February 24, 2022 • 33 mins
Ross is the Boss. He went from "Intern" to the "Drag Race", spends his daytime answering Drew Barrymore's questions and now he's all yours! Ask away ... what do you need to know?! Ross Mathews is here to help.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is How Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hello everyone, Hey,
it's Ross Matthews. I don't know you know who I am,
but maybe you saw me on RuPaul's Drag Race as
a judge, or on Chelsea Lately or The Red Carpets
like you know Tonight Show with Jay lenn and now
I'm on the Drew Barrymore Show every single day. I'm
(00:22):
also an author, man up a name dropper two of
my books, and enough about me. I am so happy
to be guest hosting How Men Think. That's right. I'm
gonna answer all your questions and try to help you
understand how men think. I would like to understand how
men think. I have a little insight. Um, But first,
this is eleven questions with me, Ross Matthews. All right,
(00:43):
let's get into it. I don't know these questions, but
I'm going to answer them and nothing's off like off limits,
So we're just gonna go there. Up. First, what am
I known for? Well, I mean I just told you
who are you in number two? Who are you in
your purse? Still life? Oh? I'm much uh more normal
in my personal life, you know. On television, I wear
(01:05):
like you know and Drew Grace sequence and on Drew Barry.
I'm sure I wear suits, but in real life, I'm
like elastic head to toe. I live in Palm Springs
for you know, part of the year and then New
York the rest of the year. And um, I really
just enjoy being home with my fiance and watching fiance
(01:25):
like a normal person. Uh. Question number three, the three
shows that you are binge watching, Well, hello, y fiance
the other way and before the ninety Days, and then
I also watched A Single Life where um, after the
couple's inevitably break up after ninety day, they go on
that show. I know I need to get a life,
don't judge me. Question number four, what is your favorite food? Oh,
(01:47):
hands down pizza. I don't really eat it because my body.
I'm getting it together. You know, I lost sixty pounds
and um keeping it off. But I had to break
up with Pizza. It was hard for me. And uh,
whenever I see him, it's still still hurts. Uh. Number five,
tell us about your career. Well, you know, I always
wanted to be on television ever since I was a
little kid growing up in a farm town and now
(02:08):
I just celebrated twenty years on TV starting at the
Tonight Show with Jay Leno was a correspondent and you know,
still going, still going. Question number six, what is my
biggest fear in life? You know, I really think it's
not living up to my potential. I know that it
should be like heights or something like that. But I
used to be afraid of heights until I went skydiving.
(02:30):
That'll cure that. Question number seven, what is my biggest pet? Peeves? Oh?
How are people who are like just mean for no reason?
Like sometimes you know, like you have to stand up
for yourself or you have to point out that something's
wrong or fight injustice and you have to, you know,
really go there. But some people are just malicious just
(02:51):
for the sake of it. Yeah, I don't like those people.
Question number eight, What makes me the most happy? You know,
A lot makes me happy. Um My, my fiance and
and are the life we built makes me really happy
and proud. My dogs make me happy. I have three
little rescued chihuahuas who are like so unbelievably cute. And
(03:13):
then you know, I think we all have a purpose here.
My purpose is to like communicate and make people smile.
I think so when I'm on stage and I'm creating
a moment with an audience, um or even unlike my
podcast straight Talk or here with you all, creating and
connecting is why I'm here and that makes me happy.
(03:34):
Question number nine, what is my ideal Saturday morning? Oh? Please? Okay?
I am up early because I went to bed early.
You know what I mean. I am. I live my
life like an active senior citizen. So I am up early.
I get so much done by ten am. Uh. And
then at ten am, home Goods open. So girl, you know,
I'm a home Goods because I need some sort of
chokey for that shelf right there. It's been driving me crazy.
So um. And then I got a brunch, which is
(03:56):
just a way of life. Hello homosexual and um and
uh you know, nap, try an do a little now.
If I'm in Palm Springs, I hit the penny slots
or I go uh an taking. And I'm here in
New York, you know, we just try to stay warm
because it's freezing. Number ten? What uh? What am I
(04:16):
more of an athlete or an armshare quarterback? I mean, okay,
I think these are metaphors. So because I'm not an athlete.
But in life, am I a doer? Or am I
sit back and critique er? Oh? I'm a doer, and
then I'll critique it and question number eleven. What keeps
me motivated? Well, it's the same thing. It relates back
to what my biggest fear is. What keeps me motivated
(04:40):
is to reach my potential to do what I am
meant to do here on this earth. So, um, I
keep trying. I don't like a work in progress. I
like the idea of perfection in progress because I don't
think we ever achieved it, but we can always keep trying.
All right. That's enough for me though, because I know
you have questions and you've been hitting up the instagram
How Men Thinks? So coming up, we're turning it around
(05:02):
on you. I'm gonna be answering your questions. Hi again
me Ross Matthews guests so saying how men think this week?
And we have turned the reins over to you. You
have questions for me. These have been written in on
(05:23):
the Instagram How Men Think? Let's get going. Here's our
first question. It says, Ross, You're the life of the party. Well,
thanks for noticing. Have you always been this outgoing? Do
guys like it when a girl is the life of
the party or is it intimidating? Well, okay, that's a
two parter. So have I always been this outgoing girl?
I've just always been me, you know what I mean?
And I remember there was a time when, um, I
(05:46):
realized like how different I was from everybody else, and
I thought, oh, I could really just hate myself or
I could just be all in. And it was so
much easier just to be all in, right, It took
so much more effort to hate. So I've just always
been like this. And then do people lie get when
other people are the life of the party? Are isn't intimidating?
It depends on the person. Um Some some people are
(06:07):
really turned off by it because it brings a spotlight
onto them they don't like or maybe they're competitive about
the spotlight. So I think it's better when relationships have
a flower and a gardener. Have you heard that that
metaphor before? Where one person likes the spotlight and the
other person loves to be a support system. If you
(06:28):
can find that sort of dynamic, you've got you've got
a good relationship going. All right. Next question, when did
you know you were ready to settle down? Was it
full speed ahead once you're ready, or did you ever
second guess making a relationship official? Well, uh, for me
and my fiance Wellington, it was a no brainer. We met.
It started with a breakfast burrito on a rooftop pool
(06:49):
in Portavarta. It was like nine in the morning and
I saw him and we started talking and it felt
like I had known him my whole life. And so no,
I didn't pump any break are you can When you
win the lottery, what do you do? You rush to
put that check in the bank. So about a year
into our relationship, I put a ring on it, and
now we're planning the wedding. Next question, you're a homeowner.
(07:11):
How do you make sure your home feels equally like
one partner's home as the others. Yeah, so I I've
you know, I've had many homes, but this is the
first time that I bought a home with somebody. Uh.
My fiance and I just purchased a new home on
the East Coast. I'll always still live in Palm Springs,
but the home is beautiful and it is important. You
(07:31):
cannot be overbearing when you are decorating a home or
it's going to feel like one person is a guest
in a home. So you know, I think you have
to have equal part power of veto where uh if
if I like something and I want it and my
fiance Willington vetos it, it's it's sorry, you're not coming
(07:51):
home with us. So you don't have to love everything,
but you do have to have that ultimate power to
say noope. Next question, As a judge RuPaul's dag race,
you watch how others express themselves. How do you help
a partner that doesn't know how to express their needs
and wants? Well, girl, I don't know how to help you,
because if you're with a partner that doesn't know how
(08:12):
to express what they need and want, then your partner
needs to do work on themselves because I don't think
you're capable of being in a grown up a relationship
if you are not a fully formed version of yourself.
And it sounds like maybe the person you're with needs
a little time back in the oven to fully bake
all right. Next question, what if a guy is not
funny through text at the beginning of the talking stage.
(08:34):
Is this a red flag? If I'm looking for a
fun and adventurous partner. I don't know if it's a
red flag. Some people are good text, like you know,
I give good text. I have to say my punctuation
is on point to think very much, and I'm able
to use a little riotion and emojis to be hilarious.
But maybe that's not the right forum. I would certainly
give this person a chance. I are l in real
(08:57):
life before you discard them, But I will say no
sense of humor is always a red flag. Up next,
As a woman in my thirties, I'm so over being single.
Am I settling if I reevaluate my standards? If I
do reevaluate my standards, will I be unhappy in my
future relationship? You know, we talked about this on The
(09:18):
Drew Barrymore Show. All the time Drew talks about when
she was younger, she wanted a bad boy and uh,
you know, someone with edge, And now the only priority
she has is are you nice? So I don't think
you're settling at all by reevaluating your standards. Think about it.
You're in your thirties now. You probably have been into
the same type of person or same type of guy
(09:40):
since you were like in your teens and your twenties.
How's that working out for you? So? I think you
do need to reapproach dating as somebody in your thirties now,
just like we reapproach food. Right. We used to eat
bags of fun In's Girl. I have been there, Cheetah
high um. But that's young food. And what that does
to your body now is like you know, you a
whole pizza, You're gonna be on the toilet the next day,
(10:02):
just on comfy. And you have to think about that
with men as well, because men can be junk food.
It may feel really good in the moment, but then
you're on the emotional toilet for a week or two after.
So how about just doing things that are good for us,
whether it's food or people. So if that means re evaluating,
(10:22):
I'm all in for that. Well that was fun. Thanks
for your questions. And next coming up, we're hitting the phones.
That's right, you're calling me. We're gonna do this live.
Nothing's off limits. It's Ross Matthews on how men thinks? Hi, Katie,
(10:44):
how are you? I'm good? How are you? Ross? I
am a phenomenal Now how can I help you today? Well? So, Okay,
my friends and I have been talking and we've come
to the consensus that we all agree it's okay to
check our boyfriend's phones. Check you check your check your
boyfriend's phone, like pick it up and so like when
(11:08):
he's not looking to just kind of give a little glance,
like kind of like pick it up and you know,
trying to see what kind of information we can get
out of it. But I feel kind of guilty doing it. Yeah,
and I don't know, Like I know, my friends say
that it's fine, but um, I don't know. I just
feel kind of weird. So I'm not quite sure if
(11:31):
I'm the right here. And um, you know, if he
found out, do you think he would be met? Um?
I mean we're in a relationship and we're on paper,
are sharing exactly everything, but you know, is there a
better way to check his phone without him finding out?
(11:52):
And like if if I did find something, like should
I confront him? Like I feel like I'm just presented
with all these different problems and I feel kind of guilty. Well,
let me ask you a question. Do you trust your boyfriend?
I do? I do? And like I think it's just
I'm just I'm a bit of a snoop um. And
it's not so much that I feel like I'm gonna
(12:12):
find that he's, you know, cheating on me or something,
but like I just kind of like want to see
surprises before they happen. I mean, like I feel like
I'm I'm approaching this in a more innocent way. But
I mean, am I still the jerk in this? Yes?
You are the jerk in this? Yes you are, because
(12:35):
if you trust your boyfriend, then you need to trust
your boyfriend. You can't say you trust somebody and then
check their phone. So this is on you. But if
he leaves it out, it's not It's not like he's
hiding it. So I'm just I'm just he leaves it
out because he trusts you not to check his phone.
So if you have a reason to not to not
trust your boyfriend, the growing up thing to do is
(12:55):
to ask your boyfriend about that reason. I think I
think checking somebody's phone is one of the most vile
things you can do because you're not using your grown
up girl. You want, you want the answer, you want
me to agree with you. No, No, I just hate
the answer. No, I felt fair enough. This is no.
It is such an invasion of privacy. And if you
have an issue or a concern or a question for
(13:17):
your boyfriend, use your gowing up words and ask him
about it. But it seems like the right thing to do.
But that's hard. Well, who said being a grown up
was easy? No one, no one. That's why kids don't
do it. But now you are. You are a grown up.
You're in a grown up relationship. If and if you
want this to go anywhere with him, do not. This
(13:41):
is true. I don't. I don't want this to be
like a bone of contention, Like I don't want him
to to find out that I've been sneaky, even if
I feel it was in good attentions. But you're right, actually,
just I should just talk to him because in an
adult relationship, he's just going to tell me the truth. Uh.
(14:02):
And and if you're not capable of not checking his phone,
then you're not capable of being in an adult relationship.
So just sit in that. Okay mm hmm mm hmm okay, Okay,
you got this. I appreciate it. Yes, thank you, thank you,
You're welcome. Um, don't do it. Thank you so much, Katie,
(14:24):
and good luck to you and your boyfriend. Thank you. Ross.
I'm I feel pretty good, you know, you know, aside
from what I've done, but you know, I feel good
about our future. I appreciate that. All right, Well, you
keep calling it if you need need any more help,
but be a good trusting person, all right? Up next, Hi, Sarah,
(14:45):
it's Ross. How can I help you? Well, I'm a
woman who is type A someone who likes to have
plans and always follows through. And if a date flakes
on me once, should I give him a second chance
or should I just say bye bye bye? I mean,
how many chances are too many chances? Or am I
(15:06):
being too harsh? Well? Okay, it's sort of a gut thing,
right because legitimately things can come up and people have
to cancel last minute. Right, So if you feel like, hmmmm,
this is this is this is real deal stuff, then
I would say give him another chance. But if you
just think this person is a flake, that, I mean,
it's okay to be like bye, because you know, we
(15:28):
are all really busy. I mean, I got a lot
going on, don't you. Yeah. I mean you're kind of
just saying, follow my gut. That's exactly what I'm saying,
you know, because there's no there's no right, there's no
yes or no to this because sometimes things come up.
I've had to cancel things before. I'm sure you have to,
but I don't know, Like I think there's there's a
(15:48):
lot to your intuition. So is there a guy in
particular this happened recently? Um, yeah, I mean it's it's
happened a few times. But yes, Reese Lee, and he
just said it was a mix up, you know, he
thought it was another day. But I mean it's it's
so inconvenient and disappointing when that happens, even just once.
(16:10):
It is. But do you feel like he was being
sincere mm hmm um, I actually do this time. I
think you know, I think he was. So maybe I
should just give him another chance? Yeah, one one more chance?
You get one? Yeah, if I think if if you
feel like they're their intentions are real and in their
(16:31):
in their legit, then you know I would give him
another chance. Okay, Well, thank you? That helps me? Yeah,
all right. I wish you luck, you know, and I
will tell you this, The fact that you're open to
giving someone else another chance is a really good sign
for you and love because that you're gonna have to
do that when you find even the right person. Um,
sometimes people need to take to well, that is true.
(16:54):
It's tough out there, but you've got to give people
a break sometimes and hope that they do the same
for you. Right words, Sarah words, all right, thank you,
a good luck to you. Thanks so much, take care
you too, Bye bye. Al right, next caller, Catherine, it's Ross. Hi. Um,
(17:15):
I'm so excited. It's sorry, I'm excited too, And how
can I help you? Um? Well, I guess I I
grew up in a pretty traditional conservative household. Um, and
like when I reached the age where I was allowed
to date, I was always really nervous to tell my parents,
(17:36):
Like who I was interested in? Was that? How old
when you were allowed to date? Um, seventeen seventeen, So
like you were seeing all your friends at like fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
like go on dates experience, they probably get their first kiss,
and you were just sitting there like twiddling your thumbs. Yeah.
(17:56):
I mean like a lot of my friends also grew
up in pretty conservative households too, so you know, it
wasn't I didn't feel like out of the loop, but
I guess until yeah, yeah, but um, I guess I
never really cared about like what anybody's gender was, you know,
I cared about like who they were on the inside.
(18:17):
And then, um, this past year, I met this I
met this girl, and like I really fell for her
really hard, and yeah we doo um and like we've
been together every day, um, you know since we met.
And I'm so scared to tell my parents about her. Um,
(18:39):
I just all all the questions, like all the judgment, um,
you know, like I don't know, Like I just want
to know, Like, is there is there ever going to
be a good time to tell them, like they they're
talking to There's not gonna be a good time right time,
but there is going to be the best way, okay.
(19:02):
And the best way is you have to steady yourself
for whatever reaction, you know, because because I it could
go in a variety of different ways, right, So you
need to prepare yourself for that. It's one of the
burdens that comes with being, um, a person who is
(19:23):
in same sex relationships or I don't I don't want
to label you, but I can tell you my experience
when I came out as gay to my family. One
of the things I had to reckon or reconcile was
the thought that I may lose my family to be
who I am. Yeah, I was very lucky. I was
very lucky that my family, um was wonderful, wonderful, But
(19:47):
I also didn't come from a deeply religious family. So
you need to if you're gonna be who you are,
which I suggest that you do, and be with who
you love. I think that's the best way to live, right. Um,
you need to steady yourself for the p stability that
people may not welcome that, even in your family. I
would like to think that your family is going to
(20:08):
rise up to this moment, and I really hope they do.
And they sound like they did a good job raising you.
You sound like a really good human, So I think
it takes good humans to make good humans. So I
would um anticipate them to be able to rise up
to meet you here, but also steady yourself in case
they can't. That's just the reality of it. Okay, okay, okay,
(20:32):
And no matter what, no matter what, listen to me,
listen to me say this, okay, no matter what, now
that you are perfect as is and that your love
is so special. H thank you. You're welcome and good
luck to you, Catherine. And I'm so happy you found
(20:53):
someone that makes you sound like that because I can't
see you, but I can hear you smile when you
talk about her. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you,
good luck to you. Thanks by al. Right, next on
the line, let's say hi to Jennifer. Hi, Well, thanks
(21:15):
for calling in And how can I help you? Okay,
So I need some advice. Um, I'm someone who's really
into fashion. Yeah, I love to dress up and I'm
really I'm sorry my arm No, I hope that was
you wearing like something with bells on it? Is that? What? Yeah?
That's my phone? Sorry? What are you wearing right now?
(21:37):
Can I ask you, Jennifer, if you're into fashion, like
what I what outfit do you have on today? Okay?
So I have these nice high waisted um like their pants,
but they're like, um cinched in the waist. They have
buttoned their like emerald green kind of like army pants,
but like you know, like the baggy kind and uh
a nice little like it's like it's like I can't
(22:00):
it's like a cammy but it's like a has embroidered
stuff on it. Um, Cammy is in camusol and so
what you're saying, yeah, I love you, I love you
abbreviated camusa for that for me, thank you, thank you?
Like a visual And what kind of shoe would you
pair with this outfit? Oh? You know, like a nice
black standard boot tight on the ankle, but the pants
(22:22):
obviously are freda be over understood myself and wearing a
silk button up under a cardigan or a cardi. Um
that's green, black, brown SNEeSe and a purple back. Isn't
that interesting? It's like, yeah, okay, let's focus now, Jennifer,
you're into fashion. What do you I love purple too.
(22:44):
I usually look like Barney where I wear purple, so
I try to use it sparingly, Jennifer, focus, What do
you need for me? Okay? So I'm really creative with
my outfits, you know that. Um. But I'm having a
hard time with the menum dating and their fashion sense
because I'm really it's something I focus on. UM. So, like,
I really find a guy attractive unless he's really dressed impeccably.
(23:07):
And I'm wondering if like I'm being too picky or
how I can deal with that, Like, is it rude
to tell somebody that, like, I don't like his wardrobe,
and like, how do I inchum into good taste? One
he has horrible taste, or like I don't know, like
are there nice phrases that I can suggest, like if
he's wearing an ugly shirt or pants, or like I
don't like shoes, or I don't know how to approach
(23:29):
this dilemma. Well, a couple a couple of things. Okay,
I'm gonna break a couple of things down. One who
asked you about his clothes for starters who asked, maybe
he likes it? Right, So you cannot try to date
a version of yourself because um, there's only one of you, right,
So you need to be open to meeting somebody who
has their own definition of good taste, because because like
(23:53):
you know, you don't make the rules. Right. Yeah, let
me give you an example. We have different areas of interest,
and it doesn't mean we're not compatible. If your hearts
and your rhythms and your personalities are compatible, it's kind
of a beautiful thing to be very different. For example,
I know I'm like an encyclopedia of pop culture and knowledge.
My fiance Wellington, he's an academic. He doesn't know anything
(24:16):
of anybody, what anybody is. We went to dinner with
Rosie o'donald one time and my friend and I was like,
a Rosie's you know, and he's like, oh yeah, So
we hit this great dinner and afterwards he said she's
so nice, like oh yeah. He goes, she doesn't look
like she looked on the sitcom and I said, no
talk show and he goes, no sitcom Roxanne. And I
was like, Okay, you're so wrong. On so many level.
You thought that was Rosanne bar but it was Rosie o'donald.
(24:36):
But my but my point isn't so he doesn't know
my world that's so bad. And he's not like me,
but that doesn't mean that that he's not perfect for me.
So if you were to find a guy who was
wearing god forbid, pleaded khakis and like a like a
gray polo and why, I mean, can you even imagine
like a vel gros shoe, Like you kind of have
(24:59):
to find the beauty be in his differences with you,
if his heart is pure, if his intentions are pure,
and if he shows up for you in a beautiful
way like who cares? Yeah, it's just like I notice
it and it bothers me. There's probably things about you
that bother him. Yeah, so I think it's okay for
(25:19):
you to say, like, Babe, I hate those pants, but
are you happy in those pants? Okay, congratulations on your pants. Now, like,
let's go to lunch. You know, I don't think you
need to sit there and stew with it or resent
him for his pleated khakis. You can say it, but
if he hasn't, and you know he'll, you know, he'll
probably say, oh, can you pick them out for me?
Because I don't even care? And then there's your opening.
(25:40):
But like to like look at him and roll your
eyes and resent him for wearing that is not healthy
to just be open and be like, Babe, those pants
gots to go. And if you take a fense, then
then you say, God bless your pants. If those make
you happy, then wear them every day. But my my
guess is he's probably gonna like not even notice and
say like, okay you pick out Yeah no, yeah, I
(26:04):
mean you just saying that it makes me think, oh,
I should have more of a comedic flair on this,
like be really honest about it, just put it out
there because I get nervous about being honest, and maybe
it's better if I just say I don't like those pants,
like where'd you get them? So here's my question for
you. You You say this is an interesting You say I
get nervous being honest. Yeah, because I feel like I
(26:24):
don't want to hurt his feeling or like anybody's feelings. Yes,
but when you're partnering with somebody, you've got to say
my fiance Valentine calls it, you have to have courageous conversations.
So when you say I'm nervous to be honest, then
you've got some some work to do on you. Yeah,
(26:46):
because my question is you're nervous of what to hurt
his feelings? And then what happens if you hurt his feelings? Um,
he gets offended and doesn't, you know, want to be
with me? Do you want to be with someone who
want doesn't want to be with you at your authentic
mm hmm Yeah, I mean I guess like I'm aware
(27:09):
of how I mean. I've had people in the past
I have, you know, they've had bad reactions to me,
picking out what they don't like, what I don't like,
you know, in what they're wearing, and then they're just
offended and they're like, you know, curse at me. Well
that's unfortunate because because if you're being honest with someone
(27:32):
with good intentions and kindness, that can only lead to
a better place and a better understanding. But you've got
to go in. You have to say it with all us,
say it with kindness, and say it with good intentions.
So if you if you want to say something, if
you need to say something, you do it that way.
But my my question too is like, is he a
good human who makes you feel good? Yeah? Yeah, so far,
(27:56):
so far, so you know, maybe maybe we fcus on
that and not on the terrible style. Okay, okay, okay,
thank you, thank you, and good luck to you. Thanks,
have a good day you too. And finally, let's say
hello to Kelly. Hi there, Hi, I'm wonderful and I'm
(28:20):
here to help. This is how many thinks. Let let
me let me take a swing at it. What do
you need? I am exhausted, Like I'm on the dating
apps and it is rough out here. Um the dating
app I'm on it requires the woman to send the
first message, and I really put like time and thought
(28:40):
into it. To come up with these like funny and
woody lines. I mean, I definitely think they're funny and woody,
but I literally like it's silent on the other end,
And I don't know, should I just be more casual?
Is it's just intimidating to guys? Or what are some
like fun and like funny and cute or like sexy
lines that I can send to actually like get some
(29:01):
attention and return, or like I'm lost. God, you know,
it is so tough out there, and the apps I
think just make it worse because it almost takes like this,
like the humanity out of it, you know. Um, I
would honestly like, Okay, I think you have to take
a multi pronged approach at dating. I think you have
(29:24):
to hit the apps and multiple apps because you need
different approaches. Right, So the app you're on the woman
is supposed to say hello first, okay, great? Do that?
You gotta get another one's too, you know, um, because
I just think, you know, if you were like fishing
for fish, right and you had multiple polls, why not
throw them all out there to catch the right one, right?
(29:46):
And then I also need you to be out there
in the real world too, and I know, right now
that's sort of tough because the world's shut down in
many ways, but it's you know, it's still doable. You know.
The Pilgrims just put the hair on a pony, a
little lip gloss on, and they went and sat at
a bar and ordered a cocktail and like let the
whole place know they were by themselves. You know, I
think you got to do that more so many times
people go out with a group of friends. No one
(30:08):
hits on you and a group of friends, You've got
to go by yourself into the real world and look up.
Don't be on your phone, just look up and be there.
You will be shocked at how many people you'll meet
I r L in real life. That's true. Um, are
you are you open to trying Are you open to
(30:29):
trying another app? Yeah? I mean I guess I didn't
really think about that, but you're you're right. I mean,
maybe it's the approach within itself that just isn't working
for me, or you know, maybe I should try a
variety and see, like if I'm getting different responses or
feedback in other places. Totally. I like the idea of
like having one attitude on on one app and then
(30:51):
like a slightly different version of yourself. I mean it's
all you, right, but like you know, there's you at
work and there's you um at the club right, very
different me. So if one of your apps is like
you at work, I mean there's no issue. And I'm
not saying like you know, how how down. I'm just saying, like,
(31:12):
you know, maybe like highlight another aspect of your personality
and another app. Yeah, it's a good idea. M. And
then it is a lot of work. But what Okay,
but anything you want in life that is worth it
is work. You know, finding a partner is work because
you've got to get out of the house. You've got
(31:32):
to you've got to be present. You can't be like
on on Instagram, you know, scrolling. You've got to be present.
You have to be interested, you have to be interesting,
you have to show up and you have to have
follow through. It is not easy work finding the love
of your life. But it is worth it. Thanks for
reminding me of that part. M. Okay, I'm not worried
(31:55):
about you. I'll tell you why, because you've identified the problem. M.
You've identified that, like you're putting this effort out there
and not getting a return, so you need to change
your approach. Yeah, m hmm, just like you would with
anything else in the world, you know. So I think
(32:15):
you've got this, and uh, there are some people who, um,
I would like sit and like really lecture. You're not
going to be one of them. Thanks. I guess I'll
just create some more profiles and make some fun out
of it. Yeah, and go out in the to the
real world too. Okay, I'll be present. Don't go out
with a gup of friends. Like I said, go there,
sit there, make some eye contact, look around, smile at people. Um.
(32:38):
You know, that's how they used to do it back
in the cave days, and so let's do it that
way again. Okay. I'll make it fun. Yes, and have
fun with it. Really. I know it's like it feels
like you're running to something, but you gotta enjoy the journey. Yeah,
all right, thanks for the motivation. I'm gonna I'll do it.
I'll do good good luck And you want to hold down,
(33:00):
you should a hog down to you if you want to.
I might have to do that too, just a little bit,
a little a little hold down never hurt anybody. Thank you,
Thank you, Kelly you, good luck to you, Thank you
for your time, Thank you well, this has been so
much fun. Um you know, getting to know you have
you get to know me a little bit more. Taking
your calls was my favorite part. So thank you for
all of you who reached out. If you want to
(33:23):
hang out with me more, you can do it every
single weekday on The Drew Barrymore Show and of course
on RuPaul's Drag Race, airing now season fourteen, Fridays at
eight on v h one. Or you can listen to
my podcast Straight Talk with Ross Matthews and until next time,
have funny guys and be safe. This is how men think.
An I Heart Radio London audio production. Listen each Thursday
(33:46):
on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is How Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hello everyone, Hey,
it's Ross Matthews. I don't know you know who I am,
but maybe you saw me on RuPaul's Drag Race as
a judge, or on Chelsea Lately or The Red Carpets
like you know Tonight Show with Jay lenn and now
I'm on the Drew Barrymore Show every single day. I'm
(00:22):
also an author, man up a name dropper two of
my books, and enough about me. I am so happy
to be guest hosting How Men Think. That's right. I'm
gonna answer all your questions and try to help you
understand how men think. I would like to understand how
men think. I have a little insight. Um, But first,
this is eleven questions with me, Ross Matthews. All right,
(00:43):
let's get into it. I don't know these questions, but
I'm going to answer them and nothing's off like off limits,
So we're just gonna go there. Up. First, what am
I known for? Well, I mean I just told you
who are you in number two? Who are you in
your purse? Still life? Oh? I'm much uh more normal
in my personal life, you know. On television, I wear
(01:05):
like you know and Drew Grace sequence and on Drew Barry.
I'm sure I wear suits, but in real life, I'm
like elastic head to toe. I live in Palm Springs
for you know, part of the year and then New
York the rest of the year. And um, I really
just enjoy being home with my fiance and watching fiance
(01:25):
like a normal person. Uh. Question number three, the three
shows that you are binge watching, Well, hello, y fiance
the other way and before the ninety Days, and then
I also watched A Single Life where um, after the
couple's inevitably break up after ninety day, they go on
that show. I know I need to get a life,
don't judge me. Question number four, what is your favorite food? Oh,
(01:47):
hands down pizza. I don't really eat it because my body.
I'm getting it together. You know, I lost sixty pounds
and um keeping it off. But I had to break
up with Pizza. It was hard for me. And uh,
whenever I see him, it's still still hurts. Uh. Number five,
tell us about your career. Well, you know, I always
wanted to be on television ever since I was a
little kid growing up in a farm town and now
(02:08):
I just celebrated twenty years on TV starting at the
Tonight Show with Jay Leno was a correspondent and you know,
still going, still going. Question number six, what is my
biggest fear in life? You know, I really think it's
not living up to my potential. I know that it
should be like heights or something like that. But I
used to be afraid of heights until I went skydiving.
(02:30):
That'll cure that. Question number seven, what is my biggest pet? Peeves? Oh?
How are people who are like just mean for no reason?
Like sometimes you know, like you have to stand up
for yourself or you have to point out that something's
wrong or fight injustice and you have to, you know,
really go there. But some people are just malicious just
(02:51):
for the sake of it. Yeah, I don't like those people.
Question number eight, What makes me the most happy? You know,
A lot makes me happy. Um My, my fiance and
and are the life we built makes me really happy
and proud. My dogs make me happy. I have three
little rescued chihuahuas who are like so unbelievably cute. And
(03:13):
then you know, I think we all have a purpose here.
My purpose is to like communicate and make people smile.
I think so when I'm on stage and I'm creating
a moment with an audience, um or even unlike my
podcast straight Talk or here with you all, creating and
connecting is why I'm here and that makes me happy.
(03:34):
Question number nine, what is my ideal Saturday morning? Oh? Please? Okay?
I am up early because I went to bed early.
You know what I mean. I am. I live my
life like an active senior citizen. So I am up early.
I get so much done by ten am. Uh. And
then at ten am, home Goods open. So girl, you know,
I'm a home Goods because I need some sort of
chokey for that shelf right there. It's been driving me crazy.
So um. And then I got a brunch, which is
(03:56):
just a way of life. Hello homosexual and um and
uh you know, nap, try an do a little now.
If I'm in Palm Springs, I hit the penny slots
or I go uh an taking. And I'm here in
New York, you know, we just try to stay warm
because it's freezing. Number ten? What uh? What am I
(04:16):
more of an athlete or an armshare quarterback? I mean, okay,
I think these are metaphors. So because I'm not an athlete.
But in life, am I a doer? Or am I
sit back and critique er? Oh? I'm a doer, and
then I'll critique it and question number eleven. What keeps
me motivated? Well, it's the same thing. It relates back
to what my biggest fear is. What keeps me motivated
(04:40):
is to reach my potential to do what I am
meant to do here on this earth. So, um, I
keep trying. I don't like a work in progress. I
like the idea of perfection in progress because I don't
think we ever achieved it, but we can always keep trying.
All right. That's enough for me though, because I know
you have questions and you've been hitting up the instagram
How Men Thinks? So coming up, we're turning it around
(05:02):
on you. I'm gonna be answering your questions. Hi again
me Ross Matthews guests so saying how men think this week?
And we have turned the reins over to you. You
have questions for me. These have been written in on
(05:23):
the Instagram How Men Think? Let's get going. Here's our
first question. It says, Ross, You're the life of the party. Well,
thanks for noticing. Have you always been this outgoing? Do
guys like it when a girl is the life of
the party or is it intimidating? Well, okay, that's a
two parter. So have I always been this outgoing girl?
I've just always been me, you know what I mean?
And I remember there was a time when, um, I
(05:46):
realized like how different I was from everybody else, and
I thought, oh, I could really just hate myself or
I could just be all in. And it was so
much easier just to be all in, right, It took
so much more effort to hate. So I've just always
been like this. And then do people lie get when
other people are the life of the party? Are isn't intimidating?
It depends on the person. Um Some some people are
(06:07):
really turned off by it because it brings a spotlight
onto them they don't like or maybe they're competitive about
the spotlight. So I think it's better when relationships have
a flower and a gardener. Have you heard that that
metaphor before? Where one person likes the spotlight and the
other person loves to be a support system. If you
(06:28):
can find that sort of dynamic, you've got you've got
a good relationship going. All right. Next question, when did
you know you were ready to settle down? Was it
full speed ahead once you're ready, or did you ever
second guess making a relationship official? Well, uh, for me
and my fiance Wellington, it was a no brainer. We met.
It started with a breakfast burrito on a rooftop pool
(06:49):
in Portavarta. It was like nine in the morning and
I saw him and we started talking and it felt
like I had known him my whole life. And so no,
I didn't pump any break are you can When you
win the lottery, what do you do? You rush to
put that check in the bank. So about a year
into our relationship, I put a ring on it, and
now we're planning the wedding. Next question, you're a homeowner.
(07:11):
How do you make sure your home feels equally like
one partner's home as the others. Yeah, so I I've
you know, I've had many homes, but this is the
first time that I bought a home with somebody. Uh.
My fiance and I just purchased a new home on
the East Coast. I'll always still live in Palm Springs,
but the home is beautiful and it is important. You
(07:31):
cannot be overbearing when you are decorating a home or
it's going to feel like one person is a guest
in a home. So you know, I think you have
to have equal part power of veto where uh if
if I like something and I want it and my
fiance Willington vetos it, it's it's sorry, you're not coming
(07:51):
home with us. So you don't have to love everything,
but you do have to have that ultimate power to
say noope. Next question, As a judge RuPaul's dag race,
you watch how others express themselves. How do you help
a partner that doesn't know how to express their needs
and wants? Well, girl, I don't know how to help you,
because if you're with a partner that doesn't know how
(08:12):
to express what they need and want, then your partner
needs to do work on themselves because I don't think
you're capable of being in a grown up a relationship
if you are not a fully formed version of yourself.
And it sounds like maybe the person you're with needs
a little time back in the oven to fully bake
all right. Next question, what if a guy is not
funny through text at the beginning of the talking stage.
(08:34):
Is this a red flag? If I'm looking for a
fun and adventurous partner. I don't know if it's a
red flag. Some people are good text, like you know,
I give good text. I have to say my punctuation
is on point to think very much, and I'm able
to use a little riotion and emojis to be hilarious.
But maybe that's not the right forum. I would certainly
give this person a chance. I are l in real
(08:57):
life before you discard them, But I will say no
sense of humor is always a red flag. Up next,
As a woman in my thirties, I'm so over being single.
Am I settling if I reevaluate my standards? If I
do reevaluate my standards, will I be unhappy in my
future relationship? You know, we talked about this on The
(09:18):
Drew Barrymore Show. All the time Drew talks about when
she was younger, she wanted a bad boy and uh,
you know, someone with edge, And now the only priority
she has is are you nice? So I don't think
you're settling at all by reevaluating your standards. Think about it.
You're in your thirties now. You probably have been into
the same type of person or same type of guy
(09:40):
since you were like in your teens and your twenties.
How's that working out for you? So? I think you
do need to reapproach dating as somebody in your thirties now,
just like we reapproach food. Right. We used to eat
bags of fun In's Girl. I have been there, Cheetah
high um. But that's young food. And what that does
to your body now is like you know, you a
whole pizza, You're gonna be on the toilet the next day,
(10:02):
just on comfy. And you have to think about that
with men as well, because men can be junk food.
It may feel really good in the moment, but then
you're on the emotional toilet for a week or two after.
So how about just doing things that are good for us,
whether it's food or people. So if that means re evaluating,
(10:22):
I'm all in for that. Well that was fun. Thanks
for your questions. And next coming up, we're hitting the phones.
That's right, you're calling me. We're gonna do this live.
Nothing's off limits. It's Ross Matthews on how men thinks? Hi, Katie,
(10:44):
how are you? I'm good? How are you? Ross? I
am a phenomenal Now how can I help you today? Well? So, Okay,
my friends and I have been talking and we've come
to the consensus that we all agree it's okay to
check our boyfriend's phones. Check you check your check your
boyfriend's phone, like pick it up and so like when
(11:08):
he's not looking to just kind of give a little glance,
like kind of like pick it up and you know,
trying to see what kind of information we can get
out of it. But I feel kind of guilty doing it. Yeah,
and I don't know, Like I know, my friends say
that it's fine, but um, I don't know. I just
feel kind of weird. So I'm not quite sure if
(11:31):
I'm the right here. And um, you know, if he
found out, do you think he would be met? Um?
I mean we're in a relationship and we're on paper,
are sharing exactly everything, but you know, is there a
better way to check his phone without him finding out?
(11:52):
And like if if I did find something, like should
I confront him? Like I feel like I'm just presented
with all these different problems and I feel kind of guilty. Well,
let me ask you a question. Do you trust your boyfriend?
I do? I do? And like I think it's just
I'm just I'm a bit of a snoop um. And
it's not so much that I feel like I'm gonna
(12:12):
find that he's, you know, cheating on me or something,
but like I just kind of like want to see
surprises before they happen. I mean, like I feel like
I'm I'm approaching this in a more innocent way. But
I mean, am I still the jerk in this? Yes?
You are the jerk in this? Yes you are, because
(12:35):
if you trust your boyfriend, then you need to trust
your boyfriend. You can't say you trust somebody and then
check their phone. So this is on you. But if
he leaves it out, it's not It's not like he's
hiding it. So I'm just I'm just he leaves it
out because he trusts you not to check his phone.
So if you have a reason to not to not
trust your boyfriend, the growing up thing to do is
(12:55):
to ask your boyfriend about that reason. I think I
think checking somebody's phone is one of the most vile
things you can do because you're not using your grown
up girl. You want, you want the answer, you want
me to agree with you. No, No, I just hate
the answer. No, I felt fair enough. This is no.
It is such an invasion of privacy. And if you
have an issue or a concern or a question for
(13:17):
your boyfriend, use your gowing up words and ask him
about it. But it seems like the right thing to do.
But that's hard. Well, who said being a grown up
was easy? No one, no one. That's why kids don't
do it. But now you are. You are a grown up.
You're in a grown up relationship. If and if you
want this to go anywhere with him, do not. This
(13:41):
is true. I don't. I don't want this to be
like a bone of contention, Like I don't want him
to to find out that I've been sneaky, even if
I feel it was in good attentions. But you're right, actually,
just I should just talk to him because in an
adult relationship, he's just going to tell me the truth. Uh.
(14:02):
And and if you're not capable of not checking his phone,
then you're not capable of being in an adult relationship.
So just sit in that. Okay mm hmm mm hmm okay, Okay,
you got this. I appreciate it. Yes, thank you, thank you,
You're welcome. Um, don't do it. Thank you so much, Katie,
(14:24):
and good luck to you and your boyfriend. Thank you. Ross.
I'm I feel pretty good, you know, you know, aside
from what I've done, but you know, I feel good
about our future. I appreciate that. All right, Well, you
keep calling it if you need need any more help,
but be a good trusting person, all right? Up next, Hi, Sarah,
(14:45):
it's Ross. How can I help you? Well, I'm a
woman who is type A someone who likes to have
plans and always follows through. And if a date flakes
on me once, should I give him a second chance
or should I just say bye bye bye? I mean,
how many chances are too many chances? Or am I
(15:06):
being too harsh? Well? Okay, it's sort of a gut thing,
right because legitimately things can come up and people have
to cancel last minute. Right, So if you feel like, hmmmm,
this is this is this is real deal stuff, then
I would say give him another chance. But if you
just think this person is a flake, that, I mean,
it's okay to be like bye, because you know, we
(15:28):
are all really busy. I mean, I got a lot
going on, don't you. Yeah. I mean you're kind of
just saying, follow my gut. That's exactly what I'm saying,
you know, because there's no there's no right, there's no
yes or no to this because sometimes things come up.
I've had to cancel things before. I'm sure you have to,
but I don't know, Like I think there's there's a
(15:48):
lot to your intuition. So is there a guy in
particular this happened recently? Um, yeah, I mean it's it's
happened a few times. But yes, Reese Lee, and he
just said it was a mix up, you know, he
thought it was another day. But I mean it's it's
so inconvenient and disappointing when that happens, even just once.
(16:10):
It is. But do you feel like he was being
sincere mm hmm um, I actually do this time. I
think you know, I think he was. So maybe I
should just give him another chance? Yeah, one one more chance?
You get one? Yeah, if I think if if you
feel like they're their intentions are real and in their
(16:31):
in their legit, then you know I would give him
another chance. Okay, Well, thank you? That helps me? Yeah,
all right. I wish you luck, you know, and I
will tell you this, The fact that you're open to
giving someone else another chance is a really good sign
for you and love because that you're gonna have to
do that when you find even the right person. Um,
sometimes people need to take to well, that is true.
(16:54):
It's tough out there, but you've got to give people
a break sometimes and hope that they do the same
for you. Right words, Sarah words, all right, thank you,
a good luck to you. Thanks so much, take care
you too, Bye bye. Al right, next caller, Catherine, it's Ross. Hi. Um,
(17:15):
I'm so excited. It's sorry, I'm excited too, And how
can I help you? Um? Well, I guess I I
grew up in a pretty traditional conservative household. Um, and
like when I reached the age where I was allowed
to date, I was always really nervous to tell my parents,
(17:36):
Like who I was interested in? Was that? How old
when you were allowed to date? Um, seventeen seventeen, So
like you were seeing all your friends at like fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
like go on dates experience, they probably get their first kiss,
and you were just sitting there like twiddling your thumbs. Yeah.
(17:56):
I mean like a lot of my friends also grew
up in pretty conservative households too, so you know, it
wasn't I didn't feel like out of the loop, but
I guess until yeah, yeah, but um, I guess I
never really cared about like what anybody's gender was, you know,
I cared about like who they were on the inside.
(18:17):
And then, um, this past year, I met this I
met this girl, and like I really fell for her
really hard, and yeah we doo um and like we've
been together every day, um, you know since we met.
And I'm so scared to tell my parents about her. Um,
(18:39):
I just all all the questions, like all the judgment, um,
you know, like I don't know, Like I just want
to know, Like, is there is there ever going to
be a good time to tell them, like they they're
talking to There's not gonna be a good time right time,
but there is going to be the best way, okay.
(19:02):
And the best way is you have to steady yourself
for whatever reaction, you know, because because I it could
go in a variety of different ways, right, So you
need to prepare yourself for that. It's one of the
burdens that comes with being, um, a person who is
(19:23):
in same sex relationships or I don't I don't want
to label you, but I can tell you my experience
when I came out as gay to my family. One
of the things I had to reckon or reconcile was
the thought that I may lose my family to be
who I am. Yeah, I was very lucky. I was
very lucky that my family, um was wonderful, wonderful, But
(19:47):
I also didn't come from a deeply religious family. So
you need to if you're gonna be who you are,
which I suggest that you do, and be with who
you love. I think that's the best way to live, right. Um,
you need to steady yourself for the p stability that
people may not welcome that, even in your family. I
would like to think that your family is going to
(20:08):
rise up to this moment, and I really hope they do.
And they sound like they did a good job raising you.
You sound like a really good human, So I think
it takes good humans to make good humans. So I
would um anticipate them to be able to rise up
to meet you here, but also steady yourself in case
they can't. That's just the reality of it. Okay, okay, okay,
(20:32):
And no matter what, no matter what, listen to me,
listen to me say this, okay, no matter what, now
that you are perfect as is and that your love
is so special. H thank you. You're welcome and good
luck to you, Catherine. And I'm so happy you found
(20:53):
someone that makes you sound like that because I can't
see you, but I can hear you smile when you
talk about her. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you,
good luck to you. Thanks by al. Right, next on
the line, let's say hi to Jennifer. Hi, Well, thanks
(21:15):
for calling in And how can I help you? Okay,
So I need some advice. Um, I'm someone who's really
into fashion. Yeah, I love to dress up and I'm
really I'm sorry my arm No, I hope that was
you wearing like something with bells on it? Is that? What? Yeah?
That's my phone? Sorry? What are you wearing right now?
(21:37):
Can I ask you, Jennifer, if you're into fashion, like
what I what outfit do you have on today? Okay?
So I have these nice high waisted um like their pants,
but they're like, um cinched in the waist. They have
buttoned their like emerald green kind of like army pants,
but like you know, like the baggy kind and uh
a nice little like it's like it's like I can't
(22:00):
it's like a cammy but it's like a has embroidered
stuff on it. Um, Cammy is in camusol and so
what you're saying, yeah, I love you, I love you
abbreviated camusa for that for me, thank you, thank you?
Like a visual And what kind of shoe would you
pair with this outfit? Oh? You know, like a nice
black standard boot tight on the ankle, but the pants
(22:22):
obviously are freda be over understood myself and wearing a
silk button up under a cardigan or a cardi. Um
that's green, black, brown SNEeSe and a purple back. Isn't
that interesting? It's like, yeah, okay, let's focus now, Jennifer,
you're into fashion. What do you I love purple too.
(22:44):
I usually look like Barney where I wear purple, so
I try to use it sparingly, Jennifer, focus, What do
you need for me? Okay? So I'm really creative with
my outfits, you know that. Um. But I'm having a
hard time with the menum dating and their fashion sense
because I'm really it's something I focus on. UM. So, like,
I really find a guy attractive unless he's really dressed impeccably.
(23:07):
And I'm wondering if like I'm being too picky or
how I can deal with that, Like, is it rude
to tell somebody that, like, I don't like his wardrobe,
and like, how do I inchum into good taste? One
he has horrible taste, or like I don't know, like
are there nice phrases that I can suggest, like if
he's wearing an ugly shirt or pants, or like I
don't like shoes, or I don't know how to approach
(23:29):
this dilemma. Well, a couple a couple of things. Okay,
I'm gonna break a couple of things down. One who
asked you about his clothes for starters who asked, maybe
he likes it? Right, So you cannot try to date
a version of yourself because um, there's only one of you, right,
So you need to be open to meeting somebody who
has their own definition of good taste, because because like
(23:53):
you know, you don't make the rules. Right. Yeah, let
me give you an example. We have different areas of interest,
and it doesn't mean we're not compatible. If your hearts
and your rhythms and your personalities are compatible, it's kind
of a beautiful thing to be very different. For example,
I know I'm like an encyclopedia of pop culture and knowledge.
My fiance Wellington, he's an academic. He doesn't know anything
(24:16):
of anybody, what anybody is. We went to dinner with
Rosie o'donald one time and my friend and I was like,
a Rosie's you know, and he's like, oh yeah, So
we hit this great dinner and afterwards he said she's
so nice, like oh yeah. He goes, she doesn't look
like she looked on the sitcom and I said, no
talk show and he goes, no sitcom Roxanne. And I
was like, Okay, you're so wrong. On so many level.
You thought that was Rosanne bar but it was Rosie o'donald.
(24:36):
But my but my point isn't so he doesn't know
my world that's so bad. And he's not like me,
but that doesn't mean that that he's not perfect for me.
So if you were to find a guy who was
wearing god forbid, pleaded khakis and like a like a
gray polo and why, I mean, can you even imagine
like a vel gros shoe, Like you kind of have
(24:59):
to find the beauty be in his differences with you,
if his heart is pure, if his intentions are pure,
and if he shows up for you in a beautiful
way like who cares? Yeah, it's just like I notice
it and it bothers me. There's probably things about you
that bother him. Yeah, so I think it's okay for
(25:19):
you to say, like, Babe, I hate those pants, but
are you happy in those pants? Okay, congratulations on your pants. Now, like,
let's go to lunch. You know, I don't think you
need to sit there and stew with it or resent
him for his pleated khakis. You can say it, but
if he hasn't, and you know he'll, you know, he'll
probably say, oh, can you pick them out for me?
Because I don't even care? And then there's your opening.
(25:40):
But like to like look at him and roll your
eyes and resent him for wearing that is not healthy
to just be open and be like, Babe, those pants
gots to go. And if you take a fense, then
then you say, God bless your pants. If those make
you happy, then wear them every day. But my my
guess is he's probably gonna like not even notice and
say like, okay you pick out Yeah no, yeah, I
(26:04):
mean you just saying that it makes me think, oh,
I should have more of a comedic flair on this,
like be really honest about it, just put it out
there because I get nervous about being honest, and maybe
it's better if I just say I don't like those pants,
like where'd you get them? So here's my question for
you. You You say this is an interesting You say I
get nervous being honest. Yeah, because I feel like I
(26:24):
don't want to hurt his feeling or like anybody's feelings. Yes,
but when you're partnering with somebody, you've got to say
my fiance Valentine calls it, you have to have courageous conversations.
So when you say I'm nervous to be honest, then
you've got some some work to do on you. Yeah,
(26:46):
because my question is you're nervous of what to hurt
his feelings? And then what happens if you hurt his feelings? Um,
he gets offended and doesn't, you know, want to be
with me? Do you want to be with someone who
want doesn't want to be with you at your authentic
mm hmm Yeah, I mean I guess like I'm aware
(27:09):
of how I mean. I've had people in the past
I have, you know, they've had bad reactions to me,
picking out what they don't like, what I don't like,
you know, in what they're wearing, and then they're just
offended and they're like, you know, curse at me. Well
that's unfortunate because because if you're being honest with someone
(27:32):
with good intentions and kindness, that can only lead to
a better place and a better understanding. But you've got
to go in. You have to say it with all us,
say it with kindness, and say it with good intentions.
So if you if you want to say something, if
you need to say something, you do it that way.
But my my question too is like, is he a
good human who makes you feel good? Yeah? Yeah, so far,
(27:56):
so far, so you know, maybe maybe we fcus on
that and not on the terrible style. Okay, okay, okay,
thank you, thank you, and good luck to you. Thanks,
have a good day you too. And finally, let's say
hello to Kelly. Hi there, Hi, I'm wonderful and I'm
(28:20):
here to help. This is how many thinks. Let let
me let me take a swing at it. What do
you need? I am exhausted, Like I'm on the dating
apps and it is rough out here. Um the dating
app I'm on it requires the woman to send the
first message, and I really put like time and thought
(28:40):
into it. To come up with these like funny and
woody lines. I mean, I definitely think they're funny and woody,
but I literally like it's silent on the other end,
And I don't know, should I just be more casual?
Is it's just intimidating to guys? Or what are some
like fun and like funny and cute or like sexy
lines that I can send to actually like get some
(29:01):
attention and return, or like I'm lost. God, you know,
it is so tough out there, and the apps I
think just make it worse because it almost takes like this,
like the humanity out of it, you know. Um, I
would honestly like, Okay, I think you have to take
a multi pronged approach at dating. I think you have
(29:24):
to hit the apps and multiple apps because you need
different approaches. Right, So the app you're on the woman
is supposed to say hello first, okay, great? Do that?
You gotta get another one's too, you know, um, because
I just think, you know, if you were like fishing
for fish, right and you had multiple polls, why not
throw them all out there to catch the right one, right?
(29:46):
And then I also need you to be out there
in the real world too, and I know, right now
that's sort of tough because the world's shut down in
many ways, but it's you know, it's still doable. You know.
The Pilgrims just put the hair on a pony, a
little lip gloss on, and they went and sat at
a bar and ordered a cocktail and like let the
whole place know they were by themselves. You know, I
think you got to do that more so many times
people go out with a group of friends. No one
(30:08):
hits on you and a group of friends, You've got
to go by yourself into the real world and look up.
Don't be on your phone, just look up and be there.
You will be shocked at how many people you'll meet
I r L in real life. That's true. Um, are
you are you open to trying Are you open to
(30:29):
trying another app? Yeah? I mean I guess I didn't
really think about that, but you're you're right. I mean,
maybe it's the approach within itself that just isn't working
for me, or you know, maybe I should try a
variety and see, like if I'm getting different responses or
feedback in other places. Totally. I like the idea of
like having one attitude on on one app and then
(30:51):
like a slightly different version of yourself. I mean it's
all you, right, but like you know, there's you at
work and there's you um at the club right, very
different me. So if one of your apps is like
you at work, I mean there's no issue. And I'm
not saying like you know, how how down. I'm just saying, like,
(31:12):
you know, maybe like highlight another aspect of your personality
and another app. Yeah, it's a good idea. M. And
then it is a lot of work. But what Okay,
but anything you want in life that is worth it
is work. You know, finding a partner is work because
you've got to get out of the house. You've got
(31:32):
to you've got to be present. You can't be like
on on Instagram, you know, scrolling. You've got to be present.
You have to be interested, you have to be interesting,
you have to show up and you have to have
follow through. It is not easy work finding the love
of your life. But it is worth it. Thanks for
reminding me of that part. M. Okay, I'm not worried
(31:55):
about you. I'll tell you why, because you've identified the problem. M.
You've identified that, like you're putting this effort out there
and not getting a return, so you need to change
your approach. Yeah, m hmm, just like you would with
anything else in the world, you know. So I think
(32:15):
you've got this, and uh, there are some people who, um,
I would like sit and like really lecture. You're not
going to be one of them. Thanks. I guess I'll
just create some more profiles and make some fun out
of it. Yeah, and go out in the to the
real world too. Okay, I'll be present. Don't go out
with a gup of friends. Like I said, go there,
sit there, make some eye contact, look around, smile at people. Um.
(32:38):
You know, that's how they used to do it back
in the cave days, and so let's do it that
way again. Okay. I'll make it fun. Yes, and have
fun with it. Really. I know it's like it feels
like you're running to something, but you gotta enjoy the journey. Yeah,
all right, thanks for the motivation. I'm gonna I'll do it.
I'll do good good luck And you want to hold down,
(33:00):
you should a hog down to you if you want to.
I might have to do that too, just a little bit,
a little a little hold down never hurt anybody. Thank you,
Thank you, Kelly you, good luck to you, Thank you
for your time, Thank you well, this has been so
much fun. Um you know, getting to know you have
you get to know me a little bit more. Taking
your calls was my favorite part. So thank you for
all of you who reached out. If you want to
(33:23):
hang out with me more, you can do it every
single weekday on The Drew Barrymore Show and of course
on RuPaul's Drag Race, airing now season fourteen, Fridays at
eight on v h one. Or you can listen to
my podcast Straight Talk with Ross Matthews and until next time,
have funny guys and be safe. This is how men think.
An I Heart Radio London audio production. Listen each Thursday
(33:46):
on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
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