Words are Spells Feat. Shelah Marie

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife,
and she couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children
and the man of the house, and of course she
didn't talk back. She was both obeed, hint and soft
by nature. She was a good woman who always made
good choices.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
We're Good Mom's Bad Choices.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
their bad choices and.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Found out they were so bad after all.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
We're experts, overshares and your new besties.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Speaker 4 (00:28):
I can do it. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
Hose how you feeling.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
I feel tired, but I'm happy.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
I am also tired and happy. We have been moving
and grooving very very much. We are in Atlanta. If
you're on YouTube, you can see us. We are on
a world tour and right now we're at iHeart Media
had quarters in Atlanta. It's a little bit different than
our home office. Shout out to Black Effects.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
Shout out to.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Black Effect for taking care of their girls. We just
got back from Jamaica and now we're in Atlanta. And
then we're gonna be in Charlotte and then we're gonna
sit the fuck down.

Speaker 4 (01:16):
Amen.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
But today we're joined by a very very special guest
that we had to link up with because we've been
manifesting this interview for a very long time, and finally
we're on the same.

Speaker 4 (01:28):
Side of the world. And so even though.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
We may or may not have gotten shit faced drunk
last night, and I may or may not have maybe
put a little bit of money.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
For your speak for yourself a little to have.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
A Mollie, we're here and everything is fine.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
I did Molly.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
I didn't either.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I had no drinks.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
I said you had drinks and.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
I was an angel christ.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
I even I haven't been last night. We were laughing
so hard that a woman knocked on the hotel to or.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Like shut the fuck up.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
I was like, am I thirteen and I haven't been
in trouble and like a long time in a hotel
and I was like that miserable bitch she heard laughter four,
I am, what a fucking miserable bitch.

Speaker 4 (02:15):
Sorry, lady, that wasn't nice anyway. Sorry.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
We are here and we're joined by a very special guest,
author wellness entrepreneur, Thank you founder, bad bitch, Sheila Marie Hi, Hi,
welcome to the show, My love Well, thank you for
having me, of course, and I forgot to add retreat

(02:41):
leader of course, a fellow retreat retreat leader.

Speaker 5 (02:45):
Yes, I'm so happy to have you. I know, yes,
it's been a long time coming. And I love your videos.
I'm always watching your content. I had a friend last night.
I was telling her she was coming on the show.
She's like, oh my god, I fucking love her. I
love how she her brain works. She just sees stuff
and then she ties everything together.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
And then she posted immediately.

Speaker 5 (03:03):
And I was like, wow, she posted a meeting because
she's following her.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
And then I went and looked and I said, yeah,
it's true. She's very smart.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
She does postings quickly, I said, I said, up my
videos for years, and I'm like god, the moment she.

Speaker 5 (03:17):
Had commented on white Lotus, I was like, damn, I
had a lot of opinions on white Lotus.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Why don't I do a video like that?

Speaker 6 (03:24):
So much though it's just so much all the time
to make content, but yeah, white Lotus.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
She tried it.

Speaker 5 (03:29):
Yeah, those little bitches, which bitches were the little Friend Group,
Those those three, those three older ladies.

Speaker 4 (03:36):
I really liked the like it was slow moving this season.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
But there was like like dynamics that were really like
developed of her a slow period payoff.

Speaker 4 (03:46):
Yeah, absolutely that.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
I was really I enjoyed each of the dynamics, Like
the three women that are aging, they still are like
obviously in high school.

Speaker 4 (03:56):
You like we never really grow up them, Like they
hate you, sister, they don't like you, the short haired one, right, Yeah, they.

Speaker 6 (04:04):
Did all hate each other.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
They kind of all hated them.

Speaker 6 (04:06):
Petition Yeah, yeah, weird, And I was definitely giving high school.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to age and be
a bitch.

Speaker 5 (04:13):
I just felt like it was so that dynamic specifically
really intrigued me because I felt like it was the
truest anything storyline that was happening, because I really see
that dynamic with women now because women, I don't I
don't even think it's not even a white woman thing.
I think it's just a woman thing. And watching those
women as they're like they're older women too, and seeing
how they've like continued to just push.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Things under and under and under and under. It was
It was cool.

Speaker 6 (04:38):
It was very nice, nasty all of the all of
the stuff that they wanted to say. They just cloaked
in and like, oh, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
Oh no, Because like if we're on a trip and
you're egging me on to have sex with this massage guy,
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (04:53):
What, and then you secretly fuck him and.

Speaker 6 (04:55):
Then you end up doing it, that is fucked up.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
That's it's just weird. She was right.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
I was with her, that actress, the one who was
the famous actress. Yeah, I could not stand her, could not,
but you.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
Know what she embodied. I just wonder to be happy
she embodied that role really well.

Speaker 3 (05:08):
She really gave I'm a rich white woman actress that's
kind of insecure really well.

Speaker 6 (05:13):
Do you know Mike White, the writer and the director
of White Lotus, he got their idea for that triad
from being at lunch or something and overhearing three women
and he was like, I that's because everybody's like, how
did you write them? So well, Like, I don't know
about you, but I'm like, that is a very honest
friend dynamic. He was like, yep, there was these three
ladies at lunch and he just started writing.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
And you know, I think it's also intriguing because I
don't know how you are. But like, and I'm very young,
I'm twenty seven, but we're at an age where, you know,
we're picking at forty and like, you know, the aging
is coming up, and like I'm seeing it on myself
and like even because we do this work and I
can literally see me seven years ago on video. Now,

(05:55):
it's like we're approaching this place where like we're aging,
we're moving into for it like part.

Speaker 4 (06:01):
Of our life.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
And I think like society, I think it's really becoming
clear that society does not embrace like the the natural
aging of women, you know, not at all at all.
And even at the club, like these these are people
are young? How old am I?

Speaker 4 (06:15):
You know?

Speaker 3 (06:16):
So it's like it's like still clinging for that fun,
for that play, for that like whole life. But like
secretly you know, so it was it was.

Speaker 5 (06:24):
And then still not having the tools, so still acting
like a child and still acting like a teenager and
still like operating in that it's in that space because
you haven't with an older physique. It's crazy, right, right, Yeah.

Speaker 6 (06:37):
Some people don't grow up, they just age.

Speaker 4 (06:39):
Yeah, most people don't grow up, they just you're just older.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Yeah, I really I did enjoy that. You know, during
the show. I am one of those people who like,
when I'm watching the show and I like it, I'm like,
who wrote white Lotus? I'm like, oh, Mike White, Okay, interesting?

Speaker 6 (06:53):
You know he knows how to write wealthy white people. Yes,
Like that's his lane.

Speaker 4 (06:58):
Those are his people.

Speaker 6 (06:59):
People are like, who I want to diversify white Lotus.
I'm like, no, no, where it is. Leave it where.
That's why we like it. Just leave it just like
that from.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Two people who grew up in a lot of white spaces,
a lot of rich white people.

Speaker 4 (07:10):
I'm like, Mike hit this ship.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
On the fucking real. He really did.

Speaker 4 (07:14):
I don't know about the brothers jacking each other off, I.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Don't know that was that was crazy.

Speaker 6 (07:18):
I'm not sure if that was earned. Like by the
end of it, I was kind of like, did we
need that?

Speaker 2 (07:23):
I think the acting was top tier.

Speaker 5 (07:25):
That's story line, and specifically I had higher hopes for
because I really needed the sun to die, Like why
did you come back?

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (07:33):
You wanted somebody locky locky?

Speaker 5 (07:37):
Yeah, like when he when he thought when he drank
that smoothie.

Speaker 6 (07:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Sorry for those who haven't watched this. Oh yeah, my bad,
But yeah, he needed to die.

Speaker 4 (07:45):
I was like, what if I could come back?

Speaker 6 (07:46):
I kind of secretly wanted the whole family to just
drink those smoothies.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Why didn't they all drink the smoothie?

Speaker 6 (07:53):
I know that sounds morbid, but the way that they
were leading up giving all those flash right over, I
was like, they all need.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
To you know what.

Speaker 5 (08:00):
Maybe they didn't go because it was actually going to
be worse for them to live. Yes, I think it
was actually going to be worse, especially for that wife.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
Great, but you don't want to live here in China?

Speaker 4 (08:14):
Yeah, you don't want to live here in China.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
I would rather die.

Speaker 6 (08:19):
Proposy she love. She did so good in that role. Yeah,
I think her fate being alive and not rich is
worse than death.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
I thought it was interesting how he finally broke the
news to He was just like, things are gonna change,
that poor man.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Every time he got on camera, I was my butt
checks were clenched for him.

Speaker 4 (08:39):
He stressed, well, had.

Speaker 6 (08:42):
I'm like easy going to jail or mine?

Speaker 2 (08:45):
I was like, man, like, want you.

Speaker 4 (08:47):
To stay where you're at? You everybody might as well stay.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
And then Arnold Schwarzenegger's son killed it too.

Speaker 6 (08:53):
Can you believe that was Arnold's son?

Speaker 4 (08:56):
Wait?

Speaker 6 (08:56):
Old?

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Do she son?

Speaker 6 (08:59):
You?

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger's son and he looks just like
Maria Strivers. I didn't know that.

Speaker 5 (09:04):
Yeah, you know why because privileged he look you knows
exactly how that works.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
I knew twelve of him in high school. I knew
I know a nigga just like that.

Speaker 6 (09:13):
There's a video of him finding out that he got
cast in white lotus and he's literally at like it
looks like a white lotus. He's yeah, I'm like, he's
this is really he's ringing his life. He played a
little too good to the point where I was like,
you be into that weird shit? I know because that
whole the whole scene with his brother, and I was like,
this is a little tigavincing here.

Speaker 4 (09:33):
I'm like, is this what the whites are doing on vacation?
Oh my my god.

Speaker 5 (09:36):
But when I when I was watching your clip about
specifically those those that friend dynamic, it struck me a
lot because this is something we talk about too, even
when we have retreats. It's like women coming and they
want to bring their friends because they like feel like
they need the safety. But then their friends come and
then they hold them to this standard, and then they're
not allowed to kind of just like unravel and be
who they want to be because they're trying to like

(09:58):
put up this persona of whoever the fuck their friend
thinks they're supposed to be. And you said something in
the clip about I think it was like quality quantity
doesn't equal quality, Like just because the amount of time
you've known someone doesn't mean that they are a quality
friend to you. And I think a lot of women
specifically like rule their relationships that way. They're like, but

(10:19):
I've known her forever, Like she's a stupid bitch, but.

Speaker 6 (10:21):
But she knows me since kindergarten.

Speaker 5 (10:23):
It's fine because I've known her forever, even though she's
killing my soul. And every time I'm with her, I'm
exhausted and I leave and I feel horrible about myself.

Speaker 6 (10:30):
Maybe that's a slow death, to have to constantly explain
yourself to someone over over and over and again who's
committed to misunderstanding you over and over again, invalidating your opinions. Like, honestly,
I think that there's the way we build friendships is
like that pyramid.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
Remember, like the food pyramid.

Speaker 6 (10:47):
It's like the food pyramid, and it's like at the
bottom you have you have the most people, but at
the top you have the fewest people. But that's like
the densest area. And usually we just put them in.
All right, my family, because you're my family, right, you'll
be a good friend to me. And I can tell
you everything. And people that I went to high school
and middle school with, and just because they have a
long time that they've spent in your life doesn't mean

(11:07):
that they have shared beliefs, shared values, even shared experiences.
I know me, I've went through. I'm still friends with
girls that I knew since high school, and we have
very different lives. There's things that we can airsect down
and not and I just feel like it's really important.
It's hard for women to do this though. I don't
know about you, but there's a lot of stigma around
having friends for a long time, right, Like and some

(11:28):
people like, oh, I don't want to outgrow my friends,
and then you get new friends and they don't know you,
and your new friends beef with your old friends, and
then to me, I just feel that that scene with
those women indicated was like it was sad. I felt that.
When I went on Twitter after the scene, I saw
like a lot of women were like, Ooh, it was
so empowering. I love the scene.

Speaker 5 (11:47):
I was not empowering at all. I was so depressed
watching that talking about at the end of the trip
where like they're leaving and she was just like, you know,
I'm just happy to be at the table. She's like
happy to be at the table with these bitches. That
all about that sad because she just felt so slow
in her life that this was like the bare minimum
that she felt like she was cold could get.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
I know, I think too, I think, like you said,
the stigma of having friends for a long time. I
think people underestimate how much you can actually not shift
and change and grow when you hold on too friendships
that have you've had for so.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Long, and then you wonder why, like why I can't
grow stuck?

Speaker 3 (12:27):
Why because they see you the same as you were
ten years ago or fifteen years ago, and they're not
giving you the opportunity to grow because in their mind,
you're that person. Even if you're like I'm not this
person anymore, They're like, I'm comfortable with you as this
version of yourself.

Speaker 6 (12:40):
That has happened so often to me. Absolutely, because I
feel like probably you guys too, because you guys really
live in your personality and I feel like watching you all,
you're constantly developing new parts of yourself. You're exploring things,
you're disagreeing with yourself back then you're reevaluating. And when
you're doing that, you're gonna shift your values a lot,
and that might set people who are not doing that.

(13:01):
That might make someone uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 (13:03):
They don't know.

Speaker 6 (13:03):
My therapist reminded me that like the person that you
were when you created that dynamic, unless too people agreed
to work on that dynamic, they expect that same performance
out of you. Those elements are gonna come out of you.
So if I was like that shy, scared, reserved Shila
and we're still we're in our thirties, that Sila still
comes alive when I'm around you.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
So when you act up, are you taking up space?
They're like, Oh, look at Sheila. She's like takes she
wants so much attention.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
Or whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (13:30):
I've had so many friends, I'm a pretty like I've
been had friends tell me like you and dating, like
don't be so honest.

Speaker 4 (13:36):
Like chill out likely.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
I was like, so lie and then six months in
and be a different bitch that's gonna be deceiving.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
You know.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
And like I'm like the advice, even even the advice
people give you based on the version of them, a
version of you that they think that they know. I
feel like even in this space and this friendship, because
we committed to growth, you know, like we're committed to
honesty and growth asolutely. There were always we're always reassessing
rel like you know, reevaluating. But I think this friendship
has been super like not like validating and fulfilling because

(14:07):
it allows me to grow, you know what I mean,
Like we're not stuck. And I think a lot of
friends have a hard a lot of women have a
hard time finding and making and being consistent with friendships
in their adulthood. It's more comfortable to be friends with
the bitch you know since second grade because she's going
to show up, she's going to go to the mall.

Speaker 7 (14:24):
She knows.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
You don't have to explain yourself.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Because a lot of people are not comfortable with meeting
the girl in the bathroom and actually, like exchanging numbers
and like, heyyl already doing today because that's awkward, but
like you have to make new friends when there's new
versions of yourself because that's how you grow. Ultimately, I
feel like I feel like if I would have stayed close,
like I think in this friendship, I mindfully took a
step back from other friendships because things were happening in

(14:47):
my life and also like that's how the god played out.
But also had that not happened, I don't know if
I would have arrived here because I was I was
playing out the projection of how you think that I'm
going to be and who I am, and I needed
space to like figure it out and then have a
support system that said.

Speaker 4 (15:03):
Oh yeah, I like that too, that's cool, that sounds
good exactly, I think too.

Speaker 5 (15:07):
Like there's also once you decide to take the path
of I'm going to evolve and I'm going to start
attracting the people that are meeting me where I'm at,
the people that are no longer meeting you where you're at,
Like you have very at least for me, there's like
a lower tolerance.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Yeah, there's a lower tolerance.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
There's a lower.

Speaker 5 (15:25):
Patience and I've personally had to work on that too,
and like find like the patients with them, like if
I'm going to keep them in my life because there's
a few people I'm like still trying to like drag
them up with me, but when they specifically there's one person,
like when they're talking to me about the same shit
over and over again, and I'm like, Yo, you've been

(15:46):
talking about this shit for ten years.

Speaker 6 (15:49):
You know what you're doing.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
And I'm like trying. I'm like trying to also lead
by example.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
Not that I'm perfect, but I'm like, yo, look how
far I've come because I said I'm going to do
something different, Like I don't know, Look how Look at
the people in my life that have also agreed to
do that work too, and look where they are at.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Look where you're at, Like why are you holding onto this?
Like why?

Speaker 5 (16:11):
And so it's hard for me to then want to
always like to be around them.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
It's it's really hard for me.

Speaker 5 (16:17):
And then I feel guilty because like it's not that
they're bad, that this is a person is a bad person.
I love them, but but it's just like my spirit,
my energy like is like we can't engage.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, and it's hard to enet yeah, because.

Speaker 6 (16:31):
They're you're gonna they're asking you subconsciously to lie for them. Yeah,
and it's like it's hard for you.

Speaker 5 (16:37):
Right, And then every time I'm and then and then
I become the friend that's like, oh God, I can't
talk to Erica because she's.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
Going to tell me her opinion. And I'm like, well, nigga, yeah,
because I've heard it a thousand and none are you?

Speaker 6 (16:48):
Are you viage?

Speaker 2 (16:49):
I've also sat and listened and that was very draining.

Speaker 5 (16:52):
And also, attention people, I just want to bring you
to your attention people. Okay, if you're someone who has
been going through a hard time or like seems to
always have something going on, you know, you know if
you are I think people generally know that they are
ask for permission before dumping on people, like just say like,

(17:14):
even if you're not that person, I know I even
have to do that because.

Speaker 4 (17:17):
The people who are that person don't know that.

Speaker 5 (17:19):
You have the do you have the emotional capacity? Do
you have space for this conversation right now?

Speaker 4 (17:23):
Can event right now?

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Don't just hop on the call and be like girl,
like I'm like, hey, what are you doing? Just got
out of a massage.

Speaker 5 (17:31):
Oh for real, listen, I'm like, God damn, Like, ask
for permission because sometimes, like it's a lot, especially as
I've entered deeper into this work, and I feel like
my energy feels have opened up so much more. I'm
I used to not really look at myself as an EmPATH.
I was like I I like because I viewed mpaths
as just like they would cry on the drop of

(17:52):
a dime, or like they just wanted every like they
were just everyone is a gun name, and I'm not
that type of person. I'm like, oh, yeah, see that's cool.
Like I'm a little selected with how I share my energy.
But as I've grown more into this space and healing myself,
like I realize that I can take on a lot
of people's energies and it's very exhausting for me, like
my social battery shit. Like, as I've gotten older, I

(18:15):
can't operate the same way that I used to do.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
I just can't. Nope.

Speaker 5 (18:19):
And so like when someone comes to you and calls
you and starts dumping shit on you, like you please
ask for permission. Just ask, even if you're if you
think you're not that person, I guarantee you someone in your.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Life is like, oh God, here she comes, especially in
this day and age where like I feel like there's
already so much going on.

Speaker 6 (18:38):
That's like we're overstressed.

Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, we're so overstretched, so overstimulated, so overinformed. Like I
never even thought to say overinformed. No, but like I
don't need to hear about every fucking tragedy worldwide on
the internet. Like I'm overstimulated, and I think it's and
we're paranoid because we're getting fed so much shit. So
I'm just like, how how am I supposed to then
all take on your ship like it's it's it's a lot.

(19:02):
It's a lot to be a mom, it's a lot
to be like to work, it's a lot. Like it's
a lot to be paying bills, it's a lot to
be a fucking adult. And I think as women were
all like naturally in path and we're naturally going to
be nurturing and so when someone tells you something, you're
going to be present in hearing it. And maybe that's
just our fucking water sign asses too, Like I know
I'm very sensitive, so like, yeah, there be times I

(19:23):
will straight up not answer her phone call because I do.

Speaker 5 (19:26):
I already know what this happened. You're calling me at
past nine pm. It's going now.

Speaker 6 (19:30):
Yeah, I don't have the capacity. Sorry.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
Even my mom used to be that type of person,
like every time she would call, she's talking shit about
my dad. And there came a point where I was like, girl,
I can't hear it.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
I grew, I lived with.

Speaker 6 (19:41):
You, you picked him for me, and now you want me
to let him like eighteen years, you know.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
And she's kind of like, I think become more aware
of it. And because I did, I took some steps back, really,
and now we're in a better place because I just
think she's more She was like, sorry, I didn't mean to.

Speaker 4 (20:00):
Like go, you know, I just needed to talk to someone.
I'm like, yeah, but.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
I think people think it's mean to set boundaries that way,
or you're not there for your friend, but it's like,
are you there for yourself?

Speaker 2 (20:11):
I think it's also me too, though.

Speaker 5 (20:12):
I have to be better too about setting the boundary
early on the conversation, Like when I hear someone start
about to unload.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
Be like, hey, thank you, thank you for sharing.

Speaker 5 (20:23):
I right now, I just don't have the capacity to
take on this conversation.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
I love you.

Speaker 5 (20:27):
I would really love to be present for you in
this conversation, but I can't re now.

Speaker 4 (20:30):
I'm not good at that. I feel like a bitch.

Speaker 5 (20:33):
I'm working on it, I know, but I feel like,
but if they can't accept that, like, then there's already
like a boundary and respect issue happening. And I think that, like,
I don't know, I feel like, I think when you
do that for it, when you actually start, when I
start finally doing this to my friend starting tomorrow. But
also I think that like perhaps it actually helps them too.

(20:57):
It helps you realize, yeah, to become more cognizant of
like how much they're also like speaking out these words
and creating the madness in their life because words are spells,
and we all know, like the more you talk about it,
the more you're talking, talking, talking, Yeah, you're feeding the flame.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
I also know. Okay, it was the last on these people.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
Those type of people rarely say how are you, Yeah, girl.

Speaker 4 (21:22):
What's going on with your life?

Speaker 3 (21:24):
I think has we like when you can hold it together,
you appear well, everything seems fine, and you're like mostly
positive and optimistic.

Speaker 4 (21:30):
People think she is space and time to hear my shit. No, nigga,
I do not. I have some shit going on to today.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
Whether you have asked or fucking inquired my nigga, I'm
feeling away. I'm not you know whatever, But like I
feel like those people rarely do that. And that's where
I started to realize, Like, nigga, you don't even call
and check on me, but you have time and space
and energy to dump on me. I can definitely ignore
this phone call. Like even whiny ask people like, bitch,
shut up, stop fucking whining.

Speaker 4 (22:00):
I have a child. I do not need to hear
your adult line.

Speaker 6 (22:02):
A Posts said, like you've ever been talking to somebody
about their problems and then realize me way they like
their problems. Yeah, like this problem isn't going anywhere.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
She's you actually love this?

Speaker 6 (22:13):
You love this? Yeah, And so then I'm like that's
when I'm like, oh, this is my sign to exits.

Speaker 4 (22:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (22:18):
Well, I might engage to a degree, but then at
a certain point, it's like, like you said, it's just
going on a merry go around engaging in enabling that
same behavior.

Speaker 4 (22:26):
We're not doing that.

Speaker 3 (22:27):
What are some ways that you've made adult like friends
in your adulthood?

Speaker 4 (22:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (22:33):
Friends, I feel that that was the hardest thing for
me to write about in my book. Everything else, I
feel like came really naturally. And then I said, why
am I having so much trouble writing a chapter about
female companionship as adults? And I'm like, okay, well, number one.
From my perspective, we are taught to center men from
a very young age, and we are taught how to

(22:54):
socialize with men, how to impress them, how to appease them.
We learned so much much information. We're trained on how
to be a white from you from when you're young.

Speaker 4 (23:04):
They'll little kitchen.

Speaker 6 (23:06):
Yeah, with that little kitchen, the little place set all
that you're taking care of your babies. But I don't
necessarily think we have as much framework around how to
be a friend to other women, because that requires you
centering women in a certain way that might a lot
of women might not be familiar with. Right. And so
for me, the way that I make friends as an
adult is I align on specificity so very and I

(23:29):
keep it small what I use, so I'm aries and
I'm a very honest person, like we were talking about,
and I felt like, for a long time, if you're
a friend and you're close to me, that means I
have to tell you everything. Like that's just that was
just my way of connecting, like you got to know
everything about me. And then I realized number one, girl,
you're fuck I was that one overwhelming people. Fine, yeah,

(23:50):
because you got you a busy bitch like you, Like
I have just a lot of things going on. So
it's like, okay, like you know, I'll be outside. I
be like I saw a bird and I swim it
was my grandmother and then let me tell you why,
and yeah.

Speaker 5 (24:05):
Let me tell you why because it was blue and
my grandmother had a blue brooch that she used to wear.

Speaker 6 (24:11):
So I'm cooking dinner, okay to me, I just took
that approach where it's just this full on approach. If
you're a friend, it's everything You're invited to every event.
I share everything with you. Now, I take a very
catered approach. So I have my my spiritual girls. Those
are the girls I'm gonna tell about the bird right

(24:32):
because she's gonna go me too. Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
I let me look at animal spottings, the metal physical.

Speaker 6 (24:40):
We're gonna love that. And then like, because I'm a
I'm a film head, I'm a Centinophile. I love film
and TV. I have girls that I just go. All
we do is go see scared movies together like that.
I love horror, that's my thing, and right, I just
love the genre. No no, no, and so like I'll
go there do that with her other friends who are
just like our artistic friends. She like to make stuff

(25:00):
with her hands. Oh girl, let's do pottery. And that's
all it has to be. It has to be a
simple touch point. We go do something, we have a
shared experience where it creates new memories. Because a lot
of times when you're older, when you get in your
I'm forty, so I feel like when you get in
your late thirties and forties, you kind of can get
in the trap of not making new memories that you're
just catching up. Like every time you see each other,
you're just rehashing remember this, remember.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
That there's no new content.

Speaker 6 (25:26):
So I'm very mindful to create new memories. And they
don't have to be big memories. Me my social battery
can run out very fast. So I know me all right,
this person's that's my artistic girl. We're gonna do pottery.
We're gonna maybe have a little bite to eat after that,
and that's gonna be. That doesn't have to be this
all encompassing thing.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
You don't have to go on vacation.

Speaker 6 (25:44):
You can see I got my girls, but I can't
go on vacation.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
I just make any friends. Like, you want to go,
you want to go here, you want to go.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
She had to learn her vacation lessons.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
This very really Yeah.

Speaker 6 (25:53):
You remind me of one of my best friends so much. Tasha.
She's in La too, Issha. She makes friends with everybody.
She's such she's like the perfect villager. Like when I
think about being in community, that's Tasha. She'll peek you
up from the airport. I'll bring it over, no problem.
I was out this fabric store. Didn't you need this fabric? Like?
She's so thoughtful and just open minded like that. I'm
a little bit more I am.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
I'm open. I'm very open. I hugged a girl in
the club last night and she cried, I.

Speaker 5 (26:20):
Know, wait, Orlando comes to me. I'm like, where's you, Mela.
She's like, oh, she's therapizing someone in the corner. I
was like, what are you talking about. I don't know
if she's really tall, Jamla's really small. She's like, has
her hands, she's like groping. She's like she's like Jamila
is holding her head like this, and I don't even
know what I've ever heard tantraing her. I'm okay, well
i'll see her in about twenty minutes.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
I did, and she was like, thank you. I really
needed to hear this. I was like, whatever you're going through, girl,
let it go special.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
I was like, you'd already know. I was kind even
know what you're going through. It's overheard you. I was like,
let him go. Let it go if you don't feel
good about it, if it doesn't feel irrespectful, if it
doesn't feel like literally, I'm telling you this as a
sign as soon as you move out of the situation,
you're going to do better.

Speaker 4 (26:56):
And we're friends on.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Instagram now, Indigo shout out to Indigo, but you you
know what I feel like too, And tell me if
this resonates with you, because I know that I've liked
you know, had to love research. You were talking about
the mother wound and I think I'm realizing this right now,
like in this year that because I don't have a
problem making like female friends, but I think that I
realize like in my closest friendships, there are certain things

(27:19):
that are triggers for me, and I recognize now that,
like even my I think my attraction to women is
that like me and growing up with my mom, we
weren't super super close like I saw my friends be,
and so I gravitated to women. And I've had like
codependent relationships with some of my best friends, like literally
just at each other's house for five days straight and

(27:39):
shit us. Yeah, and also recognizing when there's certain triggers
that come up, like my mom was relentless for my
dad for one hundred million years until literally last week.
So when I see in like my female friendships, I
feel when I see women like make men the center
of their lives or they they cheat themselves by being

(28:02):
in relationships, I'm super triggered by that, you know, or
like just make their whole world about their man, Like
I get triggered by that. I did that, and it
made me realize, Oh, bitch, you're triggered because you thought
this bitch was your mom and you have this motherlike friend.
Like there's this dynamic that I realized, Like I'm triggered
by that because I feel like a women have been
conditioned to center their men and their romantic relationships and go.

Speaker 4 (28:24):
Everything else goes to the wind.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
And also that like it's a dynamic that I grew
up in my family where I felt like my mom
would fucking go everything else fell to the wayside, but
when my dad was doing some shit, that was her
main thing. And so I just realized, like in my
adulthood where my triggers and my female friendships come up,
and like why I clung to some like female friendships
very hard.

Speaker 4 (28:45):
And I'm like, do you see that?

Speaker 3 (28:46):
And like with your going through the work that you
do and writing this book, and like I didn't know
what the mother wound was you were speaking of, but
do you see that?

Speaker 4 (28:53):
And you're like a reflection of your friendships too. Yes.

Speaker 6 (28:56):
Absolutely, By the way, I really loved you having slum
Our slum Flower to talk about this. I love her.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
I love her.

Speaker 6 (29:05):
I think she's like one of the most brilliant but
I call her a philosophers. Yes she is to me,
and I'm like one of the most brilliant minds that
speaks on this type of topic. And I love hearing her,
even if I don't live like another one. I just
love hearing her thoughts. Every time I hear her speak,
I learned something new.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
I love you.

Speaker 6 (29:28):
Yeah, the men hated that. How could you abandon your mother?

Speaker 5 (29:33):
You have even if she abused you, Like, yeah, it
was crazy A lot of Yeah.

Speaker 6 (29:39):
No, I think that a lot of us have mother womb.
Everybody's gonna have some type of womb. There's going to
be something there with your mom. And if you're not
mindful about that, or if you haven't explored that, not
everybody has access to therapy. Therapy can be expensive, it
can be prohibitive, But if you haven't looked into any
of that, you can find yourself trying to What we
do is we try to play this scenario again and

(30:02):
again and then in order to do it right this time.
So if you feel like your mom didn't give you
enough praise, maybe just as an example, you might be
looking for your friends feeling like I just feel like
she doesn't acknowledge me. I again looking for praising her
and praising her to do it right this time. So
I think everybody's a mirror. So whatever we're going through
with our friends is a reflection of something that we

(30:23):
could take a look at. But when it comes to
the mother wound. Specifically, I one hundred percent relate to that.
I feel like, from my perspective, my mother had I
love my mom, I love you Mom. She has a
little bit of a harsh outer like it was her
InterVoice that became outer voice that became my intervals. And
so I feel that that has become a thing with
me where I start to I start to become the mom,

(30:45):
like I'm the caretaker friend. I always used to be
the friend make sure everybody's good. And then I would
come and feel again that if I need to share
my opinion because that's my caretaking. That's how my mom
is show caretaking, Like I don't like that you didn't
do you know, like you did all this stuff good,
but this right here needs to be changed. And like
that was how I was showing up with my friends
because I felt like it was caretaking. I would want
someone to tell me right, But then it's like, bitch,

(31:06):
you're the one with the negative you bring in the
vibe down. I haven't asked all that, So I had
to take that information and rework it because I definitely
don't want to perpetuate that. But yeah, mother wounds absolutely
play into it. By the way, I want to backtrack,
and you were talking about how you were at the
club last night and you were like being super friendly.
I just I just like had this memory I when

(31:27):
I first started dating as like me and my friends
would go to the strip club all the time. And
he literally was like she like, you cannot come to
the strip club with me no more because every time
baby go back to school, they took all my money,
like I gave them all the money. Like I would
just feel so bad because I would be like, I
just want you to know, you're gorgeous.

Speaker 3 (31:49):
You have to dance, You're gonna take Yeah, you can
be about Rena and you know, like I'll be in
there and they're like, let's go, let's go.

Speaker 6 (31:56):
They're they're getting off on your sister, and I was like, damn,
but I.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
Just want to go next week.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
She give her one hundred singles.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Literally, you can't you.

Speaker 6 (32:07):
Can't take me anywhere. But yeah, sorry, I don't know
how we got there.

Speaker 4 (32:10):
From I understand.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
I think the female friendship thing and an adulthood it
really requires some like inner like some reflection and introspection
that a lot of people are not willing to do
about themselves about their family dynamics. But I find that,
I mean, you know, we're some deep best bitches, spiritual bitches.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
I find like all.

Speaker 6 (32:31):
You guys make the best friends though, spiritual girls like,
oh gotta make the best type of friends. Yeah, because
you know yourself more. The more you know yourself, the
better you can be a friend. Like like she said,
knowing I know how Hi, I just want to say,
in the beginning of this conversation, I'm not in a
space like that's her knowing herself. And then when you
when you don't speak up like that, then it becomes

(32:52):
a manipulative right, or then it becomes something else because
you're feeling a way you're not saying it, and then
she's constantly dumping on you, and then you're feeling and
then later it comes up and it can become a
big thing. Whereas I feel like the girlies who are
interested in self work can more likely catch themselves. They
have a certain level of self awareness, And I can
do anything with someone who's self aware. Yeah, we can

(33:13):
do anything. We can rework a relationship, we can end it,
amend it, we can restart it. If you're not self aware,
if you're just gonna be looking at me like, well,
I don't really think I did.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
Yeah, some people are refused to be too, refuse to
be self aware.

Speaker 4 (33:27):
They're like living in a box.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (33:31):
I think a lot of people are, unfortunately. I mean,
I will say I think the Internet has helped people.
I mean it's like this double and sword of Instagram.
But I do think that, like the Internet has put
words to people's feelings, or people's shortcomings or just being
like oh wait, there's like looking at a list and
be like, oh shit, I kind of check off every

(33:52):
box here. Maybe I am a blank. You know, in
your book you talked about main character energy, and so
I wanted to get into that because that's I mean obviously,
like confidence is really the key to beginning to understand
how to show up authentically as yourself, even like I

(34:14):
think they work side by side, Like you're not just
going to automatically be in full confidence, Like I think
they kind of go and flow with one another.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
How did you find your main character energy through?

Speaker 6 (34:26):
Stop trying to be main characters in other people's stories.
I think a lot of we are socialized as women
to prop up again, A lot of it, A lot
of my book will revisit over and over again the
ways that larger structures affect our ability or inability to
self actualize. So I could not talk about this without

(34:46):
addressing things like patriarchy, things like misogyny, things like late
stage capitalism. They do affect the way that we socialize
and the way we learn what's important in value. And
we live in a society that tells us men is
more important than women. So wait, what was the fucking
question again?

Speaker 2 (35:02):
How did you find your period?

Speaker 6 (35:04):
Thank you to myself? And so a lot of us
are very comfortable being main characters in other people's stories.
You will see a trend in women being overly concerned
with other people's lives. Oh but they but they're not
going to be able to eat, They're not going to
be able to do this. They and it comes from
a good place, like right, we want to be nurturing,

(35:24):
we want to be caretaking. But you're doing all that
to distract yourself from the fact that you don't even
have a storyline that you don't even have. You don't
even know where your exod is, you don't know your cue,
you don't know the lighting. You're so focused on this
other person's story that you plan, how you plan a
side character you to yourself make that make sense. So

(35:44):
what that looks like is getting to know yourself exactly.
The type of things that you guys talk about every
time on your podcast is getting to know the limits
of who you are and what you are. A lot
of us don't even know who we are. We know
like a hologram, like a projection screen that has like
every thing your parents told you, your church told you,
and everybody else. But like what do you like? What
do you like? Do you want to be friends?

Speaker 7 (36:07):
Do you not?

Speaker 6 (36:08):
What is a good frequency for you? Not what the
Internet tells you. But it's really getting to know all
the aspects of who you are and first accept them,
because number one, if you're not a good friend to yourself,
you're not going to be a good friend to anyone else.
You're going to just create, you know, foundations in the sand.
But when you get to know yourself and accept yourself,
and I think that's the key because when we're talking

(36:28):
about main character energy, we're talking about loving yourself, and
people go self love, Well, I don't know what that
is like, is it a bubble bath? Is it masturbating?
Is it? You know what is it? I think it
is self acceptance. If self love is the destination, the
vehicle is self acceptance. You get there, but just being
like without fixing, without losing the weight, without getting a

(36:49):
new job, without getting more money, without doing any of that.
I'm worthy and valuable right now, and look at all
these wonderful things that I am expressing right now. Let
me get to know myself so then I can attract
and recognize my star players. But you know, as Cat
William told us, you know you have to check in
with yours first.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
I love that.

Speaker 5 (37:07):
I love that the analogy of the self, the vehicle
being self acceptance, because I think a lot of times
we are trying to love like this future version of ourselves,
and so it takes it's taking us even farther away
from us loving ourselves. Because bitch, you've been this person

(37:28):
for a long time. You're not going to be her
for a minute. So you might as well get into
who you are at this very moment and figure out
what are the things that you love about yourself.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
Make a list.

Speaker 5 (37:37):
There's got to be at least one thing that you
love about yourself exactly, and start with just that one.

Speaker 6 (37:42):
Thing and do it from a place of how much
you love yourself right now and not how much you
want to change that thing. Yeah, that's so so important.
And I'm talking to myself too, because there's always that
like same.

Speaker 5 (37:54):
I mean, this is like that's why I say I
think they go It's like they go hand in hand
together because I'm I'm still always battling like my my
self love and like I go through I have body
dysmorphia for sure. Sometimes I'm like, oh my god, I'm
so fat, and then I'm like, oh my god, I
look good and then I'm like, wait, I hate this,
I hate that, and so like it just it's just
it's a constant evolution, especially because what you said the patriarchy,

(38:18):
misogyny fucking Instagram, which I said, is it has helped
people I think come to themselves but also hate themselves.
So it's like this, it's like a constant evolution of
trying to make sure that you're constantly checking in with
who you are in this moment and saying, okay, I
love you even still yes, And I think people are

(38:40):
always seeking their future self, looking to love their future self,
and it's.

Speaker 4 (38:44):
Like right now you're worthy. Yeah, right now you look great,
Right now, you're good? Yeah, yeah, I feel like this.

Speaker 6 (38:51):
We need a little bit more of Can I ask
you guys a question, Since you do a podcast where
you share so much of yourself, like so much of
your internal life, your experiences, do you feel like it's
helped you love yourself more?

Speaker 4 (39:06):
Absolutely?

Speaker 3 (39:07):
I think talking out loud and being honest, like it's
one thing to have it here, but when you say
it out loud to your friend, or you say it
out loud and you know, you know, potentially thousands of
people are listening to it, there is an accountability that
has to take place. If I'm privately maybe doing some
functionhit privately, you know, but I'm not telling my friends

(39:28):
or other people, then I'm not really maybe being held accountable.
But I think there's been a like I said before
we started, You're like, do you ever get do we
ever get like a lot of hate or freaked out
about the things that we share because we've shared a
lot of things, And I'm like, not really, because it's
the truth. But that's been over a course of like

(39:49):
you understanding that honesty is medicine and then also saying
things a lot have brought me to like a realization,
like me saying, like I realized in my female friendships,
I was, I'm being tre figured by certain things because
if it's rooted in my relationship with my.

Speaker 4 (40:03):
Mother, I don't think I would have known.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
I would I would have had the put those connected
those dots if I hadn't done this mess talking out
loud about things that hurt things parts of myself I
didn't like really love or like parts of myself.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
I'm like, that could use some fucking improvement.

Speaker 3 (40:17):
I'm I think that, Yeah, that avoidance that you say,
like I saw two people on our retreat is specifically
we make profiles, said like, we asked them to describe
themselves in three words, and I saw twice. I thought
it was an interesting I mean, it's a great thing quality.
But two people put hype woman, and I was like,
that's an interesting adjective to describe yourself as. And I

(40:39):
meant to ask them about that, like do you hype
yourself up? But I think that it's absolutely a distraction
from yourself doing like figuring out what you like and
who you are, and so you are always prioritizing somebody else,
always thinking about someone else, it's because you don't want
to do the inner work that says, like do I
love to.

Speaker 6 (40:56):
Get very creative at hiding from ourselves.

Speaker 3 (40:58):
Oh and it seems like I'm just I a really
nice person. No bitch, you want to not look at
yourself in the mirror and figure out what's up with you?

Speaker 2 (41:06):
You know.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
So I do think like the talking out loud has
been medicine and has been a practice of Yeah, this
is who I am, and that's why I was last year,
and that's how I was last week, and this is
who I am today, and this is how I've grown
from that, and like I'm always changing, I'm always growing,
like like the world is always spinning, like this is
I'm not perfect, you know, and I know that, and

(41:27):
so I think it's helped really give me acceptance in
that space.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Yeah, I mean I agree.

Speaker 5 (41:31):
I think that speaking for sure has been transformational in
my life because I felt like I held a lot
of things in before. When I mentioned Mila, like I
was ready to burst open, like I was like I
got some shit to say because I had suppressed so
much suppressed, like like again, like how I felt about
my body. I had suppressed how I felt about my

(41:52):
relationships I had suppressed like just just so.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
Everything, you know.

Speaker 5 (41:56):
So being able to speak there was a freedom that
I had never really experienceerienced. And being able to sit
with my sister and her accept me even after I've expressed.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Those things was very healing to me.

Speaker 5 (42:08):
Being able to sit with women like you who are
very We've had, I mean women come on our show
and they're very vulnerable, you know, and so like that's
healing for me. Having our community reach out and say, hey, Erica,
like that was really dope that thing that you said,
or I really relate to that experience, or I didn't
know I could do that, and I'm like, bitch, I
didn't know I could do that. But you know, like
those are things that keep me going and help heal

(42:30):
the little girl in me that like felt like, oh
I'm too much or or maybe I shouldn't say that,
or maybe I shouldn't wear that, or maybe I should
lose weight, or maybe I should you know this or that,
Like even like yesterday we had a we were a
black effect fest and I wore this like super tight
blue thing and.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Everyone was giving me thank you.

Speaker 5 (42:49):
But I've been like in privately, like the last like
five months feeling like I don't like like my body.

Speaker 6 (42:55):
I did not tell from that clip. I would never guess,
but I.

Speaker 5 (43:00):
Think because I have to show up every week no
matter what, I have to push through. I have to
push through, and yes, like and then I look at
the pictures and.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
I'm like, but why are you always tripping on your
body like you're good?

Speaker 5 (43:12):
And it's just because my body takes different shapes and forms,
you know. And I think also growing up in LA,
growing up in white spaces, growing up in the entertainment industry,
you know, all those things paired with men that you know,
I felt like if maybe if I if I'm if
I look this way or I look that way, you
won't cheat on me, or like maybe you'll stay Like
those things started to play into my psyche and are

(43:34):
things I'm still unraveling now, like even now. So I
think that sitting here and talking and sharing even right
now saying this is healing for me. So I always
tell people like, you don't have to have a podcast
to heal, but I do think you have to say
the thing like fucking talk into your phone daily and

(43:55):
just say things that you don't even like that you
don't feel comfortable saying to other people and see how
your life starts to transform.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
And even about being like accountable. I don't even listen
to what I said. I just know I said it exactly.

Speaker 4 (44:08):
I don't even go back and listen. I just know
I said it.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
I was like, well, there's a level of just yeah,
just the release of saying it.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
Yeah, just the release of their body.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
There's things like I crazy a little bit, witness, Yes, yes,
it's just say the thing in witness. And I think
that that the frequency of sound, like audio, has energy.
Like I think we underestimate our power as energetic you know, beings, gods,
you know, divine beings and so like everything that comes
from us, everything we create, things, you sing, things you

(44:37):
play out theatrically, they all hold and carry a frequency,
and like literally as we're talking right now, like it's
it's being emitted into the you know, and to the
the ethers, and there's power there. And that's why people
say like words or spells, yes, bitch, because the universe
is always listening and creating based on what's here and
what's coming out of your mouth. So I think like
we don't give ourselves enough credit as divine beings, and

(44:59):
so that the works and the things that we put
out into the earth are often underestimated how much power
they really hold. Even how we speak to each other,
even touching each other, even connecting on a like personal level,
like looking at a bitch in the eye, looking at
yourself in the eye and saying like, you know, you're important,
you matter, or just how we speak to people, like
just how transformative words can be, if we're kind, if

(45:20):
we're sweet, instead of just being like you know, whatever,
fuck you, even what you were saying earlier, I resonate
with about like your mom, you know, like maybe speaking
kind of harshly or being very direct, Like I grew
up in a household that way. So I realized, like,
that's how I speak to my daughter, girl, who you're
fucking playing with?

Speaker 4 (45:37):
Go whatever? You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
And I realized, like, that's because I'm a product of
my environment, you know, And I've had to really work
on softening because that's not how I was raised. Do
you experience that with like your your step children like that,
I mean, maybe I don't know, how do you feel?

Speaker 6 (45:52):
Well, it's different because I'm I have two step children
eleven and fourteen sailor. She's fourteen. She lives with me,
and I call her my bonus daughter, so they call
me bonus mom. So being a bonus mom is a
little different. I feel like as an entry pointed to
motherhood because you're watching these two people do it, so

(46:13):
you're you're kind of like one step removed because she
already has two parents. She has a mother and a father,
and I get to see their choices that they make,
and I get to just like, Ali you, I love me,
I love me. I feel like being a bonus mom
is just I love it. I love it down. I
get all the good stuff. And then at the end
of the day, you know, they got a lot of
places to go, they got a lot of family, They
got their mom, they got their dad.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
You know.

Speaker 6 (46:33):
But when it comes to what was the fucking question again,
bro my memory, because is it TikTok?

Speaker 5 (46:41):
Blame somebody not TikTok maybe spoke harshly. Do you feel
like you've had to work on not speaking harshly?

Speaker 6 (46:48):
Thank you? But I also had great, a great step
mother and the godmother, so I had like women who
weren't my mother pouring to me. So I have a
different dynamic because I really always thought about wanting to
pay that forward, like I mean, yeah, I mean I
was the only black child in my household. My mother
is white Cuban. She married my father who's African American,

(47:11):
had me and my sister. They got divorced, my mom
remarried a white man and had my sisters. So I
have one sister who's blonde hair, blue eyes, and then
I have a bunch of other siblings that are biracial
and black. So I was in there in the house
with my mother who's white, passing kind of kind of
like similar to the girl and sinners. I didn't see

(47:31):
it yet, okay, that type of vibe, and then my
stepfather who's white, my sister who's white, and so I
was very confused. That's interesting, you can imagine, right, And
there was a lot of chaos, a police around house
all the time. So the first person, one of the
first people to be like super nice to me and
just like hi, was my She became my godmother. She's

(47:53):
MISSI rest in peace. But what she gave me and
what women gave me, my teachers who poured into me
and stuff, I've always wanted to that forward. So I
don't have a lot of trouble with the negatives, like
with the harsh voice too, sailor. However, I do have
to catch it with myself. She's a witness to my behavior,
and I noticed, like, kids is not gonna do what

(48:13):
you do say, they're gonna do what you do. They're
watching how you treat yourself. They're watching how you treat
other people. So if i'm you know, like how you
might say stuff about your body like oh I look
So I don't say that only fat, I don't. I'm
always like, ooh, I look so beautiful. I make sure
to give myself a lot of compliments. I love the
way I look. And my husband's really great at that
because be like, oh this is beautiful. It is beautiful.
Because I start to hear her, you know, even say

(48:34):
little things like oh I have a bump on my
face or oh, but you still look beautiful. Your skin
looks beautiful. So to me, I feel like I'm hyper
aware because.

Speaker 4 (48:42):
She's not my daughter.

Speaker 6 (48:44):
Yeah, I almost feel like when it's your kid, it's like,
what ain't mine? You know, say you mine? So I'm
very mindful. So I'm very careful with the way I
speak I make sure to. Like the other day, she
was like preparing for a test. She really wanted to
go to this dance and her dad told her like,
if you don't get your grades up, you're not good.
And you know, we were talking to her and I
was like, you gotta believe in yourself. Well, I don't know,
I don't know. I was like, you're smart, You're this,

(49:05):
you're that. And then later I was like putting something
away in her room and I've seen she had the
post it notes like all in her mirror like I
am smart, I am strong, I did good eighth grade
dance like and all this, and so like when I
see stuff like that, just it just makes it all worth.

Speaker 4 (49:20):
It, you know, you know it's working.

Speaker 6 (49:21):
Yeah. She teaches me to be kind to myself just
in being around Like y'all have girls too. I feel like,
you know, you just very aware how you can remember.
We have memories from ten years old, five years old,
and I'm like, damn, this is gonna be a fucking
trauma moment. She's gonna be in therapy, my stepfa.

Speaker 4 (49:39):
She's sad right right.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
That leads me to our bad choice of the week.

Speaker 5 (49:45):
Yeahah, because you kind of shared with me what your
bad choice of the week is, but can you share
what you were going to share?

Speaker 2 (49:51):
Bad mom?

Speaker 7 (49:51):
Not a bad mom, but a bad mom so good.

Speaker 6 (50:00):
I'm living, so I think I was like, I was thinking, like,
what would my bad choice be? I think, I hope
I'm answering the question right, So if I answer it
and I don't just tell me, ask me again. But
I feel like a bad choice that I feel like
might look bad. And if I would have went back,
I would have said, she's what the fuck you doing?
Low key? But it turned out to be good. Is

(50:21):
being a bonus mom? Like I think, like right before
I met Ace, if you would have asked me like, oh,
do you dating man with kids? Hell no, hell no,
fuck them kids. I don't want them, you know, Like
that was very much the vibe I was on. But
then I was like, okay, there are two one baby mama,
we can negotiate. We can negotiate.

Speaker 4 (50:40):
I like him, and shit, yeah, like you know, but.

Speaker 6 (50:43):
Honestly, without hyperbole, I just have the best bonus kids
on the planet. They're so cool, Like, they're fun, they're
funny to be around, they're smart, they're engaging, and like
through being a bonus mom. I had to deal with
my ego a lot. And I don't know, I think
parenting is the ghetto anyway, Like you would have got
to that point. Y'all can correct me if I'm wrong,

(51:04):
because I'm not a mother biologically, But you got to
confront your ego a lot. Like so many times, let's
say I wanted something my way, but she has two
parents who wanted a different way. That I have to
put myself to the side, So managing my ego and
being kind to myself. I had a very harsh InterVoice
growing up, and so like I'm not a person. Like
when I meet women who've always been confident, I'm like, damn,

(51:27):
that's so cool. You just believe in yourself. Like I
had to really fight for the belief in myself, like
you're good, You're worthy of things. And so I'm very
mindful of that and this when I'm around her, I
have to really be disciplined about the way that I
speak to myself and the way that I speak to her. Like,
all right, I told her, don't leave these dishes. She's
still doing it. Like what am I gonna say? How

(51:48):
am I gonna candle that you see I'm saying, I
feel like if it's your own kids, you might fly
off and be.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
Like girl, I told, yeah, exactly, that's true. An interesting perspective,
and I was thinking that it may be like you're
a little bit more aware, which is wild because you
should just be aware in general, especially you know.

Speaker 4 (52:05):
But I also I.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
Wanted to ask you also before we get out of here, like,
I know you've been really transparent and talked about your
your journey to motherhood and like having bonus kids, and
I know that you wanted to have you know, you
want to have you know, kids, and how how have
you healed that and like how have you been able
to be comfortable talking about it and like, you know,
all those things. I think it's something just in general,

(52:27):
like you said, society tells you since you're a child,
they give you that fucking baby, plastic baby, and they're like,
this is what you're gonna do. So I think women
often don't talk about the journey to you know, like
fraternity and fertility.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
Start fraternity.

Speaker 4 (52:41):
She was like, sororities, fraternities, babies.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
Okay, Okay, how do you feel right?

Speaker 4 (52:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (52:52):
I so definitely. I was one of the ones always
want to be a mom. I love being a mom.
I love taking care of babies and all the things.
My mom tells a story to me every time I
see her. That my little sister who's blonde hair and
blue eyes, she looked like a baby doll to me,
like when she was born. I was like, this is
a real life dog. And she's like, you know, this
is back And I'm raised in the eighties. I don't
know if y'all remember.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
Eckerts oh the store.

Speaker 6 (53:13):
Maybe I'm from the South, maybe I didn't have them,
But we used to be left in the car, like
when our mom went to the store. That was normal.
I don't even know if moms are allowed to do
that anymore. But oh, you're not. You get arrested. CPS
will be there.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
Yeah, you're a bad mother.

Speaker 6 (53:26):
They have you on TikTok by story time. Okay, So
I was in the car. My mom was like, I'll
be right back. I was five years old. My sister
was just born, and she was crying, and I don't
know how I knew, but I knew that she needed
her diaper change. I took her out the car seat,
changed her diaper, put her back in the car seat,
and then my mom got in the car and she
was like, you were just sitting there and you just said,
oh yeah, Mom, I changed her diaper. So I feel

(53:49):
like I've always had that spirit in me, that nurturing
is very present. And so I was on birth control
since I I just found out in my late thirties
that I have endometrioses. All these years where I've been
trying to get a diagnosis and they've just been telling
you to take birth control, which retroactively made everything worse.
So I thought, oh, when I get my I u

(54:09):
d out, I'm gonna just get pregnant like we fucking like, hey, hey,
we be on the mission. So I'm thinking it's just
gonna happen. I never in a million years. I'm like,
I'm a spiritual girlie. I do the crystals, you know,
I'm I'm with the girls. I'm eating veggies and shit,
and like, what do you mean, I'm doing my step aerobics,
Like there's no I'm you know, I'm in touch with

(54:30):
my divine feminine of course, so my ego took a
massive hit when my fertility journey did not go the
way that I mean, the first miscarriage, I was in
the middle of filming love and hip hop.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
No, that sounds like.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
That sounds in.

Speaker 6 (54:51):
Listen. Yes, So it was crazy. I'm like, all right,
one is fine. But then it just kept happening, and
then I started to go like, oh wait a minute, Okay,
this is before I had my diagnosis, what's wrong with me?
And it really took me a long time to work
through that shame and guilt. Because if you're told as
a woman, one of the things that you are made

(55:11):
to do on this earth is to birth children, and
you find yourself not being able to do that, then
what then? What? Remember when I saw the Barbie movie
that I saw it so many times cause I love
the ending so much because of that song, that Billie
Eilish song what Am I Made For? And I would
just listen to that part, like what am I Made For?
I remember I thought to myself, like, what the fuck

(55:34):
am I even like a good wife? Like especially he
already has two kids and they're so amazing and brilliant,
like and here I am. So it took. It was
not easy, the journey. I'm still on the journey. I
don't have any children yet, I have not conceived, but
what I have done is stop trying. I stopped trying
after I had to do multiple surgeries, had to get ovariances,

(55:56):
removed multiple things to remove the tissue like end of
me leaves like all this leftover tissue scar tissue exactly,
and so getting that remove and then I just decided,
you know what, like Tracy elis Roth said, and that
that podcast interview she did the other day with Michelle Obama,
what is this about? Like what is this about? What
am I searching for? What is it that I'm looking for?

(56:19):
I'm very much looking for something. There was a part
of me that's like, if I cannot do this, if
I cannot conceive my children, I'm not worthy. I'm not
a good and I'm not a full whole woman, and
that had I had to let that go. So the
place that I was pursuing my fertility journey on was
the place of lack. And it caused me to ask myself, like,

(56:42):
what would you what do you think children are going
to give you that you don't have. What do you
think it's going to bring out a new version of you?
And of course it does, because when you birth the child,
your birth a mother. But for me, I had to
sit with well, okay, let's take the whole. So I
do this integration work. I do a lot of spiritual there.
I'm in all the therapies, and this was where you

(57:02):
take the fear and you magnify it. So in sessions
and I did em DR, which is amazing.

Speaker 5 (57:08):
I totally recommend show a few weeks ago Who Changed Life,
And then yeah, everyone commented on just how hot it is.

Speaker 6 (57:19):
Yeah, I Movement desensitization reprocessing. I recommend it for two reasons.
Number one is you can do four sessions of e
M d R and really work through something, whereas talk
therapy can just be never ending, never never ending. And
the second is it's more cost effective, Like you can

(57:40):
literally find you an e M d R specialist, do
four sessions and you will actually metric like you will
be able to see the change in your life. And
it's not through thinking through things. I think like a
lot of us prioritize our rational mind, logical mind. I'm
going to think through it. I'm going to talk through
why my mom left. I'm going to talk through it,
and you can. But there's a certain somatic healing and

(58:01):
that's what EMDR is that happens without you thinking through it,
which I think is helpful. So anyway, in the fear
was what if I never become a mother? And so
instead of running from it in the sessions, I would
magnify it, blow it up, make it big, and run
right into it like a wave. And I was like,
on the other side, it wasn't that scary for me, Like,

(58:21):
I don't if God finds it for me to have
a child, absolutely, but if I never have a child
from my own body, I'm still a mother Number one.
Number two, I'm still valuable, I'm still worthy, and I
have so many things to birth right, so many things
to birth into this world. And then also I started
to think maybe a part of my purpose is to

(58:44):
express motherhood differently. Look at how many the foster cares are.
They're full, Yeah, okay, so many children who need care,
who need support. Why do I feel like, well, there
was a certain part of me is like is it
just the ego thing where I feel like I only
care so much if it's mine. So that's where I
am right now. I'm exploring what care motherhood looks like
in all the ways I can express it right now

(59:05):
because I just felt like this journey like chasing motherhood
was like killing me. It was killing me spiritual, mentally, physically,
and I just was like, I'm I refuse to do
this to myself anymore, Like anything in my life that
I've had to do all this for something is telling
me you need to shift, You maybe need to look elsewhere.
And that's what I decided, was like.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
That's beautiful.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
And I think that women innately just think I'm supposed
to have kid because it's on the checklist. Yeah, no, bitch,
you should really just didn't think about it.

Speaker 6 (59:38):
You I work with women, so I hear stories all
the more I think about it, the more I go.
I don't know, maybe maybe it's a blessing in disguise,
because look how hard it is for mothers right now.
Nobody has support. There's no maternal health care, there's no
maternal leave. Like you know, women, I hear it all

(59:58):
the time, Like, I'm not all one of those women
that will be like nobody told me it could be hard.
I am exactly the opposite. I have heard the realities.
Your nipples hurt, is that you know all the things
that can happen. So I'm not naive, you know, I think.
So that's why I'm I'm just gonna make the best
of it whatever. That's the only way I know how
to deal with life. Otherwise that she gets dark and

(01:00:20):
it's just like you feel out of control. So what
can I control? I can control my perspective on the situation,
and my perspective is I'm divinely guided and protected always
at all times. So whatever is in my life, it
is supposed to be in my life.

Speaker 4 (01:00:33):
Amen, period, period.

Speaker 6 (01:00:34):
Okay, So if anybody's looking for a mom.

Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
That's beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Yeah, I really appreciate you sharing that and being like transparent,
and it happens so much. There's so many women who
are gonna benefit from hearing you speak like that and
change their perspective and just like look at the fear
and magnify it so that you can really like embody
and say, is it really that motherfucking scary or I'm
telling myself that it's scary.

Speaker 6 (01:01:04):
And there's grief either way.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 6 (01:01:05):
That's what I just talked about in the video I
was talking about Tracy Ellis Ross was talking about her
grief from not having a partner and not having children.
There's grief either way. If you have children, you're gonna
grieve the live you lost. If you don't, you're gonna
grieve all the what ifs. Like there's grieving. And so
instead of trying to run from something that can bring
me grief, I'd rather be in a position to manage

(01:01:26):
the grief regardless.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
And this shit's gonna happen no matter what, whether it's this,
this or that. How are you managing with life in general?
Because it's not always going to be roses and flowers,
but it can be if your the ability to just
go through things and stay up is there. And I
think people like change, like forget that. That's what this
life is about. It's like finding peace and whatever whatever

(01:01:50):
God gives you.

Speaker 5 (01:01:51):
Essentially, I think definitely finding the peace. And also, like
you said that you were trying to create a child
from a place of lack, your body will follow suit
in that as well, like truly, so you know. And
and that's not to say that, oh, now you live
in abundant life and now you're at peace and now
suddenly you're.

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
Gonna have a baby.

Speaker 5 (01:02:09):
That's not that's that might not be the case either,
But I but wouldn't you rather live in that frequency?
Like wouldn't you rather create life in that frequency. Wouldn't
you rather accept that maybe in this lifetime you won't
create life in that frequency?

Speaker 2 (01:02:21):
Right? You know?

Speaker 6 (01:02:22):
And that's kind of like what it is. I know
you guys are very spiritual too, and I feel like
I've been communicating with my there's two it's a boy
and a girl spirit children for years and I I
where I am now are my spiritual journeys. I get
this sense that they will only enter the earth through
my body with a very specific set of circumstances, and
if it's not up to their standard, they're.

Speaker 2 (01:02:44):
Not doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:45):
Not coming.

Speaker 6 (01:02:45):
I feel like they came and peeked around a few
times and they were like, Noah, no, Mom, get together.
And so I agree, I'd rather be in that vibration.

Speaker 5 (01:02:53):
Like regardless, how is your husband, I guess supported you
through the grief and this process.

Speaker 6 (01:03:00):
He has so much faith. Like that's one thing that
I love about him and his family, Like his mom
is one of those like praying Grandma's Like, you know
she going and pray over you. That's okay, baby, she
gonna encourage you. And like that's another reason why he
latched on and did so well with Khaled, because Calid
speaks like that, like that like Ace knows how to

(01:03:21):
speak things into existence, and he's very encouraging. He never worried.
I'm like, you're not worried, No, no, can you at
least indulge make me feel like I'm not fucking crazy?
But he I'm like, I think it's a little easier too.
I tell him this also, I think it might be
a little easier for him. Number one, it's not his body.
He's he's a man, and he has to like like
you can look at them like sailor will come down

(01:03:43):
the stairs and you'll see like you have one already.
But to him, in his mind, he's like, I have
no doubt in my mind, no doubt. And he prays
a lot and he does like womb massages and stuff
like that. Wow, he's a gem. One thing. I really
looked up with a torus man, a healed tourist man,
because they love being married. He loves being married.

Speaker 4 (01:04:05):
Like emphasis unhealed healed.

Speaker 5 (01:04:07):
Yeah, because we were just talking about it, were just
talking about unhealed towards men yesterday.

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (01:04:11):
Stubborn, so stubborn.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
She's like, I'm sorr, I'm whispering probably heard it on
the mic.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
I know that, Yeah, yeah, and shout out to the
men that loved being married and loved being husbands and like,
are he's.

Speaker 6 (01:04:30):
A lover voice mine aries, that's what you said.

Speaker 5 (01:04:34):
Yeah, I feel like Scorpio Taurus, those two signs, I think,
because they're the opposite unhealed, are very.

Speaker 6 (01:04:42):
I've heard dangerous.

Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
I'm a Scorpio, I'm a Scorpios.

Speaker 6 (01:04:48):
You got isn't that the stinger? You got the stinger right?

Speaker 4 (01:04:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:04:51):
By scorpio that has like committed to doing no work
is actually a demonic, Like it couldn't really be a scary.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Time for they can really.

Speaker 5 (01:05:02):
Yeah, I've experienced it on the other end, not necessarily
me because I'm perfect, but the men that I've dated,
who my partner now is a Scorpio and he's like amazing.

Speaker 6 (01:05:11):
To Scorpios, how is that going?

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Amazing?

Speaker 5 (01:05:14):
And but before that, I was with a Scorpio and
so that was a different dynamic and we fed each other,
we fed each other in different ways.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
It was very sexually driven and like that was what
was there. But emotionally, like you know, like it's it
can be very very scary.

Speaker 5 (01:05:30):
So I think, like you said like a healed Turus man,
And I think you know Taurus is they do.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
They love home life. They love like.

Speaker 5 (01:05:39):
They like a foundation, they like structure, like they really
like to feel in community with people.

Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
And especially your family. Yeah, so I think that's beautiful that.

Speaker 6 (01:05:48):
I know his mom used to get on him so
much when we first got married because she's like, you
just keep saying your wife all day, all day, say
my wife, my wife, my wife, my wife, Like just
say Sheila, just.

Speaker 4 (01:06:01):
All my life to say life, right.

Speaker 6 (01:06:04):
I'm like, I really love that, though. I feel like
that's half the battle because from my observation what I
see on the internet nowadays, I don't know what's the
batch of being going on.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
Now.

Speaker 6 (01:06:15):
I'm like, y'all, I hate women.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
That's why we need more men that are speaking out
about loving wives and loving like married life, loving being
a husband.

Speaker 6 (01:06:23):
Like I need more men to talk to their homeboys.

Speaker 4 (01:06:25):
Yeah, Like, please God, please help the men more.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Maybe as just some men's truth.

Speaker 6 (01:06:31):
Love your wife again all the time, like can we
get pow wow, y'all get together? Because like what's going on?

Speaker 5 (01:06:37):
Because I would say there are some really really powerful
male voices on the internet again that are speaking really
highly of women, and that is like I feel I've
seen that over the last i'd say, like a few
two years, and so I hope I'm hoping that the
men are. I know a lot of women are listening
to those men because I'm one of them. Like, yeah,

(01:06:58):
because because I don't think the old men are listening
to them.

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
Yeah, because men talking shit about women all day on
the internet. It's not the flex that you think it is,
my g at all. It makes you look immature, weak
and just like baby boy.

Speaker 5 (01:07:13):
You're disrespecting the source. Yeah, now everything is gonna be
fucked up for you.

Speaker 3 (01:07:17):
I always say this, and it's not a popular opinion,
but when you come, you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Don't just be with your homie.

Speaker 3 (01:07:22):
You don't want you come for the You come for
the divine feminine In this lifetime, I feel like, because
we're raising up and we're like remembering who we are,
it's not gonna be good for you if you keep
going in that round. Look what happened to Kevin Samon.
I knew you were say on Mother's Day weekend? Yes,
bit because I noticed it and I said, oh, look
at the goddesses. They did not like that ship. You

(01:07:45):
were a point he was cancerous. I don't even know
if there was a character, but he was. He was
doing no good. It's like those kind of people Andrew
Taits or whatever the name is there are. I don't
think that you this is the the error for you.
My gis not going to thrive, not at all, clearly,
not me saying that every time.

Speaker 2 (01:08:05):
Okay, before we get out of here, do you have
a horror story?

Speaker 6 (01:08:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:08:10):
Oh wait before the horse give affirmation and then tell
us your horror story.

Speaker 6 (01:08:15):
I love what is it? I love and accept myself
completely exactly as I am right now.

Speaker 3 (01:08:23):
I love and accept myself completely exactly as I am
right now.

Speaker 6 (01:08:30):
And the what is it?

Speaker 4 (01:08:32):
A horror?

Speaker 3 (01:08:32):
A horror story like when you're a highly horrory your husband,
it could be in your whole era whenever it's.

Speaker 6 (01:08:38):
Like thinking, I'm like, Dad, I need a good horror story.
I'm a what did you say you was a monogamous
monster or something?

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
What was it?

Speaker 6 (01:08:47):
That's what I am.

Speaker 4 (01:08:47):
I'm like, I'm a monogamous monster.

Speaker 6 (01:08:51):
But I do have a story about a retreat actually.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
Horse story.

Speaker 6 (01:09:03):
When I was doing we were doing before we started
doing retreats, we were doing day events, and so we
had this day event. It was like one hundred black
women in this beautiful chapel we rented out and they
were doing yoga and all these things, and this lady
just walks in and she's like, what is this? What
are you doing here? This is amazing. She's like, in la,
I don't see this many black women together or whatever

(01:09:25):
she was saying. I was like, really okay, and so
she's like, get my card. We got to work together.
And so she was like, have you ever thought about
doing retreats? I'm like that sounds cool, let's go. Okay.
She's like, want to co produce one. I'm like absolutely.
So she's like all right, I got the venue. There's
this place to have a good connection with everything. I'm like, okay, great,
and she's like, oh, but just so you know, it's

(01:09:46):
clothing optional. I'm like, how that gold work. I'm like,
let me think about that. I was like, that actually
goes with the theme, like.

Speaker 4 (01:09:53):
Our retreats are definitely clothing optional.

Speaker 6 (01:09:55):
I was like, you know, women accepting themselves being safe,
and since our retreats are just women, I'm like this
could be great. All right, wonderful. I'm going down we're planning.
We sold out the retreat and everything. And then Tasha
is my collaboration, She's my best friend and she works
at me too. She said, Sheila, this is not only
clothing option, this is a swinger's resar. I was like,

(01:10:16):
what excuse me? I got all these women coming here,
and then I'm like, what if they're offended? Oh my god,
are they gonna be safe?

Speaker 4 (01:10:23):
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (01:10:24):
I was so worried about the group. It turned out
to be it was Heito so where Yeah, And it
actually was the best retreat I have ever done to
this day.

Speaker 4 (01:10:37):
Wait, were there are other people there?

Speaker 6 (01:10:39):
Other? Yes, but we took over, like they took over
the whole It was mainly us. There were and oh.
At the same time, it actually was like divine for
the girls because at the same time they had like
some type of calendar competition thing that had like a
bunch of single men and a bunch of single women
like competing. So every night we like watch their show.

(01:11:02):
And then there was a bunch of guys there. I
don't know what went on because I was like the
mom or the field trip leader. They don't tell me anything.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
You're just hanging out.

Speaker 6 (01:11:12):
The most fun thing that was happening. The first night,
we were like, okay, so we're all going to the pool,
like it's again. We want to be very mindful. I'm
very very overprotective over women that come to retreat to
me because I feel like that's a big deal. You
know a lot of women are coming down their comfort
zone and everything. So I said, we're just going over
to visit the clothing optional size as a group if
you want to come, Da da da, And like the

(01:11:33):
whole the whole group, maybe only two people didn't go.

Speaker 4 (01:11:36):
They're like, well, we came this far.

Speaker 2 (01:11:37):
Share got back.

Speaker 6 (01:11:39):
Yeah, one hundred black women just naked, Like oh, like
is that your c section scar?

Speaker 4 (01:11:46):
It was one hundred women YEAHO, And you didn't know.

Speaker 6 (01:11:48):
It was like I kind of underestimated. I thought it
was just like like you can be on the beach
clothing optional if you want, And then it was like, oh,
it's a little bit more than that. But it was.
It was such a fun retreat. It was so freeing.
If I could do, I want to do more nude retreats.
But I just feel like social media came a long

(01:12:10):
way since then, and there's like everybody's recording all the time,
even when you think you're not. Do you guys worry
about that?

Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
We do know.

Speaker 5 (01:12:17):
Our retreats are typically at private places, like we take
over the whole ship, so there's there's nobody there.

Speaker 3 (01:12:25):
But I mean we'll have We've had conversations like, hey, like,
don't post anybody in any way that you wouldn't want
to be posting, even if you would, like bitch, don't
post anybody.

Speaker 6 (01:12:34):
Nick even that, just to be out of the guys
like or under the gaze all the time and nobody's watching.
Like it was. It was dope. I actually want to produce.
If you produce nude retreats, I want to produce another one.

Speaker 3 (01:12:47):
Yeah, I mean, And the thing is we never we
never advertise it that way, but when we get there,
I'm like, and my titties will be out.

Speaker 6 (01:12:56):
We had like tontrare workshop and everything.

Speaker 4 (01:12:58):
It was so at the heat of treat retreat, I'm like,
I want to go. We hired the dance tree, this
plast Jamaica retreat.

Speaker 3 (01:13:07):
We hired to we have like sexy men greet the
women with joints and drinks.

Speaker 4 (01:13:11):
So oiled up, you know, because what else. It's a
good vibes thing.

Speaker 3 (01:13:17):
And these guys that we found, they're like, we can
come back because we have some dance moves, because yeah,
we do this, we're from Heato.

Speaker 4 (01:13:22):
I'm like, makes so much more sense.

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
And the way they were dancing like.

Speaker 4 (01:13:29):
That was the actual move.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
God sits your ass.

Speaker 4 (01:13:35):
Down somewhere, but not.

Speaker 3 (01:13:37):
Yeah, I think people underestimate, Like I always say this, like,
nudity is definitely a like being unclothed is always like
a like I don't know how to say, like it
it represents how naked you can get in like truly
with yourself, how vulnerable you could be. Like we're so
used to being clothed, we're so used to wearing avatars,

(01:13:58):
like showing up a certain but you're naked, You're just
out here.

Speaker 4 (01:14:02):
So it's like it does require.

Speaker 3 (01:14:04):
A certain amount of like it's healing, vulnerabile, it is healing,
it's super he just in your skin.

Speaker 2 (01:14:09):
Just going skinny dipping.

Speaker 5 (01:14:10):
I mean, so many of the women in our I've
seen like the evolution of their nudity throughout like the
Seven Day Retreat where it's like okay, like she's like
wearing a bathing suit for the first time.

Speaker 4 (01:14:20):
Okay, like she.

Speaker 5 (01:14:21):
Took her top off for five minutes and then like
day three, okay, she's about as naked at the pool
all right. Day four now she's working by the kitchen.
Now she's eating a full meal nude. Okay, we've all
we've like this the evolution and then like there's just
it does it?

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
There's like this freeing, this freeing.

Speaker 6 (01:14:41):
Have you lived? You have not lived unless to me
you just been but booty naked eating some what's the fry?
Don't make Jamaica festival? It is amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:14:52):
I recommend it was just naked eating the festival or
it was our gasmic.

Speaker 6 (01:14:57):
It's amazing.

Speaker 4 (01:15:01):
Do we need to do a clap?

Speaker 3 (01:15:02):
I might have to go back to Heito, bitch. Really,
I tried to buy a day pass. They don't have those,
so no, I still haven't gone. So one of these
days I'm going to Heato, even.

Speaker 6 (01:15:12):
Though I feel like it depends on who's there. Yeah,
whoever's there makes the whole experience.

Speaker 3 (01:15:18):
If anyone has a heat a hook up, call me
Mandy oh right right, right, of course she does hosts
me all the hook.

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Out to Mandy b We love her, we do.

Speaker 4 (01:15:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:30):
Okay, so where can we get your book.

Speaker 6 (01:15:34):
You can find my book everywhere books are sold. It's
called Unruly And you can follow me on Instagram at
the Sila Marie. I'm on TikTok at the Sila Marie
and you can buy me a Sela Marie.

Speaker 4 (01:15:46):
Dot com beautiful. Yeah, thank you so much for coming
to thank chat with us.

Speaker 6 (01:15:53):
And I hope you guys get some rest after tomorrow.

Speaker 4 (01:15:56):
Definitely will definitely it's a must.

Speaker 6 (01:15:58):
Okay, get some rest and you y'.

Speaker 5 (01:16:00):
And y'all know where to find us at Good Mom's
Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you subscribe to
our podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, and if you
are on YouTube, subscribe to our YouTube channel and check
out our retreat, the Good Vibe Retreat. We have a
couple's retreat coming up in June.

Speaker 2 (01:16:15):
We have a few spots left. So if you have
a lover, whether it's a new.

Speaker 5 (01:16:18):
Relationship that you know you're trying to build the foundation,
this is a beautiful place to really, you know, find
your on your non negotiables, build your contracts with your lover,
do sexy things, or maybe you're deep deep into your
relationship and you need a little you spice it up,
reignite it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:34):
Come join us in Costa Rica in June.

Speaker 5 (01:16:36):
And then if you're like I don't have a lover,
I just got me and I need to work on me,
then come to our women's retreat in Costa Rica in
July and August. We have two dates and those retreats
are almost sold out, so make sure you check it
out at the Good Vibe Retreat.

Speaker 4 (01:16:50):
And I love you, love you, thank you for joining us.

Speaker 7 (01:16:54):
HI say, yeah, I'm living it so good, can't you sound?
I went through a drought.

Speaker 6 (01:17:01):
That's until I found out, Well may my have been
known earth.

Speaker 7 (01:17:03):
I used to be broke as hell, Now got the
blues in incer like Beyonce Jasell throat shot or Pop
in his car wearing our voices. Patriarch get kept it
in the box to exploit its women put the pee
in power. So it's pointingss. They want me to be good,
So I made bad choices.

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
Bad mom.

Speaker 6 (01:17:19):
Not a bad mom, but a bad mom. Fitter's in
on thet Cannabis in.

Speaker 7 (01:17:23):
Their bathbone walked in bossus cap and I blew his
cat ball hot dog.

Speaker 6 (01:17:27):
Now I'm immune to.

Speaker 7 (01:17:28):
The cat called Herbie and the waisted straight to it
like a dollar sign.

Speaker 4 (01:17:31):
Mother, rent the number.

Speaker 7 (01:17:32):
When two, it looks like a water summer where you're
rent the winter essential will when the summertime.

Speaker 6 (01:17:37):
I do what doll ain't know when I need to
run it by

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Hosts And Creators

Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

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