June 11, 2021 • 11 mins
Not all procrastinators are the same. Some people worry about control, others about perfection. When you know why you delay, you can start to repair your habits. Dr. Saltz tells how.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
These are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to How Can I Help? I'm Dr
Gail Saltz. I'm a clinical Associate Professor of psychiatry at
the New York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author,
and I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:27):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. Do you put off
to tomorrow most of the things you could be doing today?
Are you often scrambling at the last moment to complete
tasks which are overdue or about to be late because
you started too late? How about putting off big decisions,
(00:49):
things that you actually want in your life, but somehow
you have difficulty making the decision for pulling the trigger.
Today's question is from someone who has struggle with chronic procrastination.
About adults are chronic procrastinators, but many more of us
sometimes put off to tomorrow what we need and even
(01:11):
want to do today. Yet for the most part, they
don't realize what they're doing or that they're undermining their
own happiness. Even worse, procrastinators tend to be far more
stressed than those who don't, and even get sick more often.
(01:31):
If you can push through and act a little more often, though,
you'll find your day to day is a lot more
pleasant and rewarding. Your mind will be freed up from
all that ruminating and second guessing, paving the way for
other opportunities you want to grab. After all, life's richest
when it's filled with milestones and accomplishments you've worked hard
(01:55):
to achieve, not with regrets of what you should have done,
would have done, if only. Actually Being a procrastinator often
causes a lot of suffering for the person doing it,
as well as the people around them that keep watching
this train wreck on repeat. Examining why you procrastinate the
(02:17):
psychological underpinnings, which aren't always obvious at the surface, can
help you to change the pattern. Let's get to the
listener question and see how can I help, Dear doctor Saltz.
I have been thinking about joining a gym for about
(02:38):
two years. I want to be in better shape and
i'd like to lose weight. I think being a gym
member would help me to exercise more often and even
do classes. But for some reason, I've not done it,
and I don't know why. Every time I think, okay,
this is it, I'm going to do it. I just
(03:01):
sort of stepped back and my motivation peters out and
I don't. On the one hand, I'm wondering, does this
mean I don't really want to do it, because it
doesn't feel that way. On the other hand, the reality
is that this is not unusual for me to have
an idea of something I want to do, like plant
(03:24):
a garden, dye my hair, clean out a closet, even
start a new work project, and yet I have trouble
getting started. I just put it off until I either
don't do it or maybe do it if there's a
deadline at the last minute. Why can't I stop procrastinating?
(03:47):
Why would anyone keep waiting and waiting to join a
gym if they were really frustrated with their weight or
fitness level. It's not necessarily because they're lazy. In fact,
most descinators may have either a fear of failure, a
fear of success, a need to be defiant, a big
(04:09):
streak of perfectionism, or just a risk taking streak. These
fears or urges could stir up your anxiety when you
are faced with an actual decision. The more negative emotion
caused by the action that needs to be taken, the
greater the likelihood that you'll put it off. Let me
(04:31):
give you a few possible examples. If your underlying feeling is,
for example, I don't want to fail. If you're so
afraid of being bad or worse just okay at something
that you'd rather not try it at all, News flash,
you're probably a perfectionist. For instance, you might never go
(04:54):
to the gym because you'd feel terrible about yourself if
you killed yourself with the gym but couldn't ultimately lose
any weight or hone that six pack. Carrying this to
the extreme, you may also believe that you are only
lovable and worthwhile if your performance at everything is nothing
less than outstanding, as opposed to telling yourself done is
(05:19):
better than perfect. Chances are no one will even notice
if the results aren't up to your exacting standards, but
they will be impressed that you achieved results at all.
How can I help with Dr Gaale Salts will be
back after this short break. Another thought possibility that could
(05:51):
be leading to procrastination is you feel I'm afraid of
being successful. So here on the flip side, you might
be paralyzed by imagining that if you're good at something,
you'll then be expected to keep performing and working, maybe
even that you won't deserve the accolades you score. If
(06:14):
unconsciously you think, if I tone up and lose some weight,
maybe I'll get too much unwanted attention from others. Maybe
I'll be too tempted to respond to that attention, and
that could be dangerous to my current relationship. Maybe I'll
feel that I have to make everything about me look
(06:35):
incredible and I can't take that pressure. Fears of jealousy
in being successful, fears of being consumed by your success
point for this type of fear causing procrastination. Some procrastinators
struggle with defiance in the form of always thinking I
(06:57):
don't want to be told what to do. When faced
with taking on a task, you aim, okay, you need
to stay in charge. You likely grew up in a
home with an authoritarian parent who was super controlling. Unfortunately,
you're now asserting yourself to the whole world as if
(07:19):
it were that parent by procrastinating back at the gym.
Your story is, hey, no one can tell me to
lose weight and tone up, even though no one else
really is. I'll do it on my own terms, which
may be never. And some procrastinators are really risk takers
(07:40):
in disguise. They think I like to finish things at
the last minute. I like the thrill. Some chronic procrastinators
aren't actually anxious. They thrive on the rush of scrambling
to get something done right before the deadline. The daily mind.
(08:00):
It's boring to them, and boredom is terrifying to them.
A thrill seeking Jim procrastinator is probably waiting for a
very low rate to join. Then they call on the
last second of the last minute of the last day
to sign up, only to find out the specials over.
(08:24):
If this is you, try this, do you tell yourself
you work better under pressure? Prove it. Try doing a task,
maybe doing laundry or planning a playdate for your kids
at the last minute, like you usually do, and then
on a different day do the same task ahead of
(08:45):
schedule another time. You might be surprised by the results.
Experimenting with this several times and being very aware of
the results allows you to really challenge and change the
thought that's driving your procrastinating behavior in the first place.
(09:06):
Write down your new truth. It is the early bird
who catches the worm. If you can figure out what
kind of procrastinator you are, just knowing your pattern can
go a long way to defeating its power, allowing you
to move ahead with a decision instead of lolligagging. Ask
(09:28):
yourself whether this is the same story, the same pattern,
the same underlying fear or motivation each time a life
decision arises. Be patient with yourself. A procrastinator can't change
your stripes overnight, But if you can move ahead with
(09:48):
just one new life decision a week, that's progress. I
hope that was helpful. If you're wondering whether this life
procrastinator issue applies to you, you could try asking yourself
a few questions. Do you often avoid making decisions When
(10:08):
you do have big plans, do you tend not to
carry them out? Do you avoid trying new things? Are
you unhappy in your job but stay put because you're
too afraid of making a move. Does doing something out
of your comfort zone make you so nervous you actually
(10:28):
feel sick when you don't get something done. Do you
tend to blame other people? Do you fill your schedule
with plans that keep you from attacking work or other chores?
And do people in your life get angry with you
or failing to commit to things. If you answered yes
(10:50):
to three or more of these questions, I think you
might be a life procrastinator. If the life events you
delay on are few and not life damaging, then try
helping yourself by figuring out which reason is likely driving
your delays and working purposely to make the thought changes
(11:12):
that would allow you to overcome the hurdle. If, however,
this is a constant state of affairs, and or the
delays are wreaking havoc in your life, consider seeking therapy.
Often a therapist is able to spot what is causing
you to feel and act this way and help you
(11:33):
to make real and lasting change. Do you have a
problem I can help with? If so, email me at
how can I help? At Seneca Women dot com. All
senders remain anonymous and listen every Friday too. How can
I help with me? Dr Gale Salts
These are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to How Can I Help? I'm Dr
Gail Saltz. I'm a clinical Associate Professor of psychiatry at
the New York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author,
and I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:27):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. Do you put off
to tomorrow most of the things you could be doing today?
Are you often scrambling at the last moment to complete
tasks which are overdue or about to be late because
you started too late? How about putting off big decisions,
(00:49):
things that you actually want in your life, but somehow
you have difficulty making the decision for pulling the trigger.
Today's question is from someone who has struggle with chronic procrastination.
About adults are chronic procrastinators, but many more of us
sometimes put off to tomorrow what we need and even
(01:11):
want to do today. Yet for the most part, they
don't realize what they're doing or that they're undermining their
own happiness. Even worse, procrastinators tend to be far more
stressed than those who don't, and even get sick more often.
(01:31):
If you can push through and act a little more often, though,
you'll find your day to day is a lot more
pleasant and rewarding. Your mind will be freed up from
all that ruminating and second guessing, paving the way for
other opportunities you want to grab. After all, life's richest
when it's filled with milestones and accomplishments you've worked hard
(01:55):
to achieve, not with regrets of what you should have done,
would have done, if only. Actually Being a procrastinator often
causes a lot of suffering for the person doing it,
as well as the people around them that keep watching
this train wreck on repeat. Examining why you procrastinate the
(02:17):
psychological underpinnings, which aren't always obvious at the surface, can
help you to change the pattern. Let's get to the
listener question and see how can I help, Dear doctor Saltz.
I have been thinking about joining a gym for about
(02:38):
two years. I want to be in better shape and
i'd like to lose weight. I think being a gym
member would help me to exercise more often and even
do classes. But for some reason, I've not done it,
and I don't know why. Every time I think, okay,
this is it, I'm going to do it. I just
(03:01):
sort of stepped back and my motivation peters out and
I don't. On the one hand, I'm wondering, does this
mean I don't really want to do it, because it
doesn't feel that way. On the other hand, the reality
is that this is not unusual for me to have
an idea of something I want to do, like plant
(03:24):
a garden, dye my hair, clean out a closet, even
start a new work project, and yet I have trouble
getting started. I just put it off until I either
don't do it or maybe do it if there's a
deadline at the last minute. Why can't I stop procrastinating?
(03:47):
Why would anyone keep waiting and waiting to join a
gym if they were really frustrated with their weight or
fitness level. It's not necessarily because they're lazy. In fact,
most descinators may have either a fear of failure, a
fear of success, a need to be defiant, a big
(04:09):
streak of perfectionism, or just a risk taking streak. These
fears or urges could stir up your anxiety when you
are faced with an actual decision. The more negative emotion
caused by the action that needs to be taken, the
greater the likelihood that you'll put it off. Let me
(04:31):
give you a few possible examples. If your underlying feeling is,
for example, I don't want to fail. If you're so
afraid of being bad or worse just okay at something
that you'd rather not try it at all, News flash,
you're probably a perfectionist. For instance, you might never go
(04:54):
to the gym because you'd feel terrible about yourself if
you killed yourself with the gym but couldn't ultimately lose
any weight or hone that six pack. Carrying this to
the extreme, you may also believe that you are only
lovable and worthwhile if your performance at everything is nothing
less than outstanding, as opposed to telling yourself done is
(05:19):
better than perfect. Chances are no one will even notice
if the results aren't up to your exacting standards, but
they will be impressed that you achieved results at all.
How can I help with Dr Gaale Salts will be
back after this short break. Another thought possibility that could
(05:51):
be leading to procrastination is you feel I'm afraid of
being successful. So here on the flip side, you might
be paralyzed by imagining that if you're good at something,
you'll then be expected to keep performing and working, maybe
even that you won't deserve the accolades you score. If
(06:14):
unconsciously you think, if I tone up and lose some weight,
maybe I'll get too much unwanted attention from others. Maybe
I'll be too tempted to respond to that attention, and
that could be dangerous to my current relationship. Maybe I'll
feel that I have to make everything about me look
(06:35):
incredible and I can't take that pressure. Fears of jealousy
in being successful, fears of being consumed by your success
point for this type of fear causing procrastination. Some procrastinators
struggle with defiance in the form of always thinking I
(06:57):
don't want to be told what to do. When faced
with taking on a task, you aim, okay, you need
to stay in charge. You likely grew up in a
home with an authoritarian parent who was super controlling. Unfortunately,
you're now asserting yourself to the whole world as if
(07:19):
it were that parent by procrastinating back at the gym.
Your story is, hey, no one can tell me to
lose weight and tone up, even though no one else
really is. I'll do it on my own terms, which
may be never. And some procrastinators are really risk takers
(07:40):
in disguise. They think I like to finish things at
the last minute. I like the thrill. Some chronic procrastinators
aren't actually anxious. They thrive on the rush of scrambling
to get something done right before the deadline. The daily mind.
(08:00):
It's boring to them, and boredom is terrifying to them.
A thrill seeking Jim procrastinator is probably waiting for a
very low rate to join. Then they call on the
last second of the last minute of the last day
to sign up, only to find out the specials over.
(08:24):
If this is you, try this, do you tell yourself
you work better under pressure? Prove it. Try doing a task,
maybe doing laundry or planning a playdate for your kids
at the last minute, like you usually do, and then
on a different day do the same task ahead of
(08:45):
schedule another time. You might be surprised by the results.
Experimenting with this several times and being very aware of
the results allows you to really challenge and change the
thought that's driving your procrastinating behavior in the first place.
(09:06):
Write down your new truth. It is the early bird
who catches the worm. If you can figure out what
kind of procrastinator you are, just knowing your pattern can
go a long way to defeating its power, allowing you
to move ahead with a decision instead of lolligagging. Ask
(09:28):
yourself whether this is the same story, the same pattern,
the same underlying fear or motivation each time a life
decision arises. Be patient with yourself. A procrastinator can't change
your stripes overnight, But if you can move ahead with
(09:48):
just one new life decision a week, that's progress. I
hope that was helpful. If you're wondering whether this life
procrastinator issue applies to you, you could try asking yourself
a few questions. Do you often avoid making decisions When
(10:08):
you do have big plans, do you tend not to
carry them out? Do you avoid trying new things? Are
you unhappy in your job but stay put because you're
too afraid of making a move. Does doing something out
of your comfort zone make you so nervous you actually
(10:28):
feel sick when you don't get something done. Do you
tend to blame other people? Do you fill your schedule
with plans that keep you from attacking work or other chores?
And do people in your life get angry with you
or failing to commit to things. If you answered yes
(10:50):
to three or more of these questions, I think you
might be a life procrastinator. If the life events you
delay on are few and not life damaging, then try
helping yourself by figuring out which reason is likely driving
your delays and working purposely to make the thought changes
(11:12):
that would allow you to overcome the hurdle. If, however,
this is a constant state of affairs, and or the
delays are wreaking havoc in your life, consider seeking therapy.
Often a therapist is able to spot what is causing
you to feel and act this way and help you
(11:33):
to make real and lasting change. Do you have a
problem I can help with? If so, email me at
how can I help? At Seneca Women dot com. All
senders remain anonymous and listen every Friday too. How can
I help with me? Dr Gale Salts
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