April 12, 2023 • 35 mins
When was the last time you felt angry? The type of anger that makes your pulse quicken, your face flush, and your hands shake...
Anger's vibration is intense, and matching its frequency is seductive. Staying grounded and present before responding can be difficult yet spiritually essential when confronted with its energy. Today we discuss how you can better understand your emotions by asking: where is this feeling coming from, why am I triggered, and how can I feel into this space? These conscious-minded questions aren't easy, yet solving them is a better use of your attention and energy than anger ever could be.
Today, Julie recalls a time when anger almost got the best of her, but she didn't allow it to. She shares why she chose a higher path and how wisdom came into play. Because Earth School is hard - if you allow anger to lead the way.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there, I'm Brenda.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side. Now, y'all
need to know that we are obsessed with everything on
the other side. Yes, we are, because once you learn
(00:22):
to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because let's be honest, brand Earth School
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, my witchy pooh Ohow in
(00:46):
the world are you this fine day I'm doing to
bay you're sending to me? I love it. It was
like a gentle hello. It was yeah, not overpowering, gentle.
I've been thinking a lot about a lot of stuff lately,
and maybe I'm just in a place of I don't know,
(01:08):
in an Earth School lesson, and maybe I'm feeling humble
and feeling a little gentle. I like it. Thank you,
thank you? Does it match my gray hair? Because I
think I earned a few extras the last week. Well,
tell me about that, because you know that brings a
lot of wisdom. It does, it does, And you know,
(01:30):
we love to share stories because that's how we learn, right, Like, Um,
that's how we that's how we like when we tell
our stories. That's how we can actually teach other people
because we remember things, you know, through stories. Um, And
the answer is yes, I have one, so should we.
So I just think it's hilarious that we're calling this
(01:51):
anger danger because it is it is. It is actually
probably more dangerous than when we talk about stranger danger
because anger danger anger can destroy us and other people.
And right, you know, when we talk about like fire, fire,
(02:12):
fire can illuminate something, right, but it can also burn
the hell out of you. And anger, I think is
a bit of the burning side. And so anyone going
is the fire emotion? Right? Anger? What is what our
emotion when you think of emotions and elements like that? Yes, right,
(02:33):
so anger is the emotion of fire. Yeah, it's right,
And it's really, in a lot of cases, at least
for me, has been a kind of a low level.
And because some of the anger depends what you're angry about,
I think, um, like there's some things I'm angry about
that I'm really happy. I'm angry about them, because that
means I'm woke, right, like I'm paying attention. I give
(02:54):
a shit about everybody else. Some of the things I
get angry about and that I have learned, and this
is what this story is about, has been my ego.
Yeah and right, and that's why I really wanted to
share the story. I will it will remain nameless and
faceless and all the kind of stuff. Um, but it is, um,
I it is. It is a It is a situation
(03:18):
where I saw growth and myself um. And I was
also in the middle of it, not thinking about myself
like so right, kind of moved ego out of it.
So are we ready without further ado? Should I start
telling I want to hear it. I'm curious. I'm curious. Yeah,
(03:39):
I so. I do a lot of different projects for
different you know, companies and stuff. So busy, elf, busy,
I'm a very busy elf. And uh so, just this
last week I was confronted in an email and then
later on a phone call by a particular fellow who
(04:01):
um you know started out an email saying, well, you know,
I'm just a direct kind of person. Anybody, by the way,
anybody somebody that starts with that it's a it's a
flag for me, um, because that means they're trying to
give themselves and their excuse to act like an a
hole is really what it is, right, It's like, oh,
(04:23):
I'm just direct yep. I like, well, I'm owning it.
So it's you know, it's not a problem, right, so
it should be Okay, it's not a problem for you, right.
Everyone else has to deal with it exactly. So in
the written form, what I get from this guy is um,
something about telling me what my highest priorities should be,
(04:45):
but also telling me I should have thick skin in
an email from a person I have never met, I'm
getting to do this. You got to have thick skin, right,
charming out of the gate. Charming, she says, was sarcasm. Right.
It's like, so kind of goes into this whole diatribe
(05:09):
on an email, and I remember looking at going what
is this guy's problem? You know, It's like it's and
this is a little bit of the uh because he
kind of acts like an adolescent, is what I've kind
of figured out. And this is I think part of
getting attention, stomping feet, all that kind of stuff. Thinking
you're going to make change just my first right, So
(05:32):
I gave it a day because I've learned to. That's
so smart. I learned from If anybody who's listening that
remembers Welcome Back caught her with sit on it? Oh no, wait, no,
sit on it was happy days? Were they both anyway?
Either one? Whoever remembers, you'll know, um, but sit on it.
(05:56):
I think it was Fonzie. I think sit on it
is like one of my themes in life, which is
like I need to learn to sit on it before
I act, before I go respond, before I get emotional,
whatever it may be. Because I'm also the kind of
person that used to not like to live in discomfort,
(06:18):
and I've learned to live in discomfort, you know, for
things not being resolved. Isn't this interesting? Right? Because this
is such a critical lesson. I feel like, you know,
we talked about emotional awareness all the time, right, what's yours,
what's not? And when we don't give ourselves permission to
engage with our own emotion, how are we going to
(06:41):
navigate the world where people are just growing emotions at
us all the time? Right? This is such a good
maturation example, Like this is you know, just to practice
and go, oh, I am uncomfortable. I'd like this resolved.
But if I go back fast, that's not going to
serve me. No, it's gonna make it worse. Yeah, And
(07:02):
I can give you case after case after case of
my life where I have made things worse. Fighting fire
with fire is not It doesn't work. It doesn't. I mean,
unless you're tussling with with somebody who you know, you
there's a there's a two sides to it. There's established dance.
(07:26):
It established dance exactly, and we have trust we know
like this is this is something you've never met before,
come on, oh no, which means you're actually probably getting
his best version of himself. And that's terrifying. Well interesting
because I'm really interesting to hear what you as we
go along in this story because you don't know every
(07:46):
detail of it, which we is kind of fun. Just
so everybody knows. We've gotten to the point now where
we've been really comfortable doing the show. We'd like to
withhold things here or there or like just kind of
bring something out. And I think people are pretty clear.
I think well they were in the beginning, but they're
definitely not anymore. But it's so, but Brittany, you don't
(08:07):
know every detail of the story. So UM I sat
on it for a day and UM processed it a bit,
reread all this kind of stuff. So I ended up
reaching out to this guy and saying, hey, I think
we should probably have a conversation. So I left of
a voice film message. He calls me back very quickly.
And if I tell you that this guy came in hot,
(08:30):
you have no idea how hot this guy came at me.
I mean came in so hot again, never met him right,
comes at me hot. And here's what's really funny. He
was trying to prove, like make points. And this this
next section is a lesson to everybody about how not
to argue something. This the whole thing is about what
(08:54):
not to do because what he doesn't realize, and what
a lot of people don't realize, is that nobody hears
you when you're an asshole. They just don't. We all
shut down. And I know people have shut down on me.
I get it. I've been there, so I can talk
about this very freely, openly and honestly. It's like if
I go in hot at somebody, all they know is
I'm coming in hot. Right, So he comes at me
(09:18):
and trying to make a point about things, and he
was and it was interesting one of the points. And
this makes me laugh so hard. I was laughing inside
on the call. Was He's like, well, I have a
lot of friends that have done X, Y and Z,
so somehow his friends makes him an expert on something. Well,
(09:39):
if someone says I have a lot of friends, chances
are they have zero right, right, But even if he
had one that he was somehow getting guidance on what
his friend does to be an expert. It's like, I
am so sorry. That does not work. It's right, it
doesn't work. And then proceeds so sting he knew enough,
(10:01):
even though we never mind knew enough about me. Two,
he went in to immediately start to insult me and
start saying that, well, you know, I have a friend
that you know, blah blah blah blah did research on
it was something Disney related. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, okay,
somebody in middle of America did a project for some
(10:23):
whatever Disney thing. How does that make you brilliant? Right?
Like in my head, it's like he's so disassociated with
himself that he's bringing on what other people have done
onto his in his camp. It's very strange to me.
Um so as he's going along with his insulting, demeaning
(10:45):
diet tribe. My responses were, uh huh uh huh okay, okay,
Well tell me more, uh huh okay. Are you on
the phone. I'm on the phone. Okay. So I'm like,
uh huh okay. And so, by the way, note to everybody,
if I ever act that way, I have your number.
(11:07):
I literally have your fucking number, because like, I'm experiencing
this whole thing, and it was just clearly somebody screaming
for validation of who they are, you know, I mean
just screaming to be validated, screaming to have attention, screaming
to be something more, something else, whatever it may be.
(11:30):
And that from the first ten words, I was like, oh,
I'm either seeing low self esteem because that low self
esteem can come out like that. I'm like, definitely saw
validation all those things. Do you see that too? Well,
it's just it's it's just interesting because if he is
(11:53):
screaming to be validated but also not leaving any room
for you if you were going to validate him like
that it's just very interesting, right, yeah, and positioning himself
for somebody that he wasn't because the thing is everything
he said, we're from what other people had done. It
was a very strange thing. I'm like, and I'm and
(12:15):
I and this is the beauty. Like, but this is
one of the lessons in this. I know we probably
need to take a break, but this is the one
of the lessons in it is to be present enough
to understand humanity enough to be able to know how
to deal with different situations, right, And like, that's like
I knew when he started doing that. I'm like, oh,
(12:37):
in my head, I was like, oh, bless his heart,
you know, like he wants to be something else. He's
in pain, he's since some Yeah, so why don't want
to take a quick break and we'll come back after
the Yeah, yeah, I want to talk more about about
this lesson. Yeah, all right, we're back for this wisdom
(13:01):
lesson that's perculating and being right. Right. So I think
a big part of the lesson is being president enough
to identify what's happening, right and not just to react
based on how I could have felt and where I
know I have felt before in my life, which is
I'm being attacked and I made it all about me.
(13:22):
This has happening. I'm like, this has nothing to do
with me. Like it literally had nothing to do with me, Right,
it couldn't you hadn't met him before. No, that's the
beauty of being present and maybe getting older and a
little bit wiser, is I can see it so much
clearer where and listen, I know I've done it, and
(13:43):
I know virtually ever rather human being has done it.
If you feel like you're getting attacked, right, you're going
to attack back. Right. There was zero attack from me.
There was also probably the highest good from my point
of view that I was able to realize at the
(14:04):
time was the last thing I needed to do was
to justify my existence. I did not go through and
tell him, don't talk to me that way, or don't
give me this bullshit about you know your friend blah
blah blah, movies whatever. Look what I have done. Nothing
came out of my mouth. Zero because that's how it
(14:24):
actually wouldn't matter. But it's the ego too, right, It
would be my ego whether it mattered to him. At
this point, it actually weirdly didn't matter what mattered is
how I responded, right, how I acted how I um,
you know, didn't take the bait. I didn't feel my
(14:44):
ego needed to be bolstered boosted by making the claims
that you can easily go on the internet and find
I didn't need to do that. I just was like okay,
uh huh okay, And that paused that sacred pause that
keeps you from reacting in kind. Right, there's a like
(15:05):
attracts like energy going on there, Like if he comes
at you with fire, I'm coming back with him fire.
You you can keep up with anybody's fast paced argument,
like that's not a challenge for you, that's just kind
of where you live. But for you to decide consciously, oh,
I'm not going to play this, this is this is
a little crap, right, yeah, this is like he was
(15:28):
playing checkers, and I feel like I've evolved more of
a chess playing kind of scenario. And again, not to
say that to be an asshole, but that's literally what
I was dealing with. It was like that vibration is
one I don't want to be near. I don't want
to be near that. I know what it is, I
can identify it, and I know I need to work
with this guy, and I will. I'm not going to
(15:49):
be a pushover. I'm not gonna bean that's like, that's
worse for me of being a pushover. It's like I'm acknowledging.
I'm like, okay, uh huh, all right, and I'm and
I took notes by the way, like it was. I
was very respectful about it. Um. I don't really want
to talk to him again because he's a dick, But
do you have to you have I'm actually working at
(16:11):
where I don't have to, funny enough, like in a
process stan way, I'm like, we're gonna do this different
because the thing is, because what happens in those situations
like there is there's the business part of it where
I'm not gonna let an incident like this not actually
have me look at what he was, you know, barking about,
(16:32):
because maybe there's some there's some truth to what he's
barking about. So I got past the barking. I'm like, well,
let me just look at this. And I had some
more conversations about it, right, like I called somebody else.
I'm like, Okay, this happened. What's your point of view
on these topics like you know, did I do this?
Did I over deliver this or over feed this? Did
I am? I was so open and I'm going to
(16:53):
tell you even when I talked to the other person
about it, I didn't sit there and spend hardly a
minute talking about the experience from the previous day. I
was like, Hey, I got this is the information I got.
Let's talk about it. What's your point of view? And
I'm telling you it's like I didn't stew again. But
(17:15):
you didn't have to because you didn't have any behavior
you had to justify in your mind. I didn't regret
a thing. Yeah, you didn't have to justify any bad behavior.
You didn't spin out, you didn't overinvest, right, And that's
when we have to spend time processing and taking the
other person down, because you know, we're trying to justify
our ego is always trying to justify our action it's taken.
(17:39):
And so yeah, I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna take
the conversation for what it's worth, which is its point.
Out these three things, I'm gonna go check them down,
find out if they're real or not. And that's that's
what happened. And God, I'm telling you what a nicer
place to live in my head and in my body
by not making it like he was attacking me. He
(18:03):
doesn't know me, so why would I take it as
an attack? And I wont Yeah, go ahead, I was
gonna say, you know, you, when you talked about him
coming in hot, You're like, oh my god, he just
came in so hot. You don't know that he's not
always like that every minute of every day of his life.
That could just be his X bar right, this is
my normal. I found out that you're he was not
(18:24):
that way like he came in hot. Yeah, and he
could very well just have made a transposition into this space.
But from my own perspective and why I thought this
was so valuable to share. And it doesn't matter if
you're a male or female about how you responded to this.
Gender has nothing to do with it. Was he being
like that way because I was a woman. I don't know,
(18:46):
it doesn't matter, But gender, I think isn't important in
this thing. But I wanted to talk a bit about,
you know, what it felt like and how different it
felt to not take the bait, how different it felt
because I also new and I'm telling you I knew.
I knew too that if I were to react and kind,
(19:10):
the story within the company would have been Julie's a
bitch yep, that would have been the story. And that
is not my story. No, and it's and it's also
not my story. I'm not a bitch. Yeah, I mean
I can play one on TV every once in a while,
but I'm not. And have I been overly defensive in
the past, You bet I have? Have I been? Have
(19:31):
I Have I met that energy before? You bet? I have? Hell,
yes I have. Yeah, but I learned and it's a
part of my commitment to myself and to the you know,
it's like I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna get
all fired up. I'm not gonna let know. Yes, it
is absolute, greatly amazing. So then oh wait, we're gonna
(19:53):
take a break, and then I'll say and then Cliffhanger
and welcome back to Cliffhanger. Yes, so there's a few
interesting pieces to this because and then what happened is
(20:15):
I had some conversations internal late, which, by the way,
old Julie would have been covering my tracks. Just to
be real clear, Yeah, I mean I would have. I'm
just being so incredibly openly honest about this. I would
have had to cover my tracks because I've done it.
I mean I have and in this case didn't have to,
(20:37):
by the way, relief, right, brilliant, I'm so brilliant, So
such a brilliant strategy, right right, It's like, I don't
have to do that. I just don't. And he's not
my problem, he's you know. It's that's the other thing.
Why would I invest so much in somebody doesn't know me?
And and also why would I go battle because somebody
who battles like that to me, it's like it's it's
(21:00):
it's like I could have eaten him alive. Literally I
could have. But he's so tiny in that way, like
mentally small that it would be like, you know, kicking
a cat, and I've never done that, so why would
I do that? Now? You know, It's like, why would
I do that? Because it can be abusive? Right, you know,
(21:21):
even though you're not the one that goes after somebody,
but if you're defending, it can be abusive, and well
you end up going to like the bully. Yeah, oh totally,
there's no question. And yes, I've been called a bully before,
so that's why I'm so clear on all this. But
the funny thing that happened is all of the how
(21:41):
it landed. The next few days after that, it wasn't
me who was being described as a bully or being
described as a bit It was him. Yeah, and for
the first time in my fucking life it wasn't me,
and so relieved that I'm finally learning how to handle
myself and control my emotions, you know, or control how
they come out, or just understand them. You know, it's
(22:04):
just to understand. It's like you can look at a
situation and not you know, because one thing I can't
stand is when people make excuses to why they didn't
or did do something. This isn't an excuse, it truly is.
It is rational thinking, right, It's not like My example
of that is when somebody very close to somebody else,
(22:27):
you know, passes on it's God's will, and they act
like they move on. Right. No, go, that's not it.
You need to go deal with this, right. That's what
I mean by people to kind of passing the buck
on stuff right well, because it's so much more comfortable
than diving into grief and right feelings. Yeah, yeah, of
course it is but it was. I mean, it's not
(22:50):
that I haven't handled situations very well before. This just
happens to be one that was you know, most of
them are unforeseen, but this was really unforeseen. And and
you know, it is that case of and I've heard
it about other people like you, you really understand another
person about how they respond in an unscripted environment, you know,
(23:11):
when something out of the blue happens. And this was
a bit out of the blue, and it's one of
the times I can be like, oh, okay, I kind
of got that, like this is okay, but I will
tell you though there was a little there's a side
dish to this that's also important, I think because prior
to the phone call with the guy, there was like
a group call within the company about it, about this situation,
(23:35):
about what this guy had written, and and I'm like
I and I said something like this is kind of
bullshit because it's kind of hard to determine, like like
is he crying wolf? Why is he being such a
dick kind of thing, because there was so much bravado,
there was very little like tangible information in it. And
there's a guy on the phone that said to me,
(23:56):
because well, Juli, I think you're overreacting. Okay, everybody who's
listening right now, never say, Julie, you're over reacting. Ever,
and by the way, don't say to anybody yeah. And
I'm and this guy, by the way, I needed that. Weirdly,
of this whole situation, that's the part that actually frustrated
(24:17):
me the most is somebody trying to tell me how
to feel. Yeah, that is such a no. No. Yeah,
I know better. I know better how you feel than
you do how I mean. And this guy doesn't know
me that well, so it's like, don't ever. And so
I will have a conversation with him. It'll probably be
(24:39):
in the next day or two, but I will have it,
and I will be gentle about it, and I'll explain
why that's not okay, and to ask him very politely,
don't ever say that shit to me again, because that
is a line in the sand, because that is a
gender thing. By the way, well, I would also say,
you know, let me help you, right, because this is
(25:02):
you know, never okay, never okay, because you know, and
the more people hear that from you, the less they're
going to want to work with you. Correct. Correct. And
the other thing can happen, like whether it is you're
overreacting or you should be more happy about X, Y
or Z. It's like no, no no, no, you can't also
tell me what you think I should be celebrating and
(25:24):
you can't. You know. It's just like it's this is
and this is a really important part of this. I
think lesson for everybody to hear is just because somebody
tells you that you need to respond a certain way,
feels or whatever, it, maybe say something. No, you don't
have to. That's not their place. It's none of their business.
As my Witchy Pooh would say, remember you said what
(25:46):
somebody thinks of you is none of your business. Yeah,
so how you may feel about so yep, yeah he
may as well just said, well, sweet, do you need
to smile more? Right? Yeah, that's exactly what you should
have said. That is it. That's what It's exactly what
he should have said. So um so I will be
dealing with that. If it's worth giving a report too,
(26:07):
I'll give it to you next time we record. It
shouldn't be any big deal. But these are things that
I don't know. I just felt it was worth sharing.
I know, we all you know, kind of struggle with
the kind of the struggle with not matching when we
know we shouldn't. You know, it's a little of a
(26:28):
Shelle Obama when they go low, we go high, right,
And it's a conscious choice. It doesn't mean it doesn't
mean it's easy, No, and it is, but it is
so strategic. It is a better use of your energy
and attention, right, because otherwise you just get exhausted. Right then,
so this is um and you get nowhere right from
(26:49):
at least I mean exhausted emotionally your own issues. But
then there's also the business issues at hand, which is
what I'm always trying to balance. Is that gets absolutely
nowhere if I'm responding like in kind, you get nowhere.
You just like he already stuff up if you're if
we are not aware of our own emotional field, our
(27:12):
own energy field, our own frequency, it's so easy, especially
under attack, to match that energy. That's a natural defense.
I've got to match that energy to fight it, right,
because it's right. But that's not strategic. Right, you are
literally running into a brick wall over and over again
like that. That's just exhaust the limited resources you have,
(27:35):
which can be sometimes part of their strategy. Right, which
is so odd, right and and so, but it happens.
So if you can make that choice, it's like, oh,
I'm not going to push water a pill. I'm just
going to get out of this conversation. And that's what
I did. Yeah, yeah, get out alive. That's a great strategy. Well,
(27:56):
it was I need to make this stop because there's
no progress at this point. And so I thanked him
for his time, and um, and I'm like, and I've
noted everything, and I really appreciate your time. And then
and then as we're get on the phone, well you know,
I'm direct. I mean, like he was justifying his behavior.
And there's another guy that I absolutely love. And he's
(28:19):
like a guy that plays the long game. He doesn't
get ruffled. He he just doesn't. He plays the long game.
And I've always admired the long gamers and I'm now
looking at and going, maybe I've watched them enough and
been self aware enough that I can join your club.
Because it is a spectacular club to be a part
of a long game. Y. Yeah, it's genius. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful.
(28:44):
So anyway, the longest game is the game of karma.
So and then there's that because I mean, I mean,
that's the whole thing is like, because I know I
can bring somebody to their knees with just words. Mother
was that way. I can be cutting and vicious and
I will not flinch. And it is a shadowy side
(29:08):
of who I am. But when I need to bring
her out the place, she's magnificent. Um, but I know
what I can do, and um, it's kind of like
it's like when a kids fight at school and there's
like a big kid that picks on a little kid,
and it's like, pick on somebody our own size. Well,
that holds true in the energetic space as well, you know,
(29:28):
in fact more so in the energetic space than it
does in the physical space. And it's like, don't do that,
you know, pick on somebody your own size. So I
didn't pick on them, and not out of arrogance, like
it wasn't like I'm better than It's like I just
know that I can do this, and I'm just gonna
hunt my way out of this convo. Yep, I'm gonna
take a hall pass on this one. It's not in
(29:51):
but I'll still pursue the business issue. I'll still pursue it.
I'll still do that because well, but a lot of
people would have dropped it, like they would have you know,
but it's like I'll sue the business part of it
and really find out what truly needs to do, what
the issue is um and then I'll pursue that in
a healthy manner. Which happened, so you know. Yeah, I
would also just remind you very gently when you do
(30:13):
engage with him and say, hey, I just want to
I know you gave me a lot of valuable feedback.
I want to talk for one thing back to you,
minimal energetic engagement, right right, right, and then and then
get out of the conversation. If he wants to process
or think about it or come back to you, that's different.
But no good will come to come of it in
a moment right now. No, No, because it's it wasn't
(30:37):
a it's it's not winnable, and not that things need
to be winnable, that's the whole thing. Well, it doesn't
have to be a fight. It doesn't have to be.
It doesn't have to be it's hard. Yeah, this is
a transference of information. Yeah, right, this is not about
anyone winning, right exactly right. So I just thought this
would be a good story for people who may have
encountered the same thing. May they see this in themselves
(31:00):
elves and give them some hope that if you were,
you know, a fiery elf, that you don't always have
to be and and in that moment, like that's when
you know, So I really feel like I've broken that cycle,
like fat I've broken pieces of it, but it's like
full on broken. I'm like I can do this, especially
when it comes at you out of the blue, like
(31:21):
when you can hold that center and go oh no, no, no,
not yeah no, I'm just gonna nod my head and
then we're done. Yeah, good, well done, one, thank you.
I'm really proud of you. Anger danger, you know, because
you fly off, you're in a bad spot almost every time.
(31:42):
And I have been, like I said, I know this,
I know the other side of this point. I lived
it for decades. I get it. You get a cold star, yeah,
but I get it. And that's why I can talk
about it and see the difference and whether this is
something that you've been dealing with or if it's a
different version of it, just when you're in those situations,
(32:04):
because there are people who just go like zip it
and don't say a word. That is that doesn't work either, right,
So and the fact that you took his information, you're
running it down that there's nothing more you can do.
And I think the first time, you know, they did
the whole thing. But I know people who do the
who would have done the opposite Like me. I would
have I could have thrown the flames back at him.
(32:25):
There are people who just would have not even said
a word. They would have been stunned literally to silence. Well,
they would have been traumatized. Some people were been traumatized
by that. Hands down, they would have been traumatized. So
if you're one of those folks, it's okay for you
to say something like it's okay for you to be like, okay,
thank you for the information. Da da da da da,
(32:47):
and not be traumatized because that guy he don't know you, baby,
he doesn't know you. Yeah, And it's also okay to
end the call. I'm sorry, I have to leave right
now quick. Yep, I know that's my favorite thing. Yeah,
you know, other favorite thing. And then I promised we
can be done with this topic. Hilarious has nothing to
do with the topic. Actually, is that back of the
day like pre cell phone days. For those of you
(33:08):
that might remember still and used to get the calls
at the house like hello, is there is there anybody
there over the age of eighteen? You got those right?
My answer was always no, and I was in my
thirties and I was saying, though, so you're in charge.
You don't have to pick up the phone if it rings.
(33:29):
You don't have to be and tell the truth. Oh no,
and there's don't be here in eighteen it's me. You
don't have to not required. You want to get off
the call, you say, I gotta go. Thank you for
your time. You can bolt, Yeah, the hit the escape
hatch yep, save yourself. Yeah, exactly right. But anyway, thank
you for listening everybody, and especially you, my witchie Poo,
(33:52):
especially you, my witchye poo. Look another one. You did
a great job. Congratulation, Thank you, and I'm will be
expecting that gold star in the mail, absolutely coming away.
Thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks for everybody. Our school is
hard without the other side. Thanks Hill, Thank you for
(34:19):
joining us everyone, and a special thanks to our producer
Joey pat and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who
guides us while we guide you hit us up on
Instagram at other Side Guides, or shoot us a note
at high Hi at vibes dot Store. We want to
know what you think, We want to know what you know,
(34:39):
and we want to hear your stories. And remember, our
school is hard without the other Side. Insider's Guide to
the other Side is a production of iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Spotify, Apple podcast,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there, I'm Brenda.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side. Now, y'all
need to know that we are obsessed with everything on
the other side. Yes, we are, because once you learn
(00:22):
to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because let's be honest, brand Earth School
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, my witchy pooh Ohow in
(00:46):
the world are you this fine day I'm doing to
bay you're sending to me? I love it. It was
like a gentle hello. It was yeah, not overpowering, gentle.
I've been thinking a lot about a lot of stuff lately,
and maybe I'm just in a place of I don't know,
(01:08):
in an Earth School lesson, and maybe I'm feeling humble
and feeling a little gentle. I like it. Thank you,
thank you? Does it match my gray hair? Because I
think I earned a few extras the last week. Well,
tell me about that, because you know that brings a
lot of wisdom. It does, it does, And you know,
(01:30):
we love to share stories because that's how we learn, right, Like, Um,
that's how we that's how we like when we tell
our stories. That's how we can actually teach other people
because we remember things, you know, through stories. Um, And
the answer is yes, I have one, so should we.
So I just think it's hilarious that we're calling this
(01:51):
anger danger because it is it is. It is actually
probably more dangerous than when we talk about stranger danger
because anger danger anger can destroy us and other people.
And right, you know, when we talk about like fire, fire,
(02:12):
fire can illuminate something, right, but it can also burn
the hell out of you. And anger, I think is
a bit of the burning side. And so anyone going
is the fire emotion? Right? Anger? What is what our
emotion when you think of emotions and elements like that? Yes, right,
(02:33):
so anger is the emotion of fire. Yeah, it's right,
And it's really, in a lot of cases, at least
for me, has been a kind of a low level.
And because some of the anger depends what you're angry about,
I think, um, like there's some things I'm angry about
that I'm really happy. I'm angry about them, because that
means I'm woke, right, like I'm paying attention. I give
(02:54):
a shit about everybody else. Some of the things I
get angry about and that I have learned, and this
is what this story is about, has been my ego.
Yeah and right, and that's why I really wanted to
share the story. I will it will remain nameless and
faceless and all the kind of stuff. Um, but it is, um,
I it is. It is a It is a situation
(03:18):
where I saw growth and myself um. And I was
also in the middle of it, not thinking about myself
like so right, kind of moved ego out of it.
So are we ready without further ado? Should I start
telling I want to hear it. I'm curious. I'm curious. Yeah,
(03:39):
I so. I do a lot of different projects for
different you know, companies and stuff. So busy, elf, busy,
I'm a very busy elf. And uh so, just this
last week I was confronted in an email and then
later on a phone call by a particular fellow who
(04:01):
um you know started out an email saying, well, you know,
I'm just a direct kind of person. Anybody, by the way,
anybody somebody that starts with that it's a it's a
flag for me, um, because that means they're trying to
give themselves and their excuse to act like an a
hole is really what it is, right, It's like, oh,
(04:23):
I'm just direct yep. I like, well, I'm owning it.
So it's you know, it's not a problem, right, so
it should be Okay, it's not a problem for you, right.
Everyone else has to deal with it exactly. So in
the written form, what I get from this guy is um,
something about telling me what my highest priorities should be,
(04:45):
but also telling me I should have thick skin in
an email from a person I have never met, I'm
getting to do this. You got to have thick skin, right,
charming out of the gate. Charming, she says, was sarcasm. Right.
It's like, so kind of goes into this whole diatribe
(05:09):
on an email, and I remember looking at going what
is this guy's problem? You know, It's like it's and
this is a little bit of the uh because he
kind of acts like an adolescent, is what I've kind
of figured out. And this is I think part of
getting attention, stomping feet, all that kind of stuff. Thinking
you're going to make change just my first right, So
(05:32):
I gave it a day because I've learned to. That's
so smart. I learned from If anybody who's listening that
remembers Welcome Back caught her with sit on it? Oh no, wait, no,
sit on it was happy days? Were they both anyway?
Either one? Whoever remembers, you'll know, um, but sit on it.
(05:56):
I think it was Fonzie. I think sit on it
is like one of my themes in life, which is
like I need to learn to sit on it before
I act, before I go respond, before I get emotional,
whatever it may be. Because I'm also the kind of
person that used to not like to live in discomfort,
(06:18):
and I've learned to live in discomfort, you know, for
things not being resolved. Isn't this interesting? Right? Because this
is such a critical lesson. I feel like, you know,
we talked about emotional awareness all the time, right, what's yours,
what's not? And when we don't give ourselves permission to
engage with our own emotion, how are we going to
(06:41):
navigate the world where people are just growing emotions at
us all the time? Right? This is such a good
maturation example, Like this is you know, just to practice
and go, oh, I am uncomfortable. I'd like this resolved.
But if I go back fast, that's not going to
serve me. No, it's gonna make it worse. Yeah, And
(07:02):
I can give you case after case after case of
my life where I have made things worse. Fighting fire
with fire is not It doesn't work. It doesn't. I mean,
unless you're tussling with with somebody who you know, you
there's a there's a two sides to it. There's established dance.
(07:26):
It established dance exactly, and we have trust we know
like this is this is something you've never met before,
come on, oh no, which means you're actually probably getting
his best version of himself. And that's terrifying. Well interesting
because I'm really interesting to hear what you as we
go along in this story because you don't know every
(07:46):
detail of it, which we is kind of fun. Just
so everybody knows. We've gotten to the point now where
we've been really comfortable doing the show. We'd like to
withhold things here or there or like just kind of
bring something out. And I think people are pretty clear.
I think well they were in the beginning, but they're
definitely not anymore. But it's so, but Brittany, you don't
(08:07):
know every detail of the story. So UM I sat
on it for a day and UM processed it a bit,
reread all this kind of stuff. So I ended up
reaching out to this guy and saying, hey, I think
we should probably have a conversation. So I left of
a voice film message. He calls me back very quickly.
And if I tell you that this guy came in hot,
(08:30):
you have no idea how hot this guy came at me.
I mean came in so hot again, never met him right,
comes at me hot. And here's what's really funny. He
was trying to prove, like make points. And this this
next section is a lesson to everybody about how not
to argue something. This the whole thing is about what
(08:54):
not to do because what he doesn't realize, and what
a lot of people don't realize, is that nobody hears
you when you're an asshole. They just don't. We all
shut down. And I know people have shut down on me.
I get it. I've been there, so I can talk
about this very freely, openly and honestly. It's like if
I go in hot at somebody, all they know is
I'm coming in hot. Right, So he comes at me
(09:18):
and trying to make a point about things, and he
was and it was interesting one of the points. And
this makes me laugh so hard. I was laughing inside
on the call. Was He's like, well, I have a
lot of friends that have done X, Y and Z,
so somehow his friends makes him an expert on something. Well,
(09:39):
if someone says I have a lot of friends, chances
are they have zero right, right, But even if he
had one that he was somehow getting guidance on what
his friend does to be an expert. It's like, I
am so sorry. That does not work. It's right, it
doesn't work. And then proceeds so sting he knew enough,
(10:01):
even though we never mind knew enough about me. Two,
he went in to immediately start to insult me and
start saying that, well, you know, I have a friend
that you know, blah blah blah blah did research on
it was something Disney related. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, okay,
somebody in middle of America did a project for some
(10:23):
whatever Disney thing. How does that make you brilliant? Right?
Like in my head, it's like he's so disassociated with
himself that he's bringing on what other people have done
onto his in his camp. It's very strange to me.
Um so as he's going along with his insulting, demeaning
(10:45):
diet tribe. My responses were, uh huh uh huh okay, okay,
Well tell me more, uh huh okay. Are you on
the phone. I'm on the phone. Okay. So I'm like,
uh huh okay. And so, by the way, note to everybody,
if I ever act that way, I have your number.
(11:07):
I literally have your fucking number, because like, I'm experiencing
this whole thing, and it was just clearly somebody screaming
for validation of who they are, you know, I mean
just screaming to be validated, screaming to have attention, screaming
to be something more, something else, whatever it may be.
(11:30):
And that from the first ten words, I was like, oh,
I'm either seeing low self esteem because that low self
esteem can come out like that. I'm like, definitely saw
validation all those things. Do you see that too? Well,
it's just it's it's just interesting because if he is
(11:53):
screaming to be validated but also not leaving any room
for you if you were going to validate him like
that it's just very interesting, right, yeah, and positioning himself
for somebody that he wasn't because the thing is everything
he said, we're from what other people had done. It
was a very strange thing. I'm like, and I'm and
(12:15):
I and this is the beauty. Like, but this is
one of the lessons in this. I know we probably
need to take a break, but this is the one
of the lessons in it is to be present enough
to understand humanity enough to be able to know how
to deal with different situations, right, And like, that's like
I knew when he started doing that. I'm like, oh,
(12:37):
in my head, I was like, oh, bless his heart,
you know, like he wants to be something else. He's
in pain, he's since some Yeah, so why don't want
to take a quick break and we'll come back after
the Yeah, yeah, I want to talk more about about
this lesson. Yeah, all right, we're back for this wisdom
(13:01):
lesson that's perculating and being right. Right. So I think
a big part of the lesson is being president enough
to identify what's happening, right and not just to react
based on how I could have felt and where I
know I have felt before in my life, which is
I'm being attacked and I made it all about me.
(13:22):
This has happening. I'm like, this has nothing to do
with me. Like it literally had nothing to do with me, Right,
it couldn't you hadn't met him before. No, that's the
beauty of being present and maybe getting older and a
little bit wiser, is I can see it so much
clearer where and listen, I know I've done it, and
(13:43):
I know virtually ever rather human being has done it.
If you feel like you're getting attacked, right, you're going
to attack back. Right. There was zero attack from me.
There was also probably the highest good from my point
of view that I was able to realize at the
(14:04):
time was the last thing I needed to do was
to justify my existence. I did not go through and
tell him, don't talk to me that way, or don't
give me this bullshit about you know your friend blah
blah blah, movies whatever. Look what I have done. Nothing
came out of my mouth. Zero because that's how it
(14:24):
actually wouldn't matter. But it's the ego too, right, It
would be my ego whether it mattered to him. At
this point, it actually weirdly didn't matter what mattered is
how I responded, right, how I acted how I um,
you know, didn't take the bait. I didn't feel my
(14:44):
ego needed to be bolstered boosted by making the claims
that you can easily go on the internet and find
I didn't need to do that. I just was like okay,
uh huh okay, And that paused that sacred pause that
keeps you from reacting in kind. Right, there's a like
(15:05):
attracts like energy going on there, Like if he comes
at you with fire, I'm coming back with him fire.
You you can keep up with anybody's fast paced argument,
like that's not a challenge for you, that's just kind
of where you live. But for you to decide consciously, oh,
I'm not going to play this, this is this is
a little crap, right, yeah, this is like he was
(15:28):
playing checkers, and I feel like I've evolved more of
a chess playing kind of scenario. And again, not to
say that to be an asshole, but that's literally what
I was dealing with. It was like that vibration is
one I don't want to be near. I don't want
to be near that. I know what it is, I
can identify it, and I know I need to work
with this guy, and I will. I'm not going to
(15:49):
be a pushover. I'm not gonna bean that's like, that's
worse for me of being a pushover. It's like I'm acknowledging.
I'm like, okay, uh huh, all right, and I'm and
I took notes by the way, like it was. I
was very respectful about it. Um. I don't really want
to talk to him again because he's a dick, But
do you have to you have I'm actually working at
(16:11):
where I don't have to, funny enough, like in a
process stan way, I'm like, we're gonna do this different
because the thing is, because what happens in those situations
like there is there's the business part of it where
I'm not gonna let an incident like this not actually
have me look at what he was, you know, barking about,
(16:32):
because maybe there's some there's some truth to what he's
barking about. So I got past the barking. I'm like, well,
let me just look at this. And I had some
more conversations about it, right, like I called somebody else.
I'm like, Okay, this happened. What's your point of view
on these topics like you know, did I do this?
Did I over deliver this or over feed this? Did
I am? I was so open and I'm going to
(16:53):
tell you even when I talked to the other person
about it, I didn't sit there and spend hardly a
minute talking about the experience from the previous day. I
was like, Hey, I got this is the information I got.
Let's talk about it. What's your point of view? And
I'm telling you it's like I didn't stew again. But
(17:15):
you didn't have to because you didn't have any behavior
you had to justify in your mind. I didn't regret
a thing. Yeah, you didn't have to justify any bad behavior.
You didn't spin out, you didn't overinvest, right, And that's
when we have to spend time processing and taking the
other person down, because you know, we're trying to justify
our ego is always trying to justify our action it's taken.
(17:39):
And so yeah, I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna take
the conversation for what it's worth, which is its point.
Out these three things, I'm gonna go check them down,
find out if they're real or not. And that's that's
what happened. And God, I'm telling you what a nicer
place to live in my head and in my body
by not making it like he was attacking me. He
(18:03):
doesn't know me, so why would I take it as
an attack? And I wont Yeah, go ahead, I was
gonna say, you know, you, when you talked about him
coming in hot, You're like, oh my god, he just
came in so hot. You don't know that he's not
always like that every minute of every day of his life.
That could just be his X bar right, this is
my normal. I found out that you're he was not
(18:24):
that way like he came in hot. Yeah, and he
could very well just have made a transposition into this space.
But from my own perspective and why I thought this
was so valuable to share. And it doesn't matter if
you're a male or female about how you responded to this.
Gender has nothing to do with it. Was he being
like that way because I was a woman. I don't know,
(18:46):
it doesn't matter, But gender, I think isn't important in
this thing. But I wanted to talk a bit about,
you know, what it felt like and how different it
felt to not take the bait, how different it felt
because I also new and I'm telling you I knew.
I knew too that if I were to react and kind,
(19:10):
the story within the company would have been Julie's a
bitch yep, that would have been the story. And that
is not my story. No, and it's and it's also
not my story. I'm not a bitch. Yeah, I mean
I can play one on TV every once in a while,
but I'm not. And have I been overly defensive in
the past, You bet I have? Have I been? Have
(19:31):
I Have I met that energy before? You bet? I have? Hell,
yes I have. Yeah, but I learned and it's a
part of my commitment to myself and to the you know,
it's like I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna get
all fired up. I'm not gonna let know. Yes, it
is absolute, greatly amazing. So then oh wait, we're gonna
(19:53):
take a break, and then I'll say and then Cliffhanger
and welcome back to Cliffhanger. Yes, so there's a few
interesting pieces to this because and then what happened is
(20:15):
I had some conversations internal late, which, by the way,
old Julie would have been covering my tracks. Just to
be real clear, Yeah, I mean I would have. I'm
just being so incredibly openly honest about this. I would
have had to cover my tracks because I've done it.
I mean I have and in this case didn't have to,
(20:37):
by the way, relief, right, brilliant, I'm so brilliant, So
such a brilliant strategy, right right, It's like, I don't
have to do that. I just don't. And he's not
my problem, he's you know. It's that's the other thing.
Why would I invest so much in somebody doesn't know me?
And and also why would I go battle because somebody
who battles like that to me, it's like it's it's
(21:00):
it's like I could have eaten him alive. Literally I
could have. But he's so tiny in that way, like
mentally small that it would be like, you know, kicking
a cat, and I've never done that, so why would
I do that? Now? You know, It's like, why would
I do that? Because it can be abusive? Right, you know,
(21:21):
even though you're not the one that goes after somebody,
but if you're defending, it can be abusive, and well
you end up going to like the bully. Yeah, oh totally,
there's no question. And yes, I've been called a bully before,
so that's why I'm so clear on all this. But
the funny thing that happened is all of the how
(21:41):
it landed. The next few days after that, it wasn't
me who was being described as a bully or being
described as a bit It was him. Yeah, and for
the first time in my fucking life it wasn't me,
and so relieved that I'm finally learning how to handle
myself and control my emotions, you know, or control how
they come out, or just understand them. You know, it's
(22:04):
just to understand. It's like you can look at a
situation and not you know, because one thing I can't
stand is when people make excuses to why they didn't
or did do something. This isn't an excuse, it truly is.
It is rational thinking, right, It's not like My example
of that is when somebody very close to somebody else,
(22:27):
you know, passes on it's God's will, and they act
like they move on. Right. No, go, that's not it.
You need to go deal with this, right. That's what
I mean by people to kind of passing the buck
on stuff right well, because it's so much more comfortable
than diving into grief and right feelings. Yeah, yeah, of
course it is but it was. I mean, it's not
(22:50):
that I haven't handled situations very well before. This just
happens to be one that was you know, most of
them are unforeseen, but this was really unforeseen. And and
you know, it is that case of and I've heard
it about other people like you, you really understand another
person about how they respond in an unscripted environment, you know,
(23:11):
when something out of the blue happens. And this was
a bit out of the blue, and it's one of
the times I can be like, oh, okay, I kind
of got that, like this is okay, but I will
tell you though there was a little there's a side
dish to this that's also important, I think because prior
to the phone call with the guy, there was like
a group call within the company about it, about this situation,
(23:35):
about what this guy had written, and and I'm like
I and I said something like this is kind of
bullshit because it's kind of hard to determine, like like
is he crying wolf? Why is he being such a
dick kind of thing, because there was so much bravado,
there was very little like tangible information in it. And
there's a guy on the phone that said to me,
(23:56):
because well, Juli, I think you're overreacting. Okay, everybody who's
listening right now, never say, Julie, you're over reacting. Ever,
and by the way, don't say to anybody yeah. And
I'm and this guy, by the way, I needed that. Weirdly,
of this whole situation, that's the part that actually frustrated
(24:17):
me the most is somebody trying to tell me how
to feel. Yeah, that is such a no. No. Yeah,
I know better. I know better how you feel than
you do how I mean. And this guy doesn't know
me that well, so it's like, don't ever. And so
I will have a conversation with him. It'll probably be
(24:39):
in the next day or two, but I will have it,
and I will be gentle about it, and I'll explain
why that's not okay, and to ask him very politely,
don't ever say that shit to me again, because that
is a line in the sand, because that is a
gender thing. By the way, well, I would also say,
you know, let me help you, right, because this is
(25:02):
you know, never okay, never okay, because you know, and
the more people hear that from you, the less they're
going to want to work with you. Correct. Correct. And
the other thing can happen, like whether it is you're
overreacting or you should be more happy about X, Y
or Z. It's like no, no no, no, you can't also
tell me what you think I should be celebrating and
(25:24):
you can't. You know. It's just like it's this is
and this is a really important part of this. I
think lesson for everybody to hear is just because somebody
tells you that you need to respond a certain way,
feels or whatever, it, maybe say something. No, you don't
have to. That's not their place. It's none of their business.
As my Witchy Pooh would say, remember you said what
(25:46):
somebody thinks of you is none of your business. Yeah,
so how you may feel about so yep, yeah he
may as well just said, well, sweet, do you need
to smile more? Right? Yeah, that's exactly what you should
have said. That is it. That's what It's exactly what
he should have said. So um so I will be
dealing with that. If it's worth giving a report too,
(26:07):
I'll give it to you next time we record. It
shouldn't be any big deal. But these are things that
I don't know. I just felt it was worth sharing.
I know, we all you know, kind of struggle with
the kind of the struggle with not matching when we
know we shouldn't. You know, it's a little of a
(26:28):
Shelle Obama when they go low, we go high, right,
And it's a conscious choice. It doesn't mean it doesn't
mean it's easy, No, and it is, but it is
so strategic. It is a better use of your energy
and attention, right, because otherwise you just get exhausted. Right then,
so this is um and you get nowhere right from
(26:49):
at least I mean exhausted emotionally your own issues. But
then there's also the business issues at hand, which is
what I'm always trying to balance. Is that gets absolutely
nowhere if I'm responding like in kind, you get nowhere.
You just like he already stuff up if you're if
we are not aware of our own emotional field, our
(27:12):
own energy field, our own frequency, it's so easy, especially
under attack, to match that energy. That's a natural defense.
I've got to match that energy to fight it, right,
because it's right. But that's not strategic. Right, you are
literally running into a brick wall over and over again
like that. That's just exhaust the limited resources you have,
(27:35):
which can be sometimes part of their strategy. Right, which
is so odd, right and and so, but it happens.
So if you can make that choice, it's like, oh,
I'm not going to push water a pill. I'm just
going to get out of this conversation. And that's what
I did. Yeah, yeah, get out alive. That's a great strategy. Well,
(27:56):
it was I need to make this stop because there's
no progress at this point. And so I thanked him
for his time, and um, and I'm like, and I've
noted everything, and I really appreciate your time. And then
and then as we're get on the phone, well you know,
I'm direct. I mean, like he was justifying his behavior.
And there's another guy that I absolutely love. And he's
(28:19):
like a guy that plays the long game. He doesn't
get ruffled. He he just doesn't. He plays the long game.
And I've always admired the long gamers and I'm now
looking at and going, maybe I've watched them enough and
been self aware enough that I can join your club.
Because it is a spectacular club to be a part
of a long game. Y. Yeah, it's genius. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful.
(28:44):
So anyway, the longest game is the game of karma.
So and then there's that because I mean, I mean,
that's the whole thing is like, because I know I
can bring somebody to their knees with just words. Mother
was that way. I can be cutting and vicious and
I will not flinch. And it is a shadowy side
(29:08):
of who I am. But when I need to bring
her out the place, she's magnificent. Um, but I know
what I can do, and um, it's kind of like
it's like when a kids fight at school and there's
like a big kid that picks on a little kid,
and it's like, pick on somebody our own size. Well,
that holds true in the energetic space as well, you know,
(29:28):
in fact more so in the energetic space than it
does in the physical space. And it's like, don't do that,
you know, pick on somebody your own size. So I
didn't pick on them, and not out of arrogance, like
it wasn't like I'm better than It's like I just
know that I can do this, and I'm just gonna
hunt my way out of this convo. Yep, I'm gonna
take a hall pass on this one. It's not in
(29:51):
but I'll still pursue the business issue. I'll still pursue it.
I'll still do that because well, but a lot of
people would have dropped it, like they would have you know,
but it's like I'll sue the business part of it
and really find out what truly needs to do, what
the issue is um and then I'll pursue that in
a healthy manner. Which happened, so you know. Yeah, I
would also just remind you very gently when you do
(30:13):
engage with him and say, hey, I just want to
I know you gave me a lot of valuable feedback.
I want to talk for one thing back to you,
minimal energetic engagement, right right, right, and then and then
get out of the conversation. If he wants to process
or think about it or come back to you, that's different.
But no good will come to come of it in
a moment right now. No, No, because it's it wasn't
(30:37):
a it's it's not winnable, and not that things need
to be winnable, that's the whole thing. Well, it doesn't
have to be a fight. It doesn't have to be.
It doesn't have to be it's hard. Yeah, this is
a transference of information. Yeah, right, this is not about
anyone winning, right exactly right. So I just thought this
would be a good story for people who may have
encountered the same thing. May they see this in themselves
(31:00):
elves and give them some hope that if you were,
you know, a fiery elf, that you don't always have
to be and and in that moment, like that's when
you know, So I really feel like I've broken that cycle,
like fat I've broken pieces of it, but it's like
full on broken. I'm like I can do this, especially
when it comes at you out of the blue, like
(31:21):
when you can hold that center and go oh no, no, no,
not yeah no, I'm just gonna nod my head and
then we're done. Yeah, good, well done, one, thank you.
I'm really proud of you. Anger danger, you know, because
you fly off, you're in a bad spot almost every time.
(31:42):
And I have been, like I said, I know this,
I know the other side of this point. I lived
it for decades. I get it. You get a cold star, yeah,
but I get it. And that's why I can talk
about it and see the difference and whether this is
something that you've been dealing with or if it's a
different version of it, just when you're in those situations,
(32:04):
because there are people who just go like zip it
and don't say a word. That is that doesn't work either, right,
So and the fact that you took his information, you're
running it down that there's nothing more you can do.
And I think the first time, you know, they did
the whole thing. But I know people who do the
who would have done the opposite Like me. I would
have I could have thrown the flames back at him.
(32:25):
There are people who just would have not even said
a word. They would have been stunned literally to silence. Well,
they would have been traumatized. Some people were been traumatized
by that. Hands down, they would have been traumatized. So
if you're one of those folks, it's okay for you
to say something like it's okay for you to be like, okay,
thank you for the information. Da da da da da,
(32:47):
and not be traumatized because that guy he don't know you, baby,
he doesn't know you. Yeah, And it's also okay to
end the call. I'm sorry, I have to leave right
now quick. Yep, I know that's my favorite thing. Yeah,
you know, other favorite thing. And then I promised we
can be done with this topic. Hilarious has nothing to
do with the topic. Actually, is that back of the
day like pre cell phone days. For those of you
(33:08):
that might remember still and used to get the calls
at the house like hello, is there is there anybody
there over the age of eighteen? You got those right?
My answer was always no, and I was in my
thirties and I was saying, though, so you're in charge.
You don't have to pick up the phone if it rings.
(33:29):
You don't have to be and tell the truth. Oh no,
and there's don't be here in eighteen it's me. You
don't have to not required. You want to get off
the call, you say, I gotta go. Thank you for
your time. You can bolt, Yeah, the hit the escape
hatch yep, save yourself. Yeah, exactly right. But anyway, thank
you for listening everybody, and especially you, my witchie Poo,
(33:52):
especially you, my witchye poo. Look another one. You did
a great job. Congratulation, Thank you, and I'm will be
expecting that gold star in the mail, absolutely coming away.
Thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks for everybody. Our school is
hard without the other side. Thanks Hill, Thank you for
(34:19):
joining us everyone, and a special thanks to our producer
Joey pat and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who
guides us while we guide you hit us up on
Instagram at other Side Guides, or shoot us a note
at high Hi at vibes dot Store. We want to
know what you think, We want to know what you know,
(34:39):
and we want to hear your stories. And remember, our
school is hard without the other Side. Insider's Guide to
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