May 26, 2022 • 47 mins
The Phillyboy on Bling Empire is telling us How Men Think.
Kevin Kreider is an actor, speaker, CEO.
Kevin is the fan favorite and today you can ask him anything.
Check out Kevin's Matcha company at https://bemorematcha.com!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys,
I am Kevin Crider. I am in Netflix's Bling Empire,
also an actor, speaker and activist for UH the a
API community, and I actually am now a new found
(00:21):
entrepreneur starting up a couple of companies. And I used
to model, but no longer modeling anymore. So I'm asked
eleven questions about me about Kevin Critterer. I'm guessing this
was polled the most popular questions on the internet and
it is number one. What are you known for? So
(00:41):
tell us by yourself. Man, I feel like I'm on
a date right now. But one am I known for?
We'll see one of Bling Empire. I'm known for taking
my shirt off a lot. I'm kind of like the
guy who gets wild and does that. But really, in
real life, I'm actually known for doing talks about UH
my life as an Asian America model and bringing the
(01:04):
Baboo ceiling and just talking about things in the Asian
community that is relevant, like media, masculinity and just what's
going on in the world. Um, who are you in
your personal life? Oh? How personal do you want to
get is the question. Um. In my personal life, I'm
actually somebody in recovery. Um. I'm an antwelve step program.
(01:27):
I've been sober for over six years. I'm actually somebody
who likes to I guess this isn't personal, but I
like to go out and mingle with people. UM. I
like to go to restaurants. I like to cook a lot. Actually,
in season two of bling Um Fire, I'm actually cooking
for one of my dates. And that's what I like
(01:47):
to do. I like to cook a lot of Italian food.
I used to want to be Italian when I was
a little kid, so I like Italian food and Italian things,
Italian movies, stuff like that. Um, and I actually, you
like to go to bed really early. A lot of
people usually make fun of me when I go out
to events and stuff because I go to bed by ten,
(02:08):
so they know it's a really fun time. If I
stay out till like eleven PM, and they're like, oh
my god, this must be a good time. Yeah, or
like ten o'clock rolls around, they know I'm going to
bed Because I like to get up at like six
six thirty and just start my day and meditate and
journal and do some fun things until the sun rises
and then I start my day and then UM Number
(02:30):
three is three shows that I'm binge watching Besides blaying Empire,
I would say that three shows that I have been watching,
UM is The Circle, um, Ozark, and The Stranger Things
is coming out or it's out now. Also, I'm gonna
start watching that as well. My favorite food Okay, this
(02:53):
is a two part question for my favorite food. If
I could eat the same thing for good day, it
would be sushi. I mean, I used to hate sushi
growing up, but I love it now. UM. And the
other flip side is if sushi wasn't so expensive realistically,
(03:14):
I would probably have like breakfast foods like omelets and
pancakes every single day. That's I think something I would love.
That's my favorite food. UM Number five is tell us
about your career. I came from an actual personal training
and business mindset. When I was in college, I used
(03:35):
to run my own personal training services. I became a
professional bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. I became a fitness model. I
started to do modeling and then I've got an interest
in acting back in two thousand nine. I've been pursuing
it ever since. And then um, right now, really what
I'm doing is I'm going back into acting. I just
(03:56):
booked my first feature in a movie called Asian Persuasion,
and it's my first feature that I've ever been in,
and I'm like super excited to do more of those things,
do more leading male roles that portray Asian Americans such
as myself in these movies as romantic leads. And I've
also started, uh my career in the beverage industry. I'm
(04:20):
having a company um release its first beverage in probably
August or September this year, and it's a drink that
is a sober drink. It's a non alcoholic premium replacements
and a mixer called Sans and be hitting some of
the bars and restaurants here in California. Big move because obviously,
(04:42):
you know, I've never actually started up something and put
so much time and investment and money into it and just, uh,
it's such a wild journey starting up your own company.
And I think a lot of people think, you know, oh,
you're just the model who likes to take your shirt off, Like, yeah, sure,
I'd like to do that, but I'd like to do
this kind of stuff too. Um what's my biggest fear
(05:03):
in life? Okay, my biggest fear when I was growing up,
like I was like eight years old, was dying. I
mean I was only eight and I was afraid of
dying already. I look behind like I look on a
label and be like, oh my god, that's so much sodium,
too much patent, and I can't eat it. I'd be
like such a freak in that sense. But then now
I think my biggest fear in life it's actually not
(05:26):
trying to do the things that I've always wanted to
do that I dreamt about doing. UM. One of its acting. So,
like I said, I started acting twelve years ago, and
five years ago I really quit because I was like, man,
it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me.
And then UM moved to California, I don't bling empire,
(05:46):
got asked to do a role, and now it seems
like the doors are opening up for me again. And
so that kind of thing is what I'm afraid of,
is not trying and pursuing the things that I care
about a lot or dreamt about doing them. And I
was younger, same thing with starting my own business. UM,
comic books. I'm starting up a comic book series with
(06:07):
web Tunes. It's an online comic book illustrator. And something
that people that know about me when I was younger
is that I actually wanted to be a combook artist
when I was five or six years old. But then
I've found out very quickly accept that drawing, which doesn't
lead to a very good combook career if you suck
a drawing. So now that I'm actually created and helping
(06:30):
to produce a web tune series is like super exciting,
you know, in the very early development stages that but
it's super cool. And so those things that I'd be
afraid of doing, Like it's not like I have a
fear of skydiving or I have a fear of like
commitment or things like that. It's like kind of like
personal stuff that I've always wanted to achieve. What's my
(06:51):
biggest pet peef Oh my god, Okay, my biggest pet
peeve is being late. And I was two minutes late
to do this I Heart radio thing today, and that
to me just eats me up right like it was
a zoom thing. It's like, how come you gonna be early? Yeah? Well,
you know, life happens a little bit. But I hate
(07:12):
when people are late. And I think here in Los Angeles,
Los Angeles, uh, fifteen minutes is considered on time still,
so in Los Angeles time, I'm still on time East
Coast two minutes late, like, don't even show up. That
was my mentality back then. But I hate being late
to things. I hate people when they're late to things too. Um.
(07:34):
And that's just my pet peeve. What makes me most
happy people being on time for things. Now, that's that's
not true. That doesn't make me happy though, But what
makes me the most happy is actually working and dealing
with people with integrity and honesty. Um. You know. I
I find that when people say they're going to do stuff,
(07:56):
they do it and um and are honest about things.
And that's kind of what it makes me happy because
I feel like if we just do those two things
in the world, we could actually be in a better place, right, Like,
just let's be honest with each other, let's do and
and do the things that we say we're gonna do
and do it well, which would be great, um, and
(08:17):
then I think the world will just be a better
place for that. So that's what I'd like to make
me happy. We're most happy. Um, what is my deal
Saturday morning? My deal Saturday morning is to get up,
probably around like seven o'clock. I'll meditate, hit my knees,
and pray journal for dirty minutes. I'll work out right afterwards,
(08:41):
get a cup of coffee, um, sitting on a roof
deck and watch the sunrise a little bit, hopefully with
a lucky someone. UM, get like a great email that
says like, hey, you got like a ten thousand or
twenty tho dollar deal. That'd be amazing, right that that
hasn't really happened yet. It so, I guess that's not
(09:02):
my ideal. I haven't been doing my ideals Saturdays. Uh.
And also going out and just having like a meal
old friends or a coffee. You just meet up with people,
go to bed by like ten o'clock, cut all both
on someone on the couch and making making meal, watch
the sunrise, my sunset at that time. I'd be awesome. Uh,
(09:25):
talk to my family and yeah, that's about it. It
used to be doing yoga too, but then I realized
I don't like doing yoga that much anymore. That's just me. Um.
Number ten, are you more of the athlete or the
armchair quarter. I'm definitely more of the athlete. I grew
(09:45):
up with athletics since I was probably like four years old,
like skiing, snowboarding, playing tennis, baseball. I mean, I love
movement and athletics. I don't think I could ever be
a couch potato unless like, um, i'll problems happen or
something number eleven. What keeps me motivated? I think what
(10:06):
keeps me motivated is just the idea of growth and
wanted to be better. Um, you know, I have a
lot of dreams and aspirations, and being thirty eight years old,
I haven't been able to do much of it actually
until recently, in the last like two to three years.
And now I see that I have an opportunity to
achieve those dreams, or at least give my all out
(10:27):
effort to achieve them. And um, that keeps you motivated.
Because I think the idea idea of not trying, keeps
me motivated. If that makes sense, Yes, that keeps me motivated.
The fact that I can't look at myself with self
esteem every day if I didn't try, you know, I think, um,
(10:48):
having good self esteem is just doing the things you
say you're going to do and doing it the best,
but at the same time, if I can't do it
and I failed, then it's like I think for me
is to be able to acmount and then and be like,
you know what, what did I learn that I've done better?
Maybe not? If I couldn't have done better, then you
move on. Just wasn't it to be? Um? And so
that keeps you motivated and really messages that people just
(11:13):
telling me how this stuff I do in you know,
reality TV movies content, even this message of sobriety, uh,
wanting to pave the way for Asian men in Hollywood especially.
I think that keeps me motivated for sure. I did.
When I get comments like that or messages um, it
(11:36):
is reassuring, even though I know I shouldn't probably listen
to it too much because you know, I don't want
that to be the main reason why I do things
because it's always been in my mind to do that,
but it's it does keep me a little bit more
motivated and keeping me on the path when I when
I get comments like that. So that is eleven questions
(11:58):
with Kevin Crider, that's me him. Now I'm going to
take a little bit of a commercial break and we'll
be back to answer. Well, I'll be back to answer
more live questions. Everyone, Welcome back. I am your host today,
(12:19):
Kevin Crider. Thanks for coming back and tuning in, and
we are now going to take the first question from
a live caller. Hi, a real you are my official
first caller ever? Really? Yeah, very cool. Um. So I'm
in this friends with benefits situation and it's really fun.
(12:48):
But he keeps saying I love you like a lot, yeah,
and I don't. Yeah, I guess I just don't know
how to take it, Like I don't all he's saying
I love you because we've been friends for so long,
or like I love you we want like maybe someday
(13:10):
I'll love you forever, you know what I mean? Like, um,
and yeah, like I I've brought it up, and sometimes
it feels like he's more than a friend. And he
then says he can't commit. So I'm just wondering, like,
is this just something that guy's say frivolously, you know
(13:33):
what I mean? Like that a common thing. So here's
the thing that I've learned through my experience of this. Uh, Firstly,
it sounds like you're not sure if you love him back,
he's giving me mixed signals. Friends with benefits. It started
off like that. You start to grow feelings for people,
but he doesn't want to commit. That is somebody who
(13:53):
is just basically saying I can't commit and he might
have feelings for you that I don't doubt, but probably
won't be with you. And if uh, I would say
because that look when you know, and especially when guys know,
we know. I think too many people guys and girls
(14:14):
use this phrase of like I can't commit, but I
really care. It's kind of like stringing you along to
see if it kind of like turns into something better
or somebody else comes up better. Like I'm sure he
still likes you, he wants to stay friends with you,
But at the same time, if he can't commit, then
I would say he really isn't in his mind really
looking at you as a serious prospect. Um. You guys
(14:36):
started off as friends now friends with benefits across that line,
and I will say from my own experience, it's hard
to go back once you cross that line. So um,
you might have to be okay with losing a friend. Yeah, yeah,
that makes sense. Yeah, if he can't commit and he
says he doesn't want to commit, then believe him totally. Yeah,
(15:00):
totally fine, honestly, like fine with me. Anyways, thank you, welcome,
I Rebecca, Hi, how are you? I'm fantastic are here?
You have a question? Um? Yeah, I have opinions, but
they're not scientific answers. Well, let's hope they can help. Um.
(15:25):
So basically, um, obviously, like everybody the world, I'm on
the dating apps and I am just getting more and
more frustrated because I've had conversations with guys but nobody
ever follows through for an in person meet up, you know,
(15:46):
like they don't like it's this is where like the
rubber meets the road, and you know, I'm trying not
to take the rains so they can ask, but it
just seems like it's going nowhere. And I'm seeing faith
in apps altogether. So should I stay or should I
ask more often for an in person date? Well? Okay,
(16:09):
so where are you located? First of all, I'm in
New York City? Okay? Um? And what I should say this?
You asked, just to clarify, you asked the guys to
meet up and none of them want to follow up?
Is that? What that is no, they just don't ask
(16:29):
to fall like, so we'll will be engaged in like
chats and really great back and forth and and this
is this happens with all the guys, all of them,
and nobody ever then takes it to the next step
to say, hey, why don't we meet up now? So
you kind of just like messaging air time like there's
dead air and then nothing happens. Right, Yeah, we have
(16:51):
a great, great talks and nobody wants to take the
next step. They're too cowardly, I guess. I don't know.
I don't know if it's the being coward or they're
too busy, or I'm glad you called yourself a coward
as well, because that's kind of what's happening. Oh no,
I'm not calling myself account. I'm calling the guys a
coward because they're not taking they're not taking the bold
step to like say you know, and then if I
(17:13):
do it, then they just look like, oh, I'm being
a preshy female. And so it's just like do they
say that or is that your assumption of that? That's
my assumption of it, Like I and that's like I
think they're being coward's by not saying, hey, let's just
meet up for a cup of coffee. Let's just see
where this goes. Like they're chickening out right, so sounds judgmental, right, Like,
(17:35):
here's the thing. If I were on the other end,
I wouldn't want a date or somebody. You think I'm
a coward right away, So that's probably saying you sometime right,
these people aren't who you want to want to be,
Like you already labeled them as something which is already
not a good step. And secondly, I always tell my
female friends this, and I know it's hard, right, Like
(17:57):
its structurally and society an were mindset to do courting
and dating a certain way. I'll tell you what the
best dates I've ever had, and the girls that I've
actually been with the longest they actually asked me out first,
and I've asked out many goals before. So I would
(18:18):
just say be bold if you're really interested in them. Firstly,
I would say try not to think of them as
cowards right away. They could be busy people. They could
have many options, right like I'm sure you have many
options to um and also to just say hey, I'd
love to meet up to coffee. Continue this conversation or
(18:39):
something right, like set up something small. But Kevin, I
don't think they have cowards right away. I'm thinking that
we're having we have these great conversations and then they're
not doing anything. So eventually I think of them as cowards.
And it's not like it's a judgment thing, but it's
just like, well, b B, you know, be a little
bit more than to be something that there maybe not.
(19:02):
So think of it as like something that you're screening
for yourself, right. You want someone to be a certain
way you have in your mind a certain outcome That
could also be hurting you in the dating apps too,
because like, look, if you give up controlling things right,
things happen for you a little bit more smoother, or
if they don't, at least you didn't like put too
much emotional energy into it. Um. I have a question though,
(19:25):
like what what's wrong with them? Are you afraid to
go out outside the apps and just do it in
real life or what's holding me back? I guess well, no,
I mean I just I mean obviously the past two
years not very you know, the bars aren't being flooded
with prospects, so you know you're going for bars you're
going to bars to find guys. Know I'm being I'm
(19:47):
being I'm not talking literally, but like, you know, I'm
not really going to bars a man, But it's just
been hard to meet people out and about. So I
what I say is like, I don't think it's really
so hard. Maybe like you just have to put yourself
in situations to actually meet people. Like I don't go
to bars and bars that much, right, Like I go
to restaurants sometimes, go to events, but you know, you
(20:09):
do things outside. Um, I'm sure you could find place
to meet people, maybe just looking at the wrong places,
right Like normally I go to museums. It's just the
numbers are just very different. The prospects are very different
then they were pre pandemic, and so like, you know, yes,
I would love if I was at like a you know,
(20:32):
like an under forty mixer at MoMA, and of course,
but they're not. These events aren't taking place in the
same ways they were pre pandemic. So that's why. And
I you know, it's just very different times now. But
I mean, like his, um, you asked me questions, give
(20:53):
you some answers. Rights, take the reins, Okay, I'll take
the reins on app Hi Alison, Hi, how are you.
I'm fantastic. I hear you have a question. I do,
I do, Okay, thank you so much. First of all,
I really appreciate it. UM. So So I've been with
(21:14):
my boyfriend for UM just about a year, just coming
out a year, and I love him, Thank thank you. UM.
And it's a great relationship and it's going really really well. UM.
But our communications style and the way that we argue,
the argument and communication style is very different. UM. And
(21:35):
this comes up a lot when especially UM in finance
things and UM in other general cases, but most most
recently a lot of finance, but just in general, the
way that we communicate and and the argument style, it's
just very different. And UM. And through the relationship, I've
kind of worked on it, and I've changed the way
that I approach how we're different to him. So I've
(21:58):
changed how how I approach our differences UM, and I've
asked him to do the same to kind of amend
his style of communication with me. When when we do
have UM differences, that communication style is that's different. Yeah.
I feel like most recently it's been coming up and
as I said in finance situations. Um, I work. I
(22:22):
work in marketing and he works in real estate and
we both do really well and um and so, but
he grew up very frugal and um, and I kind
of feel like if, um, you know, if we're going
on vacation or something to enjoy it and and kind
of thing and um and so so UM, I've approached
it more like, you know, we're a team, and so
(22:44):
let's compromise and figure out ways that we can both
be happy and not stretch our limits and the kind
of way and and he gets very if it's outside
of his comfort zone and something he doesn't want to do,
whole kind of express that I don't want to do
this and then whole kind of shut down. And and
I've been very amenable to kind of, you know, go
my extra mile to make him feel you know, okay,
(23:07):
I hear you that this is not something that you
know that you're that you want, are willing to do
or to stretch for you. And so a lot of
the time I'll just kind of you know, act we
ask to to, you know, in certain ways, just to
to make him more comfortable. UM. And but I like
to discuss also about why you know, in these circumstances
(23:29):
of why it would be nice to do these things
and not all the time, but sometimes anyway, but he
there it gets very uncomfortable for him, and so so
we'll argue or communicate is kind of um, just say
how he feels, and then he'll listen to me. But
he kind of never budges. And so question then, Alison,
who who How do you guys work out finances? Is
(23:50):
that as a joint is that every other? Right? So,
in the last few months we've been together, it's really
coming to year just done next week. Um, we've really
started to to actually join it together, um in the
last few months, and I think that that's been UM.
I feel like it's it's really a big step for
(24:11):
our relationship. UM and um. And but it's also kind
of uh, I just we kind of spend money differently
in that way, so it's it's hard to kind of
get to that that you know, humpy middle ground. But um,
but it's just so what I hear is you have
a joint account, all the finances go in there, but
(24:34):
he you know, you obviously have to talk about how
you're going to spend it, and he doesn't want to budge,
even though there is money in that joint account, is
what I'm kind of hearing, right, Yeah. Yeah, And and
for me it's um. Ultimately, it's not about whether or
not we're spending that spending the money. It's kind of
I think that the way that he approaches it the
(24:55):
way that you know, I like to compromise I and
and talk it through and just figure out how we
could both be happy. And often he'll you know, he'll
express his view and then listen to me, but then
he'll just shut down if it's not going his way.
And so the big question I have is um. And again,
(25:18):
I've tried to ask him to change the way that
he approaches our differences. But my question is if someone
is kind of stuck in the way that they argue
or the way that they communicate, is it too late, um,
to to ask for a change in their communication style. Yeah,
just leave them now, I'm kidding. Next, No, I'm kidding. Look,
(25:44):
it's it's you guys have been together for a year.
You're gonna really really know each other more now, Um,
communication style is important. At least you guys are communicating firstly, Okay,
you know, he's uncomfortable with things. What I find is
maybe hard for this and this is hard to hear,
(26:06):
is are you trying to change him? And does he
feel like he is being asked to change when he
doesn't want to, because that can be hard, right, Because
here's the thing. Unconditional love means accept them for who
they are. Right. Uh, do you want to unconditionally love him?
Or you want to conditionally love him? And that's so
(26:30):
you know this about him? You kind of like are
finding out this about him? Are you expecting him to change?
Or just because you change, it's now like a transactional thing,
so he should change, like talk to me here. Oh yeah, no,
I just I think that my view of I think
(26:56):
he's wonderful and I and I as a person, I
would never want him to change. That's why I love him. Um.
I just think that even if we have differences, that
part of being in a relationship could could ultimately be
that both people, both people compromise and not just one
or or it shouldn't be one person every single time.
(27:17):
And so you feel like you compromise more right than
he right? Right, So so it's the communication. And so
I've been asking him in in in hour, um in
these moments, I kind of just asked him to communicate
with me differently, or can you try a different approach,
and and these kinds of things just because Um, as
(27:37):
I said, he kind of. I mean, I guess it's
really it's just how he feels. But he does shut
down if we if it will express how he feels
about it, and he'll he'll definitely he's listening to me,
he's listening to what I say how I feel. But
then ultimately, if it continues to get talked about, he'll
he'll just stress an opinion more and then just shut down.
(27:58):
And so yeah, so maybe that's something something. Uh, you're
in a really difficult situation. I get it. You want
to budge, you want to go on vacation. You guys
see money differently. Um, Look, unfortunately money hurts relationships, right,
conversations like that. I find I hate the fact that
(28:21):
it does. It's probably one of my number one resentments
in the world. Actually I love it. Everybody likes to
think and I am still true believer that love will
conquer that. But it's like, you know, I've seen it.
I've seen money destroyed relationships. I've seen Uh, it's hurt relationships.
I've seen other people more money be able to manipulate relationships, right,
(28:44):
and all that kind of stuff. We've seen it all. Um,
when it comes to money, you, I think the fact
that you guys are even talking about it and only
a year in strong, um, I think maybe a way
to look at this is to see the progress in
your relationship. Yes, it's not perfect yet, he's not doing
exactly what you want. It's one year. Like I think
(29:08):
in the mindset of looking long term in your relationship
that you're this is a forever type of person. You know,
you admit it. You guys can work this out, and
maybe it's some type of compromise with you guys were like,
you know, you guys have this joint account and then
you have a separate account for your own fun money.
And then maybe if you have another fun money account
(29:29):
where you're like, you know what, maybe I got plenty
of money in this fun account. I'm doing this and
it's really yours anyway, like all of yours, right, Just
it's just the allusion to him. It's like it's like
kind of not an illusion. It's uh framing the account
differently to make it look like you have more than
(29:50):
you guys really have, like this is the fun stuff, right,
Like that's a that's a compromise, and then be like, oh, okay,
like I love that. That's a really great idea. That
would definitely I feel like that would be a lot
less stressed to just to frame it that way. So
I'm gonna try that. That's actually really great. Yeah. I
(30:13):
know for me as a boyfriend, if I saw that,
I'd be like, oh yeah, like I already know what
it is. But it's like, oh, you know, this is
thought out. It makes sense. We have plenty in our
joint and this like and you have this your own
account and then you spend it the way you want
to on a vacation or whatever. It's like, okay, cool,
you know you're being and then um, yeah, definitely, but
(30:38):
I think that's a really great idea. Cool. Glad I
could help. Thank you, thanks so much. Welcome. Hi, Hello,
Kevin him. I'm really glad to get to talk to
you today. Yes, so I started a new job recently
(31:00):
in a new city. Thank you. Thanks. Um Los Angeles
my hometown, the town both for both of us. M Yeah,
I so I started this new job and you know,
I haven't met a lot of people, new people yet
being here. Um, and so as you can imagine, like
(31:21):
I'm always saying yes to anything I get invited to
so that there's like a chance of meeting new people
and connecting because it's a new city and all that. So, um,
a male coworker just asked me to dinner and I
said yes and was immediately hoping he'd invite other people.
But as soon as I said yes, he said, great,
it's a date, and um, like Kevin, I like, I
(31:43):
think he's cute, but it's a new job and a
new city. And I guess I'm just worried personally that
like my other coworkers will make assumptions about me going
on a date with a coworker so quickly. So I'm
just wondering, like do I tell him beforehand? I don't
want it to be a date, but I just want
to hang out, Like I don't know how to go
about talking to about this. Welcome to l A. This
(32:09):
happens a lot. And to be real, as a guy
who would do something like that, uh, let's just say,
like I did that right. I would appreciate from your
candle that like you told him what you told me,
and I would totally be it gives me a choice
then right to be like, Okay, I'm going to treat
(32:29):
this as a friend thing. It's not a date, and
I'll behave accordingly. Or if you lead them on too
thinking it's a date, and then things happen, which is
in firstly, I'm going to feel like, oh my god,
like am I wrong? Like what happened? You know what
I'm saying, it's it's it's it's it's I'm only going
(32:50):
to act based off of the information that I have,
which is, oh, I said it's a date, You're still here.
It must be a date, you know. Um, when you
look at it that way, you might be able to
be able to break the news to him in like
a very like empathetic way, you know, like be like, hey, look,
I'm really excited. I know you have good intentions with this.
(33:13):
I don't think it's the appropriate time right now. I
do think you're cute. I just really you know what
I mean, Like it's cool, right and and and then
be like, you know, just I'm not trying to lead
you on. That's why conversation and I'm telling you I
think he'll have such a great response to that, because
I'd be like, you know what, look, maybe you knew
(33:37):
I love to bring other people on board. You know, like,
what do you if he's a good dude, he's what
I'm saying, if he even if he doesn't do that,
and he's like, you know what, all right, you know
I'm really actually looking to date, Like, uh, let's just
alter plans, don't take up personally, you know, like you
guys each other a lot of time, so either way,
(33:58):
only good stuff can happen from the conversation. But yeah, no,
that's super helpful, Kevin, because I think, like I mean, honestly,
as you're talking, I'm like, right, communication is always best.
But are we hate we hate confrontation of like breaking
the news to someone, right. Trust me, It's easy for
me to say this, but I've had many tough conversations
(34:22):
that I've delayed, but I've had to have them. And
you know, when you come from the place of like
not wanting to hurt the other person too, that's a
great place from you. It sounds like you don't and
you don't want to mislead them. It won't come across
like anything that you come from that place. Well, also, Kevin,
what you just said is super helpful. That like the
(34:43):
way you phrased it, It's like it keeps the door open,
Like I like, you know, because he is cute and
I wouldn't be opposed down the line to going on
a date. But like, I'm very conscious in this moment
of not yeah giving my coworkers the wrong impression as
I established myself welcome, and I'm sure you will need
(35:04):
much help down the line. I'll be calling you back, Kevin.
First year is the toughest I'm telling you here. Oh man, well,
thank you, and I really appreciate your help definitely. By
Kendall Bike by Kevin. Thanks. Look, Hi, Hi, how's it
(35:24):
going on? Good? How are you? I'm great? You must
have a burning question to ask if you're on this
I do, yes, all right. So I'm just wondering I
need advice. Uh So, like when the first date goes
well and things start, you know, heating up at the
(35:44):
end of the night, and you're like into it, but
there's a part of you that wants to kind of
just slow it down. Um, Like, is there a good
way to let your date know gently and like without
offending them, Like, Hey, I'm enjoying this, but like, let's
wait a little longer, you know, I mean just put
your hand and now I'm kidding and don't do that.
Uh yeah, that's that's an awkward position. Um. Look, I've
(36:07):
never been on the other end where uh someone was
moving too fast and I just slowed them down. So
please like understand like where this advice is coming from.
It's not from experience, Okay, I know from a guy
when I've tried to move things a little bit faster
to and you slow down. Um. And if I really
(36:30):
actually saw something with you, then I would slow down
and I would honor that. Um. If I didn't want
anything more than just to like, you know, that night, uh,
you know, it might be a different conversation. Okay, you know,
and just move on right. UM. So the next question
for you to ask is do you actually like this
(36:53):
guy would slow down or do you just not want
to have that perception of like, oh I sleep people
on the first date, so I shouldn't do this. Um
talk to me about that. Well, yeah, I mean it's
not so much that I just I do I do
kind of like the guy, like I would like to
see him again. Um, but I'm just not sure, like
(37:16):
if I'm ready for that with him yet, I just
wanna you know what I mean, Like, I just want
to wait. I'm not really someone who like sleeps with
a lot of people, so I just want to make
sure we actually like get along, you know. Yeah, sure,
So okay, that's that's valid what you're saying that. Um,
(37:36):
I would probably just communicate that with him and just
tell him. I mean, it sounds like this already happened,
but you're kind of preparing is for the next time,
correct you see this guy? Yeah? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, look,
I like you think you're cute, Like I see this.
Excuse me, I might see this going a little bit
further than just uh physical, and I'd like to actually
(37:59):
get to know a little bit more before we get physical.
I'm just a little uncomfortable moving at that pace. That's all.
When you when somebody just expresses that they might be
a little uncomfortable with something that paced, like you know,
an pole wouldn't honor that, And somebody who is a
good person for you would honor that and just be like, yeah, okay,
(38:22):
you know that's my pace, Like here them now, and
then be like Okay, that's great. Now that I know
where you're coming from, I know you know where I'm
coming from. Uh, let's just see if we can play
along in this date together still and and dating room,
and then you'll find out each other's paces, find each
other's preferences, and if it doesn't match, then there's it
(38:43):
doesn't match. Move on. Yeah, that's that's a good way
to put it. Like pacing. You know, I'm a very
fast paced person when it comes to like wanting to
be with someone, right, Um, you know physical obviously, I
think a lot of guys are more than initiatives. Right,
That's what I was gonna say. It's usually a lot
(39:03):
of from my experience, girls need to slow things down.
So it's always the pace is different. But it's almost
like dancing, right, like, uh, somebody might lead too fast.
You just kind of gonna slow down a little bit.
Somebody might lead too slow. You're trying to paste them
up a little bit faster. Like probably won't go exactly
the timing you want, but it will at least go
(39:23):
at a more comfortable pace for yourself. Mm hmm. Thank you. Yeah,
that's that's thank you. Yeah, that's good advice. Thanks for
jumping on. Kylie. Yeah, thanks, all right, that is we
got for our callers. We're gonna take a break and
then we're gonna come back for some Q and a
(39:53):
welcome back everybody. I'm Kevin Crider, I'm your host, and
now is the time for Q and a first one. Kevin,
we know you from Bling Empire. How has your life
changed in the past two years? Man, My life has
changed so much in the last two years. I've upgraded
to a new bedroom, one bedroom, the first time I've
(40:16):
ever had a one bedroom in my life. Uh, there's
a little bit more pressures to that obviously, like it's
a big overhead. I'm actually in the process of possibly
moving to another place if things don't change up a
little bit, just to keep them a little bit more
financially feasible for myself. Things that are changed, I don't
skateboard around as much, do a little bit more ubering,
(40:38):
or I'll take public transportation, um to get two places
I need to my my social friends have changed quite
a bit, Like you know, came out during the pandemic
and now there's just so many people like events and
wonderful peers that I get to meet and associate with.
(40:58):
And two Uh, maybe even have collaborations and conversations with
and just being the presence of and some of these
people like I grew up with watching and you know,
using some of these business owners platforms, right like I
mean serious business owners like the founders of dating apps
(41:19):
or beverages like all this stuff. It's wild to me. Um.
So I'm just getting used to actually being in the
public eye and just being around people like that. Um.
And now I know that people have some questions about
me getting flirty with Kim Lee and with the status
is now Um, we are friends and we've come back
(41:43):
to just being friends right now. Um. Yes, there was
a physical thing but obviously kind of got um messed
up with some influence of friends and circumstances and a
pop like opinions from other people. But um, it's harder
to go back as friends because I feel like there's
more boundaries now, Like I think we need some time
(42:06):
to kind of just forget and forgive about all those
things that happen, um, and maybe even go our separate
ways a little bit. But yes, it was, um not
the best experience I've had. Uh. And then how do
I navigate from friends to boyfriend? The girlfriend I haven't
done it yet, so I'm not too sure if I
(42:27):
can qualiply for this question. I would say one thing
is to not tell your friends squat. Don't tell them
anything about what's going on with your other friend. Keep
it very separate, and try to keep it to yourself
you're in the relationship because once you get friends in,
they all have opinions, they all have dirt on you
(42:49):
gets lost in translation, facts get thrown out or that
that facts get diluted and change. So like, really, it's
just best if you keep relationship about YouTube, keep people
out of it. Um Am I looking to settle down
anytime soon? Where are you looking for a relationship. I'm
absolutely going to settle down. I know a lot of
(43:11):
people don't believe that, but I hope as more and
more blank Empire shown, um and the more I'm in
the public eye and doing career stuff that people can see, like,
I'm really taking this a lot more seriously. Like you know,
everybody kind of graduates from the party person to become
a more serious and I've I've definitely hit that because
(43:32):
you know, I've dated around enough, I've had my fun.
I know what I want and I want something with
someone that I can grow with and share share everything
with the ups and downs, right, share the struggle, share
the victories, share the success, share the everything. So I'd
love to be able to find someone to do that with.
(43:54):
And then what makes men ready to commit to a
relationship or marriage. You can't really force men to be
in the mindset and be ready. Some men need to
get it out of their systems. Some men just want
something right away. I mean, I remember when I was
in college, like the first girl I wanted, that first
girl I wanted to date. That it was I thought
(44:14):
I could turn into something serious. Never did turn anything serious.
I saw a marriage and I was like, yeah, I
don't want to be around other people, um, other than
this person. Like I don't know what I mean by
It's like, I don't. I didn't intentionally want to be
somebody who dates a lot of people or anything. I didn't.
(44:34):
I was like, I just want to be a one
person person forever. And that obviously didn't happen. That girl
broke my heart and here I am now, So you know,
back then I was ready. So it just depends where
you are in life. Now I look back and I'm
collat it. I wasn't with that person. But to make
(44:56):
basically answer your question, what makes the person ready as time?
It's very vague, but like it just takes time, you know,
thirty eight years old now, Like I'm ready, you know,
like I'm not in the most perfect financial situation in
my career, but I'm ready. You know. I've experienced enough.
I know what I don't like, i know what I
want more of, and I'm at that point where I'm
(45:18):
not looking for perfect relationship anymore. I'm not looking for
that person to be perfect. I just would like someone
to you know, who fits me well, likes values, all
that kind of stuff. Appearances like I have like an
attractive girlfriend as well. Um, I mean that's just a
(45:38):
given that you're attracted to someone. But um, somebody who's kind,
somebody who's uh giving as well, and somebody who gives
their time as well to me. Um, that'd be great.
All right. How do you tell if a guy is
interested in you? You can tell if a guy's interested
in you, because this can be tricked you Sometimes I'm shy,
(46:03):
I don't believe it or not, and I won't actually
be talkative or trying to joke around with you. Um,
it's really in the you can really see in the eyicontact,
uh and the feeling if you're intuitive enough and you're
in touch with that to see if a guy's interested,
and you'll feel it. Um. And because sometimes like I'm
(46:26):
overly nice and people think I'm interested, but I'm not.
It's just you know, that's how I am, because I
feel super comfortable, like I'm not that attracted to you.
I mean sometimes right, and then sometimes I'm just like
super shy, Like I'll be like yeah, and I'm just
like listening and I'm just really into it. You'll see,
you know, um, You'll just feel it out. And that's
kind of how it goes. If you you can't tell
(46:48):
at all, probably not interested. And if you don't have
that feeling either, probably not interested in you. All right, everybody,
that wraps it up for how men think? I was
your host for today, Kevin Crieterer. You can find me
on Netflix's Bling Empire season two was out now. It
was ranking top ten and the TV section. Um. You
(47:11):
can find me on Instagram and TikTok Kevin Crider k
R E I D E R. And you can also
find what I'm up to on those links as well
with my Macha That's out and my non alcoholic beverages
that are launching later this summer so you can find
me there. Feel free to d M me with more questions.
I'd love to answer it on my social media as well.
(47:33):
This is How Men Think and I Heart Radio London
Audio Production listen each Thursday on the iHeart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys,
I am Kevin Crider. I am in Netflix's Bling Empire,
also an actor, speaker and activist for UH the a
API community, and I actually am now a new found
(00:21):
entrepreneur starting up a couple of companies. And I used
to model, but no longer modeling anymore. So I'm asked
eleven questions about me about Kevin Critterer. I'm guessing this
was polled the most popular questions on the internet and
it is number one. What are you known for? So
(00:41):
tell us by yourself. Man, I feel like I'm on
a date right now. But one am I known for?
We'll see one of Bling Empire. I'm known for taking
my shirt off a lot. I'm kind of like the
guy who gets wild and does that. But really, in
real life, I'm actually known for doing talks about UH
my life as an Asian America model and bringing the
(01:04):
Baboo ceiling and just talking about things in the Asian
community that is relevant, like media, masculinity and just what's
going on in the world. Um, who are you in
your personal life? Oh? How personal do you want to
get is the question. Um. In my personal life, I'm
actually somebody in recovery. Um. I'm an antwelve step program.
(01:27):
I've been sober for over six years. I'm actually somebody
who likes to I guess this isn't personal, but I
like to go out and mingle with people. UM. I
like to go to restaurants. I like to cook a lot. Actually,
in season two of bling Um Fire, I'm actually cooking
for one of my dates. And that's what I like
(01:47):
to do. I like to cook a lot of Italian food.
I used to want to be Italian when I was
a little kid, so I like Italian food and Italian things,
Italian movies, stuff like that. Um, and I actually, you
like to go to bed really early. A lot of
people usually make fun of me when I go out
to events and stuff because I go to bed by ten,
(02:08):
so they know it's a really fun time. If I
stay out till like eleven PM, and they're like, oh
my god, this must be a good time. Yeah, or
like ten o'clock rolls around, they know I'm going to
bed Because I like to get up at like six
six thirty and just start my day and meditate and
journal and do some fun things until the sun rises
and then I start my day and then UM Number
(02:30):
three is three shows that I'm binge watching Besides blaying Empire,
I would say that three shows that I have been watching,
UM is The Circle, um, Ozark, and The Stranger Things
is coming out or it's out now. Also, I'm gonna
start watching that as well. My favorite food Okay, this
(02:53):
is a two part question for my favorite food. If
I could eat the same thing for good day, it
would be sushi. I mean, I used to hate sushi
growing up, but I love it now. UM. And the
other flip side is if sushi wasn't so expensive realistically,
(03:14):
I would probably have like breakfast foods like omelets and
pancakes every single day. That's I think something I would love.
That's my favorite food. UM Number five is tell us
about your career. I came from an actual personal training
and business mindset. When I was in college, I used
(03:35):
to run my own personal training services. I became a
professional bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. I became a fitness model. I
started to do modeling and then I've got an interest
in acting back in two thousand nine. I've been pursuing
it ever since. And then um, right now, really what
I'm doing is I'm going back into acting. I just
(03:56):
booked my first feature in a movie called Asian Persuasion,
and it's my first feature that I've ever been in,
and I'm like super excited to do more of those things,
do more leading male roles that portray Asian Americans such
as myself in these movies as romantic leads. And I've
also started, uh my career in the beverage industry. I'm
(04:20):
having a company um release its first beverage in probably
August or September this year, and it's a drink that
is a sober drink. It's a non alcoholic premium replacements
and a mixer called Sans and be hitting some of
the bars and restaurants here in California. Big move because obviously,
(04:42):
you know, I've never actually started up something and put
so much time and investment and money into it and just, uh,
it's such a wild journey starting up your own company.
And I think a lot of people think, you know, oh,
you're just the model who likes to take your shirt off, Like, yeah, sure,
I'd like to do that, but I'd like to do
this kind of stuff too. Um what's my biggest fear
(05:03):
in life? Okay, my biggest fear when I was growing up,
like I was like eight years old, was dying. I
mean I was only eight and I was afraid of
dying already. I look behind like I look on a
label and be like, oh my god, that's so much sodium,
too much patent, and I can't eat it. I'd be
like such a freak in that sense. But then now
I think my biggest fear in life it's actually not
(05:26):
trying to do the things that I've always wanted to
do that I dreamt about doing. UM. One of its acting. So,
like I said, I started acting twelve years ago, and
five years ago I really quit because I was like, man,
it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me.
And then UM moved to California, I don't bling empire,
(05:46):
got asked to do a role, and now it seems
like the doors are opening up for me again. And
so that kind of thing is what I'm afraid of,
is not trying and pursuing the things that I care
about a lot or dreamt about doing them. And I
was younger, same thing with starting my own business. UM,
comic books. I'm starting up a comic book series with
(06:07):
web Tunes. It's an online comic book illustrator. And something
that people that know about me when I was younger
is that I actually wanted to be a combook artist
when I was five or six years old. But then
I've found out very quickly accept that drawing, which doesn't
lead to a very good combook career if you suck
a drawing. So now that I'm actually created and helping
(06:30):
to produce a web tune series is like super exciting,
you know, in the very early development stages that but
it's super cool. And so those things that I'd be
afraid of doing, Like it's not like I have a
fear of skydiving or I have a fear of like
commitment or things like that. It's like kind of like
personal stuff that I've always wanted to achieve. What's my
(06:51):
biggest pet peef Oh my god, Okay, my biggest pet
peeve is being late. And I was two minutes late
to do this I Heart radio thing today, and that
to me just eats me up right like it was
a zoom thing. It's like, how come you gonna be early? Yeah? Well,
you know, life happens a little bit. But I hate
(07:12):
when people are late. And I think here in Los Angeles,
Los Angeles, uh, fifteen minutes is considered on time still,
so in Los Angeles time, I'm still on time East
Coast two minutes late, like, don't even show up. That
was my mentality back then. But I hate being late
to things. I hate people when they're late to things too. Um.
(07:34):
And that's just my pet peeve. What makes me most
happy people being on time for things. Now, that's that's
not true. That doesn't make me happy though, But what
makes me the most happy is actually working and dealing
with people with integrity and honesty. Um. You know. I
I find that when people say they're going to do stuff,
(07:56):
they do it and um and are honest about things.
And that's kind of what it makes me happy because
I feel like if we just do those two things
in the world, we could actually be in a better place, right, Like,
just let's be honest with each other, let's do and
and do the things that we say we're gonna do
and do it well, which would be great, um, and
(08:17):
then I think the world will just be a better
place for that. So that's what I'd like to make
me happy. We're most happy. Um, what is my deal
Saturday morning? My deal Saturday morning is to get up,
probably around like seven o'clock. I'll meditate, hit my knees,
and pray journal for dirty minutes. I'll work out right afterwards,
(08:41):
get a cup of coffee, um, sitting on a roof
deck and watch the sunrise a little bit, hopefully with
a lucky someone. UM, get like a great email that
says like, hey, you got like a ten thousand or
twenty tho dollar deal. That'd be amazing, right that that
hasn't really happened yet. It so, I guess that's not
(09:02):
my ideal. I haven't been doing my ideals Saturdays. Uh.
And also going out and just having like a meal
old friends or a coffee. You just meet up with people,
go to bed by like ten o'clock, cut all both
on someone on the couch and making making meal, watch
the sunrise, my sunset at that time. I'd be awesome. Uh,
(09:25):
talk to my family and yeah, that's about it. It
used to be doing yoga too, but then I realized
I don't like doing yoga that much anymore. That's just me. Um.
Number ten, are you more of the athlete or the
armchair quarter. I'm definitely more of the athlete. I grew
(09:45):
up with athletics since I was probably like four years old,
like skiing, snowboarding, playing tennis, baseball. I mean, I love
movement and athletics. I don't think I could ever be
a couch potato unless like, um, i'll problems happen or
something number eleven. What keeps me motivated? I think what
(10:06):
keeps me motivated is just the idea of growth and
wanted to be better. Um, you know, I have a
lot of dreams and aspirations, and being thirty eight years old,
I haven't been able to do much of it actually
until recently, in the last like two to three years.
And now I see that I have an opportunity to
achieve those dreams, or at least give my all out
(10:27):
effort to achieve them. And um, that keeps you motivated.
Because I think the idea idea of not trying, keeps
me motivated. If that makes sense, Yes, that keeps me motivated.
The fact that I can't look at myself with self
esteem every day if I didn't try, you know, I think, um,
(10:48):
having good self esteem is just doing the things you
say you're going to do and doing it the best,
but at the same time, if I can't do it
and I failed, then it's like I think for me
is to be able to acmount and then and be like,
you know what, what did I learn that I've done better?
Maybe not? If I couldn't have done better, then you
move on. Just wasn't it to be? Um? And so
that keeps you motivated and really messages that people just
(11:13):
telling me how this stuff I do in you know,
reality TV movies content, even this message of sobriety, uh,
wanting to pave the way for Asian men in Hollywood especially.
I think that keeps me motivated for sure. I did.
When I get comments like that or messages um, it
(11:36):
is reassuring, even though I know I shouldn't probably listen
to it too much because you know, I don't want
that to be the main reason why I do things
because it's always been in my mind to do that,
but it's it does keep me a little bit more
motivated and keeping me on the path when I when
I get comments like that. So that is eleven questions
(11:58):
with Kevin Crider, that's me him. Now I'm going to
take a little bit of a commercial break and we'll
be back to answer. Well, I'll be back to answer
more live questions. Everyone, Welcome back. I am your host today,
(12:19):
Kevin Crider. Thanks for coming back and tuning in, and
we are now going to take the first question from
a live caller. Hi, a real you are my official
first caller ever? Really? Yeah, very cool. Um. So I'm
in this friends with benefits situation and it's really fun.
(12:48):
But he keeps saying I love you like a lot, yeah,
and I don't. Yeah, I guess I just don't know
how to take it, Like I don't all he's saying
I love you because we've been friends for so long,
or like I love you we want like maybe someday
(13:10):
I'll love you forever, you know what I mean? Like, um,
and yeah, like I I've brought it up, and sometimes
it feels like he's more than a friend. And he
then says he can't commit. So I'm just wondering, like,
is this just something that guy's say frivolously, you know
(13:33):
what I mean? Like that a common thing. So here's
the thing that I've learned through my experience of this. Uh, Firstly,
it sounds like you're not sure if you love him back,
he's giving me mixed signals. Friends with benefits. It started
off like that. You start to grow feelings for people,
but he doesn't want to commit. That is somebody who
(13:53):
is just basically saying I can't commit and he might
have feelings for you that I don't doubt, but probably
won't be with you. And if uh, I would say
because that look when you know, and especially when guys know,
we know. I think too many people guys and girls
(14:14):
use this phrase of like I can't commit, but I
really care. It's kind of like stringing you along to
see if it kind of like turns into something better
or somebody else comes up better. Like I'm sure he
still likes you, he wants to stay friends with you,
But at the same time, if he can't commit, then
I would say he really isn't in his mind really
looking at you as a serious prospect. Um. You guys
(14:36):
started off as friends now friends with benefits across that line,
and I will say from my own experience, it's hard
to go back once you cross that line. So um,
you might have to be okay with losing a friend. Yeah, yeah,
that makes sense. Yeah, if he can't commit and he
says he doesn't want to commit, then believe him totally. Yeah,
(15:00):
totally fine, honestly, like fine with me. Anyways, thank you, welcome,
I Rebecca, Hi, how are you? I'm fantastic are here?
You have a question? Um? Yeah, I have opinions, but
they're not scientific answers. Well, let's hope they can help. Um.
(15:25):
So basically, um, obviously, like everybody the world, I'm on
the dating apps and I am just getting more and
more frustrated because I've had conversations with guys but nobody
ever follows through for an in person meet up, you know,
(15:46):
like they don't like it's this is where like the
rubber meets the road, and you know, I'm trying not
to take the rains so they can ask, but it
just seems like it's going nowhere. And I'm seeing faith
in apps altogether. So should I stay or should I
ask more often for an in person date? Well? Okay,
(16:09):
so where are you located? First of all, I'm in
New York City? Okay? Um? And what I should say this?
You asked, just to clarify, you asked the guys to
meet up and none of them want to follow up?
Is that? What that is no, they just don't ask
(16:29):
to fall like, so we'll will be engaged in like
chats and really great back and forth and and this
is this happens with all the guys, all of them,
and nobody ever then takes it to the next step
to say, hey, why don't we meet up now? So
you kind of just like messaging air time like there's
dead air and then nothing happens. Right, Yeah, we have
(16:51):
a great, great talks and nobody wants to take the
next step. They're too cowardly, I guess. I don't know.
I don't know if it's the being coward or they're
too busy, or I'm glad you called yourself a coward
as well, because that's kind of what's happening. Oh no,
I'm not calling myself account. I'm calling the guys a
coward because they're not taking they're not taking the bold
step to like say you know, and then if I
(17:13):
do it, then they just look like, oh, I'm being
a preshy female. And so it's just like do they
say that or is that your assumption of that? That's
my assumption of it, Like I and that's like I
think they're being coward's by not saying, hey, let's just
meet up for a cup of coffee. Let's just see
where this goes. Like they're chickening out right, so sounds judgmental, right, Like,
(17:35):
here's the thing. If I were on the other end,
I wouldn't want a date or somebody. You think I'm
a coward right away, So that's probably saying you sometime right,
these people aren't who you want to want to be,
Like you already labeled them as something which is already
not a good step. And secondly, I always tell my
female friends this, and I know it's hard, right, Like
(17:57):
its structurally and society an were mindset to do courting
and dating a certain way. I'll tell you what the
best dates I've ever had, and the girls that I've
actually been with the longest they actually asked me out first,
and I've asked out many goals before. So I would
(18:18):
just say be bold if you're really interested in them. Firstly,
I would say try not to think of them as
cowards right away. They could be busy people. They could
have many options, right like I'm sure you have many
options to um and also to just say hey, I'd
love to meet up to coffee. Continue this conversation or
(18:39):
something right, like set up something small. But Kevin, I
don't think they have cowards right away. I'm thinking that
we're having we have these great conversations and then they're
not doing anything. So eventually I think of them as cowards.
And it's not like it's a judgment thing, but it's
just like, well, b B, you know, be a little
bit more than to be something that there maybe not.
(19:02):
So think of it as like something that you're screening
for yourself, right. You want someone to be a certain
way you have in your mind a certain outcome That
could also be hurting you in the dating apps too,
because like, look, if you give up controlling things right,
things happen for you a little bit more smoother, or
if they don't, at least you didn't like put too
much emotional energy into it. Um. I have a question though,
(19:25):
like what what's wrong with them? Are you afraid to
go out outside the apps and just do it in
real life or what's holding me back? I guess well, no,
I mean I just I mean obviously the past two
years not very you know, the bars aren't being flooded
with prospects, so you know you're going for bars you're
going to bars to find guys. Know I'm being I'm
(19:47):
being I'm not talking literally, but like, you know, I'm
not really going to bars a man, But it's just
been hard to meet people out and about. So I
what I say is like, I don't think it's really
so hard. Maybe like you just have to put yourself
in situations to actually meet people. Like I don't go
to bars and bars that much, right, Like I go
to restaurants sometimes, go to events, but you know, you
(20:09):
do things outside. Um, I'm sure you could find place
to meet people, maybe just looking at the wrong places,
right Like normally I go to museums. It's just the
numbers are just very different. The prospects are very different
then they were pre pandemic, and so like, you know, yes,
I would love if I was at like a you know,
(20:32):
like an under forty mixer at MoMA, and of course,
but they're not. These events aren't taking place in the
same ways they were pre pandemic. So that's why. And
I you know, it's just very different times now. But
I mean, like his, um, you asked me questions, give
(20:53):
you some answers. Rights, take the reins, Okay, I'll take
the reins on app Hi Alison, Hi, how are you.
I'm fantastic. I hear you have a question. I do,
I do, Okay, thank you so much. First of all,
I really appreciate it. UM. So So I've been with
(21:14):
my boyfriend for UM just about a year, just coming
out a year, and I love him, Thank thank you. UM.
And it's a great relationship and it's going really really well. UM.
But our communications style and the way that we argue,
the argument and communication style is very different. UM. And
(21:35):
this comes up a lot when especially UM in finance
things and UM in other general cases, but most most
recently a lot of finance, but just in general, the
way that we communicate and and the argument style, it's
just very different. And UM. And through the relationship, I've
kind of worked on it, and I've changed the way
that I approach how we're different to him. So I've
(21:58):
changed how how I approach our differences UM, and I've
asked him to do the same to kind of amend
his style of communication with me. When when we do
have UM differences, that communication style is that's different. Yeah.
I feel like most recently it's been coming up and
as I said in finance situations. Um, I work. I
(22:22):
work in marketing and he works in real estate and
we both do really well and um and so, but
he grew up very frugal and um, and I kind
of feel like if, um, you know, if we're going
on vacation or something to enjoy it and and kind
of thing and um and so so UM, I've approached
it more like, you know, we're a team, and so
(22:44):
let's compromise and figure out ways that we can both
be happy and not stretch our limits and the kind
of way and and he gets very if it's outside
of his comfort zone and something he doesn't want to do,
whole kind of express that I don't want to do
this and then whole kind of shut down. And and
I've been very amenable to kind of, you know, go
my extra mile to make him feel you know, okay,
(23:07):
I hear you that this is not something that you
know that you're that you want, are willing to do
or to stretch for you. And so a lot of
the time I'll just kind of you know, act we
ask to to, you know, in certain ways, just to
to make him more comfortable. UM. And but I like
to discuss also about why you know, in these circumstances
(23:29):
of why it would be nice to do these things
and not all the time, but sometimes anyway, but he
there it gets very uncomfortable for him, and so so
we'll argue or communicate is kind of um, just say
how he feels, and then he'll listen to me. But
he kind of never budges. And so question then, Alison,
who who How do you guys work out finances? Is
(23:50):
that as a joint is that every other? Right? So,
in the last few months we've been together, it's really
coming to year just done next week. Um, we've really
started to to actually join it together, um in the
last few months, and I think that that's been UM.
I feel like it's it's really a big step for
(24:11):
our relationship. UM and um. And but it's also kind
of uh, I just we kind of spend money differently
in that way, so it's it's hard to kind of
get to that that you know, humpy middle ground. But um,
but it's just so what I hear is you have
a joint account, all the finances go in there, but
(24:34):
he you know, you obviously have to talk about how
you're going to spend it, and he doesn't want to budge,
even though there is money in that joint account, is
what I'm kind of hearing, right, Yeah. Yeah, And and
for me it's um. Ultimately, it's not about whether or
not we're spending that spending the money. It's kind of
I think that the way that he approaches it the
(24:55):
way that you know, I like to compromise I and
and talk it through and just figure out how we
could both be happy. And often he'll you know, he'll
express his view and then listen to me, but then
he'll just shut down if it's not going his way.
And so the big question I have is um. And again,
(25:18):
I've tried to ask him to change the way that
he approaches our differences. But my question is if someone
is kind of stuck in the way that they argue
or the way that they communicate, is it too late, um,
to to ask for a change in their communication style. Yeah,
just leave them now, I'm kidding. Next, No, I'm kidding. Look,
(25:44):
it's it's you guys have been together for a year.
You're gonna really really know each other more now, Um,
communication style is important. At least you guys are communicating firstly, Okay,
you know, he's uncomfortable with things. What I find is
maybe hard for this and this is hard to hear,
(26:06):
is are you trying to change him? And does he
feel like he is being asked to change when he
doesn't want to, because that can be hard, right, Because
here's the thing. Unconditional love means accept them for who
they are. Right. Uh, do you want to unconditionally love him?
Or you want to conditionally love him? And that's so
(26:30):
you know this about him? You kind of like are
finding out this about him? Are you expecting him to change?
Or just because you change, it's now like a transactional thing,
so he should change, like talk to me here. Oh yeah, no,
I just I think that my view of I think
(26:56):
he's wonderful and I and I as a person, I
would never want him to change. That's why I love him. Um.
I just think that even if we have differences, that
part of being in a relationship could could ultimately be
that both people, both people compromise and not just one
or or it shouldn't be one person every single time.
(27:17):
And so you feel like you compromise more right than
he right? Right, So so it's the communication. And so
I've been asking him in in in hour, um in
these moments, I kind of just asked him to communicate
with me differently, or can you try a different approach,
and and these kinds of things just because Um, as
(27:37):
I said, he kind of. I mean, I guess it's
really it's just how he feels. But he does shut
down if we if it will express how he feels
about it, and he'll he'll definitely he's listening to me,
he's listening to what I say how I feel. But
then ultimately, if it continues to get talked about, he'll
he'll just stress an opinion more and then just shut down.
(27:58):
And so yeah, so maybe that's something something. Uh, you're
in a really difficult situation. I get it. You want
to budge, you want to go on vacation. You guys
see money differently. Um, Look, unfortunately money hurts relationships, right,
conversations like that. I find I hate the fact that
(28:21):
it does. It's probably one of my number one resentments
in the world. Actually I love it. Everybody likes to
think and I am still true believer that love will
conquer that. But it's like, you know, I've seen it.
I've seen money destroyed relationships. I've seen Uh, it's hurt relationships.
I've seen other people more money be able to manipulate relationships, right,
(28:44):
and all that kind of stuff. We've seen it all. Um,
when it comes to money, you, I think the fact
that you guys are even talking about it and only
a year in strong, um, I think maybe a way
to look at this is to see the progress in
your relationship. Yes, it's not perfect yet, he's not doing
exactly what you want. It's one year. Like I think
(29:08):
in the mindset of looking long term in your relationship
that you're this is a forever type of person. You know,
you admit it. You guys can work this out, and
maybe it's some type of compromise with you guys were like,
you know, you guys have this joint account and then
you have a separate account for your own fun money.
And then maybe if you have another fun money account
(29:29):
where you're like, you know what, maybe I got plenty
of money in this fun account. I'm doing this and
it's really yours anyway, like all of yours, right, Just
it's just the allusion to him. It's like it's like
kind of not an illusion. It's uh framing the account
differently to make it look like you have more than
(29:50):
you guys really have, like this is the fun stuff, right,
Like that's a that's a compromise, and then be like, oh, okay,
like I love that. That's a really great idea. That
would definitely I feel like that would be a lot
less stressed to just to frame it that way. So
I'm gonna try that. That's actually really great. Yeah. I
(30:13):
know for me as a boyfriend, if I saw that,
I'd be like, oh yeah, like I already know what
it is. But it's like, oh, you know, this is
thought out. It makes sense. We have plenty in our
joint and this like and you have this your own
account and then you spend it the way you want
to on a vacation or whatever. It's like, okay, cool,
you know you're being and then um, yeah, definitely, but
(30:38):
I think that's a really great idea. Cool. Glad I
could help. Thank you, thanks so much. Welcome. Hi, Hello,
Kevin him. I'm really glad to get to talk to
you today. Yes, so I started a new job recently
(31:00):
in a new city. Thank you. Thanks. Um Los Angeles
my hometown, the town both for both of us. M Yeah,
I so I started this new job and you know,
I haven't met a lot of people, new people yet
being here. Um, and so as you can imagine, like
(31:21):
I'm always saying yes to anything I get invited to
so that there's like a chance of meeting new people
and connecting because it's a new city and all that. So, um,
a male coworker just asked me to dinner and I
said yes and was immediately hoping he'd invite other people.
But as soon as I said yes, he said, great,
it's a date, and um, like Kevin, I like, I
(31:43):
think he's cute, but it's a new job and a
new city. And I guess I'm just worried personally that
like my other coworkers will make assumptions about me going
on a date with a coworker so quickly. So I'm
just wondering, like do I tell him beforehand? I don't
want it to be a date, but I just want
to hang out, Like I don't know how to go
about talking to about this. Welcome to l A. This
(32:09):
happens a lot. And to be real, as a guy
who would do something like that, uh, let's just say,
like I did that right. I would appreciate from your
candle that like you told him what you told me,
and I would totally be it gives me a choice
then right to be like, Okay, I'm going to treat
(32:29):
this as a friend thing. It's not a date, and
I'll behave accordingly. Or if you lead them on too
thinking it's a date, and then things happen, which is
in firstly, I'm going to feel like, oh my god,
like am I wrong? Like what happened? You know what
I'm saying, it's it's it's it's it's I'm only going
(32:50):
to act based off of the information that I have,
which is, oh, I said it's a date, You're still here.
It must be a date, you know. Um, when you
look at it that way, you might be able to
be able to break the news to him in like
a very like empathetic way, you know, like be like, hey, look,
I'm really excited. I know you have good intentions with this.
(33:13):
I don't think it's the appropriate time right now. I
do think you're cute. I just really you know what
I mean, Like it's cool, right and and and then
be like, you know, just I'm not trying to lead
you on. That's why conversation and I'm telling you I
think he'll have such a great response to that, because
I'd be like, you know what, look, maybe you knew
(33:37):
I love to bring other people on board. You know, like,
what do you if he's a good dude, he's what
I'm saying, if he even if he doesn't do that,
and he's like, you know what, all right, you know
I'm really actually looking to date, Like, uh, let's just
alter plans, don't take up personally, you know, like you
guys each other a lot of time, so either way,
(33:58):
only good stuff can happen from the conversation. But yeah, no,
that's super helpful, Kevin, because I think, like I mean, honestly,
as you're talking, I'm like, right, communication is always best.
But are we hate we hate confrontation of like breaking
the news to someone, right. Trust me, It's easy for
me to say this, but I've had many tough conversations
(34:22):
that I've delayed, but I've had to have them. And
you know, when you come from the place of like
not wanting to hurt the other person too, that's a
great place from you. It sounds like you don't and
you don't want to mislead them. It won't come across
like anything that you come from that place. Well, also, Kevin,
what you just said is super helpful. That like the
(34:43):
way you phrased it, It's like it keeps the door open,
Like I like, you know, because he is cute and
I wouldn't be opposed down the line to going on
a date. But like, I'm very conscious in this moment
of not yeah giving my coworkers the wrong impression as
I established myself welcome, and I'm sure you will need
(35:04):
much help down the line. I'll be calling you back, Kevin.
First year is the toughest I'm telling you here. Oh man, well,
thank you, and I really appreciate your help definitely. By
Kendall Bike by Kevin. Thanks. Look, Hi, Hi, how's it
(35:24):
going on? Good? How are you? I'm great? You must
have a burning question to ask if you're on this
I do, yes, all right. So I'm just wondering I
need advice. Uh So, like when the first date goes
well and things start, you know, heating up at the
(35:44):
end of the night, and you're like into it, but
there's a part of you that wants to kind of
just slow it down. Um, Like, is there a good
way to let your date know gently and like without
offending them, Like, Hey, I'm enjoying this, but like, let's
wait a little longer, you know, I mean just put
your hand and now I'm kidding and don't do that.
Uh yeah, that's that's an awkward position. Um. Look, I've
(36:07):
never been on the other end where uh someone was
moving too fast and I just slowed them down. So
please like understand like where this advice is coming from.
It's not from experience, Okay, I know from a guy
when I've tried to move things a little bit faster
to and you slow down. Um. And if I really
(36:30):
actually saw something with you, then I would slow down
and I would honor that. Um. If I didn't want
anything more than just to like, you know, that night, uh,
you know, it might be a different conversation. Okay, you know,
and just move on right. UM. So the next question
for you to ask is do you actually like this
(36:53):
guy would slow down or do you just not want
to have that perception of like, oh I sleep people
on the first date, so I shouldn't do this. Um
talk to me about that. Well, yeah, I mean it's
not so much that I just I do I do
kind of like the guy, like I would like to
see him again. Um, but I'm just not sure, like
(37:16):
if I'm ready for that with him yet, I just
wanna you know what I mean, Like, I just want
to wait. I'm not really someone who like sleeps with
a lot of people, so I just want to make
sure we actually like get along, you know. Yeah, sure,
So okay, that's that's valid what you're saying that. Um,
(37:36):
I would probably just communicate that with him and just
tell him. I mean, it sounds like this already happened,
but you're kind of preparing is for the next time,
correct you see this guy? Yeah? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, look,
I like you think you're cute, Like I see this.
Excuse me, I might see this going a little bit
further than just uh physical, and I'd like to actually
(37:59):
get to know a little bit more before we get physical.
I'm just a little uncomfortable moving at that pace. That's all.
When you when somebody just expresses that they might be
a little uncomfortable with something that paced, like you know,
an pole wouldn't honor that, And somebody who is a
good person for you would honor that and just be like, yeah, okay,
(38:22):
you know that's my pace, Like here them now, and
then be like Okay, that's great. Now that I know
where you're coming from, I know you know where I'm
coming from. Uh, let's just see if we can play
along in this date together still and and dating room,
and then you'll find out each other's paces, find each
other's preferences, and if it doesn't match, then there's it
(38:43):
doesn't match. Move on. Yeah, that's that's a good way
to put it. Like pacing. You know, I'm a very
fast paced person when it comes to like wanting to
be with someone, right, Um, you know physical obviously, I
think a lot of guys are more than initiatives. Right,
That's what I was gonna say. It's usually a lot
(39:03):
of from my experience, girls need to slow things down.
So it's always the pace is different. But it's almost
like dancing, right, like, uh, somebody might lead too fast.
You just kind of gonna slow down a little bit.
Somebody might lead too slow. You're trying to paste them
up a little bit faster. Like probably won't go exactly
the timing you want, but it will at least go
(39:23):
at a more comfortable pace for yourself. Mm hmm. Thank you. Yeah,
that's that's thank you. Yeah, that's good advice. Thanks for
jumping on. Kylie. Yeah, thanks, all right, that is we
got for our callers. We're gonna take a break and
then we're gonna come back for some Q and a
(39:53):
welcome back everybody. I'm Kevin Crider, I'm your host, and
now is the time for Q and a first one. Kevin,
we know you from Bling Empire. How has your life
changed in the past two years? Man, My life has
changed so much in the last two years. I've upgraded
to a new bedroom, one bedroom, the first time I've
(40:16):
ever had a one bedroom in my life. Uh, there's
a little bit more pressures to that obviously, like it's
a big overhead. I'm actually in the process of possibly
moving to another place if things don't change up a
little bit, just to keep them a little bit more
financially feasible for myself. Things that are changed, I don't
skateboard around as much, do a little bit more ubering,
(40:38):
or I'll take public transportation, um to get two places
I need to my my social friends have changed quite
a bit, Like you know, came out during the pandemic
and now there's just so many people like events and
wonderful peers that I get to meet and associate with.
(40:58):
And two Uh, maybe even have collaborations and conversations with
and just being the presence of and some of these
people like I grew up with watching and you know,
using some of these business owners platforms, right like I
mean serious business owners like the founders of dating apps
(41:19):
or beverages like all this stuff. It's wild to me. Um.
So I'm just getting used to actually being in the
public eye and just being around people like that. Um.
And now I know that people have some questions about
me getting flirty with Kim Lee and with the status
is now Um, we are friends and we've come back
(41:43):
to just being friends right now. Um. Yes, there was
a physical thing but obviously kind of got um messed
up with some influence of friends and circumstances and a
pop like opinions from other people. But um, it's harder
to go back as friends because I feel like there's
more boundaries now, Like I think we need some time
(42:06):
to kind of just forget and forgive about all those
things that happen, um, and maybe even go our separate
ways a little bit. But yes, it was, um not
the best experience I've had. Uh. And then how do
I navigate from friends to boyfriend? The girlfriend I haven't
done it yet, so I'm not too sure if I
(42:27):
can qualiply for this question. I would say one thing
is to not tell your friends squat. Don't tell them
anything about what's going on with your other friend. Keep
it very separate, and try to keep it to yourself
you're in the relationship because once you get friends in,
they all have opinions, they all have dirt on you
(42:49):
gets lost in translation, facts get thrown out or that
that facts get diluted and change. So like, really, it's
just best if you keep relationship about YouTube, keep people
out of it. Um Am I looking to settle down
anytime soon? Where are you looking for a relationship. I'm
absolutely going to settle down. I know a lot of
(43:11):
people don't believe that, but I hope as more and
more blank Empire shown, um and the more I'm in
the public eye and doing career stuff that people can see, like,
I'm really taking this a lot more seriously. Like you know,
everybody kind of graduates from the party person to become
a more serious and I've I've definitely hit that because
(43:32):
you know, I've dated around enough, I've had my fun.
I know what I want and I want something with
someone that I can grow with and share share everything
with the ups and downs, right, share the struggle, share
the victories, share the success, share the everything. So I'd
love to be able to find someone to do that with.
(43:54):
And then what makes men ready to commit to a
relationship or marriage. You can't really force men to be
in the mindset and be ready. Some men need to
get it out of their systems. Some men just want
something right away. I mean, I remember when I was
in college, like the first girl I wanted, that first
girl I wanted to date. That it was I thought
(44:14):
I could turn into something serious. Never did turn anything serious.
I saw a marriage and I was like, yeah, I
don't want to be around other people, um, other than
this person. Like I don't know what I mean by
It's like, I don't. I didn't intentionally want to be
somebody who dates a lot of people or anything. I didn't.
(44:34):
I was like, I just want to be a one
person person forever. And that obviously didn't happen. That girl
broke my heart and here I am now, So you know,
back then I was ready. So it just depends where
you are in life. Now I look back and I'm
collat it. I wasn't with that person. But to make
(44:56):
basically answer your question, what makes the person ready as time?
It's very vague, but like it just takes time, you know,
thirty eight years old now, Like I'm ready, you know,
like I'm not in the most perfect financial situation in
my career, but I'm ready. You know. I've experienced enough.
I know what I don't like, i know what I
want more of, and I'm at that point where I'm
(45:18):
not looking for perfect relationship anymore. I'm not looking for
that person to be perfect. I just would like someone
to you know, who fits me well, likes values, all
that kind of stuff. Appearances like I have like an
attractive girlfriend as well. Um, I mean that's just a
(45:38):
given that you're attracted to someone. But um, somebody who's kind,
somebody who's uh giving as well, and somebody who gives
their time as well to me. Um, that'd be great.
All right. How do you tell if a guy is
interested in you? You can tell if a guy's interested
in you, because this can be tricked you Sometimes I'm shy,
(46:03):
I don't believe it or not, and I won't actually
be talkative or trying to joke around with you. Um,
it's really in the you can really see in the eyicontact,
uh and the feeling if you're intuitive enough and you're
in touch with that to see if a guy's interested,
and you'll feel it. Um. And because sometimes like I'm
(46:26):
overly nice and people think I'm interested, but I'm not.
It's just you know, that's how I am, because I
feel super comfortable, like I'm not that attracted to you.
I mean sometimes right, and then sometimes I'm just like
super shy, Like I'll be like yeah, and I'm just
like listening and I'm just really into it. You'll see,
you know, um, You'll just feel it out. And that's
kind of how it goes. If you you can't tell
(46:48):
at all, probably not interested. And if you don't have
that feeling either, probably not interested in you. All right, everybody,
that wraps it up for how men think? I was
your host for today, Kevin Crieterer. You can find me
on Netflix's Bling Empire season two was out now. It
was ranking top ten and the TV section. Um. You
(47:11):
can find me on Instagram and TikTok Kevin Crider k
R E I D E R. And you can also
find what I'm up to on those links as well
with my Macha That's out and my non alcoholic beverages
that are launching later this summer so you can find
me there. Feel free to d M me with more questions.
I'd love to answer it on my social media as well.
(47:33):
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