May 11, 2022 • 37 mins
Earth School is hard; one moment you're swimming with dolphins, then next moment you're swimming with sharks. We've all experienced the dreaded phone call, the unwelcomed diagnosis, the loss of something or someone we felt would be there always. These moments turn our life upside-down, and have the potential to turn us into someone we are not.
Today Julie shares the frightening and heartfelt struggles she and her wife experienced after their cancer diagnosis; a moment in time that brought out her anger and her biggest fear, leading her to treat those around her with coinciding energy. Through this journey, she learned how to lean into what became an A-HA moment that changed her perception permanently: learning how to surrender, go with the flow, and let go...
Chaotic situations have the power to turn strangers into friends and enemies into teachers. What is required from you is deep soul-searching work that allows you to be fully present. This, of course, is one of Earth School's most difficult journeys.
Yes, Earth School is hard... and impossible without the beauty and kindness available to you on the other side of chaos.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side. Now,
y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything
on the other side. Yes, we are, because once you
(00:22):
learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because, let's be honest, Brian, earth school
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, the witchiest of post. How
(00:46):
are youst nice? You would think after all this time,
I wouldn't have anything new to say, but I do
because you are and Leslie creative truly, thank you it
is You're super proud, appreciate that, And how are you
(01:11):
I am? Actually? Yeah, it's really funny. I was watched
Have you seen Ted Lasso? Yes, of course the show
talso so the Black Panthers. So I don't know if
you remember when Keiley actually has it's a like a
ceramic leopard and her office and all I imagine is
a big old ceramic black panther So it's funny that
(01:33):
you said that, because I'm like, oh my god, I
because I really I rewatched things now. It's a very
strange thing. I never used to do that, but I
do now. And my brother and his family were here
and we watched it with the kids, and so I'm
watching that and I'm looking at Susanna go I want
a big black ceramic panther. So anyway, it's kind of
funny you I do and listen with all the company
(01:58):
we've been having down here, know this is it's been
over two years that we've actually seen people like I
haven't seen my brother and his and his family for
two years and so it was amazing to see them.
And then of course we had my friend Andy and
our god daughter Alex has been here and just magic
to see them. But we all have to watch stuff
(02:18):
on television, right because that's what we do now. We
don't know how to do much more than that. And
I also just watch It's a it's a I think
it's Pixar Onward and it's about elves. Write it's about elves,
and it was awesome. I'm so happy for my people
that they got their own animated movie. Uh oh my god,
(02:42):
I detinalely have to watch it. It's so cute. It
is so cute. They have a lot of stuff about
magic wands and spells and all this kind of stuff,
and it has all the great you know, the great
storytelling of of the unexpected hero all that. It's just
you know, they have a fantastic state formula um and
it works and it was great. And yes I got
(03:06):
terry because I apparently do that a lot these days
in television. Something that's just going on. Yeah, I've been
like kind of cry lately. We watched um uh so
the Caddy. We had Academy Awards a while back. We
don't have to talk about will Smith in this lap
unless you want to. But I my number one. I must.
I don't know if I'm supposed to say this out lad,
but I'm going to anyway, because I'm pretty sure no
(03:26):
other voters except maybe Betina listens to our show. Coda
was the movie that I voted number one, and they
and they wait things right, so you can actually be
a movie that is number three and you can still
win because they wait the final numbers. And I have
watched Coda. I can't tell you how many times now
(03:47):
I cry so beautiful, like where I can't see cry
and which I was laying on my side and it
was like dripping off of like my left side, like
hitting the sofa. Um. So, yeah, it's been a little
cry fest lately. So I think this topic today is
probably pretty good. Maybe we'll be lucky and I'll cry
it out. You never know. That's it's all good. It's
(04:10):
all good. So today you are going to be talking
about how you found ways to cope with chaos. Yeah, yeah,
And you know, we called it just very broad with
this the word chaos, because I mean, I think, as
everybody knows, Suzanne was diagnosed with breast cancer last August,
(04:32):
and at one point you had said, you know, later
we should talk about what you learn in In In fact,
I think you suggested I talked to a therapist, and
I'll actually hit that in a minute, because I did,
just not in the way you thought I would. And yeah, right,
and my therapist was not suky by the way, although
she is a good one every once in a while. Um,
(04:54):
but we want to leave it broad because you know, chaos,
You know what is traumatic in your life with would
be chaos. You you fill in the blank, this is
just to tell a story about a specific situation, but
apply it right to your own life. And that's why
you wanted to keep it broad right. It's and and look,
life is messy, right that we we it's in our tayline, right.
(05:17):
Our school is hard without the other side, and even
with the other side of our school, still it's messy
and it's scary and it gets really real, supers, it
does it does? I mean, it is like you can
feel and gosh, and I know I'm not the only
one that has happened to You can just kind of
(05:37):
be swimming along in life and then all of a sudden,
bit by a fucking shark. I mean that's what it
felt like. It's like a nice swim. Things are good,
you know, da da da da, and all of a
sudden with us, you know, got the call, the dreaded
fucking call that changes everything. I mean, I know when
(06:00):
we I first introduced this, um what you know, with
what Suzanne was, I think I talked about it and
um uh what I called my morbid birthday, I go
to bury my mother's ashes, you know, because we had
found out the day before about her cancer, cancer diagnosis.
(06:20):
So I think actually the next day was the beginning
of that for me. Like I know that the moment was,
but it was like I think I needed to grieve,
like very instantaneously. And I know I also shared that
I got pretty confrontational with people during that time. Um,
(06:42):
I was angry, and I guess it's like, get the
typical what stages of grief? I think I probably I
don't think I hit denial. I skipped that. I think
I'm a little wise wiser these days to know I
don't need to go through denial. It's okay if you
do go through denial, everyone don't worry. You're not judgment here,
judgment none at all, no judgment. But I was confrontational.
(07:05):
I was an asshole. I mean, like verbally attacked people
that didn't have masks on because at the time, you know,
we we still were dealing with a pretty severe version
of COVID. We had what the hell was that one
um delta and it felt like right, it felt like
it felt like a threat, and it felt like a threat.
(07:25):
And so when I would see people out in the
world that were blatantly antimask that to me, I took
it as they don't give a shit about anybody but themselves.
And I gave a big ship about my wife because
here's the thing. If she'd gotten she couldn't get surgery.
You don't, you know, there's all those things that happened.
I was melting down with I mean, I melted. I
(07:47):
mean to be perfectly frank, I melted many times, but
melted to protect her, but not the right way. Right.
I didn't hit anybody, for the record, because I I've
actually never hit anybody in my life. That's that's very good.
I can't say I will die with that. So far
(08:08):
I have not done it. But go ahead and and
again I think, you know, we hope that that people
will do their best. But in those moments going off
on someone, that was the best you could do. Right,
It's not like it wasn't like you woke up and
said I'm taking someone out today like that. That right,
you're so fried and you're under so much stress, and
(08:30):
it's scary as hell, and it takes such an impact
your nervous system, like everything is like, oh my god,
what's next, Oh my god, what can I do? What
can I do? That? Right? And you're right, I didn't
wake up wanted to take somebody out because I had
already felt like I've been taken out, right, I mean
I felt taken out. It's there is nobody on this
(08:53):
planet that I love like Susanne. And I was going
to fucking kill somebody with words to get in my way.
I mean, that's how it was. And remember, right, we've
said this way back in the day, and the right
people treat people how they feel, like how I feel
in the moment, it's going to be how I treat you, right,
(09:16):
and that's what happens. And I felt shitty, and I
treated people shitty. I treated a lot of people shitty.
I went on an apology to because it wasn't just strangers.
I had to go on a little bit of an
apology tour. UM on that. And I, by the way,
that's not my first apology tour, for the record, I've
actually had several. I've had several of those tours. Value
(09:39):
of a good apology, Oh my god, I can, I can.
I can do such a good apology tour now because
it is definitely not my first. Rodeo. By the way,
everybody a great lesson in that too, because they are
so important, They're so important, so important, Um, and if
it's done, it's not done, well do myself. Not even
do it because you're doing more damage. Don't go on tour.
(09:59):
You just worry your money now, investment coming back. I mean,
we're going to show up to your show man. Don't
do it. And I will say that I don't feel
like our culture does apologies right. Like in Japan they
do apologies right. They know, how do they do apologies?
There's a whole kata about how to apologize. I mean
(10:20):
the whole process, the whole process. Really yeah, it's it's
I mean like there's kata for everything in Japan, but
like it's it has to be extraordinary, like it's an
extraordinary heartfelt and then they're taught how to do it,
like just like they're talking to thank you, you know,
like thank you Cardison, She's like, hey, thanks, but let's
you know, like, no, you're right, we're terrible at that.
(10:42):
We don't. We don't we're crappy apologists. Yeah, And there's
a lot of steps you go through before you can
even get to the apology tour that says, oh, a
self awareness, processing and compassion right for myself and for
acknowledging the other person's experience may not have been what
(11:04):
you desired to create consciously, but you still created like that.
That's an extraordinary level, high level of processing. I start
with a level of vulnerability, and that is that place
of very much understanding my role and also understanding the
other person. Now this aren't the strangers that I ran
up against at CVS or Walgreens or any of that ship,
(11:28):
but for the people that I care about in my world,
because so many people like I know, we're going to
take a break in a second. But um, what I've
had to learn is not everybody understands your journey, your experiences,
and sometimes when we react, we expect them to know
and feel what we know and feel. And that ain't
(11:50):
the case, folks, That's not how it works. And even
when you tell them it doesn't mean to understand it. Correct.
I learned that with when Mom died. You know, um,
because Mom died, I was forty one, and I was
the youngest or the first one actually in my peer
group for the most part, to have lost a parent,
(12:12):
especially once so dear, and nobody understood. They didn't understand.
I mean, you know, I lost my dad when I
was thirteen. The people definitely didn't understand that. So I
learned that early on through those experiences to understand that
not every understands. You know, why don't we take a
quick break and then we'll come back and uh and
uh yeah, talk about apology tours. I don't know chaos
(12:37):
or chaos can and welcome back. I hope you enjoyed
the apology tour well with hand in hand. By the way,
with an apology is also gratitude. Um and UM. I
(12:59):
tell you the group that I really want to thank
are actually our listeners. And I mean that, and I
think you all know who you are. There are people
who have experienced cancer before that reached out to Susanne
and you know, welcome to the crappy club. Um, people
who would say, you know, I'm so sorry, I'm so
glad you're better. The love and compassion that people showed
(13:24):
to Susanne that they don't know Susanne, I mean they
kind they kind of Susanne, right, but you know, they
have not met her in human form, although I may
have and I'm not aware of it, but it was
absolutely utterly generous. And I will tell you it made
a difference from us and then for me seeing her say, honey,
(13:50):
did you read this note? And watching her the elation
that she had, that she was seen and recognized and
cared about, and that somebody bothered to spend the time
to write her. And by the way, you know this
better anybody brand. Our listeners are not known for their
short messages. And we love that about you, Oh, hands
(14:15):
down awesome. So when I say the time that people
spent and so thoughful and and and I know that
there are some people because they know that Susanne reads
all the messages on vibes, like all the orders, the
fact we all do, by the way, just for the record, um,
and if you put your phone number and say call me,
(14:35):
that usually happens. Just ps and they would write her
specifically on there they are buying something from our company
and telling Susanne these beautiful things. So I want all
of you to know how incredibly, unbelievably, through every cell
in my body, how grateful that I am because you
(14:57):
brought her joy, you wrought her something that other people
didn't well, and then I cannot thank you enough. It's
something that's so grace filled that you can go from
fear and surrender and dark Knight of the soul to
joy right because the messages were so so beautiful, so generous.
And I don't mean a couple there were, they weren't,
(15:24):
just a few. And people still will say something to Susanne.
So I so that I want to. I want to.
I wanted that was very important for me on behalf
of me, but mostly in behalf of my wife, to
thank everybody who did that. I don't think. I think
that sometimes we don't think that what we say is
(15:45):
important to someone who's struggling with with an event, chaos,
whatever it may be. UM. And I hope that this
will open everybody up to do it, even if you
don't get reckon eyes on a podcast. You don't have to,
that's not the goal, but know that it matters and
it counts. And I wrote this in my book about
(16:07):
showing up. Showing up doesn't mean you have to physically
show up to our doorstep, although you can if you
figure out where we're leaving it through the guard gate. Um.
But I'm pain showing up with your heart and your
energy and the time that you invested that you gave
is showing up and that matters. I think it matters.
(16:27):
No kindness is ever wasted. No, it's not. It's just
it's And it doesn't matter if it's someone on the
street who just says something nice to you, like you
look whatever, like a I appreciate your vibe today, or
something like, it can be the most rare. And i'd
a guy literally two days ago. I was out walking sukie.
(16:47):
He drove by. I could he was in a panic.
It was dark, and he goes, I lost my little dog,
a little white dog UM named Snarls, which is hilarious,
by the way, No wonder he left now and um,
but he's like he's broke. I could tell he's broken up.
And it was ten something at night, past my bedtime,
and I went out. I got it here. I said,
(17:10):
give me your number if I if I find him,
I go out and I'm walking out there with Alex
and who's almost eleven, and we were walking for half
an hour. I called him back. I'm like, I'm so
sorry I couldn't find him. And he could not have
been more grateful or more gracious. Told me where he worked.
He's a cook at Ichabod's down the street, and he said,
come on in and see me, and like that was
(17:32):
he was. We were strangers, and he said, you now
have a friend if you care, I said, of course
I care, right, But like those acts, like you said,
a stranger. I only brought that up because of the
stranger part. And by the way, you know, the love
that people showed Suzanne helped me do that just the
other day, knowing how important it is, like this is
the domino effect, right, So I want to ask and
(17:57):
one more question, doing you take nowhere? Good? Okay? So
you know when I think about having your life derailed,
because that's what happens, right, and we all have it,
like it doesn't matter if you've lost a relationship, lost
a pet, lost a job, like you know, something that
didn't go according to plan um. When you have to
(18:20):
figure out, you have to regroup and recenter and like okay,
so now who am I right? You have to figure
that out? How did you go through that process? What
was that like for you and Susanne or specifically for you,
you know, I will tell you it was an amazing
how we both handled it with each other. For a relationship,
(18:41):
it was it brought us closer together. We had conversations
about things, and I actually was allowed to take care
of her. Here's the thing about Suzanne that people don't
know she has an immune system that is superior to humans.
I mean, I'm not kidding. I've only seen her sick
maybe one time in almost thirty years. I have drug
(19:02):
home every virus and bacteria off the street into our home,
and she never got it, like so seriously. So I
was allowed to take care of her. And that was
turning the tables for us. And so that was actually
really powerful thing. And so you know a lot of
of that so we it didn't get in the way
(19:23):
of us. It made us stronger, and so that was
a beautiful thing. I think that, Um, I just I
just wanted to highlight that because that isn't that's not
a given right, because because people grieve in different ways,
and and it's hard to let people in sometimes it's
even hard to find words for what you're feeling are
going through, um and to to verbalize fear is it's hard.
(19:48):
It's challenging. And I think it was a confirmation to
Suzanne about the depths of how much I love her.
I don't think she questioned it. I think she saw like, oh, ship,
she loves me, like you know, and um, I even
think some of my going off the rails was funny
enough comforting to her because it was like, I do
(20:08):
I mean, um, she panther, there's my panther. I mean
I think she was kind of like, um, honey, don't
have to go fight with everybody in the playground when
she said one day, but I do, because I was.
I mean literally anybody I was. It's the world was
a playground, and I thought everybody except you, um in cuby,
(20:30):
but everybody else I fought with. And so I think
that there was a bit of an appreciation even though
she knew and I told her, I sait, honey, I
don't like this. I don't like how I am, I
don't like who I am. Um. I think I was
far more scared than she was. Um. And I think
that's the case usually in these situations. If I'm just
a guess, yeah, I would imagine, yeah, I'm just guessing.
(20:53):
I don't know. I mean, these are things I don't
fully understand about the about everybody and how they process
things or handle things. But um, and and as we
also know, I talk a lot, so that was kind
of a given that I was going to have to
talk about it. Uh. And I'm emotional and sensitive and
all of those things. And I embraced all of that.
And once I got past the anger part where I'd
(21:15):
stop attacking people, took me about two weeks. That's when
I had said to you, I'm like, I gotta figure
out who I am and all this like I I
wanted to, I actively sought it out. And so here,
let me just tell you something kind of funny about
the therapist part. So we um, you know, we're getting
this condo in Florida, and they have a whole thing
(21:37):
about dog sizes and weights and all that kind of stuff.
And so I was like, well, ship, I probably need
to get Silki certified as a an e s A
and an emotional support animal. And so I signed up.
And you have to talked to a therapist. That's how
you do it, right, I'm on the phone with this woman.
Four must have been thirty minute, an hour, I don't know,
(21:58):
it could have been a day, and I sobbing the
entire time, and she goes, I think you need and
your make Suki needs to feed emotional word animal. Like
I think we've cleared that up. And because I was
like just letting go, I was like letting it all
out and right I was identifying. So it's not like I,
(22:18):
you know, run somebody up, found a therapist, saw them
every Tuesday at four. It was a bit of a
one hit wonder. I think in that, um too, i'd
go bigger, go home kind of balth so you know,
I am. It's definitely true, like there was no holding
back and yeah I am to go bigger, go home
(22:39):
for sure. Um and uh so that that actually really
made me understand how much pain I was really in.
And then that's when the big aha happened, and you
want to take a break and make it a cliffhanger
just for ships and giggles for everybody. We'll be right
(23:01):
back with the big ah h and welcome back. I know,
I can't wait to hear. Okay, I'm with you guys.
I'm waiting. I don't know if you know. Yeah, I'm
(23:23):
you know. And before I reveal I'm gonna have to,
of course give a little background to it, because I
because that's what I do, storytelling, right. Um. I've always
been the person that had some sort of plan, always
knew what was going to happen next, or I thought
I did, and would plan for things and I was
always like like strategy, right, whether it was for work
(23:45):
or life, like all this stuff is floating around like Okay,
here's plan A and here's Plan B and all of that. Yeah,
I don't do that ship anymore. And um, the answer
is I have learned to go with the flow and
all spects of life. Where I used to force things,
I don't force. That is not a word. May the
(24:06):
force be with you, It's fine, but it doesn't have
to be with me. I don't have to do that,
And it is, um it is. It is peaceful. Are
there a lot of things that could happen? Sure, but
I'm fine. And it also has opened me up to
(24:27):
different opportunities, different things that I'm not so dead set
and I'm not so tunnel vision about as many things
as I once was. The focus is more on truly
what is important, which is my family, my friends. And
when I say my family, I mean are dogs too.
It's like they are a little furry creatures. So it's
everybody's health, their well being things like that. I'm not
(24:51):
worried about four oh one K or any of that
kind of or like this all the just ship like things.
Things get re prioritized very quickly. Yeah, and they've maintained
that and we have yeah, oh no, And I think
this is like, this is set, this is this is
(25:12):
something that is so important. And it's important for Suzanne too,
because Susanne was that way as well. Here's how things are,
here's the order, and here's the vision of this and that,
and we both are kind of like, fuck it, let's
just see where this goes, you know, kind of like
when you were talking about Esen and how you saw
(25:32):
these figures in your third sphere circle and and that
you were like, Okay, well they'll they'll come when I
need to see them, kind of thing like you weren't
forcing unfolding right right. You say it obviously far more
eloquent than I do. I talked about me the force
(25:53):
be with you, but not with me. I have to
use movie references, is whatever I can um. But I
think that if I had to pick one thing, there's
more than one. But if I had to pick one thing,
one big big change that I not only I went through,
but we went through together was the going with the flow,
(26:18):
not forcing. And because there is a flow to life,
I mean there's a flow to our days. There's a
flow to just how we are. Like, you know, there
are some people that have really fast peaks and valleys
just by the nature of who they are. They're people
that might peek and have five days of a valley
peak for four days, whatever it may be. Going with
(26:38):
all of it. It's like I don't feel great today,
or I'm a little tired. J I'm to stay in
bad okay, don't feel bad about it. Or I'm gonna
go walk my ass off at Disney World. That's okay too.
Whatever it is, I just go with it. And that
is not I was not like that. And it takes
a lot of inner work to be fully present. Yeah, right,
(27:02):
And that's what it sounds like. You became fully present
and there was something about it that felt better that
you've kept it. Oh my gosh, I can so tell.
I can see the change. I can absolutely see it.
I can absolutely see it. You know, there's things I
still struggle with. It's not like it you make a
decision all of the poof this isn't yeah, this isn't
(27:24):
poof the magic fucking Dragon. It is like it's worked right.
By the way, speaking of magic Dragon, in that movie
onward about the elves that I mentioned no, no, no,
wait wait, I so pivoted on this, but I had
to is um, do you remember when I had that
experience going to the dragon world and then the next
(27:45):
day I was able to hear dead people? Um, and
in it there were two dragons and that damn movie
there are two dragons and one little one and one
big one that did a clicky click thing. I'm like, whoa,
that was weird. That's awesome. Yeah, great, everybody watched that movie.
But yeah, it's it's not like when you I'm gonna
pivot back. It's not like when you know you decide
(28:07):
I'm not gonna eat sugar. You know, you still have
to work on it because it's it takes practice and
being present and being thoughtful. And I've never been more present.
I have again, I have moments, so I'm fucking not perfect,
but it's so much better. It's so much better. I
had a client once and you know, just bringing it
back to the too, like the chaos of life right
(28:30):
takes many forms. And a client once who was asked
by his company to resign um you know which happens,
and in that moment, he asked such exquisite questions about
the strategy of his leadership. And I think what happened
for him is he wasn't known for being overly present,
(28:52):
but he got very clear, very present in the moment.
Now he did freak out afterwards, but in the moment,
like and people talk about this where things almost slow down,
like if you've ever almost been in an accident or
something like that, things literally do slow down. Or when
you get the dreaded call, you know, like things everything slows,
(29:12):
gets slow motions, so you have a chance to get
really clear and be present. And for many people that
passes once the situation has passed. But I think what
it is extraordinary is that has you have kept that
activated within your marriage, within your life, And it's it's extraordinary.
(29:35):
Thank you. Yeah, you knew, you knew. You're like, oh
my elf, you're gonna have some stuff. You got to
find out what it is, you know, and I did
you know? I it's it's you know. I Um. Everybody
has heard us talk about Mona and Mona was you know,
(29:55):
our friend that was killed in a car accident. Yeah,
and she Um would always talk about being present with
things and and and and doing the work. She would
always say, you know, you got to do the work.
I don't want to be with somebody who hasn't done
the work, and DA data the work, and you have
(30:17):
to be president of the work. And I didn't understand
what doing the work meant. Then I didn't. I didn't
know what that meant. And I know what it means.
And it is a very real thing about doing the
work and being present doing the work and whatever that
work is, wherever that work takes you, and whatever it
is that that throws you into it, and it is
(30:40):
about sitting with it and spending time with an understanding
and being We've talked earlier in a previous episode about
being neutral to things. It's like, as much as I
want to be good and awesome, I'm not always So
I need to be really honest with myself about these
things and understand myself more so I can, like you know,
strive to be more of who I want to be.
(31:03):
And I think that's what this was for me. It's like, Okay,
I didn't see this coming, um and um, so who
am I going to be? Who do I want to be?
And there's a lot of things we don't see coming,
but you're like, Okay, I can roll with that, but
this is not anything you wanted. This was something that
was scary and threatening. And again you know you have
(31:26):
you get there when you got there, when you get there,
but like you you got there relatively quickly. That said, wait,
who do I want to be? Right? And because we
talk about this right, like, you know, as much as
I think you know, our listeners for all the gratitude
and amazing messages they sent to Suzanne, also just the
(31:47):
show because I listened to us, I really listened to
you don't really listen to me. Um and uh and
and that is part of what has helps me through
her life. It's like, you know, when I talk to
people that are like, oh, wait, you have you have
to struggle with these same things, I'm like, oh, come
the of course I do. I'm still here, right. You
(32:10):
know some it's like, well, wait, having things gotten easier?
What I'm like, No, I'm still here. I'm not done.
If I were done, I'd be gone. Yeah, Like, I'm
still here for a reason. You know. That's why I
always used to laugh about only the bad Die old,
because because they ain't done. Oh my god, I met
(32:33):
one by the way, were her nightgown in the morning
out there stretching. She wouldn't mean as a snake, and
I'm like, well, honey, you better lighten up if you
want to get out of this pool. If you could
have this place one day, um, oh my god. And
she can still find humor talking about disease. Um. That's
(32:54):
also part of it too, you know. I I didn't
want to lose my wife, but I was prepared to
if I had to. Yeah, Um, I didn't want to.
I'm glad it didn't. So yeah, I just wasn't in
for that. And I didn't sign up for that fucking ship.
The boy got the lesson, big time got the lesson.
(33:17):
And and again compare more more compassionate. Always consider myself
a fairly compassionate person. I think that in many cases
I've actually been able to expand that as well, and
and compassion for others certainly, But but I think the
newer part is compassion for myself, like being okay, being
fucked up, being okay, being sad, um, not beating myself
(33:39):
up that I was, you know, picking fights in the
schoolyard because I ever holy ship as I picking fights,
But it isn't not okay. Sometimes we're not okay, and
and that's when you have to go get home. Yep.
And I was not okay, yeah, but I'm okay now.
In fact, i'm better now you are better, and so
is Suzanne and so and that's actually the most yes,
(34:01):
hands down, and so Suzanne and she's like this is
she goes, it's not coming back. I'm not letting it.
So I'm not even worried about it. She did, by
the way, get a clean scan, so her six month mark.
So yeah, um and yeah, yeah, so good, so good.
Thank you, my al for being generous and sharing your
journey and your lessons and your blessings. My lessons and
(34:24):
my blessings. Yeah, and I have a lot of both,
and I'm grateful for both. I used to say it
wasn't grateful for the treatment. Remember we saying that one
time about my stepdad. Except dad and you're like, yeah,
but maybe you should be and and I actually don't
say that anymore, Like I'm just I'm grateful to have
had this experience. As fucking painful as it was painful,
(34:47):
scary and painful, I'm glad to have had it because
it everything like it just set an amazing tone for
whatever we have left. If it's another day, it's another day.
If it's another decade, it's another decade. Whatever there is,
there's none except for this moment right now. That's it.
(35:07):
That's all. That's all we're promised. And but it's set
such a great path for that, and I'm so excited
about it because I think it changed. And I'm not
going to know exactly how and where yet, but it
absolutely changed the trajectory of our life. There's no doubt.
Absolutely changed it, There's no doubt. Thank you again, Thanks
(35:31):
Susanne for her permission to share the story the unfolding.
Oh should I didn't ask her? She's fine? Are you kidding?
She's fine, she's fine, she's all good. She knows she's
mentioned by every other episode anyways. So thank you to
our listeners, and remember I thank you. Spoo is hard
(35:56):
ship without the other side. M hm hm here here
thank everybody, Thank you, everybody, deep heartfelt thank you. Goodbye, y'all.
(36:16):
Thank you for joining us, everyone, and a special thanks
to our producer Joey pat and our executive producer Maya
Cole Howard, who guides us well, we guide you. Hit
us up on Instagram at other side guides or shoot
us a note at high h I at vibes dot store.
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
(36:39):
And remember, our school is hard without the other side.
Insider's Guide to the other Side is a production of
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio,
visit the I heart Radio app, Spotify, Apple podcast, or
wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side. Now,
y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything
on the other side. Yes, we are, because once you
(00:22):
learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because, let's be honest, Brian, earth school
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, the witchiest of post. How
(00:46):
are youst nice? You would think after all this time,
I wouldn't have anything new to say, but I do
because you are and Leslie creative truly, thank you it
is You're super proud, appreciate that, And how are you
(01:11):
I am? Actually? Yeah, it's really funny. I was watched
Have you seen Ted Lasso? Yes, of course the show
talso so the Black Panthers. So I don't know if
you remember when Keiley actually has it's a like a
ceramic leopard and her office and all I imagine is
a big old ceramic black panther So it's funny that
(01:33):
you said that, because I'm like, oh my god, I
because I really I rewatched things now. It's a very
strange thing. I never used to do that, but I
do now. And my brother and his family were here
and we watched it with the kids, and so I'm
watching that and I'm looking at Susanna go I want
a big black ceramic panther. So anyway, it's kind of
funny you I do and listen with all the company
(01:58):
we've been having down here, know this is it's been
over two years that we've actually seen people like I
haven't seen my brother and his and his family for
two years and so it was amazing to see them.
And then of course we had my friend Andy and
our god daughter Alex has been here and just magic
to see them. But we all have to watch stuff
(02:18):
on television, right because that's what we do now. We
don't know how to do much more than that. And
I also just watch It's a it's a I think
it's Pixar Onward and it's about elves. Write it's about elves,
and it was awesome. I'm so happy for my people
that they got their own animated movie. Uh oh my god,
(02:42):
I detinalely have to watch it. It's so cute. It
is so cute. They have a lot of stuff about
magic wands and spells and all this kind of stuff,
and it has all the great you know, the great
storytelling of of the unexpected hero all that. It's just
you know, they have a fantastic state formula um and
it works and it was great. And yes I got
(03:06):
terry because I apparently do that a lot these days
in television. Something that's just going on. Yeah, I've been
like kind of cry lately. We watched um uh so
the Caddy. We had Academy Awards a while back. We
don't have to talk about will Smith in this lap
unless you want to. But I my number one. I must.
I don't know if I'm supposed to say this out lad,
but I'm going to anyway, because I'm pretty sure no
(03:26):
other voters except maybe Betina listens to our show. Coda
was the movie that I voted number one, and they
and they wait things right, so you can actually be
a movie that is number three and you can still
win because they wait the final numbers. And I have
watched Coda. I can't tell you how many times now
(03:47):
I cry so beautiful, like where I can't see cry
and which I was laying on my side and it
was like dripping off of like my left side, like
hitting the sofa. Um. So, yeah, it's been a little
cry fest lately. So I think this topic today is
probably pretty good. Maybe we'll be lucky and I'll cry
it out. You never know. That's it's all good. It's
(04:10):
all good. So today you are going to be talking
about how you found ways to cope with chaos. Yeah, yeah,
And you know, we called it just very broad with
this the word chaos, because I mean, I think, as
everybody knows, Suzanne was diagnosed with breast cancer last August,
(04:32):
and at one point you had said, you know, later
we should talk about what you learn in In In fact,
I think you suggested I talked to a therapist, and
I'll actually hit that in a minute, because I did,
just not in the way you thought I would. And yeah, right,
and my therapist was not suky by the way, although
she is a good one every once in a while. Um,
(04:54):
but we want to leave it broad because you know, chaos,
You know what is traumatic in your life with would
be chaos. You you fill in the blank, this is
just to tell a story about a specific situation, but
apply it right to your own life. And that's why
you wanted to keep it broad right. It's and and look,
life is messy, right that we we it's in our tayline, right.
(05:17):
Our school is hard without the other side, and even
with the other side of our school, still it's messy
and it's scary and it gets really real, supers, it
does it does? I mean, it is like you can
feel and gosh, and I know I'm not the only
one that has happened to You can just kind of
(05:37):
be swimming along in life and then all of a sudden,
bit by a fucking shark. I mean that's what it
felt like. It's like a nice swim. Things are good,
you know, da da da da, and all of a
sudden with us, you know, got the call, the dreaded
fucking call that changes everything. I mean, I know when
(06:00):
we I first introduced this, um what you know, with
what Suzanne was, I think I talked about it and
um uh what I called my morbid birthday, I go
to bury my mother's ashes, you know, because we had
found out the day before about her cancer, cancer diagnosis.
(06:20):
So I think actually the next day was the beginning
of that for me. Like I know that the moment was,
but it was like I think I needed to grieve,
like very instantaneously. And I know I also shared that
I got pretty confrontational with people during that time. Um,
(06:42):
I was angry, and I guess it's like, get the
typical what stages of grief? I think I probably I
don't think I hit denial. I skipped that. I think
I'm a little wise wiser these days to know I
don't need to go through denial. It's okay if you
do go through denial, everyone don't worry. You're not judgment here,
judgment none at all, no judgment. But I was confrontational.
(07:05):
I was an asshole. I mean, like verbally attacked people
that didn't have masks on because at the time, you know,
we we still were dealing with a pretty severe version
of COVID. We had what the hell was that one
um delta and it felt like right, it felt like
it felt like a threat, and it felt like a threat.
(07:25):
And so when I would see people out in the
world that were blatantly antimask that to me, I took
it as they don't give a shit about anybody but themselves.
And I gave a big ship about my wife because
here's the thing. If she'd gotten she couldn't get surgery.
You don't, you know, there's all those things that happened.
I was melting down with I mean, I melted. I
(07:47):
mean to be perfectly frank, I melted many times, but
melted to protect her, but not the right way. Right.
I didn't hit anybody, for the record, because I I've
actually never hit anybody in my life. That's that's very good.
I can't say I will die with that. So far
(08:08):
I have not done it. But go ahead and and
again I think, you know, we hope that that people
will do their best. But in those moments going off
on someone, that was the best you could do. Right,
It's not like it wasn't like you woke up and
said I'm taking someone out today like that. That right,
you're so fried and you're under so much stress, and
(08:30):
it's scary as hell, and it takes such an impact
your nervous system, like everything is like, oh my god,
what's next, Oh my god, what can I do? What
can I do? That? Right? And you're right, I didn't
wake up wanted to take somebody out because I had
already felt like I've been taken out, right, I mean
I felt taken out. It's there is nobody on this
(08:53):
planet that I love like Susanne. And I was going
to fucking kill somebody with words to get in my way.
I mean, that's how it was. And remember, right, we've
said this way back in the day, and the right
people treat people how they feel, like how I feel
in the moment, it's going to be how I treat you, right,
(09:16):
and that's what happens. And I felt shitty, and I
treated people shitty. I treated a lot of people shitty.
I went on an apology to because it wasn't just strangers.
I had to go on a little bit of an
apology tour. UM on that. And I, by the way,
that's not my first apology tour, for the record, I've
actually had several. I've had several of those tours. Value
(09:39):
of a good apology, Oh my god, I can, I can.
I can do such a good apology tour now because
it is definitely not my first. Rodeo. By the way,
everybody a great lesson in that too, because they are
so important, They're so important, so important, Um, and if
it's done, it's not done, well do myself. Not even
do it because you're doing more damage. Don't go on tour.
(09:59):
You just worry your money now, investment coming back. I mean,
we're going to show up to your show man. Don't
do it. And I will say that I don't feel
like our culture does apologies right. Like in Japan they
do apologies right. They know, how do they do apologies?
There's a whole kata about how to apologize. I mean
(10:20):
the whole process, the whole process. Really yeah, it's it's
I mean like there's kata for everything in Japan, but
like it's it has to be extraordinary, like it's an
extraordinary heartfelt and then they're taught how to do it,
like just like they're talking to thank you, you know,
like thank you Cardison, She's like, hey, thanks, but let's
you know, like, no, you're right, we're terrible at that.
(10:42):
We don't. We don't we're crappy apologists. Yeah, And there's
a lot of steps you go through before you can
even get to the apology tour that says, oh, a
self awareness, processing and compassion right for myself and for
acknowledging the other person's experience may not have been what
(11:04):
you desired to create consciously, but you still created like that.
That's an extraordinary level, high level of processing. I start
with a level of vulnerability, and that is that place
of very much understanding my role and also understanding the
other person. Now this aren't the strangers that I ran
up against at CVS or Walgreens or any of that ship,
(11:28):
but for the people that I care about in my world,
because so many people like I know, we're going to
take a break in a second. But um, what I've
had to learn is not everybody understands your journey, your experiences,
and sometimes when we react, we expect them to know
and feel what we know and feel. And that ain't
(11:50):
the case, folks, That's not how it works. And even
when you tell them it doesn't mean to understand it. Correct.
I learned that with when Mom died. You know, um,
because Mom died, I was forty one, and I was
the youngest or the first one actually in my peer
group for the most part, to have lost a parent,
(12:12):
especially once so dear, and nobody understood. They didn't understand.
I mean, you know, I lost my dad when I
was thirteen. The people definitely didn't understand that. So I
learned that early on through those experiences to understand that
not every understands. You know, why don't we take a
quick break and then we'll come back and uh and
uh yeah, talk about apology tours. I don't know chaos
(12:37):
or chaos can and welcome back. I hope you enjoyed
the apology tour well with hand in hand. By the way,
with an apology is also gratitude. Um and UM. I
(12:59):
tell you the group that I really want to thank
are actually our listeners. And I mean that, and I
think you all know who you are. There are people
who have experienced cancer before that reached out to Susanne
and you know, welcome to the crappy club. Um, people
who would say, you know, I'm so sorry, I'm so
glad you're better. The love and compassion that people showed
(13:24):
to Susanne that they don't know Susanne, I mean they
kind they kind of Susanne, right, but you know, they
have not met her in human form, although I may
have and I'm not aware of it, but it was
absolutely utterly generous. And I will tell you it made
a difference from us and then for me seeing her say, honey,
(13:50):
did you read this note? And watching her the elation
that she had, that she was seen and recognized and
cared about, and that somebody bothered to spend the time
to write her. And by the way, you know this
better anybody brand. Our listeners are not known for their
short messages. And we love that about you, Oh, hands
(14:15):
down awesome. So when I say the time that people
spent and so thoughful and and and I know that
there are some people because they know that Susanne reads
all the messages on vibes, like all the orders, the
fact we all do, by the way, just for the record, um,
and if you put your phone number and say call me,
(14:35):
that usually happens. Just ps and they would write her
specifically on there they are buying something from our company
and telling Susanne these beautiful things. So I want all
of you to know how incredibly, unbelievably, through every cell
in my body, how grateful that I am because you
(14:57):
brought her joy, you wrought her something that other people
didn't well, and then I cannot thank you enough. It's
something that's so grace filled that you can go from
fear and surrender and dark Knight of the soul to
joy right because the messages were so so beautiful, so generous.
And I don't mean a couple there were, they weren't,
(15:24):
just a few. And people still will say something to Susanne.
So I so that I want to. I want to.
I wanted that was very important for me on behalf
of me, but mostly in behalf of my wife, to
thank everybody who did that. I don't think. I think
that sometimes we don't think that what we say is
(15:45):
important to someone who's struggling with with an event, chaos,
whatever it may be. UM. And I hope that this
will open everybody up to do it, even if you
don't get reckon eyes on a podcast. You don't have to,
that's not the goal, but know that it matters and
it counts. And I wrote this in my book about
(16:07):
showing up. Showing up doesn't mean you have to physically
show up to our doorstep, although you can if you
figure out where we're leaving it through the guard gate. Um.
But I'm pain showing up with your heart and your
energy and the time that you invested that you gave
is showing up and that matters. I think it matters.
(16:27):
No kindness is ever wasted. No, it's not. It's just
it's And it doesn't matter if it's someone on the
street who just says something nice to you, like you
look whatever, like a I appreciate your vibe today, or
something like, it can be the most rare. And i'd
a guy literally two days ago. I was out walking sukie.
(16:47):
He drove by. I could he was in a panic.
It was dark, and he goes, I lost my little dog,
a little white dog UM named Snarls, which is hilarious,
by the way, No wonder he left now and um,
but he's like he's broke. I could tell he's broken up.
And it was ten something at night, past my bedtime,
and I went out. I got it here. I said,
(17:10):
give me your number if I if I find him,
I go out and I'm walking out there with Alex
and who's almost eleven, and we were walking for half
an hour. I called him back. I'm like, I'm so
sorry I couldn't find him. And he could not have
been more grateful or more gracious. Told me where he worked.
He's a cook at Ichabod's down the street, and he said,
come on in and see me, and like that was
(17:32):
he was. We were strangers, and he said, you now
have a friend if you care, I said, of course
I care, right, But like those acts, like you said,
a stranger. I only brought that up because of the
stranger part. And by the way, you know, the love
that people showed Suzanne helped me do that just the
other day, knowing how important it is, like this is
the domino effect, right, So I want to ask and
(17:57):
one more question, doing you take nowhere? Good? Okay? So
you know when I think about having your life derailed,
because that's what happens, right, and we all have it,
like it doesn't matter if you've lost a relationship, lost
a pet, lost a job, like you know, something that
didn't go according to plan um. When you have to
(18:20):
figure out, you have to regroup and recenter and like okay,
so now who am I right? You have to figure
that out? How did you go through that process? What
was that like for you and Susanne or specifically for you,
you know, I will tell you it was an amazing
how we both handled it with each other. For a relationship,
(18:41):
it was it brought us closer together. We had conversations
about things, and I actually was allowed to take care
of her. Here's the thing about Suzanne that people don't
know she has an immune system that is superior to humans.
I mean, I'm not kidding. I've only seen her sick
maybe one time in almost thirty years. I have drug
(19:02):
home every virus and bacteria off the street into our home,
and she never got it, like so seriously. So I
was allowed to take care of her. And that was
turning the tables for us. And so that was actually
really powerful thing. And so you know a lot of
of that so we it didn't get in the way
(19:23):
of us. It made us stronger, and so that was
a beautiful thing. I think that, Um, I just I
just wanted to highlight that because that isn't that's not
a given right, because because people grieve in different ways,
and and it's hard to let people in sometimes it's
even hard to find words for what you're feeling are
going through, um and to to verbalize fear is it's hard.
(19:48):
It's challenging. And I think it was a confirmation to
Suzanne about the depths of how much I love her.
I don't think she questioned it. I think she saw like, oh, ship,
she loves me, like you know, and um, I even
think some of my going off the rails was funny
enough comforting to her because it was like, I do
(20:08):
I mean, um, she panther, there's my panther. I mean
I think she was kind of like, um, honey, don't
have to go fight with everybody in the playground when
she said one day, but I do, because I was.
I mean literally anybody I was. It's the world was
a playground, and I thought everybody except you, um in cuby,
(20:30):
but everybody else I fought with. And so I think
that there was a bit of an appreciation even though
she knew and I told her, I sait, honey, I
don't like this. I don't like how I am, I
don't like who I am. Um. I think I was
far more scared than she was. Um. And I think
that's the case usually in these situations. If I'm just
a guess, yeah, I would imagine, yeah, I'm just guessing.
(20:53):
I don't know. I mean, these are things I don't
fully understand about the about everybody and how they process
things or handle things. But um, and and as we
also know, I talk a lot, so that was kind
of a given that I was going to have to
talk about it. Uh. And I'm emotional and sensitive and
all of those things. And I embraced all of that.
And once I got past the anger part where I'd
(21:15):
stop attacking people, took me about two weeks. That's when
I had said to you, I'm like, I gotta figure
out who I am and all this like I I
wanted to, I actively sought it out. And so here,
let me just tell you something kind of funny about
the therapist part. So we um, you know, we're getting
this condo in Florida, and they have a whole thing
(21:37):
about dog sizes and weights and all that kind of stuff.
And so I was like, well, ship, I probably need
to get Silki certified as a an e s A
and an emotional support animal. And so I signed up.
And you have to talked to a therapist. That's how
you do it, right, I'm on the phone with this woman.
Four must have been thirty minute, an hour, I don't know,
(21:58):
it could have been a day, and I sobbing the
entire time, and she goes, I think you need and
your make Suki needs to feed emotional word animal. Like
I think we've cleared that up. And because I was
like just letting go, I was like letting it all
out and right I was identifying. So it's not like I,
(22:18):
you know, run somebody up, found a therapist, saw them
every Tuesday at four. It was a bit of a
one hit wonder. I think in that, um too, i'd
go bigger, go home kind of balth so you know,
I am. It's definitely true, like there was no holding
back and yeah I am to go bigger, go home
(22:39):
for sure. Um and uh so that that actually really
made me understand how much pain I was really in.
And then that's when the big aha happened, and you
want to take a break and make it a cliffhanger
just for ships and giggles for everybody. We'll be right
(23:01):
back with the big ah h and welcome back. I know,
I can't wait to hear. Okay, I'm with you guys.
I'm waiting. I don't know if you know. Yeah, I'm
(23:23):
you know. And before I reveal I'm gonna have to,
of course give a little background to it, because I
because that's what I do, storytelling, right. Um. I've always
been the person that had some sort of plan, always
knew what was going to happen next, or I thought
I did, and would plan for things and I was
always like like strategy, right, whether it was for work
(23:45):
or life, like all this stuff is floating around like Okay,
here's plan A and here's Plan B and all of that. Yeah,
I don't do that ship anymore. And um, the answer
is I have learned to go with the flow and
all spects of life. Where I used to force things,
I don't force. That is not a word. May the
(24:06):
force be with you, It's fine, but it doesn't have
to be with me. I don't have to do that,
And it is, um it is. It is peaceful. Are
there a lot of things that could happen? Sure, but
I'm fine. And it also has opened me up to
(24:27):
different opportunities, different things that I'm not so dead set
and I'm not so tunnel vision about as many things
as I once was. The focus is more on truly
what is important, which is my family, my friends. And
when I say my family, I mean are dogs too.
It's like they are a little furry creatures. So it's
everybody's health, their well being things like that. I'm not
(24:51):
worried about four oh one K or any of that
kind of or like this all the just ship like things.
Things get re prioritized very quickly. Yeah, and they've maintained
that and we have yeah, oh no, And I think
this is like, this is set, this is this is
(25:12):
something that is so important. And it's important for Suzanne too,
because Susanne was that way as well. Here's how things are,
here's the order, and here's the vision of this and that,
and we both are kind of like, fuck it, let's
just see where this goes, you know, kind of like
when you were talking about Esen and how you saw
(25:32):
these figures in your third sphere circle and and that
you were like, Okay, well they'll they'll come when I
need to see them, kind of thing like you weren't
forcing unfolding right right. You say it obviously far more
eloquent than I do. I talked about me the force
(25:53):
be with you, but not with me. I have to
use movie references, is whatever I can um. But I
think that if I had to pick one thing, there's
more than one. But if I had to pick one thing,
one big big change that I not only I went through,
but we went through together was the going with the flow,
(26:18):
not forcing. And because there is a flow to life,
I mean there's a flow to our days. There's a
flow to just how we are. Like, you know, there
are some people that have really fast peaks and valleys
just by the nature of who they are. They're people
that might peek and have five days of a valley
peak for four days, whatever it may be. Going with
(26:38):
all of it. It's like I don't feel great today,
or I'm a little tired. J I'm to stay in
bad okay, don't feel bad about it. Or I'm gonna
go walk my ass off at Disney World. That's okay too.
Whatever it is, I just go with it. And that
is not I was not like that. And it takes
a lot of inner work to be fully present. Yeah, right,
(27:02):
And that's what it sounds like. You became fully present
and there was something about it that felt better that
you've kept it. Oh my gosh, I can so tell.
I can see the change. I can absolutely see it.
I can absolutely see it. You know, there's things I
still struggle with. It's not like it you make a
decision all of the poof this isn't yeah, this isn't
(27:24):
poof the magic fucking Dragon. It is like it's worked right.
By the way, speaking of magic Dragon, in that movie
onward about the elves that I mentioned no, no, no,
wait wait, I so pivoted on this, but I had
to is um, do you remember when I had that
experience going to the dragon world and then the next
(27:45):
day I was able to hear dead people? Um, and
in it there were two dragons and that damn movie
there are two dragons and one little one and one
big one that did a clicky click thing. I'm like, whoa,
that was weird. That's awesome. Yeah, great, everybody watched that movie.
But yeah, it's it's not like when you I'm gonna
pivot back. It's not like when you know you decide
(28:07):
I'm not gonna eat sugar. You know, you still have
to work on it because it's it takes practice and
being present and being thoughtful. And I've never been more present.
I have again, I have moments, so I'm fucking not perfect,
but it's so much better. It's so much better. I
had a client once and you know, just bringing it
back to the too, like the chaos of life right
(28:30):
takes many forms. And a client once who was asked
by his company to resign um you know which happens,
and in that moment, he asked such exquisite questions about
the strategy of his leadership. And I think what happened
for him is he wasn't known for being overly present,
(28:52):
but he got very clear, very present in the moment.
Now he did freak out afterwards, but in the moment,
like and people talk about this where things almost slow down,
like if you've ever almost been in an accident or
something like that, things literally do slow down. Or when
you get the dreaded call, you know, like things everything slows,
(29:12):
gets slow motions, so you have a chance to get
really clear and be present. And for many people that
passes once the situation has passed. But I think what
it is extraordinary is that has you have kept that
activated within your marriage, within your life, And it's it's extraordinary.
(29:35):
Thank you. Yeah, you knew, you knew. You're like, oh
my elf, you're gonna have some stuff. You got to
find out what it is, you know, and I did
you know? I it's it's you know. I Um. Everybody
has heard us talk about Mona and Mona was you know,
(29:55):
our friend that was killed in a car accident. Yeah,
and she Um would always talk about being present with
things and and and and doing the work. She would
always say, you know, you got to do the work.
I don't want to be with somebody who hasn't done
the work, and DA data the work, and you have
(30:17):
to be president of the work. And I didn't understand
what doing the work meant. Then I didn't. I didn't
know what that meant. And I know what it means.
And it is a very real thing about doing the
work and being present doing the work and whatever that
work is, wherever that work takes you, and whatever it
is that that throws you into it, and it is
(30:40):
about sitting with it and spending time with an understanding
and being We've talked earlier in a previous episode about
being neutral to things. It's like, as much as I
want to be good and awesome, I'm not always So
I need to be really honest with myself about these
things and understand myself more so I can, like you know,
strive to be more of who I want to be.
(31:03):
And I think that's what this was for me. It's like, Okay,
I didn't see this coming, um and um, so who
am I going to be? Who do I want to be?
And there's a lot of things we don't see coming,
but you're like, Okay, I can roll with that, but
this is not anything you wanted. This was something that
was scary and threatening. And again you know you have
(31:26):
you get there when you got there, when you get there,
but like you you got there relatively quickly. That said, wait,
who do I want to be? Right? And because we
talk about this right, like, you know, as much as
I think you know, our listeners for all the gratitude
and amazing messages they sent to Suzanne, also just the
(31:47):
show because I listened to us, I really listened to
you don't really listen to me. Um and uh and
and that is part of what has helps me through
her life. It's like, you know, when I talk to
people that are like, oh, wait, you have you have
to struggle with these same things, I'm like, oh, come
the of course I do. I'm still here, right. You
(32:10):
know some it's like, well, wait, having things gotten easier?
What I'm like, No, I'm still here. I'm not done.
If I were done, I'd be gone. Yeah, Like, I'm
still here for a reason. You know. That's why I
always used to laugh about only the bad Die old,
because because they ain't done. Oh my god, I met
(32:33):
one by the way, were her nightgown in the morning
out there stretching. She wouldn't mean as a snake, and
I'm like, well, honey, you better lighten up if you
want to get out of this pool. If you could
have this place one day, um, oh my god. And
she can still find humor talking about disease. Um. That's
(32:54):
also part of it too, you know. I I didn't
want to lose my wife, but I was prepared to
if I had to. Yeah, Um, I didn't want to.
I'm glad it didn't. So yeah, I just wasn't in
for that. And I didn't sign up for that fucking ship.
The boy got the lesson, big time got the lesson.
(33:17):
And and again compare more more compassionate. Always consider myself
a fairly compassionate person. I think that in many cases
I've actually been able to expand that as well, and
and compassion for others certainly, But but I think the
newer part is compassion for myself, like being okay, being
fucked up, being okay, being sad, um, not beating myself
(33:39):
up that I was, you know, picking fights in the
schoolyard because I ever holy ship as I picking fights,
But it isn't not okay. Sometimes we're not okay, and
and that's when you have to go get home. Yep.
And I was not okay, yeah, but I'm okay now.
In fact, i'm better now you are better, and so
is Suzanne and so and that's actually the most yes,
(34:01):
hands down, and so Suzanne and she's like this is
she goes, it's not coming back. I'm not letting it.
So I'm not even worried about it. She did, by
the way, get a clean scan, so her six month mark.
So yeah, um and yeah, yeah, so good, so good.
Thank you, my al for being generous and sharing your
journey and your lessons and your blessings. My lessons and
(34:24):
my blessings. Yeah, and I have a lot of both,
and I'm grateful for both. I used to say it
wasn't grateful for the treatment. Remember we saying that one
time about my stepdad. Except dad and you're like, yeah,
but maybe you should be and and I actually don't
say that anymore, Like I'm just I'm grateful to have
had this experience. As fucking painful as it was painful,
(34:47):
scary and painful, I'm glad to have had it because
it everything like it just set an amazing tone for
whatever we have left. If it's another day, it's another day.
If it's another decade, it's another decade. Whatever there is,
there's none except for this moment right now. That's it.
(35:07):
That's all. That's all we're promised. And but it's set
such a great path for that, and I'm so excited
about it because I think it changed. And I'm not
going to know exactly how and where yet, but it
absolutely changed the trajectory of our life. There's no doubt.
Absolutely changed it, There's no doubt. Thank you again, Thanks
(35:31):
Susanne for her permission to share the story the unfolding.
Oh should I didn't ask her? She's fine? Are you kidding?
She's fine, she's fine, she's all good. She knows she's
mentioned by every other episode anyways. So thank you to
our listeners, and remember I thank you. Spoo is hard
(35:56):
ship without the other side. M hm hm here here
thank everybody, Thank you, everybody, deep heartfelt thank you. Goodbye, y'all.
(36:16):
Thank you for joining us, everyone, and a special thanks
to our producer Joey pat and our executive producer Maya
Cole Howard, who guides us well, we guide you. Hit
us up on Instagram at other side guides or shoot
us a note at high h I at vibes dot store.
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
(36:39):
And remember, our school is hard without the other side.
Insider's Guide to the other Side is a production of
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio,
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