September 10, 2025 • 21 mins
Have you ever said or done something you wish that you didn’t? Do you stay awake at night trying to figure out how to fix it?
I don't think there is a single person among us who doesn't wish they could take back something that they did, or something they said…
There's an expression in recovery we use and it is simply HALT. That stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
When you're emotionally exhausted, or frustrated it is easy to say things that you can't take back. So please recognize when you're feeling those things, just think about it as we listen to this very vulnerable conversation.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, hello, my friend. Welcome to have a Little Faith
with Delilah, my new podcast series where I get to
share all about my faith. We can talk about how
I came to believe, what led to that decision. I
(00:21):
was not raised in a particularly religious family. My folks
didn't belong to a denomination or a church. But my
mom sent us to church a lot, mostly to Bible
Bible summer camps, to vacation Bible Schools VBS because she
(00:45):
had four kids and she wanted us out of the house,
so she sent us to VBS. Didn't matter if it
was at the Baptist church or the Presbyterian Church or
the Catholic Church. She just wanted us out of the
house so she could have a minute a piece in quiet.
And now that I have got five kids at home
(01:07):
once again, this is the fourth batch of children that
I have raised since the eighties. I have two that
are my adopted children. They are sixteen and nine, and
then I have three grandchildren that I have custody of.
So we're doing it all over again. And trust me,
(01:29):
if the little town that I lived near had VBS
this summer, I would have sent them just like my
mom did every week but she sent us hoping, you know,
that it would be like free babysitters. And it was
kind of confusing because they taught very different theologies. But
(01:52):
I did learn. I did learn a lot of the
Bible as a kid, and when I came to my
faith in my late twenties, I was able to draw
on those stories and remember those stories and delve deep
into those stories, not just the surface little stories that
you learn you know at Bible camp, but actually dig
(02:19):
deep into them. And the Bible is the cornerstone of
my life. I believe it is the inspired word of God,
and I try to live by biblical principles. Do I
follow the rules in the Bible? No, I don't. I
fail miserably at following rules, so did most people. And
(02:42):
that's why I believe God sent his son Jesus for us,
because all those rules in Torah, nobody, nobody was able
to follow them. And through our faith in the Lord,
there's just a few very simple rules, the main one
being do unto others, treat other people the way you
(03:03):
want to be treated, Forgive other people the way you
want to be forgiven. And in my life I've needed
to be forgiven a lot because I've made a lot
of really bad choices, and I have hurt people, both
intentionally and unintentionally. I have hurt people intentionally when I
(03:27):
said things in anger. Oh man, I have an ugly temper.
It's something that I have to work on continuously. I
have an ugly, ugly temper, and I have a really
cruel tongue when I'm angry. There are so many things
that I have said in my lifetime that I wish
(03:49):
I could take back. But once they escape your lips,
you can't take those words back. Foolish things I said,
Manipulative things I've said that I wish that I could
take back. We have one collar in this episode. We've
been having four or five callers, but this is a
(04:10):
long conversation one color named Jasmine. I love that name.
I spoke with this young woman for a long time.
Jasmine was genuinely heartbroken, distraught over her reaction to feeling rejected.
She was feeling rejected, she was feeling hurt, she was
(04:33):
feeling unloved, and so she lashed out at the boyfriend
that she loved deeply. And now she wishes with all
of her heart that she could just take those words back.
That she could take her anger back. As we talked
through this, she disclosed some of the reasons for her
(04:56):
insecurity and her reaction, and like I said, she did
deeply regrets it. I don't think there is a person
among us who doesn't wish they could take back something
they did or something they said while in emotional turmoil,
while exhausted halt. There's an expression in recovery we use
(05:17):
ha lt hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you're hungry, angry, lonely,
and tired, you tend to say things that you can't
take back, so you have to halt when you're feeling
those things. Just think about that as we listen to
this conversation. Let's hear from the very honest, very sincere
(05:42):
very sweet Jasmine. Right now, Hi, it's Jasmin, Jasmine, Welcome.
What can I do for you?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Which is wondering if you could play a song so
I can dedicate to someone?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Why does it sound like your heart is breaking? Jasmine?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Become get us.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Almost some years and three months ago, this was the
person I thought I was gonna marry and I just really.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Missed him so much.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And what happened and it was this over a stupid fight.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It was mostly my fault because I let my emotions
take over, and I knew that he needed me in
that moment because he was going through a lot too,
and my emotions just took over, and it made me
lose someone that I really really cared about and that
I really loved.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Okay, I need more details than that, Like, what do
you mean your emotions took over? What happened? What were
you fussing about?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
I was gonna see him. It was on a Friday.
We typically hang out on Fridays, and he wanted to stay.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
In hang out. Wait a second, I thought you were
a couple.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, but we don't. We don't live together. We're gonna we're.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Playing No, But I'm if you're a couple, won't you
like go on dates or do you just go to
somebody's house and sit around.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
We go on dates, we go to eat, we'd take
walks on we would take walks in the park.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Okay, So you thought you were gonna have an evening
with him? Yeah, And what happened?
Speaker 2 (07:17):
He wanted to stay inside, you know, to stay in
and study for his boys, them meaning not not see
each other today. And I was feeling very overwhelmed, and
I felt, you know, upset, you know, because I would
have loved heads up at least earlier that day that
I wasn't going to see him.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
But it was literally like.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
An hour before we typically he typically comes to pick
me up, and you know, like, I hurt my feelings
and I just wanted to see him and it didn't
work out, and I got upset.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I got frustrated.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I said something I shouldn't have and it was something
that he wanted me to work on, and I just
said it again. Basically, whenever I would get upset, I
would just.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Be like, I'm over this, I'm so done. I'm just
over it.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And he warned me that he didn't like that and
that he would ask me to please stop. And I
did for a while, and it just slipped out. It
slipped out in the heat of the moment, and it
made me lose someone that I've really loved. And I
know I hurt him too, but I thought we could
(08:29):
still work it out, but ultimately he didn't think so,
so I accepted his decisions and I.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Let him be Jasmine. How old are you Han?
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Twenty six?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
So where in life did you learn that when you
love someone, it's okay to be manipulative when you don't
get your way.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I don't know when I saw that or when I
started doing that.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I just know that it was something that I didn't
want to do.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Maybe it's just from saying, you know my parents' relationship
growing up. They're great parents, but you know when arguments happened,
they're not the greatest.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And so can I make a suggestion, honey, Yeah, I
hear so much heartbreak. I hear that you are crushed.
Use that grief and that sadness to motivate you to
go talk to a counselor you can learn healthy ways
of behaving so you don't do what I did and
(09:35):
keep blowing up relationships. Yes, I did not have any
relationship tools in my tool belt when I became a
young woman. None. Yeah, I had no relationship tools, and
so I just kept making bad choices after bad choices. Now,
(10:01):
the man, there's so many good counselors and good wisdom
and knowledge and books and groups and support groups and
ted talks and relationship coaches online and so much information
(10:21):
out there that I didn't have when I was your age.
And so I've gone through multiple relationships and a lot
of it was all my fault because I didn't know
how to just state my needs and be honest and
be kind and be loving new Oh No, I had
(10:43):
to be manipulative and needy and desperate and all sorts
of yucky stuff.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
And I know I've been going through the counselor ever
since because it really, really I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I don't know any other words to say by you
know it, don't me.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I didn't want to lose him, you know bad. Nothing
wasn't perfect. I'm not perfect, but I just love it.
I didn't want to lose him. And ultimately that my
fear happened. I lost the man that I love and
I lost the curtains that I wanted to spend the
up to my life. And we both talked about the future.
(11:24):
We were determined that we were going to make.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
It so the s So let's liken your hurtful words.
Let's just flip the script. If every time my husband
got frustrated with me, he said, well, I'm out of here,
I'm done, how many times do you think he would
(11:48):
say that that? I would put up with it once
one time. If he said that to me one time,
I would say there's the door, go yes. How many
times did you do that that he asked you to stop?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
It was once in my name, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Where did you learn that that was okay? Is what
I'm asking.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
And I wish I couldn't give it a definite answer,
and I just I don't know, and I hate that
it's ok me up until this devastating heartbreak to realize
that I need to change that. I can't do that
to myself, to my partner.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
I cannot do that. It's so hurtful.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
But where does it come from? I mean, clearly, you
don't mean it when you say I'm done. Clearly what
you mean is I want my way, and so I'm
going to threaten you. Did you really mean you were done?
Or were you just being manipulative?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I was so frustrated and so upset and mad because
you couldn't have told me earlier before I had planned
my night with you, before I planned my weekend with you.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Totally get that, But I'm asking you when those words
came out of your mouth, did you really mean that
you were done? Were you really so frustrated you wanted
it in the relationship? Or were you being manipulative to
get your way.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I was being manipulative and trying to get him that
I was upset so that you did you and want
to see me.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Now you've learned that that doesn't work. Not an effective
way to communicate. Yes, And it sounds like I'm beaten
up on you, and I probably am, and I don't
mean to. I'm sorry. I apologize for that, because what
I'm trying to do is say, please don't do what
I did. Please don't do what I did. Learn from
your mistakes and go talk to somebody and it sounds
(13:45):
like you are, and figure out how to have healthy
communications and how to set healthy boundaries and how to
accept boundaries. Because what he was doing is he was
setting a boundary saying this is like the most important
test of a lifetime, and as much as I would
like to spend time with you, I realize it's far
(14:06):
more important for me to study. That's a really healthy boundary.
I was saying no to what he really wanted to
do and yes to what he needed to do.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
I recur it so much.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Well, No, the truth, Jasmine, if he was the one
God meant for you, you guys would be working this out
together the fact that you're not working it out together
means he's not the one God means for you forever.
And so the important thing is you learned a valuable
lesson that you will now hopefully change your behaviors. So
(14:40):
when the right man that you are meant to spend
forever with comes into your life, you will not ever
try to manipulate him. You are either trying to manipulate
him to get your way or you were trying to
hurt him and wound him. Either way, not healthy ways
to treat someone you love. Right, So you are learning
(15:03):
healthy ways to interact in a relationship. You'd be working
it out, you're not. So that means there is a better.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Plan I'm trying to learn, and it's not that.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Do you have any faith in the Almighty? Do you
have faith in a power greater than yourself?
Speaker 3 (15:22):
I do?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay? So do you believe that God is concerned about
your love life and who you spend your life with
and who you grow old with? Do you think he
orchestrates that and brings that person to us? Okay? So
your little mistake is not bigger than God's plan?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Is it? No?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
As badly as you feel, right now, and I know
you do. Your mistake could not undo God's big picture plan.
I know that, So trust him. Trust that the future
will work out exactlyactly the way it's supposed to. Apply
what you learn, and trust that God is going to
(16:07):
either bring this person back to your life when you're
in a healthier place, or he's going to bring somebody
else into your life. Either way, all you should be
focusing on right now is becoming the best version of
yourself that you can be.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I'm trying to adjust my life, try to be better,
turn my soulf. I'm trying to unattach myself from him
that I'm trying to reenrage and stop thinking about my
future with him from right now in this moment, because
right now he is thought Jim. But I know that
(16:44):
whatever is meant to be is going to happen. I
still love him. I wish him to gout.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Okay, So let's forget about communicating with him right now
or even thinking about him. Let's focus on you, honey, Jasmine.
Let's just can you just say, you know what, for
the next year, I Am going to make this the
year of Jasmine. Do you want to know what's really
magical about the jasmine flower. Well, number one, it's got
(17:13):
a million healing properties. But number two, jasmine has a
delicious sweet aroma that permeates the air, and just the
smell alone is healing. But jasmine during the day, when
everything is bright and cheery and sunny, smells nice. But
(17:36):
at night, when the world grows dark and everything looks scary,
the scent of the jasmine is enhanced tenfold. They smell
so much sweeter when the sun goes down, When the
night is darkest, the jasmine is the sweetest. And right
(18:01):
now the night is dark in your life, Jasmine. It's
dark because you're missing and grieving the person you thought
you were going to grow old with. But God can
turn that darkness into the sweetest part of your life
if you let him. So, just say you know what,
For the next twelve months, I'm going to dedicate this
(18:23):
time to myself and to getting to know myself and
to getting to know the creator who made me, and
figuring out the plan for my life and going to
counseling and learning healthy ways to communicate. Because you are
so wonderful and you have such a tender heart and
(18:45):
you deserve joy. Thank you so much, Jasmine, the flower
is the sweetest when the night is the darkest. Remember that, Okay,
and if you haven't plant one out outside your bedroom window,
oh well, thank you for calling God. Bless you, honey,
(19:05):
Thank you so much to world. Jasmine is so young
and knows she has a lot to work on. I
thank her. I thank her for reminding me how easy
it is to make a really big, foolish mistake, not
because we're trying to hurt somebody, but because we're hurting
(19:26):
and we're reacting. I know we've all done that. We
don't have to though. There is way too much turmoil
to unravel in this world every day going on around us.
There are for sure people who you need to set
boundaries with. That's a healthy thing. Please just take the
time to think through and pray through those things. Don't
(19:49):
react in anger. You can't take those words back, and
your words matter, they do. Maybe try to remember not
to solve but anything or even say anything when you're angry,
especially with people you love. Give yourself a time out.
I have to give my kids and my grandkids a
time out all the time, because when they're hungry, when
(20:13):
they're angry, when they're tired, it's like, okay, time out.
We are going to de escalate here. And I have
learned over the years to give myself a time out.
When I'm talking to my husband and I'm starting to
get defensive or starting to get frustrated, I say, honey,
I'm going to take a time out right here because
I don't want to say something I regret. Give me
a couple of minutes, and I walk away, not walk
(20:35):
away like stomp away and not finish the conversation. I
mean walk away, like to de escalate, to do some
deep breathing, to do a little prayer, and then come
back and say, Okay, sorry about that. I was ramped up.
I'm going to take a deep breath and I'm going
to try to take all the anger out of the
(20:56):
conversation and talk to you with love something to think about.
I hope you have enjoyed today's episode. Thank you for
joining me today, and remember, if you want to share
your story, you want to share your faith, If you
need a prayer, call me in the evening Monday through
Friday one eight eight, eight, six, three, three, five four
(21:18):
five two you'll find me in my studio. I will
be back next week, but until then, remember The Lord
loves you, so never forget to have a little faith
del
Well, hello, my friend. Welcome to have a Little Faith
with Delilah, my new podcast series where I get to
share all about my faith. We can talk about how
I came to believe, what led to that decision. I
(00:21):
was not raised in a particularly religious family. My folks
didn't belong to a denomination or a church. But my
mom sent us to church a lot, mostly to Bible
Bible summer camps, to vacation Bible Schools VBS because she
(00:45):
had four kids and she wanted us out of the house,
so she sent us to VBS. Didn't matter if it
was at the Baptist church or the Presbyterian Church or
the Catholic Church. She just wanted us out of the
house so she could have a minute a piece in quiet.
And now that I have got five kids at home
(01:07):
once again, this is the fourth batch of children that
I have raised since the eighties. I have two that
are my adopted children. They are sixteen and nine, and
then I have three grandchildren that I have custody of.
So we're doing it all over again. And trust me,
(01:29):
if the little town that I lived near had VBS
this summer, I would have sent them just like my
mom did every week but she sent us hoping, you know,
that it would be like free babysitters. And it was
kind of confusing because they taught very different theologies. But
(01:52):
I did learn. I did learn a lot of the
Bible as a kid, and when I came to my
faith in my late twenties, I was able to draw
on those stories and remember those stories and delve deep
into those stories, not just the surface little stories that
you learn you know at Bible camp, but actually dig
(02:19):
deep into them. And the Bible is the cornerstone of
my life. I believe it is the inspired word of God,
and I try to live by biblical principles. Do I
follow the rules in the Bible? No, I don't. I
fail miserably at following rules, so did most people. And
(02:42):
that's why I believe God sent his son Jesus for us,
because all those rules in Torah, nobody, nobody was able
to follow them. And through our faith in the Lord,
there's just a few very simple rules, the main one
being do unto others, treat other people the way you
(03:03):
want to be treated, Forgive other people the way you
want to be forgiven. And in my life I've needed
to be forgiven a lot because I've made a lot
of really bad choices, and I have hurt people, both
intentionally and unintentionally. I have hurt people intentionally when I
(03:27):
said things in anger. Oh man, I have an ugly temper.
It's something that I have to work on continuously. I
have an ugly, ugly temper, and I have a really
cruel tongue when I'm angry. There are so many things
that I have said in my lifetime that I wish
(03:49):
I could take back. But once they escape your lips,
you can't take those words back. Foolish things I said,
Manipulative things I've said that I wish that I could
take back. We have one collar in this episode. We've
been having four or five callers, but this is a
(04:10):
long conversation one color named Jasmine. I love that name.
I spoke with this young woman for a long time.
Jasmine was genuinely heartbroken, distraught over her reaction to feeling rejected.
She was feeling rejected, she was feeling hurt, she was
(04:33):
feeling unloved, and so she lashed out at the boyfriend
that she loved deeply. And now she wishes with all
of her heart that she could just take those words back.
That she could take her anger back. As we talked
through this, she disclosed some of the reasons for her
(04:56):
insecurity and her reaction, and like I said, she did
deeply regrets it. I don't think there is a person
among us who doesn't wish they could take back something
they did or something they said while in emotional turmoil,
while exhausted halt. There's an expression in recovery we use
(05:17):
ha lt hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you're hungry, angry, lonely,
and tired, you tend to say things that you can't
take back, so you have to halt when you're feeling
those things. Just think about that as we listen to
this conversation. Let's hear from the very honest, very sincere
(05:42):
very sweet Jasmine. Right now, Hi, it's Jasmin, Jasmine, Welcome.
What can I do for you?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Which is wondering if you could play a song so
I can dedicate to someone?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Why does it sound like your heart is breaking? Jasmine?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Become get us.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Almost some years and three months ago, this was the
person I thought I was gonna marry and I just really.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Missed him so much.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And what happened and it was this over a stupid fight.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It was mostly my fault because I let my emotions
take over, and I knew that he needed me in
that moment because he was going through a lot too,
and my emotions just took over, and it made me
lose someone that I really really cared about and that
I really loved.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Okay, I need more details than that, Like, what do
you mean your emotions took over? What happened? What were
you fussing about?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
I was gonna see him. It was on a Friday.
We typically hang out on Fridays, and he wanted to stay.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
In hang out. Wait a second, I thought you were
a couple.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, but we don't. We don't live together. We're gonna we're.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Playing No, But I'm if you're a couple, won't you
like go on dates or do you just go to
somebody's house and sit around.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
We go on dates, we go to eat, we'd take
walks on we would take walks in the park.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Okay, So you thought you were gonna have an evening
with him? Yeah, And what happened?
Speaker 2 (07:17):
He wanted to stay inside, you know, to stay in
and study for his boys, them meaning not not see
each other today. And I was feeling very overwhelmed, and
I felt, you know, upset, you know, because I would
have loved heads up at least earlier that day that
I wasn't going to see him.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
But it was literally like.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
An hour before we typically he typically comes to pick
me up, and you know, like, I hurt my feelings
and I just wanted to see him and it didn't
work out, and I got upset.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I got frustrated.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I said something I shouldn't have and it was something
that he wanted me to work on, and I just
said it again. Basically, whenever I would get upset, I
would just.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Be like, I'm over this, I'm so done. I'm just
over it.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And he warned me that he didn't like that and
that he would ask me to please stop. And I
did for a while, and it just slipped out. It
slipped out in the heat of the moment, and it
made me lose someone that I've really loved. And I
know I hurt him too, but I thought we could
(08:29):
still work it out, but ultimately he didn't think so,
so I accepted his decisions and I.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Let him be Jasmine. How old are you Han?
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Twenty six?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
So where in life did you learn that when you
love someone, it's okay to be manipulative when you don't
get your way.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I don't know when I saw that or when I
started doing that.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I just know that it was something that I didn't
want to do.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Maybe it's just from saying, you know my parents' relationship
growing up. They're great parents, but you know when arguments happened,
they're not the greatest.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And so can I make a suggestion, honey, Yeah, I
hear so much heartbreak. I hear that you are crushed.
Use that grief and that sadness to motivate you to
go talk to a counselor you can learn healthy ways
of behaving so you don't do what I did and
(09:35):
keep blowing up relationships. Yes, I did not have any
relationship tools in my tool belt when I became a
young woman. None. Yeah, I had no relationship tools, and
so I just kept making bad choices after bad choices. Now,
(10:01):
the man, there's so many good counselors and good wisdom
and knowledge and books and groups and support groups and
ted talks and relationship coaches online and so much information
(10:21):
out there that I didn't have when I was your age.
And so I've gone through multiple relationships and a lot
of it was all my fault because I didn't know
how to just state my needs and be honest and
be kind and be loving new Oh No, I had
(10:43):
to be manipulative and needy and desperate and all sorts
of yucky stuff.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
And I know I've been going through the counselor ever
since because it really, really I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I don't know any other words to say by you
know it, don't me.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I didn't want to lose him, you know bad. Nothing
wasn't perfect. I'm not perfect, but I just love it.
I didn't want to lose him. And ultimately that my
fear happened. I lost the man that I love and
I lost the curtains that I wanted to spend the
up to my life. And we both talked about the future.
(11:24):
We were determined that we were going to make.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
It so the s So let's liken your hurtful words.
Let's just flip the script. If every time my husband
got frustrated with me, he said, well, I'm out of here,
I'm done, how many times do you think he would
(11:48):
say that that? I would put up with it once
one time. If he said that to me one time,
I would say there's the door, go yes. How many
times did you do that that he asked you to stop?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
It was once in my name, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Where did you learn that that was okay? Is what
I'm asking.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
And I wish I couldn't give it a definite answer,
and I just I don't know, and I hate that
it's ok me up until this devastating heartbreak to realize
that I need to change that. I can't do that
to myself, to my partner.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
I cannot do that. It's so hurtful.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
But where does it come from? I mean, clearly, you
don't mean it when you say I'm done. Clearly what
you mean is I want my way, and so I'm
going to threaten you. Did you really mean you were done?
Or were you just being manipulative?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I was so frustrated and so upset and mad because
you couldn't have told me earlier before I had planned
my night with you, before I planned my weekend with you.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Totally get that, But I'm asking you when those words
came out of your mouth, did you really mean that
you were done? Were you really so frustrated you wanted
it in the relationship? Or were you being manipulative to
get your way.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I was being manipulative and trying to get him that
I was upset so that you did you and want
to see me.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Now you've learned that that doesn't work. Not an effective
way to communicate. Yes, And it sounds like I'm beaten
up on you, and I probably am, and I don't
mean to. I'm sorry. I apologize for that, because what
I'm trying to do is say, please don't do what
I did. Please don't do what I did. Learn from
your mistakes and go talk to somebody and it sounds
(13:45):
like you are, and figure out how to have healthy
communications and how to set healthy boundaries and how to
accept boundaries. Because what he was doing is he was
setting a boundary saying this is like the most important
test of a lifetime, and as much as I would
like to spend time with you, I realize it's far
(14:06):
more important for me to study. That's a really healthy boundary.
I was saying no to what he really wanted to
do and yes to what he needed to do.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
I recur it so much.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Well, No, the truth, Jasmine, if he was the one
God meant for you, you guys would be working this out
together the fact that you're not working it out together
means he's not the one God means for you forever.
And so the important thing is you learned a valuable
lesson that you will now hopefully change your behaviors. So
(14:40):
when the right man that you are meant to spend
forever with comes into your life, you will not ever
try to manipulate him. You are either trying to manipulate
him to get your way or you were trying to
hurt him and wound him. Either way, not healthy ways
to treat someone you love. Right, So you are learning
(15:03):
healthy ways to interact in a relationship. You'd be working
it out, you're not. So that means there is a better.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Plan I'm trying to learn, and it's not that.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Do you have any faith in the Almighty? Do you
have faith in a power greater than yourself?
Speaker 3 (15:22):
I do?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay? So do you believe that God is concerned about
your love life and who you spend your life with
and who you grow old with? Do you think he
orchestrates that and brings that person to us? Okay? So
your little mistake is not bigger than God's plan?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Is it? No?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
As badly as you feel, right now, and I know
you do. Your mistake could not undo God's big picture plan.
I know that, So trust him. Trust that the future
will work out exactlyactly the way it's supposed to. Apply
what you learn, and trust that God is going to
(16:07):
either bring this person back to your life when you're
in a healthier place, or he's going to bring somebody
else into your life. Either way, all you should be
focusing on right now is becoming the best version of
yourself that you can be.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I'm trying to adjust my life, try to be better,
turn my soulf. I'm trying to unattach myself from him
that I'm trying to reenrage and stop thinking about my
future with him from right now in this moment, because
right now he is thought Jim. But I know that
(16:44):
whatever is meant to be is going to happen. I
still love him. I wish him to gout.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Okay, So let's forget about communicating with him right now
or even thinking about him. Let's focus on you, honey, Jasmine.
Let's just can you just say, you know what, for
the next year, I Am going to make this the
year of Jasmine. Do you want to know what's really
magical about the jasmine flower. Well, number one, it's got
(17:13):
a million healing properties. But number two, jasmine has a
delicious sweet aroma that permeates the air, and just the
smell alone is healing. But jasmine during the day, when
everything is bright and cheery and sunny, smells nice. But
(17:36):
at night, when the world grows dark and everything looks scary,
the scent of the jasmine is enhanced tenfold. They smell
so much sweeter when the sun goes down, When the
night is darkest, the jasmine is the sweetest. And right
(18:01):
now the night is dark in your life, Jasmine. It's
dark because you're missing and grieving the person you thought
you were going to grow old with. But God can
turn that darkness into the sweetest part of your life
if you let him. So, just say you know what,
For the next twelve months, I'm going to dedicate this
(18:23):
time to myself and to getting to know myself and
to getting to know the creator who made me, and
figuring out the plan for my life and going to
counseling and learning healthy ways to communicate. Because you are
so wonderful and you have such a tender heart and
(18:45):
you deserve joy. Thank you so much, Jasmine, the flower
is the sweetest when the night is the darkest. Remember that, Okay,
and if you haven't plant one out outside your bedroom window,
oh well, thank you for calling God. Bless you, honey,
(19:05):
Thank you so much to world. Jasmine is so young
and knows she has a lot to work on. I
thank her. I thank her for reminding me how easy
it is to make a really big, foolish mistake, not
because we're trying to hurt somebody, but because we're hurting
(19:26):
and we're reacting. I know we've all done that. We
don't have to though. There is way too much turmoil
to unravel in this world every day going on around us.
There are for sure people who you need to set
boundaries with. That's a healthy thing. Please just take the
time to think through and pray through those things. Don't
(19:49):
react in anger. You can't take those words back, and
your words matter, they do. Maybe try to remember not
to solve but anything or even say anything when you're angry,
especially with people you love. Give yourself a time out.
I have to give my kids and my grandkids a
time out all the time, because when they're hungry, when
(20:13):
they're angry, when they're tired, it's like, okay, time out.
We are going to de escalate here. And I have
learned over the years to give myself a time out.
When I'm talking to my husband and I'm starting to
get defensive or starting to get frustrated, I say, honey,
I'm going to take a time out right here because
I don't want to say something I regret. Give me
a couple of minutes, and I walk away, not walk
(20:35):
away like stomp away and not finish the conversation. I
mean walk away, like to de escalate, to do some
deep breathing, to do a little prayer, and then come
back and say, Okay, sorry about that. I was ramped up.
I'm going to take a deep breath and I'm going
to try to take all the anger out of the
(20:56):
conversation and talk to you with love something to think about.
I hope you have enjoyed today's episode. Thank you for
joining me today, and remember, if you want to share
your story, you want to share your faith, If you
need a prayer, call me in the evening Monday through
Friday one eight eight, eight, six, three, three, five four
(21:18):
five two you'll find me in my studio. I will
be back next week, but until then, remember The Lord
loves you, so never forget to have a little faith
del
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