May 24, 2024 • 43 mins
Whether you grew up watching Full House, or played a character on the show, there's no doubt you learned a thing or two about family. In this minisode, the girls are reviewing "The 10 Best Parenting Lessons Danny Tanner Taught Us" and applying it to their own parenting styles. Growing up on set, they learned a lot, and we're guessing you did too!
Whether it's solving all of our problems with a hug or allowing our children to resolve their own conflicts (cue the furniture moving), there's a lesson here for everyone on this episode of How Rude, Tanneritos!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow, we were actually synked in our little clay that are.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I know, I'm so proud of us. We're very very
slight synced up, synced up to. Yeah, I love it. Well,
Welcome back to how Rude Tanner Ritos. I'm Andrea Barber
and I'm Jody Sweeton, and today we have a fun
mini soode for you guys. We are talking about the
top ten best parenting lessons from Full House, which we
(00:43):
got from a website.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah right, we yes, we but but I we're you know,
gonna go through each of them and talk about them.
And I do think there's some really great parenting things
on here that Danny Tanner and full House definitely taught us.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yes, we can say thank you to Danny Tanner for
these great parenting lessons. You know, full House raised a
whole generation for you know, people feel like they don't
you get that all the time. People come up to
me all the time and say, I grew up with you,
and oh yeah, hi, yeah, like we're childhood best friends,
you know.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
It was.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I mean, so many kids our age watched the show
and sort of you know, as we were going through
all of our life stuff, so were they and so
it felt very reflective of their experience. And again they're
you know, family sitcoms often didn't focus as much on
the kids, and so our show really focused on the
(01:35):
kids a lot, and on you know, how families get along,
and how different sorts of families get along, and you
know all that kind of stuff and different styles of parenting. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it was yeah, because there was you know, three different
people in the house and and helping.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Raise these kids.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I really liked some of these though. These are are
good ones.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
These are great ones. These are great ones.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Shall we dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Let's dive in and learn from back and forth.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah, let's just yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Okay. Number one, respect your children's boundaries, but also do
whatever it takes to help. And the website gives the
example of Danny reading a secret note that DJ had written.
I agree with this. I think kids need to feel
some autonomy. They need to feel like they have a
(02:22):
space of their own that's just for them. Absolutely, that's
protected from parents' eyes. I do. Yeah, unless you're concerned
that they're in danger or something, then you will obviously
can break the trust.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I have always told my kids.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I will respect your privacy, your friend's privacy, unless it's
something that's going to put you or someone else in danger.
Then then then I cannot keep those secrets.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Right, right, you know I said.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
But yeah, especially like as kids get older, if they
don't feel like they have a space of their own
to like have their own experience and figure things out
a little bit, then I feel like sometimes they'll hide
stuff from you even more if you're constantly crossing that boundaries.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Oh yeah, it would definitely backfire if you were too nosy.
So yeah, some secrets are good.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
It's so hard though, to like keep that in you
know what I mean. I mean like when you find
out something, you're like, oh I can't okay, what is
the what's the you know, right thing to do?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Do I not say anything and let them figure it out?
Do I say something?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah, Well Danny did a good job with trying to,
you know, remind his kids he'll.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Do whatever it takes.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
But also, oh gosh, that was a lesson that knocked
you over the head. Yeah, those the three guys, all
of them really would do anything for the girls. Yeah,
like they were always That's that's something I think a
lot of people who didn't have that family support really
latched onto was just the unconditional love that this household
had for each other, and that they were always there
(03:59):
for each other too, almost to a fault. But yeah, right,
you know, I think that's a great it's a great lesson. Yeah,
don't read their diaries as much as you want to
know it's going on right now, don't you just don't
go there, don't.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Go no, no no.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Number two, it's important to remember you were a kid
once too.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, so I get this this, I get this a lot.
I feel this a lot with teenagers, Yeah, because it's
so easy to trivialize their feelings, Like they're so insecure
and concerned about how they look, and I think nobody's
looking at you.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Worry about it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Everyone's concerned about how they look, so they're not paying
attention to you. But we've got to remember that insecurity
that you know, they just they're always just hyper fixated
on themselves.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I always say too, like it's hard sometimes as a
parent when you get to that place where, uh, you know,
you finally have like a frontal lobe and some sort
of idea of like consequences and you know, all these
things that happen as you mature into your mid twenties,
you know what I mean, Like the twenty four twenty five,
(05:09):
they don't think your frontal lobe is developed that has
the you know, consequences and long term thing late. So
I know, for me, sometimes it's really hard to like
go back to a time that that that my brain
didn't go, okay, well if.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
This happens, then this is gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Or if you stay up late, then you're gonna want
you know, and you're gonna be tired the next day.
Like kids don't that, they don't have that, they don't
have that. It doesn't connect, and it sometimes you're like
what is wrong with you? And you're like, nothing's necessarily
wrong with them. It's just their kid and their brain
doesn't work the same way. But it's so hard sometimes
(05:48):
to remember that, to remember that, like you were a
kid wants to and you were just just you know,
sort of weirdly self centered and not necessarily thinking of others.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I think that's common childhood development. You know, they're
absolutely very narcissistic little people. That's absolutely the child development exactly.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
But it's sometimes you just and especially as they get older.
You're like, oh, how do I m?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Why do I knock some sense into you? But you're like, no,
they're they're just kids. That's okay. Well Number three, let
your children have their own responsibilities. And the website gives
the example of doing chort charts for the girls, or
Danny teaching Michelle how to mop.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I'm so bad at this one?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Wait? Really? Yeah? How are you bad at? How are
you bad at this one? Could I could see you
like being like clean your rooms and do the dishes
and take the trash out.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
I mean I do, I'm like, clean your room, do
the thing. But like it's.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
It's hard and and and I think you'll understand this too.
When you have kids that go back and forth between
your house and dad's house, there's and my girls go
back quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
It's not even that there's different rules.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
It's just that it becomes very hard to have like
sort of a regular chore thing of like, okay, you
do the dishes you Monday, Wednesday, Friday, because you're only
here every Wednesday and then every other Friday or that,
you know, like, yeah, it becomes hard and and and
more tedious.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
And I just I also.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Like I will I have little chor charts and I
am great for like two weeks, but then my add
kicks in and I forget to have them do the
chor chart or I don't know where I put it,
or I'm like, oh, this isn't working, and I just
get rid of it. And so we've I will definitely
say I uh. That is one area at my house
that has is a struggle, is like getting everyone on
(07:50):
board with doing the same chores or like just you know,
and it's just it's a lot of arguing.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
It's a lot of arguing. But I it's it's it's
hard being the disciplinarian all the time. You know, some kids,
I just want to have fun with you, especially if
you're yeah, if you split custody, just want to have
fun with it. It's yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
And my thing is always clean your room and like
just take trash out of your room.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Can you just take the trash out?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Get the cups? Don't want the cup the cups that multiply.
Oh my gosh, why do they drink? They drink so much.
They're the most well hydrated children.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
And yet they're not like they're hydrated. But nothing is
empty it's all gone.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Like they pour a gigantic glass of juice and then
drink that much and now you got a half. And
I'm like, why do you guys pour so much juice?
I pour them a couple of juice. They're like, that's
so small. I'm like, you can refill it. But once
you poured it in there and you're drinking out of
it with your grubby little mouth, now now it's not.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Going back in. Pour it back in, but the cups.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, Well, my kids are pretty good at their their
own personal responsibilities. Like they can clean their rooms, they
can do their own laundry, they can make their own
food if they don't like, yeah, good with that. But
like the household chores, I'm mad at. I'm bad at that.
I'm kind of like, I like the way I put
the dishes in the dish. They put the dishes away,
and they're bad at it. I swear it's learned in
(09:06):
common learned helplessness. Yeah, helpless that's what it is. Yes,
they do it badly so that I don't ask him
to do it again.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
It's true, it's true.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And you know, I mean, we've all had that thing
when you're like Okay, come wash the dish, and they
wash it and then you look at it and you're.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Like that, let's not washed.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
They don't even like sometimes they I'm like, did was
it a hot water?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Oh? Did you even put the little scrubby?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Did you use soap?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
What do you mean? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Tato is the worst. I mean, he's so great at
I'm like a for effort, you tried, but none.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
They don't even try though. They just go, well, you'll
do it because you if you, you know, get sick
of it.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
But like, I don't want to find after the fourth
time of washing the same dish, you'd think you would
do it properly.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, yeah, but I get it.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
You just want to get it done.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I think this is one of those things. I mean
I've kind of like waved my white flag at the spot.
I know. Yeah, I'm like, but mine are nineteen and no,
mine are mine's almost twenty twight, it's gonna be twenty
next week. Oh my gosh, oh are twenty and seventeen.
So I'm kind of like, Okay, when you're when you
have a roommate for the first time, that's where I'm at.
That's when you're gonna learn that you can't live the
(10:13):
way you've been living for the life.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
And you know what, honestly, that's really when it kicks
in because when they are faced with someone else, not
their parent, nagging them or being disappointed in how they
are sharing their space.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
When you really to pay to do your own laundry,
that's when you appreciate. Oh wow, it's great having a
laundry machine, right, you're at the house that you don't
have to pay for.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I would love if my kids did just did the laundry.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Just do it and fold it. Don't leave me the
dryer for a week, fold it and put it away,
or just put it away.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
I see.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
That's the thing is we're all all with me, and
the girls were just a little add mess, and so
we will start laundry and miscal's like, whose laundry is this?
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Because it could sometimes cause it's mine. Yeah that's right,
Oh my god, that's right. I started that four days ago. Yeah,
so I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
That's the thing too, is like I can't even get
that mad because I totally do the same stuff and
like it.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's just yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah, it's hard to teach lessons that you yourself are
not really abiding buy. So I get it. We're not perfect,
we're flawed.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
It's okay, perfect, Okay, but they but once they get roommates, oh,
then they'll be clean.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I can't wait.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Once it's too late for us.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
And then yeah, as you see when the parents go
to their their like I went to my kid's apartment
and they just leave every drawer open, the fridge open, everything.
They're like, just payback and you're like, yeah, you can't
look for that. It's gonna ye leave everything open and unplugged.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, I'm like, how many roommates are going to move
out of the apartment. How many roommates are going to
go through before you learn the lesson? Hopefully not too many.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Well, but the roommates will probably be a mess too.
They'll figure it out.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
They'll they always they always figure it out. Yep. Hopefully
by the time they're twenty five and the frontal has
developed has developed. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Number four, help your children resolve conflict on their own terms.
This is all Danny does. Like how many There were
no examples, by the way, but okay, I feel like
this is all Danny does. How many times have the
girls moved themselves in and out of the bedroom. Like
they are solving their own conflicts, you know, solving DJs,
(12:33):
moving down amazing companies. Yeah, the girls are very self reliant.
I'm saying they are.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
They really are, actually, like they're they for three kids. Uh,
these three guys seem to always be doing a lot
of stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Yeah, they had a lot of the kids are.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
But I think this one's really important, like resolving conflict
on their own terms, because I know as a parent,
for me, it's so hard sometimes to want to jump
in and fix your kids problems or like especially friend problems.
You know. Yeah, like I've been there, I get it, Like, no,
this person needs to know this or you guys need
to you know. And it's like if you interject yourself
(13:15):
into their I mean again, unless someone's unsafe or like
severe bullying or something. But of course, but conflict like
between siblings or between friends, a lot of times you're like, oh, man,
I'll be your sounding board, but I can't fix this
for you.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
That's the best. That's probably the best advice actually is
just to just to listen, like you don't Sometimes you
don't have to solve everything, and you shouldn't because kids
need to learn how to solve things themselves. But yeah,
just to listen, be a sounding board, being like, you know,
buying like their little therapists. Just just listen, just listen
and say, okay, well I'm here for you if you
want advice, which they don't.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah, right, it's really hard sometimes too. I fall into
that trap all the time of being like, well, you
know when I was your but and I'm like, oh
my god, stop shut up.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, I know we sound like our parents, you know.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
It's it's the worst. It's the worst feeling.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
And I realized that I'm like trying to relate to
them and that's probably what my parents were doing. And
I was like, you're so lame. But yeah, conflict resolution
is not easy. And if you don't let your kids
learn how to do it, they're never going to resolve conflict.
They're just going to either avoid it or create it
and walk away.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah. No, they have to learn. They got to learn
those skills, and they're going to make mistakes and that's okay.
They're gonna they might lose a few friends, you know,
they might they might switch to a different best friend. Whatever.
That's that's called life. And you how you learn yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And sometimes sometimes like like it's hard when your kid
has been maybe the one that kind of started the conflict,
or or they're getting you know, when their friend is
being mean to them and you want to jump in,
but like you need to start teaching them how to
you know, at a certain age, how to advocate for
themselves and has saying this hurt my feelings or this
(15:01):
is not.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay, and to set boundaries. Yeah. Yeah, it's all very
hard life lessons. I think with conflict with the kids,
I mean, at this point in my parenting journey, it's
again it's like waving a white flag. I'm like, I'm
too tired, like solve this yourself, kids, because I am
too tired to fix this well.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
And it's also the same with my girls either at
an age now where it's like, okay, I'm not as
worried that like someone's gonna get hurt because they're you know,
being silly or wrestling around.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Like I mean, they very well.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Good, but it's not like the fighting isn't like they
were when they were like seven and nine, or you know,
they weren't like they were just at each other and
now it's a little more like.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
It's just verbal barbs.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
You know, they they'll kind of throw or whatever, and
like they'll argue or maybe adorable slam, but nothing crazy.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
And I'm like, you.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Guys, gotta figure this out, because yeah, you do you
get as a parent. You're like, I'm tired, I don't.
And you also realized losing battle. True, they just want
to they want to pick at each other.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
They have to argue it out. Yeah, they want to
pick pick at each other and argue it out. Okay,
then figure it out, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I find conflict resolution for the kids with friends is
always the you know, it's the place you want to
jump in because it's like some other kid.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah, you can't parent the other kids, right, right, so
you don't know, you gotta you gotta, Well, first you
have to figure out you have to put the filter on.
I'm like, okay, am I hearing about this through the
felicity filter, which like I didn't do anything wrong? I
didn't you huh okay, so okay, what did you do?
That may be added?
Speaker 3 (16:38):
What's the situation? Right?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Right? So yeah, it's yeah, conflict resolution with friends is
way harder than than sibling conflict. I'm like, right, you'll
eventually love each other and get along.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
It's the same way with me and my brothers.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
So did you have a lot of conflict with your
brothers growing out?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Oh, my god, all the time, all the time. Well,
my my my brothers are a bit older. My brothers
are five years older than me and seven years older
than me. So there were times when like they weren't
Like I was almost an only child at one point
for like the high school years. But then Darren moved
back home when he was in law school to save money,
and so we were he was like an adult and
(17:13):
I was high schooler. We were sharing the same bathroom, oh,
and sharing the same laundry room everything. And he's just like, great,
you took all the hot water. Why do you get
in the shower right before I need it? You got
to move your your clothes laundry machines. I still talk
about it to this day. And my parents were just
like you figure it out, like you know, figure out, yeah,
this is you have to do laundry. You know, one
of you does laundry on Sundays, the other one does
(17:34):
laundry on Friday nights or whatever, right, and then work
out a bathroom schedule. You both have to get up
at the same time. You have to figure out who
gets to shower first. So we're still arguing about it now,
but now we can laugh about it.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
But right now you can laugh about it. But yeah,
it is.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It's like at some point you just kind of gotta go.
You're gonna have to figure this out. And yeah, mom,
nagging you is not working anymore. Yeah, yeah, because then
it just we become the you know.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
It's white noise. It is totally white noise. Agreed.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
All right, Well, let's see what's next up on Danny
Tanner's life lessons list here.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Uh oh, this is a good one.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
It's important to make time for yourself too.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Oh heck yeah, self care, baby.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Yes, and self care doesn't necessarily look like, you know,
a vacation all the time or a spa weekend or whatever.
It can be ten minutes sitting in your car listening
to your favorite song before you walk in the house.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That's a great one. That's a really good one.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Or ten minutes meditating in your car before you walk
in the house, and that many times.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh, got to reset for yourself before going into battle
to see what's at home, waiting for you.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I mean right, like that transition time from like maybe
coming home from work or doing something and then like
walking in the house. Sometimes you just need a minute.
And that taking those five and ten minute moments for yourself,
I find to be just as important as taking an
afternoon where you're.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Like, guess what Mom's off Like I'm not.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I'm responding to nothing, those little ten minute things or
you know, saying like hey, this is something that brings me.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Joy that I'm gonna do for myself.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
It's very important and it makes you a much more
balanced experience patient.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, understanding, Yeah, my self care is I love to
take my baths at night, you know, because I've I've
facetiped you from my bathroom.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yes, yes, oh yeah, yep, I've yep yep.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Which sounds weird, but whatever, it's weird.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
No, no, it's not.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, it's not weird. Bubbles are overcovered, you know, it's yes,
exactly weird.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But yeah, I find myself and they're like, why do
you like taking baths every night? And I'm like, well,
partially because I just shut and locked the door because.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Nobody is gonna come and bother me when I'm naked
in a bathtub and nobody, I mean.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
They're not toddlers right at this point. Now they're like horrified,
like oh God, yes, I'm naked in the bathtub and
they're like, ah.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, it's so great. But yeah know it's just it's
a great way to just relax and do you compress,
and nobody talk to me for these twenty minutes or whatever.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Water is so healing. I yep, I also have a
little I got my.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Little bath tray.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'll take a book in there, put my jazz on.
Now I've been seeing this whole uh bathroom e lait
like light trend. Apparently really we're like like a shower light. Oh,
like a little wireless lamp that's like a touch thing
and it's like a dim little night light lamp. People
are like putting them in their showers.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Mood lighting for your shower.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
People that they're like, look look at me, create my
perfect bath and there. You know, it's like a you
got a lamp and a and a eucalyptus sprig and
all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
But hey, I've heard of the eucalyptus sprigs. Yeah, there's that.
That's definitely a thing. They're aromatics, but yeah, you know
what I noticed.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Actually that's an example of this important to make time
for yourself too. There's an episode that we watched recently
where I think, I think Danny maybe says hey to
joe when they're with the Friendship episode between Danny and Joey,
and he says, Hey, it's Jesse's night to watch the kids.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Do you want to go do something else?
Speaker 1 (21:08):
And I was like, oh, okay, So this is implying that,
like the guys sort of have an agreement that hey,
one night a week one of us will watch the
kids and whatever while the other two get to go
do something or you know, kind of. I think that's
so valuable, super valuable. I think all parents, if you know,
(21:32):
I mean, and sometimes obviously you can't do it, yeah,
but if you you know, if you can even every
once in a while, like it's super important to allow
one or the other parent, especially if one or the
other parent is taking care of the kids a lot more,
to be like, hey, you you get like an afternoon
to yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh my gosh, yes, that's right. That did. We did
just review that recently. That is a form of self care.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And they think they were They went and played basketball.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And yeah, before Danny threw it, but yeah, I know
that that was their former self left so just oh
his mom way Irene, grandma Irene watching the.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
But but I do think I think that's a really
important one. And and you know, in a family that
there's seventeen people living in one house, it's very important
to take some.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Time for yourself. There's just no quiet, although not in
the bathroom because you'll have eight more people that need
to use it, so.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
There's only one. There's only one in the whole full house.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
So yeah, and the website uses example for Danny. Danny's
self care is quiet cleaning time.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Yes, quiet cleaning time.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
It's yeah, hey, you know it's buffing and polishing, it's
cleaning the grout is what his mee time is.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Hey, whatever floats your boat, that's the Sometimes that's what
you need is just to clean get all your aggression
out through that crowd. Yeah, okay, moving on number six.
There's nothing that a hug can't help.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
And there's no example because there's a hug in basically
every episode.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
So and I mean it's pretty self explanatory.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Huh. I don't know, I feel this one was a
little Pollyanna for me. I'm like, I mean it's yeah, it's.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
What if you don't like human touch.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Yes, And that's the other thing, like I was thinking of,
like making your kids hug, Like, oh, you've been fighting,
make your kids hug each other.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Although it's funny when you see it, like they're like
the in the same gigantic shirt or whatever, and you're like,
they have to get along. But there, you know, sometimes
I here's what I would say.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I'd say that there's an asterisk here at the end.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
There's nothing that a hug can't help asterisk when the
time is right.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Okay, yes, when it's consensual and when the time is.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Right, when the time is right and both parties are
like a physical affection is something that would be helpful.
I think that's absolutely true that a hug it releases oxytocin.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
It's a chemical boost. It's a good way to you know,
create a bond with someone. But I will say I'm
one of those people that might not always want to
be hugged.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, you've got it has to be the right time,
in the right place, and you also have to pay
attention to other people's cues, like Jesse is not his
love language is not hugging.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
He's not a hugger.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
He's not a hugger, but Danny is. So sometimes Jesse
will placate Danny because he knows that Danny just needs
a hug. But that's not going to solve Jesse's problems.
Jesse needs to talk it out. Jesse needs to come
to realizations on his own and talk it out. So
talking is important, and a hug can help if you've
already talked to it, if it's the right time, and
if it's the right time, Yeah, it's the right time. Okay.
(24:42):
So this is a lesson with an asterisk.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Yes, it's a Yeah, it's a it's a lesson with
a caveat.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Okay, yeah, okay, got it right? Uh you, I don't know,
I don't know. I can remember you take it.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
I'll take it. Uh seven.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Always let your children know how valuable they are.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
And the examples our DJ doesn't feel pretty enough, Stephanie's
insecure about her glasses, and Michelle wants to play boy
activities and gets made fun of in later seasons.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Got it?
Speaker 2 (25:14):
So, yeah, this is a big one self worth. Teaching
your kids that, yeah, self worth is important and you
love them just the way they are. It doesn't matter
if you wearing glasses or you don't feel pretty that day, whatever,
you are special just the way.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well that your value, that you have value, inherent value,
no matter what inherent value on the inside. Yes, your
value isn't how you look person. Your value isn't how
you look is It isn't what you can give. It
isn't not what you wear, what you wear, or how
much money you have that your Let your children know
(25:52):
their inherent value just being present.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That's that big enough.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
It is a big one.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
That's a really big one. I like it lesson a
lot and it's not easy to teach either. No, they
have to come to a lot of self actualization themselves.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
I think this is I think this is a lesson
that I would even say, always let your family know
how valuable they are. Like it's not even just kids,
you know, I think let adults in your life know
how valuable they are, Know that you're they're appreciated, know
that they.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Don't have to you know.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
And I feel like I see this in the show
with amongst the guys sometimes too, like, hey man, it's
not you know, I don't care what you can, what
you're bringing, or what you're you know, it's not about that.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
It's about that I love you as part of my
family or my friend.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I think this is definitely a lesson that we hit
home a lot in the show with you know, and yeah,
like teaching the kids. You know, so what do you
wear glasses? It doesn't matter if it's this. You are
important for many many other things.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
This is a universal lesson for all ages, all unders,
all everything is that, Yeah, you need to That's so
important because it's easy to be down on yourself and
to criticize yourself, and you know, it's so easy to
fall into that that vortex, that whole ough.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
So yeah, no, it's important. It's important for children, equally
important for adults too. Yeah, very good. Yeah, you're important. Okay.
Number eight, it's important to have fun with your kids.
(27:34):
And the example is Danny being involved with the Honeybee
troop and he's ridiculous dad puns.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
The dad jokes are strong with Danny.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Dad, the dad jokes are very strong.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I think this is a good one too. And my
my therapist talks about this a lot, because it's so
easy to get up in the transactional side of parenting,
where it's like did you do your homework and did
you make your bed and did you do and my
therapist is like, okay, stop, you have to stop being
the trans actional parent for once and just have fun,
like let your hair down, go see a movie, you know,
(28:07):
go kick the soccer ball around, whatever it is, have
fun with your kids. It's so easy to forget when
you're I'm like a checklist, a check.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I'm too, I'm a check Did you do the thing
and the thing and the thing and the thing and yeah.
I learned that lesson with Zoe when we went to
Disneyland for her birthday. Was it was, you know, putting
aside that transactional parenting of did you do all of
the things that I need you to do for your
sort of you know life stuff.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, but this was just pure fun.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Let's have fun.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yeah, it's you just feel like a boss sometimes, like
it's like, no, your relationship is way deeper than yeah,
than just being your boss or your manager, you know,
the house manager, or.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Just right and freaking out over all the cups in
your room, right, the cup collector. Yeah, I've made the
joke one time that it was like like the movie
Signs in their Room, But I don't nobody really got it.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Can you remember the movie Signs Signs?
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Oh, well, this is there we go.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
It's also ask what do they doing science?
Speaker 1 (29:07):
In Signs, it's about the aliens and the little the
girl is always leaving these cups of water around the
house and it drives her dad crazy. But then come
to find out at the end of the movie, the
aliens if you throw water on them that they can't
get wet. Oh, so all of a sudden, all of
those cups of water become very handy all over the place.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
It's like self defense.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah yeah, but nobody knew obviously that it was going
to be that until anyway.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
That's a dark twist like that is I'm not surprised
this is where you're going. Your brain has gone here.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Oh it's just walk in there and there's seventeen half
empty cups of various liquids.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I'm like, what are we waiting for? The alien invasion?
Just in case?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
You know, the kids have clearly watched that movie over
and over.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
No, they're like what are you talking about, old woman?
But no, it's like having fun and just being silly
is And I find outside of the house sometimes too, like.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Oh, you gotta get it's easier to.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Like have fun with them away from the home base.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah, cause all I'm so guilty of this. When I'm
in the house, all I see are things that they
need to be to be done. Yeah, I'm like, no,
get me out of here, Like I don't want to
look at I walk in the door and might be done.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
There's dishes in the seak and this needs to Did
you get the laundry? Did you do the thing?
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Did you?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Uh? Yeah? No, I'm very guilty of the being like
just and nobody else. Is everyone blind to this? They
don't see it. Like there's a piece of trash on
the floor for like two days, and I'm like, does
nobody see this? Does nobody want to pick this up
and put.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
It in the trash because they know that you'll do
it once you forget all this.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I know it's a vicious cycle, such a vicious cycle,
but yeah, have fun, have fun outside, have fun.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Do you know what next time plays soccer with that
piece of paper on the floor and just be like, hey,
then start kicking it around the house.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
See how it goes. It's a game who can get
it in the trash first.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Right, and they're just be like, mom, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
That works when we were two?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
But right, yeah, exactly, yeah, clean up cleaning, shut up women.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Number nine.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Okay, I will say I struggle with this, well, not
really sometimes, but here.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
It is it's okay to get.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Tough sometimes sometimes. Whoever wrote this does not have teenagers
like you have to be tough all the time. You
have to be consistently tough.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I that's when I'm live. That's what happened.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
I just it's hard.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
They'll wear me down.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
They know how to wear you down. It's it's so true.
And sometimes you.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Just like they wear you down, and they they they
pick a time at the end.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Of the day, usually to where you do because at
ten o'clock you're trying to go to bed.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Yeah yeah, and they're just starting the evening and you're like, oh, yeah, fine, fine,
go way. But having to get tough, Oh, it's the
hardest thing. What are did they give examples for this one?
Speaker 2 (31:53):
They did not give any examples. I do.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I feel like there were well, I feel like we
had that whole episode about Joey getting tough with the
karate too.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Yeah, that's that's the whole that was named Joey gets tough.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yeah, Joey gets tough. And that was one where we
went a little that.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Was too tough, right because she had to miss an
extracurricular commitment and you're like, you're letting the whole, the
whole dojo down. Yeah, that's right, but but it is.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
It's the worst when you're like, if you don't do this,
you're not going to get to do this. Yeah, and
then when they don't do the thing, it's really hard
to be like, well, now we're not getting to do this.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
But it's the only currency. It's the only currency you have,
Like you have. This is how this is how I parent.
I say, if you don't do this, you can't. Now
it's now that Felicity's driving. It's the car that's the right. Well,
that's the best part of our driving. You can't use
the car if you don't do the things you were
supposed to do. So that's easy. I just take the key.
That's like, it's fantastic. This is once they start driving,
your life becomes much true.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Once you have something that's like a valuable you know,
going out with friends or whatever, the phone there, whatever
they're currency is, it's sometimes you've got to get tough
and you' it's and I it's hard.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
And it's hard. I'm going to go back to the
whole divorce thing too. It's hard as a single parent.
Well not like you're recoupled. I'm recoupled. So yeah, we
have partner, We have partners who are helping us parents,
but it's still not the same because like you're the
primary parent in the house and they know it, and
so they are going to wear you down knowing that
you can't just like throw the football to the the dead,
(33:28):
you know, it's like, no, it's all on you. So
it's it's even harder in a split home situation like
that because they know if they just keep pecking, you
feel like you're pecked to death by hens.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
But my mom used to say that being that being
a parent is like being pecked to death by ducks
because ducks have a round bill, so it doesn't it's
not like a hen where it really hurts and kills you.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's just this dull pecking.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Just think, Yeah, a.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Duck pecking you to death and five hours later you
have a bruise that will never go away.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Yeah, exactly right, And that's right.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
And I was, and I didn't get it when I
was again, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, because it's
not you know, it's not like ow.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
It's just like a dull adult annoys dull pecking of
a doctor. Janice Sweeten speaks the truth, man, Chance sweet
And was right about everything.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Man, you know she really was. Uh, she'll hear that
when she gets to this episode because she's just started listening.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
But but yeah, you were.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
You were right about a lot of right about everything. Well,
it's a lot of things. I love you a lot
of things.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You were right about mouth things. But it is it's
hard to get tough and hold those boundaries.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, being being because it's sometimes it's easier just to
give in. It's so much easier and less confrontational just
to give in. But once to give in, once they're
going to expect it the next time, and then it's
even harder to get back to.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I will zero say the thing I struggle with though,
And sort of it's kind of like the Joey episode
where it's.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Like you.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Go, you get real tough, and you're like, all right,
that's and I'm holding the line.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
I'm holding a line.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
But then sometimes you have this moment where you go, wait,
why I'm being ridiculous?
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Why am I doing? Why am I Why am I
doing it?
Speaker 3 (35:08):
And that's the thing I like.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
I often find that I will be like no, I remember,
and then I'm like, wait, yeah, what I just My
first response was I don't want to. It was more
that I don't I don't want to deal. I just
don't want to do I don't want to make a
decision right now. I don't want to deal with it.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
I don't want no.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
And then I'm like, but wait, that really it's not
that there's anything particularly that you know is preventing them
from doing it. It's just I'm like, I don't want to,
I don't want to drive, I don't deal.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I don't want to. And that that's hard.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Sometimes because then I feel like I go back and
I go, Okay, you know what, here's I was being unreasonable.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Yes, When your kids get older and they're able to like,
they're able to like they're like little lawyers like not
just negotiate, but they're really they can point out when
you're wrong and they're right about it too.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
It's like, yeah, no, it sucks and they find the loopholes. Yeah,
it's hard having smart kids. You know, it's really hard
having smarts.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
God bless her litigators of the top here. Yes, they
could ligate.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
And you know, like three years ago when you let
my brother do blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Yeah, like the history remember from five years ago?
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Yeah right, yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
They keep receipts for that stuff, not for any of
their own behavior.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Totally totally. Closing this out with number ten. Always be
emotionally available to help your children with their feelings. And
the examples they give are the earthquake episode and the
episode when Papouli dies. Yeah, and letting children feel their feelings. Yeah,
this is Yeah, this is important. I feel like very important.
(36:43):
I excel at this. I am I am my kids.
I'm like they know they the dad's a disciplinarian, but
I am the I am the therapist that you come
to me. You can talk about anything, anything, and I
promise I won't get mad. Yes, but whatever you have
to say about how you messed up or how you
straight up or how you feel whatever, like, yeah, got
to talk about it. That that's super served me. Well,
(37:03):
now that the kids are older, that they're making big mistakes, now,
you know, it's it's really important to be open.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
That's super important.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
And I think and it can be really hard because sometimes,
you know, and I think we also as parents need
to be able to recognize the times when we're like, ah,
like I'm here for you right now. But like if
it's you know, a death in the family or something
like that, sometimes it can be really hard if you're
having your own emotions to go through stuff and sometimes
(37:34):
you know, you telling your kids like I'm also having
some feelings about this, so like I you know, and
I know my kids and I when we've like gotten
in you know, maybe an argument or something like that,
sometimes taking a moment and going let's both give ourselves
a couple of minutes and like, let's just we'll come
back when we when we're both because it is it's
so hard sometimes as a parent when you're going through
(37:54):
your own emotional roller coaster. I didn't think about that,
but you're right, put that aside and be available for
your kids. Feelings and to hold their space. And I
think it's just parents. We want to fix it, right,
Like I want to make my job as a parent
feels like to make you not cry or not make
(38:14):
you not cry, but just to stop you from crying,
to stop you from being upset and from being hurt.
And as they get older, you realize it's not My
job isn't to prevent it. It's to allow you to
figure out how you're going to get through it. Yeah,
and it sucks because I want to put a band
aid on it and be like, look, everything's better now,
(38:34):
But like that's not life.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's important to not stuff those feelings away. It's important
to feel them in order to get through them. If
you feel like crying, cry because guess what, you feel
better when you're done. But yeah, I didn't think about that.
I I'm reminded of when my mom was in hospice
that last week of her life and the kids were
so like they couldn't come see her because it was
right in the middle of COVID and they were so anxious,
(38:57):
like what's going on? Where? Like what is she is?
She is?
Speaker 3 (39:00):
She does?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
And I'm like and I'm me right, I got to
put myself first because I'm watching my montor right, and
so I was That's when I had to rely on
my village, you know, or just like take And I
told their dad, I'm like, you got to take the
kids and just distract them or whatever comfort them anyway,
can't because I got to take care of me and
then try to take care That was the hardest thing, was, yeah,
(39:21):
trying to manage my own emotions and not in the
kid's emotions too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
And I feel like this really probably something that Danny
had to deal with with the loss of Pam.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Oh my gosh, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Yeah, yeah, but that but being you know, and and
we do see that in a couple of the episodes
when the girls start talking about well, we saw it
in the I think the last episode that we did
with the one of the last episodes.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
With the recap where they're all watching the family movies.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Oh gosh, yes, yeah, and that was a really great
example of I think the guys sort of realizing and
again they even say it like, oh wow, we didn't
want to.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
Talk about it because we thought it would upset you.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
But we see sort of the beauty of them all
being emotionally available to talk about all the good things
and all the memories and all that stuff and like that.
That was a really, I think beautiful example of this
lesson on the show about being emotionally available to do
your kids, to help them walk through stuff and to
recognize like, oh, wow, you know I thought I was
(40:24):
I was trying to help doing this, but maybe I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
And Okay, well let's let's talk about it now. You know,
it's never never.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Too late to go back and be like, okay, let's
try it, let's do this a different way.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
That's I just got goosebumps. You're right. That was a
beautiful It was not only the guys saying hey, we
were wrong and we're going to course correct, but then yeah,
watching the movies with them and just meeting the girls
where they were where they were at that It was.
That was a great That was a great episode, man,
it really was. It really was example of this you're.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Right, and yeah, I think that was definitely like a
really great family moment for for everybody to kind of
come together and you know, remind each other that they're
there for each other, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
And work work through it together. Nobody Sometimes you don't
have all the answers, but you can. You can hold
your hand and walk them through it.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
And I think as a parent, sometimes it's really important
for your kids to hear you say, you know, I
might have been wrong about that, or I was wrong
or I didn't think about it that way, or that's
a good point because kids need that validation too, that
sometimes adults make mistakes and that's okay, and there's and
(41:42):
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, no, such important lessons. This is a this is
a really good one, and it's hard. I think it's
hard for people. Maybe us as mothers, women were more
emotionally available, but it was so Yeah, it was so
powerful to see that with the three men Yeah goodbye
mister Bhaer episode. That was because it's.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Hard sometimes I like, I am not always a super
emotional person and so sometimes it does like I have
to be like, okay that I am uncomfortable, like you know,
with like someone's really crying or really like and my
first instance like how do we make this better and
make it up? But I'm like, no, this is you know,
sometimes we have to just be present and be.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
There with it.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
So such a good lesson.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
I'm sending you a big hug right now, Ab.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
I'm sending because a big hug because my feelings.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
Now, you know, like number six, there's nothing that a
hug can't help.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
I will accept your virtual hug over the airways.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
I wish there was a way to send it over,
but I feel like if I start doing too much, I'm.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Going to release balloons. They send you a balloon.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Balloons. Okay, I'll take it. You gave me balloons. That's it.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
There's a hug.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
Zoom needs to create a hug. What you know something
to do where you feel a hug through the airwaves.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Well, everybody, thank you so much for joining us for
this episode, our little minisode of Howard Sanrito's.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
It was super fun.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Make sure you follow us and dm us on Instagram
at Howard podcast or send us some emails at Howard
podcast at gmail dot com. And yeah, we'd love to
hear some of your parenting tips. What are some of
the parenting things that you've learned from the show, things
that you've applied you know, the show really it helped
raise a generation of kids and probably some adults too.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Yeah, yeah, I would love to hear those stories from fans.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Yeah, well, thank you everybody for joining us.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Make sure you're liking it, subscribing to the podcast wherever
you're listening so that you can make sure and get
all the newest episodes as soon as they come out.
And remember, everybody, the world is small, the house is full,
and boom,
Wow, we were actually synked in our little clay that are.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I know, I'm so proud of us. We're very very
slight synced up, synced up to. Yeah, I love it. Well,
Welcome back to how Rude Tanner Ritos. I'm Andrea Barber
and I'm Jody Sweeton, and today we have a fun
mini soode for you guys. We are talking about the
top ten best parenting lessons from Full House, which we
(00:43):
got from a website.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah right, we yes, we but but I we're you know,
gonna go through each of them and talk about them.
And I do think there's some really great parenting things
on here that Danny Tanner and full House definitely taught us.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yes, we can say thank you to Danny Tanner for
these great parenting lessons. You know, full House raised a
whole generation for you know, people feel like they don't
you get that all the time. People come up to
me all the time and say, I grew up with you,
and oh yeah, hi, yeah, like we're childhood best friends,
you know.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
It was.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I mean, so many kids our age watched the show
and sort of you know, as we were going through
all of our life stuff, so were they and so
it felt very reflective of their experience. And again they're
you know, family sitcoms often didn't focus as much on
the kids, and so our show really focused on the
(01:35):
kids a lot, and on you know, how families get along,
and how different sorts of families get along, and you
know all that kind of stuff and different styles of parenting. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it was yeah, because there was you know, three different
people in the house and and helping.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Raise these kids.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I really liked some of these though. These are are
good ones.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
These are great ones. These are great ones.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Shall we dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Let's dive in and learn from back and forth.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah, let's just yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Okay. Number one, respect your children's boundaries, but also do
whatever it takes to help. And the website gives the
example of Danny reading a secret note that DJ had written.
I agree with this. I think kids need to feel
some autonomy. They need to feel like they have a
(02:22):
space of their own that's just for them. Absolutely, that's
protected from parents' eyes. I do. Yeah, unless you're concerned
that they're in danger or something, then you will obviously
can break the trust.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I have always told my kids.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I will respect your privacy, your friend's privacy, unless it's
something that's going to put you or someone else in danger.
Then then then I cannot keep those secrets.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Right, right, you know I said.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
But yeah, especially like as kids get older, if they
don't feel like they have a space of their own
to like have their own experience and figure things out
a little bit, then I feel like sometimes they'll hide
stuff from you even more if you're constantly crossing that boundaries.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Oh yeah, it would definitely backfire if you were too nosy.
So yeah, some secrets are good.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
It's so hard though, to like keep that in you
know what I mean. I mean like when you find
out something, you're like, oh I can't okay, what is
the what's the you know, right thing to do?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Do I not say anything and let them figure it out?
Do I say something?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah, Well Danny did a good job with trying to,
you know, remind his kids he'll.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Do whatever it takes.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
But also, oh gosh, that was a lesson that knocked
you over the head. Yeah, those the three guys, all
of them really would do anything for the girls. Yeah,
like they were always That's that's something I think a
lot of people who didn't have that family support really
latched onto was just the unconditional love that this household
had for each other, and that they were always there
(03:59):
for each other too, almost to a fault. But yeah, right,
you know, I think that's a great it's a great lesson. Yeah,
don't read their diaries as much as you want to
know it's going on right now, don't you just don't
go there, don't.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Go no, no no.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Number two, it's important to remember you were a kid
once too.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, so I get this this, I get this a lot.
I feel this a lot with teenagers, Yeah, because it's
so easy to trivialize their feelings, Like they're so insecure
and concerned about how they look, and I think nobody's
looking at you.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Worry about it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Everyone's concerned about how they look, so they're not paying
attention to you. But we've got to remember that insecurity
that you know, they just they're always just hyper fixated
on themselves.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I always say too, like it's hard sometimes as a
parent when you get to that place where, uh, you know,
you finally have like a frontal lobe and some sort
of idea of like consequences and you know, all these
things that happen as you mature into your mid twenties,
you know what I mean, Like the twenty four twenty five,
(05:09):
they don't think your frontal lobe is developed that has
the you know, consequences and long term thing late. So
I know, for me, sometimes it's really hard to like
go back to a time that that that my brain
didn't go, okay, well if.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
This happens, then this is gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Or if you stay up late, then you're gonna want
you know, and you're gonna be tired the next day.
Like kids don't that, they don't have that, they don't
have that. It doesn't connect, and it sometimes you're like
what is wrong with you? And you're like, nothing's necessarily
wrong with them. It's just their kid and their brain
doesn't work the same way. But it's so hard sometimes
(05:48):
to remember that, to remember that, like you were a
kid wants to and you were just just you know,
sort of weirdly self centered and not necessarily thinking of others.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I think that's common childhood development. You know, they're
absolutely very narcissistic little people. That's absolutely the child development exactly.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
But it's sometimes you just and especially as they get older.
You're like, oh, how do I m?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Why do I knock some sense into you? But you're like, no,
they're they're just kids. That's okay. Well Number three, let
your children have their own responsibilities. And the website gives
the example of doing chort charts for the girls, or
Danny teaching Michelle how to mop.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I'm so bad at this one?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Wait? Really? Yeah? How are you bad at? How are
you bad at this one? Could I could see you
like being like clean your rooms and do the dishes
and take the trash out.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
I mean I do, I'm like, clean your room, do
the thing. But like it's.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
It's hard and and and I think you'll understand this too.
When you have kids that go back and forth between
your house and dad's house, there's and my girls go
back quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
It's not even that there's different rules.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
It's just that it becomes very hard to have like
sort of a regular chore thing of like, okay, you
do the dishes you Monday, Wednesday, Friday, because you're only
here every Wednesday and then every other Friday or that,
you know, like, yeah, it becomes hard and and and
more tedious.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
And I just I also.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Like I will I have little chor charts and I
am great for like two weeks, but then my add
kicks in and I forget to have them do the
chor chart or I don't know where I put it,
or I'm like, oh, this isn't working, and I just
get rid of it. And so we've I will definitely
say I uh. That is one area at my house
that has is a struggle, is like getting everyone on
(07:50):
board with doing the same chores or like just you know,
and it's just it's a lot of arguing.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
It's a lot of arguing. But I it's it's it's
hard being the disciplinarian all the time. You know, some kids,
I just want to have fun with you, especially if
you're yeah, if you split custody, just want to have
fun with it. It's yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
And my thing is always clean your room and like
just take trash out of your room.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Can you just take the trash out?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Get the cups? Don't want the cup the cups that multiply.
Oh my gosh, why do they drink? They drink so much.
They're the most well hydrated children.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
And yet they're not like they're hydrated. But nothing is
empty it's all gone.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Like they pour a gigantic glass of juice and then
drink that much and now you got a half. And
I'm like, why do you guys pour so much juice?
I pour them a couple of juice. They're like, that's
so small. I'm like, you can refill it. But once
you poured it in there and you're drinking out of
it with your grubby little mouth, now now it's not.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Going back in. Pour it back in, but the cups.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, Well, my kids are pretty good at their their
own personal responsibilities. Like they can clean their rooms, they
can do their own laundry, they can make their own
food if they don't like, yeah, good with that. But
like the household chores, I'm mad at. I'm bad at that.
I'm kind of like, I like the way I put
the dishes in the dish. They put the dishes away,
and they're bad at it. I swear it's learned in
(09:06):
common learned helplessness. Yeah, helpless that's what it is. Yes,
they do it badly so that I don't ask him
to do it again.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
It's true, it's true.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And you know, I mean, we've all had that thing
when you're like Okay, come wash the dish, and they
wash it and then you look at it and you're.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Like that, let's not washed.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
They don't even like sometimes they I'm like, did was
it a hot water?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Oh? Did you even put the little scrubby?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Did you use soap?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
What do you mean? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Tato is the worst. I mean, he's so great at
I'm like a for effort, you tried, but none.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
They don't even try though. They just go, well, you'll
do it because you if you, you know, get sick
of it.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
But like, I don't want to find after the fourth
time of washing the same dish, you'd think you would
do it properly.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, yeah, but I get it.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
You just want to get it done.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I think this is one of those things. I mean
I've kind of like waved my white flag at the spot.
I know. Yeah, I'm like, but mine are nineteen and no,
mine are mine's almost twenty twight, it's gonna be twenty
next week. Oh my gosh, oh are twenty and seventeen.
So I'm kind of like, Okay, when you're when you
have a roommate for the first time, that's where I'm at.
That's when you're gonna learn that you can't live the
(10:13):
way you've been living for the life.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
And you know what, honestly, that's really when it kicks
in because when they are faced with someone else, not
their parent, nagging them or being disappointed in how they
are sharing their space.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
When you really to pay to do your own laundry,
that's when you appreciate. Oh wow, it's great having a
laundry machine, right, you're at the house that you don't
have to pay for.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I would love if my kids did just did the laundry.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Just do it and fold it. Don't leave me the
dryer for a week, fold it and put it away,
or just put it away.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
I see.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
That's the thing is we're all all with me, and
the girls were just a little add mess, and so
we will start laundry and miscal's like, whose laundry is this?
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Because it could sometimes cause it's mine. Yeah that's right,
Oh my god, that's right. I started that four days ago. Yeah,
so I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
That's the thing too, is like I can't even get
that mad because I totally do the same stuff and
like it.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's just yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah, it's hard to teach lessons that you yourself are
not really abiding buy. So I get it. We're not perfect,
we're flawed.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
It's okay, perfect, Okay, but they but once they get roommates, oh,
then they'll be clean.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I can't wait.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Once it's too late for us.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
And then yeah, as you see when the parents go
to their their like I went to my kid's apartment
and they just leave every drawer open, the fridge open, everything.
They're like, just payback and you're like, yeah, you can't
look for that. It's gonna ye leave everything open and unplugged.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, I'm like, how many roommates are going to move
out of the apartment. How many roommates are going to
go through before you learn the lesson? Hopefully not too many.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Well, but the roommates will probably be a mess too.
They'll figure it out.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
They'll they always they always figure it out. Yep. Hopefully
by the time they're twenty five and the frontal has
developed has developed. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Number four, help your children resolve conflict on their own terms.
This is all Danny does. Like how many There were
no examples, by the way, but okay, I feel like
this is all Danny does. How many times have the
girls moved themselves in and out of the bedroom. Like
they are solving their own conflicts, you know, solving DJs,
(12:33):
moving down amazing companies. Yeah, the girls are very self reliant.
I'm saying they are.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
They really are, actually, like they're they for three kids. Uh,
these three guys seem to always be doing a lot
of stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Yeah, they had a lot of the kids are.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
But I think this one's really important, like resolving conflict
on their own terms, because I know as a parent,
for me, it's so hard sometimes to want to jump
in and fix your kids problems or like especially friend problems.
You know. Yeah, like I've been there, I get it, Like, no,
this person needs to know this or you guys need
to you know. And it's like if you interject yourself
(13:15):
into their I mean again, unless someone's unsafe or like
severe bullying or something. But of course, but conflict like
between siblings or between friends, a lot of times you're like, oh, man,
I'll be your sounding board, but I can't fix this
for you.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
That's the best. That's probably the best advice actually is
just to just to listen, like you don't Sometimes you
don't have to solve everything, and you shouldn't because kids
need to learn how to solve things themselves. But yeah,
just to listen, be a sounding board, being like, you know,
buying like their little therapists. Just just listen, just listen
and say, okay, well I'm here for you if you
want advice, which they don't.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah, right, it's really hard sometimes too. I fall into
that trap all the time of being like, well, you
know when I was your but and I'm like, oh
my god, stop shut up.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, I know we sound like our parents, you know.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
It's it's the worst. It's the worst feeling.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
And I realized that I'm like trying to relate to
them and that's probably what my parents were doing. And
I was like, you're so lame. But yeah, conflict resolution
is not easy. And if you don't let your kids
learn how to do it, they're never going to resolve conflict.
They're just going to either avoid it or create it
and walk away.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah. No, they have to learn. They got to learn
those skills, and they're going to make mistakes and that's okay.
They're gonna they might lose a few friends, you know,
they might they might switch to a different best friend. Whatever.
That's that's called life. And you how you learn yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And sometimes sometimes like like it's hard when your kid
has been maybe the one that kind of started the conflict,
or or they're getting you know, when their friend is
being mean to them and you want to jump in,
but like you need to start teaching them how to
you know, at a certain age, how to advocate for
themselves and has saying this hurt my feelings or this
(15:01):
is not.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay, and to set boundaries. Yeah. Yeah, it's all very
hard life lessons. I think with conflict with the kids,
I mean, at this point in my parenting journey, it's
again it's like waving a white flag. I'm like, I'm
too tired, like solve this yourself, kids, because I am
too tired to fix this well.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
And it's also the same with my girls either at
an age now where it's like, okay, I'm not as
worried that like someone's gonna get hurt because they're you know,
being silly or wrestling around.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Like I mean, they very well.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Good, but it's not like the fighting isn't like they
were when they were like seven and nine, or you know,
they weren't like they were just at each other and
now it's a little more like.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
It's just verbal barbs.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
You know, they they'll kind of throw or whatever, and
like they'll argue or maybe adorable slam, but nothing crazy.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
And I'm like, you.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Guys, gotta figure this out, because yeah, you do you
get as a parent. You're like, I'm tired, I don't.
And you also realized losing battle. True, they just want
to they want to pick at each other.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
They have to argue it out. Yeah, they want to
pick pick at each other and argue it out. Okay,
then figure it out, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I find conflict resolution for the kids with friends is
always the you know, it's the place you want to
jump in because it's like some other kid.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah, you can't parent the other kids, right, right, so
you don't know, you gotta you gotta, Well, first you
have to figure out you have to put the filter on.
I'm like, okay, am I hearing about this through the
felicity filter, which like I didn't do anything wrong? I
didn't you huh okay, so okay, what did you do?
That may be added?
Speaker 3 (16:38):
What's the situation? Right?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Right? So yeah, it's yeah, conflict resolution with friends is
way harder than than sibling conflict. I'm like, right, you'll
eventually love each other and get along.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
It's the same way with me and my brothers.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
So did you have a lot of conflict with your
brothers growing out?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Oh, my god, all the time, all the time. Well,
my my my brothers are a bit older. My brothers
are five years older than me and seven years older
than me. So there were times when like they weren't
Like I was almost an only child at one point
for like the high school years. But then Darren moved
back home when he was in law school to save money,
and so we were he was like an adult and
(17:13):
I was high schooler. We were sharing the same bathroom, oh,
and sharing the same laundry room everything. And he's just like, great,
you took all the hot water. Why do you get
in the shower right before I need it? You got
to move your your clothes laundry machines. I still talk
about it to this day. And my parents were just
like you figure it out, like you know, figure out, yeah,
this is you have to do laundry. You know, one
of you does laundry on Sundays, the other one does
(17:34):
laundry on Friday nights or whatever, right, and then work
out a bathroom schedule. You both have to get up
at the same time. You have to figure out who
gets to shower first. So we're still arguing about it now,
but now we can laugh about it.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
But right now you can laugh about it. But yeah,
it is.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It's like at some point you just kind of gotta go.
You're gonna have to figure this out. And yeah, mom,
nagging you is not working anymore. Yeah, yeah, because then
it just we become the you know.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
It's white noise. It is totally white noise. Agreed.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
All right, Well, let's see what's next up on Danny
Tanner's life lessons list here.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Uh oh, this is a good one.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
It's important to make time for yourself too.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Oh heck yeah, self care, baby.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Yes, and self care doesn't necessarily look like, you know,
a vacation all the time or a spa weekend or whatever.
It can be ten minutes sitting in your car listening
to your favorite song before you walk in the house.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That's a great one. That's a really good one.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Or ten minutes meditating in your car before you walk
in the house, and that many times.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh, got to reset for yourself before going into battle
to see what's at home, waiting for you.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I mean right, like that transition time from like maybe
coming home from work or doing something and then like
walking in the house. Sometimes you just need a minute.
And that taking those five and ten minute moments for yourself,
I find to be just as important as taking an
afternoon where you're.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Like, guess what Mom's off Like I'm not.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I'm responding to nothing, those little ten minute things or
you know, saying like hey, this is something that brings me.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Joy that I'm gonna do for myself.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
It's very important and it makes you a much more
balanced experience patient.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, understanding, Yeah, my self care is I love to
take my baths at night, you know, because I've I've
facetiped you from my bathroom.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yes, yes, oh yeah, yep, I've yep yep.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Which sounds weird, but whatever, it's weird.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
No, no, it's not.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, it's not weird. Bubbles are overcovered, you know, it's yes,
exactly weird.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But yeah, I find myself and they're like, why do
you like taking baths every night? And I'm like, well,
partially because I just shut and locked the door because.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Nobody is gonna come and bother me when I'm naked
in a bathtub and nobody, I mean.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
They're not toddlers right at this point. Now they're like horrified,
like oh God, yes, I'm naked in the bathtub and
they're like, ah.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, it's so great. But yeah know it's just it's
a great way to just relax and do you compress,
and nobody talk to me for these twenty minutes or whatever.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Water is so healing. I yep, I also have a
little I got my.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Little bath tray.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'll take a book in there, put my jazz on.
Now I've been seeing this whole uh bathroom e lait
like light trend. Apparently really we're like like a shower light. Oh,
like a little wireless lamp that's like a touch thing
and it's like a dim little night light lamp. People
are like putting them in their showers.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Mood lighting for your shower.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
People that they're like, look look at me, create my
perfect bath and there. You know, it's like a you
got a lamp and a and a eucalyptus sprig and
all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
But hey, I've heard of the eucalyptus sprigs. Yeah, there's that.
That's definitely a thing. They're aromatics, but yeah, you know
what I noticed.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Actually that's an example of this important to make time
for yourself too. There's an episode that we watched recently
where I think, I think Danny maybe says hey to
joe when they're with the Friendship episode between Danny and Joey,
and he says, Hey, it's Jesse's night to watch the kids.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Do you want to go do something else?
Speaker 1 (21:08):
And I was like, oh, okay, So this is implying that,
like the guys sort of have an agreement that hey,
one night a week one of us will watch the
kids and whatever while the other two get to go
do something or you know, kind of. I think that's
so valuable, super valuable. I think all parents, if you know,
(21:32):
I mean, and sometimes obviously you can't do it, yeah,
but if you you know, if you can even every
once in a while, like it's super important to allow
one or the other parent, especially if one or the
other parent is taking care of the kids a lot more,
to be like, hey, you you get like an afternoon
to yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh my gosh, yes, that's right. That did. We did
just review that recently. That is a form of self care.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And they think they were They went and played basketball.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And yeah, before Danny threw it, but yeah, I know
that that was their former self left so just oh
his mom way Irene, grandma Irene watching the.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
But but I do think I think that's a really
important one. And and you know, in a family that
there's seventeen people living in one house, it's very important
to take some.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Time for yourself. There's just no quiet, although not in
the bathroom because you'll have eight more people that need
to use it, so.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
There's only one. There's only one in the whole full house.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
So yeah, and the website uses example for Danny. Danny's
self care is quiet cleaning time.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Yes, quiet cleaning time.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
It's yeah, hey, you know it's buffing and polishing, it's
cleaning the grout is what his mee time is.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Hey, whatever floats your boat, that's the Sometimes that's what
you need is just to clean get all your aggression
out through that crowd. Yeah, okay, moving on number six.
There's nothing that a hug can't help.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
And there's no example because there's a hug in basically
every episode.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
So and I mean it's pretty self explanatory.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Huh. I don't know, I feel this one was a
little Pollyanna for me. I'm like, I mean it's yeah, it's.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
What if you don't like human touch.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Yes, And that's the other thing, like I was thinking of,
like making your kids hug, Like, oh, you've been fighting,
make your kids hug each other.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Although it's funny when you see it, like they're like
the in the same gigantic shirt or whatever, and you're like,
they have to get along. But there, you know, sometimes
I here's what I would say.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I'd say that there's an asterisk here at the end.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
There's nothing that a hug can't help asterisk when the
time is right.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Okay, yes, when it's consensual and when the time is.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Right, when the time is right and both parties are
like a physical affection is something that would be helpful.
I think that's absolutely true that a hug it releases oxytocin.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
It's a chemical boost. It's a good way to you know,
create a bond with someone. But I will say I'm
one of those people that might not always want to
be hugged.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, you've got it has to be the right time,
in the right place, and you also have to pay
attention to other people's cues, like Jesse is not his
love language is not hugging.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
He's not a hugger.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
He's not a hugger, but Danny is. So sometimes Jesse
will placate Danny because he knows that Danny just needs
a hug. But that's not going to solve Jesse's problems.
Jesse needs to talk it out. Jesse needs to come
to realizations on his own and talk it out. So
talking is important, and a hug can help if you've
already talked to it, if it's the right time, and
if it's the right time, Yeah, it's the right time. Okay.
(24:42):
So this is a lesson with an asterisk.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Yes, it's a Yeah, it's a it's a lesson with
a caveat.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Okay, yeah, okay, got it right? Uh you, I don't know,
I don't know. I can remember you take it.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
I'll take it. Uh seven.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Always let your children know how valuable they are.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
And the examples our DJ doesn't feel pretty enough, Stephanie's
insecure about her glasses, and Michelle wants to play boy
activities and gets made fun of in later seasons.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Got it?
Speaker 2 (25:14):
So, yeah, this is a big one self worth. Teaching
your kids that, yeah, self worth is important and you
love them just the way they are. It doesn't matter
if you wearing glasses or you don't feel pretty that day, whatever,
you are special just the way.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well that your value, that you have value, inherent value,
no matter what inherent value on the inside. Yes, your
value isn't how you look person. Your value isn't how
you look is It isn't what you can give. It
isn't not what you wear, what you wear, or how
much money you have that your Let your children know
(25:52):
their inherent value just being present.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That's that big enough.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
It is a big one.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
That's a really big one. I like it lesson a
lot and it's not easy to teach either. No, they
have to come to a lot of self actualization themselves.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
I think this is I think this is a lesson
that I would even say, always let your family know
how valuable they are. Like it's not even just kids,
you know, I think let adults in your life know
how valuable they are, Know that you're they're appreciated, know
that they.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Don't have to you know.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
And I feel like I see this in the show
with amongst the guys sometimes too, like, hey man, it's
not you know, I don't care what you can, what
you're bringing, or what you're you know, it's not about that.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
It's about that I love you as part of my
family or my friend.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I think this is definitely a lesson that we hit
home a lot in the show with you know, and yeah,
like teaching the kids. You know, so what do you
wear glasses? It doesn't matter if it's this. You are
important for many many other things.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
This is a universal lesson for all ages, all unders,
all everything is that, Yeah, you need to That's so
important because it's easy to be down on yourself and
to criticize yourself, and you know, it's so easy to
fall into that that vortex, that whole ough.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
So yeah, no, it's important. It's important for children, equally
important for adults too. Yeah, very good. Yeah, you're important. Okay.
Number eight, it's important to have fun with your kids.
(27:34):
And the example is Danny being involved with the Honeybee
troop and he's ridiculous dad puns.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
The dad jokes are strong with Danny.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Dad, the dad jokes are very strong.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I think this is a good one too. And my
my therapist talks about this a lot, because it's so
easy to get up in the transactional side of parenting,
where it's like did you do your homework and did
you make your bed and did you do and my
therapist is like, okay, stop, you have to stop being
the trans actional parent for once and just have fun,
like let your hair down, go see a movie, you know,
(28:07):
go kick the soccer ball around, whatever it is, have
fun with your kids. It's so easy to forget when
you're I'm like a checklist, a check.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I'm too, I'm a check Did you do the thing
and the thing and the thing and the thing and yeah.
I learned that lesson with Zoe when we went to
Disneyland for her birthday. Was it was, you know, putting
aside that transactional parenting of did you do all of
the things that I need you to do for your
sort of you know life stuff.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, but this was just pure fun.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Let's have fun.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yeah, it's you just feel like a boss sometimes, like
it's like, no, your relationship is way deeper than yeah,
than just being your boss or your manager, you know,
the house manager, or.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Just right and freaking out over all the cups in
your room, right, the cup collector. Yeah, I've made the
joke one time that it was like like the movie
Signs in their Room, But I don't nobody really got it.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Can you remember the movie Signs Signs?
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Oh, well, this is there we go.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
It's also ask what do they doing science?
Speaker 1 (29:07):
In Signs, it's about the aliens and the little the
girl is always leaving these cups of water around the
house and it drives her dad crazy. But then come
to find out at the end of the movie, the
aliens if you throw water on them that they can't
get wet. Oh, so all of a sudden, all of
those cups of water become very handy all over the place.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
It's like self defense.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah yeah, but nobody knew obviously that it was going
to be that until anyway.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
That's a dark twist like that is I'm not surprised
this is where you're going. Your brain has gone here.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Oh it's just walk in there and there's seventeen half
empty cups of various liquids.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I'm like, what are we waiting for? The alien invasion?
Just in case?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
You know, the kids have clearly watched that movie over
and over.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
No, they're like what are you talking about, old woman?
But no, it's like having fun and just being silly
is And I find outside of the house sometimes too, like.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Oh, you gotta get it's easier to.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Like have fun with them away from the home base.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah, cause all I'm so guilty of this. When I'm
in the house, all I see are things that they
need to be to be done. Yeah, I'm like, no,
get me out of here, Like I don't want to
look at I walk in the door and might be done.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
There's dishes in the seak and this needs to Did
you get the laundry? Did you do the thing?
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Did you?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Uh? Yeah? No, I'm very guilty of the being like
just and nobody else. Is everyone blind to this? They
don't see it. Like there's a piece of trash on
the floor for like two days, and I'm like, does
nobody see this? Does nobody want to pick this up
and put.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
It in the trash because they know that you'll do
it once you forget all this.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I know it's a vicious cycle, such a vicious cycle,
but yeah, have fun, have fun outside, have fun.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Do you know what next time plays soccer with that
piece of paper on the floor and just be like, hey,
then start kicking it around the house.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
See how it goes. It's a game who can get
it in the trash first.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Right, and they're just be like, mom, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
That works when we were two?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
But right, yeah, exactly, yeah, clean up cleaning, shut up women.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Number nine.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Okay, I will say I struggle with this, well, not
really sometimes, but here.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
It is it's okay to get.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Tough sometimes sometimes. Whoever wrote this does not have teenagers
like you have to be tough all the time. You
have to be consistently tough.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I that's when I'm live. That's what happened.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
I just it's hard.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
They'll wear me down.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
They know how to wear you down. It's it's so true.
And sometimes you.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Just like they wear you down, and they they they
pick a time at the end.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Of the day, usually to where you do because at
ten o'clock you're trying to go to bed.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Yeah yeah, and they're just starting the evening and you're like, oh, yeah, fine, fine,
go way. But having to get tough, Oh, it's the
hardest thing. What are did they give examples for this one?
Speaker 2 (31:53):
They did not give any examples. I do.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I feel like there were well, I feel like we
had that whole episode about Joey getting tough with the
karate too.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Yeah, that's that's the whole that was named Joey gets tough.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yeah, Joey gets tough. And that was one where we
went a little that.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Was too tough, right because she had to miss an
extracurricular commitment and you're like, you're letting the whole, the
whole dojo down. Yeah, that's right, but but it is.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
It's the worst when you're like, if you don't do this,
you're not going to get to do this. Yeah, and
then when they don't do the thing, it's really hard
to be like, well, now we're not getting to do this.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
But it's the only currency. It's the only currency you have,
Like you have. This is how this is how I parent.
I say, if you don't do this, you can't. Now
it's now that Felicity's driving. It's the car that's the right. Well,
that's the best part of our driving. You can't use
the car if you don't do the things you were
supposed to do. So that's easy. I just take the key.
That's like, it's fantastic. This is once they start driving,
your life becomes much true.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Once you have something that's like a valuable you know,
going out with friends or whatever, the phone there, whatever
they're currency is, it's sometimes you've got to get tough
and you' it's and I it's hard.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
And it's hard. I'm going to go back to the
whole divorce thing too. It's hard as a single parent.
Well not like you're recoupled. I'm recoupled. So yeah, we
have partner, We have partners who are helping us parents,
but it's still not the same because like you're the
primary parent in the house and they know it, and
so they are going to wear you down knowing that
you can't just like throw the football to the the dead,
(33:28):
you know, it's like, no, it's all on you. So
it's it's even harder in a split home situation like
that because they know if they just keep pecking, you
feel like you're pecked to death by hens.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
But my mom used to say that being that being
a parent is like being pecked to death by ducks
because ducks have a round bill, so it doesn't it's
not like a hen where it really hurts and kills you.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's just this dull pecking.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Just think, Yeah, a.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Duck pecking you to death and five hours later you
have a bruise that will never go away.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Yeah, exactly right, And that's right.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
And I was, and I didn't get it when I
was again, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, because it's
not you know, it's not like ow.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
It's just like a dull adult annoys dull pecking of
a doctor. Janice Sweeten speaks the truth, man, Chance sweet
And was right about everything.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Man, you know she really was. Uh, she'll hear that
when she gets to this episode because she's just started listening.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
But but yeah, you were.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
You were right about a lot of right about everything. Well,
it's a lot of things. I love you a lot
of things.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You were right about mouth things. But it is it's
hard to get tough and hold those boundaries.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, being being because it's sometimes it's easier just to
give in. It's so much easier and less confrontational just
to give in. But once to give in, once they're
going to expect it the next time, and then it's
even harder to get back to.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I will zero say the thing I struggle with though,
And sort of it's kind of like the Joey episode
where it's.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Like you.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Go, you get real tough, and you're like, all right,
that's and I'm holding the line.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
I'm holding a line.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
But then sometimes you have this moment where you go, wait,
why I'm being ridiculous?
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Why am I doing? Why am I Why am I
doing it?
Speaker 3 (35:08):
And that's the thing I like.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
I often find that I will be like no, I remember,
and then I'm like, wait, yeah, what I just My
first response was I don't want to. It was more
that I don't I don't want to deal. I just
don't want to do I don't want to make a
decision right now. I don't want to deal with it.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
I don't want no.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
And then I'm like, but wait, that really it's not
that there's anything particularly that you know is preventing them
from doing it. It's just I'm like, I don't want to,
I don't want to drive, I don't deal.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I don't want to. And that that's hard.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Sometimes because then I feel like I go back and
I go, Okay, you know what, here's I was being unreasonable.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Yes, When your kids get older and they're able to like,
they're able to like they're like little lawyers like not
just negotiate, but they're really they can point out when
you're wrong and they're right about it too.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
It's like, yeah, no, it sucks and they find the loopholes. Yeah,
it's hard having smart kids. You know, it's really hard
having smarts.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
God bless her litigators of the top here. Yes, they
could ligate.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
And you know, like three years ago when you let
my brother do blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Yeah, like the history remember from five years ago?
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Yeah right, yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
They keep receipts for that stuff, not for any of
their own behavior.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Totally totally. Closing this out with number ten. Always be
emotionally available to help your children with their feelings. And
the examples they give are the earthquake episode and the
episode when Papouli dies. Yeah, and letting children feel their feelings. Yeah,
this is Yeah, this is important. I feel like very important.
(36:43):
I excel at this. I am I am my kids.
I'm like they know they the dad's a disciplinarian, but
I am the I am the therapist that you come
to me. You can talk about anything, anything, and I
promise I won't get mad. Yes, but whatever you have
to say about how you messed up or how you
straight up or how you feel whatever, like, yeah, got
to talk about it. That that's super served me. Well,
(37:03):
now that the kids are older, that they're making big mistakes, now,
you know, it's it's really important to be open.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
That's super important.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
And I think and it can be really hard because sometimes,
you know, and I think we also as parents need
to be able to recognize the times when we're like, ah,
like I'm here for you right now. But like if
it's you know, a death in the family or something
like that, sometimes it can be really hard if you're
having your own emotions to go through stuff and sometimes
(37:34):
you know, you telling your kids like I'm also having
some feelings about this, so like I you know, and
I know my kids and I when we've like gotten
in you know, maybe an argument or something like that,
sometimes taking a moment and going let's both give ourselves
a couple of minutes and like, let's just we'll come
back when we when we're both because it is it's
so hard sometimes as a parent when you're going through
(37:54):
your own emotional roller coaster. I didn't think about that,
but you're right, put that aside and be available for
your kids. Feelings and to hold their space. And I
think it's just parents. We want to fix it, right,
Like I want to make my job as a parent
feels like to make you not cry or not make
(38:14):
you not cry, but just to stop you from crying,
to stop you from being upset and from being hurt.
And as they get older, you realize it's not My
job isn't to prevent it. It's to allow you to
figure out how you're going to get through it. Yeah,
and it sucks because I want to put a band
aid on it and be like, look, everything's better now,
(38:34):
But like that's not life.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's important to not stuff those feelings away. It's important
to feel them in order to get through them. If
you feel like crying, cry because guess what, you feel
better when you're done. But yeah, I didn't think about that.
I I'm reminded of when my mom was in hospice
that last week of her life and the kids were
so like they couldn't come see her because it was
right in the middle of COVID and they were so anxious,
(38:57):
like what's going on? Where? Like what is she is?
She is?
Speaker 3 (39:00):
She does?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
And I'm like and I'm me right, I got to
put myself first because I'm watching my montor right, and
so I was That's when I had to rely on
my village, you know, or just like take And I
told their dad, I'm like, you got to take the
kids and just distract them or whatever comfort them anyway,
can't because I got to take care of me and
then try to take care That was the hardest thing, was, yeah,
(39:21):
trying to manage my own emotions and not in the
kid's emotions too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
And I feel like this really probably something that Danny
had to deal with with the loss of Pam.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Oh my gosh, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Yeah, yeah, but that but being you know, and and
we do see that in a couple of the episodes
when the girls start talking about well, we saw it
in the I think the last episode that we did
with the one of the last episodes.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
With the recap where they're all watching the family movies.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Oh gosh, yes, yeah, and that was a really great
example of I think the guys sort of realizing and
again they even say it like, oh wow, we didn't
want to.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
Talk about it because we thought it would upset you.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
But we see sort of the beauty of them all
being emotionally available to talk about all the good things
and all the memories and all that stuff and like that.
That was a really, I think beautiful example of this
lesson on the show about being emotionally available to do
your kids, to help them walk through stuff and to
recognize like, oh, wow, you know I thought I was
(40:24):
I was trying to help doing this, but maybe I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
And Okay, well let's let's talk about it now. You know,
it's never never.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Too late to go back and be like, okay, let's
try it, let's do this a different way.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
That's I just got goosebumps. You're right. That was a
beautiful It was not only the guys saying hey, we
were wrong and we're going to course correct, but then yeah,
watching the movies with them and just meeting the girls
where they were where they were at that It was.
That was a great That was a great episode, man,
it really was. It really was example of this you're.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Right, and yeah, I think that was definitely like a
really great family moment for for everybody to kind of
come together and you know, remind each other that they're
there for each other, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
And work work through it together. Nobody Sometimes you don't
have all the answers, but you can. You can hold
your hand and walk them through it.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
And I think as a parent, sometimes it's really important
for your kids to hear you say, you know, I
might have been wrong about that, or I was wrong
or I didn't think about it that way, or that's
a good point because kids need that validation too, that
sometimes adults make mistakes and that's okay, and there's and
(41:42):
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, no, such important lessons. This is a this is
a really good one, and it's hard. I think it's
hard for people. Maybe us as mothers, women were more
emotionally available, but it was so Yeah, it was so
powerful to see that with the three men Yeah goodbye
mister Bhaer episode. That was because it's.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Hard sometimes I like, I am not always a super
emotional person and so sometimes it does like I have
to be like, okay that I am uncomfortable, like you know,
with like someone's really crying or really like and my
first instance like how do we make this better and
make it up? But I'm like, no, this is you know,
sometimes we have to just be present and be.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
There with it.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
So such a good lesson.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
I'm sending you a big hug right now, Ab.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
I'm sending because a big hug because my feelings.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
Now, you know, like number six, there's nothing that a
hug can't help.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
I will accept your virtual hug over the airways.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
I wish there was a way to send it over,
but I feel like if I start doing too much, I'm.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Going to release balloons. They send you a balloon.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Balloons. Okay, I'll take it. You gave me balloons. That's it.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
There's a hug.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
Zoom needs to create a hug. What you know something
to do where you feel a hug through the airwaves.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Well, everybody, thank you so much for joining us for
this episode, our little minisode of Howard Sanrito's.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
It was super fun.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Make sure you follow us and dm us on Instagram
at Howard podcast or send us some emails at Howard
podcast at gmail dot com. And yeah, we'd love to
hear some of your parenting tips. What are some of
the parenting things that you've learned from the show, things
that you've applied you know, the show really it helped
raise a generation of kids and probably some adults too.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Yeah, yeah, I would love to hear those stories from fans.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Yeah, well, thank you everybody for joining us.
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