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December 12, 2023 65 mins

Jay Leno needs no introduction. He is one of the greats, comedian, long time host of The Tonight Show on NBC and mainly a car enthusiast! Craig and Jay are friends and it shows in their conversation. Tune into a fun hour of jokes, stories and much more. This one is for the books. enJOY!

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast
is joy. I talk to interest in people about what
brings them happiness. Here's my favorite car collector. I think
he had a late night show at some point I
can't remember. Here he is Jelena.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
All right, we're up. So here's the thing. Oh so
we're not no video?

Speaker 1 (00:31):
No no, Well here's the thing why I no video
because this is the reason why I don't do it,
because people like you, some performers want so much makeup
and hair done.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh yeah, not me.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
No, So I tell you what I'm doing right here,
right right as I'm enjoying a cup of coffee.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Now, I know that you don't drink coffee.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
No, don't drink coffee, and you don't upcoups. I ever
had of Seinfeld on comedians and cars getting confident. It
was awful. You know, I don't like hot liquids.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Now, see this is but this is what about soup?
Do soup come into.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
The soup is just a way to screw you out
of a meal. Enough soup. Oh, here's a bowl and
it's wet. Thanks all right, so now in a wet bawl.
You know something I can chew, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
But hold on a second.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Is it because it's a whole liquid or because it's
just a liquid it's.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Not a meal. Does it have to be a meal? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:32):
But do you But you won't have soup because it's
a drink. Well, I plus, I don't like hot liquid.
But if you don't like, what about gaspacho or maybe
a cold borche No horrible?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
So so really it's about liquid.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
And do you ever drink any liquids at all?

Speaker 1 (01:48):

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I drink a lot of water, a lot of fruit juice.
You drink beer? No, never had a beer in my life.
You never had a beer. Never a beer.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
You never drink any of the hoots at all?

Speaker 2 (01:57):
No, no, no, I have nothing to guess that. I
have no interesting And I was always a designated driver.
I was always a car guy. So to me, it's
that's true. Because you love the car. I'll drive you
Dre's home and that's fine, all right. So you so
very few liquids and no soup. Well, I see, I'm
worried that. You know.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
Look, none of us are getting younger, Jay, right, right,
So the certain point in life, soup is kind of
gets attractive to the older gin.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
That's all I'm saying, seventy three and I haven't been
there yet.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Well that I'm just saying that, you know that there
was your souper years. Maybe coming up and get used
to it, let's hope not all right? So listen, your
mother was Scottish and my mother was Scotish. And my
wife has a theory about stand up comedians that their
mothers have to be Scottish or they have to be

cold with bad boundaries.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
So my mom was not cold. My parents are very
good that way. She have good boundaries. I don't know
what you mean by boundaries.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
Well you know, and now do I. But you know
a lot of people talk about it.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
You know, how long are you in Hollywood? In an hour?

Speaker 4 (03:02):

Speaker 2 (03:02):
And you've got boundaries? Yeah, I mean, I'm just wondering that.
You see, I never heard any of it. You know.
It's so funny where I grew up, I was the
laziest person that anybody knew. I come here, Oh, Jame's
the hardest working guy. No, it's just where you grow up.
It's that you know, you grew up in New England
with Silas Manor and Ethan Frome and all these depressing
books about fresh year. You work hard, that you die,

then you got Littlematoya?

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Is it you die after you get and then you
die die whatever it is.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, it's just all life is awful, you know, Sonny.
It comes to Hollywood and all the lights of ride
and it's sunny outside, and wage were you when you
came here? I started coming here, I guess when I
was nineteen twenty something like that, not in nineteen twenty
when you were nineteen twenty nine.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
You came out here to do comedy because you're you're
Boston right right, right right? So did you ever do
stand up in Boston before you came out here? Oh?

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, you know that was a great thing because growing
up in Boston then I never met another stand up comedian.
Occasionally comedians would come to like the Chateau to Ville
in Framingham. It was one of those fancy well yeah,
it's one of those places like near a mall and
it's got like a fountain in front. That I worked

there with Tom Jones, I worked there with Perry Como,
I like Dion Warwick, you know all those acts from
that era. Yeah, yeah, and that was and that was
an opening act that.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Was you wanted to you wanted to be a stand up?
Dot Young at nineteen and twenty years old. Oh yeah,
you got to be fucked up in some way then,
because nobody wants to be a stand up.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Why wouldn't you want to be a stand well back
in the day, nobody wants.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
I mean nowadays people want to do it.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Interesting when I watched TV, yeah, all comedians were middle
aged Jewish men like Rodney, like Henny Youngman, all those guys,
all all the catskill comics, and then all of a sudden,
Robert Klein came along. Was a huge influence on me.
Robert was about ten years old than me, and he
was a middle class kid. Parents weren't wealthy, but he

didn't grow up doing the depression, just talking about the
same kind of things I talked about. And then Carlin
at that point had just about nineteen seventy early seventy
to one released his Class Clown album, And I used
to do George's routines in my head and I'm doing
silent to myself, and then I'd add my own jokes
at the end. So when I would go to audition

to places, I would stand backstage I would get into
it by doing George's thing, and then when I watched,
I say, you know, when I have school. You know
I didn't. I didn't do any George's material, but I
just get a rhythm to it. You know.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
That's interesting. Yeah, And were you friendly with George?

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, so I knew Judge from the very beginning. It
was always very nice to me. So was client. You know,
all comics are pretty nice. Steve Martin helped me get
this and IHO. Steve Martin told Johnny about me. I
chose Johnny about Ellen DeGeneres. I find comedians help other comedians.
I don't find it to be this. I mean there
were there obviously some throw people around, and that's not unusual,

but it's not the norm. You know, as a comic,
you can't do every job. If I couldn't get something,
I go, oh, you should. Like there's a gig I
do in Rhode Island. I at the Dream Museum. It's
it's kind of like Pebble Beach East. It's like it's
a car show and I've hosted it for the last
four or five years. But I'm out of material at
this point, you know, I said, oh, I'm being biking

Billy Gardell, and so I brought you know, Billy Gardell,
wonderful comic. Yeah yeah, and he did a great job.
He killed and I felt good that I helped him.
He felt good. They got to do a corporate day
that paid a lot of money and it was fun.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
So I'm so wait, hello, you and i'd be friends
for a while.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
You didn't think of putting me up for the fucking
corporate I never never thought, Actually, what do it next year?

Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah, I'll do it next year.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
I'll get it.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, okay, because let me just say it's on
the East Coast.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
I like the idea like cars, and like cars, got
to work, you gotta work reasonably clean, super.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I I did gigs with you, right, yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
I'll do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
I don't mind working clean. The older I get and fight,
the easier it gets to work clean. I've noticed that.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Well, you know, I find when you're twenty five, yeah,
and you say the word pussy girls go oh, well,
we said, oh my god, when you're sixty five, not old.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Guys, And you know what, they got a point, Yeah, exactly,
it is.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
It's true. It's true. You know, it's fun to grow.
INDI I act, yeah, because my point of view is
always from an adult observing things, how stupid this is
or whatever it is, you know, And as a young
person it didn't work quite as well as it does now.
Now you can be a bit curmudgeously.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
And I was struck by your stand up, like when
we were working in the Midwest this summer, like you
threw it downe in Mandon. It's like a full solid
hour and you and like the material. It's fresh and
well you try to have a joke every six to
nine seconds. That's that's I think.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
Really you see it because I don't think of it
like that. I mean, everybody's different.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
It's just different to me. It's like a music show.
You open with your heads boom boom boom, joke joke,
junk junk joke, and then in the middle you do
the comedic version of a ball let, you tell story,
Oh you know my rope and I would go to
this place, and there are little humorous jokes along the way,
as opposed.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
To That's very interesting to me because I do think
of it in kind of musical terms. Yeah, as well,
it's a it's kind of a musical perform. Are you
musicians you play anything?

Speaker 2 (08:25):
I played trumpet, but then I realized I couldn't talk
and play trumpet at the same time. That's a terrible
instrument for you to play.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
You should play like a guitar. Fourth grade at the
tire Jay, I'm going to tell you something right now.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
You know I adore you.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
But because you played trumpet in fourth grade doesn't mean
you played the fuck trumpet right exactly.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
That's why I quickly got rid of it.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
But you do see, I think a lot of the
stand ups that I like are also the thinking musical
terms of what they do.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
You know, the most musical comic I can think of
as Franklin a Ji. You know Franklin, I don't know.
African American comic very big in America. He had an
album out thirty forty years he moved to Australia. Right.
He's a jazz comedian. He plays jazz and he does comedy.
He has one of my favorite bits. He talks about

the guy. Oh, there was an Olympic guy from some
country and he ran in the marathon and he came last.
He was dead last, and he just as he's running,
he's going I mean I've been training, I've been working
a I could have sat on a couch and watch TV.
I'd still be last. I mean, it does a lot

more to it than that. He does a lot better,
but it's just very funny and he just thinks in
jazz terms. You know, I was fortunated. I got to
work with all the great jazz musicians, Miles Davis stands
against Mose Allison, A Montremal, russn Rowland Kirk, all these guys.
And with jazz. There was a place called Lenny's on
the Turnpike in Boston, Okay, and that was a jazz

club and real hard called Buddy Rich, real hardcore jazz,
the real deal. You went to see that and the
first time because usually I used to play striptnis, but.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
Now you suck your sucky.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
People just screamed, so you really didn't know if you're
any good or not right. But with the jazz on
its man and walked on say silence, did they know it?
And snap their fingers, you know, not quite that much,
but they would listen, you know, like Miles's audience, any
of those audiences, I went, oh, this is really you
know ross sound Roland, I don't know, if you've ever
heard of him, he might be before your time. It's possible.

Ross Sound Roland Kirkt African American guy, blind right, but
famous because he could hold a note indefinitely, and he
could play two intimits in the same time. He could
play the sacks and the clarinet at the same time.
And that's crazy. How does that even past? Because he
could breathe through his nose, okay, but he was whine

so and we played primarily African American artists it places
like the Sugar Shack in Boston, and he would go
on stage and you go, I'm gonna bring a young brother.
I probably gonna tell it like it is, you know.
He gives the whole thing like I was a black head.

Speaker 5 (11:06):
Yeah, please welcome j Letto, you know, and I come
out and go and go. He doesn't, And he thought
that was the funniest thing, right. He loved doing that
routine every night with people, bring.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
On a young brother, tell it like it is. Yeah,
who you know? Black audience is I get all worked up,
you know, and then I walk out, what's this? You know,
here's the thing?

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Because you talk about that right now, like you even
telling that story to me right now, like people are
going to get ban out of shape because of you know,
you mentioned race of any kind and this, you know,
different races of any kind, and people are already on
the balls of their feet looking for a fight, which
I kind of I'm getting a little tired of it.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
I think everyone else is too, does it.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
I'm the best one happened a couple of months ago. Yeah,
my wife maybe in a little Chinese restaurant Westwood. It's
got like fourteen tables if that many, and the mother
runs the cashier and takes the orders, and the dad's
to cook, and looks like the kids or cousins. It
looks like a family. So we got our food and
sitting there and you're kind of it's right next to UCLA.

In fact, it is UCLA, and a lot of students
are on the table. I just said to my wife, God,
this woman's really working her ass off. And a girl
in the next table, or a young woman at the
next table goes, she's a server, And I said, there,
I'm not mad here, but I do think before I speak.
I said to myself, is she a waitress, No, she's stewardess. No,

she's a woman. First, let me say this woman is
working her ass off. Now, if I had said the
server is working her ass, you probably saying, oh, she's
a woman.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Right, and you should have probably just said hate, you're
doing a great job and in that way.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
But to me, it's because I don't really want to.
I mean, first of all, I get an annoyed because
I think, oh, do you really think I'm being sexist
by saying that. I would say this man. I didn't
say girl, I didn't say chick, I didn't say waitress.
I said this woman. I mean, what is wrong with it?
And she had to Well, now, you're if I had
said server, isn't that demeaning? I mean, that's all she is.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Isn't she a woman defining someone by their job?

Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah, I said so. But she was so anxious to
jump on this.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
Well, I think it's a it's a little kind of
fashion that the young folks went through for a while
that they wanted.

Speaker 2 (13:30):

Speaker 1 (13:31):
You know what when I was when I was their age,
I was a punk rocker. I was a pan of
the ass too.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
Oh yeah, I know when you think about a stupid people.
Our generation was the burning down the Bank of America
building and Oh my god. Remember the SDS to to
make up for racial injustice, they should kill every third
white baby born. I remember something. I remember some SDS
guy saying that early on Okay, you know, just crazy talk,

just crazy talk. So to me, a lot of his like,
I never use the word bitch on stage. I don't.
Women don't like the words, so I don't use it.
And to me, you know, it's funny because I do
a joke where I see the women where I say,
your Northwestern University did a study about the differences between

men's brains and women's brains. This is amazing. Listen to this,
and you see the women go, you know, they kind
of like it seems women's brains are located in their head.
Who saw that coming? And then they and they laugh
more than it is funny because I'm not It's not
an insult. It's not the usual. Well I never understood anyone.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
Look, to me, an audience is it doesn't have a
race or a gender or anything like that.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
It's an audience. Is an audience and you don't know,
but no, but an audience does have the best audiences.
It's a fully male, female, black, white, Asian, integrated audience
where they all let totally. For example, you know, if
you have done a corporate event where it's all men, yes,
unless it's all football jokes or gun jokes or something,

it's terrible. I did it.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
I did a corporate events once Pebble Beach, and I
used to do this bit about Tom Cruise. This is
a long time ago because I actually am a big
fan of Tom Cruise. But it wasn't the most flattering
really yeah. Yeah, it was a piece of stand upright.
And it was just after he jumped on Oprah's couch
and I was dicking around with that and and I
was doing this piece and this piece it was a

good it was a good bed and every night it killed.
I said, well, I'll do it this corporate It was
a clean bit. It was nothing like that in it.
And at this corporate event, I did this Tom Cruise
thing died on his ass, like really badly died nothing, sure,
nothing crickets And I come up with it, Wow, that
was a rough crowd, and went somebody should probably tell

you it's Tom Cruis law firm.

Speaker 3 (15:52):
It was this lawyer.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Oh my god, it was. Because you do a lot
of the corporate gigs and you work clean. I've seen
you don't work.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
You don't work.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
Squeaky clean no, PG.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
Thirty Right, so you you work, you don't drop the
F bomb and you don't do that kind of thing.
But but it's kind of it's grown up, right, it's
an adult show, but it's not an adult trick.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
It's not balloon animals.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
Right, No, it's definitely not that. Do you ever run
into it with because I've had people say to me
at corporate gigs, you to.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Be really careful here they really.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
Do you ever they ever say that?

Speaker 4 (16:26):
You know?

Speaker 3 (16:26):
Everybody trusts.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
I always ask, is this like a born again things
a chairman, the born again guy or something?

Speaker 3 (16:33):
Would you be able to cope with that? So if
he will, I can work.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
You know something. I booked myself into Oral Robinson University
wants just to see if I could play it, and
they said, look, we don't like sex jokes, we don't
like drug jokes, politics, everything else is fine, and they
were fine, they just didn't want any dick jokes.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
Right, fine, so it's probably not one I should be doing.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
No, No, I don't do it, none of those jokes.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
No, No, But what I mean to me a guy
is paying me to do a job. I don't quite
get guys to go. So I told him to go
shove it and I did what. Yeah, I don't get
I got to agree with you.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
I don't understand that.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
What are you then? Don't take the gig like to me?
I know the you know, to me, an audience is
like an orchestra. You want to get a nice rolling
laugh going. I remember I had a joke. I'm sorry
I don't remember the joke, but it was when Hillary
Clinton was running for president, and also so was Reggie
Jackson and a bunch of other people, and I had

a joke about each candidate. And the Reggie Jackson joke
was a political joke. It wasn't about him being black.
It's just okay that got a laugh. When they got
to the Hillary joke, Memboro was going and I just
hated the guttural laugh. I got on you because I realized, oh,
they think I'm they think I'm making fun of her

cause she's a woman candidate as supposed to just a candidate.
So I just dropped the joke. I took it out
and it kept it and the audience is much better
because it just kept a nice even you know, you
got a nice rolling boil going with the craft. Yeah,
and then you do something that's overly sexist or overly
what I know what you mean.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
I felt it as well. There are gags that the
joke's not worth it. Yeah, you know, l Sally you
still always say that to me. Peter Sally was my
boss and Late Night. I don't know, you know, Peter
did the Tonight Show for so long and whenever I
did a joke that I you know, it was like
near the knuckle, right, and you would say, is it
is it worth it? Is it really worth it? That
joke isn't that good? Because he would say, you know,

joke's like a house.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Or a car, there's always another one. You know, you
can do another joke right right.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
And when I first started, I was like, no, that
is worth it.

Speaker 2 (18:41):

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Very quickly, I was like, now you're right, fuck it,
we'll we'll be here tomorrow night.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
It's uh yeah yeah to me, you just sort of
learned to read your audience.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Let's talk a little bit about Late Night though.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
Bring that up because of Peter when you took over
on the Tonight Show.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
So when was that early nineties, ninety one. I started
guest hosting in eighty six eighty seven.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Right, how long would a guest host gig B would
be like a week?

Speaker 3 (19:15):
Would it be like a night?

Speaker 2 (19:16):
No? Well you got one night? Right?

Speaker 3 (19:20):
And Johnny used to do that towards the end of
his run. Right, he would bring people.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
In and yeah, and there were like, uh six or
seven guys that were being considered. Did you ever have
guest hosts when you were doing it? No, I had
to die once. I did it once because Katie Couric
wanted to switch seats. NBC thought would be a fun
thing to so we did it one day.

Speaker 3 (19:42):
They did the same thing with Drew Carrey. Yeah right, Yeah,
I didn't quite get that, but no, I didn't know.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
To me, when you have guest hosts, it just means
more work for the staff, right, because they may have
to put the monologue together instead of you. They have
to figure out can this guy talk to a guests
and go over every single note. It's a job.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
It's very hard to do for one night. It's a
little easier to do it for, you know, a couple
of years than one night.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
I get that.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Is that something because it's fun? You grew up in
an ear. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think
I'm right. You grew up near when Johnny was the
gold standard, and obviously he was the king.

Speaker 2 (20:16):

Speaker 1 (20:17):
So did you have aspirations to be the Tonight Show holster?
Was it just like because you were a comic you
kind of drifted into that direction.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
You kind of went that way. Yeah. It was the
only job in show business that I liked, right, because
I like to be a round show business as opposed
to in it. You know.

Speaker 1 (20:36):
Yeah, I think I saw a movie with you in
it once, like years years.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
That's been some terrimories, but to me it was a
jungle movie. Did I see you in the jug Bill
Maher in the Job Jule? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (20:48):
Yeah, I can't remember what the movie was. I've done
some real clunkers as well.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
I just liked you because, like I say, I don't
want to be Charlie Sheen, but I enjoyed I enjoyed
being a round Tlie. I enjoyed watching Charlie crash and
burn and and not in the mean way, just in
a funny way.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
You want to be around the circus folk, but you
don't necessarily have that's right.

Speaker 4 (21:07):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
And I used to enjoy it. That's what's great about
being your host of it. I don't have to go
to the party. To me, it's really what happened to
the party. Oh my god, I can't believe that you
know and you hear the story or whatever it might be.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
So yeah, I felt that way about did you watch
the movies when people were on the.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
Show, let's watch the movie? See I never watched the movie.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
I had a completely different what was your philosophy then,
that you wanted to know the movie?

Speaker 3 (21:32):
It would be to be able to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
I think people like it. I know a lot of
guests if you made the effort to read their book
or whatever it is they had, Yeah, they would really
be impressed. I mean they would write you a note. Right.
I can't believe you went to my movie.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
No, I never. I never did. I did the complete opposite.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
That's funny.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
No, just because well you were clearly much more successful
than I wasn't it. But what I felt about it
was if I knew about it, then the two of
us are talking about the movie we've both seen. If
you were on plugging a movie and I haven't seen
it and we're talking about it and you're telling me
about the movie. I'm like, oh, this sounds like a
movie and I want to see And that was my philosophy.

And Pete used to fight me on it. Lay You're like, nah,
you just told me. It's a big star. You got
to go see his movie. I'm like, but if I've
seen in the movie, then I'm going to talk to
him about the movie that ever we're both seen.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, but you talk about what you liked about it
or what they you know, the character delineation or whatever
it is they did. Come on, No, I enjoyed that
part of it. I would try watch a movie if
I got to a part of that was partially challenging
for the actor. I remember that, and I bring it
up in the interview and oh, you know, because everybody
in show business is insecure. Oh sure, they think. I

remember once. You know, publicity agents are my favorite. I
wanted to see a guest, I say, the guest is
but one of those subtle knocks through. I said, hey man,
pretty good job. Really enjoyed you in the movie. And
the president pretty good? Pretty good? I what it was great.
You didn't say great, No to me, I meant really,

that means, oh, I went like, whoa pretty good man?
Nice job? And I said nice job, but I said
I generally enjoyed it. Well, didn't sounds like okay, guys
young about me? It's so shut up, you know.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
I bet you I can tell who there's like off
the microphone. I bet you can tell you this is.
But the thing is, I think about it as well,
like the show business, because you said everyone in show
business insecure.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
I think you're.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
Right, and I think that a lot of the people
in show business they're crazy, damaged, you know, unemployable in
any other business.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
That's true, and they're all a little little nuts.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
And the question that I go asked, I don't know
if you guysked this, but like if there was somebody
on who's like super famous, like Tom Hanks was on
or so, people will always say were they nice?

Speaker 2 (23:45):
Was he a nice guy? Was was she a nice woman?
Was are they nice?

Speaker 1 (23:49):
And like, well, they were nice to me, but because
they're doing a talk show and they're professional. But the
truth is, why is that important to people like you know, like,
I don't know, I'll.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
Ask you a question. Did your opinion of Woody Allen
movies change after you heard all the things, Oh the
stuff about Woody Allen. Yeah, I mean, did a change
or did you think?

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Well, it's a it's a good question, but it's a
little tricky for me because I wasn't a huge fan anyway.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
I wasn't a huge anyway. But I like someone I
like to think like. To me, it's funny when I
hear someone tell an exaggerated version of a story where
they did something mean but didn't mean to But if
I know there really means oh no, that kind of
really did mean to hurt somebody. Yeah, you know, so

to me, yeah, I think it does matter. I always
equate kindness with intelligence. I've never met a kind person
who was not intelligent. And by intelligent, I don't mean
it's mathematically smart. I mean just the idea that a
kind person can read another person's face and realize where
to go or how to be sensitive, how to whatever.
To me, that's intelligence. To me, I find really cruel

people and mean people. They might be BookSmart, but they're
not intelligence. Does that make any sense to you.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, of course it does.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's actually it's a very nice way of looking at it.
I think that that's true. But if I look at
someone like here's someone I don't know. I know nothing
about them, but I'm a fan of his work. Ousio
was born right right Osi was born, is like, you know,
he's a game changer of a singer and a band,
hugely important. I don't need him to be nice. Did
he bite the head off the bat? Or did he

not buy the head off the bat? I don't know
if I was, you know, like, if I was heavily
involved in the world the bats, maybe it would be.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
Well, but let's go back. Did the wordy Allen stuff
change your opinion of his work? You know? Did it?

Speaker 3 (25:44):
You know what it probably did?

Speaker 1 (25:45):
If I'm honest, I probably yeah, yeah, I mean I
think you're fighting a bat is different than you know.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yeah, well, you know, marrying your daughter. Yeah, so what
did you do? Did you bite the head off a bat? Maybe?
And did you actually.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Definitely marry your step dough exactly exactly.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
I hear what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
These are extremes, all right, But what I think is
kind of weird to me is that maybe not the nice,
but the idea that everyone's.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Going to be like a Sunday school teacher while giving
sample someone it's a way to get here, I'm not
a big road rage guy. One day, I'm here in LA.
You know, a guy behind b b BB, you know, like, oh,
he wants to go an me, go an me, It
goes around me, gives me the finger, yells you know,
fuck you. So I came up to the next light.
I look at him. I go, let me guess, what

are your fifty five bald, fat? Divorce? Your kids, hate
your job? What was your greatest day? Was it in
high school? And the guy starts crying, Oh Jesus, and
he goes, yes, you're right. I went, oh yeah. I
realized as a comic you have the ability to size
people up pretty quickly, and I'm hitting. Everything I said
was exactly, So I said, pull over, pull So I

got on mic, I get this guy go look I'm sorry.
He goes you go. I got kids. I got two
girl They don't speak to me. Oh my god, this
is a terrible So I said, they did. I like
Taylor Swift. I said, I tell you what. I got
Taylor Swift on the show on Wednesday. Okay, why don't
you bring your two girls? But they like to Oh god,
what did Okay? So and Taylor Swift, I told her

she couldn't have been nicer, came out, gave the kids
a couple of albums signed. I mean, the sweetest person
you could imagine. Yeah, just a lovely, lovely person. She
didn't have to do it. I said, I had this
guy and I cut him off and so many he's
I mean the guy. The guy literally had a breakdown.
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
But you know what's interesting about that story, which I
like that story. I like it for you, I like
it for Taylor Swift. I like the fact that it happened.
I wonder if that guy, if that happened today, that
guy would have a phone in your face record you
slicing and dicing them, and they posted it on the internet.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Maybe maybe not more than likely.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
You know, maybe I got.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
You know something, you can only live in the time
you live in. That's true. It's like could Muhammad Ali
beat the Rocky Marciano? You know? All right? You want
to take that? No, all right? You know that kind
of thing. So yeah, I know, but I mean you're right.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
I want to complain about it a little bit though,
because I feel like the filming of everything is like
we volunteered to be in Big Brother.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
It's not even like someone on each funny thing about
Big Brother, because people always say big Brother is watching blood.
You know. To me, probably the greatest day in media
history was the Rodney King trial. The Rodney King thing
is Rodney King coming along. According to the police, he
had seven people in a Hundai going one hundred and

seventeen miles an hour to all exaggerated. Okay, that's what
the news said at seven o'clock. I believe that same
evening the guy who shot that footage, who chose not
to give it to the news, who put it out
on the internet, and then suddenly people saw raw unfiltered
news and you saw this guy get the crap beat
out of me because it looks like he did that

terrible And then you realize, because what happened, You give
it to a news guy and they'll go the editor
will go, well, this is inflammatory people, this is this cause. Right,
let's just say it's like when I grew up in Boston,
a woman was never raped, she was accosted, right, you know,
they never tell you what I said. Now, you live
in a world where you get your news unfiltered exactly
as it happens. Have you traveled the outside of the

US travel south. No, I don't really work it where
I Well, I've been to Italy. I'm in Saudi Arabia,
but a few places. Yeah, I don't find it totally different.
Everybody speaks English.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
Well yeah to you, but I mean if you're doing
a corporate gig in Italy.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
People will speak you know.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
It's like I was talking to Tomas, right, you know
Tomas who works with me. Right, so Tomas, who you
know produces this podcast. You also, I love Italy right right?
I love Italy right And to my sister me, you
love Italy, I said, yeah. He says no, he Tamasas
has managed heavy mail bunds.

Speaker 3 (30:07):
He has to work in it. He said, if you
had to work.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
Oh, oh my god.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
It's like because it is that kind of things when
people say, you.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
Know what the oh I love Scotland so much.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
You Scottish people just so friendly.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
I went tried being Scottish with another Scottish person and
see it fucking friendly. It's a saying. So listen, let's
talk a little bit about the.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
Cars, all right, what do you want to know?

Speaker 3 (30:33):
Well, I want to know how it started. Was it
your dad?

Speaker 2 (30:37):
Was it? I grew up in a rural area, and
they're always broken. Snowmobiles and abandoned cars not so much now. Now,
when you abandoned a car, it's got a software, it's
got a computer. In the old days, people abandoned a
car because distributor broke. All right, that's an easy enough
fixed to somebody who has a little bit of mechanical

knowledge or things of that nature. You know, a car
from the teen's, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, you could leave
for one hundred years and you probably get us started
pretty easy. Because mechanical things break, electrical things erode, and
you look at a relay box. It might be shiny,
but you can't tell what's going on inside it, you know.

But you can look at a fuel pump and go, oh, well,
here's here the gear. The gear is broken or the
keyway is busted, you know. So they're easier to fix.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
So that was what drew you in, was the mechanical
nature of the fact that you could fix them when
they were anything.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
It rolls, explodes and makes no you know. When I
was I was like eleven, somebody abandoned a Renault four CV,
which is like the French version of the volkswid Heer
and we had three acres behind our house and my
mother would watch us through the kitchen window and we
just drive around. And so of course now the parents
would be taken away, you'd be putting foster care, and
you know, it would be it's a whole different story. Yeah,

but you just said it's bare now. Well in some ways, yeah, right, yeah,
so you started playing around of the But as you
go older, right, and you start like you here's the thing,
here's the main facts of it. We are in an
objective business. Some people like you, some people think you suck,
some people think you're better than me, some people better

than you. But when you have a car and it's
broken and now it's running, no one can say it's
not running. You know. You can say it's still not funny,
even if other people laughing and you're not. But no
one can say the car is not running. You know.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Then that's why old comedians, well a lot of comedians
are in the cars because of the same reason.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Actually, most comedians are not into cars.

Speaker 3 (32:33):
I find those on a second.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Jerry's in the cars.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
Yeah, I'm in the cars a little bit.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
I know a million guys. I remember you know rich
Jenny called me one time. He goes, oh, he was funny.
He had the best gay marriage joke back in the
days when it was illegal. You go, gay guys have
the ideal life. Larry, I'd love to marry you, but
it's against the law. Imagine you can say that to

a girl. Oh, I love to marry your honey, but
it's against the law. Oh. I used to love that bad.
And you know, it wasn't offensive. It was because that
was It was just tough.

Speaker 3 (33:07):
He wasn't no anybody.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
He called my time. He goes, hey, what's the best
car to get girls? I go, well, I said, I
only have one girl and I've had her for like
twenty six years at this point, so I couldn't tell
you that. But what are you like? Well, a Corvette?
Could can you get girls with Corpette? Some girls like Corvette?
Some girls think, how old are you? You have a Corvette?
You know? I said, So he gets a Corvette, you know,

and of course he knows nothing about what it's capable
of whatever. Just all this. Maybe he just got it together.
What's the best car to get girls? This is just
my favorite thing.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
It's funny because I've never really understood that as a thing.
I guess maybe back in the day when you know,
hey baby, do you want to sit in the rumble
seat or something, but a.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
Rumble seat, yeah, back in the day, in the day,
the nineteen twenties.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah, it was the nineteen twenties in Scotland. So it's funny.
Richard Jenny rich was one of the last gigs he
had actually, or one of the last things I remember doing.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
He was on my show. Oh yeah, yeah, and.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
He it wasn't long after that that he that he
you know that he killed himself. But I don't like
it was anything to do with my show, but I'll
be sure. I met him in Australia when I was
starting out. I was at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and
he turned up. He had these two very glamorous looking women,
one on each arm, and he walked.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
Into the and I was like, does the guy do that? No,
I realized he must have had a Corvette, that's what.
It was. Really funny. Oh yeah, super fun He had
very fast, fast, very New York you know, he had
that New York attitude. Yeah. Yeah. He really was just
a great, great comic that was a sad sad story.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
It's an interesting thing, and Rich is a good kind
of example of it is that the persona that he
had on stage was very different to who the guy
he was. Rickles was very like this as well. People
used to think Rickles was like when he was on
he was the inso guy.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
But you remember doing it, Yeah, a very nice guy.
I love I love Don. Don was great. Don was great,
but even don you know, the network would censor him
and he would. I remember one time he came on
and you know Kevin and Kevin, you banks, he going,
that's Kevin, ke Kevin's people in the park A lost
stealing hub caps and I go, no, no, I don't
have hug caps anymore. You know. You know what's interesting.

I remember seeing Rickles once and Rickles never swore that's right, okay,
But when he did racial stuff, you know, and and
the Puerto Rican guy is this, and the black guys this,
and the younger audience is kind of like hmm, and
older people laugh hysterically. And then he had a joke
with a punchline with him saying shit, you know, just
like that, and the young people laughed and the old

people went, oh yeah. So it was really two different audiences.

Speaker 3 (35:50):
Yeah, it's funny. I never had him say do the
ship joke?

Speaker 2 (35:53):
Well, it was one of those things where you know,
it leads up to it, and then he said, yeah,
I can't. I can't remember what the bit was.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
When I first when I first met him, he Peter
Sally introduced me to Recles and I said, we we
come on the show, mister Rickles. He went, I gotta
be honest, kid, I'm gonna wait and see if.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
You're ahead, like okay.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
When he came on the show, he said, I said
to him, I am I am I hit now.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
He went, no, but I felt sorry.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah, yeah, And it's funny even strangely lovely, a lovely guy.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
And he grew up in the era when the mob
guys really controlled it, and till the day he died,
he would never tell a story. I go down, let
me ask you about no no, no, no, like I
remember we went to downtowns once and I said, well,
let's let's talk like the mob. But yeah, yeah, I mean,
he would just not even joke about it. He would

just as well as Larry King.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
You remember Larry was, Yeah, he was he was connected
in Miami at one point.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
Yeah, that was Yeah, that was the old school. Guys.
Do you ever run into that in Boston when you
were a kid. Well, i'll tell you. People tell you
a story. One day I get a call from Sinatra
had an age named Jack Sularti. They go Jay Sinatra
watching to play this Italian thing some some benefited in
a country club in Chicago. It's Italian American thing. And

you gotta work clean. You understand, you gotta work clean.
It's gonna be a priest there, you know. I said, okay,
I'll work clean. So I get there, I get up
and I do my little thing, you know, I get
some laughs and thank you very much, and I sit down.
So they introduced this guy. I'm not going to say
the name because his kids are still alive, A real gangster, okay.
And he gets up there. You don't want everyboddy, Hey,

what the fuck's going on? You know? Like that? And
the priest goes like this, and the priest goes, but
the father shut. He's just screaming. I mean, the veins
are popping. Is that when you see a psych capath,
just lose it goes. You got your ten grand of

paper bag? Right? Fu shut Just scrap and the priests
holding his bag with the ten grand in it like this,
you know, and he's just.

Speaker 6 (38:10):
And guys are holding him like mother fuck, just go dofter.
There's just screaming at the guy, you know. And he said,
I'm like, oh jeesuz. And the crowd is like, oh
my god because this guy.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
Yeah, that's the way to lose a crowd if you
if you go psychle on. Yeah, and it doesn't even
have to be the.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Priest, just if I remember the story they told, the
heartwarming story. Some teenagers had broken into his house. Yeah,
stolen something, Okay. They found them two weeks later, and
they'd been skinned alive. Somebody somebody hung them by their wrists,
stripped them and run a straight razor from their arms

down to their toes and just peeled off horrible peeled
off a layer of skin until these guys slowly blended it.
And it was like, oh okay. So so that was
like scary, you know. So so I'm sitting there and
just watching this whole thing play out. And they take
him away, right, So ladies said, he go, hey it,
come here, come here, he goes. He says, you play golf, Well,

come on, cod God, come come with you. So he
and I a the golf card. He goes, you know,
we we have stallone to come to this. You know
what he said? He said no, and I said, well,
you know he started busy fucking explodes again, you know,
and it's like jumping.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
I could never play golf with a guy who had
skinned people.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Exactly, and I'm not doing it again. Do you play? No, No,
I don't think if you could play it in twenty
minutes maybe, but I know so if.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
The you know, the carts are ship, I mean, if
it was maybe if you go there, maybe if you
had a Corvette.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
Yeah, Corvette. But I mean, but the point of this
was just most people think, you know, my favorite thing,
and The French Connection was the best movie to do.
Whenever you watch TV, when a guy bob put the
gun down, I know you don't want to shoot me, okay,
And the guy always puts the gun down and cannon
or magnum or whoever it is takes the gun away

from him. Remember that. Remember the French Connection where the
transit cop the French guy was running from Popeye Doyle.
He's on the train, he's got a gun and the
guy goes look, I know you don't want to shoot me.
You don't want to. He just shoots him at four
or five. Just's the guy away, Go okay, thank you.

That's what really happens in real life. All these people
think they're going to be a hero because they know
he's really a good guy. To No, there are evil
people in the world. There are bad guys out there,
you know.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
But I'm still I'm still happy about you bringing up Cannon.
Oh yeah, I love Cannon.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
You know what.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Like he was like a three hundred pounds dect fight
for eight and he would.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Run after teenager no know what it was, but he
would park in the alley and there's big Lincoln and
the crook would run towards him and he don't. The
drivers don't, and that would hit him, you know, and
knock him out.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah, yeah, man, I think it's maybe time for a
Canon reboot.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
I love you.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
If Billy hadn't lost all that weight, it'd be he'd
be Yeah. But he's all thin and gorgeous. Now that's
the problem.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
He does look great. He lost he does look like
one hundred and seventy eight pounds. He wants much, that's unbelieved.
He lost the whole person Yeah that's crazy, yeh. But
he looks great. And you know something, I was telling
him this the other night. A lot of guys that
used to be fat aren't really funny anymore because their
whole persona was based on being fa being fat and
being but you know something, you look and now you're thinking, well,
he's always been a skinny guy, right, because he doesn't.

It doesn't reflect in anything that he does. I mean,
he's really he was a graceful man. I mean we talked.
It was funny.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
We talked ages ago because he was a big final.
Laurel and hard he was a big final. Yeah, I
love Longheart, Oh my god. And one of the things
about Babe Hardy was that is his grace. Yeah, you know,
the lightness of his feet, that kind of it was funny.

Speaker 4 (42:01):
You know.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Louis Anderson the same thing, had great dignity about it.
He moved his hands very slowly and fold them in
his lap and and and you never fauld sweating on stage.
But he always had those bits about his mom didn't
like cats because they licked the butter and all that
kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
You know, you know, the guys you're talking we're talking about,
you know that, like Louis was one, Gilbert was another one,
Gilbert Godfried was another one. Like real kind of idiosyncratic that.

I don't look, I don't pay a lot of attention
to the young comics right now.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
I don't know if you do.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
I don't see a ton of that.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
I see a lot of a.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Lot of the same, like you know, you you know,
a lot of not as much eccentricity of performance.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Maybe there's some really good ones.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
I mean I watched Michelle Wolfe on Netflix.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
You see her, you see her new special. You know something.
I thought it was terrific. Yeah, I thought she was
really because I thought, you know, when she done all
the White House stuff, it's like, but that's a terrible gig.
You've done it. Yeah it's well, but I mean it's
all politics. It's like, it's how stinging can it be?
And to watch her latest one, all these are real jokes.
Yeah she's really and really yeah she's really funny and

yeah I really enjoyed it. And the one that's done
in three parts or four parts, that's what I'm talking second,
and I watch it and I thought, boy, she's really
really good and it's a shame that she got beat
up so badly over.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
Well, you know, it happens with the White like Colbert
would be up pretty badly for what he did at
the White House as well, but ultimately it worked out
for him.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
And I think that it's one of those weird gigs.
The way was dinner.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
I remember when I did it. I talked to you
before I did it.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
You remember that, yeah, because you remember you said to me,
it's just not about you. Just remember it's not right, right,
And I talked to you, and I talked to Drew
Carey because Drew had done.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
It as well.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
But I thought it was a hard game.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
It was like a really tough corporate Well it's an
impossible gig, yeah, because everybody's you know, looking in the mirror,
you know, yeah, that's right. It's like no, it's really no.
And when you have something about like Obama, who is
a really good comic, he goes on first. Now you
follow him. I didn't. I didn't do it with it,
but I did it with George. I did it with Reagan.
I'll tell you what I first time, I did it

with the Reagan. So I'm backstage and this general comes in.
He goes, hey, hey, hey, you're the comic. Yeah, yes, sir,
I'm Jane Let. He goes, I'm selling though, this is
my committed to chief. You understand that this is my boss.
He is the leader of the free will you don't
assault him, you don't tell you he's just and he's
poking me in the chest, you know. And I said, well, okay, yes,
you understand. Yeah, and then he leaves. Okay. I'm thinking,

oh man, I'm starting to change jokes now. And then
and then all of a sudden, George Schultz comes in.
Remember him, Yeah, and he's really drunk. He goes, now,
come here, when you get up there, you nail Ronnie's
ass to the wall. You understand me. I go, but
that guy, tell me Scar he works for me. I'm like,
a minute, I'm the defense guy. You make fun of

that thing on Reagan's you think that's his hair color?
You think got his real hair color? And I go,
I don't know, no, you got I said, Now, the
what do I do? I remember my opening joke was,
I want to cry to you, late Nancy Reagan. I'm
winning the Humanitarian of the Year award. I'm glad she
beat out that conniving little bitch mother Teresa. That's funny,
Joe and Reagan fell off the chair. I said, well,

then I knew I was in I knew it was okay,
but but yeah, but that way it is. It's an
impossible game. It's really hard.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
Is there any because I've got a couple of jokes.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
One of them was white of course, ononded the dinner
that I never told that I was going to do
the joke right to the last minute, and then I did.
And I have tuned my life that I've never done.
I'll tell you them in a minute. But do you
have any that you thought I was going to do this?

Speaker 2 (45:58):
You know what's so funny. The only Joe I remember
are the ones that made an impression, because as a comic,
you have things that put a notch in your brain.
You just remember, like that first joke I told about
the you know, the Robin hood thing and all that
I remember, so you remember everything. I remember being five
years old and my mother taking me too, because we

didn't have babysitters then, so he just took me everywhere.
So we went to my aunt and Eddie, my aunt
Edia's house on the Italian side, and it's all women
drinking wine. And I'm sitting on the floor and I
was looking at the women and I said, hey, mom,
why do women have humps like camels? And they're all
drunk anyway, and they're all screaming, and I'm thinking, what

did I said somewhere about humps? And I always remember
that because they got it. So is a comic. I
think when you say something and it gets a laugh,
you just, for the most part pretty much remember it because.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
I'm told you the ones that you made a decision
not to tell the joke for another.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
One I can't remembo the jokes I can't remember. I
have two. I'm going to tell you them.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
One was a White House correspondence to her where there
was a lot of trouble. Was the very last Bush
and Cheney and all those guys were up there, Rumsfelders
around all that stuff. And I was going to say
at the start of it's great to be up here.
We want to see all these guys together in one
room again until the trial. And I thought that was
a pretty good joke, and they said to me, probably good.

It wasn't the White House. It was one of my
own guys, said probably a good idea. If you don't
do that joke, people are still a little you know,
it's a pretty decent joke. And the other one, I'm
kind of still thinking that maybe I should have done it,
and maybe I shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
And here's what it was.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
I had a book come out, I own a biography
come out, right, And it was the same week as
Ted Kennedy his biography came out. He had just died
that way right, and Mackenzie Phillips's book come out where
she talks about having sex with her dad, oh right, right,

And there were all three of us. Was vying for
the number one spot in the New York Times bestseller list,
and I knew I wasn't going to get it because
Ted Kennedy had died and Mackenzie Phillips talks about having
sex with their dad, right right. So I was doing
this event in Union Square, the Barnes and Noble, and

I wanted to do this joke, and my publicier says,
that's a great joke, and I beg you don't do it.
I went okay, but the joke I was going to
come on stage and say, in my book, Mackenzie Phillips Fox.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
Ted, I didn't do it, and I kind of wish I.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Had done it, but I'm kind of glad I didn't. No, No,
that's a funny joke. You know.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
The tempers were flaring at the time, and it was
probably I.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Always said that a those things you want to say.
I'm not going to say who it was, but I
had someone on who was very sensitive and they've just
gotten glasses and they had a big nose, and I said,
and I wanted to say, oh, did the nose come
with the glasses, But I knew they'd be just yeah,
they'd be hard.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
Yeah, yeah, well you can you know, you don't want
to hurt someone's feelings.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
We're not in that game, you know, when I feel better.
That was the thing about being a talk show. She
got to know when I was a comedian when I
did the monologue, and I was a host when I
did there because a lot of times, yeah, I totally
in the battle and you lose the war, you know.

Speaker 3 (49:20):
Totally totally. I always felt as well.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
And this is why I love doing your show is
because I felt like I was You took the word
host like literally, like I'm here to hold I want
you to feel good. When you have a good time,
I want you to enjoy yourself. That's how I took
that from. You know, it was on your show. I
was like, no, that's how I want to be because
I've done other shows where I felt I've got to

wash my ass here. I mean, you know, I'll put
one foot wrong and I'm going to be made a
fool of. And I never felt that when I was
working with you, and I hope that anyone who was
on my old wo felt the same way. Was like,
you know, I'm not I don't know here. And funny enough,
I was talking to and Ball the other day, who
was like my number one all time, you know, she

like on the show every other week.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
She was great, she was you know, everyone has a guest.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
I'm sure you had him, and I'm going to ask
you who was in a minute.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
But but I was talking to her and she said, well,
it was weird for me because because I always thought
she was a great improviser. And she said, no, I
hate that. I always like knowing what I'm going to do.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
I was like, that's weird. I always thought you loved improvise,
and then that's why you always did my show. And
she went no, I just trusted you, right.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
I was like, oh that's great. It makes me feel yeah. Yeah,
and so tell me who you were? Who are your
go tos? You know, Terry Bradshaw was pretty good. He's
very funny.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Yeah, you know the remember he had a talk show. Yes,
that's right, she at the daytime talk show or something.
You know, Terry was the best one ever. And you
could not have planned this. He comes out and he
goes jay. I heard that monologue. That monologue sucked. That
was the worst jokes ever. He's just trash around me. Yeah,
and I said, I said, you know, I can shut
you down with four words. No, no, you can't. I
can't what I said, your fly is open. And his

pants were wide open. Oh my god. And he looked
down and he fell off the Cherry's laughing so hard.
He just felt so stupid. He was. He was a
great one. I said, I had him thirty maybe fifty
four times. And the comics are always good. You were good.
Jerry was good. Robin Williams of course was good. Yeah,
Robin kind of took coover. I used to like that.

You just hand him the ring, yeah right right, you
just let him go. You couldn't interact with him. But
you know what my favorite two was with Rodney because
when I would watch Rodney with Johnny, Johnny wuld beat
the straight mane tough week, Rodney, Oh, Johnny, I tell
you this week is all right, but last week it
was cold, really was cold out, so oh Johnny was
so cold, and yeah, when I would get Rodney, Oh,

that was my favorite thing to uh, but a tough week,
go oh Jay, I'll tell you it's it's all right now.
But last week I got to tell you know, did
I tell my Rodney story about No, I'll tell you
Rodney's story. I've told this story. But I had Rodney
on the show.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
Okay, Rodney Dangers Rodney in two.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Thousand and four. And Rodney was a little older, yeah,
a little more frail. And he comes up and he's
doing the show. He's doing his stand up. I knowic
he's sweating more than you know. As someone who watches
comics and you know them personally, you can tell when
they're a little off. You know, I could tell what
Jerry's killing, but it's it's not his normal super hard kill.

It's just a real And Rodney he would always touch
his tie. This time his hands were kind of He's
just a little you know. I watched it, so I
said to Debbie, our producer Wie vickcause I said, I said,
I think Rodney's having a stroke. Call the cops, call
it paramedics. She goes, you think I think he is? Yeah, okay,
so if he sits now, Jay, I will tell you.

I'm all right now, Jay. But last week, you know,
and he's he's and he's got the handkerchief and he's
really sweating. But he gets through it and he does fine. Okay,
now the show ends. Just as the show ends, Roddy
goes through Jessingham and the paramedics come in and I say,
so going to say Rodney, as the paramira, I think
made stroke. I didn't have a stroke. Well he did
have a stroke. You saw that. Well, he was just off.

He was just off. So they took him away in
an ambulance. He went to the hospital. I didn't live
much longer than that. And then his wife Joan calls me.
He says, you got to come to the hospital. Rodney's
in a coma. Okay. I get there and Roddy's lion there.
His eyes are open and she says Jay. The doctor says,
Rodney can hear us, but he can't respond to us,

you know. So I'm telling him how much we love
him and how great he was to all his comics,
you know, letting us work Rodney's Club and yeah, Rodney
Dangerfields and all blah blah blah blah. So his wife
John says, Rodney, she goes, Jay, put your finger in
Rodney's hand. She goes, Rodney, if you know it's Jay,
try and squeeze his finger. So I put my finger
in Rodney's hand like this, and I went, Rodney, that's

not my finger, okay. And Rodney' shoulders go like this.
They just move and he moved and the doctor comes.
He move me together, and he died right after that.
But you got to laugh. Yeah, we got to laugh
out of Rodney, you know. And it was kind of
I mean, I don't say it to be mean or

to be funny. He just is a life well led
you know, he and he was a wonderful guy, and
he was a smart guy. You know, you never met
Rodney well you know the whole thing about being an
aluminum siding salesman. You know, if comedy doesn't make him
well he did. He was a lumin siding salesman. But
he was a great luminicidning sales he was. He was

so successful he quit show business to sell a woman signing. Then,
at age forty four, his face finally grew into his act.
He began to look like the sad sack that he was.
And that's when he really became famous. Because see, I
remember Rodney before he had no respect when he used
to do bits right and he would do bad. I

remember one bit he had. I can't recreate it, but
this is the essence of it. He goes walking the
flight to sixty five Airlines. He'd be the pilot, you know,
I go, we're flying over right now over to Indiana
rather a desolate park. If you look down on the
left side of the plane, you can see the remains
of flight four eighteen that crashed right there in the ground.

Bob you with me on that one, weren't you. It
was just like a just hilarious, just like a funny
almost like a very Bob Newhart.

Speaker 4 (55:21):

Speaker 2 (55:23):
Yeah. And then later he got into doing bits. Do
you ever see a movie called The Projectionist? It was
done I think in sixty nine Rodney was in that
place that he was good. He was good and back
to school. One of the funniest yeah, to me, that
that thing about in the union. Yeah, the guy goes,
I'm gonna build an imaginary factory. Oh yeah, how are
you gonna pay off this guy? And pay off that guy?
You know? And just so funny. Yeah, he was really

the funniest guy. And I knew Rodney forty years. I
have no idea if he's a Democrat. I have no
idea if he's a Republican. All we ever talked about
with jokes he had, that is true. With he had,
he had quick jokes. One of my favorite Rodney jokes
is I will pass the strip joint. I said, topless
and bottomless. I went in. There was nobody there. I mean,

it's a great topless nobody that. Yeah, that's that's great.
That The other joke you had, like my doctor said,
and a seamen sample and he still sampling into your
own sample, so I gave my underpants. You know, just
those kinds just so stupid kind of jokes and just
just hilarious, just hilarious.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
You ever intimidated by anyone that you ever you ever
have a guest and you guys actually get nervous.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
I had a couple, but you ever have any when
you think one day?

Speaker 2 (56:34):
So I'll tell you about Sean Connor for Roger Moore.
And what tell you? I said, where do you go
on vacation? Where you go to India? Going to India?

Speaker 7 (56:42):
Quite often go to India. Yeah that's quite a trip.
Oh not really, Well, how oft do you go? Oh well,
going every weekend, every weekend to India. Yes, yeah, I
mean that's it's not a long flight.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
No no, no, we tried really to India.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
From from England. No, no, from California. He was trying
to say Indio, Indio. Oh, it's just like a whole
wasted segment.

Speaker 3 (57:13):
Yeah, you're trying to talk about.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
And Sean Connor is my favorite because Sean Connor is
the only guy I have heard my mother referred to
in a sexual way. That's a real man, Jamie. Oh yeah, no,
the women were differently.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
I introduced my wife to Sean Connery and her breast
let up and I didn't even know bres that's right. Yeah,
Sean Connery probably went through life thinking that women's breast
let up all the time.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
I've never that's the only time I've seen it happen.
I introduced her to and she went, oh, hello, Sean,
nice to meet you. He's like, very nice to meet
your Megan.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
Boom, Hello Push.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Well he didn't talk to our bottom department, he I
mean her, but it was really.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
I know, well most people don't know. He was mister
Universe third runner up. Yeah, nineteen fifty three. He was
a long shoreman and he was a tough sound very tough.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
You know the story about him and Johnny Stumpinado.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Oh no, you getting the fight with Johnny.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Johnny Stumpinado brings a gun on at the set. I
can't remember the movie. He was doing a movie with
Lara Turner and the rumor was that Big Tam as
he's known in Scotland or Sean Connery was having an
affair with lannat Turner, which knowing him and knowing.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
About Orisday, it's probably it's good.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
Even money bet Stompnado, who's our gangster boyfriend, turns up,
points a gun that showing, points a handgun at showing.
He takes the gun, He smacks ahead of the gun
and she got the fuck out. He don't bring a
gun onto a place of one. I mean it's like

he was a tough guy. He was a very tough
part of Edinburgh, and he was very kind.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
Of And he's the only guy you know what you
always hear a jokes and knee slamper. Yeah, he's the
only guy I ever saw slept what's the leadst filthy
jewel going about? G you know? And I tell him,
I mean he would like he was a pirate. And
he was the only guy that ever took a shower

in a tonight showed jesssing room because the justsing room
is smaller on this I remember a shower, but noo,
he's and he would sing and the news crew, news guys,
news had to run down with the headphones. Who's shouting down?
I said, Sean Connery, Oh yeah, but oh yeah, you

know it was it was he. They took this rough thug.
They put him in a savile roast suit. They teld
him a little bit about wine, so he came across.
He was the only really dangerous bond I never got.
Roger More is always a pill, very dope boy guy.
He's kind of like the comedy Yeah, you know, but
him and and Daniel Craig.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
Yeah, I could believe Daniel Craig.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
But Sean Curry had the height, he had the weight,
he had the threat. This was pretty good for the
nineteen But Sean Conny just had the physical presence. I mean.
The Bond films are funny, Be Goes gold Finger the man,
but a big fat guy can barely speak English, slabbering
over himself. How was this guy in the song? But yeah,

in the in the in the song women, Oh he's
cold finger you know, oh please you know that Sean Connery.
I think it's in the movie Goldfinger.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
He wears a little toweling many like it's like little
shorty short, oh yeah, and a zip that goes up
the front and a little thing like that. It's the
most ridiculous looking at it. Oh yeah, And I remember
we were watching it, like when one of my boys
was Lettle. We're watching introducing them to a know bone movie.
In my I said to Meghan, that's uh, that's a
stupid looking.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
At it that. She went, No, one shot Conery. I
did a breastlet up again. Oh yeah, wow. And he
wasn't even there. Yeah he was.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
He was quite a guy, he was. He was very impressive.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
I mean, he was a guy for his time. And
but you watch it now and it's so incredibly sexy shock. Yeah,
but it was what it was.

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
Anyway, Look, buddy, we're done for the recording and I
can talk anything.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Yeah, we're done.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
Would listen that one pretty quick. Yeah, Well, you know
we do talk a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
Yeah, a lot more than I talked to any other
former host of The Tonight Oh, there you go.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Yeah, you're the one I talked to. Well, there you go.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
And I think that you know, I had such a
good time when we were doing gigs with our Senio
this summer.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
We should do it again.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
Yeah, I love doing those.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
He's a he's a great guy too.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
He's a great guy. I tell you a story about
our Sceno. It was so funny. I think I told
you about with berrimanelog you know what I say, No,
tell me. Well, he was the only real threat. That
was one Carson was afraid of our senior. Well because
it was hip. Yeah, he was black, it was young,
it was it was everything Johnny wasn't you know. And

you know, like when Dana Carvey did Carcinio, he did
a comedy oppression of a brilliant impression Johnny just hated.
Made him very nervous. Anyway, So the first night of
our Sinio show, he goes, You're not going to see
Barry Manilo's ass on this show. This show is all
about the funk. It's about to mute hit it, you know,
the band place of a game, right, Okay, So I

remember watching that show Man. Now this is the time
when he and I were supposed to be fighting, right,
so you understanding, well he had I'm going to kick
Leno's ass. All this stuff going on. You know, it's
funny because I think you two is being very good.
We were very good friend yeah yeah, and we were
even even during that. So anyway, so I'm watching him
every night to make sure we don't do the same jokes.
You you need to do that, you know. And I

hear him say about December. Now come on, I guess
in September. About December. He goes, and next week on
the show, Barry Madelow. You know, I have to say sorry.
The next call like, oh hi, can I speak to you,
Senor Hall, This is Jay Leonard. Just a minute. Oh
he doesn't want to speak to you, just just he
doesn't want to speak to you. I said, no, he
needs to hear what I have to say. You know,
he goes, what do you want to what do you want? Oh?

Next week, very Menelo he falls off the chair. He's laughing.
So how I go, Oh, he wants to see his
ass come back. Because you realize when you do these
shows you need everybody, buddy, all you gotta take. You
can't be every night, you gotta have but and and
from that point now we both laughed at at it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
You know, when the news broke that I was going
to do the late night show. When I was taking
it over, I was a YouTube concert in Forum in
Los Angeles, and you know the little backstage, Yeah, some
backstage there and Chris Rock is there and he comes
over and he goes, you're the guy taking over the
show and I went yeah. He goes, you guys do
that ship every fucking night? And I went yeah, and

he went, no, man, every fucking night.

Speaker 3 (01:03:55):
I went yeah. And then it kind of haunted me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
Was like a movie. See. I found every night easier
because if it didn't go well, I got some I
can't stop and dwell, I got to move on.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
That is the glory of it. But the truth is,
but the time I was done, I mean, what did
you do twenty five.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
Years, twenty two years, twenty three, Well, I mean twenty
five kind of guessing, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Yeah, I had ten years, and yeah that's there's a
bit two more than I really.

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
Yeah, it wasn't there appointment. You're like, no, I'm pretty
good at simple, repetitive fasts. So yeah, well I enjoy
you know, I enjoyed it. I liked the discipline of
writing writing jokes every day. I like great, I like
the great pencils down, I gotta go. Okay, if it didn't,
if the show wasn't any good, I got another show
tomorrow and three days later you forgot about that show

that wasn't very good.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
Yeah, it was true, it was.

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
It's interesting to know that that all these shows hang
around and people pick apart from a show and broadcasting like, I.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
Don't even remember doing that. I know, I know, it's crazy.
You know, it's different. You know. The saddest thing about
late night is everybody doing it is really good. The
trouble is, you have these streaming services. You can watch
the Lord of the Wings trilogy without commercials. You can
watch all three Godfather movies. You know, every talk show

you watch now, because the viewing audience is smaller, there's
even more commercials. So you watch the monologue five and
a half minutes and seven minutes of commercials, then six
and a half minutes a show than nine minutes after
midnight of commercials, and it just makes it, you know.
And it's not the it's not the host fault.

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
It's just there's so much Yeah, exactly, Yeah, yeah, no,
I'm glad I got out with it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
We got at the right time. Oh we did. Yeah,
nobody's making that kind of money anymore. All right, Well,
let's get the fuck out. Yet's drive a car somewhere. Yeah, anytime,
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