October 28, 2025 • 37 mins
From breaking up with your phone to breaking into better habits, our back-half S3 recap episode brings together the most practical, powerful, and personal moments from recent episodes of Grown-Up Stuff. Hosts Lea Palmieri and Matt Stillo revisit highlights on phone addiction, advocating for yourself at work, nutrition, sober curiosity, meditation, and life insurance—all the stuff that makes adulting a little more manageable (and a lot more meaningful). Whether you're catching up or just need a refresher, this episode is your one-stop-shop for grown-up wisdom, minus the overwhelm.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Ruby.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi, I'm Leah pel Mary and I'm Matt Stillow and welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
To grown up stuff.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Matt, I've come to the end of the season.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I know, I know, say it ain't so it's so
sad because I feel like I've learned so much this
latter half of the season.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
So much, and I think that you've done a better job.
I'm going to say this right off the bat. You've
done a better job of actually implementing the things that
we've learned, whereas I've done a really good job of
learning them and then just thinking about them but not
actually implementing them into my life.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
But like feeling superior than most people because you know.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
That always always, you know this about me always.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, But I mean I got to say, like, not
only have I implemented, I've been like berating my friends
into joining me.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Oh, you know, implementing and bullying.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And bullying yeah, yeah, both of them. I've been showing
basically everyone who will talk to me about like the
phone stuff, because I've implemented so much from our anti
phone episode nine I phone, but our you know, maybe
it was an antiphone episode, but are just lessening with
the impact of a phone in Our Lives episode, I
don't have any apps on my home screen. I use
this brick application that basically like makes my phone sort
(01:16):
of useless come bedtime, and people have been really intrigued
by it, and I've actually challenged one of my friends
to like try out getting rid of all their homescreen
apps and maybe using this app, And a lot of
people really have said it's brought a lot back into
their lives, which was our expert Catherine was. Her entire
point was replace phone time with things that you miss
about your life, and it's bitterally really positive.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Nothing on your end though, just knowing and not doing well.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
As you mentioned.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
We spoke with author, journalists and speaker Catherine Price about
this and she had a lot of amazing tips.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
So what I would say is, I have.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Any algorithm has clocked this pun intended. I thought very
much about buying an alarm clock so that I don't
need my phone, But unlike you, I have instead continued
to scroll in bed and not made my phone useless,
but made me useless.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
So I have not.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Implemented in the way that Catherine would be proud of me.
But you know what we are all learning, growing and
evolving adults, and so there's still time for.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Me to get there.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And as most of the experts that we've had on
the show would say, is there's no shame, there's no blame.
There's only taking steps in the right direction, one step
at a time, and for you, I think knowing is
a good first step.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Thank you so much. As the Internet likes to say,
we listen and we don't judge, but I do judge.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I judge myself.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Just to be clear, I do judge. Okay, well we
don't we certainly, we're all so proud of you. But
without further ado, today we're talking about our favorite moments
throughout the latter half of the season. We're going to
be playing a couple of clips from each episode and
really talking about how they may or may not have
impacted our lives exactly.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
That we.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Should.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
We kick it off with Catherine Price, who was the
first guest for the latter half of this season, and
she is going to help us learn how to minimize
our screen time and listen up for everybody who is
on the map path who is really going to implement
this into their lives. And then if you're on the leapath,
you're going to think about it sometimes, let's do it.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
I don't feel like I have a relationship with my laptop.
I don't feel like I have a relationship with the
microphone I'm using to talk to you guys, but I
do have a relationship with my phone. And so that
led to me thinking, wouldn't it be interesting to just
ask people to write an actual breakup note to their phone?
And what I discovered when people did that is they started,
you know, with this kind of playful tone, but often
their notes got very deep and vulnerable and profound really quickly.
(03:52):
There was something about fully embodying the idea that you
are in a relationship with the phone and you need
to break up with it that led people to express
themselves in ways that I don't think that they would
have if I just said, give me a bullet pointed
list of five reasons you want to cut back on
your screen time for anyone listening, If you just want
to play around with any of these ideas, you might
want to just like, instead of scrolling through your phone
(04:13):
tonight before bed, put it in the other room, and
then spend ten minutes writing a breakup note to your phone.
And ask yourself things like what do you love about
your relationship with your phone? Why did you get in
a relationship with your phone to begin with? When does
it feel good? But then also like what's annoying about
your phone? What makes you mad about your phone? What
has your phone done to you? Your phone hopefully will
never read this letter, so you don't have to worry
(04:33):
about its feelings. Our phones are deliberately packed with dope
imine triggers to get us to want to spend time
on our phones. You can fight back by doing things
like adjust your settings so it's really easy to toggle
between black and white and color. You don't want to
have to go into the settings to do that. You
want to make it easy where you just hit the
side button three times and it will go back and forth.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Experiment with that for a couple days.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
It is amazing how much less appealing the screen is
if it's in black and white. Also clean up your
home screen, you know, like most people just have all
their apps on their home screen in the order in
which they were downloaded and in the order in which
they just happened to appear when you got your phone.
You have control over that, so my home screen on
my phone is actually entirely empty. I want anything on it, Yeah,
(05:15):
I just have there's the app library, and then if
I want to open an app, I just pull down
the search bar and I search for the app. And
going back to Matt your point about mindfulness, it's because
I want to be intentional about using an app. I
want to open the app because I had a thought, Oh,
I want to do X on my phone, and so
I'm opening the app to do that. I don't want
(05:35):
to have it be Oh. I just am kind of
like looking for something to do in this moment, and
I turned to my phone and there's the Instagram icon
or whatever it is. Make your phone boring is basically
the message here.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Okay, Matt, so what are you thinking? How has your
relationship with your phone changed since we spoke with Catherine.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
I love the piece that she has about mindfulness because
I really do feel like, even before we talked with Catherine,
I've been trying over the last year or so to
be more mindful with my phone. And you know, sometimes
I'm on the subway in New York and I'll just
look up and I'm just seeing everyone's staring into their
phone and it's all fine, you know, it's not like
everyone on the subway knows each other. But part of
me like has this thought, like what are we missing
(06:14):
by just being so sucked into the phone? Are we
missing community? Are we missing our friends, our family? The
things that we enjoy doing? And so I really took
what she said to heart, and I think that I've
been examining my relationship with a lot of things in
my life, and I do think that overwhelmingly the phone
was bringing negative things into my life. I had news
notifications blasting me at all hours of the day, getting
(06:36):
stressed out about things that I have no control over,
spending too much time on social media. That really, like,
I was just thinking, like is this bringing me joy?
Do I enjoy this? I've been posting on social media
less and being on social media lesson and yeah, I've
been reading more and going out into the world more
and hanging out with my friends more. And it's difficult
because I think in this society everyone is just like
(06:57):
is it real unless it happens on the internet, unless
you're posting about it. And maybe they're right and I'm wrong,
but I just feel like, personally, I've gotten so much
more back by giving myself more time and my phone
less time. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
That's what matters.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I just have this vision of you in my mind
entering the subway, no phone and just like shaking hands
with everybody and greeting everybody in the subway car because
you're like, I'm not going to look at my phone today,
which you'll make some new friends and some frenemies, I
would say, but more power too.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
I feel the moment when I know that dopamine is
kicking in where I know like, okay, this is just
giving my brain those chemicals of like.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Do I have likes? And I also know exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
The moment when I've just been scrolling for way too
long when my brain is like can you stop? And
so I've been trying to just pay better attention to
that moment and also not even get to that moment
so that I'm not having those brain chemicals good and
bad mess up my sleep, my day, my mood, all
of it.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
That takes me back to the mindful. I think it's
just great that you're aware of it. I've had those
moments in my life too, where I feel it's almost
like a control thing. It's like, I have this urge,
this desire to want to do something, and I'm like,
why do I so feel this way? And as Catherine
talked about it, they make the phones that way, you know,
they build all these dopamine addictive tools into them, and
that's why we feel that way. So even just that
(08:19):
first step of mindfulness is really great.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
You know, Matt.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I think for you, being able to separate yourself from
your phone more is something that you should add to
your YA folder.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I should, And we're going to learn a lot about
the YA folder because this next episode we're going to
hear from Jessica Chen, who's a world renowned author of
the book Smart Not Loud, How to Get Noticed at
Work for all the Right reasons, and who travels around
the world talking to executives about how they can more
effectively communicate. And we wanted to talk to her because
we thought it was really important to have an episode
(08:50):
about advocating for yourself at work. I think there's actually
just a New York Times article the other day talking
about job hugging or in this period of work where
the job market can be really really tough. Yes, And
I think that that can actually that and a lot
of other things can intimidate people against speaking out about themselves,
their accomplishments, what they want, maybe getting a raise, and
so we really wanted to talk about how to sort
(09:11):
of reclaim that power and advocate for yourself in the workplace.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
The thing about Jessica is that she not only had
amazing tips, but she also has amazing energy. And when
we left that conversation, I really felt like I could
run through a wall. I was like, I could do
anything right now. Instead of running through a wall, I'm
going to advocate for myself at work and put together
my AA folder and put together a nice document of
my wins and my accomplishments and the things I'm really
proud of myself for. But she just made me feel
(09:36):
so empowered and so capable. And some of the things
that she mentioned were I don't want to say obvious,
but it's stuff that we like know and you just
need somebody, like a nice friend to nudge you and
remind you that you are that girl.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
It's so true. I just remember feeling kind of like alone,
especially in my first few big boy jobs in New
York City, Like you know, just navigating difficult bosses and
employee relationships and feeling like I was just happy to
be there and like I'll take whatever abuse possible. You know,
it's not right. And I think that having that friend,
as you spoke about, someone who can just tell you
(10:11):
you're valuable. Yeah, you're there for a reason, and tabulating
that value that you bring to the company and really
advocating for yourself is just the best step forward. It's
going to get you far ahead in your career than
if you were to stay quiet. And so I'm looking
forward to a couple of our favorite quotes from Jessica.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That's correct and you know what this one is for
you people pleasers, So enjoy some tips on how to
advocate for yourself at work with Jessica Chen.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
Go into your inbox and create a folder and call
it your yay folder. And anytime you do some amazing
work somebody says great job, congratulations, you secured that deal
or whatever. Right, you take that email and you drag
it into this yay folder so that when you know
performance review comms or when you are now asking for
(10:53):
what you want, you have evidence and documentation of the
amazing work that you're doing, which gives you more ability
to ask for.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
What you want.
Speaker 6 (11:03):
When people tend to feel very intimidated about speaking up,
I tend to say, if you can speak up earlier
in a meeting, it's better than speaking up later. And
the reason why is because oftentimes, when we sit in
this meeting, five minutes go by, ten minutes go by,
fifteen minutes go by, and all of a sudden, the
meeting's over and you never said a thing. There's something
(11:23):
really powerful about being early and saying something. And again,
it doesn't have to be that brilliant fireworks of an idea.
It can be just you saying something. But the idea
is using your voice early in a meeting gets you
comfortable to use it later on in a meeting. So
I think that's a huge barrier that once we can
overcome that early on, it makes it easier to then
(11:45):
kind of be and feel like you're a part of
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Matt, you love a meeting because you know what, You're
so social and you have so many friends, and so
I know you walk into every room and you're just like, hello,
my people.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yes, I actually think I need to learn the value
of showing at the beginning of a meeting, sometimes I'll
just start talking. But I do think it's a really
great point that, especially when you're new, right when you're
in a new environment, you've got a new boss and
new coworkers, it can be really difficult to say your mind,
you're not really sure what the culture is or whatever.
You don't want to have a foot and mouth moment.
But I think it's really like negating why you're there
(12:19):
in the first place. Right, the company hired you because
you do bring value, you do have a skill set,
and sometimes it takes a few bad ideas out the
gate to get towards a good idea. And sometimes I
actually think that being vulnerable in front of people you
work with is a really human moment and can bring
people closer together. But more than anything, I think that
in the days and weeks, it can be like, oh, yeah,
(12:39):
I did that this week, I did that this week.
But in the months and years it can get like unwieldy,
like things that you accomplished or things that you did.
Sometimes I'll look back on my YA folder and be like, oh, right,
I totally forgot about all of these things. And so
if it's been two years or three years since you've
gotten a raizor of promotion, Having that YAE folder to
look back on on all the things you accomplished is
(13:00):
super super important because that all becomes fodder for the
argument that you make to get a raise or to
get a promotion. So I just think it's a brilliant
thing that everyone should be doing, keeping little notes and
tabs on all the accomplishments.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, and you know what, no task is actually too small.
Like yesterday I wrote a killer Instagram caption for work,
and I was like, I gotta remember to add this
to my ya folder because I actually am very proud
of myself for this copywriting that I just did write here.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
So like, there are absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Ways to look at even small tasks from different angles
and feel really proud of yourself and feel like it's
feeding your soul. But when it comes to feeding your body, Matt,
what do we have up next?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Those are great transitions. I also just wanted to say,
sometimes the small things can get overlooked. But like put
you in charge of like social but they don't realize
that not only that means that you're like curating posts,
but like you have to be a copywriter too, you
know what I mean? And I think a lot of
people will like overlook that, and so to even make
notes of the small things that you're doing and the
big things have this cumulative effect of just how powerful
(14:02):
you are as a worker. But yes, speaking of feeding
your body, that's right. For our next episode, we talked
to registered dietitian nutritionists, which we learned a lot about
those roles and what makes them up. We talked to
Melissa Joy Dobbins, who is the host of the sound
Bites podcast, about one of my favorite topics that is
much debated about online nutrition.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
You were very excited about this one, and you knew
your stuff, but you also came very ready to learn.
And she had some really amazing tips and just like
a different perspective and like really insightful things to share
with us about all the stuff we're just shoving in
our bodies.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, let's take a listen to Melissa.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
I used to be a supermarket dietitian, so I always
try to get people to take a step back and say, Okay,
this is the food, what are the good nutrients it provides, protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals,
and what are the nutrients we want to limit, like
total calories, saturated fat, sodium, and sugar and just kind
of find the best tasting product within those choices as well,
(15:04):
because taste is important. Research shows the taste is a
number one reason that people purchase foods, and we can't
ignore that. Right first, I suggest tracking your intake, piece
of paper and app however you want to do it.
See where you are, think about what your goals are
and where you think you could make some improvements. Everybody
could do better by getting more produce in any form
(15:27):
and more fiber. But see where your maybe empty calories are,
or are you hungry at certain times of the day.
Do you need to shift some protein earlier in the day.
What do you want to work on and what do
you think would be a realistic goal for you. Anytime
you do something drastic, it's really hard to maintain that,
and only the changes that are able to be sustainable
(15:51):
are going to improve your health. And don't try to
make too many changes at once. Just start slow, go slow,
and maybe work on one thing at a time. I
will say a lot of people don't know that when
you're looking at that equation of diet and exercise, diet
is the driver for weight loss. Exercise is the driver
(16:11):
for weight loss and maintenance. So a lot of people
get frustrated. They're like going to the gym, or they're running,
or they're lifting weights, or they're doing you know, the
strength training, you know whatever, and they're not seeing any
improvements on their weight. Exercise has a lot of wonderful qualities.
I want people to exercise because it makes them feel better,
It helps them manage stress, it's something fun. I do
(16:34):
karate and ballet personally, Oh, do something fun. But don't
get discouraged if it's not helping you lose weight. It
is helping your body composition, it's helping with maintaining muscle
mass and decreasing fat mass. But if you're looking for
weight loss, it's really looking at where those extra calories
in your diet are coming from.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Matt, you know, I was actually thinking about Melissa and
you the other day because it got to dinner time
and I was like, Oh, what am I going to have?
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Well?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
What did I already eat today?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
And I was like, I am so silly for not
remembering to be keeping track of what I'm eating, because
then that helps me and shows me to balance out
when it's time for dinner, Like, oh, you know, I
didn't have a salad today, or like I didn't get
enough protein today, or maybe I can have a little
treat after dinner too, because you know what, I've been
really good today. So I think that I've just got
(17:25):
to be better about tracking what I'm eating throughout the day,
because who can remember it by five o'clock and then
really helping myself to balance out exactly what I'm ingesting.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yeah, and I'm a big tracking person too, But I
just want to say that I know plenty of people
who are really against calary cunning or tracking their food
or whatever, and I totally respect, especially for some people
can be kind of like triggering or make something about
maybe their parents was something that they wanted them to
do and made them feel bad about themselves. And what
I took away from Melissa and what I've taken away
from my own journey is really it's just that awareness. Right,
(17:57):
If you can bring more awareness to the kind the
foods you're eating, to the ingredients that are in those foods,
that's just the first step of assessing where you're at.
You know, one thing that I do is I track
how much I weigh, which, again I think a lot
of people maybe aren't into that, but for me, it's
just another piece of information. Like yesterday I thought I
over ate a little bit and you know, stepped on
the scales morning realized I did. And that's just information
(18:19):
I'm taking with me about thinking about what I'm maybe
gonna eat today. I'm gonna try to be a little
bit better today. My wife has been gone for like
a month, and so she's really really good about making
sure that we're eating like super healthy, nutritious food and
making sure that I don't work too much. And when
she's gone, I work too much, and then I don't
eat good food, and so at work up and eating
what I like trick myself into thinking is healthy. It's
like a breakfast burrito. So there's some like potatoes and
(18:41):
veggies and beans, legumes. Those are really good, but it's
wrapped in this gigantic tortilla that's like so many carbs.
And so even just having that mindfulness of you know, today,
like I shouldn't be eating so many carbs. I want
to actually eat some more vegetables and some more beans
and maybe some more protein. So maybe today I'm gonna
get a salad with some protein that's kind of what
I think about as mine, but some incredible information from Melissa.
(19:03):
I encourage everyone to go back and listen to her
episode and just bring a little bit more mindfulness into
what we're putting in our bodies every day, because when
we talk about ultraprocessed foods, how that has infiltrated the
American diet, and just some tips and tricks on how
to think about those.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I love that you have brought a very data and
analytical mindset to your nutrition, whereas I have brought yumminess
only mindset to it.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
So I very much applaud you. We'll be right back
after a quick.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Break, and we're back with more grown up stuff. How
do I don't.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
One of the things we didn't really even get into
with Melissa is alcohol, and that is a huge thing
that affects our bodies in so many ways.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
But luckily we did.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Dive into it in the next episode where we discussed
being sober, curious and doing some mindful drinking. So for
this one, we spoke with Derek Brown, who is a
hospitality consultant, a wellness coach, a mindful drinking advocate, and
an author, and he had such amazing things to say,
like he really opened my mind to this in a
(20:19):
way where like, whether you're practicing mindful drinking or not,
hearing about the benefits is really inspiring and I think
really motivating if this is something that you do want
to explore.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Yeah, I've said it before in the show, but so
much of what we talk about is really just about
awareness and mindfulness. It's another thing where it's not about
necessarily tracking, but like just even kind of like stepping
back and having a moment going how much I've I've
been drinking this last week, this last day, this last month,
and has that been a good or bad thing? And
if it's been a good things making you more social,
you feel like you're going out with friends more, maybe
(20:49):
it's totally fine if you're like keeping it within its limits.
For me, I've had that same approach, just stepping back
and thinking about my relationship with alcohol, and I've found
that it's really not bringing that much to it. And
I actually loved what Derek says in this episode about mindfulness.
And so let's go ahead and listen to a couple
of our favorite clips in this episode. Great.
Speaker 7 (21:10):
In twenty eighteen, Ruby Warrenton wrote a book called sober curious,
which kind of gave us this term, right, and it's
exactly as it sounds. It's not that you are sober
in the sense that you don't drink alcohol.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Ever.
Speaker 7 (21:21):
Again, it's somebody who's curious about why they drink. And
so I like to put that term as well as sobriety,
as well as some of the other terms like soberish
that we hear under the rubric of mindful drinking. And
what mindful drinking really means is that we're drinking in
relationship to our goals and values, health or otherwise. It
(21:43):
means that we're taking a pause to think why do
we drink alcohol? And that's something that's happening as a trend,
but that is something that is just a good practice
in general. Let's start with asking yourself three questions and
put a journey in front of you, or take a
walk if you don't feel like writing it down, and
ask yourself, what is the ideal situation where I drink,
(22:07):
what is the best time, what are the worst times
that I drank?
Speaker 1 (22:11):
And how would I.
Speaker 7 (22:12):
Like to do it going forward? So it's comparing and
contrasting the experiences you've had, because certainly if you've had
good experiences and you feel like you can continue to drink,
not a problem at all. Continue to drink from there.
If you've decided that you can still drink alcohol and
you want to incorporate let's say no and low alcohol drinks,
I think there's a whole new world out there for you,
(22:32):
which is really exciting. And ultimately, I don't think it's
about what we give up. I think it's what we gain.
One of the struggles is that you go out and
maybe you're having a non acoholic beer or sipping water
or whatever, and somebody says, why aren't you drinking, And
all of a sudden, again you have to tell your
whole life story just to say, like, I'm just trying
to figure out whether I want a drink or not.
(22:53):
So I think to me, temporary absence months are a
great place to start. During dry January, sober October, or
you have the perfect cover. You said, I'm doing drid
J anywhere. I'm doing this challenge. I'm doing thirty days
to see if I can go without alcohol, and if
that works well for you, then maybe you want to
keep it going right or if that doesn't work well,
(23:13):
in the sense like you have a lot of trouble
doing it, then maybe that's a good signal to you
that you may need external help for this.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Matt, I got to tell you, every time I am
out at a bar or a restaurant, my eyes immediately
go to the non alcoholic section of the menu.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Now, yeah, they're everywhere. I've been like so pleasantly surprised
at like the breadth of places that carry these options.
I was in California a couple weeks ago. My brother
invited me to a bar. I didn't tell him that
I wasn't drinking, and then it was the first thing
I said when I showed up, and he goes, bro,
why didn't you tell me? And I was like, no, Actually,
it's okay because I think that they have non alcoholic
(23:50):
options here, which I'm totally cool with. And lo and
behold the bar that we met. I did and I
had a great non alcoholic beer, wonderful.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
I had am moctail last night.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And it was like regular juices like that I probably
have in my own refrigerator, but there was something about
it in a martini glass yeah, that I just was
savoring every sip.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
It actually was dolicious like, I.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Don't think I could put grenadine and pineapple juice and
orange juice together in a way that was this satisfying,
but like sipping it out of a martini glass made
me feel very fancy and not at all drunk, and
I was very happy about that result.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah, and you're not, if you listen to the episode,
going to be spending way less money. Not because these
are high quality ingredients that are crafted with all natural products.
Justifies the cost, as Derek went into in the episode.
But I think my favorite thing about what he said
is if it's you're re examining you think having a
sober lifestyle something that is for you and people are
(24:45):
giving you a hard time about it, just kind of
frame it as a challenge, like I'm trying the challenge,
trying to exercise myself and see what I can get
away with. And honestly, that's what Elena and I did.
We went like a month or two without drinking, and
then we went out with friends. We're like, oh, let's
get alcohol out of the house and only do what
we go out with friends. We went out with friends
and we woke up the next day after a couple drinks,
were like you know what, I don't feel that great,
maybe not, maybe not. We did that a few more
(25:07):
times until I realized that it's just not really for us,
and so it just comes back to mindfulness for me,
and I think that if you are having the same
kind of thoughts in your life, go ahead and listen
to Derek's episode. Grab his book which has a great recipe,
and I can now say for an old fashion which
was my favorite drink that is a non alcoholic option
and loved it. So get end of the episode, get
into the recipes.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I love it for just trying this out for a
select amount of time, and you're gonna see that you
feel like your sleep is clear, your skin is clear,
and your mind is clear. And when your mind is clear,
guess what, everything is better.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Sky's the limit.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
And you know what else helps you.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
To get your mind clear a little bit of meditation.
So let's talk about our next episode with Kaisonga Giscombe,
who was an incredible guest to talk about meditation with.
And if you haven't listened to it already, go back
and listen because there is a little meditation moment in there,
so you don't even have to like seek out a meditation.
You can do one just by listening to the episode.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
He's a voiceover artist in addition to his meditation teaching,
and you really hear why when you listen to the episode.
He is beautiful voice. It's a very very calming presence,
and you know what, I don't know why, but this
is the one thing that I know I need to
do more in my life. Is one thing that I
haven't really been able to implement this season, which is like,
I'm so mad at myself for doing because it's so easy.
(26:25):
He talks about how it's like kind of the first
thing you can do in the moment. You take five
minutes and just breathe. Right, Why is it so difficult
for me to do that.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Just one minute? Start with one minute and then you
work your way up from there.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
You can do it.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Please.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Of all the things we've learned this season, this is
definitely one you can start to implement.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I know, right, it seems like that this would be
the easiest. But anyway, let's take a second. Listen to
our interview with Kisanga and get into the meditation mood.
Speaker 8 (26:50):
If you think of a snow globe as your thoughts
or as your life, even and when you shake up
a snow globe, what happens? Everything is swirling, Yeah, it
goes all over, right, So that's kind of like how
your mind might be in any stressful moment. So what
mindfulness and meditation allows you to do is to just pause.
So if you put that snow globe down and you
(27:11):
just pause and you take a moment, what happens to
all of that that flurry?
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Letting it settle settles, let it come down.
Speaker 8 (27:19):
They don't get rid of it necessarily, but it settles it.
It brings some clarity to your space. And it's in
this clarity that you're able to gain some wisdom as
to what's going on, and then you're able to move
forward making more wise and appropriate decisions and choices. Oftentimes,
(27:41):
in stressful moments, we just react. So the idea with
mindfulness is bringing your full attention to each moment. Because
if I'm in the preseason workout and all I'm thinking
about is that championship, then how effective is that workout
really be if I'm not fully focused on it.
Speaker 5 (28:02):
Now.
Speaker 8 (28:02):
It doesn't mean that you have to forget about your goals.
In fact, I encourage my clients every so often look
at your goal, envision yourself getting that goal, use that
visualization technique, and then generally let it go and bring
your full attention back to the present moment. So oftentimes
we're in this autopilot mind state where again we're either
(28:23):
thinking about the future or ruminating about the past, but
our present moment experience is just passing us by, so
we're not experiencing fully life itself. So that's what mindfulness meditation.
It's really just designed to bring your full awareness to
right here and right now. Studies have shown that not
(28:44):
only does mindfulness and meditation stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system,
but it also repairs that part of the parasympathetic nervous
system that has been destroyed. So when I found that
particular piece out, I was blown away.
Speaker 9 (29:00):
I know.
Speaker 8 (29:00):
Like, for instance, taking a deep breath in through the
nose and now through the mouth, that acting of itself
stimulates the power sympathetic nervous system. That's why I oftentimes
when someone is stressed out, what do we say to them, Chill, chill,
take a deep breath. Yeah, right, But with meditation, not
only does it stimulate the power sympathetic nervous system, but
(29:21):
it also repairs the parts of the power of sympathetic
nervous system that has been damaged from chronic stress.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I especially loved the snow globe analogy there because that
really gave me the visualization of how important and impactful
doing just a little bit of meditating can actually be
on your mind and your body.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, it's such a perfect analogy. And sometimes I do
feel like my brain is that snow globe, where there's
just a thousand things going on at work, with my family,
with my friends, with my health, whatnot, and I do
really get caught up in it, and so taking a
moment to breathe and let everything settle. And even as
(30:05):
they say during meditation, like things come up, like thoughts
come up, and like the best thing to do is
to take another deep breath and too focus on your breath.
And I do think that eventually, I can't say that
I've experienced it, but I think eventually things settle, you know.
And Yeah, when your parasympathetic nervous system is relaxed, that's
a really healthy place to be. And I think it's
when we're so tight and wound up and so stressed
(30:26):
that all these really terrible health benefits come on like ulcers,
like stress, like anxiety, like depression, and so it's kind
of like that muscle that you could exercise to combat
all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Truly, Matt, We've said it before, but I'll say it again.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
You should listen to the episode if.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
You want to learn and really start to be incorporating
meditation into your daily life.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
It can be very simple.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
If you're making time for like a little duo lingo session,
you can make time for a little meditation session. But honestly,
just listen because his voice is so soothing and so calming,
and like that alone calmed my nervous system and that
was probably my favorite part of the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
But also there are wonderful tips in.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
There too, absolutely, and if meditation might bring that piece
and calm into your life, do you know what else will? Oh?
What life insurance?
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Okay, you know it's so funny, Matt, because actually this
episode that we did about life insurance with life insurance
advisor Dennis Carlson actually did give me peace of mind,
a very different kind than meditation, but it did give
me peace of mind and took a topic that seems
sort of like scary and overwhelming and big and hard
(31:33):
to understand, and kind of made it very basic and
very manageable, and he gave us a lot of ways
to take some action and really make sure that those
around us that love and care for us are set
up when we are not here anymore.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Yeah, he really simplified it because there are all these terms.
There's whole life, and there's term life, and there's all
these kind of variations. Those are just two. There's many more,
and you can kind of be like, man, not only
do I definitely need a life insurance, I don't even
know what kind of life insurance I need? Why are
there so many different kinds? But by breaking it down
with Dennis in this episode, I totally feel like I
(32:11):
got clarity on the issue and know that I need
to make some changes myself. So luckily, our enrollment is
around the corner and I am going to make some changes.
But let's find out how we can do it with Dennis.
Speaker 9 (32:26):
In a life insurance policy, you have three components. You
have the insured that's the person that if they pass away,
the death benefit goes somewhere. You have the beneficiary that's
who gets paid the death benefit. But you also have
the owner. The owner does not have to be the insured,
and the owner does not have to be the beneficiary.
So I mentioned this because often what we're doing is
with businesses, even small businesses. Perhaps it's what we call
(32:49):
a key person life insurance policy, and the beneficiary is
the business. Let's say your VP of sales brings in
a lot of money for the company. If they were
to pass away unexpectedly, that would be a financial burden
on the company, and they have an insurable interest in
the life of that key employee. So the company may
be the owner of that policy. The key employee is
(33:10):
the insured, but the company is also the beneficiary of
that policy, not an individual, but the company, like the
loc or the corporation themselves. When you're young and healthy,
that's the best time to buy a term insurance policy
because you're going to lock in those rates for whatever
term you purchase. And I think that's what gets missed
a lot is people think, oh, that's something i'll need
later in life, so I won't purchase a policy now.
(33:32):
And if you're gonna think that way, remember that I'm
fifty one. When you start to get into your forties
and fifties, things start to change. Right your health things
start to change. You might have heart palpitations or something
else that makes it a lot harder to get insurance
than it was in your thirties. So that's the main
thing I would say is just getting a policy in
place when you're young is a great building block. To
(33:53):
be clear, life insurance isn't for everyone. If you don't
have people who depend on you financially, you might not
need life insurance, like it might not be something you
should consider really first and foremost. If you're buying any
type of life insurance policy, whether that's permanent or term,
you should have some type of need for the actual
life insurance, for that death benefit, because somebody or an
organization something relies on you for income that would be
(34:17):
lost if you were to pass away.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Matt, to be totally honest with you, I went into
this episode about life insurance knowing nothing. Like if you
had asked me what do you know about it? I
would flat out tell you pretty much nothing. And Dennis
broke it down in a way that now I'm like,
I'm going to be shopping for a personal policy because
this is important to me. And so now I'm like,
I'm not saying I'm an expert, but compared to where
(34:41):
I came from and where I am now, I definitely
learned a ton from him here.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, totally. I basically understood concept of like, cool I die,
you know, I want to take care of my family, right,
even if my family isn't necessarily dependent upon me. I'd
like something good to come out of me dying, right.
So I think I knew that, and I do have
a policy through work, but I didn't really understand how
important it is to have your own personal life insurance policy, because,
as he'd mentions, the younger you are when you get it,
(35:06):
the better your rates could be, and you kind of
lock in that rate throughout your lifetime, you know. And
so I'm thirty five years old now and I don't
have a personal one. I just have one through my work, right,
And so he really made me think I should be
getting my own personal policy, and I should do it
sooner than later because I can lock in those rates
and I can carry it with me throughout my life
no matter what happens in my career. Although I did
(35:27):
also learn that you do have in most states in
the US a thirty one day period after you lose
your employment to making it portable or transferring it to
a personal policy, and so that's something that I'm also
going to look into how I might be able to
make that transition in addition to getting my own policy.
But there's a lot of other amazing tidbits in the
(35:48):
dentist episode, and he was just fantastic, so happy to
have him on.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Yeah, I saw a guy sucking on a cigarette yesterday
and I was like, well, that's going to affect your
life insurance policy, sir, So you might want to rethink
that habit. Yeah, so you'll think of about it all
the time now, whether you realize it or not.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Well, if we started the episode sad, now I'm even
more sad. I know truly is time to say goodbye
to grown up stuff season three. But we're going to
have a nice little respite in the winter of this
year and we'll be back from more before you know it.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
You know, I'm going to take this time to realize
all the stuff I don't know and make a list,
and I'm sure i won't be alone, and then it's
just going to open up a whole new world of
learning for us. And so I am very excited about that.
So Matt, thank you for taking this journey and learning
so much about our mind, body, and spirit.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Yeah, and it's not going to take long. I'm going
to wake up tomorrow morning and be like, oh right,
I don't know anything about this part of adult life.
And I'm sure you guys will all join us in
the sentiment. So we'll wish you all a wonderful winter
and we'll be back soon.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
And until next time, good luck being a grown up.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
This is a production of Ruby Studio for My Heart Media.
Our executive producers are Leopaul Mary and Matt Stillo.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
This episode was edited and engineered by Sierra
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Spreen, and we want to thank our teammates at Ruby Studio,
including Sarah You, Ethan Fixel, Raygus One, krasnov Lydia Kim,
Abby Aguilar Harper, Wayne, Celia Verplu, Deborah Garrett, and Andy Kelly.
Ruby.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi, I'm Leah pel Mary and I'm Matt Stillow and welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
To grown up stuff.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Matt, I've come to the end of the season.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I know, I know, say it ain't so it's so
sad because I feel like I've learned so much this
latter half of the season.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
So much, and I think that you've done a better job.
I'm going to say this right off the bat. You've
done a better job of actually implementing the things that
we've learned, whereas I've done a really good job of
learning them and then just thinking about them but not
actually implementing them into my life.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
But like feeling superior than most people because you know.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
That always always, you know this about me always.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, But I mean I got to say, like, not
only have I implemented, I've been like berating my friends
into joining me.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Oh, you know, implementing and bullying.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And bullying yeah, yeah, both of them. I've been showing
basically everyone who will talk to me about like the
phone stuff, because I've implemented so much from our anti
phone episode nine I phone, but our you know, maybe
it was an antiphone episode, but are just lessening with
the impact of a phone in Our Lives episode, I
don't have any apps on my home screen. I use
this brick application that basically like makes my phone sort
(01:16):
of useless come bedtime, and people have been really intrigued
by it, and I've actually challenged one of my friends
to like try out getting rid of all their homescreen
apps and maybe using this app, And a lot of
people really have said it's brought a lot back into
their lives, which was our expert Catherine was. Her entire
point was replace phone time with things that you miss
about your life, and it's bitterally really positive.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Nothing on your end though, just knowing and not doing well.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
As you mentioned.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
We spoke with author, journalists and speaker Catherine Price about
this and she had a lot of amazing tips.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
So what I would say is, I have.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Any algorithm has clocked this pun intended. I thought very
much about buying an alarm clock so that I don't
need my phone, But unlike you, I have instead continued
to scroll in bed and not made my phone useless,
but made me useless.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
So I have not.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Implemented in the way that Catherine would be proud of me.
But you know what we are all learning, growing and
evolving adults, and so there's still time for.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Me to get there.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And as most of the experts that we've had on
the show would say, is there's no shame, there's no blame.
There's only taking steps in the right direction, one step
at a time, and for you, I think knowing is
a good first step.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Thank you so much. As the Internet likes to say,
we listen and we don't judge, but I do judge.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I judge myself.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Just to be clear, I do judge. Okay, well we
don't we certainly, we're all so proud of you. But
without further ado, today we're talking about our favorite moments
throughout the latter half of the season. We're going to
be playing a couple of clips from each episode and
really talking about how they may or may not have
impacted our lives exactly.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
That we.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Should.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
We kick it off with Catherine Price, who was the
first guest for the latter half of this season, and
she is going to help us learn how to minimize
our screen time and listen up for everybody who is
on the map path who is really going to implement
this into their lives. And then if you're on the leapath,
you're going to think about it sometimes, let's do it.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
I don't feel like I have a relationship with my laptop.
I don't feel like I have a relationship with the
microphone I'm using to talk to you guys, but I
do have a relationship with my phone. And so that
led to me thinking, wouldn't it be interesting to just
ask people to write an actual breakup note to their phone?
And what I discovered when people did that is they started,
you know, with this kind of playful tone, but often
their notes got very deep and vulnerable and profound really quickly.
(03:52):
There was something about fully embodying the idea that you
are in a relationship with the phone and you need
to break up with it that led people to express
themselves in ways that I don't think that they would
have if I just said, give me a bullet pointed
list of five reasons you want to cut back on
your screen time for anyone listening, If you just want
to play around with any of these ideas, you might
want to just like, instead of scrolling through your phone
(04:13):
tonight before bed, put it in the other room, and
then spend ten minutes writing a breakup note to your phone.
And ask yourself things like what do you love about
your relationship with your phone? Why did you get in
a relationship with your phone to begin with? When does
it feel good? But then also like what's annoying about
your phone? What makes you mad about your phone? What
has your phone done to you? Your phone hopefully will
never read this letter, so you don't have to worry
(04:33):
about its feelings. Our phones are deliberately packed with dope
imine triggers to get us to want to spend time
on our phones. You can fight back by doing things
like adjust your settings so it's really easy to toggle
between black and white and color. You don't want to
have to go into the settings to do that. You
want to make it easy where you just hit the
side button three times and it will go back and forth.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Experiment with that for a couple days.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
It is amazing how much less appealing the screen is
if it's in black and white. Also clean up your
home screen, you know, like most people just have all
their apps on their home screen in the order in
which they were downloaded and in the order in which
they just happened to appear when you got your phone.
You have control over that, so my home screen on
my phone is actually entirely empty. I want anything on it, Yeah,
(05:15):
I just have there's the app library, and then if
I want to open an app, I just pull down
the search bar and I search for the app. And
going back to Matt your point about mindfulness, it's because
I want to be intentional about using an app. I
want to open the app because I had a thought, Oh,
I want to do X on my phone, and so
I'm opening the app to do that. I don't want
(05:35):
to have it be Oh. I just am kind of
like looking for something to do in this moment, and
I turned to my phone and there's the Instagram icon
or whatever it is. Make your phone boring is basically
the message here.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Okay, Matt, so what are you thinking? How has your
relationship with your phone changed since we spoke with Catherine.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
I love the piece that she has about mindfulness because
I really do feel like, even before we talked with Catherine,
I've been trying over the last year or so to
be more mindful with my phone. And you know, sometimes
I'm on the subway in New York and I'll just
look up and I'm just seeing everyone's staring into their
phone and it's all fine, you know, it's not like
everyone on the subway knows each other. But part of
me like has this thought, like what are we missing
(06:14):
by just being so sucked into the phone? Are we
missing community? Are we missing our friends, our family? The
things that we enjoy doing? And so I really took
what she said to heart, and I think that I've
been examining my relationship with a lot of things in
my life, and I do think that overwhelmingly the phone
was bringing negative things into my life. I had news
notifications blasting me at all hours of the day, getting
(06:36):
stressed out about things that I have no control over,
spending too much time on social media. That really, like,
I was just thinking, like is this bringing me joy?
Do I enjoy this? I've been posting on social media
less and being on social media lesson and yeah, I've
been reading more and going out into the world more
and hanging out with my friends more. And it's difficult
because I think in this society everyone is just like
(06:57):
is it real unless it happens on the internet, unless
you're posting about it. And maybe they're right and I'm wrong,
but I just feel like, personally, I've gotten so much
more back by giving myself more time and my phone
less time. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
That's what matters.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I just have this vision of you in my mind
entering the subway, no phone and just like shaking hands
with everybody and greeting everybody in the subway car because
you're like, I'm not going to look at my phone today,
which you'll make some new friends and some frenemies, I
would say, but more power too.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
I feel the moment when I know that dopamine is
kicking in where I know like, okay, this is just
giving my brain those chemicals of like.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Do I have likes? And I also know exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
The moment when I've just been scrolling for way too
long when my brain is like can you stop? And
so I've been trying to just pay better attention to
that moment and also not even get to that moment
so that I'm not having those brain chemicals good and
bad mess up my sleep, my day, my mood, all
of it.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
That takes me back to the mindful. I think it's
just great that you're aware of it. I've had those
moments in my life too, where I feel it's almost
like a control thing. It's like, I have this urge,
this desire to want to do something, and I'm like,
why do I so feel this way? And as Catherine
talked about it, they make the phones that way, you know,
they build all these dopamine addictive tools into them, and
that's why we feel that way. So even just that
(08:19):
first step of mindfulness is really great.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
You know, Matt.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I think for you, being able to separate yourself from
your phone more is something that you should add to
your YA folder.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I should, And we're going to learn a lot about
the YA folder because this next episode we're going to
hear from Jessica Chen, who's a world renowned author of
the book Smart Not Loud, How to Get Noticed at
Work for all the Right reasons, and who travels around
the world talking to executives about how they can more
effectively communicate. And we wanted to talk to her because
we thought it was really important to have an episode
(08:50):
about advocating for yourself at work. I think there's actually
just a New York Times article the other day talking
about job hugging or in this period of work where
the job market can be really really tough. Yes, And
I think that that can actually that and a lot
of other things can intimidate people against speaking out about themselves,
their accomplishments, what they want, maybe getting a raise, and
so we really wanted to talk about how to sort
(09:11):
of reclaim that power and advocate for yourself in the workplace.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
The thing about Jessica is that she not only had
amazing tips, but she also has amazing energy. And when
we left that conversation, I really felt like I could
run through a wall. I was like, I could do
anything right now. Instead of running through a wall, I'm
going to advocate for myself at work and put together
my AA folder and put together a nice document of
my wins and my accomplishments and the things I'm really
proud of myself for. But she just made me feel
(09:36):
so empowered and so capable. And some of the things
that she mentioned were I don't want to say obvious,
but it's stuff that we like know and you just
need somebody, like a nice friend to nudge you and
remind you that you are that girl.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
It's so true. I just remember feeling kind of like alone,
especially in my first few big boy jobs in New
York City, Like you know, just navigating difficult bosses and
employee relationships and feeling like I was just happy to
be there and like I'll take whatever abuse possible. You know,
it's not right. And I think that having that friend,
as you spoke about, someone who can just tell you
(10:11):
you're valuable. Yeah, you're there for a reason, and tabulating
that value that you bring to the company and really
advocating for yourself is just the best step forward. It's
going to get you far ahead in your career than
if you were to stay quiet. And so I'm looking
forward to a couple of our favorite quotes from Jessica.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That's correct and you know what this one is for
you people pleasers, So enjoy some tips on how to
advocate for yourself at work with Jessica Chen.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
Go into your inbox and create a folder and call
it your yay folder. And anytime you do some amazing
work somebody says great job, congratulations, you secured that deal
or whatever. Right, you take that email and you drag
it into this yay folder so that when you know
performance review comms or when you are now asking for
(10:53):
what you want, you have evidence and documentation of the
amazing work that you're doing, which gives you more ability
to ask for.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
What you want.
Speaker 6 (11:03):
When people tend to feel very intimidated about speaking up,
I tend to say, if you can speak up earlier
in a meeting, it's better than speaking up later. And
the reason why is because oftentimes, when we sit in
this meeting, five minutes go by, ten minutes go by,
fifteen minutes go by, and all of a sudden, the
meeting's over and you never said a thing. There's something
(11:23):
really powerful about being early and saying something. And again,
it doesn't have to be that brilliant fireworks of an idea.
It can be just you saying something. But the idea
is using your voice early in a meeting gets you
comfortable to use it later on in a meeting. So
I think that's a huge barrier that once we can
overcome that early on, it makes it easier to then
(11:45):
kind of be and feel like you're a part of
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Matt, you love a meeting because you know what, You're
so social and you have so many friends, and so
I know you walk into every room and you're just like, hello,
my people.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yes, I actually think I need to learn the value
of showing at the beginning of a meeting, sometimes I'll
just start talking. But I do think it's a really
great point that, especially when you're new, right when you're
in a new environment, you've got a new boss and
new coworkers, it can be really difficult to say your mind,
you're not really sure what the culture is or whatever.
You don't want to have a foot and mouth moment.
But I think it's really like negating why you're there
(12:19):
in the first place. Right, the company hired you because
you do bring value, you do have a skill set,
and sometimes it takes a few bad ideas out the
gate to get towards a good idea. And sometimes I
actually think that being vulnerable in front of people you
work with is a really human moment and can bring
people closer together. But more than anything, I think that
in the days and weeks, it can be like, oh, yeah,
(12:39):
I did that this week, I did that this week.
But in the months and years it can get like unwieldy,
like things that you accomplished or things that you did.
Sometimes I'll look back on my YA folder and be like, oh, right,
I totally forgot about all of these things. And so
if it's been two years or three years since you've
gotten a raizor of promotion, Having that YAE folder to
look back on on all the things you accomplished is
(13:00):
super super important because that all becomes fodder for the
argument that you make to get a raise or to
get a promotion. So I just think it's a brilliant
thing that everyone should be doing, keeping little notes and
tabs on all the accomplishments.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, and you know what, no task is actually too small.
Like yesterday I wrote a killer Instagram caption for work,
and I was like, I gotta remember to add this
to my ya folder because I actually am very proud
of myself for this copywriting that I just did write here.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
So like, there are absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Ways to look at even small tasks from different angles
and feel really proud of yourself and feel like it's
feeding your soul. But when it comes to feeding your body, Matt,
what do we have up next?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Those are great transitions. I also just wanted to say,
sometimes the small things can get overlooked. But like put
you in charge of like social but they don't realize
that not only that means that you're like curating posts,
but like you have to be a copywriter too, you
know what I mean? And I think a lot of
people will like overlook that, and so to even make
notes of the small things that you're doing and the
big things have this cumulative effect of just how powerful
(14:02):
you are as a worker. But yes, speaking of feeding
your body, that's right. For our next episode, we talked
to registered dietitian nutritionists, which we learned a lot about
those roles and what makes them up. We talked to
Melissa Joy Dobbins, who is the host of the sound
Bites podcast, about one of my favorite topics that is
much debated about online nutrition.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
You were very excited about this one, and you knew
your stuff, but you also came very ready to learn.
And she had some really amazing tips and just like
a different perspective and like really insightful things to share
with us about all the stuff we're just shoving in
our bodies.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, let's take a listen to Melissa.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
I used to be a supermarket dietitian, so I always
try to get people to take a step back and say, Okay,
this is the food, what are the good nutrients it provides, protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals,
and what are the nutrients we want to limit, like
total calories, saturated fat, sodium, and sugar and just kind
of find the best tasting product within those choices as well,
(15:04):
because taste is important. Research shows the taste is a
number one reason that people purchase foods, and we can't
ignore that. Right first, I suggest tracking your intake, piece
of paper and app however you want to do it.
See where you are, think about what your goals are
and where you think you could make some improvements. Everybody
could do better by getting more produce in any form
(15:27):
and more fiber. But see where your maybe empty calories are,
or are you hungry at certain times of the day.
Do you need to shift some protein earlier in the day.
What do you want to work on and what do
you think would be a realistic goal for you. Anytime
you do something drastic, it's really hard to maintain that,
and only the changes that are able to be sustainable
(15:51):
are going to improve your health. And don't try to
make too many changes at once. Just start slow, go slow,
and maybe work on one thing at a time. I
will say a lot of people don't know that when
you're looking at that equation of diet and exercise, diet
is the driver for weight loss. Exercise is the driver
(16:11):
for weight loss and maintenance. So a lot of people
get frustrated. They're like going to the gym, or they're running,
or they're lifting weights, or they're doing you know, the
strength training, you know whatever, and they're not seeing any
improvements on their weight. Exercise has a lot of wonderful qualities.
I want people to exercise because it makes them feel better,
It helps them manage stress, it's something fun. I do
(16:34):
karate and ballet personally, Oh, do something fun. But don't
get discouraged if it's not helping you lose weight. It
is helping your body composition, it's helping with maintaining muscle
mass and decreasing fat mass. But if you're looking for
weight loss, it's really looking at where those extra calories
in your diet are coming from.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Matt, you know, I was actually thinking about Melissa and
you the other day because it got to dinner time
and I was like, Oh, what am I going to have?
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Well?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
What did I already eat today?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
And I was like, I am so silly for not
remembering to be keeping track of what I'm eating, because
then that helps me and shows me to balance out
when it's time for dinner, Like, oh, you know, I
didn't have a salad today, or like I didn't get
enough protein today, or maybe I can have a little
treat after dinner too, because you know what, I've been
really good today. So I think that I've just got
(17:25):
to be better about tracking what I'm eating throughout the day,
because who can remember it by five o'clock and then
really helping myself to balance out exactly what I'm ingesting.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yeah, and I'm a big tracking person too, But I
just want to say that I know plenty of people
who are really against calary cunning or tracking their food
or whatever, and I totally respect, especially for some people
can be kind of like triggering or make something about
maybe their parents was something that they wanted them to
do and made them feel bad about themselves. And what
I took away from Melissa and what I've taken away
from my own journey is really it's just that awareness. Right,
(17:57):
If you can bring more awareness to the kind the
foods you're eating, to the ingredients that are in those foods,
that's just the first step of assessing where you're at.
You know, one thing that I do is I track
how much I weigh, which, again I think a lot
of people maybe aren't into that, but for me, it's
just another piece of information. Like yesterday I thought I
over ate a little bit and you know, stepped on
the scales morning realized I did. And that's just information
(18:19):
I'm taking with me about thinking about what I'm maybe
gonna eat today. I'm gonna try to be a little
bit better today. My wife has been gone for like
a month, and so she's really really good about making
sure that we're eating like super healthy, nutritious food and
making sure that I don't work too much. And when
she's gone, I work too much, and then I don't
eat good food, and so at work up and eating
what I like trick myself into thinking is healthy. It's
like a breakfast burrito. So there's some like potatoes and
(18:41):
veggies and beans, legumes. Those are really good, but it's
wrapped in this gigantic tortilla that's like so many carbs.
And so even just having that mindfulness of you know, today,
like I shouldn't be eating so many carbs. I want
to actually eat some more vegetables and some more beans
and maybe some more protein. So maybe today I'm gonna
get a salad with some protein that's kind of what
I think about as mine, but some incredible information from Melissa.
(19:03):
I encourage everyone to go back and listen to her
episode and just bring a little bit more mindfulness into
what we're putting in our bodies every day, because when
we talk about ultraprocessed foods, how that has infiltrated the
American diet, and just some tips and tricks on how
to think about those.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I love that you have brought a very data and
analytical mindset to your nutrition, whereas I have brought yumminess
only mindset to it.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
So I very much applaud you. We'll be right back
after a quick.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Break, and we're back with more grown up stuff. How
do I don't.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
One of the things we didn't really even get into
with Melissa is alcohol, and that is a huge thing
that affects our bodies in so many ways.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
But luckily we did.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Dive into it in the next episode where we discussed
being sober, curious and doing some mindful drinking. So for
this one, we spoke with Derek Brown, who is a
hospitality consultant, a wellness coach, a mindful drinking advocate, and
an author, and he had such amazing things to say,
like he really opened my mind to this in a
(20:19):
way where like, whether you're practicing mindful drinking or not,
hearing about the benefits is really inspiring and I think
really motivating if this is something that you do want
to explore.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Yeah, I've said it before in the show, but so
much of what we talk about is really just about
awareness and mindfulness. It's another thing where it's not about
necessarily tracking, but like just even kind of like stepping
back and having a moment going how much I've I've
been drinking this last week, this last day, this last month,
and has that been a good or bad thing? And
if it's been a good things making you more social,
you feel like you're going out with friends more, maybe
(20:49):
it's totally fine if you're like keeping it within its limits.
For me, I've had that same approach, just stepping back
and thinking about my relationship with alcohol, and I've found
that it's really not bringing that much to it. And
I actually loved what Derek says in this episode about mindfulness.
And so let's go ahead and listen to a couple
of our favorite clips in this episode. Great.
Speaker 7 (21:10):
In twenty eighteen, Ruby Warrenton wrote a book called sober curious,
which kind of gave us this term, right, and it's
exactly as it sounds. It's not that you are sober
in the sense that you don't drink alcohol.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Ever.
Speaker 7 (21:21):
Again, it's somebody who's curious about why they drink. And
so I like to put that term as well as sobriety,
as well as some of the other terms like soberish
that we hear under the rubric of mindful drinking. And
what mindful drinking really means is that we're drinking in
relationship to our goals and values, health or otherwise. It
(21:43):
means that we're taking a pause to think why do
we drink alcohol? And that's something that's happening as a trend,
but that is something that is just a good practice
in general. Let's start with asking yourself three questions and
put a journey in front of you, or take a
walk if you don't feel like writing it down, and
ask yourself, what is the ideal situation where I drink,
(22:07):
what is the best time, what are the worst times
that I drank?
Speaker 1 (22:11):
And how would I.
Speaker 7 (22:12):
Like to do it going forward? So it's comparing and
contrasting the experiences you've had, because certainly if you've had
good experiences and you feel like you can continue to drink,
not a problem at all. Continue to drink from there.
If you've decided that you can still drink alcohol and
you want to incorporate let's say no and low alcohol drinks,
I think there's a whole new world out there for you,
(22:32):
which is really exciting. And ultimately, I don't think it's
about what we give up. I think it's what we gain.
One of the struggles is that you go out and
maybe you're having a non acoholic beer or sipping water
or whatever, and somebody says, why aren't you drinking, And
all of a sudden, again you have to tell your
whole life story just to say, like, I'm just trying
to figure out whether I want a drink or not.
(22:53):
So I think to me, temporary absence months are a
great place to start. During dry January, sober October, or
you have the perfect cover. You said, I'm doing drid
J anywhere. I'm doing this challenge. I'm doing thirty days
to see if I can go without alcohol, and if
that works well for you, then maybe you want to
keep it going right or if that doesn't work well,
(23:13):
in the sense like you have a lot of trouble
doing it, then maybe that's a good signal to you
that you may need external help for this.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Matt, I got to tell you, every time I am
out at a bar or a restaurant, my eyes immediately
go to the non alcoholic section of the menu.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Now, yeah, they're everywhere. I've been like so pleasantly surprised
at like the breadth of places that carry these options.
I was in California a couple weeks ago. My brother
invited me to a bar. I didn't tell him that
I wasn't drinking, and then it was the first thing
I said when I showed up, and he goes, bro,
why didn't you tell me? And I was like, no, Actually,
it's okay because I think that they have non alcoholic
(23:50):
options here, which I'm totally cool with. And lo and
behold the bar that we met. I did and I
had a great non alcoholic beer, wonderful.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
I had am moctail last night.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And it was like regular juices like that I probably
have in my own refrigerator, but there was something about
it in a martini glass yeah, that I just was
savoring every sip.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
It actually was dolicious like, I.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Don't think I could put grenadine and pineapple juice and
orange juice together in a way that was this satisfying,
but like sipping it out of a martini glass made
me feel very fancy and not at all drunk, and
I was very happy about that result.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah, and you're not, if you listen to the episode,
going to be spending way less money. Not because these
are high quality ingredients that are crafted with all natural products.
Justifies the cost, as Derek went into in the episode.
But I think my favorite thing about what he said
is if it's you're re examining you think having a
sober lifestyle something that is for you and people are
(24:45):
giving you a hard time about it, just kind of
frame it as a challenge, like I'm trying the challenge,
trying to exercise myself and see what I can get
away with. And honestly, that's what Elena and I did.
We went like a month or two without drinking, and
then we went out with friends. We're like, oh, let's
get alcohol out of the house and only do what
we go out with friends. We went out with friends
and we woke up the next day after a couple drinks,
were like you know what, I don't feel that great,
maybe not, maybe not. We did that a few more
(25:07):
times until I realized that it's just not really for us,
and so it just comes back to mindfulness for me,
and I think that if you are having the same
kind of thoughts in your life, go ahead and listen
to Derek's episode. Grab his book which has a great recipe,
and I can now say for an old fashion which
was my favorite drink that is a non alcoholic option
and loved it. So get end of the episode, get
into the recipes.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I love it for just trying this out for a
select amount of time, and you're gonna see that you
feel like your sleep is clear, your skin is clear,
and your mind is clear. And when your mind is clear,
guess what, everything is better.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Sky's the limit.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
And you know what else helps you.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
To get your mind clear a little bit of meditation.
So let's talk about our next episode with Kaisonga Giscombe,
who was an incredible guest to talk about meditation with.
And if you haven't listened to it already, go back
and listen because there is a little meditation moment in there,
so you don't even have to like seek out a meditation.
You can do one just by listening to the episode.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
He's a voiceover artist in addition to his meditation teaching,
and you really hear why when you listen to the episode.
He is beautiful voice. It's a very very calming presence,
and you know what, I don't know why, but this
is the one thing that I know I need to
do more in my life. Is one thing that I
haven't really been able to implement this season, which is like,
I'm so mad at myself for doing because it's so easy.
(26:25):
He talks about how it's like kind of the first
thing you can do in the moment. You take five
minutes and just breathe. Right, Why is it so difficult
for me to do that.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Just one minute? Start with one minute and then you
work your way up from there.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
You can do it.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Please.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Of all the things we've learned this season, this is
definitely one you can start to implement.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I know, right, it seems like that this would be
the easiest. But anyway, let's take a second. Listen to
our interview with Kisanga and get into the meditation mood.
Speaker 8 (26:50):
If you think of a snow globe as your thoughts
or as your life, even and when you shake up
a snow globe, what happens? Everything is swirling, Yeah, it
goes all over, right, So that's kind of like how
your mind might be in any stressful moment. So what
mindfulness and meditation allows you to do is to just pause.
So if you put that snow globe down and you
(27:11):
just pause and you take a moment, what happens to
all of that that flurry?
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Letting it settle settles, let it come down.
Speaker 8 (27:19):
They don't get rid of it necessarily, but it settles it.
It brings some clarity to your space. And it's in
this clarity that you're able to gain some wisdom as
to what's going on, and then you're able to move
forward making more wise and appropriate decisions and choices. Oftentimes,
(27:41):
in stressful moments, we just react. So the idea with
mindfulness is bringing your full attention to each moment. Because
if I'm in the preseason workout and all I'm thinking
about is that championship, then how effective is that workout
really be if I'm not fully focused on it.
Speaker 5 (28:02):
Now.
Speaker 8 (28:02):
It doesn't mean that you have to forget about your goals.
In fact, I encourage my clients every so often look
at your goal, envision yourself getting that goal, use that
visualization technique, and then generally let it go and bring
your full attention back to the present moment. So oftentimes
we're in this autopilot mind state where again we're either
(28:23):
thinking about the future or ruminating about the past, but
our present moment experience is just passing us by, so
we're not experiencing fully life itself. So that's what mindfulness meditation.
It's really just designed to bring your full awareness to
right here and right now. Studies have shown that not
(28:44):
only does mindfulness and meditation stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system,
but it also repairs that part of the parasympathetic nervous
system that has been destroyed. So when I found that
particular piece out, I was blown away.
Speaker 9 (29:00):
I know.
Speaker 8 (29:00):
Like, for instance, taking a deep breath in through the
nose and now through the mouth, that acting of itself
stimulates the power sympathetic nervous system. That's why I oftentimes
when someone is stressed out, what do we say to them, Chill, chill,
take a deep breath. Yeah, right, But with meditation, not
only does it stimulate the power sympathetic nervous system, but
(29:21):
it also repairs the parts of the power of sympathetic
nervous system that has been damaged from chronic stress.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I especially loved the snow globe analogy there because that
really gave me the visualization of how important and impactful
doing just a little bit of meditating can actually be
on your mind and your body.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, it's such a perfect analogy. And sometimes I do
feel like my brain is that snow globe, where there's
just a thousand things going on at work, with my family,
with my friends, with my health, whatnot, and I do
really get caught up in it, and so taking a
moment to breathe and let everything settle. And even as
(30:05):
they say during meditation, like things come up, like thoughts
come up, and like the best thing to do is
to take another deep breath and too focus on your breath.
And I do think that eventually, I can't say that
I've experienced it, but I think eventually things settle, you know.
And Yeah, when your parasympathetic nervous system is relaxed, that's
a really healthy place to be. And I think it's
when we're so tight and wound up and so stressed
(30:26):
that all these really terrible health benefits come on like ulcers,
like stress, like anxiety, like depression, and so it's kind
of like that muscle that you could exercise to combat
all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Truly, Matt, We've said it before, but I'll say it again.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
You should listen to the episode if.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
You want to learn and really start to be incorporating
meditation into your daily life.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
It can be very simple.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
If you're making time for like a little duo lingo session,
you can make time for a little meditation session. But honestly,
just listen because his voice is so soothing and so calming,
and like that alone calmed my nervous system and that
was probably my favorite part of the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
But also there are wonderful tips in.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
There too, absolutely, and if meditation might bring that piece
and calm into your life, do you know what else will? Oh?
What life insurance?
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Okay, you know it's so funny, Matt, because actually this
episode that we did about life insurance with life insurance
advisor Dennis Carlson actually did give me peace of mind,
a very different kind than meditation, but it did give
me peace of mind and took a topic that seems
sort of like scary and overwhelming and big and hard
(31:33):
to understand, and kind of made it very basic and
very manageable, and he gave us a lot of ways
to take some action and really make sure that those
around us that love and care for us are set
up when we are not here anymore.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Yeah, he really simplified it because there are all these terms.
There's whole life, and there's term life, and there's all
these kind of variations. Those are just two. There's many more,
and you can kind of be like, man, not only
do I definitely need a life insurance, I don't even
know what kind of life insurance I need? Why are
there so many different kinds? But by breaking it down
with Dennis in this episode, I totally feel like I
(32:11):
got clarity on the issue and know that I need
to make some changes myself. So luckily, our enrollment is
around the corner and I am going to make some changes.
But let's find out how we can do it with Dennis.
Speaker 9 (32:26):
In a life insurance policy, you have three components. You
have the insured that's the person that if they pass away,
the death benefit goes somewhere. You have the beneficiary that's
who gets paid the death benefit. But you also have
the owner. The owner does not have to be the insured,
and the owner does not have to be the beneficiary.
So I mentioned this because often what we're doing is
with businesses, even small businesses. Perhaps it's what we call
(32:49):
a key person life insurance policy, and the beneficiary is
the business. Let's say your VP of sales brings in
a lot of money for the company. If they were
to pass away unexpectedly, that would be a financial burden
on the company, and they have an insurable interest in
the life of that key employee. So the company may
be the owner of that policy. The key employee is
(33:10):
the insured, but the company is also the beneficiary of
that policy, not an individual, but the company, like the
loc or the corporation themselves. When you're young and healthy,
that's the best time to buy a term insurance policy
because you're going to lock in those rates for whatever
term you purchase. And I think that's what gets missed
a lot is people think, oh, that's something i'll need
later in life, so I won't purchase a policy now.
(33:32):
And if you're gonna think that way, remember that I'm
fifty one. When you start to get into your forties
and fifties, things start to change. Right your health things
start to change. You might have heart palpitations or something
else that makes it a lot harder to get insurance
than it was in your thirties. So that's the main
thing I would say is just getting a policy in
place when you're young is a great building block. To
(33:53):
be clear, life insurance isn't for everyone. If you don't
have people who depend on you financially, you might not
need life insurance, like it might not be something you
should consider really first and foremost. If you're buying any
type of life insurance policy, whether that's permanent or term,
you should have some type of need for the actual
life insurance, for that death benefit, because somebody or an
organization something relies on you for income that would be
(34:17):
lost if you were to pass away.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Matt, to be totally honest with you, I went into
this episode about life insurance knowing nothing. Like if you
had asked me what do you know about it? I
would flat out tell you pretty much nothing. And Dennis
broke it down in a way that now I'm like,
I'm going to be shopping for a personal policy because
this is important to me. And so now I'm like,
I'm not saying I'm an expert, but compared to where
(34:41):
I came from and where I am now, I definitely
learned a ton from him here.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, totally. I basically understood concept of like, cool I die,
you know, I want to take care of my family, right,
even if my family isn't necessarily dependent upon me. I'd
like something good to come out of me dying, right.
So I think I knew that, and I do have
a policy through work, but I didn't really understand how
important it is to have your own personal life insurance policy, because,
as he'd mentions, the younger you are when you get it,
(35:06):
the better your rates could be, and you kind of
lock in that rate throughout your lifetime, you know. And
so I'm thirty five years old now and I don't
have a personal one. I just have one through my work, right,
And so he really made me think I should be
getting my own personal policy, and I should do it
sooner than later because I can lock in those rates
and I can carry it with me throughout my life
no matter what happens in my career. Although I did
(35:27):
also learn that you do have in most states in
the US a thirty one day period after you lose
your employment to making it portable or transferring it to
a personal policy, and so that's something that I'm also
going to look into how I might be able to
make that transition in addition to getting my own policy.
But there's a lot of other amazing tidbits in the
(35:48):
dentist episode, and he was just fantastic, so happy to
have him on.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Yeah, I saw a guy sucking on a cigarette yesterday
and I was like, well, that's going to affect your
life insurance policy, sir, So you might want to rethink
that habit. Yeah, so you'll think of about it all
the time now, whether you realize it or not.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Well, if we started the episode sad, now I'm even
more sad. I know truly is time to say goodbye
to grown up stuff season three. But we're going to
have a nice little respite in the winter of this
year and we'll be back from more before you know it.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
You know, I'm going to take this time to realize
all the stuff I don't know and make a list,
and I'm sure i won't be alone, and then it's
just going to open up a whole new world of
learning for us. And so I am very excited about that.
So Matt, thank you for taking this journey and learning
so much about our mind, body, and spirit.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Yeah, and it's not going to take long. I'm going
to wake up tomorrow morning and be like, oh right,
I don't know anything about this part of adult life.
And I'm sure you guys will all join us in
the sentiment. So we'll wish you all a wonderful winter
and we'll be back soon.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
And until next time, good luck being a grown up.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
This is a production of Ruby Studio for My Heart Media.
Our executive producers are Leopaul Mary and Matt Stillo.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
This episode was edited and engineered by Sierra
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Spreen, and we want to thank our teammates at Ruby Studio,
including Sarah You, Ethan Fixel, Raygus One, krasnov Lydia Kim,
Abby Aguilar Harper, Wayne, Celia Verplu, Deborah Garrett, and Andy Kelly.
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