April 30, 2020 • 59 mins
Brooks and Ryan open up about their sex lives.
Stephanie Wolff, P.A., a leader in men's sexual health , guides the men with her advice and expertise.
"Staying at Home" non-stop (especially with kids) has led to new challenges in the bedroom and the guys are ready to discuss.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
de gra and I Hear Radio podcast. Welcome to another
episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like,
and we have no Gavin DeGraw today, we have no Rick,
we have no Dmitri, but we have the one and
only the legendary Mr Ryan O'Dell with that's Ryding's shotgun.
(00:23):
What's up, Brian? Ah, it's it's so refreshing to trim
the fat and just have the two of us right here,
to eliminate the dead weight and allow the cream to
rise to the top. And here we are. Brooks You're
in Idaho, I believe. Is that correct? I don't know,
(00:44):
I agreat cryptic. Yes, yeah, I'm I'm an Idaho. You
are in l A. That is correct. You have quite
the growth on your face right now, so have you?
Judging by the looks of you, you've completely given up
on life and they don't care how you look to
(01:04):
the outside world. Is that accurate? I'm social distancing, my friend.
It does not matter what I look like to the
outside world right now. Um. But honestly, dude, up in Idaho,
this would be like a junior beard. This would be
like a starter kit beard up here. The boys up
here runs some long beards, like they're like four or
five years deep on these things, So I'm way behind.
(01:25):
Have you grown that out longer than that during the
NHL like playoff days? No, this is the longest. There
is the longest I've ever had my beard. I'm keeping
it just to see where it goes. Who knows. I've
trimmed it a couple of times, like, trimmed it up
because it was getting wiry and bushy, um and just
like just ridiculous looking. But I trimmed it up a
couple of times. But I don't know if I've ever
seen you with the beard. You have to be clean
(01:47):
shaven for work, No, I don't. I just don't want
to ever look like you choose to um try to
portray an image of about himself and not someone who's
given up on life. And I mean it's quite the look.
You look like the UNI bomber in many ways, which
is interesting. I don't even know what he looks like.
(02:10):
Your hair is very wafty right now, though, I hope,
I hope Danielle took a picture for our Instagram. Oh
I did. Don't you worry to put you could put
him up and put a side by side with Jim
Carey from ace Ventura because he's got that part with
the big waft going to the other side. It's very um,
it's uh, it's a problem. Look, look, this is I
(02:35):
am a casualty of the quarantine and the COVID stay
at home lockdown where you can't get haircuts. So we're
just we're growing it out and this is what it is.
You know. I like it. I dig it. D um.
By the way, are you so right now Ryan and
I are doing this phone call on zoom. Are you
standing at a stand up desk? Because I see you wiggling.
(02:56):
It doesn't look like you are in a chair. I
am anna stand up desk. You are in a chair,
as to be expected. That is a beta. Move on,
your behalf. I'm an alpha, of course, who chooses to
be in a dominant position as you and the beta's
sit down behind the desk. I stand, uh and yes
(03:16):
here I am at a stand up desk. I bought
this when we were all sent home for the quarantine,
and I yeah, that's fine. So I love you man,
You're You're hilarious to me. And here's the thing. About
alpha's is alpha's never have to tell people their alpha's.
Everybody can sense that the alpha is the alpha. But
when when somebody starts talking that they're the alpha, it
(03:37):
means they are trying to prove something in Alpha's don't
have to prove something, Brooks. Let me tell you something.
A wolf does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep. Okay,
I know you put that on my post the other
day when I said some some wolves lead sheep and
other wolves lead wolves. Um, but it's good to see
(03:59):
your face, man, haven't seen for a long time. UM.
And today's discussion we're gonna get into sex and quarantine,
sex and whether or not people are feeling sexual during
this time or feeling not sexual during this time. We
have a special guest coming on with us as well. UM.
But I want to leave it up to you, brother.
(04:20):
The topic of this is kind of you wanted to
share your story with what I'm in Idaho, so I
don't have much to say about this. My wife's back
in l A. I mean, not much of that going
on right here, UM, but I want to leave it
up to you and share your story with how it's
going for you. You wanted to open up and um
discuss what your personal relationship was like during this time,
because I know for a lot of people it's been
(04:40):
very difficult. Yeah, and by the way, I will share
where I am. But just because you are in isolation
in Idaho and Julianna's in isolation in l A doesn't
mean you're off the hook. I have questions for you
as well, so I will begin. Look, it's it's more
of the same for me in the sense of, like
what I've always said, the struggle is um is making
(05:04):
time for one another. And there's no no greater challenge
than now when you have no childcare so you don't
have school. They're all closed, our child care, our nanny
who was part time, uh she has three kids of
her own, and we've all tried to do the socially
responsible thing, which is to stay home and keep the
(05:26):
circle closed. And and I'm also trying to work a
full time, full time job remotely. Uh so really we're
we're in survival mode. It's it's almost as if we're
in the same position we were when we had our
second child, which is like, unfortunately your sexual desires are
(05:47):
kind of put on the back burner in many ways
to just trying to navigate the rigors of a daily routine.
And that that begins for us at four fifteen in
the morning. One of us is getting up because our
our six month old is has been waking up at
like four thirty five, so we have to get up
heat the bottle. Uh. And then it it continues on
(06:11):
until we put them down around six five at night.
So you're on for about fourteen hours and we're trying
to trade off, and I'm trying to carve out time
during the day to give my wife a little bit
of a break. And um, all that is to say
that unless the two kids miraculously are taking their naps
(06:32):
in a similar time frame and there's some sort of overlap,
there's really no option to two to have sex with
one another. And and I know I'm gonna get crucified
saying you have to make time. What about at the
end of the day. Yes, I will tell you, Brooks,
at the end of the day, You're absolutely right, when
we finally put the kids down, that is the time
(06:52):
that technically we could be intimate with one another. But
reality is this, we are so fried by the end
of the day. Once we finally put the kids down.
We literally every day high five one another and hug
each other and we're like, oh my god, we did it.
And then we have a cocktail, we have our dinner,
(07:13):
we watched Tiger King, and by the end of that
we're ready to go to bed because we got to
get up at four fifteen the next morning. So it's
really like, um, it's it's easier said than done. It's
not to say that we haven't had opportunities and capitalize
on them, but it's it's not It's not easy. Yeah, dude,
I wanna first off, I want to commend you for sharing,
(07:35):
because that's real talk. Like that's what we want to
do on this on this podcast, is have real discussions
that that don't tiptoe around issues and we actually dive
right into them. And so I want to command you
for sharing that, and anybody who out there would be
wanting to crucify you for saying that. I mean, it's
it's real life, like it's And another thing that you
(07:58):
said in there is like, if they do more accuracy,
take a nap. At the same time, you're still working
a full time job right now, so are you in
the meeting can you get away? Are you on a
zoom call? Are you doing this podcast? Are you busy?
Are you distracted? Are you working on something for all
of those stars to align to have a little brief
period like that? I mean, you might as well buy
a lottery ticket almost. Um, so I don't I I
(08:22):
empathize with you, man, kids like I just have a dog,
and a dog is a lot um. I can't imagine
for people that don't haven't listened to the show or
new to the show, you have a six month old
and a two and a half year old, right, that's right? Yeah,
And so being at home working a full time job,
trying to help your wife out. Your wife is looking
after the kids all day long. You're trying to help
(08:44):
her out. I can imagine you guys are just exhausted
by six o'clock and you you can't take the kids
anywhere too. There there's nowhere you can go. So you're
really confined to your home. And you know Amy has
said to me, and Amy's perfect world, she said, well,
why what about when you put the kids down? Like
you can't have sex? Then it's like, yeah, okay, I
(09:04):
mean I guess you're right, Like technically, because as I
said to you, like go through in one of our
days of fourteen hours being on on on, dealing with
all that, and like you just get to the point
where you're you're now you're hungry. You haven't had to
have a meal, get a meal all day where you
sat down without a kid hanging on you or responsibilities
(09:28):
that you were trying to like adhere to in the
middle of your meal. So there's something refreshing about just
sitting next to each other on the couch and turning
on an episode of something, uh, and and just relaxing.
So okay, buddy, Well for you, my friend, to help
with this issue and help everybody out there, everybody else
out there with this issue. Um, we have a special
(09:51):
guest for you, Oh excited, special guests gonna solve all
of your problems. Brother. I would like to welcome to
the show, miss Stephanie wolf Stephanie, are you there? Hi? Guys,
(10:16):
I did your show a couple of months ago, remember
in the overs Hotel. Yeah, but it's good to see
your face. So we have Dusty and Stephanie Wolfe with
us today. Um, and Dustin's step It got you step
But Dustin was on talking about the rocket. If you
(10:36):
guys listened about the Rocket a couple of months ago
we aired that show, um, which Ryan, you weren't there
for that one, So I'd love for you to like, uh,
probably listened to it, but like stephaniely your Steph could
talk about it more. But the rocket to give you
more stronger libido. Um. But Steph, we would like to
get your insight. You are well known in dealing with UM,
(10:58):
correcting sexual hell issues and hormonal imbalances. Um, you're the
CEO of Nova's Anti aging Center. But really we're having
a discussion about why people in general and Ryan just
opened up and shared his story. Why people in general
and why Ryan, why we may be struggling with lack
(11:20):
of sexuality sexual drive um, during this really wild and
chaotic time. So I'd love to get your expertise on
what's going on with us, what's going on in the world.
Are we we now have more proximity to our partners
than ever and why is that actually leading to a
lack of sexual drive? Well, you know it's funny because
(11:43):
I'm seeing both sides of the story right now in
my clinic. I mean, we are still open a couple
of days of a week, and you know, one of
it is this is very stressful. This is the most
stressful event that will probably ever go through in our lives,
like in our lifetime if you actually think of at it.
So you know, people are losing their jobs, right, and
(12:05):
they're not making any money. They can't pay their rent
or their mortgage. They don't know how they're going to
make ends meet, and so a lot of that stress
is going to be placed on a relationship, right. And
so when you have that kind of stress on a relationship,
sex is the last thing you're thinking about for some men,
(12:25):
whereas in other men they actually they have a higher libido,
higher sex strife there, you know, more horny is what
I'm hearing when they are under a lot of stress.
So it's interesting because you do see both sides. And
that's really for anything, if you think about it. I mean,
that's we're all human here. But um, you know, all
(12:49):
the stress besides all the stress and trying to figure
out what what's coming up next. As far as you know,
nobody knows when we're going back to work. We can
all speculate and you know, no but he knows what
the economy is going to look like when we come
back to work. Of course we speculate and just overall
health and wellness. Right, so this is the time where
(13:10):
you know, people can actually start cooking at home and
enjoying each other and playing games, you know, actual board games,
remember those like back in the day board games. I
just get a new one the other night by yourself, Brooks.
Thank god. Um question for you, So Ryan, let me
(13:33):
ask you this. So I would say that I am
looking at that question. I would say that I probably
would lose my sex drive when stress ramps up, Yeah,
goes up, I would say, I probably my sex drive
would go down. Yeah. Um, that's just what I feel
right now. In the instance of this conversation, Ryan, what
do you think you would be and if stress goes up,
(13:55):
would your sex drive go down or up? I'm surprised
that you say that, Brooks, because you look very horny
right now, so you could have us I don't have
a lot of stress right now. It's hilarious. I would
say when stress goes up, yeah, the labido like that
all goes down because it's it's the last thing on
your mind. You're in, as I said, you're in survival
(14:17):
mode and when you're in survival mode. That's that has
nothing to do with survival. It's about like keeping your
family afloat, which is more important than your sex draw.
But it's interesting that you say that, because if you
think about survival mode, right, survival mode is about planting
your seed. Yeah. Right, So that's why some guys actually
(14:40):
have that higher sex strive. It's like their natural release
of kind of getting out, you know, their engst nous
from it. But what would you say the percentage of
guys who's whose libido goes up during stressful times and
what percentage goes down during stressful times. I have to
imagine that more there's a higher percentage of men whose
(15:02):
libido goes down when there's high stress in their life.
I would probably say, quite honestly, probably of the men
their libido goes down. Yeah. Yeah. And if you kind
of if you think about it, right, you know everything
is your testosterone. Let's let's kind of talk about sex
(15:23):
drive for a second. So sex drive actually comes from
testosterone production, right your brain. Your brain is actually responsible
for triggering this cascade of events to tell your body
to make testosterone. So you know, one thing I'll tell
guys is if you start affecting the way that the
brain works, like for instance, taking antidepressants, anti anxiety, antialeptics,
(15:49):
all those things are disrupting that communication in the brain.
So if you disrupt the communication, you're no longer triggering
that cascade of events to make testosterone. And you know,
there's two ways that we make testosterone. One is through
the adrenal glands, which adrenal glands are responsible for secreting cortisol.
Cortisols are stress hormone m The second way is through
(16:14):
the testicles. You know, if you think about where testosterone
is being made, right, it all comes from the brain,
and from the brain it's going to go to the
adrenal glands as one side, and then it's going to
go to the testicles for the other side. That's how
you guys make testosterone. So if you think about the
brain first, right, you've got to have that cascade of
(16:36):
events that actually trigger all of this. And so if
you're stressed, what's going to happen to your serotonin levels,
your dopamine or pephrin, right, all the feel good kind
of hormones, and then the adrenal glands are responsible for
making cortisol, and cortisol is your stress hormone. So you know,
if you're stressed and your adrenals are, you know, working
(16:59):
in overdress life, they're going to plummet. That court is
all level and then you're no longer making that testosterone
from that side too, So it's all kind of connected
if you think about it. So here's a question for you. UM.
I believe in men, our testosterone levels dropped during the
course of the day, correct, And that's why as athletes
(17:20):
we generally train earlier in the morning. Our testosterone levels
are higher. You have more energy, more more power output,
you get a better result from the energy you put
into your training. Yes, and that wanes over the course
of the day. That's why most almost all professional sports
train early in the morning. UM, testosterone levels are highest. Now,
(17:40):
is it would it be advisable with that to try
and prioritize sexual connection to have sex romance earlier in
the day rather than waiting till eight or nine o'clock
when our teston just by nature, by science, our testosterone
levels are lower. Yes. In fact, what I tell my
guys is that you're making all your test stosterone while
(18:00):
you're sleeping at night. So number one, if you're not
sleeping correctly because of stress or you know, whatever the
case may be, then you're not accumulating that testosterone. So yes,
your testosterone peaks first thing in the morning. This is
going to sound really crazy, but I live by it
and I swear by it. We had little kids who
are now grown, you know, they're adults, but when they
(18:21):
were little, we would actually set an alarm and we
would wake up an hour early in the morning so
that we had time for us in the morning, because
that's when we're well rested. Number One, you're not thinking
about anything, and his testosterone is the highest. Don't forget
about us too though. I mean we make testosterone as well.
(18:42):
We're sleeping. So is that the same or females are
they the same as men's or coincide that yours is
as high in the Yes? Exactly, Yeah, so kind of
same idea. I have a question for Brooks and Steph you.
I'm curious if you can help him or help a
weigh in on this, which is Brooks to recap is
(19:05):
in isolation and quarantine himself in his property in Idaho.
Julian and his wife is in l A. So Brooks.
How have you been managing being a part? How are
you remaining connected? Are you are you zooming? Are you
having phone sex? Are you just helping yourself to yourself?
(19:26):
And Rosie palms like, what are we? What are we?
So to be honest, my day, I wake up at
probably five thirty. Um, my dog is up. I'm up
at five thirty, I'm and I have a quick bowl
of cereal or eat breakfast something whatever. And then I've
been out in the yard at like six thirty seven
o'clock every morning. And I've been working on my property
(19:48):
for the last three weeks. And I work from about
seven am until about five thirty six pm. And just
like I have ten and a half acres up here.
It's Idaho bush, and I am just like cleaning this
place and giving it love that it's never had in
the six years that I've owned it, and just like
making it, like building rock walls, cutting down trees, clearing brush,
(20:11):
all kinds of stuff. And by the time I get
in from that, I am and then I cook supper
because I'm here by myself, so I'll cook supper. And
then at like eight o'clock I put a fire on
and I'm exhausted man, Like it's it's probably the same
as what you're feeling Ryan, when the day is done,
I am freaking exhausted, and at that point, like I
(20:33):
do not have a lot of sexual charge. Like truthfully,
I just like I'm exhausted, I'm toast. All I'm thinking about,
Like let me just mindlessly watch something for thirty minutes
and go to bed and wake up and do it again.
So we wake up. Though, when your test saucer and
is at the highest, you you immediately get outside into
the idahoe bush and that's how you rocking and rolling. Yeah,
(20:58):
to be honest, I would in this time, during this
quarantine time. I mean it's different because I'm not I
don't have proximity to my wife right now. I'm not
right in the same room with her. But I would
say that while it's also just a focus of like
what I'm doing here, what I have going on in
my life, that my sex drive right now wouldn't be
at its peak. Yeah, you know, so it's it's but
(21:21):
I'm thinking about this, like why do going back to
what we spoke about earlier, Steph, Like when stress comes,
why is like Ryan was talking about you try and
make sure your family is a float, try and like,
it's such a primal thing, sexual energy. Why is it
something that we so easily cast aside? Because our states
(21:41):
and our moods after having sex and having a connection
like that are probably as pure and as beautiful and
energetic as ever in our lives. So if we live
in that state all the time, you think that life
would be better. But why do we cast aside that?
Like just kind of like this once stress or anxiety
or or things come even like a yard work project
(22:04):
where I'm like, why do I not prioritize that? And
why is it so easy for men to just kind
of push to the backward? Quite honestly, I believe that
this is kind of like a society thing. I don't
know why, because, like you said, when we do have
intimate relations and you know, we're able to release, we
(22:24):
get this like euphoria sense, right, We got all these
hormones that are going this like antidepressant anti anxiety helps
with our sleep, helps with our mood. So I feel
like if we could just be reminded of that, and
you know, I try to talk to my patients like that,
I want you to remember how you feel when you
(22:44):
have that connection with your significant other, your partner or whatever,
and remember how good it actually feels. And so it's
almost like you're going to have to combat yourself and
what you know, society or what your brain is saying.
Because we're constantly in this like we gotta move, move, move,
we gotta do do do right. We have this like
laundry list of things that always are going to prevail
(23:06):
over sex, and so I think that we need to
take a step back and just remember that sex is
very important for a relationship. Not only that, but it's
very important for your mental health. It's very important for
all your good hormones. So you almost have to like
every day put it in front of it, you know,
and say, okay, we need to do this first, Like
(23:29):
this has to be done first. It's like prioritizing really right.
So it's it's like going to the gym. So you
know that you want to go to the gym because
it makes you feel good, and you feel good, you
look good, you perform better, so you prioritize that, right,
there's a time slot that you go to the gym
every day because that's your routine. You have to make
(23:50):
sex a routine. You have to prioritize it, you have
to put it in front of something. Yeah, how do
we go about doing that? So for people that are
core teamed at home right now together, couples that are together,
like you said you and your you said you and
Dustin used to set an alarm and wake up? Like,
what are some examples other than that or more along
(24:12):
that lines that you are aware of that maybe some
of your clients, people you know, are currently implementing in
their lives and actually having better sex or better connection
with their partner than ever before. Yeah. Well, and you
have to remember too, I understand people have the kids
at home right now right like the kids never leave,
So there's a lot of people that are having that
(24:34):
restriction of I don't know what to do. So you
do have to set your alarm because the kids aren't
They aren't going to leave. We're in quarantine right now.
What about like Ryan shared, he wakes up with him
and his wife wake up. We didn't hear. So, I mean,
I think it's all great in theory, and everyone can
crucify me for being the negative naysayer guy. Fine, I'll
(24:55):
own that. I think I'm the most real of anyone. Uh,
and by that I like, we have a six month
old and two and a half year old. The six
month old has been waking up at like four thirty,
so we my wife and I've been alternating like four
fifteen getting up to heat the bottle too, then go
get him because if we let him cry longer long
after he wakes up, then his given how close his
(25:18):
room is to my two and a half year olds
to wake him up, which will mean our entire day
with the two and a half year old is complete nightmare.
So we're waking up at four fifteen and just do
the math on like well, but but there's also a
science that says if you should try to get eight
hours of sleep, because if you get seven or six
or less than that, then your day is less impactful
(25:40):
than it could be. So there's all these things that
you're juggling, and my point is, like, what are we
gonna set our alarms for three thirty am? Is that
going to be something that we're gonna like wake up
thrilled to do? No, it's absolutely not. So has the
thought cross my mind of like when our two and
a half year olds taking a nap, having the six
month old, like in a baby Bjorn chair, things in
(26:03):
the room, but facing the corner and us having sex
with him with ear mops on looking at the corner. Yeah,
I don't think I could live with myself if I
do that, the emotional storring, I think eventually, But that's
the only solution I've come up with. Yeah, and sometimes
you have to get creative like that to be honest
with you. You know. It's like I even have patients
(26:24):
who they locked themselves in their closet, you know, for
like the ten minutes that they need. But that's something
that you know, we have to do this. We have
to have this connection. So we got to just figure
out how to make it happen. And you know, nobody's
looking for marathon sex, right Like this is just a
part connection. We're just looking for that connection so that
(26:47):
we stay together and so that during this quarantine time,
because that was one thing I was thinking, is Okay,
quarantine is going to make or break a lot of relationships,
right because now we're stuck at home with someone that
you didn't like in the beginning, and there's no getting
away from it. Versus I am madly in love with
this person and now we're stuck together with the kids
(27:07):
in the house. How do I keep that connection so
that we don't get, you know, drive each other crazy?
And so I really think that the sex is important.
You have to make it a priority. So, you know,
if if your thought processes turning the baby around and
staring at the wall for ten minutes, then so be it.
(27:27):
The baby is not going to know what's going on,
you know. So you guys just have to prioritize. You
never heard it's called quiet sex question for you stuff?
How many times do you recommend that couples be having
(27:47):
sex per week while in quarantine? Like, um, how many
times do you think most people in most relationships are
and how many times would you recommend that people make
this time. I love that you asked that question because
that is like the number one question for everybody. How
much is too much? How much just too little? What's
(28:08):
the norm? And there really isn't a norm, right, So
you have to remember that whatever because you might be
highly sexual, but your wife may not be, you know,
so for her having sex once a week or twice
the week, but for you it's four times a week.
You guys have to negotiate a good number together. You know,
everything is a negotiation, so you have to please her,
(28:31):
she has to please you. I honestly think three times
a week is normal. That's average, That's about typical. Yeah,
if you, like in Brooks's case, if you had to
have sex with someone who looked like Brooks, like a
complete neanderthal right now, would that three number maybe go
down closer to one as it would be unbearable to
(28:53):
lay on top or beneath and that looked like that.
You are so sens a possibility. You know what though,
That's why I have blindfold just blindfold me. What's funny? Ryan?
Half of like, I'm getting all these messages. A bunch
of people are like, shave that effing beard, and then
(29:15):
a bunch of people are messaging, I love the beard,
keep it going. It's kind of split. Um, maybe two
trolls in their basement have complimented you, everybody. Um, let's
talk about a little a topic that I don't know
if we've we've I don't know if we've used the
term staff on this show ever, but um, we talked
(29:37):
about it quite a bit. The term is sexual wellness. Yes,
we've never used the term sexual wellness. To my knowledge
on this show, but we've talked about sexuality a lot
and how being sexual isn't just the act of having sex,
much more into sexual energy than the physical coming together
(29:57):
an action of sex. Um, what would be your definition
of sexual wellness and how can people practice sexual wellness
that might then kickstart or lead to actual more connection
and more starts. You know, I think number one I
heard this actually from a patient today. UM. I asked
(30:17):
what her goals were and she said, I just want
to feel sexy. And I think that's a that's a
big statement from a lot of women out there. If
I'm speaking specifically to women, I want to feel sexy, right. Well,
what does that mean? Okay, yeah, what what do you
do to feel sexy? Well? First of all, you have
to look good, right. So a lot of women just
(30:39):
kind of feel frumpy like their moms, and you know,
they're a little bit overweight, and you know, maybe they're
just they don't feel confident enough, they don't have that
self esteem. So what does that look like to you?
Is that, you know, taking care of yourself, going to
the gym, it's eating right, you know, limiting your alcohol,
all these things that kind of give you the self
(31:00):
esteem part of it. That's number one. And that goes
to say for men to write, because I have men
that come in here that feel the same way. They
don't feel attractive, and that's like, that's the number one
thing I always hear is like, I just don't feel attractive.
I don't feel sexy. Well why not? Well, I don't exercise,
I don't eat right, I smoke, you know, I drink
alcohol at night. Well, let's start working on that first.
(31:22):
That's part of sexual wellness, you know. And then the
second part is, well, let's take care of you and
your hormones. So I can't tell you how many women
that I see, and this is now again women where
they'll come in and you know they're going through menopause
or they're having menopausal symptoms and you know they're having
like a dry vagina, or you know, they just their
(31:44):
their moody, whatever the case may be. That's all hormone related.
Just like the men. Same thing. Men will come in
here and they'll say things like, you know, I can't
get a morning erection anymore, or you know, I'm I'm
losing my erection during intercourse. That's all hormone type related.
So it's there's so many little aspects to sexual wellness.
It's like, let's start from the beginning and work our
(32:05):
way down, right, So it's always going to be your hormones,
it's going to be blood flowing, and it's going to
be your brain. Start working on yourself self esteem. Well,
you know what's interesting real quickly Brooks about that is like,
I think that is all really helpful information. But what
makes it um it's interesting to me is that we're
(32:26):
in a situation now with the quarantine of it all,
where so many of those things are unable to be satisfied.
It's a conversation with my wife and I had a
few days ago which is like, yes, you, and she
was saying like she wants to feel good, and like
part of connecting with one another and having sex is
like wanting to feel good. And and when you're in
(32:48):
a position where you're she's like, I haven't showered, like
I showered yesterday. I think, like I you know, we're
trying to keep these two kids alive, and like you're
losing your mind in many ways, And she's like, I
don't all like sexy right now. I'm like trying to
get a five minute shower, just like with one of
our kids, like or two and a half. You're pounding
(33:10):
on the glass like it's not relaxing, and you're not
getting dressed because why why would you get dressed because
you're not going out of the house and you can't
go to a gym because the gyms are closed and
there's all these things that like you can't and she
her point was like, she's like, I haven't gotten my
haircut since we had the baby in October. Let alone colored.
And she's like, my look at my roots, Like I
(33:31):
don't feel like myself in so many ways. And then
you've got the COVID fifteen, which is the fifteen pounds
you're all gaining because you can't leave the freaking house
and we're all losing our mind. Stuff. Okay, I love
of it. First of all. Now I'm gonna burst your bubble.
(33:51):
All excuses, those are all excuses. Gosh darn it. Yeah,
take a shower. First of all, I don't have any
hands helped her, so she can take a shower. That's
number one. To take a shower every day. Get ready
as if you're doing something every day, right, don't lays
(34:13):
around in your you know, pajamas or whatever. And that
even goes to stay with like someone with little kids.
Trust me, I've had little kids, so I understand. You
know what that means. You have to kind of like
do your normal routine, get into a normal routine. No,
you can't leave the house, doesn't mean you can't do
something at the house. You know. You can always do
like a jump rope, or you can do push ups,
sit up. There's exercise you can do around the house,
(34:36):
you know. And it's just kind of I think for
you specifically, just telling her how beautiful she is, you don't,
you know, it doesn't matter what her roots look like,
and doesn't matter that she's got the fifteen pounds, like
that's not you know, it's what's inside that's attracting you
to her. And I think it's just that's how you
guys are going to stay connected. Is it that kind
(34:58):
of loving relationship or you just you tell her how
much she means to you and how amazing she is
to you, and she's beautiful and you know you want
to be with her. So I think if you start,
you know, um, kind of making sex important between the
two of you, she's going to feel sexy because of that,
because she feels wanted. Yeah, and for the record, she
(35:20):
has not gained the cod is more diligent than ever
and like eating healthy and you know all that I
have said as a loving husband, I am gaining the
fifteen so as to look exponentially worse, which will therefore
make her look exponentially better as compared to me, which
is me being selfless. Yes, yes, I like that. I
(35:43):
really like that works. What about this stuff? What I
want to ask you this question. Do you think that
the the over proximity is leading to less sex drive?
Like when you think about a partner, when you meet
this person, you can't see this person enough, right, Like
(36:04):
you just want to spend every second with them. You're
just absorbed, consumed by them when you meet this person.
So now, why why in this time, Like, does being
around a significant other actually turn like with that the proximity,
being around somebody so much actually turn you off sexually
to that person. Yeah, it could because you think about it.
(36:25):
You know, they're they're all up in your business twenty
four hours a day, and you know you're you kind
of start getting a little annoyed with them. You know,
they get on your nerves. They're little, their quirkiness comes
out right, and then you kind of start thinking, like
I knew they had that quirkiness, but it wasn't accentuated.
And we're sitting on top of each other. So I
(36:47):
think it's just remembering and reminding yourself why you fell
in love in the first place, right, and that Yeah,
I actually I was attracted to the quirkiness, So that
quirkiness is okay, it's just in situated because we're all
just sitting here. And yeah, you look a little dirty
because maybe you haven't powered in a couple of days.
(37:08):
But I still brooks when she said you look dirty,
and she was looking directly at him, This was all, yeah,
I have to go back and look at an old photo.
(37:30):
Oh yeah, Like I believe, like my wife and I
both travel a lot for work. We're here there, especially
when I was playing hockey, so that when you miss somebody,
that really ramps up the sexual desire in the craving
and then like lust for somebody. Yes, So like Ryan,
you and your wife are both at home right now. Um,
(37:52):
do you ever go like more than five hours without
seeing each other? Two hours? Like, do you ever just
say I'm gonna be like working from here and I
don't want to see you or to try and create
that attraction again of missing each other, Like is that
a possible thing that couples could do. Yeah, I mean
like I don't practice that to answer your question, because
(38:12):
the ability to lend a helping hand like is more
valuable than saying I'm gonna piece out for five hours.
But this is for us, trust me, don't do that,
not with a newborn. I just trying to think of
any ways to help our community, to help people that
(38:32):
are going through this. Um Ryan, remember we had Leela
to Pull on our podcast one time, Yes sex Expert
um Sexologists just she was very helpful. She now hosts
a podcast UM for I heard called Intimate Knowledge, and
she ran a poll on her with her community the
other day on Instagram, and seven out of ten people
(38:52):
said they felt less sexual during this time. It's it's
just it's crazy. It blew me away when I saw it.
I'm like, wow, like people are actually really struggling sexual
connection at the time and trying to dig to the
root of that, Like, really, what is that? Yeah, I
think it's it's all the things that you're kind of
talking about. It's you know, basically all being on top
(39:16):
of each other right in this house twenty four hours
a day. But kind of like what you said, Ryan
is you know, this is the time that we come
together and we're best friends. Right, So it's like I'm
here to help you, You're here to help me, Like,
let's do this together. Especially with the parents. You know,
with kids, it's you know, you don't want the parents
(39:36):
that's like I can't take this, I'm piecing out. You
need the parent to kind of like step up to
the plate. Like we came to this together. We're going
to be best friends. Like we're going to get through
this together. It's like knowing that you have that person,
you know that you're rock that you're um counting on,
you know, I think that's going to help these relationships.
So um So for people that haven't one more question
(40:01):
for you want to take up all your time stuff,
but I appreciate your insight. For people that are rocket
and rolling or people that aren't, can you and people
that haven't listened to our episode about the rocket, can
you care how this magical device that you can purchase
and having the comfort of your own home can actually
(40:22):
lead to better sex? Can you talk a little bit
about the rocket again. Can I just tell you real
quick that we just got our first hundred delivered literally
an hour ago. Yes, we guys. I don't know if
you can. Can you see as I open it? I
(40:43):
wish our community could see that. Can you pull it out?
And because has been able to see it, it's like Christmas.
I literally feel like Christmas right now? Okay, so true spaceships?
What like tenans? It's a spaceship, yes, um. So basically
(41:06):
this is using um sound wave. So for those who
don't know, it's called shockwave therapy, and chock wave therapy
has been around for over twenty years and they use
it on muscular skeletal injuries, so knee, shoulder, achilles, tendonitis,
plant or fasciitis. That's how it all started. And the
idea is it's not a shock, it's a sound wave,
(41:28):
and the sound wave is creating micro trauma, you know,
a little damage underneath the skin layer, the cellular layer,
and it tells your body to create new tissue. So
it's repairing old tissue, giving new tissue, and forming new
blood vessels. So they are now using this for the
treatment of erectile dysfunction as well sexual performance and pay ronies.
(41:52):
And it's been on the market probably for the last
ten years as shock wave therapy in medical clinics, but
you would have to go to a medical clinic to
get this treatment done. So Dustin and I a couple
of years ago, you know, we were just we felt
really sad because nine out of ten guys that would
call our clinic number one couldn't afford to come in
and get it treated, and they lived too far or
(42:15):
they were just embarrassed, you know, they didn't want me
to treat them. So we thought we had to do
something where we can give these guys this treatment in
the comfort of their own home and get rid of
all those factors. And so that's when we designed the Rocket.
So we are in our we were in our prototype
and we did clinical studies in the office and um
(42:37):
we're now we're at market. So yeah, super exciting. UM.
I know it looks kind of crazy, but I did
a video. Everybody gets um these little like it kind
of tells you. There's a website where I demonstrate how
to use it. It's very simple. Um, but again, it's
all about creating new blood vessel formation, which feeds the tissue,
(43:01):
which helps regrow the tissue and just again sexual wellness.
It's taking care of yourself right on. There you go,
the Ryan, break out that credit card. I know you
have a ton of money order right now and overnight
that to your house. Yeah. So while you're quarantined and
you can't do anything, let me help you out perfect time.
(43:27):
I want to thank you so much, thank you for
what you've given our community. I hope people struggling with
with sexual health issues right now got some value from this. UM.
And where can people connect with you? Where do you
hang out the most? Um if people want to get
in touch with you a about the work that you
do or be about the Rocket. Yeah so, UM my
(43:47):
clinic is the Nova Center. We're in Studio City, California. UM.
More than happy to help anyone. You just can email
call any one of those. UM. As far as the Rocket,
it's get my rocket dot com. And that gives you
all the information that you need to know. There you go, Ryan,
Just make you guys, make time for each other, be
(44:10):
nice to each other, love each other, and remember why
you fell in love. Yeah, thank you so much, Steph. Yes,
you're welcome. Thank you. Hi So there you go, Ryan,
all your problems are fixed. Man. Steph is great. She
(44:32):
was great. Uh yeah, you're gonna get a rocket? Should
I get a rocket? Should I? Okay? Um, I'm really
interested in It's actually a really interesting device and it's
backed by science, so it's and it only costs for
listeners that haven't listened to the previous episode we did
about is I think about seven bucks? So maybe tell
(44:54):
your wife a little Christmas gift line up for you,
a little birthday gift coming up? All right, guys, this
is a producer Danielle John thing in. Um one, I
have a comment, Brooks keep the beard women. Sorry, Ryan,
you definitely are losing on this one. I will do
a poll on the helmet think Instagram to see if
(45:16):
they like Brooks with the beard or without the beard. Um.
But I wanted to bring up a topic with you
guys because I've been discussing this a lot with some
girlfriends and I brought it up with my husband just
to get like the male perspective, and he was, well, oh,
save his response. But I have I've had a couple
of my girlfriends that have reached out to me and
(45:36):
they're like, so, um, these years are these like this
year and next year we're supposed to be the years
that I'm traveling with my husband before having babies. But
now that we can't do that, I think we're gonna
just go for it and have a baby, like or
at least try to have one, because what else will
you do right now, Like we're all in quarantine, let's
(45:58):
just have sex and have a baby. And my initial
reaction was, what the hell? So I think I have
a I have a remedy for them to cure them.
I put them on a FaceTime call with Brian and
they will be shut down. Their sexual libido will go
to the floor. Such a good idea. I am a
poster child and the poster voice of yes, okay. So
(46:25):
then here's my question. If if the women in your
life came to you right now, we're like, all right,
let's let's try for a baby, since there's something else
we can do, are you guys in or are you
like I think we might need to wait till we're
done with this COVID nineteen not in for that reason.
That reason is so bad, because who knows it could
(46:47):
lift in a month, it could lift in two weeks,
just because you have nothing else to do right now,
that's not a reason to bring a life into the world.
You can still have sex without having to create a baby.
Like the world is going to come back, the economy
is going to open up, travel will open up again.
Maybe it's a couple of months, maybe it's six months.
But yeah, but like I don't it's not like I
(47:10):
don't first see us being on lockdown for the next
four years, where it's like we've got nothing else to do,
we might as well have a baby for four years.
Like as soon as these people, if they try and
have a baby right now, as soon as they're actually
having the baby, everything's gonna be wide open and open
up again. And now they're gonna be pissed because they're
not able to travel because like we're about to have
(47:30):
a baby. My wife's eight months pregnant. Would have loved
to go to Turks and cake pose, but can't now
because we can't flop. Yeah, I mean that's the hope, right,
I mean, I would say a couple of things. The
first thing, which is Brooks touched upon it. It's like
we've we're board, what else do we have to do?
We might as well have a baby. It's like, no,
you can still have sex. You don't need to pull
the goalie. Just have sex and don't right, Like, that's
(47:51):
that's point A, point B from a male perspective in
terms of how men think, how I always thought prior
to finally committing to saying like, yes, I think it's
time and I'm ready to have a baby. I wanted
to know I was secure in my job and like
financially secure to bring another life that was gonna that
I was gonna be responsible for. And it in today's economy,
(48:16):
when we're about to enter a recession and people are
losing their jobs and everything's uncertain, I as a man,
would not feel comfortable committing to bringing another life and
that I am going to be financially responsible for when
I could lose my job tomorrow. That's a big, big consideration.
And the last thing I will say is a conversation
with my wife and I had the other week was
(48:38):
like so week on the opposite way, it's not. We
were like, so do we should we try to have
a girl, And we both looked each other like we
should get you a vasectomy, Like I am already looking
into getting a vasectomy because this has created a world
in which I cannot add them a third child. I
am gonna lose it. So this is this is quite
(49:00):
equals a set to me. Do you know that there's
a National Vasectomy Day? It's when March Madness begins, typically
because every all the guys stay home to watch the
n C Double A tournament. Yeah, the first round. Yeah,
Like radio stations in d C when I was playing there,
they used to give away a free vasectomy heading up
to that so that the guy could get it and
(49:21):
then you could just sit on the couch for the
next two days with an ice pack on this growing
and just watch college basketball. I'm targeting next March. What
would you target right now? And like what would you target?
I mean, I think like this. I'm not even exaggerating
when I say this has led us to the conclusion,
(49:42):
like the sect to me is the way to go.
We can't have a kid. This is too much. Really,
you don't think like this might when you go back
to work when like the kids are you know, you
don't have a six month old, you have a two
and a four year old. You might be like, yeah,
I'd like to try for a girl. No, I'm already
giving away everything we have as soon as they've reached
(50:02):
that milestone and surpass it. Now you want the crib,
you want this walker, take it. We're done. I'm done. Okay, Okay.
Well you've got a beautiful, healthy family, so you're very
well lucky. Yeah. Sounds like we should do a podcast
when Ryan gets his vasectomy, a live podcast so we
(50:22):
could get the play by play absolutely. Um, Danielle, can
we ask Ryan about the Instagram comment that's got Ryan
fired up? I mean I think he should just take
it away. He has a lot to say. Okay, I'll
(50:44):
read this comment Ryan and then you can rebut what
this was said? Um, this was written on our How
Many Think podcast Instagram? Should I say the list of
the person that wrote it, Danielle, Let's keep him anonymous. Okay,
here's the question. Why it is Ryan not listen to anyone?
He is so negative. Having kids as hard, but it
(51:06):
seems you make it so much more difficult than it
needs to be. You can find helps, you can go
away for a weekend, look outside the box. I used
to work in a daycare where the room I was
in charge of had twelve babies three months to sixteen
months and there were three of us. That's one adult
for every four infants, and I never had so much
fun dot dot dot Ryan. Unfortunately, we are a podcast,
(51:30):
so this listener who commented in that way cannot see
my eyes rolling into the back of my freaking skull
as I hear that comment, because it is the most
absurd thing I've ever heard. And I will say thank
you to all those listeners who have come out Buckley
in support of me, uh and my openness and my honesty. Uh.
(51:53):
There are many of you, the Ryan supporters and loyalists.
Thank you to this one single solitary contrarian out there
who came at me in this way, I would say,
sit on your thumb and rotate, because I have news
for you. You may work at your daycare, but at
the end of the day, you go home to relax,
and this is seven and you with a couple other
(52:17):
daycare employees watching these kids like I'm sure it was
a lot of fun, but then you went home to
your more normal, balanced life, I'm sure, I think so.
I don't buy it. I think it's like it's all
fine when there's an end in sight and you can
go back to your your less than chaotic life. But
this is all day, every day. What if she has kids,
(52:38):
Let's say she had two kids at home, then what
would you say? I would say, also, I I think
your kids act differently for you and are more prone
to having temper tantrums and things when they're familiar with you,
as opposed to teachers or people that are looking after
them at a daycare. They're much more respectful and they're
(53:01):
much less likely to far less likely to act out
when your own kids have temper tantrums because they're familiar
with you. So I don't think she's considered that either.
But these these kids were three months to sixteen months.
I don't think they have that ability to decipher, Oh,
dad's not in the room, I'm going to act out.
(53:22):
Their dad's in the room. I'm gonna act out. Okay,
So there are three months so they're laying on their
back and sleeping half the day. Congratulations, How difficult was
that for you? You didn't have a two and a
half year old to counterbalance the three months old three
month old to lay on their back all day and
sleep like that's the point. I'm dealing with the two
and a half year old too, who wants to run around,
(53:42):
who wants to hit the six month old in the head,
who wants to go outside. She's dealing with a bunch
of three year old to sleep seventy the day and
the other take a bottle. Congratulations, Brian. I have a
question for you. Does your wife ever say, like, try
giving birth to our kids? Like, does she ever like
(54:03):
say you need to be quiet? No, she We're in
this together. She's like, this is chaos, and that's why
we live. Legitimately, high five at the end of the
day and hug when we've put both of them down
at the same time because we finally conquered the day
and we're She doesn't look at me like I'm some extremists,
(54:27):
like she feels much the same way that this is
an exhausting time for us. And we will, of course
whether it will come out the other end and we'll laugh,
But in the moment, it's it's tough. I think at
the end of the day, everybody has their own experience.
I've had many friends who thought like labor was a
piece of cake, and I've had other friends who were
(54:47):
like that was the most traumatic experience of my life,
and it's the hardest thing. I think it's all relative
to how you deal with it. I don't know. Everyone
has their own experience. Yeah, And and also like we
have friends to have girls, and and from our experienced,
girls are much more um, calm and like We'll look
(55:09):
at some of our our friends kids that are girls
and they'll just like sit there and look around like
a little wall flower and like smile and like to
our boys are just like flailing, needing to be held,
wanting to be entertained. Like it's there's no just like
sitting around chilling. Okay, right, you have the toughest life
in the world. I'm not implying that. And again, I
(55:33):
don't want to come off as polarizing to the many
Ryan loyalists that are out there. I don't want to
alienate myself. I am just as I said, I'm trying
to be real and not sugarcoat anything and tell you
how I honestly feel. So if that's the other people
and they think I'm out of line, so be it.
(55:55):
I do appreciate that, right, I do appreciate that I'm
on a work We'll shower later. He needs to shower. See,
we need to shower now for you because he needs
to shower. Well, shout, we shower together, and I can't
even shower alone anymore. Well, buddy, I'm sending you a
(56:18):
big hug, sending you love. Man. I hope I don't
hug men that look as uncompt as you, but I'll
take it. Why is it all about looks Ryan? Why
isn't it about my heart? Your heart is hollow and
black and hardened. Huh No it's not. But thanks buddy. Honestly, Ryan,
(56:40):
I think there's a lot of people out there that
are really struggling, UM, homeschooling, UM, distress and anxiety level.
You know, are people what the economic conditions people are
business owners or their job? Are they gonna keep it?
Are they gonna lose it? Um? Just a lot of
going and then also the health concerns. Concerned about your family,
maybe your parents. You know, my parents are in there
(57:01):
and my dad's in his late sixties. Just a concern
they're UM. So a lot going on in the world
and just all of our listeners, we want to send
you guys love and support and hope. If you're in
a time of despair, just sending you guys hope. Same
to you, buddy. You will make it through this. Thank
you and Brooks. I think what I took from the
interview with stuff is that tomorrow morning, when you wake
(57:21):
up and your horny, help yourself to yourself. But for you,
just just take care of yourself. Okay, right, put me
number one, Put me number one. UM, anybody else that Daniel,
you have anything else you want to say on this one?
And we wrap this. UM. I think we're I think
Ryan needs to give his son a shower or bath. Um,
(57:45):
So let's wrap this up. But I do want to
tease that next week we have UM, we're planning something fun.
We're doing a fun test that um or um experiment
I guess is a better word. UM that involves a
zoom call. So stay tuned, guys. So we haven't even
told Ryan about this. He doesn't even know what this is.
(58:08):
Actually I do know, so I'm always in the now. Brooks.
We you're lucky we even told you. I see why
this person said you are so negative um on the
on Instagram. Yeah, I'm I'm team Instagram hater like right here,
meaning you support her your AUNTI Ryan? Okay, good to
(58:32):
know it's Ryan versus the world. Man, everybody in this
world has extending you in all of branches. It's just
continually Ryan versus the world. I'm happy to take that
on you don't see. But that's it for this week.
Thanks Danielle, Thanks Tory uh. Thanks. Ryan appreciates you sharing
and hopefully that helps our community. And thank you Steph
(58:54):
for coming on. So everybody that listen, thank you so much,
sending you love and sending you hope. I hope your
family and yourself if you're keep it well, staying safe,
staying active. Until next week, Ryan, take care of one another,
love one another, and we'll see you back here. Another
episode of How Men Think
This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
de gra and I Hear Radio podcast. Welcome to another
episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like,
and we have no Gavin DeGraw today, we have no Rick,
we have no Dmitri, but we have the one and
only the legendary Mr Ryan O'Dell with that's Ryding's shotgun.
(00:23):
What's up, Brian? Ah, it's it's so refreshing to trim
the fat and just have the two of us right here,
to eliminate the dead weight and allow the cream to
rise to the top. And here we are. Brooks You're
in Idaho, I believe. Is that correct? I don't know,
(00:44):
I agreat cryptic. Yes, yeah, I'm I'm an Idaho. You
are in l A. That is correct. You have quite
the growth on your face right now, so have you?
Judging by the looks of you, you've completely given up
on life and they don't care how you look to
(01:04):
the outside world. Is that accurate? I'm social distancing, my friend.
It does not matter what I look like to the
outside world right now. Um. But honestly, dude, up in Idaho,
this would be like a junior beard. This would be
like a starter kit beard up here. The boys up
here runs some long beards, like they're like four or
five years deep on these things, So I'm way behind.
(01:25):
Have you grown that out longer than that during the
NHL like playoff days? No, this is the longest. There
is the longest I've ever had my beard. I'm keeping
it just to see where it goes. Who knows. I've
trimmed it a couple of times, like, trimmed it up
because it was getting wiry and bushy, um and just
like just ridiculous looking. But I trimmed it up a
couple of times. But I don't know if I've ever
seen you with the beard. You have to be clean
(01:47):
shaven for work, No, I don't. I just don't want
to ever look like you choose to um try to
portray an image of about himself and not someone who's
given up on life. And I mean it's quite the look.
You look like the UNI bomber in many ways, which
is interesting. I don't even know what he looks like.
(02:10):
Your hair is very wafty right now, though, I hope,
I hope Danielle took a picture for our Instagram. Oh
I did. Don't you worry to put you could put
him up and put a side by side with Jim
Carey from ace Ventura because he's got that part with
the big waft going to the other side. It's very um,
it's uh, it's a problem. Look, look, this is I
(02:35):
am a casualty of the quarantine and the COVID stay
at home lockdown where you can't get haircuts. So we're
just we're growing it out and this is what it is.
You know. I like it. I dig it. D um.
By the way, are you so right now Ryan and
I are doing this phone call on zoom. Are you
standing at a stand up desk? Because I see you wiggling.
(02:56):
It doesn't look like you are in a chair. I
am anna stand up desk. You are in a chair,
as to be expected. That is a beta. Move on,
your behalf. I'm an alpha, of course, who chooses to
be in a dominant position as you and the beta's
sit down behind the desk. I stand, uh and yes
(03:16):
here I am at a stand up desk. I bought
this when we were all sent home for the quarantine,
and I yeah, that's fine. So I love you man,
You're You're hilarious to me. And here's the thing. About
alpha's is alpha's never have to tell people their alpha's.
Everybody can sense that the alpha is the alpha. But
when when somebody starts talking that they're the alpha, it
(03:37):
means they are trying to prove something in Alpha's don't
have to prove something, Brooks. Let me tell you something.
A wolf does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep. Okay,
I know you put that on my post the other
day when I said some some wolves lead sheep and
other wolves lead wolves. Um, but it's good to see
(03:59):
your face, man, haven't seen for a long time. UM.
And today's discussion we're gonna get into sex and quarantine,
sex and whether or not people are feeling sexual during
this time or feeling not sexual during this time. We
have a special guest coming on with us as well. UM.
But I want to leave it up to you, brother.
(04:20):
The topic of this is kind of you wanted to
share your story with what I'm in Idaho, so I
don't have much to say about this. My wife's back
in l A. I mean, not much of that going
on right here, UM, but I want to leave it
up to you and share your story with how it's
going for you. You wanted to open up and um
discuss what your personal relationship was like during this time,
because I know for a lot of people it's been
(04:40):
very difficult. Yeah, and by the way, I will share
where I am. But just because you are in isolation
in Idaho and Julianna's in isolation in l A doesn't
mean you're off the hook. I have questions for you
as well, so I will begin. Look, it's it's more
of the same for me in the sense of, like
what I've always said, the struggle is um is making
(05:04):
time for one another. And there's no no greater challenge
than now when you have no childcare so you don't
have school. They're all closed, our child care, our nanny
who was part time, uh she has three kids of
her own, and we've all tried to do the socially
responsible thing, which is to stay home and keep the
(05:26):
circle closed. And and I'm also trying to work a
full time, full time job remotely. Uh so really we're
we're in survival mode. It's it's almost as if we're
in the same position we were when we had our
second child, which is like, unfortunately your sexual desires are
(05:47):
kind of put on the back burner in many ways
to just trying to navigate the rigors of a daily routine.
And that that begins for us at four fifteen in
the morning. One of us is getting up because our
our six month old is has been waking up at
like four thirty five, so we have to get up
heat the bottle. Uh. And then it it continues on
(06:11):
until we put them down around six five at night.
So you're on for about fourteen hours and we're trying
to trade off, and I'm trying to carve out time
during the day to give my wife a little bit
of a break. And um, all that is to say
that unless the two kids miraculously are taking their naps
(06:32):
in a similar time frame and there's some sort of overlap,
there's really no option to two to have sex with
one another. And and I know I'm gonna get crucified
saying you have to make time. What about at the
end of the day. Yes, I will tell you, Brooks,
at the end of the day, You're absolutely right, when
we finally put the kids down, that is the time
(06:52):
that technically we could be intimate with one another. But
reality is this, we are so fried by the end
of the day. Once we finally put the kids down.
We literally every day high five one another and hug
each other and we're like, oh my god, we did it.
And then we have a cocktail, we have our dinner,
(07:13):
we watched Tiger King, and by the end of that
we're ready to go to bed because we got to
get up at four fifteen the next morning. So it's
really like, um, it's it's easier said than done. It's
not to say that we haven't had opportunities and capitalize
on them, but it's it's not It's not easy. Yeah, dude,
I wanna first off, I want to commend you for sharing,
(07:35):
because that's real talk. Like that's what we want to
do on this on this podcast, is have real discussions
that that don't tiptoe around issues and we actually dive
right into them. And so I want to command you
for sharing that, and anybody who out there would be
wanting to crucify you for saying that. I mean, it's
it's real life, like it's And another thing that you
(07:58):
said in there is like, if they do more accuracy,
take a nap. At the same time, you're still working
a full time job right now, so are you in
the meeting can you get away? Are you on a
zoom call? Are you doing this podcast? Are you busy?
Are you distracted? Are you working on something for all
of those stars to align to have a little brief
period like that? I mean, you might as well buy
a lottery ticket almost. Um, so I don't I I
(08:22):
empathize with you, man, kids like I just have a dog,
and a dog is a lot um. I can't imagine
for people that don't haven't listened to the show or
new to the show, you have a six month old
and a two and a half year old, right, that's right? Yeah,
And so being at home working a full time job,
trying to help your wife out. Your wife is looking
after the kids all day long. You're trying to help
(08:44):
her out. I can imagine you guys are just exhausted
by six o'clock and you you can't take the kids
anywhere too. There there's nowhere you can go. So you're
really confined to your home. And you know Amy has
said to me, and Amy's perfect world, she said, well,
why what about when you put the kids down? Like
you can't have sex? Then it's like, yeah, okay, I
(09:04):
mean I guess you're right, Like technically, because as I
said to you, like go through in one of our
days of fourteen hours being on on on, dealing with
all that, and like you just get to the point
where you're you're now you're hungry. You haven't had to
have a meal, get a meal all day where you
sat down without a kid hanging on you or responsibilities
(09:28):
that you were trying to like adhere to in the
middle of your meal. So there's something refreshing about just
sitting next to each other on the couch and turning
on an episode of something, uh, and and just relaxing.
So okay, buddy, Well for you, my friend, to help
with this issue and help everybody out there, everybody else
out there with this issue. Um, we have a special
(09:51):
guest for you, Oh excited, special guests gonna solve all
of your problems. Brother. I would like to welcome to
the show, miss Stephanie wolf Stephanie, are you there? Hi? Guys,
(10:16):
I did your show a couple of months ago, remember
in the overs Hotel. Yeah, but it's good to see
your face. So we have Dusty and Stephanie Wolfe with
us today. Um, and Dustin's step It got you step
But Dustin was on talking about the rocket. If you
(10:36):
guys listened about the Rocket a couple of months ago
we aired that show, um, which Ryan, you weren't there
for that one, So I'd love for you to like, uh,
probably listened to it, but like stephaniely your Steph could
talk about it more. But the rocket to give you
more stronger libido. Um. But Steph, we would like to
get your insight. You are well known in dealing with UM,
(10:58):
correcting sexual hell issues and hormonal imbalances. Um, you're the
CEO of Nova's Anti aging Center. But really we're having
a discussion about why people in general and Ryan just
opened up and shared his story. Why people in general
and why Ryan, why we may be struggling with lack
(11:20):
of sexuality sexual drive um, during this really wild and
chaotic time. So I'd love to get your expertise on
what's going on with us, what's going on in the world.
Are we we now have more proximity to our partners
than ever and why is that actually leading to a
lack of sexual drive? Well, you know it's funny because
(11:43):
I'm seeing both sides of the story right now in
my clinic. I mean, we are still open a couple
of days of a week, and you know, one of
it is this is very stressful. This is the most
stressful event that will probably ever go through in our lives,
like in our lifetime if you actually think of at it.
So you know, people are losing their jobs, right, and
(12:05):
they're not making any money. They can't pay their rent
or their mortgage. They don't know how they're going to
make ends meet, and so a lot of that stress
is going to be placed on a relationship, right. And
so when you have that kind of stress on a relationship,
sex is the last thing you're thinking about for some men,
(12:25):
whereas in other men they actually they have a higher libido,
higher sex strife there, you know, more horny is what
I'm hearing when they are under a lot of stress.
So it's interesting because you do see both sides. And
that's really for anything, if you think about it. I mean,
that's we're all human here. But um, you know, all
(12:49):
the stress besides all the stress and trying to figure
out what what's coming up next. As far as you know,
nobody knows when we're going back to work. We can
all speculate and you know, no but he knows what
the economy is going to look like when we come
back to work. Of course we speculate and just overall
health and wellness. Right, so this is the time where
(13:10):
you know, people can actually start cooking at home and
enjoying each other and playing games, you know, actual board games,
remember those like back in the day board games. I
just get a new one the other night by yourself, Brooks.
Thank god. Um question for you, So Ryan, let me
(13:33):
ask you this. So I would say that I am
looking at that question. I would say that I probably
would lose my sex drive when stress ramps up, Yeah,
goes up, I would say, I probably my sex drive
would go down. Yeah. Um, that's just what I feel
right now. In the instance of this conversation, Ryan, what
do you think you would be and if stress goes up,
(13:55):
would your sex drive go down or up? I'm surprised
that you say that, Brooks, because you look very horny
right now, so you could have us I don't have
a lot of stress right now. It's hilarious. I would
say when stress goes up, yeah, the labido like that
all goes down because it's it's the last thing on
your mind. You're in, as I said, you're in survival
(14:17):
mode and when you're in survival mode. That's that has
nothing to do with survival. It's about like keeping your
family afloat, which is more important than your sex draw.
But it's interesting that you say that, because if you
think about survival mode, right, survival mode is about planting
your seed. Yeah. Right, So that's why some guys actually
(14:40):
have that higher sex strive. It's like their natural release
of kind of getting out, you know, their engst nous
from it. But what would you say the percentage of
guys who's whose libido goes up during stressful times and
what percentage goes down during stressful times. I have to
imagine that more there's a higher percentage of men whose
(15:02):
libido goes down when there's high stress in their life.
I would probably say, quite honestly, probably of the men
their libido goes down. Yeah. Yeah. And if you kind
of if you think about it, right, you know everything
is your testosterone. Let's let's kind of talk about sex
(15:23):
drive for a second. So sex drive actually comes from
testosterone production, right your brain. Your brain is actually responsible
for triggering this cascade of events to tell your body
to make testosterone. So you know, one thing I'll tell
guys is if you start affecting the way that the
brain works, like for instance, taking antidepressants, anti anxiety, antialeptics,
(15:49):
all those things are disrupting that communication in the brain.
So if you disrupt the communication, you're no longer triggering
that cascade of events to make testosterone. And you know,
there's two ways that we make testosterone. One is through
the adrenal glands, which adrenal glands are responsible for secreting cortisol.
Cortisols are stress hormone m The second way is through
(16:14):
the testicles. You know, if you think about where testosterone
is being made, right, it all comes from the brain,
and from the brain it's going to go to the
adrenal glands as one side, and then it's going to
go to the testicles for the other side. That's how
you guys make testosterone. So if you think about the
brain first, right, you've got to have that cascade of
(16:36):
events that actually trigger all of this. And so if
you're stressed, what's going to happen to your serotonin levels,
your dopamine or pephrin, right, all the feel good kind
of hormones, and then the adrenal glands are responsible for
making cortisol, and cortisol is your stress hormone. So you know,
if you're stressed and your adrenals are, you know, working
(16:59):
in overdress life, they're going to plummet. That court is
all level and then you're no longer making that testosterone
from that side too, So it's all kind of connected
if you think about it. So here's a question for you. UM.
I believe in men, our testosterone levels dropped during the
course of the day, correct, And that's why as athletes
(17:20):
we generally train earlier in the morning. Our testosterone levels
are higher. You have more energy, more more power output,
you get a better result from the energy you put
into your training. Yes, and that wanes over the course
of the day. That's why most almost all professional sports
train early in the morning. UM, testosterone levels are highest. Now,
(17:40):
is it would it be advisable with that to try
and prioritize sexual connection to have sex romance earlier in
the day rather than waiting till eight or nine o'clock
when our teston just by nature, by science, our testosterone
levels are lower. Yes. In fact, what I tell my
guys is that you're making all your test stosterone while
(18:00):
you're sleeping at night. So number one, if you're not
sleeping correctly because of stress or you know, whatever the
case may be, then you're not accumulating that testosterone. So yes,
your testosterone peaks first thing in the morning. This is
going to sound really crazy, but I live by it
and I swear by it. We had little kids who
are now grown, you know, they're adults, but when they
(18:21):
were little, we would actually set an alarm and we
would wake up an hour early in the morning so
that we had time for us in the morning, because
that's when we're well rested. Number One, you're not thinking
about anything, and his testosterone is the highest. Don't forget
about us too though. I mean we make testosterone as well.
(18:42):
We're sleeping. So is that the same or females are
they the same as men's or coincide that yours is
as high in the Yes? Exactly, Yeah, so kind of
same idea. I have a question for Brooks and Steph you.
I'm curious if you can help him or help a
weigh in on this, which is Brooks to recap is
(19:05):
in isolation and quarantine himself in his property in Idaho.
Julian and his wife is in l A. So Brooks.
How have you been managing being a part? How are
you remaining connected? Are you are you zooming? Are you
having phone sex? Are you just helping yourself to yourself?
(19:26):
And Rosie palms like, what are we? What are we?
So to be honest, my day, I wake up at
probably five thirty. Um, my dog is up. I'm up
at five thirty, I'm and I have a quick bowl
of cereal or eat breakfast something whatever. And then I've
been out in the yard at like six thirty seven
o'clock every morning. And I've been working on my property
(19:48):
for the last three weeks. And I work from about
seven am until about five thirty six pm. And just
like I have ten and a half acres up here.
It's Idaho bush, and I am just like cleaning this
place and giving it love that it's never had in
the six years that I've owned it, and just like
making it, like building rock walls, cutting down trees, clearing brush,
(20:11):
all kinds of stuff. And by the time I get
in from that, I am and then I cook supper
because I'm here by myself, so I'll cook supper. And
then at like eight o'clock I put a fire on
and I'm exhausted man, Like it's it's probably the same
as what you're feeling Ryan, when the day is done,
I am freaking exhausted, and at that point, like I
(20:33):
do not have a lot of sexual charge. Like truthfully,
I just like I'm exhausted, I'm toast. All I'm thinking about,
Like let me just mindlessly watch something for thirty minutes
and go to bed and wake up and do it again.
So we wake up. Though, when your test saucer and
is at the highest, you you immediately get outside into
the idahoe bush and that's how you rocking and rolling. Yeah,
(20:58):
to be honest, I would in this time, during this
quarantine time. I mean it's different because I'm not I
don't have proximity to my wife right now. I'm not
right in the same room with her. But I would
say that while it's also just a focus of like
what I'm doing here, what I have going on in
my life, that my sex drive right now wouldn't be
at its peak. Yeah, you know, so it's it's but
(21:21):
I'm thinking about this, like why do going back to
what we spoke about earlier, Steph, Like when stress comes,
why is like Ryan was talking about you try and
make sure your family is a float, try and like,
it's such a primal thing, sexual energy. Why is it
something that we so easily cast aside? Because our states
(21:41):
and our moods after having sex and having a connection
like that are probably as pure and as beautiful and
energetic as ever in our lives. So if we live
in that state all the time, you think that life
would be better. But why do we cast aside that?
Like just kind of like this once stress or anxiety
or or things come even like a yard work project
(22:04):
where I'm like, why do I not prioritize that? And
why is it so easy for men to just kind
of push to the backward? Quite honestly, I believe that
this is kind of like a society thing. I don't
know why, because, like you said, when we do have
intimate relations and you know, we're able to release, we
(22:24):
get this like euphoria sense, right, We got all these
hormones that are going this like antidepressant anti anxiety helps
with our sleep, helps with our mood. So I feel
like if we could just be reminded of that, and
you know, I try to talk to my patients like that,
I want you to remember how you feel when you
(22:44):
have that connection with your significant other, your partner or whatever,
and remember how good it actually feels. And so it's
almost like you're going to have to combat yourself and
what you know, society or what your brain is saying.
Because we're constantly in this like we gotta move, move, move,
we gotta do do do right. We have this like
laundry list of things that always are going to prevail
(23:06):
over sex, and so I think that we need to
take a step back and just remember that sex is
very important for a relationship. Not only that, but it's
very important for your mental health. It's very important for
all your good hormones. So you almost have to like
every day put it in front of it, you know,
and say, okay, we need to do this first, Like
(23:29):
this has to be done first. It's like prioritizing really right.
So it's it's like going to the gym. So you
know that you want to go to the gym because
it makes you feel good, and you feel good, you
look good, you perform better, so you prioritize that, right,
there's a time slot that you go to the gym
every day because that's your routine. You have to make
(23:50):
sex a routine. You have to prioritize it, you have
to put it in front of something. Yeah, how do
we go about doing that? So for people that are
core teamed at home right now together, couples that are together,
like you said you and your you said you and
Dustin used to set an alarm and wake up? Like,
what are some examples other than that or more along
(24:12):
that lines that you are aware of that maybe some
of your clients, people you know, are currently implementing in
their lives and actually having better sex or better connection
with their partner than ever before. Yeah. Well, and you
have to remember too, I understand people have the kids
at home right now right like the kids never leave,
So there's a lot of people that are having that
(24:34):
restriction of I don't know what to do. So you
do have to set your alarm because the kids aren't
They aren't going to leave. We're in quarantine right now.
What about like Ryan shared, he wakes up with him
and his wife wake up. We didn't hear. So, I mean,
I think it's all great in theory, and everyone can
crucify me for being the negative naysayer guy. Fine, I'll
(24:55):
own that. I think I'm the most real of anyone. Uh,
and by that I like, we have a six month
old and two and a half year old. The six
month old has been waking up at like four thirty,
so we my wife and I've been alternating like four
fifteen getting up to heat the bottle too, then go
get him because if we let him cry longer long
after he wakes up, then his given how close his
(25:18):
room is to my two and a half year olds
to wake him up, which will mean our entire day
with the two and a half year old is complete nightmare.
So we're waking up at four fifteen and just do
the math on like well, but but there's also a
science that says if you should try to get eight
hours of sleep, because if you get seven or six
or less than that, then your day is less impactful
(25:40):
than it could be. So there's all these things that
you're juggling, and my point is, like, what are we
gonna set our alarms for three thirty am? Is that
going to be something that we're gonna like wake up
thrilled to do? No, it's absolutely not. So has the
thought cross my mind of like when our two and
a half year olds taking a nap, having the six
month old, like in a baby Bjorn chair, things in
(26:03):
the room, but facing the corner and us having sex
with him with ear mops on looking at the corner. Yeah,
I don't think I could live with myself if I
do that, the emotional storring, I think eventually, But that's
the only solution I've come up with. Yeah, and sometimes
you have to get creative like that to be honest
with you. You know. It's like I even have patients
(26:24):
who they locked themselves in their closet, you know, for
like the ten minutes that they need. But that's something
that you know, we have to do this. We have
to have this connection. So we got to just figure
out how to make it happen. And you know, nobody's
looking for marathon sex, right Like this is just a
part connection. We're just looking for that connection so that
(26:47):
we stay together and so that during this quarantine time,
because that was one thing I was thinking, is Okay,
quarantine is going to make or break a lot of relationships,
right because now we're stuck at home with someone that
you didn't like in the beginning, and there's no getting
away from it. Versus I am madly in love with
this person and now we're stuck together with the kids
(27:07):
in the house. How do I keep that connection so
that we don't get, you know, drive each other crazy?
And so I really think that the sex is important.
You have to make it a priority. So, you know,
if if your thought processes turning the baby around and
staring at the wall for ten minutes, then so be it.
(27:27):
The baby is not going to know what's going on,
you know. So you guys just have to prioritize. You
never heard it's called quiet sex question for you stuff?
How many times do you recommend that couples be having
(27:47):
sex per week while in quarantine? Like, um, how many
times do you think most people in most relationships are
and how many times would you recommend that people make
this time. I love that you asked that question because
that is like the number one question for everybody. How
much is too much? How much just too little? What's
(28:08):
the norm? And there really isn't a norm, right, So
you have to remember that whatever because you might be
highly sexual, but your wife may not be, you know,
so for her having sex once a week or twice
the week, but for you it's four times a week.
You guys have to negotiate a good number together. You know,
everything is a negotiation, so you have to please her,
(28:31):
she has to please you. I honestly think three times
a week is normal. That's average, That's about typical. Yeah,
if you, like in Brooks's case, if you had to
have sex with someone who looked like Brooks, like a
complete neanderthal right now, would that three number maybe go
down closer to one as it would be unbearable to
(28:53):
lay on top or beneath and that looked like that.
You are so sens a possibility. You know what though,
That's why I have blindfold just blindfold me. What's funny? Ryan?
Half of like, I'm getting all these messages. A bunch
of people are like, shave that effing beard, and then
(29:15):
a bunch of people are messaging, I love the beard,
keep it going. It's kind of split. Um, maybe two
trolls in their basement have complimented you, everybody. Um, let's
talk about a little a topic that I don't know
if we've we've I don't know if we've used the
term staff on this show ever, but um, we talked
(29:37):
about it quite a bit. The term is sexual wellness. Yes,
we've never used the term sexual wellness. To my knowledge
on this show, but we've talked about sexuality a lot
and how being sexual isn't just the act of having sex,
much more into sexual energy than the physical coming together
(29:57):
an action of sex. Um, what would be your definition
of sexual wellness and how can people practice sexual wellness
that might then kickstart or lead to actual more connection
and more starts. You know, I think number one I
heard this actually from a patient today. UM. I asked
(30:17):
what her goals were and she said, I just want
to feel sexy. And I think that's a that's a
big statement from a lot of women out there. If
I'm speaking specifically to women, I want to feel sexy, right. Well,
what does that mean? Okay, yeah, what what do you
do to feel sexy? Well? First of all, you have
to look good, right. So a lot of women just
(30:39):
kind of feel frumpy like their moms, and you know,
they're a little bit overweight, and you know, maybe they're
just they don't feel confident enough, they don't have that
self esteem. So what does that look like to you?
Is that, you know, taking care of yourself, going to
the gym, it's eating right, you know, limiting your alcohol,
all these things that kind of give you the self
(31:00):
esteem part of it. That's number one. And that goes
to say for men to write, because I have men
that come in here that feel the same way. They
don't feel attractive, and that's like, that's the number one
thing I always hear is like, I just don't feel attractive.
I don't feel sexy. Well why not? Well, I don't exercise,
I don't eat right, I smoke, you know, I drink
alcohol at night. Well, let's start working on that first.
(31:22):
That's part of sexual wellness, you know. And then the
second part is, well, let's take care of you and
your hormones. So I can't tell you how many women
that I see, and this is now again women where
they'll come in and you know they're going through menopause
or they're having menopausal symptoms and you know they're having
like a dry vagina, or you know, they just their
(31:44):
their moody, whatever the case may be. That's all hormone related.
Just like the men. Same thing. Men will come in
here and they'll say things like, you know, I can't
get a morning erection anymore, or you know, I'm I'm
losing my erection during intercourse. That's all hormone type related.
So it's there's so many little aspects to sexual wellness.
It's like, let's start from the beginning and work our
(32:05):
way down, right, So it's always going to be your hormones,
it's going to be blood flowing, and it's going to
be your brain. Start working on yourself self esteem. Well,
you know what's interesting real quickly Brooks about that is like,
I think that is all really helpful information. But what
makes it um it's interesting to me is that we're
(32:26):
in a situation now with the quarantine of it all,
where so many of those things are unable to be satisfied.
It's a conversation with my wife and I had a
few days ago which is like, yes, you, and she
was saying like she wants to feel good, and like
part of connecting with one another and having sex is
like wanting to feel good. And and when you're in
(32:48):
a position where you're she's like, I haven't showered, like
I showered yesterday. I think, like I you know, we're
trying to keep these two kids alive, and like you're
losing your mind in many ways, And she's like, I
don't all like sexy right now. I'm like trying to
get a five minute shower, just like with one of
our kids, like or two and a half. You're pounding
(33:10):
on the glass like it's not relaxing, and you're not
getting dressed because why why would you get dressed because
you're not going out of the house and you can't
go to a gym because the gyms are closed and
there's all these things that like you can't and she
her point was like, she's like, I haven't gotten my
haircut since we had the baby in October. Let alone colored.
And she's like, my look at my roots, Like I
(33:31):
don't feel like myself in so many ways. And then
you've got the COVID fifteen, which is the fifteen pounds
you're all gaining because you can't leave the freaking house
and we're all losing our mind. Stuff. Okay, I love
of it. First of all. Now I'm gonna burst your bubble.
(33:51):
All excuses, those are all excuses. Gosh darn it. Yeah,
take a shower. First of all, I don't have any
hands helped her, so she can take a shower. That's
number one. To take a shower every day. Get ready
as if you're doing something every day, right, don't lays
(34:13):
around in your you know, pajamas or whatever. And that
even goes to stay with like someone with little kids.
Trust me, I've had little kids, so I understand. You
know what that means. You have to kind of like
do your normal routine, get into a normal routine. No,
you can't leave the house, doesn't mean you can't do
something at the house. You know. You can always do
like a jump rope, or you can do push ups,
sit up. There's exercise you can do around the house,
(34:36):
you know. And it's just kind of I think for
you specifically, just telling her how beautiful she is, you don't,
you know, it doesn't matter what her roots look like,
and doesn't matter that she's got the fifteen pounds, like
that's not you know, it's what's inside that's attracting you
to her. And I think it's just that's how you
guys are going to stay connected. Is it that kind
(34:58):
of loving relationship or you just you tell her how
much she means to you and how amazing she is
to you, and she's beautiful and you know you want
to be with her. So I think if you start,
you know, um, kind of making sex important between the
two of you, she's going to feel sexy because of that,
because she feels wanted. Yeah, and for the record, she
(35:20):
has not gained the cod is more diligent than ever
and like eating healthy and you know all that I
have said as a loving husband, I am gaining the
fifteen so as to look exponentially worse, which will therefore
make her look exponentially better as compared to me, which
is me being selfless. Yes, yes, I like that. I
(35:43):
really like that works. What about this stuff? What I
want to ask you this question. Do you think that
the the over proximity is leading to less sex drive?
Like when you think about a partner, when you meet
this person, you can't see this person enough, right, Like
(36:04):
you just want to spend every second with them. You're
just absorbed, consumed by them when you meet this person.
So now, why why in this time, Like, does being
around a significant other actually turn like with that the proximity,
being around somebody so much actually turn you off sexually
to that person. Yeah, it could because you think about it.
(36:25):
You know, they're they're all up in your business twenty
four hours a day, and you know you're you kind
of start getting a little annoyed with them. You know,
they get on your nerves. They're little, their quirkiness comes
out right, and then you kind of start thinking, like
I knew they had that quirkiness, but it wasn't accentuated.
And we're sitting on top of each other. So I
(36:47):
think it's just remembering and reminding yourself why you fell
in love in the first place, right, and that Yeah,
I actually I was attracted to the quirkiness, So that
quirkiness is okay, it's just in situated because we're all
just sitting here. And yeah, you look a little dirty
because maybe you haven't powered in a couple of days.
(37:08):
But I still brooks when she said you look dirty,
and she was looking directly at him, This was all, yeah,
I have to go back and look at an old photo.
(37:30):
Oh yeah, Like I believe, like my wife and I
both travel a lot for work. We're here there, especially
when I was playing hockey, so that when you miss somebody,
that really ramps up the sexual desire in the craving
and then like lust for somebody. Yes, So like Ryan,
you and your wife are both at home right now. Um,
(37:52):
do you ever go like more than five hours without
seeing each other? Two hours? Like, do you ever just
say I'm gonna be like working from here and I
don't want to see you or to try and create
that attraction again of missing each other, Like is that
a possible thing that couples could do. Yeah, I mean
like I don't practice that to answer your question, because
(38:12):
the ability to lend a helping hand like is more
valuable than saying I'm gonna piece out for five hours.
But this is for us, trust me, don't do that,
not with a newborn. I just trying to think of
any ways to help our community, to help people that
(38:32):
are going through this. Um Ryan, remember we had Leela
to Pull on our podcast one time, Yes sex Expert
um Sexologists just she was very helpful. She now hosts
a podcast UM for I heard called Intimate Knowledge, and
she ran a poll on her with her community the
other day on Instagram, and seven out of ten people
(38:52):
said they felt less sexual during this time. It's it's
just it's crazy. It blew me away when I saw it.
I'm like, wow, like people are actually really struggling sexual
connection at the time and trying to dig to the
root of that, Like, really, what is that? Yeah, I
think it's it's all the things that you're kind of
talking about. It's you know, basically all being on top
(39:16):
of each other right in this house twenty four hours
a day. But kind of like what you said, Ryan
is you know, this is the time that we come
together and we're best friends. Right, So it's like I'm
here to help you, You're here to help me, Like,
let's do this together. Especially with the parents. You know,
with kids, it's you know, you don't want the parents
(39:36):
that's like I can't take this, I'm piecing out. You
need the parent to kind of like step up to
the plate. Like we came to this together. We're going
to be best friends. Like we're going to get through
this together. It's like knowing that you have that person,
you know that you're rock that you're um counting on,
you know, I think that's going to help these relationships.
So um So for people that haven't one more question
(40:01):
for you want to take up all your time stuff,
but I appreciate your insight. For people that are rocket
and rolling or people that aren't, can you and people
that haven't listened to our episode about the rocket, can
you care how this magical device that you can purchase
and having the comfort of your own home can actually
(40:22):
lead to better sex? Can you talk a little bit
about the rocket again. Can I just tell you real
quick that we just got our first hundred delivered literally
an hour ago. Yes, we guys. I don't know if
you can. Can you see as I open it? I
(40:43):
wish our community could see that. Can you pull it out?
And because has been able to see it, it's like Christmas.
I literally feel like Christmas right now? Okay, so true spaceships?
What like tenans? It's a spaceship, yes, um. So basically
(41:06):
this is using um sound wave. So for those who
don't know, it's called shockwave therapy, and chock wave therapy
has been around for over twenty years and they use
it on muscular skeletal injuries, so knee, shoulder, achilles, tendonitis,
plant or fasciitis. That's how it all started. And the
idea is it's not a shock, it's a sound wave,
(41:28):
and the sound wave is creating micro trauma, you know,
a little damage underneath the skin layer, the cellular layer,
and it tells your body to create new tissue. So
it's repairing old tissue, giving new tissue, and forming new
blood vessels. So they are now using this for the
treatment of erectile dysfunction as well sexual performance and pay ronies.
(41:52):
And it's been on the market probably for the last
ten years as shock wave therapy in medical clinics, but
you would have to go to a medical clinic to
get this treatment done. So Dustin and I a couple
of years ago, you know, we were just we felt
really sad because nine out of ten guys that would
call our clinic number one couldn't afford to come in
and get it treated, and they lived too far or
(42:15):
they were just embarrassed, you know, they didn't want me
to treat them. So we thought we had to do
something where we can give these guys this treatment in
the comfort of their own home and get rid of
all those factors. And so that's when we designed the Rocket.
So we are in our we were in our prototype
and we did clinical studies in the office and um
(42:37):
we're now we're at market. So yeah, super exciting. UM.
I know it looks kind of crazy, but I did
a video. Everybody gets um these little like it kind
of tells you. There's a website where I demonstrate how
to use it. It's very simple. Um, but again, it's
all about creating new blood vessel formation, which feeds the tissue,
(43:01):
which helps regrow the tissue and just again sexual wellness.
It's taking care of yourself right on. There you go,
the Ryan, break out that credit card. I know you
have a ton of money order right now and overnight
that to your house. Yeah. So while you're quarantined and
you can't do anything, let me help you out perfect time.
(43:27):
I want to thank you so much, thank you for
what you've given our community. I hope people struggling with
with sexual health issues right now got some value from this. UM.
And where can people connect with you? Where do you
hang out the most? Um if people want to get
in touch with you a about the work that you
do or be about the Rocket. Yeah so, UM my
(43:47):
clinic is the Nova Center. We're in Studio City, California. UM.
More than happy to help anyone. You just can email
call any one of those. UM. As far as the Rocket,
it's get my rocket dot com. And that gives you
all the information that you need to know. There you go, Ryan,
Just make you guys, make time for each other, be
(44:10):
nice to each other, love each other, and remember why
you fell in love. Yeah, thank you so much, Steph. Yes,
you're welcome. Thank you. Hi So there you go, Ryan,
all your problems are fixed. Man. Steph is great. She
(44:32):
was great. Uh yeah, you're gonna get a rocket? Should
I get a rocket? Should I? Okay? Um, I'm really
interested in It's actually a really interesting device and it's
backed by science, so it's and it only costs for
listeners that haven't listened to the previous episode we did
about is I think about seven bucks? So maybe tell
(44:54):
your wife a little Christmas gift line up for you,
a little birthday gift coming up? All right, guys, this
is a producer Danielle John thing in. Um one, I
have a comment, Brooks keep the beard women. Sorry, Ryan,
you definitely are losing on this one. I will do
a poll on the helmet think Instagram to see if
(45:16):
they like Brooks with the beard or without the beard. Um.
But I wanted to bring up a topic with you
guys because I've been discussing this a lot with some
girlfriends and I brought it up with my husband just
to get like the male perspective, and he was, well, oh,
save his response. But I have I've had a couple
of my girlfriends that have reached out to me and
(45:36):
they're like, so, um, these years are these like this
year and next year we're supposed to be the years
that I'm traveling with my husband before having babies. But
now that we can't do that, I think we're gonna
just go for it and have a baby, like or
at least try to have one, because what else will
you do right now, Like we're all in quarantine, let's
(45:58):
just have sex and have a baby. And my initial
reaction was, what the hell? So I think I have
a I have a remedy for them to cure them.
I put them on a FaceTime call with Brian and
they will be shut down. Their sexual libido will go
to the floor. Such a good idea. I am a
poster child and the poster voice of yes, okay. So
(46:25):
then here's my question. If if the women in your
life came to you right now, we're like, all right,
let's let's try for a baby, since there's something else
we can do, are you guys in or are you
like I think we might need to wait till we're
done with this COVID nineteen not in for that reason.
That reason is so bad, because who knows it could
(46:47):
lift in a month, it could lift in two weeks,
just because you have nothing else to do right now,
that's not a reason to bring a life into the world.
You can still have sex without having to create a baby.
Like the world is going to come back, the economy
is going to open up, travel will open up again.
Maybe it's a couple of months, maybe it's six months.
But yeah, but like I don't it's not like I
(47:10):
don't first see us being on lockdown for the next
four years, where it's like we've got nothing else to do,
we might as well have a baby for four years.
Like as soon as these people, if they try and
have a baby right now, as soon as they're actually
having the baby, everything's gonna be wide open and open
up again. And now they're gonna be pissed because they're
not able to travel because like we're about to have
(47:30):
a baby. My wife's eight months pregnant. Would have loved
to go to Turks and cake pose, but can't now
because we can't flop. Yeah, I mean that's the hope, right,
I mean, I would say a couple of things. The
first thing, which is Brooks touched upon it. It's like
we've we're board, what else do we have to do?
We might as well have a baby. It's like, no,
you can still have sex. You don't need to pull
the goalie. Just have sex and don't right, Like, that's
(47:51):
that's point A, point B from a male perspective in
terms of how men think, how I always thought prior
to finally committing to saying like, yes, I think it's
time and I'm ready to have a baby. I wanted
to know I was secure in my job and like
financially secure to bring another life that was gonna that
I was gonna be responsible for. And it in today's economy,
(48:16):
when we're about to enter a recession and people are
losing their jobs and everything's uncertain, I as a man,
would not feel comfortable committing to bringing another life and
that I am going to be financially responsible for when
I could lose my job tomorrow. That's a big, big consideration.
And the last thing I will say is a conversation
with my wife and I had the other week was
(48:38):
like so week on the opposite way, it's not. We
were like, so do we should we try to have
a girl, And we both looked each other like we
should get you a vasectomy, Like I am already looking
into getting a vasectomy because this has created a world
in which I cannot add them a third child. I
am gonna lose it. So this is this is quite
(49:00):
equals a set to me. Do you know that there's
a National Vasectomy Day? It's when March Madness begins, typically
because every all the guys stay home to watch the
n C Double A tournament. Yeah, the first round. Yeah,
Like radio stations in d C when I was playing there,
they used to give away a free vasectomy heading up
to that so that the guy could get it and
(49:21):
then you could just sit on the couch for the
next two days with an ice pack on this growing
and just watch college basketball. I'm targeting next March. What
would you target right now? And like what would you target?
I mean, I think like this. I'm not even exaggerating
when I say this has led us to the conclusion,
(49:42):
like the sect to me is the way to go.
We can't have a kid. This is too much. Really,
you don't think like this might when you go back
to work when like the kids are you know, you
don't have a six month old, you have a two
and a four year old. You might be like, yeah,
I'd like to try for a girl. No, I'm already
giving away everything we have as soon as they've reached
(50:02):
that milestone and surpass it. Now you want the crib,
you want this walker, take it. We're done. I'm done. Okay, Okay.
Well you've got a beautiful, healthy family, so you're very
well lucky. Yeah. Sounds like we should do a podcast
when Ryan gets his vasectomy, a live podcast so we
(50:22):
could get the play by play absolutely. Um, Danielle, can
we ask Ryan about the Instagram comment that's got Ryan
fired up? I mean I think he should just take
it away. He has a lot to say. Okay, I'll
(50:44):
read this comment Ryan and then you can rebut what
this was said? Um, this was written on our How
Many Think podcast Instagram? Should I say the list of
the person that wrote it, Danielle, Let's keep him anonymous. Okay,
here's the question. Why it is Ryan not listen to anyone?
He is so negative. Having kids as hard, but it
(51:06):
seems you make it so much more difficult than it
needs to be. You can find helps, you can go
away for a weekend, look outside the box. I used
to work in a daycare where the room I was
in charge of had twelve babies three months to sixteen
months and there were three of us. That's one adult
for every four infants, and I never had so much
fun dot dot dot Ryan. Unfortunately, we are a podcast,
(51:30):
so this listener who commented in that way cannot see
my eyes rolling into the back of my freaking skull
as I hear that comment, because it is the most
absurd thing I've ever heard. And I will say thank
you to all those listeners who have come out Buckley
in support of me, uh and my openness and my honesty. Uh.
(51:53):
There are many of you, the Ryan supporters and loyalists.
Thank you to this one single solitary contrarian out there
who came at me in this way, I would say,
sit on your thumb and rotate, because I have news
for you. You may work at your daycare, but at
the end of the day, you go home to relax,
and this is seven and you with a couple other
(52:17):
daycare employees watching these kids like I'm sure it was
a lot of fun, but then you went home to
your more normal, balanced life, I'm sure, I think so.
I don't buy it. I think it's like it's all
fine when there's an end in sight and you can
go back to your your less than chaotic life. But
this is all day, every day. What if she has kids,
(52:38):
Let's say she had two kids at home, then what
would you say? I would say, also, I I think
your kids act differently for you and are more prone
to having temper tantrums and things when they're familiar with you,
as opposed to teachers or people that are looking after
them at a daycare. They're much more respectful and they're
(53:01):
much less likely to far less likely to act out
when your own kids have temper tantrums because they're familiar
with you. So I don't think she's considered that either.
But these these kids were three months to sixteen months.
I don't think they have that ability to decipher, Oh,
dad's not in the room, I'm going to act out.
(53:22):
Their dad's in the room. I'm gonna act out. Okay,
So there are three months so they're laying on their
back and sleeping half the day. Congratulations, How difficult was
that for you? You didn't have a two and a
half year old to counterbalance the three months old three
month old to lay on their back all day and
sleep like that's the point. I'm dealing with the two
and a half year old too, who wants to run around,
(53:42):
who wants to hit the six month old in the head,
who wants to go outside. She's dealing with a bunch
of three year old to sleep seventy the day and
the other take a bottle. Congratulations, Brian. I have a
question for you. Does your wife ever say, like, try
giving birth to our kids? Like, does she ever like
(54:03):
say you need to be quiet? No, she We're in
this together. She's like, this is chaos, and that's why
we live. Legitimately, high five at the end of the
day and hug when we've put both of them down
at the same time because we finally conquered the day
and we're She doesn't look at me like I'm some extremists,
(54:27):
like she feels much the same way that this is
an exhausting time for us. And we will, of course
whether it will come out the other end and we'll laugh,
But in the moment, it's it's tough. I think at
the end of the day, everybody has their own experience.
I've had many friends who thought like labor was a
piece of cake, and I've had other friends who were
(54:47):
like that was the most traumatic experience of my life,
and it's the hardest thing. I think it's all relative
to how you deal with it. I don't know. Everyone
has their own experience. Yeah, And and also like we
have friends to have girls, and and from our experienced,
girls are much more um, calm and like We'll look
(55:09):
at some of our our friends kids that are girls
and they'll just like sit there and look around like
a little wall flower and like smile and like to
our boys are just like flailing, needing to be held,
wanting to be entertained. Like it's there's no just like
sitting around chilling. Okay, right, you have the toughest life
in the world. I'm not implying that. And again, I
(55:33):
don't want to come off as polarizing to the many
Ryan loyalists that are out there. I don't want to
alienate myself. I am just as I said, I'm trying
to be real and not sugarcoat anything and tell you
how I honestly feel. So if that's the other people
and they think I'm out of line, so be it.
(55:55):
I do appreciate that, right, I do appreciate that I'm
on a work We'll shower later. He needs to shower. See,
we need to shower now for you because he needs
to shower. Well, shout, we shower together, and I can't
even shower alone anymore. Well, buddy, I'm sending you a
(56:18):
big hug, sending you love. Man. I hope I don't
hug men that look as uncompt as you, but I'll
take it. Why is it all about looks Ryan? Why
isn't it about my heart? Your heart is hollow and
black and hardened. Huh No it's not. But thanks buddy. Honestly, Ryan,
(56:40):
I think there's a lot of people out there that
are really struggling, UM, homeschooling, UM, distress and anxiety level.
You know, are people what the economic conditions people are
business owners or their job? Are they gonna keep it?
Are they gonna lose it? Um? Just a lot of
going and then also the health concerns. Concerned about your family,
maybe your parents. You know, my parents are in there
(57:01):
and my dad's in his late sixties. Just a concern
they're UM. So a lot going on in the world
and just all of our listeners, we want to send
you guys love and support and hope. If you're in
a time of despair, just sending you guys hope. Same
to you, buddy. You will make it through this. Thank
you and Brooks. I think what I took from the
interview with stuff is that tomorrow morning, when you wake
(57:21):
up and your horny, help yourself to yourself. But for you,
just just take care of yourself. Okay, right, put me
number one, Put me number one. UM, anybody else that Daniel,
you have anything else you want to say on this one?
And we wrap this. UM. I think we're I think
Ryan needs to give his son a shower or bath. Um,
(57:45):
So let's wrap this up. But I do want to
tease that next week we have UM, we're planning something fun.
We're doing a fun test that um or um experiment
I guess is a better word. UM that involves a
zoom call. So stay tuned, guys. So we haven't even
told Ryan about this. He doesn't even know what this is.
(58:08):
Actually I do know, so I'm always in the now. Brooks.
We you're lucky we even told you. I see why
this person said you are so negative um on the
on Instagram. Yeah, I'm I'm team Instagram hater like right here,
meaning you support her your AUNTI Ryan? Okay, good to
(58:32):
know it's Ryan versus the world. Man, everybody in this
world has extending you in all of branches. It's just
continually Ryan versus the world. I'm happy to take that
on you don't see. But that's it for this week.
Thanks Danielle, Thanks Tory uh. Thanks. Ryan appreciates you sharing
and hopefully that helps our community. And thank you Steph
(58:54):
for coming on. So everybody that listen, thank you so much,
sending you love and sending you hope. I hope your
family and yourself if you're keep it well, staying safe,
staying active. Until next week, Ryan, take care of one another,
love one another, and we'll see you back here. Another
episode of How Men Think
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!