Babe, are you ready to stop playing small and Get Yours?! Emmy-nominated Actress & Comedian Yvonne Orji - best known as Issa Rae's BFF Molly on the HBO series, Insecure— joins Zuri for today's Alphababe Spotlight and dishes on the secret to unapologetically standing in your truth and why we need to read her new book: Bamboozled By Jesus: How God Tricked Me Into the Life of My Dreams (Ummm, sign us up for that!)
Buckle up for this rollercoaster of a convo that will literally have you LYFAO! Yvonne shares a hilarious retelling of how she prepared for the steamy sex scenes in Insecure; inspirational gems on why we need to stop people-pleasing & show up for our damn selves!; and then Z + Yvonne, take a wild ride down the world of birth charts, enneagrams, karaoke, and womb healing?!
Yvonne gets candid on why she's waiting until marriage to have sex; what's she looking for in her dream guy (take notes!); what her love language is (and why she refuses to be shamed for it!!); and drops the mic on why she won't compromise on her Christian faith! Share this episode with a friend NOW + let us know your favorite part of the convo: @ZuriHall + @HotHappyMess.
Head over to hothappymess.com for all the show notes mentioned in this episode and for ALL the deets on how to join our exclusive Facebook group! Follow @ZuriHall and @HotHappyMess on Instagram to keep the good vibes going.
Recent episodes: if ya feel like bingeing:
ICYMI: Listen to Episode 23: How I Made It: Zuri Hall's Career Story
ICYMI: Listen to Episode 21.5:I Bought a House (Bonus Episode)
ICYMI: Listen to Episode 15: Meena Harris on Being Too Ambitious, Cooking with her Aunt Kamala Harris, and more!
ICYMI: Listen to Episode 13: Bachelorette Tayshia Adams on Finding Love, Her Dream Wedding with Zac, and Embracing her Biracial Identity!
ICYMI: Listen to Episode 8: Beauty Boss Jackie Aina is a Forvr MOOD | An AlphaBabe Spotlight
ICYMI: Listen to Episode 6: Is It Time for You to Pivot?! (ft. Deepica Mutyala) | Happiness + Peace
Go back to the beginning --- ICYMI: Listen to Episode 1: How to Be Happy
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hot Happy Mess, Celebrate your magic in the middle of
life's messes him happy. I'm Zurie Hall and this is
Hot Happy made Shoot. What is up? How are you feeling?
(00:29):
It's another Hot Happy Mess Monday. If you're listening to
this on the day that it premiered, But if not,
that's okay, stay a while. We are back with another
episode of Hot Happy Mess. I am your host, Zuri Hall,
and today's episode is an alphababe spotlight with one of
the funniest women in Hollywood. I absolutely adore her, Yvonne
(00:50):
or Gene. Now, you may know her as Molly from Insecure,
but Ivan is so much more than that. We love
her on Insecure. Don't get it twisted now, but she
has so much going on. Not only is she funny,
she's a writer, she is an executive producer. She's got
some really dope projects in the pipeline. And we had
(01:11):
the most hilarious and inspiring conversation y'all. We even have
a mini karaoke moment. Okay, I'm never going to pass
on an opportunity to hop on a mic and acts
a hot mess and be just by my peers, so
that happens. We also chat about her new book that
you absolutely must read, Bamboozled by Jesus, How God tricked
(01:35):
Me into the life of my dreams, um is dropping
me and we talked about her amazing pivot. She's had
some really wild career pivots, from getting two degrees and
chasing her dream of becoming a comedian UM to sharing
her thoughts on self care, mental health, ambition, why the
weight is sexy, and yes, we are talking about waiting
until marriage to have sex, which is something that she's
(01:58):
been open and very vocal about before. UM. So she's
sharing a little insight into that decision and why she
won't compromise on her faith. This is a part of
our Alphababe Spotlight series And if you know me at all,
then you know when I say alphababe, I mean someone
who is unapologetically ambitious and mindful. She's a woman who
is designing a life that she loves and she leaves.
(02:20):
She doesn't just know what she wants, she ain't afraid
to work for it. Okay, Alpha and Babe. It's all
about embracing our duality as women. We can be both.
Both can be anything, smart and sexy, strong and soft,
hard work and badass and self care connoisseur, all of
the things, okay, um, and I want to remind you
really quickly before we jump into today's spotlight on Ivonne,
share your stories. I want to hear your story. I
(02:42):
want to hear the story of the woman who inspires
you most, the woman who makes you laugh the most,
or cry happy tears. We can cry sad tears together.
But submit your real woman, real story, or nominate someone um,
or share an alphababe spotlight that you think I should
cover um or get some generally okay advice from me.
(03:05):
Here's truly by sending your submissions to Hello at hot
Happy mess dot com. All right, y'all, it is time
to dive into this week's Alpha Babe Spotlight with Yvonne
van Orgy is a Nigerian American Emmy nominated actress, comedian,
and a writer who continues to display her versatility and
passion with each project she takes on. On TV. She
(03:27):
stars in HBO's critically acclaimed comedy series and Secure. She's
a stand up comedian who debuted her first one hour
HBO stand up special, Mama I Made It Back In
and she has her faith based advice book bamboozled by Jesus,
how God tricked me into the life of my dreams
dropping may so go get that. Here's Van. I'm just
(03:51):
so excited that you are here in this little, hot,
happy mess bubble of ours. It has been what like
a year since I talked to you. I think it
has been a year, But I've been found. I know
about the anniversary. I'm just like, look at her being
so happy. I'm following, just like, oh look, love just
budding on the interwebs. I'm just yes, you know what,
(04:11):
love is budding on the interwebs. Um, I have not
forgotten that we are manifesting your boot. The thing is,
the way was set up. It just it was tricky.
It's okay, It's all right because it was. It was
all a set up to a come up, you know
what I'm saying. Like, listen, he needed to have a
divine time out whoever he is. He needed to just
(04:32):
sat down for a little bit and be like, you
know what, I really do need a girl, you know,
and I'm trying to forge out the kind of girl.
Like he needs to gap very specific about the kind
of girl he wanted so that when he meets me
he'd be like, ah, that's her, my bad in the streets,
not knowing what I wanted. So I'm not mad at
how twenty were because I got my life together. So
(04:52):
he's getting his life and his money together, like all
of it. You say, his life and his money? Yes, yes,
because what we we not going back to the wilderness? Okay,
what we're not doing? Mama needs a new house, Okay,
because I've got this one by myself, like we we
love to see it. You know, I'm gonna ask you
about it. I just closed at my home. I could
(05:14):
have used being boostled by Jesus, because I know you
touched on the homeownership process in the book. I wasn't ready.
It's so disrespectful this housing market, ninjas. I have never
felt more broke than when I had saved all my
coins ever to buy a house in l A. And
and no, not just when you save all your coins,
(05:35):
but when you have coins that can afford the house
in l A. And l A says now we're good,
and you're like, no, no, no no, we don't know. You
don't want this back run that back by me. I'm
giving you twent of how much? And you really are
like Nana, I keep that Na's people, and then people
coming with all cash offers like yo, I just want
(05:56):
to I don't want, I don't need a loan. I
am so glad that you brought that up because that
was my number one great moment when I talked about
it on the podcast. I got beat out by an
all cash offer and that was my just slap in
the face. I didn't realize it was going down like
that in Los Angeles until they told me what I
had to compete with to get the first spot. I
was like, cool, So I just want I tell you.
(06:18):
I literally I couldn't even be mad at it because
I was like, one day I'm gonna be that person.
Right now, I don't like it because I'm not that person.
But also thank you for introducing me to a new
way of life where you're like, I don't want to
feel here's four million dollars and you're just like what
that what? Don't it great? Um? But at the same time,
but so, I mean, you read in the book how
(06:38):
somebody came with an all cash offer, but they still
chose me in my loan. Look at God, Look at God.
You know what if that's not a segway. I don't
know what is Congratulations you have the new book coming out.
Finally we've been waiting for it. We're excited, bamboozled by
Jesus before we get into it, because I want to
talk about all the nitty gritty um, all of the
(07:00):
amazing insight you're giving. We open up with these like
rapid fire sort of Cosmo style quizzes. Right, so just
whatever comes to mind? Okay, you ready? Okay, alright. The
song that sums up my week is I'm just tired
my week. Last week we had six days of filming,
so I was like, what, what's this song that says
I need a nap? I mean, are you going to
(07:25):
write it? Are? We added a songwriter to the credits
to the EP of it all. Listen, if DJ Kali
can produce it, I Need a Nap might be number
one Bill go take as Nap. I'm not mad at it. Okay?
What superpower would you like to possess? Reading people's minds? Oh? Why?
(07:50):
Just makes it easier because you can just know what
they're like, Like, you can just cut the clutter and
get to the real just to just be like, oh,
you're really nervous right now. This is why you're a
going to okay, got it? Or like we're just really
only going to be friends, so why are you wasting
my time? You know, like right right? Efficiency sake? Okay,
I feel you, I feel see. Let me give you
(08:11):
one more. Let me give you one more. What is
your love language? Oh, access service? Access service number one?
Do you have a close ranking too? I know all
my ranks, so access service, uh quality, no accesservice, physical touch,
which some people very surprised by, but I'm like, get
closed accesservice, physical touch, words of affirmation, um, quality, time,
(08:39):
and gift giving are kind of like all in there.
But as I getting older and I like more expensive gifts,
I'm just like, yeah, I should probably bump up gift
giving because like, oh girl, it's a it's a close
number two and depending on the day, is number one.
So I've had to go with a lot of therapy
got me to a point where I could proclaim that
love language without shame. I feel like the giving and
receiving gifters it a bad rap. Yeah, Like I'm I
(09:02):
give gifts like, I'm like, you can be the person
in Zuri that you're like, you know what, I really
love are you know, pick a thing, you know, like
I just love whatever, whatever, whatever, and it'll just be
in the back of my mind that wonderful. I'll get
you a little bit Taylor diamonds from Macy's. I'm taking girl.
(09:24):
It's the thought that counts. But if you're like I
love Adida's track suits, right, if you're just like, oh
my god, I love Adida's track suits. They're so comfortable
for me to whatever whatever, and I'm like, cool. If
I go shopping and I see Adida's track suits that
like I haven't seen before, like in a really low color,
I'm like, I'm I'm gonna buy one Rassuri, you know,
just because I'm just like, yeah, I'm literally But that's
(09:47):
the also the act of service to me because it
doesn't take you to tell me I want a jumpsuit.
It's inferred, and like, oh, you know what brings me
joy is these things, And I'm like, it brings your joy,
and I'll make a note to get it for you
that I love. You're the friend that everyone needs in
(10:08):
that case, because I'd be dropping hints, I'll be writing list,
I'll leave a posting does all the round and then
I still end up at Macy's by my damn self,
trying to get the trucks to see when when I
when I have a significant another, I'm making plain. The
Bible said, write the vision and make it very plain
what I want our Chanel bags, the boy bags, these
(10:31):
price tags. Now, I'm still trying to get set to
wrap his mind around why a boy bag cost what
it costs. We'll work on, and we'll work on in
the meantime. You know, we touched on the book a
little bit obviously, Bamboozo by Jesus coming out? Now, why
was now the right time to release? Because you've been
working on this for a while, right two years? So
you know, I know it's because I also wanted to
(10:54):
write it myself. Like you know, in the beginning, They're
just like, you're gonna be busy. We can get a
ghost writer, we can. I like, nah, fam, I'm like,
I want to say everything I want to say how
I want to say it, And you know, I just
I just felt like this was too precious, you know,
And I listen, after going through the process, I'm like,
so what a goals by the looking like for the
(11:15):
next one? You know, you know what I'm saying sometimes
it's like you gotta prove yourself to yourself and then
after that you're like, well, I don't really have anything
else to prove, Like it's fine, I did it. I
don't do that again. How do we make this? Eyeah?
Bringing the troops okay? Um? But for this first one,
I was just like I just want to see one
if I can do it. And if I can do it, well, um,
(11:39):
but I just want knew that I had something very
specific that I wanted to say, and I was just like,
I don't know, I don't know that. I want to
spend the time to try and get somebody to get
my voice and really and for me writing it was
also rewriting it, you know, because like after I got
it all out, I'm like, actually, this is actually, this
is what I want to say, this is how I
want to say it, or so it came through everal
(12:00):
different edits girl Child. At some point I was like,
I'm tired of this stack onbuk Lord. But I think
now was the right time because we all got bamboos,
We all had plans, whether it was Jesus or COVID,
somebody bamboozing the heck out of us. And I think
the blessing that came from that was the realignment that
a lot of people experienced, you know, trying to figure out, Okay,
(12:23):
well what do I do when my plans were interrupted?
What do I do when my job just left and
doesn't exist anymore? And so does that mean I have
permission to do something that I've always wanted to do?
That that meant I had permission to actually like live
out my dreams that I didn't think I could because
(12:43):
I just wanted a good corporate job and you know, healthcare.
And I think that's the transition. The book is really
for people who find themselves in the transitionary period of
were sometimes the things that they believed, for God, it's
really hard to attain. Or sometimes times they were throwing
a curveball and now they're just like, how do I
(13:03):
believe or start over into this new thing when I
thought this old thing was gonna have me right into
the sunset right right. I love that you you bring
that up that this is for folks and transition, because honestly,
I just feel like life is one big transition, right.
Not to get all like woo cliche, but it really
is just a series of transitions. You stay in a
(13:24):
space long enough to realize I'm not growing here anymore.
I want new challenges. I want to transition or pivot,
and for a lot of us gave us the time
in the space to reflect on that. I'm curious to know,
um your pandemic experience. Did you have any epiphanies, any
realizations that were burst through that that added to the
book in a way that you couldn't have had it
(13:45):
been published before. Absolutely freaking lutely, I'll never forget when
guys sent me down. I do a lot of my
thinking in the bathroom, So like in the tub, I'll
take like three hour bats and just be like, speak
to me, lord, I want on the side, because that's
a lot of looking like all raising girl. Listen, I
(14:06):
got my absence off and I'm just like you know,
nourishing my muscles. Make it like I have my my
candles burning. I have a TV like the tub area too,
so I watch a whole series as long as the
water stays hot. We I have a table that's like
like connected to the tub, so I can like do
my journal. We we have a whole session in there. Okay,
(14:28):
whatever I need to love it we can make it happen.
So in one of the sessions, I just I was
feeling like God, everything just felt reckless. Things just we're
feeling like high end and I was like, I have
no grasp or bearing on things, and a lot of
day whole the spirit say it's because you haven't been
clear with yourself, and I was like, and he was like,
you just hate. Clarity was the best gift that he
(14:51):
gave me in the pandemic, Clarity about what I wanted
and how to ask for what I wanted and not
being afraid to ask for what I wanted because a
lot of times too, it's like you want a thing,
but then you're just like, oh man, I don't want
to be judged for the things that I want. Like
like you said, like even in like my love language
is gifts. It's the thing that gives you joy, is
the thing. But it's like, oh man, does that feel
(15:12):
like I'm materialistic? Like people like me that, and it's
just like what it is is what it is. It's
a love language because it clearly millions of other people
have the same one, and for some people it's top
of the list and for other people is at the bottom.
It doesn't make one love language better than the other.
It's just what makes you happiest. And so it's just
(15:33):
like giving myself the ability to be okay with what
I discovered in my clarity, right, it was okay for
me to discover, like, you know, what I want, what
I want when I wanted, and I really don't like
waiting and I really don't like having to choose. And
what's really pissing me off in my career or in
whatever is like this feeling like I can't have it
(15:55):
all or I can't have this or I have to
like walk around on exhel so like please can I
have some more? Like I'm all of a twists and
I'm like nah no, So here's what I need, you
know what I mean? And like just being able to
be like yes, some people will label you as whatever
they want to label you at once you start being
more clear, once you start knowing yourself more, because the
(16:18):
reality is people benefit more from you when you don't
know you are you talk about it, talk about it
because they boy tell you who to be right whatever
it is they need for you to show up as
me while you're walking around like boutiful with your head
cut off and you're just like trying to be all
things to everybody and nothing to yourself. And I just
(16:38):
was like, something is missing, something is a right. And
I realized, like I was spending so much time like
people pleasing, and I talked about it in the book,
like I wanted people to like me and I wanted
to be like a bull and let's all have a
fun experience. And in the process of all of that,
like I wasn't being fulfilled. I wasn't getting the thing
that I needed, and then when you asked for it,
(17:01):
it's a baying switch. It's like people like, well where
did this come from. I'm like, like I don't understand,
Like I can still be a nice person and like
demand excellence, you know, and it's like but now, really
the their reaction is just, hey, we liked it better
when we could take advantage of you, and now that
we can't, Uh, this is're gonna work for us, And
(17:22):
so then they have to create chaos. And so you're
just like, how did this happen? Why does this? When
God was like start off being clear from the jump,
whether people like you're not, they will be able to
be honest and let you know, if they can or cannot. Yep,
and then that goes right back to the whole. Make
it playing right, just make it clear and there can
be no misunderstanding. Um. Did you realize in those moments
(17:45):
as you started to make clear what you wanted, what
your intentions were, what you expected from the people around you,
that people fell away, that you had to cut off people?
What was the what was the the ending of that
epiphany as your circle tighter? Is is it like what happened? How? Yeah?
I recognize two things. So yes, they're the people that
(18:07):
really weren't about this life, but we're about the life
they wanted. Um, they are no longer in my life.
You know what I'm saying. Like it doesn't work out,
farewell and farewell God for good bline, God blessed. Like
we don't have to live like it doesn't have to
be rocky, we don't have to have chaos, tms, don't
have to be called just go along with your merry
(18:28):
way this this is the end of the road, like
a boy's man song. Um, by the way, yes, and
we yo, you're right to see. I don't know why
I'm not even go try to keep up with you
(18:49):
right now? To be you gotta get that after the yeah,
y'all case see it. And if I got a whole
fedora on and I swear she just tills it into
the left the shadows because I had to have my
my wan like head no and oh god, and like
(19:15):
the boys got a trail off. It's all bad, but
here we are. The other thing I noticed is that
when I was clear, it actually shocked me because I
would say what I wanted and then people would be
like okay, and I was like like that, like that's
it because because people are just really waiting for you
to be, like, this is what you want, like the
(19:37):
right people are ready are waiting for you to be like,
make a choice, we'll make a decision. If it's wrong,
we'll tell you. If it's right, we'll tell you. But like,
here's what she wants. Let's go down the yellow brick
road and figure out if this is a thing that
can happen, and if not, we'll be poor back. And
so it's just like, well that was easy. And waited
(19:57):
the last ten years not doing that, not doing that,
but like and doing and not doing it because I
thought other people wanted something else from me, or this
is how I was supposed to be or this is
what makes me more desirable in you know, in relationships
or in the industry or whatever, and just being like,
(20:18):
but why am I not happy? Because everybody else is
getting what they want? But I don't know. I'm the
one who's running the ship, but who's at the back?
Hi that work? Right? Listen? And did you ever realize,
like for me, I had that exact same moment, And
it's such a thankless job, right because you're sitting here,
You're biting the bullet, you're grinning your teeth, you're putting
the burden on your shoulders into a certain extent. Maybe
(20:40):
your a little self congratulatory about it at a certain point, right,
Like you're you're volunteering as the murder and you've been
conditioned to be the murder, and yet people are going
around minding their business have Oh she is just the
sweetest thing, or oh my god, she is always there
when you need her, and you're making their lives easier.
But nothing about their life isn't ternalizing everything. It takes
(21:02):
for you to show up in the way they need.
So you're sitting here mad by yourself because you're the
only one who's internalizing that resentment. They're just happy that
you're a good person quote unquote, because you also haven't
asked anything of them. If you're giving, somebody's always gonna
be receiving, and if you're never asking to be given to,
(21:24):
you're the one that's going to be depleted. I heard
the van say, the person in a relationship that gets
their need mat is the person who's loudest about their needs.
Mm hmm. It's just it's there is the person who voice,
who articulates, here's what I need, and then what we
have to do because the work I had to do
was allow someone to meet that need the way they
(21:47):
know how to meet their need. Because what we want
to do is like control how the need is met too.
It's the whole love, how we expect love and stead
of how somebody needs to receive it, right, you know,
just as like hey give them an opportunity to give
to you in the way that they know how to.
You can edit, but like you can't micromanage how you're
(22:09):
gonna have it given, you know. I mean it's kind
of different in world because like this is my empire.
So I'm like, actually, I do want to be communicated
to best in this way, you know, like you send
me an email, God blessed. I don't know if I'm
an answer, but you know, it was really important to
should be at X. So it really was a shift
(22:31):
that and even it lends itself into the book because
once I got clear about who I was, then I
got clear about what I was saying. Like I knew
what I wanted to put in the book, but how
I wanted it. Like I went through like should I
sound like Joe Tholstein, so that sound like Bishop Jake's
you know, like huh, because you know, I think the
(22:52):
people are gonna be fact checking, like am I? You know,
am I as you know, spiritual with these people. I mean,
I ain't gonna seminary okay, but you know, but I
don't mean can I make it funny? I want to
make the book funny, Like but then are the church
folk gonna be mad because I made Jesus funny? But
that's all I know, you know. So it was I
went through this whole series of like who will I
alienate most before finally being like, hey, I would just
(23:16):
be me because that's really the easiest thing to duplicate
because trying to be several different things. That's not authentically me,
and I'm just gonna be a fraud in my own luck.
This is crazy. I'm so glad that you said that,
because my next question was gonna be what brought the clarity?
What did you realize you had to be or how
you had to show up? And what did you do?
(23:37):
What work did it take to get there? But was
it really just deciding one day I'm just gonna do
whatever I want, say whatever it is, I truly think
right down whatever it is I feel, and let that
be enough? Or you know, like and I'm talking tangibles
takeaways just for our listeners. Was it meditation? Was it prayer?
I know you took you hopped on that flight, took
(23:57):
that trip. You're telling me about the writing session where
love just crashed and ate all your food? But like,
what did you do to get to that part? Well?
I think so it's a couple of things, right, But
the root of it was you'll never know if you
are enough until you are you? Right. So the fear
(24:21):
was like am I enough to push volumes? You know,
like it's what I have to say enough to govanize interest?
And you know, not just people to buy the book,
but to like read it and enjoy the book. And
if I spent so much time trying to be not me,
then I wouldn't really know what worked and what didn't work.
(24:42):
It's kind of like my process in comedy. I never
go on stage and like, yo, let me try this
new joke out on y'all see how it is, because
because then you set the mindset for other people to
be like, well, this is a new joke, as opposed
to what I do. If I'm testing a new joke,
I work it in conversation and I see how different
people is like I don't I don't tell anyone it's
(25:02):
a joke, or like it's a bit that I'm working on.
I said it in a conversation and I see like, okay,
so that got the same laugh at the same place
each time. Okay, coo coo cool, So there's something there.
And then I build on it and then I tested
so it's like I'm testing it in real time so
that by the time I get on stage, I know
it'll work. But I don't need to do like a
(25:23):
focus group of like, hey, guys, this is a new bid.
We'll see because they're like the expectation for how people
receive that is different. Now I'm gonna saying that that
doesn't work for some comics it does, but for me,
I want to know authentically, like does this really work
or does this work? Because they're like she's on stage
with a mic, you know what I mean, and we're
giving her like a pitty laugh um because that's nothing
(25:48):
nothing feel it. You feel it deep. It's like, oh God,
I don't make another joke for like a week or
in it. I'm not a comedian, but there is something
very frightful about being exposed. There's something being revealed, you know,
(26:09):
like being raw and naked and just being like Okay,
I'm I'm gonna try me. I'm gonna give me a shot,
you know, because even for me, it's like the people
like me or the people like Molly, you know, because
Molly is a character that was created, you know, the
people like it when I'm just funny or like, are
people gonna get that? Like I'm multifaceted, I love Jesus
and d MX, you know what i mean? Are you know,
(26:31):
are people going to understand me? And it's like there's
no way to find out until you be you. But
my problem is I had been me for so long
that and me wasn't accepted. So when I was bullied
as a kid, to me that I knew to be
was like told that she was whack. So then I
(26:53):
kind of like kind of searched all this time for
like who, who what part of me the people like
the most? Let me just do that. Let me just
do that. Okay, I can never have any flaws because
you know that's that's gonna end badly. So let me
be the best versions of the things. And then it's
just like, hey, I know you like me. Can you
(27:13):
just tell me what you like about me? So I
can just make sure I do that. And it sounds crazy.
I feel so seen in this moment, and it is
the overachiever, the perfectionist, right, and a lot of ambitious people,
which is what works, what serves the bottom line? And
do more of that? I'm curious to know. Do you
know the angiograms? I am so obsessed with this thing.
(27:34):
There are a couple of like the builder, the voyager,
the whoever, wait what, no, what are you talking about
me about? What do you do? The I M dbs.
It's like all these these these letters that go together,
not not what you're not gonna do to the idiogram
is IMDb it are you r N G F B.
(27:56):
I'm like, I don't know, no, no, okay, so I
think you're talking about my as Briggs, right, the person
of that personality tests on letters. You gotta do it,
you gotta I listened to you. Just do it, just
I just gotta know there it's one like what are these?
Because angiogram actually a lot of um like faith based
organizations use it, like it's really popular for Christians who
want to do personality tests. I have no idea where
(28:18):
that overlap comes from or why they want to. I'm
not going to be a good fit to work for
this church or not probably honestly, probably because we all
love God. That can't be enough. No, we gotta store
my number. It's divided into essentially like nine personality types
and um there's this grid. So think about it kind
(28:38):
of like an astrological sign, except has nothing to do
with your birthday. It is quite literally based on personality
bet based testing. And so I am a type three,
which is the achievers. So we have our good are
bad and are ugly and when we're operating at our
unhealthiest um. We're prone to, you know, overly competitive nature.
(28:59):
We're prone to um isolating and just tunnel vision and
go go going without spending time with our family and
our friends. But at our best, we see the best
in our our peers and we celebrate and encourage them
to chase their biggest dreams, et cetera, whatever, whatever. So
you have the giver, you have all these different things,
and you're sounding like this is a Zuri diagnosis, and
(29:19):
it's not a diagnosiscau. It's a good thing. You're giving
me type three energy, which I love to see because yes, yes,
and look, no one is any better or worse than
the other. They're all just different. That we have our
strong points in our in our our our weaker points.
So the way you were describing that just stood out
to me. We'll send me the link. I say that
(29:40):
tens to see if you pass. But I also was
like a birth chart reading. Have you ever gotten the
birth chart reading I did years ago. It's been a
while though, and I don't remember much of what she
told me. It's really a confirmation on like a lot
of different things. But basically because of I mean, I
was Satisarius. But then he was like moon is and
something something, It's all written down. I was like, what
(30:02):
is this sun? So you got your is it the
rising sign? Your moon sign? Yeah, all of that and
then like where the world were when you were born
and etcetera. Um, but you know a lot of the
traits like they make sense because I'm just like, oh, yeah,
that makes sense. Um. I can't remember we were talking
about to even get into but I was like, where
(30:23):
are you going with this? I was talking about ideograms
and you were like I got my birth chart, ran what?
I got my birth chart rern. But you know, my
friend Debbie Broun I told her. I was like she
is amazing. Yeah, she works for the Rock. And I'm
just like I need a whole like separate account for
all the stuff that Debbie would tell me to do.
She's like, I need you to have a reading with
(30:44):
this woman. She goes in your container like my container,
Like am I shipping something? What does happen? She's like no,
like it's just a different somethings like love Debbie, and
she was exactly. Then she like recommended a wound you.
I was like a whoom me, like you know the
being to my wool and she was like what. I
was like, okay, I'm at the pause with that one.
I was like, but then she recommended the Birchhart reading.
(31:07):
I was like, I need a whole Debbie Brown says
account of my business managers, like, what is what is
this expense? I'm like, don't worry about that. Don't worry
about right right. Wait, so you got there the reading.
Did you feel like it struck a chord? Like I
feel seen right now? Were like okay, well, okay, wait yes,
because you were this is I was like I remember
the question, yes, yes, about how what you did to
(31:30):
get back to you and like what the journey was.
And I was like, yes, that was like we were
talking about something that the people want to hear about. Um,
but it was it was this um how do I
say it? Just this notion of we're going to find
out one way or another, right? And I tell this
(31:51):
to my girlfriends who were single and who were just like, yeah,
I mean I like him, but like I feel like
if I tell him this or if I do this
and like you know, he'll leave. I said, You'll find
out one way or another because it's just like I won't, Like,
don't you want to know? Like if that's all it
takes for him to leave, then like yeah, he was
(32:11):
never gonna stay. You're saying, like, so how many pieces
of you are you going to compartmentalize to get someone
to like you? You know what I mean? Because at
some point the one person for you is gonna be like, yeah,
you're dudos thing, your booty holes thing everything, But here's
what I love, you know what I mean, Like, here's what,
(32:32):
here's what I know that it's true. I will take
her booty holes things for five and still stay and
it's just like that's the person that you're just like, yes,
I don't know if you watch the show. I'm addicted
to this show. It's called A Couple of Therapy on Showtime.
No Surrey, I don't even think you've heard of it.
I've heard of the podcast called a Couple of Therapy.
(32:54):
If you and made on watch this, I feel like
it is it is. It is therapy for other people's therapy.
So like basically she takes real life couples and it's
it's it's reality. But it doesn't feel like because I
can't really get that really shops because it's like you
don't know. It's not as invasive where like the cameras
are around, and it's just like it really is real
(33:15):
life couples coming to therapy and and and and being
honest and like I need help. And then here's what
I love about it because for me, I'm like it
allows me to chart my growth and it also like
allows me to be like, okay, is there is there
any kind of tendencies in her relationship or in the
way she's acting or in the way he's acting that
will that is making you feel away because like are
(33:38):
you recognizing yourself in this? And so it's like it's
great because I love when I can be like okay,
So I feel like what's going on here is like
she's not really open, she doesn't know how to be loved,
and he is like giving, giving, giving, she does not
to receive. Three episodes later, literally that's what the one
she breaks down crying because the difference is like I
don't understand he's giving you love and giving your things,
(34:00):
and she was just like, in a moment of transparency,
it's like, well maybe I just I don't know how
to accept it because I always thought I would be alone,
and I was like ding ing ing ing ing ing
ning ning ning ninging. It's so but it's so real.
And then other times you're just like, oh I dated
that guy, Oh my gosh, like what made me stay? Like,
(34:21):
you know, like I'm like, I'm I'm looking at it now,
like think twice. You need help get out fast, you know.
So they okay, a couple of therapy on showtime. Good
to know, good to know, I will check that out. Um,
you brought up you know, oh I dated that guy?
What was I thinking? And I certainly had those moments
where it's like hindsight energy, but in the moment, it's
(34:45):
like you just can't you can't see it, you don't
want to see it. Um, But on the outside of it,
you realize what you do want. So we're single? Are
we mingling? And by we all, I mean if I'm single.
So just to clarify, it's not a breakup announcement. But um,
what's it looking like now? I mean your your choice
quite frankly, to be to be celibate, to abstain. Um
(35:07):
was very much a talking point when you were rising
to fame as Molly and Insecure of course, and um,
I loved that perspective. I loved how open and honest
you are about why you waited. You touched on that
in Bamboozoo by Jesus One. Why was it important for
you to share that part of your journey? Um? And
then too, what type of husband are we looking for?
(35:27):
Just in case the how happy mess listeners are trying
to help manifest lift in hallelu hallelu. No. I mean
I feel like it wasn't that it was or it
wasn't important. I think it was just a part of
me the same way people were like she Nigerian's like yeah,
like I love that aspect of myself or the same
way it's just like you know, she really loves d
(35:48):
MX rests plus d uh you know what I mean.
Like it's like, yes, I live out loud. So it
wasn't like, oh, this is the thing that I'm going
to keep posting my chest because it's like it's like
I don't I don't add any hot sauce to it.
It's just like, yeah, it's a thing like and I
fully believe that God is gonna blessed you know, and
I fully believe that, like you know, I mean when
(36:10):
it's becomfetently is funny because people were like, well, how
can she be a virgin and still play Molly on Insecure?
Because like Molly gets it in it's called she's an actor,
all right, and apparently a very good one because it
was believable, okay, and also it's just a dance, guy,
it's a dance. The entertainment news reporter in me, the
(36:31):
Access Hollywood and Me has to ask, how awkward, if
at all, do the sex scenes get? You know? I
asked this to a lot of axers and very often like, well,
it's just so technical that your mind doesn't even go
to where you think it might. Yeah, how is that
for you? Where do you how do you prepare for
those scenes? Well? So, I mean, I mean I've come
along way from season one because season one I talked
(36:52):
about I don't talk about it the book, but it
is the thing that happened. Um uh. One of our
costumers she this, I call him to die. She was
a model. She was like Tupac stylist. I never forget
my because you know, but she's like like mom. She's
like mom on set right, And the very first one
I was like, I just I don't know what I'm
(37:13):
gonna do like this is crazy like uh and so
she was like I got you, so you know obviously
like for me, like I require like you know, a
road or just like hey, I need all the pastis
or I need all the like buffers. So like they'll
they'll be like you know, intimacy garments or whatever whatever,
like people don't know there's like silicon in between you know,
(37:34):
private parts, just in the special parts, the special cracks
and crevices, yes, exactly. Uh and and and it's just
like it's so protective and protected. Um and so I
you know season one, I was like ms die, I'm
gonna need your help on this one. And I'm make
(37:56):
sure that like I know, I know what I'm doing
right Wait, So she was just if she watched the
first tape, um, and she was just like she pulled
me to the bathroom and she was like, you got
to let the man lead. So you're you're offbeat is
because I was like what she was like, you gotta
let him because it was it was yeah, yeah, she was.
(38:17):
She's a real one. Right. So it was the scene
it was episode six and it was like Molly and
Jared and she brings me to the bathroom and she
gets behind me, and so she was like you gotta,
you gotta, you gotta do you gotta, you gotta. So
she's like doing the motion like with me in front,
and I was like, okay, don't take well, this is
very hands on, and so she was like, now go
call him in here, and I was like do whatnot.
(38:39):
She's like, gonna call him in here, and I was like, hey, Lanson, uh,
we're supposed to practice, because I guess I'm listening to
you lead and this is awkward. So she's in the
bathroom and she's like, all right, that looks good. Okay,
you can go, and then like, god, you're shocking. I
probably I don't even know if I'm told that's the or,
(39:00):
but like, yes, that's exactly what. I love it the
visual in my mind right now. Yeah, we definitely uh
made sure it was It looked believable. And then this
guy sent us out into the acting world and so
she was like, I want to guy wearing many hats,
all the hats all that. She was like, here's your
(39:21):
robe and also here's how you let the man lead.
And I was like, thank you so much for so
many different things. You know, Mrs Beside is I'm telling
you if I told the stories of how close we
have gotten. I'm like, she is, oh my god, well
it sounds like pretty close. I love that. I love Okay, Well,
she said, Molly up for multiple seasons of it all that,
(39:45):
dear future husband. I'm a quick learner that part, that
part when it comes to, you know, the dating and
the sort of navigating space. Do you feel that your requirements,
your standards what you'd like to have in a partner,
(40:07):
has evolved more um in recent years or was that
something that you kind of were pretty set on early
on in your adult life. Yeah. I mean I think
people think because I'm waiting that it's like I also
want somebody that's virgin. I'm like, I mean, if it
worries out like that, cool, if not, Like I'm asked
for me in my household, I was like, you know
what it's gonna be when you get with me, So
(40:27):
I just opened you already on that journey. But you
don't have to be like you ain't never snash in
your whole line. I'm like, that's not that's not a
prerequisite to be with me. Um, But I have included
new things like I didn't realize how much I needed
kindness because it's like a quality like you. I don't
(40:49):
say you you maybe you overlook I kind of overlooked
because I was like I thought it was a given
until I was with somebody. I was like, Oh, there's
no empathy here, that's what it is, that's what that's
that's why I just feels like a beat down situation,
like there's no empathy, there's no like you don't speak
with me, to me kindly, you don't have greats. And
I'm like, oh, yeah, that's that doesn't work for me
(41:11):
because I love people. I genuinely enjoy interacting and like
being a good human being. And I was like, oh,
there's there's hurt here and you don't know how. You
don't have the emotional awareness of the social capacity to
use your words. So yeah, that's not gonna work for me.
So I added like kindness, Uh, someone that's a giver
(41:34):
is a huge thing, because I'm the kind of person
that's like, let's give to this charity or like let's
get like you know what, like I'll buy new shoes here,
take these ones, you know whatever, and so like I
can't do someone stingy, you know what I mean, somebody
that can like reel me in for sure, to be like, okay,
now you spend all your money like you know what,
You're right, because I do go through the streets, I'd
be like, let's just get all the way everything. It's
(41:54):
like it's like because you got a more okay, so
we gotta countter down. Um, but you know somebody I can't.
I need someone as generous, you know, with their time,
not just with their pockets, but like with their time
and with their words and just it's just it's I've
learned from relationships in the past that didn't work out,
(42:19):
like Okay, on paper they looked great, but like as
I continue to evolve, oh yeah, the things that I
want to go beyond, you know, like somebody who not
only understands what I do for a living, and it's
also like gracious about that, you know, Like I didn't.
I you always know and you always say, somebody who
(42:40):
celebrates your successes. I didn't realize that I was with
somebody who was not celebretty much listen with some people
won't And it's wild because if your mind doesn't work
like that, you just assume everyone that you would, you know,
engage in a romantic relationship with at the very least,
would be cheering you on. But some people can't handle that. Shine.
They here's the here's the thing. They can't handle it.
(43:03):
But for themselves. Not right exactly exactly, Yes, they're like
they weren't celebrating, they were just taking notes something like that.
Just did they just recreate my life that you can
talking about it? No? No, I mean I'm like, I'm saying,
(43:26):
I haven't been there. Just I will say that we
can talk. Did they give my number? We're talking, but
like off record, because girl, it is crazy. It's wow.
You literally when you said, oh, wow, is this just
my life that you it's it's a slow bird. Girl.
Let me take you look up and you just let
me just hand over the wig while I'm at it.
(43:48):
Just go ahead, fam to Kobe. It's nothing. I'm the
fool that was like and so this is how you
do it. It's right because the giver and you, who's like, no,
we're partners, were climbing together. I serve you, sir, is
thinking that's what's happening, and then you realize that's that's
what that's not, that's not that's not what they thought
(44:09):
was happening. They were just like, thank you so much
and years where I here's why I get off the
train and you're not thank you and this is my stop.
We'll talk, we'll talk, we'll talk, But I want to
bring full starcle because we're wrapping up soon. But you've
got the book. Obviously we've touched on a little bit.
I mean, obviously you have so much humor and heart
(44:30):
and so many life lessons that you clearly even shared
just through this very short episode. But if you had
to sum up, you know what it is you're getting across.
I love that you say this is a get yours book, right,
Like maybe it's self help whatever you want to categorize
it as, but really this is an opportunity for the
reader to get there's what do you mean by that?
And what are people gonna get after reading? Yeah, because
(44:53):
I I say, like listen, vam, it is to get yours.
I've gotten mine and I'm still getting more of it.
But I'm not greedy, you know, So like it ain't
no fun and the homies can't have none, and so
for me, it's just like I get into the top
and being the only one in the mountaintop is not
fun like I mean for some people it is, But
for me, I'm just like I want to help picnic
up here. I want I want to be at the top,
(45:14):
you know, at the rooftop that pool with other people
who got to the top as well. And so for me,
it's just like whoever you are, Like throughout the whole book,
I spent all my time like really just pouring out
my belief and whoever the reader is, like, I believe
in you. I believe you're gonna do dope things. I
believe that you're going to be the change agent that
like your family didn't even though you could be like whatever.
(45:36):
It is like, I'm just like really pouring into people
because when you're embarking on a journey that's very different
than like what you could have imagined for yourself or
what other people could imagine for for you, you have
enough people trying to tell you how it's not gonna work.
You have enough people trying to tell you what you
don't have and what you're not gonna do. And I'm
the one that's like, here's what is going to happen,
(45:58):
something great, And but here's also what's gonna happen. You're
gonna have some down times, you know what I'm saying.
You know, you're gonna have some some tough moments. It's cool,
is expected. We've all been there. It's kind of like
when you know, I'm sure in your career there are
things that have happened, and like you're just like, oh
my god, this only happened to me, and I said,
and then someone comes along Dury and they're like, actually,
(46:20):
know that happens to everyone there first day, or you know,
like you know, here's just what you need to do
when it does happen, and so you're just like, I
don't have to like take this home and be by
myself eating ice cream crying in the corner, because this
is actually normal. It is normal. And I say in
the book, the joke will fail, the cake will not rise, okay,
like you know, the recipe will fail, Like you will,
(46:44):
you know, not get into the school the first time.
Like all the things that can happen might happen. And
that's not for me to speak negatively in your life.
It's just like it's just life. But in those failures,
in the things that didn't work out, I say there's
a chapter in the book called I may not win,
but I always in. There's a w set up for
you in some way, shape or form. It may does
(47:04):
not look like what you anticipated it. But when God
gives you a back back end blessing, hey you know
what I mean. In the industry, listen, you better preach
right now. You know, in the industry there are back
end deals. You know. Sometimes you know it's like, Okay,
this is the money you're gonna get up front, but
like in success, you get you know, ten percent in royalties,
(47:26):
and that's the back end stuff. So a lot of
people will only see, nah, how much do they pay
me up front? It's like if you only knew to
not take the upfront deal, just first get the money,
because the back end deal is really where you can
sit at home and get checks. Think you didn't even know.
And so it's like there's some bad you only see.
(47:47):
You know what it is given to us right now,
what we want. But God has some back end blessings
that like you can't see, and you have no idea
how the royalties are gonna shake up in your life.
So yeah, no, you didn't get into that school. No
you didn't marry that guy or that girl, thank God,
because when he got on the back end is a
thousand times better than what you could have ever imagined,
(48:09):
because he knows this is what you needed. But that
that other relationship, that other deal that didn't go well,
prepared you to be your best self for the thing
that is about to go well. And so in the book,
that's why I talk about it being to get yours.
It's like get yours with the failures, with the blessings,
get it all because I need you to be successful.
(48:30):
I need you to be great. I want to be
a partaker like we needed whoever invented Uber to be successful.
We need I need your supply. I need you like
whatever it is that you have to get to this world,
I don't even know that I wanted yet because you
haven't given it to me. But when you give it
to me, I'm already primed to be Like that makes sense,
(48:51):
and I won't love it. That is such a beautiful perspective.
I love that that you know so many people are.
They encouraged, they motivate, and it's like the finder why right,
But to hear you say I encourage, I motivate. I
want to push you to be great also because in
a certain way, it comes back to me in some
(49:11):
way that I've yet to known because you've yet to
discover it, to innovate, to create. So that's a really
awesome um fuel for that fire you. Um. You talk
about the fact that you have this amazing quote I
want to read really quickly. Uh, let me see if
I can find it. You said, some of your biggest
blessings won't appear like the bright, glaring, crispy cream hot
now sign, which is my favorite sign to be quick
(49:34):
break um, and then you continue, They'll come wrapt as
a beautiful burden. They'll look like a hurdle, feel like
a chore, and will probably come at the most inopportune time.
I love that I've been there. When is the last
time for our audience listening? Now that you had that
what is actually happening moment that ended up being a blessing, Yeah,
(49:56):
um man, I'll never forget I this is a very
unorthodox blessing too. UM. I had a meeting. It was
like I think I was doing pressed for something. I
just finished shooting whatever it was. I was drained and tired,
and I was like, I need y'all have to stop
setting these meetings for me because I'm exhausted. I was driving.
(50:19):
I'll never forget. I was driving into a lot for
this general meeting with the cast and director for like
a major studio, and the hallway there, I'm like, yo, fam,
I don't even why, Like I'm tired, Like I'm tired,
like I'm so upset, Like why am I here? And
the generals are so exhausting. There's no promise of anything.
(50:39):
There's no job on the line. It's like, just go
sell yourself to go talk to this person for thirty
minutes and commission like you to convinsive to like there's
no other ship. I'm like, okay, they're casting for a
lot of dope movies that I would love to be
a part of, but like, okay, like is this a guarantee?
It's just like no, I'm just gonna But then, like
if they want to meet me, then they already liked me,
So why am I meeting with them? Like what the
heck are we doing? So I'm tired. I'm driving to
(51:01):
the lot and I get there, I get into the
room and he goes, so I hear you're Nigerian. I
said yeah, I yam. He's like, yeah, I meant a
lot of you. You guys are quite um interesting people
and you like go hard in the pain. And I
was like we are. So I'm just like okay. And
then he's like and I hear you love Jesus. And
(51:23):
I was like, I do what's coming on here? You know?
I mean like it was just like, yes, I I died,
that is facts. We spent an hour and a half
talking about faith. He I mean listen when he was
a or is a gay white man who works for
(51:45):
a like as a camp counselor um at a church.
And he was just like, let's talk, and I was
just like we poured into each other, tears were shed.
I was just like, well Jesus, well okay, I can't
here for a general but we had a whole encounter.
We've been friends, we've had dinner off like I've never
(52:09):
moved a single thing with him, and it doesn't matter.
But it was like that was because what you got
in the end was so much more than you expected. Wow, clearly.
And then my things. I was like I didn't know
he had done all these reasons about me. I was like,
I'm like I'm thinking, you're gonna talk about you know,
season whatever it was on the show, or you know,
comedy or you know what with my hopes and that wa.
(52:30):
He was just like, so you love Jesus, that's like
and turned into a we prayed at the end. I
was like, And with the crazy thing about it, I
was like, am I still in Hollywood on a major lot?
Is this happening right now? Because that's the part that
is blowing my mind that this happened at all in
this crazy industry, and and and and that was the thing.
(52:53):
I was just like, wait, wait, wait a minute, wait, huh,
Like when I tell you like the most unexed back
then thing. And it wasn't even that I lead with it.
It wasn't I was like, yeah, so I want to know.
It was like, so from what I understand, this is
your life, this is your story. When I tell you
we have had lunch and just check ins and he
is so dope, and it's just like and no one
(53:15):
was trying to proselytize or anything. It was just like, well, yeah,
and that's that's literally what I say in the book.
It's like, I want it's not just even about my
life it's more like if there's anything in my life
that's recognizable as anything that you think is dope. It's
like when you go to a restaurant and you're so
hungry and you're just like, man, I got one shot
(53:38):
to get the right meal. I ain't got time to
send it back today. This is not to send it back.
I'm hungry. I needed to be good. But then you
get one of those Boston Nova menus and you're just like, yo, fams,
it's yo, it's eighteen because you can't. First of all,
Boston Nova is the whole Bible. It's like a tempage menu.
It's it's a new testament of or of menu. This crazy,
(54:01):
And so you're just like, I gotta do I want
the you know, do I want the girl like a
mushroom pizza or the chicken los Aias? There's so many options?
Do I want the stream? And so then what happens
is you look at the person next to you who's
sitting there, and they're just like so good, oh my god,
like baby, you gotta taste it, okay, so good. You're like,
hold on, hold on, what what are they happen over
there there? Let me let me get that let me
(54:24):
get that. Hey, is it good? Oh my god, it's
still luscious? You deal with a love that is it delicious? Delicious? Okay,
I'm gonna have what she's having, and I want like
my life. I want the book. I wanted to be
like yo, I have what she's having, not like I
want her life, but like, hey, God do it to me,
do it for me, like whatever I want. Yeah, I'm
trying to get my own, like I want my own order,
(54:46):
Like in matter of fact, can you add extra cheese
because she's she's Lantos and tomari but I'm not, so
give me something right customized, You can customize it, but
at least you have a base to be like I
know it's at least gonna be good. Now make it
better for me. Um. And So that's that's why I
say it's it's a Gattus book. That's why that's what
(55:06):
I want people to get from it. It's like, through
my stories and through my humor or through my heartfelt
whatever it is, I want you to believe in you
like you've never believed in you before. Like even when
you don't have everything, it don't matter. Even when you
do have everything, there's still more to get. So it's
just like just go balls to the wall and see
(55:29):
see what happens. And you went balls to the wall,
You're still going balls to the wall, and what is
happening is amazing to see. You've got the book, You've
got first gin and development over at Disney Plus with
David and Oprah. I mean, it's it's so impressive. I'm
so excited for you. I wish we could talk long,
right we can. We gotta go, we gotta go. But lastly,
(55:50):
you describe to yourself as I'm a proud Jesus loving
Nigerian American writer and stand up comic. But in addition
to that, I'm also an actress best known as Sa
Race b FF Molly on the HBO series Insecure. As
Insecure wraps up and comes to a close, and you
all go into these amazing new chapters that you're going into.
What is the thing you think has been most misunderstood
(56:14):
about who Ivan is through these these years of getting
to know you publicly, um, and what is the thing
that you hope people understand about you moving forward in
your career. I think I've done a pretty good job
with letting people know that Molly and Vane are two
different people. Um. Black Twitter has not picked up on
(56:36):
those cubes sometimes because like season four, I just don't
want to believe it. It got real. Season four, you
got really real, and I was like my practice to um.
But I think I think what people will no more
about me, either through the book or just like in
my life in general, is that I genuinely love people.
(56:59):
I'm like, I'm generally a proponent of people living their
best life, being their best self. Um, and they may
be surprised by my backstory. Like I'm very open about
like being bullied and and and and you know, all
the crazy things that I went through and and still
(57:20):
have to work through to get to be the person
that I am today. Like I'm very transparent and like
you know my therapy journey, I'm very transparent. And like
how you know how I tried to get people to
like me as you know, as a kid, and it
did not work out, y'all. They did not They didn't
like me in the man what I did? Ye Um,
it's fine, we're here now and look at what're they
(57:43):
It works out, it was supposed to work out like that. Um,
but not I think I think there's just more of
me to be discovered, um, not only by the masses
but also by me. You know, I'm I'm in a
transition period now where I am kind going into this
like ease and flow node of just allowing things to come.
(58:06):
I've done the hustle, I've done the game star and
now I'm just like, I want to do less. I
want to do less and get more and see and
see how that works. That's a thing that like no
Nigerian has ever done. But we said no Nigerian ever,
you're making history. We don't know how to do the
(58:30):
least to get the most. We are like we would
do the most to get the most tasked, and it's
like no, like what are we doing to get the mostest?
And so for me, I'm just like this is new
terrain and it's kind of scary, but I'm like, I
know what hustle has gotten me. I want to know
what rest can get me to. Well, if that's not
(58:54):
a perfect note to end on, that's exactly what this
podcast is about. Our third episode, I think, ever, maybe
fourth was do less and I'm certainly of the same
mind and it's been hard, but my thirties have been
all about rest. Like at a certain point you have
to step back and say it's not worth it if
best life is giving me burnout and I have to
to push pause. So it's so awesome to see that
(59:17):
not only have you had these realizations, but that you're
being so generous with your spirit and your experiences by
sharing them in your new book, Bamboozled by Jesus, available
wherever books are souls, Yes, everywhere, everywhere Happy that's good,
L O L. Every time I talk to her, I'm
(59:37):
just my cheeks are sore from all of the laughter.
She's so much fun to interview, you know, whether it
was he Knews, Access, Hollywood, I've I've had some really
great combos with her. So it was nice to be
able to do a deep dive and learn a little
bit more about all of the amazing stuff she's going on.
Y'all get that book all right, Go pick up Bamboozled
by Jesus. It's so good, so many tangible takeaways and
(59:58):
insightful tips. She's trying to help you get yours, So
go get it all right now. Remember check out how
Happy mess dot com for the show notes, resources, links
and info um on everything that we talked about today,
and before we end the episode, I want to share
something with you. It's an iTunes review from one of
our listeners, Letitia. She's thirty two from Seattle. She said,
(01:00:19):
I should have started this podcast sooner. I've laughed, cried,
and even cringed because every topic has been so relatable.
Thank you for all your amazing and thoughtful content, Zori. Letitia,
thank you so much for taking the time to leave
a review. It is so appreciated and it helps y'all.
They really move the needle. So remember you can leave
a review on iTunes. It's free and it's an easy
(01:00:41):
way to support the Hot Happy Mess podcast if you're
liking it, if you appreciate what we're putting out, that
is a really easy fast way to not just tell us,
but also help us out a little bit. You know.
It shows that people are vibing with the show and
it helps grow the podcast. So if you want to
leave a review, go to Apple Podcasts, type in Hot
Happy Mess Us or Zuri Hall it'll pop up, scroll
(01:01:02):
down and write your review by a being Beta Boom.
We also have a very cute tutorial on our Instagram page,
which you should follow at Hot Happy Mess and follow
me at Zuri Hall Zu r I H A L L.
And don't keep us a secret. Share this episode with
a friend right now and leave that review. Okay, I
will see you in the next one. Thanks again to
(01:01:22):
Yvonne for another amazing episode of Hot Happy Mess. We'll
see all Monday by Hi
Hot Happy Mess, Celebrate your magic in the middle of
life's messes him happy. I'm Zurie Hall and this is
Hot Happy made Shoot. What is up? How are you feeling?
(00:29):
It's another Hot Happy Mess Monday. If you're listening to
this on the day that it premiered, But if not,
that's okay, stay a while. We are back with another
episode of Hot Happy Mess. I am your host, Zuri Hall,
and today's episode is an alphababe spotlight with one of
the funniest women in Hollywood. I absolutely adore her, Yvonne
(00:50):
or Gene. Now, you may know her as Molly from Insecure,
but Ivan is so much more than that. We love
her on Insecure. Don't get it twisted now, but she
has so much going on. Not only is she funny,
she's a writer, she is an executive producer. She's got
some really dope projects in the pipeline. And we had
(01:11):
the most hilarious and inspiring conversation y'all. We even have
a mini karaoke moment. Okay, I'm never going to pass
on an opportunity to hop on a mic and acts
a hot mess and be just by my peers, so
that happens. We also chat about her new book that
you absolutely must read, Bamboozled by Jesus, How God tricked
(01:35):
Me into the life of my dreams, um is dropping
me and we talked about her amazing pivot. She's had
some really wild career pivots, from getting two degrees and
chasing her dream of becoming a comedian UM to sharing
her thoughts on self care, mental health, ambition, why the
weight is sexy, and yes, we are talking about waiting
until marriage to have sex, which is something that she's
(01:58):
been open and very vocal about before. UM. So she's
sharing a little insight into that decision and why she
won't compromise on her faith. This is a part of
our Alphababe Spotlight series And if you know me at all,
then you know when I say alphababe, I mean someone
who is unapologetically ambitious and mindful. She's a woman who
is designing a life that she loves and she leaves.
(02:20):
She doesn't just know what she wants, she ain't afraid
to work for it. Okay, Alpha and Babe. It's all
about embracing our duality as women. We can be both.
Both can be anything, smart and sexy, strong and soft,
hard work and badass and self care connoisseur, all of
the things, okay, um, and I want to remind you
really quickly before we jump into today's spotlight on Ivonne,
share your stories. I want to hear your story. I
(02:42):
want to hear the story of the woman who inspires
you most, the woman who makes you laugh the most,
or cry happy tears. We can cry sad tears together.
But submit your real woman, real story, or nominate someone um,
or share an alphababe spotlight that you think I should
cover um or get some generally okay advice from me.
(03:05):
Here's truly by sending your submissions to Hello at hot
Happy mess dot com. All right, y'all, it is time
to dive into this week's Alpha Babe Spotlight with Yvonne
van Orgy is a Nigerian American Emmy nominated actress, comedian,
and a writer who continues to display her versatility and
passion with each project she takes on. On TV. She
(03:27):
stars in HBO's critically acclaimed comedy series and Secure. She's
a stand up comedian who debuted her first one hour
HBO stand up special, Mama I Made It Back In
and she has her faith based advice book bamboozled by Jesus,
how God tricked me into the life of my dreams
dropping may so go get that. Here's Van. I'm just
(03:51):
so excited that you are here in this little, hot,
happy mess bubble of ours. It has been what like
a year since I talked to you. I think it
has been a year, But I've been found. I know
about the anniversary. I'm just like, look at her being
so happy. I'm following, just like, oh look, love just
budding on the interwebs. I'm just yes, you know what,
(04:11):
love is budding on the interwebs. Um, I have not
forgotten that we are manifesting your boot. The thing is,
the way was set up. It just it was tricky.
It's okay, It's all right because it was. It was
all a set up to a come up, you know
what I'm saying. Like, listen, he needed to have a
divine time out whoever he is. He needed to just
(04:32):
sat down for a little bit and be like, you
know what, I really do need a girl, you know,
and I'm trying to forge out the kind of girl.
Like he needs to gap very specific about the kind
of girl he wanted so that when he meets me
he'd be like, ah, that's her, my bad in the streets,
not knowing what I wanted. So I'm not mad at
how twenty were because I got my life together. So
(04:52):
he's getting his life and his money together, like all
of it. You say, his life and his money? Yes, yes,
because what we we not going back to the wilderness? Okay,
what we're not doing? Mama needs a new house, Okay,
because I've got this one by myself, like we we
love to see it. You know, I'm gonna ask you
about it. I just closed at my home. I could
(05:14):
have used being boostled by Jesus, because I know you
touched on the homeownership process in the book. I wasn't ready.
It's so disrespectful this housing market, ninjas. I have never
felt more broke than when I had saved all my
coins ever to buy a house in l A. And
and no, not just when you save all your coins,
(05:35):
but when you have coins that can afford the house
in l A. And l A says now we're good,
and you're like, no, no, no no, we don't know. You
don't want this back run that back by me. I'm
giving you twent of how much? And you really are
like Nana, I keep that Na's people, and then people
coming with all cash offers like yo, I just want
(05:56):
to I don't want, I don't need a loan. I
am so glad that you brought that up because that
was my number one great moment when I talked about
it on the podcast. I got beat out by an
all cash offer and that was my just slap in
the face. I didn't realize it was going down like
that in Los Angeles until they told me what I
had to compete with to get the first spot. I
was like, cool, So I just want I tell you.
(06:18):
I literally I couldn't even be mad at it because
I was like, one day I'm gonna be that person.
Right now, I don't like it because I'm not that person.
But also thank you for introducing me to a new
way of life where you're like, I don't want to
feel here's four million dollars and you're just like what
that what? Don't it great? Um? But at the same time,
but so, I mean, you read in the book how
(06:38):
somebody came with an all cash offer, but they still
chose me in my loan. Look at God, Look at God.
You know what if that's not a segway. I don't
know what is Congratulations you have the new book coming out.
Finally we've been waiting for it. We're excited, bamboozled by
Jesus before we get into it, because I want to
talk about all the nitty gritty um, all of the
(07:00):
amazing insight you're giving. We open up with these like
rapid fire sort of Cosmo style quizzes. Right, so just
whatever comes to mind? Okay, you ready? Okay, alright. The
song that sums up my week is I'm just tired
my week. Last week we had six days of filming,
so I was like, what, what's this song that says
I need a nap? I mean, are you going to
(07:25):
write it? Are? We added a songwriter to the credits
to the EP of it all. Listen, if DJ Kali
can produce it, I Need a Nap might be number
one Bill go take as Nap. I'm not mad at it. Okay?
What superpower would you like to possess? Reading people's minds? Oh? Why?
(07:50):
Just makes it easier because you can just know what
they're like, Like, you can just cut the clutter and
get to the real just to just be like, oh,
you're really nervous right now. This is why you're a
going to okay, got it? Or like we're just really
only going to be friends, so why are you wasting
my time? You know, like right right? Efficiency sake? Okay,
I feel you, I feel see. Let me give you
(08:11):
one more. Let me give you one more. What is
your love language? Oh, access service? Access service number one?
Do you have a close ranking too? I know all
my ranks, so access service, uh quality, no accesservice, physical touch,
which some people very surprised by, but I'm like, get
closed accesservice, physical touch, words of affirmation, um, quality, time,
(08:39):
and gift giving are kind of like all in there.
But as I getting older and I like more expensive gifts,
I'm just like, yeah, I should probably bump up gift
giving because like, oh girl, it's a it's a close
number two and depending on the day, is number one.
So I've had to go with a lot of therapy
got me to a point where I could proclaim that
love language without shame. I feel like the giving and
receiving gifters it a bad rap. Yeah, Like I'm I
(09:02):
give gifts like, I'm like, you can be the person
in Zuri that you're like, you know what, I really
love are you know, pick a thing, you know, like
I just love whatever, whatever, whatever, and it'll just be
in the back of my mind that wonderful. I'll get
you a little bit Taylor diamonds from Macy's. I'm taking girl.
(09:24):
It's the thought that counts. But if you're like I
love Adida's track suits, right, if you're just like, oh
my god, I love Adida's track suits. They're so comfortable
for me to whatever whatever, and I'm like, cool. If
I go shopping and I see Adida's track suits that
like I haven't seen before, like in a really low color,
I'm like, I'm I'm gonna buy one Rassuri, you know,
just because I'm just like, yeah, I'm literally But that's
(09:47):
the also the act of service to me because it
doesn't take you to tell me I want a jumpsuit.
It's inferred, and like, oh, you know what brings me
joy is these things, And I'm like, it brings your joy,
and I'll make a note to get it for you
that I love. You're the friend that everyone needs in
(10:08):
that case, because I'd be dropping hints, I'll be writing list,
I'll leave a posting does all the round and then
I still end up at Macy's by my damn self,
trying to get the trucks to see when when I
when I have a significant another, I'm making plain. The
Bible said, write the vision and make it very plain
what I want our Chanel bags, the boy bags, these
(10:31):
price tags. Now, I'm still trying to get set to
wrap his mind around why a boy bag cost what
it costs. We'll work on, and we'll work on in
the meantime. You know, we touched on the book a
little bit obviously, Bamboozo by Jesus coming out? Now, why
was now the right time to release? Because you've been
working on this for a while, right two years? So
you know, I know it's because I also wanted to
(10:54):
write it myself. Like you know, in the beginning, They're
just like, you're gonna be busy. We can get a
ghost writer, we can. I like, nah, fam, I'm like,
I want to say everything I want to say how
I want to say it, And you know, I just
I just felt like this was too precious, you know,
And I listen, after going through the process, I'm like,
so what a goals by the looking like for the
(11:15):
next one? You know, you know what I'm saying sometimes
it's like you gotta prove yourself to yourself and then
after that you're like, well, I don't really have anything
else to prove, Like it's fine, I did it. I
don't do that again. How do we make this? Eyeah?
Bringing the troops okay? Um? But for this first one,
I was just like I just want to see one
if I can do it. And if I can do it, well, um,
(11:39):
but I just want knew that I had something very
specific that I wanted to say, and I was just like,
I don't know, I don't know that. I want to
spend the time to try and get somebody to get
my voice and really and for me writing it was
also rewriting it, you know, because like after I got
it all out, I'm like, actually, this is actually, this
is what I want to say, this is how I
want to say it, or so it came through everal
(12:00):
different edits girl Child. At some point I was like,
I'm tired of this stack onbuk Lord. But I think
now was the right time because we all got bamboos,
We all had plans, whether it was Jesus or COVID,
somebody bamboozing the heck out of us. And I think
the blessing that came from that was the realignment that
a lot of people experienced, you know, trying to figure out, Okay,
(12:23):
well what do I do when my plans were interrupted?
What do I do when my job just left and
doesn't exist anymore? And so does that mean I have
permission to do something that I've always wanted to do?
That that meant I had permission to actually like live
out my dreams that I didn't think I could because
(12:43):
I just wanted a good corporate job and you know, healthcare.
And I think that's the transition. The book is really
for people who find themselves in the transitionary period of
were sometimes the things that they believed, for God, it's
really hard to attain. Or sometimes times they were throwing
a curveball and now they're just like, how do I
(13:03):
believe or start over into this new thing when I
thought this old thing was gonna have me right into
the sunset right right. I love that you you bring
that up that this is for folks and transition, because honestly,
I just feel like life is one big transition, right.
Not to get all like woo cliche, but it really
is just a series of transitions. You stay in a
(13:24):
space long enough to realize I'm not growing here anymore.
I want new challenges. I want to transition or pivot,
and for a lot of us gave us the time
in the space to reflect on that. I'm curious to know,
um your pandemic experience. Did you have any epiphanies, any
realizations that were burst through that that added to the
book in a way that you couldn't have had it
(13:45):
been published before. Absolutely freaking lutely, I'll never forget when
guys sent me down. I do a lot of my
thinking in the bathroom, So like in the tub, I'll
take like three hour bats and just be like, speak
to me, lord, I want on the side, because that's
a lot of looking like all raising girl. Listen, I
(14:06):
got my absence off and I'm just like you know,
nourishing my muscles. Make it like I have my my
candles burning. I have a TV like the tub area too,
so I watch a whole series as long as the
water stays hot. We I have a table that's like
like connected to the tub, so I can like do
my journal. We we have a whole session in there. Okay,
(14:28):
whatever I need to love it we can make it happen.
So in one of the sessions, I just I was
feeling like God, everything just felt reckless. Things just we're
feeling like high end and I was like, I have
no grasp or bearing on things, and a lot of
day whole the spirit say it's because you haven't been
clear with yourself, and I was like, and he was like,
you just hate. Clarity was the best gift that he
(14:51):
gave me in the pandemic, Clarity about what I wanted
and how to ask for what I wanted and not
being afraid to ask for what I wanted because a
lot of times too, it's like you want a thing,
but then you're just like, oh man, I don't want
to be judged for the things that I want. Like
like you said, like even in like my love language
is gifts. It's the thing that gives you joy, is
the thing. But it's like, oh man, does that feel
(15:12):
like I'm materialistic? Like people like me that, and it's
just like what it is is what it is. It's
a love language because it clearly millions of other people
have the same one, and for some people it's top
of the list and for other people is at the bottom.
It doesn't make one love language better than the other.
It's just what makes you happiest. And so it's just
(15:33):
like giving myself the ability to be okay with what
I discovered in my clarity, right, it was okay for
me to discover, like, you know, what I want, what
I want when I wanted, and I really don't like
waiting and I really don't like having to choose. And
what's really pissing me off in my career or in
whatever is like this feeling like I can't have it
(15:55):
all or I can't have this or I have to
like walk around on exhel so like please can I
have some more? Like I'm all of a twists and
I'm like nah no, So here's what I need, you
know what I mean? And like just being able to
be like yes, some people will label you as whatever
they want to label you at once you start being
more clear, once you start knowing yourself more, because the
(16:18):
reality is people benefit more from you when you don't
know you are you talk about it, talk about it
because they boy tell you who to be right whatever
it is they need for you to show up as
me while you're walking around like boutiful with your head
cut off and you're just like trying to be all
things to everybody and nothing to yourself. And I just
(16:38):
was like, something is missing, something is a right. And
I realized, like I was spending so much time like
people pleasing, and I talked about it in the book,
like I wanted people to like me and I wanted
to be like a bull and let's all have a
fun experience. And in the process of all of that,
like I wasn't being fulfilled. I wasn't getting the thing
that I needed, and then when you asked for it,
(17:01):
it's a baying switch. It's like people like, well where
did this come from. I'm like, like I don't understand,
Like I can still be a nice person and like
demand excellence, you know, and it's like but now, really
the their reaction is just, hey, we liked it better
when we could take advantage of you, and now that
we can't, Uh, this is're gonna work for us, And
(17:22):
so then they have to create chaos. And so you're
just like, how did this happen? Why does this? When
God was like start off being clear from the jump,
whether people like you're not, they will be able to
be honest and let you know, if they can or cannot. Yep,
and then that goes right back to the whole. Make
it playing right, just make it clear and there can
be no misunderstanding. Um. Did you realize in those moments
(17:45):
as you started to make clear what you wanted, what
your intentions were, what you expected from the people around you,
that people fell away, that you had to cut off people?
What was the what was the the ending of that
epiphany as your circle tighter? Is is it like what happened? How? Yeah?
I recognize two things. So yes, they're the people that
(18:07):
really weren't about this life, but we're about the life
they wanted. Um, they are no longer in my life.
You know what I'm saying. Like it doesn't work out,
farewell and farewell God for good bline, God blessed. Like
we don't have to live like it doesn't have to
be rocky, we don't have to have chaos, tms, don't
have to be called just go along with your merry
(18:28):
way this this is the end of the road, like
a boy's man song. Um, by the way, yes, and
we yo, you're right to see. I don't know why
I'm not even go try to keep up with you
(18:49):
right now? To be you gotta get that after the yeah,
y'all case see it. And if I got a whole
fedora on and I swear she just tills it into
the left the shadows because I had to have my
my wan like head no and oh god, and like
(19:15):
the boys got a trail off. It's all bad, but
here we are. The other thing I noticed is that
when I was clear, it actually shocked me because I
would say what I wanted and then people would be
like okay, and I was like like that, like that's
it because because people are just really waiting for you
to be, like, this is what you want, like the
(19:37):
right people are ready are waiting for you to be like,
make a choice, we'll make a decision. If it's wrong,
we'll tell you. If it's right, we'll tell you. But like,
here's what she wants. Let's go down the yellow brick
road and figure out if this is a thing that
can happen, and if not, we'll be poor back. And
so it's just like, well that was easy. And waited
(19:57):
the last ten years not doing that, not doing that,
but like and doing and not doing it because I
thought other people wanted something else from me, or this
is how I was supposed to be or this is
what makes me more desirable in you know, in relationships
or in the industry or whatever, and just being like,
(20:18):
but why am I not happy? Because everybody else is
getting what they want? But I don't know. I'm the
one who's running the ship, but who's at the back?
Hi that work? Right? Listen? And did you ever realize,
like for me, I had that exact same moment, And
it's such a thankless job, right because you're sitting here,
You're biting the bullet, you're grinning your teeth, you're putting
the burden on your shoulders into a certain extent. Maybe
(20:40):
your a little self congratulatory about it at a certain point, right,
Like you're you're volunteering as the murder and you've been
conditioned to be the murder, and yet people are going
around minding their business have Oh she is just the
sweetest thing, or oh my god, she is always there
when you need her, and you're making their lives easier.
But nothing about their life isn't ternalizing everything. It takes
(21:02):
for you to show up in the way they need.
So you're sitting here mad by yourself because you're the
only one who's internalizing that resentment. They're just happy that
you're a good person quote unquote, because you also haven't
asked anything of them. If you're giving, somebody's always gonna
be receiving, and if you're never asking to be given to,
(21:24):
you're the one that's going to be depleted. I heard
the van say, the person in a relationship that gets
their need mat is the person who's loudest about their needs.
Mm hmm. It's just it's there is the person who voice,
who articulates, here's what I need, and then what we
have to do because the work I had to do
was allow someone to meet that need the way they
(21:47):
know how to meet their need. Because what we want
to do is like control how the need is met too.
It's the whole love, how we expect love and stead
of how somebody needs to receive it, right, you know,
just as like hey give them an opportunity to give
to you in the way that they know how to.
You can edit, but like you can't micromanage how you're
(22:09):
gonna have it given, you know. I mean it's kind
of different in world because like this is my empire.
So I'm like, actually, I do want to be communicated
to best in this way, you know, like you send
me an email, God blessed. I don't know if I'm
an answer, but you know, it was really important to
should be at X. So it really was a shift
(22:31):
that and even it lends itself into the book because
once I got clear about who I was, then I
got clear about what I was saying. Like I knew
what I wanted to put in the book, but how
I wanted it. Like I went through like should I
sound like Joe Tholstein, so that sound like Bishop Jake's
you know, like huh, because you know, I think the
(22:52):
people are gonna be fact checking, like am I? You know,
am I as you know, spiritual with these people. I mean,
I ain't gonna seminary okay, but you know, but I
don't mean can I make it funny? I want to
make the book funny, Like but then are the church
folk gonna be mad because I made Jesus funny? But
that's all I know, you know. So it was I
went through this whole series of like who will I
alienate most before finally being like, hey, I would just
(23:16):
be me because that's really the easiest thing to duplicate
because trying to be several different things. That's not authentically me,
and I'm just gonna be a fraud in my own luck.
This is crazy. I'm so glad that you said that,
because my next question was gonna be what brought the clarity?
What did you realize you had to be or how
you had to show up? And what did you do?
(23:37):
What work did it take to get there? But was
it really just deciding one day I'm just gonna do
whatever I want, say whatever it is, I truly think
right down whatever it is I feel, and let that
be enough? Or you know, like and I'm talking tangibles
takeaways just for our listeners. Was it meditation? Was it prayer?
I know you took you hopped on that flight, took
(23:57):
that trip. You're telling me about the writing session where
love just crashed and ate all your food? But like,
what did you do to get to that part? Well?
I think so it's a couple of things, right, But
the root of it was you'll never know if you
are enough until you are you? Right. So the fear
(24:21):
was like am I enough to push volumes? You know,
like it's what I have to say enough to govanize interest?
And you know, not just people to buy the book,
but to like read it and enjoy the book. And
if I spent so much time trying to be not me,
then I wouldn't really know what worked and what didn't work.
(24:42):
It's kind of like my process in comedy. I never
go on stage and like, yo, let me try this
new joke out on y'all see how it is, because
because then you set the mindset for other people to
be like, well, this is a new joke, as opposed
to what I do. If I'm testing a new joke,
I work it in conversation and I see how different
people is like I don't I don't tell anyone it's
(25:02):
a joke, or like it's a bit that I'm working on.
I said it in a conversation and I see like, okay,
so that got the same laugh at the same place
each time. Okay, coo coo cool, So there's something there.
And then I build on it and then I tested
so it's like I'm testing it in real time so
that by the time I get on stage, I know
it'll work. But I don't need to do like a
(25:23):
focus group of like, hey, guys, this is a new bid.
We'll see because they're like the expectation for how people
receive that is different. Now I'm gonna saying that that
doesn't work for some comics it does, but for me,
I want to know authentically, like does this really work
or does this work? Because they're like she's on stage
with a mic, you know what I mean, and we're
giving her like a pitty laugh um because that's nothing
(25:48):
nothing feel it. You feel it deep. It's like, oh God,
I don't make another joke for like a week or
in it. I'm not a comedian, but there is something
very frightful about being exposed. There's something being revealed, you know,
(26:09):
like being raw and naked and just being like Okay,
I'm I'm gonna try me. I'm gonna give me a shot,
you know, because even for me, it's like the people
like me or the people like Molly, you know, because
Molly is a character that was created, you know, the
people like it when I'm just funny or like, are
people gonna get that? Like I'm multifaceted, I love Jesus
and d MX, you know what i mean? Are you know,
(26:31):
are people going to understand me? And it's like there's
no way to find out until you be you. But
my problem is I had been me for so long
that and me wasn't accepted. So when I was bullied
as a kid, to me that I knew to be
was like told that she was whack. So then I
(26:53):
kind of like kind of searched all this time for
like who, who what part of me the people like
the most? Let me just do that. Let me just
do that. Okay, I can never have any flaws because
you know that's that's gonna end badly. So let me
be the best versions of the things. And then it's
just like, hey, I know you like me. Can you
(27:13):
just tell me what you like about me? So I
can just make sure I do that. And it sounds crazy.
I feel so seen in this moment, and it is
the overachiever, the perfectionist, right, and a lot of ambitious people,
which is what works, what serves the bottom line? And
do more of that? I'm curious to know. Do you
know the angiograms? I am so obsessed with this thing.
(27:34):
There are a couple of like the builder, the voyager,
the whoever, wait what, no, what are you talking about
me about? What do you do? The I M dbs.
It's like all these these these letters that go together,
not not what you're not gonna do to the idiogram
is IMDb it are you r N G F B.
(27:56):
I'm like, I don't know, no, no, okay, so I
think you're talking about my as Briggs, right, the person
of that personality tests on letters. You gotta do it,
you gotta I listened to you. Just do it, just
I just gotta know there it's one like what are these?
Because angiogram actually a lot of um like faith based
organizations use it, like it's really popular for Christians who
want to do personality tests. I have no idea where
(28:18):
that overlap comes from or why they want to. I'm
not going to be a good fit to work for
this church or not probably honestly, probably because we all
love God. That can't be enough. No, we gotta store
my number. It's divided into essentially like nine personality types
and um there's this grid. So think about it kind
(28:38):
of like an astrological sign, except has nothing to do
with your birthday. It is quite literally based on personality
bet based testing. And so I am a type three,
which is the achievers. So we have our good are
bad and are ugly and when we're operating at our
unhealthiest um. We're prone to, you know, overly competitive nature.
(28:59):
We're prone to um isolating and just tunnel vision and
go go going without spending time with our family and
our friends. But at our best, we see the best
in our our peers and we celebrate and encourage them
to chase their biggest dreams, et cetera, whatever, whatever. So
you have the giver, you have all these different things,
and you're sounding like this is a Zuri diagnosis, and
(29:19):
it's not a diagnosiscau. It's a good thing. You're giving
me type three energy, which I love to see because yes, yes,
and look, no one is any better or worse than
the other. They're all just different. That we have our
strong points in our in our our our weaker points.
So the way you were describing that just stood out
to me. We'll send me the link. I say that
(29:40):
tens to see if you pass. But I also was
like a birth chart reading. Have you ever gotten the
birth chart reading I did years ago. It's been a
while though, and I don't remember much of what she
told me. It's really a confirmation on like a lot
of different things. But basically because of I mean, I
was Satisarius. But then he was like moon is and
something something, It's all written down. I was like, what
(30:02):
is this sun? So you got your is it the
rising sign? Your moon sign? Yeah, all of that and
then like where the world were when you were born
and etcetera. Um, but you know a lot of the
traits like they make sense because I'm just like, oh, yeah,
that makes sense. Um. I can't remember we were talking
about to even get into but I was like, where
(30:23):
are you going with this? I was talking about ideograms
and you were like I got my birth chart, ran what?
I got my birth chart rern. But you know, my
friend Debbie Broun I told her. I was like she
is amazing. Yeah, she works for the Rock. And I'm
just like I need a whole like separate account for
all the stuff that Debbie would tell me to do.
She's like, I need you to have a reading with
(30:44):
this woman. She goes in your container like my container,
Like am I shipping something? What does happen? She's like no,
like it's just a different somethings like love Debbie, and
she was exactly. Then she like recommended a wound you.
I was like a whoom me, like you know the
being to my wool and she was like what. I
was like, okay, I'm at the pause with that one.
I was like, but then she recommended the Birchhart reading.
(31:07):
I was like, I need a whole Debbie Brown says
account of my business managers, like, what is what is
this expense? I'm like, don't worry about that. Don't worry
about right right. Wait, so you got there the reading.
Did you feel like it struck a chord? Like I
feel seen right now? Were like okay, well, okay, wait yes,
because you were this is I was like I remember
the question, yes, yes, about how what you did to
(31:30):
get back to you and like what the journey was.
And I was like, yes, that was like we were
talking about something that the people want to hear about. Um,
but it was it was this um how do I
say it? Just this notion of we're going to find
out one way or another, right? And I tell this
(31:51):
to my girlfriends who were single and who were just like, yeah,
I mean I like him, but like I feel like
if I tell him this or if I do this
and like you know, he'll leave. I said, You'll find
out one way or another because it's just like I won't, Like,
don't you want to know? Like if that's all it
takes for him to leave, then like yeah, he was
(32:11):
never gonna stay. You're saying, like, so how many pieces
of you are you going to compartmentalize to get someone
to like you? You know what I mean? Because at
some point the one person for you is gonna be like, yeah,
you're dudos thing, your booty holes thing everything, But here's
what I love, you know what I mean, Like, here's what,
(32:32):
here's what I know that it's true. I will take
her booty holes things for five and still stay and
it's just like that's the person that you're just like, yes,
I don't know if you watch the show. I'm addicted
to this show. It's called A Couple of Therapy on Showtime.
No Surrey, I don't even think you've heard of it.
I've heard of the podcast called a Couple of Therapy.
(32:54):
If you and made on watch this, I feel like
it is it is. It is therapy for other people's therapy.
So like basically she takes real life couples and it's
it's it's reality. But it doesn't feel like because I
can't really get that really shops because it's like you
don't know. It's not as invasive where like the cameras
are around, and it's just like it really is real
(33:15):
life couples coming to therapy and and and and being
honest and like I need help. And then here's what
I love about it because for me, I'm like it
allows me to chart my growth and it also like
allows me to be like, okay, is there is there
any kind of tendencies in her relationship or in the
way she's acting or in the way he's acting that
will that is making you feel away because like are
(33:38):
you recognizing yourself in this? And so it's like it's
great because I love when I can be like okay,
So I feel like what's going on here is like
she's not really open, she doesn't know how to be loved,
and he is like giving, giving, giving, she does not
to receive. Three episodes later, literally that's what the one
she breaks down crying because the difference is like I
don't understand he's giving you love and giving your things,
(34:00):
and she was just like, in a moment of transparency,
it's like, well maybe I just I don't know how
to accept it because I always thought I would be alone,
and I was like ding ing ing ing ing ing
ning ning ning ninging. It's so but it's so real.
And then other times you're just like, oh I dated
that guy, Oh my gosh, like what made me stay? Like,
(34:21):
you know, like I'm like, I'm I'm looking at it now,
like think twice. You need help get out fast, you know.
So they okay, a couple of therapy on showtime. Good
to know, good to know, I will check that out. Um,
you brought up you know, oh I dated that guy?
What was I thinking? And I certainly had those moments
where it's like hindsight energy, but in the moment, it's
(34:45):
like you just can't you can't see it, you don't
want to see it. Um, But on the outside of it,
you realize what you do want. So we're single? Are
we mingling? And by we all, I mean if I'm single.
So just to clarify, it's not a breakup announcement. But um,
what's it looking like now? I mean your your choice
quite frankly, to be to be celibate, to abstain. Um
(35:07):
was very much a talking point when you were rising
to fame as Molly and Insecure of course, and um,
I loved that perspective. I loved how open and honest
you are about why you waited. You touched on that
in Bamboozoo by Jesus One. Why was it important for
you to share that part of your journey? Um? And
then too, what type of husband are we looking for?
(35:27):
Just in case the how happy mess listeners are trying
to help manifest lift in hallelu hallelu. No. I mean
I feel like it wasn't that it was or it
wasn't important. I think it was just a part of
me the same way people were like she Nigerian's like yeah,
like I love that aspect of myself or the same
way it's just like you know, she really loves d
(35:48):
MX rests plus d uh you know what I mean.
Like it's like, yes, I live out loud. So it
wasn't like, oh, this is the thing that I'm going
to keep posting my chest because it's like it's like
I don't I don't add any hot sauce to it.
It's just like, yeah, it's a thing like and I
fully believe that God is gonna blessed you know, and
I fully believe that, like you know, I mean when
(36:10):
it's becomfetently is funny because people were like, well, how
can she be a virgin and still play Molly on Insecure?
Because like Molly gets it in it's called she's an actor,
all right, and apparently a very good one because it
was believable, okay, and also it's just a dance, guy,
it's a dance. The entertainment news reporter in me, the
(36:31):
Access Hollywood and Me has to ask, how awkward, if
at all, do the sex scenes get? You know? I
asked this to a lot of axers and very often like, well,
it's just so technical that your mind doesn't even go
to where you think it might. Yeah, how is that
for you? Where do you how do you prepare for
those scenes? Well? So, I mean, I mean I've come
along way from season one because season one I talked
(36:52):
about I don't talk about it the book, but it
is the thing that happened. Um uh. One of our
costumers she this, I call him to die. She was
a model. She was like Tupac stylist. I never forget
my because you know, but she's like like mom. She's
like mom on set right, And the very first one
I was like, I just I don't know what I'm
(37:13):
gonna do like this is crazy like uh and so
she was like I got you, so you know obviously
like for me, like I require like you know, a
road or just like hey, I need all the pastis
or I need all the like buffers. So like they'll
they'll be like you know, intimacy garments or whatever whatever,
like people don't know there's like silicon in between you know,
(37:34):
private parts, just in the special parts, the special cracks
and crevices, yes, exactly. Uh and and and it's just
like it's so protective and protected. Um and so I
you know season one, I was like ms die, I'm
gonna need your help on this one. And I'm make
(37:56):
sure that like I know, I know what I'm doing
right Wait, So she was just if she watched the
first tape, um, and she was just like she pulled
me to the bathroom and she was like, you got
to let the man lead. So you're you're offbeat is
because I was like what she was like, you gotta
let him because it was it was yeah, yeah, she was.
(38:17):
She's a real one. Right. So it was the scene
it was episode six and it was like Molly and
Jared and she brings me to the bathroom and she
gets behind me, and so she was like you gotta,
you gotta, you gotta do you gotta, you gotta. So
she's like doing the motion like with me in front,
and I was like, okay, don't take well, this is
very hands on, and so she was like, now go
call him in here, and I was like do whatnot.
(38:39):
She's like, gonna call him in here, and I was like, hey, Lanson, uh,
we're supposed to practice, because I guess I'm listening to
you lead and this is awkward. So she's in the
bathroom and she's like, all right, that looks good. Okay,
you can go, and then like, god, you're shocking. I
probably I don't even know if I'm told that's the or,
(39:00):
but like, yes, that's exactly what. I love it the
visual in my mind right now. Yeah, we definitely uh
made sure it was It looked believable. And then this
guy sent us out into the acting world and so
she was like, I want to guy wearing many hats,
all the hats all that. She was like, here's your
(39:21):
robe and also here's how you let the man lead.
And I was like, thank you so much for so
many different things. You know, Mrs Beside is I'm telling
you if I told the stories of how close we
have gotten. I'm like, she is, oh my god, well
it sounds like pretty close. I love that. I love Okay, Well,
she said, Molly up for multiple seasons of it all that,
(39:45):
dear future husband. I'm a quick learner that part, that
part when it comes to, you know, the dating and
the sort of navigating space. Do you feel that your requirements,
your standards what you'd like to have in a partner,
(40:07):
has evolved more um in recent years or was that
something that you kind of were pretty set on early
on in your adult life. Yeah. I mean I think
people think because I'm waiting that it's like I also
want somebody that's virgin. I'm like, I mean, if it
worries out like that, cool, if not, Like I'm asked
for me in my household, I was like, you know
what it's gonna be when you get with me, So
(40:27):
I just opened you already on that journey. But you
don't have to be like you ain't never snash in
your whole line. I'm like, that's not that's not a
prerequisite to be with me. Um, But I have included
new things like I didn't realize how much I needed
kindness because it's like a quality like you. I don't
(40:49):
say you you maybe you overlook I kind of overlooked
because I was like I thought it was a given
until I was with somebody. I was like, Oh, there's
no empathy here, that's what it is, that's what that's
that's why I just feels like a beat down situation,
like there's no empathy, there's no like you don't speak
with me, to me kindly, you don't have greats. And
I'm like, oh, yeah, that's that doesn't work for me
(41:11):
because I love people. I genuinely enjoy interacting and like
being a good human being. And I was like, oh,
there's there's hurt here and you don't know how. You
don't have the emotional awareness of the social capacity to
use your words. So yeah, that's not gonna work for me.
So I added like kindness, Uh, someone that's a giver
(41:34):
is a huge thing, because I'm the kind of person
that's like, let's give to this charity or like let's
get like you know what, like I'll buy new shoes here,
take these ones, you know whatever, and so like I
can't do someone stingy, you know what I mean, somebody
that can like reel me in for sure, to be like, okay,
now you spend all your money like you know what,
You're right, because I do go through the streets, I'd
be like, let's just get all the way everything. It's
(41:54):
like it's like because you got a more okay, so
we gotta countter down. Um, but you know somebody I can't.
I need someone as generous, you know, with their time,
not just with their pockets, but like with their time
and with their words and just it's just it's I've
learned from relationships in the past that didn't work out,
(42:19):
like Okay, on paper they looked great, but like as
I continue to evolve, oh yeah, the things that I
want to go beyond, you know, like somebody who not
only understands what I do for a living, and it's
also like gracious about that, you know, Like I didn't.
I you always know and you always say, somebody who
(42:40):
celebrates your successes. I didn't realize that I was with
somebody who was not celebretty much listen with some people
won't And it's wild because if your mind doesn't work
like that, you just assume everyone that you would, you know,
engage in a romantic relationship with at the very least,
would be cheering you on. But some people can't handle that. Shine.
They here's the here's the thing. They can't handle it.
(43:03):
But for themselves. Not right exactly exactly, Yes, they're like
they weren't celebrating, they were just taking notes something like that.
Just did they just recreate my life that you can
talking about it? No? No, I mean I'm like, I'm saying,
(43:26):
I haven't been there. Just I will say that we
can talk. Did they give my number? We're talking, but
like off record, because girl, it is crazy. It's wow.
You literally when you said, oh, wow, is this just
my life that you it's it's a slow bird. Girl.
Let me take you look up and you just let
me just hand over the wig while I'm at it.
(43:48):
Just go ahead, fam to Kobe. It's nothing. I'm the
fool that was like and so this is how you
do it. It's right because the giver and you, who's like, no,
we're partners, were climbing together. I serve you, sir, is
thinking that's what's happening, and then you realize that's that's
what that's not, that's not that's not what they thought
(44:09):
was happening. They were just like, thank you so much
and years where I here's why I get off the
train and you're not thank you and this is my stop.
We'll talk, we'll talk, we'll talk, But I want to
bring full starcle because we're wrapping up soon. But you've
got the book. Obviously we've touched on a little bit.
I mean, obviously you have so much humor and heart
(44:30):
and so many life lessons that you clearly even shared
just through this very short episode. But if you had
to sum up, you know what it is you're getting across.
I love that you say this is a get yours book, right,
Like maybe it's self help whatever you want to categorize
it as, but really this is an opportunity for the
reader to get there's what do you mean by that?
And what are people gonna get after reading? Yeah, because
(44:53):
I I say, like listen, vam, it is to get yours.
I've gotten mine and I'm still getting more of it.
But I'm not greedy, you know, So like it ain't
no fun and the homies can't have none, and so
for me, it's just like I get into the top
and being the only one in the mountaintop is not
fun like I mean for some people it is, But
for me, I'm just like I want to help picnic
up here. I want I want to be at the top,
(45:14):
you know, at the rooftop that pool with other people
who got to the top as well. And so for me,
it's just like whoever you are, Like throughout the whole book,
I spent all my time like really just pouring out
my belief and whoever the reader is, like, I believe
in you. I believe you're gonna do dope things. I
believe that you're going to be the change agent that
like your family didn't even though you could be like whatever.
(45:36):
It is like, I'm just like really pouring into people
because when you're embarking on a journey that's very different
than like what you could have imagined for yourself or
what other people could imagine for for you, you have
enough people trying to tell you how it's not gonna work.
You have enough people trying to tell you what you
don't have and what you're not gonna do. And I'm
the one that's like, here's what is going to happen,
(45:58):
something great, And but here's also what's gonna happen. You're
gonna have some down times, you know what I'm saying.
You know, you're gonna have some some tough moments. It's cool,
is expected. We've all been there. It's kind of like
when you know, I'm sure in your career there are
things that have happened, and like you're just like, oh
my god, this only happened to me, and I said,
and then someone comes along Dury and they're like, actually,
(46:20):
know that happens to everyone there first day, or you know,
like you know, here's just what you need to do
when it does happen, and so you're just like, I
don't have to like take this home and be by
myself eating ice cream crying in the corner, because this
is actually normal. It is normal. And I say in
the book, the joke will fail, the cake will not rise, okay,
like you know, the recipe will fail, Like you will,
(46:44):
you know, not get into the school the first time.
Like all the things that can happen might happen. And
that's not for me to speak negatively in your life.
It's just like it's just life. But in those failures,
in the things that didn't work out, I say there's
a chapter in the book called I may not win,
but I always in. There's a w set up for
you in some way, shape or form. It may does
(47:04):
not look like what you anticipated it. But when God
gives you a back back end blessing, hey you know
what I mean. In the industry, listen, you better preach
right now. You know, in the industry there are back
end deals. You know. Sometimes you know it's like, Okay,
this is the money you're gonna get up front, but
like in success, you get you know, ten percent in royalties,
(47:26):
and that's the back end stuff. So a lot of
people will only see, nah, how much do they pay
me up front? It's like if you only knew to
not take the upfront deal, just first get the money,
because the back end deal is really where you can
sit at home and get checks. Think you didn't even know.
And so it's like there's some bad you only see.
(47:47):
You know what it is given to us right now,
what we want. But God has some back end blessings
that like you can't see, and you have no idea
how the royalties are gonna shake up in your life.
So yeah, no, you didn't get into that school. No
you didn't marry that guy or that girl, thank God,
because when he got on the back end is a
thousand times better than what you could have ever imagined,
(48:09):
because he knows this is what you needed. But that
that other relationship, that other deal that didn't go well,
prepared you to be your best self for the thing
that is about to go well. And so in the book,
that's why I talk about it being to get yours.
It's like get yours with the failures, with the blessings,
get it all because I need you to be successful.
(48:30):
I need you to be great. I want to be
a partaker like we needed whoever invented Uber to be successful.
We need I need your supply. I need you like
whatever it is that you have to get to this world,
I don't even know that I wanted yet because you
haven't given it to me. But when you give it
to me, I'm already primed to be Like that makes sense,
(48:51):
and I won't love it. That is such a beautiful perspective.
I love that that you know so many people are.
They encouraged, they motivate, and it's like the finder why right,
But to hear you say I encourage, I motivate. I
want to push you to be great also because in
a certain way, it comes back to me in some
(49:11):
way that I've yet to known because you've yet to
discover it, to innovate, to create. So that's a really
awesome um fuel for that fire you. Um. You talk
about the fact that you have this amazing quote I
want to read really quickly. Uh, let me see if
I can find it. You said, some of your biggest
blessings won't appear like the bright, glaring, crispy cream hot
now sign, which is my favorite sign to be quick
(49:34):
break um, and then you continue, They'll come wrapt as
a beautiful burden. They'll look like a hurdle, feel like
a chore, and will probably come at the most inopportune time.
I love that I've been there. When is the last
time for our audience listening? Now that you had that
what is actually happening moment that ended up being a blessing, Yeah,
(49:56):
um man, I'll never forget I this is a very
unorthodox blessing too. UM. I had a meeting. It was
like I think I was doing pressed for something. I
just finished shooting whatever it was. I was drained and tired,
and I was like, I need y'all have to stop
setting these meetings for me because I'm exhausted. I was driving.
(50:19):
I'll never forget. I was driving into a lot for
this general meeting with the cast and director for like
a major studio, and the hallway there, I'm like, yo, fam,
I don't even why, Like I'm tired, Like I'm tired,
like I'm so upset, Like why am I here? And
the generals are so exhausting. There's no promise of anything.
(50:39):
There's no job on the line. It's like, just go
sell yourself to go talk to this person for thirty
minutes and commission like you to convinsive to like there's
no other ship. I'm like, okay, they're casting for a
lot of dope movies that I would love to be
a part of, but like, okay, like is this a guarantee?
It's just like no, I'm just gonna But then, like
if they want to meet me, then they already liked me,
So why am I meeting with them? Like what the
heck are we doing? So I'm tired. I'm driving to
(51:01):
the lot and I get there, I get into the
room and he goes, so I hear you're Nigerian. I
said yeah, I yam. He's like, yeah, I meant a
lot of you. You guys are quite um interesting people
and you like go hard in the pain. And I
was like we are. So I'm just like okay. And
then he's like and I hear you love Jesus. And
(51:23):
I was like, I do what's coming on here? You know?
I mean like it was just like, yes, I I died,
that is facts. We spent an hour and a half
talking about faith. He I mean listen when he was
a or is a gay white man who works for
(51:45):
a like as a camp counselor um at a church.
And he was just like, let's talk, and I was
just like we poured into each other, tears were shed.
I was just like, well Jesus, well okay, I can't
here for a general but we had a whole encounter.
We've been friends, we've had dinner off like I've never
(52:09):
moved a single thing with him, and it doesn't matter.
But it was like that was because what you got
in the end was so much more than you expected. Wow, clearly.
And then my things. I was like I didn't know
he had done all these reasons about me. I was like,
I'm like I'm thinking, you're gonna talk about you know,
season whatever it was on the show, or you know,
comedy or you know what with my hopes and that wa.
(52:30):
He was just like, so you love Jesus, that's like
and turned into a we prayed at the end. I
was like, And with the crazy thing about it, I
was like, am I still in Hollywood on a major lot?
Is this happening right now? Because that's the part that
is blowing my mind that this happened at all in
this crazy industry, and and and and that was the thing.
(52:53):
I was just like, wait, wait, wait a minute, wait, huh,
Like when I tell you like the most unexed back
then thing. And it wasn't even that I lead with it.
It wasn't I was like, yeah, so I want to know.
It was like, so from what I understand, this is
your life, this is your story. When I tell you
we have had lunch and just check ins and he
is so dope, and it's just like and no one
(53:15):
was trying to proselytize or anything. It was just like, well, yeah,
and that's that's literally what I say in the book.
It's like, I want it's not just even about my
life it's more like if there's anything in my life
that's recognizable as anything that you think is dope. It's
like when you go to a restaurant and you're so
hungry and you're just like, man, I got one shot
(53:38):
to get the right meal. I ain't got time to
send it back today. This is not to send it back.
I'm hungry. I needed to be good. But then you
get one of those Boston Nova menus and you're just like, yo, fams,
it's yo, it's eighteen because you can't. First of all,
Boston Nova is the whole Bible. It's like a tempage menu.
It's it's a new testament of or of menu. This crazy,
(54:01):
And so you're just like, I gotta do I want
the you know, do I want the girl like a
mushroom pizza or the chicken los Aias? There's so many options?
Do I want the stream? And so then what happens
is you look at the person next to you who's
sitting there, and they're just like so good, oh my god,
like baby, you gotta taste it, okay, so good. You're like,
hold on, hold on, what what are they happen over
there there? Let me let me get that let me
(54:24):
get that. Hey, is it good? Oh my god, it's
still luscious? You deal with a love that is it delicious? Delicious? Okay,
I'm gonna have what she's having, and I want like
my life. I want the book. I wanted to be
like yo, I have what she's having, not like I
want her life, but like, hey, God do it to me,
do it for me, like whatever I want. Yeah, I'm
trying to get my own, like I want my own order,
(54:46):
Like in matter of fact, can you add extra cheese
because she's she's Lantos and tomari but I'm not, so
give me something right customized, You can customize it, but
at least you have a base to be like I
know it's at least gonna be good. Now make it
better for me. Um. And So that's that's why I
say it's it's a Gattus book. That's why that's what
(55:06):
I want people to get from it. It's like, through
my stories and through my humor or through my heartfelt
whatever it is, I want you to believe in you
like you've never believed in you before. Like even when
you don't have everything, it don't matter. Even when you
do have everything, there's still more to get. So it's
just like just go balls to the wall and see
(55:29):
see what happens. And you went balls to the wall,
You're still going balls to the wall, and what is
happening is amazing to see. You've got the book, You've
got first gin and development over at Disney Plus with
David and Oprah. I mean, it's it's so impressive. I'm
so excited for you. I wish we could talk long,
right we can. We gotta go, we gotta go. But lastly,
(55:50):
you describe to yourself as I'm a proud Jesus loving
Nigerian American writer and stand up comic. But in addition
to that, I'm also an actress best known as Sa
Race b FF Molly on the HBO series Insecure. As
Insecure wraps up and comes to a close, and you
all go into these amazing new chapters that you're going into.
What is the thing you think has been most misunderstood
(56:14):
about who Ivan is through these these years of getting
to know you publicly, um, and what is the thing
that you hope people understand about you moving forward in
your career. I think I've done a pretty good job
with letting people know that Molly and Vane are two
different people. Um. Black Twitter has not picked up on
(56:36):
those cubes sometimes because like season four, I just don't
want to believe it. It got real. Season four, you
got really real, and I was like my practice to um.
But I think I think what people will no more
about me, either through the book or just like in
my life in general, is that I genuinely love people.
(56:59):
I'm like, I'm generally a proponent of people living their
best life, being their best self. Um, and they may
be surprised by my backstory. Like I'm very open about
like being bullied and and and and you know, all
the crazy things that I went through and and still
(57:20):
have to work through to get to be the person
that I am today. Like I'm very transparent and like
you know my therapy journey, I'm very transparent. And like
how you know how I tried to get people to
like me as you know, as a kid, and it
did not work out, y'all. They did not They didn't
like me in the man what I did? Ye Um,
it's fine, we're here now and look at what're they
(57:43):
It works out, it was supposed to work out like that. Um,
but not I think I think there's just more of
me to be discovered, um, not only by the masses
but also by me. You know, I'm I'm in a
transition period now where I am kind going into this
like ease and flow node of just allowing things to come.
(58:06):
I've done the hustle, I've done the game star and
now I'm just like, I want to do less. I
want to do less and get more and see and
see how that works. That's a thing that like no
Nigerian has ever done. But we said no Nigerian ever,
you're making history. We don't know how to do the
(58:30):
least to get the most. We are like we would
do the most to get the most tasked, and it's
like no, like what are we doing to get the mostest?
And so for me, I'm just like this is new
terrain and it's kind of scary, but I'm like, I
know what hustle has gotten me. I want to know
what rest can get me to. Well, if that's not
(58:54):
a perfect note to end on, that's exactly what this
podcast is about. Our third episode, I think, ever, maybe
fourth was do less and I'm certainly of the same
mind and it's been hard, but my thirties have been
all about rest. Like at a certain point you have
to step back and say it's not worth it if
best life is giving me burnout and I have to
to push pause. So it's so awesome to see that
(59:17):
not only have you had these realizations, but that you're
being so generous with your spirit and your experiences by
sharing them in your new book, Bamboozled by Jesus, available
wherever books are souls, Yes, everywhere, everywhere Happy that's good,
L O L. Every time I talk to her, I'm
(59:37):
just my cheeks are sore from all of the laughter.
She's so much fun to interview, you know, whether it
was he Knews, Access, Hollywood, I've I've had some really
great combos with her. So it was nice to be
able to do a deep dive and learn a little
bit more about all of the amazing stuff she's going on.
Y'all get that book all right, Go pick up Bamboozled
by Jesus. It's so good, so many tangible takeaways and
(59:58):
insightful tips. She's trying to help you get yours, So
go get it all right now. Remember check out how
Happy mess dot com for the show notes, resources, links
and info um on everything that we talked about today,
and before we end the episode, I want to share
something with you. It's an iTunes review from one of
our listeners, Letitia. She's thirty two from Seattle. She said,
(01:00:19):
I should have started this podcast sooner. I've laughed, cried,
and even cringed because every topic has been so relatable.
Thank you for all your amazing and thoughtful content, Zori. Letitia,
thank you so much for taking the time to leave
a review. It is so appreciated and it helps y'all.
They really move the needle. So remember you can leave
a review on iTunes. It's free and it's an easy
(01:00:41):
way to support the Hot Happy Mess podcast if you're
liking it, if you appreciate what we're putting out, that
is a really easy fast way to not just tell us,
but also help us out a little bit. You know.
It shows that people are vibing with the show and
it helps grow the podcast. So if you want to
leave a review, go to Apple Podcasts, type in Hot
Happy Mess Us or Zuri Hall it'll pop up, scroll
(01:01:02):
down and write your review by a being Beta Boom.
We also have a very cute tutorial on our Instagram page,
which you should follow at Hot Happy Mess and follow
me at Zuri Hall Zu r I H A L L.
And don't keep us a secret. Share this episode with
a friend right now and leave that review. Okay, I
will see you in the next one. Thanks again to
(01:01:22):
Yvonne for another amazing episode of Hot Happy Mess. We'll
see all Monday by Hi
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