May 25, 2023 • 34 mins
Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson joins Bethenny and shares the tale of his own real life modern family. Find out how a decision his husband’s parents made when he they were kids saved their future. Plus, why was Jesse terrified of Bethenny?!
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
Jesse Tyler Ferguson is best known for playing Mitchell Pritchett
on the award winning series Modern Family, but he is
also known for his work on Broadway Very very Accomplished
Broadway Star. Now, Jesse is taking on the podcasting world
with his new podcast Dinner on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
This is just Be with Jesse Tyler Ferguson. So where
(00:37):
are you, la?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Where did you grow up in Albuquerque, New Mexico?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Really? Is it great?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
There?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Is it nice?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
It was not great? It's better now. It's not great
when I was there.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Okay, I've never been. I don't.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I've just I've never been to Taos or any of
the place I've always wanted to go there.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
It's just one of the few.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Places really it is. Yeah, I'm putting on that on
my list right now. So I think I met you
once with Eric. We came to meet you somewhere. Were
you at, like, had you finished a play or you
were doing something. I'm like, it's like Foggy, I met
you in New York somewhere.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
The first time I met you was you were both
on an episode of Watch What Happens Live? And you
were so so nice to me, and I was like,
I had never done it before. And I also had
like never met anyone from like the Real Housewives franchise,
and I'm gonna be really honest with you, I was
terrified and you completely like alleviated all of my fears.
(01:32):
I was like, Oh, she's so cool, she's so sweet,
she's so down to earth. You brought me like skinny
girl Margarita met and like you know, of course, you
were just very you were just very nice. And then
the next time I met you, you were with Eric
and I don't know if it was a play that
words me. I feel like it might have been in
New York. You didn't come to New York.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I was like a warehousey brick wall type cool place
and there was a party and you were there and
I don't even.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Know if you were married.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I might not have been married yet. Yeah, So.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
You so what.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I didn't know a lot about you, Like I didn't
know how embedded in theater you really are.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Like that's really the core of.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Your being and your business, and that's your passion or
that's just the path you have been mostly on.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
No, that's what I that's what I intended to do
with my career is be a theater actor. I went
to school for musical theater specifically, and did that for
quite a few years before getting an opportunity to have
to out let and do TV. And I never wanted
to do TV. I was finding theater. You know, I
wasn't making a ton of money, but I was happy
(02:36):
to do it. I just never saw myself as I
don't want to say as like talented enough, but I
just never saw myself as someone who would ever be
desired to be on TV.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Like I didn't commercial enough.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah. Yeah, But then I always used every opportunity when
I was doing Modern Family to go back to do
theater in New York, whether it be like Shakespeare the
Over the Summer, which is a really great truncated you
know schedule it it's just over the summer, so it
gets right into the hiatus. And then when I was
done with the Modern Family theater and I did a
(03:10):
play for a year, and uh yeah, it's always my
my my major passion. But now I'm you know, I
love that I have opportunity to do other things and
make some money.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Well, is it like a comedian just wanting to get
back on the road, Like it's the connection and it's
that that that jolt.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Is it that fixed?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Because being on TV I I've done I went to
the groundings in Second City. I like doing improv and
being on reality TV. When I have done it, or
even just doing my social media, it's so not constricting.
And I would think that and when I've done like
a few things on TV, it's been so tedious to me,
(03:52):
like it feels like you have to do this, then
we have to pick it up seventeen ways, we have
to pick up the other opposite. And for me, I
think that sounds very very constricting and you have to
be very patient.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, well just like just like okay, for example, like
a podcast is like a great long form conversation, like
when you're on a talk show with like you know
Ellen or you know, I'm gonna go back to Rosie O'donnald,
like you know, you're you're telling a story in like
six minutes. Oh it's insane, and like I always have
(04:21):
our palpitations what I'm doing. I'm like, I gotta get
all my story points out. But with the podcast, like
you get to have this like forty five to an
hour long conversation with someone and like really get to
know someone so kind of the same way. That's why
I love theater. It's because you have this like this,
this you're afforded all this time both with like creating
a character, but then also in your performance with you know,
(04:46):
with an audience. Like you get to sit with an
audience for an hour and a half or two hours
or hour a long the play is and tell the
story at your own pace and you're not like rushing
against the clock and having to like get to the
next scene because you know, you got to make lunch.
It's like you get to do this thing for two
hours and show an audience like what the story is,
and there's no editor that's going to come in and
(05:07):
slice it up and like Frankenstein it together into whatever
it is. And my god, from reality TV, you must
have a whole different experience with what that is. But like,
you know, it's it's just this great luxury of having
this intimacy with this group of people who have chosen
to sit with you in this quiet, dark space for
a few hours.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
And I just well, it doesn't have to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
You're connecting, It doesn't to be perfect. Because if you
make a mistake or you don't feel like you're really
connected to a moment, like you gotta do it again tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
You know, that's hard to leave behind yesterday, like I
used to. I did a talk show for a year,
which I didn't like because I hated directing traffic. But
I didn't like with your a person who gets in
your head about what just happened, but you have no
choice to show must go on?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah, yeah, very interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, and no with reality TV with the editing, I
never ever reality TV is effectively a blind date. You
come home, you tell your friend in three minutes.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
What it was.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Usually, you know, they don't usually have an ax to
grind with one person. It's usually like what it was,
It's just a crystallization of what it was, you know,
right right?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
So what was it like leaving?
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Like just the knowing that the ending was coming of
modern family of that? Was it depressing?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
It all?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Was it was it? Did you feel like lost when
it was over? Did it feel weird? And it felt
like liberating? You know, like a new chapter.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
It's it's a combination of so many different things in
the same way that it feels like people are gathering
together for a funeral as well as like a celebration.
Like it's just it's so many different emotions coming at
to you from so many different directions. You know, we
did it for eleven years, which is a really really
long time think artistically, we were all ready to move.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
On tapped it, get the last money and the last story.
But we did it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yeah, thats right. And you know there's also this great
you know, you've you've been with these people every day
for eleven years, and to to have to say goodbye
to them, you know, I guess it's sort of the
same as like how people feel at the end of
like graduation from you know, high school. It's like you've
got all these people that you you've spent you know,
maybe twelve years with, like all of a sudden, you're
(07:08):
not going to see every day. I didn't have a
connection with anyone I went to high school. But so
I don't know what that feels like, but like I
imagine something like that, like these people you just have
such a deep connection to you don't get to see
on a regular basis. And but for for us, you know,
it's interesting when we ended, we ended in a February
of twenty twenty, so we all had like we were like,
(07:29):
what's next, and then we're like, oh, it's lockdown for
you know a.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Year now, right, A good time to process, but a little.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Too much time, a little too much time, I think
for all of us, Like, you know, we were excited
to see each other again in a few months, like
reading that on like the Jimmy Kimmel Show when they
were going to when they were going to air the
actual finale. We were there was a lot of press
that was gonna be around that we were all going
to be together. We all had Okay, well I'll see you,
you know in a few months, and we didn't get
to see each other, and it was like on zoom
(07:56):
and little boxes and so like we didn't really get
a process it in a way that I think we
were intending to process it. And you know, for me,
I was meant to go to New York and start
work on a play. I actually left two weeks after
we'd done shooting, and I was in the process of
that when COVID happened, so I had to come back
to LA and then like wondering, am I ever going
to do this thing that I've been so excited to
(08:17):
do for so long, I was sort of going to
bring me out of the depression or the law of
like not being a modern family anymore. And I didn't
have that thing either, and it was a very interesting
time for all of us.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Yeah, no, methadone, you were just sort of like cold turkey. Yeah, yeah,
did you feel a little bit like, listen, eleven years
is the sickest run ever? But did you feel did
anyone did you feel like you peaked in high school?
Like it was you were younger in your career and like,
are you ever going to do anything as major as that?
And like afraid that that would be your biggest, bestest
(08:50):
thing you'd ever do, which, by the way, if it was,
it would still be pretty amazing, like the like Friends
or anything that anybody was on for years.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I think for me, at least up to this point,
so many projects that I had got to do were like, well,
that was that was it, that was going to be that,
that was the apex of my career. And I've had
several moments like that before Modern Family, which I'm really
grateful for. And then even after Modern Family, I did
this play and I gotta win a Tony Award for it,
and I thought, well, this is like a.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Whole other level, you know, so different genre and a.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Different genre and a different medium. So it's like, I
don't think there will ever be anything like Modern Family.
I don't anticipate being on another show that runs for
eleven years and having a connection with a cast as
deeply as I did with the cast and Modern Family.
But you never know. I mean at O'Neil thought that
that Married with Children was going to beeh than and
like he went on and that rant for eleven years,
(09:41):
and then he did another series that was more successful
and he was more praise for. So you know, I
think that's very rare, but it certainly happens. And you know,
if you ever start to think, like, well that was
it with my career, like you're that, you're fucking yourself
so hard because like you know, I'm only forty seven
years old, which yeah, you know, if I you'd asked
me like twenty years ago, would have said that's old.
But like I don't feel old, and I have so
(10:03):
much more I want to do, so I feel very optimistic.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
And what does your husband do?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Well, he he's technically a lawyer. He passed the bar,
and he he didn't work actually practicing a lot, but
he set up a lot of nonprofits for different influencers
and celebrities. He would be people to work on the nonprofits,
and he had a company that actually did that for
a while. He's and he's still very active in politics,
but he right now has been producing a lot, and
(10:31):
he's produced several Broadway shows and he's actually been nominated.
He was nominated a few days ago for his fifth
Tony Award.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
And it's so funny because on the first season he
decided to produce something. He was nominated for two different
Tony Awards and he won one of them. And that's me.
I've been in this business for like twenty years and
I have never had never at that point, been even
nominated for Tony Award. And he like in his first season,
was like I'm going to just see what this is,
like this toe Tony Award, Like that is so unfair.
(11:04):
But since then I have got my own.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
That's unbelievable because well, I have a fiance who's a
real estate developer, like fully a real estate developer, and
but he's produced movies and he's and he's produced twelve
movies like with people that all actors and actresses that
you know, and he's won a Peabody And I always
laugh because, well he'll shoot me in like the bathtub
(11:27):
doing something. I'm like the like the Sprayer and like
we call it a Bathtub Callers, and I'm like, I'm
like he's like I have a Peabody, but I'll never
be more proud of any project than Bathtub Caller I was,
you know.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
So it's just.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Funny that he's like a civilian like your husband. But
like also he's won Tony's It's just funny, like that's
not it's a real estate developer, he's not. And now
he's producing a YouTube series for me because I asked
him to. And it's just funny because he's just like
this conservative Boston guy and like there he has like
produced movies with all kinds of people that you know
it could have been.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I mean I love that, Like I mean for me,
like when I was growing up, it was like you
pick a lane and you stick with it. And like
I love that Justin has done like all these different
things and like yeah, he went to law school, but
then now he's producing Broadway like it's just how do
you get from that to that? Like, I just love you.
It's very inspiring to you know, not put yourself in
a box like that. I'm not I'm not as good
(12:19):
at it. I feel like, Okay, I do this thing.
This is what people expect me to do, and that's
what I'm trying to do really well. And I just
love that. There's and sounds like your fiance is the
same way. Like that, there's that desire and that I
don't know, I do this sort of a sense like
risk taking and like, yeah, but I don't like the
daredevil things.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Like I think it's because you put you just you
didn't land. You just evolved into the right box. And
he started off, you know, with his parents' expectations were
what he was supposed to do, go to law school,
who he thought he was, and he that's not the
box he wants to be. And he's always looked at
the other box, but like hasn't thought it applied to
him because of the road he I think it's just different.
I'm in the right box, like I do whatever I
(12:58):
want anytime I want, But he is always looking over
at that creative box. I think it sounds like that
to me, just from not knowing nothing of the situation,
(13:21):
you're very very your gay rights activist, you're a gay
marriage activist, And I didn't realize how I mean, in
my periphery that's been there, that you've been involved in that,
but certainly not as strongly as I've read about now.
And I'm really interested in that about you, how you
like really that's been so important, Like you could be
(13:42):
in a relationship, you could do whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
You didn't.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It didn't have to be your cause. So I'm curious
about the trajectory to get to that.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Well, just to answer your first question, I mean, I
growing up in Albuquerque as a closet a gay kid
was not easy. It wasn't. It was a pretty conservative
place when I first was living there. It's certainly become
a lot more progressive now, but I was it was
a place that I was really looking forward to getting
out of, and so as soon as I could, I
moved to New York to study theater. My parents are
very supportive of that, and that's sort of where I,
(14:10):
you know, blossom to do who I was. That was
amongst a community of people that made me feel very
comfortable about being myself and talking about things that I
never felt I could talk about before. So that was
instrumental in me becoming, you know, the person I am.
Really Truly, theater saved in my life that way, because
it was a community that was built in that supported
me and I. Uh. But as far as like activism
(14:34):
and you know, fighting for marriage equality, that's really something
that my husband justin instilled in me. You know, when
he and I first met, he was still in law school,
but he was working on the Proposition eight case. The
Proposition eight was the proposition that outlawed same sex marriage
in California, and he was working for the nonprofit that
(14:55):
was that was funding the lawsuit to you know, debunk that.
And so when Modern Family first started, his friends were like,
you need to watch this show. It's like a real
pop culture touchstone for exactly what's happening in the country
right now. And like, I think it'd be really great things.
It's gonna do great things for marriage equality. And so
this fight you're in, and he's like, I'm just so
(15:16):
busy with law school, you know, I don't have time.
Finally he watched the pilot and that same day he
went to the gym and I happened to be at
the gym as well, and so we ran it to
each other at the locker in the locker room, We're
both fully clothed, I promise, and so he stopped me
in the locker room. He was like, I just want
to tell you. You know, I watched the pilot and
basically said all the things that he wanted to say
(15:38):
about how important he thought the show was going be
for this thing he was involved in. And it's so
funny because I, you know, I was very touched by
him being so open about that, but I was also like, oh,
you're cute. What's her name? How old are you? Like
I was getting all the important information right, and we
ended up exchanging numbers, and he asked me out on
a date and I sure, no. I asked him out
(16:01):
on the date and he said why I have a boyfriend.
I was like, okay, well I'm not doing this. Like
he's like, we can go out for drainings sin his friends.
I was like, I have enough friends, and I kind
of just left it there right. But after after a while,
he broke up with this boyfriend and we got together.
And so when we actually started dating, you know, I
kind of absorbed all this passion for you know, activism
that he sort of just you know, like kind of
(16:23):
naturally admitted. And I was very inspired by him. And
we were in this huge fight for marriage equality, and like, yes,
I was just starting to date this guy, but this
was the cause that I deeply cared about, and you know,
we both talked about wanting to be married someday, and
I just you know, he really he really kind of
was a driving force behind my initiation into like becoming
(16:45):
an activist, and he helped me set up my foundation
and he was very active in that as well. It's
so funny because like by the time I was in
the fifth season of Modern Family and Eric's character, my
character were wanted to get married. A lot of the
writers from Modern Family were in communication with my husband
because he was sort of on the inside, and they
were like, is this actually going to happen, because they
(17:07):
weren't going to break stories for the season of us
getting married if marriage equality wasn't going to be legalized
in California. Because these characters lived in the same world
that we all live in, you know, it's not We're
not in like an alternate universe. They needed this thing
to happen. So Justin was very kind of he was
like this inside mole, like, well, this is what we're
talking about in DC and to sort of tie this
(17:29):
story up. This sort of like beautiful, like full circle
moment of it all was in the episode where Eric
and I decide to get married. There's a point where
I'm watching at Bork as Mitchell, my character Mitchell. I'm
watching on my computer the celebration of the proposition eight
being overturned, and I'm watching on TV and you can
(17:53):
see and on the computer screen the a Fur which
is the company that Justin worked for, that the nonprofit.
You could see their signs up in the air. And
it was just this like beautiful moment. It's like, I'm
watching as this character who's gonna get married on television,
and I'm watching my fiance at that point on that
the screen is celebrating in real life.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It was just so meta, very wow, that's very cool,
and I can't I have to bring up that. I
just you know, my daughter's turning thirteen on Monday, and
you know, when something happens at school that's challenging, it
is like it's traumatic, you know, something that's like bullying
or being people being mean, or she's not good at
(18:34):
a sport. I can't imagine the try. I don't think
the trauma of living in secret in high school is
discussed enough. Like it's got to be so tense every
second of the day, living a lie that you're like
you don't even know, like from what you're eating, to
what you're reading, to what you're wearing, to like you're
living a double life.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
It's so scary, well.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
The very formative years, and you know, if you can't
sort of be yourself, I mean, what does that do
to those you know? It does stunt you in a
lot of ways. But also I hate to say things
a character building because I was like, I'm not I
would have preferred it these year routes. Yeah, but you know,
I am who I am today because of a lot
of things that happened. I can't you know, yeah, truly no, but.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Still but it's sometimes I'm sure you walk on eggshells
about certain things that are in your body and your DNA.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Because of that.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Like me, I'm Type A and I'm always neurotic and
I'm always obsessing, and it's because of my craziness in
my household. Like you know, so it's whatever it is,
what it is that happened, but we can only do
what we can for our kids. And your surrogacy story
is really interesting, Like that is a story that listen.
I know people magazine wrote about it, what you know,
and that's great, but like I don't think that most
(19:40):
people really know about that interesting story about your husband.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
So yeah, yeah, so justin my husband had had cancer
at a very young age and before he started chemotherapy,
his his parents froze his sperm. Like it it's like
a really weird thing. He was thirteen at the time,
thirteen or fourteen, and you know, he goes to like
a sperm bake with his parents and like goes into
(20:06):
a room and does his thing and then comes out like, okay,
let's go get a hamburger, like you know, you're a kid.
It was just there. He's like it was in hindsight,
he was like that was an insane thing. But thank
god because you know, years, years and years later he
needs someone that he wants to have kids with who
is me. And you know, we test his his sperm
to to see how how it's doing and the stuff
(20:27):
that he has now is NOBLINO. So we look at
the stuff from you know, when he was thirteen years old,
and of course it's like megasporm because it's from a
teenager r And so that's what we used to to
conceive our first kid. And that's also one of the
reasons why we wanted to work with a surrogate, because
(20:47):
we sort of wanted to honor that choice that his
parents made. And that really kind of beautiful, like I mean,
who thinks that far ahead?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
But they don't mix it together ever, they don't mix
two sperms together, and you know, you can't what I.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Think that was like the older term for like you know,
the spinner, but like now what you can do and
a lot of my friends did and we tried as well,
is you you you know, you get your eggs from
a donor and you split them in half, and Justin
took one half and I took the other. And then
you sort of see, you know, which eggs are most viable,
and you can take one egg from you know, this parent,
(21:25):
one egg from this parent and put them both in
the surrogate and then hopefully both will take and you
have twins. And so like you know, and once genetically
connected to one parent, one genetically connected to another. So
we tried that initially, and only Justin's took that, you know,
that mega sperm from thirteen. Uh yeah, very competitive, So
(21:45):
that's the only egg that actually it took. So we
only had one kid at a time. But we tried
at the beginning to go for twins and just say, like,
you know, it's just we always wanted to and let's
just do it and get it over with.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
But what is it like to be a gay father
in Hollywood?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Like?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
What is that? Does it?
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Does it require less explanation to your kids about other
mommy and daddies you know, have different types of relationships
and or no, because you're in La, Like what is
that actually?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Like well, I mean, Beckett's a little too young to
still be talking about it, but like we have, Justin
and I have both circled around this conversation before, like, well,
when it gets to that point and it's age appropriate,
how are we going to discuss it? Because he Beckett
is maybe three in July, okay, our youngest. Yeah, we're
almost on the age where we started to ask questions.
(22:34):
But you know, he's out of preschool right now. We're
the only gay couple there. So and that's just where
he's at right now. But I can imagine, you know,
I just look back to like how I grew up
and in Albuquerque there was no same sex couples at all.
That there's like, definitely, it's a more diverse world we're
living in, first of all. But then La and you know,
(22:57):
we go to New York a lot, and we spend
a lot of our time there. You know, we are
our main places that we reside happened to be these
very you know, liberal places where you know, there's obviously
he's going to be exposed to so many more things
than I was as a kid, So I think it
will be easier. I think that, you know, there's certainly
more resources. I was just looking for books when I
(23:18):
was you know, when we were expecting our second kid,
to read to my older son about like, you know,
you're going to become a big brother. But like all
the books talked about mommy and daddy and what's growing
in mommy's belly is like we don't have that's on
our situation. So you know, there's still space for us
to like find ways to educate our children about you know,
alternate you know, lifestyles and in alternate ways to conceive
(23:42):
and expand our family. I think that there's definitely a
space there for that. So I have a lot of
friends who have kids who are a little older than mine,
and they're going to school and they their classmates are
non binary, They're going to different pronunts and for them,
this thing that I still trip over, even as someone
who's so passionate about the LGBTQ community and forwarding momentum,
(24:03):
like I still have trouble. I still trip up on
my pronouns and I'm totally working on it still. And
my friends who are trans or non binary are very
generous with me and they're always gently correcting me. But
you know, the kids, these kids that are growing up
now that it slips off their coming so easily and
they don't have a problem with it, right, And that's
(24:25):
incredibly encouraging, and I'm just I'm grateful. I think in
that way there is forward momentum and that the world
is in some really safe hands with them. So yeah,
I just hope we can continue to move forward that
way totally.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Cocaine Bear is something that your husband found for you.
Can you tell that story just briefly.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, well he's Justin has access to my Instagram and
Twitter because I I'm not great at it. I am
present on it, but sometimes we'll sneak on and post
things for me and I don't even realize he's done it.
And when Elizabeth Banks was announcing that she was directing
(25:20):
Cocaine Bear, she tweeted, you know, I'm directing this movie
called Cocaine Beer. Who wants to be in it? And
so Justin, for my Twitter account volunteered me, oh as myself.
What this was, I don't know, like twenty twenty one,
it was like three months before she started filming, okay,
And so I did a phone call from her right away.
(25:42):
We're old friend, I've known her for twenty years, and
she just sort of launches into this conversation, assuming that
obviously I had sent out this tweet, and I have
no idea what the fuck she's talking about. She's like, so, yeah,
we're shooting to see in Ireland, and like I was like,
is she on drugs? Like what is what's happening? She's
just rambling about this coke. I have no idea what
she's talking about, and so I kind of back her
(26:04):
up and I get like, I realized that Justin has
done this, and I was like, oh, well, ironically the
movie sounds really fun. I was like, can you send
me the script? And so I read read the script
on like three pages and I was like, oh, I'm
absolutely one doing this movie. It's ridiculous. And you know,
Justin when we're at the premiere, he was like, I
can't believe I got you this film. And I then
remember because I kind of forgot that he had volunteered
(26:27):
me via Twitter.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
That's me And what is the film?
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Uh, it's it's a it's well, it's it's called Cocaine Bear.
It's exactly what it sounds like. It's kind of based
on the true story about this bear who found this
cocaine that was abandoned by these drug lords and in
the woods and eight copious amounts of it. And in
real life, the bear died like when it's cardiac arrest
and died, but Liz Banks and the writer reimagined what
(26:53):
it would have been if the bear had not died.
I went on a killing spirit instead, and it's sort
of this very I have not heard of Cocaine Bert
about the no is that bad? You're literally the only
person going.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Don't be insulted because I don't know so many things,
but I read about every person that comes on here,
and I never pretend that I know something I don't, so.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'm It's just it's so funny because like even like
my my it would be when the trailer came out,
it became like this kind of like viral thing that
everyone was sharing, Like all these people who I don't
know anything about my work, We're like, oh my god,
are you in that movie Cocaine?
Speaker 3 (27:23):
But I was like, I all know everything about it.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
He'd be embarrassed, but you have no idea the number
of things that I the things that I know are useless,
and then things that everybody knows about I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
I'm always late to parties.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Don't you worry about it. I'm just it's like literally
like my my like high school teacher from you know,
years ago, was like I knew about it. I was like,
how does everyone know about this film? It's a ridiculous film.
It's it's really I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
That Every Kiss Began with K was about the letter K.
Every Kiss Begins Okay, I didn't know it was about
like you know that those about the letter K at
the beginning of every kiss.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
I didn't know that. I learned that at the mall.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Last year, and I didn't like.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I just thought, just kjew just every kiss begins a K.
Jewelers like every I don't know. I never thought about it.
I just never knew. And someone said, yeah, because it's K,
it's okay at the beginning of a kiss.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
I didn't know that. I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I still don't know if it's a gift or a gift.
And I don't know if it's the gig or the
jig is up and the meeting.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I don't know me.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I don't know me too, and I don't know if
it's the gig is up or the jig.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
But wait, did you know that? Did you know that
lies in Maneli was beouty Garland's daughter. Yes, why because
so many people have to like, like, oh, that's like
an AHA moment for them. I was like, are you
kidding me? Get out of here. I think Justin most
pretty recently realized that. He's like, oh, I didn't put
that together.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
You know what the other one there's another one like that?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Well, but every gay man knows that that Gloria Vanderbilt
is Anderson Cooper's.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Mom, Anderson Cooper's mom.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, well that's a big one though, that that's like
an iconic one. Yeah, that's really funny. That's really funny.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And then I've been in Anderson's house and like in
the Hampton's which is Gloria's old summer hall, and there's
like paint you knows she's also a really fantastic painter.
And he has all these paintings that his mom did
and with her signature at the bottom. And she had
the glory event about jeans that had her signature in
the pocket. Oh my god, it's the signature. That's the signature.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
I lived for those.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
But I'll give you I'll do a circle back for you.
I've been to his fire house townhouse in New York
City at Andy Cone's book party, where he has a
large bear that is not He's probably on cocaine. Also,
he has a large bear, a large animal. I think
it's a bear, isn't it? Have you ever seen it?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I actually haven't been in the fire.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Oh he has like a giant animal, and I'm pretty
i'd be willing to bet it was a bear. I
got a text, Andy, Wow, I'm so glad to meet you,
and I'm getting You know, when I meet people like
you who are smart and interesting and so talented and
like who I respect, I get more. Of course, I
have to put it on me. I get more proud
of myself.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
I've been interested.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
I've been interviewing really interesting men lately, and I think
I might be finding a niche like Andrew McCarthy was
so interesting, and then David Arquette I knew so little
about him, and I'm finding it somehow.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Every week.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's becoming this theme where I'm interviewing these like interesting
male actors that I respect and admire and like are
so deep and interesting. So I'm getting I'm liking that.
I'm finding this little corner.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Ah, that's very kind of you put me in there
some categories. Then you've never seen all three of us
in the same place, though, so we could be I
never have.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
But I don't know how much you know about Andrew McCarthy.
He's fascinating, and I like that, like you know, and
all and a lot of the men are like not
the types that would go on to this kind of pot.
You know that what they would think this podcast is.
So I'm feeling like it's better. It's good for me
because I'm getting a little street cred in this little
space of people that I take that I admire as
like serious actors who aren't going to fuck it out
(30:41):
and do stupid, fluffy, cheesy podcasts, you know what I'm saying.
So I'm getting excited, like ironically, wait.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Do you know that I'm about to play a podcast? Oh?
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Great, what's it about?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
So I'm actually really excited to have similar conversations with people.
It's it's called Dinners on Me and I take a
The first season is all people I know him love,
But I take a friend out to a dinner at
a great restaurant. Obviously, we talked about the food in
the restaurant, something I'm very passionate about. I wrote a cookbook,
so we talk about the restaurant itself. But then it
(31:13):
ends up just being a conversation that's about like, you know,
what are you working on now? And more about stuff
like this, like what we're talking about right? And the
first season I have it started the first episode me
and Julie bonen Uh a little reading nighting with my
my on screen sister from Modern Family, and then Jesse
Williams from Gray's Anatomy, who I just wrapped a play
(31:36):
with in New York, nac Nash. We have Kristen Bell
fed Armiston Ross. It's really it's been, it's been really great.
So it's called Dinners on Me and it's I think
launching on May twenty third.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Oh, I'm gonna listen to Congratulations, thank You. That could
be the first podcast I've ever listened to because I
like the concept. Yeah, I love the concept thank you Thanks.
One day when you've flush through all your other podcasts
you're doing. I have a podcast called Rewives and in
the beginning everyone thought it was Paul my fiance just
we have a very similar you and I like with
our partner. He was like, you have to be doing
(32:12):
a rewatch. You have to be doing a rewatch. Everyone's
doing rewatches. And I'm like, I don't want to like
break down the show, like it's not my personality and
I and He's like, well, people want to hear from
he called me, he said Tom Brady about the game.
But I found my way in which was to have
really really successful, intelligent people on that may not have
even watched. And we have this conversation, like what you're
talking about about this scene, but we end up talking
(32:34):
about life and relationships and Finela, we're not talking about
trashy reality TV.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
We end up talking about dynamics.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
So it has become wildly successful.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Like crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
If you want to come on sometime, you'll enjoy it
because it takes it off you. You end up talking
more about you through something crazy thing that happened on
the show that has nothing to do with you, but
it's actually pretty interesting. You'll lie if you want to,
so at some point I'll have them ask you if
you want to do it.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
You might enjoy it. Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
I'm so I'm really grateful. It was such a good
and now I know you and I.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Love I know, I like you.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Thank you and love to your family and your kids
and your husband and only amazing things. And I can't
wait to hear what happens.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
To you next. Now I know this is all about you.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
I've been reading about you all morning.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Of course, have a wonderful day.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I love to see it.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
So that was really nice because I respect Jesse Tyler
Ferguson as a real actor. And as I said to him,
I've started to think about the evolution of this podcast,
and I remember having having Hillary Clinton on and being
nervous and going to like another location to make sure
the tech was perfect, and nobody really intimidates me. Now
(33:52):
there have been people where their publishers are like, they're
a little bit of a combudge and they might be
a little difficult, And everybody has been great because I
think I have a level of respect from them, and
it just is making me respect myself more for the
path that I've been on that I didn't want things
to be sort of low hanging fruit, trashy ratting people
out in the press, like just to get click clicks,
(34:15):
and we don't.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Do that at all.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I've just wanted it to be really natural and really
and I hate to say cheesy things like safe space,
but just like a place where a conversation about who
they really are is gonna happen, it doesn't matter where
it goes. So I'm really really excited, and I'm just
it's been this little niche of like these interesting, well
respected actor males that are so smart, So that could
(34:38):
be one of my little pockets.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I like it
Jesse Tyler Ferguson is best known for playing Mitchell Pritchett
on the award winning series Modern Family, but he is
also known for his work on Broadway Very very Accomplished
Broadway Star. Now, Jesse is taking on the podcasting world
with his new podcast Dinner on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
This is just Be with Jesse Tyler Ferguson. So where
(00:37):
are you, la?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Where did you grow up in Albuquerque, New Mexico?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Really? Is it great?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
There?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Is it nice?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
It was not great? It's better now. It's not great
when I was there.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Okay, I've never been. I don't.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I've just I've never been to Taos or any of
the place I've always wanted to go there.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
It's just one of the few.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Places really it is. Yeah, I'm putting on that on
my list right now. So I think I met you
once with Eric. We came to meet you somewhere. Were
you at, like, had you finished a play or you
were doing something. I'm like, it's like Foggy, I met
you in New York somewhere.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
The first time I met you was you were both
on an episode of Watch What Happens Live? And you
were so so nice to me, and I was like,
I had never done it before. And I also had
like never met anyone from like the Real Housewives franchise,
and I'm gonna be really honest with you, I was
terrified and you completely like alleviated all of my fears.
(01:32):
I was like, Oh, she's so cool, she's so sweet,
she's so down to earth. You brought me like skinny
girl Margarita met and like you know, of course, you
were just very you were just very nice. And then
the next time I met you, you were with Eric
and I don't know if it was a play that
words me. I feel like it might have been in
New York. You didn't come to New York.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I was like a warehousey brick wall type cool place
and there was a party and you were there and
I don't even.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Know if you were married.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I might not have been married yet. Yeah, So.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
You so what.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I didn't know a lot about you, Like I didn't
know how embedded in theater you really are.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Like that's really the core of.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Your being and your business, and that's your passion or
that's just the path you have been mostly on.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
No, that's what I that's what I intended to do
with my career is be a theater actor. I went
to school for musical theater specifically, and did that for
quite a few years before getting an opportunity to have
to out let and do TV. And I never wanted
to do TV. I was finding theater. You know, I
wasn't making a ton of money, but I was happy
(02:36):
to do it. I just never saw myself as I
don't want to say as like talented enough, but I
just never saw myself as someone who would ever be
desired to be on TV.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Like I didn't commercial enough.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah. Yeah, But then I always used every opportunity when
I was doing Modern Family to go back to do
theater in New York, whether it be like Shakespeare the
Over the Summer, which is a really great truncated you
know schedule it it's just over the summer, so it
gets right into the hiatus. And then when I was
done with the Modern Family theater and I did a
(03:10):
play for a year, and uh yeah, it's always my
my my major passion. But now I'm you know, I
love that I have opportunity to do other things and
make some money.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Well, is it like a comedian just wanting to get
back on the road, Like it's the connection and it's
that that that jolt.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Is it that fixed?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Because being on TV I I've done I went to
the groundings in Second City. I like doing improv and
being on reality TV. When I have done it, or
even just doing my social media, it's so not constricting.
And I would think that and when I've done like
a few things on TV, it's been so tedious to me,
(03:52):
like it feels like you have to do this, then
we have to pick it up seventeen ways, we have
to pick up the other opposite. And for me, I
think that sounds very very constricting and you have to
be very patient.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, well just like just like okay, for example, like
a podcast is like a great long form conversation, like
when you're on a talk show with like you know
Ellen or you know, I'm gonna go back to Rosie O'donnald,
like you know, you're you're telling a story in like
six minutes. Oh it's insane, and like I always have
(04:21):
our palpitations what I'm doing. I'm like, I gotta get
all my story points out. But with the podcast, like
you get to have this like forty five to an
hour long conversation with someone and like really get to
know someone so kind of the same way. That's why
I love theater. It's because you have this like this,
this you're afforded all this time both with like creating
a character, but then also in your performance with you know,
(04:46):
with an audience. Like you get to sit with an
audience for an hour and a half or two hours
or hour a long the play is and tell the
story at your own pace and you're not like rushing
against the clock and having to like get to the
next scene because you know, you got to make lunch.
It's like you get to do this thing for two
hours and show an audience like what the story is,
and there's no editor that's going to come in and
(05:07):
slice it up and like Frankenstein it together into whatever
it is. And my god, from reality TV, you must
have a whole different experience with what that is. But like,
you know, it's it's just this great luxury of having
this intimacy with this group of people who have chosen
to sit with you in this quiet, dark space for
a few hours.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
And I just well, it doesn't have to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
You're connecting, It doesn't to be perfect. Because if you
make a mistake or you don't feel like you're really
connected to a moment, like you gotta do it again tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
You know, that's hard to leave behind yesterday, like I
used to. I did a talk show for a year,
which I didn't like because I hated directing traffic. But
I didn't like with your a person who gets in
your head about what just happened, but you have no
choice to show must go on?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah, yeah, very interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, and no with reality TV with the editing, I
never ever reality TV is effectively a blind date. You
come home, you tell your friend in three minutes.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
What it was.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Usually, you know, they don't usually have an ax to
grind with one person. It's usually like what it was,
It's just a crystallization of what it was, you know,
right right?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
So what was it like leaving?
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Like just the knowing that the ending was coming of
modern family of that? Was it depressing?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
It all?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Was it was it? Did you feel like lost when
it was over? Did it feel weird? And it felt
like liberating? You know, like a new chapter.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
It's it's a combination of so many different things in
the same way that it feels like people are gathering
together for a funeral as well as like a celebration.
Like it's just it's so many different emotions coming at
to you from so many different directions. You know, we
did it for eleven years, which is a really really
long time think artistically, we were all ready to move.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
On tapped it, get the last money and the last story.
But we did it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yeah, thats right. And you know there's also this great
you know, you've you've been with these people every day
for eleven years, and to to have to say goodbye
to them, you know, I guess it's sort of the
same as like how people feel at the end of
like graduation from you know, high school. It's like you've
got all these people that you you've spent you know,
maybe twelve years with, like all of a sudden, you're
(07:08):
not going to see every day. I didn't have a
connection with anyone I went to high school. But so
I don't know what that feels like, but like I
imagine something like that, like these people you just have
such a deep connection to you don't get to see
on a regular basis. And but for for us, you know,
it's interesting when we ended, we ended in a February
of twenty twenty, so we all had like we were like,
(07:29):
what's next, and then we're like, oh, it's lockdown for
you know a.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Year now, right, A good time to process, but a little.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Too much time, a little too much time, I think
for all of us, Like, you know, we were excited
to see each other again in a few months, like
reading that on like the Jimmy Kimmel Show when they
were going to when they were going to air the
actual finale. We were there was a lot of press
that was gonna be around that we were all going
to be together. We all had Okay, well I'll see you,
you know in a few months, and we didn't get
to see each other, and it was like on zoom
(07:56):
and little boxes and so like we didn't really get
a process it in a way that I think we
were intending to process it. And you know, for me,
I was meant to go to New York and start
work on a play. I actually left two weeks after
we'd done shooting, and I was in the process of
that when COVID happened, so I had to come back
to LA and then like wondering, am I ever going
to do this thing that I've been so excited to
(08:17):
do for so long, I was sort of going to
bring me out of the depression or the law of
like not being a modern family anymore. And I didn't
have that thing either, and it was a very interesting
time for all of us.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Yeah, no, methadone, you were just sort of like cold turkey. Yeah, yeah,
did you feel a little bit like, listen, eleven years
is the sickest run ever? But did you feel did
anyone did you feel like you peaked in high school?
Like it was you were younger in your career and like,
are you ever going to do anything as major as that?
And like afraid that that would be your biggest, bestest
(08:50):
thing you'd ever do, which, by the way, if it was,
it would still be pretty amazing, like the like Friends
or anything that anybody was on for years.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I think for me, at least up to this point,
so many projects that I had got to do were like, well,
that was that was it, that was going to be that,
that was the apex of my career. And I've had
several moments like that before Modern Family, which I'm really
grateful for. And then even after Modern Family, I did
this play and I gotta win a Tony Award for it,
and I thought, well, this is like a.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Whole other level, you know, so different genre and a.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Different genre and a different medium. So it's like, I
don't think there will ever be anything like Modern Family.
I don't anticipate being on another show that runs for
eleven years and having a connection with a cast as
deeply as I did with the cast and Modern Family.
But you never know. I mean at O'Neil thought that
that Married with Children was going to beeh than and
like he went on and that rant for eleven years,
(09:41):
and then he did another series that was more successful
and he was more praise for. So you know, I
think that's very rare, but it certainly happens. And you know,
if you ever start to think, like, well that was
it with my career, like you're that, you're fucking yourself
so hard because like you know, I'm only forty seven
years old, which yeah, you know, if I you'd asked
me like twenty years ago, would have said that's old.
But like I don't feel old, and I have so
(10:03):
much more I want to do, so I feel very optimistic.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
And what does your husband do?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Well, he he's technically a lawyer. He passed the bar,
and he he didn't work actually practicing a lot, but
he set up a lot of nonprofits for different influencers
and celebrities. He would be people to work on the nonprofits,
and he had a company that actually did that for
a while. He's and he's still very active in politics,
but he right now has been producing a lot, and
(10:31):
he's produced several Broadway shows and he's actually been nominated.
He was nominated a few days ago for his fifth
Tony Award.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
And it's so funny because on the first season he
decided to produce something. He was nominated for two different
Tony Awards and he won one of them. And that's me.
I've been in this business for like twenty years and
I have never had never at that point, been even
nominated for Tony Award. And he like in his first season,
was like I'm going to just see what this is,
like this toe Tony Award, Like that is so unfair.
(11:04):
But since then I have got my own.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
That's unbelievable because well, I have a fiance who's a
real estate developer, like fully a real estate developer, and
but he's produced movies and he's and he's produced twelve
movies like with people that all actors and actresses that
you know, and he's won a Peabody And I always
laugh because, well he'll shoot me in like the bathtub
(11:27):
doing something. I'm like the like the Sprayer and like
we call it a Bathtub Callers, and I'm like, I'm
like he's like I have a Peabody, but I'll never
be more proud of any project than Bathtub Caller I was,
you know.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
So it's just.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Funny that he's like a civilian like your husband. But
like also he's won Tony's It's just funny, like that's
not it's a real estate developer, he's not. And now
he's producing a YouTube series for me because I asked
him to. And it's just funny because he's just like
this conservative Boston guy and like there he has like
produced movies with all kinds of people that you know
it could have been.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I mean I love that, Like I mean for me,
like when I was growing up, it was like you
pick a lane and you stick with it. And like
I love that Justin has done like all these different
things and like yeah, he went to law school, but
then now he's producing Broadway like it's just how do
you get from that to that? Like, I just love you.
It's very inspiring to you know, not put yourself in
a box like that. I'm not I'm not as good
(12:19):
at it. I feel like, Okay, I do this thing.
This is what people expect me to do, and that's
what I'm trying to do really well. And I just
love that. There's and sounds like your fiance is the
same way. Like that, there's that desire and that I
don't know, I do this sort of a sense like
risk taking and like, yeah, but I don't like the
daredevil things.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Like I think it's because you put you just you
didn't land. You just evolved into the right box. And
he started off, you know, with his parents' expectations were
what he was supposed to do, go to law school,
who he thought he was, and he that's not the
box he wants to be. And he's always looked at
the other box, but like hasn't thought it applied to
him because of the road he I think it's just different.
I'm in the right box, like I do whatever I
(12:58):
want anytime I want, But he is always looking over
at that creative box. I think it sounds like that
to me, just from not knowing nothing of the situation,
(13:21):
you're very very your gay rights activist, you're a gay
marriage activist, And I didn't realize how I mean, in
my periphery that's been there, that you've been involved in that,
but certainly not as strongly as I've read about now.
And I'm really interested in that about you, how you
like really that's been so important, Like you could be
(13:42):
in a relationship, you could do whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
You didn't.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It didn't have to be your cause. So I'm curious
about the trajectory to get to that.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Well, just to answer your first question, I mean, I
growing up in Albuquerque as a closet a gay kid
was not easy. It wasn't. It was a pretty conservative
place when I first was living there. It's certainly become
a lot more progressive now, but I was it was
a place that I was really looking forward to getting
out of, and so as soon as I could, I
moved to New York to study theater. My parents are
very supportive of that, and that's sort of where I,
(14:10):
you know, blossom to do who I was. That was
amongst a community of people that made me feel very
comfortable about being myself and talking about things that I
never felt I could talk about before. So that was
instrumental in me becoming, you know, the person I am.
Really Truly, theater saved in my life that way, because
it was a community that was built in that supported
me and I. Uh. But as far as like activism
(14:34):
and you know, fighting for marriage equality, that's really something
that my husband justin instilled in me. You know, when
he and I first met, he was still in law school,
but he was working on the Proposition eight case. The
Proposition eight was the proposition that outlawed same sex marriage
in California, and he was working for the nonprofit that
(14:55):
was that was funding the lawsuit to you know, debunk that.
And so when Modern Family first started, his friends were like,
you need to watch this show. It's like a real
pop culture touchstone for exactly what's happening in the country
right now. And like, I think it'd be really great things.
It's gonna do great things for marriage equality. And so
this fight you're in, and he's like, I'm just so
(15:16):
busy with law school, you know, I don't have time.
Finally he watched the pilot and that same day he
went to the gym and I happened to be at
the gym as well, and so we ran it to
each other at the locker in the locker room, We're
both fully clothed, I promise, and so he stopped me
in the locker room. He was like, I just want
to tell you. You know, I watched the pilot and
basically said all the things that he wanted to say
(15:38):
about how important he thought the show was going be
for this thing he was involved in. And it's so
funny because I, you know, I was very touched by
him being so open about that, but I was also like, oh,
you're cute. What's her name? How old are you? Like
I was getting all the important information right, and we
ended up exchanging numbers, and he asked me out on
a date and I sure, no. I asked him out
(16:01):
on the date and he said why I have a boyfriend.
I was like, okay, well I'm not doing this. Like
he's like, we can go out for drainings sin his friends.
I was like, I have enough friends, and I kind
of just left it there right. But after after a while,
he broke up with this boyfriend and we got together.
And so when we actually started dating, you know, I
kind of absorbed all this passion for you know, activism
that he sort of just you know, like kind of
(16:23):
naturally admitted. And I was very inspired by him. And
we were in this huge fight for marriage equality, and like, yes,
I was just starting to date this guy, but this
was the cause that I deeply cared about, and you know,
we both talked about wanting to be married someday, and
I just you know, he really he really kind of
was a driving force behind my initiation into like becoming
(16:45):
an activist, and he helped me set up my foundation
and he was very active in that as well. It's
so funny because like by the time I was in
the fifth season of Modern Family and Eric's character, my
character were wanted to get married. A lot of the
writers from Modern Family were in communication with my husband
because he was sort of on the inside, and they
were like, is this actually going to happen, because they
(17:07):
weren't going to break stories for the season of us
getting married if marriage equality wasn't going to be legalized
in California. Because these characters lived in the same world
that we all live in, you know, it's not We're
not in like an alternate universe. They needed this thing
to happen. So Justin was very kind of he was
like this inside mole, like, well, this is what we're
talking about in DC and to sort of tie this
(17:29):
story up. This sort of like beautiful, like full circle
moment of it all was in the episode where Eric
and I decide to get married. There's a point where
I'm watching at Bork as Mitchell, my character Mitchell. I'm
watching on my computer the celebration of the proposition eight
being overturned, and I'm watching on TV and you can
(17:53):
see and on the computer screen the a Fur which
is the company that Justin worked for, that the nonprofit.
You could see their signs up in the air. And
it was just this like beautiful moment. It's like, I'm
watching as this character who's gonna get married on television,
and I'm watching my fiance at that point on that
the screen is celebrating in real life.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It was just so meta, very wow, that's very cool,
and I can't I have to bring up that. I
just you know, my daughter's turning thirteen on Monday, and
you know, when something happens at school that's challenging, it
is like it's traumatic, you know, something that's like bullying
or being people being mean, or she's not good at
(18:34):
a sport. I can't imagine the try. I don't think
the trauma of living in secret in high school is
discussed enough. Like it's got to be so tense every
second of the day, living a lie that you're like
you don't even know, like from what you're eating, to
what you're reading, to what you're wearing, to like you're
living a double life.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
It's so scary, well.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
The very formative years, and you know, if you can't
sort of be yourself, I mean, what does that do
to those you know? It does stunt you in a
lot of ways. But also I hate to say things
a character building because I was like, I'm not I
would have preferred it these year routes. Yeah, but you know,
I am who I am today because of a lot
of things that happened. I can't you know, yeah, truly no, but.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Still but it's sometimes I'm sure you walk on eggshells
about certain things that are in your body and your DNA.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Because of that.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Like me, I'm Type A and I'm always neurotic and
I'm always obsessing, and it's because of my craziness in
my household. Like you know, so it's whatever it is,
what it is that happened, but we can only do
what we can for our kids. And your surrogacy story
is really interesting, Like that is a story that listen.
I know people magazine wrote about it, what you know,
and that's great, but like I don't think that most
(19:40):
people really know about that interesting story about your husband.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
So yeah, yeah, so justin my husband had had cancer
at a very young age and before he started chemotherapy,
his his parents froze his sperm. Like it it's like
a really weird thing. He was thirteen at the time,
thirteen or fourteen, and you know, he goes to like
a sperm bake with his parents and like goes into
(20:06):
a room and does his thing and then comes out like, okay,
let's go get a hamburger, like you know, you're a kid.
It was just there. He's like it was in hindsight,
he was like that was an insane thing. But thank
god because you know, years, years and years later he
needs someone that he wants to have kids with who
is me. And you know, we test his his sperm
to to see how how it's doing and the stuff
(20:27):
that he has now is NOBLINO. So we look at
the stuff from you know, when he was thirteen years old,
and of course it's like megasporm because it's from a
teenager r And so that's what we used to to
conceive our first kid. And that's also one of the
reasons why we wanted to work with a surrogate, because
(20:47):
we sort of wanted to honor that choice that his
parents made. And that really kind of beautiful, like I mean,
who thinks that far ahead?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
But they don't mix it together ever, they don't mix
two sperms together, and you know, you can't what I.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Think that was like the older term for like you know,
the spinner, but like now what you can do and
a lot of my friends did and we tried as well,
is you you you know, you get your eggs from
a donor and you split them in half, and Justin
took one half and I took the other. And then
you sort of see, you know, which eggs are most viable,
and you can take one egg from you know, this parent,
(21:25):
one egg from this parent and put them both in
the surrogate and then hopefully both will take and you
have twins. And so like you know, and once genetically
connected to one parent, one genetically connected to another. So
we tried that initially, and only Justin's took that, you know,
that mega sperm from thirteen. Uh yeah, very competitive, So
(21:45):
that's the only egg that actually it took. So we
only had one kid at a time. But we tried
at the beginning to go for twins and just say, like,
you know, it's just we always wanted to and let's
just do it and get it over with.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
But what is it like to be a gay father
in Hollywood?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Like?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
What is that? Does it?
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Does it require less explanation to your kids about other
mommy and daddies you know, have different types of relationships
and or no, because you're in La, Like what is
that actually?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Like well, I mean, Beckett's a little too young to
still be talking about it, but like we have, Justin
and I have both circled around this conversation before, like, well,
when it gets to that point and it's age appropriate,
how are we going to discuss it? Because he Beckett
is maybe three in July, okay, our youngest. Yeah, we're
almost on the age where we started to ask questions.
(22:34):
But you know, he's out of preschool right now. We're
the only gay couple there. So and that's just where
he's at right now. But I can imagine, you know,
I just look back to like how I grew up
and in Albuquerque there was no same sex couples at all.
That there's like, definitely, it's a more diverse world we're
living in, first of all. But then La and you know,
(22:57):
we go to New York a lot, and we spend
a lot of our time there. You know, we are
our main places that we reside happened to be these
very you know, liberal places where you know, there's obviously
he's going to be exposed to so many more things
than I was as a kid, So I think it
will be easier. I think that, you know, there's certainly
more resources. I was just looking for books when I
(23:18):
was you know, when we were expecting our second kid,
to read to my older son about like, you know,
you're going to become a big brother. But like all
the books talked about mommy and daddy and what's growing
in mommy's belly is like we don't have that's on
our situation. So you know, there's still space for us
to like find ways to educate our children about you know,
alternate you know, lifestyles and in alternate ways to conceive
(23:42):
and expand our family. I think that there's definitely a
space there for that. So I have a lot of
friends who have kids who are a little older than mine,
and they're going to school and they their classmates are
non binary, They're going to different pronunts and for them,
this thing that I still trip over, even as someone
who's so passionate about the LGBTQ community and forwarding momentum,
(24:03):
like I still have trouble. I still trip up on
my pronouns and I'm totally working on it still. And
my friends who are trans or non binary are very
generous with me and they're always gently correcting me. But
you know, the kids, these kids that are growing up
now that it slips off their coming so easily and
they don't have a problem with it, right, And that's
(24:25):
incredibly encouraging, and I'm just I'm grateful. I think in
that way there is forward momentum and that the world
is in some really safe hands with them. So yeah,
I just hope we can continue to move forward that
way totally.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Cocaine Bear is something that your husband found for you.
Can you tell that story just briefly.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, well he's Justin has access to my Instagram and
Twitter because I I'm not great at it. I am
present on it, but sometimes we'll sneak on and post
things for me and I don't even realize he's done it.
And when Elizabeth Banks was announcing that she was directing
(25:20):
Cocaine Bear, she tweeted, you know, I'm directing this movie
called Cocaine Beer. Who wants to be in it? And
so Justin, for my Twitter account volunteered me, oh as myself.
What this was, I don't know, like twenty twenty one,
it was like three months before she started filming, okay,
And so I did a phone call from her right away.
(25:42):
We're old friend, I've known her for twenty years, and
she just sort of launches into this conversation, assuming that
obviously I had sent out this tweet, and I have
no idea what the fuck she's talking about. She's like, so, yeah,
we're shooting to see in Ireland, and like I was like,
is she on drugs? Like what is what's happening? She's
just rambling about this coke. I have no idea what
she's talking about, and so I kind of back her
(26:04):
up and I get like, I realized that Justin has
done this, and I was like, oh, well, ironically the
movie sounds really fun. I was like, can you send
me the script? And so I read read the script
on like three pages and I was like, oh, I'm
absolutely one doing this movie. It's ridiculous. And you know,
Justin when we're at the premiere, he was like, I
can't believe I got you this film. And I then
remember because I kind of forgot that he had volunteered
(26:27):
me via Twitter.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
That's me And what is the film?
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Uh, it's it's a it's well, it's it's called Cocaine Bear.
It's exactly what it sounds like. It's kind of based
on the true story about this bear who found this
cocaine that was abandoned by these drug lords and in
the woods and eight copious amounts of it. And in
real life, the bear died like when it's cardiac arrest
and died, but Liz Banks and the writer reimagined what
(26:53):
it would have been if the bear had not died.
I went on a killing spirit instead, and it's sort
of this very I have not heard of Cocaine Bert
about the no is that bad? You're literally the only
person going.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Don't be insulted because I don't know so many things,
but I read about every person that comes on here,
and I never pretend that I know something I don't, so.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'm It's just it's so funny because like even like
my my it would be when the trailer came out,
it became like this kind of like viral thing that
everyone was sharing, Like all these people who I don't
know anything about my work, We're like, oh my god,
are you in that movie Cocaine?
Speaker 3 (27:23):
But I was like, I all know everything about it.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
He'd be embarrassed, but you have no idea the number
of things that I the things that I know are useless,
and then things that everybody knows about I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
I'm always late to parties.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Don't you worry about it. I'm just it's like literally
like my my like high school teacher from you know,
years ago, was like I knew about it. I was like,
how does everyone know about this film? It's a ridiculous film.
It's it's really I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
That Every Kiss Began with K was about the letter K.
Every Kiss Begins Okay, I didn't know it was about
like you know that those about the letter K at
the beginning of every kiss.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
I didn't know that. I learned that at the mall.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Last year, and I didn't like.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I just thought, just kjew just every kiss begins a K.
Jewelers like every I don't know. I never thought about it.
I just never knew. And someone said, yeah, because it's K,
it's okay at the beginning of a kiss.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
I didn't know that. I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I still don't know if it's a gift or a gift.
And I don't know if it's the gig or the
jig is up and the meeting.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I don't know me.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I don't know me too, and I don't know if
it's the gig is up or the jig.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
But wait, did you know that? Did you know that
lies in Maneli was beouty Garland's daughter. Yes, why because
so many people have to like, like, oh, that's like
an AHA moment for them. I was like, are you
kidding me? Get out of here. I think Justin most
pretty recently realized that. He's like, oh, I didn't put
that together.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
You know what the other one there's another one like that?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Well, but every gay man knows that that Gloria Vanderbilt
is Anderson Cooper's.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Mom, Anderson Cooper's mom.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, well that's a big one though, that that's like
an iconic one. Yeah, that's really funny. That's really funny.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And then I've been in Anderson's house and like in
the Hampton's which is Gloria's old summer hall, and there's
like paint you knows she's also a really fantastic painter.
And he has all these paintings that his mom did
and with her signature at the bottom. And she had
the glory event about jeans that had her signature in
the pocket. Oh my god, it's the signature. That's the signature.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
I lived for those.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
But I'll give you I'll do a circle back for you.
I've been to his fire house townhouse in New York
City at Andy Cone's book party, where he has a
large bear that is not He's probably on cocaine. Also,
he has a large bear, a large animal. I think
it's a bear, isn't it? Have you ever seen it?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I actually haven't been in the fire.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Oh he has like a giant animal, and I'm pretty
i'd be willing to bet it was a bear. I
got a text, Andy, Wow, I'm so glad to meet you,
and I'm getting You know, when I meet people like
you who are smart and interesting and so talented and
like who I respect, I get more. Of course, I
have to put it on me. I get more proud
of myself.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
I've been interested.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
I've been interviewing really interesting men lately, and I think
I might be finding a niche like Andrew McCarthy was
so interesting, and then David Arquette I knew so little
about him, and I'm finding it somehow.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Every week.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's becoming this theme where I'm interviewing these like interesting
male actors that I respect and admire and like are
so deep and interesting. So I'm getting I'm liking that.
I'm finding this little corner.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Ah, that's very kind of you put me in there
some categories. Then you've never seen all three of us
in the same place, though, so we could be I
never have.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
But I don't know how much you know about Andrew McCarthy.
He's fascinating, and I like that, like you know, and
all and a lot of the men are like not
the types that would go on to this kind of pot.
You know that what they would think this podcast is.
So I'm feeling like it's better. It's good for me
because I'm getting a little street cred in this little
space of people that I take that I admire as
like serious actors who aren't going to fuck it out
(30:41):
and do stupid, fluffy, cheesy podcasts, you know what I'm saying.
So I'm getting excited, like ironically, wait.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Do you know that I'm about to play a podcast? Oh?
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Great, what's it about?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
So I'm actually really excited to have similar conversations with people.
It's it's called Dinners on Me and I take a
The first season is all people I know him love,
But I take a friend out to a dinner at
a great restaurant. Obviously, we talked about the food in
the restaurant, something I'm very passionate about. I wrote a cookbook,
so we talk about the restaurant itself. But then it
(31:13):
ends up just being a conversation that's about like, you know,
what are you working on now? And more about stuff
like this, like what we're talking about right? And the
first season I have it started the first episode me
and Julie bonen Uh a little reading nighting with my
my on screen sister from Modern Family, and then Jesse
Williams from Gray's Anatomy, who I just wrapped a play
(31:36):
with in New York, nac Nash. We have Kristen Bell
fed Armiston Ross. It's really it's been, it's been really great.
So it's called Dinners on Me and it's I think
launching on May twenty third.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Oh, I'm gonna listen to Congratulations, thank You. That could
be the first podcast I've ever listened to because I
like the concept. Yeah, I love the concept thank you Thanks.
One day when you've flush through all your other podcasts
you're doing. I have a podcast called Rewives and in
the beginning everyone thought it was Paul my fiance just
we have a very similar you and I like with
our partner. He was like, you have to be doing
(32:12):
a rewatch. You have to be doing a rewatch. Everyone's
doing rewatches. And I'm like, I don't want to like
break down the show, like it's not my personality and
I and He's like, well, people want to hear from
he called me, he said Tom Brady about the game.
But I found my way in which was to have
really really successful, intelligent people on that may not have
even watched. And we have this conversation, like what you're
talking about about this scene, but we end up talking
(32:34):
about life and relationships and Finela, we're not talking about
trashy reality TV.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
We end up talking about dynamics.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
So it has become wildly successful.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Like crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
If you want to come on sometime, you'll enjoy it
because it takes it off you. You end up talking
more about you through something crazy thing that happened on
the show that has nothing to do with you, but
it's actually pretty interesting. You'll lie if you want to,
so at some point I'll have them ask you if
you want to do it.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
You might enjoy it. Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
I'm so I'm really grateful. It was such a good
and now I know you and I.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Love I know, I like you.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Thank you and love to your family and your kids
and your husband and only amazing things. And I can't
wait to hear what happens.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
To you next. Now I know this is all about you.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
I've been reading about you all morning.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Of course, have a wonderful day.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I love to see it.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
So that was really nice because I respect Jesse Tyler
Ferguson as a real actor. And as I said to him,
I've started to think about the evolution of this podcast,
and I remember having having Hillary Clinton on and being
nervous and going to like another location to make sure
the tech was perfect, and nobody really intimidates me. Now
(33:52):
there have been people where their publishers are like, they're
a little bit of a combudge and they might be
a little difficult, And everybody has been great because I
think I have a level of respect from them, and
it just is making me respect myself more for the
path that I've been on that I didn't want things
to be sort of low hanging fruit, trashy ratting people
out in the press, like just to get click clicks,
(34:15):
and we don't.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Do that at all.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I've just wanted it to be really natural and really
and I hate to say cheesy things like safe space,
but just like a place where a conversation about who
they really are is gonna happen, it doesn't matter where
it goes. So I'm really really excited, and I'm just
it's been this little niche of like these interesting, well
respected actor males that are so smart, So that could
(34:38):
be one of my little pockets.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I like it
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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