Taylor Williamson

Meet Taylor Williamson, a super funny American comic and Craig’s friend. He is known for finishing as the runner-up on the eighth season of America's Got Talent and as a semi-finalist on Last Comic Standing. Check out his new stand-up special called Live At The Comedy Store here. EnJOY!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Stand Up Tour continues throughout
twenty twenty four. For a full list of dates and tickets,
go to the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour.
See you out there, the Greig Ferguson show dot com
slash Tour. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of
this podcast is Joy. I talk to interest in people

(00:23):
about what brings them happiness. Taylor Williamson was the youngest
ever stand up comedian that I ever had on the
Old Late Night Show. And yet even although I put
him on the show, he's still working. Oh he's an
old man now. I think he's like thirty seven or something.
Let's have a chat, okay, So let me just say

(00:50):
what the thing to you first, which is we're in
Los Angeles, right, yes, right? And I was talking to
my wife on the phone this morning because she's in Scotland,
and she said, who are you talking to this one?
And I said Taylor Williams And she went, I tell him.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
I said, I I'm like, what do you mean tell him?

Speaker 1 (01:07):
I said I She went, yeah, we're Instagram buddy, your
Instagram buddies with my wife? Is that okay? I guess yeah.
I mean, if it was okay, she wouldn't have said that.
Oh yeah, I heard. But so where did that come about?
What's going on? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
I mean, I think she followed me on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
She thinks you're funny. That's true, I do. I I
mean so much to me. Oh you are funny. I'm grateful.
You are great at being being comed Thank you. I wanted.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
I was wanting to me, may have met at your
house one time I together. I think that's what happened.
And then I probably like commented on one of your
things like ha ha ha, you know, and she said, oh, do.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
You have a lot of airsots digital relationships that uh.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
With people's wives like me?

Speaker 1 (01:54):
A lot? I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
I think it's because I think it's offensive. Actually, I
think people's people feel comfortable with their partners being friends
with me.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, you know what, I don't want to insult you,
but I am kind of comfortable with it, like I
don't want to be. But you know what, it's kind
of weird because you know, if it was like I
don't know, if she was Instagram friends with like some
other people Drake, you don't want that. If she was
Instagram Friends with Drake, I'd be like, what the hell

(02:22):
are you? Yeah, Instagram friends with Drake for yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
But Taylor Williamson, You're like, yeah, stay his house tonight.
It's okay, that's all right.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
He can come over while I'm no here. That's fine.
So listen. I wanted to talk to you a little
bit about because years ago you were the youngest guy
ever appeared on my late night show. You know that.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
I put that on my bio. I don't know if
that's true, but I think it is.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
I think you were. I don't know if you were
the youngest person. I mean there was sometimes there was
babies on this stuff, but not doing stand up. You
were the youngest stand up I think.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
It's the biggest. It was the biggest thing I ever got.
It still is one of the most majoro things I
ever got to do. Trulier like me too. You were
a poor but you were there. You were the first
major comedy icond of be like, hey, this guy is
take a look at this guy.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Really. I thought you did. I thought you did well
in the I mean the America's goat Town. I was
eight years later. Oh really Yeah. See Now it's interesting
because I ask your wife. She followed me. But here's
the thing, was, what was the first one you did?
So you think you're phonny? Then was that? Though? No,
I did last comic standing?

Speaker 3 (03:27):
That was I was, so, no I did?

Speaker 1 (03:29):
You didn't do so you think you can dance? Did
you do that? I did?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
I did an America's Next Top Top Model, right, and when
Tyro was hosting.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Yeah, congratulations, you're still in the running to become America's
next Top Model. Which I've got to say, much as
I admire Tira, I think that's a terrible catchphrase. It
it's wordy. It's a little busy, you know, I mean,
congratulations she was still in the running to become America's
next Top Models. It's too much? Is that really what
she said? Yeah, that's the thing. That's the that's the
bet when if you make it through the elimination round,

(03:59):
what would be better one? Uh, you ain't dead? Yeah?
How about like, hey, your face is still good in
the fresh you're still pretty, You're still pretty? How about that?

Speaker 3 (04:11):
Remember that one woman from the show she married the
guy from the Brady Bunch.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
I don't know about this.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
You got to pay attention to show business power.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, man, I've been busy.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
So listen, I did I started staying up in two thousand. No,
wait a minute before we go, I'm answering your question. No,
but yeah, I want you to answer the question.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
But when you told me about the model that married
the Brady Bunch, what happened there?

Speaker 3 (04:34):
I think that I could be wrong, but like the
first winner of the show, she married the middle Brady respectfully,
Christopher Knight.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Oh maybe it's a deep cup for me. I don't know.
You're not an American? Did you have the bratty American? Oh?

Speaker 3 (04:49):
Excuse respect you are? You are what America is all about? Pal, Yeah,
it's right. Yeah, listen, Can I tell you how this
business goes. I'm mins for twenty years and like it's
up and down, you know, but like I'm trying to
get my next.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
Big like like big whoa like career thing, you know?

Speaker 3 (05:05):
Okay, And I know a couple of people have been
canceled recently. Yeah you should killing it. Yeah, you should
get cancel thriving. It's it's the new thing. You have
a few months where you're like, oh, people. Maybe you
should hide it, move to China for a few months,
just to get away from the world, you know, But
then like four years later you're selling a Madison Square garden.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Well, I think it's it's a marginalized cancel that you're after.
You want to be canceled by a certain group of people,
but you do you want to be celebrated by the
people who disagree with the people who canceled you, right,
and so that that's kind of the way you go.
But society is so fragmented though, Yes, but being canceled
by one group can actually be a step forward with

(05:43):
another group. Truly.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
I remember talking to big comedian from an older big comedian,
I said, why don't you talk about politics?

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Speak out?

Speaker 3 (05:52):
He's like, I don't want to split my audience, you know,
fifty to fifty of people.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Whatever.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
But now it's like you could have one for this.
Comedians who are like, I'm the nurse comedian. If you're not,
you don't know what I'm talking about, your nurse. I'm
really funny. They sell out big theaters. Well, there's a
lot of nurses.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
Yeah. I think I think what it is as well,
is that everybody wants to have their own special thing
that they're that they're upset about. Yeah, I get it.
I'm upset about you know, I'm upset about a lot
of things. But I never do politics in the act. Never. Yeah,
but not because I don't want to split the audience.
I'm so sick of it. Yeah, I'm sick of hearing it.

(06:28):
I'm sick of hearing people I agree with like when
they were when they talk. You know, when I had
a conversation with Jim Gaffigan a couple of years ago,
and Jim was saying, we were talking about how because
he works clean, right, and he doesn't cuss in his
act and stuff, and you like that too, Actually.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Right, I'm I think, I'm I think I kind of
I started cursing a little bit, but yeah, I happen
to work clean.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
All right. So I was talking to Jim about it,
and the Jem I've known for a long time, you know,
and he cusses the way people do, you know, sometimes
and other times. He's not a big cusser, but he's
not a kind of Oh you've never heard Gym swear? Yeah,
But I said, so, why don't you swear in the
act if it's you know, and he said, he said
it was a stylistic choice. It was a stylistic choice,

(07:11):
and I wanted to see if I could do it,
and and I went, okay, well that makes sense somehow
I felt like, oh yeah, of course. And I made
that same choice with politics. I'm like, I'm not going
to do any I'm not even gonna mention those guys
by name. I'm not even going to admit that politics exists.
And I found that I enjoy doing the standout more

(07:33):
because I don't not because of anything to do with
the audience, just because I don't want to talk about that.
It's boring. And if you don't want to talk about it,
then you should.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
As an audience member. I feel the same way as you.
Is like, even when I agree with you, I don't
want to hear about this because it makes me sad
and like, but the one of the things that makes
me want to start cursing one on stage, yeh, is
I get like low key rage if someone says to me,
you know, my favorite thing about your comedy is your clean.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Oh yeah, that would make me angry too, if I like.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
What, like, I will fight you my mom's friends, my
mom's friend at this at this funeral, I will fight you.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah. Maybe not the best place. No, it's not the
way to do it. Yeah, but you know, I remember
because when people say, people who have no sense of
humor or do I understand stand up comedy will sometimes
say good comedian doesn't have to swear. Good comedian doesn't
have to cuss, you know, and I go, well, Richard
Pryor was a pretty good comedian. Yeah, And you know,
I don't know if that's it. It's language, you know

(08:31):
what I mean. And if you work with the language,
and if you decide not to use that, then that's fine.
But if you do, then you do. It's just I
don't know.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
And I've heard any views with great comics who I admire,
and everyone has their own point of view.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
That's the answer to the story.

Speaker 3 (08:45):
But like, yeah, it's lazy to curse, and I used
to think that, but then I have a couple of
jokes now where I curse, and I'm like, it's not lazy.
It's the word that's necessary for this joke to work.
And also lazy gets a bad drap. Lazy is actually
an okay thing. We got to stop, yes, stop shaming
people for being lazy. I know some lazy people who
were awesome. I think COVID made it okay to be late.

(09:06):
We were told please be lazy.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, I just relaxed. You stay home, don't go out
there spreading the bug. Just stay home. Now. Listen. Tell
me I did ask you at the beginning, but you
getting started, and it was you started. You didn't start
on an America stop model.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
I started on your show. Basically, that was the.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
Very first thing. So how come you go on my show?
Because I thought somebody had seen you on a like
the booker, I had seen you.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
She saw my tape. I did just for laughs festival.
I got stuff early on.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
That's how I started just for laughs in America, certainly
in Canada. In Canada, yeah, but they sold it in America.
Oh okay, because I was, you know, but no, no
tell me about you. It's not about me. So you
were you like you were just for laughs festival.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
I started saying when I was seventeen, so.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
They had a kid's festival. Babies.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
I try to do like I tried and looking the
kid thing, I was like, put me on a Disney
Channel show. And I got a manager when I was young,
and he wouldn't let me do any of that stuff.
And like I'm kind of bitter, butrobably would have done
drugs and stuff.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
So yeah, you would have. Yeah, I mean that's a
but I wouldn't let my kids. I got the Disney
Jon watch Disney, No listen. I I'm to be fair.
I've worked a lot for the Disney organization over the years,
and they've always been very nice to me. So I
can't buy met them but my kids every time when
my kids were young. Why this is not about me.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
I care about your family, but then for my friends,
all right, so it's basically my family.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
It's your family, all right. So you weren't on, somebody
saw you on just for laughs.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Left, then booked my show and they had this new
Faces showcase where they like the new breed of comedians
of my my generator. My year was Adam Devine and
Nikki Glazer and uh Hannibal and uh.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
That's a great year. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Then there's uh, there's a whole bunch of people and
uh and then Reggie Watts was one of them. Is
a funny group of people. And then like six months later,
I got to do your show is February fourteenth, two
thousandspen was my first time, and I was terrified. That
was like when I see you, it's kind of triggering. Actually,
it was a gnarly you get triggered. Oh yeah, you're scared.
You're scared of the big bad man. Put you're on

(11:10):
the TV show.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
I was so scared.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
It's terrifying, and like, yeah, it was scary at first.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Stand up should be scary at first.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah, you know when I tell young people now, if
someone told us to me and just passing long wisdom,
like I came up with it. But like when you
have nerves, that means you care sure and it's a
good thing. Like when you lose that, it's kind of
sad a little bit.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
I don't know. I don't I don't have anymore. I
don't get nervous about this.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
No, no theories, you're killing my theory.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Well, I you know lesson I used to physically I
threw up before it show. I was so nervous. Yeah,
it's terrifying, but I think you know you do it
often enough. Look, I say this to audiences now as
well when I go out. Look, I've been doing this
for a long time. I've made a lot of money
of won some awards have been very successful. So so
if tonight, if this show sucks, it's it's it's you.

(11:56):
It's not me, because I've proved myself here, so it's
got to be you. So's see how you do? How
you how long you've been an audience five minutes you
don't even know what you're doing? Yeah, that's so good.
But I think that I get a sense of I
don't know if you get this, but right now and
I will stop talking about me and a minute. I
don't know I do today, but I got a sense

(12:17):
of when I go on stage now it's where I'm
meant to be. I got an absolute sense of peace,
like I can do this. I know this. This is
my world. And there's a lot of things I don't
know how to do, but this I know how to do.
I love that.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
I think very similar to that in this in this business,
in life that's full of rejection and you're just self
doubt and its internal doubt and external doubt upon me.
And my biggest source of validation for what I'm doing
with my life is when I go on stage and
I go, Okay, you know what I got?

Speaker 1 (12:52):
I got this figured out?

Speaker 3 (12:53):
Like yeah, and I'm most I'm more comfortable there than
I am in other places, which is a bizarre thing
to do, but it's a thing I've worked.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
No, I just don't really understand it. So, but you
wanted to be in stand up from being a very
young kid. I mean it's like, to me, stand up
is kind of like being a realtor. It's it's an
okay job and you get your picture on a bus
stop stuff, but nobody wants to really. It's just like
you do something because you fail to other stuff. But

(13:20):
that's not for you. You really wanted to do it, right.

Speaker 3 (13:22):
It's like porn and real estate and stand up comedy
as you back up plan others.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
I noticed that when when actors got canceled, when people
were getting canceled all the time, like actors, if they
got canceled, they don't start doing stand up like it's
okay to be a pair of stand up comedian. Yeah,
it's like okay, yeah, I kind of like that.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
Oh yeah, and they're taking my jobs.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah, that's there's room for everybody. But so one I'm
trying to get is do you have a very bad
relationship with your parents?

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, it comes down to mommy issues.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
Mom. Yeah, that's what Megan, my wife, who you know
very well, says. She says, it's all about let me
just turn my everyone else sorry, because she'd probably call me.
She'll call me to tuma. Yeah as well. She Megan
says that all stand ups are the same. Mom. I've
talked to a bunch of stand ups about this cold
with bad boundaries. That's what she says.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
I love my mom and we've been through a lot
and we're we're in a good, healthy place now, but
we have had a lot of stuff, and she has
a lot of stuff from her mom. And it's a
nice generational trauma that's passed down as a tradition in
my family.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah. You know what's funny about it. I was a
Hollywood party once a famous actor guy and his kid
came over. The mom brought the kid over and he
was about thirteen. She went, this is our son. He
really wants to be a stand up comedian. I was like,
you're a terrible mother. Terrible.

Speaker 3 (14:42):
I don't encourage that, I know, but my mom is
part of my trigger for seeing you is because I
was twenty doing Latelateshit and I'm trying to be a
good person. So I hear the all the stories you got.
You bring your mom. You got to bring your mom,
and like, so I invited my mom from San Diego
to come up. And but we don't have like we
didn't have like a close we had a lot of stuff, right,
And but she came and she rides you sent like

(15:06):
a nice car to come pick me up.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
And I got with you, Taylor. I didn't personally say.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
I know you don't ily don't do it, but yes,
let's just take credit. Yeah, and then, uh, you drove,
you were not driving.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
I was driving. That's when I used to wear the
little show for uniform Welcome to the Lately, Drive Yet
full Serves?

Speaker 3 (15:25):
I was thinking this three Stages episode where he goes
full serves fully service.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Do you ever read fuel Service by Scottie Bauers. Oh
my god, I'll tell you about that a minute.

Speaker 3 (15:33):
All right, So, so my mom came and then she
I hadn't it's silly talking about.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
All right? Right? Yeah, really I can't remember what was
it you say. It'd be weird if you remember.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
My cue card was there's all jokes in context making
fun of people for using these words. You know, I'm
still proud of what it was. You know, are you
scared to say the worst? No?

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Well I said that they said gay. Okay, that's a
that's an okay word, but.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Making for people say gay. But then I then our
word whatever that is?

Speaker 1 (16:21):
You now they are right?

Speaker 3 (16:23):
That was the punchline, making fun of like, you know,
these kids everything call everything gay, you know, you know,
but the way.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
They talk, it's so all right, right right, right, comedy. Yeah,
let's get the hall away from this. And then I
shoo to move on.

Speaker 3 (16:36):
And then uh, horror I talked about.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Like poor, I think horror is fine. Is a word
I call myself a horror all the time. It's one
of those words that, yeah, it depends on how you
use it and where you use context.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
But just financial these words on TV. And then I
did show six months later and they wouldn't let me
say anything because don I miss happened in between and
there's a whole big difference. But anyways, but like I'm
a good person, but so so my mom sents a fact.
The next day she sent a fax to my manager.
It's just two thousand and seven, the facts. My mom
sent a fax to my man. It was after faxes

(17:09):
were not seeing you still had factes on your website,
but you're like, who does this? Yeah, she sent a
fact She wrote a letter to him saying, thank you
so much for taking care of my son's career. He
speaks so highly of you. I never told her anything
about this is all like made up in here, right.
And then here's some things that could help him out.
Please take him somewhere to get a nice haircut.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
Please.

Speaker 3 (17:29):
He has a great singing voice and maybe that's something
you can use. And also he held the microphone over
his face the entire time. Please train him to not
do that anymore.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
And I'm just like boundary, See.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
There you go, tick with the bad boundaries right there.
You know, it's funny. I talked to you know, Lewis Black. Yeah,
of course he's great coming And I was talking to
him about his mom and I said that thing about
cold with bad boundaries, the Megan theory, and he went,
oh my god, because his mom had died about six
months previously at the age one hundred and four. And

(17:59):
he said, you know, I think the first time we
looked at each other in the eye was underneath. I'm like,
that's why he's a good comic.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
You know, but I don't know if it's true for everyone.
Maybe it's just true for male stand ups. I don't
Maybe for female stand ups it's with their daughter or
there more. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
Interesting here, like Seinfeld gets really like offended. It's brought
up to him, like, so do you think comedians come
from UH traumas or impoverished backgrounds or not enough neglect
or not enough attention from their parents whatever. He's just like,
I like making people laugh. I'm like, can you just
be the guy who likes making people laugh and just
know that everyone else you.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Can do that? I think that's a fair argument. It's like, no,
I just like making people laugh. I mean, if you
talk to Lano about it, he's like that too. I
just hate it. But then at the same time, if
you dig deeper with Jay because I love j you know,
he's my guy, but you dig deeper with him, he's
like he doesn't eat hot liquids. Yeah, and his and
he's a very against any form of diet, so soup

(19:02):
is like makes him angry, and if soup makes you angry,
you're not a normal person. And also his mom was
Scottish and if your mom's Scottish, You're not a more
normal person Donald Trump's mother Scottish. Oh wow.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
That.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
I've always got sympathy for him. I know what it's like.

Speaker 3 (19:17):
But the other thing, like Jaylaen not respect the hell
out of him. But I remember him saying, don't say crap.
I was, so, what's the word? I was like a
sponge for like people like great comics saying these are
the rules of comedy. Like I listened to all these
interviews like the Deep Cuts and like JNS just don't
say crap.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Then then recently heard him say he hasn't had a
vegetable in forty years. Yeah, And I'm like, wait, I
shouldn't take advice from this guy.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
No, you shouldn't. Like that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's like, you're gonna be a little selective about what
you're doing because you know, there are people who I
really respect what they do as comedians, but you know,
I wouldn't let them look after my dog or like that.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascals stand up to He continues
throughout the United States in twenty twenty four. For a
full list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig
Ferguson show dot com slash tour. So you are there
if you still got your little dog. I have a
tiny dog. I love that. You know that. Yeah, Betty right.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
This is honestly the greatest thing that can ever happen
that you say my dog's name. No, stop, this is
I thought about bringing her here, but I didn't know
what the vibe was.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Well, you would be not the first person in Hollywood
have turned up here with a little dog for your podcast.
It's uh happens.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
I became that guy during COVID I got a tiny dog,
and I'm that guy that brings a tiny dog.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
You know Gaby Glazier, He's got little dogs all over
the place. Yeah, he's a sweet man. You ever worked
with him?

Speaker 3 (20:48):
No, I just hear the most wonderful thing about what.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
A terrific dude. Yeah, I mean just just lovely. But
again with a.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
Weird mom though, I got to say weird mom's Yeah.
I had a thought on all the I don't know anyway.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
So I'll tell you then. All right, we're talking about
the stand up. Yeah, and I watched a little bit.
I haven't watched all of it. I'll be honest with
you of the stand up special that you did at
the Comedy sort of recently. Oh, thank you for taking
a look. It took a look. That's you know, the
sensibility of it. If you, I hope you don't mind
me say so. It feels very late nighty. It feels
like a kind of hey, welcome to my thing. It's

(21:22):
it's like the track and show and the kind of
club and all that like is know, it felt like
a late night show.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
It's a great compliment.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
That's what you were going for.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
I don't know, it's going for old school kind of vibe.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, it definitely vibed like that. Yeah, I feel like,
thank you. I love that.

Speaker 3 (21:38):
Yeah, Taylor Williams and Live at the Comedy stor Its
on YouTube for free, and I'd love it that people
take a look and it happens to be clean, if
anyone cares about that. But my best jokes I've ever told,
that's the most important, my best standing.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
I should you should have called the special the best
jokes I've ever told.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
I think maybe I should have. I could change it,
but I it's funny, like this business full of rejection,
trying to sell sh and trying to get people to
believe in me whatever, and like, and I see a
lot of like scummy scumbag comedians are blowing up right now,
and that's what people want. And I forgot who said
this to me. It was just the great simplest advice
or just like thought, like I couldn't beat one of

(22:15):
these filthy guys and that does whatever on stage if
I wanted to. It's just that it's not I'd bomb
would authentic for you. Well, I can just be me right,
And I had this joy for like old school kind
of like like I'm Jewish but like I guess low
kind of self effaced a little bit self deprecating Jewish humor.

(22:38):
I don't know, and that's who I am. I don't
know there are in the industry. It's not happening a
lot anymore. But all I can do is be me
at one hundred percent. And I'm more proud of it
myself as an artist than I've ever been. So I'm like,
I'm gonna keep putting this out there, and it's not
what everyone wants, but it's what I do and I'm
really good at it.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
And I don't know, no, I think that that that's
the only way the mental health. I mean, look, I
if you When I first came in Hollywood, they every
every single casting director, every single person I met, said
can you do can you drop the accent for a role?
And I was like, uh why, They're like, because then

(23:16):
we can put you up for stuff. We're putting other
people up for it, and I'm like, yeah, but but
there's you know, I mean, only one of all of
these people is getting that job, And why the fuck
would i want to put myself in a pool where
I'm already you know, on the back foot. I'm just
too I fucking am right. And occasionally I would, you know,
I met who uh Drew Carey and Bruce helf would

(23:39):
actually who were like, they said, just can you do
an English accent? I went yes, of cool, Like, all right,
just do that. But it is an odd thing that
people want you to be something else. But but really
the only thing you can do properly is for a
stand up comedy. I think you have to be yourself.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
I think for any artists or people trying to do
things like I was always told you're too this is
the feedback off from industry, you're too alternative. Then I
told your two mainstream like a joke like those are
the things I was told you now and then like
a last comic standing. The way they cast it was
they did very bizarre, like it was clearly cast before.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
So there's like two rounds and then the top ten, right.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
And it was before voting, so it was just casting
producers casting, and the semi finals. There's forty of us
and there's two tapings where they pick two tapes of
twenty people and they picked.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Five of each. This is a math problem, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
But the first episode, the first taping, they picked five already,
so we're already they're the casting, so they're not going
to have ten people who are this similar. You know,
but I wore a hoodie during my thing.

Speaker 1 (24:51):
Well that's very you were like in the the white
stripes or something.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
It's like, oh no, but I I remember me and
fortunate with the ones who are like stand outs on
that show, right, they didn't get put through and they
told me some yeah, we already had two alternative guys
in the first round, so we didn't put you.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
I'm like, what is this. We've already go to Scottish guys,
so now have you.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
Have you had that happen like I would imagine I.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Failed the audition when I came here to read the
audiobook of the movie Braveheart, and the casting director said,
we don't feel your accent is authentic in the in
the casting session, Like, I don't know what the fuck
to tell you. I'm sorry. Yeah, And now Scottish people
get mad at me because they say that I sound
like an America Like I've put on an American accent

(25:38):
to be successful in America, And I'm like, I gotta
be honest with you fuckers. Just being able to dampen
your Scottish accent isn't enough to make you do well
in America. You have to do a wee bit more
than that. But you know, I don't know where are
you from originally San Diego. I'm from San Diego. You
ever go there? Yeah, you know, I have been there
a couple of times. Yeah, about a boat there?

Speaker 3 (26:00):
Once you bought a boat in San Diego? Did you
leave it there? No? I sailed it around a little
bit and then I seld it around the world.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah, I sailed a boat around the world. I don't know. Yeah,
I don't have a boat. Yeah, you don't have a boat.
And you lived in San Diego? What the hell did
you do?

Speaker 3 (26:15):
I heard the smart rich people move respectfully. Yeah, is
you borrow other people's boats? And Jed, I say, I
still own a boat. I was gonna ask to borrow
your boat, but yeah, you can't. I don't have a
boat anymore.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Would you sell it to? Oh? I don't know. I
think it was a realtor rectly, I think a real a.

Speaker 3 (26:34):
Failed stand up who became a realtor.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, he failed it stand up became a realtor or.
He succeeded being a realtor, so he didn't have to
be a standup. So you come up in San Diego
and like, were you good at school? Were you?

Speaker 3 (26:46):
No?

Speaker 1 (26:46):
No? Right, okay, my.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
Essat score was so bad that like, I don't it
was like it was so I was really good at English,
and I was really good.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
At That's about it. I think, you know, well, that
would make sense. Language would be attractive to you if
you were drawing a stand up? How did you get
how did you get tried to the stand up? Who
did you watch when you were a kid?

Speaker 3 (27:05):
I wasn't a fan of stand up when I was little.
It was just this dumb sibling rival everything. My brother
would listen to like Adam Sandler albums and like and uh,
and it was who I should have loved. I loved later,
but I want to be the opposite of him, So
I was like, to annoy your brother just for my
own dumb ego. I remember being like, I don't like
music because he likes music.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
I still got lot with my brother. My brother's sixty
five years old, I still like, yeah, I don't like that.
For years, I didn't listen to led Zeppelin because he
liked led Zebbe oh for sure, which is crazy because
led Zevlin and here a great bad Yeah. I brother
would listen to Nirvana.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
I'd be like, oh, you know, but then yeah, but
like I have a little bit of what Jay has
for soup and stuff. You know, it's you, but it's
but I fixed. It was like twenty five, you know.
But I was like, I don't like these things because whatever.
Then I tried the message. I'm like, oh, this is
actually pretty good he had. Oh here's my theory. Can
I share my theory on that stuff? I ain't going anywhere,
but I don't anymore. But I think you get I

(28:02):
don't know, this is his thing. I don't, but like
a lot of people get stunted, you know, child stars,
they say that the age that they become famous is
the age of their majority. I've seen I think for men,
maybe comedians or people i've met, the age where they
become really famous, it's kind of like the age where
they go, I don't have to wear a suit when
I go on a late night show, you know, or
I don't have to change diapers.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
You know, I'm I'm you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
I think there's kind of that like if you were
like famous the fifty you're still going to change diapers
for your kid or something.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
Yeah, you don't, you don't have make kids, don't Yeah,
I don't change diapers. Yeah, because if you just like,
if you're going to run change diapers and people are
like asking you or is not your kids? There's your
cancel right there. That Oh that's pretty good. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Did you hear Taylor was like changing kids diapers? That's
kind of that's too, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
But anyway, but like so I got into comedy in
the bizarre way because I was watching I'm pro wrestling
a lot. Okay, I was really in the prog wrestling
and I hear the laughter there, lack of respect I
hear from you, No.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Not at all. I'm just I was what I was
laughing at. It was the transition from pro wrestling to
stand up comedy. I don't see it, so I'm looking
forward to. So it's a laughter of anticipation. We're rowdy ready, Piper, Well,
we don't all know each other. Plus he was Canadian, but.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
He but he must have been part of IM sure, yeah,
most Canadians of that generation. So uh but Andy co
I watched this documentary and Andy Kaufman on Comedy Central.
Oh yeah, and like that was the first me thinking like, oh,
comedy that's cool, you know. Yeah, And then I listened

(29:44):
Jeff Foxworthy in like seventh grade. I thought that was
really cool. Folks Worthy is a great comic and he
was great, so great. And also like for a kid,
he's quotable. Yeah, Like I could go to school and
be like, hey, you might be a rightneck if there's
some kids laughing, they think I'm funny. Yeah, like that
was always loved jokes you can quot because I can't
remember a street joke that saved my life.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
No, I'm bout at you. I have one joke that
I tell in the act. The rest of it's just bullshit.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
Yeah, but do you remember like street jokes, like from
back in the day, like a street joke or like
what do you call like a joke that like like
I do like Jewish benefits sometimes and there's always something
like old Jewish guys like, hey, want to hear a joke?

Speaker 1 (30:20):
And I was standing there for like seven years. They
tell you the joke and there's one laugh movie at
the end of it. It's like, I don't get that
joke structure that is told by people who say you
want to hear a joke, and then a long story,
then nothing funny happens and at the end a sort
of funny thing maybe happens, or maybe just a shit
thing happens.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
And especially these like private events, you try to be
extra extra polite, you know, because you're getting paid to
hang out kind of and then like she's start like
polite laughing halfway through, but you think that's the punchline,
and it's no.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
I know, you have to keep going. Hey, I was
wondering why I hadn't done a little of Jewish events recently,
so you're doing them all. I'm listening. I'm going for it.
Do you get those things? I've done a few of them. Yeah,
how do you?

Speaker 3 (30:58):
How do you get that? That's like Roddy Piper being Scottish.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I
just that kind of ended up doing a couple of
things I did. I did once. The I was the
comic relief at the Holocaust Memorial Dinner. Oh that sounds fine.
You know it's a much coveted spot. It's not an
easy gig, I'll tell you. Wow. Yeah it was. It
was pretty hard. That's wild. Yeah. But if you got

(31:22):
asked to do it, you can't say no, can you?
You can't say no, I'm not going to do it. No.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
It's an honor too. But and I'm sure it pays
something nice.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
No, there's no money in it.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
You did it for free. Yeah, wow, you're a real
friend of the Jews. Stop it shalone?

Speaker 1 (31:40):
You do you?

Speaker 3 (31:40):
What what joke do you say to transition?

Speaker 1 (31:43):
I don't remember how I did it. I think I
I don't know. It was it was bad because it
was really kind of a very tough video played beforehand,
and then I had to go out. I think what
I said was, well, I'm the guy who won the
most coveted spot in show business, the relief, and I
think I started with that and then we we uh,

(32:05):
you know, I got through it. It was it was tough.
What's the toughest gig you've done?

Speaker 3 (32:10):
Well, I've done. I mean, I remember opening This is
not the toughest, but I remember opening for doing a
show of Sorority at cal State Northridge. And then they go,
one of our sorority sisters died last night in a
car accident, so we just want to make sure that
you know that I.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Don't have any jokes about that that happened, and went
ahead with the event.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, and then oh, I've done a whole bunch of
terrible things, Like I remember did a show out at
college and the lights didn't work and they're like, yeah,
so we're not I was like, ice, get my paycheck.
This is great, and they're like, no, no, no, you
we'll have you come back another time. I'm not plying
back to Florida. I mean, I did me the money.
They're like, well, we can do the show on the

(32:52):
sidewalk if you weren't, And I was like Okay, I guess,
so that's on the sidewalk. And and uh so when
the kids all six crisscross apple sauce.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
You know what that is?

Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah, yeah, And then it was little kids. Oh they're
like twenty you know, okay, and then they sit in
the grass and then but they're cicadas. And so every
time I told her joke, it just handed like crickets chirping,
like I'm bombing.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
For an hour. You know, you did an hour of
sight to crickets. Yeah. Oh man, well you ran your stripes.
That's good, you know. Yeah, you go to bomb. No,
you have to. It's a real thing because if you're
a stand up and you don't bomb, then a certain
point you're going to find out you're not a stand up. Yeah,

(33:39):
because only stand ups will walk through that fire. Only
only a real stand up will go on a stage
bomb completely, come off the stage and go, well, better
do that again.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
You know, it is on it. It is terribly unhealthy.
Like I analyze it all the time. I'm like, it's
like touching a hot the whole business in general. It's
like for me, it's like touching a hot stove and
I burned myself four hundred and ninety nine out of
five hundred times. But then the five hundred times ice
cream comes out right, and I'm like, oh, I should
try that again, you know, like.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Are you? Are you in therapy now? You guys?

Speaker 3 (34:12):
I just signed up for therapy, did Yeah? And hr
you know I'm thirty seven. Yeah, and I should have
studied it twenty years ago.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's like
you don't study the Kabbala until you're forty. I think,
is that when you started? That's when you start? Yeah?
You you and you don't I think psychotherapy is you know,
I'm very valuable. I've gone through tons of it, but
I didn't get much of early on. Mindui, I was
a black hair drummer and I nearly died, So maybe
I shouldn't got to it early on. I don't know.

(34:42):
Did you ever feel the call of the chemicals and
the and that kind of lifestyle, the booze and the.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
No I was one of those guys who I didn't
even I've never smoked a cigarette and I didn't even
drink alcohol like a sip until I was like thirty two.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
What did you think when you first writed it. I
don't get it. Why fuck you?

Speaker 3 (35:02):
Well, well can't say who was always nice to me
about it is people who were like sober in the
program respectfully you know, I've been sober thirty two years
with respect amazing, bless you. And my first you know,
my first joke on Craig Ferguson show, I was like,
I was like, also, I was like, he has to
say I'm twenty years old. Like that was my intro.
I had you have to say he's twenty, so then

(35:24):
my or my joke doesn't work, you know. So then
I walked on stage and my opener was, it's kind
of hard for me to talk about, but I'm gonna
let you guys know that I've been cleaning sober now
for twenty years. And then I make a joke how
people are like mean to me, and then but yeah,
I don't know if I say he's twenty yeah you
set me up? Yeah yeah yeah, and and and I

(35:45):
remember stop doing the joke, and someone's like, what if
you're like when you're forty, you're gonna have people still
saying like you have to you know, when you.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Start out, you think tell the jokes forever, you know,
you wish that that was something I'm envious ofly. I
remember talking to Rickles about that. Do you ever meet Reckles?
I got to be him once. It's so special. Oh
my god, what a what a guy. But he did
basically the same act for about forty years. Yeah. I
was so jealous because you know, you can't do that. No, yeah,

(36:14):
I mean if you do an act for two years,
you're pushing it.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
Yeah, you at least won't get the respect of your
peers for sure. Oh no, it's I don't. It's weird.
I like the Chris Rock model, which is you wait
till you have your great act. You live your life,
you take some time off from stand up, you live
your life, and then you have a killer special. It's
a special, and you put out your special every six
years maybe or whatever. There's no time limit, you know, right,

(36:37):
And then I remember there's this document there's special on
HBO's like Luis cy K and Seinfeld and Chris Rock
and Ricky Gervase and discussing like are.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
They coming to see you? Are they coming to see
the act?

Speaker 3 (36:47):
And then everyone just thinks each other is crazy because
Seinfeld did the same act forever and uh right or
he used to at least, and like the greatest are
they come to see? Greatest hits? Are they coming to see?

Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yeah, it depends on who you are, says I think
if you're playing, like, what's the biggest gig you've done?

Speaker 3 (37:05):
Probably I'm guessing Radio City Musical for America's Got Talent
is like, yeah, of course there's like ninety seconds, right, but.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
It's still cunts. It's a big gig. It's six thousand
and six, I've played it. So you did your own show,
and yeah I did. But that's the thing though, I
mean you, I what I quite admire about you is
that you went at these comedy competition shows where I
don't know if I would have done that. I don't

(37:32):
know if I if I could have done that, I
think I think I would have felt I don't know
if I would have been able to manufacture a stand
up in that environment. I'd have felt frightened or not frightened.
But what was it? I just didn't didn't feel it
was conducive to to stand up. But you made it work.
I've seen you do it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
By today, I don't think I could. I was just
desperate as right. A curse on the show. No, I
was desperate, as frick buddy, No you can, I was
fucking desperate.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
I was like I was.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
I was ten years in and my career was like
I was about to I never had to have a
day job, like I was really lucky. I was able
to live in Squalor. I was always my ego. I'm
professional comedian.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Right I live.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
I live with twelve people, and I can't afford more
than peanut butter stand, which is a professional comedian. I
should have had a day job, but then I was
broke and and my jokes were proved for Conan, and
there was like a year of just like waiting to
get on. Yeah, and like it, it's funny. If I
had gotten on that, I wouldn't have done America's Got Talent.
But I don't think I think I would have still
had a good day job, you know, like it just

(38:36):
didn't change your life like it used to.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
You know, I don't think it did. I mean I
remember booking comedians on late night and when I was
doing it, and they it even then watching them dot.
I don't know how I could do that. I don't know.
I don't know how you can come out and just
like in the space of five ten minutes, get them
on your side. It's I guess, I guess you do.

(39:00):
I guess I've done it.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
My stand up is like quick jokes. I always wrote,
I never I wish. I always wanted to do Late
Night all the time for whatever reason, like the Gatekeeper
Bookers never wanted me.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
I did late Still a thing? Stand up in late night?

Speaker 3 (39:14):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (39:14):
I mean, I do. I never watched Late Night before
I did it. I never watched I was doing it,
and I don't watch it, so I don't really It's
I have a weird disconnect understood.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Yeah, Like I think Jimmy Fallon is the only one
to even seth Myers and Jimmy Fallen are the only
one ones to do really like yeah, but I did
your show twice in two thousand and seven, right and
then like Nick Cannon asked me to do his talk
daytime talk show like two years ago. I haven't done
stand up on a talk show before after and all
I did was write clean, quick jokes. But for whatever reason,

(39:45):
I submitted like fifty five times. I was always told.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
You, this is broadcast television even a thing? I mean?
And Instagram like TikTok.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Yeah, the gatekeepers now are comedians in the algorithm.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
The algorithm. Yeah, it's a nightmare that that's kind of
creepy though, isn't it. Yeah? But I talked to a
guy at YouTube.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
This is this really kind guy who just cares about
comedians and wants to help. And he happens to be
an executive at YouTube and I and I talked to him.
I was like putting on the special, like what can
we do here, buddy? You know, like you like me,
I like you people to put a little finger on
the on the scale, you know. Yeah, And he's like,
that doesn't that doesn't happen and uh and uh. He

(40:37):
says that the algorithm is he really is his perspective
is it really is fair?

Speaker 1 (40:42):
It really?

Speaker 3 (40:43):
I don't experience this, but his experiences. It gives people
what they want. They couldn't guess. People want to watch
watch unboxing videos, you know. That's a big thing, is
people opening with packages of videos and ASMR is like,
who have thought people would love just woman whispering and
clicking things? So, you know, and but the algorithm sends
people what do they want?

Speaker 1 (41:04):
And see, I don't know if it's good for you
to get what you want all the time. I think,
I agree. I I mean I I had instant I
have professionally, I have Instagram, and of course it's me
on it all the time. I never I have either
there's a company I pay them. Yeah, don't even that's
healthy because I went on it. And then when that

(41:27):
little search engine, like the little magnifying glass, yeah, you
start scrolling through, that's that. Shit's crazy. It's like you get,
you know, a war atrocity, kitten playing with a ball
of wool. Someone uh, tightrope walking, volcano explode, that's Pandora's box. Man.
Human brain isn't built for that. It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
The only things I try to like now, or like
if my friends have something happening, like a career thing,
or if it's two animals from different species snuggling each other.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Okay, see that can't come no familiar. But but like.

Speaker 3 (42:05):
You know, like a little cat, like riding a turtle,
you know, or like a monkey, a chimpanzee, respectfully, like
holding like a puppy.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Wait a minute, why did you see chimpanzee? And then
respectfully to me, like the hell is that meant to me? No?

Speaker 3 (42:18):
Just I wanted to use the right term, like it
might not be a monkey, you know, in case they're listening.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
Oh you mean like it could be a gorilla and no,
a chimpanzee. Right, I believe it was.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
I don't get canceled on that one.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Well, I don't know if if primates are canceling people
yet on social media. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
There was that monkey who sued the guy who took
the picture.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Remember that thing? A monkey suited somewhere. I think maybe
an adventurous lawyer decided to work on a retainer. No retainer,
I should say, yeah, a contingency law, because I don't
I don't think a monkey's like you don't want to
fuck him. I've had enough of this ship.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
There was a monkey type thing that took a self
the first selfie in the jungle or something. But then
they went that you don't own the picture because they
took the picture. Then there's a whole lawsuit. You know, Oh.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
America, you're an Americans is your country? Baby? Yeah, I
know there's a lot of lawsuit going on. You ever
to be sued?

Speaker 3 (43:15):
I had, I had a threat of a lawsuit. I
got hit by a drunk driver a few years ago,
and they they threatened to sue me.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
It's a whole like insurance scam.

Speaker 3 (43:27):
They look, I learned a lot about this. It's a
whole thing. They sue to make your insurance. Just settle it.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
They just want to settle it. They want to make
it go away. Yeah. It actually, I think over the
years you've been soon. Yeah, you know, I've been here
for a while. You know, yeah happens.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
Have you ever been done a stand up show? And
then they would they don't want to give you your paycheck.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
I take no part in any of that. Oh wow,
I take no part in it. I have. I'm very
lucky that when I go here is true story. I
have a lawyer who's I don't know if I should
say their name. No, I don't think I will. But
when I first got to America, I had no money
and I added this and I met this guy who's

(44:12):
still my lawyer with him and one of the partners.
So it's a man and a woman and they're terrific
lawyers and they're super successful lawyers. And I had no
money at all. But I was talking to them and
they said, well, we will be your lawyers, and like
they represent really really big people and they did back then,
like giant titans of the industry shit. And I said,
I got no money. I can't pay you. They said, no, no,

(44:34):
we'll We'll take a percentage. And it's not a big percentage,
he said. I said, but you can't have you know,
five percent or nothing is still nothing. And they said, eah,
we have a feeling. And they're still my lawyers. Yes, fantastic,
that's amazing, very very lucky. And we've been through some
real adventures. Yeah, so yeah, I'm very So who represents you?

(44:57):
Was like, do you have the same manager you had
at the beginning and stuff?

Speaker 3 (45:00):
No. I heard a sentence from somebody a few months
ago at this party, and then he came up to me.
He's like, I brought my wife to your show, and
she don't take this wrong way, but she said, he's
excited to say this. He means it as a compliment,
but she's she said, oh my god, Taylor's so funny.
Why isn't he famous? And then I'm just like.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
Do you feel you're not famous enough?

Speaker 3 (45:23):
No? But I'm just saying this is my representative to me,
and I'm just like, do you not want to come
up with a game plan with me. Do you not
see any part of what would be a game plan
for you?

Speaker 1 (45:32):
What do you want? I want? It's hard.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
I mean a lot of my dreams don't exist anymore.
This as this industry changes so much. Like I started
in two thousand and three, I wanted to be like
I wanted to not to kiss your bike. I wanted
to be like you. I wanted to be on a
stitcom like that. Yeah, I thought you sitcom. Then you
become like people know you as a comedian, you know.
Then I swore my kissing. We were pitched a show
several years ago that meant the world to me. I

(45:56):
wanted to host a talk a talk show, yeah, like that,
and then it doesn't really happening, you know, yeah, and
like it's it's just all these like huge dreams that
work so hard for like, oh that does that's not
really a thing, multi game kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
Talk shows not a thing. Well, it's no, it's been changing.
Everybody has a talk show right right now, I can
have a talk show. You can talk to your buddy
at YouTube. I mean, it's right, but you're right, it's different.
It's definitely different. I was just having a conversation with
Landom about it. He was like, yeah, I feel like
we got the laughter, that kind of thing, you know
for sure? Does he do your voice when he talks

(46:29):
about you? I hope so yeah he does. I think
he does. But I want to be I want to.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
I want my comedy to be seeing by lots of
people and enjoyed by lots of people. And I'd like to.
I still want to create shows and have my friends
in them, and I want to write movies.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
What about my personal stuff? What about your life outside
of comedy? What do you do? Is it just you
and Betty? Got Betty? I got a wonderful girlfriend. How
long have you guys been together? Two years? Okay, so
and you're about thirty seven? Thirty seven? Yeah yeah so
yeah good.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
And she's been on your show yeah yeah yeah, Ginger Gonzaga.

Speaker 1 (47:08):
Yeah I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was on your show.
She adores you.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
Yeah yeah, she's more of an actress superstar. Yeah, but
she didn't stand up for a while. Yeah yeah, and
uh yeah, like I'm I think, I'm like, I'm excited
about my life and my COVID mess things up a lot.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
That was like I didn't care for it. I don't
think that's to say, but it's true.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
But it's weird, Like I feel like I aged. I
don't know, there's like an age I don't know, like
you know, in your twenties it like nothing matters, kind
of like you can make mistakes whatever. The early thirties
is kind of that. But then like later three is like, oh,
I got to make decisions in my life. Like yeah,
and I feel like I missed a few years of
of like chilling a little bit more, you know, because
the last few years has been catching up on opportunities

(47:49):
that were taking away and stuff, you know. But right
now I feel so excited about my art and career
stuff coming up and uh, personal life stuff, and I
feel like I'm figuring out who I am and what
I'm about. And I'm not in a hurry. I spend
too much time trying to do things by a certain age.
It's like a dumb thing that happened. It's starting out.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
So yeah, no, I think everybody does that. I remember, yeah,
because I remember saying, like when I was a kid,
you know, Orson Welles made Citizen kme by the time
he was like twenty five or he did that too. Yeah,
and then but you gotta look at the whole picture.
Look at orson Wales that like, you know, and there's
sixties doing commercials for frozen peace. That's the wrong with

(48:28):
doing a commercial for frozen peas. But you know, it's
not a kind of linear thing. It's very naive I
think to think, oh, well, once I get this, everything's
gonna be okay, you know. Yeah, I don't know. I
think the longer I survive physically, the more I'm like, yeah,
health is the only thing that fucking mars man is
the only thing that mars Yeah, health, health in your family,

(48:49):
That's the only thing. Am I ever? Show business? The
fuck please? Show business, I feel is like the Internet.
It's only dangerous if you take it seriously. You don't
take it seriously, doesn't fucking it doesn't matter at all. Right,
it is crazy. You know, Hey, look he did this. Okay,
that's right. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's a funny journey. And like even
just being alive still, I feel like I'm doing well,
you know, like it's just.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
The ahead of the game. Ninety percent of people on.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Yeah, there's so many people that like I used to
try to impress this business or like wanted their validation,
or like wanted them to work with me.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
Whatever.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
They're not in the business anymore. They're not alive anymore.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
Some of them.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
Yeah, Like it's funny how it resets. I've noticed that,
Like the people almost had tons, I mean with late Night.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
I remember people who I had idolized, who became I
became friendly with, I went for dinner with, who came
in my house, and then you know, and now they've
had a lot of them have died and stuff like that.
I mean, time fuckings. Man, It's not like you get
to a point you're going to sit there forever. Yeah,
it's fun.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
What's your healthy thing you do outside of the business.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
I take no part in it. It's what I do.
I take no part in the business. I hang with,
you know, my family, and I do that. I I
don't have like hobbies are in it. I don't like
have a warehouse full of cars or you know. But
I bought a boat. I can fly airplanes. I can
Oh my god, Like you just casually say I can
fly a plane. Yeah, I can't fly plane, fly multiple planes,

(50:26):
but not at the same time. I'm not an octopus.
I don't know what that an octopus could do that,
but you would need at least like you need a
lot of limbs, That's what I'm saying. But of course
you would need more than just limbs to fly a plane.
It's not like an octopus can go I can fly
eight plane. That's not true.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
What's the longest flight you've done well as me as
the pilot?

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Yeah, a couple hours, I guess.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
And like, so do you need to explain it to me?
Is it hard to fly a plane or they just
need to make sure that you're not an asshole?

Speaker 1 (50:55):
Well, you can be an asshole on fly a plane. Yeah,
but it's learned experience. I mean you you don't. You don't.
You don't get to fly a plane on your first
day learning about it. Yeah, it's kind of like stand up.
The difference is the difference is when you fail at
stand up, you walk away with hurt feelings. You fail
at aviation, Hey, you don't walk away at all. That's wow,

(51:19):
that's that's beautiful. Yeah. What I like about it and
what it what drew me to it is that it's
a very It's the same thing Leno says about cars. You.
It's very scientific. It's very cause and effect. There's no
why does that guy do well and I don't do well?
Or why do people like there's no ambiguity to it.

(51:39):
It's like you follow the rules and it will work. Yeah,
you don't follow the rules, it will not work. Right,
And that that kind of appeals to me because show
business is not like that. You can follow all the
like you were discussing your frustration, you know, like following
certain rules and it not working out for you, and
it's like, yeah, it's show business is mercurial, but aviation

(52:04):
is scientific.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
Wow, that's so thoughtful. That's really fascinating. Well, no, but
I heard your interview with Jyleno talking about that too,
and like I get it more now, Like, yeah, you
know John Cena says control the controllable.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
Yeah, that's what John Cena says. John Cena is a
very wise man. I think it's been said before. It
is the serenity to accept the things you cannot change,
courage to change the things that can, and the wisdom
to know the difference. Oh, they stole that from John Cena.
That was John Cena who first came up with it.
I think he was the first stoic. Yes did.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
I was just in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and there was
a sister that it's a great place.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Have you been there?

Speaker 3 (52:43):
There was this fancy bar there that Harrison Ford would
fly there and then I think it's a soda bar
or something like that. I don't know, but he would
go there and have a cocktail like that and then
he would fly home like that was I imagine he
was sleep or may he crashed maybe he.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Would No, no, no, he's fine.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
Respect respect to Harrison, But have you ever done that?
You fly to a place, then you just like hang
out and fly home like yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Yeah, I've done it a lot of times. I've done
it with Harris support, but I've done it with other people.
And yeah, you go to a cocktail. That would be.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Bad if I flew saying he flew trunk, I did.
I made a joke saying I don't know. That's a
good cancel. By the way, what's a cute can.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
You were canceled for saying that.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
Hey, I heard Harrison Ford. This helps you with listeners too.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
No, I don't want any help with listeners. Yeah no, No,
What I mean is I you know, whenever you do
an interview and they say, why should people come to
your show? I'm like, I don't fucking know. Come if
they won't. You know your dad. If you don't want
to come, don't come. I'm not going to force you.
You know who I am. If you if you want
to see me, come see me. If you don't, don't,
it's okay. Yeah, you're not going to try and sell

(53:48):
you anything. Do you know what the business is now for?

Speaker 3 (53:51):
Like you're you're locked in as like comedy icon and
people different generations know you and like you're in a
special thing like the things that meetings are doing now
to get famous. It's not about I'm sure never was
about just being a great artist. Has always been a business,
you know. Sure, But there's people who sell out because
they they're promoters, right, and they get agents because the

(54:13):
agents are like, well they're selling out everything. I guess
we'll book them, like the big agencies are signing these like.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
Yeah, yeah, well that's always.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
Been the case, has there always been?

Speaker 1 (54:21):
Like people? Sure? Yet, look, you think an agent gives
out fuck what you do you think an agent, any
agent in Hollywood gives out fly and fuck what your
act is?

Speaker 3 (54:30):
Like?

Speaker 1 (54:30):
It's how much money it makes. That's the business they were.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
That's something for me to figure out in therapy is
like I'm always looking for, Like, like I'm twenty years in.
I still think I'm like, they're gonna be my friend.
You're like there's like a mother figure, a father figure
I have.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
I have no my agents and people I work with
I've been with for a very long time that they
are friends but their friends. No, because I don't really
give a shit but what I'm working at right But
I don't know. If you're in the you're in the
heat right now, you're in the in the thirty your thirties,
your forties, that's like, you know, it's like making your
balloons time. Yeah, you know it's hard to be friends

(55:07):
in the Yeah, what do I do? I don't fucking know. Man,
it's different for everybody. Will will you be my dad? Uh? Yeah?
All right?

Speaker 3 (55:17):
Kind of allowance, how much do you want? Like one
hundred bucks a week? No? Not.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
If I give you a hundred bucks a week, then
I have to give the other kids one hundred bucks
a week.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
I think the other guess Jesse Tyler Ferguson has to
get a hundred bucks a week.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
No, are your actual kids? Yeah, my actual kids. I
don't want them coming at me for money. Oh I understand.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Yeah, but if you didn't have them, you would give
me a hundred bucks a week.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Sure, let's say, yeah, okay, get the fuck out of it.
Thank you,