May 3, 2023 • 37 mins
Would you like to understand the motives behind your actions more clearly? Learn how to direct your inner-dialogue so that it's positive and affirming? Spend less time worrying about what others think by honoring your inner guidance instead? If so, this episode's for you...
Habits such as comparison, self-limiting stories, and misdirected energy make you feel all tangled inside. You are presented with unique choices daily, assessing if something is worth the risk, investment, or if it will result in a desirable or appropriate outcome... but how often do you pause to consider where the reason behind your choices stems from?
Awareness of your energetic engagement helps you move from habit, comfort, and dissociation and into a space of growth and inspiration–but first, deep questions will emerge: am I doing this for me, or for someone else's opinion of me? Am I inspired, or envious? Do the words I say to myself align with my truth, or feed my fears?
Today, you'll put on your Other Side journalism hat and get to the source of your fact-vs-fiction mentality. Because Earth School is hard without a bit of self-love via self-inquisition.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the
Other Side.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with
everything on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic,
or to some the invisible world, life is going to
be more fun and much more serene.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Uh heck, yes it can, because let's be honest, for
in earth school is hard.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth school together.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, hello, my giggily witchipoo, what the hell is wrong
with you?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
My alpha?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Well that was a new one that was good and
in the moment.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Very well said I'm good, I am happy to be
here today. How how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You know what I'm doing great? Our house is moving along,
so I'm very excited about that. That is actually ship
that is real. But today we're gonna talk about the
shit that ain't real.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So what I've noticed is that people are getting tangled up. Oh,
they are getting tangled up, and they're getting tangled up
within themselves.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
So this is not like you know, something's coming at
them and tripping them up. It's not like they're under attack,
they're getting tangled up in their own underwear.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
They really are. I mean it's and I feel like
a lot lately I've been using the word illusion because
that's what it feels like a lot of people are
living in this fucked up illusion and their head.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, you know, delusion. Yeah, it's a fine line. It's fine.
It sure, you know. It's it's interesting because people lose
a lot of energy. And look, I do it too, right.
I want to be clear. I'm not separating myself from
people because I am one. But is that surprise learner
(02:26):
spoiler aler, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
That's spoiler alert. Brendan's a human apparely.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
But here you go right where like we can lose
energy so concerned about what someone else is doing or did.
Now there's absolute like biological reason to do this. We
have to judge in our nervous system what's safe, what's appropriate,
what's desirable, like what's risky? Like we have to take
(02:51):
information in and make those calculated assessments on each one
of those situations. This is I've been looking for this
all over the place. I'm so excited to be here,
to be involved in this. Oh my god, I've spent
my whole life trying to avoid this situation. How the
hell did I get here? Right? They didn't.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
They canceled CLA when they were not thinking about it
or saying.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
That you're exactly yeah, So we manifest all the time, right,
so like we can, we can get all tangled up
just assessing the world. And it takes a lot of
energy to navigate the world. But you know, doing this
at a certain level is absolutely utilitarian, completely functional and necessary.
(03:31):
And then we draw a line and then we just
jump right over the line into I don't know, habit, entertainment,
I don't know, social media, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Well, I you know, it's interesting because it's you know,
it's like every group. One of the reasons I don't
like to be a part of groups is they there's
a superiority about it, and there's all this superiority that
goes on. It's like, that's why people are racist, Let's
be honest, Like they have to be superior to someone
else and that's what they choose, right, That's why there's misogyny.
(04:08):
They men, and lots of not all of them, ever
get offended and shit. But a lot of them though
that practice that is that they need to be dominant,
superior to something else, right, And I think there's some
of that that plays into that need to be better than.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, and we also have this need as we're navigating.
We also want to impress people, right, or we want
them to like us, or we want we sometimes even
seek approval people.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
You go the nice route, I go the people want
to have dominion over people them.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Well, I'm just saying it takes different forms because because
some people will listen to that and go, well, I
don't do that. Well you made you might or might not.
But the truth is that we can also do it
in the nice way, like I'm going to turn myself
into a pretzel to make sure you see me do
something that you admire.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Oh rightly.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Then the manipulation sort of aspect like social media like well,
and that's yeah, social media can look like that a
lot a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
You all turn the filters off.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
There's a lot of stuff going on there for sure.
So much it's an opportunity for us to really check ourselves,
like check ourselves. Is this an appropriate use of my energy?
Is this the best use of my energy, whether it's.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
In your head by the way, because I'll tell you
as you're speaking, I'm thinking to myself it wasn't that
long ago. And oh my god, I'm so ashamed to
say this, I really am. But what I'm going to say,
I'm a shame. This is not a confession. This is
just like shame. I saw this person. I don't even
remember where it was. I think it was at this
(06:05):
coffee shop thing and and for some reason I just
was like feeling shitty about I don't know what it was.
And I remember thinking to myself, Oh, well, you're fat.
I'm thinking, oh, I'm fat too, And it's like, what
am I doing? How can I ever asked that? Stone?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Well, I love that you said that. And we've all
had a version of that, trust me, right. This happens
all the time, and they're like, we want to be approved,
we want to be you know, there's a hierarchy, right
whether we're Sometimes we do it the other way, like,
oh my god, I'll never be as whatever that person is,
(06:47):
But there's either so it doesn't matter if we do
it that way or we do it the other way
as well. They're not they're not as blank as I am. Right,
whatever that fill in the blank is right. But there's
a separation a way, whether I'm one up or one down, right,
there's a separation. And it's that separation that our monkey
minds can.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Spin on, right, just the craziest shit.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
It's the worst use of energy ever, right, Okay?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Can I give what I think would be a different
version of it? But not a bad like it's about
not a bad version, it's like a good version. So okay,
this is a test.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So one of my dearest friends, I love her so much,
and her name is Bettina, and we worked We met
at Fox. We worked together at Fox. And when I
went back to La, Uh did I tell you all,
I'm going to be in a I did in the documentary? Okay,
so I stayed with Batina. Betina is black, and she
(07:47):
is fucking beautiful, like and she's older than me, sar Beatina,
but she looks like forty and I look at her
and every one I'm like my white ass skin, like
I wish if I had just the fraction of what
But I don't look at her in any negative way.
(08:08):
It's more of like.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Just don't sand next to me in the photo.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah, yeah, stay separate. But how wonderful that is? Like that,
you know that you because we still live in a
visual world, right and beauty is a thing. It depends
on what you define as beauty. Betina's absolutely beautiful and
has the most gorgeous skin, and her soul matches all
(08:33):
of that. But I look at her and I'm like,
so it's not but it's not like, oh I want
to be that. I don't. There's not a judge, there's not.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
It's just like wow, or she did that to me?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah, oh my god, no, none of that. You know.
Then I like my old ass white German English Irish
skin going to kimm it. But but then I laugh
because then I really don't care. But it's but it's
more about a I can admire. Maybe is the difference
without having to without the shadow side of it, without
the shadow side of envy. Right, So it wasn't exactly envy.
(09:08):
Thank you. That is the best way to summarize that. Yeah,
because that's that's okay.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, yeah, And that's a really great line and border
to have because you have so much affection for her, right, like,
just so that that really helps. But let's say you
and she entered the company you know that you worked
for at the same time, and she was promoted more
than you. It would be you can see how that
would that might turn right over the years, Like this
(09:37):
happens a lot for people. I hear about it in
you know, conversations and where people have pain and but
this is the thing. And I've had this conversation a
number of reading's number of coaching calls recently that talked
about how the good news is that this is one
hundred percent a story you're telling. So you are in
(10:00):
charge of turning that story around. So we're going to
talk more about that when we come back from this break.
So welcome back. Thank you off the guitar.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Especially every time I don't understand I'm keep doing it,
and I hope somebody's out there counting the number that
times I say thank you and she giggles, Well, it's.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Just because I'm ready to like to launch them because
I'm on my little trajectory of the stories we tell ourselves. Yeah, yes,
so we're back, We are back, thank you. So these
stories we tell ourselves that we are in charge of changing,
(10:49):
that we are empowered to change, are essential for us
to be able to identify and then rewrite in a
better way. Right.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Uh yeah, And actually I have a story that involves
both of us, so I mean, we're both part of it.
It's really my story, but you are the one who
made me listen to it. You forced me to actually
change something. There was an invitation and you you invited
me to be forced something.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
So top mess.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I know, you know, I totally am.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
This is my.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Favorite part of the week, though it is a week
so I can always get excited. So the first time,
and I think it was about eleven years ago that
you it was when when Mona had jumped from her
car accident and you did the group reading for Susanne
and I and the boys, and I remember you saying, oh, Julie,
(11:51):
I have your mom and your dad here and they're
standing separate from one another and like, well, no ship.
And I think it was my dad that stepped up
first to you. And the first thing he said, or
that you relaid back to me was that I tell
everyone that I didn't have a father, and he told
(12:15):
me to stop, and you added so gracefully. You know,
we have these like this tape player and this is
also indicative of our age. We say, tape player, mine's
an eight track. But we have these tapes that we
play in our head of these stories that we just
retell over and over and over, and we tend to
(12:37):
forget why we tell them and actually what's the real
meaning behind them? And how hard much are we hurting
ourselves by telling these stories? Is that fair? I mean,
that's kind of what you said to me.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Right, it's completely fair. And I think about more as
magnetic tapes because they're in our brain than eight tracks.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Minds an eight track but it slides in.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
On the left side, they hit that, but right, they
just get on a loop, right, and they get into
our subconscious And this is what happens when we're when
we're judging others, when we're putting ourselves and one up
or one down. And in this situation where I don't
have a dad, right, that that's that's a diminishing, a
(13:20):
self harming story.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Oh when I said I didn't have a dad, like, yeah,
I mean it's going to By the way, FYI this
year forty years john, Yeah, oh my gosh, forty Oh
my gosh, I'm fifty three. Forty Wow, somebody do the
high level math. So people are saying thirteen thirteen. I
(13:43):
can hear you. Guys like Julie can't say it. You
do math for ship. But but it was and I
know why I that that was part of my tape.
I know what I was doing. I was a listening sympathy.
I was using it. I was using it and it
(14:05):
was untrue, but b I was using it and for
probably the layers that I'm not even fully aware of,
But I know it was sympathy. I know that when
I know that when people like and I used to
do this and I stop doing it. When I come
home from work, I tell Susan, I'm oh, I'm so tired.
I worked so hard today. No I fucking didn't. I'm fine.
(14:26):
It was listening, but it was alictiting, like I was
trying to manipulate. I think what we do with those
really comes down to, in many cases a level of manipulation.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Sometimes when we're telling stories that diminish us, or there's
a victim or a martyrdom like those stories are definitely
to elicit support, to like, hey, you should feel sorry
for me, or I should draw some attention or some
focus here, right, And look, we all need attention, we
all need support, So there's no shame in that. But
(14:59):
also saying is is this the best version of the
story that I can tell? Even if I'm just telling
myself the story, What's another way I can tell this
story that is actually honoring of the facts that I
have because a lot of times, like saying my dad
jumped early is different than saying I don't have a dad.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Correct. And so for the record, everybody, I never uttered that.
I've not uttered that story since, like it is out
of my eight tract tape. I never am I and
part of it is. And this is another issue. I
think it's like a human nature thing. We tend to
be pretty dramatic a lot of us, and I have
(15:41):
taken a lot of that drama out of my stories.
I don't need to be dramatic. It is not necessary.
It is so much more peaceful to not try to
get somebody to like, I don't need sympathy. You know,
you know what Margaret used to say, if sympathy you
can find it between shit and spis in the dictionary.
Because you're not getting it from me. And so I stopped.
(16:05):
I quit. I'm a quitter. And it started with dad
and then and then I noticed it, right, And so boy,
that eight track is kind of empty these days. There's
not as nearly as much that's in there.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Isn't that great? And how freeing is that? Right? So
identify those self harming stories, whether it's look, there's lots
of ways where we get diminished in life, but to
retell those stories all the time, that's super damaging. It's
not playing to You're never going to get to the
best version of yourself if you keep taking yourself down.
(16:42):
As we know, our school is hard, there's lots of
things we're going to have to overcome and work. But
when we can choose the highest version available to us,
it says this happened or this is what I know
of this situation. I'm not going to fill in all
the trash around it because we take the facts and
then we fill this whole story that may or out
have happened. Right. So if I send the joke in
(17:05):
helping you know people is the people who are entrepreneurs
like I mentor people are certain businesses and things like this, Right,
And when you send that proposal and you're like, the
story is I haven't I didn't hear anything back. They
hated me. They're never going to hire me. I don't
have anything to offer. I was priced too high. I
was priced too low. Like we fill in all these
stories and we're like, the only thing you know is
(17:26):
you haven't heard from your client.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Exactly right.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
They could be on vacation right, exactly right, they could
you know, your email went in to spam, Like, we
have no idea. The only thing we know is that
you haven't heard from a client. Everything else where, you
didn't sleep for two nights, that's all you. That's on you.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
And I think and I think the way to you know,
to have our audience like just to give this a
little bit of an architecture, is this section that we
just talked about is the damage we do to ourselves.
And I think when we come back from a break,
we're going to talk about being able to break down
how we're being treated and why things are happening the
(18:06):
way that they're happening, Because you know, that's another thing
where that whole illusionary or the ship ain't real. Stuff
happens as well, and we take things that people tell
us as if they're real, and we sit there and
we spend and we see and we do all this
shit where really it's about them. So I think we
want to take another quick break. Are we good with that?
(18:29):
Absolutely awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And welcome back.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I did not say thank you that time.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I was holding the space.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
No I saw it. I saw your hand flip out
like a jazz hand, and that was awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
So when we have my mouth has for us is
a story that I think is a great sort of
arch type of how we do this often when someone
has behavior and we interpret it or you know, take
it in a way that is not helpful and yet
very very popular.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, you know, there's there is in fact what I
funny enough, I'm going to take a little bit of
I'm not gonna land the plane quite yet, so I'm
going to kind of go back a little bit because
it just dawned on me that so when I was
dealing with my ex step dad. I know, I've shared
the story about when I had to deal with him,
and because the Simon and Schuster attorneys made me get
(19:39):
in touch to get permission to use his name, blah
blah blahlah blah, because they are like, oh, you're he's
a child abuser, so we should probably get permission so
nobody get food. I'm like, a good point. So when
I spoke to him and he started giving me all
sorts of holy hell about stuf because he can't help himself.
I said to him, you know, Bob, there's one thing
(20:00):
that I've learned that tends to be very true and accurate,
you know, in this life. And he's like, who was it, Gelie,
It is a shitty tone. And I believe that you
know that we treat people how we feel about ourselves.
So that tells me that something went on, you know,
terrible in your life to make you feel so bad
(20:21):
that I'm just so sorry about. By the way, it's
amazing because it also shut in the fuck up. But
the reality is is that we do treat people how
we feel about ourselves. And I just had this conversation
with a friend of mine here in Santa Fe and
we were in the car driving and his he has
two sisters that we're saying terrible things to him, like
(20:44):
you don't deserve this, and they were just being awful.
Oh yeah, they were being terrible to him.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah. It was very intense actually, And I like, who
says those things out I mean, who out loud?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Loud, like it's terrible.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
To think it, but it's another thing to say, I
mean nothing. I think we're living in the area era
of saying shit out loud that we shouldn't because they're
all doing it. So and I think that's also another thing.
I think there's like other people that you know will
say shitty things like that that makes other people think
they can say shitty things. So so I looked at him,
(21:20):
and I'm like, darling. He's much younger than me, so
I call him darling. I'm like darling kind of adopted
him a little bit. I said, why the fuck do
you care what your sisters think that? He was like uh,
And I said, because they probably are pretty I'm like,
(21:40):
let me guess they have a miserable life. They're miserable humans.
He's like, well, yeah, I goes, then why do you
care what a miserable person said to you? Because they
are treating you how they feel, and misery loves company.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
And they don't have anything else to give.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
They got nothing.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, And you know, I always say what people think
about you is none of your business.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I love that, you know, I need to really skid
a T shirt thing going because that's like it is
so good. And I'll say that to people, and I
actually said it to him too, but I always give
him all the wisdom usually yours, Yours is always so
much better. Mine easily has a cuss word in it,
So I try to use yours as often as possible.
(22:23):
But when I tell people that, when I say that,
it's like what somebody thinks you of you isn't your business.
There's like this jaw drop in this unplanned silence.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Well and they want to resist it, but then they're like,
wait they can't. Yeah exactly, They're like, oh.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I'm like exactly. So I think sometimes you know, when
we keep talking about how we will process things, right, so,
whether it's the tape eight track usually that we play
in our head, or if it's things other people plant
in there, we can it's crazy making we make it.
We can make yourself crazy, you know. And there's just
(23:02):
no need for that now. You know, if his sisters
were in a much more stable place, right, they probably
wouldn't have said that kind of stuff to him, right, so.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Right, because he says to a grown ass, ad all,
you don't deserve that, Like, I mean, obviously they deserved it.
It happened, right whatever, Like who are you? Who the
hell do you think you are?
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Right?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
I mean it's comical. It's like, oh, thanks for sharing
your ignorance here, right.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
You don't deserve it, so fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
I mean, it's just so silly.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
We always quote that movie Argo Our go fuck yourself,
like just like keep that ship to yourself, you know.
But it can change how we feel about ourselves if
we're not filtering it properly. That's really what because he
was upset, like he was so upset and twirling that
(23:56):
he wasn't focused on what he needed to focus on.
He actually as two kids, and this was about him
trying to get you know, a better relationship, more time
with his kids. And he gets spun and he stops.
He liked Boom in the mud.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
But this is when people cannot don't understand the difference
between facts and opinions. So when we talked before about facts,
what do we know? We know your client hasn't returned
your hasn't responded to your email. That's what we write
facts and opinions. Her opinion is messed up, and the
facts are. This is what's on your plate. This is
(24:36):
what you can influence and control. This is what you
are accountable for. This is and that's it. These are
the facts. Everything else gets filled in. How are you
going to choose to activate what gets filled in? Right,
just when we get overwhelmed, and there's so many reasons
to get overwhelmed, go back to what is it an
actual fact? What do we know? What has happened? What
(24:56):
is indisputable? What can be measured by a standard that
we can agree on, whatever that is, And.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Consider where the source materials coming from. Because here's here's
a nice little piece of advice, folks. Don't ask somebody
in the middle of a divorce about a relationship. If
you have relationship problems you why know if they're going
to tell you get a divorce. But for real, it's like,
(25:22):
don't just don't get into relationship, Well, don't get into one.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard that from,
By the way, the same person in and out of relationships.
As I never do this, then don't ever do it.
It's like, because we can't help in a lot of cases,
but to express our own life, you when you're asking for.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Advice, you can't be anywhere, but where you are is that, right,
you can't be So if that's where I am, it's authentic,
it's not helpful because you're not where I am.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
And be cautious about who you ask. Yeah, Like, so
not only if you get something that's uninvited. I mean
a lot of that happens, but if you are actually
inviting people to give you opinions and advice about your life, like,
be particular about who you ask. Consider your sources always, right,
(26:14):
consider them always. And it is fascinating because now that
I kind of understand this, I have noticed and I'll
actually just kind of play around a little bit, and
what I get is exactly what I expected, right, because
that's unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Well, it's not. I mean, it's predictable.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
It's predictable.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Humans are predictable. I can only give you what where
I am, how I am. I nothing supersedes your own guidance, right,
Rochie is one more plug for Tureau And that's true.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah for real.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I'd be talking about to the other night. So it's
really funny that.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
You Well, it's actually true, right because even because we
we ask when we're desperate, we're asking when we're curious,
we're asked us out of conversation. But I know you
know what it's like to be so lost you can't
find your own guidance with both hands. And that's where
my comment of thank God for troue because I don't
know what I'd be today without it. And that's not
what this the topics I was about.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
But it's real, well, but it is. But it's about
guidance though it's this is really about internal guidance. Let's
be honest. It's about our own compass, our own guidance system.
And you know, I've had people ask me things and
I've responded, I'm like, I don't know if I'm the
best person to answer this.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah, I've heard you say that.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know if I'm the best person.
You know, I don't need to be everything to everybody.
In fact, I don't need to be anything to anybody,
but if they want me to be a part of it,
and if I think I can you know, help a
situation or guide the thinking, I will absolutely, you know,
honor their their their invitation. But sometimes I've said no
(27:54):
to an invitation. You know, I have kids, Like y'all,
I am not your best person for that because I
tell them astitus fuck down and shut the fuck up
and listen to me, which I know is not how
y'all parent anymore. So I'm not quite sure that I'm
(28:14):
the best one to ask. But again, or weight loss
or gymnastics, I mean, none of these things are my thanks.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
And these are great places to make referrals exactly. Oh,
just put the disclaimer on it. I know nothing about this,
but this is what I would do, right, And you asked, Yeah,
I want to act on that.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
But yeah, And that's another thing I think for our
listeners is also be mindful of yourself when that you
the input you give, you have no idea what that
may or may not do to someone you know, So
be gentle and be thoughtful about what you're doing, what
you're saying, and and try the best you can not
(28:54):
to have it just re fully reflect you onto their life.
It's dangerous and probably really shitty karma, gas, I would think.
So yeah, like I don't need to make any more
that stuff I got plenty to work through. So yeah,
we're good, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
But again, it's really about identifying, right right, what we
came to this, just realizing how people lose their energy
and lose their way being distracted by the shit that's
not real.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
It's not fucking real. Like what Jay's sisters think about
him was not real. That's how they felt about themselves.
That wasn't real for him.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Or when you spin out worrying and losing energy, right,
or because something didn't live up to your expectation or
preconceived notion, you're just spinning and it's just loss of
energy and it was never even real. It was an
idea you had. You didn't even speak and you experienced
something different, and now you're melting down and you're like,
I'm not I'm a piece of crap because says happened.
(30:00):
You're like, this isn't have anything to do with.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
You preconceived ideas. Right, It's like, I'm gonna go visit somebody.
There should be a ticker tape parade when I walk
out the door, and guess what, they have five fucking kids.
There's no ticker fucking tape parade. And that you're lucky
to walk in the door to not be blocked.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
It's like we just have to be able to process, like,
oh wait, I had that idea in my head. That's
why I'm upset. You know, it's just that it's that
It's also that we've talked about the exercise, the inventory exercise.
You know, it's like it's just taking inventory of things
that because anytime I get like pissed off about something,
(30:38):
it's so me. It is so if it's the news
speeding what road and passes me, you know, this.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Is all great news, right, because it's all you. You
get to change it, you get to write the story
and go, oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I was to watch somebody, right, did you have somebody
give you the finger the other day?
Speaker 2 (30:56):
True?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I mean, come the funk on? Who flips off the witch?
Which nobody I did?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Somebody I tapped the horn because I literally thought they
didn't see me, and they you know, it was now
like I laid on the horn, right, but it was hysterical.
They put down the phone, put down their window and
flip me off out the window. I was like, Wow,
that took some effort.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Took some effort, and by the way, put your phone
should be down in the first place. My issue.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
But I'm like, did I take that personally?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
No?
Speaker 2 (31:25):
But it's outstanding, Like how how defensive someone got is
supposed to oh crap, I got to get off my phone.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
It's funny, you know, just you telling this just reminded me.
When we first moved to Fayetteville, somebody I don't remember
who it was, I think it was my friend OJ said, oh,
we don't honk our horns here. I said, oh I do.
And she looked at me, She's what and I said, oh,
hell yes. They are here because they are to alert
(31:54):
people who may not see us, like there is a practical,
functional reason for a horn, and that's what I used
it for, exactly right, I said, So, yeah, I honk.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
But again, some part of that person knew I'm not
supposed to be driving and on my phone, right, and
so the defensiveness.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
So they treat they got me mad because you busted him, well.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
They treated me how they felt like, oh shit, I
shouldn't have done that. Right. I'm angry. I'm angry maybe
something myself, but I'm even more angry that you caught
me right right right into the lane.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Or just like, I mean, how many times you've been
upset This is more traffic issues, but how many times
you've been upset on the road that somebody like zip
past you or cut in line or whatever it is.
It's like, oh my god, the effort to get upset
about a stranger doing something that you will never fucking
see again in your life, like ever, except the one
(32:48):
time I was pulling into Wegmans, which is it was
a buffalo and somebody was whatever, and I'm like, oh
my god, what a buf phone. It happened to be
my Aunt Alice. So other than that, to this day,
we still call her a buffoon and outsideed by Aunt Alice.
You're never going to see these people.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Ever again, only my helf. That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Oh I remember. I remember the moment and I said
out like, what a buffoon? And I and I watch
her pull up and I see my fucking aunt walk out.
I go there, I said, I just called you a buffoon.
You can't drive for shit. We need to work on
her driving skills. This summer, I was like twenty, like Colas,
(33:33):
that great.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
That's a great story. That's instant karma.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
She's still alive and we still talk about her driving
like a buffoon.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Hopefully she improved. So we want you to be aware
of the energy engagement and the energy loss and inviting
you to assess and reposition yourself to tell the story
that is the most energetically beneficial to you, to stop
self arming and just increase overall awareness.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
And in those moments. And I'm going to use your
the honking moment. It's just an example. So if you're
the honky and uh, the one being honked at, I
don't know, not the honker. And I know what I said.
I understand what I said, but in my head it
(34:25):
was a jo Wayne k.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Not the you know honky.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
So anyway, if you're being honked at, Joey, do not
edit any of that. But it was fun. If you're
being honked at, instead of like going outward to punish
the one who did it, you should go inward. And
I think that's really what this is. This is about
going inward, and it's about being able to kind of
sort an assess. And my witch is giggling like a
(34:50):
school girl right now, and I have my composure, and
but to like bring it inside an assess before you
go off, or before if a sister says something shitty
to you, as sess where your sister is before you
get upset or you take it too personally, or you'd
use their terrible advice or point of view for your
(35:11):
own life. Just bring it in.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
And you can also adopt a lens that says you know,
everything is perfect. Hey, thanks for letting me know you're there.
Thanks for getting me off my phone. Thanks or you know,
if someone's judging you. Thanks for letting me know exactly
who you are so now I can see you.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Oh totally. I love that one.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
You know, this is I know exactly what I'm going
to get from you. Thank you. It's really clear.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And ps, you're not going to see me very often now, scarce.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
It's perfectly fine.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Right, Oh you're kidding. I'm so scarce now to so
many people because I don't want to deal with hand
of that fucking bullshit. I'd like, nope, Yeah, you've shown
me who you are and I'm very clear.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
It's right, it's all perfect. So that's that's my invitation
to go from shitt ain't real to it's all perfect.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Thanks for listening, everybody, and thank Our school is hard.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Without the other side and real shit. Thanks everybody, Bye, everybody,
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Everyone, and a special thanks to our producer Joey Patt
and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard who guides us?
Will we guide you?
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Hit us up on Instagram at other Side Guides, or
shoot us a note at high Hi at vibes dot store.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
And remember, our school is hard without the other Side.
Insider's Guide to the other Side is a production of iHeartRadio.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Spotify,
Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the
Other Side.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with
everything on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic,
or to some the invisible world, life is going to
be more fun and much more serene.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Uh heck, yes it can, because let's be honest, for
in earth school is hard.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth school together.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, hello, my giggily witchipoo, what the hell is wrong
with you?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
My alpha?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Well that was a new one that was good and
in the moment.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Very well said I'm good, I am happy to be
here today. How how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You know what I'm doing great? Our house is moving along,
so I'm very excited about that. That is actually ship
that is real. But today we're gonna talk about the
shit that ain't real.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So what I've noticed is that people are getting tangled up. Oh,
they are getting tangled up, and they're getting tangled up
within themselves.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
So this is not like you know, something's coming at
them and tripping them up. It's not like they're under attack,
they're getting tangled up in their own underwear.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
They really are. I mean it's and I feel like
a lot lately I've been using the word illusion because
that's what it feels like a lot of people are
living in this fucked up illusion and their head.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, you know, delusion. Yeah, it's a fine line. It's fine.
It sure, you know. It's it's interesting because people lose
a lot of energy. And look, I do it too, right.
I want to be clear. I'm not separating myself from
people because I am one. But is that surprise learner
(02:26):
spoiler aler, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
That's spoiler alert. Brendan's a human apparely.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
But here you go right where like we can lose
energy so concerned about what someone else is doing or did.
Now there's absolute like biological reason to do this. We
have to judge in our nervous system what's safe, what's appropriate,
what's desirable, like what's risky? Like we have to take
(02:51):
information in and make those calculated assessments on each one
of those situations. This is I've been looking for this
all over the place. I'm so excited to be here,
to be involved in this. Oh my god, I've spent
my whole life trying to avoid this situation. How the
hell did I get here? Right? They didn't.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
They canceled CLA when they were not thinking about it
or saying.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
That you're exactly yeah, So we manifest all the time, right,
so like we can, we can get all tangled up
just assessing the world. And it takes a lot of
energy to navigate the world. But you know, doing this
at a certain level is absolutely utilitarian, completely functional and necessary.
(03:31):
And then we draw a line and then we just
jump right over the line into I don't know, habit, entertainment,
I don't know, social media, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Well, I you know, it's interesting because it's you know,
it's like every group. One of the reasons I don't
like to be a part of groups is they there's
a superiority about it, and there's all this superiority that
goes on. It's like, that's why people are racist, Let's
be honest, Like they have to be superior to someone
else and that's what they choose, right, That's why there's misogyny.
(04:08):
They men, and lots of not all of them, ever
get offended and shit. But a lot of them though
that practice that is that they need to be dominant,
superior to something else, right, And I think there's some
of that that plays into that need to be better than.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, and we also have this need as we're navigating.
We also want to impress people, right, or we want
them to like us, or we want we sometimes even
seek approval people.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
You go the nice route, I go the people want
to have dominion over people them.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Well, I'm just saying it takes different forms because because
some people will listen to that and go, well, I
don't do that. Well you made you might or might not.
But the truth is that we can also do it
in the nice way, like I'm going to turn myself
into a pretzel to make sure you see me do
something that you admire.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Oh rightly.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Then the manipulation sort of aspect like social media like well,
and that's yeah, social media can look like that a
lot a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
You all turn the filters off.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
There's a lot of stuff going on there for sure.
So much it's an opportunity for us to really check ourselves,
like check ourselves. Is this an appropriate use of my energy?
Is this the best use of my energy, whether it's.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
In your head by the way, because I'll tell you
as you're speaking, I'm thinking to myself it wasn't that
long ago. And oh my god, I'm so ashamed to
say this, I really am. But what I'm going to say,
I'm a shame. This is not a confession. This is
just like shame. I saw this person. I don't even
remember where it was. I think it was at this
(06:05):
coffee shop thing and and for some reason I just
was like feeling shitty about I don't know what it was.
And I remember thinking to myself, Oh, well, you're fat.
I'm thinking, oh, I'm fat too, And it's like, what
am I doing? How can I ever asked that? Stone?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Well, I love that you said that. And we've all
had a version of that, trust me, right. This happens
all the time, and they're like, we want to be approved,
we want to be you know, there's a hierarchy, right
whether we're Sometimes we do it the other way, like,
oh my god, I'll never be as whatever that person is,
(06:47):
But there's either so it doesn't matter if we do
it that way or we do it the other way
as well. They're not they're not as blank as I am. Right,
whatever that fill in the blank is right. But there's
a separation a way, whether I'm one up or one down, right,
there's a separation. And it's that separation that our monkey
minds can.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Spin on, right, just the craziest shit.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
It's the worst use of energy ever, right, Okay?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Can I give what I think would be a different
version of it? But not a bad like it's about
not a bad version, it's like a good version. So okay,
this is a test.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So one of my dearest friends, I love her so much,
and her name is Bettina, and we worked We met
at Fox. We worked together at Fox. And when I
went back to La, Uh did I tell you all,
I'm going to be in a I did in the documentary? Okay,
so I stayed with Batina. Betina is black, and she
(07:47):
is fucking beautiful, like and she's older than me, sar Beatina,
but she looks like forty and I look at her
and every one I'm like my white ass skin, like
I wish if I had just the fraction of what
But I don't look at her in any negative way.
(08:08):
It's more of like.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Just don't sand next to me in the photo.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah, yeah, stay separate. But how wonderful that is? Like that,
you know that you because we still live in a
visual world, right and beauty is a thing. It depends
on what you define as beauty. Betina's absolutely beautiful and
has the most gorgeous skin, and her soul matches all
(08:33):
of that. But I look at her and I'm like,
so it's not but it's not like, oh I want
to be that. I don't. There's not a judge, there's not.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
It's just like wow, or she did that to me?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah, oh my god, no, none of that. You know.
Then I like my old ass white German English Irish
skin going to kimm it. But but then I laugh
because then I really don't care. But it's but it's
more about a I can admire. Maybe is the difference
without having to without the shadow side of it, without
the shadow side of envy. Right, So it wasn't exactly envy.
(09:08):
Thank you. That is the best way to summarize that. Yeah,
because that's that's okay.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, yeah, And that's a really great line and border
to have because you have so much affection for her, right, like,
just so that that really helps. But let's say you
and she entered the company you know that you worked
for at the same time, and she was promoted more
than you. It would be you can see how that
would that might turn right over the years, Like this
(09:37):
happens a lot for people. I hear about it in
you know, conversations and where people have pain and but
this is the thing. And I've had this conversation a
number of reading's number of coaching calls recently that talked
about how the good news is that this is one
hundred percent a story you're telling. So you are in
(10:00):
charge of turning that story around. So we're going to
talk more about that when we come back from this break.
So welcome back. Thank you off the guitar.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Especially every time I don't understand I'm keep doing it,
and I hope somebody's out there counting the number that
times I say thank you and she giggles, Well, it's.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Just because I'm ready to like to launch them because
I'm on my little trajectory of the stories we tell ourselves. Yeah, yes,
so we're back, We are back, thank you. So these
stories we tell ourselves that we are in charge of changing,
(10:49):
that we are empowered to change, are essential for us
to be able to identify and then rewrite in a
better way. Right.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Uh yeah, And actually I have a story that involves
both of us, so I mean, we're both part of it.
It's really my story, but you are the one who
made me listen to it. You forced me to actually
change something. There was an invitation and you you invited
me to be forced something.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
So top mess.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I know, you know, I totally am.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
This is my.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Favorite part of the week, though it is a week
so I can always get excited. So the first time,
and I think it was about eleven years ago that
you it was when when Mona had jumped from her
car accident and you did the group reading for Susanne
and I and the boys, and I remember you saying, oh, Julie,
(11:51):
I have your mom and your dad here and they're
standing separate from one another and like, well, no ship.
And I think it was my dad that stepped up
first to you. And the first thing he said, or
that you relaid back to me was that I tell
everyone that I didn't have a father, and he told
(12:15):
me to stop, and you added so gracefully. You know,
we have these like this tape player and this is
also indicative of our age. We say, tape player, mine's
an eight track. But we have these tapes that we
play in our head of these stories that we just
retell over and over and over, and we tend to
(12:37):
forget why we tell them and actually what's the real
meaning behind them? And how hard much are we hurting
ourselves by telling these stories? Is that fair? I mean,
that's kind of what you said to me.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Right, it's completely fair. And I think about more as
magnetic tapes because they're in our brain than eight tracks.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Minds an eight track but it slides in.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
On the left side, they hit that, but right, they
just get on a loop, right, and they get into
our subconscious And this is what happens when we're when
we're judging others, when we're putting ourselves and one up
or one down. And in this situation where I don't
have a dad, right, that that's that's a diminishing, a
(13:20):
self harming story.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Oh when I said I didn't have a dad, like, yeah,
I mean it's going to By the way, FYI this
year forty years john, Yeah, oh my gosh, forty Oh
my gosh, I'm fifty three. Forty Wow, somebody do the
high level math. So people are saying thirteen thirteen. I
(13:43):
can hear you. Guys like Julie can't say it. You
do math for ship. But but it was and I
know why I that that was part of my tape.
I know what I was doing. I was a listening sympathy.
I was using it. I was using it and it
(14:05):
was untrue, but b I was using it and for
probably the layers that I'm not even fully aware of,
But I know it was sympathy. I know that when
I know that when people like and I used to
do this and I stop doing it. When I come
home from work, I tell Susan, I'm oh, I'm so tired.
I worked so hard today. No I fucking didn't. I'm fine.
(14:26):
It was listening, but it was alictiting, like I was
trying to manipulate. I think what we do with those
really comes down to, in many cases a level of manipulation.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Sometimes when we're telling stories that diminish us, or there's
a victim or a martyrdom like those stories are definitely
to elicit support, to like, hey, you should feel sorry
for me, or I should draw some attention or some
focus here, right, And look, we all need attention, we
all need support, So there's no shame in that. But
(14:59):
also saying is is this the best version of the
story that I can tell? Even if I'm just telling
myself the story, What's another way I can tell this
story that is actually honoring of the facts that I
have because a lot of times, like saying my dad
jumped early is different than saying I don't have a dad.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Correct. And so for the record, everybody, I never uttered that.
I've not uttered that story since, like it is out
of my eight tract tape. I never am I and
part of it is. And this is another issue. I
think it's like a human nature thing. We tend to
be pretty dramatic a lot of us, and I have
(15:41):
taken a lot of that drama out of my stories.
I don't need to be dramatic. It is not necessary.
It is so much more peaceful to not try to
get somebody to like, I don't need sympathy. You know,
you know what Margaret used to say, if sympathy you
can find it between shit and spis in the dictionary.
Because you're not getting it from me. And so I stopped.
(16:05):
I quit. I'm a quitter. And it started with dad
and then and then I noticed it, right, And so boy,
that eight track is kind of empty these days. There's
not as nearly as much that's in there.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Isn't that great? And how freeing is that? Right? So
identify those self harming stories, whether it's look, there's lots
of ways where we get diminished in life, but to
retell those stories all the time, that's super damaging. It's
not playing to You're never going to get to the
best version of yourself if you keep taking yourself down.
(16:42):
As we know, our school is hard, there's lots of
things we're going to have to overcome and work. But
when we can choose the highest version available to us,
it says this happened or this is what I know
of this situation. I'm not going to fill in all
the trash around it because we take the facts and
then we fill this whole story that may or out
have happened. Right. So if I send the joke in
(17:05):
helping you know people is the people who are entrepreneurs
like I mentor people are certain businesses and things like this, Right,
And when you send that proposal and you're like, the
story is I haven't I didn't hear anything back. They
hated me. They're never going to hire me. I don't
have anything to offer. I was priced too high. I
was priced too low. Like we fill in all these
stories and we're like, the only thing you know is
(17:26):
you haven't heard from your client.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Exactly right.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
They could be on vacation right, exactly right, they could
you know, your email went in to spam, Like, we
have no idea. The only thing we know is that
you haven't heard from a client. Everything else where, you
didn't sleep for two nights, that's all you. That's on you.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
And I think and I think the way to you know,
to have our audience like just to give this a
little bit of an architecture, is this section that we
just talked about is the damage we do to ourselves.
And I think when we come back from a break,
we're going to talk about being able to break down
how we're being treated and why things are happening the
(18:06):
way that they're happening, Because you know, that's another thing
where that whole illusionary or the ship ain't real. Stuff
happens as well, and we take things that people tell
us as if they're real, and we sit there and
we spend and we see and we do all this
shit where really it's about them. So I think we
want to take another quick break. Are we good with that?
(18:29):
Absolutely awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And welcome back.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I did not say thank you that time.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I was holding the space.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
No I saw it. I saw your hand flip out
like a jazz hand, and that was awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
So when we have my mouth has for us is
a story that I think is a great sort of
arch type of how we do this often when someone
has behavior and we interpret it or you know, take
it in a way that is not helpful and yet
very very popular.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, you know, there's there is in fact what I
funny enough, I'm going to take a little bit of
I'm not gonna land the plane quite yet, so I'm
going to kind of go back a little bit because
it just dawned on me that so when I was
dealing with my ex step dad. I know, I've shared
the story about when I had to deal with him,
and because the Simon and Schuster attorneys made me get
(19:39):
in touch to get permission to use his name, blah
blah blahlah blah, because they are like, oh, you're he's
a child abuser, so we should probably get permission so
nobody get food. I'm like, a good point. So when
I spoke to him and he started giving me all
sorts of holy hell about stuf because he can't help himself.
I said to him, you know, Bob, there's one thing
(20:00):
that I've learned that tends to be very true and accurate,
you know, in this life. And he's like, who was it, Gelie,
It is a shitty tone. And I believe that you
know that we treat people how we feel about ourselves.
So that tells me that something went on, you know,
terrible in your life to make you feel so bad
(20:21):
that I'm just so sorry about. By the way, it's
amazing because it also shut in the fuck up. But
the reality is is that we do treat people how
we feel about ourselves. And I just had this conversation
with a friend of mine here in Santa Fe and
we were in the car driving and his he has
two sisters that we're saying terrible things to him, like
(20:44):
you don't deserve this, and they were just being awful.
Oh yeah, they were being terrible to him.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah. It was very intense actually, And I like, who
says those things out I mean, who out loud?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Loud, like it's terrible.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
To think it, but it's another thing to say, I
mean nothing. I think we're living in the area era
of saying shit out loud that we shouldn't because they're
all doing it. So and I think that's also another thing.
I think there's like other people that you know will
say shitty things like that that makes other people think
they can say shitty things. So so I looked at him,
(21:20):
and I'm like, darling. He's much younger than me, so
I call him darling. I'm like darling kind of adopted
him a little bit. I said, why the fuck do
you care what your sisters think that? He was like uh,
And I said, because they probably are pretty I'm like,
(21:40):
let me guess they have a miserable life. They're miserable humans.
He's like, well, yeah, I goes, then why do you
care what a miserable person said to you? Because they
are treating you how they feel, and misery loves company.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
And they don't have anything else to give.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
They got nothing.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, And you know, I always say what people think
about you is none of your business.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I love that, you know, I need to really skid
a T shirt thing going because that's like it is
so good. And I'll say that to people, and I
actually said it to him too, but I always give
him all the wisdom usually yours, Yours is always so
much better. Mine easily has a cuss word in it,
So I try to use yours as often as possible.
(22:23):
But when I tell people that, when I say that,
it's like what somebody thinks you of you isn't your business.
There's like this jaw drop in this unplanned silence.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Well and they want to resist it, but then they're like,
wait they can't. Yeah exactly, They're like, oh.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I'm like exactly. So I think sometimes you know, when
we keep talking about how we will process things, right, so,
whether it's the tape eight track usually that we play
in our head, or if it's things other people plant
in there, we can it's crazy making we make it.
We can make yourself crazy, you know. And there's just
(23:02):
no need for that now. You know, if his sisters
were in a much more stable place, right, they probably
wouldn't have said that kind of stuff to him, right, so.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Right, because he says to a grown ass, ad all,
you don't deserve that, Like, I mean, obviously they deserved it.
It happened, right whatever, Like who are you? Who the
hell do you think you are?
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Right?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
I mean it's comical. It's like, oh, thanks for sharing
your ignorance here, right.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
You don't deserve it, so fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
I mean, it's just so silly.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
We always quote that movie Argo Our go fuck yourself,
like just like keep that ship to yourself, you know.
But it can change how we feel about ourselves if
we're not filtering it properly. That's really what because he
was upset, like he was so upset and twirling that
(23:56):
he wasn't focused on what he needed to focus on.
He actually as two kids, and this was about him
trying to get you know, a better relationship, more time
with his kids. And he gets spun and he stops.
He liked Boom in the mud.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
But this is when people cannot don't understand the difference
between facts and opinions. So when we talked before about facts,
what do we know? We know your client hasn't returned
your hasn't responded to your email. That's what we write
facts and opinions. Her opinion is messed up, and the
facts are. This is what's on your plate. This is
(24:36):
what you can influence and control. This is what you
are accountable for. This is and that's it. These are
the facts. Everything else gets filled in. How are you
going to choose to activate what gets filled in? Right,
just when we get overwhelmed, and there's so many reasons
to get overwhelmed, go back to what is it an
actual fact? What do we know? What has happened? What
(24:56):
is indisputable? What can be measured by a standard that
we can agree on, whatever that is, And.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Consider where the source materials coming from. Because here's here's
a nice little piece of advice, folks. Don't ask somebody
in the middle of a divorce about a relationship. If
you have relationship problems you why know if they're going
to tell you get a divorce. But for real, it's like,
(25:22):
don't just don't get into relationship, Well, don't get into one.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard that from,
By the way, the same person in and out of relationships.
As I never do this, then don't ever do it.
It's like, because we can't help in a lot of cases,
but to express our own life, you when you're asking for.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Advice, you can't be anywhere, but where you are is that, right,
you can't be So if that's where I am, it's authentic,
it's not helpful because you're not where I am.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
And be cautious about who you ask. Yeah, Like, so
not only if you get something that's uninvited. I mean
a lot of that happens, but if you are actually
inviting people to give you opinions and advice about your life, like,
be particular about who you ask. Consider your sources always, right,
(26:14):
consider them always. And it is fascinating because now that
I kind of understand this, I have noticed and I'll
actually just kind of play around a little bit, and
what I get is exactly what I expected, right, because
that's unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Well, it's not. I mean, it's predictable.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
It's predictable.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Humans are predictable. I can only give you what where
I am, how I am. I nothing supersedes your own guidance, right,
Rochie is one more plug for Tureau And that's true.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah for real.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I'd be talking about to the other night. So it's
really funny that.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
You Well, it's actually true, right because even because we
we ask when we're desperate, we're asking when we're curious,
we're asked us out of conversation. But I know you
know what it's like to be so lost you can't
find your own guidance with both hands. And that's where
my comment of thank God for troue because I don't
know what I'd be today without it. And that's not
what this the topics I was about.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
But it's real, well, but it is. But it's about
guidance though it's this is really about internal guidance. Let's
be honest. It's about our own compass, our own guidance system.
And you know, I've had people ask me things and
I've responded, I'm like, I don't know if I'm the
best person to answer this.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah, I've heard you say that.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know if I'm the best person.
You know, I don't need to be everything to everybody.
In fact, I don't need to be anything to anybody,
but if they want me to be a part of it,
and if I think I can you know, help a
situation or guide the thinking, I will absolutely, you know,
honor their their their invitation. But sometimes I've said no
(27:54):
to an invitation. You know, I have kids, Like y'all,
I am not your best person for that because I
tell them astitus fuck down and shut the fuck up
and listen to me, which I know is not how
y'all parent anymore. So I'm not quite sure that I'm
(28:14):
the best one to ask. But again, or weight loss
or gymnastics, I mean, none of these things are my thanks.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
And these are great places to make referrals exactly. Oh,
just put the disclaimer on it. I know nothing about this,
but this is what I would do, right, And you asked, Yeah,
I want to act on that.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
But yeah, And that's another thing I think for our
listeners is also be mindful of yourself when that you
the input you give, you have no idea what that
may or may not do to someone you know, So
be gentle and be thoughtful about what you're doing, what
you're saying, and and try the best you can not
(28:54):
to have it just re fully reflect you onto their life.
It's dangerous and probably really shitty karma, gas, I would think.
So yeah, like I don't need to make any more
that stuff I got plenty to work through. So yeah,
we're good, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
But again, it's really about identifying, right right, what we
came to this, just realizing how people lose their energy
and lose their way being distracted by the shit that's
not real.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
It's not fucking real. Like what Jay's sisters think about
him was not real. That's how they felt about themselves.
That wasn't real for him.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Or when you spin out worrying and losing energy, right,
or because something didn't live up to your expectation or
preconceived notion, you're just spinning and it's just loss of
energy and it was never even real. It was an
idea you had. You didn't even speak and you experienced
something different, and now you're melting down and you're like,
I'm not I'm a piece of crap because says happened.
(30:00):
You're like, this isn't have anything to do with.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
You preconceived ideas. Right, It's like, I'm gonna go visit somebody.
There should be a ticker tape parade when I walk
out the door, and guess what, they have five fucking kids.
There's no ticker fucking tape parade. And that you're lucky
to walk in the door to not be blocked.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
It's like we just have to be able to process, like,
oh wait, I had that idea in my head. That's
why I'm upset. You know, it's just that it's that
It's also that we've talked about the exercise, the inventory exercise.
You know, it's like it's just taking inventory of things
that because anytime I get like pissed off about something,
(30:38):
it's so me. It is so if it's the news
speeding what road and passes me, you know, this.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Is all great news, right, because it's all you. You
get to change it, you get to write the story
and go, oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I was to watch somebody, right, did you have somebody
give you the finger the other day?
Speaker 2 (30:56):
True?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I mean, come the funk on? Who flips off the witch?
Which nobody I did?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Somebody I tapped the horn because I literally thought they
didn't see me, and they you know, it was now
like I laid on the horn, right, but it was hysterical.
They put down the phone, put down their window and
flip me off out the window. I was like, Wow,
that took some effort.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Took some effort, and by the way, put your phone
should be down in the first place. My issue.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
But I'm like, did I take that personally?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
No?
Speaker 2 (31:25):
But it's outstanding, Like how how defensive someone got is
supposed to oh crap, I got to get off my phone.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
It's funny, you know, just you telling this just reminded me.
When we first moved to Fayetteville, somebody I don't remember
who it was, I think it was my friend OJ said, oh,
we don't honk our horns here. I said, oh I do.
And she looked at me, She's what and I said, oh,
hell yes. They are here because they are to alert
(31:54):
people who may not see us, like there is a practical,
functional reason for a horn, and that's what I used
it for, exactly right, I said, So, yeah, I honk.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
But again, some part of that person knew I'm not
supposed to be driving and on my phone, right, and
so the defensiveness.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
So they treat they got me mad because you busted him, well.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
They treated me how they felt like, oh shit, I
shouldn't have done that. Right. I'm angry. I'm angry maybe
something myself, but I'm even more angry that you caught
me right right right into the lane.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Or just like, I mean, how many times you've been
upset This is more traffic issues, but how many times
you've been upset on the road that somebody like zip
past you or cut in line or whatever it is.
It's like, oh my god, the effort to get upset
about a stranger doing something that you will never fucking
see again in your life, like ever, except the one
(32:48):
time I was pulling into Wegmans, which is it was
a buffalo and somebody was whatever, and I'm like, oh
my god, what a buf phone. It happened to be
my Aunt Alice. So other than that, to this day,
we still call her a buffoon and outsideed by Aunt Alice.
You're never going to see these people.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Ever again, only my helf. That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Oh I remember. I remember the moment and I said
out like, what a buffoon? And I and I watch
her pull up and I see my fucking aunt walk out.
I go there, I said, I just called you a buffoon.
You can't drive for shit. We need to work on
her driving skills. This summer, I was like twenty, like Colas,
(33:33):
that great.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
That's a great story. That's instant karma.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
She's still alive and we still talk about her driving
like a buffoon.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Hopefully she improved. So we want you to be aware
of the energy engagement and the energy loss and inviting
you to assess and reposition yourself to tell the story
that is the most energetically beneficial to you, to stop
self arming and just increase overall awareness.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
And in those moments. And I'm going to use your
the honking moment. It's just an example. So if you're
the honky and uh, the one being honked at, I
don't know, not the honker. And I know what I said.
I understand what I said, but in my head it
(34:25):
was a jo Wayne k.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Not the you know honky.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
So anyway, if you're being honked at, Joey, do not
edit any of that. But it was fun. If you're
being honked at, instead of like going outward to punish
the one who did it, you should go inward. And
I think that's really what this is. This is about
going inward, and it's about being able to kind of
sort an assess. And my witch is giggling like a
(34:50):
school girl right now, and I have my composure, and
but to like bring it inside an assess before you
go off, or before if a sister says something shitty
to you, as sess where your sister is before you
get upset or you take it too personally, or you'd
use their terrible advice or point of view for your
(35:11):
own life. Just bring it in.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
And you can also adopt a lens that says you know,
everything is perfect. Hey, thanks for letting me know you're there.
Thanks for getting me off my phone. Thanks or you know,
if someone's judging you. Thanks for letting me know exactly
who you are so now I can see you.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Oh totally. I love that one.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
You know, this is I know exactly what I'm going
to get from you. Thank you. It's really clear.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And ps, you're not going to see me very often now, scarce.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
It's perfectly fine.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Right, Oh you're kidding. I'm so scarce now to so
many people because I don't want to deal with hand
of that fucking bullshit. I'd like, nope, Yeah, you've shown
me who you are and I'm very clear.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
It's right, it's all perfect. So that's that's my invitation
to go from shitt ain't real to it's all perfect.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Thanks for listening, everybody, and thank Our school is hard.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Without the other side and real shit. Thanks everybody, Bye, everybody,
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Everyone, and a special thanks to our producer Joey Patt
and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard who guides us?
Will we guide you?
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Hit us up on Instagram at other Side Guides, or
shoot us a note at high Hi at vibes dot store.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
And remember, our school is hard without the other Side.
Insider's Guide to the other Side is a production of iHeartRadio.
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