October 9, 2023 • 9 mins
Some of us get stuck for a few days or a few weeks, months maybe... but otrs get stuck for YEARS! What will iot take to move forward? ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Do you ever find yourself stuck? Stuck for days or
(00:25):
weeks or months, or, in the case of the next
person I'm going to introduce you to, for decades, stuck
holding on to yester year, not moving forward, not enjoying life,
just holding on to a memory. Stay tuned for that
coming up next on Hey It's Delilah. Hi, good evening,
(00:49):
Welcome to the Delilah Show.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Who is this Sean?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Sean Welcome? What can I do for you?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I absolutely cannot believe I actually got through.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Oh my goodness, thank you for calling Sean. What can
I do for you?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Well, I really don't have an answer. I've tried every
possible solution under the sun. But I'm fifty and I
was married when I was twenty four and long story start.
Before we got married, I had cheated on her and
it was because I thought she was pulling around. There's
all this miscommunication, and I admitted it to her and
(01:26):
I still loved her. I just made a huge mistake.
I had no idea, how big of a mistake that
actually was, and the ripple effect it would have. But
we met up again in college and one thing led
to another, and it's funny. She called your show way
back in nineteen ninety seven about this, and everything was
(01:46):
moving forward, and we were both Christians and we were
on a retreat and I remember saying to her, like,
I don't know if you're ready for this, and she goes,
why do you doubt our love? I would never leave
you unless you cheated on me, And I thought everything
was like pretty much sealed, so I went ahead and
we got married, and she forgave me for the past,
and I didn't realize it was still bothering her. She
(02:08):
never said that, So I'm trying to make this as
short as possible. I was student teaching at Penn State,
and I was at school late at night because it's
a very demanding field, and I guess she thought I
was possibly pulling around again, which I wasn't, but she
never told me that. So she started going out with
(02:29):
a bunch of friends, and one thing led to another,
and she started falling for this lead singer of a
heavy metal band, and I hated the whole scene because
I was I'm a Christian. I'm like, I'm not into that,
and I was really surprised she was. But we got
married within a month she moved out. We were just
not getting along. I didn't like her lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Are we talking about when you were back when you
were twenty four?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, I'm basically saying all this to say, after all
these years, I still have not been able to get
over her.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay, none of that. You not being able to get
over her has nothing to do with anything you just shared, Sean.
How long have you.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Been apart at least twenty five years?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Okay, so you're not getting over her. Has nothing to
do with who cheated, when they cheated, what they cheated,
blah blah blah. It has to do with the fact
that you need to a forgive yourself, be forgive her,
and three trust in God.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Is it that simple?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
It is that simple. You need to forgive yourself, all right, because.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
The hardest part about it, other than her cheating, was
the fact that everything that you built in a marriage, family,
a life together, all of that was blown away.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, but you didn't have that. You didn't have that
if it was twenty four years ago and you've been
apart twenty years. You never had that. You had a
few Christmases, a few Valentines, a few Easters. It's not
like you had three or four generations of memories.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Right, it was the loss of that.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Let's just do the math here. Fifty divided by four.
You know that's that's less than a tenth of your life. Yeah, yeah,
that's less than a tenth of your life.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I was a math teacher, so that I can relate
to that. Thank you, all right, I will work on that. Then,
the forgiveness of myself, because I feel like I made
a huge mistake and that might have started the whole
ripple effect.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who started it.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to her, it doesn't
matter to God. If you said I'm sorry, it only
matters to you because A, you haven't forgiven yourself. B
you have not forgiven her. And see, you don't trust
God at all.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, that's probably where it comes down to. And then
I'm done because I know you got things to do.
I think the fact that it happened, I couldn't believe
he allowed it to happen.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
This is the same God that like, created Adam and
Eve knowing that you know they were going to do
what they did in the garden. Are we talking about
the same God?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay, did he not create Adam and Eve being fully
aware that they were going to turn against him and
betray him and then lie to him and then blame
him for their betrayal and their lie within however long
it was? Yes, And so you're saying, you can't believe
God would let that happen to you. Are we talking
about the same God?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Well, you know, I guess what it is is I
hear what you're saying. A lot of men that I've
known in my life could care less about family values
and they're out running around and acting crazy. And I
always just wanted a strong Christian family. So I was
really surprised that it happened.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
No, you don't, that's not what you wanted, because if
that was what you wanted, the minute that your marriage
fell apart and you realize that you needed to make amends,
you would have made amends to her to God and
you would have trusted him, and within probably a year
you would have been married and had that strong Christian
household that you're talking about. If I say I want
(06:20):
to become a dentist, but I never take an anatomy class,
I never take a biology class, I never look into
dental schools. Do I really want to become a dentist? No, No,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
So you're saying, I'm kidding myself. I'm deceiving myself.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
You're lying to yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Why I didn't know I was doing that. I just
felt the loss, and I felt like, I mean, you're
right about everything you're saying. I'm not saying I'm wrong
or I'm right and you're wrong. I get it. But
I never found anybody after her, like, not even close.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You can't. Nobody else can come into your life and
fill that position of your partner and your wife, because
that position right now is filled with a memory.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Okay, that's right.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
How can God bring somebody to stand by your side
when you're holding that position for a memory?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
One while I called tonight and I didn't wait.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I am too, because because you got you got forty five,
maybe fifty years left on this earth. Make the best
of it. You want a family, you want memories, you
want somebody to spend your life with. Forgive her, forgive
yourself and then trust God. You want somebody next to you,
(07:38):
sharing your life, sharing your dreams. You got to you
got to move her memory out of that passenger seat.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
You're right, that's why you have a radio still. And
I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Well. Think about King David. Think how badly he messed
up when he murdered one of his closest friends, the
commander of his military who was his next neighbor, because
he had already slept with his wife and got her pregnant.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, that's messed up. You're right, that's messed up.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
But guess what. The child that came as a result
of that union, not the first one who died. The
second one was in the lineage of Christ. God can
take your biggest mess and turn it into a great,
big bless.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
I'm frustrated the fact that God says that children are
blessing and she got pregnant by a married man. It
wasn't even a Christian.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Wow. You can hang onto things really long time, can't you.
There are four hundred and eighty thousand children in foster
care right now that need a dad. You want to
have a family, Go build a family. No, because you're
too busy hanging on to memories.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I guess the fact that when I was with her
was the best memories I ever had until she cheated,
So that was like the best part of my life
and I always wanted to hold onto that. But it's
not healthy at all. You're right, and you let it go.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Dude, that's so unhealthy. Yeah, let it go. Move on,
my friend. God's not going to fail you. He is
going to bless your heart, but you gotta let him.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay, thanks for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You're welcome. I so hope you have enjoyed these radio
moments as much as I enjoy bringing them to you.
I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey It's
Delilah Do
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Do you ever find yourself stuck? Stuck for days or
(00:25):
weeks or months, or, in the case of the next
person I'm going to introduce you to, for decades, stuck
holding on to yester year, not moving forward, not enjoying life,
just holding on to a memory. Stay tuned for that
coming up next on Hey It's Delilah. Hi, good evening,
(00:49):
Welcome to the Delilah Show.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Who is this Sean?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Sean Welcome? What can I do for you?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I absolutely cannot believe I actually got through.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Oh my goodness, thank you for calling Sean. What can
I do for you?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Well, I really don't have an answer. I've tried every
possible solution under the sun. But I'm fifty and I
was married when I was twenty four and long story start.
Before we got married, I had cheated on her and
it was because I thought she was pulling around. There's
all this miscommunication, and I admitted it to her and
(01:26):
I still loved her. I just made a huge mistake.
I had no idea, how big of a mistake that
actually was, and the ripple effect it would have. But
we met up again in college and one thing led
to another, and it's funny. She called your show way
back in nineteen ninety seven about this, and everything was
(01:46):
moving forward, and we were both Christians and we were
on a retreat and I remember saying to her, like,
I don't know if you're ready for this, and she goes,
why do you doubt our love? I would never leave
you unless you cheated on me, And I thought everything
was like pretty much sealed, so I went ahead and
we got married, and she forgave me for the past,
and I didn't realize it was still bothering her. She
(02:08):
never said that, So I'm trying to make this as
short as possible. I was student teaching at Penn State,
and I was at school late at night because it's
a very demanding field, and I guess she thought I
was possibly pulling around again, which I wasn't, but she
never told me that. So she started going out with
(02:29):
a bunch of friends, and one thing led to another,
and she started falling for this lead singer of a
heavy metal band, and I hated the whole scene because
I was I'm a Christian. I'm like, I'm not into that,
and I was really surprised she was. But we got
married within a month she moved out. We were just
not getting along. I didn't like her lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Are we talking about when you were back when you
were twenty four?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, I'm basically saying all this to say, after all
these years, I still have not been able to get
over her.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay, none of that. You not being able to get
over her has nothing to do with anything you just shared, Sean.
How long have you.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Been apart at least twenty five years?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Okay, so you're not getting over her. Has nothing to
do with who cheated, when they cheated, what they cheated,
blah blah blah. It has to do with the fact
that you need to a forgive yourself, be forgive her,
and three trust in God.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Is it that simple?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
It is that simple. You need to forgive yourself, all right, because.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
The hardest part about it, other than her cheating, was
the fact that everything that you built in a marriage, family,
a life together, all of that was blown away.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, but you didn't have that. You didn't have that
if it was twenty four years ago and you've been
apart twenty years. You never had that. You had a
few Christmases, a few Valentines, a few Easters. It's not
like you had three or four generations of memories.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Right, it was the loss of that.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Let's just do the math here. Fifty divided by four.
You know that's that's less than a tenth of your life. Yeah, yeah,
that's less than a tenth of your life.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I was a math teacher, so that I can relate
to that. Thank you, all right, I will work on that. Then,
the forgiveness of myself, because I feel like I made
a huge mistake and that might have started the whole
ripple effect.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who started it.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to her, it doesn't
matter to God. If you said I'm sorry, it only
matters to you because A, you haven't forgiven yourself. B
you have not forgiven her. And see, you don't trust
God at all.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, that's probably where it comes down to. And then
I'm done because I know you got things to do.
I think the fact that it happened, I couldn't believe
he allowed it to happen.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
This is the same God that like, created Adam and
Eve knowing that you know they were going to do
what they did in the garden. Are we talking about
the same God?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay, did he not create Adam and Eve being fully
aware that they were going to turn against him and
betray him and then lie to him and then blame
him for their betrayal and their lie within however long
it was? Yes, And so you're saying, you can't believe
God would let that happen to you. Are we talking
about the same God?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Well, you know, I guess what it is is I
hear what you're saying. A lot of men that I've
known in my life could care less about family values
and they're out running around and acting crazy. And I
always just wanted a strong Christian family. So I was
really surprised that it happened.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
No, you don't, that's not what you wanted, because if
that was what you wanted, the minute that your marriage
fell apart and you realize that you needed to make amends,
you would have made amends to her to God and
you would have trusted him, and within probably a year
you would have been married and had that strong Christian
household that you're talking about. If I say I want
(06:20):
to become a dentist, but I never take an anatomy class,
I never take a biology class, I never look into
dental schools. Do I really want to become a dentist? No, No,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
So you're saying, I'm kidding myself. I'm deceiving myself.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
You're lying to yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Why I didn't know I was doing that. I just
felt the loss, and I felt like, I mean, you're
right about everything you're saying. I'm not saying I'm wrong
or I'm right and you're wrong. I get it. But
I never found anybody after her, like, not even close.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You can't. Nobody else can come into your life and
fill that position of your partner and your wife, because
that position right now is filled with a memory.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Okay, that's right.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
How can God bring somebody to stand by your side
when you're holding that position for a memory?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
One while I called tonight and I didn't wait.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I am too, because because you got you got forty five,
maybe fifty years left on this earth. Make the best
of it. You want a family, you want memories, you
want somebody to spend your life with. Forgive her, forgive
yourself and then trust God. You want somebody next to you,
(07:38):
sharing your life, sharing your dreams. You got to you
got to move her memory out of that passenger seat.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
You're right, that's why you have a radio still. And
I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Well. Think about King David. Think how badly he messed
up when he murdered one of his closest friends, the
commander of his military who was his next neighbor, because
he had already slept with his wife and got her pregnant.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, that's messed up. You're right, that's messed up.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
But guess what. The child that came as a result
of that union, not the first one who died. The
second one was in the lineage of Christ. God can
take your biggest mess and turn it into a great,
big bless.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
I'm frustrated the fact that God says that children are
blessing and she got pregnant by a married man. It
wasn't even a Christian.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Wow. You can hang onto things really long time, can't you.
There are four hundred and eighty thousand children in foster
care right now that need a dad. You want to
have a family, Go build a family. No, because you're
too busy hanging on to memories.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I guess the fact that when I was with her
was the best memories I ever had until she cheated,
So that was like the best part of my life
and I always wanted to hold onto that. But it's
not healthy at all. You're right, and you let it go.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Dude, that's so unhealthy. Yeah, let it go. Move on,
my friend. God's not going to fail you. He is
going to bless your heart, but you gotta let him.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay, thanks for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You're welcome. I so hope you have enjoyed these radio
moments as much as I enjoy bringing them to you.
I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey It's
Delilah Do
Host
Delilah
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