September 4, 2024 • 48 mins
Join Gem and Em in this heartwarming episode of In Our Own World podcast, as they dive deep with the sensational Johann Vera. Johann opens up about publicly coming out as queer and the personal growth that led him to embrace his true self, including the release of his brand new hit song, "Closet," which reflects his path to authenticity. Johann highlights the unexpected and important role Gemeny and Emily played in this story in a touching conversation about friendship, acceptance, and the power of staying true to oneself. Don't miss this engaging discussion filled with music, heartfelt moments, and a celebration of genuine self-expression.
Featuring: Johann Vera, Emily Estefan, Gemeny Hernandez
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Being gay or being part of the community. I would
just try to like, can you imagine gas.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Because I've dated men a lot of them were gay. Sorry, boys,
every time.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I talk about being straight, something just.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Lunch ladies, germs, germats, and everything in between. Welcome Bi
Benitos to the second episode of the third season, see
I got it right this time. Wow, long time in
our own world, baby.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Thank you for those of you that tuned in.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
For the first episode. It was chaotic and it's only
going to get worse from here. But today before everything
goes to hell and a hand basket, we are so
thrilled and excited to have somebody that we both admire
respect met in a.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
You know, very low key and environment and.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Which is perfect, which was perfect, so perfect, and we
were both able to fall in love with what he
does and who he is organically, which is the best
way to get to know somebody's talent from what they
do with no further ado.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Welcome o world. Incredible.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Wow, I'm so excited, so so excited. You guys are
part of this. So obviously this was the first like
podcast and invitation I was going to take because do
you have no idea how that important that night was
for me, and I'm telling you both it was. First,
let's tell the audience what happens.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, no, no, two years ago. I released the song
August twenty second of this year, twenty twenty four. But
and I wrote the song August twenty second, two years ago. Wow,
And I met you guys around the Billboard Week time
with us probably like two weeks from now. We're three
weeks from now. Yeah, So I wrote this song, which
we'll talk more about it, but you know, I went
(01:57):
to Billboard Week. You know the struggle as in dependent artists,
we're pretty much figuring it out. I did the song
kind of like as therapy or something, just like for me.
I was not gonna show it or release it or anything.
After the whole day at you know, all that chattel
ass and everything that was going on in Billboard, there
was like this party what was it an after party
for someone?
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Honestly, what I remember was talking to you and your friend.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Exactly, and we were just at the line trying to
get in, you know, like waiting, and we just started talking.
We get along really well, and then we're both like,
should we just leave. We're like, we don't want to
go with this, Let's just go back to the hotel
and have a drink. So that's what we did. We
went to the bar. We went to you know, have
(02:40):
a drink US four with my friend Simone and just
started talking and it was like, you know, five minutes
in or more and it just got like very personal
and deep, and I don't know, I connected in a
way that it doesn't happen. And then we started talking
about like even just birthdays. You know, it's like a
day difference.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I know, Saarius or December fifth, baby, We're coming for
you exactly.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Been here to like split you guys up.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Can I But I was like, you know what, hearing
their story, hearing what I was going through, which is
still the process that I'm in. I can't believe two
years after I'm still going through all of this. And
then you realize this is just something that I really
hope is not for the rest of my life. That's
what I'm fighting for.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, but that's a struggle, right, Like it's not for
the rest of your life, but some things are out
of your control exactly. So making peace with that.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
No, you try to make peace and then other stuff happens,
or like you know, I just want to live like
a normal, like life. Really, that's it. It's about having
the same sort of like things. I felt like I've
always tried to be like very like just even stuff
that I see that it has nothing to do with
being gay or being part of the community. I would
just try to like give my voice. Can you imagine, gasp?
Speaker 5 (04:00):
Good for the.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
World, because you're so beautiful that everybody should be able to,
you know, enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh you have to, Oh, thank you. I feel like
I've enjoyed it too. I'm in that process. But it's
good exactly. The topic that we were talking about was
we met, we got along extremely well. I connected it
and I say it not because I'm in your podcast,
(04:27):
but I was like, wow, I really want to show again. Also,
I feel like I consider you such an amazing musician
too that I was like, and and you have just
a way of like connecting with people and talking that
I just you know, after like ten minutes, I was like,
first of all, in those ten minutes, I was already
talking about my whole life. So after that, I was like,
you know what, I might as well show this song
(04:48):
and it was the first demo of the song. I
haven't showed it before, so that's why it was so
special because after I saw like their connection within the
reaction and the main thing that it starts conversations that
after that, it stayed talking for at least like three hours.
It was super late.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Honestly, I feel like we left to be polite for
each other because I could have stayed there. Oh yeah,
and it was like, wow, we've been here for three hours,
so we should probably like be normal.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
No, no, no. But I felt the same way because I
was like, oh my god, it's them and I'm here
like talking about my whole life. But it was great
because after hearing the song, you guys started telling me like,
you know, I went through this. I went through this,
and then it's like a way for me to share
that it opened a door that I haven't considered before
because before that I thought like, ow, sexuality should not
(05:35):
be a topic that I should touch in my music,
right because that's what they told you. That's the conversation
I heard less than a week ago before I was
going to release again from my parents. It's like you're
ruining your career and all this, so you get that,
and you know, you take it personally, you take it seriously,
like it can be like a life death sort of
situation as to like, you know, this is my this
(05:55):
has been my dream for years, so obviously you want
to take care of it and kind of do the
right thing. But at the end of the day, what
is the right thing? In that sense? It was like
so many like questions, but that night helped me so
much as to like, maybe I should think about releasing it.
It was a two year process, but here we are
with a song.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Not only that, first of all, congratulations. Second of all,
everybody needs to go listen to close it right now,
which is a song that we're talking about, so you
at least that is so bravely released. And I also
want to say, you know, like, as female queer humans,
(06:34):
you know, we have an experience that we do have
similarities in. But I can only imagine, especially in the
Latino world, what it is to be queer male. I'm
sure that that comes with things that I could never understand,
right because you know, sometimes we experience, oh, well, you're
just a gimmick, you know, like oh two girls, that's
like hot is.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
Hot, It's not taken seriously right.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
And it's like, we'll validate our relationship, but we're not
being with a violence that some male homosexual people are
met with.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
And it sucks, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
It's you realize that like macho sort of thing from
like Latin.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I wouldn't just say Latin. I just feel like in
the world, the world, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
You know, we are being in that world.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I guess that's what I've seen represented in our community,
and I wish that would change. I wish Jim you
pointed out a line in his song that I would
love for you to say, Yeah, that's the world that
I would love for if I have kids, for them
to live in where they don't have to come to
me to announce their sexuality. Whatever you are, you are,
(07:37):
there's no preconceived walls that the world is building around you.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
It's crazy because I before even the song, I feel
like I had this certain like rage, as like why
do I have to come out of this thing that
you know, I'm still the same person well like friends,
but you do realize that you limit yourself, Like now
that I'm out, I do feel honestly a bit more free.
And it's crazy that you they you have to do that.
I really don't understand why yeah, and you think you
(08:06):
know twenty twenty four because I also see like a
lot of people say like, oh my god, this is
so like it's you know, it's not necessary you think that,
but then it is still Again That's why it was
the process of two years, because for me, I was like, Okay,
it's going to be just something. It's my little gift
for me, like I don't need to share it to
the world.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
And I think that's why it came out as perfectly
as it did, because I really feel like you never
lost the intimacy between your relationship to the song and
like what you put out.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
No, no, no, it was it was you know, there was
other writers in the room. But and that actually I
loved that there was the other writers because it gave
me that line of combivio because they would try it.
They were heterosexual, and they would try to like give
an opinion and be like, oh, maybe this and I'm like, no,
it's not that feeling and not in a bad way,
like no, you don't get it, Like it was more
(08:52):
like you haven't lived it. So even though you're saying
beautiful words and it you know, it sounds great melody,
and it's all it's not connecting to me because it's
not what I'm going through. And that's why I feel
that the song is so special. Every single line came
out like it just happened. Like the process of writing
this was the easiest thing I've ever done in my life.
(09:12):
But I needed seven years of career and two years
of being scared to like be able to release it.
But the moment that I was there, it was like
thirty forty minutes, it was just a rule out. But
you know, this comes with two years of therapy, years
of figuring out all my life situation and everything. I
feel like it's so many things, but I really wish
(09:33):
the song helps. I really wish it starts giving that
perspective which it has done to like families and to
straight people as to like, you know what, maybe I
can't really be calling someone because I haven't lived it,
and yeah, like just have that thought us to like where, yeah,
coming out of where and like seeing that struggle as
(09:54):
to like you know, the family issues, the losing the parents,
the feeling bad about yourself for years, like all of
that is said in the song. And then when someone
that hasn't lived it listens to that. It's like, oh, right,
that happens, you know. It's like yeah, there's so many
sides to it and so many like layers and things.
(10:14):
It's it's crazy. I do wish people stop with the
coming out.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I think also like that fear that everybody instills in
you of like, well, if this is your career, don't
mix it with your sexuality because you're going to lose.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
A bunch of fans. It's like, well you that too, right,
But it's like do you want those fans true?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You know, like that's the question, Like okay, yeah, let's
say you lose a bunch of fans, and then you
gain a bunch of a community for a community community,
You gain this community that you are helping because people
listen to your work and now are going to connect
to it. People that aren't where you are yet, who
haven't done the therapy, who haven't done the work. That
(10:55):
song is going to help them get there. It is,
you know, and you paid a lot of money in therapy.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
It's expand the song started as a in therapy. It
was me writing a letter to the Johanno to like, yeah,
their inner child that's like heal because again the process
was so long and also and like just like oh
so you know, like at the end of therapy, it's
like you just kind of have to work on yourself,
(11:23):
like just not let other stuff affect you and you know,
like be good with yourself. So it was like, let's
write this letter to like your parents and to everything
that's going on and like heal those things. And I
was like, okay, I'll do all of this process. And
you know, I finished the letter and I'm okay, I'm
going to the studio. Let's write a pop hit and
you know, talking about like other stuff. And you know,
(11:44):
we're at the studio and they're like, uh huh and
it's just a studio.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Obviously they're like, I don't say, like I can't remember
the word, and I really wish I remembered what was
the word that it was just like like is that
when the writers would be saying it that I was.
I just got to a point that I was like
we all need to stop. I was like, nope, let's go,
let's think of something completely different. There was a love song,
you know, like like NI, but it I was specific.
(12:14):
There was something specific that just took me somewhere that
I was like, I'm just really not connecting to this.
You know. I was in that time, I was in
a relationship with a guy for like a year already
and super in love with him, so talking about like
those hips come on and I was like no. I
was like, I mean he has hairs. I really don't
(12:38):
connect like soft skin. And I was like, I have
a question for you.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I have a question for you which Jim can actually
speak on this.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I have a song called Rains and when I did
the music video, because I've dated men, a lot of
them were gay.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Believe it.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Sorry, boys, every time I talk about being straight.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Something just.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Wow, she does not like that anyway? Who back it off?
So She's like, it's really.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
It's really not like that because that always gives me
shit because I'm like, yo, persona, you know, like the
person that you are.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
The skin is for skin, you know what I mean?
What I prefer it to have boobies in a big
ass and below and hips. But anyway, so sorry, I
think anybody, what's happening to me?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Like I know for a fact now that my preferences women,
you know, like that's that's my truth.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
You know, I prefer dating women.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I had a music video where my quote unquote love
interest was this hot dude, you know, which didn't make
any sense anyway, because look at me, what the fuck you?
That's the thing, thanks babe. But I ended up like
losing my mind in the video and like, like anyway, the.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Point is how a lot it was a while ago.
I was like nineteen, and you were like before she
was out okay, before I was outright.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
So even in the comments of the video, people would
be like, what the hell, she's so gay? No, like,
she's so gay, Oh my god, please a guy that's
so unbelieved like that, nobody would believe that, you know,
watching it back now, I still stand by it, you know,
because at the time it was a version of my truth.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
But I can see how disconnected I was for my.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Work because I was trying to hide everything in like
metaphorsh like.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh, I'm not going to put a genre or not,
which is fine, but at the end of the day,
it does limit your work, no, and so in some
sort of way, or.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You know what I learned, I mean, at least personally
for me, the more of me I became, the more
simplified my art became in the sense of the translation, right,
So instead of saying like you are a flower pedal
in my tunnel of love, I'd be like, girl, get
over here.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
You know what I'm saying, whatever.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
The case, conversation and.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Making it more relatable to because sometimes I think like
we as artists maybe use other language to kind of
like I want to put the image out there like
I want to. I want to transmit the feeling, but
I don't want to call it by its name, So
I'll use the metaphor to satisfy myself to a certain extent,
but then I don't want the audience to pick up
on what I'm actually thinking about. We can all relate
(15:23):
to the fact that there's no right time to come out,
especially because of something that you were able to translate
so beautifully in your song is we don't feel like
we're in a closet. The world tells us we're in
a closet. We are just experiencing life firsthand. We're meeting
(15:44):
a soul and falling in love and going through all
of those changes and all of those motions. And it's
later on after we realize what's happening that we're like, oh.
Speaker 5 (15:53):
Wow, crap, what do I do now?
Speaker 4 (15:55):
I can't imagine Billie Eilish is somebody who rose to
such a level of fail so quickly, so young, what
her experience was like with that question. She was coming
from that space that we can all relate to, which
is like.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
Why do I have to say anything?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm just showing.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Also, she's like new generation too. It's a whole different
sort of thing for them.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Right, it is totally which is great, which.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I love that since the beginning, you know, like it's
not like a disconnect fully in her art, like Billy
you know, always had her thing, which is incredible, you know,
so different like Ricky Martink and like it had to
be like two different versions of a person because of
the time that it was like now she was able
to be a bit more herself. For me, it was
(16:40):
funny because people are like, oh, we knew, like obviously,
like how you're dressing, and I'm like, yeah, it wasn't high,
Like it's not like it's not a shocker, Like it's
not Ricky.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You brought up Ricky not only the time, the fact
that he was so you know, pinholed as in a
moment by women as like this.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
The sex symbol exactly, man of the.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Hun Yeah, that's like a whole other pressure.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That he had to like, you know, dress and like
all do and be always like this and then you
know which coming out feels like No. Now it's like
a whole different person when people.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Feel like you lied to them exactly because they're attached
to that image of.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
You and that Even today when I was responding to
some questions, I was like, so, now there's like a
new person, Like now we're meeting the new Joe. And
I'm like, no, we're in a different time. It's not
like for me, it's not you know, a lot of
the comments where like I we knew, like this is
not should not be like a big thing. I'm like,
I know, like that's been my process of discovering. Like
you guys, you know, I've been on social media for
(17:39):
a while and I've been getting people involved. I went
to a pride you know, twenty twenty one and posted
about it. I'll go and start I know, clothing and
stuff like that has nothing to do with your sexuality,
but it's just it's it's fun to like start expressing
and just finding stuff exactly to play on that side
(17:59):
that I started doing without telling anyone, So it was
like without having to make my statement, so I'll start
trying with stuff. And I feel like I was able
to do it because the time that we're at, like
Billy was able to, you know, dress more herself, to
talk without having to be like so specific in the songwriting.
But obviously it still gets so apart where she's like,
you know what, I'm just going to I just want
(18:20):
to do it.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
That's what I love about breaking down those industry walls.
And it's going to be uncomfortable at first for a
lot of people. But you don't need to announce anything, honey,
like date who you want to date and come date us.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Well, listen, you brought us some questions.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I don't know if you feel comfortable, but would you
want to read some and maybe answer some here in space?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
We could do that. Let's see if they're still there, because.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
It's okay, if it's okay, if.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Oh yeah, let's see they're like.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Endless questions.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
You see, no, because this is happening obviously like right now,
which is crazy for me, I'm like what wow, But.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
I love that. Look at you. You started a discourse
you started, you started.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
It's about conversation, the amount of messages I'm getting us
to like I'm going through this, what can I do?
And I'm like at the end, you know, I'm not God,
I can't help people in that certain way, but just
I feel like maybe just telling the story or just
letting the music speak for itself it can. It's going
to connect. Then it's going to help people in some way.
It was crazy because people started coming out after the
song and they got me involved, and I was like,
(19:40):
oh my god, don't know if I I'm the person
to be.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Support you give them, you know, I.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Was like that. I was like, wow, there's a pressure.
But I'm just happy the song like got to that
and it is doing that because what I really want
it to happen is that we don't have to come
out of anything or go through this process, which it's
really again I'm living in and it's you know, you
miss and you learn like it there's no right answer.
(20:08):
I feel like I'm just going day by day. I said, like,
what to do? You know, still with the issues with
family and still like figuring out the whole situation. But
it's like, you know, it's done, so now you go
from there.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
You know.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
I think one of the coolest things about this conversation
right now is the three of us are like in
different places that are.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Coming up journey. Because Emily actually came out with me,
I was the girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
The fact that I think I came out at the
age that I did gave me some sort of an
advantage in my adult life because I was fourteen. I
actually didn't come out. I never came out.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
I was outed, you.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
Father, He actually it was, or it's a good thing
looking back now.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I don't know, because sometimes maybe you prefer just that,
not like, uh, what do.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
You think let us know out there?
Speaker 6 (20:58):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:59):
No, no, do you want to be I was kind
of outed too though well so.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
But the thing is I was fourteen years and it
really did suck because it was my dad reading my
text messages and he literally sat across from me and
he was He just said, I know you like girls,
And I actually hadn't even admitted to myself that I
liked girls. I mean, I was in a very big
People don't understand, like homophobia exists in all of us.
(21:28):
It's it's an after effect.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
We have it too.
Speaker 6 (21:31):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
That's why it's that it's that I've read this book.
It changed my life. Velvet Rage. The first guy I
went out with showed it to me. It's like that
we have that internalized homophobia. It's horrible, like you feel
like you're flawed and you have an issue and but
then wrong with you. You know, you go through your
life trying to like accept yourself. But because it's so
(21:53):
like since you were a little kid, you know, and
you just see and hear all those things. That that's why,
like I don't know, in gay world, it's like best
best bodies, the best job successful. They have to be
the best to like compensate what this part where you
feel like you're flawed. That's that's why it's even harder
to have like a steady relationship and everything, because you
feel like you're not worthy of it. It's it's like
(22:13):
a whole.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
It's really tough thing.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
And people think that because we live in this world
now that it's a little bit more accepted, and it's like, oh,
that's not a thing anymore.
Speaker 5 (22:21):
Nobody's no, no, no, it's still a thing. We still go outside.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
We're a couple of almost eight years and we still
hold hands and we've been in spaces where we've let
go people are.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I still can't do it.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
To be honest, it's not easy.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
If you are affected by homophobia, please call.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
But it is very they don't know in just getting
like like, I feel like that's the process that I've
been through and it's still going through it as to like,
I don't even know. It's so tough. You know, you
can't do that. That's too gay even like or you
get no, no, no, like ba And it's for me. It's
not even you know other stuff better, it's it's those
(23:04):
little voices like in the head.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
For me, I think also, like that's what I love
about getting to know the person that I am.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Some days I'm so gay.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
So I mean like some days I act one way,
some days I act another. They make me feel different emotions.
They make me explore the spectrum of what it is
to be a human being. Some days I like to
feel like a beautiful woman, some days to free lock
more like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
It really depends, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And personally I rock with that, you know, like flow
like water the ocean. You wake up one day and
the waves are flat and the next day the waves
are huge, and the next day the beaches all the
way to the shore.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
But it's still fucking ocean.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
You guys, like, yes, we're all oceans, you see. I know,
but it is super true. It is true.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
So you want to answer a couple of questions.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Let's see, I'm reading stuf. Look, there's a lot of
stuff like that said, it is a little bit close.
It is when was I ready to tell my parents
when I found someone that it was worth it for
me to tell them.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
True, that's literally what I said.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah, that's literally my answer.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But it's also before that because it it's it was
such a scary process. There's also stuff that happened before
as a little kid that I can't say because I
don't want to like villainize my parents or any of that.
But there was stuff that made me be even more
scared as telling them or explaining them what was going
on or thoughts that I had, Like the first guy
(24:39):
I went out with was twenty two, but after a while,
I was so like, I need to figure out what's like,
what's going on? Because you know, when it happens at
that late of an age where I thought, you know,
I had everything figured out and then this was like boom,
wait a minute, A whole different side of life came in.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I was like, okay, because I can't go to my
parents also be like this. But then you know which
can happen with with the people too like that. They'll
call it like indecisiveness or I don't know, but it's
not really that. It's just how I see love now.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Respect change data man, and then you want a data
woman again, get do it exactly?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
And then there is so But my process with parents
was I'm going to tell them when there's someone that
that makes sense for me to to talk about it.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
So as somebody who did again, I didn't have the
opportunity to come out myself. So my question is to
both of you, do you feel like that was you
making a promise to yourself or do you feel like
that was more like I'm gonna set this this this
goalpost here and and that'll give me time before reaching it.
Speaker 5 (25:44):
Do you think that that was.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Just like for me, it was just that I was
getting to know what I liked and I didn't feel
the need to share that with anybody before I personally
wasn't sure. And then to point like when I fell
in love with you, it was something that was so
(26:06):
sure to me that it didn't matter what anybody thought.
What was more important was that you were the person
that I was choosing to be with, and I wanted
to bring into.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Your life my life, which is what becomes the issue.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
You know, like, then then it's the problem, Then it's
the problem, Then it's the problem. Then is that person accepted.
So for me, it was just about preserving the fact
that it was my world and knowing that the moment
that I tried to bring somebody else into it, I
knew it was gonna be a drama somehow.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, I want to say a couple of things regarding
like that. First, for me, it was like I feel
like I self sabotaged so many relationships before that that
could have been someone also amazing, but because of this
process of like having to think, oh, I like them
so much, but they're gonna I'm gonna have to go
through this with family and with society and with people,
I'm gonna stop this right now, And that for me,
(26:59):
I'm like, ough, aha, it really sucks. Then I got
this person that was like so it sticked, it stayed.
It was like strong. It was like a whole thing
that it just got to the part that I was like, okay,
I have to it's time. There was some pressure I'll
say on my partner, well my ex now, but my
partner in that time as to like, because I was
(27:21):
living the other side, and I'm so happy I was
able to see the other side of to like seeing
a very loving, accepting family and a very beautiful process
that he went through. Yes, no, he went through it
with me too, but you know, with the mom and everything,
it was like incredible and they were so welcoming the
whole family that I was like, this is amazing. You
(27:42):
can have it now. I want to have it with
my family. That's why I feel like this has been
even harder and tougher for me because I've seen the rainbow,
the nice side, the good side, and then obviously you
want to see it with your family, and when you
don't receive it, it's like, hmm, it's horrible. I feel
like it's even it's tougher in that sense because you know,
(28:05):
I'm like, why would I be in this house where
this person is not accepted at all, can't even get
close to the perimeters, And then the other side there,
you know, stay here as many days as you want
as you need. Let's travel the world, let's go, let's
hours talking and everything. And then you're like, wow, this
whole thing. And the only reason why I spoke to
my parents was to have them closer to your life,
(28:27):
to close to my life, because it was already a
year of like how are you? Where are you? And
I'm like, oh, I was yeah with friends. Yeah I was,
you know, in the other side of the world in
south of France, and I couldn't say what with who
or anything.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
It sucks. Feels like you're lying to yourself.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, to yourself. Literally, it's not even to them. It's
like you get you know. I would go visit them,
like super excited, and then it's like, oh you've been
up to and all this and you're like anxiety. Ah,
and then you know, keeping the conversation short's the small talk.
And I was like, come on, it's my parents, like
and I started the conversation like look, I just want
to be closer to you guys. This has been happening
and I'm super happy about it, so let's all be
(29:03):
happy together. And then it didn't happen like that. But
you know, it is what it is.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
Oh sorry, honestly, yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
It's even if it's the most common thing for people
of people of our kind, but you know, for people
who go through this experience, I think like more often
than not, family is not happy about it.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
But even though that's common, it still sucks. And I'm
still sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I was just talking about that. I also how like
many times you just get like, you know, the first
reaction being like sad or whatever, and then this you know,
the son, daughter, whatever, gets away, they get separated, and
then the parents are like, well, I guess I'll have
to accept it, okay, and I'm just like.
Speaker 5 (29:50):
Yeah, I mean, you don't have to that. Well.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I mentioned this a lot, and I had an episode
when we were doing Red Table where I talked to
my mom about some difficult that I had in my journey.
I always bring this up because one of my very
best friends from college, Juliano, he was gay and he
came out to his parents and he always says a story.
He says, he told his dad he's gay, and he goes,
do you accept me that word?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
You accept me? Accept And his dad goes, no, like
accept you.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
He's like I love you because you're gay, because.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
That's who you are.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
It's not like now this is some site in spite
of the you know what I mean. It's not like
now I'm learning this thing about you that you just
bought off a shelf at Walmart. Like you've loved this
person the whole time, the person, you know what I mean.
And that's something that I've I've always thought is a
powerful thing, especially like if you're a parent. I'm not
a parent, but I'm a child on the other end
(30:46):
of it. And we have these expectations for the people
that we love because we want them to be happy
with us, you know, And that's.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
What hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
But not making it something that's like you're accepting, but
just acknowledging, like that's a beautiful part of you that
I love.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Like, you know, great, as.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Long as the person that you're with treats you right,
loves and respects you and is inappropriate age, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
What is the problem? True? I actually want to share
something because again this week has been the song has
been out for five days, but it's been like so
crazy and a lot of the a lot of the
Hispanic culture or say everyone you know try to use
a god as to like this a way to weaponize
(31:33):
like loving freely. So I actually went to a pastor
to talk to him because I was like, you know what,
I again, this is a process that I'm still going
at it as to like accepting and loving myself. I
say it completely openly. I'm not there yet. So those
comments and those things it still affects. It's not like
I'm super strong and I'm ready for it. It's been
(31:54):
five days so you know, and that, but in somebody
stand those things in Equador, there's so behind and this
just it was so fun. It's so stupid, Like they'll
post articles not tag me because they know, you know,
I can be checking and they'll put like Martin, and
(32:16):
I'm like, what are you trying to do with this?
And this I'm saying, like per he is like the
strongest newspapers there. I'm like, you're making this a joke.
And it's so tough. So the point is I go
to the pastor because I was just like I'm just here,
tell me. And then he's like, you know, I'm not
a moral compass here, like you know, church is not
here to be like this is good or this right
(32:37):
like no, it was its Yeah, it was great to
talk to him, and he just said, you know, Dio
s implemented, like that's it. God is proud of you
simply because you're his son. That's it. And that should
be the same with parents. They don't need to look
for like the biggest trophy and the biggest award and
the biggest thing. They should just be proud because you
(32:58):
were you their son.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Also told you guys to bang and make.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Us, but exactly they didn't. You know, you brought this.
There were extension of them. Just be proud of that,
weird like alive and you know, be proud of that
almost whatever. That's it. And that for me was like wow,
that's because you know you're like, oh, am I wrong?
(33:25):
Is all that? And he's like in the pastor was
like yeah you're wrong, Yeah you are wrong. But then
he's like I am wrong too, like with like, you know,
the Bible says, don't lie, don't do all this, and
you know, we're all human, like no one's perfectly, no
one can judge regarding any of this, like regarding anything.
At the end of the day, the main thing is
like I'm you know, I'm at a y and it
(33:48):
was just for me, like, Okay, what you were saying
about being proud he to crazy? That's it.
Speaker 6 (33:58):
We other question.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah, let's answer one more question and then I have
a couple of questions.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Okay to insist a chat up familia, so they do.
I don't get it. So with this release, the problem
is that it became very public the moment it was.
I did not expect it to be like this. He
actually said it was like a marketing thing, and I'm like, guys, seriously,
I'm here like having the worst days of my life.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
People forget the human behind.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
And you really saying I'm, you know, receiving the most
horrible stuff from the people I love. And I'm just like, like,
obviously it's not going to be a marketing thing. I'm
feeling this for real. You know. I went to my parents'
house excited to show the music video. I came out
to them two years ago. I've been trying two years
for them to meet my my ex. They never did,
never wan to even get close to it.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
What did they say was the reason they didn't want
to be your ex?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I don't want to be a part of it. That's it.
Just posted something about it right now before starting. It's
that side of like, well, if you're gonna do your
they would also use the worst words like there like this,
like like we don't need to know see any of this.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
We don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
You feel like the next person that you fall in
love with. If your parents continue to have that reaction,
what would you do?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
I don't know, because I really does. It's sad and
I don't want to villainize them. It's just it's just
if you're a parent or something, you're gonna have kids,
just to see this other side as to like, it
really messes up relationships to it. It's like, you know,
I'm not gonna blame it fully, but it is a
big part of it. It is it gets so hard
for the other person that is tiring, you know, two
(35:52):
years and a half as to like, you know, the
other accepting, loving, traveling, and then the other side they
can't can't even get close to the house, yeah, or
be like around any of this. So it's like and
then you're in that internal fight as to like, okay,
so family, you know, you want to stand up for
your partner too, but at the same time, it's also
(36:13):
your family and you don't want to, you know. It's
like it's a very very complicated situation, and I keep
getting all these messages and all this like oh, you know,
it's so wrong for you to be doing with his
parents and all this, and it's like I didn't want
any of this to be public. It just happened that
before me releasing the video, I went to them. I
was like, I spoke three days ago before, like this
(36:34):
is coming out. Any questions do you have, Let's go
to therapy, Let's work it out. I want you guys
to be okay and comfortable with this. No, nothing, nothing, okay.
The day before, same thing again. The day of I'm like, guys,
it's about to come out. It's not stopping it. Tell me,
tell me what can we do. I'm here, Let's talk
(36:54):
about it, the reason why I'm doing this and what
I want to achieve. No, you're ruining your career. Blah
blah blah. They called me like pedophile of this and
all of this, just the crazy stuff that I was
just like that I was doing incests, comparing and comparing
like being homosexual, comparing it to crazy stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
So obviously they don't probably even believe that it's something
they've been conditioned to believe this person.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
You know, I know, I know they love me, and
that's what I'm saying. I know, I know it's gonna
be fine. It's just I really hope years on from
now people can't avoid this or have to go through this.
And that's why the song, and that's why I've even
sharing this to you guys, because I know it's like
personal stuff.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
It happens to all of us.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
It's just for it to be like it happens and
you know how to handle it. At the end of
the day. The only thing you can do is look,
give time, work on yourself, forgive see it everything from love.
Be I would try to see it from the side
like it's coming from love. I know there's scared. I
(38:00):
know they love me so much that they're just scared
that the world is gonna you know, hurt you, hurt me,
So that's why they're having this to sort of protect me.
It might not be the right.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
That's what hurts you more.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
What hurts you more is how the people closest to
you react to the things you share with them, not
the world, at least in my experience. And again I
keep referencing that Red Table episode I did with my
mom because that was you keep saying like, oh my god,
those were some of the worst days of my life.
Like when that episode came out, I equally got people
that were like, Wow, you helped me come out, and
(38:33):
people like you're a fucking ma see that.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I can't, Like, what are you doing to your parents,
like with everything they gave you?
Speaker 2 (38:40):
And then in my case, it's like, oh my god,
you know I have this privilege and this you know,
this way that people see me, and it's like, how
dare you?
Speaker 3 (38:49):
You know what was the other day somebody was like,
what a shame? Your mom was so epic?
Speaker 5 (38:53):
Like you people are always gonna talk anyway.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
The point is that, I mean, it's I mean that
let me let me just give you that preface to
somebody who Okay, so I just turned thirty and I
came out.
Speaker 6 (39:05):
When I was.
Speaker 5 (39:08):
I'm two years away, but I came out when I
was fourteen. I can tell you, like to this day,
people still say terrible things to us, to me, to Emily.
Speaker 4 (39:18):
What's gonna happen is what I already think that you
realize is happening, is you're going to get to the
point where you're going to settle into yourself and it's
just gonna slign off of you, like better because you're
gonna realize I'm on my journey and they're.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
On their journey, and their journey sucks, and my journey rocks.
Their journey sucks.
Speaker 5 (39:37):
I did not say that my journey rocks.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
I mean I hope So no, no, no, it's been again.
At the end of the day, you have to do it.
I do feel better at just having like I feel
like I haven't had interviews or opportunities to just talk
like this and be like after releasing the song, that
was a promise I did to myself, like just be
open about it, vocal because some going to connect with it,
and why do I have to like yeah, limit at
(40:03):
the end of the day, you know, it's just gonna
connect more with my art and what I do and
someone's gonna.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
You can't fake real exactly and now more with.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Phones and everything that happens. The whole thing. I like
feel like, what's making you know, people successful or anything,
it's just often authenticity. But it really like you can
now you can really tell if there's something like not
fully authentic and I think it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I'm excited for your parents to find out about your
only fans launch mm hmm that No, No, I mean I'm.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
Crazy direct homophobia at me. No, but you know who
gets fucking pissed thething they're saying something bad? You're like,
(41:01):
tell us those people are looking to piss you off.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
They're looking for your attention. And of one thousand incredible comments,
I respond to the two controlls who take that energy
and respond to the people who are giving you.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Okay, but what do you say all the time? A
lot of times I've been able to change people's mind.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Yeah, but that's you. We're all.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
We're not all.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
Yeah, don't take my do as I say, not as
I do. I told you before we came in here.
But I just want to say it again, thank you, truly, truly,
truly for putting words to all of our feelings because
watching that I relived that experience for myself. Of course,
(41:42):
first of all, like I told you, you looked incredible.
Let me just say that, all lesbians in the videos,
thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much
for including that representation.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
And they're all every scene that you've seen video, Yes,
it's all for me. Its super important. That's to like that.
That's why it's so gent, like everything.
Speaker 5 (42:02):
Came from your heart.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Yeah, had to be honest because again the song is
so honest that I was like, there can be a
single gimmick. Yeah, I love that there can be a
single gimmick because if not, it's you're gonna notice it.
And that's I feel like, that's why, you know, I
saw like my little me and it was just like
I ball and crying the whole time. I was just
(42:24):
healing so much stuff with filming the video, since every
scene that was regarding closet, it was me taking out everything,
like I just couldn't. I couldn't do shots without being
filled with emotions. I'm not sure if I can sing
it to be honest, like yeah, yeah, because even just America,
(42:45):
you don't sing life, you know, they just play the song.
I don't know if you can say that, but yeah, no,
it's obviously it's not life.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
A lot less.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, like those morning shows, you know, because of sound
and everything, you can't and before that they showed like
the Ricky Martin video. Just started crying so much because again,
it was like the second it was the day after
I released it, so it's just like so much happening.
And then it was just like bawling crying. I'm like,
if this is with lip singing, it like, how am
I going to do this when I have to perform it.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
You're gonna connect, You're gonna keep healing.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
It's keep healing. Its therapy, That's what I'm saying. That's
why this song is so so personal. Yeah, so personal.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
There's something else that we would love to introduce you
to that happens here while we're in space. By the way,
how's been the non gravity good?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
I love it. I'm here like, let.
Speaker 6 (43:34):
Free.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's great.
Speaker 3 (43:37):
Your hair standing up on its own.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Huh, you see that. It's a safe place for sure.
No feel good.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
I love your hair, by the way. We're just talking
about that. But anyway, there's something that we'd like to
do here in our own world. That is everybody's spices.
Everyone in the coolest Now we're in the whole world.
Speaker 5 (43:52):
It's called spiciness.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Oh, here's that hearing in our own world, we'd like
to update the people on what's going on up here
in space. Down on Earth, they don't care, but we
tell them anyway, So this week in outer space, this
is all one hundred percent true. Okay, in honor of
you being your most authentic self, we only.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Say the truth.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Let's hear it, all right.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
The Hubble telescope has observed an oddly organized satellite. Upon
closer inspection, its name has now been revealed as Marie Kondo.
Speaker 5 (44:27):
Oh yeah, okay, was real.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
And that's for real, like a.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Hundred percent real all right.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Oh obviously not one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Real, all right, college student, college student cousin Kitchen, this
actually is real. Her name is Kitchen. Props to her
college student cousin. Kitchen is just twenty one years old
and has set a new record for Blue Origin, who
has successfully launched the youngest woman beyond the Carmen line
aka almost into space. Carson said, and I quote, I
(45:01):
just wanted to get wasted for the first time in space.
Speaker 5 (45:04):
She didn't say that issue.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
No, no, you guys suck. I don't know what's real.
What isn't give me a call? All right.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Lastly, NASA says two American astronauts who are stuck on
the International Space Station will be brought back home on
a space X ship next year.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
That sucks.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
They have responded with two words, which are not happy birthday.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
And this has been space.
Speaker 5 (45:37):
Okay, so the first part of.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
It is real, and then it's like yeah, when it
got to Marikono, I was like wait, wait, everything up.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Until Marion, well, it's been in absolute honor and pleasure
for having you here with us.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
Not only the fact that.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
We almost share a birthday December fourth, December fifth, hell
freaky yeah, but the way that we met was so
beautiful and kidsman, and we continue to have those amazing conversations.
And before we came into film, Jem said, you know,
we haven't seen you in a while, but I'm feeling
we're going to be seeing you a lot more now
because I.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
Really hope so, because yes we have to again. They're
a big part of the of the song, of this,
of everything that's happening.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
What an honor.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
So yeah, first place I was going, you know, I
was gonna fly and everything, but I was like, no,
I'm staying. I'm going to space and visit them and
thanking them in person and showing them the video and yeah,
you know, talking about the whole thing. So thank you.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
We loved it, We appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Cheers too many more nights of ditching the club and
drinks at the hotel bar.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
We love it so much better than the club.
Speaker 5 (46:53):
We much better.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Before we deorbit.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Is there anything you want to tell your fans and
very lucky people that get to witness what you're up to.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Honestly, guys, thank you who's seen it has been part
of the process. You know, when this happened with family
and everything, my way of seeing that I had support
because that moment had to be in the house. They
literally said get out of the house, and it was
five minutes before the video was premiered. I told him,
can I just show the video? You have to go live,
like the distributor asked me to go live before to
(47:25):
know people that the song was coming out, and it
was like out. So I just went to like my
childhood room upstairs and it was like I couldn't believe
that this is such a big moment for me. I
had to be there alone, but I was not alone.
Thanks to everyone that just connected and was part of
it and send all the messages and trust me, I'm
reading and I'm replying and everyone that's going through it it.
(47:48):
Thank you for just sharing your story. And using the
song for whatever you need in life right now. So
that is extremely special. I was so scared of releasing
the song, and yeah, receiving more love than hate is
incredible and thank you.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
Servant.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Everybody go check them out, give him love and give
us love to you because we need it.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
Thank you in our own world.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
This podcast is brought to you by Moonflower Productions in
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Being gay or being part of the community. I would
just try to like, can you imagine gas.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Because I've dated men a lot of them were gay. Sorry, boys,
every time.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I talk about being straight, something just.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Lunch ladies, germs, germats, and everything in between. Welcome Bi
Benitos to the second episode of the third season, see
I got it right this time. Wow, long time in
our own world, baby.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Thank you for those of you that tuned in.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
For the first episode. It was chaotic and it's only
going to get worse from here. But today before everything
goes to hell and a hand basket, we are so
thrilled and excited to have somebody that we both admire
respect met in a.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
You know, very low key and environment and.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Which is perfect, which was perfect, so perfect, and we
were both able to fall in love with what he
does and who he is organically, which is the best
way to get to know somebody's talent from what they
do with no further ado.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Welcome o world. Incredible.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Wow, I'm so excited, so so excited. You guys are
part of this. So obviously this was the first like
podcast and invitation I was going to take because do
you have no idea how that important that night was
for me, and I'm telling you both it was. First,
let's tell the audience what happens.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, no, no, two years ago. I released the song
August twenty second of this year, twenty twenty four. But
and I wrote the song August twenty second, two years ago. Wow,
And I met you guys around the Billboard Week time
with us probably like two weeks from now. We're three
weeks from now. Yeah, So I wrote this song, which
we'll talk more about it, but you know, I went
(01:57):
to Billboard Week. You know the struggle as in dependent artists,
we're pretty much figuring it out. I did the song
kind of like as therapy or something, just like for me.
I was not gonna show it or release it or anything.
After the whole day at you know, all that chattel
ass and everything that was going on in Billboard, there
was like this party what was it an after party
for someone?
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Honestly, what I remember was talking to you and your friend.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Exactly, and we were just at the line trying to
get in, you know, like waiting, and we just started talking.
We get along really well, and then we're both like,
should we just leave. We're like, we don't want to
go with this, Let's just go back to the hotel
and have a drink. So that's what we did. We
went to the bar. We went to you know, have
(02:40):
a drink US four with my friend Simone and just
started talking and it was like, you know, five minutes
in or more and it just got like very personal
and deep, and I don't know, I connected in a
way that it doesn't happen. And then we started talking
about like even just birthdays. You know, it's like a
day difference.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I know, Saarius or December fifth, baby, We're coming for
you exactly.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Been here to like split you guys up.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Can I But I was like, you know what, hearing
their story, hearing what I was going through, which is
still the process that I'm in. I can't believe two
years after I'm still going through all of this. And
then you realize this is just something that I really
hope is not for the rest of my life. That's
what I'm fighting for.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, but that's a struggle, right, Like it's not for
the rest of your life, but some things are out
of your control exactly. So making peace with that.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
No, you try to make peace and then other stuff happens,
or like you know, I just want to live like
a normal, like life. Really, that's it. It's about having
the same sort of like things. I felt like I've
always tried to be like very like just even stuff
that I see that it has nothing to do with
being gay or being part of the community. I would
just try to like give my voice. Can you imagine, gasp?
Speaker 5 (04:00):
Good for the.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
World, because you're so beautiful that everybody should be able to,
you know, enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh you have to, Oh, thank you. I feel like
I've enjoyed it too. I'm in that process. But it's
good exactly. The topic that we were talking about was
we met, we got along extremely well. I connected it
and I say it not because I'm in your podcast,
(04:27):
but I was like, wow, I really want to show again. Also,
I feel like I consider you such an amazing musician
too that I was like, and and you have just
a way of like connecting with people and talking that
I just you know, after like ten minutes, I was like,
first of all, in those ten minutes, I was already
talking about my whole life. So after that, I was like,
you know what, I might as well show this song
(04:48):
and it was the first demo of the song. I
haven't showed it before, so that's why it was so
special because after I saw like their connection within the
reaction and the main thing that it starts conversations that
after that, it stayed talking for at least like three hours.
It was super late.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Honestly, I feel like we left to be polite for
each other because I could have stayed there. Oh yeah,
and it was like, wow, we've been here for three hours,
so we should probably like be normal.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
No, no, no. But I felt the same way because I
was like, oh my god, it's them and I'm here
like talking about my whole life. But it was great
because after hearing the song, you guys started telling me like,
you know, I went through this. I went through this,
and then it's like a way for me to share
that it opened a door that I haven't considered before
because before that I thought like, ow, sexuality should not
(05:35):
be a topic that I should touch in my music,
right because that's what they told you. That's the conversation
I heard less than a week ago before I was
going to release again from my parents. It's like you're
ruining your career and all this, so you get that,
and you know, you take it personally, you take it seriously,
like it can be like a life death sort of
situation as to like, you know, this is my this
(05:55):
has been my dream for years, so obviously you want
to take care of it and kind of do the
right thing. But at the end of the day, what
is the right thing? In that sense? It was like
so many like questions, but that night helped me so
much as to like, maybe I should think about releasing it.
It was a two year process, but here we are
with a song.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Not only that, first of all, congratulations. Second of all,
everybody needs to go listen to close it right now,
which is a song that we're talking about, so you
at least that is so bravely released. And I also
want to say, you know, like, as female queer humans,
(06:34):
you know, we have an experience that we do have
similarities in. But I can only imagine, especially in the
Latino world, what it is to be queer male. I'm
sure that that comes with things that I could never understand,
right because you know, sometimes we experience, oh, well, you're
just a gimmick, you know, like oh two girls, that's
like hot is.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
Hot, It's not taken seriously right.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
And it's like, we'll validate our relationship, but we're not
being with a violence that some male homosexual people are
met with.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
And it sucks, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
It's you realize that like macho sort of thing from
like Latin.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I wouldn't just say Latin. I just feel like in
the world, the world, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
You know, we are being in that world.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I guess that's what I've seen represented in our community,
and I wish that would change. I wish Jim you
pointed out a line in his song that I would
love for you to say, Yeah, that's the world that
I would love for if I have kids, for them
to live in where they don't have to come to
me to announce their sexuality. Whatever you are, you are,
(07:37):
there's no preconceived walls that the world is building around you.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
It's crazy because I before even the song, I feel
like I had this certain like rage, as like why
do I have to come out of this thing that
you know, I'm still the same person well like friends,
but you do realize that you limit yourself, Like now
that I'm out, I do feel honestly a bit more free.
And it's crazy that you they you have to do that.
I really don't understand why yeah, and you think you
(08:06):
know twenty twenty four because I also see like a
lot of people say like, oh my god, this is
so like it's you know, it's not necessary you think that,
but then it is still Again That's why it was
the process of two years, because for me, I was like, Okay,
it's going to be just something. It's my little gift
for me, like I don't need to share it to
the world.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
And I think that's why it came out as perfectly
as it did, because I really feel like you never
lost the intimacy between your relationship to the song and
like what you put out.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
No, no, no, it was it was you know, there was
other writers in the room. But and that actually I
loved that there was the other writers because it gave
me that line of combivio because they would try it.
They were heterosexual, and they would try to like give
an opinion and be like, oh, maybe this and I'm like, no,
it's not that feeling and not in a bad way,
like no, you don't get it, Like it was more
(08:52):
like you haven't lived it. So even though you're saying
beautiful words and it you know, it sounds great melody,
and it's all it's not connecting to me because it's
not what I'm going through. And that's why I feel
that the song is so special. Every single line came
out like it just happened. Like the process of writing
this was the easiest thing I've ever done in my life.
(09:12):
But I needed seven years of career and two years
of being scared to like be able to release it.
But the moment that I was there, it was like
thirty forty minutes, it was just a rule out. But
you know, this comes with two years of therapy, years
of figuring out all my life situation and everything. I
feel like it's so many things, but I really wish
(09:33):
the song helps. I really wish it starts giving that
perspective which it has done to like families and to
straight people as to like, you know what, maybe I
can't really be calling someone because I haven't lived it,
and yeah, like just have that thought us to like where, yeah,
coming out of where and like seeing that struggle as
(09:54):
to like you know, the family issues, the losing the parents,
the feeling bad about yourself for years, like all of
that is said in the song. And then when someone
that hasn't lived it listens to that. It's like, oh, right,
that happens, you know. It's like yeah, there's so many
sides to it and so many like layers and things.
(10:14):
It's it's crazy. I do wish people stop with the
coming out.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I think also like that fear that everybody instills in
you of like, well, if this is your career, don't
mix it with your sexuality because you're going to lose.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
A bunch of fans. It's like, well you that too, right,
But it's like do you want those fans true?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You know, like that's the question, Like okay, yeah, let's
say you lose a bunch of fans, and then you
gain a bunch of a community for a community community,
You gain this community that you are helping because people
listen to your work and now are going to connect
to it. People that aren't where you are yet, who
haven't done the therapy, who haven't done the work. That
(10:55):
song is going to help them get there. It is,
you know, and you paid a lot of money in therapy.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
It's expand the song started as a in therapy. It
was me writing a letter to the Johanno to like, yeah,
their inner child that's like heal because again the process
was so long and also and like just like oh
so you know, like at the end of therapy, it's
like you just kind of have to work on yourself,
(11:23):
like just not let other stuff affect you and you know,
like be good with yourself. So it was like, let's
write this letter to like your parents and to everything
that's going on and like heal those things. And I
was like, okay, I'll do all of this process. And
you know, I finished the letter and I'm okay, I'm
going to the studio. Let's write a pop hit and
you know, talking about like other stuff. And you know,
(11:44):
we're at the studio and they're like, uh huh and
it's just a studio.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Obviously they're like, I don't say, like I can't remember
the word, and I really wish I remembered what was
the word that it was just like like is that
when the writers would be saying it that I was.
I just got to a point that I was like
we all need to stop. I was like, nope, let's go,
let's think of something completely different. There was a love song,
you know, like like NI, but it I was specific.
(12:14):
There was something specific that just took me somewhere that
I was like, I'm just really not connecting to this.
You know. I was in that time, I was in
a relationship with a guy for like a year already
and super in love with him, so talking about like
those hips come on and I was like no. I
was like, I mean he has hairs. I really don't
(12:38):
connect like soft skin. And I was like, I have
a question for you.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I have a question for you which Jim can actually
speak on this.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I have a song called Rains and when I did
the music video, because I've dated men, a lot of
them were gay.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Believe it.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Sorry, boys, every time I talk about being straight.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Something just.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Wow, she does not like that anyway? Who back it off?
So She's like, it's really.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
It's really not like that because that always gives me
shit because I'm like, yo, persona, you know, like the
person that you are.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
The skin is for skin, you know what I mean?
What I prefer it to have boobies in a big
ass and below and hips. But anyway, so sorry, I
think anybody, what's happening to me?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Like I know for a fact now that my preferences women,
you know, like that's that's my truth.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
You know, I prefer dating women.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I had a music video where my quote unquote love
interest was this hot dude, you know, which didn't make
any sense anyway, because look at me, what the fuck you?
That's the thing, thanks babe. But I ended up like
losing my mind in the video and like, like anyway, the.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Point is how a lot it was a while ago.
I was like nineteen, and you were like before she
was out okay, before I was outright.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
So even in the comments of the video, people would
be like, what the hell, she's so gay? No, like,
she's so gay, Oh my god, please a guy that's
so unbelieved like that, nobody would believe that, you know,
watching it back now, I still stand by it, you know,
because at the time it was a version of my truth.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
But I can see how disconnected I was for my.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Work because I was trying to hide everything in like
metaphorsh like.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh, I'm not going to put a genre or not,
which is fine, but at the end of the day,
it does limit your work, no, and so in some
sort of way, or.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You know what I learned, I mean, at least personally
for me, the more of me I became, the more
simplified my art became in the sense of the translation, right,
So instead of saying like you are a flower pedal
in my tunnel of love, I'd be like, girl, get
over here.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
You know what I'm saying, whatever.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
The case, conversation and.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Making it more relatable to because sometimes I think like
we as artists maybe use other language to kind of
like I want to put the image out there like
I want to. I want to transmit the feeling, but
I don't want to call it by its name, So
I'll use the metaphor to satisfy myself to a certain extent,
but then I don't want the audience to pick up
on what I'm actually thinking about. We can all relate
(15:23):
to the fact that there's no right time to come out,
especially because of something that you were able to translate
so beautifully in your song is we don't feel like
we're in a closet. The world tells us we're in
a closet. We are just experiencing life firsthand. We're meeting
(15:44):
a soul and falling in love and going through all
of those changes and all of those motions. And it's
later on after we realize what's happening that we're like, oh.
Speaker 5 (15:53):
Wow, crap, what do I do now?
Speaker 4 (15:55):
I can't imagine Billie Eilish is somebody who rose to
such a level of fail so quickly, so young, what
her experience was like with that question. She was coming
from that space that we can all relate to, which
is like.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
Why do I have to say anything?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm just showing.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Also, she's like new generation too. It's a whole different
sort of thing for them.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Right, it is totally which is great, which.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I love that since the beginning, you know, like it's
not like a disconnect fully in her art, like Billy
you know, always had her thing, which is incredible, you know,
so different like Ricky Martink and like it had to
be like two different versions of a person because of
the time that it was like now she was able
to be a bit more herself. For me, it was
(16:40):
funny because people are like, oh, we knew, like obviously,
like how you're dressing, and I'm like, yeah, it wasn't high,
Like it's not like it's not a shocker, Like it's
not Ricky.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You brought up Ricky not only the time, the fact
that he was so you know, pinholed as in a
moment by women as like this.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
The sex symbol exactly, man of the.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Hun Yeah, that's like a whole other pressure.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That he had to like, you know, dress and like
all do and be always like this and then you
know which coming out feels like No. Now it's like
a whole different person when people.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Feel like you lied to them exactly because they're attached
to that image of.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
You and that Even today when I was responding to
some questions, I was like, so, now there's like a
new person, Like now we're meeting the new Joe. And
I'm like, no, we're in a different time. It's not
like for me, it's not you know, a lot of
the comments where like I we knew, like this is
not should not be like a big thing. I'm like,
I know, like that's been my process of discovering. Like
you guys, you know, I've been on social media for
(17:39):
a while and I've been getting people involved. I went
to a pride you know, twenty twenty one and posted
about it. I'll go and start I know, clothing and
stuff like that has nothing to do with your sexuality,
but it's just it's it's fun to like start expressing
and just finding stuff exactly to play on that side
(17:59):
that I started doing without telling anyone, So it was
like without having to make my statement, so I'll start
trying with stuff. And I feel like I was able
to do it because the time that we're at, like
Billy was able to, you know, dress more herself, to
talk without having to be like so specific in the songwriting.
But obviously it still gets so apart where she's like,
you know what, I'm just going to I just want
(18:20):
to do it.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
That's what I love about breaking down those industry walls.
And it's going to be uncomfortable at first for a
lot of people. But you don't need to announce anything, honey,
like date who you want to date and come date us.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Well, listen, you brought us some questions.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I don't know if you feel comfortable, but would you
want to read some and maybe answer some here in space?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
We could do that. Let's see if they're still there, because.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
It's okay, if it's okay, if.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Oh yeah, let's see they're like.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Endless questions.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
You see, no, because this is happening obviously like right now,
which is crazy for me, I'm like what wow, But.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
I love that. Look at you. You started a discourse
you started, you started.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
It's about conversation, the amount of messages I'm getting us
to like I'm going through this, what can I do?
And I'm like at the end, you know, I'm not God,
I can't help people in that certain way, but just
I feel like maybe just telling the story or just
letting the music speak for itself it can. It's going
to connect. Then it's going to help people in some way.
It was crazy because people started coming out after the
song and they got me involved, and I was like,
(19:40):
oh my god, don't know if I I'm the person
to be.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Support you give them, you know, I.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Was like that. I was like, wow, there's a pressure.
But I'm just happy the song like got to that
and it is doing that because what I really want
it to happen is that we don't have to come
out of anything or go through this process, which it's
really again I'm living in and it's you know, you
miss and you learn like it there's no right answer.
(20:08):
I feel like I'm just going day by day. I said, like,
what to do? You know, still with the issues with
family and still like figuring out the whole situation. But
it's like, you know, it's done, so now you go
from there.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
You know.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
I think one of the coolest things about this conversation
right now is the three of us are like in
different places that are.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Coming up journey. Because Emily actually came out with me,
I was the girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
The fact that I think I came out at the
age that I did gave me some sort of an
advantage in my adult life because I was fourteen. I
actually didn't come out. I never came out.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
I was outed, you.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
Father, He actually it was, or it's a good thing
looking back now.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I don't know, because sometimes maybe you prefer just that,
not like, uh, what do.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
You think let us know out there?
Speaker 6 (20:58):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:59):
No, no, do you want to be I was kind
of outed too though well so.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
But the thing is I was fourteen years and it
really did suck because it was my dad reading my
text messages and he literally sat across from me and
he was He just said, I know you like girls,
And I actually hadn't even admitted to myself that I
liked girls. I mean, I was in a very big
People don't understand, like homophobia exists in all of us.
(21:28):
It's it's an after effect.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
We have it too.
Speaker 6 (21:31):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
That's why it's that it's that I've read this book.
It changed my life. Velvet Rage. The first guy I
went out with showed it to me. It's like that
we have that internalized homophobia. It's horrible, like you feel
like you're flawed and you have an issue and but
then wrong with you. You know, you go through your
life trying to like accept yourself. But because it's so
(21:53):
like since you were a little kid, you know, and
you just see and hear all those things. That that's why,
like I don't know, in gay world, it's like best
best bodies, the best job successful. They have to be
the best to like compensate what this part where you
feel like you're flawed. That's that's why it's even harder
to have like a steady relationship and everything, because you
feel like you're not worthy of it. It's it's like
(22:13):
a whole.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
It's really tough thing.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
And people think that because we live in this world
now that it's a little bit more accepted, and it's like, oh,
that's not a thing anymore.
Speaker 5 (22:21):
Nobody's no, no, no, it's still a thing. We still go outside.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
We're a couple of almost eight years and we still
hold hands and we've been in spaces where we've let
go people are.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I still can't do it.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
To be honest, it's not easy.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
If you are affected by homophobia, please call.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
But it is very they don't know in just getting
like like, I feel like that's the process that I've
been through and it's still going through it as to like,
I don't even know. It's so tough. You know, you
can't do that. That's too gay even like or you
get no, no, no, like ba And it's for me. It's
not even you know other stuff better, it's it's those
(23:04):
little voices like in the head.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
For me, I think also, like that's what I love
about getting to know the person that I am.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Some days I'm so gay.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
So I mean like some days I act one way,
some days I act another. They make me feel different emotions.
They make me explore the spectrum of what it is
to be a human being. Some days I like to
feel like a beautiful woman, some days to free lock
more like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
It really depends, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And personally I rock with that, you know, like flow
like water the ocean. You wake up one day and
the waves are flat and the next day the waves
are huge, and the next day the beaches all the
way to the shore.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
But it's still fucking ocean.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
You guys, like, yes, we're all oceans, you see. I know,
but it is super true. It is true.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
So you want to answer a couple of questions.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Let's see, I'm reading stuf. Look, there's a lot of
stuff like that said, it is a little bit close.
It is when was I ready to tell my parents
when I found someone that it was worth it for
me to tell them.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
True, that's literally what I said.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah, that's literally my answer.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But it's also before that because it it's it was
such a scary process. There's also stuff that happened before
as a little kid that I can't say because I
don't want to like villainize my parents or any of that.
But there was stuff that made me be even more
scared as telling them or explaining them what was going
on or thoughts that I had, Like the first guy
(24:39):
I went out with was twenty two, but after a while,
I was so like, I need to figure out what's like,
what's going on? Because you know, when it happens at
that late of an age where I thought, you know,
I had everything figured out and then this was like boom,
wait a minute, A whole different side of life came in.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I was like, okay, because I can't go to my
parents also be like this. But then you know which
can happen with with the people too like that. They'll
call it like indecisiveness or I don't know, but it's
not really that. It's just how I see love now.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Respect change data man, and then you want a data
woman again, get do it exactly?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
And then there is so But my process with parents
was I'm going to tell them when there's someone that
that makes sense for me to to talk about it.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
So as somebody who did again, I didn't have the
opportunity to come out myself. So my question is to
both of you, do you feel like that was you
making a promise to yourself or do you feel like
that was more like I'm gonna set this this this
goalpost here and and that'll give me time before reaching it.
Speaker 5 (25:44):
Do you think that that was.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Just like for me, it was just that I was
getting to know what I liked and I didn't feel
the need to share that with anybody before I personally
wasn't sure. And then to point like when I fell
in love with you, it was something that was so
(26:06):
sure to me that it didn't matter what anybody thought.
What was more important was that you were the person
that I was choosing to be with, and I wanted
to bring into.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Your life my life, which is what becomes the issue.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
You know, like, then then it's the problem, Then it's
the problem, Then it's the problem. Then is that person accepted.
So for me, it was just about preserving the fact
that it was my world and knowing that the moment
that I tried to bring somebody else into it, I
knew it was gonna be a drama somehow.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, I want to say a couple of things regarding
like that. First, for me, it was like I feel
like I self sabotaged so many relationships before that that
could have been someone also amazing, but because of this
process of like having to think, oh, I like them
so much, but they're gonna I'm gonna have to go
through this with family and with society and with people,
I'm gonna stop this right now, And that for me,
(26:59):
I'm like, ough, aha, it really sucks. Then I got
this person that was like so it sticked, it stayed.
It was like strong. It was like a whole thing
that it just got to the part that I was like, okay,
I have to it's time. There was some pressure I'll
say on my partner, well my ex now, but my
partner in that time as to like, because I was
(27:21):
living the other side, and I'm so happy I was
able to see the other side of to like seeing
a very loving, accepting family and a very beautiful process
that he went through. Yes, no, he went through it
with me too, but you know, with the mom and everything,
it was like incredible and they were so welcoming the
whole family that I was like, this is amazing. You
(27:42):
can have it now. I want to have it with
my family. That's why I feel like this has been
even harder and tougher for me because I've seen the rainbow,
the nice side, the good side, and then obviously you
want to see it with your family, and when you
don't receive it, it's like, hmm, it's horrible. I feel
like it's even it's tougher in that sense because you know,
(28:05):
I'm like, why would I be in this house where
this person is not accepted at all, can't even get
close to the perimeters, And then the other side there,
you know, stay here as many days as you want
as you need. Let's travel the world, let's go, let's
hours talking and everything. And then you're like, wow, this
whole thing. And the only reason why I spoke to
my parents was to have them closer to your life,
(28:27):
to close to my life, because it was already a
year of like how are you? Where are you? And
I'm like, oh, I was yeah with friends. Yeah I was,
you know, in the other side of the world in
south of France, and I couldn't say what with who
or anything.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
It sucks. Feels like you're lying to yourself.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, to yourself. Literally, it's not even to them. It's
like you get you know. I would go visit them,
like super excited, and then it's like, oh you've been
up to and all this and you're like anxiety. Ah,
and then you know, keeping the conversation short's the small talk.
And I was like, come on, it's my parents, like
and I started the conversation like look, I just want
to be closer to you guys. This has been happening
and I'm super happy about it, so let's all be
(29:03):
happy together. And then it didn't happen like that. But
you know, it is what it is.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
Oh sorry, honestly, yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
It's even if it's the most common thing for people
of people of our kind, but you know, for people
who go through this experience, I think like more often
than not, family is not happy about it.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
But even though that's common, it still sucks. And I'm
still sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I was just talking about that. I also how like
many times you just get like, you know, the first
reaction being like sad or whatever, and then this you know,
the son, daughter, whatever, gets away, they get separated, and
then the parents are like, well, I guess I'll have
to accept it, okay, and I'm just like.
Speaker 5 (29:50):
Yeah, I mean, you don't have to that. Well.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I mentioned this a lot, and I had an episode
when we were doing Red Table where I talked to
my mom about some difficult that I had in my journey.
I always bring this up because one of my very
best friends from college, Juliano, he was gay and he
came out to his parents and he always says a story.
He says, he told his dad he's gay, and he goes,
do you accept me that word?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
You accept me? Accept And his dad goes, no, like
accept you.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
He's like I love you because you're gay, because.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
That's who you are.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
It's not like now this is some site in spite
of the you know what I mean. It's not like
now I'm learning this thing about you that you just
bought off a shelf at Walmart. Like you've loved this
person the whole time, the person, you know what I mean.
And that's something that I've I've always thought is a
powerful thing, especially like if you're a parent. I'm not
a parent, but I'm a child on the other end
(30:46):
of it. And we have these expectations for the people
that we love because we want them to be happy
with us, you know, And that's.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
What hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
But not making it something that's like you're accepting, but
just acknowledging, like that's a beautiful part of you that
I love.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Like, you know, great, as.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Long as the person that you're with treats you right,
loves and respects you and is inappropriate age, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
What is the problem? True? I actually want to share
something because again this week has been the song has
been out for five days, but it's been like so
crazy and a lot of the a lot of the
Hispanic culture or say everyone you know try to use
a god as to like this a way to weaponize
(31:33):
like loving freely. So I actually went to a pastor
to talk to him because I was like, you know what,
I again, this is a process that I'm still going
at it as to like accepting and loving myself. I
say it completely openly. I'm not there yet. So those
comments and those things it still affects. It's not like
I'm super strong and I'm ready for it. It's been
(31:54):
five days so you know, and that, but in somebody
stand those things in Equador, there's so behind and this
just it was so fun. It's so stupid, Like they'll
post articles not tag me because they know, you know,
I can be checking and they'll put like Martin, and
(32:16):
I'm like, what are you trying to do with this?
And this I'm saying, like per he is like the
strongest newspapers there. I'm like, you're making this a joke.
And it's so tough. So the point is I go
to the pastor because I was just like I'm just here,
tell me. And then he's like, you know, I'm not
a moral compass here, like you know, church is not
here to be like this is good or this right
(32:37):
like no, it was its Yeah, it was great to
talk to him, and he just said, you know, Dio
s implemented, like that's it. God is proud of you
simply because you're his son. That's it. And that should
be the same with parents. They don't need to look
for like the biggest trophy and the biggest award and
the biggest thing. They should just be proud because you
(32:58):
were you their son.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Also told you guys to bang and make.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Us, but exactly they didn't. You know, you brought this.
There were extension of them. Just be proud of that,
weird like alive and you know, be proud of that
almost whatever. That's it. And that for me was like wow,
that's because you know you're like, oh, am I wrong?
(33:25):
Is all that? And he's like in the pastor was
like yeah you're wrong, Yeah you are wrong. But then
he's like I am wrong too, like with like, you know,
the Bible says, don't lie, don't do all this, and
you know, we're all human, like no one's perfectly, no
one can judge regarding any of this, like regarding anything.
At the end of the day, the main thing is
like I'm you know, I'm at a y and it
(33:48):
was just for me, like, Okay, what you were saying
about being proud he to crazy? That's it.
Speaker 6 (33:58):
We other question.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah, let's answer one more question and then I have
a couple of questions.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Okay to insist a chat up familia, so they do.
I don't get it. So with this release, the problem
is that it became very public the moment it was.
I did not expect it to be like this. He
actually said it was like a marketing thing, and I'm like, guys, seriously,
I'm here like having the worst days of my life.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
People forget the human behind.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
And you really saying I'm, you know, receiving the most
horrible stuff from the people I love. And I'm just like, like,
obviously it's not going to be a marketing thing. I'm
feeling this for real. You know. I went to my parents'
house excited to show the music video. I came out
to them two years ago. I've been trying two years
for them to meet my my ex. They never did,
never wan to even get close to it.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
What did they say was the reason they didn't want
to be your ex?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I don't want to be a part of it. That's it.
Just posted something about it right now before starting. It's
that side of like, well, if you're gonna do your
they would also use the worst words like there like this,
like like we don't need to know see any of this.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
We don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
You feel like the next person that you fall in
love with. If your parents continue to have that reaction,
what would you do?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
I don't know, because I really does. It's sad and
I don't want to villainize them. It's just it's just
if you're a parent or something, you're gonna have kids,
just to see this other side as to like, it
really messes up relationships to it. It's like, you know,
I'm not gonna blame it fully, but it is a
big part of it. It is it gets so hard
for the other person that is tiring, you know, two
(35:52):
years and a half as to like, you know, the
other accepting, loving, traveling, and then the other side they
can't can't even get close to the house, yeah, or
be like around any of this. So it's like and
then you're in that internal fight as to like, okay,
so family, you know, you want to stand up for
your partner too, but at the same time, it's also
(36:13):
your family and you don't want to, you know. It's
like it's a very very complicated situation, and I keep
getting all these messages and all this like oh, you know,
it's so wrong for you to be doing with his
parents and all this, and it's like I didn't want
any of this to be public. It just happened that
before me releasing the video, I went to them. I
was like, I spoke three days ago before, like this
(36:34):
is coming out. Any questions do you have, Let's go
to therapy, Let's work it out. I want you guys
to be okay and comfortable with this. No, nothing, nothing, okay.
The day before, same thing again. The day of I'm like, guys,
it's about to come out. It's not stopping it. Tell me,
tell me what can we do. I'm here, Let's talk
(36:54):
about it, the reason why I'm doing this and what
I want to achieve. No, you're ruining your career. Blah
blah blah. They called me like pedophile of this and
all of this, just the crazy stuff that I was
just like that I was doing incests, comparing and comparing
like being homosexual, comparing it to crazy stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
So obviously they don't probably even believe that it's something
they've been conditioned to believe this person.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
You know, I know, I know they love me, and
that's what I'm saying. I know, I know it's gonna
be fine. It's just I really hope years on from
now people can't avoid this or have to go through this.
And that's why the song, and that's why I've even
sharing this to you guys, because I know it's like
personal stuff.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
It happens to all of us.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
It's just for it to be like it happens and
you know how to handle it. At the end of
the day. The only thing you can do is look,
give time, work on yourself, forgive see it everything from love.
Be I would try to see it from the side
like it's coming from love. I know there's scared. I
(38:00):
know they love me so much that they're just scared
that the world is gonna you know, hurt you, hurt me,
So that's why they're having this to sort of protect me.
It might not be the right.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
That's what hurts you more.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
What hurts you more is how the people closest to
you react to the things you share with them, not
the world, at least in my experience. And again I
keep referencing that Red Table episode I did with my
mom because that was you keep saying like, oh my god,
those were some of the worst days of my life.
Like when that episode came out, I equally got people
that were like, Wow, you helped me come out, and
(38:33):
people like you're a fucking ma see that.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I can't, Like, what are you doing to your parents,
like with everything they gave you?
Speaker 2 (38:40):
And then in my case, it's like, oh my god,
you know I have this privilege and this you know,
this way that people see me, and it's like, how
dare you?
Speaker 3 (38:49):
You know what was the other day somebody was like,
what a shame? Your mom was so epic?
Speaker 5 (38:53):
Like you people are always gonna talk anyway.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
The point is that, I mean, it's I mean that
let me let me just give you that preface to
somebody who Okay, so I just turned thirty and I
came out.
Speaker 6 (39:05):
When I was.
Speaker 5 (39:08):
I'm two years away, but I came out when I
was fourteen. I can tell you, like to this day,
people still say terrible things to us, to me, to Emily.
Speaker 4 (39:18):
What's gonna happen is what I already think that you
realize is happening, is you're going to get to the
point where you're going to settle into yourself and it's
just gonna slign off of you, like better because you're
gonna realize I'm on my journey and they're.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
On their journey, and their journey sucks, and my journey rocks.
Their journey sucks.
Speaker 5 (39:37):
I did not say that my journey rocks.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
I mean I hope So no, no, no, it's been again.
At the end of the day, you have to do it.
I do feel better at just having like I feel
like I haven't had interviews or opportunities to just talk
like this and be like after releasing the song, that
was a promise I did to myself, like just be
open about it, vocal because some going to connect with it,
and why do I have to like yeah, limit at
(40:03):
the end of the day, you know, it's just gonna
connect more with my art and what I do and
someone's gonna.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
You can't fake real exactly and now more with.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Phones and everything that happens. The whole thing. I like
feel like, what's making you know, people successful or anything,
it's just often authenticity. But it really like you can
now you can really tell if there's something like not
fully authentic and I think it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I'm excited for your parents to find out about your
only fans launch mm hmm that No, No, I mean I'm.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
Crazy direct homophobia at me. No, but you know who
gets fucking pissed thething they're saying something bad? You're like,
(41:01):
tell us those people are looking to piss you off.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
They're looking for your attention. And of one thousand incredible comments,
I respond to the two controlls who take that energy
and respond to the people who are giving you.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Okay, but what do you say all the time? A
lot of times I've been able to change people's mind.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Yeah, but that's you. We're all.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
We're not all.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
Yeah, don't take my do as I say, not as
I do. I told you before we came in here.
But I just want to say it again, thank you, truly, truly,
truly for putting words to all of our feelings because
watching that I relived that experience for myself. Of course,
(41:42):
first of all, like I told you, you looked incredible.
Let me just say that, all lesbians in the videos,
thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much
for including that representation.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
And they're all every scene that you've seen video, Yes,
it's all for me. Its super important. That's to like that.
That's why it's so gent, like everything.
Speaker 5 (42:02):
Came from your heart.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Yeah, had to be honest because again the song is
so honest that I was like, there can be a
single gimmick. Yeah, I love that there can be a
single gimmick because if not, it's you're gonna notice it.
And that's I feel like, that's why, you know, I
saw like my little me and it was just like
I ball and crying the whole time. I was just
(42:24):
healing so much stuff with filming the video, since every
scene that was regarding closet, it was me taking out everything,
like I just couldn't. I couldn't do shots without being
filled with emotions. I'm not sure if I can sing
it to be honest, like yeah, yeah, because even just America,
(42:45):
you don't sing life, you know, they just play the song.
I don't know if you can say that, but yeah, no,
it's obviously it's not life.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
A lot less.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, like those morning shows, you know, because of sound
and everything, you can't and before that they showed like
the Ricky Martin video. Just started crying so much because again,
it was like the second it was the day after
I released it, so it's just like so much happening.
And then it was just like bawling crying. I'm like,
if this is with lip singing, it like, how am
I going to do this when I have to perform it.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
You're gonna connect, You're gonna keep healing.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
It's keep healing. Its therapy, That's what I'm saying. That's
why this song is so so personal. Yeah, so personal.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
There's something else that we would love to introduce you
to that happens here while we're in space. By the way,
how's been the non gravity good?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
I love it. I'm here like, let.
Speaker 6 (43:34):
Free.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's great.
Speaker 3 (43:37):
Your hair standing up on its own.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Huh, you see that. It's a safe place for sure.
No feel good.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
I love your hair, by the way. We're just talking
about that. But anyway, there's something that we'd like to
do here in our own world. That is everybody's spices.
Everyone in the coolest Now we're in the whole world.
Speaker 5 (43:52):
It's called spiciness.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Oh, here's that hearing in our own world, we'd like
to update the people on what's going on up here
in space. Down on Earth, they don't care, but we
tell them anyway, So this week in outer space, this
is all one hundred percent true. Okay, in honor of
you being your most authentic self, we only.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Say the truth.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Let's hear it, all right.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
The Hubble telescope has observed an oddly organized satellite. Upon
closer inspection, its name has now been revealed as Marie Kondo.
Speaker 5 (44:27):
Oh yeah, okay, was real.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
And that's for real, like a.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Hundred percent real all right.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Oh obviously not one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Real, all right, college student, college student cousin Kitchen, this
actually is real. Her name is Kitchen. Props to her
college student cousin. Kitchen is just twenty one years old
and has set a new record for Blue Origin, who
has successfully launched the youngest woman beyond the Carmen line
aka almost into space. Carson said, and I quote, I
(45:01):
just wanted to get wasted for the first time in space.
Speaker 5 (45:04):
She didn't say that issue.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
No, no, you guys suck. I don't know what's real.
What isn't give me a call? All right.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Lastly, NASA says two American astronauts who are stuck on
the International Space Station will be brought back home on
a space X ship next year.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
That sucks.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
They have responded with two words, which are not happy birthday.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
And this has been space.
Speaker 5 (45:37):
Okay, so the first part of.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
It is real, and then it's like yeah, when it
got to Marikono, I was like wait, wait, everything up.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Until Marion, well, it's been in absolute honor and pleasure
for having you here with us.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
Not only the fact that.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
We almost share a birthday December fourth, December fifth, hell
freaky yeah, but the way that we met was so
beautiful and kidsman, and we continue to have those amazing conversations.
And before we came into film, Jem said, you know,
we haven't seen you in a while, but I'm feeling
we're going to be seeing you a lot more now
because I.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
Really hope so, because yes we have to again. They're
a big part of the of the song, of this,
of everything that's happening.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
What an honor.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
So yeah, first place I was going, you know, I
was gonna fly and everything, but I was like, no,
I'm staying. I'm going to space and visit them and
thanking them in person and showing them the video and yeah,
you know, talking about the whole thing. So thank you.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
We loved it, We appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Cheers too many more nights of ditching the club and
drinks at the hotel bar.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
We love it so much better than the club.
Speaker 5 (46:53):
We much better.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Before we deorbit.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Is there anything you want to tell your fans and
very lucky people that get to witness what you're up to.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Honestly, guys, thank you who's seen it has been part
of the process. You know, when this happened with family
and everything, my way of seeing that I had support
because that moment had to be in the house. They
literally said get out of the house, and it was
five minutes before the video was premiered. I told him,
can I just show the video? You have to go live,
like the distributor asked me to go live before to
(47:25):
know people that the song was coming out, and it
was like out. So I just went to like my
childhood room upstairs and it was like I couldn't believe
that this is such a big moment for me. I
had to be there alone, but I was not alone.
Thanks to everyone that just connected and was part of
it and send all the messages and trust me, I'm
reading and I'm replying and everyone that's going through it it.
(47:48):
Thank you for just sharing your story. And using the
song for whatever you need in life right now. So
that is extremely special. I was so scared of releasing
the song, and yeah, receiving more love than hate is
incredible and thank you.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
Servant.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Everybody go check them out, give him love and give
us love to you because we need it.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
Thank you in our own world.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
This podcast is brought to you by Moonflower Productions in
partnership with Iheartsmichael podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the
iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows
Hosts And Creators
Gemeny Hernandez
Emily Estefan
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Monster: BTK
'Monster: BTK', the newest installment in the 'Monster' franchise, reveals the true story of the Wichita, Kansas serial killer who murdered at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991. Known by the moniker, BTK – Bind Torture Kill, his notoriety was bolstered by the taunting letters he sent to police, and the chilling phone calls he made to media outlets. BTK's identity was finally revealed in 2005 to the shock of his family, his community, and the world. He was the serial killer next door. From Tenderfoot TV & iHeartPodcasts, this is 'Monster: BTK'.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.