DELILAH DILEMMAS: What to do???

Trying to be that extra filter you need to see things clearly. ~ Delilah

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast do Hey, It's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, I have a feature
called Delilah's Dilemmas. Or folks call me or write me

(00:26):
and share a sticky situation they're in and I try
to help them figure out the best course of action. Today,
we're going to listen to some of those unique situations
right here on Hey It's Delilah. Betty Ann rides Hi, Delilah.
I've loved listening to you for what seems like forever.

(00:49):
I've been here forever, Betty Anne. This September is fifty
years on the air. I recognize that I have some issues.
I'm at yes, no, no only person. I'm an enabler.
I worry way more about everyone else than I do myself.
I have anxiety, I have depression, I have PTSD. I

(01:11):
would love to learn how to find peace. Is it possible?
Please help me? From Betty Ann. That's a whole lot
to unpack, girl friend. I am going to try. I'm
going to have my response coming up next Tonight's Delilah's

(01:35):
Dilemma from Betty Anne says, I'm a yes no person. Okay,
that right there. That's a couple of months worth of
therapy to find ways to have some areas of gray.
Not everything is yes and not everything is no. Not
everything is right and everything is wrong. There are lots
of gray areas in life. There's lots of ways you

(01:57):
could make healthy compromises. There's lots of ways you can
say yes, but not now. I would like to do that,
but today is not the day. There are ways to
say no. Cannot do that, thank you very much, but
no without being rude or unkind. She says, I'm an enabler. Well,

(02:21):
the fact that you recognize it is three quarters of
the battle. You can choose to set boundaries. There's an
old book I've recommended it for over thirty years called
Boundaries by doctor Cloud and doctor Townsend. It is as
important and as good of a read today as it
was thirty years ago when it was gifted to me.

(02:41):
She says, I worry way more about everyone else than
I do myself. That's part of the enabling, that's part
of the lack of self respect and self esteem. I
have anxiety depression and PTSD Again, if you recognize it,
three quarters of the battle right there. If you know
you have post traumatic stress disorder, then you know that

(03:04):
you have trauma or had trauma, and you know that
you can talk through it and work through it and
pray through it. Finally, the big question I would love
to learn how to find peace? Is it possible? With God?
All things are possible, especially peace. My piece comes from
knowing that I don't have all the answers and I

(03:26):
can't control anything, but God can walk every day. Go
for a walk at least half a mile every day
that releases endorphins in your brain. That brings so much
joy and happiness and peace. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from

(03:51):
a listener I'm just gonna call Kay. She says, I
met my husband five years ago while on a girl's
trip in Oregon. We dated two years long day since,
and he visited me in Minnesota once per month. Then
he relocated and a year later we married. He's become
a better father to my three young children than I
could have ever imagined. I've discovered that while we were dating,

(04:15):
he was quote chatting with other women online, numerous women
he confessed that he had been chatting and meeting with
other women for our entire relationship. He's apologized and has
said that he is a different man since our marriage,
and I recently caught him googling other women. Have I

(04:37):
made a mistake? Am I risking my children? Please help me?
I'm not going to share the name. I'm just going
to use the initial k. Kay. I will have my
response to you coming up next. Tonight's Ella's dilemma is

(05:01):
from somebody who got married and is now realizing that
her husband is not who he pretended to be. He
is leading a dual life, which is very common. Okay,
First off, I want you to know that. Second off,
I want you to stop beating yourself up because you're
going how could I have not known this? How could
I have not known this? Oh my gosh, why did
I miss this? People are really good at hiding their addictions.

(05:25):
What your husband is is he is addicted. He is
addicted to the high of promiscuity. He is addicted to
the high of hooking up with women with multiple people.
Are your children at risk? I don't know. I don't
know if one of his addictions is pedophilia. I don't

(05:47):
know that, and there's no way you could know that
because he would hide that very well. Have you made
a mistake, yes you have. You married somebody believing he
was committed to you and faithful and honest and he's not.
So what do you do about it? You confront him
in love and say, evidence shows me you are addicted.

(06:11):
I understand. There are twelve step meetings for men who
battle this addiction and women for that matter, called SAA.
He can google that. If he's good at googling women
and tracking them down, he can sure us he google that.
I need you, if you are going to remain in
this relationship, to agree to go to meetings, to find

(06:34):
a counselor to do couples counseling with me, and to
be completely transparent. If he is not willing to do
those things, if he gives you any pushback at all,
then you need to show him the door and you
need to get away from this person before your life

(06:55):
is destroyed. Because this is so scary and so risky.
There is help. There is help for you too. There
are support groups for people who love people who are
addicted to promiscuity. It is serious and it needs to
be addressed. Okay, my best advice, Christy writes, hopefully you

(07:25):
will read this while I'm listening. I recently got a
new job. It pays nicely as well as providing benefits
and even has paid time off. I got it because
it's a grown up job, but honestly I don't like it.
They really do need me and it has its good days,

(07:49):
but sometimes I dread going to work. My previous job
was a dead end job that didn't pay that well
or have benefits, but I really liked it. I feel
like quitting would be giving up, and I'd be letting
the people down who believe in me. I just was
hired full time. Any advice for me? Please help from Christy. Christy,

(08:14):
I have easy advice for you, and I will share
that coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Christy,
who landed a grown up job with great Bennie's good pay,
but she doesn't like it. Here's the thing, Christy, don't quit.

(08:36):
Find a new job first and then transition. Find a
new job that is something you will love. What do
you love to do? What are your passions? Do you
love children, do you love animals? Do you love to cook.
Do you love to serve others? Do you love computers?

(08:59):
Do you love privacy? Do you love books? Do you
love information? Do you love learning? Do you love selling?
Are you a crafter? Do you love creating things? Figure
out where your passion is, what you enjoy doing more
than anything else, and then figure out how doing that

(09:22):
will bless others, How your great joy meets the world's
great need. The world needs teachers, The world needs caregivers.
The world needs CNAs to care for the elderly and disabled.
The world needs good cooks, good chefs, people to work
at restaurants, people to serve food. What is your passion

(09:47):
and then apply for jobs that would use that gift.
But don't transition from your current job until you find
something that you know you're going to love. Okay, don't
quit and walk away, But while you are employed, find
a job that will use your gifts. Might take a month,

(10:10):
might take a year, but you will be much happier
in the long run. Good luck, God bless you. I
so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as much
as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share more
with you each weekday on Hey, It's deli loud do