May 15, 2024 • 34 mins
We talk a lot about family of birth and family of choice, and one thing they both have in common is soul contracts made on the other side. But what about in-laws? Could you possibly have selected them, too? Extended family can bring many blessings and, often, challenges. How can you manage yourself and others when family dynamics are upsetting?
Today, we'll discuss how to set intentions that foster positive engagement, ways (and why) to avoid victimhood, when to let the emotions around a situation go, what it feels like to meet a sister from another mister, and how to support your spouse / beloved best as they navigate complicated familial relationships.
Because Earth School is hard, without the elegant impact you can have during the difficult times of your Earth School journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the
Other Side.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with
everything on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes, we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic,
or to some the invisible world, life is going to
be more fun and much more serene.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Uh heck, yes it can. Because let's be honest, for
in earth school is hard.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth school together.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
My witchy poop, I can't count. Just everybody knows I
went three one one? What the hell? So hey, my
witchy poo. How are you today?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I can't count?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I'm fine though, not today.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Not today, Satan. I can't count.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I'm not not account to day.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I've got I'm kind of got my doggy next to me.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Can you count today? Mmm?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I think countin's going okay today.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Flipping things around for you, I swear to God I
flipped things around more now than I have. But I
just think it's lack of paying attention.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Sometimes I wish I had that excuse.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I know, I know it's a real thing for you.
And also in my high school boyfriend John, I mean,
he mixes things up, but you know he has a
whole team to put them in the right order.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Got to work on that.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah, right, Uh so, since I can't count, we're going
to talk about not anything having to do with math,
but what we're going to talk about, which I think,
so it is actually a client a good It was
a question. It was a question from a listener. It
was actually surprising to me that we haven't talked about it.
(02:07):
And that's why I love so much when people reach out,
because I think that this question is one of our
biggest lessons in earth school especially and obviously as we
get older, which is how we engage and manage ourselves
and others when it comes to our in laws. I mean,
that's a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, yeah, that's a charged one too, right this, Yeah,
I'm sure you have some specific Do you have specifics
or is this a general?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Oh no, I'll tell you the story of what she shared.
But yeah, so we'll just kind of rift through this
a bit, but I'm going to tell you the story.
So this is a young woman who came out maybe
a year and a half, two years ago, and she
met her girlfriend and college who came from or who
(03:03):
comes from a highly religious family, and the parents, as
you could imagine, you know, aren't terribly supportive. Question a lot.
It's not exactly. They're not creating unity in all of this.
They're creating more division, as you could imagine. And I
(03:23):
think the question, you know, and part of what this
wonderful young woman expressed was, you know, she goes, there's
my side of the family that is really opening, is
open and loving and like, you know, red rover, red rover,
bring this woman on over, We're here for you kind
of thing. And then there's the other side, the girlfriend's side,
(03:47):
which is like, Nope, not happening today.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
So is there something specific about this woman that her
family's saying no to or gay?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
No? Three letters?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, I'm sorry that was an inappropriate response. It's just
not what I was expecting.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, this woman is she's lovely, she's smart, and she's stunning,
and she's funny. No, she's gay. I mean it's that.
I mean, this is a specific example.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Okay, But the irony is what she is experiencing is
they're actually rejecting about their own daughter, not about her.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
They're rejecting both, I think. I mean, if you're gonna
reject one, you're going to reject the other.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yeah, But it doesn't sound like they're rejecting their daughter. There.
Sounds like they're rejecting her daughter's beloved.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Oh okay, well right, okay, that's fair, Yeah, because I.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Mean, are they rejecting I think it's I.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Think to a degree, yeah, I think I don't think
they've shut her out of their life, but I think
they are trying to convince, you know, because people parents
think they have that power to you know, people are
very so funny people are. You know, parents crack me
up because somehow they think when they give birth, they
own this human. And it's like, no, y'all, you don't.
(05:16):
I'm going to tell you right now, that person is
their own, Their soul is their own, and in some
cases that soul is older than yours and you just
can't accept it. But anyway, I think there's an ownership
issue that's happening, and you know, I think there is,
you know, and I think between them, not the parents,
(05:39):
but the two young women, you know, I think it
it's hard as well, because.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh gosh, right, it's so hard, so hard.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
There's probably shame on one side and there's joy on
this other. It's like, I can't believe I came from this,
you know, there's all these things I think that happen,
but it was I think part of the question was spiritually,
what do we do with this? You know? How do
we handle this? You know? And of course my question is, well,
(06:10):
you signed up for it, but it's like, what do
you do with it? You know, like how do you
make it through the world where there is one part
that one side of the family that rejects this union
and the other that completely accepts it, And how do
you do it? In a rise? You know, they go low,
we go hi, Michelle Obama, way right?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Well, I think the best you can do and just
so much compassion, and let's face it, it doesn't have to
be this extreme for most of us to experience a
little tension with our better half's family. You know, even
the most well intended can feel very invasive or constricting
(06:54):
or judgy or inconvenient at best.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know, we're just talking about parents. We'll gonna later
in this talk about even siblings. And others of the
extended family, and how do you manage that. But this
when it comes to the parents, and at such a
young age, because they haven't gotten to that fuck your
go fuck yourself stage in life, you know, there's still
very much least to their parents at least not right
(07:19):
at least not to their parents. And you know, I
think that I you know, I think Susanna when it
comes to this topic. You know, my mother adored that
Suzanne like to the end degree. I do just find
with Suzanne's family.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
You know, we didn't have that that rejection of ooh, gross,
get out of here. You know, you're this, You're that
there was no religion that was driving it, There was
no none of that kind of stuff. So I haven't
had to deal with that. And I think this is
something that I've even heard of, weirdly more now than
I did thirty plus years ago, because I think we're
(07:59):
being coming there's more of a surge of extremists. I guess, yeah,
it's the nicest way to say it today.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, they've definitely had permission to be more vocal. So
I think what I would say is whenever possible, and
it's not always possible manage your engagement time in limited
and you know, hopefully like planned directive kind of ways.
(08:29):
So we're going to share an event, a meal, you know,
so that there's something else to focus on other than
just the gayness in this situation. But it could be anything, right,
it could be It could be anything. It could be
a racial difference, an age difference, socioeconomic difference, a political difference. Right,
(08:51):
it could be any of those, and just ask for
you know, can we have sanctuary over this time together
where we're not going to just be discussing whatever it
is that we agree that we are in different camps
and we're not going to bring it up because for
the sake of the family, we want to be able
(09:12):
to be together and spend time together because it's hard
to detest someone up close totally usually and it happens,
you're right, you're right, you're right, but you're you're you're
a thousand percent when.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yes, because when you face That's why social media can
be so destructive for people, is because the anonymity of
sitting behind a computer or a phone, you can shoot
your mouth off like crazy and you're not having to
face that person. It is a very very different thing.
And here's the thing there's maybe it's about rule setting,
and which I don't think families do like the extended
(09:55):
families do, is kind of set some rules. I mean,
you don't have to say it so abruptly as I said,
some rules. But that's some boundaries maybe about why I
think what you're saying, because the alternative is either you
set them and you live by them, or you're not
going to see us, and that is the worst alternative
for all parties involved.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And I do think you want to be very specific
ahead of time, event by event, whether it's a celebration
or an obligation or something. But this just says, can
I ask that we we can spend time together, we
can share a meal, and we're not going to bring
this up during this time and if you know that,
(10:37):
if we can't agree to that, then there's no reason
for us to gather. That's all I would say. There's
no reason to do it right, There's just no there's
no upside. I'm trying to set everybody up for success.
I'm trying to create a place for us to engage
and get to know each other a little bit just
by being next to each other. We don't even have
to You don't even have to speak to me if
you're not comfortable, right, right, But these these out of
(10:59):
the rules of engagement.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, And then the really weird magical thing happens is
that once you let that happen, the the one party
will actually look at the others that they were human
just like them. Because that's what happens.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And it can take a minute, it can take a
few take you. Yeah, is you have to be willing
to play the long game in these and when someone
does go low, you just excuse yourself and say thank
you for making it clear, like that's the only that's
the only thing to utter. Thank you for making it clear.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
You are so much nicer than I am, because my
comment always back is to say it again. I'm such
a confrontational person. It's like, say it again and then
they don't. But you're correct.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You just want to make it You want to remind
them what the agreement was by saying by affirming what
they've done, not by pointing to the agreement that was broken,
because that's implied. Oh, thank you for making your position clear.
We'll take our exit now.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
And you can keep the check.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
But without fire. Without just like, this is agreement, this
is a natural law, this is what This is the
complete natural conclusion to this type of behavior, right, So
just keep it simple. But the other thing is to remember,
you know, when I do spear messages, I always talk about,
you know, when people get divorced, energetically, we're still together, right,
(12:35):
They're still connected on the other side. Right, There's there's
a soul component that's always there and always activated among
the souls, and so the same is true for in laws,
like these souls that you're like, I don't have anything
to do with these people. My life would be so
much easier without them, right, It's all something that you've
agreed to on a soul level. So you're like, oh
(12:57):
my god, these are my people. For the love of God,
I have no idea why or how what am I
to do with this?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
What that hell was?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think you momentary lapse of judgment or whatever. But
because of that, you want to remind yourself that you're
not a victim. You're not a victim here. You are
a co participant, You are a co creator. And so
you giggle and you have compassion for yourself and you
(13:29):
just like graciously move forward. As much as possible, and
that's why limited engagement can be very strategic and very
beneficial for all parties. Yeah. Yeah, we have a three
hour limit and we're out.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
That seems really long to me, but yeah, it.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Just depends if you can do ninety minutes more power too.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah, and that would be going to an animated film,
So you sit and not have sucked anybody. And they're
usually ninety min it's one hundred minutes long, so you're
good to go. Okay, on that note, we'll be right
back and let's talk about some sibling things which I
think will be interesting.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I'd welcome back.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Hey, that was hilarious because I just eight seconds ago
said do you want to bring us back? Or do
you want me to bring us back? And Brandon within
a second and welcome back.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
There was no counting involved.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
There was none, There was no poof, there was no nothing.
There was no three one one a.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
While it's a non counting day.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Okay, So another interesting story. And maybe this should have
been called extended family, but we're going to keep it
in law loss is uh I I had forgotten this
is before we were even talking about the first section
was there's a friend who you know that just found
(14:56):
out that she has a half sister with a different
colored birthday suit. And and it has been interesting because
it is a it's a she's this now sister is younger,
and uh, it's she came from obviously another father and
(15:16):
was adopted. The adopted family not happy about it. This
other the other part of the family. There's sketchiness that.
Then there's open arms. You know, there's a little racism
that exists in one side. But you know what part
of the plan like this was in this was there
was no accident.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Here, there are no accidents.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It was lessons all around. And what my friend found
is that this young woman is so incredibly like her.
It's insane.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Is that fun and magical?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I think, yeah, And like has you know kids, And
some of the naming is weird just because of they
have names that they've both love and that made no sense,
you know. So there's like magical arts like that, right,
that that can actually happen.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
But DNA is crazy, Like that spiritual component of the
DNA is just crazy, right, It's so fun.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Wow, it's totally wild. And so when it comes to
I find this interesting with my in laws from the
siblings standpoint, So we'll just keep on the siblings track
for a minute. Is you know, people want to believe
because you're related, you should be the same. So let's
(16:39):
just put it out there.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
People are so delusional.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's it's right.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
It's like, open your eyes. Is this true?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I know, of course not even with my own brother,
who was just here a number of weeks ago. I
love him. We are we look alike, we are completely
different inside. He is like lives in this practical plane
and I'm like, fuck practicality, How does it feel? What
does the energy feel? You know? We are like completely
different human beings raised in the same house. There's principles
(17:09):
that we share, but we're different creatures because we came
here for different reasons. And it's funny because I see
that also with my in laws and who like within
the family Suzanne connects with and doesn't connect with, and
and some is our step right, because that happens as
well right blended families. Her joke is apparently there's an
(17:35):
old show in something like with six you get a groll.
I don't know. It's she a little than me, and
if it were family ties, I would understand the reference.
Or cheers so or even Roseanne. But but it's interesting
when you see these people that that the connections happen,
(17:58):
and there's actually relatives of hers that you know, I
like a lot. Actually it even those in laws. And
it's like, oh, I'm so glad we all chose this
because you're kind of cool and awesome. But it's so
it's just a weird like it's a melting pot, right,
It's just this, it's a micro melting pot. We all
connect where we connect, and and and if you don't.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
I will also say people are differently oriented. Some people
are great just connecting with people one on one, and
some people won't connect with you unless they know where
you rank in the hierarchy, like what's your what's your status? Right,
and and I'm more of a one on one kind
(18:41):
of person, so I oftentimes I'm not aware of how
someone ranks in, you know, the whatever hierarchy they're in,
and I'm not really interested, right, so so it kind
of gets lost on me. But it's it's really interesting
where people like they will you can just see them
scan who's a more important person to talk to?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Oh my god, you're so right?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yeah? Yeah, And people are just so sometimes in these
situations where it can feel like collectively, oh my god,
this family, I don't vibe to these siblings, I have
nothing to grab on to. Where we don't share the
same background, it feels like we don't share the same
values as opposed to I just want to go meet
this one person. I'm just going to engage with this one.
(19:28):
I'm going to have a ten minute conversation or three
minute conversation with this one. Individual is sometimes a helpful
mindset to get you through. I'm going to have a
series of very short engagements. I'm going to address each
individual as an individual, because if I take them on collectively,
I will lose my mind.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
And then the alternative that I have had to pull
out a few times is if all us fails connect
with a family pet.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Because they don't care, I guess, yeah, that is awesome
for real.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That is the mechanism. But so you know, bring your
own I do that too, ye b y o s
bring your own Soukie. And because she's a fabulous distraction
and people love her and so she like really brings
the level down.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And it's a mutual place to connect to.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
And again she brings it down yeah, so you know,
so dealing. You know, we've kind of talked a little
bit about this from like holiday episodes, but we don't
just see family in the holidays, and there's like the
ongoing I think that's really great advice about the three
minutes where I desperately, you know, try to do because
I'm a little on the bold side, is I try.
(20:43):
My goal is don't trigger anybody. Don't trigger anybody. Don't
trigger anybody. And I say I have to say it
over and over and over again because some of them
I just kind of can't help.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's fun for you. That's just fun when you're like, hey,
I'm going to throw this hot potato and then see
what happens.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
So much fun for me.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
You love that, it is so much fun.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah, don't let me recount the story of questioning the
Bible to a relative. So that's a whole other thing,
like now who wrote it? So, yeah, that was real fun.
That was not a good holiday. That was Thanksgiving. I
think when you're uh, so trigger, do trigger, bring the dog.
(21:25):
But but it's just a really like would you say,
it's like we all decided this together, and even even
those like because the funny thing is I like a
lot of the ones that married into like Suzanne Sibbling,
and I'm like, oh, I love him. Yeah, And then
like it even Sue even cop Suey Cop Suwey is like,
(21:47):
I mean, she's from a bloodline who she is distant,
doesn't even blood related to Natalie. That's her set. That's
I mean Bob who's her dad is is Suzanne's step brother?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Oh gosh, okay, yeah right, there's not even.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
And it's like and all I say is, thank you,
thank you God for giving me Sue.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I just need one.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I just need one, just one, you know. But that
part of the joy of it is because because like
you said, if you can go like it's like speed dating,
go do your three minutes, go figure the stuff out,
and then you'll figure out who you want to spend
time with and be and be you know, kind enough.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
You know, don't just be present, actually just being present.
People like to talk about themselves. Just be present, right,
And you know, there's also this greater awareness that says,
this person is a valid person, even if I don't
really understand them, but I can maybe learn something in this. Sometimes, yeah,
(22:48):
sometimes you just have to survive.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Bring the dog.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I do love bringing lou because then I always have
an excuse to go walk it. Oh again, take lului.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Same? Did we not pre did we not pregame that?
Because I do the same thing. It seems like we
must have pregamed it. Maybe in the airal plane, because
that's exactly. It's like, oh, I got to go take
SICKI out and we're out for like two hours.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Yeah exactly, we get lost.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Yeah oh yeah, no, she she was Yeah, she met
another dog. Yeah, all right, we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Hang on, y'all, and we're back with more in laws. Laws.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
So here's a rule or a law you want to
call it. And we will all face this at one
point or another. And because I think the most charged
relationships that we tend to have are with our parents.
And it doesn't matter how old you are, you're still
(23:57):
somebody's kid.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And and no one can trigu you like your mom
or your dad.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Right, And you know, as we get older and parents'
age and even you know, people like me where you know,
my mom was older when she had me, So I
wasn't even that old when she was hitting a certain
stage that you know, for at least ten to fourteen
years where like my counterparts parents were younger, and I
(24:25):
think that's probably going to be happening more and more
as people have kids later is there comes a time
with whatever angst or grief you carry about an in law,
and if that in law, when that in law is
aging and things change, right, so there becomes real care
that needs to happen. It becomes very emotional for your
(24:48):
partner and what they're dealing with that there is a
time to let shit go. There is a time when
it ain't about you. There's a time when whatever you're
angst was, whatever you disagreed with or argued about, it's
time to drop it because the reality is, when you
get to a certain place, there's no changing somebody's mind.
(25:13):
The you know, it's time to get off a soapbox,
it's time to take the point off your head because
it's not relevant anymore. In fact, if you continue with that,
because I've seen this, you continue with that, you're just
making it worse for everybody involved. So there comes a
time when you're like, you know, I'm all in to
(25:33):
do what you need to do, because again, we're always
somebody's kid. And if you know, no matter what the
relationship was between parent, adult child and parent. There's still
love there, and there's still fear there. There's all those things,
and it's scary as how to watch our parents get
older and to deal with it. And so I can
(25:56):
just say out of from I mean, Susan was amazing
when my mom was sick. But I can say from
things I've witnessed that that we that our job with
our in laws is to support our spouse and to
not be a nuisance, to be a supportive force.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Well, plus, there's so much pressure in taking care of
and you know a senior, you know parent or family member,
and it's it's literally all they can do is to
do the best they can. And so you may have
all kinds of ideas about how something should be done,
you may even have wisdom and information, but it's something
(26:38):
that's literally being managed by the children. Right. So your
your beloved siblings, and your job is just to be supportive.
You're not the key person until you're the key person
when they come to you and say what do we do?
When they come to you and say can you step in?
Like when you get tapped in, tap in, But until
(26:59):
you tech get tapped in, you you sit in the
background and be supportive. You fill in gaps where you
know they have validated to you. That is helpful. Don't
get in the way. That's the whole thing it is.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I'll give you a great example, and this is what
I did experience. Is after mom jumped, we went over
to her house to meet my brother and his wife,
and Susanne actively stayed in the background, and she later said,
she goes, this isn't mine. This is not mine. It
is not like it is not it's not mine. This
(27:34):
is between you and your brother. Ye, and I wanted
to keep it there as much as I could, and
so instead of stepping in to either defend me. Now granted,
I tend to take tuzanaxes that day to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
That is also yours, that was mine.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
It was a struggle, but it was it was a
really great lesson that I learned that day. I mean
so I think her for so many lessons that she
has taught me, but that one, in particular, I think
has definitely carried through the years. And when people talk
about dealing with this type of situation, I tell them
(28:11):
the story of Suzanne when she stepped back and she goes,
this isn't mine. I love you, but this isn't mine.
It doesn't belong to me.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
So and also I can I can support you or
tell you how I feel one on one, but I
don't need to express this now you're in it exactly right,
this is this is happening in real time. I know
my lane. My lane is to love you, and I
will do whatever you ask. But until then, I'm just
going to hold that sacred space and know that I'm
(28:39):
a safe place for you in whatever's happening. Right.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Yeah, that's part of her elegance is she knows those things. Yeah,
And and all we talked about it. Don't get me wrong.
She supported me, but I had to go deal with it,
you know, because again it was it was my mom.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, hers, I remember when Yeah, and when I when
I showed up in Illinois with David's family, who's I
think it was his dad who was going down in
a boy's glory. I just tell me what needs what
needs to be done? How can I be helpful? And
(29:23):
so because I don't have the emotional connection, but I'm
a capable set of hands, right, So tell me what
what lifting can I do? And I got a long list,
go here, do this, go here, do that, go here,
do this, you know, stuff that just logistically they didn't
have to do, and so that was helpful. It was
(29:45):
it was not a burden to me. It was I
was happy to do it, but it was just taking
things off their plate because everything else was so hard
and so heavy for them. But that way they got
to stay together and do it together instead of peeling
off one of the siblings, right, who needed to be
there to do the emotional work.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I think that is great advice because it is a
you know, even trying to feed the group of siblings
or a face a lot of stuff that's going on
can feel hard.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
To which is why the tradition is bring food. Yes,
bring me, bring food.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
So anyway, I think that's a I think it's a
really important thing. I mean, we've we've kind of hit
this range from the segments of like kind of young
adult relationships eating, yeah, right, and then we kind of
did the middle where it's like, oops, I have a
sibling that I didn't know about and how do I
relate and you know, make this work and have boundaries?
(30:42):
And then it's like, as we get older, what are
we you know, dealing with that aspect of our lives
because the reality is, as much as Suzanne loved my mother,
she did not know the full complexities of my relationship
with her because she was mine and she was she
was also Yeah, I mean and and and anybody who's
a parent, you know when we talk about you pick them,
(31:05):
you know there are so many reasons why that why
that pick happened. Yeah, and it's very complex and to
to honor the complexity, and even for the young version,
we told early on there's a complexity there, like they
chose one another, and so there is an honoring, a supporting,
(31:28):
a boundary, all those things that we have to consider.
And it's not always about us.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
It's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
And go run an errand, Yeah, go run an errand
or two. I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Bring Bring food, yeah, either bring.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Food or your dog. And you can walk a dog
for two hours and you eat and you go walk again. Anyway,
So I hope this was helpful, And any other questions
you guys might have on this topic or any other topic,
please let us know, because this is these are truly
the thing things that make Earth School really broke and hard.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Is rich rich rich rich?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Because it's this is this is the to me, the
in law situation is the epitome of navigation. Yeah, it is,
it is. It might be some of the hardest navigation
we have to do, and in that in our personal life,
like just that navigation stuff.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
And just take the bigger picture because we know our
school is hard.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Yeah it is. Oh yeah without the other side.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Thanks everybody, Thanks y'all, Thank you for joining us. Everyone,
and a special thanks to our producer Joey Patt and
our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us well
we guide.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
You hit us up on Instagram at other Side Guides,
or shoot us a note at high Hi at vibes dot.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
We want to know what you think, We want to
know what you know, and.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
We want to hear your stories and remember, our school
is hard without the other Side. Insider's Guide to the
other Side is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Spotify, Apple podcast, or
wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the
Other Side.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with
everything on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes, we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic,
or to some the invisible world, life is going to
be more fun and much more serene.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Uh heck, yes it can. Because let's be honest, for
in earth school is hard.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth school together.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
My witchy poop, I can't count. Just everybody knows I
went three one one? What the hell? So hey, my
witchy poo. How are you today?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I can't count?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I'm fine though, not today.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Not today, Satan. I can't count.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I'm not not account to day.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I've got I'm kind of got my doggy next to me.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Can you count today? Mmm?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I think countin's going okay today.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Flipping things around for you, I swear to God I
flipped things around more now than I have. But I
just think it's lack of paying attention.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Sometimes I wish I had that excuse.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I know, I know it's a real thing for you.
And also in my high school boyfriend John, I mean,
he mixes things up, but you know he has a
whole team to put them in the right order.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Got to work on that.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah, right, Uh so, since I can't count, we're going
to talk about not anything having to do with math,
but what we're going to talk about, which I think,
so it is actually a client a good It was
a question. It was a question from a listener. It
was actually surprising to me that we haven't talked about it.
(02:07):
And that's why I love so much when people reach out,
because I think that this question is one of our
biggest lessons in earth school especially and obviously as we
get older, which is how we engage and manage ourselves
and others when it comes to our in laws. I mean,
that's a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, yeah, that's a charged one too, right this, Yeah,
I'm sure you have some specific Do you have specifics
or is this a general?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Oh no, I'll tell you the story of what she shared.
But yeah, so we'll just kind of rift through this
a bit, but I'm going to tell you the story.
So this is a young woman who came out maybe
a year and a half, two years ago, and she
met her girlfriend and college who came from or who
(03:03):
comes from a highly religious family, and the parents, as
you could imagine, you know, aren't terribly supportive. Question a lot.
It's not exactly. They're not creating unity in all of this.
They're creating more division, as you could imagine. And I
(03:23):
think the question, you know, and part of what this
wonderful young woman expressed was, you know, she goes, there's
my side of the family that is really opening, is
open and loving and like, you know, red rover, red rover,
bring this woman on over, We're here for you kind
of thing. And then there's the other side, the girlfriend's side,
(03:47):
which is like, Nope, not happening today.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
So is there something specific about this woman that her
family's saying no to or gay?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
No? Three letters?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, I'm sorry that was an inappropriate response. It's just
not what I was expecting.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, this woman is she's lovely, she's smart, and she's stunning,
and she's funny. No, she's gay. I mean it's that.
I mean, this is a specific example.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Okay, But the irony is what she is experiencing is
they're actually rejecting about their own daughter, not about her.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
They're rejecting both, I think. I mean, if you're gonna
reject one, you're going to reject the other.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yeah, But it doesn't sound like they're rejecting their daughter. There.
Sounds like they're rejecting her daughter's beloved.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Oh okay, well right, okay, that's fair, Yeah, because I.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Mean, are they rejecting I think it's I.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Think to a degree, yeah, I think I don't think
they've shut her out of their life, but I think
they are trying to convince, you know, because people parents
think they have that power to you know, people are
very so funny people are. You know, parents crack me
up because somehow they think when they give birth, they
own this human. And it's like, no, y'all, you don't.
(05:16):
I'm going to tell you right now, that person is
their own, Their soul is their own, and in some
cases that soul is older than yours and you just
can't accept it. But anyway, I think there's an ownership
issue that's happening, and you know, I think there is,
you know, and I think between them, not the parents,
(05:39):
but the two young women, you know, I think it
it's hard as well, because.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh gosh, right, it's so hard, so hard.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
There's probably shame on one side and there's joy on
this other. It's like, I can't believe I came from this,
you know, there's all these things I think that happen,
but it was I think part of the question was spiritually,
what do we do with this? You know? How do
we handle this? You know? And of course my question is, well,
(06:10):
you signed up for it, but it's like, what do
you do with it? You know, like how do you
make it through the world where there is one part
that one side of the family that rejects this union
and the other that completely accepts it, And how do
you do it? In a rise? You know, they go low,
we go hi, Michelle Obama, way right?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Well, I think the best you can do and just
so much compassion, and let's face it, it doesn't have to
be this extreme for most of us to experience a
little tension with our better half's family. You know, even
the most well intended can feel very invasive or constricting
(06:54):
or judgy or inconvenient at best.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know, we're just talking about parents. We'll gonna later
in this talk about even siblings. And others of the
extended family, and how do you manage that. But this
when it comes to the parents, and at such a
young age, because they haven't gotten to that fuck your
go fuck yourself stage in life, you know, there's still
very much least to their parents at least not right
(07:19):
at least not to their parents. And you know, I
think that I you know, I think Susanna when it
comes to this topic. You know, my mother adored that
Suzanne like to the end degree. I do just find
with Suzanne's family.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
You know, we didn't have that that rejection of ooh, gross,
get out of here. You know, you're this, You're that
there was no religion that was driving it, There was
no none of that kind of stuff. So I haven't
had to deal with that. And I think this is
something that I've even heard of, weirdly more now than
I did thirty plus years ago, because I think we're
(07:59):
being coming there's more of a surge of extremists. I guess, yeah,
it's the nicest way to say it today.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, they've definitely had permission to be more vocal. So
I think what I would say is whenever possible, and
it's not always possible manage your engagement time in limited
and you know, hopefully like planned directive kind of ways.
(08:29):
So we're going to share an event, a meal, you know,
so that there's something else to focus on other than
just the gayness in this situation. But it could be anything, right,
it could be It could be anything. It could be
a racial difference, an age difference, socioeconomic difference, a political difference. Right,
(08:51):
it could be any of those, and just ask for
you know, can we have sanctuary over this time together
where we're not going to just be discussing whatever it
is that we agree that we are in different camps
and we're not going to bring it up because for
the sake of the family, we want to be able
(09:12):
to be together and spend time together because it's hard
to detest someone up close totally usually and it happens,
you're right, you're right, you're right, but you're you're you're
a thousand percent when.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yes, because when you face That's why social media can
be so destructive for people, is because the anonymity of
sitting behind a computer or a phone, you can shoot
your mouth off like crazy and you're not having to
face that person. It is a very very different thing.
And here's the thing there's maybe it's about rule setting,
and which I don't think families do like the extended
(09:55):
families do, is kind of set some rules. I mean,
you don't have to say it so abruptly as I said,
some rules. But that's some boundaries maybe about why I
think what you're saying, because the alternative is either you
set them and you live by them, or you're not
going to see us, and that is the worst alternative
for all parties involved.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And I do think you want to be very specific
ahead of time, event by event, whether it's a celebration
or an obligation or something. But this just says, can
I ask that we we can spend time together, we
can share a meal, and we're not going to bring
this up during this time and if you know that,
(10:37):
if we can't agree to that, then there's no reason
for us to gather. That's all I would say. There's
no reason to do it right, There's just no there's
no upside. I'm trying to set everybody up for success.
I'm trying to create a place for us to engage
and get to know each other a little bit just
by being next to each other. We don't even have
to You don't even have to speak to me if
you're not comfortable, right, right, But these these out of
(10:59):
the rules of engagement.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, And then the really weird magical thing happens is
that once you let that happen, the the one party
will actually look at the others that they were human
just like them. Because that's what happens.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And it can take a minute, it can take a
few take you. Yeah, is you have to be willing
to play the long game in these and when someone
does go low, you just excuse yourself and say thank
you for making it clear, like that's the only that's
the only thing to utter. Thank you for making it clear.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
You are so much nicer than I am, because my
comment always back is to say it again. I'm such
a confrontational person. It's like, say it again and then
they don't. But you're correct.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You just want to make it You want to remind
them what the agreement was by saying by affirming what
they've done, not by pointing to the agreement that was broken,
because that's implied. Oh, thank you for making your position clear.
We'll take our exit now.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
And you can keep the check.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
But without fire. Without just like, this is agreement, this
is a natural law, this is what This is the
complete natural conclusion to this type of behavior, right, So
just keep it simple. But the other thing is to remember,
you know, when I do spear messages, I always talk about,
you know, when people get divorced, energetically, we're still together, right,
(12:35):
They're still connected on the other side. Right, There's there's
a soul component that's always there and always activated among
the souls, and so the same is true for in laws,
like these souls that you're like, I don't have anything
to do with these people. My life would be so
much easier without them, right, It's all something that you've
agreed to on a soul level. So you're like, oh
(12:57):
my god, these are my people. For the love of God,
I have no idea why or how what am I
to do with this?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
What that hell was?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think you momentary lapse of judgment or whatever. But
because of that, you want to remind yourself that you're
not a victim. You're not a victim here. You are
a co participant, You are a co creator. And so
you giggle and you have compassion for yourself and you
(13:29):
just like graciously move forward. As much as possible, and
that's why limited engagement can be very strategic and very
beneficial for all parties. Yeah. Yeah, we have a three
hour limit and we're out.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
That seems really long to me, but yeah, it.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Just depends if you can do ninety minutes more power too.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah, and that would be going to an animated film,
So you sit and not have sucked anybody. And they're
usually ninety min it's one hundred minutes long, so you're
good to go. Okay, on that note, we'll be right
back and let's talk about some sibling things which I
think will be interesting.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I'd welcome back.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Hey, that was hilarious because I just eight seconds ago
said do you want to bring us back? Or do
you want me to bring us back? And Brandon within
a second and welcome back.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
There was no counting involved.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
There was none, There was no poof, there was no nothing.
There was no three one one a.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
While it's a non counting day.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Okay, So another interesting story. And maybe this should have
been called extended family, but we're going to keep it
in law loss is uh I I had forgotten this
is before we were even talking about the first section
was there's a friend who you know that just found
(14:56):
out that she has a half sister with a different
colored birthday suit. And and it has been interesting because
it is a it's a she's this now sister is younger,
and uh, it's she came from obviously another father and
(15:16):
was adopted. The adopted family not happy about it. This
other the other part of the family. There's sketchiness that.
Then there's open arms. You know, there's a little racism
that exists in one side. But you know what part
of the plan like this was in this was there
was no accident.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Here, there are no accidents.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It was lessons all around. And what my friend found
is that this young woman is so incredibly like her.
It's insane.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Is that fun and magical?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I think, yeah, And like has you know kids, And
some of the naming is weird just because of they
have names that they've both love and that made no sense,
you know. So there's like magical arts like that, right,
that that can actually happen.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
But DNA is crazy, Like that spiritual component of the
DNA is just crazy, right, It's so fun.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Wow, it's totally wild. And so when it comes to
I find this interesting with my in laws from the
siblings standpoint, So we'll just keep on the siblings track
for a minute. Is you know, people want to believe
because you're related, you should be the same. So let's
(16:39):
just put it out there.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
People are so delusional.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's it's right.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
It's like, open your eyes. Is this true?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I know, of course not even with my own brother,
who was just here a number of weeks ago. I
love him. We are we look alike, we are completely
different inside. He is like lives in this practical plane
and I'm like, fuck practicality, How does it feel? What
does the energy feel? You know? We are like completely
different human beings raised in the same house. There's principles
(17:09):
that we share, but we're different creatures because we came
here for different reasons. And it's funny because I see
that also with my in laws and who like within
the family Suzanne connects with and doesn't connect with, and
and some is our step right, because that happens as
well right blended families. Her joke is apparently there's an
(17:35):
old show in something like with six you get a groll.
I don't know. It's she a little than me, and
if it were family ties, I would understand the reference.
Or cheers so or even Roseanne. But but it's interesting
when you see these people that that the connections happen,
(17:58):
and there's actually relatives of hers that you know, I
like a lot. Actually it even those in laws. And
it's like, oh, I'm so glad we all chose this
because you're kind of cool and awesome. But it's so
it's just a weird like it's a melting pot, right,
It's just this, it's a micro melting pot. We all
connect where we connect, and and and if you don't.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
I will also say people are differently oriented. Some people
are great just connecting with people one on one, and
some people won't connect with you unless they know where
you rank in the hierarchy, like what's your what's your status? Right,
and and I'm more of a one on one kind
(18:41):
of person, so I oftentimes I'm not aware of how
someone ranks in, you know, the whatever hierarchy they're in,
and I'm not really interested, right, so so it kind
of gets lost on me. But it's it's really interesting
where people like they will you can just see them
scan who's a more important person to talk to?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Oh my god, you're so right?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yeah? Yeah, And people are just so sometimes in these
situations where it can feel like collectively, oh my god,
this family, I don't vibe to these siblings, I have
nothing to grab on to. Where we don't share the
same background, it feels like we don't share the same
values as opposed to I just want to go meet
this one person. I'm just going to engage with this one.
(19:28):
I'm going to have a ten minute conversation or three
minute conversation with this one. Individual is sometimes a helpful
mindset to get you through. I'm going to have a
series of very short engagements. I'm going to address each
individual as an individual, because if I take them on collectively,
I will lose my mind.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
And then the alternative that I have had to pull
out a few times is if all us fails connect
with a family pet.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Because they don't care, I guess, yeah, that is awesome
for real.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That is the mechanism. But so you know, bring your
own I do that too, ye b y o s
bring your own Soukie. And because she's a fabulous distraction
and people love her and so she like really brings
the level down.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And it's a mutual place to connect to.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
And again she brings it down yeah, so you know,
so dealing. You know, we've kind of talked a little
bit about this from like holiday episodes, but we don't
just see family in the holidays, and there's like the
ongoing I think that's really great advice about the three
minutes where I desperately, you know, try to do because
I'm a little on the bold side, is I try.
(20:43):
My goal is don't trigger anybody. Don't trigger anybody. Don't
trigger anybody. And I say I have to say it
over and over and over again because some of them
I just kind of can't help.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's fun for you. That's just fun when you're like, hey,
I'm going to throw this hot potato and then see
what happens.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
So much fun for me.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
You love that, it is so much fun.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah, don't let me recount the story of questioning the
Bible to a relative. So that's a whole other thing,
like now who wrote it? So, yeah, that was real fun.
That was not a good holiday. That was Thanksgiving. I
think when you're uh, so trigger, do trigger, bring the dog.
(21:25):
But but it's just a really like would you say,
it's like we all decided this together, and even even
those like because the funny thing is I like a
lot of the ones that married into like Suzanne Sibbling,
and I'm like, oh, I love him. Yeah, And then
like it even Sue even cop Suey Cop Suwey is like,
(21:47):
I mean, she's from a bloodline who she is distant,
doesn't even blood related to Natalie. That's her set. That's
I mean Bob who's her dad is is Suzanne's step brother?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Oh gosh, okay, yeah right, there's not even.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
And it's like and all I say is, thank you,
thank you God for giving me Sue.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I just need one.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I just need one, just one, you know. But that
part of the joy of it is because because like
you said, if you can go like it's like speed dating,
go do your three minutes, go figure the stuff out,
and then you'll figure out who you want to spend
time with and be and be you know, kind enough.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
You know, don't just be present, actually just being present.
People like to talk about themselves. Just be present, right,
And you know, there's also this greater awareness that says,
this person is a valid person, even if I don't
really understand them, but I can maybe learn something in this. Sometimes, yeah,
(22:48):
sometimes you just have to survive.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Bring the dog.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I do love bringing lou because then I always have
an excuse to go walk it. Oh again, take lului.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Same? Did we not pre did we not pregame that?
Because I do the same thing. It seems like we
must have pregamed it. Maybe in the airal plane, because
that's exactly. It's like, oh, I got to go take
SICKI out and we're out for like two hours.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Yeah exactly, we get lost.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Yeah oh yeah, no, she she was Yeah, she met
another dog. Yeah, all right, we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Hang on, y'all, and we're back with more in laws. Laws.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
So here's a rule or a law you want to
call it. And we will all face this at one
point or another. And because I think the most charged
relationships that we tend to have are with our parents.
And it doesn't matter how old you are, you're still
(23:57):
somebody's kid.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And and no one can trigu you like your mom
or your dad.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Right, And you know, as we get older and parents'
age and even you know, people like me where you know,
my mom was older when she had me, So I
wasn't even that old when she was hitting a certain
stage that you know, for at least ten to fourteen
years where like my counterparts parents were younger, and I
(24:25):
think that's probably going to be happening more and more
as people have kids later is there comes a time
with whatever angst or grief you carry about an in law,
and if that in law, when that in law is
aging and things change, right, so there becomes real care
that needs to happen. It becomes very emotional for your
(24:48):
partner and what they're dealing with that there is a
time to let shit go. There is a time when
it ain't about you. There's a time when whatever you're
angst was, whatever you disagreed with or argued about, it's
time to drop it because the reality is, when you
get to a certain place, there's no changing somebody's mind.
(25:13):
The you know, it's time to get off a soapbox,
it's time to take the point off your head because
it's not relevant anymore. In fact, if you continue with that,
because I've seen this, you continue with that, you're just
making it worse for everybody involved. So there comes a
time when you're like, you know, I'm all in to
(25:33):
do what you need to do, because again, we're always
somebody's kid. And if you know, no matter what the
relationship was between parent, adult child and parent. There's still
love there, and there's still fear there. There's all those things,
and it's scary as how to watch our parents get
older and to deal with it. And so I can
(25:56):
just say out of from I mean, Susan was amazing
when my mom was sick. But I can say from
things I've witnessed that that we that our job with
our in laws is to support our spouse and to
not be a nuisance, to be a supportive force.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Well, plus, there's so much pressure in taking care of
and you know a senior, you know parent or family member,
and it's it's literally all they can do is to
do the best they can. And so you may have
all kinds of ideas about how something should be done,
you may even have wisdom and information, but it's something
(26:38):
that's literally being managed by the children. Right. So your
your beloved siblings, and your job is just to be supportive.
You're not the key person until you're the key person
when they come to you and say what do we do?
When they come to you and say can you step in?
Like when you get tapped in, tap in, But until
(26:59):
you tech get tapped in, you you sit in the
background and be supportive. You fill in gaps where you
know they have validated to you. That is helpful. Don't
get in the way. That's the whole thing it is.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I'll give you a great example, and this is what
I did experience. Is after mom jumped, we went over
to her house to meet my brother and his wife,
and Susanne actively stayed in the background, and she later said,
she goes, this isn't mine. This is not mine. It
is not like it is not it's not mine. This
(27:34):
is between you and your brother. Ye, and I wanted
to keep it there as much as I could, and
so instead of stepping in to either defend me. Now granted,
I tend to take tuzanaxes that day to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
That is also yours, that was mine.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
It was a struggle, but it was it was a
really great lesson that I learned that day. I mean
so I think her for so many lessons that she
has taught me, but that one, in particular, I think
has definitely carried through the years. And when people talk
about dealing with this type of situation, I tell them
(28:11):
the story of Suzanne when she stepped back and she goes,
this isn't mine. I love you, but this isn't mine.
It doesn't belong to me.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
So and also I can I can support you or
tell you how I feel one on one, but I
don't need to express this now you're in it exactly right,
this is this is happening in real time. I know
my lane. My lane is to love you, and I
will do whatever you ask. But until then, I'm just
going to hold that sacred space and know that I'm
(28:39):
a safe place for you in whatever's happening. Right.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Yeah, that's part of her elegance is she knows those things. Yeah,
And and all we talked about it. Don't get me wrong.
She supported me, but I had to go deal with it,
you know, because again it was it was my mom.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, hers, I remember when Yeah, and when I when
I showed up in Illinois with David's family, who's I
think it was his dad who was going down in
a boy's glory. I just tell me what needs what
needs to be done? How can I be helpful? And
(29:23):
so because I don't have the emotional connection, but I'm
a capable set of hands, right, So tell me what
what lifting can I do? And I got a long list,
go here, do this, go here, do that, go here,
do this, you know, stuff that just logistically they didn't
have to do, and so that was helpful. It was
(29:45):
it was not a burden to me. It was I
was happy to do it, but it was just taking
things off their plate because everything else was so hard
and so heavy for them. But that way they got
to stay together and do it together instead of peeling
off one of the siblings, right, who needed to be
there to do the emotional work.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I think that is great advice because it is a
you know, even trying to feed the group of siblings
or a face a lot of stuff that's going on
can feel hard.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
To which is why the tradition is bring food. Yes,
bring me, bring food.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
So anyway, I think that's a I think it's a
really important thing. I mean, we've we've kind of hit
this range from the segments of like kind of young
adult relationships eating, yeah, right, and then we kind of
did the middle where it's like, oops, I have a
sibling that I didn't know about and how do I
relate and you know, make this work and have boundaries?
(30:42):
And then it's like, as we get older, what are
we you know, dealing with that aspect of our lives
because the reality is, as much as Suzanne loved my mother,
she did not know the full complexities of my relationship
with her because she was mine and she was she
was also Yeah, I mean and and and anybody who's
a parent, you know when we talk about you pick them,
(31:05):
you know there are so many reasons why that why
that pick happened. Yeah, and it's very complex and to
to honor the complexity, and even for the young version,
we told early on there's a complexity there, like they
chose one another, and so there is an honoring, a supporting,
(31:28):
a boundary, all those things that we have to consider.
And it's not always about us.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
It's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
And go run an errand, Yeah, go run an errand
or two. I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Bring Bring food, yeah, either bring.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Food or your dog. And you can walk a dog
for two hours and you eat and you go walk again. Anyway,
So I hope this was helpful, And any other questions
you guys might have on this topic or any other topic,
please let us know, because this is these are truly
the thing things that make Earth School really broke and hard.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Is rich rich rich rich?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Because it's this is this is the to me, the
in law situation is the epitome of navigation. Yeah, it is,
it is. It might be some of the hardest navigation
we have to do, and in that in our personal life,
like just that navigation stuff.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
And just take the bigger picture because we know our
school is hard.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Yeah it is. Oh yeah without the other side.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Thanks everybody, Thanks y'all, Thank you for joining us. Everyone,
and a special thanks to our producer Joey Patt and
our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us well
we guide.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
You hit us up on Instagram at other Side Guides,
or shoot us a note at high Hi at vibes dot.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
We want to know what you think, We want to
know what you know, and.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
We want to hear your stories and remember, our school
is hard without the other Side. Insider's Guide to the
other Side is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Spotify, Apple podcast, or
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