March 17, 2025 • 30 mins
Ros is filming and Eric starts his He Said, He Said chats with Mory Fontanez, who guides Fortune 500 companies and C-suite leaders, performers, and other public figures to navigate change, challenges, and growth in both their professional and personal lives. Knowing how much Eric loves chatting with people in the mental health space, these two tackle a couple of important topics including validation addiction, the burnout crisis, and how to create your highest frequency self in a relationship. She has a new book out from Harper Collins called Higher Self. This is a conversation that you won’t want to miss as Eric speaks on how all these topics affect his own life.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is he said a YADIHO with Eric Winter and
Rosalind Fantev.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Today we have a very fun guest. I'm so excited
to chat with her. This is gonna be a lot
of fun. Maury Fontanez. She is an entrepreneurial woman who
has been really lifting up. She guides Fortune five hundred
companies and c suite leaders, performers, and other public figures
to navigate change, challenges, and growth in both their personal
(00:30):
and professional lives. She has a new book coming out
that we'll get to talk about. She has a podcast.
She has so much going on. I need some help.
Let's see what she can do for me in the
short period of time. But I love chatting with people
like this, so I'm excited to have her on. Let's
go ahead and bring her in, Maury, As I said,
I just introduced you as someone who's helping change and
(00:52):
lift people up in all aspects of life. But you
are an intuitive life and leadership coach. We have friends
that work in the space of life coaching. I know
a lot about that space, and some of them work
with big companies as well, But I believe there's a
big distinction working with a Fortune five hundred CEO or
leader of a company versus someone like me who's going
(01:14):
through my own personal stuff you know all the time. First,
just talk to me a little bit about how you
got into this space, because I've always found that fascinating,
even with my friends that are in it. What drove
you to pursue that as a career, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I mean, listen.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I always say that I don't have the traditional path
into this kind of guidance and teaching because a lot
of my work is actually fundamentally spiritual, right. It's about
learning what your soul desires and following that truth. But
I come from a background of crisis management for fortune
one hundred CEOs and companies and public personalities in the
entertainment industry. So basically I was the person running into
(01:52):
the fire that people had created that they were.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Running out of.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
And I spent twenty years doing this, writing messages for
people to say to re earn the trust they had
lost in whatever public scandal had happened. And I did this,
and I did it well, and I continue to grow
in that space until I hit a point where honestly,
(02:16):
I kind of had my own crisis internally, which was
what am I doing Why am I writing a bunch
of words that people are saying that they don't believe.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And more importantly, why do.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
They get into crisis to begin with? And that question
became the north.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Star for the rest of my life. And I started
to pursue answering that question.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
And what I found was I do it because I'm
deeply intuitive, and that means I know the answer to
the problem. Why do I know it because I don't
have fear in that moment, because it's not my crisis.
What blocks us from our intuition is the fear. And
so I set out to start coaching people to learn
(03:03):
how to reclaim that inner wisdom so that they could
avoid those moments, but also so that they could learn to.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Trust themselves again.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
And I made a hard left and started a whole
new career from there.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It makes it makes sense, and I feel, you know,
it's interesting about what you do right, because it is.
I truly believe it's a gift when someone can tap
into that and know that what their intuition, what their
gut is saying, can really help somebody if they take
it to heart and they apply it. And I'm assuming
because you said yourself like you have your own fires
you deal with right, And I don't know, do you
(03:38):
ever work with your own life coach as well? Because
I have a lot of life coaches. I know work
with life coaches too. Oh yeah, I has you need
someone from the outside the hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I have mentors, I have healers, I have somatic coaches.
I you know, I believe in, you know, the Eastern
medicine kind of way of multiple modalities all at once
and ofsing of addressing us as humans as an energy system.
So I work with all kinds of teachers of guides,
but also I follow my own method. Like I tell
(04:08):
my clients, I would never ask you to do something
I either haven't done or I'm not in the process
of doing right now, because I believe that Guru's guides
teachers are not meant to be up ahead of us,
They're meant to be walking next to us. So I'm
doing the work alongside people of healing my little self,
(04:28):
of tapping into my higher self one hundred times a day.
And I really teach from that embodied state of working
on myself constantly.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I mean, and that makes sense and it's great to
hear as well, because a lot of times when someone
goes to help you, you're like, wait, but do you
actually practice what you preach? You know what I mean?
And do you apply it? Because it's so easy to
sit on the end. Not easy, but it's there's an
ability to sit on the outside and guide people but
not follow your own words of wisdom. And I even
will debate my wife about this sometimes I'm like me,
(05:00):
all kinds of advice, but do you take your own advice?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Sometimes yeah, And it's hard to take their advice when
you feel like, oh, well, you're not taking the risk
of doing the courageous thing, and like, don't you feel
eric like you could tell when you're with someone a guide,
a teacher, or a healer, a therapist, and you're just like, ooh,
it feels like you're saying things you don't actually like
take in cellularly, like can't totally yea.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
You know, there's a couple of topics that my producers
are brought up that I found fascinating. One of them
right away that struck a chord was especially in my business,
is validation addiction. Something that I know you've tapped into
and spoke a lot about share with our listeners. A
little bit about your definition of that, and then I
want to talk to you about my thoughts and get
into that.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts, so listen. We all,
as human beings, rely on validation from a very early age.
Why because we learn very young that we need the
acceptance of those around us to survive. So validation becomes
a survival stratch. At a very early age, we are learning.
(06:03):
We're watching what is it that I do that makes
Dad smile? What is it that I do that makes
mom a little less stressed out or she seems like
she's worried about something, And we quickly learn to embody
those things so that we can get that attention, because
we need their attention to survive. Where that validation, which
is very human, turns into an addiction is when we
(06:25):
enter a world that says you need my approval to
have value. We are not conditioned to stop and ask
what is your value? What do you believe? What do
you want? What do you think? We're conditioned to ask
what does the other person think? Where is the advice
outside of myself? So we externalize our wisdom. We have
(06:48):
been taught that looking for wisdom externally is the smartest.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Thing to do.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
When we believe that illusion, what we do is we
start to look outward instantly, what do you think? Do
you think this thing I did was valuable? Do you
think I'm valuable? Then you add social media on top
of this, all right, you know rich foundation of looking outside,
(07:13):
and now we have a society that says, oh, guess
what I can measure how valuable you are by other
people's interactions with you. And so we've become addicted to
validation as a form of checking in on our value.
And that is where it is deeply dangerous, because when
we rely on others to tell us whether we're valuable,
(07:36):
those others are full of their own trauma and fear
and limiting beliefs. So I say, it's like looking in
a foggy mirror expecting to see a clear reflection, and
you never will.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
You could probably have a full career just doing this
for actors, because the truth is, I do you have
to work with any other company in the world. You
could just focus on actors, because yeah, actually I'm just actors,
just creatives. The funny thing about the creatives, and I
try to explain this people all the time, is that
we are in a business where you're you have no
choice but to be told you're valuable by somebody else
(08:11):
until you're creating your own opportunity. Right, So to get
a job, I have to audition and be told I'm
good enough or I'm right for this part. And that's
just the job. As soon as you can let that value,
that sort of addiction to hearing that validation go away,
and you can separate it and go no, I'm valuable
(08:33):
regardless of what you're going to say. This is my take,
this is my opinion, this is my version of the character.
So you're not judging me based on my value. You're
just judging me if you if you, if our visions
align right for this role. And I laugh a lot
when I tell actors, even my my daughter plays competitive
junior tennis, and athletes in general. I talk about, you know,
(08:56):
some of the most difficult professions in the world. I
think are creative because as an athlete, your value is
very much measurable. It's like you scored forty points in
a game in basketball, you did well, like no one
has to tell you did well. It's right there on
the page, you know. Whereas if you're a creative. It's
all subjective. So whether you have value in this business
(09:17):
or you don't have value, it's somebody else's opinion. Whether
you win the oscar, don't win the oscar, you know,
whatever the case may be. Then, like you said, you
throw social media in the mix, which entertainers live on
in general, which to me is just quicksand for the emotional,
for an emotional already an emotional person, I constantly find
myself talking to people about this all the time, not
(09:38):
trying to help them, but just going you're in the
wrong business. And until you realize your value is not
dependent on somebody else in this space, you can't really
survive in our business.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Would not agree with you more.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And I would just add one fine point on it,
which is that word value, even an athlete, tying your
value to what you produce is part of the toxicity
of our whole culture. You are your career, you know
the amount of money you can command, sure, absolutely, But
(10:16):
the minute that we believe that our value as a
being has to do with what we produce, all of
a sudden, we're a human doing, not a human being.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
So that work around value is so important.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And I will say I have the opportunity to sit
across a zoom in a session with people I grew
up watching in the movies and coaching them now, and
sometimes I have to think, like, wow, okay, this is
the direction your life took you Why? And it's because
my message is one of listen. You're a storyteller. The
way you tell your story as a creative is not
(10:50):
always going to align with however someone has a vision
for a story. But it does not mean you hold
less value. That's where you can break the addiction right there.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
It's funny I trying to even relate this to sports,
and you made it very clear which was which was valid.
And I've said this to my daughter and again, like
competitive tennis for a young kid is brutal, Like it's
a really tough support. There's no there are no referees.
You're in an individual sport. You're on this island by yourself.
You're you're constantly having to produce and work and work
(11:32):
and work, and it's just never ending. It's it's like
a you see it in a pro circuit, right, It's
just a year round sport. And I try to explain
to her, Sabella, it's you got to stop putting tennis
as your identity. It doesn't define who you are. But
also you don't. It sounds crazy to say it, but
I'm like, I don't really care if you win or
(11:54):
you lose. And like the quote of Kobe Bryant would say, look,
if you win, great, you have to get up and
do it all over again the next day. If you lose, great,
you got to get up and do it all over
again the next day. So there's not like it doesn't
define you your value because you want a tournament. It
doesn't define you because you did X, Y and z
on the court. To me, what matters are the life lessons, Right,
(12:14):
did you get better? Did you work your hardest? Did
you try? Those are things that to me, and I
hate to say put value on it, but it's like,
that's what you need to be worrying about. Yeah, because
those are things you can control that make you a
stronger person.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yeah. And were you proud of yourself?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I really try to focus on with my kids so
I can break them of this validation addiction is not
even ever since they were little. It was like I
would stop myself from saying I'm proud of you. First,
I'd start with are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yes? Why because I did X, Y and Z.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You know, I'm proud of you too, But like, let
me start by reminding you you need to be proud
of yourself, not anybody else.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I like that. I'm actually going to take that, take
that advice right there and use it with her and
my son. You know, he's young playing soccer or young still,
but everybody's always like, you know, did you score a
goal today? I'm like, it's not about the goal It's
about how did you play? Did you work hard? Did
you run?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
You know?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
And did you hustle? You can make the greatest sit
There's a number of things. Yeah, And that's something that
I think is very important to shine a light on
Are you proud of yourself? First? Because it doesn't matter
if I'm proud if you're not proud of yourself.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
And as adults, we.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Can ask ourselves that same question every day. You know,
it didn't go the way I planned, But am I
proud of myself right now? And if the answer is no,
what part of me is not proud of myself?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah? You know, God, that whole thing that you like
you let into and talked about with social media. That's
where I feel like that's one of the biggest pitfalls
is that people constantly post for approval. They're seeking attention.
And I have to remind my wife about this a lot.
And you know, if you're looking at comments from somebody
and you love all the positive comments, you need to
(13:56):
be accepting of the negative comments because you're going to
get them. Yeah, they're not all going to be positive.
So if you're looking for approval from somebody that says,
I love you, this is so great, you look beautiful, whatever,
you're gonna get somebody that's gonna throw something in negative.
So you're better off just not even looking at it.
To me, that's right, because you're seeking approval, you're seeking validation.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And the positive I say this to you know, a
lot of my performers that are really active on social
like the positive and the negative are all projections.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
None of it is about you, none of it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
The great stuff is a projection of what the person
desires to be, wants to aspire to the way they're
idolizing you. The negative stuff is a reflection of their
shame and their self hatred and their envy. None of
it is about you, Like you can't take any of
it personally because we are all and I mean this
in the kindest way, self centered beings, meaning that our
(14:51):
experience on this planet revolves around our experience on this planet,
which means that that's what we project out at each
other constantly. Especially then if we're looking at a famous
person that we've been taught to idolize, then we're projecting
all that internal noise on them. So you're just a
screen for whatever movie they're playing in their own mind
(15:12):
about themselves.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, it makes sense, makes sense. Another topic I want
to get your definition on because I find it interesting
is the burnout crisis. Yeah, talking about why people are
disengaging in how to reconnect authentically. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, I mean it goes back to this idea of
in our culture and many cultures, that our value is
measured by what we produce. If you buy into that,
if you buy into that as a truth, you are
on your way to burnout just from that belief system,
because you are constantly trying to prove that you matter,
(15:48):
that you should be taking up space by producing, and
there by the way is never going to be enough producing.
I'll take myself for example, I had a dream of
writing a book with a major publisher.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Guess what I did that.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Guess what I want more?
Speaker 3 (16:05):
I want to.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Now achieve more because I, myself, a teacher of these truths,
has bought into the fact that the more I achieve,
the more I can show my value. Now the work
for me is to reframe it around purpose. No, the
more you achieve, the more impact you have, which allows
me to go back into a place of this isn't
(16:28):
about other people liking what I'm doing. It's about helping.
It's about doing the part I'm meant to do. So
I think that if you don't connect what you're constantly
doing to your purpose, the reason you're embodied on this
planet in this moment in history right now, with the
skills you have, with the desires that are naturally within you,
(16:50):
then you are going to burn yourself out because you're
running around doing things without any north star whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
That brings so true to me in my own personal
life and also just again, I go back to my
kid with her sport, because it's you. Burn Out is
so big in youth sports in general, and I think
there is that constant need to prove, prove and if
you're not getting it, if you didn't win this thing,
you're not good enough. And if you're not good enough,
why am I doing it? And then you put all
(17:20):
these hours in and eventually you're just like, I hate it.
You want out. And I've talked about it briefly on
the podcast before, but it happened to me in acting
early on, and I shifted the way I thought. Early on,
it was like any little thing I got was never enough.
It's like, why I didn't get that series regular? I
didn't get that part, And eventually I did. I burnt out.
I quit. I stopped acting for almost two years, and
(17:43):
I came back with a sort of a new mindset
of like, I just want to be happy. I don't
I want to celebrate each victory. If I got this job, great,
it was good because you're right. And I've preached this
to my wife and to friends, and I don't claim
that I do it perfectly, but you're, like you said it,
You're always going to want something more. Right. You see
(18:05):
people all the time, they win the Oscar, the biggest
accolade you could get as a movie star, and they're
still miserable. Yeah, and they don't even work as much.
Sometimes some do, some don't. And they're and they're they're
always still seeking whether their personal life is crashing, something
is not right, Like they're just not happy in the
moment they got that one thing they wanted, it didn't
fulfill them. Yeah, and I say that, you know, I've
(18:27):
said it to my wife, Like I said, and you
gotta appreciate every little step along the way in order
to really be happy with where you're at and not
constantly chasing.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, but it's.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Hard to appreciate it when you don't know what it's
for the sake of.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Yeah. So one purpose, like one.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Exercise I give my creatives, my artists is or everyone
even the CEO is like, I want you to have
a for the sake of statement?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
What is this for the sake of?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So? For example, my greatest value at all is freedom.
I exist for freedom, my own freedom and the freedom
of everyone that my work touches. So for the sake
of is this is for the sake of freedom? When
I use that frame, everything I do has to fit
in that bucket. If it's not providing freedom for me,
(19:20):
my family, my followers, my clients.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
I'm not going to do that thing.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
So find your reason why, like your big reason why,
and your clue is what do you value most? What
is the thing you know that your soul values the most.
That is the connection to your purpose. And when you
can map everything back to why am I doing this,
then it's easier to appreciate it in the moment.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
That you know. That's great. That's a great way of phrasing.
At night, I think subconsciously, I've even thought about stuff
like that, because there's been jobs I've taken and I'm like,
why am I taking this job? Like this is strictly
a money job, and then I go back and I
go but wait, my priority has always been my family,
my kids, providing, you know, being there for them. And
(20:13):
if it's a job that keeps me a Los Angeles,
I'll take less money. If it's a job that is
just gonna make money to buy me more time to
find something else that creatively stimulates me, I'll go do
it with a smile because I know I'm doing it
for the money to go back to the purpose I have,
which is my family. A lot of people will do
(20:33):
it and be like, I hate this job. I'm on
this job every day. I did it for the money.
I'm miserable.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
That's that's exactly what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
You have your eye on the north star, so you
can find appreciation. Because here's the thing. We can get
into victim mode. This is how we humans are, Like,
this is happening to me. Guess what my loves. You
are making it happen. Everything that is happening you have
made happen, either from the consciousness of total belief in
(21:03):
yourself and dignity and purpose, or from the consciousness of
lack and fear and shame. But whichever one you pick,
is the world that you're creating around you. It's not
happening to you. You've made it happen.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I already know I'm gonna probably have to hire you
to talk to my kid, to my daughter, and my wife.
I wish she was here for this podcast. She would
have learned that she might have learned I was right
about a couple of things. But that would be bad too.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Oh so you want to you like, let me ask
you that.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Well, that's a great segue actually into another one of
the topics, which is advice on love and relationships. To
create your most high frequency relationship, to build on each other,
talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
So think about what we just talked about around validation.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
When we don't know that, we externalize our value when
we don't like stop to think about it. We also
then mistake validation for love for loving intimate relationships. I
think that often we go into or I did at
least in my first marriage and my relationships prior to that.
(22:14):
We go into relationships looking for the other person to
fill that black hole inside us that we have around
questions of our own validity, lovability value, Like we think
that if someone else just loves us enough, that that
hole will be filled. And the reality is actually intimacy
(22:38):
and romance and loving relationships are about you being your
highest frequency and coexisting along someone that is at their
highest frequency, so that you are like building each other
up constantly from a place of totally being resourced. Does
that make sense? So are under resourced? Eric, And I'm
(23:00):
pouring all of my life force into you. Guess what,
I'm now under resourced. So now I'm not adding to
the collective life force. I've taken mine away to give
it to you so that you can give me love
in return. That is not That is not the point.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
The point is.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
How do I be at my most resourced self, which
I call is your higher self, my most dignified sense
of I know I hold value, and I'm also going
to listen to the wisdom inside me first and foremost.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I'm not going to hand it over to you, my partner.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
I'm going to keep following my own north star, and
I'm going to find a partner who is good with that,
who wants that for me, and who is doing that
for themselves, which creates a fiercely independent relationship, but in
a way where you're actually there to cheerlead and celebrate
one another and have really honest conversations with each other.
(23:55):
When you feel like one of you is holding the
other back from embodying this highest frequency, which we are
afraid to do because we haven't been taught to have
that kind of dialogue with our partners.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Well, I feel like I've been in that situation, especially
in my past marriage. Funny enough as well, where maybe
you're holding the person back and ultimately you're afraid to
lose them, right, Like you're afraid to let them fly
instead of trying to find ways you can elevate yourself
while elevating them. Am I right?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
And why are you afraid to lose them?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Yeah, I mean that's a great question to ask. I think,
you know, sometimes maybe you devalue yourself or you devalue
a situation, you know what I mean. And I think
that's something you know. In my marriage now with Rozen,
we've been together for nineteen years, but in our relationship
we've always found a way to lift each other and
support each other's careers. It's never felt competitive. Yeah, it's
always been you do that, I'll do this, we'll we'll
(24:51):
figure it out. You have to have real conversations at times,
like is it good for the family, is it good
for everybody? Does this work for our lives? Not to
hold you back, but if you're gonna do this, this
can a stress like the we you know, the ebbs
and flows of it. But I think always with the
intention of if it's going to make you happy, I
will do my best to find a way to make
it work for you. Right, it works for me too,
(25:14):
you know what I mean, Like, it'll compromise in your
own self exactly.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
And you know, my hypothesis is that we're afraid to
lose them because we've put our value, our value into them,
so we think that if they go, there goes our value.
And that is how I operated in my first marriage,
where it was so holding on so tightly to like,
please stay or please do what I need to feel
(25:39):
loved so I can love myself.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
The minute I realized, oh my god, I.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Don't need you for that, my entire relationship with relationships
changed to the point where I'm remarried now and in
our vows my current husband I said to each other,
I exist to allow you to embody your higher self,
and the minute I get in your way, I need.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
To go away.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I think you probably know many people, and I know
I've never been fully like this, but I've had moments
like this, and I know people that have been fully.
You know, in this space where you become your partner,
you morph yourself into the person you're dating, like, oh
you like that, I like that. I'll figure out how
to like what you like. I will become you. And
(26:25):
that ultimately is a dying relationship. It's never going to
be sustained because as soon as either that, one person's
gonna find you too smothering, like who are you? What's
your identity? You're literally just doing everything I do, and
it's too cumbersome like it. It's closing me out right,
or you will eventually come wake up and go, I
don't even know who I am. I'm literally you. I'm
(26:46):
just doing everything to be for you. I don't even
have an identity. And I know a lot of people
who have done that in the past, and you can
just see it. You always like you're like the one friend.
You're like, oh, we lost that friend during this relationship
because they're not gonna have any identity like that. They're
gonna go live with that person, yeah forever and just
be that person.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Yeah, because that's the little people please are inside you.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
That same little six year old that came up with
that strategy to please people to get love is still
at the steering wheel in an adult grown relationship and
is replaying that same strategy.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Yeah, this is all great stuff. And I know, let's
talk a little bit about what you have coming up.
And I also know you have a podcast, but you
have a book that's coming out. Correct, Let's talk about
that higher self that's right.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah, higher self, reclaiming the power of your intuition. It
is really this blend of my method in a book,
blended with my memoir and my life story, because I
really mean when I say I'm walking alongside you.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
So I want to show you how I did the
things that I tell you to do.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
And then some of the case studies of some of
the more like brilliant, amazing people that I've gotten to
coach and how they've been transformed. And really the book
is written as a love letter from your higher self
to you. So it's written about you, the reader, and
I talk you through your childhood and where you may
have found some of these limiting beliefs and these coping strategies,
and I show you how to let them go so
(28:07):
that you can make room. And at the end, really
I reintroduce you to who is your higher self? And
how would you be if you embodied your most dignified,
your most centered, and your most intuitive self at all times?
What would your life look like? What kind of decisions
would you make? What kind of beliefs would you hold?
And really, I hope that by the end of the book,
I set you off into the world like really emanate
(28:31):
that self.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
I love it sounds like a mandatory read if you're
ask me. And this is out now, so everybody can
jump on this right away. Exactly, and then you have
a podcast signal with Maury and Melissa. Correct.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Yeah, so that's a podcast where we have this kind
of dialogue. It's me and my best friend and she's
really there. You know, I can get really metaphysical and
start talking about like huge concepts. Melissa is like, you know,
your average everyday person who's so hilarious, and she's just
there to like ask questions that the cynic would have
or be like, wait a minute, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Break it relatable? Yeah, you'll lost me a whole lot totally.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
So we have a lot of fun and we talked
to a lot of great people.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Oh that's great. So everybody can check that out anywhere
you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Anybody listen to podcasts and high yourself anywhere you would
buy your books.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I love it. Thank you so much for coming on
the podcast. This has been great. I mean it when
I say I might hire you to talk.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
To my daughter, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I'm in She'll get a lot out of it.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I appreciate your time, my pleasure.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
It was so nice to talk with you.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Thank you. All right, Well, I think we all definitely
learned something from Maury without a question I did. I
really wish Roslyn would have been here, because I'm telling
you I would have been said I was right on
a couple of my thoughts. But if she listens to
this podcast, you'll know I said that. Otherwise, maybe she'll
never know that I said I was right. Thank you
again for listening, and if you have any questions you know,
(29:54):
please send them in to Eric Androz at iHeartRadio dot
com or go to he said at the on Instagram
and drop us a DM with any questions. Until next time.
Thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review
and tell us what you think.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us
out at e said ajav or sens an email Eric
and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
He said.
Speaker 5 (30:15):
AJAB is part of iHeartRadio's Miculduda podcast network.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
See you next time.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Bye,
This is he said a YADIHO with Eric Winter and
Rosalind Fantev.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Today we have a very fun guest. I'm so excited
to chat with her. This is gonna be a lot
of fun. Maury Fontanez. She is an entrepreneurial woman who
has been really lifting up. She guides Fortune five hundred
companies and c suite leaders, performers, and other public figures
to navigate change, challenges, and growth in both their personal
(00:30):
and professional lives. She has a new book coming out
that we'll get to talk about. She has a podcast.
She has so much going on. I need some help.
Let's see what she can do for me in the
short period of time. But I love chatting with people
like this, so I'm excited to have her on. Let's
go ahead and bring her in, Maury, As I said,
I just introduced you as someone who's helping change and
(00:52):
lift people up in all aspects of life. But you
are an intuitive life and leadership coach. We have friends
that work in the space of life coaching. I know
a lot about that space, and some of them work
with big companies as well, But I believe there's a
big distinction working with a Fortune five hundred CEO or
leader of a company versus someone like me who's going
(01:14):
through my own personal stuff you know all the time. First,
just talk to me a little bit about how you
got into this space, because I've always found that fascinating,
even with my friends that are in it. What drove
you to pursue that as a career, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I mean, listen.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I always say that I don't have the traditional path
into this kind of guidance and teaching because a lot
of my work is actually fundamentally spiritual, right. It's about
learning what your soul desires and following that truth. But
I come from a background of crisis management for fortune
one hundred CEOs and companies and public personalities in the
entertainment industry. So basically I was the person running into
(01:52):
the fire that people had created that they were.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Running out of.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
And I spent twenty years doing this, writing messages for
people to say to re earn the trust they had
lost in whatever public scandal had happened. And I did this,
and I did it well, and I continue to grow
in that space until I hit a point where honestly,
(02:16):
I kind of had my own crisis internally, which was
what am I doing Why am I writing a bunch
of words that people are saying that they don't believe.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And more importantly, why do.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
They get into crisis to begin with? And that question
became the north.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Star for the rest of my life. And I started
to pursue answering that question.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
And what I found was I do it because I'm
deeply intuitive, and that means I know the answer to
the problem. Why do I know it because I don't
have fear in that moment, because it's not my crisis.
What blocks us from our intuition is the fear. And
so I set out to start coaching people to learn
(03:03):
how to reclaim that inner wisdom so that they could
avoid those moments, but also so that they could learn to.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Trust themselves again.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
And I made a hard left and started a whole
new career from there.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It makes it makes sense, and I feel, you know,
it's interesting about what you do right, because it is.
I truly believe it's a gift when someone can tap
into that and know that what their intuition, what their
gut is saying, can really help somebody if they take
it to heart and they apply it. And I'm assuming
because you said yourself like you have your own fires
you deal with right, And I don't know, do you
(03:38):
ever work with your own life coach as well? Because
I have a lot of life coaches. I know work
with life coaches too. Oh yeah, I has you need
someone from the outside the hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I have mentors, I have healers, I have somatic coaches.
I you know, I believe in, you know, the Eastern
medicine kind of way of multiple modalities all at once
and ofsing of addressing us as humans as an energy system.
So I work with all kinds of teachers of guides,
but also I follow my own method. Like I tell
(04:08):
my clients, I would never ask you to do something
I either haven't done or I'm not in the process
of doing right now, because I believe that Guru's guides
teachers are not meant to be up ahead of us,
They're meant to be walking next to us. So I'm
doing the work alongside people of healing my little self,
(04:28):
of tapping into my higher self one hundred times a day.
And I really teach from that embodied state of working
on myself constantly.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I mean, and that makes sense and it's great to
hear as well, because a lot of times when someone
goes to help you, you're like, wait, but do you
actually practice what you preach? You know what I mean?
And do you apply it? Because it's so easy to
sit on the end. Not easy, but it's there's an
ability to sit on the outside and guide people but
not follow your own words of wisdom. And I even
will debate my wife about this sometimes I'm like me,
(05:00):
all kinds of advice, but do you take your own advice?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Sometimes yeah, And it's hard to take their advice when
you feel like, oh, well, you're not taking the risk
of doing the courageous thing, and like, don't you feel
eric like you could tell when you're with someone a guide,
a teacher, or a healer, a therapist, and you're just like, ooh,
it feels like you're saying things you don't actually like
take in cellularly, like can't totally yea.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
You know, there's a couple of topics that my producers
are brought up that I found fascinating. One of them
right away that struck a chord was especially in my business,
is validation addiction. Something that I know you've tapped into
and spoke a lot about share with our listeners. A
little bit about your definition of that, and then I
want to talk to you about my thoughts and get
into that.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts, so listen. We all,
as human beings, rely on validation from a very early age.
Why because we learn very young that we need the
acceptance of those around us to survive. So validation becomes
a survival stratch. At a very early age, we are learning.
(06:03):
We're watching what is it that I do that makes
Dad smile? What is it that I do that makes
mom a little less stressed out or she seems like
she's worried about something, And we quickly learn to embody
those things so that we can get that attention, because
we need their attention to survive. Where that validation, which
is very human, turns into an addiction is when we
(06:25):
enter a world that says you need my approval to
have value. We are not conditioned to stop and ask
what is your value? What do you believe? What do
you want? What do you think? We're conditioned to ask
what does the other person think? Where is the advice
outside of myself? So we externalize our wisdom. We have
(06:48):
been taught that looking for wisdom externally is the smartest.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Thing to do.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
When we believe that illusion, what we do is we
start to look outward instantly, what do you think? Do
you think this thing I did was valuable? Do you
think I'm valuable? Then you add social media on top
of this, all right, you know rich foundation of looking outside,
(07:13):
and now we have a society that says, oh, guess
what I can measure how valuable you are by other
people's interactions with you. And so we've become addicted to
validation as a form of checking in on our value.
And that is where it is deeply dangerous, because when
we rely on others to tell us whether we're valuable,
(07:36):
those others are full of their own trauma and fear
and limiting beliefs. So I say, it's like looking in
a foggy mirror expecting to see a clear reflection, and
you never will.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
You could probably have a full career just doing this
for actors, because the truth is, I do you have
to work with any other company in the world. You
could just focus on actors, because yeah, actually I'm just actors,
just creatives. The funny thing about the creatives, and I
try to explain this people all the time, is that
we are in a business where you're you have no
choice but to be told you're valuable by somebody else
(08:11):
until you're creating your own opportunity. Right, So to get
a job, I have to audition and be told I'm
good enough or I'm right for this part. And that's
just the job. As soon as you can let that value,
that sort of addiction to hearing that validation go away,
and you can separate it and go no, I'm valuable
(08:33):
regardless of what you're going to say. This is my take,
this is my opinion, this is my version of the character.
So you're not judging me based on my value. You're
just judging me if you if you, if our visions
align right for this role. And I laugh a lot
when I tell actors, even my my daughter plays competitive
junior tennis, and athletes in general. I talk about, you know,
(08:56):
some of the most difficult professions in the world. I
think are creative because as an athlete, your value is
very much measurable. It's like you scored forty points in
a game in basketball, you did well, like no one
has to tell you did well. It's right there on
the page, you know. Whereas if you're a creative. It's
all subjective. So whether you have value in this business
(09:17):
or you don't have value, it's somebody else's opinion. Whether
you win the oscar, don't win the oscar, you know,
whatever the case may be. Then, like you said, you
throw social media in the mix, which entertainers live on
in general, which to me is just quicksand for the emotional,
for an emotional already an emotional person, I constantly find
myself talking to people about this all the time, not
(09:38):
trying to help them, but just going you're in the
wrong business. And until you realize your value is not
dependent on somebody else in this space, you can't really
survive in our business.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Would not agree with you more.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And I would just add one fine point on it,
which is that word value, even an athlete, tying your
value to what you produce is part of the toxicity
of our whole culture. You are your career, you know
the amount of money you can command, sure, absolutely, But
(10:16):
the minute that we believe that our value as a
being has to do with what we produce, all of
a sudden, we're a human doing, not a human being.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
So that work around value is so important.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And I will say I have the opportunity to sit
across a zoom in a session with people I grew
up watching in the movies and coaching them now, and
sometimes I have to think, like, wow, okay, this is
the direction your life took you Why? And it's because
my message is one of listen. You're a storyteller. The
way you tell your story as a creative is not
(10:50):
always going to align with however someone has a vision
for a story. But it does not mean you hold
less value. That's where you can break the addiction right there.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
It's funny I trying to even relate this to sports,
and you made it very clear which was which was valid.
And I've said this to my daughter and again, like
competitive tennis for a young kid is brutal, Like it's
a really tough support. There's no there are no referees.
You're in an individual sport. You're on this island by yourself.
You're you're constantly having to produce and work and work
(11:32):
and work, and it's just never ending. It's it's like
a you see it in a pro circuit, right, It's
just a year round sport. And I try to explain
to her, Sabella, it's you got to stop putting tennis
as your identity. It doesn't define who you are. But
also you don't. It sounds crazy to say it, but
I'm like, I don't really care if you win or
(11:54):
you lose. And like the quote of Kobe Bryant would say, look,
if you win, great, you have to get up and
do it all over again the next day. If you lose, great,
you got to get up and do it all over
again the next day. So there's not like it doesn't
define you your value because you want a tournament. It
doesn't define you because you did X, Y and z
on the court. To me, what matters are the life lessons, Right,
(12:14):
did you get better? Did you work your hardest? Did
you try? Those are things that to me, and I
hate to say put value on it, but it's like,
that's what you need to be worrying about. Yeah, because
those are things you can control that make you a
stronger person.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yeah. And were you proud of yourself?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I really try to focus on with my kids so
I can break them of this validation addiction is not
even ever since they were little. It was like I
would stop myself from saying I'm proud of you. First,
I'd start with are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yes? Why because I did X, Y and Z.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You know, I'm proud of you too, But like, let
me start by reminding you you need to be proud
of yourself, not anybody else.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I like that. I'm actually going to take that, take
that advice right there and use it with her and
my son. You know, he's young playing soccer or young still,
but everybody's always like, you know, did you score a
goal today? I'm like, it's not about the goal It's
about how did you play? Did you work hard? Did
you run?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
You know?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
And did you hustle? You can make the greatest sit
There's a number of things. Yeah, And that's something that
I think is very important to shine a light on
Are you proud of yourself? First? Because it doesn't matter
if I'm proud if you're not proud of yourself.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
And as adults, we.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Can ask ourselves that same question every day. You know,
it didn't go the way I planned, But am I
proud of myself right now? And if the answer is no,
what part of me is not proud of myself?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah? You know, God, that whole thing that you like
you let into and talked about with social media. That's
where I feel like that's one of the biggest pitfalls
is that people constantly post for approval. They're seeking attention.
And I have to remind my wife about this a lot.
And you know, if you're looking at comments from somebody
and you love all the positive comments, you need to
(13:56):
be accepting of the negative comments because you're going to
get them. Yeah, they're not all going to be positive.
So if you're looking for approval from somebody that says,
I love you, this is so great, you look beautiful, whatever,
you're gonna get somebody that's gonna throw something in negative.
So you're better off just not even looking at it.
To me, that's right, because you're seeking approval, you're seeking validation.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And the positive I say this to you know, a
lot of my performers that are really active on social
like the positive and the negative are all projections.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
None of it is about you, none of it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
The great stuff is a projection of what the person
desires to be, wants to aspire to the way they're
idolizing you. The negative stuff is a reflection of their
shame and their self hatred and their envy. None of
it is about you, Like you can't take any of
it personally because we are all and I mean this
in the kindest way, self centered beings, meaning that our
(14:51):
experience on this planet revolves around our experience on this planet,
which means that that's what we project out at each
other constantly. Especially then if we're looking at a famous
person that we've been taught to idolize, then we're projecting
all that internal noise on them. So you're just a
screen for whatever movie they're playing in their own mind
(15:12):
about themselves.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, it makes sense, makes sense. Another topic I want
to get your definition on because I find it interesting
is the burnout crisis. Yeah, talking about why people are
disengaging in how to reconnect authentically. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, I mean it goes back to this idea of
in our culture and many cultures, that our value is
measured by what we produce. If you buy into that,
if you buy into that as a truth, you are
on your way to burnout just from that belief system,
because you are constantly trying to prove that you matter,
(15:48):
that you should be taking up space by producing, and
there by the way is never going to be enough producing.
I'll take myself for example, I had a dream of
writing a book with a major publisher.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Guess what I did that.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Guess what I want more?
Speaker 3 (16:05):
I want to.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Now achieve more because I, myself, a teacher of these truths,
has bought into the fact that the more I achieve,
the more I can show my value. Now the work
for me is to reframe it around purpose. No, the
more you achieve, the more impact you have, which allows
me to go back into a place of this isn't
(16:28):
about other people liking what I'm doing. It's about helping.
It's about doing the part I'm meant to do. So
I think that if you don't connect what you're constantly
doing to your purpose, the reason you're embodied on this
planet in this moment in history right now, with the
skills you have, with the desires that are naturally within you,
(16:50):
then you are going to burn yourself out because you're
running around doing things without any north star whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
That brings so true to me in my own personal
life and also just again, I go back to my
kid with her sport, because it's you. Burn Out is
so big in youth sports in general, and I think
there is that constant need to prove, prove and if
you're not getting it, if you didn't win this thing,
you're not good enough. And if you're not good enough,
why am I doing it? And then you put all
(17:20):
these hours in and eventually you're just like, I hate it.
You want out. And I've talked about it briefly on
the podcast before, but it happened to me in acting
early on, and I shifted the way I thought. Early on,
it was like any little thing I got was never enough.
It's like, why I didn't get that series regular? I
didn't get that part, And eventually I did. I burnt out.
I quit. I stopped acting for almost two years, and
(17:43):
I came back with a sort of a new mindset
of like, I just want to be happy. I don't
I want to celebrate each victory. If I got this job, great,
it was good because you're right. And I've preached this
to my wife and to friends, and I don't claim
that I do it perfectly, but you're, like you said it,
You're always going to want something more. Right. You see
(18:05):
people all the time, they win the Oscar, the biggest
accolade you could get as a movie star, and they're
still miserable. Yeah, and they don't even work as much.
Sometimes some do, some don't. And they're and they're they're
always still seeking whether their personal life is crashing, something
is not right, Like they're just not happy in the
moment they got that one thing they wanted, it didn't
fulfill them. Yeah, and I say that, you know, I've
(18:27):
said it to my wife, Like I said, and you
gotta appreciate every little step along the way in order
to really be happy with where you're at and not
constantly chasing.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, but it's.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Hard to appreciate it when you don't know what it's
for the sake of.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Yeah. So one purpose, like one.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Exercise I give my creatives, my artists is or everyone
even the CEO is like, I want you to have
a for the sake of statement?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
What is this for the sake of?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So? For example, my greatest value at all is freedom.
I exist for freedom, my own freedom and the freedom
of everyone that my work touches. So for the sake
of is this is for the sake of freedom? When
I use that frame, everything I do has to fit
in that bucket. If it's not providing freedom for me,
(19:20):
my family, my followers, my clients.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
I'm not going to do that thing.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
So find your reason why, like your big reason why,
and your clue is what do you value most? What
is the thing you know that your soul values the most.
That is the connection to your purpose. And when you
can map everything back to why am I doing this,
then it's easier to appreciate it in the moment.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
That you know. That's great. That's a great way of phrasing.
At night, I think subconsciously, I've even thought about stuff
like that, because there's been jobs I've taken and I'm like,
why am I taking this job? Like this is strictly
a money job, and then I go back and I
go but wait, my priority has always been my family,
my kids, providing, you know, being there for them. And
(20:13):
if it's a job that keeps me a Los Angeles,
I'll take less money. If it's a job that is
just gonna make money to buy me more time to
find something else that creatively stimulates me, I'll go do
it with a smile because I know I'm doing it
for the money to go back to the purpose I have,
which is my family. A lot of people will do
(20:33):
it and be like, I hate this job. I'm on
this job every day. I did it for the money.
I'm miserable.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
That's that's exactly what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
You have your eye on the north star, so you
can find appreciation. Because here's the thing. We can get
into victim mode. This is how we humans are, Like,
this is happening to me. Guess what my loves. You
are making it happen. Everything that is happening you have
made happen, either from the consciousness of total belief in
(21:03):
yourself and dignity and purpose, or from the consciousness of
lack and fear and shame. But whichever one you pick,
is the world that you're creating around you. It's not
happening to you. You've made it happen.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I already know I'm gonna probably have to hire you
to talk to my kid, to my daughter, and my wife.
I wish she was here for this podcast. She would
have learned that she might have learned I was right
about a couple of things. But that would be bad too.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Oh so you want to you like, let me ask
you that.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Well, that's a great segue actually into another one of
the topics, which is advice on love and relationships. To
create your most high frequency relationship, to build on each other,
talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
So think about what we just talked about around validation.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
When we don't know that, we externalize our value when
we don't like stop to think about it. We also
then mistake validation for love for loving intimate relationships. I
think that often we go into or I did at
least in my first marriage and my relationships prior to that.
(22:14):
We go into relationships looking for the other person to
fill that black hole inside us that we have around
questions of our own validity, lovability value, Like we think
that if someone else just loves us enough, that that
hole will be filled. And the reality is actually intimacy
(22:38):
and romance and loving relationships are about you being your
highest frequency and coexisting along someone that is at their
highest frequency, so that you are like building each other
up constantly from a place of totally being resourced. Does
that make sense? So are under resourced? Eric, And I'm
(23:00):
pouring all of my life force into you. Guess what,
I'm now under resourced. So now I'm not adding to
the collective life force. I've taken mine away to give
it to you so that you can give me love
in return. That is not That is not the point.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
The point is.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
How do I be at my most resourced self, which
I call is your higher self, my most dignified sense
of I know I hold value, and I'm also going
to listen to the wisdom inside me first and foremost.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I'm not going to hand it over to you, my partner.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
I'm going to keep following my own north star, and
I'm going to find a partner who is good with that,
who wants that for me, and who is doing that
for themselves, which creates a fiercely independent relationship, but in
a way where you're actually there to cheerlead and celebrate
one another and have really honest conversations with each other.
(23:55):
When you feel like one of you is holding the
other back from embodying this highest frequency, which we are
afraid to do because we haven't been taught to have
that kind of dialogue with our partners.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Well, I feel like I've been in that situation, especially
in my past marriage. Funny enough as well, where maybe
you're holding the person back and ultimately you're afraid to
lose them, right, Like you're afraid to let them fly
instead of trying to find ways you can elevate yourself
while elevating them. Am I right?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
And why are you afraid to lose them?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Yeah, I mean that's a great question to ask. I think,
you know, sometimes maybe you devalue yourself or you devalue
a situation, you know what I mean. And I think
that's something you know. In my marriage now with Rozen,
we've been together for nineteen years, but in our relationship
we've always found a way to lift each other and
support each other's careers. It's never felt competitive. Yeah, it's
always been you do that, I'll do this, we'll we'll
(24:51):
figure it out. You have to have real conversations at times,
like is it good for the family, is it good
for everybody? Does this work for our lives? Not to
hold you back, but if you're gonna do this, this
can a stress like the we you know, the ebbs
and flows of it. But I think always with the
intention of if it's going to make you happy, I
will do my best to find a way to make
it work for you. Right, it works for me too,
(25:14):
you know what I mean, Like, it'll compromise in your
own self exactly.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
And you know, my hypothesis is that we're afraid to
lose them because we've put our value, our value into them,
so we think that if they go, there goes our value.
And that is how I operated in my first marriage,
where it was so holding on so tightly to like,
please stay or please do what I need to feel
(25:39):
loved so I can love myself.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
The minute I realized, oh my god, I.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Don't need you for that, my entire relationship with relationships
changed to the point where I'm remarried now and in
our vows my current husband I said to each other,
I exist to allow you to embody your higher self,
and the minute I get in your way, I need.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
To go away.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I think you probably know many people, and I know
I've never been fully like this, but I've had moments
like this, and I know people that have been fully.
You know, in this space where you become your partner,
you morph yourself into the person you're dating, like, oh
you like that, I like that. I'll figure out how
to like what you like. I will become you. And
(26:25):
that ultimately is a dying relationship. It's never going to
be sustained because as soon as either that, one person's
gonna find you too smothering, like who are you? What's
your identity? You're literally just doing everything I do, and
it's too cumbersome like it. It's closing me out right,
or you will eventually come wake up and go, I
don't even know who I am. I'm literally you. I'm
(26:46):
just doing everything to be for you. I don't even
have an identity. And I know a lot of people
who have done that in the past, and you can
just see it. You always like you're like the one friend.
You're like, oh, we lost that friend during this relationship
because they're not gonna have any identity like that. They're
gonna go live with that person, yeah forever and just
be that person.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Yeah, because that's the little people please are inside you.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
That same little six year old that came up with
that strategy to please people to get love is still
at the steering wheel in an adult grown relationship and
is replaying that same strategy.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Yeah, this is all great stuff. And I know, let's
talk a little bit about what you have coming up.
And I also know you have a podcast, but you
have a book that's coming out. Correct, Let's talk about
that higher self that's right.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah, higher self, reclaiming the power of your intuition. It
is really this blend of my method in a book,
blended with my memoir and my life story, because I
really mean when I say I'm walking alongside you.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
So I want to show you how I did the
things that I tell you to do.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
And then some of the case studies of some of
the more like brilliant, amazing people that I've gotten to
coach and how they've been transformed. And really the book
is written as a love letter from your higher self
to you. So it's written about you, the reader, and
I talk you through your childhood and where you may
have found some of these limiting beliefs and these coping strategies,
and I show you how to let them go so
(28:07):
that you can make room. And at the end, really
I reintroduce you to who is your higher self? And
how would you be if you embodied your most dignified,
your most centered, and your most intuitive self at all times?
What would your life look like? What kind of decisions
would you make? What kind of beliefs would you hold?
And really, I hope that by the end of the book,
I set you off into the world like really emanate
(28:31):
that self.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
I love it sounds like a mandatory read if you're
ask me. And this is out now, so everybody can
jump on this right away. Exactly, and then you have
a podcast signal with Maury and Melissa. Correct.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Yeah, so that's a podcast where we have this kind
of dialogue. It's me and my best friend and she's
really there. You know, I can get really metaphysical and
start talking about like huge concepts. Melissa is like, you know,
your average everyday person who's so hilarious, and she's just
there to like ask questions that the cynic would have
or be like, wait a minute, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Break it relatable? Yeah, you'll lost me a whole lot totally.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
So we have a lot of fun and we talked
to a lot of great people.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Oh that's great. So everybody can check that out anywhere
you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Anybody listen to podcasts and high yourself anywhere you would
buy your books.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I love it. Thank you so much for coming on
the podcast. This has been great. I mean it when
I say I might hire you to talk.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
To my daughter, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I'm in She'll get a lot out of it.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I appreciate your time, my pleasure.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
It was so nice to talk with you.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Thank you. All right, Well, I think we all definitely
learned something from Maury without a question I did. I
really wish Roslyn would have been here, because I'm telling
you I would have been said I was right on
a couple of my thoughts. But if she listens to
this podcast, you'll know I said that. Otherwise, maybe she'll
never know that I said I was right. Thank you
again for listening, and if you have any questions you know,
(29:54):
please send them in to Eric Androz at iHeartRadio dot
com or go to he said at the on Instagram
and drop us a DM with any questions. Until next time.
Thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review
and tell us what you think.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us
out at e said ajav or sens an email Eric
and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
He said.
Speaker 5 (30:15):
AJAB is part of iHeartRadio's Miculduda podcast network.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
See you next time.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Bye,
Host
Roselyn Sanchez
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