January 7, 2022 • 13 mins
If your New Year’s resolutions include spending less time on your cell phone, welcome to the club. Incessant phone checking and scrolling can be tough to break, but Dr. Saltz reveals the easy, practical steps that will help you to take back control of your hours and days, and even resolve the behaviors behind the habit.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
These are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to how can I Help? I'm Dr
Gail Saltz. I'm a clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at
the New York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author,
and I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:27):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. Have you been thinking
about your New Year's resolution and doubting you will keep it?
You would be not alone. People who make resolutions actually
don't stick to any of them, but don't give up.
(00:49):
Whether you're looking to lose weight, get in better shape,
stay in better touch with family and friends, but smoking
or drinking, or what you've had another goal in mind,
there are simple strategies that you can adopt to stick
with your plan. Today, I have a listener's question about
making and keeping a particular nears resolution. It's very difficult
(01:15):
to make real change, and it requires true desire to
do so, and then, on top of that, the willpower
to stick with it. It also takes resilience to fall
down and get back up again, and sometimes it takes
an objective outside party to help keep you honest, like
(01:37):
enlisting a person close to you to see your blind
spots that are thwarting your efforts at making change. So
with that, let's get to my listeners question and ask
how can I help dear doctor Souls. I spend too
(01:59):
much time on my phone, scrolling through Twitter and Instagram,
looking at TikTok, and diving into other apps. I realize
it's a lot of wasted time. Sometimes I feel like
I don't have enough time to get my work done,
or that I'm annoying people i'm with because I'm always
(02:21):
on my phone. While I enjoy it, I think it's
kind of a destructive force in my life at this point,
and i'd like to use the new year to cut
back on my usage. Other than just trying to do
it less, I don't know what to do and how
to stay the course, because, of course, having my phone
(02:42):
with me all the time, it's pretty tempting. Can you
help me with this? When you're struggling with a compulsive
behavior of any kind, and I would call screen looking
a compulsive behavior, there are some things that you can
try on your own. Most importantly is to admit to
(03:04):
yourself that you have a problem, which listener you have done,
and without being honest with yourself, you can't really address quitting. Remember,
kids are modeling off of you, so if you have children,
they also see what you're doing and you are encouraging
a problem for them. We also know that too much
(03:28):
screen time is really not good for a child's mental health.
In the same vein, it can be very helpful to
tell someone else you realize you have a problem, So
pick someone in your family that you feel comfortable with
that can help keep you honest and give you reminders
consistent with your plan of action. It's a lot easier
(03:51):
to cheat yourself than it is to cheat when someone
else is around you that knows what you're trying to do. Next,
understand what is driving this behavior, because chances are it's
not just that you like to look. Are you feeling
depressed every time you have nothing to do, and so
(04:13):
you keep trolling the internet just to be distracted by something.
Are you anxious and looking for something to calm your
worries and you find this takes your mind off what
you're worrying about. Are you lonely and looking to connect
with somebody, anybody, and that's what keeps you going? Back
to the phone. Try to self examine what's behind the behavior.
(04:37):
And this is important because what you want to do
is address that thing directly with other coping tools, possibly
with therapy if it's a big issue, but at least
with other coping tools to address that specifically as opposed
to using your screen for that purpose. That will make
(04:58):
it easier to stop doing the screen time because doing
the behavior itself. Looking at the screen is so reinforcing.
And by that I mean you look, you feel some
sort of good feeling for a moment or two, and
then that makes you want to look again. One tactic
is basically to interrupt the behavior. So, for example, you
(05:22):
want to try postponing the behavior. So next time you
think I'm going to check my Instagram, tell yourself, wait,
I'm going to check in one hour. And rather than
just postponing longer and longer, you want to be erratic
about it, so you want to say, wait, I'm going
(05:44):
to delay by ten minutes, the next time, one hour,
the next time, an hour and a half. The point
is to remind yourself that you are actually in charge,
not your compulsive behavior. How can I help with Dr
Gail Salts will be back after the short brain. Another
(06:17):
technique is to change the way you do it. Do
not look upon, for example, waking up in the morning,
if that's your ritualistic way of looking, wait an hour again,
breaking the rituals and help shake up the ritualistic nature
of screen time compulsive behavior because looking at your screen
(06:41):
often does have a ritualistic nature to it, and by
interrupting that particular ritual you can help decrease your overall
screen time. The goal is to work towards not just
doing the behavior compulsively, which means cutting way down. This
(07:01):
is hard because the trigger is often doing the behavior
at all, and obviously you're not going to stop reading
emails or other things that keep you looking at your screen,
so you have to use these other techniques to simply
decrease it. And then you want to set healthy parameters.
(07:22):
So put your phone away when there is live company
of other people, like you're in the car, you're at
a party, you're gathering, you're watching a show, a TV
show with someone, or a movie at meal times. Keep
the phone out of your bedroom doing these sorts of things,
(07:45):
Like you just have a rule when you're at other people,
you will not look at your phone, or when you're
in your bedroom you will not look at your phone.
This actually decreases the destructive elements of screen looking. Put
all screens away one hour before bedtime, which actually allows
(08:05):
you to relax and get better sleep. If doing all
this still leaves you with a lot of screen time,
create time limits. For example, you only look every other
hour for a maximum of five minutes per app. This
will automatically decrease your screen time significantly. Psychotherapy can be
(08:32):
very useful if despite all these efforts, you really can't stop.
A combination of a psychodynamic psychotherapy to understand the roots
of the behavior with a cognitive behavioral training to change
the actual behavior is very helpful. Sometimes medication is used
to treat some compulsive behaviors like sexual behavior gambling behavior. Antidepressants,
(08:59):
which affect the chemicals serotonin and nor benefit in the brain,
are used in some serious cases of compulsive shopping and
sexual behavior, and if screen time is ruining your life
and you can't stop. This is because it is believed
these chemicals are involved in the desire to act. Antid
(09:19):
oppressants or anti anxiety medications can also be used, However,
in any compulsive behavior problem when it is felt that
depression or anxiety are present and driving the compulsion. I
hope that was helpful when it comes to resolutions in general.
(09:40):
Here are a few tips to keep in mind. Own
up to what needs to be changed. You can't make
change if you can't acknowledge you need it. We're too
hung up on being good versus being bad, and no
one wants to be bad, so they keep telling themselves
they don't really need to change in the first place.
(10:03):
So instead of bad, like a bad habit or a
bad thing you do that makes you bad, think human.
We all have our battles, and you need to identify
your battles, your human battles in order to make a
plan and stick with it. Write out your goals and
corresponding action plan in weekly parts. If you break whatever
(10:28):
it is into bite sized pieces, it will be less
daunting and more manageable. This avoids the panic that makes
you throw in the towel. People have a tendency once
they stumble to say, you know, forget it and quit.
But if the bigger task is broken down into pieces,
(10:48):
then it appears more doable, and a stumble in one
part also seems more easily correctible. Start with a journal
entry of why making conscious statements as to why you overeat,
don't see the doctor, or don't exercise can be extremely
(11:11):
enlightening and help you move forward. Maybe it's because you
don't want to do better than your mother who is
very overweight. Maybe it's because you hate to sweat because
it disgusts you. Or maybe it's because you've always believed
you are not an athlete since you stunk in jim class.
But reevaluate in your journal how much these thoughts still
(11:36):
makes sense for you in the person you are today,
and how you might then amend these mental stories, which
can free you to move forward and set and achieve
the goal you really want. Next, make up incentives. As
human beings, we really respond to the old concept of
(12:00):
a carrot on a stick. In other words, positive reinforcement.
Make up your own positive reinforcement by telling yourself, when
you lose x number of pounds and keep them off
for three months, then you will treat yourself to a
new top, or when you have exercised regularly for a month,
(12:21):
then you will have earned that new exercise output or gear.
You provide your own positive feedback. Whatever would really appeal
to you. And lastly, it is helpful to tell someone else.
It's easier to cheat on yourself than on someone else.
Tell someone who will be around you as you pursue
your goal and plan. Just their presence will help you
(12:45):
stay on trap. Do you have a problem I can
help with? If so, email me yet? How can I help?
At Seneca women dot com, all centers remain anonymous and
listen every Friday too. How can I help with me?
Doctor Gale Salts
These are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to how can I Help? I'm Dr
Gail Saltz. I'm a clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at
the New York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author,
and I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:27):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. Have you been thinking
about your New Year's resolution and doubting you will keep it?
You would be not alone. People who make resolutions actually
don't stick to any of them, but don't give up.
(00:49):
Whether you're looking to lose weight, get in better shape,
stay in better touch with family and friends, but smoking
or drinking, or what you've had another goal in mind,
there are simple strategies that you can adopt to stick
with your plan. Today, I have a listener's question about
making and keeping a particular nears resolution. It's very difficult
(01:15):
to make real change, and it requires true desire to
do so, and then, on top of that, the willpower
to stick with it. It also takes resilience to fall
down and get back up again, and sometimes it takes
an objective outside party to help keep you honest, like
(01:37):
enlisting a person close to you to see your blind
spots that are thwarting your efforts at making change. So
with that, let's get to my listeners question and ask
how can I help dear doctor Souls. I spend too
(01:59):
much time on my phone, scrolling through Twitter and Instagram,
looking at TikTok, and diving into other apps. I realize
it's a lot of wasted time. Sometimes I feel like
I don't have enough time to get my work done,
or that I'm annoying people i'm with because I'm always
(02:21):
on my phone. While I enjoy it, I think it's
kind of a destructive force in my life at this point,
and i'd like to use the new year to cut
back on my usage. Other than just trying to do
it less, I don't know what to do and how
to stay the course, because, of course, having my phone
(02:42):
with me all the time, it's pretty tempting. Can you
help me with this? When you're struggling with a compulsive
behavior of any kind, and I would call screen looking
a compulsive behavior, there are some things that you can
try on your own. Most importantly is to admit to
(03:04):
yourself that you have a problem, which listener you have done,
and without being honest with yourself, you can't really address quitting. Remember,
kids are modeling off of you, so if you have children,
they also see what you're doing and you are encouraging
a problem for them. We also know that too much
(03:28):
screen time is really not good for a child's mental health.
In the same vein, it can be very helpful to
tell someone else you realize you have a problem, So
pick someone in your family that you feel comfortable with
that can help keep you honest and give you reminders
consistent with your plan of action. It's a lot easier
(03:51):
to cheat yourself than it is to cheat when someone
else is around you that knows what you're trying to do. Next,
understand what is driving this behavior, because chances are it's
not just that you like to look. Are you feeling
depressed every time you have nothing to do, and so
(04:13):
you keep trolling the internet just to be distracted by something.
Are you anxious and looking for something to calm your
worries and you find this takes your mind off what
you're worrying about. Are you lonely and looking to connect
with somebody, anybody, and that's what keeps you going? Back
to the phone. Try to self examine what's behind the behavior.
(04:37):
And this is important because what you want to do
is address that thing directly with other coping tools, possibly
with therapy if it's a big issue, but at least
with other coping tools to address that specifically as opposed
to using your screen for that purpose. That will make
(04:58):
it easier to stop doing the screen time because doing
the behavior itself. Looking at the screen is so reinforcing.
And by that I mean you look, you feel some
sort of good feeling for a moment or two, and
then that makes you want to look again. One tactic
is basically to interrupt the behavior. So, for example, you
(05:22):
want to try postponing the behavior. So next time you
think I'm going to check my Instagram, tell yourself, wait,
I'm going to check in one hour. And rather than
just postponing longer and longer, you want to be erratic
about it, so you want to say, wait, I'm going
(05:44):
to delay by ten minutes, the next time, one hour,
the next time, an hour and a half. The point
is to remind yourself that you are actually in charge,
not your compulsive behavior. How can I help with Dr
Gail Salts will be back after the short brain. Another
(06:17):
technique is to change the way you do it. Do
not look upon, for example, waking up in the morning,
if that's your ritualistic way of looking, wait an hour again,
breaking the rituals and help shake up the ritualistic nature
of screen time compulsive behavior because looking at your screen
(06:41):
often does have a ritualistic nature to it, and by
interrupting that particular ritual you can help decrease your overall
screen time. The goal is to work towards not just
doing the behavior compulsively, which means cutting way down. This
(07:01):
is hard because the trigger is often doing the behavior
at all, and obviously you're not going to stop reading
emails or other things that keep you looking at your screen,
so you have to use these other techniques to simply
decrease it. And then you want to set healthy parameters.
(07:22):
So put your phone away when there is live company
of other people, like you're in the car, you're at
a party, you're gathering, you're watching a show, a TV
show with someone, or a movie at meal times. Keep
the phone out of your bedroom doing these sorts of things,
(07:45):
Like you just have a rule when you're at other people,
you will not look at your phone, or when you're
in your bedroom you will not look at your phone.
This actually decreases the destructive elements of screen looking. Put
all screens away one hour before bedtime, which actually allows
(08:05):
you to relax and get better sleep. If doing all
this still leaves you with a lot of screen time,
create time limits. For example, you only look every other
hour for a maximum of five minutes per app. This
will automatically decrease your screen time significantly. Psychotherapy can be
(08:32):
very useful if despite all these efforts, you really can't stop.
A combination of a psychodynamic psychotherapy to understand the roots
of the behavior with a cognitive behavioral training to change
the actual behavior is very helpful. Sometimes medication is used
to treat some compulsive behaviors like sexual behavior gambling behavior. Antidepressants,
(08:59):
which affect the chemicals serotonin and nor benefit in the brain,
are used in some serious cases of compulsive shopping and
sexual behavior, and if screen time is ruining your life
and you can't stop. This is because it is believed
these chemicals are involved in the desire to act. Antid
(09:19):
oppressants or anti anxiety medications can also be used, However,
in any compulsive behavior problem when it is felt that
depression or anxiety are present and driving the compulsion. I
hope that was helpful when it comes to resolutions in general.
(09:40):
Here are a few tips to keep in mind. Own
up to what needs to be changed. You can't make
change if you can't acknowledge you need it. We're too
hung up on being good versus being bad, and no
one wants to be bad, so they keep telling themselves
they don't really need to change in the first place.
(10:03):
So instead of bad, like a bad habit or a
bad thing you do that makes you bad, think human.
We all have our battles, and you need to identify
your battles, your human battles in order to make a
plan and stick with it. Write out your goals and
corresponding action plan in weekly parts. If you break whatever
(10:28):
it is into bite sized pieces, it will be less
daunting and more manageable. This avoids the panic that makes
you throw in the towel. People have a tendency once
they stumble to say, you know, forget it and quit.
But if the bigger task is broken down into pieces,
(10:48):
then it appears more doable, and a stumble in one
part also seems more easily correctible. Start with a journal
entry of why making conscious statements as to why you overeat,
don't see the doctor, or don't exercise can be extremely
(11:11):
enlightening and help you move forward. Maybe it's because you
don't want to do better than your mother who is
very overweight. Maybe it's because you hate to sweat because
it disgusts you. Or maybe it's because you've always believed
you are not an athlete since you stunk in jim class.
But reevaluate in your journal how much these thoughts still
(11:36):
makes sense for you in the person you are today,
and how you might then amend these mental stories, which
can free you to move forward and set and achieve
the goal you really want. Next, make up incentives. As
human beings, we really respond to the old concept of
(12:00):
a carrot on a stick. In other words, positive reinforcement.
Make up your own positive reinforcement by telling yourself, when
you lose x number of pounds and keep them off
for three months, then you will treat yourself to a
new top, or when you have exercised regularly for a month,
(12:21):
then you will have earned that new exercise output or gear.
You provide your own positive feedback. Whatever would really appeal
to you. And lastly, it is helpful to tell someone else.
It's easier to cheat on yourself than on someone else.
Tell someone who will be around you as you pursue
your goal and plan. Just their presence will help you
(12:45):
stay on trap. Do you have a problem I can
help with? If so, email me yet? How can I help?
At Seneca women dot com, all centers remain anonymous and
listen every Friday too. How can I help with me?
Doctor Gale Salts
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