May 5, 2022 • 45 mins
He's here in the NICK of time. Nick Thompson learned about love head-on during LOVE IS BLIND.
How did he know Danielle was the one and what's happening now After Love is Blind?
Nick's got great advice for you...stay patient, don't settle, and he's got a hot tip if you are shy.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey everyone,
I'm Nick Thompson and you know me from the Netflix
reality series Love Is Blind season two where I got
married to Danielle Rule. I'm happy to be here guest
hosting How Men Think. Canna answer all of your questions
and help you understand how men are thinking in specific situations.
(00:24):
But first, let's get to eleven questions with me. Um.
These are questions that I'm happy to answer and very
excited to get going here. So first and foremost, what
are you known for? Let's let's hear a little bit
about myself? Um? Well, I'm known now from being on
Love Is Blind season two and being one of the
two couples that got married. I would say first and foremost,
but a little bit more about me as I grew
(00:45):
up in the suburbs of Chicago. I currently live in
Chicago here with Danielle Um. My passions include, um, you know,
news and politics. I spend a lot of time listening
to podcasts, hanging out with my friends, drinking a lot
of coffee, practicing yoga, working out, being outside. I love
to walk around UM and then I also have a
career in marketing for a software company called media Fly. So, UM,
(01:07):
I think that that covers that pretty well. What are
who am I in my personal life? Um, that's a
good question. I think I shared a little bit of
that with the last one. But I'm very thoughtful, um
actually surprisingly to some people, introverted. So I spend a
lot of time thinking things through, listening to podcasts, listening
(01:27):
to audiobooks, reading online about you know, thought leadership pieces. Um.
I also spend quite a bit of time now recording
my life for social media more than I ever have before.
And then just hanging out with friends and family and
and um, you know, doing the restaurant seen here in
Chicago is always fun, always something great to do in Chicago,
which I love, especially coming into the summertime, which we're
(01:49):
doing right now. Three shows that I've been watching, well,
I actually in the last two weeks just finished two
shows that I really every night was kind of like
which when do I watch? Which when do I watch? Um,
and that it be Inventing Anna and then super Pumped,
and then also been kind of supplementing that with a
little bit of Ship's Creek, which I've seen periodically but
never watched through fully. So doing that with Daniel has
(02:11):
been a really good time as well. What's my favorite food? Uh, Pizza, Pizza, pizza.
I could eat pizza for every single meal. Here in Chicago,
we have deep dish. I do love peep dish, but
I like thin crust. I like our tease and pizzas
and you name it their sauce and cheese on it,
I'm there for it. UH. Tell you about your career.
I'm a VP in marketing, had a software company called
(02:32):
media Fly, and I've been in marketing for the majority
of my career. I've really enjoy a storytelling aspect of it,
begetting to know people and their problems and how to
solve those problems. And it's really really the storytelling now
that that keeps me invested and excited about marketing. Big,
big fan of storytelling and helping people solve problems. My
biggest fear in life, UM, I would say that's actually
(02:56):
changed over the years. One of my initial biggest fear
years was never finding someone to share my life with
and spend my life with. Um and you know, ultimately
just ending up with a lot of cats or a
lot of dogs and riding solo. But now that that's changed.
I think now that that's changed with daniel I think
one of my biggest fears is just leaving something on
(03:16):
the table um, not achieving something that I wanted to achieve,
or not going after something that I want to go
at and living with that regret. So I think now
it's kind of shifted a little bit too, not living
living life to the fullest and not having any regrets
back in my life. What is my biggest pet peeve?
I hate to admit this, I actually kind of have
a lot of pet peeves. Probably I think one of
(03:39):
my biggest pet peeves is cluttered Um, aside from my
desk which is kind of cluttered at the moment um,
and there's clutter in my house, in my life. It
kind of makes me anxious and uneasy, and it's it's
a difficult thing for me to to not like immediately
start organizing clutter. So I think that's probably my biggest
pet peeve. What makes you the most be um? You know?
(04:01):
I I think the times I'm the most happy are
when I can just look around my surroundings, and you know,
a lot of those times now are with Danielle and
Grayson and Whiz. But I just look around and I'm like,
you know, there's no place else I'd rather be right now.
And sometimes that can be here at home. Sometimes that
can be at a nice dinner or doing some sort
of activity. But I think those are the moments when
(04:22):
I'm really the most happy. What's my ideal Saturday morning? Um,
not rushing. I think with life and working away that
I do in my career and with marketing, mornings are
not a good time to try and relax. You you're
immediately up and now working from home the last couple
of years, it's like you're up and you're at it
(04:44):
the moment you look at your phone. So I like
Saturday mornings when I get to kind of lay around
in bed, enjoy my coffee, listen to podcast, listen to music,
and just not have anywhere to be, at least for
a little bit later in the day. I am. I'm
more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback. Um well,
I used to used to be a little more athletic.
(05:07):
I used to play flag flag football. Um I haven't
played in the last couple of years, but I definitely
like to sit in that armchair and and talk to
uh the bearers coaching staff and tell them what they
should be doing here in Chicago. So probably a little
bit of a mix of both, maybe leaning a little
bit more into armchair quarterback these days. Um, next question,
what keeps me motivated? I think the desire for more
(05:31):
is what keeps me motivated. I don't like to settle
at all on anything. I try to give everything, and
so for me, what keeps me motivated is the what's next? Okay,
I've achieved this. What's next? Okay, I've achieved this, What's next?
And that doesn't necessarily just meaning career or you know,
purchasing a condo or a house. It just means, um,
(05:52):
you know, once I achieve something, what's next. It can
be I've run two miles and they've been ten minutes each.
Now how do I get those two nine minutes each? Um?
It could be something like what's my next career step?
Or I want to, you know, move into a bigger
house with Danielle. So it's just always looking into what's
next and keeping myself on edge to to stay motivated.
All Right, that was a little bit about me. Eleven
(06:14):
Questions with Nick Thompson from Love Is Blind season two.
We're going to take a quick break and then when
we get back in a moment. All right, we're back
here with Carissa, who's here with our first question for
I'm a caller today. Hi Carissa, how are you doing? Hi?
(06:37):
I'm good. How are you doing doing great? Thanks for
calling in Olkay. So my question was, um, okay, So
when I'm like trying to meet people and I'm talking
to a guy and it's like, you know, going, mom,
we're like learning and stuff, I was so awkward when
the conversation is like coming to an end and they
haven't asked for my number. Yeah, And I'm definitely not
(07:00):
bold enough to like ask for their number, like just
give them my number, And so I was thinking maybe
I could like ask for like their Instagram or something,
because that's like a little bit more casual. But I
don't know, is that weird? Is that like too bold? Also,
the first question for you is this if you meet
someone in person or is this on a dating app?
Um in person like like at a bar, just like
(07:23):
at the store something. So I think if you don't
want to be bold and give your phone number, I
think following on Instagram is an easy thing. To do.
In fact, I would even be like, hey, let's keep
in touch. Can I follow you on Instagram? And keep
it even a little more casual And to be honest though,
(07:45):
I think sometimes guys are just a shy. Um. I
know it's it's weird, maybe coming for me since I
did my dating in front of the whole world I
love is blind, but um, you know i'd be in
those situations to where as a guy, I'm like, is
it okay to ask for the number? Is she being nice? Um?
And you know he may have those nerves too. So
I think asking for follow or offering to follow him
(08:08):
on Instagram, if that's more comfortable for you then giving
your phone number. Asking for a phone number, I think
that's perfectly acceptable. Yeah, I thought. Then you know they
kind of like you can see a little bit more
about me, and I can see a little bit more
about them too, like from their profile and stuff. Yeah,
I think so too. And especially when you meet in person,
you don't get you know, there's pros and constant online dating,
but when you meet in person, you don't even get
(08:29):
any context of what do you like to do for
fun or what are your your clever answers to the
thought provoking questions they asked. So I think it's perfect acceptable,
UM to to share instagrams. Absolutely, Mary, thank you so much.
I really appreciate it. Yeah, you're welcome. It was nice
talking to you. Nice talking to you too. Thanks. Thanks. Hey, Nikky,
(08:51):
how are you doing? Thanks for calling in good. How
are you doing? I'm doing just fine. Happy to talk
to you and hopefully help you out of it. Sure. UM,
So my question is, you know, I'm I am recently divorced,
and I I am trying to get out there and
(09:12):
in date and I'm just wondering, I mean, do guys actually,
you know, ask women out on dates in person anymore?
Or is this all a an online text kind of generation. Um,
that's a really really tough question. I think it's definitely
(09:36):
maybe an eight twenty nine ten and split of online
dating versus meeting in person. But I do think if
you get out there and you put yourself in social
situations where someone has an opportunity to have a conversation
with you, it can still happen that way. UM. Just
not so sure that UM people are as comfortable having
(09:59):
those in person interactions as they were pre apps. Right,
So everyone now is just to swipe away from the
next person. I mean, it's to the point where before
I was on the show and Meth Danielle, I would
literally be out with UM friends and stuff and people
would be on their app on the phone. It's like
your work to be present when you are out, and
(10:21):
I think that you can um you know, maybe meet
someone in a more organic way. But I definitely think
it's it's skewed towards the apps. It just gives people
almost like uh, something to hide behind give it, which
gives them a little bit more. My take on it
are you do you ever put yourself out there in
social situations and you're just not seeing anything? Or what
is your what is your dating been like since getting divorced? Uh? Nonexistent.
(10:49):
I mean. The funny thing about this is that when
you go on a date, you're in person with somebody,
you're with them, So it's weird. It's just weird to
me that people want to communicate without talking to the
person face to face, but they want to go on
a date with them face to face. So it's just
so weird to me. But yes, I go out with
(11:10):
m girlfriends. We you know, go to UM dance, Uh,
it's like social dance classes like swing dancing and all
those kind of um places and um, you know, just
out for cocktails of course, um, different things like that,
(11:31):
some activities, hiking whatnot. It's just that I don't seem
to meet anybody, and anybody that I any man that
I do meet, they already have a wife or a
girlfriend or something like that. So it's not I'm not
seeing even at church, I'm not eating. Everyone is pretty
much coupled up. So it's just one of those things
(11:55):
where I'm not really running into any single old men
that are, you know, a little bit older, not so
much in their twenties. Um. So yeah, that's kind of
that sounds yeah, that sounds like a tough situation. And
are you comfortable if you do like someone in starting
(12:16):
that conversation or if you find someone attractive going up
to them. Well yeah, I mean I I don't have
a problem doing that. But like I said, most of
the times when I go up and talk to them,
either they're really nice, but either they're already involved with
somebody or they're they're too young. Soh so it's you know,
(12:38):
I get these young guys that are interested, but I'm like, no, unfortunately,
you're way too young. Yeah, you gotta I understand, you
have to have your your sort of window of age
there so that you're at least in the same book,
if not on the same age, right, Like my advice
to you and my thought and this is you know,
(13:01):
this is coming from a third party over here, my
thought processes. Keep doing what you're doing, keep being social,
going out with your friends, taking these dance classes, and
don't get discouraged or lose confidence in that walking up
to a man that you find attractive or that you're
interested in getting to know more, because it only takes
(13:22):
one that doesn't have someone and that ends up being
the right one. And timing is everything. So maybe it
just hasn't all lined up yet for you. Yeah, And
I do have another question because maybe maybe you know
I am coming across someone that is single, but I don't,
you know, I don't know. Or maybe when I do
meet somebody that is single and I think that they're
(13:45):
attracted to me as well, but they're still not asking
for my number or asking me out. What what queues
would would I give a guy during a conversation that
would maybe lead him to skin me out or asking
for my number at least. Yeah, I think that's two fold.
(14:05):
I actually just had a similar question with the last caller.
I think men are are shy. For one, like, don't
don't think that we're not shy too. We are. We
don't want to ask for your number and get rejected.
And we're looking for those same cues that you're looking for. Um,
And you know, some people receive them different, some people
give them different. I would say, um, first of all,
(14:25):
it sounds like you're you're a pretty confident woman. So
if you are talking to a guy and he's not
asking for your number, ask for his. Just be bold.
I think you you something like you might be comfortable
doing that. The other thing is, I think if he's
in a conversation with you, if it's not a short,
one sided answer, you're not carrying a conversation, there's a
very good chance that he's into you, and maybe he's
(14:48):
just nervous for his own reason. Another thing, too, is
like you know, subtle touching of an elbow or or
leaning in or um, you know, some of those nonverbal
cues there I think also really indicates, um, you know,
whether or not someone's interested in you. I know, For me,
when I was dating, I would not move. I would
be stiff as a board if I wasn't interested in someone. Yeah,
(15:09):
that's just one person. But I think that those are
some things that you can probably look for. But again,
I think society right now is much more comfortable using
dating apps and communicating through text. Um, so you know,
there might just be a level of shyness there that
you're just not aware of. Alrighty, I know it sucks.
I know it sucks. Like because a woman, a woman
(15:33):
wants a man that's a man. You You want a
man to be the one that approaches you. You want
the man to you know, you want the night and
shining armor. I mean, it's still gonna it's still going
to be what a woman wants. I mean, maybe someone
really young because they haven't grown up, you know, with
(15:53):
the same kind of guys, maybe they don't mind. But
I don't know for someone my age, which is late forties,
you know, you I want a man to be a man.
I want him to come to me and ask me out,
and him to to be confident, because if a man
isn't confident, that's not very attractive. Yeah, I can understand
(16:16):
that completely. I I really think. Um, it's it's easy
for me to say this too, but it's probably just
not been the right timing for some of these these
men or for the right guy to come along. And
if you're confident, though, I would keep approaching. If you
like someone, I would keep doing that. Okay, it only
(16:39):
takes one. It only takes one. Yeah, true, that is true.
But thank you so much. Yeah, of course, it was
so nice to meet you, and good luck to you.
Thank you, Hey, Shana, thanks for calling in. How you
doing today? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me today. Awesome,
I'm glad to have you. So what's on your mind? Alright? Well,
(17:02):
basically this has been on my mind for a while now.
I've been in a relationship with a great guy for
about six months, and over time I've I've definitely come
to learn that his love language is acts of service.
I'm sure you're probably familiar with, but myself, I'm pretty
different because mine is words of affirmation. So sometimes I
(17:22):
noticed that he's struggling to open up during our conversations
and stuff, and this just tends to pose a problem
for me because I don't know, I'm the kind of
person that needs reassurance. That is something that goes a
long way for me. But the good thing is, you know,
his acts of service does show that he cares. He'll
always take the time to cook me a fabulous dinner,
(17:43):
you know, call me just to say hi, do other
nice gestures like he'll regularly pick up the bill when
we go out to dinner, which is great. Um, But
I don't know. I just struggle and I get in
my head sometimes because I guess I'm wondering how he
feels deep down, And I guess my question here is
(18:03):
how do I go about asking him for verbal affirmations
in kind of maybe a casual sort of way. That way,
I don't seem like I'm forcing him to open up
when he doesn't feel comfortable doing so, right, And I
think that is a very multi leveled question. So I'm gonna,
if you don't mind, I'm gonna try and hit a
(18:25):
couple of points that I immediately jump out to me.
One is love. Languages are a great tool to understand
one another, but it goes, at least in my opinion,
it goes beyond how you received love and goes into
also how your partner gives love. So everybody has Here's
(18:47):
how I received love, Here's how I show love. And
I think for YouTube it would be an amazing exercise
to have a safe space where you can both talk
about that and maybe even both think about it, because
a lot of times I know, for me over the years,
like I know how I received love, but I never
thought about is the way I'm showing love, the way
(19:09):
that the person I'm with needs me to show love.
And then you also, it just sounds like you do
a great job of this already understanding his love languages,
acts of service, and so you realize he is trying
to show you love. So I think, wondering how he
really feels, you should take that into consideration too, that hey,
he is doing these decks of service. He is calling me,
(19:31):
he is picking up the bill on our dates, and
so he is showing me love. And then if you
can educate him on the other way you need to
be shown love through words of affirmation, then you, guys
can hopefully find like a fifty fifty split where you
know he can reach out a little bit out of
his comfort zone to give you those words of affirmation,
and then you can also understand a little bit better
(19:51):
the way he's showing you love and then vice versa
as well. And I think if you guys can have
a conversation around that in a safe space where it's
not accusatory, it's not no one's going to take anything
personally or as a criticism, it could really go a
long way for your relationship and helping to understand one another. No,
that's awesome. I think the key word, and you're emphasize
(20:11):
here is maybe compromise, um, which is probably yeah, something
that I could understanding too. Understanding. Yeah, I get a
little rigid, I think sometimes because I've read a lot
of books, and sometimes I feel like I need to
stick with a certain structure. But I like what you're
saying about being flexible and everything. That's definitely something I
could try to be a little bit better about, for sure.
And I think to like this is and I'm like you,
(20:33):
I've probably read way too many books. I have way
too many ideas of of what a marriage or a
relationship should be versus what they are in reality, and
and um, you know, flexibility and listening more is always key.
And I think that the real key is that when
you have these conversations, whether it's this or whether it's
about the future, whether it's about whatever. It just needs
(20:54):
to be in a safe space where it's okay to
feel uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that the person doesn't like you,
will love you anymore. It's okay to be hurt, but
that doesn't mean this person doesn't like you, will love
you anymore. Does that make sense? It totally does. I
think maybe I need to try not to overthink it
and just go with the flow. And this gives me
a lot to think about. Thank you. Yeah, good, it's
(21:15):
my pleasure. I wish you to nothing but the best. Oh,
thank you so much. Thanks, it was nice to meet you,
and good luck he celess. Thanks for calling in. How
you doing today? I'm good, are you? I'm good, glad
to get the chance to talk to you. You too, Thanks.
(21:36):
What's on your mind? Um? So, yeah, I'm I'm single.
I always hear my friends that are all married with
babies and everything that they just knew that their husband
was the one, And I just I want your advice
on like how to know, like just logically, like how
(21:59):
you actually know or you're just feeling pressure to like
do the damn thing, or do you like is it
truly like you can know that that person is the
one or do you do you like just talk yourself
into it. I think that there's a lot of both
that goes on in the in the world of dating,
(22:20):
in the world of relationships. Um you know, I personally,
I'm very intuitive. I can sense how people are feeling.
I can sense the connections, I can sense no connection.
Um So, for me, I know, like I always knew
I was gonna know, And there's times where I had
to walk away from getting in a situation where it
(22:43):
was just gonna be like all right, well, let's just
do this because it's the next step on our timeline.
Um So, I think that there's a combination of both
because some people don't have the strength to walk away
from a situation like that. My my feeling for you
is like think, think to yourself, if I am with
someone or I am dating someone and you have to compromise,
(23:05):
Like there's no perfect person for everyone. We're all compromising
all the time. But think to yourself, like, if I
was to be with this person in ten years, what
I still want to be with this person? Is this
a person I can grow with together? And there's kind
of a logic behind that do we compliment each other
or are we exactly the same? And some people may
(23:26):
want to exactly the same, some people may want to compliment.
Identify these key things that are really important to you,
and then that's when I think you can actually start
to know if you meet someone. So if you're not
sure exactly what you're looking for yet, or you're not
sure what you want your life to look like in
ten years with someone, then I think that would be
like step one, because then I think the rest does
just kind of happen inside because I started checking these
(23:50):
boxes you didn't even know you had got it, because like,
do they fit the vision you have of yourself in
ten years? And it's it's like easy the answers yes,
then like the next steps present themselves. But if it's
like no, I don't see it, then that's your answer exactly.
And I again to just pull from my own experience.
(24:11):
I always thought I would just know, right and it
wasn't working, and there was there were times when I was,
especially over the last couple of years before going on
Love was Blind and meeting Danielle, I just kind of
like I'm not I'm not going to do this anymore,
Like I'm not gonna date anymore, Like this is just
such a waste of time, and you know, everybody's like
(24:31):
I'm not connecting with anyone in the way that I
know I need to. But I really started reflecting on
like what do I actually want? And once I kind
of figured that stuff out, it wasn't sticking a square
peg of a person in the round hole. It was like, oh,
we're both squares going into the square hole, so let's
just go together kind of thing. So I think it
(24:52):
really is. It really is identifying here's the here's the
main things I'm looking for, here's what I really need,
and then you'll meet the person that is just what
you really need. And that's when you know, oh that's crazy.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I feel like, um,
but also like how does age play into it? Like
you're just at the age where you like it is time,
(25:16):
So are you going to like make the person be
the thing that you need because it's like the time.
I think I used to think like that, and I think, um,
culturally women think that way, especially if they want to
have a family. But my advice to you is don't
rush it, don't force it. The right person is like
(25:37):
it's they're out there and they'll fit your vision. As
you said, you've just got to give time. It's chance
to work itself out, and you never know. I mean
I said this to a caller earlier, like it only
takes one and you never know where that one is.
They could be right outside your door right now when
you go to take a walk or leave your house.
You just don't know. Just so if you yeah, if
(25:58):
you know what you want, at least when that person
is there, you're ready for them. I like that I
needed this. It helps. I feel like it's a lot
of visionary, visionary thoughts and easy, but I hope it helps. No, Yeah,
the vision is the clearest aspect of it because there's
(26:20):
so many variables. But like when you're like, at the
end of the day, what do I want my future
to look like? And like what kind of person would
get me there or be there with me? And then
that is like the clearest way to understand it exactly
and literally, Like what it came down to for me
is I want someone that's going to go on adventures
with me, and that can be walking down the street,
(26:44):
that can be vacation, that can be trips, whatever it is.
But at the end of the day, like that stuff
you can do with a lot of people, but I
want someone I can just sit on the couch with
and sort of melt and that's a safe, comfortable place
to be. And so finding that, yeah, it became like,
who's the right person to do both of those things
(27:05):
with me that I want to do it with? And
it took me a long time to figure that out.
That's incredible. Well, I'm so happy that you found that
and sharing that, sharing that insight is beautiful. So thank
you for going to find it too. I wish thank
you everyone does right. Yeah, you'll find them. You'll find them.
(27:28):
To stay confident and don't get discouraged. Okay, thank you.
You're welcome and you have good rest of your weekend too,
you too, Okay, bye bye bye. Hi Hannah, Hi, how
are you. I'm doing great? How are you? I'm doing great?
Thank you good. I'm glad to meet you and have
(27:51):
you on today. So thanks for joining. Yeah, thank you
for having me. Um, I could really use your help.
I hope I can help. Yeah. So, um, So, I
went on a date with this guy a few days
ago and it was it was a great time. You know,
we connected on things that we enjoyed to do together
in hobbies. Um, but the thing is is that I
(28:14):
didn't feel this physical connection with him, like this attraction,
and it's kind of a big thing for me, Like
I really do feel that we should both be, you know,
feeling that physical attraction together. And so my question is,
can this be something that I can build up over
time or something that I can have over time that
attraction to him, or am I just kind of wasting
(28:37):
my time and I should just end it right now.
That's a tough, tough question. You guys met how did
you meet? We met on a on a dating nap tender. Okay,
so one more question on that and then I think
I have an idea of what what advice I can
(28:58):
hopefully offer you. Um, did you find him attractive from
his pictures or from your conversation and then when you
met there was just a vibe off? Or was it
just he's amazing? I don't think he's cute. Yeah, so
from he only had a couple of photos on his
profile and from what I saw it, did you know,
I did feel some attraction there, but in person it
(29:21):
wasn't like catfishing, but it just it was different, and
so yeah, I thought he was amazing, but it wasn't
the same as what I thought it was going to be.
So I think that's a feeling that I know I
had back when I was dating on dating apps often
not again, like I wasn't catfished, but there was definitely,
you know, a little bit of a different image. Um.
(29:43):
I think if you enjoy his company, and you enjoy
the conversation, and you have similar hobbies and interests, you
should give it another date or two if he's up
for it, and just see because if it was, if
he was a little different the first time you saw him,
then what you were anticipating from the photos in the conversation,
there's that initial shock that I think can can fade
(30:05):
now that you know what he looks like. You go
out of a couple of times and see if that
can grow. There's a very good chance it doesn't. So
I'm not gonna be naive and say, oh, it's it's
most likely to grow because you guys have a great connection.
But maybe you'll be able to become friends and still
enjoy some of those hobbies together, or in another situation,
maybe you start finding him attractive and and you go
(30:26):
in that direction as well. But I don't think after
one day you need to call it on that, especially
given the circumstances. I think you should try it again
another date or two and see. Okay, okay, great? Yeah, absolutely,
I agree. Thank you so much. Cool. Yeah, it's my
pleasure and good luck. I hope that or whomever you
end up finding works out great. Thank you so much.
(30:47):
I appreciate your time, no problem, pleasure to meet you.
You too, take care, Thanks you too, Bye bye bye.
Oh how are you? Hey, Brenda, it's nick nice to
meet you. Thanks for calling me him. I'm great. How
are you doing, I'm well? Thank you awesome. What what's
(31:08):
on your mind today? What do you what do you
want to ask for? Share? Yeah. So I've been dating
my boyfriend for about a year, and honestly things are
really great. But I live in California, although he lives
in New York and so it makes it a little tough.
But I still really see a future with him, and
I could see myself moving to be with him, um
(31:32):
but when I asked him if he'd consider moving to California,
he said no. So yeah, now I'm worried, you know,
like here, I am willing to give up my life
for someone, and I'm not sure if he's ready to
do that for me, and I don't know what to think. Well,
I think there's a lot to unpack here. Do you
(31:52):
mind if I ask you a couple of questions? Of course? Yeah? Okay,
So you guys have been dating for a year. That's
a long time. I think that's a fair assessment you're
doing of your relationship. Um, how did you meet? Where
did you meet? And how long before you were separated?
Or have you been separated the whole time? So? Um,
we met at a wedding actually through some mutual friends. Um,
(32:18):
and we've always lived apart from one another, but we
visit very right steel early. Okay, what's what's regularly? Like
every month? Every two weeks? Um, every month, so we
kind of switch off? Okay, cool? Um, last question and
then I think I have some some thoughts on it. Um,
(32:38):
what do you both do for work? And are you
guys remote or is someone kind of tied to their
location for work? Right? So I'm remote? Um, I work
through like a tutoring service, but everything is online. Uh
and uh he is in person? He Um, he works
(33:03):
for the city, so, um, yeah, so have you talked
about that, because that was what I was thinking. If
he had an in person job, he might feel a
little more um tied to his location and then especially
working for this city. Um, you know. And again I
don't I don't know what he does or if that
(33:23):
would be something that be duplicatable. I don't even know
if that's a word duplicated in California if you were
to move towards you. But if he's loving, you know,
if he loves his job or or something that could
be part of it. Maybe that's the discussion you two
could have. Are both of your families in New York
for him and then in California for you? No, Actually,
(33:46):
that was what was funny. It's like we both traveled
to this wedding. Um. He he knows one of my cousins,
and so that's that's kind of how we met. But
all of our family lives in the same place. They
live in in Midwest. We're in the Midwest, in Kansas.
I think problem solved. You both just move back to Kansas.
(34:06):
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I
think maybe Before you have a conversation about where you're
going to live, you should have a conversation about is
this what we want? Do we and it I'm not
saying gave an ultimatum, but maybe have a conversation about, like, Okay,
where is this going? Because if neither of you are
(34:30):
willing to move under any circumstances, that says a lot
um And I don't think you should look at it
as he's he's not willing to make the the same
commitment that you are to move. I don't think that's
necessarily the right way to look at it. I don't
know if it's fair to either of you to think
that way, but I think you should just have a
(34:50):
conversation about the relationship and like, well, what could it
look like if we continue this um long distance? Like
how long is that sustainable? If we if you moved
to New York, what would that look like? Is that possible?
If he moves to California? What would that look like?
Is that possible? Kind of understand what your swim lanes
are so that you can pick one, whether that is
(35:10):
doing something together or realizing that you know, maybe you
do have to go your separate ways, which I'm not
wishing for either of you, but that that would be
my advice. Like I would, I would try to understand
the different forks in the road and and just make
sure that you're both comfortable with yourself and comfortable with
whatever you guys decide to do and whatever roved you
you identify. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes a
(35:34):
lot of sense. I think, you know, I just heard
the no initially, like there's no way he was moving,
and then it just I turned off, you know I was.
I I went to that kind of dark place like
it's me and maybe there's more to it and I
need to just be more open open to hear. Yeah.
I think it's a natural thing for you to feel
that way. UM. I know I've felt that way plenty
(35:56):
of times. UM, and you know you kind of you
kind of have to learn the way to think sometimes
is try and get the other person's perspective without taking
it as a criticism or as a as you know
he doesn't want you because I I don't know, But
I don't think that that says that As an outsider,
I think there's just other things you guys could consider,
(36:18):
um looking at and trying to really understand each other
and even I don't know how great your communication is,
but just listen to him, Just ask him like, where
do you where is this relationship going to you? And
create a you know, I've said this before, like a
safe space where he can be honest with you and
you won't and you you'll try your best not to
be hurt. You might get hurt, um, but you know,
(36:38):
just try your best to hear him out and then
ask for the same and return from him and hopefully
you guys can't have a good conversation. Yeah, I think
I need to be ready to have the hard conversation
that the easy one. I was just hoping to hear
yes and being right happily. Ever after, once I didn't
hear that, yeah, can I ask Can I ask you
one one last thing, just because I'm I'm I'm a
(37:00):
curious person. Would you move to New York for him? Yeah?
I would. I guess that's what's scary is to hear
that he wouldn't for me. And that's where I just
kind of turned off, you know, I was like, oh, Okay,
then I guess this isn't what I wanted to be.
When I didn't hear him out why. Yeah, and maybe
that's what I was gonna stay. Maybe that's all you
(37:22):
need is I will move for him. He's not. He
doesn't if he wants you to move for him, and
then you move for him and you guys are happy
and you're together, doesn't really matter exactly exactly, I know.
And that's that's what I'm saying, is like I put
that block up and it was kind of immature and
(37:43):
THEMB with me, but I I can see how it's
a normal human behavior. You don't have to feel bad
about it. Loop, So I was human again. There I
go again. Yeah, No, I just need to give given
the benefit of the doubt and have the adult conversation,
you know, not the wishful thanking one. Yeah, and just
(38:05):
remember it's not about whether or not he would move
for you as as an exclusive determining factor. He has
his own thought processes why he would not. And maybe
you'll hear it and oh that makes sense, Yeah I'll move.
Maybe you'll hear it and be like, I don't know
how I feel. Let's do this this long distancing a
little longer. Maybe you'll hear it and be like that's
(38:26):
a excuse or that's not going to work for me
and then you know, either way, you know your path.
But I would just definitely try to hear him out
and have a heart to heart with him, totally, totally.
I appreciate it. That's my pleasure. I really really rooting
for you both, and I hope that you have a
good conversation around that soon. Thank you me too. Yeah,
(38:46):
it was nice to meet you too. Best of luck. Okay,
care you too. Thanks. All right, Well, thanks to all
of our callers. We're gonna take a quick break and
when we come back, we're gonna do a little bit
more of the Q and A. Yeah, alright, we are
(39:08):
back again. This is Nick from Love is Blind and
we've got some questions that came in from you guys
written over social media that we're gonna get to right now.
So first one here, Nick, we know you from Love
is Blind. You fell in love in the Pods and
ended up marrying Danielle. If you could go back to
that time during filming, would you change anything? Um, I
would not change anything other than I wish that Danielle
(39:31):
and I got to spend um a little bit more
time together off camera. But I wish we could have
um done some of the things that we were able
to do post show, post getting married, just to kind
of have a little bit um, a little bit more
of our bond together there. And I think we we
(39:55):
were pretty confident, even though we were back and forth
on whether or not we should get married, we were
pretty confident in our relationship and we knew we were
going to keep dating afterwards. But some of the things
that we got to do just even the next day
after filming, to not have cameras on you so so
often we were just really able to to build this
this amazing foundation in the pods UM and then you know,
(40:18):
you're just filming for weeks and weeks and weeks, and
then we were able to even build on that foundation
more afterwards. So I almost just wish we got a
little more time to do some of the things we
did um during or after filming during filming, But I
wouldn't change outside of you know that and maybe some
of the other elements that go into filming, I wouldn't
change anything we had. We spent a lot of time
(40:40):
getting to know each other. We spent a lot of
energy trying to figure out if we should be together,
and I think that went a long way to making
us be where we are today and ultimately saying yes
at the altar too. Second question, why did you decide
to go online? Is blind? This question is um It's
so funny to me because it's like the basic, simplest
(41:01):
answer in the world. They actually found me on LinkedIn
and sent me a message. I had heard of the
show just because everyone was talking about it. I had
never watched it until then, and after watching it, it
was actually seeing um Lauren and Cameron and and the Barnetts, Um,
Amber and Matt get together and have these sort of
(41:23):
authentic relationships even though they were very different, and it
addressed my biggest critique of dating, which was that everybody
has a million opportunities or at least use it that
way that the next person is won't swipe away. So
when I decided to go on this, it was like, oh, okay, well,
I'm actually gonna get to know fifteen women. I'm going
(41:43):
to find out if any of them are a good
fit for me. But ultimately, like, I'm getting rid of
all those distractions and I'm able to focus, and the
other people are doing the same thing, so I'm not
going to have to worry about a lot of the
things that you worry about after you go on a
date with someone that you need on a dating app.
So ultimately it was just it eliminated all my critiques
of the dating world and put me in a situation
(42:05):
where it's all I had to do was focus focus
on it, and all, um, in this case, Danielle had
to do was was focus on it, and we were
able to obviously build a great relationship because of that.
So that would be, uh, my main reason why I
went on the show. All right, what was the moment
you knew Danielle was the one? Um, There's two answers
to this question. The first one was the she was
(42:28):
probably the tenth person that I talked to on day one,
and you speed date all fifteen men and all fifteen
women for seven minutes each, and I was already getting fatigued.
I hadn't and everyone was a beautiful, wonderful person that
I had met, all of the women are and I
just hadn't felt that connection with someone. And it was
coming to the end of the fifteen and I was thinking, oh, man,
(42:49):
well this isn't gonna work for me. And then I
met Danielle, and the moment she said hello. The energy
just shot through the pod and I could feel it.
Then on day three, she told me that I was
the only one that she wanted to be with there,
and that if I wanted to continue the experiment, that's fine.
(43:12):
If I wasn't feeling that way, that's fine too. That
she was going to go home, and so I was
taking it back even though I was feeling the connection.
And when I went back to my room that night,
I was like trying to process this, and one of
the ways I process is by writing journaling. So I
just started writing how I was feeling about Danielle, and
then all of a sudden, I was like, oh my god,
I'm in love with her. And it's the day three,
(43:34):
and so as I'm writing this, I wrote this letter
and then at the end, I wrote, you know, if
this is um, if you're reading this right now, Danielle,
I'm about to propose to you. And I saved it
on day three until I proposed on proposal day, and
I gave it to her then because I just knew
(43:55):
through that writing and getting my thoughts out that she
was going to be the one. How do you tell
if a guy's interest did in you I will say
this over and over until the day I die. And
this isn't just This isn't just guys. This is for anyone,
but specifically guys. If he's paying attention to you, if
he's responsive, if he's making time for you, he likes you.
(44:16):
If he's not, if he's playing games, if he's not
returning calls or texts, or he's not following up and
making plans, he's not into you and he's just playing
a game. But when a guy makes time for you,
he you will know that he's into you, and then
he will make plans. You will want to make plans,
and you won't feel weird about asking him to. So
(44:37):
all of these things will will come together when you
meet the right person. And if they're spending the time,
they're responding, they're making plans, you're comfortable making plans and
you don't have to wonder if it's okay to text
him or if it's too soon after the date, that's
when you'll know. So just make time for each other
if you like someone, and they'll do the same for
you and you'll know that they're just in you. All right, Well,
I want to thank all of you for listening today
(44:59):
and and how men thank for having me on the host.
I want to thank all of our callers for calling
in and I hope that any advice I gave you
was helpful. I wish you all nothing but the best.
I also want to thank everyone who wrote in on
social media with all those great questions. I'm happy to
answer them and thank you all for listening today. If
you want to hear more from me, you can find
me on Instagram, which is at n Thompson five three
(45:22):
at and Thompson five W three on Instagram and uh
I feel free to shoot me over any more questions
you might have there too, So thank you and take care.
This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London
Audio Production listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey everyone,
I'm Nick Thompson and you know me from the Netflix
reality series Love Is Blind season two where I got
married to Danielle Rule. I'm happy to be here guest
hosting How Men Think. Canna answer all of your questions
and help you understand how men are thinking in specific situations.
(00:24):
But first, let's get to eleven questions with me. Um.
These are questions that I'm happy to answer and very
excited to get going here. So first and foremost, what
are you known for? Let's let's hear a little bit
about myself? Um? Well, I'm known now from being on
Love Is Blind season two and being one of the
two couples that got married. I would say first and foremost,
but a little bit more about me as I grew
(00:45):
up in the suburbs of Chicago. I currently live in
Chicago here with Danielle Um. My passions include, um, you know,
news and politics. I spend a lot of time listening
to podcasts, hanging out with my friends, drinking a lot
of coffee, practicing yoga, working out, being outside. I love
to walk around UM and then I also have a
career in marketing for a software company called media Fly. So, UM,
(01:07):
I think that that covers that pretty well. What are
who am I in my personal life? Um, that's a
good question. I think I shared a little bit of
that with the last one. But I'm very thoughtful, um
actually surprisingly to some people, introverted. So I spend a
lot of time thinking things through, listening to podcasts, listening
(01:27):
to audiobooks, reading online about you know, thought leadership pieces. Um.
I also spend quite a bit of time now recording
my life for social media more than I ever have before.
And then just hanging out with friends and family and
and um, you know, doing the restaurant seen here in
Chicago is always fun, always something great to do in Chicago,
which I love, especially coming into the summertime, which we're
(01:49):
doing right now. Three shows that I've been watching, well,
I actually in the last two weeks just finished two
shows that I really every night was kind of like
which when do I watch? Which when do I watch? Um,
and that it be Inventing Anna and then super Pumped,
and then also been kind of supplementing that with a
little bit of Ship's Creek, which I've seen periodically but
never watched through fully. So doing that with Daniel has
(02:11):
been a really good time as well. What's my favorite food? Uh, Pizza, Pizza, pizza.
I could eat pizza for every single meal. Here in Chicago,
we have deep dish. I do love peep dish, but
I like thin crust. I like our tease and pizzas
and you name it their sauce and cheese on it,
I'm there for it. UH. Tell you about your career.
I'm a VP in marketing, had a software company called
(02:32):
media Fly, and I've been in marketing for the majority
of my career. I've really enjoy a storytelling aspect of it,
begetting to know people and their problems and how to
solve those problems. And it's really really the storytelling now
that that keeps me invested and excited about marketing. Big,
big fan of storytelling and helping people solve problems. My
biggest fear in life, UM, I would say that's actually
(02:56):
changed over the years. One of my initial biggest fear
years was never finding someone to share my life with
and spend my life with. Um and you know, ultimately
just ending up with a lot of cats or a
lot of dogs and riding solo. But now that that's changed.
I think now that that's changed with daniel I think
one of my biggest fears is just leaving something on
(03:16):
the table um, not achieving something that I wanted to achieve,
or not going after something that I want to go
at and living with that regret. So I think now
it's kind of shifted a little bit too, not living
living life to the fullest and not having any regrets
back in my life. What is my biggest pet peeve?
I hate to admit this, I actually kind of have
a lot of pet peeves. Probably I think one of
(03:39):
my biggest pet peeves is cluttered Um, aside from my
desk which is kind of cluttered at the moment um,
and there's clutter in my house, in my life. It
kind of makes me anxious and uneasy, and it's it's
a difficult thing for me to to not like immediately
start organizing clutter. So I think that's probably my biggest
pet peeve. What makes you the most be um? You know?
(04:01):
I I think the times I'm the most happy are
when I can just look around my surroundings, and you know,
a lot of those times now are with Danielle and
Grayson and Whiz. But I just look around and I'm like,
you know, there's no place else I'd rather be right now.
And sometimes that can be here at home. Sometimes that
can be at a nice dinner or doing some sort
of activity. But I think those are the moments when
(04:22):
I'm really the most happy. What's my ideal Saturday morning? Um,
not rushing. I think with life and working away that
I do in my career and with marketing, mornings are
not a good time to try and relax. You you're
immediately up and now working from home the last couple
of years, it's like you're up and you're at it
(04:44):
the moment you look at your phone. So I like
Saturday mornings when I get to kind of lay around
in bed, enjoy my coffee, listen to podcast, listen to music,
and just not have anywhere to be, at least for
a little bit later in the day. I am. I'm
more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback. Um well,
I used to used to be a little more athletic.
(05:07):
I used to play flag flag football. Um I haven't
played in the last couple of years, but I definitely
like to sit in that armchair and and talk to
uh the bearers coaching staff and tell them what they
should be doing here in Chicago. So probably a little
bit of a mix of both, maybe leaning a little
bit more into armchair quarterback these days. Um, next question,
what keeps me motivated? I think the desire for more
(05:31):
is what keeps me motivated. I don't like to settle
at all on anything. I try to give everything, and
so for me, what keeps me motivated is the what's next? Okay,
I've achieved this. What's next? Okay, I've achieved this, What's next?
And that doesn't necessarily just meaning career or you know,
purchasing a condo or a house. It just means, um,
(05:52):
you know, once I achieve something, what's next. It can
be I've run two miles and they've been ten minutes each.
Now how do I get those two nine minutes each? Um?
It could be something like what's my next career step?
Or I want to, you know, move into a bigger
house with Danielle. So it's just always looking into what's
next and keeping myself on edge to to stay motivated.
All Right, that was a little bit about me. Eleven
(06:14):
Questions with Nick Thompson from Love Is Blind season two.
We're going to take a quick break and then when
we get back in a moment. All right, we're back
here with Carissa, who's here with our first question for
I'm a caller today. Hi Carissa, how are you doing? Hi?
(06:37):
I'm good. How are you doing doing great? Thanks for
calling in Olkay. So my question was, um, okay, So
when I'm like trying to meet people and I'm talking
to a guy and it's like, you know, going, mom,
we're like learning and stuff, I was so awkward when
the conversation is like coming to an end and they
haven't asked for my number. Yeah, And I'm definitely not
(07:00):
bold enough to like ask for their number, like just
give them my number, And so I was thinking maybe
I could like ask for like their Instagram or something,
because that's like a little bit more casual. But I
don't know, is that weird? Is that like too bold? Also,
the first question for you is this if you meet
someone in person or is this on a dating app?
Um in person like like at a bar, just like
(07:23):
at the store something. So I think if you don't
want to be bold and give your phone number, I
think following on Instagram is an easy thing. To do.
In fact, I would even be like, hey, let's keep
in touch. Can I follow you on Instagram? And keep
it even a little more casual And to be honest though,
(07:45):
I think sometimes guys are just a shy. Um. I
know it's it's weird, maybe coming for me since I
did my dating in front of the whole world I
love is blind, but um, you know i'd be in
those situations to where as a guy, I'm like, is
it okay to ask for the number? Is she being nice? Um?
And you know he may have those nerves too. So
I think asking for follow or offering to follow him
(08:08):
on Instagram, if that's more comfortable for you then giving
your phone number. Asking for a phone number, I think
that's perfectly acceptable. Yeah, I thought. Then you know they
kind of like you can see a little bit more
about me, and I can see a little bit more
about them too, like from their profile and stuff. Yeah,
I think so too. And especially when you meet in person,
you don't get you know, there's pros and constant online dating,
but when you meet in person, you don't even get
(08:29):
any context of what do you like to do for
fun or what are your your clever answers to the
thought provoking questions they asked. So I think it's perfect acceptable,
UM to to share instagrams. Absolutely, Mary, thank you so much.
I really appreciate it. Yeah, you're welcome. It was nice
talking to you. Nice talking to you too. Thanks. Thanks. Hey, Nikky,
(08:51):
how are you doing? Thanks for calling in good. How
are you doing? I'm doing just fine. Happy to talk
to you and hopefully help you out of it. Sure. UM,
So my question is, you know, I'm I am recently divorced,
and I I am trying to get out there and
(09:12):
in date and I'm just wondering, I mean, do guys actually,
you know, ask women out on dates in person anymore?
Or is this all a an online text kind of generation. Um,
that's a really really tough question. I think it's definitely
(09:36):
maybe an eight twenty nine ten and split of online
dating versus meeting in person. But I do think if
you get out there and you put yourself in social
situations where someone has an opportunity to have a conversation
with you, it can still happen that way. UM. Just
not so sure that UM people are as comfortable having
(09:59):
those in person interactions as they were pre apps. Right,
So everyone now is just to swipe away from the
next person. I mean, it's to the point where before
I was on the show and Meth Danielle, I would
literally be out with UM friends and stuff and people
would be on their app on the phone. It's like
your work to be present when you are out, and
(10:21):
I think that you can um you know, maybe meet
someone in a more organic way. But I definitely think
it's it's skewed towards the apps. It just gives people
almost like uh, something to hide behind give it, which
gives them a little bit more. My take on it
are you do you ever put yourself out there in
social situations and you're just not seeing anything? Or what
is your what is your dating been like since getting divorced? Uh? Nonexistent.
(10:49):
I mean. The funny thing about this is that when
you go on a date, you're in person with somebody,
you're with them, So it's weird. It's just weird to
me that people want to communicate without talking to the
person face to face, but they want to go on
a date with them face to face. So it's just
so weird to me. But yes, I go out with
(11:10):
m girlfriends. We you know, go to UM dance, Uh,
it's like social dance classes like swing dancing and all
those kind of um places and um, you know, just
out for cocktails of course, um, different things like that,
(11:31):
some activities, hiking whatnot. It's just that I don't seem
to meet anybody, and anybody that I any man that
I do meet, they already have a wife or a
girlfriend or something like that. So it's not I'm not
seeing even at church, I'm not eating. Everyone is pretty
much coupled up. So it's just one of those things
(11:55):
where I'm not really running into any single old men
that are, you know, a little bit older, not so
much in their twenties. Um. So yeah, that's kind of
that sounds yeah, that sounds like a tough situation. And
are you comfortable if you do like someone in starting
(12:16):
that conversation or if you find someone attractive going up
to them. Well yeah, I mean I I don't have
a problem doing that. But like I said, most of
the times when I go up and talk to them,
either they're really nice, but either they're already involved with
somebody or they're they're too young. Soh so it's you know,
(12:38):
I get these young guys that are interested, but I'm like, no, unfortunately,
you're way too young. Yeah, you gotta I understand, you
have to have your your sort of window of age
there so that you're at least in the same book,
if not on the same age, right, Like my advice
to you and my thought and this is you know,
(13:01):
this is coming from a third party over here, my
thought processes. Keep doing what you're doing, keep being social,
going out with your friends, taking these dance classes, and
don't get discouraged or lose confidence in that walking up
to a man that you find attractive or that you're
interested in getting to know more, because it only takes
(13:22):
one that doesn't have someone and that ends up being
the right one. And timing is everything. So maybe it
just hasn't all lined up yet for you. Yeah, And
I do have another question because maybe maybe you know
I am coming across someone that is single, but I don't,
you know, I don't know. Or maybe when I do
meet somebody that is single and I think that they're
(13:45):
attracted to me as well, but they're still not asking
for my number or asking me out. What what queues
would would I give a guy during a conversation that
would maybe lead him to skin me out or asking
for my number at least. Yeah, I think that's two fold.
(14:05):
I actually just had a similar question with the last caller.
I think men are are shy. For one, like, don't
don't think that we're not shy too. We are. We
don't want to ask for your number and get rejected.
And we're looking for those same cues that you're looking for. Um,
And you know, some people receive them different, some people
give them different. I would say, um, first of all,
(14:25):
it sounds like you're you're a pretty confident woman. So
if you are talking to a guy and he's not
asking for your number, ask for his. Just be bold.
I think you you something like you might be comfortable
doing that. The other thing is, I think if he's
in a conversation with you, if it's not a short,
one sided answer, you're not carrying a conversation, there's a
very good chance that he's into you, and maybe he's
(14:48):
just nervous for his own reason. Another thing, too, is
like you know, subtle touching of an elbow or or
leaning in or um, you know, some of those nonverbal
cues there I think also really indicates, um, you know,
whether or not someone's interested in you. I know, For me,
when I was dating, I would not move. I would
be stiff as a board if I wasn't interested in someone. Yeah,
(15:09):
that's just one person. But I think that those are
some things that you can probably look for. But again,
I think society right now is much more comfortable using
dating apps and communicating through text. Um, so you know,
there might just be a level of shyness there that
you're just not aware of. Alrighty, I know it sucks.
I know it sucks. Like because a woman, a woman
(15:33):
wants a man that's a man. You You want a
man to be the one that approaches you. You want
the man to you know, you want the night and
shining armor. I mean, it's still gonna it's still going
to be what a woman wants. I mean, maybe someone
really young because they haven't grown up, you know, with
(15:53):
the same kind of guys, maybe they don't mind. But
I don't know for someone my age, which is late forties,
you know, you I want a man to be a man.
I want him to come to me and ask me out,
and him to to be confident, because if a man
isn't confident, that's not very attractive. Yeah, I can understand
(16:16):
that completely. I I really think. Um, it's it's easy
for me to say this too, but it's probably just
not been the right timing for some of these these
men or for the right guy to come along. And
if you're confident, though, I would keep approaching. If you
like someone, I would keep doing that. Okay, it only
(16:39):
takes one. It only takes one. Yeah, true, that is true.
But thank you so much. Yeah, of course, it was
so nice to meet you, and good luck to you.
Thank you, Hey, Shana, thanks for calling in. How you
doing today? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me today. Awesome,
I'm glad to have you. So what's on your mind? Alright? Well,
(17:02):
basically this has been on my mind for a while now.
I've been in a relationship with a great guy for
about six months, and over time I've I've definitely come
to learn that his love language is acts of service.
I'm sure you're probably familiar with, but myself, I'm pretty
different because mine is words of affirmation. So sometimes I
(17:22):
noticed that he's struggling to open up during our conversations
and stuff, and this just tends to pose a problem
for me because I don't know, I'm the kind of
person that needs reassurance. That is something that goes a
long way for me. But the good thing is, you know,
his acts of service does show that he cares. He'll
always take the time to cook me a fabulous dinner,
(17:43):
you know, call me just to say hi, do other
nice gestures like he'll regularly pick up the bill when
we go out to dinner, which is great. Um, But
I don't know. I just struggle and I get in
my head sometimes because I guess I'm wondering how he
feels deep down, And I guess my question here is
(18:03):
how do I go about asking him for verbal affirmations
in kind of maybe a casual sort of way. That way,
I don't seem like I'm forcing him to open up
when he doesn't feel comfortable doing so, right, And I
think that is a very multi leveled question. So I'm gonna,
if you don't mind, I'm gonna try and hit a
(18:25):
couple of points that I immediately jump out to me.
One is love. Languages are a great tool to understand
one another, but it goes, at least in my opinion,
it goes beyond how you received love and goes into
also how your partner gives love. So everybody has Here's
(18:47):
how I received love, Here's how I show love. And
I think for YouTube it would be an amazing exercise
to have a safe space where you can both talk
about that and maybe even both think about it, because
a lot of times I know, for me over the years,
like I know how I received love, but I never
thought about is the way I'm showing love, the way
(19:09):
that the person I'm with needs me to show love.
And then you also, it just sounds like you do
a great job of this already understanding his love languages,
acts of service, and so you realize he is trying
to show you love. So I think, wondering how he
really feels, you should take that into consideration too, that hey,
he is doing these decks of service. He is calling me,
(19:31):
he is picking up the bill on our dates, and
so he is showing me love. And then if you
can educate him on the other way you need to
be shown love through words of affirmation, then you, guys
can hopefully find like a fifty fifty split where you
know he can reach out a little bit out of
his comfort zone to give you those words of affirmation,
and then you can also understand a little bit better
(19:51):
the way he's showing you love and then vice versa
as well. And I think if you guys can have
a conversation around that in a safe space where it's
not accusatory, it's not no one's going to take anything
personally or as a criticism, it could really go a
long way for your relationship and helping to understand one another. No,
that's awesome. I think the key word, and you're emphasize
(20:11):
here is maybe compromise, um, which is probably yeah, something
that I could understanding too. Understanding. Yeah, I get a
little rigid, I think sometimes because I've read a lot
of books, and sometimes I feel like I need to
stick with a certain structure. But I like what you're
saying about being flexible and everything. That's definitely something I
could try to be a little bit better about, for sure.
And I think to like this is and I'm like you,
(20:33):
I've probably read way too many books. I have way
too many ideas of of what a marriage or a
relationship should be versus what they are in reality, and
and um, you know, flexibility and listening more is always key.
And I think that the real key is that when
you have these conversations, whether it's this or whether it's
about the future, whether it's about whatever. It just needs
(20:54):
to be in a safe space where it's okay to
feel uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that the person doesn't like you,
will love you anymore. It's okay to be hurt, but
that doesn't mean this person doesn't like you, will love
you anymore. Does that make sense? It totally does. I
think maybe I need to try not to overthink it
and just go with the flow. And this gives me
a lot to think about. Thank you. Yeah, good, it's
(21:15):
my pleasure. I wish you to nothing but the best. Oh,
thank you so much. Thanks, it was nice to meet you,
and good luck he celess. Thanks for calling in. How
you doing today? I'm good, are you? I'm good, glad
to get the chance to talk to you. You too, Thanks.
(21:36):
What's on your mind? Um? So, yeah, I'm I'm single.
I always hear my friends that are all married with
babies and everything that they just knew that their husband
was the one, And I just I want your advice
on like how to know, like just logically, like how
(21:59):
you actually know or you're just feeling pressure to like
do the damn thing, or do you like is it
truly like you can know that that person is the
one or do you do you like just talk yourself
into it. I think that there's a lot of both
that goes on in the in the world of dating,
(22:20):
in the world of relationships. Um you know, I personally,
I'm very intuitive. I can sense how people are feeling.
I can sense the connections, I can sense no connection.
Um So, for me, I know, like I always knew
I was gonna know, And there's times where I had
to walk away from getting in a situation where it
(22:43):
was just gonna be like all right, well, let's just
do this because it's the next step on our timeline.
Um So, I think that there's a combination of both
because some people don't have the strength to walk away
from a situation like that. My my feeling for you
is like think, think to yourself, if I am with
someone or I am dating someone and you have to compromise,
(23:05):
Like there's no perfect person for everyone. We're all compromising
all the time. But think to yourself, like, if I
was to be with this person in ten years, what
I still want to be with this person? Is this
a person I can grow with together? And there's kind
of a logic behind that do we compliment each other
or are we exactly the same? And some people may
(23:26):
want to exactly the same, some people may want to compliment.
Identify these key things that are really important to you,
and then that's when I think you can actually start
to know if you meet someone. So if you're not
sure exactly what you're looking for yet, or you're not
sure what you want your life to look like in
ten years with someone, then I think that would be
like step one, because then I think the rest does
just kind of happen inside because I started checking these
(23:50):
boxes you didn't even know you had got it, because like,
do they fit the vision you have of yourself in
ten years? And it's it's like easy the answers yes,
then like the next steps present themselves. But if it's
like no, I don't see it, then that's your answer exactly.
And I again to just pull from my own experience.
(24:11):
I always thought I would just know, right and it
wasn't working, and there was there were times when I was,
especially over the last couple of years before going on
Love was Blind and meeting Danielle, I just kind of
like I'm not I'm not going to do this anymore,
Like I'm not gonna date anymore, Like this is just
such a waste of time, and you know, everybody's like
(24:31):
I'm not connecting with anyone in the way that I
know I need to. But I really started reflecting on
like what do I actually want? And once I kind
of figured that stuff out, it wasn't sticking a square
peg of a person in the round hole. It was like, oh,
we're both squares going into the square hole, so let's
just go together kind of thing. So I think it
(24:52):
really is. It really is identifying here's the here's the
main things I'm looking for, here's what I really need,
and then you'll meet the person that is just what
you really need. And that's when you know, oh that's crazy.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I feel like, um,
but also like how does age play into it? Like
you're just at the age where you like it is time,
(25:16):
So are you going to like make the person be
the thing that you need because it's like the time.
I think I used to think like that, and I think, um,
culturally women think that way, especially if they want to
have a family. But my advice to you is don't
rush it, don't force it. The right person is like
(25:37):
it's they're out there and they'll fit your vision. As
you said, you've just got to give time. It's chance
to work itself out, and you never know. I mean
I said this to a caller earlier, like it only
takes one and you never know where that one is.
They could be right outside your door right now when
you go to take a walk or leave your house.
You just don't know. Just so if you yeah, if
(25:58):
you know what you want, at least when that person
is there, you're ready for them. I like that I
needed this. It helps. I feel like it's a lot
of visionary, visionary thoughts and easy, but I hope it helps. No, Yeah,
the vision is the clearest aspect of it because there's
(26:20):
so many variables. But like when you're like, at the
end of the day, what do I want my future
to look like? And like what kind of person would
get me there or be there with me? And then
that is like the clearest way to understand it exactly
and literally, Like what it came down to for me
is I want someone that's going to go on adventures
with me, and that can be walking down the street,
(26:44):
that can be vacation, that can be trips, whatever it is.
But at the end of the day, like that stuff
you can do with a lot of people, but I
want someone I can just sit on the couch with
and sort of melt and that's a safe, comfortable place
to be. And so finding that, yeah, it became like,
who's the right person to do both of those things
(27:05):
with me that I want to do it with? And
it took me a long time to figure that out.
That's incredible. Well, I'm so happy that you found that
and sharing that, sharing that insight is beautiful. So thank
you for going to find it too. I wish thank
you everyone does right. Yeah, you'll find them. You'll find them.
(27:28):
To stay confident and don't get discouraged. Okay, thank you.
You're welcome and you have good rest of your weekend too,
you too, Okay, bye bye bye. Hi Hannah, Hi, how
are you. I'm doing great? How are you? I'm doing great?
Thank you good. I'm glad to meet you and have
(27:51):
you on today. So thanks for joining. Yeah, thank you
for having me. Um, I could really use your help.
I hope I can help. Yeah. So, um, So, I
went on a date with this guy a few days
ago and it was it was a great time. You know,
we connected on things that we enjoyed to do together
in hobbies. Um, but the thing is is that I
(28:14):
didn't feel this physical connection with him, like this attraction,
and it's kind of a big thing for me, Like
I really do feel that we should both be, you know,
feeling that physical attraction together. And so my question is,
can this be something that I can build up over
time or something that I can have over time that
attraction to him, or am I just kind of wasting
(28:37):
my time and I should just end it right now.
That's a tough, tough question. You guys met how did
you meet? We met on a on a dating nap tender. Okay,
so one more question on that and then I think
I have an idea of what what advice I can
(28:58):
hopefully offer you. Um, did you find him attractive from
his pictures or from your conversation and then when you
met there was just a vibe off? Or was it
just he's amazing? I don't think he's cute. Yeah, so
from he only had a couple of photos on his
profile and from what I saw it, did you know,
I did feel some attraction there, but in person it
(29:21):
wasn't like catfishing, but it just it was different, and
so yeah, I thought he was amazing, but it wasn't
the same as what I thought it was going to be.
So I think that's a feeling that I know I
had back when I was dating on dating apps often
not again, like I wasn't catfished, but there was definitely,
you know, a little bit of a different image. Um.
(29:43):
I think if you enjoy his company, and you enjoy
the conversation, and you have similar hobbies and interests, you
should give it another date or two if he's up
for it, and just see because if it was, if
he was a little different the first time you saw him,
then what you were anticipating from the photos in the conversation,
there's that initial shock that I think can can fade
(30:05):
now that you know what he looks like. You go
out of a couple of times and see if that
can grow. There's a very good chance it doesn't. So
I'm not gonna be naive and say, oh, it's it's
most likely to grow because you guys have a great connection.
But maybe you'll be able to become friends and still
enjoy some of those hobbies together, or in another situation,
maybe you start finding him attractive and and you go
(30:26):
in that direction as well. But I don't think after
one day you need to call it on that, especially
given the circumstances. I think you should try it again
another date or two and see. Okay, okay, great? Yeah, absolutely,
I agree. Thank you so much. Cool. Yeah, it's my
pleasure and good luck. I hope that or whomever you
end up finding works out great. Thank you so much.
(30:47):
I appreciate your time, no problem, pleasure to meet you.
You too, take care, Thanks you too, Bye bye bye.
Oh how are you? Hey, Brenda, it's nick nice to
meet you. Thanks for calling me him. I'm great. How
are you doing, I'm well? Thank you awesome. What what's
(31:08):
on your mind today? What do you what do you
want to ask for? Share? Yeah. So I've been dating
my boyfriend for about a year, and honestly things are
really great. But I live in California, although he lives
in New York and so it makes it a little tough.
But I still really see a future with him, and
I could see myself moving to be with him, um
(31:32):
but when I asked him if he'd consider moving to California,
he said no. So yeah, now I'm worried, you know,
like here, I am willing to give up my life
for someone, and I'm not sure if he's ready to
do that for me, and I don't know what to think. Well,
I think there's a lot to unpack here. Do you
(31:52):
mind if I ask you a couple of questions? Of course? Yeah? Okay,
So you guys have been dating for a year. That's
a long time. I think that's a fair assessment you're
doing of your relationship. Um, how did you meet? Where
did you meet? And how long before you were separated?
Or have you been separated the whole time? So? Um,
we met at a wedding actually through some mutual friends. Um,
(32:18):
and we've always lived apart from one another, but we
visit very right steel early. Okay, what's what's regularly? Like
every month? Every two weeks? Um, every month, so we
kind of switch off? Okay, cool? Um, last question and
then I think I have some some thoughts on it. Um,
(32:38):
what do you both do for work? And are you
guys remote or is someone kind of tied to their
location for work? Right? So I'm remote? Um, I work
through like a tutoring service, but everything is online. Uh
and uh he is in person? He Um, he works
(33:03):
for the city, so, um, yeah, so have you talked
about that, because that was what I was thinking. If
he had an in person job, he might feel a
little more um tied to his location and then especially
working for this city. Um, you know. And again I
don't I don't know what he does or if that
(33:23):
would be something that be duplicatable. I don't even know
if that's a word duplicated in California if you were
to move towards you. But if he's loving, you know,
if he loves his job or or something that could
be part of it. Maybe that's the discussion you two
could have. Are both of your families in New York
for him and then in California for you? No, Actually,
(33:46):
that was what was funny. It's like we both traveled
to this wedding. Um. He he knows one of my cousins,
and so that's that's kind of how we met. But
all of our family lives in the same place. They
live in in Midwest. We're in the Midwest, in Kansas.
I think problem solved. You both just move back to Kansas.
(34:06):
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I
think maybe Before you have a conversation about where you're
going to live, you should have a conversation about is
this what we want? Do we and it I'm not
saying gave an ultimatum, but maybe have a conversation about, like, Okay,
where is this going? Because if neither of you are
(34:30):
willing to move under any circumstances, that says a lot
um And I don't think you should look at it
as he's he's not willing to make the the same
commitment that you are to move. I don't think that's
necessarily the right way to look at it. I don't
know if it's fair to either of you to think
that way, but I think you should just have a
(34:50):
conversation about the relationship and like, well, what could it
look like if we continue this um long distance? Like
how long is that sustainable? If we if you moved
to New York, what would that look like? Is that possible?
If he moves to California? What would that look like?
Is that possible? Kind of understand what your swim lanes
are so that you can pick one, whether that is
(35:10):
doing something together or realizing that you know, maybe you
do have to go your separate ways, which I'm not
wishing for either of you, but that that would be
my advice. Like I would, I would try to understand
the different forks in the road and and just make
sure that you're both comfortable with yourself and comfortable with
whatever you guys decide to do and whatever roved you
you identify. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes a
(35:34):
lot of sense. I think, you know, I just heard
the no initially, like there's no way he was moving,
and then it just I turned off, you know I was.
I I went to that kind of dark place like
it's me and maybe there's more to it and I
need to just be more open open to hear. Yeah.
I think it's a natural thing for you to feel
that way. UM. I know I've felt that way plenty
(35:56):
of times. UM, and you know you kind of you
kind of have to learn the way to think sometimes
is try and get the other person's perspective without taking
it as a criticism or as a as you know
he doesn't want you because I I don't know, But
I don't think that that says that As an outsider,
I think there's just other things you guys could consider,
(36:18):
um looking at and trying to really understand each other
and even I don't know how great your communication is,
but just listen to him, Just ask him like, where
do you where is this relationship going to you? And
create a you know, I've said this before, like a
safe space where he can be honest with you and
you won't and you you'll try your best not to
be hurt. You might get hurt, um, but you know,
(36:38):
just try your best to hear him out and then
ask for the same and return from him and hopefully
you guys can't have a good conversation. Yeah, I think
I need to be ready to have the hard conversation
that the easy one. I was just hoping to hear
yes and being right happily. Ever after, once I didn't
hear that, yeah, can I ask Can I ask you
one one last thing, just because I'm I'm I'm a
(37:00):
curious person. Would you move to New York for him? Yeah?
I would. I guess that's what's scary is to hear
that he wouldn't for me. And that's where I just
kind of turned off, you know, I was like, oh, Okay,
then I guess this isn't what I wanted to be.
When I didn't hear him out why. Yeah, and maybe
that's what I was gonna stay. Maybe that's all you
(37:22):
need is I will move for him. He's not. He
doesn't if he wants you to move for him, and
then you move for him and you guys are happy
and you're together, doesn't really matter exactly exactly, I know.
And that's that's what I'm saying, is like I put
that block up and it was kind of immature and
(37:43):
THEMB with me, but I I can see how it's
a normal human behavior. You don't have to feel bad
about it. Loop, So I was human again. There I
go again. Yeah, No, I just need to give given
the benefit of the doubt and have the adult conversation,
you know, not the wishful thanking one. Yeah, and just
(38:05):
remember it's not about whether or not he would move
for you as as an exclusive determining factor. He has
his own thought processes why he would not. And maybe
you'll hear it and oh that makes sense, Yeah I'll move.
Maybe you'll hear it and be like, I don't know
how I feel. Let's do this this long distancing a
little longer. Maybe you'll hear it and be like that's
(38:26):
a excuse or that's not going to work for me
and then you know, either way, you know your path.
But I would just definitely try to hear him out
and have a heart to heart with him, totally, totally.
I appreciate it. That's my pleasure. I really really rooting
for you both, and I hope that you have a
good conversation around that soon. Thank you me too. Yeah,
(38:46):
it was nice to meet you too. Best of luck. Okay,
care you too. Thanks. All right, Well, thanks to all
of our callers. We're gonna take a quick break and
when we come back, we're gonna do a little bit
more of the Q and A. Yeah, alright, we are
(39:08):
back again. This is Nick from Love is Blind and
we've got some questions that came in from you guys
written over social media that we're gonna get to right now.
So first one here, Nick, we know you from Love
is Blind. You fell in love in the Pods and
ended up marrying Danielle. If you could go back to
that time during filming, would you change anything? Um, I
would not change anything other than I wish that Danielle
(39:31):
and I got to spend um a little bit more
time together off camera. But I wish we could have
um done some of the things that we were able
to do post show, post getting married, just to kind
of have a little bit um, a little bit more
of our bond together there. And I think we we
(39:55):
were pretty confident, even though we were back and forth
on whether or not we should get married, we were
pretty confident in our relationship and we knew we were
going to keep dating afterwards. But some of the things
that we got to do just even the next day
after filming, to not have cameras on you so so
often we were just really able to to build this
this amazing foundation in the pods UM and then you know,
(40:18):
you're just filming for weeks and weeks and weeks, and
then we were able to even build on that foundation
more afterwards. So I almost just wish we got a
little more time to do some of the things we
did um during or after filming during filming, But I
wouldn't change outside of you know that and maybe some
of the other elements that go into filming, I wouldn't
change anything we had. We spent a lot of time
(40:40):
getting to know each other. We spent a lot of
energy trying to figure out if we should be together,
and I think that went a long way to making
us be where we are today and ultimately saying yes
at the altar too. Second question, why did you decide
to go online? Is blind? This question is um It's
so funny to me because it's like the basic, simplest
(41:01):
answer in the world. They actually found me on LinkedIn
and sent me a message. I had heard of the
show just because everyone was talking about it. I had
never watched it until then, and after watching it, it
was actually seeing um Lauren and Cameron and and the Barnetts, Um,
Amber and Matt get together and have these sort of
(41:23):
authentic relationships even though they were very different, and it
addressed my biggest critique of dating, which was that everybody
has a million opportunities or at least use it that
way that the next person is won't swipe away. So
when I decided to go on this, it was like, oh, okay, well,
I'm actually gonna get to know fifteen women. I'm going
(41:43):
to find out if any of them are a good
fit for me. But ultimately, like, I'm getting rid of
all those distractions and I'm able to focus, and the
other people are doing the same thing, so I'm not
going to have to worry about a lot of the
things that you worry about after you go on a
date with someone that you need on a dating app.
So ultimately it was just it eliminated all my critiques
of the dating world and put me in a situation
(42:05):
where it's all I had to do was focus focus
on it, and all, um, in this case, Danielle had
to do was was focus on it, and we were
able to obviously build a great relationship because of that.
So that would be, uh, my main reason why I
went on the show. All right, what was the moment
you knew Danielle was the one? Um, There's two answers
to this question. The first one was the she was
(42:28):
probably the tenth person that I talked to on day one,
and you speed date all fifteen men and all fifteen
women for seven minutes each, and I was already getting fatigued.
I hadn't and everyone was a beautiful, wonderful person that
I had met, all of the women are and I
just hadn't felt that connection with someone. And it was
coming to the end of the fifteen and I was thinking, oh, man,
(42:49):
well this isn't gonna work for me. And then I
met Danielle, and the moment she said hello. The energy
just shot through the pod and I could feel it.
Then on day three, she told me that I was
the only one that she wanted to be with there,
and that if I wanted to continue the experiment, that's fine.
(43:12):
If I wasn't feeling that way, that's fine too. That
she was going to go home, and so I was
taking it back even though I was feeling the connection.
And when I went back to my room that night,
I was like trying to process this, and one of
the ways I process is by writing journaling. So I
just started writing how I was feeling about Danielle, and
then all of a sudden, I was like, oh my god,
I'm in love with her. And it's the day three,
(43:34):
and so as I'm writing this, I wrote this letter
and then at the end, I wrote, you know, if
this is um, if you're reading this right now, Danielle,
I'm about to propose to you. And I saved it
on day three until I proposed on proposal day, and
I gave it to her then because I just knew
(43:55):
through that writing and getting my thoughts out that she
was going to be the one. How do you tell
if a guy's interest did in you I will say
this over and over until the day I die. And
this isn't just This isn't just guys. This is for anyone,
but specifically guys. If he's paying attention to you, if
he's responsive, if he's making time for you, he likes you.
(44:16):
If he's not, if he's playing games, if he's not
returning calls or texts, or he's not following up and
making plans, he's not into you and he's just playing
a game. But when a guy makes time for you,
he you will know that he's into you, and then
he will make plans. You will want to make plans,
and you won't feel weird about asking him to. So
(44:37):
all of these things will will come together when you
meet the right person. And if they're spending the time,
they're responding, they're making plans, you're comfortable making plans and
you don't have to wonder if it's okay to text
him or if it's too soon after the date, that's
when you'll know. So just make time for each other
if you like someone, and they'll do the same for
you and you'll know that they're just in you. All right, Well,
I want to thank all of you for listening today
(44:59):
and and how men thank for having me on the host.
I want to thank all of our callers for calling
in and I hope that any advice I gave you
was helpful. I wish you all nothing but the best.
I also want to thank everyone who wrote in on
social media with all those great questions. I'm happy to
answer them and thank you all for listening today. If
you want to hear more from me, you can find
me on Instagram, which is at n Thompson five three
(45:22):
at and Thompson five W three on Instagram and uh
I feel free to shoot me over any more questions
you might have there too, So thank you and take care.
This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London
Audio Production listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app,
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