DELILAH DILEMMAS: Hmmm

These folks have questions. I have answers. ~ Delilah

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Every night on
my radio show, we have Delilah's Dilemmas. We love them all.

(00:24):
When you call or you write with a situation that
you're in and you just need a little advice and direction,
we love them all, and today we wanted to share
some of them with you on Hey It's Delilah. Tonight's
Delilah's Dilemma reads Hello to you, Delilah. My name is Carmen.

(00:44):
I'm a proud big sister of two younger siblings. We're
now in our twenties and experiencing the ups and downs
of adult life. For my sister, this includes letting go
of bad relationships and finding love elsewhere. One of my
sisters broke up with a guy that wasn't good for her,
and she's since been attempting to find love in all

(01:07):
the wrong places. Recently, she was in a bad place
mentally and emotionally to where she needed serious help. I
just wish she would realize that she doesn't need to
hold on to bad love or numb her feelings with
destructive things. Instead. I wish she'd realize that all she

(01:30):
really needs is to love herself and to accept the
love of people who truly care about her and are
willing to give her the love she so deserves. She's
an amazing person in love by so many. She is
worthy of real love. I understand it is ultimately up

(01:51):
to her, but I want to be able to support
her in her quest for happiness. I don't want to
fail as a big sy I need ideas and advice.
What do you do when your younger sibling is this lost, Carmen,
I will have my Mama Delilah words for you. Coming
up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from Carmen, who's in

(02:20):
her twenties and has two younger siblings, one that's making
bad choices and Carmen wants to fix her. Carmen wants
to heal her. Carmen says, I don't want to fail
as a big sister. Carmen, you have not failed as
a big sister. You are loving, you are supportive, you
are kind, and that is the best thing that you

(02:41):
can be. If your younger sibling is addicted and it
sounds by the wording of your letter when you said
she's numbing her feelings with bad things, I'm guessing those
bad things are drugs or alcohol or destructive behaviors. There
are support groups not only for her, but for the

(03:05):
family that loves her. If she is struggling with alcoholism,
there is alan On, which is a support group for
people who love alcoholics. If she is struggling with drug abuse,
there's Naranon, which is a support group for people who
love people who love getting high. If her bad stuff

(03:28):
is behaviors like eating disorders or gambling disorders, or sex
and love addictions, there are support groups for family members
who love people who are hurting themselves. And I can't
say enough about those support groups. Save my sanity saved
my life, and I know you can find one online

(03:51):
or near you. The best thing that you can do
for your little sister is to be the best version
of yourself, not losing your serenity or your sanity, trying
to fix her, trying to save her, trying to rescue her,
because that never works, but being strong in your own self,

(04:12):
being strong in your voice, being strong in your intentions,
and to love her completely and say I'm not here
to judge you. I'm not here to yell at you.
I'm not here to tell you that what you're doing
is bad. You already know that. I'm just here to
love you. I am so sorry your sister is going
through this, and I'm so sorry your family's going through this,

(04:35):
and i want you to know I'm proud of you
for reaching out and loving her so much. Tonight's Delilah's
Dilemma is from a listener who says, I've been seeing
a woman now for about five months. Things were going
very well. We had fallen for each other. I'm head

(04:57):
over heels in love with her, but I'm not I'm
quite sure she feels the same way anymore towards me.
She's been going through a lot of things with her
soon to be ex husband. Her ex husband is stalling
their divorce and not treating her very well. After he
managed to sell the house out from under her, she
just left for a month and drove clear across the country.

(05:21):
I was so excited when she got back, but now
I feel like she's lying to me all the time.
She hides from me, She's always canceling our plans. It's
really stressing me out, and I don't know what to
do anymore. I love her and I feel like she's
the one I could spend the rest of my life with,

(05:41):
but I'm not sure she feels the same way. What
should I do? Please help me? From EJ, EJ, I
will have my mother Delilah words for you coming up next.

(06:01):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a listener named EJ who
fell in love with a woman about five months ago
who's going through a divorce and now she's like a
Yo yo up and down and in and out and
playing games. EJ. She is going through a divorce. That's
kind of like going through a Cat five hurricane in

(06:24):
your heart, It's kind of like being hit by a
mack truck. You can't jump up and run a marathon
after you've been hit by a truck and your femurs
and your pelvis are broken. You can't be emotionally available
for a lifetime commitment. You said, I feel like she's

(06:47):
the one I could spend the rest of my life with.
So you're talking about a lifetime commitment, but you're talking
to somebody who was just hit by a Cat five storm,
especially if her ex is being cruel and lying and
sold the house. She has to heal, and she cannot
heal from that kind of betrayal and that kind of

(07:10):
heartbreak while she is trying to give her heart to you.
Her heart's broken, honey, its shattered, Her trust is broken,
her sense of security is broken, and it's going to
take some time. So what you need to do is

(07:31):
understand that a person who was just hit by a
mack truck cannot train for the Boston Marathon. Don't talk
about forever, don't talk about the fact that she might
be the one. Respect her and love her and say
I am here for you. If you want to talk,
I will listen. If you want to go have fun,

(07:54):
I will go have fun. But stop expecting anything out
of her, because she cannot give it to you right now.
Her heart is a dry well, and if you truly
care about her, don't put any expectations on our ej
In time, she might heal. In time, she might realize

(08:17):
that she loves you, but that's going to take time.
Give yourself the gift of understanding that it's not about you.
It's not that you're not good enough or handsome enough,
or kind enough or loving enough. It's that she's just
been through a Cat five hurricane in her heart. Tonight's

(08:46):
Delilah's Dilemma is from a listener who says, Dear Delilah,
I've been listening to your radio show for years. The
stories have made me hope that my own love life
could get better. I met my husband nine years ago.
From the beginning, he was very jealous of my friends,
even my family. Within two years, I had completely lost

(09:10):
all contact with them because he said he loved me
more and that no one would ever love me except him.
He often put me down, called me names, told me
how to talk, how to dress. I asked him to
go to marriage counseling many many times, and he always refused.

(09:32):
Long story short, I am now the very happy single
mother of a five month old. He is thriving every
day and I love him dearly. Sadly, when he was
only a month old, my husband and I got into
a fight. I ended up in a woman's shelter with
my son, and now I'm in my own apartment. My

(09:52):
husband is no longer allowed near me or my baby
without supervision. He is finally getting help for his mental abuse. Delilah.
He swears to me that he has changed. My question
to you is do you think someone that is abusive
and controlling can change? Please give me hope. I will

(10:16):
have my Delilah's my best mother, Delilah's advice for you
coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a young
woman who has been in a relationship for nine years

(10:37):
with a controlling man who cut her off from her family,
from her friends, called her names, became very abusive, and
now he's swearing he has changed. Here's the thing. If
he has changed, you will see that. It will become evident.
He will take anger management classes, he will take steps

(11:00):
to get help. He will have a counselor. If he's
got alcohol or drug addictions, which usually go hand in
hand with that kind of mental abuse, he will get
into a twelve step program. He will get a sponsor.
He will start living a very very, very very different life,

(11:20):
and it will become evident that he truly has taken
a different path, and that God is truly working in
his life, and that he has changed. But him insisting
that he's changed in badgering you, that's only telling me
he is not changed at all. He's become more abusive.

(11:43):
I'm guessing you have a restraining order against him, so
he shouldn't even be contacting you. I don't know how
it is that he is swearing to you that he
has changed, when right now you've probably told him you
want no contact with him. So the proof will be
in the If he has changed, he will back off,
he will get help, he will work a program, and

(12:06):
that change will become evident in his life. He will
make amends to you, to your family, to your friends,
to everyone that he has hurt. And it's going to
take a long time to see if that is real.
Not a month, not six months, maybe not even a year.

(12:26):
It's going to take a long time for him to
truly walk a different path and for you to see
the evidence of that. But right now I would stay
as far away as you possibly can. That is my
best advice. I so hope you have enjoyed these radio

(12:46):
moments as much as I enjoy bringing them to you.
I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey It's
Delilah to Lozo