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September 4, 2023 70 mins

Should you stop being “good”? 


According to the 7 deadly sins, a “good person” needs no rest, has no appetite, has no desires, puts themselves last, and is never upset. 


NYT best-selling author Elise Loehnen says we spend most of our energy denying the needs and instincts that make us human - like our needs for love, connection, success, and rest. 


It’s hard to be “ok” when you’ve spent a lifetime denying your own needs.

In this episode we cover: 

  • How the 7 deadly sins morphed into a rulebook for everyday life
  • Who does she think she is?! 
  • Is the sin of greed keeping you from making friends?
  • Why the most harmful thing you can do to a woman is destroy her reputation
  • Why don't we allow men to be sad? (it’s not what you think)
  • The grief in how much time you’ve lost trying to be good


Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.


“You can't interrupt the status quo alone. This is communal work.” - Elise Loehnen


Related episodes:

⁣Horse Barbie & Cultivating Trans Joy with Geena Rocero


Book Bans, Grief, and Love: What Do These Have to Do With Social Movements? with Malkia Devich-Cyril


Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit for resources & courses

About our guest:

Elise Loehnen is the author of the New York Times bestseller, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good. She’s written for The Oprah Magazine, Stylist, and The New York Times, and hosts the podcast, Pulling the Thread. Find her @eliseloehnen 


About Megan:

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. The best-selling book on grief in over a decade, Megan’s It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, is a global phenomenon that has been translated into more than 25 languages. Her animations and explainers have garnered over 75 million views and are used in training programs around the world. Find her @refugeingrief


Additional resources:

Elise’s NYT best seller: On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good


Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here


Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed 


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