2022: You Tried it, But We Had Time

In this episode Jill, Laiya, and Aja talk about the highs and lows of 2022 and what they want to bring into 2023. If you want to reflect on your year, Amber suggest completing the the YearCompass. The year compass is a free resources that asks you the big questions to help you design your ideal year. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio.
What's up You're doing? Uh, Welcome back to Jay dot
Ilva podcast. I am here with my sister friends. You
know at this point who they are. You know, I'm
gonna be real clear with you about who they are

(00:25):
to me, these two women here, It's not really an
everyday occurrence when you meet two women that can lift you.
Like Seriously, I'm no like John. You know what I'm saying.
I am no like John. Whatever I'm saying. The truth

(00:48):
is when you have some women, um that some friends,
Let's be real clear, some friends that can lift your spirits,
that can check you and hold you accountable, that can
love you through that accountability, who can be real honest
with you, patient with you, like super thoughtful loving that
that kind of thing goes a long long way, especially

(01:11):
in a year like two. I'm going to shout out
age of great danceler you like st Clair. You know
that's right, That's right, That's right man, that's you know,
that's us. It's like, no, no, seriously, this this. I

(01:36):
have had some really good conversations with both of you
this year offline listen that I feel like are just
so indicative of the type of relationship that we have
built through this medium. So we I don't feel like

(01:57):
we're the same women to each other prior. I feel
like this has opened up something between us that is
I don't know, like I feel like it's like another layer.
I have not come out of this experience with you
all the same that I went into it, the cry

(02:18):
all the time. WI. What I'm saying is that this
is the kind of friendship that that takes years. You know,
you don't just you don't just jump and rush on
this type of thing here. You know, there were years
that we all knew each other, but this is, uh,
I mean we know each other. Yes, this is this

(02:41):
was this was a level up. Wow, it was a boost.
I say, it's a booster. Yeah, for sure, booster you know,
even stronger. Yeah. It rounded that thing out, It gave
it details, It put the shellac on the thing like
it did a lot. It did a lot. Thank you
jad Ettle podcast, because this has been really something because baby, um,

(03:08):
first of all, I got KOVID twice. I don't know
about anybody else listeners, but that that second time getting COVID,
I I don't know. I was like, well, lord, has
a good time, and I thank you. I thank you
for all the good times that I had right here,

(03:32):
ub room, sound like, don't even speaking. Don't you better?
I know better, trust me when I tell you, y'all,
I know better. But I felt so bad and it
just seemed like it was um everywhere for my whole body,

(03:53):
my whole you know, Psyche. I was like, no, this
thinks and then how about this, Jill? Would you have
ever thought that? After that? That's something else would have
crept up on our ass. I call it the r
G s r CV had that too. Write all the
listen in my life, it was always the RBG, the
Red Black Men Rain, But we got this whole other thing. Yeah,

(04:15):
what the hell. But let me tell you. Two was
the year of me getting COVID. To me two years
no COVID on Jude Teeth Nikel. I had it on
New Year's Eve shoot, So I brought in two in isolation. Yeah,
I did you know? It was a vaccinated COVID for me.

(04:39):
I'm like, I'm just grateful because I was vaccinated. Because
y'all know a couple of years ago, the year before,
we were seeing people really like we think like Jill.
Imagine you thought she was going through it, but without
any corparation or vaccination or anything like I can't even imagine.
I started twenty two in January and got coked it

(05:00):
and I ended in December with COVID. So this year, like,
I feel like that's definitely a sign. You know. Um,
I'm out here looking for signs and omens and remarkable
things that that are a part of the journey of
this here existence, you know what I'm saying, And I
feel like that is one of them. Like, I still

(05:23):
I'm not quite sure, but I do know that one
no punk on on many many levels. Financially when No
Punk I had to deal with some things that I
was like, oh no, um, I'm gonna have to sue
some people. I hate that, but I have to fock

(05:45):
everybody ignoring some things because financially, I'm like, we're gonna
deal with I definitely had to let some people go
to but the awareness awareness and to let some people
go yeah and that, And it still doesn't feel right.
It still doesn't like it hurts, but it's also necessary

(06:07):
because we're not going any further than this where there
is a maybe in a few years or whatever, but
not now. And there's no need to to sit there
and try to um pull the thing apart unless there's
an understanding on both sides, and that just isn't. There's not.
There's a friend who does not know who I am,

(06:28):
and I can't continue to explain my soul. You don't
get it, then you don't get it, and that you
know this was you don't so Yeah that that that
little musical moment did a thing for the girlies, for
the growing as girlies. Yes, and yes, everybody, I'm everybody,

(06:54):
everybode you know. It's it's very Really, do you have
a a moment, a musical moment that speaks to everybody? Yeah, everybody.
And you gotta give it up to Beyonce for that
mean us a moment. She gave us a moment. Yes,

(07:18):
comfortable in my skin? Wow, oh god, don't do it.
I am stopping skinny year of what kinda forever? It's
too much. And King, the woman King did things for me.
I ain't gonna hold you up. My back got straighter.

(07:39):
We're watching the woman King tears that I didn't know
we're waiting for me. I did. I cried a good
hard one to that that whole mother daughter relationship. How
powerful that was. Baby. I needed that. I needed that
and didn't know I needed it. So I'm real grateful
for the new is it heard? And I'm grateful for

(08:02):
the things seen and the things felt, because um, this
was this was I mean, we we ended off the
year with with twitch that was life. Like you know
that it's these highs and lows, baby, this this these

(08:24):
highs and lows. But I think also to like one
thing the last few years has taught us is you know,
the fragility of life and the fragility of just the
human spirit that we have to We talk about how
strong the human spirit is. We do talk about that,
but I think we found out is that it also
is a thing that needs to be nurtured. It's a

(08:45):
thing that needs that cannot just expect for it to
just show up as itself and it's full glory just
because right, it has to be a thing that we
feed on a consistent basis, and it has to be
a thing that we demand be acknowledged in all of
the spaces that we take up. So it's like we're

(09:07):
not used to I mean, these this past year in
particular help me understand that my my spirit has to
be fed in all the places where my body shows up.
Oh so if I'm in that place, if I'm physically
in that place, I need to demand and not be
afraid that it feeds my spirit and then it does

(09:28):
not drain it. And if in fact it drains it
to no fault to my own or anyone else's that
I'm intentional about, you know, reigniting that and and nurturing
it and and and taking care of it the same
way I would if I was physically tired, even I
was physically pained, you know what I'm saying. M hmm,

(09:55):
more real talk after the break. I've learned in this year, um,
particularly that there is a there is a direct connection

(10:15):
between how I feel physically and how I feel, you know,
spiritually and emotionally and mentally, like like these things are
connected clearly. Yeah, I don't think it's an accident. I
don't think there any accidents anyway. No, I like, I
don't know. If I didn't, I didn't didn't tell the

(10:35):
rest of you all listening. But you know, definitely went
through a series of weeks where I was um, it
started to feel like an attack because it was like
one thing after another, like, um, I had a flood
in my house. Um, that was not pleasant. I got
COVID and that clearly was not what I was looking for.

(11:01):
Shivers and sweats and fevers and um, dizziness and dreams,
my goodness, crazy, wild, vivid dreams outs of those um.
And then right after I finished with COVID, I got
I woke up in my eyes were swollen almost shut.
I'm like, okay, alright, alright, alright, what in the what

(11:24):
in the heat? Hall? And then and then on top
of that, right after the eyes started to get better,
my cycle comes and she ain't no punk even that's well,
all right, don't you love it when it's like that.
It's when it gets like that's when you get That's
when you start doing the crazy laugh. Yeah, that's all
you can do, but laughter where you'd be like, He'll

(11:49):
be like, I'm just going to laugh at this moment
because you wow God. And from there, yeah, I think
that the thing is have been flow thing that we
learned that the quality of our lives is not really

(12:10):
about these constantly being in these great moments, but just
how we flow through all the moments. Do we have
a strategy about the way that we flow through the
way that life presents itself because everyone here has experienced
some amazing ship and some really jacked up stuff, almost
not just in tandem, but simultaneously. Hey, you can be

(12:34):
in a moment and joy. Yo. I'm sorry, But on
that note, do y'all realize that on the weekend. And
I'm just gonna say this because I know he don't listen.
On the weekend, I got my five broys out that
my my boyfriend became a grandfather. Listen to me the
same speak to us about it. I got twenty five

(12:57):
boys removed. My boy friend became a grandfather. He was
running between hospitals. See, that's that, That's that of a level.
That's what I'm talking about. Like, So, I just in
this moment as y'all talking, I'm thinking to myself, wanted
I didn't think that. I didn't think I had anything
profound to say on this note as y'all were speaking

(13:19):
so profoundly, and I was like, well, I think that
I have learned to uh, to follow God's path and
have faith and not always react um and the most
obvious or the ways that you would have previously, you know,
to fully open yourself up. So in all these journeys
this year, it's just it's just interested in having this conversation.

(13:42):
I just talked to girlfriend off the ledge because she
she missed a flight to come home to see her family,
and I was like, but you was frantic. You hadn't
eat until you would have got on that flight, and
you wouldn't have had anything to eat, and you wouldn't
have been five hours and you would be so fucked up,
and your your nerves would be bad, and you're bad
would be your back would be sucked up and all
these things. And I was like, sometimes you just gotta
have faith in God's decisions that he makes for you.

(14:04):
That seems like it's the end of the world, but
it's actually just a different aspect of what you're supposed
to be doing. Like just it's not the end. So
that's that we can kind of meant that from me
in this this journey, like I'm just taking his lead,
her league whomemberous lead I'm riding. Yeah, I'm gonna just

(14:29):
be healthy in the path. You know, I'm out here,
And it suggests to everybody. You probably read it before,
you know, if you're listening to Jay dot Ill. You
probably haven't. If you haven't, um, grab it, pick it up.
I would really suggest everybody to read The Alchemist again.
Go back in. Okay, go back and read it again.

(14:51):
It's um, I haven't. I will give me. You know,
I've never felt like the Bible was like a completed work.
You know, I don't think that any of the religious
books are completed works. I think that they continue. You know,
I probably have said this before, but you know, I
feel like there's a there should be a book of Whitney.

(15:12):
You know, this this young person, this woman that came
to this planet and could sing like a bird. She
could stop time with this voice that nothing but a
bell and anointed just and when I say that, I
don't mean any particular religiousness, I just mean the kind
of voice that stops, stops everything else, so you have

(15:35):
to stop, and you know, you have to pay through it.
And her having in existence where she could not be
all of who she was. These are these are these
are Bible stories, the stories Michael, this little boy who
had all of this talent, amazing talents. That's what I

(15:59):
really feel is happening. There. There miracles all the time,
and there are people who represent so much more than
just there outward talent. You know, you've got somebody like
Michael Jackson, the Book of Michael. You know, he's just lonely,

(16:19):
super talented little boy with a lot of pressure on
his back, a lot You know clearly these things. If
you're not grounded, you know, if you don't have people
around you to tell you know, you know you're you're
headed in the wrong direction. You need a break. You
know that that life is not just about how much

(16:40):
you're taking in, you know, um and and giving out.
That there's something in between that you cannot move forward,
you cannot move without some level of But I think
also to like what you're saying. What what's really resonated
with me about what you're saying is that there is
value in the of the experience of others, and that

(17:01):
there's parable and the lived experience of others, and that
if we can come into this knowing of listening to
each other as a sacred act, so listening to each
other's lived experiences and what we were watching and listening
to how people experience the world, that we can remind
ourselves of our own humanity and we can be tied

(17:22):
to the spirit of God and that we can be
tied into our own purpose without a feeling of isolation,
because it's the isolation that kills you, not just the
physical isolation, but the mental and emotional isolation that says,
I am only experiencing this. I am the person who
is in pain. I am the person who is feeling

(17:43):
this thing. And that that's that feeling of that no
one else can understand. Is that moment where you begin
to separate yourself from the parable of others. And that's
where I feel like we are all So what I'm
getting from you, that's the day that we that our
lives are our sacred text quick, quicker intellectual note. I

(18:10):
just want to let everybody know that The Alchemist is
available on audiobook, and UM, you're not stupid, guys. Parable
is a simple story used to illustrate a moral or
spiritual lesson. Age is really smart, she said. She she
I don't go to college, but just just I don't know.
She is like, we don't use that in regular conversation,

(18:32):
but we knew the book Parable the Sower. I know. Yeah,
I'll tell you. We really sit here as students, and um,
all the time, I have no shame in my game.
Who don't smith? So let's you know. Sometimes they're they're

(18:52):
sometimes they're not. I get tone tied, just like the
somebody else I'm just saying, ages is about that? Can
I ask you all a question? I'm sorry it's a
total rabbit hole, but it is question. We're talking about
Octavia Butler Kindred. Anyone, I'm ready, anyone listen. I'm only
an episode seven, okay, And I want to tell you

(19:14):
guys something I don't tell me. Don't tell me, don't spoilers.
We don't do spoilers. I've I'll say this to you.
I am a person who does not tire of stories
of narratives that come out of the experience of formally
enslaved or enslaved people. Whether it is a true story,
whether it is one out of the imagination of someone,

(19:37):
I don't tire of that. I'm fine with it. I
want other stories. We talked about this this year, we
talked about having more diversity. One thing I will say
about my experience with Kindred is that because even with
Octavia's work is so weighty as a as an author,

(19:58):
that this this, watching this, it's I feel like I've
had to pace myself. That's what I'm a person who
will just take it. Give me me, give me, give me.
I want to see till I want to see a man.
It's a patient. I want to see all the Lord. Girl,
you know I'm that person. I'm that girl. I'm good.

(20:21):
Let's tell me, tell me the things. But I have
had to pace myself through this. So I just want
to put that out there, just like I've enjoyed it.
I have got I love some of the updates. So
if you've read the book and you're ready for a
more kind of modern take or current, not modern, but

(20:42):
current take on some of the elements of the book,
I'm here for it. But girl may be but yes
to Kindred and yes to me not even knowing again,
and I've said this on the on the show, I
didn't even know about the book until after we did
the group. I started on wild Seats, so this is
all kind of me and said, oh, is your group

(21:04):
named after the doctor Octavia Butler book. I'm like, no,
and it just sent me and she's my favorite. So
I ever said that to me. But for any of
you who don't know, Ki Octavia Butler is the writer
of this this um of several books, and she's science
fiction and she's she's writing black science fiction. It's it's

(21:26):
absolutely fantastic. Just like with most science fiction, she hits
the head, um, she hits the nail on the head
quite often, and it's really kind of scary. Yes, it
is very like prophetesseness on page um, even in the
level of fiction. I would I would absolutely get involved

(21:48):
with some of Otavia Butler. Yeah, she definitely has a
way of centering black women and alternates, alternative universes and
alternate spaces and then having special powers things like that.
So I feel like it shout out to Mallory Johnson

(22:10):
because I think as an actress it's quite brave to
not only do Kindred the Woman King, And there's one
other thing that she did this year and I was like, oh,
she's blacking at the funk out. Oh yeah, Mallory was
to play the daughter and woman King Jill. She's also
the star of Kindred. I believe she seems to be English,
but we won't say so. We don't know. We have

(22:32):
to speak on the things we know. All we know, Yeah,
but what if we are right? That would be funny though, right,
I kind of I mean just giving a little you
already know I what does she st Okay, I'm not

(22:58):
I don't know. I'm gonna find the girl Google Google.
We'll circle back. We'll still circle it on thattor like
so this, you know, as people to talk about getting
ready for the following year, and you know, having a
mantra or a mottel or something. Um, I don't. I think,
I don't know that I have a mantray just yet.

(23:22):
But I will say that I am definitely going to
focus on my physical health because this last this last
couple of months was like bang bang bang bang bang, bitch,
you ain't doing something right and you need to So, UM,
I got a I got a couple of good ideas
where that labs. Um. I don't necessarily want to tell

(23:44):
you that, but I'm I'm going to focus on these
things and try to get to another side. I am
going to get you will. I'm glad you came to that.
I didn't even think about that as the possibility. I'm
proud of your friend. Listen. I I just really believe that,
you know, we don't we literally walk by faith. Literally,

(24:08):
I don't. I don't know if that helps anybody but
I believe that, and maybe there's some areas where I
need to reconnect in that in that space. And I've
really enjoyed my relationship, which all of my whole life,
I've really enjoyed it. And you know, it's not a given,

(24:30):
it's a gift, and I'm going to dig in yet again,
but for the greater of me, and I'm glad that
I'm starting with the Alchemist again. It reads different these
you know, six years later since the last time I
read it. It reads different like, uh yeah, so um

(24:56):
getting get involved in that Alchemist and let's talk about it. Yeah,
we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be
right back. I feel like for me is going to

(25:23):
be the year of I don't know, you know what
I'm saying, Like, it's like, I love that you all.
It's it's a great source of pride and kindness. And
when you all speak about that, you think you feel
that I'm smarter, intelligent, or you know whatever. The different

(25:43):
many many beautiful things that you have said about me.
And so I think this year is gonna be about
me just kind of being open to things that I
do not know, but specifically things I don't know about
myself and like I feel like that's gonna be my energy.
But I really want to spend this year meeting every
experience as if I don't have anything to bring to it,

(26:07):
Like I just want to meet every experience like just
open and just kind of coming with love, and because
I want to know what it feels like to just
be present and just kind of be president in my
full kind of you know it just welcoming everything with love.
And my granddaughter really helped me see that that's what

(26:29):
I wanted to do with this coming year, because it's
just like, yeah, like every way that I that I
approached that was like I had my mom and my
ear like just go with love, like go with that,
you know. And I know that sounds a little bit.
It might feel flighty to some people or it might
feel like, oh, that's cute, but like I don't think
we always approach things with that. We approach things with

(26:50):
a lot of different baggage. We approach things with a
lot of different expectations and a whole lot of things,
whether it be our personal relationships and parenting or our
work or whatever we do. And I just have I
don't think I have given all the things in my
life that same attention that I gave that, I got
so many people who responded to me about that, how

(27:11):
I spoke about it publicly and privately, And now I'm
understanding that if that was something that impacted other people
and me so much, this is how I have to this.
I have to approach my whole life. And I said
that I didn't before. I just want to be intentional
this time about it. Like everything that I'm approach is
going to be in that space where I don't have

(27:32):
to I don't. All I have to do is focus
on feeling that and bringing that love to the space
I want to be in. So that's kind of like,
you know, I don't. I don't want to sound like
I said. You know, we're quite an instance girl, But
that's just about to say you're trying not to sound
neo soul. I got trying to like like a hand.

(27:53):
You're trying not to sound like a head. It sound
like a head because I know that that's what that
you created, that movement. You was a part of them.
So I mean, it's just where I'm at, Like I'm serious,
because I just, you know, too many times I feel
like i'm that person that goes into something like, Okay,
let's look at it, let's analyze it, let's figure out

(28:15):
what the next step is. Bam bam bam bam. Right,
I'm not interested. I just want to come in as
the purest former age in every room without knowing the history.
But I don't know in the history, without knowing the context,
without knowing none of that movie. Then yes, heavy is

(28:36):
the more you know, the heavier against listen. I feel
I feel like that every day especially, this show has
not helped in that journey, Honey, you don't think I think.
I mean it has. Okay, it has in a way
because we have we have we have a show with
the NAP Ministry, so yes, we have. We have talked
about ways of rest and relaxation, what it looks like.
But however, we have given a lot of context, context

(28:58):
of things that we may have previously looked at. Its
simple little things. And I have I've been accused of
times of just like exactly what Agent said. I've been
accused of just not letting it happen. Why you got
to give the context to history? And I'm like, but
don't you But you don't want to know before well,
I think context of history is good. It's just about

(29:20):
what we do with it. Do we allow that thing
to be the source of an anxiety for us? Do
we allow that? Yeah? I think that really it's fine
to have context. It's just have context, but be open,
you know what I mean, because there's always more to have.
That's why it goes back to what literally what Jill said,
listening and being open to the stories of other people,

(29:44):
of these people's life experience, the sacred text that is
other people's experience. You know, the Book of Whitney, But
I look at the Book of Jail. I've learned from
the Book of Jail, just literally gay of us a
whole word just now about her experience and the duality

(30:04):
of life, you know what I'm saying. To to have
two completely different birthing experiences, the birthing of a new life,
you know, and that happened in two different places, and
for her to have a man who was experiencing in
two different ways, how you were to receive him, how

(30:26):
he was to receive you. Life didn't change a little
bit from hearing that. I don't I challenge anyone listening
to the podcast today to act like that did not
resonate with you. And just so you know, just to
add another layer, my man is a beautiful, amazing stepfather,
so that will give you another layer. Okay, he is

(30:49):
not a biological father. So yeah, you know, you write
the book. The books. The books are thick, and your
your book is stick to Asia. And I'm happy to share.
And I'm happy to share because at the end of
I that's another thing that I feel for is except
in the own kind of the beauty of my own

(31:10):
experience and owning that it is a beautiful experience. It's
a beautiful freaking life, and it's a beautiful it absolutely
can be like realizing. Okay, ums, anxiety has been quite
a big thing in Yeah, you know, and because um,

(31:36):
all of a sudden, the whole world changed on everyone's
from coming outside getting dressed, coming outside was now gives
your anxiety because for a year, you don't have to
do it like TikTok, the like TikTok. And the old
lady she was like, get somebody else to do it. Yeah.

(32:00):
Girl goes up to an older lady in the grocery store.
She says, excuse me, ma'am, could you record me real quick?
She said, huh, And he said, excuse me, ma'am, could
you record me real quick? And she looked at her
said get somebody and that gets somebody else to do it.
Resonated with beat y'all. That's that's I'm taking that. Get

(32:20):
somebody else to do it. Yes, Sometimes you just you
don't gotta say no, it's okay. You know we've had
this conversation before that you're going to have to say
no about something and be okay with it. You know,
I gotta take to take the good, to take the bad. Huh,

(32:41):
you take the both the day you have? What? Okay?
Hes y'all. Apologies to my girl, Mallory Johnson. She is
from San Diego and a Juliard graduate. Zo zoo ahead,
I'm here and I'm there everywhere. I love to hear it,

(33:07):
I love to see it. Yes, yes, So here's here's
my question for you guys. What can kick rocks and
stay there? Raggedy ass in? We can you stay your
assid COVID go somewhere, go somewhere and bury yourself? Yo.

(33:34):
I looked to run them down like Trump. I don't
think we're gonna I think we're done with you and
twenty so we're done with you. I think there. Everybody's
done with you. Your Republicans too, I think, I think,
I think, I think, I think. Bam, bamn. I'm sorry
to So this is per history's walk upo yourself. What

(33:59):
you think you? Um? I am? What? What? What could
go forever? What could kick rocks? And um? Somebody telling
me about my goddamn uterus? Tell me what I can
do with with it. I'm listen, don't tell me what
to do my service. Let's all of us, you mean

(34:23):
all of us, all of us? Of course I do yes, yes, yes, yeah,
Oh don't do that. Don't do that. It's not your place.
It's just not ever. Stop Stop having meetings in the
middle of night about women. A stop. Why are you
still talking? I don't understand where are you still talking?

(34:48):
That's actually something's gonna have to work on. Listen, speaking
of coochies, I want them to too, seriously, y'all, Oh
my god, can we to stop? Can stop enough? It's
been enough. It's kind of world unless we're gonna get
into some of these penises like what would that's that's
equalize this situation take away some of its Salista, what

(35:11):
are we doing one something. I'm just yeah, I'm sorry.
You know what, I'm real tired of what can kick rocks?
What could kick rocks for me? Please please read and
invest in a simple Google search. Like seriously, i am
tired of people on Angela Bassett's Internet posting on numeral

(35:38):
social media platforms without reading a single solitary bit of
information on the thing that they want to pontificate. And
I'm tired of them reposting ridiculous crap that they could
google and realize is wrong, stupid and dumb. I'm sorry,
Please do it. I love y'all. Please don't be wilfully stupid.
I believe. I ain't gonna lock to you. I belie

(36:00):
that Black Friday was about selling black people. I did
sense to me because because why not? Because why not?
Everything else is such bullshit. I'm gonna go buy me
and that because of being in the black that that
was a long time ago. But I felt that I
believe before blindly, but blindly I jumped. I was like, yep,

(36:25):
that's saying I've done it myself. What I'm saying is
that I'm not above it. I'm telling you I've learned,
I've experienced it. I felt the dumbness of believing some
craft that I saw and had to google it, and yes,
just do it first, look it up, first, first post

(36:46):
before you post. That's what that's what you're actually supposed
to do. Read it, read god, do a quick Google search.
I felt mighty dumb when you learned about the black
and the and the thing I feel. I felt madded. No, well,
I got wanted. I think y'all row with. I was
gonna say, I think we can have are these powers

(37:11):
that be that give microphones to people who have clear
mental illness? Um, I would like us to reframe these
mental illness conversations and maybe take care of it before
we give them a mic. I don't know something there's
something there where people just I don't And I know

(37:31):
others would say stop having behind mental illness. That probably
to kick rocks, But I really don't know what that
looks like because we still acknowledge your mental illness. Well,
like I said, it's all about again engaging and the
things that interest you. Something. If you see something that

(37:53):
doesn't this, don't settle right with me? Engage with that thing.
Child Read an article, read a book, and a book.
When you read an article, in the book, then go
find a book in the article that actually is on
the other side of that opinion too. Don't just read
things that validate your own bias. Know someone else. I

(38:25):
want you or if you're not, then don't worry about
it so much about it. Don't say nothing, don't stay quiet.
That's how that conne things connected like that. You see
how that connected about solutions around here? We stay dumb,

(38:47):
stay quiet. That is wow. That could hide it. So
if we would not have the situation because when the
man said he didn't read books ten years ago, yes,
And when the poor baby said he thought the earth
was flat, bless him. Wait a minute, Wait a minute,

(39:10):
but what about the argument that there are no dumb questions?
There were no questions asked, the only questions there was
not one. I don't want the people to stop asking questions.
And you can ask the questions and you don't really
have interest in that thing. Maybe you don't answer the questions.
Maybe saying we don't ask no backhanded questions, don't ask

(39:34):
a question that you don't want to answer. For that,
you're just trying to cause the problem. Because one thing
that these young children know about is they know about
this special word that came came to the public forefront
in ass lighting. These young people know when you gas
lighting them. So stop asking questions you don't really want

(39:55):
to know the answer to, because you're trying to make
somebody look dumb or crazy. No, that's gaslight. You just
gave at Oh that is a definition, you know some people.
I think it's you know, there's there's also the love
bombing gaslighting portion. Those two lived together. What's that? Oh,
you're so wonderful, You're just the best that ever happened.

(40:21):
I think I think the overarching thing is leave the
narcissism in two mm hmm, leave it mm hmm. Drop
it off, shut up, drop it off, drop it off. Okay,
oh boy, take it to get a big mac and
drop it off. Okay. The intentional desire to do harm

(40:45):
to somebody, Uh, without giving me any level of trouble.
Let it go. Stop it's me. You are the mean.
That's very means. Stop it, stop it, cut it out. Yeah,

(41:08):
more conversation after the break. Stop making money off of
other people's paying at least what I'll give it some
of it back the money people's mobility. Stop trying to

(41:32):
teach people stop, Stop stop putting out, stop giving wife classes.
M m hmmm mm hmmm. Stop writing books on relationships
when you ten minutes into your marriage. Stop being a
relationship expert the same reason. Stop listening to people you

(41:53):
don't even know, really like, sincerely, and when I say
that when it comes to marriage and things like that,
and you're like listening to me, I know, I'm divorced twice. Um,
I only consider ones. Really the other was it was
it was, it was we don't talk about in the

(42:16):
midst um. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I truly
believe this with all sincerity. You want to be around,
you want to have a happy relationship with somebody, Be
around happy people. Please, come on, go find some couples
that actually like each other, that laugh at each other,
that kiss with their eyes closed, you know, that help

(42:38):
each other out. They get mad at each other, but
they can still find a way to laugh and enjoy
one another. You know, break down, you know, as you
break down this list, it's gonna be one body. But yes,
people listen like wait a minute, oh wait, no, oh wait, no, okay,
I know that one couple that I met, we hang
around them, hang around them. As as as the the

(43:00):
old head in these marital streets. I'm with Jill. I
would only add one amendment, go it in just being
around happy people period. Many I'm just saying, if you're
trying to emulate a relationship, oh no, if you're trying

(43:20):
to emulate a relationship, because there are elements you can
take from happy people and the way that they relate
not only to themselves, to their friends and their workspaces
that are directly related to how you can take those
same habits and apply them into your relationship. I'm doing
this empathy, happiness, love, These are things that are too big,

(43:43):
too big to be relegated to only showing up in
a certain way. And I maintain that the things that
I feel like have helped my relationship very rarely have
just come have come from other married couples, have come
from people who I have seen who are jail. You're
only presenting into the world as the as their best selves.

(44:04):
That's how I look at Betty White. Come on, you know,
I didn't know what that was last the year before
I always said I didn't. I didn't know Betty White,
but she seemed to be a very happy individual. However,
she did not have some of the things that most
Americans say that it takes to make you a happy individual.
So and that would be maybe a husband and some
kids and you know the things, the same kids. But

(44:28):
I ain't gonna lie to y'all. The women I know
that don't have children, their skin look good the rest
when they want to, they well rested. They ain't got
no diabetes like no, no, they might. I'm sorry. I
I'm saying, well, I take that back. That was not
that was not responsible, but it was a little bit.

(44:50):
But I'm saying, they look goody good. They feel. We
think the same about y'all. We we we just I
feel like one day there needs to be a conference.
It needs to be a meetings of the same goals
and the Marrits ladies, you know, just to make sure
we're constantly on the up and up, communicating and knowing
that the grass is greener and not greener. Yes, that

(45:11):
we can tell each other the truth about the truth.
That's fair. I think that you're absolutely right on that. Agent.
It's not just about married couples because at the end
and the beginning, in the middle of the day, um,
it's life is not all about being tied to one person.
It's not all. That's not an entire existence, not enough

(45:33):
for everybody, you know, since we're all individuals and we're
all living these individual lives that are amazingly connected somehow,
some way. Because I want to tell the girls, like,
let's leave, let's leave this in Let's stop being worried
about being chosen, because I see so much of that.
It's a hard job, and you're right right of that energy.

(45:57):
Choose choose yourself. You don't choose yourself, baby, And let's
stop pretending that everybody's choice it's the same as your choice.
That it looks like your choice. That chooses oneself can
look a lot of ways. Choosing oneself doesn't have to

(46:17):
mean choosing to be single. It could be anything. I
just say, stop, let's stop worrying about being chosen in
every aspect of our lives, not just in relationships. Let's
not worry about being chosen. Somebody I read somewhere that
somebody said real confidence is humility. I love that because

(46:39):
confidence is something that you don't have to announce when
you come into the room. It's just a thing that's
a part of your person. That's what I'm gonna tell
people when they say, stand up humility A humility, girl,
it's quiet, it's joy joyous confidence. You made a joyous
person come to add to your your list. That kind

(47:02):
of goes with this. I was gonna say, y'all stop
perceiving life by social media. This is the year that
we watched they can and have like five children by
the end of this year. He's saying, I'm overstretched, I'm tired.
I don't know how I can do this. So girl, Yeah,
but we kind of we saw that coming up. Now

(47:22):
we do. But I'm just saying from it's just it's
just interesting. I A lot of people see perception, and
I'm like, the reality is you get snapshot to people's life,
and the functionality of things is a whole another work piece.
You don't get to see the work, not hardly any
of it really, unless that's you know, somebody's gig, and

(47:43):
even then you have to question it because you're not
seeing the time never never, and if anything didn't show
it that it was losing twitch. Yeah. You know, like
everybody's gonna say, seems so happy, he seems so content
and successful. It's part of his job to see that
way too. Like, which is a hard job in itself.

(48:05):
Any time, any time, I will say this, for us
as entertainers, we become experts as at being on. Yes,
they become experts at being on. We become experts at
being agreeable when the time is necessary and right. One
of the things I do want to speak about in
terms of the twitch situations, as I have watched people

(48:26):
one by one who were actually close to him because
I was a fan. Okay, that's a different kind of connection.
But as I start to watch people kind of come
out of, you know, one by one express their feelings
about him. This was a person who absolutely had so
much value in the world to so many beautiful creatives

(48:47):
to which he lent not only his talents but his
wisdom and love to them. And they speak about this,
But one of the things we have to remember is
that for all of us, as we're in the world
trying to be these people that we to be right.
We want to master our craft. I want to help
other people. We want people to love us. We want

(49:08):
to be loved, accepted, useful, productive, that if we're not
turning that love and that attention on ourselves and we
are not saying to ourselves that we're worthy the things
that we're working towards. It doesn't really matter at the
end of the day. And I don't know what his

(49:29):
actual struggles were. They could be chemical, it could who knows.
I don't know what his struggles were, But I don't
know that. I have watched people close to me and
myself included, give a lot and leave nothing left for
the song I've seen it. I hate it, honestly, honestly, like,

(49:51):
just imagine that that success is address. They don't fit
everybody the same. The thing got get tailored to you
for you. It is just not gonna it's not gonna
fall right on everybody, you know, And yeah it doesn't.
It doesn't look the same. If if you gain the

(50:13):
world but lost your soul, what exactly do you have?
It's an empty shell that looks really nice on the outside,
and it's not That is not a life that I
want for any of you listeners. I don't want that
for you. I don't want that for any of us. No, no, no, no.

(50:35):
I do feel like I'm proud of the ways that
we have evolved in some ways, Like even after the
loss of Twitch, I saw so many people clarify things
that we've gotten used to sing, oh, this check on
your strong friend thing, and people are like, yeah, yeah,
but let's take that a step further. Let's not get
into the empty responses. Let's get the program responses to things.

(50:57):
I'm actually quite proud of us in some ways. And
as I've watched not just in two but just in
the past couple of years, how we have all pushed
ourselves to do better and be better and say, you
know what, that's cool, but that's actually not enough, or
that's cool, but you have to make sure to remember this.
And I think that that's okay. That's part of the

(51:20):
evolution of taking people who pushed things further into the
next stage. And I had a great conversation with my
aunt earlier today, who is a baby boomer, and I
told her I really appreciate boomers because boomers are some
of the group that first started moving in a different
direction than people ahead of them. They were like, enough
is the truth, we have to change things. And I

(51:42):
appreciate where they're coming from. And I look at us
as gen xers, and yes that they they taught us
to be brave enough to step outside of the status quo.
And and if it's anything that I want to acknowledge
in this moment is that I feel that there is

(52:03):
something that we have. We took that and we took
it as far as we could, and now it's time
for us to encourage the next group to take it
as far as they can come. I'm proud of the
way that that has happened. It has had its fails,
but I want us to come out of this year
congratulating ourselves for some of the things that we got right.
Oh yeah, and the word Look, black men are saying

(52:24):
therapy like the barbershop. Let me tell you, it's a feeling.
Listen to see. I'm I'm just listening to our children
in a different way than ever before, ever before, ever. Yeah,
I love that. Yeah. We are challenging ourselves to be
more self aware. Yeah, yeah, I love We got vocabulary

(52:49):
for it now. But it's worth it. It's worth it.
We're worth it every day all day. Come on looking
at each other as whole people stop and criticize it
and go on, wait a minute, and a person may
have been through something. Yeah, Yeah, we're learning, we're learning

(53:12):
about kindness taking it with us. In twenty three yeah,
I'm gonna read the back of this book for y'all
real quick and don't say much, but it says this,
to realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation. Okay,
that's it. Mm hmm. There's a path that's specifically for you,

(53:38):
and it it does not fit anybody else's boxes. Maybe
a couple of things that might fit in there. Real good.
I don't know. But you are as individual as a
rain drop, yours individual. Really you are, really, we'd molect
you down to your your your d n A. You're

(54:00):
You're amazing and I hope you figured that out. I
hope you figured out, and I hope you enjoy it
because there's nobody else like you, not even your twin,
not even your best friend, not even your sister, your brother. No, no, no,
you are you and the life that you want is
up for you to design. You can't have it, and

(54:22):
I want you to go get it. Happy New Year
and bitches road from that COVID Right, it's not a trap.
Down out the phone form. Okay, keep your eyes open,

(54:43):
keep your eyes open. Bless you. Thanks for listening to
Ja Dot Elder podcast. Were alive around here, we are
alive peace. How do you eat in of one? By
it time? Hey, listeners, it's Amber, the producer. Here was

(55:10):
a wild one. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Joe mentioned reading The Alchemist again. I second this. It's
one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors,
and I will be joining her on that journey. If
you're interested, I'll drop a link in the show notes.
I hope that you end this year in whatever way
you need to, and I want to leave you with

(55:32):
a really incredible tool a dear friend shared with me recently.
It's called the Year Compass. It's his free printable booklet
that helps you reflect on the year and plan the
next one. It has a set of carefully selected questions
and exercises that help you really uncover your own patterns
and design the ideal year for yourself. It really helps

(55:53):
you to see and learn from your mistakes, celebrate your victories,
and set out on a path that you want to walk.
All you need is to acquire a few hours in
the booklet. I'll drop a link in our show notes.
Wishing you all a soft, juicy, abundantly blessed new year.

(56:24):
Hi if you have comments on something he said in
this episode called eight six six. Hey Jill, if you
want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six
nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us
your name and the episode you're referring to. You might
just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you

(56:46):
for listening to Jill Scott presents Jay dot Ill. The
podcast Jay dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio.
For more podcast from I heart Radio is at the
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