'll be waiting
at like the ski lodge for you, sis, and the
other one's like bit choppy on the mountain with you,
And that's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
We need we need both.

Speaker 1 (01:24:49):
People like, fine, grab the table so we can operate later.
But I think you should.

Speaker 4 (01:24:54):
You know, we need Okay, this is another PSA announcement.
We need a thin point black back Street street ski
instructor to come with us to teach the girls so
we could look at you and you can carry some
stuff and also we can look at you.

Speaker 2 (01:25:08):
And that's what we need.

Speaker 1 (01:25:09):
I'll bring our I'm so serious about this. I I
work out at Aloe and I was like, do y'all
do ski stuff? And I was like yes, And I
was like, you should actually sponsor like a Black Girls
ski tree.

Speaker 2 (01:25:23):
That would be so good.

Speaker 1 (01:25:24):
I'm like, really want let's do it.

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
And I take our tits out at the top. I
want to do a smoke a joints. I don't know
about the dog so much. Every time I see her
skiing videos, I'm like, why am I? Why are mys
on the top of the mountain? See those are goals.

Speaker 1 (01:25:42):
I'm aspiring to be that good.

Speaker 2 (01:25:44):
Okay, no poles, you know what I mean. Like it's happening.
It's already happening.

Speaker 3 (01:25:47):
Okay, So this winter when you see Rachelmila and I
on the top of the mountain.

Speaker 2 (01:25:51):
Topless with our joints. Don't don't see me, didn't warn you?
Oh my god. Well, thank you so much for joining
us coming on the show. Okay, where can our people
find you?

Speaker 1 (01:26:04):
On all social media platforms at the t h e
rach lindsay, I don't do anything on Twitter. I'm terrible
at that. TikTok, I'm bad.

Speaker 2 (01:26:15):
At that too.

Speaker 1 (01:26:15):
Instagram also Higher Learning. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday,
and then morally corrupt for all your Bravo NBC UNI things.
Those episodes drop on Tuesday and Fridays too.

Speaker 4 (01:26:27):
Shout out to our friend Van. Hey, Van, thanks for
connecting it. One thing about Van is we're gonna ask
him for a favor. Hey can you give a sign December?

Speaker 2 (01:26:35):
Hey, can you do this?

Speaker 1 (01:26:36):
He's so happy to do with them.

Speaker 3 (01:26:37):
He's so helpful, he's been so he's been so kind
to us throughout our journey. He was like one of
our first guests on the show and we like literally
just send him a picture of us in our bras
and we're like.

Speaker 2 (01:26:45):
Come on our show. And he was like, he's like,
you think I want to come on here? This is
He was like, do you me? This picture was kidding,
but he was.

Speaker 3 (01:26:53):
And we were like, we were like, oh my god,
we do too much fuck and he's like just kidding
when we want me bare Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:26:58):
Came to the living room. We're like in the dining room.

Speaker 3 (01:27:00):
Yeah, this is one I was recording at my house,
Like it came to my home. Like we're like maybe,
like I don't know, twenty episodes into our show, Like yeah, so.

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
He speaks so highly of you guys, so you come
on our podcast and we love that.

Speaker 2 (01:27:10):
So yeah, we'd love to come back in for sure,
we do. We'll go in person this time.

Speaker 3 (01:27:14):
Yes, Well, guys, hopefully you know where to find us.
If you haven't downloaded this episode, download it please and
also leave a comment or not a comment a review
of our podcast if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
If you're not part of our YouTube tribe, make sure
you go subscribe to us on YouTube. Check out The
Good Vibe Retreat. We're going to Costa Rica July thirty
first through August fifth, and August eighth through the thirteenth.

(01:27:36):
We are releasing our twenty twenty sixth states soon, so
make sure you join our newsletter be the first to
find out because we always release our retreats to our
newsletter first and maybe selling out there.

Speaker 2 (01:27:48):
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you all right, love you guys, Thank you bye?

Speaker 1 (01:27:55):
Please?

Speaker 2 (01:27:56):
Yeah, been so good, can't you? Sale?

Speaker 5 (01:28:00):
And through a drought. That's until I found out, well
maym have been known Earth that used to be broken.
Taille now got the blues in to like Beyonce Jasell
throat shot or pop in his cow.

Speaker 2 (01:28:09):
We're in our voices.

Speaker 5 (01:28:10):
Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit this. Women
put the pee in power, so it's pointings.

Speaker 1 (01:28:15):
They want me to be good, so I make bad choices.

Speaker 2 (01:28:18):
Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
It he's in on the cannabis in her.

Speaker 5 (01:28:22):
Bathbone walked in Bosts cap and I blew his cat balls.

Speaker 2 (01:28:25):
Hot dog.

Speaker 1 (01:28:26):
Now I'm immune to the cat called her.

Speaker 5 (01:28:28):
Being a waisted straight to it like a dollar sign, mother,
rent the lover.

Speaker 2 (01:28:32):
When to it is like a water sign where you're.

Speaker 5 (01:28:34):
Rent the winter essential will when the summertime. I do
it all ain't know when that needs a running by

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Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

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