November 19, 2025 • 24 mins
You asked, B answered. Advice on everything from dating as a parent, guys who don't ask questions, and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
All right, let's do some dating questions. My guy checks
all the important boxes, but he doesn't ask me deep questions.
That's because he's a guy. That's because he's a guy.
Now the question is, is he's selfish?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
There.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I believe in astrology a little bit, and there are
some signs that point to selfish and I've checked it out,
and it doesn't mean that. Obviously, signs are the only
indication of selfishness. But selfishness is someone who's not asking
you about yourself at all. Like I was talking to
Tinks about this, and you could sit on a date
(00:53):
and go a significant period of time without someone asking
about you.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
And I've I had that with my daughter too.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I dated someone that's really specific in my mind right now,
and he never asked her about her. He really was
interested in me, but didn't engage her. Now, it doesn't
mean he's totally I mean, and I'm putting labels on
someone you don't know the reason why. This guy, because
he has some personal issues, is not intentionally selfish. It's
(01:25):
just the nature of him being focused on himself. So
the thing is, with any man or relationship, you have
to weigh out what's important to you As you get older,
different things become important to you and also are they
additive and do they enricher life becomes important And the
(01:45):
reason that I tell young women to work and at
financial independence is because you then have the financial freedom
to exit something if it isn't serving you for reasons
other than financial reasons. And in some pay in cases,
someone falls in love with someone else doesn't really think
about who they are big picture, long term chess game,
(02:06):
and then they feel trapped and they have to stay
because they.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Who make the goal make the rules.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So I would say if it's on the first date,
someone checks important boxes and doesn't ask the deep questions,
they could be nervous if it's well into your life.
I know someone in particularly what I'm thinking of, who
was in a marriage for years, and I guessed when
they broke up. Even though they had a lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
You can make.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
A life out of you can make a lifestyle out
of a life. You can't make a life out of
a lifestyle. And they had a lifestyle. They traveled, they
did interesting things, but ultimately they didn't connect. They never
really connect on a deeper level as human beings. If
we're an evolved creatures, we want to connect on a
deeper level, and we're starving for it. I know men
that still want to be with me, who can be
(02:54):
with young hot women and are with young hot women
who crave me because yes, I'm a sexual creature and
I'm good in bed, and I'm good in bed because
I'm a connected person. I'm a person who knows what
feels good for someone else from a massage standpoint, from
an emotional standpoint, from a nurturing standpoint, from an intellectual standpoint,
from a humor standpoint.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
And these guys, some of.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Them get with the hot young girl, and for every
hot young girl, there's a guy stick at tired of
fucking them.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That's the expression.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
So the reason I say that is that you want
to be an interesting person, and you want to be
with someone interesting because you will become intellectually, emotionally, mentally bored.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
And boredom is what.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Happens at my age with people who feel like they
lack purpose.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
So I know many and I get bored.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
And I have the biggest, greatest career you could ever
possibly dream ever imagine. I could do anything I want
every day and can make ideas happen all day long.
But I still sometimes get bored because people my age
get bored because they lack purpose. They're not as relevant,
they're not as young, they don't have the action, They're
not as necessary in certain spaces, and not as relevant.
(04:07):
And you want to be with a partner that's going
to stimulate you. How to meet other white collar gay
men in New York City? This is going to sound snobby.
I don't know if everyone is on apps, but I
think most people are. But you've already thought of that.
You know that that's not a great answer. I would
(04:28):
say invest in the right private clubs. If you want
to meet a white collar wealthy man, that's an investment,
and you need to join the right bougie clubs that
will have the.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Right gay men.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
So, depending upon the age, is that the Soho House?
Is that sam Vecenti Bungalows? Is that Max seems because
you're going to meet a stubs and wooden loafer person.
Are you trying to figure out how to get on
the gay version of Raya? If that exists? I think
it does exis. I'm sure it does. What is the
(05:03):
best dating app? Over fifty It depends on what you want.
Most women want a successful wealthy man. And I would
say for that, people are liking Hinge and the league
is good, but you really have to fish the deep
deep ocean to find like maybe very few good fish,
but they're there. The fish are there. Bumble is great too,
(05:25):
for you know the people are there. It's really just
like a it's.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
A numbers game. You have to do the work.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And you can't just go on too many dates because
it's like going to a buffet and you'll get full
and nauseated and not like the things you chose on
the buffet.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
So you have to be very selective.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You have to get your plate out and wait and
walk around and sit if you want your egg white
onme it made with all the gourmet vegetables, and decide
what sushi you want in that buffet, because you came
to that buffet and there's gonna be a lot thrown
at you, and you better get what you really want
and make your wise choices, otherwise you're gonna be nauseated
and you won't want to.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Go back to the buffet. Big problem.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
You get full and as soon as too soon to
move in with someone you're dating. I mean, I wouldn't
put a timeline on it. I would say not when
you're in the obsession phase, Not when you're in the
enamored phase, when you're in the realistic phase, when you're
in the mundane. I'm a little bored of you. Sometimes
some things you do turn me off. Like we are
(06:18):
really in the thick of it, Like we've met each
other's family's parents, We've done the boring, we've traveled together,
we've done holidays, like do not move in together? Until
you've seen multiple seasons and multiple reasons, multiple occasions, multiple conflicts,
someone vomiting in a toilet bowl, someone snotting, like someone
wearing ugly shoes, things that since what not until you've
(06:43):
seen all the things that would turn you off someone.
That's when someone's chewing starts to irritate. You know they
have bad breath and you don't want to vomit. You've
gotten some version of the ick and you still are there.
(07:07):
How to handle the success hate from those close to
you and in the same field of business. If that's
a dating question and someone close to you is a
little bit jealous or intimidated, get the fuck out. It's
not changing, Get the actual fuck out. And if it's
a marriage, I don't know what to do. You gotta
help your partner. You're gonna have to dumb it down.
You're gonna have to make your partner feel like they're
the big, big, strong ox Like it's a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I wouldn't even deal with that.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
But if you have kids and you're already married, and
you you know you've become the moneyed spouse or the
successful spouse, watch that because they will try to exert
their power in other ways and it's not good. That's
how infidelity happens. That's how bro trips happen. Like it's
just a disaster. That's why I have a text.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
On my phone right now.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
If I'm a man who would be playing tennis with
someone as good or better than I am, And that's
what I'm looking for. Biggest red flag that isn't obvious,
Like violence is obviously a red flag? Good question, Okay,
biggest red flag that isn't obvious. Ah, when someone dims
your light, you don't notice it right away, but you
start to find out. And it takes a while to
(08:13):
get to this place because this is not in the
honeymoon phase. You start to get to a place where
you're overcompensating for what you are doing, what you have,
how you look, and you're trying to make the other
person feel like the plans that you have without them
aren't that big of a deal. The career you have
isn't that big of a deal. The things you're doing
aren't that exciting. You're trying to like dumb it down,
dim your own light. Disaster, bad, bad bad. Someone has
(08:37):
to lift you up, build you up. You have to
feel like your light is brighter. Someone who's trying to
make you in any way someone that you're not and
it's not over it either. It doesn't have to be
like someone criticizing you, but it's someone letting you know
that like well that's a little much or it's not
or it's too much or huh, that's an interesting choice,
or like sort of like either secretly passively aggressively jealous
(08:58):
or competitive or trying to tell you what not to weigh.
That shit is a nightmare. That's a nightmare. Okay, bad
bad bad flag red flag. Someone's not quite respectful of
their mother, doesn't really respect women, makes snide comments, makes
like some version of you know, inappropriate comments has any
(09:21):
sleeze factor even like a small sleeze comment about something else,
someone else like that. It's just a red flag someone that,
like I said, is not that respectful of women in general.
You might hear it about a friend's wife. It may
not be about you because you think it's different. Anything
like that, any like raising of the voice, anything that,
the way they speak to some the way they speak
(09:43):
to any staff, any weight staff, any concierge, or anything
not not not that's a critical critical indicator. How do
you encourage a man who might be a little insecure
in a way but not feed his ego. All men
are in all creatures are insecure, So you just be
confident and positively reinforced when someone does something good. Don't
(10:06):
give them a cookie because they'll feel emasculated and like
you really are marginalizing it.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
But really make a big deal out of the.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
That tastes so good, you're such a good griller, Oh
my god, wow, Or like you look sexy, you're handsome,
you're so strong like that type is a positively reinforce.
But don't act like maybe you really are so blah
blah blah, like not that passag give them a cookie.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Shit, marry the one that loves you more than you
love them. I don't know. Try to make it equal,
then you're gonna get turned off. And I don't know.
It's a hard one. I guess.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
If you have to choose between the two, yes, but
I mean I don't like that choice. Let's have an
equal partnership. I feel like men aren't men these days.
Can you turn a boy into a man. You could
turn a boy into a man. You could turn a
player into a nod player. But you better listen to
this podcast and listen to all the advice on how
to do it, because it ain't that easy. But you
d your ground. You do not bluff. You do not
(11:04):
settle for less than you deserve. You're not you don't grab.
You're not a beggar. You're not taking scraps. You're not
allowing bread crumbing. You're not allowing a certain communication style
that doesn't work for you. You chase the dog, the dog
runs away, the dog chases you. You run away. So, yes,
you could turn a boy to a man, because most
men are infants, and the ones over fifty or even worse,
(11:25):
they're barely walking up right. They're like cave humans. It's
ridiculous because they've just lost every sentilla of ability to
connect because they've been in marriages that are soulless and
focused on their careers and their pecks, and they just
do not know how to communicate. So they're children. They're
fucking babies.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
The middle aged men want middle aged women anymore. It's
ridiculous out here. Yes they do, Yes, they do, Yes,
they do.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
They don't want coming fresh off a divorce, or when
they've just made.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
A lot of money.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You're usually the rebound off of the rebound. Someone gets divorced,
they go to the young, hot piece, the dumb dumb,
the knitwidth that listens to them, the opposite of their
ex wife. Then they're miserable, they're bored. It doesn't make
any sense. It doesn't fit in with their friends. They
don't want to bring them on vacations. It's awkward to
be with someone twenty years younger. We don't listen to
the same music. You feel older in comparison. You're looking
(12:16):
at you saggy skin, they're looking at their gray hair.
They want to get botox. They want the hot young piece,
but they are aware of the fact that the hot
young piece is with them because they have some money
and a retirement plan so they get more insecure, they
distrust that young person more, and they ultimately will want
someone that is going to mentally and emotionally stimulate them.
(12:38):
But do they want a fucking busted up, washed up, miserable, negative,
always complaining, nagging, middle aged wife. They had that already
apps a fucking litely Not. Do they want someone who's
young and hot and takes care of themselves and smells
pretty and is intelligent and has something to bring to
the table and has fucking paid for their own tit
job and their own dental work. Yes, that's what they
(13:00):
do want. They want someone they can talk to who's
an equal and who's attractive, and who's pretty, and who
they're who's in good shape where they're gonna want to
have sex with, or who's just incredible in bed, or
who can do the Jedi mind fuck, or who can
give them a run for their money, because they're not
a little doormat just beggars looking for a chanel bag.
Which is why women need to have their own money.
(13:20):
Because I know so many blood in the water desperadoes
that are actually attractive in their fifties, but they're rolling
up with three to four kids and debt. That is
not the middle aged woman that a man wants. But
many of them find men too, So try to set
yourself up for success. Don't go spend your money on
Luck's goods. Join Vivrel, one of the bag rental companies
(13:42):
or one of the clothing rental companies so you don't
have to spend your money on stupid things and then
have all of this baggage and dead weight and bills
and be a lot of work that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
A man doesn't want.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
A man doesn't want you to come in with your
whole Luck's goods program with three kids that he has
to take care of and sent to camp and try again.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Okay, what do we got next? Okay? Divorce four years?
Can't imagine online dating? Is that the only way?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
It is not the only way, but it is the
most efficient way. Is online shopping for close the only way? No?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
But is it the most efficient way? Yes? Can you
bring it and return it? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Does it have a return policy? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Do you get to pick what you want online and
sit there and keep it in the cart and then
decide if you want to buy it?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
So do you get to pick the color, the size,
the shipping date. Yeah, online dating is an efficient model
that I talked about before that you want to do wisely, thoughtfully,
with integrity, quality, not quantity. You do not want to
be the nit lit that just is going out for
a free drink or meal. Then you got to talk
(14:49):
to some pig for four hours. That is not You'd
rather starve, drink, consume, do a juice fast. You don't
need to go out to date some schmuck and then
be sick of it and then think and then suck
and then not want to go again.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
You wait.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
You sit there with the bait and the hook, and
you sit on that dock, and you wait till something
good comes on the line.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Then you bring it in and cook it.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
You wait for a good, good, big gorgeous fish. Am
I the problem or to men need to provide safety?
I get triggered and the trigger them. Everybody needs to
provide safety. Everybody's insecure. Everybody needs to make the other
partner feel needed and wanted. Because even the most giving
of men that just worship their partner and do everything
(15:31):
for them, that is an imbalance. I'm thinking about someone
specific on social media. Something is fucked up. I know
it is it's too much doting and buying and lavishing.
It doesn't track, and there's something not balanced because everybody
has needs. Everybody has needs. Men are not cave humans
with a club ooh and a loincloth. Everyone has needs.
(15:53):
And it just is about when the timeline is one
partner could give, give, give, give, give, and then one
day there are no more branches. It's the giving tree
and the person who's been giving NonStop and the dynamic
has been taking non stop. It could be financial. I
know a woman who was with a very rich man
kept taking, taking, taking, taking. I used to be like,
he's noticing, nobody's gonna know. He's noticing nobody's gonna know.
(16:14):
I'm like, he's noticing. They all notice you took, took, took,
And one day the bottom fell out and that was
the end of it. She lost a rich man. She
played checkers, not chess. Good rich man, good, nice rich man,
good smart rich man.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Dumb dumb.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Advice for dating when you both have kids. Hmm, folded
in slowly you fold it in. This is like the
cheese on shit, squeak. How do we fold in the cheese?
How slowly? You do? Not rush it you're in love,
you're excited. We want to build the family on a blend.
Been there, done that. It all sounds so good on paper.
(17:03):
This is gonna be amazing. We both have kids. Yay.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's a nightmare. Kids hate it. It's going to be disaster.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
It's like taking a steak out of a freezer and
deciding to eat it. Don't be an idiot, control yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Wait, but.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Let your kids know you're dating. Do not walk on
eggshells with your kids and put them in a precious box.
I know people who've been divorced for five years and
they don't bring anyone around their kids. That's sick. They're sick.
That's their problem. That's letting your kids and the inmates
run the asylum. No fucking way. My daughter knows I date.
She knows I want to meet someone. She knows what
I'm going on a date. She knows how the date went.
(17:38):
She meets people, not many, very very few. But if
I've really liked them, she's met. If I've liked them,
slash could love them, she's met them fairly or early.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Because I don't make a big deal about it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Like let's say I was walking in the Hamptons and
I had gone on a date with a guy and
he happened to be walking in the Hantons.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, it was my daughter Brin. Who cares.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
She's fifteen years old, she's not two years old. I'm
not having someone sleep in my bed in my house
when she's there. I'm not bringing them on vacation. But like,
fold it in thoughtfully, but do not wait too long.
If you have a batter and it's been sitting and
then you try to fold everything, it's not gonna work out.
It's already the baking powder and so it has been activated.
And you give your kids too much power. I don't
(18:18):
believe in that shit at all. Be always open and
transparent with your kids. Not about sex, not about things,
not about love, not about emotions, not if someone has
an eating disorder or emotional issues or their anxiety disorder.
Like no, but just like your mom wants to be happy,
I want to meet someone. I don't know if it'll happen.
And this is what's happening. And then I met a
guy named Dan. He seems okay. I'm not sure. Include
(18:39):
them not the day you break up with their father,
not two months after, but like at some point we're
gonna have to rip the band aid off. It's like,
you don't want to have the sex talk with your kids,
but do you want, you know, to have a baby
when your daughter is sixteen running around your house?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You want a high school child having a baby. No,
you have a sex talk. You're an adult.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Don't be stupid. Oh where do I go to look
for men? If I'm a homebody.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
If you're a.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Homebody, you are an online dating app dreamed. You have
the time, you have the focus. You will not go
out unless it's something really meaningful to go out for.
I am an expert on this because I too am insular.
I'm a homebody. If I go out, I'll have a
drink in my bed. I had a marguerite. I was
(19:22):
so stressed yesterday. I had a margarite and bag of
chips in my bed. The happiest place on Earth, Disney
is not the happiest place on Earth. My bed is,
and not when I'm having sex when I'm alone in it.
Would you ever date a next after several years broken
up or never again? Never say never, I definitely would.
Usually the problems creep right back up. Jaylo and Ben
Affleck they were in love, they loved each other. It
(19:44):
was magic. I wanted it to work. You can't go
home again, baby, I ah answered this before be with
someone who dislikes their mom and isn't close to her.
It depends on what her mom's like. Not all moms
are created equal. It depends if it's very distressing. If
this person is very distres respectful, then I probably know.
But that's not a one size fits all. Thoughts on
(20:06):
boyfriend moving into his parents' home for caretaking purposes. It's
a very hard one. I understand it. It's admirable. It
means it's a beautiful human being. It means you're gonna
have to find ways to control this. It means you're
gonna feel like you're a bad person because it's annoying.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It means like you it's something it's across to bear.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
It means when you meet someone, you have to know
who their family is, because you are ultimately marrying their family.
If they're close to their family. You're marrying any children
who may have special needs or parents. You're marrying their siblings,
You're marrying their job, their coworkers, You're marrying a lot
of different things. Is it possible to be too pretty
(20:44):
to find a man. No, because there's a seat forever. Yes,
but it's possible that it's hard for a pretty person
to find a man. But it's because you're not focusing
on your personality. You're focusing on your looks. The fact
that you even asked that means you're focusing on your looks,
and you should be focusing on your personality. And you engage,
and if you know you're so pretty, you'll have to
find clever, non desperate ways to engage, to make the
(21:06):
first move without it seeming like you're making the first
move but then getting an inkling of your flirtation. You'll
have to find a way. So anything's possible. But I
don't think that's your problem. How soon do you expect
a text after a first date that the text went
very well that night, some check in had a great
time tonight, if not the next day. If the guy
doesn't text you the next day's not into you and
(21:26):
or he's an insecure loser, I'm neither or great. You
could still go out with them again, because you could
also win. You can always get the ball back. I
don't like it, though, I don't like it nobody, I
got time, I want to be nowhere, I stand at
all times. Two pieces of advice. One get a personality test.
Take a personality test. This will tell you who you
are in the world, how you deal with things, what
(21:47):
type of employer you are, what type of person worker,
et cetera, how you deal with life. Take an attachment
theory test. It will tell you who you are in
a relationship, how you attach. Are you anxious to attack? Do
you have a panic attack if someone's not constantly in contact?
Are you avoidant attachment where you kind of like, if
it gets close, you get scared. Are you a hybrid?
(22:09):
Are you healthy attachment? This is all real. This is
all based on how we attached with our parents as
a child, and it can be dysfunctional. Even if your
parents have been together for seventy years, it doesn't mean
everything has to be like a perfect relationship. You could
have parents that never expressed feelings. They just don't believe
in that. They're just sort of cold but loving and good,
(22:29):
solid parents that have morals and integrity, but they grew
up in a household where people don't express feelings. That
could lead to an attachment disorder. You don't know how
to properly communicate and connect. Someone tells you they love you,
that's when things get scary. Things get too close to committed,
That's when things get scary. You run away. Just know
where you stand and know where someone else stands, so
(22:50):
you know what you're dealing with. You don't have a
puzzle that is four pieces missing. It's a very I
wish I knew any of this as a thirty year old.
I've learned this all in my fifties a fucking waste,
but it's not because the truth is I wouldn't have
wanted to be with someone of my thirties, Honestly, I
would never. This is like I'm getting at the age
an hour like this is like we're this is the
person you're gonna spend your whole life with. So it's
(23:12):
never too late, especially if you're a supermodel not going
on dating apps. How you put yourself out there when
doing hobbies et cetera. Gym classes, clubs, private clubs, learn
a language, work events, work mixer events like work events,
work trips, work events, holiday parties, cocktail parties, and talk
(23:35):
to people. Go out of your way. Don't get a
bad reputation. Don't sleep around. Don't be the one who
gets too drunk is overserved. Always pay attention to how
you look. When you're gonna be interacting with other men,
you have to be some version of social to meet
someone single, working, parent, three year old, trying to figure
out how to re enter dating. But I am tired
(23:55):
do online dating. Set them up as lunches, early drinks, coffee,
find activities. You will find like minded people. Many men
that I know are slugs. They're boring, they're exhausted, they
want to go to bed at eight. There are a
lot of exhausted, boring people. Find yourself another one, or
someone who's not boring but likes to go to bed early,
that doesn't drink, whatever it is. Someone who doesn't drink
(24:19):
or do drugs is probably going to be less activating
as someone who does.
All right, let's do some dating questions. My guy checks
all the important boxes, but he doesn't ask me deep questions.
That's because he's a guy. That's because he's a guy.
Now the question is, is he's selfish?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
There.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I believe in astrology a little bit, and there are
some signs that point to selfish and I've checked it out,
and it doesn't mean that. Obviously, signs are the only
indication of selfishness. But selfishness is someone who's not asking
you about yourself at all. Like I was talking to
Tinks about this, and you could sit on a date
(00:53):
and go a significant period of time without someone asking
about you.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
And I've I had that with my daughter too.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I dated someone that's really specific in my mind right now,
and he never asked her about her. He really was
interested in me, but didn't engage her. Now, it doesn't
mean he's totally I mean, and I'm putting labels on
someone you don't know the reason why. This guy, because
he has some personal issues, is not intentionally selfish. It's
(01:25):
just the nature of him being focused on himself. So
the thing is, with any man or relationship, you have
to weigh out what's important to you As you get older,
different things become important to you and also are they
additive and do they enricher life becomes important And the
(01:45):
reason that I tell young women to work and at
financial independence is because you then have the financial freedom
to exit something if it isn't serving you for reasons
other than financial reasons. And in some pay in cases,
someone falls in love with someone else doesn't really think
about who they are big picture, long term chess game,
(02:06):
and then they feel trapped and they have to stay
because they.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Who make the goal make the rules.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So I would say if it's on the first date,
someone checks important boxes and doesn't ask the deep questions,
they could be nervous if it's well into your life.
I know someone in particularly what I'm thinking of, who
was in a marriage for years, and I guessed when
they broke up. Even though they had a lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
You can make.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
A life out of you can make a lifestyle out
of a life. You can't make a life out of
a lifestyle. And they had a lifestyle. They traveled, they
did interesting things, but ultimately they didn't connect. They never
really connect on a deeper level as human beings. If
we're an evolved creatures, we want to connect on a
deeper level, and we're starving for it. I know men
that still want to be with me, who can be
(02:54):
with young hot women and are with young hot women
who crave me because yes, I'm a sexual creature and
I'm good in bed, and I'm good in bed because
I'm a connected person. I'm a person who knows what
feels good for someone else from a massage standpoint, from
an emotional standpoint, from a nurturing standpoint, from an intellectual standpoint,
from a humor standpoint.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
And these guys, some of.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Them get with the hot young girl, and for every
hot young girl, there's a guy stick at tired of
fucking them.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That's the expression.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
So the reason I say that is that you want
to be an interesting person, and you want to be
with someone interesting because you will become intellectually, emotionally, mentally bored.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
And boredom is what.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Happens at my age with people who feel like they
lack purpose.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
So I know many and I get bored.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
And I have the biggest, greatest career you could ever
possibly dream ever imagine. I could do anything I want
every day and can make ideas happen all day long.
But I still sometimes get bored because people my age
get bored because they lack purpose. They're not as relevant,
they're not as young, they don't have the action, They're
not as necessary in certain spaces, and not as relevant.
(04:07):
And you want to be with a partner that's going
to stimulate you. How to meet other white collar gay
men in New York City? This is going to sound snobby.
I don't know if everyone is on apps, but I
think most people are. But you've already thought of that.
You know that that's not a great answer. I would
(04:28):
say invest in the right private clubs. If you want
to meet a white collar wealthy man, that's an investment,
and you need to join the right bougie clubs that
will have the.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Right gay men.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
So, depending upon the age, is that the Soho House?
Is that sam Vecenti Bungalows? Is that Max seems because
you're going to meet a stubs and wooden loafer person.
Are you trying to figure out how to get on
the gay version of Raya? If that exists? I think
it does exis. I'm sure it does. What is the
(05:03):
best dating app? Over fifty It depends on what you want.
Most women want a successful wealthy man. And I would
say for that, people are liking Hinge and the league
is good, but you really have to fish the deep
deep ocean to find like maybe very few good fish,
but they're there. The fish are there. Bumble is great too,
(05:25):
for you know the people are there. It's really just
like a it's.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
A numbers game. You have to do the work.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And you can't just go on too many dates because
it's like going to a buffet and you'll get full
and nauseated and not like the things you chose on
the buffet.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
So you have to be very selective.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You have to get your plate out and wait and
walk around and sit if you want your egg white
onme it made with all the gourmet vegetables, and decide
what sushi you want in that buffet, because you came
to that buffet and there's gonna be a lot thrown
at you, and you better get what you really want
and make your wise choices, otherwise you're gonna be nauseated
and you won't want to.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Go back to the buffet. Big problem.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
You get full and as soon as too soon to
move in with someone you're dating. I mean, I wouldn't
put a timeline on it. I would say not when
you're in the obsession phase, Not when you're in the
enamored phase, when you're in the realistic phase, when you're
in the mundane. I'm a little bored of you. Sometimes
some things you do turn me off. Like we are
(06:18):
really in the thick of it, Like we've met each
other's family's parents, We've done the boring, we've traveled together,
we've done holidays, like do not move in together? Until
you've seen multiple seasons and multiple reasons, multiple occasions, multiple conflicts,
someone vomiting in a toilet bowl, someone snotting, like someone
wearing ugly shoes, things that since what not until you've
(06:43):
seen all the things that would turn you off someone.
That's when someone's chewing starts to irritate. You know they
have bad breath and you don't want to vomit. You've
gotten some version of the ick and you still are there.
(07:07):
How to handle the success hate from those close to
you and in the same field of business. If that's
a dating question and someone close to you is a
little bit jealous or intimidated, get the fuck out. It's
not changing, Get the actual fuck out. And if it's
a marriage, I don't know what to do. You gotta
help your partner. You're gonna have to dumb it down.
You're gonna have to make your partner feel like they're
the big, big, strong ox Like it's a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I wouldn't even deal with that.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
But if you have kids and you're already married, and
you you know you've become the moneyed spouse or the
successful spouse, watch that because they will try to exert
their power in other ways and it's not good. That's
how infidelity happens. That's how bro trips happen. Like it's
just a disaster. That's why I have a text.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
On my phone right now.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
If I'm a man who would be playing tennis with
someone as good or better than I am, And that's
what I'm looking for. Biggest red flag that isn't obvious,
Like violence is obviously a red flag? Good question, Okay,
biggest red flag that isn't obvious. Ah, when someone dims
your light, you don't notice it right away, but you
start to find out. And it takes a while to
(08:13):
get to this place because this is not in the
honeymoon phase. You start to get to a place where
you're overcompensating for what you are doing, what you have,
how you look, and you're trying to make the other
person feel like the plans that you have without them
aren't that big of a deal. The career you have
isn't that big of a deal. The things you're doing
aren't that exciting. You're trying to like dumb it down,
dim your own light. Disaster, bad, bad bad. Someone has
(08:37):
to lift you up, build you up. You have to
feel like your light is brighter. Someone who's trying to
make you in any way someone that you're not and
it's not over it either. It doesn't have to be
like someone criticizing you, but it's someone letting you know
that like well that's a little much or it's not
or it's too much or huh, that's an interesting choice,
or like sort of like either secretly passively aggressively jealous
(08:58):
or competitive or trying to tell you what not to weigh.
That shit is a nightmare. That's a nightmare. Okay, bad
bad bad flag red flag. Someone's not quite respectful of
their mother, doesn't really respect women, makes snide comments, makes
like some version of you know, inappropriate comments has any
(09:21):
sleeze factor even like a small sleeze comment about something else,
someone else like that. It's just a red flag someone that,
like I said, is not that respectful of women in general.
You might hear it about a friend's wife. It may
not be about you because you think it's different. Anything
like that, any like raising of the voice, anything that,
the way they speak to some the way they speak
(09:43):
to any staff, any weight staff, any concierge, or anything
not not not that's a critical critical indicator. How do
you encourage a man who might be a little insecure
in a way but not feed his ego. All men
are in all creatures are insecure, So you just be
confident and positively reinforced when someone does something good. Don't
(10:06):
give them a cookie because they'll feel emasculated and like
you really are marginalizing it.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
But really make a big deal out of the.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
That tastes so good, you're such a good griller, Oh
my god, wow, Or like you look sexy, you're handsome,
you're so strong like that type is a positively reinforce.
But don't act like maybe you really are so blah
blah blah, like not that passag give them a cookie.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Shit, marry the one that loves you more than you
love them. I don't know. Try to make it equal,
then you're gonna get turned off. And I don't know.
It's a hard one. I guess.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
If you have to choose between the two, yes, but
I mean I don't like that choice. Let's have an
equal partnership. I feel like men aren't men these days.
Can you turn a boy into a man. You could
turn a boy into a man. You could turn a
player into a nod player. But you better listen to
this podcast and listen to all the advice on how
to do it, because it ain't that easy. But you
d your ground. You do not bluff. You do not
(11:04):
settle for less than you deserve. You're not you don't grab.
You're not a beggar. You're not taking scraps. You're not
allowing bread crumbing. You're not allowing a certain communication style
that doesn't work for you. You chase the dog, the dog
runs away, the dog chases you. You run away. So, yes,
you could turn a boy to a man, because most
men are infants, and the ones over fifty or even worse,
(11:25):
they're barely walking up right. They're like cave humans. It's
ridiculous because they've just lost every sentilla of ability to
connect because they've been in marriages that are soulless and
focused on their careers and their pecks, and they just
do not know how to communicate. So they're children. They're
fucking babies.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
The middle aged men want middle aged women anymore. It's
ridiculous out here. Yes they do, Yes, they do, Yes,
they do.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
They don't want coming fresh off a divorce, or when
they've just made.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
A lot of money.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You're usually the rebound off of the rebound. Someone gets divorced,
they go to the young, hot piece, the dumb dumb,
the knitwidth that listens to them, the opposite of their
ex wife. Then they're miserable, they're bored. It doesn't make
any sense. It doesn't fit in with their friends. They
don't want to bring them on vacations. It's awkward to
be with someone twenty years younger. We don't listen to
the same music. You feel older in comparison. You're looking
(12:16):
at you saggy skin, they're looking at their gray hair.
They want to get botox. They want the hot young piece,
but they are aware of the fact that the hot
young piece is with them because they have some money
and a retirement plan so they get more insecure, they
distrust that young person more, and they ultimately will want
someone that is going to mentally and emotionally stimulate them.
(12:38):
But do they want a fucking busted up, washed up, miserable, negative,
always complaining, nagging, middle aged wife. They had that already
apps a fucking litely Not. Do they want someone who's
young and hot and takes care of themselves and smells
pretty and is intelligent and has something to bring to
the table and has fucking paid for their own tit
job and their own dental work. Yes, that's what they
(13:00):
do want. They want someone they can talk to who's
an equal and who's attractive, and who's pretty, and who
they're who's in good shape where they're gonna want to
have sex with, or who's just incredible in bed, or
who can do the Jedi mind fuck, or who can
give them a run for their money, because they're not
a little doormat just beggars looking for a chanel bag.
Which is why women need to have their own money.
(13:20):
Because I know so many blood in the water desperadoes
that are actually attractive in their fifties, but they're rolling
up with three to four kids and debt. That is
not the middle aged woman that a man wants. But
many of them find men too, So try to set
yourself up for success. Don't go spend your money on
Luck's goods. Join Vivrel, one of the bag rental companies
(13:42):
or one of the clothing rental companies so you don't
have to spend your money on stupid things and then
have all of this baggage and dead weight and bills
and be a lot of work that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
A man doesn't want.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
A man doesn't want you to come in with your
whole Luck's goods program with three kids that he has
to take care of and sent to camp and try again.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Okay, what do we got next? Okay? Divorce four years?
Can't imagine online dating? Is that the only way?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
It is not the only way, but it is the
most efficient way. Is online shopping for close the only way? No?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
But is it the most efficient way? Yes? Can you
bring it and return it? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Does it have a return policy? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Do you get to pick what you want online and
sit there and keep it in the cart and then
decide if you want to buy it?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
So do you get to pick the color, the size,
the shipping date. Yeah, online dating is an efficient model
that I talked about before that you want to do wisely, thoughtfully,
with integrity, quality, not quantity. You do not want to
be the nit lit that just is going out for
a free drink or meal. Then you got to talk
(14:49):
to some pig for four hours. That is not You'd
rather starve, drink, consume, do a juice fast. You don't
need to go out to date some schmuck and then
be sick of it and then think and then suck
and then not want to go again.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
You wait.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
You sit there with the bait and the hook, and
you sit on that dock, and you wait till something
good comes on the line.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Then you bring it in and cook it.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
You wait for a good, good, big gorgeous fish. Am
I the problem or to men need to provide safety?
I get triggered and the trigger them. Everybody needs to
provide safety. Everybody's insecure. Everybody needs to make the other
partner feel needed and wanted. Because even the most giving
of men that just worship their partner and do everything
(15:31):
for them, that is an imbalance. I'm thinking about someone
specific on social media. Something is fucked up. I know
it is it's too much doting and buying and lavishing.
It doesn't track, and there's something not balanced because everybody
has needs. Everybody has needs. Men are not cave humans
with a club ooh and a loincloth. Everyone has needs.
(15:53):
And it just is about when the timeline is one
partner could give, give, give, give, give, and then one
day there are no more branches. It's the giving tree
and the person who's been giving NonStop and the dynamic
has been taking non stop. It could be financial. I
know a woman who was with a very rich man
kept taking, taking, taking, taking. I used to be like,
he's noticing, nobody's gonna know. He's noticing nobody's gonna know.
(16:14):
I'm like, he's noticing. They all notice you took, took, took,
And one day the bottom fell out and that was
the end of it. She lost a rich man. She
played checkers, not chess. Good rich man, good, nice rich man,
good smart rich man.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Dumb dumb.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Advice for dating when you both have kids. Hmm, folded
in slowly you fold it in. This is like the
cheese on shit, squeak. How do we fold in the cheese?
How slowly? You do? Not rush it you're in love,
you're excited. We want to build the family on a blend.
Been there, done that. It all sounds so good on paper.
(17:03):
This is gonna be amazing. We both have kids. Yay.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's a nightmare. Kids hate it. It's going to be disaster.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
It's like taking a steak out of a freezer and
deciding to eat it. Don't be an idiot, control yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Wait, but.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Let your kids know you're dating. Do not walk on
eggshells with your kids and put them in a precious box.
I know people who've been divorced for five years and
they don't bring anyone around their kids. That's sick. They're sick.
That's their problem. That's letting your kids and the inmates
run the asylum. No fucking way. My daughter knows I date.
She knows I want to meet someone. She knows what
I'm going on a date. She knows how the date went.
(17:38):
She meets people, not many, very very few. But if
I've really liked them, she's met. If I've liked them,
slash could love them, she's met them fairly or early.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Because I don't make a big deal about it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Like let's say I was walking in the Hamptons and
I had gone on a date with a guy and
he happened to be walking in the Hantons.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, it was my daughter Brin. Who cares.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
She's fifteen years old, she's not two years old. I'm
not having someone sleep in my bed in my house
when she's there. I'm not bringing them on vacation. But like,
fold it in thoughtfully, but do not wait too long.
If you have a batter and it's been sitting and
then you try to fold everything, it's not gonna work out.
It's already the baking powder and so it has been activated.
And you give your kids too much power. I don't
(18:18):
believe in that shit at all. Be always open and
transparent with your kids. Not about sex, not about things,
not about love, not about emotions, not if someone has
an eating disorder or emotional issues or their anxiety disorder.
Like no, but just like your mom wants to be happy,
I want to meet someone. I don't know if it'll happen.
And this is what's happening. And then I met a
guy named Dan. He seems okay. I'm not sure. Include
(18:39):
them not the day you break up with their father,
not two months after, but like at some point we're
gonna have to rip the band aid off. It's like,
you don't want to have the sex talk with your kids,
but do you want, you know, to have a baby
when your daughter is sixteen running around your house?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You want a high school child having a baby. No,
you have a sex talk. You're an adult.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Don't be stupid. Oh where do I go to look
for men? If I'm a homebody.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
If you're a.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Homebody, you are an online dating app dreamed. You have
the time, you have the focus. You will not go
out unless it's something really meaningful to go out for.
I am an expert on this because I too am insular.
I'm a homebody. If I go out, I'll have a
drink in my bed. I had a marguerite. I was
(19:22):
so stressed yesterday. I had a margarite and bag of
chips in my bed. The happiest place on Earth, Disney
is not the happiest place on Earth. My bed is,
and not when I'm having sex when I'm alone in it.
Would you ever date a next after several years broken
up or never again? Never say never, I definitely would.
Usually the problems creep right back up. Jaylo and Ben
Affleck they were in love, they loved each other. It
(19:44):
was magic. I wanted it to work. You can't go
home again, baby, I ah answered this before be with
someone who dislikes their mom and isn't close to her.
It depends on what her mom's like. Not all moms
are created equal. It depends if it's very distressing. If
this person is very distres respectful, then I probably know.
But that's not a one size fits all. Thoughts on
(20:06):
boyfriend moving into his parents' home for caretaking purposes. It's
a very hard one. I understand it. It's admirable. It
means it's a beautiful human being. It means you're gonna
have to find ways to control this. It means you're
gonna feel like you're a bad person because it's annoying.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It means like you it's something it's across to bear.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
It means when you meet someone, you have to know
who their family is, because you are ultimately marrying their family.
If they're close to their family. You're marrying any children
who may have special needs or parents. You're marrying their siblings,
You're marrying their job, their coworkers, You're marrying a lot
of different things. Is it possible to be too pretty
(20:44):
to find a man. No, because there's a seat forever. Yes,
but it's possible that it's hard for a pretty person
to find a man. But it's because you're not focusing
on your personality. You're focusing on your looks. The fact
that you even asked that means you're focusing on your looks,
and you should be focusing on your personality. And you engage,
and if you know you're so pretty, you'll have to
find clever, non desperate ways to engage, to make the
(21:06):
first move without it seeming like you're making the first
move but then getting an inkling of your flirtation. You'll
have to find a way. So anything's possible. But I
don't think that's your problem. How soon do you expect
a text after a first date that the text went
very well that night, some check in had a great
time tonight, if not the next day. If the guy
doesn't text you the next day's not into you and
(21:26):
or he's an insecure loser, I'm neither or great. You
could still go out with them again, because you could
also win. You can always get the ball back. I
don't like it, though, I don't like it nobody, I
got time, I want to be nowhere, I stand at
all times. Two pieces of advice. One get a personality test.
Take a personality test. This will tell you who you
are in the world, how you deal with things, what
(21:47):
type of employer you are, what type of person worker,
et cetera, how you deal with life. Take an attachment
theory test. It will tell you who you are in
a relationship, how you attach. Are you anxious to attack? Do
you have a panic attack if someone's not constantly in contact?
Are you avoidant attachment where you kind of like, if
it gets close, you get scared. Are you a hybrid?
(22:09):
Are you healthy attachment? This is all real. This is
all based on how we attached with our parents as
a child, and it can be dysfunctional. Even if your
parents have been together for seventy years, it doesn't mean
everything has to be like a perfect relationship. You could
have parents that never expressed feelings. They just don't believe
in that. They're just sort of cold but loving and good,
(22:29):
solid parents that have morals and integrity, but they grew
up in a household where people don't express feelings. That
could lead to an attachment disorder. You don't know how
to properly communicate and connect. Someone tells you they love you,
that's when things get scary. Things get too close to committed,
That's when things get scary. You run away. Just know
where you stand and know where someone else stands, so
(22:50):
you know what you're dealing with. You don't have a
puzzle that is four pieces missing. It's a very I
wish I knew any of this as a thirty year old.
I've learned this all in my fifties a fucking waste,
but it's not because the truth is I wouldn't have
wanted to be with someone of my thirties, Honestly, I
would never. This is like I'm getting at the age
an hour like this is like we're this is the
person you're gonna spend your whole life with. So it's
(23:12):
never too late, especially if you're a supermodel not going
on dating apps. How you put yourself out there when
doing hobbies et cetera. Gym classes, clubs, private clubs, learn
a language, work events, work mixer events like work events,
work trips, work events, holiday parties, cocktail parties, and talk
(23:35):
to people. Go out of your way. Don't get a
bad reputation. Don't sleep around. Don't be the one who
gets too drunk is overserved. Always pay attention to how
you look. When you're gonna be interacting with other men,
you have to be some version of social to meet
someone single, working, parent, three year old, trying to figure
out how to re enter dating. But I am tired
(23:55):
do online dating. Set them up as lunches, early drinks, coffee,
find activities. You will find like minded people. Many men
that I know are slugs. They're boring, they're exhausted, they
want to go to bed at eight. There are a
lot of exhausted, boring people. Find yourself another one, or
someone who's not boring but likes to go to bed early,
that doesn't drink, whatever it is. Someone who doesn't drink
(24:19):
or do drugs is probably going to be less activating
as someone who does.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
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