April 7, 2022 • 44 mins
He found love on the Bachelorette! He's engaged to Michelle Young and now he's ready to give us all the love lessons he learned along the way.
Nayte is great with the good advice.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey
everyone on Naquoia. You may know me from Michelle's SU's
in the Bachelorette as the one who won Michelle's heart. UM,
I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think.
We're gonna answer all your questions and try to help
you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven
(00:23):
Questions with Natequa, So let's get right into it. What
are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Um, known from,
like I said, the TV show bachelorrette one who stole
Michelle's heart, the guy who has in the bag, as
I like to say, um, but yeah, predominantly i'd probably
say like ninety the people who know me now, UM
(00:46):
know me from Bachelorette. But of course you know, I'm
mostly known as a son, friend, best friend, acquaintance, coworker,
mentor mentee. So again it's kind of like who you
Who are you talking to? UM? Who am I in
my personal life? Um? My personal life is just that
as personal, So you know something about me. I just
(01:08):
love being by myself. UM, so kind of think about
what you did today that's probably what I did today.
I just did it by myself, so you know, I
like to uh as of right now, obviously I'm still
long distance with Michelle, so um, I'm just like your
regular guy. I gotta I got to work every day.
I go to the gym, I run in the morning,
(01:29):
I hang out my my dog, go for walks, read books,
listen to music. Um and I just truly just enjoyed
time by myself. I don't know, kind of like a loner,
but in like a really peaceful way, I guess. Um,
but yeah, that's definitely a regular dangular guy. Three shows
that I've been binge watching right now, Um, Dampire Diaries.
(01:51):
Do not judge me, but I love Vampire Diaries. Um,
I don't know. I think that vampires are like the
coolest things in the world. So I'm ginge watching show
Guilt Free for like the third time. Um. And I'm
also actually on book three of Game of Thrones, so
I guess that's not really binge watching a show, but
definitely binge watching, um these books of Game of Thrones,
(02:13):
because I think I've seen Game of Thrones four or
five times now from beginning to end. So really enjoying
the books. The books are are actually like they they
are breathtaking. Those are the craziest books. Like It's yeah,
shout out to the shout out to the author. Um.
And then for other shows Seinfeld, I mean I watched
Seinfeld since since I was a kid like you. You
(02:35):
might struggle to find a better signed or a bigger
Seinfeld fan than me. I genuinely love Seinfeld, So that's
always playing in the background. Um. And then you for you,
of course you gotta you gotta say you for you.
I feel like everybody's watching before. If you're not watching
it or if you didn't watch it, um, you're kind
of a weird though, So I was. I was watching
uh before you there too. Um. Let's see what is
(02:58):
your favorite food? Nigerian food one d and ten percent
cannot get enough of Nigerian food. Um, either my dad's
home cooking or my aunti t ts home cooking. And
now that I live in the States, it's kind of
you know, I'm not I'm not eating as much their
home cooking. So I've been teaching myself how to cook
beet to Nigeria food because when I started cooking Nigeria food,
(03:19):
it was terrible. So I've been I've been putting some
work though I'm getting a little better, but still not
as good as my AUNTI T T or my dad's
home cooking. UM. Tell us about your career. Um, that's nothing,
nothing too crazy. I'm working on a couple of things now.
But my career is very normal. I started working in
sales and a T and T my sophomore year of university. Um,
(03:43):
so shout out a T and T because that's how
I paid my way through college. Um. And then I
graduated and got a job at Indeed right out of college. Um. Yeah,
I loved Indeed. I was there for a little over
two years. Uh. And now I'm currently working in legal tech.
So I'm still in sales. But it sounds a little
bit cooler when you say you were in legal text.
So that's what I'm doing right now. Nothing too too crazy.
(04:04):
Biggest fear in life, hands down, regret. I think growing up,
I used to be Um I was, I was pretty
scared of dying, and then you get older and you realize, like,
you know, it's not necessarily deaf that's so scary. It's
it's you know, regret dying, dying with regret. So I
actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says there's
nothing worse than a regret filled coffin. So that's kind
(04:27):
of kind of how I how I lead my life.
And I don't know, dying with regret just absolutely terrifies me. Um,
must see. My biggest pet peeve people who are rude
to people in the service industry. Um, there's nothing nothing
worse than that in my opinion. Um, whether it's your
Uber driver, your server at a real nice restaurant, you
(04:49):
sort of at a real bad restaurant, whatever it is, janitors, U,
I ain't think the service industry if you're rude to
those people, you just gotta you gotta loo yourself in
the mirror and asked, that's like, what's to your issue? Um? Yeah,
I can't. I can't stand people every to just everyday workers.
You know, that's that's never a good look. Um, what
(05:10):
makes me the most happy? So that's gonna depend on
the day in situation. Really, I mean it's kind of
it's kind of a harder question to answer. Um, not
to overthink it, but you know what I mean, Let's
say you know when you're having a good day and
that's that perfect song pops on like that's obviously gonna
make you really happy in that moment. Or you haven't
(05:32):
seen your best friend in a while and you guys
are about to hang out. That's gonna make you really
happy in that moment. Or you're having a bad day,
but your dog just you know, jumps on you and
cuddles you, Like, that's gonna make you happy in that moment.
So for me, I think it'd be really hard for
me to pinpoint exactly what makes me the happiest, But
I'd say I try to when I do experience happy emotions,
(05:54):
try to like just hold on to that feeling for
or like just give it like my full attention so
that it does make me like even more happy than
than it normally should, you know. Um, But asking what
makes me the most happy that is too broad. Who
you know, it's changes from dayance situation, what your current
mood is, whatever it is. So I guess the way
(06:17):
I can answer that is that what makes me the
most happiest is holding on too happy moments for as
long as I can. UM. Next question, let's see what
is my ideal Saturday morning? Um, wake up before eight am?
I like to get to the the day started. Walk
my dog. I like to run in the mornings, come back, eat,
(06:43):
drink a bunch of water, trying to say as hydrat
as possible, go to the gym, come home, clean my
house a little bit, lights and candles, and then again
going back to the happiness thing on that Saturday morning
when you get all of that done and it's not
even known yet, like that's a happy feeling like that
you just want to embrace the fact that you just
(07:03):
did like very important things. Um you know all before noon.
You've got the rest of your day now to do
whatever that you want to do, you know. Um So
that's that's my ideal Saturday. We're just trying to do
as much as possible before before. Um Am, I'm more
of an athlete or armchair quarterback, despite what the show
(07:23):
may have shown you. I actually I am an athlete,
and I hate the fact that I now have to
defend myself on my aspect. But I am an athlete people,
um but yeah, so definitely an athlete over armchair quarterback.
But I will say that, um, I do find a
lot of joy being armchair quarterbacks with either my stepdad
(07:45):
or my dad I love I love sending, but sitting
back watching the games of them, um, you know, and
and being an armchair quarterback with my dad or my stepdad.
So um, there are there are times where I genuinely
enjoy being armchair quarterback. Um. And what keeps me motivate?
So for me parents, my parents definitely keep me motivated,
(08:06):
you know. I think for both my parents kind of
going back to my biggest fear of being regret um,
you know, I think I think that would be something
that that you know, I'm scared of, just regret of
not making them proud, um, not living up to my
potential you know, for me personally, and then also not
living up to my potential as as their son. They're
gonna know, like you know, like what happened to Tenday
(08:28):
or what happened to Nate, Like he could have been
so much bigger than this. So I think that that
keeps you motivate. I definitely don't want to let them down,
um you know, so I yeah, I think what keeps
me motivated is the fear of regrets still, so you know,
which is I think it's a good thing still, you know.
But yeah, those are my eleven questions. You get to
know me a little bit better. We are going to
(08:50):
take our first break and then take our first college
pretty good, How are you? I'm good, I'm good face
for asking. So I have this guy friend. We have
(09:11):
been friends since college, so it's been about ten years now,
and we've hooked up a couple of times over that
ten year period. Not too long ago, he asked one
of my girlfriends out, but she told me. She told
(09:34):
me that she wasn't sure if she was interested. She
didn't think she was really interested. And that same night,
he and I we were all at a party together
and he and I left together. Okay, So she asked
me this last weekend what happened between him and I?
(09:57):
And I told her the truth. We left the party together,
we slept together. No big deal, I thought, But it is.
I guess it's a big deal because she's really mad
at me now, and he's really mad at me because
I told her the truth. And I just I don't know,
like I was, was I supposed to lie? How do
(10:21):
I I want to fix this with both of them,
and I don't know what to do right. So the
guy that this guy, obviously you guys have been hooking
up prior to him asking her friend out on a date. Correct, Yes,
just a couple of times period, Like not a big deal, right,
(10:44):
So like like super casual, no big deal, not too
many emotions are are involved. You genuinely wouldn't have cared
if if you went on a date with your with
your friends. Not at all, not at all? Okay, Yeah,
this is this is a this is an interesting to situation.
I think that, and I can only I can only
(11:05):
speak from from like what I would have done. I
mean I would have done what you right, I would
have I wouldn't have lied. Um, I wouldn't let your
your friend know like oh yeah we did leave the
um the party together, um, and and everything else that happened. Um.
So I wouldn't have lied. I think I would just
explain to your friend, like she knows. I'm assuming that
(11:28):
you got in the last ten years super casual hookups, um,
and that it was nothing more than that, and that
you know, she was already kind of on the fence
of whether she was going to go on a date
with this guy. Right. So I don't think I don't
me personally, I don't think you're in the wrong. I
think that feelings. You know, I think feelings could have
(11:50):
gotten hurt from like an irrational spate, irrational spot of
your friend. I don't I'm not necessarily sure if feelings
should have been hurt on her. And then from the
guy's perspective, I mean, I don't really understand why. Um,
he's he's kind of bent out of shape for you
telling your friend, you know, the truth, you know, at
(12:11):
the end of the day, like that's that's your friend.
You know, you guys are really good friends. UM. And
I don't know, I think and I think in most cases,
lying just doesn't make sense. Um, people's feelings are going
to get hurt. Um, and then you kind of just
got to navigate, you know, are you are these feelings
getting hurt from a rational spot or from an irrational
spot because most of the time, um, when emotions are
(12:32):
in play, a lot of it's going to be irrational.
And then right now, I think all this doesn't need
to be as big as it currently is. UM. So
my advice to you would just be to talk to
your friend one on one, the guy one on one
and just kind of like explain, like, hey, like this
has been going on for ten years, is not as
deep as it sounds. Um, you know, I could you
(12:54):
know if if you guys are really wanted to date
and start getting to know each other, like of course
you know this isn't going to continue to happen. So
but it's still so early, right, Just because somebody asks
you on a day your friend out of day, doesn't
mean that you just you know, this is ten years
in the making of you guys having this type of relationship. Um,
so you know, maybe not the maybe not the best advice,
(13:16):
but that's that's the that's the pirst thing that comes
to mind on my end is that you know, I
think this this it's not as deep as as actually
seems to be. Yeah, so again, not that this is
that's a sticky situation. That's the hit me with the
hard one. You hit me with the hard ones, Toney. Sorry, Yeah,
(13:38):
I'm just so I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing.
It's just all my friends are mad at me. And
that sounds overwhelmed. That that does sound overwhelming. That that's
that's a sticky one. That's a sticky one. I think
really it all comes down to communication, like like, pull
both of them aside individually, talk to them about it
where they're coming from. Um, plead your case, let them
(14:01):
plead your their case, and I'm sure everything we'll we'll
resolve itself time. All you have to do is talk
it out and then things will be fine. Yeah, I hope.
So sorry I could have been more help Sitney. That
was a hard one. You got yourself in this love triangle. Terrible.
(14:25):
Thank you though I appreciate it. I do really appreciate it,
of course, of course, all right, thank you, of course.
But hey, how are you doing. I'm good. How are
you guys doing today? Good? Good? Good? So what is
the question. Hopefully I'll I'll be some assistance to see
(14:46):
how men think. Okay, so here's my question. Um. Recently,
one of my best guy friends from college has a
new girlfriend, and I really like her. We've like started
to become close, and she confided me that her boyfriend
and so my really good friend told her that his
last relationship ended mutually, that it was just like fine
(15:07):
mutual breakup, when in reality, he cheated on his former girlfriend. UM,
I'm feeling really awkward now because I know for a
fact he lied to his new girlfriend and this new
girlfriend that I'm becoming close with said that like, if
she was ever cheated on, that's a deal breaker that
she would like end their relationship. So I feel like
(15:27):
it's completely unfair that, um, she doesn't have this information
since this obviously would change the course of the relationship.
So I'm just in this weird in between in the situation.
You gotta hitting me with some some hard questions. Okay,
(15:50):
let's see the advice I would give on that, because
that was down stick right, because that's that's your that's
your one of your best guy friends. Yeah from for
a time, right, one of your best guy friends with
a new girlfriend. And you said that you you do
know his girlfriend, So yeah, we've become close because of
them dating. But it's not I didn't know her prior,
(16:11):
so obviously his we I've known him for ten years,
so our relationship is obviously way closer than my relationship
with her. But it is, you know, we are, I mean,
the girlfriend are becoming close. She's super nice and we
get along very well, right, right, I understood. That's a
tough one, right, because that's like, that's that's like one
of your best one of your best you know friends, Um,
(16:34):
I don't know. I always say you know, it's that
there's just simply no point in lying, especially with something
kind of large like this, Um, saying that something ended mutually, Um,
when in reality, I mean he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Um.
If you know, I'm trying to think if I was,
if I were in your shoes and this is happening
(16:55):
with with a friend and um, you know a girlfriend
or something that that you know, I'm talking put myself
in your shoes, what I would do? I think I
would What I would I would obviously talk to your friend,
like the your your guy friend, and talk to him like, hey, like, um,
I talked to your your girlfriend. She told me that
you said that you and your ex broke up mutually,
when in reality you actually cheated. Like, um, you know, Like,
(17:17):
what the hell are you doing, dude? Like, why are
you lying to your girlfriend right now? Especially if this
is a you know, a new relationship and it's already
being kind of built online. I mean, that's that's never
a direction that you know, any relationship take, but especially
not in the beginning. Right. UM, I'm assuming that your friend,
your guy friend, he's not a bad guy, right, It's
(17:38):
not like he's out here being delicious with this lie. Um.
I think he probably genuinely really likes this girl and
he probably knows that she you know, like any anybody
would want to kind of kind of say like, hey,
have you cheated on your your you know, if you
cheat in the past, I'm going to be a little
bit war on guard or just something no longer interested.
So he probably wanted to just avoid that. Having met
(18:02):
this new girl, wanting to impress her and kind of
like continue seeing where things go. That's probably what led
him to live mm hmm. And I think if this
could be kind of turned out turned around to be
a positive. You have that conversation with your guy friends saying, hey, man,
(18:22):
like you can't be lying, and then he goes to
his girlfriend and he like just straight up admits, like,
I was really nervous when we got into that conversation
about my by past relationship. I ended up lying to you.
I told you that it ended up mutually. Um. You know,
Shannon told me that you guys kind of you can
(18:42):
find and Shannon about that, and it made me feel
really bad for lying to you. Um, the truth is
da da da da da um. You know, and if
he comes, if he comes correct like that and it's
kind of like he explains why he lied. You know,
he understands that he shouldn't have done it, um. And
the reason is because he's like really interested in this girl.
(19:03):
He doesn't want it to end. Um. And it was just,
you know, it was at the beginning of the relationship
he was nervous. This On the other I think hopefully
his current girlfriend will be understanding, um. And then of
course I have the conversation of you know, listen, let's
not bring lying and no, let's not make lying be
a part of our our relationship moving forward, um, and
hopefully everything can kind of move forward in a in
(19:26):
a in a positive way, and then you don't have
to continue with the burden of knowing the truth, and
he doesn't need to have the conscious of knowing that
he lied, and you know all that fun stuff. Right.
So you guys kind of like nipping in the butt,
you kind of convince him to do that. Hopefully he
does do it, hopefully, and and his girlfriend is understanding hopefully.
(19:49):
I think that would be the best way to kind
of go about this situation. Okay, yeah, thank you. I
really appreciate that. It's just I've been like struggling with
this a lot. But when you break it down that
way and makes me feel a lot better about maybe
his point of view of it too, because honestly, I
was a little upset, like why didn't he just tell
her the truth? But tell the truth. And then the
funny thing is, if you would have just told her
(20:09):
the truth, Um, you know, I'm sure like if there
was like some serious interest right up whenever that conversation
came up with was very very early on she hit
his girlfriend, probably would have gotten over it. And you know,
maybe we start a little bit of trust issues. But again, um,
with persistence and effort on, you know, things like that
can can can kind of go away. Um. So that's
(20:31):
the funny thing is if he was just honest from
the jump, I'm sure that big of a thing. But
hopefully with him you know, coming correct, explaining why he
did do this, admitting it without um, you know, getting
caught per se um, it will lead to like you know, hey,
this guy, this guy did lie to me. Um, it
was you know early on. We can move forward and
(20:54):
let's just make sure that line just not become a
part or piece of our relationship moving forward. Yeah, that
makes sense. Yeah, he might even get some brownie points
off that. Honestly, Yeah, it's better than her finding out
like that's the worst thing that can exactly exactly exactly.
And then if you, if you get the credit for
(21:16):
you know, like having that that conversation with him, then
she's just gonna like you even more. Couldn't turn around
to be a real, real positive you never know. Yeah,
I guess we'll see. But okay makes a lot better though.
I feel like I have a good idea what direction
to go with this? Perfect. I'm glad I could help it. Okay,
thank you, of course, talk to you better. What is up, Caitlin? Hi,
(21:41):
how's it going? It's good? How you doing great? Get
to get to see you? Yeah? Nice? Uh, I mean
I guess I can't see you, but I guess exactly.
So how can I help you? What question? What question
do you have for me today? Okay? So I had
(22:02):
this situation the other day. Um, so I had my
boyfriend's phone and then I saw a text message pop
up from his friend that had my name in it.
So I opened his phone and read the text thread
because obviously if it involved me, I wanted to know obviously,
And I found out that my boyfriend has been telling
(22:24):
his buddy about intimate parts of our relationship, and it
don't It just made me really uncomfortable and I want
to ask him to stop, but I don't want him
to know I went through his phone. So I wanna
ask you how to approach this without, you know, letting
him know that I went through his phone. Yeah, yeah, no,
most definitely. I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing, right, Like,
(22:49):
I don't think, I don't. I don't personally, I don't
like when people go when when couples go through each
other's phones. Now, if you glance over and you see
your name in there, I mean, curiosity is gonna get you.
I mean, if I was in your shoes, I probably like, okay, cool,
like like what's he saying about? Right? So you open
it up and let's say it was nothing. Who cares
like it's whatever. But now you find out that he's
(23:11):
he's um, you know, talking about some intimate parts of
your relationship, well that whole like, hey, I shouldn't have
gone through your phone. That kind of goes up the window,
you know what I mean? Like my only like if
I was you, I would just I would go straight
to your boyfriend and be like, what the heck is this?
Like you're talking about some real, like intimate parts of
our relationship. He's like, how do you know about that?
(23:31):
I went through your phone? That's all I know? You know, Like,
what's up? You know what I mean? Like I would,
you know, I would, I would, I would say that
with your chest. I would be like, yeah, I went
through your phone, like you're talking about some some real
intimate parts of our relationship. Um, you know, you know,
you know, I'm I'm being a little animated right now.
You don't have to go that hard on him, but
(23:52):
you know, letting him know, like you know that how
that makes you feel that you're not comfortable with that,
um and that he should should cut that out, you
know what I mean. So I wouldn't let the fact
of how you found out stop you from, um your
feelings about what you found out, because that's obviously what
what's what's most important is your feelings about what it
is you found out, how you found out. I mean, hey, whatever,
(24:14):
you went through this, right, you know, and it's something
like you really went through his phone. You just you
saw your name pop up, you clicked it, you saw up.
You know what, going through all the d m s
and text messages and tweets and all that stuff, you
just casually, you know, saw your name in a conversation
and you were curious about it. So I wouldn't let
the fact that of how you found out deter you
from um still kind of deter you from you know
(24:38):
that that's those are your feelings. But that's what you
have to protect the most, right and if you feel uncomfortable,
but you gotta let let that know, let that be known.
So right, Yeah, exactly, Okay, thank you. That's that's really good.
I appreciate it. Thank you. Okay, thanks so much. How
you doing, Claire? Oh hey, how are you? I'm good?
(25:00):
I'm good. How's your day going? I am doing all right.
Just trying to avoid some rain over here? Oh yeah,
where are you at right now? Ohio? Like northeast? Okay, okay,
I got you. I got you. It was a little
bit of rain right now soon. But hey, what can
we do? Yeah? Better than snow? That is what type
(25:27):
of advice are you hoping to get for me today?
What's the question that you may have for for how
may think podcasts? Yeah? Thank you? Um, okay, so I
need to figure out if I'm being too sensitive. Um, Like,
my fiance will not stop texting his friends. He texts
(25:47):
them all day long. And I mean it's it's NonStop.
So it's like, okay, if he's at work or whatever
on a break from work, fine, but we only get
evenings together really, and it's like all evening he's just
texting his buddies. And yeah, you're kind of trying to
(26:08):
go get some some nice alone time. Yeah, you know
that that's the idea. And like I even went so
far as the one time I told him, can you
please just go put your phone in the other room
for a while, and he literally told me he can't
because he needs to text the guys. So when you
(26:28):
say he's constantly talking to this friend, it's not like,
you know, every thirty minutes applies, like you're literally talking
about his his phone is in his hands seven he's
he's just going crazy in the group chat. Yeah, it's
it's all the time. Like he'll set his phone down,
Like if we're eating dinner, he'll set his phone down,
but the phone will be next to the plate and
(26:50):
then it's like eat a bite, texts a thing, interesting, interesting, yeah.
I mean, look, there's there's there's a time and place
for everything, you know, like that would be wrong. I'm
in many many A group chats, you know, many A
group chats, um and and I love talking to my boys.
(27:11):
But at the same time, you know, if that's if
it's twenty four seven and and all you want to
all you want is just have a little bit of
you know, one on one time with your fiancee. UM,
I don't think I don't think you're in the wrong.
You're not being too sensitive because if this is an
every day it's not like you know, a couple of
couple of days of the week. You know, if this
(27:32):
is like a Monday Wednesday problem, and the rest of
the days they're fine, then then maybe you know, like
let him have his Mondays and Wednesdays, you know, but
this is this is every this is every single day.
I don't think you're being too sensitive, you know, not
at all. I think, you know, I think that's definitely
a conversation that that that you you you're in the
right of having, especially if that's making you feel um,
(27:56):
you know, I think you guys are feeling a little
bit dis stin or whatever, you know, just not feel yeah,
you know, especially if if like other feelings are starting
tricking of, you know, like growing apart or just feeling distant.
Maybe not as serious to growing apart that's a little extreme,
but just feeling really distant from your fiancee um, and
then even trying to kind of because of course it's
(28:18):
not like you guys got engaged and have this wonderful
relationship and you know the whole time it was you know,
him seven in the group chats, right, So it sounds
like and I could I could be maybe being a
little bit harsh on your fiance right now, but it
sounds like, you know, maybe he even got a little
bit comfortable, right because he definitely didn't get you as
his fiance, if you if his attention was seven and
(28:41):
these group chats, right with all the trying to write,
so you know, trying to you know, go back to
like the starting blocks, um of you know, how the
relationship came to be, how the relationships started forming, um.
Because he definitely didn't get you by you know, texting
his friends twenty seven. He got you in in a
much different way. UM. So I don't think you're being
(29:03):
too sensitive, especially if it's starting to affect the relationship,
which maybe again I don't want to, you know, pry
too deep. But if if, if that is the case,
and that's you know, you're not being too sensitive in
any way shape for him. Um, that's a conversation that
should should be brought up. And you know, hopefully you
guys find something to the middle ground because his friends
are always gonna be there. He's always gonna be one
(29:24):
of talking to his friends the same way I am,
um and most guys are. But there's always a time
and place, you know, especially at the dinner table or
if you guys are watching a movie together. I can't
stand with people text when I'm watching a movie with them,
you know what I mean. So, you know, if you
guys are doing things, you know, going on dates, whatever
it may be, it's a time of place and he
has to respect that as well. Yeah for real. So
(29:46):
hopefully I can get his attention long enough to make
that clear. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully you might even have to
tell the hopefull the phone in the toilet or something
you haven't all right, I just things Still, it's a
good thing. You gotta limit how much time you on
your phone's you know, um so, it's a it's a
good thing, you know, maybe maybe the toilet bowl. You know,
(30:07):
I might actually get a good idea, get him, get
him off the phone for a little bit. Right, So,
it'sn't sure sure you know exactly exactly? This isn't sure
they're good. No, but no, I don't think you're being
too sensitive at all. Thank you. It's it's good to
get that confirmation. Of course. I'm glad. I'm glad I
(30:29):
could help, even if it's just a little bit. Yeah,
I appreciate it. I can I can go forward with
some kind of assurance that I'm not yeah, right exactly. Well,
I'm glad I could help. Um but yeah, thank you
for calling in. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate
your time. Hey, how do how are you doing good?
(30:52):
How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for calling in.
What type of advice could I hopefully be able to
to give you? Um? So, my husband and I are
friends with this group of like four other couples, and so,
like one of the wives in the group often sends
(31:13):
my husband like these weird flirty texts and like when
when he's out of town, so he thinks they're innocent,
so he'll make mention of him casually when he calls
check in with me. But it's happening more frequently and
it's really starting to bother me a lot. So my
and my husband thinks I'm over reacting. So I just
(31:34):
don't know if I'm over reacting at all. And I
kind of had the idea to start texting her husband
to see how they both feel about that, or like
how she feels about it, right, I hear you. I
you know, I think I think most people have been
in situations like to this. Um, to start off, I
would definitely say, you know, no need to text the husband,
(31:56):
you know. I think at this point at the end
of the day, you know, because I have I have
friends who deal with like certain things like this, and
I kind of always say the same things I've even
you know, I've obviously been in a situation before as well. UM,
I think at the end of the day, if this
is something that bothers you, and and and like these
(32:18):
are actually flirty texts, not just like hey, how are
you doing, but like actually like it's clearly flirting, you know,
like where both of you guys can look at each
other and eyes like Hey, I know that you think
it's very innocent, husband, but let's let's let's be let's
be honest with each other, with with with ourselves. She's
sexty when you're out of town, and um, she's clearly
flirting with you, right, I think that if that's the case,
(32:40):
then really, what is you know? Is here is your
husband replying? I guess I should ask that at the beginning. Yeah,
I mean this like he says, he gives off like
maybe a couple one liners and then that maybe he stops,
but he's still interacting with her. Where ye shutting her
down by if you're not playing it off but also
(33:01):
be helpful. Yeah, exactly, And that's that's that's what that's
the that's the the direction I was going. You know,
like if if you have that conversation and you let
your husband know, like, hey, I'd be much more comfortable, Um,
if you would just simply not reply, because if you know,
she's going to continue texting and he just never applied,
eventually she's going to stop, right. But if he just
simply doesn't doesn't reply, it's not going to ruin this
(33:23):
this um four couple of friendship that you got that
you guys have going on. It's not like, um, you know,
it's like she's gonna start hating you or or start
hating him, because that's the case. I mean, she just
already kind of seems, you know, like it's a little crazy, right,
So you know what I mean. So I think that, like,
you know, at the end of the day, you are
(33:45):
his wife, and if this is legitimate flirting and it's
legitimately unacceptable and it's legitimately affecting you know, it's it's
making you uncomfortable. He needs to respect that more than
he needs to respect whether he's coming off as a
nice guy by giving off one word replies or just
kind of going on on with it, right, because if
his if his defense is like, I don't want her
(34:07):
to think I'm ignoring her. I'm not a nice guy. Well, really,
what's more important? This this one couple who you were
in again a group friendship with? Uh, this one one
person that's group friendship thinking that you're rude for not
replying or having your wife, you know, feeling uncomfortable. Of course,
you know, like any any husband should he should be
(34:28):
picking you know, my wife's comfortability. Um over this one
person thinking like oh, he sucks because he's not replying
to me. So if you're okay, if you're okay with
it being like resolved as as easy as him just
simply not replying anymore, then I think that's the direction
that you guys should go for sure. And then of
course she just needs to understand that too, you know.
(34:49):
And I mean if he has right, and if he
has if he has an issue with that, then it's
kind of like, hey, dude, like you're you know, you're choosing,
You're choosing, you know, you're coming off as a nice
guy over your own I feel like that that doesn't
add up, right, So right exactly? Okay, Yeah, thank you. Yeah,
And that helps a lot that that makes sense. At
least I feel validated because that makes sense to me.
(35:12):
I'm glad I cope of it. Okay, thank you, thank
you for calling in. Next up is your written Q
and A right after this break? So one of your
(35:32):
guys has written Q and A S for me? Is
is there ever circumstance where it's okay to lie to
your partner, even if it's an innocent lie to protect them? Um?
I do believe that there are circumstances where it's okay
to lot to your partner. Um, let me give you
guys a quick example. Let's say I'm talking to Michelle.
(35:53):
Michelle's talking to me. She's explained to me that she
is nervous. Um, you know, she's about to go go
on stage at a public event and public speak for
a bit. And let's say, for sake of conversation, she says,
you know, she she has she has a pimple on
her forehead. And she asked me, Babe, this pemople really
really really noticeable. But it is No. I'm gonna say, no,
(36:15):
it's not school. You look fine. I could barely even
I could barely even see it. You know what I mean?
Did I just lie to Michelle and a person? I
just lied to Michelle. Now, hopefully with that lie, she's
not going to be thinking about this pimple on her
forehead while she's out speaking at a public event. Um. So,
in that situation, do I feel like it was okay
for me to lie to her when clearly that pimple
(36:37):
is big enough that you can see it in the
back row. Of course, I think it's okay that I
lied in that situation. Now, this is a lot that's
going to, you know, really mess up trust. And it's
something that's gonna hurt some of these feelings because at
the end of day, if Michelle finds out I lied
to her about the pimple, is she gonna hate me
for the rest of my life? Of course not right now.
This is a lie where she found out that I
(36:59):
was lying. When she is gonna aime me first of
my life, that's probably something I don't want to lie about,
right So, Um, to answer that question, you're smart enough
to know whether this is a white lie or a
large lie. And if it's a white lie, I think
you're you're good to go. All right, Let's go into
(37:19):
another written Q and A. Let's see how do you
let a friend who may be interested in being more
than friends know that you don't have romantic feelings for
them without ruining the friendship? Is it possible for guys
and girls to just be friends? First question? How do
you let somebody know that you're not interested when they're
(37:41):
interested and they're your friend? Um, I'm a firm believer
that if you don't make things awkward, they will not
be awkward. You only need one person in a party
to not make something awkward and it will not be awkward.
So this has happened to me before, I have a friend.
She lets me know that she she looks at me
more than a friend. I let her know I don't
(38:04):
see her in that way. Um, but I don't let
things get weird, you know, I just I continue the
friendship as if you know, not as if that never happened.
Of course you're gonna be aware that it happened, but
let's not accurate about you know, we're still friends and
good friends for x amount of time. Let's just continue
in the exact same, you know, motion, as we were before.
(38:24):
And if that's the case, then that shouldn't be This
shouldn't be awkward, and this shouldn't ruin the relationship. I
think that, you know, when this happens to people and
they have a friend let them know that they want
to be more than friends, and you don't feel that way,
then you get kind of awkward or like that's kind
of weird. You start overthinking it when you know, just
the other day before this person said that to you.
(38:45):
You guys are friends, You guys are best friends. You
guys just hanging out clicking and watching movies whatever, it is. Um,
So just go back to the exact same energy and
it won't ruin the front the friendship. I think when
people start getting awkward or overthinking or thinking that's super
weird or whatever it is, that's what's gonna that's what's
going to affect with the friendship. Um. But if you
truly want to continue being friends with this person, just
(39:07):
keep just keep on the same energy, keep on being friends. Um.
And as long as you don't make it awkward, it
won't be awkward. UM. Now the second part of that question,
is it possible for guys and girls to be to
just be friends? How to percent it is? Um? You know,
I think I think it is. These are a little
bit of a level that makes it sometimes harder, I guess,
you know, depending from situations from case in case. Sure,
(39:30):
I think we've all been there. Um. But at the
end of the day, of course, guys and girls can
be just friends. I don't think that there's there's no
reason why guys and girls can't just be friends, you
know what I mean? So, Um, of course, of course, UM,
guys and girls can just be friends. Next written question,
let's see our guys intimidated by women who date multiple
(39:55):
guys at once? Is it better for us to be
up front about casual dat Yes, it's always better to
be upfront about casual dating, especially if you are intimate
with multiple partners. That's something that you know, even if
it's a brand new partner, that's something that everybody deserves
(40:17):
to know. Um, you know that there's you know, they
don't need to know the ins and out of your
of your love life. But if you're casually dating multiple
people and you're about to be to intimate with somebody,
I think that's something that that's somebody deserves to know
and be able to kind of assess the situation whether
they want to proceed forward or not. Um, So our
(40:41):
guys intimidated by women who date multiple guys at once?
I'm not sure if intimidation is the right word. I
think do guys care? Yeah, guys, guys definitely would want
to know that. You know, So, you know, if I
if I just met you and I'm really interested in you, um,
and I find out that you have you know, thirty
different boyfriends, shout out Michelle as a joke, Um, you know,
(41:05):
I might want to proceed a little bit a little
bit differently. Um, then if you know I'm just the
only guy that you're talking to, you know, I might
want to, you know, kind of learn about you in
a different way. Um, whatever it may be. So I'm
not sure if intimidated is the right word. I think
some guys it's not going to be an issue. Some
guys is going to be an issue. And some guys
(41:27):
are actually gonna respect the hell out of you for
for being honest. Somebody, you know, like, Hey, I am
dating multiple guys at once. Um, you know it's two
thousand twenty two. You know, it's a it's an open
playing field. I want to I want to see the
best man out of all this, you know. So I
think I think a lot of guys who respect that.
Some guys just won't want to be it, won't be interested,
(41:49):
but some guys are definitely gonna respect that. Um. So
it's my answer to that one one more of the
written to an a Let's see, Um, if we are
feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending
with the guy, what is the best way to say
we need space? My answer to that is the best
way to say that you need spaces to say you
(42:09):
need space. Um, if you are feeling overwhelmed. That that's
that's the key, that's the key to that question is
the fact that you're feeling overwhelmed. Um, And I always
think that you the person that you gotta you know,
worry about and care about. You know, it's obviously yourself,
you know, it's it's your star players. So if you're
feeling overwhelmed, then that kind of proceeds how the guy
(42:37):
might feel in that situation, like, oh, is it going
to hurt his feelings? Is he gonna this? Then the
other like, no, you're feeling a little overwhelmed. That means
that you you your body is telling you by that
feeling of being overwhelmed that you need some some space.
You need to reset, have some restore and relaxation, have
some one on one time with yourself. So, um, I
(42:59):
think the best way to say that you need spaces
to you know, say that you use space or if
you don't want to be that blunt the next time
he has to hang out like oh, you know, you
know what, today I'm actually going to uh um, lay
in the bathtub and read a book. Or Hey, I
actually can't come to dinner today, I'm gonna go to
the dog park of my dog. Oh can I come
with no? Sorry, you know what, I'm gonna just spend
(43:19):
this time with with my dog and just kind of
have a date to myself. Now, if you're with a
guy who has an issue with having a day to yourself, um,
that's a conversation in a self, you know. So, I
mean that's a red flag right there. So if that's
the case, you know, we can have that conversation. But
if it's you know, you're just kind of finding what's
the best way to say that you need some space? Um,
(43:41):
you know, just let him know that I'm gonna have
some time to myself and and nobody on this planet
should have a problem with anybody having time for himself. Um,
So that's how I answer that one. Alright, guys, thank
you so much for your questions and your calls. This
was a blast. Um again, this mate, Olakoya probably know
(44:04):
me from the Bachelorette. I am the guy who had
it in the bag. But you can find me on
Instagram at King Bubbat Sunday um and Michelle is currently
trying to get me to go crazy on these TikTok so.
I think my TikTok name is what is? I think
it's the King Bubbat to Day. Maybe it's King Bubbat
(44:25):
Today ninety four. Either one, you'll find me. It's King
Bubbat to Day something. So um yeah, so catch me
on on social media and I had a real I
had a blast of it. Um so again, this is
how men think and we will talk to you next time.
This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London
(44:45):
Audio production Listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey
everyone on Naquoia. You may know me from Michelle's SU's
in the Bachelorette as the one who won Michelle's heart. UM,
I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think.
We're gonna answer all your questions and try to help
you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven
(00:23):
Questions with Natequa, So let's get right into it. What
are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Um, known from,
like I said, the TV show bachelorrette one who stole
Michelle's heart, the guy who has in the bag, as
I like to say, um, but yeah, predominantly i'd probably
say like ninety the people who know me now, UM
(00:46):
know me from Bachelorette. But of course you know, I'm
mostly known as a son, friend, best friend, acquaintance, coworker,
mentor mentee. So again it's kind of like who you
Who are you talking to? UM? Who am I in
my personal life? Um? My personal life is just that
as personal, So you know something about me. I just
(01:08):
love being by myself. UM, so kind of think about
what you did today that's probably what I did today.
I just did it by myself, so you know, I
like to uh as of right now, obviously I'm still
long distance with Michelle, so um, I'm just like your
regular guy. I gotta I got to work every day.
I go to the gym, I run in the morning,
(01:29):
I hang out my my dog, go for walks, read books,
listen to music. Um and I just truly just enjoyed
time by myself. I don't know, kind of like a loner,
but in like a really peaceful way, I guess. Um,
but yeah, that's definitely a regular dangular guy. Three shows
that I've been binge watching right now, Um, Dampire Diaries.
(01:51):
Do not judge me, but I love Vampire Diaries. Um,
I don't know. I think that vampires are like the
coolest things in the world. So I'm ginge watching show
Guilt Free for like the third time. Um. And I'm
also actually on book three of Game of Thrones, so
I guess that's not really binge watching a show, but
definitely binge watching, um these books of Game of Thrones,
(02:13):
because I think I've seen Game of Thrones four or
five times now from beginning to end. So really enjoying
the books. The books are are actually like they they
are breathtaking. Those are the craziest books. Like It's yeah,
shout out to the shout out to the author. Um.
And then for other shows Seinfeld, I mean I watched
Seinfeld since since I was a kid like you. You
(02:35):
might struggle to find a better signed or a bigger
Seinfeld fan than me. I genuinely love Seinfeld, So that's
always playing in the background. Um. And then you for you,
of course you gotta you gotta say you for you.
I feel like everybody's watching before. If you're not watching
it or if you didn't watch it, um, you're kind
of a weird though, So I was. I was watching
uh before you there too. Um. Let's see what is
(02:58):
your favorite food? Nigerian food one d and ten percent
cannot get enough of Nigerian food. Um, either my dad's
home cooking or my aunti t ts home cooking. And
now that I live in the States, it's kind of
you know, I'm not I'm not eating as much their
home cooking. So I've been teaching myself how to cook
beet to Nigeria food because when I started cooking Nigeria food,
(03:19):
it was terrible. So I've been I've been putting some
work though I'm getting a little better, but still not
as good as my AUNTI T T or my dad's
home cooking. UM. Tell us about your career. Um, that's nothing,
nothing too crazy. I'm working on a couple of things now.
But my career is very normal. I started working in
sales and a T and T my sophomore year of university. Um,
(03:43):
so shout out a T and T because that's how
I paid my way through college. Um. And then I
graduated and got a job at Indeed right out of college. Um. Yeah,
I loved Indeed. I was there for a little over
two years. Uh. And now I'm currently working in legal tech.
So I'm still in sales. But it sounds a little
bit cooler when you say you were in legal text.
So that's what I'm doing right now. Nothing too too crazy.
(04:04):
Biggest fear in life, hands down, regret. I think growing up,
I used to be Um I was, I was pretty
scared of dying, and then you get older and you realize, like,
you know, it's not necessarily deaf that's so scary. It's
it's you know, regret dying, dying with regret. So I
actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says there's
nothing worse than a regret filled coffin. So that's kind
(04:27):
of kind of how I how I lead my life.
And I don't know, dying with regret just absolutely terrifies me. Um,
must see. My biggest pet peeve people who are rude
to people in the service industry. Um, there's nothing nothing
worse than that in my opinion. Um, whether it's your
Uber driver, your server at a real nice restaurant, you
(04:49):
sort of at a real bad restaurant, whatever it is, janitors, U,
I ain't think the service industry if you're rude to
those people, you just gotta you gotta loo yourself in
the mirror and asked, that's like, what's to your issue? Um? Yeah,
I can't. I can't stand people every to just everyday workers.
You know, that's that's never a good look. Um, what
(05:10):
makes me the most happy? So that's gonna depend on
the day in situation. Really, I mean it's kind of
it's kind of a harder question to answer. Um, not
to overthink it, but you know what I mean, Let's
say you know when you're having a good day and
that's that perfect song pops on like that's obviously gonna
make you really happy in that moment. Or you haven't
(05:32):
seen your best friend in a while and you guys
are about to hang out. That's gonna make you really
happy in that moment. Or you're having a bad day,
but your dog just you know, jumps on you and
cuddles you, Like, that's gonna make you happy in that moment.
So for me, I think it'd be really hard for
me to pinpoint exactly what makes me the happiest, But
I'd say I try to when I do experience happy emotions,
(05:54):
try to like just hold on to that feeling for
or like just give it like my full attention so
that it does make me like even more happy than
than it normally should, you know. Um, But asking what
makes me the most happy that is too broad. Who
you know, it's changes from dayance situation, what your current
mood is, whatever it is. So I guess the way
(06:17):
I can answer that is that what makes me the
most happiest is holding on too happy moments for as
long as I can. UM. Next question, let's see what
is my ideal Saturday morning? Um, wake up before eight am?
I like to get to the the day started. Walk
my dog. I like to run in the mornings, come back, eat,
(06:43):
drink a bunch of water, trying to say as hydrat
as possible, go to the gym, come home, clean my
house a little bit, lights and candles, and then again
going back to the happiness thing on that Saturday morning
when you get all of that done and it's not
even known yet, like that's a happy feeling like that
you just want to embrace the fact that you just
(07:03):
did like very important things. Um you know all before noon.
You've got the rest of your day now to do
whatever that you want to do, you know. Um So
that's that's my ideal Saturday. We're just trying to do
as much as possible before before. Um Am, I'm more
of an athlete or armchair quarterback, despite what the show
(07:23):
may have shown you. I actually I am an athlete,
and I hate the fact that I now have to
defend myself on my aspect. But I am an athlete people,
um but yeah, so definitely an athlete over armchair quarterback.
But I will say that, um, I do find a
lot of joy being armchair quarterbacks with either my stepdad
(07:45):
or my dad I love I love sending, but sitting
back watching the games of them, um, you know, and
and being an armchair quarterback with my dad or my stepdad.
So um, there are there are times where I genuinely
enjoy being armchair quarterback. Um. And what keeps me motivate?
So for me parents, my parents definitely keep me motivated,
(08:06):
you know. I think for both my parents kind of
going back to my biggest fear of being regret um,
you know, I think I think that would be something
that that you know, I'm scared of, just regret of
not making them proud, um, not living up to my
potential you know, for me personally, and then also not
living up to my potential as as their son. They're
gonna know, like you know, like what happened to Tenday
(08:28):
or what happened to Nate, Like he could have been
so much bigger than this. So I think that that
keeps you motivate. I definitely don't want to let them down,
um you know, so I yeah, I think what keeps
me motivated is the fear of regrets still, so you know,
which is I think it's a good thing still, you know.
But yeah, those are my eleven questions. You get to
know me a little bit better. We are going to
(08:50):
take our first break and then take our first college
pretty good, How are you? I'm good, I'm good face
for asking. So I have this guy friend. We have
(09:11):
been friends since college, so it's been about ten years now,
and we've hooked up a couple of times over that
ten year period. Not too long ago, he asked one
of my girlfriends out, but she told me. She told
(09:34):
me that she wasn't sure if she was interested. She
didn't think she was really interested. And that same night,
he and I we were all at a party together
and he and I left together. Okay, So she asked
me this last weekend what happened between him and I?
(09:57):
And I told her the truth. We left the party together,
we slept together. No big deal, I thought, But it is.
I guess it's a big deal because she's really mad
at me now, and he's really mad at me because
I told her the truth. And I just I don't know,
like I was, was I supposed to lie? How do
(10:21):
I I want to fix this with both of them,
and I don't know what to do right. So the
guy that this guy, obviously you guys have been hooking
up prior to him asking her friend out on a date. Correct, Yes,
just a couple of times period, Like not a big deal, right,
(10:44):
So like like super casual, no big deal, not too
many emotions are are involved. You genuinely wouldn't have cared
if if you went on a date with your with
your friends. Not at all, not at all? Okay, Yeah,
this is this is a this is an interesting to situation.
I think that, and I can only I can only
(11:05):
speak from from like what I would have done. I
mean I would have done what you right, I would
have I wouldn't have lied. Um, I wouldn't let your
your friend know like oh yeah we did leave the
um the party together, um, and and everything else that happened. Um.
So I wouldn't have lied. I think I would just
explain to your friend, like she knows. I'm assuming that
(11:28):
you got in the last ten years super casual hookups, um,
and that it was nothing more than that, and that
you know, she was already kind of on the fence
of whether she was going to go on a date
with this guy. Right. So I don't think I don't
me personally, I don't think you're in the wrong. I
think that feelings. You know, I think feelings could have
(11:50):
gotten hurt from like an irrational spate, irrational spot of
your friend. I don't I'm not necessarily sure if feelings
should have been hurt on her. And then from the
guy's perspective, I mean, I don't really understand why. Um,
he's he's kind of bent out of shape for you
telling your friend, you know, the truth, you know, at
(12:11):
the end of the day, like that's that's your friend.
You know, you guys are really good friends. UM. And
I don't know, I think and I think in most cases,
lying just doesn't make sense. Um, people's feelings are going
to get hurt. Um, and then you kind of just
got to navigate, you know, are you are these feelings
getting hurt from a rational spot or from an irrational
spot because most of the time, um, when emotions are
(12:32):
in play, a lot of it's going to be irrational.
And then right now, I think all this doesn't need
to be as big as it currently is. UM. So
my advice to you would just be to talk to
your friend one on one, the guy one on one
and just kind of like explain, like, hey, like this
has been going on for ten years, is not as
deep as it sounds. Um, you know, I could you
(12:54):
know if if you guys are really wanted to date
and start getting to know each other, like of course
you know this isn't going to continue to happen. So
but it's still so early, right, Just because somebody asks
you on a day your friend out of day, doesn't
mean that you just you know, this is ten years
in the making of you guys having this type of relationship. Um,
so you know, maybe not the maybe not the best advice,
(13:16):
but that's that's the that's the pirst thing that comes
to mind on my end is that you know, I
think this this it's not as deep as as actually
seems to be. Yeah, so again, not that this is
that's a sticky situation. That's the hit me with the
hard one. You hit me with the hard ones, Toney. Sorry, Yeah,
(13:38):
I'm just so I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing.
It's just all my friends are mad at me. And
that sounds overwhelmed. That that does sound overwhelming. That that's
that's a sticky one. That's a sticky one. I think
really it all comes down to communication, like like, pull
both of them aside individually, talk to them about it
where they're coming from. Um, plead your case, let them
(14:01):
plead your their case, and I'm sure everything we'll we'll
resolve itself time. All you have to do is talk
it out and then things will be fine. Yeah, I hope.
So sorry I could have been more help Sitney. That
was a hard one. You got yourself in this love triangle. Terrible.
(14:25):
Thank you though I appreciate it. I do really appreciate it,
of course, of course, all right, thank you, of course.
But hey, how are you doing. I'm good. How are
you guys doing today? Good? Good? Good? So what is
the question. Hopefully I'll I'll be some assistance to see
(14:46):
how men think. Okay, so here's my question. Um. Recently,
one of my best guy friends from college has a
new girlfriend, and I really like her. We've like started
to become close, and she confided me that her boyfriend
and so my really good friend told her that his
last relationship ended mutually, that it was just like fine
(15:07):
mutual breakup, when in reality, he cheated on his former girlfriend. UM,
I'm feeling really awkward now because I know for a
fact he lied to his new girlfriend and this new
girlfriend that I'm becoming close with said that like, if
she was ever cheated on, that's a deal breaker that
she would like end their relationship. So I feel like
(15:27):
it's completely unfair that, um, she doesn't have this information
since this obviously would change the course of the relationship.
So I'm just in this weird in between in the situation.
You gotta hitting me with some some hard questions. Okay,
(15:50):
let's see the advice I would give on that, because
that was down stick right, because that's that's your that's
your one of your best guy friends. Yeah from for
a time, right, one of your best guy friends with
a new girlfriend. And you said that you you do
know his girlfriend, So yeah, we've become close because of
them dating. But it's not I didn't know her prior,
(16:11):
so obviously his we I've known him for ten years,
so our relationship is obviously way closer than my relationship
with her. But it is, you know, we are, I mean,
the girlfriend are becoming close. She's super nice and we
get along very well, right, right, I understood. That's a
tough one, right, because that's like, that's that's like one
of your best one of your best you know friends, Um,
(16:34):
I don't know. I always say you know, it's that
there's just simply no point in lying, especially with something
kind of large like this, Um, saying that something ended mutually, Um,
when in reality, I mean he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Um.
If you know, I'm trying to think if I was,
if I were in your shoes and this is happening
(16:55):
with with a friend and um, you know a girlfriend
or something that that you know, I'm talking put myself
in your shoes, what I would do? I think I
would What I would I would obviously talk to your friend,
like the your your guy friend, and talk to him like, hey, like, um,
I talked to your your girlfriend. She told me that
you said that you and your ex broke up mutually,
when in reality you actually cheated. Like, um, you know, Like,
(17:17):
what the hell are you doing, dude? Like, why are
you lying to your girlfriend right now? Especially if this
is a you know, a new relationship and it's already
being kind of built online. I mean, that's that's never
a direction that you know, any relationship take, but especially
not in the beginning. Right. UM, I'm assuming that your friend,
your guy friend, he's not a bad guy, right, It's
(17:38):
not like he's out here being delicious with this lie. Um.
I think he probably genuinely really likes this girl and
he probably knows that she you know, like any anybody
would want to kind of kind of say like, hey,
have you cheated on your your you know, if you
cheat in the past, I'm going to be a little
bit war on guard or just something no longer interested.
So he probably wanted to just avoid that. Having met
(18:02):
this new girl, wanting to impress her and kind of
like continue seeing where things go. That's probably what led
him to live mm hmm. And I think if this
could be kind of turned out turned around to be
a positive. You have that conversation with your guy friends saying, hey, man,
(18:22):
like you can't be lying, and then he goes to
his girlfriend and he like just straight up admits, like,
I was really nervous when we got into that conversation
about my by past relationship. I ended up lying to you.
I told you that it ended up mutually. Um. You know,
Shannon told me that you guys kind of you can
(18:42):
find and Shannon about that, and it made me feel
really bad for lying to you. Um, the truth is
da da da da da um. You know, and if
he comes, if he comes correct like that and it's
kind of like he explains why he lied. You know,
he understands that he shouldn't have done it, um. And
the reason is because he's like really interested in this girl.
(19:03):
He doesn't want it to end. Um. And it was just,
you know, it was at the beginning of the relationship
he was nervous. This On the other I think hopefully
his current girlfriend will be understanding, um. And then of
course I have the conversation of you know, listen, let's
not bring lying and no, let's not make lying be
a part of our our relationship moving forward, um, and
hopefully everything can kind of move forward in a in
(19:26):
a in a positive way, and then you don't have
to continue with the burden of knowing the truth, and
he doesn't need to have the conscious of knowing that
he lied, and you know all that fun stuff. Right.
So you guys kind of like nipping in the butt,
you kind of convince him to do that. Hopefully he
does do it, hopefully, and and his girlfriend is understanding hopefully.
(19:49):
I think that would be the best way to kind
of go about this situation. Okay, yeah, thank you. I
really appreciate that. It's just I've been like struggling with
this a lot. But when you break it down that
way and makes me feel a lot better about maybe
his point of view of it too, because honestly, I
was a little upset, like why didn't he just tell
her the truth? But tell the truth. And then the
funny thing is, if you would have just told her
(20:09):
the truth, Um, you know, I'm sure like if there
was like some serious interest right up whenever that conversation
came up with was very very early on she hit
his girlfriend, probably would have gotten over it. And you know,
maybe we start a little bit of trust issues. But again, um,
with persistence and effort on, you know, things like that
can can can kind of go away. Um. So that's
(20:31):
the funny thing is if he was just honest from
the jump, I'm sure that big of a thing. But
hopefully with him you know, coming correct, explaining why he
did do this, admitting it without um, you know, getting
caught per se um, it will lead to like you know, hey,
this guy, this guy did lie to me. Um, it
was you know early on. We can move forward and
(20:54):
let's just make sure that line just not become a
part or piece of our relationship moving forward. Yeah, that
makes sense. Yeah, he might even get some brownie points
off that. Honestly, Yeah, it's better than her finding out
like that's the worst thing that can exactly exactly exactly.
And then if you, if you get the credit for
(21:16):
you know, like having that that conversation with him, then
she's just gonna like you even more. Couldn't turn around
to be a real, real positive you never know. Yeah,
I guess we'll see. But okay makes a lot better though.
I feel like I have a good idea what direction
to go with this? Perfect. I'm glad I could help it. Okay,
thank you, of course, talk to you better. What is up, Caitlin? Hi,
(21:41):
how's it going? It's good? How you doing great? Get
to get to see you? Yeah? Nice? Uh, I mean
I guess I can't see you, but I guess exactly.
So how can I help you? What question? What question
do you have for me today? Okay? So I had
(22:02):
this situation the other day. Um, so I had my
boyfriend's phone and then I saw a text message pop
up from his friend that had my name in it.
So I opened his phone and read the text thread
because obviously if it involved me, I wanted to know obviously,
And I found out that my boyfriend has been telling
(22:24):
his buddy about intimate parts of our relationship, and it
don't It just made me really uncomfortable and I want
to ask him to stop, but I don't want him
to know I went through his phone. So I wanna
ask you how to approach this without, you know, letting
him know that I went through his phone. Yeah, yeah, no,
most definitely. I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing, right, Like,
(22:49):
I don't think, I don't. I don't personally, I don't
like when people go when when couples go through each
other's phones. Now, if you glance over and you see
your name in there, I mean, curiosity is gonna get you.
I mean, if I was in your shoes, I probably like, okay, cool,
like like what's he saying about? Right? So you open
it up and let's say it was nothing. Who cares
like it's whatever. But now you find out that he's
(23:11):
he's um, you know, talking about some intimate parts of
your relationship, well that whole like, hey, I shouldn't have
gone through your phone. That kind of goes up the window,
you know what I mean? Like my only like if
I was you, I would just I would go straight
to your boyfriend and be like, what the heck is this?
Like you're talking about some real, like intimate parts of
our relationship. He's like, how do you know about that?
(23:31):
I went through your phone? That's all I know? You know, Like,
what's up? You know what I mean? Like I would,
you know, I would, I would, I would say that
with your chest. I would be like, yeah, I went
through your phone, like you're talking about some some real
intimate parts of our relationship. Um, you know, you know,
you know, I'm I'm being a little animated right now.
You don't have to go that hard on him, but
(23:52):
you know, letting him know, like you know that how
that makes you feel that you're not comfortable with that,
um and that he should should cut that out, you
know what I mean. So I wouldn't let the fact
of how you found out stop you from, um your
feelings about what you found out, because that's obviously what
what's what's most important is your feelings about what it
is you found out, how you found out. I mean, hey, whatever,
(24:14):
you went through this, right, you know, and it's something
like you really went through his phone. You just you
saw your name pop up, you clicked it, you saw up.
You know what, going through all the d m s
and text messages and tweets and all that stuff, you
just casually, you know, saw your name in a conversation
and you were curious about it. So I wouldn't let
the fact that of how you found out deter you
from um still kind of deter you from you know
(24:38):
that that's those are your feelings. But that's what you
have to protect the most, right and if you feel uncomfortable,
but you gotta let let that know, let that be known.
So right, Yeah, exactly, Okay, thank you. That's that's really good.
I appreciate it. Thank you. Okay, thanks so much. How
you doing, Claire? Oh hey, how are you? I'm good?
(25:00):
I'm good. How's your day going? I am doing all right.
Just trying to avoid some rain over here? Oh yeah,
where are you at right now? Ohio? Like northeast? Okay, okay,
I got you. I got you. It was a little
bit of rain right now soon. But hey, what can
we do? Yeah? Better than snow? That is what type
(25:27):
of advice are you hoping to get for me today?
What's the question that you may have for for how
may think podcasts? Yeah? Thank you? Um, okay, so I
need to figure out if I'm being too sensitive. Um, Like,
my fiance will not stop texting his friends. He texts
(25:47):
them all day long. And I mean it's it's NonStop.
So it's like, okay, if he's at work or whatever
on a break from work, fine, but we only get
evenings together really, and it's like all evening he's just
texting his buddies. And yeah, you're kind of trying to
(26:08):
go get some some nice alone time. Yeah, you know
that that's the idea. And like I even went so
far as the one time I told him, can you
please just go put your phone in the other room
for a while, and he literally told me he can't
because he needs to text the guys. So when you
(26:28):
say he's constantly talking to this friend, it's not like,
you know, every thirty minutes applies, like you're literally talking
about his his phone is in his hands seven he's
he's just going crazy in the group chat. Yeah, it's
it's all the time. Like he'll set his phone down,
Like if we're eating dinner, he'll set his phone down,
but the phone will be next to the plate and
(26:50):
then it's like eat a bite, texts a thing, interesting, interesting, yeah.
I mean, look, there's there's there's a time and place
for everything, you know, like that would be wrong. I'm
in many many A group chats, you know, many A
group chats, um and and I love talking to my boys.
(27:11):
But at the same time, you know, if that's if
it's twenty four seven and and all you want to
all you want is just have a little bit of
you know, one on one time with your fiancee. UM,
I don't think I don't think you're in the wrong.
You're not being too sensitive because if this is an
every day it's not like you know, a couple of
couple of days of the week. You know, if this
(27:32):
is like a Monday Wednesday problem, and the rest of
the days they're fine, then then maybe you know, like
let him have his Mondays and Wednesdays, you know, but
this is this is every this is every single day.
I don't think you're being too sensitive, you know, not
at all. I think, you know, I think that's definitely
a conversation that that that you you you're in the
right of having, especially if that's making you feel um,
(27:56):
you know, I think you guys are feeling a little
bit dis stin or whatever, you know, just not feel yeah,
you know, especially if if like other feelings are starting
tricking of, you know, like growing apart or just feeling distant.
Maybe not as serious to growing apart that's a little extreme,
but just feeling really distant from your fiancee um, and
then even trying to kind of because of course it's
(28:18):
not like you guys got engaged and have this wonderful
relationship and you know the whole time it was you know,
him seven in the group chats, right, So it sounds
like and I could I could be maybe being a
little bit harsh on your fiance right now, but it
sounds like, you know, maybe he even got a little
bit comfortable, right because he definitely didn't get you as
his fiance, if you if his attention was seven and
(28:41):
these group chats, right with all the trying to write,
so you know, trying to you know, go back to
like the starting blocks, um of you know, how the
relationship came to be, how the relationships started forming, um.
Because he definitely didn't get you by you know, texting
his friends twenty seven. He got you in in a
much different way. UM. So I don't think you're being
(29:03):
too sensitive, especially if it's starting to affect the relationship,
which maybe again I don't want to, you know, pry
too deep. But if if, if that is the case,
and that's you know, you're not being too sensitive in
any way shape for him. Um, that's a conversation that
should should be brought up. And you know, hopefully you
guys find something to the middle ground because his friends
are always gonna be there. He's always gonna be one
(29:24):
of talking to his friends the same way I am,
um and most guys are. But there's always a time
and place, you know, especially at the dinner table or
if you guys are watching a movie together. I can't
stand with people text when I'm watching a movie with them,
you know what I mean. So, you know, if you
guys are doing things, you know, going on dates, whatever
it may be, it's a time of place and he
has to respect that as well. Yeah for real. So
(29:46):
hopefully I can get his attention long enough to make
that clear. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully you might even have to
tell the hopefull the phone in the toilet or something
you haven't all right, I just things Still, it's a
good thing. You gotta limit how much time you on
your phone's you know, um so, it's a it's a
good thing, you know, maybe maybe the toilet bowl. You know,
(30:07):
I might actually get a good idea, get him, get
him off the phone for a little bit. Right, So,
it'sn't sure sure you know exactly exactly? This isn't sure
they're good. No, but no, I don't think you're being
too sensitive at all. Thank you. It's it's good to
get that confirmation. Of course. I'm glad. I'm glad I
(30:29):
could help, even if it's just a little bit. Yeah,
I appreciate it. I can I can go forward with
some kind of assurance that I'm not yeah, right exactly. Well,
I'm glad I could help. Um but yeah, thank you
for calling in. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate
your time. Hey, how do how are you doing good?
(30:52):
How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for calling in.
What type of advice could I hopefully be able to
to give you? Um? So, my husband and I are
friends with this group of like four other couples, and so,
like one of the wives in the group often sends
(31:13):
my husband like these weird flirty texts and like when
when he's out of town, so he thinks they're innocent,
so he'll make mention of him casually when he calls
check in with me. But it's happening more frequently and
it's really starting to bother me a lot. So my
and my husband thinks I'm over reacting. So I just
(31:34):
don't know if I'm over reacting at all. And I
kind of had the idea to start texting her husband
to see how they both feel about that, or like
how she feels about it, right, I hear you. I
you know, I think I think most people have been
in situations like to this. Um, to start off, I
would definitely say, you know, no need to text the husband,
(31:56):
you know. I think at this point at the end
of the day, you know, because I have I have
friends who deal with like certain things like this, and
I kind of always say the same things I've even
you know, I've obviously been in a situation before as well. UM,
I think at the end of the day, if this
is something that bothers you, and and and like these
(32:18):
are actually flirty texts, not just like hey, how are
you doing, but like actually like it's clearly flirting, you know,
like where both of you guys can look at each
other and eyes like Hey, I know that you think
it's very innocent, husband, but let's let's let's be let's
be honest with each other, with with with ourselves. She's
sexty when you're out of town, and um, she's clearly
flirting with you, right, I think that if that's the case,
(32:40):
then really, what is you know? Is here is your
husband replying? I guess I should ask that at the beginning. Yeah,
I mean this like he says, he gives off like
maybe a couple one liners and then that maybe he stops,
but he's still interacting with her. Where ye shutting her
down by if you're not playing it off but also
(33:01):
be helpful. Yeah, exactly, And that's that's that's what that's
the that's the the direction I was going. You know,
like if if you have that conversation and you let
your husband know, like, hey, I'd be much more comfortable, Um,
if you would just simply not reply, because if you know,
she's going to continue texting and he just never applied,
eventually she's going to stop, right. But if he just
simply doesn't doesn't reply, it's not going to ruin this
(33:23):
this um four couple of friendship that you got that
you guys have going on. It's not like, um, you know,
it's like she's gonna start hating you or or start
hating him, because that's the case. I mean, she just
already kind of seems, you know, like it's a little crazy, right,
So you know what I mean. So I think that, like,
you know, at the end of the day, you are
(33:45):
his wife, and if this is legitimate flirting and it's
legitimately unacceptable and it's legitimately affecting you know, it's it's
making you uncomfortable. He needs to respect that more than
he needs to respect whether he's coming off as a
nice guy by giving off one word replies or just
kind of going on on with it, right, because if
his if his defense is like, I don't want her
(34:07):
to think I'm ignoring her. I'm not a nice guy. Well, really,
what's more important? This this one couple who you were
in again a group friendship with? Uh, this one one
person that's group friendship thinking that you're rude for not
replying or having your wife, you know, feeling uncomfortable. Of course,
you know, like any any husband should he should be
(34:28):
picking you know, my wife's comfortability. Um over this one
person thinking like oh, he sucks because he's not replying
to me. So if you're okay, if you're okay with
it being like resolved as as easy as him just
simply not replying anymore, then I think that's the direction
that you guys should go for sure. And then of
course she just needs to understand that too, you know.
(34:49):
And I mean if he has right, and if he
has if he has an issue with that, then it's
kind of like, hey, dude, like you're you know, you're choosing,
You're choosing, you know, you're coming off as a nice
guy over your own I feel like that that doesn't
add up, right, So right exactly? Okay, Yeah, thank you. Yeah,
And that helps a lot that that makes sense. At
least I feel validated because that makes sense to me.
(35:12):
I'm glad I cope of it. Okay, thank you, thank
you for calling in. Next up is your written Q
and A right after this break? So one of your
(35:32):
guys has written Q and A S for me? Is
is there ever circumstance where it's okay to lie to
your partner, even if it's an innocent lie to protect them? Um?
I do believe that there are circumstances where it's okay
to lot to your partner. Um, let me give you
guys a quick example. Let's say I'm talking to Michelle.
(35:53):
Michelle's talking to me. She's explained to me that she
is nervous. Um, you know, she's about to go go
on stage at a public event and public speak for
a bit. And let's say, for sake of conversation, she says,
you know, she she has she has a pimple on
her forehead. And she asked me, Babe, this pemople really
really really noticeable. But it is No. I'm gonna say, no,
(36:15):
it's not school. You look fine. I could barely even
I could barely even see it. You know what I mean?
Did I just lie to Michelle and a person? I
just lied to Michelle. Now, hopefully with that lie, she's
not going to be thinking about this pimple on her
forehead while she's out speaking at a public event. Um. So,
in that situation, do I feel like it was okay
for me to lie to her when clearly that pimple
(36:37):
is big enough that you can see it in the
back row. Of course, I think it's okay that I
lied in that situation. Now, this is a lot that's
going to, you know, really mess up trust. And it's
something that's gonna hurt some of these feelings because at
the end of day, if Michelle finds out I lied
to her about the pimple, is she gonna hate me
for the rest of my life? Of course not right now.
This is a lie where she found out that I
(36:59):
was lying. When she is gonna aime me first of
my life, that's probably something I don't want to lie about,
right So, Um, to answer that question, you're smart enough
to know whether this is a white lie or a
large lie. And if it's a white lie, I think
you're you're good to go. All right, Let's go into
(37:19):
another written Q and A. Let's see how do you
let a friend who may be interested in being more
than friends know that you don't have romantic feelings for
them without ruining the friendship? Is it possible for guys
and girls to just be friends? First question? How do
you let somebody know that you're not interested when they're
(37:41):
interested and they're your friend? Um, I'm a firm believer
that if you don't make things awkward, they will not
be awkward. You only need one person in a party
to not make something awkward and it will not be awkward.
So this has happened to me before, I have a friend.
She lets me know that she she looks at me
more than a friend. I let her know I don't
(38:04):
see her in that way. Um, but I don't let
things get weird, you know, I just I continue the
friendship as if you know, not as if that never happened.
Of course you're gonna be aware that it happened, but
let's not accurate about you know, we're still friends and
good friends for x amount of time. Let's just continue
in the exact same, you know, motion, as we were before.
(38:24):
And if that's the case, then that shouldn't be This
shouldn't be awkward, and this shouldn't ruin the relationship. I
think that, you know, when this happens to people and
they have a friend let them know that they want
to be more than friends, and you don't feel that way,
then you get kind of awkward or like that's kind
of weird. You start overthinking it when you know, just
the other day before this person said that to you.
(38:45):
You guys are friends, You guys are best friends. You
guys just hanging out clicking and watching movies whatever, it is. Um,
So just go back to the exact same energy and
it won't ruin the front the friendship. I think when
people start getting awkward or overthinking or thinking that's super
weird or whatever it is, that's what's gonna that's what's
going to affect with the friendship. Um. But if you
truly want to continue being friends with this person, just
(39:07):
keep just keep on the same energy, keep on being friends. Um.
And as long as you don't make it awkward, it
won't be awkward. UM. Now the second part of that question,
is it possible for guys and girls to be to
just be friends? How to percent it is? Um? You know,
I think I think it is. These are a little
bit of a level that makes it sometimes harder, I guess,
you know, depending from situations from case in case. Sure,
(39:30):
I think we've all been there. Um. But at the
end of the day, of course, guys and girls can
be just friends. I don't think that there's there's no
reason why guys and girls can't just be friends, you
know what I mean? So, Um, of course, of course, UM,
guys and girls can just be friends. Next written question,
let's see our guys intimidated by women who date multiple
(39:55):
guys at once? Is it better for us to be
up front about casual dat Yes, it's always better to
be upfront about casual dating, especially if you are intimate
with multiple partners. That's something that you know, even if
it's a brand new partner, that's something that everybody deserves
(40:17):
to know. Um, you know that there's you know, they
don't need to know the ins and out of your
of your love life. But if you're casually dating multiple
people and you're about to be to intimate with somebody,
I think that's something that that's somebody deserves to know
and be able to kind of assess the situation whether
they want to proceed forward or not. Um, So our
(40:41):
guys intimidated by women who date multiple guys at once?
I'm not sure if intimidation is the right word. I
think do guys care? Yeah, guys, guys definitely would want
to know that. You know, So, you know, if I
if I just met you and I'm really interested in you, um,
and I find out that you have you know, thirty
different boyfriends, shout out Michelle as a joke, Um, you know,
(41:05):
I might want to proceed a little bit a little
bit differently. Um, then if you know I'm just the
only guy that you're talking to, you know, I might
want to, you know, kind of learn about you in
a different way. Um, whatever it may be. So I'm
not sure if intimidated is the right word. I think
some guys it's not going to be an issue. Some
guys is going to be an issue. And some guys
(41:27):
are actually gonna respect the hell out of you for
for being honest. Somebody, you know, like, Hey, I am
dating multiple guys at once. Um, you know it's two
thousand twenty two. You know, it's a it's an open
playing field. I want to I want to see the
best man out of all this, you know. So I
think I think a lot of guys who respect that.
Some guys just won't want to be it, won't be interested,
(41:49):
but some guys are definitely gonna respect that. Um. So
it's my answer to that one one more of the
written to an a Let's see, Um, if we are
feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending
with the guy, what is the best way to say
we need space? My answer to that is the best
way to say that you need spaces to say you
(42:09):
need space. Um, if you are feeling overwhelmed. That that's
that's the key, that's the key to that question is
the fact that you're feeling overwhelmed. Um, And I always
think that you the person that you gotta you know,
worry about and care about. You know, it's obviously yourself,
you know, it's it's your star players. So if you're
feeling overwhelmed, then that kind of proceeds how the guy
(42:37):
might feel in that situation, like, oh, is it going
to hurt his feelings? Is he gonna this? Then the
other like, no, you're feeling a little overwhelmed. That means
that you you your body is telling you by that
feeling of being overwhelmed that you need some some space.
You need to reset, have some restore and relaxation, have
some one on one time with yourself. So, um, I
(42:59):
think the best way to say that you need spaces
to you know, say that you use space or if
you don't want to be that blunt the next time
he has to hang out like oh, you know, you
know what, today I'm actually going to uh um, lay
in the bathtub and read a book. Or Hey, I
actually can't come to dinner today, I'm gonna go to
the dog park of my dog. Oh can I come
with no? Sorry, you know what, I'm gonna just spend
(43:19):
this time with with my dog and just kind of
have a date to myself. Now, if you're with a
guy who has an issue with having a day to yourself, um,
that's a conversation in a self, you know. So, I
mean that's a red flag right there. So if that's
the case, you know, we can have that conversation. But
if it's you know, you're just kind of finding what's
the best way to say that you need some space? Um,
(43:41):
you know, just let him know that I'm gonna have
some time to myself and and nobody on this planet
should have a problem with anybody having time for himself. Um,
So that's how I answer that one. Alright, guys, thank
you so much for your questions and your calls. This
was a blast. Um again, this mate, Olakoya probably know
(44:04):
me from the Bachelorette. I am the guy who had
it in the bag. But you can find me on
Instagram at King Bubbat Sunday um and Michelle is currently
trying to get me to go crazy on these TikTok so.
I think my TikTok name is what is? I think
it's the King Bubbat to Day. Maybe it's King Bubbat
(44:25):
Today ninety four. Either one, you'll find me. It's King
Bubbat to Day something. So um yeah, so catch me
on on social media and I had a real I
had a blast of it. Um so again, this is
how men think and we will talk to you next time.
This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London
(44:45):
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