May 6, 2025 • 38 mins
Whether you're 34 or 54... dating can suck! But falling in love is the best. Bethenny and Tinx break it down.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hi, Hi, how are you. It's been so long.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I know I was excited, so like, what is it now?
What is the overall?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I think it's lifestyle. I think it's overall, you know,
speaking to predominantly young women, and I never call myself
a dating expert. It's not that I think that people
come to me because I've figured out a way to
be pretty happy being single, and more and more women
are waiting to settle down. There's a record number of
women who are over thirty who are single. There's a
record number of women over thirty who have bought homes
(00:43):
by themselves. So we are in this new era and
it's exciting, but it's also a little uncomfortable for a
lot of young women because they're like, but wait, everyone
told me I have to get married, but I'm not
really ready yet. I'm kind of working on myself.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
There's a thing with women at many ages, like there's
a defensiveness about I don't need a man, Like it's okay, true,
but it's a defensiveness about it that feels like you're
not being totally honest, Like you're that person that's how
do I explain it? Like you're making an excuse and
being defensive because you can't get a man when there
are so many people now that I'm realizing too don't
(01:17):
want a man, like don't want a man. This is
an weird age where I'm shocked by myself. I don't
recognize myself because I'm like, I don't like it's weird,
and I don't think about men really that much.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Like I'll go on a date with.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
A major guy like could be a billionaire, good looking, successful, amazing,
likes me, and I like kind of won't give a shit,
like I forget if I texted him back, Like that's
not my personality. That's a Kristin Cavalary on the Hills personality,
Like I don't what the fuck is going on, but
I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
It's just like old you're happy, you have a great life,
Like it's nice. Now it's like if you find someone
who is like the moon and stars and they make
your life better and they it's like and it's an
add on, then great. But if not, you're good, which
is like an amazing place to get It's.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Something people talk about, but to get it in your body.
It feels like the ozembic of dating, Like yeah, it happens,
and I.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Think it's kind of almost like a cleanse.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Okay, it happened to me where there was someone that
I was still like thinking about, not thinking about, but
it becomes like food noise. It's noisy, but the person
doesn't make you feel good. You don't really like them.
You're just like in this habitual thing and when you cleanse,
and that's why I think it was like Kate Hudson
who talked about a year with that dating which sounds crazy,
or people that have these things, it could be two
weeks no contact. The cleansing of it, it clears your
(02:36):
mind and it's like it's like the way that people
cleanse out sugar or something, and then you're just like, wait,
I actually don't even think I need that thing. So
I think that's a very interesting concept that's honestly new
to me.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
And I'm way older than you.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
I would like to fall in love, I really would,
but I'm also refused to settle. I've seen so many
women in my own life and just in the greater world,
like have their lives derailed by because they were like
I'm in my thirties and I've got to do this. Yeah,
I don't feel that I genuinely it took me a
long time. I talk about getting over the hump, I
(03:11):
wouldn't say. Only in the past year have I genuinely
got over the hump. I think before maybe I was
like lying a little bit. It's to your point, exactly
what you've said, defensive a little bit like, well, I'm
fine if I don't. I would love to be in love.
I love being in love. I'm obsessed with it. It's
the best feeling, obviously. But if it's not great, if
he's not adding to my life, then I don't need it.
I'm not gonna sit across the table from a boring guy.
(03:32):
I'm not gonna have a guy who's intimidated by me
and my ambition. I'm not gonna. I'm just not like,
I rate this too short, like I'm good, Like I'm
good until I meet someone great, which I want to.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
If you don't love it, you don't like it. But
here's the thing. You haven't hit the witching hour. The
witching hour is thirty seven and thirty eight, so you
don't have to pay serious attention to the witching hour.
The witching hour is thirty seven and thirty eight because
that's like, you're close to forty. That's the clock, that's
the real, that's the real. That's when the fucking rubber
meets the road. And that's when I made my I
(04:04):
don't want to say I have the most beautiful daughter
in the world, but that's when I made a fatal era,
the ultimate of settling, and the same type of logic
of the settling of the settlings before, the same logic
about how much someone loves you more than you love
them and you'll never find someone who loves you this much,
and the logic and what everyone else says, and this
person's so night and all the things. It's that you
(04:25):
don't love it, you don't like it. You'll be on
this podcast before them. But hopefully when you're thirty seven,
then we'll talk about the Witching hour and you'll probably
be in a relationship and I probably will too, but
if we're h you never know. But I like that
that's a pocket for you. I like that that's an
interesting pocket. And it's funny because I'm talking about the
same thing but to a woman in a different pocket,
(04:45):
meaning like people your age and younger, So like there's
a guy that is an extraordinarily smart, a successful, tall
like man about town let's say many towns, right, And
I can tell that he's used to girls your age
who are impressed by all this stuff and they want
(05:06):
They're dangling around, texting back and like panting, even if
they're trying to pretend they're not panting, is an energetic
panting because they want the bag and the paying for
something and maybe the boobs, and like I could tell
that they're like shocked, like you think you're gonna text
me I had a nice time, and then two days later,
maybe you'll text me again and be like, when are
you coming back from wherever? And then I tell you
(05:27):
when I'm coming back from whatever, Like now we're pam pals,
like get the fuck out of here. I don't need
your chanel, dumb bat, like go cook to a thirty
seven year old. But the problem is he's gonna be
like with the thirty seven year old who's like begging
for a baby, and he doesn't want that. And the
forty seven year old has two babies, so now he's
fucking stuck with me.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And I talk about shit like that.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Because it's the phases and stages that are very, very different,
and it's why young women have to work and have
their own money.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
They can be stay at home moms.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
They could do whatever the fuck they want, but they
have to because the man that I'm going out to night,
the person who set us up, said to me, the
last person was the person that would call them that
they would go in to dinner and would say can
we stop at this you know, high end store before
because and make the guy pity?
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Okay, but because you believe that that is not in
my DNA. And I'm not trying to be high and
mighty holier than now. I'm really not, because I'm all
about girls getting their bag anyway.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I literal bag. Oh.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
One thing I wanted to ask you about actually what
you have so much energy? You're very dominant, you know
exactly what you want. Like, have you found that difficult
in dating, because like I've been told by several people
that I I'm like almost it's a lot masculine like
or something, but like I don't know how to change.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
It and.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But everyone's like get into your feminine energy, and I'm like,
I don't know how because I've always like saved myself,
Like I've always just been like take I'm my own life, right.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I've got it. I got it. I got your answer.
They like to save us, but I keep got your answered.
No tell me, no, it's not okay, so.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Zach, I'll give you the script because I am there's
I will say this with I will take on any
supermodel for like getting met like I'm not I've never
had a problem getting meant if I had a problem
sustaining because maybe I run or maybe I picked the
wrong men or whatever, it is, like, that's what we
can unpack that in another session. But I'm not, like,
I'm not stuttering when I say this. I'm good at
(07:22):
so man going out to dinner with suggests striving a
distance to come to me versus the opposite. And I've
seen many others do it another way. And it's like no,
but so this person is and I didn't demand it.
This person is doing it, which is just a sign.
It means okay, that's who that person is. And that's
part of the whole program that you got a bank,
because every single thing does matter and is the baigest
(07:43):
of blushes of Pink's flags.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
So then says what time?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
He said, any time works And I said, right, well,
I want to make sure that you're coming at a
time that you're not going to get hit by a
lot of traffic. And I reiterated that a few times.
So that's caring, that's considerate, that's caring. It happened again
in Florida. Someone was driving two hours to come take
me to dinner. And this was a major bag alert
guy and the same thing. And I was like, right,
but I really I could meet you halfway. I really
(08:09):
don't think you should be drug like and they mentioned
five times each like how that was so considerate or
like you're dying.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
You know the restaurant they've picked as shit.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
So you could be like, no, that sounds great and
if you're if you want to go there, amazing. I
you know, I know that Janine's next door is also
very lovely. But really what I wanted, whatever you want
to do, like, that's your feminine energy.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's just the consideration and the pleasing.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
And they are used to smash and grab and women
either nag or I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Used to being like that restaurant sucks. You want me
to fix it for you, and I like, I need
to stop because but you.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Don't need to be not opinionated at dinner, and you
don't need I would say, talking about work should come
when you're in the talking about work section. Yeah, and
the mic has to be passed and really get a
lot out about them and a lot get it all
and really talk to them about their business because it's
very interesting. The major bagg or Miami guy, I found
(09:08):
him like going on and like asking me a thousand
questions because we've been talking about him for an hour
and a half. And I really don't like talking about myself.
So I was like, I get in, and I get in,
and I just like get out, and I want to
keep it on them to the point where he was
like begging me to talk all about myself. So you
have to just like let the butter melt and it
will happen. And younger women, because when I was your age,
(09:31):
want somehow for the other person to like really know
who they are. They really and energy shows who you are,
Like energy is who you are. Women want men to
like they want men to know how fucked up their
lives where even if it's subtle or how bamboozled they were,
or how sweet they are, or how they want to they.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Just intrinsically.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
You want to cram it all in on the first
and you just just chill and let the butter fucking melt.
They know, they know, And yes, you're definitely good at
being flirty and feminine, and you wear the flirty outfit
on the first day, and you cosplay the flirty and
that's the feminine. It's just not coming in and like
(10:13):
taking over because their ex wife was doing that and
their ex girlfriend was nagging them and they weren't having
a conversation that's intelligent about what they do for a living,
and it's not about how smart.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
And I am like this too.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
I want them to know how smart I am, because
I'm smart and most women are. It's not they know,
they'll know, and the subtleties of your vocabulary and the
way that you're talking about what they're doing that will
make you seem smart.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
It doesn't need to all jammed in.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Crazy good advice. That is my nugget that I'm taking
from you this time. That no, that is really good
because I think like I've surpassed that you're so on
the money about young girls. They're like they want to
say things to say how sweet they are and I've
I've left all of it, but I have the same
thing where I'm like, I need this guy to know
I'm smart and I have my own shit going on,
(11:01):
and I'm like, you're right, energy does it? Energy does it?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
You don't need to And it's confidence and it's calm,
so right, And that's the part that is masculine, Like
that is the part that doesn't need to be.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
It gets through.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
It gets through, and talking about a recipe it gets through,
and talking about molecular gastronomy, it comes through.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
There's an assistant that I have that just started. She's
twenty four.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
She's said ten words at a dinner last night, but like,
I know she's smart because of two of the words,
like right, if she didn't shut the fuck up, I
would have thought she was stupid.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, yeah, Where is dating better for you? Miami or
New York.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
It's all the same because it's the same person. It's
the same person that's running in the same circles. And also,
like the other thing is like you really gotta be okay,
So women sit here and talk about this and again
this is like it took me to this age and
my calling is like is like to like I'm talking
to the moms, but it's really a lot of the
young girls.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I didn't know so many young girls watch me. Yeah,
I'll me. Sixteen year olds would be like, I'm like,
why am I your aunt? I made that up?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
They're like, no, You're just the only one telling the truth.
I'm like, oh, I thought it was your Like crazy ant.
You're just a person. You're not a man a woman.
You're not old, you're not young.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You're just that.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
I'm like, oh, so another thing that was going on
with me for forever is like the resume, it's the
grout and it's not the tiles that is important. So
it's not the like the height, the thing, all these
things that yes, kind of matter, but it's the way
the person migrates, Okay, the way they migrate their patterns.
(12:41):
Like in other words, some people want to say at
the Aman in turks and Kicos, which is forty minutes
from the town, I'd rather stay at a slightly less
nice hotel to be near the coffee and the walking
in and the walking up, because I'm not that social.
And an aspin I like asp and you'd think I'm
so social. It's because when I go I feel like
I get to do something by just walking into town
(13:03):
or right, and some people are the want to stay
at the remote or some people like it's it's who's
to like wake up at seven in the morning and
do the hike. Person like, you gotta be honest about
your honest patterns and cadence. Right, Let's say someone lives
in a certain city. It does it's not about the city,
but it's about like they like the type that like
belongs to a sailing club and they're like a little
like stoic, waspy. They don't show their feel like that's
(13:27):
an essence more than like the action resume, and you
have to pay attention to the in between more than
the big because that's what you're doing every day.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, I like that a lot too. I know. That's
why I think dating apps are not really working for
people anymore, because now it's like it's so boiled down
to just a few pictures and like three words and
that's the resume. And it's like you don't know how
someone laughs. You don't know someone until you hear them
order a drink, until you see how they like order
for the table or whatever whatever they say, Like you
(13:58):
really need to be around someone to get their essence.
And just looking at someone, Oh he's six to two,
Oh he's this, he went here, like it doesn't really,
it's it's so hard to know if there's a vibe.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
It's the essence, it's the alchemy, it's that. Yeah, and
this is another thing I think is interesting, Like and
I found.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Myself doing it too.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
You'll you'll all judge, Like it was the shoe, it
was the couch, it was the thing I saw behind
them in the house. It was the teeth, it was
the whate and like someone says, someone that's very smart,
that's very experienced, said to me, under new management, that
will change, like under new management, And I thought, Tinks,
I gotta talk to Tinks about this because it was
extremely recent, right, like.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Shut the fuck, shut the fuck you. I'm so bad though,
I'm judge, Judy, I know I see something and I
just ough. But you're right, you're right, your friend is right. Yes,
under new management, it can it can all change. And
sometimes we've all seen a guy who we passed on,
whatever we thought he was whatever, he gets with a
really hot girl and then you're like, oh wait, did
I whoa And she refurbishes him period.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
He's like where she's imported him from, like a suburb
where they didn't know women existed, and she's like a
seven and he's a nine and she's turned him into
who he needs to be.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
She took a fucking import. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
The importing is, Yeah, you go to a city where
it's not like going that good over there, and you
get a guy who doesn't know anything, but he's like
smart and has money, and you bring him over and
you put him in some good clothes and shine that
ship up.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Import exactly. That's import. That's very good. Imports and refurbishments. Yeah, yeah, right,
and refurbishment. It can happen as if I need another job,
but yes.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
No, but I've looked at people that are super super
successful and like and also sometimes you didn't know, like
you didn't know who they were, and then you see
that it's like your guy that you trained on the
next girl, how about that you're welcome for your boyfriend
my assistance.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Oh my god, some of the I know some of
the work that I've done, and they're they're out there,
the girls like I need a fruit basket from these
girls out there, Like I did all this work, Like
these guys are in therapy now, like they're not wearing
skinny jeans like.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Thank you card, Like, no, it's I guess it's a
community thing and we're all doing.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It for each other.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
We're all doing it for each other. Yeah, I guess
it's a pay it forward. Have you ever DMD a guy?
Have you ever like thought a guy was cute and
just gone for it?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
No, I'm such a big game hunter now. I love
that it's go big or go home. I'm such a
big game hunter because of just institutional knowledge of it
not working otherwise that it makes it really simple. And
if someone's not smart, if someone's not philanthropic, if someone's
not educated, if someone isn't wealthy and successful and like additive,
(16:35):
or we'd be a good puzzle. You know, a certain
type of parent, you know I've dealt with. But I mean,
but by the same token, I was out with a
very successful man and he was rude to a weight staff.
I stood up mid meal and walked and walked out
in like a major guy, Like I don't play games
with like rudeness or ex crazy wives or situations with
an X that's on drugs and you got custody of
(16:57):
the kids and some drama. Like there's a lot of
I don't deal with any anything. So the thing is
it's very specific. So I'm usually set up because someone
has like vetted someone. I used to not be like
this at all. This is a last couple of year thing.
But I'm not playing any games for the most part.
There are some exceptions, but I don't want to waste
any time away from my daughter, and I'm only going
(17:17):
out if I really think it's someone who's superb. I'm not,
but you're young. I didn't do that at that age,
but maybe I would have been better if I did
do that a little bit more. Yeah, because you waste
some time, Like if you're getting into the Witching Hour
in the next four years, you don't want to waste
time either. You want a quality versus quantity model at
your age twenty four, do whatever you want, twenty seven,
twenty eight, great, getting into the thirty five, thirty six,
(17:39):
thirty seven, I think, yeah, you've got to be a
little more discerning because you're flapping your wings and wasting
your time, getting exhausted and then you're full and you
don't want to go back to the buffet when there
could be something at the end of the buffet.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
So you wait for the good entrees.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Okay, I'll wait, I'm waiting. I'm good.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Know what I mean, Like, be discerning, take a little
more time, and like, same as your business, go deeper, right, deeper, letter,
you go deeper than just like shooting fish in a barrel.
But then have the nights that are really fun and wild.
Those are magical nights. I'm not saying for you to
be like you know, in a corporate CEO of dating,
but a little bit of it.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah, okay, okay, a.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Bit of it.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I do a great Yeah, No, I do. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh okay. So let's talk about this.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Let's talk about let's talk about pen pal texting styles.
This happens at all ages. These men are morons.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
They just want to text, and it's like, why are
you here, dah, And I'm like, that's what you call
bread crumbing, right, I call it pen paling. If we're
just always too yeah and we never meet up, you're
my pen pal for me. I'm like, let's make a
plan to hang out. If we're actively dating, that's a
different thing we're calling we're texting. But if we're not
actively hanging out. Stop texting me all this asinine shit,
(18:49):
you know.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Okay, so wait a second, slow this down because I
call it penpal intwo. You know my personality, and you
know I've said, like I'm about to say it to
the other guy. Maybe like I'm not the right Like
let's let's either get meet in person or like piece
the fuck out, like you know what I mean, Like,
so let's hear what you do. So how many you
go out with Joe last night? He texts you afterwards
that was really nice? Is that like probably something that
(19:12):
could happen.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know, Bethany.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I am so like, I'm so wait a minute, when
you go out last night?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, no, he would say he would say that. But
either I'm like obsessed with him or I like never
want to see him again. I'm so decisive.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So great, No, but so you're obsessed with him.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
But I think that you you are writing the message
you're saying everybody needs to hear because I think what
happens to a lot of young people today is they'll
go in the apps, they'll match with someone and you
wouldn't believe this because it's not your personality. But people
get stuck talking for three, four or five weeks without
ever having met up.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
They're losers. They're all losers.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
They're talking, they're asking each other like, oh, like, how
is your weekend? And it's like, for me, if I've
never met someone, I actually don't care how their weekend was,
So that's a hard question to ask, like.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
They're a stranger.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
This is the thing with social media and with these
apps is it creates this false sense of closeness and
it's a really big problem for young people. So I
think it's important that you're saying this because young people
do listen to you about the dating stuff and it's
like you can't do that. You got to say like, oh,
I'm down to meet up for drinks, you know, because
people have a hard time being straightforward sometimes. I understand
(20:20):
that everybody's different, but I think an easy way to
say it is like you just say, oh, well, you know,
it's I'm free Thursday. Why don't we meet for a drink?
Just fucking say it. And if they, you know, wobble
and they say, oh.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I don't know, let's get let's slow this down. Oh
this is serious.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
This is more serious than I thought, Okay, this happened
to me, and this was an ungettable guy. Okay, so
that's why I'm going back. Okay, this is an this
was an ungettable player guy. Okay, but I and I
didn't know that until later. Because sometimes someone's really good
looking to be like, I don't notice that. I can't
explain it. I think they're fine, but like everyone else
thinks they're such a big deal. This has happened. Then
this happened years ago. I was in a relationship with
(20:55):
someone who had never had a girlfriend, and he was
like the guy and it was the same. They're two
different dynamics, but they're similar. So this guy texted back
and forth and I just dropped the ball completely. He
had said what he wanted to. We were in a
FaceTime and then it never happened. And then he said
he was coming out to the Hamptons, and then he
came and he texted me and he basically said something.
(21:16):
I think his daughter was a fan. I mean, I
know this, but I'm trying to like not make it.
Some people know who he was. His daughter was a fan.
And he texts me, Oh, he starts the new text
exchange something about im and my daughter's craving chicken salad
or something, and I'm like, oh, so I'm now I
realize the daughter is a fan. So he says something
about cute. That's very cute, loved it, No, perfect, We're great.
Then he says, well, if you want to get together,
(21:39):
et cetera, but this night, I could come alone or
I could bring my daughter. And now it's not about
the content. I said, are you interested in a friend
or are you interested in dating?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Dating?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
I'm like, great, because I don't usually go on dates
of people's children, So like I like did that and
then like it reset the fucking train on the track. Okay,
it's not about the content about what. It's about how
I just took a moment to figure out how to
slice through. And it happened years ago with a guy
that it was like the same, like call you, I'll
text you, We're gonna go out Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Then it's Saturday.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Actually, then it was Saturday, and I didn't hear from
him til four four thirty. I wasn't sure we'd been out,
like four or five times, we had slept together, like
I liked him, but it's like every time it was
two steps forward, four steps back, two steps forward. So
that day I was like, Hi, I need to be evolving.
I don't need to get married. I don't need to
have a ring on my face. I need to be
evolving in all areas of my life, in work, in relationship.
(22:30):
And he was like, I've never had a serious girlfriend.
I don't want something serious. I go, great, then call it,
call the fight. He goes, well, wait, but but we
could go right, No, call it. This is what I said.
The point is then we were together for two years.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Yeah, there's a moment where this is like, I don't
need to be dicking around. And so this moment with
the guy from Florida, and trust me, it'll get that
train fucking right on the tracks because they're scared too.
They're as insecure as we are. They're big losers like
we are. So this guy, when I say hi, being
a penpal is touching story and adorable, but like I'm
kind of a meet a person or you know, I'll
(23:06):
see you want to see it kind of goal.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I love that. Or this guy will run away and
that's great and that's fine because then you know, yeah, then.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
You heard, yeah here we did. So you don't need
to be in purgatory at all. And when you get
home from that date, you say to the guy, that's
your feminine I had a really nice time tonight because
they spent money. Yeah, but you say it. Girls are
always waiting. We're all sitting around with our hands out
waiting as if we just deserve everything, and we do.
(23:33):
But they're people too. You do it once though, now
it's up to you. You don't text me tomorrow, and
now we're fighting.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Then yeah, then you know right? Yeah, No, I think
that's absolutely right. I'm a big fan of just like
figuring it out, like getting you know, just saying the
thing and being like, hey, what are we doing? Because
I just like I don't want to waste time like
and also I'm I'm a shoot from the hip kind
of gal. I just like I like to get it
out there. So I think that's great advice.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
But I think it's the energy too.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
That guy Joey Zazig who does the relationship stuff, how
he did a post and he wrote on it something
like like I'm texting you right now. I'm not waiting,
I'm not playing games, and like he told the guy
and I was like, am I comments I go be that.
You don't need to say that totally be that if
someone texts you eight hours later every time I don't
agree in the game playing match, that energy you text me.
(24:21):
Steve Cohen, Mark Cuban. Billionaires that I know that are
leaders of industry, they text immediately back, all of them.
I'm not about game playing, but it's not even that
you're not too fucking busy. The smartest people I know
are texting right back. So if the guy doesn't text
back every time for eight hours, that's not the guy
for you have to retrain him.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
He's a loser. Now your guy, he's a loser.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
That is the good part about being in my thirties
is like I don't I don't allow for any of
that shit. I'm just like, oh, you're not texting me back, okay,
you don't like me? Like I'm good. Like you just
are a little bit more self aware and it's a
lot more free because in my twenties I was like, oh, yeah, wait,
eight eight hours for text why not? I yeah, twelve hours,
make it three days, like I'll wait a wow, my phone.
(25:04):
And now I'm like, you know, when a guy likes you,
like they're texting you, they're like, when's the next day?
Let me take you out, like you know. So it's
just like allow yourself to have that realization and only
hang with people who like you. It's not that not
that company.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Yeah, it's not that often that there's a course correct.
Like even those guys that I had to do that with,
we knew that they kind of liked you in some.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Way, in some way. It's not.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
You can't make a dog a cat, But you also
don't need to alienate, Like you can keep them where
they're on the burner where why would you shut options down?
I think a lot of girls do that too. They
get drunk, they do something, they shut it down completely,
Like it's okay to say something and be a little direct,
but you haven't completely burned the house down.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
There's no reason.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
You never know, Yeah, you never know. Yeah, And that's
something that I'm actually learning. I can be a bit
black and white with things. I can be like, oh, like,
well he did this thing, you know whatever, And honestly,
recently I've been like, to your point, keep them around,
maybe you'll come back, Maybe I'll need to go for
drinks in a couple of weeks. Maybe just keep them around.
I'm doing it and I love.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
It, and you should do that with ex boyfriends. And
you should have a Viking stove and something should be
on simmer, and somebody should be on boil, and somebody
should be taken off the stove. You have a six
burner Viking stove, and it's.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
I have a six burner Viking stove. That is that
is iconic. And that's that's what I'm keeping up here.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I've gotten a lot out of this episode. This is
what I came in wanting a lot, and I got
a lot.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
So I wait, but the last thing about you being Wait,
you just said something and it's about your age and
about saying oh, the most important thing you said is
like you don't like me. It's okay, Like, think about
the opposite. Think about how many good looking, smart, successful,
funny guys that you that dress well that you just
(27:07):
don't like. Yeah, I'm at this really handsome doctor recently,
like a surgeon, like so good looking, so poised, so educated,
so everything. I just I don't know why it didn't vibe,
but so like that could be the opp Its doesn't
mean you're not pretty. It doesn't mean you're not attractive.
It doesn't mean you're not everything. That guy just may
you may not just be he just may it like you.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
It's okay, it's okay. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach.
There's still gonna be someone who doesn't like peaches. It's okay,
it's look at that. It's okay, Jimstone, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
It's like, we'll live. We'll live. You don't like me,
I'll live. There's a lot of people I don't like too,
so it's it's all good.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Wait, okay, did we forget anything? Hold on, yes, wait,
hold on, I want to talk about your tips.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Men date like stockbrokers, women date like venture capitalists.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Go well, it kind of relates to what we were
talking about. But women they see the potential. They're like,
you know, if I could just get him a new job,
a new haircut, anew this and knew that, then I
could refurbish him and I could make him something great.
Men are buying what they see right there. They're like, oh,
this is her right now, this is what I'm this
is what I want, and I want this right now today.
(28:14):
Women are more like, oh, like they take it to
the board members they're friends, and they're like, Okay, now,
I know he looks like a troll here, but this
is what I'm gonna do, and this is what I'm
going to change, and blah blah blah blah, and in
six months it's going to be a different person.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
So mine for that was from Sex Lives and Videotape,
which is a movie from the eighties that you must watch.
It's unbelievable. And the line was, and I don't know
which part was first, but men learn to love the
women they're attracted to. Women learned to be attracted to
the men that they love.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
And I thought of you when I heard one of
your things, and I thought of this, and I'm glad
you didn't know it.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
So remember that one.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Oh my god, that's really good and really accurate.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Wow. Okay, next, men think women have high standards, but
then men don't even ask them a question on the date.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
So I think it's like, right now, the vibe on
the internet, vibe on TikTok is like, oh, women's standards
are so high. They're not so high. A lot of
women will go on a date with a guy and
he won't even ask you're saying.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
They're not even walking up right, They're not even like
they're not even like what do you do?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Or like oh, yeah whatever. Like I once went on
a date I think it was last year, and I
timed it because I got the vibe right away, and
I was like, I'm gonna do an experiment. We spoke
for forty two minutes before he asked me a single
question about myself.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
By the way, that happened to me recently too.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yes, I couldn't believe it, not even a like oh
is your drink good?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Or oh you've been here before? Forty two minutes. Yes,
I was like, No, that's a good test that people
have to do.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
That's brilliant. And but by the way, no, women have
no fucking standards. Women will gaslight themselves into thinking a
troll is nice. Oh but but I've seen girls of
social media. Look, he sent me a flower to my
hotel room. Okay, okay, all right, like like like flower
(30:09):
like yeah, like but the beggars, we're beggars.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah, I really, I really don't think women's standards are
too high at all at all.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Oh not, no, not, it's.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Not our it's not no, No, I validate, I validate
and set limits.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I tell you no.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Okay, if you are single, no, yo, women date down,
dumb themselves down, give a guy a cookie for doing
absolutely fucking nothing, bragg to their friends about something a
guy did that they don't deserve a cookie for that
was absolutely nothing, and we're it's like you see, it's
just so ridiculous. So okay, if you're single, you need
(30:48):
single friends.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's very difficult if all of your
friends are married, all of your friends have kids, and
you're the only single one and you're like looking around
on a Friday night. If you don't have a couple
of single girlfriends to get together with, it's very difficult.
And so I really advocate you've got to make new friends.
You've got to keep adding people to the fold. I
love my high school friends, I love my college friends.
(31:10):
You can never make new old friends. But you also
have to be adding so that you're not lonely, because
otherwise you can feel so you're not a odd.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Leaky yes, but.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
When you're with a bunch of couples, they're all fucking
bored and the first thing they want to do is
set you up if you work the men. So you
really got to work the room, and you got to
find a delivery method that doesn't give desperate.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
You gotta make it be their idea. You got to
sparkle so much that they're like, yeah, are you single?
I got a guy? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:42):
Well yes, but if they don't, you must make sure
that every stone is unturned because you just they're not
thinking of you and this at all, and even if
they are, they won't think of the guys. So you
have to really like take five minutes job the men. Remember,
they'll have a guy even if you are in the end.
Once they know that they have a guy, you will
be a little desperate. You want to text them. You
(32:03):
want them to do it follow through because it doesn't matter.
Once you get on the date with a guy, the
desperate's over. It doesn't matter. Like you need to ask
the questions and if you're going somewhere, you make it work. So, yes,
you work the couples. Though, Okay, she's tired of the
articles about women leveling up and going to Okay, let's.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Hear that there's been a slew of articles about and
you know it's a big discourse right now, like, oh,
women are. You know, we're smarter, we're buying more homes,
we're at college more, we're outperforming men at work, and
it's all like very negative. The headline is not American
men are undesirable, American men are falling behind. The headline
is always like women outperforming like men, as if we've
(32:41):
done something wrong. Like that's the tone, And I think
it's just really interesting to see how they're all phrasing this.
It's like we are excelling and the men are falling behind,
and it is an imbalance right now. But I just
would urge all these journalists to be careful. Like there
was a big article in the Wall Street Journal. It was,
you know, the way it was phrased, it was like
as if we were committing a crime because we are
(33:02):
leveling up so hard right now. The truth of the
matter is these men are falling behind, Like why can't
they meet us where we are and why can't we
focus on that versus being like did you buy a
house by yourself? That's why you're single.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Also, I think it's not really it's a cousin, a
distant cousin to that, but it reminded me of I
really can't stand like the Girl Boss give a girl
a cookie for being successful bullshit, Like it's like.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
This girl Boss work it like I despise.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Yeah, girl Boss era came and went because it's not sustainable.
And I think if we really want to see equality,
then we need to not give it like a cute
sa name and just like acknowledge women when they're doing
amazing things and it just like because they're doing amazing
things and not give it some name and then like
the name turned sour, like we just need to make
(33:52):
it a mainstay, like women are doing great things, let's
talk about that.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
It's like this weird frame that is totally unnecessary and
it's also condescending.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
It is condescending.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
It's condescending. I die that you said. I've seen this
on these apps. The citizen of the world go fuck yourself,
a man of everywhere, Like, no, what's so wrong with
these What is.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Wrong with you? Like, what is wrong with you, citizen
of the world? Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Like no, but what that means you have a beanie
cap on in August and you like like are sitting
posing with the Dali Lama doing a yoga stand on
a cliff.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Get out of here.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
We're not interested. We want caviat and a glass of wine.
Fuck off, we don't want a man of the world.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Okay, I don't know what it is about us. It's
our ability to carry children, it's our connection to all women.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
I don't know. We change.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Women are always evolving like women. You know, you even
like to use housewives, like, think about how much everybody's changed.
Women just change. Men they don't change. If there's something
you don't like about a guy, you know, a core
thing of his personality is, let's say he's he's cheap
or something that's not to change after ten years of marriage.
(35:01):
So if it bothers you know that it will continue
to bother you.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
That's part of the nuance and the essence of someone
where you're like pretending you're a homebody because the other
person then you're gonna bust out later in your relationship.
But I'm going to say this dynamic that you need
to hear because it's someone it's something that a young
woman needs to hear more than my age of one.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
My age knows it.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And at the point that I sort of sort of
did this research experiment unintentionally, out of about ten men
I had met four who had full custody of their children,
because that's a massive, massive thing to get custody, okay,
because their exes had fallen off the deep end in
(35:45):
some way. So it was either pills and eating disorder,
drinking the combination of all of it drugs.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
And I said to them, and I asked a couple
of them, and they said that I was bullseye. I
said to them, So let me guess this is what happens.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Woman meets man and she's attractive, and she wants the things,
and she gets to brag to her friends like I
don't work, and I, you know, get the bag and
the things and the gym and the workout outfit and
the making dinner and the kid. Okay, Now the kids
are getting older. The man is having a version of
a Jeff Bezos glow up, like he's starting to work out.
His business is thriving, he's getting smarter, he's out, he's
(36:20):
talking to people, he's talking to business people. He's got
a big swinging dick, he's got the nice car. He
keeps moving in that direction. He's buying her all the
shit she wants. She's getting more and more bored. They
have less to talk about. She's devolving. Her kids need
her less. Now she turns to substances. She's drinking and
she is. They don't have the same amount of common
(36:40):
and she doesn't have purpose. Now she's older, she's not
as relevant in the work force. She can't even insert it,
even if she ever was in while she was pre wed.
And now these two are on two different pages. She
starts getting fucked up. She makes a full out herself
on the call to sack parties or at the charity
events or on the vacations, and this is a major
divergent path that goes on. And the guy is like, wait,
(37:02):
we signed up for this shit together. You wanted the stuff,
you wanted, the dinners, you wanted the fucking pilates, and
I gave it to you. But he got more bored
of her ass because that's all she gave a shit about.
And he's going to offer her a little business if
she wants her to do a charity and token bullshit,
And she's now resenting him because he's got things to
do and go places and do business trips and talk
to people.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
He looks better. He's rich and he's smart.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Because he's been working on his mental and this is
a major thing. That's why women have to have their
own shit and work. Not because I'm trying to be
against what anyone chooses, because you cannot see what's gonna be.
When you're doing pre wet and you just want the
wedding and the honeymoon and the money and the rink.
You don't know it's gonna come down.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
The pike, damn.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
So that's what I have to say to you.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I can see how that will. I mean, I feel
like that's played out on house in different franchises of
Housewives a future.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
That's the entire exact. That's it too.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
So there's a bunch of triantle but yeah, yeah, so
that's what we got tanks.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
So we covered a lot of ground. I honestly feel
like I got therapy. This was fabulous. Thank you for
you wisdom and just for being you. Thank you, thank you,
congratulations on all this stuff. I can't wait to hear more.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Yay
Hi, Hi, how are you. It's been so long.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I know I was excited, so like, what is it now?
What is the overall?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I think it's lifestyle. I think it's overall, you know,
speaking to predominantly young women, and I never call myself
a dating expert. It's not that I think that people
come to me because I've figured out a way to
be pretty happy being single, and more and more women
are waiting to settle down. There's a record number of
women who are over thirty who are single. There's a
record number of women over thirty who have bought homes
(00:43):
by themselves. So we are in this new era and
it's exciting, but it's also a little uncomfortable for a
lot of young women because they're like, but wait, everyone
told me I have to get married, but I'm not
really ready yet. I'm kind of working on myself.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
There's a thing with women at many ages, like there's
a defensiveness about I don't need a man, Like it's okay, true,
but it's a defensiveness about it that feels like you're
not being totally honest, Like you're that person that's how
do I explain it? Like you're making an excuse and
being defensive because you can't get a man when there
are so many people now that I'm realizing too don't
(01:17):
want a man, like don't want a man. This is
an weird age where I'm shocked by myself. I don't
recognize myself because I'm like, I don't like it's weird,
and I don't think about men really that much.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Like I'll go on a date with.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
A major guy like could be a billionaire, good looking, successful, amazing,
likes me, and I like kind of won't give a shit,
like I forget if I texted him back, Like that's
not my personality. That's a Kristin Cavalary on the Hills personality,
Like I don't what the fuck is going on, but
I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
It's just like old you're happy, you have a great life,
Like it's nice. Now it's like if you find someone
who is like the moon and stars and they make
your life better and they it's like and it's an
add on, then great. But if not, you're good, which
is like an amazing place to get It's.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Something people talk about, but to get it in your body.
It feels like the ozembic of dating, Like yeah, it happens,
and I.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Think it's kind of almost like a cleanse.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Okay, it happened to me where there was someone that
I was still like thinking about, not thinking about, but
it becomes like food noise. It's noisy, but the person
doesn't make you feel good. You don't really like them.
You're just like in this habitual thing and when you cleanse,
and that's why I think it was like Kate Hudson
who talked about a year with that dating which sounds crazy,
or people that have these things, it could be two
weeks no contact. The cleansing of it, it clears your
(02:36):
mind and it's like it's like the way that people
cleanse out sugar or something, and then you're just like, wait,
I actually don't even think I need that thing. So
I think that's a very interesting concept that's honestly new
to me.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
And I'm way older than you.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
I would like to fall in love, I really would,
but I'm also refused to settle. I've seen so many
women in my own life and just in the greater world,
like have their lives derailed by because they were like
I'm in my thirties and I've got to do this. Yeah,
I don't feel that I genuinely it took me a
long time. I talk about getting over the hump, I
(03:11):
wouldn't say. Only in the past year have I genuinely
got over the hump. I think before maybe I was
like lying a little bit. It's to your point, exactly
what you've said, defensive a little bit like, well, I'm
fine if I don't. I would love to be in love.
I love being in love. I'm obsessed with it. It's
the best feeling, obviously. But if it's not great, if
he's not adding to my life, then I don't need it.
I'm not gonna sit across the table from a boring guy.
(03:32):
I'm not gonna have a guy who's intimidated by me
and my ambition. I'm not gonna. I'm just not like,
I rate this too short, like I'm good, Like I'm
good until I meet someone great, which I want to.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
If you don't love it, you don't like it. But
here's the thing. You haven't hit the witching hour. The
witching hour is thirty seven and thirty eight, so you
don't have to pay serious attention to the witching hour.
The witching hour is thirty seven and thirty eight because
that's like, you're close to forty. That's the clock, that's
the real, that's the real. That's when the fucking rubber
meets the road. And that's when I made my I
(04:04):
don't want to say I have the most beautiful daughter
in the world, but that's when I made a fatal era,
the ultimate of settling, and the same type of logic
of the settling of the settlings before, the same logic
about how much someone loves you more than you love
them and you'll never find someone who loves you this much,
and the logic and what everyone else says, and this
person's so night and all the things. It's that you
(04:25):
don't love it, you don't like it. You'll be on
this podcast before them. But hopefully when you're thirty seven,
then we'll talk about the Witching hour and you'll probably
be in a relationship and I probably will too, but
if we're h you never know. But I like that
that's a pocket for you. I like that that's an
interesting pocket. And it's funny because I'm talking about the
same thing but to a woman in a different pocket,
(04:45):
meaning like people your age and younger, So like there's
a guy that is an extraordinarily smart, a successful, tall
like man about town let's say many towns, right, And
I can tell that he's used to girls your age
who are impressed by all this stuff and they want
(05:06):
They're dangling around, texting back and like panting, even if
they're trying to pretend they're not panting, is an energetic
panting because they want the bag and the paying for
something and maybe the boobs, and like I could tell
that they're like shocked, like you think you're gonna text
me I had a nice time, and then two days later,
maybe you'll text me again and be like, when are
you coming back from wherever? And then I tell you
(05:27):
when I'm coming back from whatever, Like now we're pam pals,
like get the fuck out of here. I don't need
your chanel, dumb bat, like go cook to a thirty
seven year old. But the problem is he's gonna be
like with the thirty seven year old who's like begging
for a baby, and he doesn't want that. And the
forty seven year old has two babies, so now he's
fucking stuck with me.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And I talk about shit like that.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Because it's the phases and stages that are very, very different,
and it's why young women have to work and have
their own money.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
They can be stay at home moms.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
They could do whatever the fuck they want, but they
have to because the man that I'm going out to night,
the person who set us up, said to me, the
last person was the person that would call them that
they would go in to dinner and would say can
we stop at this you know, high end store before
because and make the guy pity?
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Okay, but because you believe that that is not in
my DNA. And I'm not trying to be high and
mighty holier than now. I'm really not, because I'm all
about girls getting their bag anyway.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I literal bag. Oh.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
One thing I wanted to ask you about actually what
you have so much energy? You're very dominant, you know
exactly what you want. Like, have you found that difficult
in dating, because like I've been told by several people
that I I'm like almost it's a lot masculine like
or something, but like I don't know how to change.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
It and.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But everyone's like get into your feminine energy, and I'm like,
I don't know how because I've always like saved myself,
Like I've always just been like take I'm my own life, right.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I've got it. I got it. I got your answer.
They like to save us, but I keep got your answered.
No tell me, no, it's not okay, so.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Zach, I'll give you the script because I am there's
I will say this with I will take on any
supermodel for like getting met like I'm not I've never
had a problem getting meant if I had a problem
sustaining because maybe I run or maybe I picked the
wrong men or whatever, it is, like, that's what we
can unpack that in another session. But I'm not, like,
I'm not stuttering when I say this. I'm good at
(07:22):
so man going out to dinner with suggests striving a
distance to come to me versus the opposite. And I've
seen many others do it another way. And it's like no,
but so this person is and I didn't demand it.
This person is doing it, which is just a sign.
It means okay, that's who that person is. And that's
part of the whole program that you got a bank,
because every single thing does matter and is the baigest
(07:43):
of blushes of Pink's flags.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
So then says what time?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
He said, any time works And I said, right, well,
I want to make sure that you're coming at a
time that you're not going to get hit by a
lot of traffic. And I reiterated that a few times.
So that's caring, that's considerate, that's caring. It happened again
in Florida. Someone was driving two hours to come take
me to dinner. And this was a major bag alert
guy and the same thing. And I was like, right,
but I really I could meet you halfway. I really
(08:09):
don't think you should be drug like and they mentioned
five times each like how that was so considerate or
like you're dying.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
You know the restaurant they've picked as shit.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
So you could be like, no, that sounds great and
if you're if you want to go there, amazing. I
you know, I know that Janine's next door is also
very lovely. But really what I wanted, whatever you want
to do, like, that's your feminine energy.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's just the consideration and the pleasing.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
And they are used to smash and grab and women
either nag or I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Used to being like that restaurant sucks. You want me
to fix it for you, and I like, I need
to stop because but you.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Don't need to be not opinionated at dinner, and you
don't need I would say, talking about work should come
when you're in the talking about work section. Yeah, and
the mic has to be passed and really get a
lot out about them and a lot get it all
and really talk to them about their business because it's
very interesting. The major bagg or Miami guy, I found
(09:08):
him like going on and like asking me a thousand
questions because we've been talking about him for an hour
and a half. And I really don't like talking about myself.
So I was like, I get in, and I get in,
and I just like get out, and I want to
keep it on them to the point where he was
like begging me to talk all about myself. So you
have to just like let the butter melt and it
will happen. And younger women, because when I was your age,
(09:31):
want somehow for the other person to like really know
who they are. They really and energy shows who you are,
Like energy is who you are. Women want men to
like they want men to know how fucked up their
lives where even if it's subtle or how bamboozled they were,
or how sweet they are, or how they want to they.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Just intrinsically.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
You want to cram it all in on the first
and you just just chill and let the butter fucking melt.
They know, they know, And yes, you're definitely good at
being flirty and feminine, and you wear the flirty outfit
on the first day, and you cosplay the flirty and
that's the feminine. It's just not coming in and like
(10:13):
taking over because their ex wife was doing that and
their ex girlfriend was nagging them and they weren't having
a conversation that's intelligent about what they do for a living,
and it's not about how smart.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
And I am like this too.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
I want them to know how smart I am, because
I'm smart and most women are. It's not they know,
they'll know, and the subtleties of your vocabulary and the
way that you're talking about what they're doing that will
make you seem smart.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
It doesn't need to all jammed in.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Crazy good advice. That is my nugget that I'm taking
from you this time. That no, that is really good
because I think like I've surpassed that you're so on
the money about young girls. They're like they want to
say things to say how sweet they are and I've
I've left all of it, but I have the same
thing where I'm like, I need this guy to know
I'm smart and I have my own shit going on,
(11:01):
and I'm like, you're right, energy does it? Energy does it?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
You don't need to And it's confidence and it's calm,
so right, And that's the part that is masculine, Like
that is the part that doesn't need to be.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
It gets through.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
It gets through, and talking about a recipe it gets through,
and talking about molecular gastronomy, it comes through.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
There's an assistant that I have that just started. She's
twenty four.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
She's said ten words at a dinner last night, but like,
I know she's smart because of two of the words,
like right, if she didn't shut the fuck up, I
would have thought she was stupid.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, yeah, Where is dating better for you? Miami or
New York.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
It's all the same because it's the same person. It's
the same person that's running in the same circles. And also,
like the other thing is like you really gotta be okay,
So women sit here and talk about this and again
this is like it took me to this age and
my calling is like is like to like I'm talking
to the moms, but it's really a lot of the
young girls.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I didn't know so many young girls watch me. Yeah,
I'll me. Sixteen year olds would be like, I'm like,
why am I your aunt? I made that up?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
They're like, no, You're just the only one telling the truth.
I'm like, oh, I thought it was your Like crazy ant.
You're just a person. You're not a man a woman.
You're not old, you're not young.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You're just that.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
I'm like, oh, so another thing that was going on
with me for forever is like the resume, it's the
grout and it's not the tiles that is important. So
it's not the like the height, the thing, all these
things that yes, kind of matter, but it's the way
the person migrates, Okay, the way they migrate their patterns.
(12:41):
Like in other words, some people want to say at
the Aman in turks and Kicos, which is forty minutes
from the town, I'd rather stay at a slightly less
nice hotel to be near the coffee and the walking
in and the walking up, because I'm not that social.
And an aspin I like asp and you'd think I'm
so social. It's because when I go I feel like
I get to do something by just walking into town
(13:03):
or right, and some people are the want to stay
at the remote or some people like it's it's who's
to like wake up at seven in the morning and
do the hike. Person like, you gotta be honest about
your honest patterns and cadence. Right, Let's say someone lives
in a certain city. It does it's not about the city,
but it's about like they like the type that like
belongs to a sailing club and they're like a little
like stoic, waspy. They don't show their feel like that's
(13:27):
an essence more than like the action resume, and you
have to pay attention to the in between more than
the big because that's what you're doing every day.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, I like that a lot too. I know. That's
why I think dating apps are not really working for
people anymore, because now it's like it's so boiled down
to just a few pictures and like three words and
that's the resume. And it's like you don't know how
someone laughs. You don't know someone until you hear them
order a drink, until you see how they like order
for the table or whatever whatever they say, Like you
(13:58):
really need to be around someone to get their essence.
And just looking at someone, Oh he's six to two,
Oh he's this, he went here, like it doesn't really,
it's it's so hard to know if there's a vibe.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
It's the essence, it's the alchemy, it's that. Yeah, and
this is another thing I think is interesting, Like and
I found.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Myself doing it too.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
You'll you'll all judge, Like it was the shoe, it
was the couch, it was the thing I saw behind
them in the house. It was the teeth, it was
the whate and like someone says, someone that's very smart,
that's very experienced, said to me, under new management, that
will change, like under new management, And I thought, Tinks,
I gotta talk to Tinks about this because it was
extremely recent, right, like.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Shut the fuck, shut the fuck you. I'm so bad though,
I'm judge, Judy, I know I see something and I
just ough. But you're right, you're right, your friend is right. Yes,
under new management, it can it can all change. And
sometimes we've all seen a guy who we passed on,
whatever we thought he was whatever, he gets with a
really hot girl and then you're like, oh wait, did
I whoa And she refurbishes him period.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
He's like where she's imported him from, like a suburb
where they didn't know women existed, and she's like a
seven and he's a nine and she's turned him into
who he needs to be.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
She took a fucking import. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
The importing is, Yeah, you go to a city where
it's not like going that good over there, and you
get a guy who doesn't know anything, but he's like
smart and has money, and you bring him over and
you put him in some good clothes and shine that
ship up.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Import exactly. That's import. That's very good. Imports and refurbishments. Yeah, yeah, right,
and refurbishment. It can happen as if I need another job,
but yes.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
No, but I've looked at people that are super super
successful and like and also sometimes you didn't know, like
you didn't know who they were, and then you see
that it's like your guy that you trained on the
next girl, how about that you're welcome for your boyfriend
my assistance.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Oh my god, some of the I know some of
the work that I've done, and they're they're out there,
the girls like I need a fruit basket from these
girls out there, Like I did all this work, Like
these guys are in therapy now, like they're not wearing
skinny jeans like.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Thank you card, Like, no, it's I guess it's a
community thing and we're all doing.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It for each other.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
We're all doing it for each other. Yeah, I guess
it's a pay it forward. Have you ever DMD a guy?
Have you ever like thought a guy was cute and
just gone for it?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
No, I'm such a big game hunter now. I love
that it's go big or go home. I'm such a
big game hunter because of just institutional knowledge of it
not working otherwise that it makes it really simple. And
if someone's not smart, if someone's not philanthropic, if someone's
not educated, if someone isn't wealthy and successful and like additive,
(16:35):
or we'd be a good puzzle. You know, a certain
type of parent, you know I've dealt with. But I mean,
but by the same token, I was out with a
very successful man and he was rude to a weight staff.
I stood up mid meal and walked and walked out
in like a major guy, Like I don't play games
with like rudeness or ex crazy wives or situations with
an X that's on drugs and you got custody of
(16:57):
the kids and some drama. Like there's a lot of
I don't deal with any anything. So the thing is
it's very specific. So I'm usually set up because someone
has like vetted someone. I used to not be like
this at all. This is a last couple of year thing.
But I'm not playing any games for the most part.
There are some exceptions, but I don't want to waste
any time away from my daughter, and I'm only going
(17:17):
out if I really think it's someone who's superb. I'm not,
but you're young. I didn't do that at that age,
but maybe I would have been better if I did
do that a little bit more. Yeah, because you waste
some time, Like if you're getting into the Witching Hour
in the next four years, you don't want to waste
time either. You want a quality versus quantity model at
your age twenty four, do whatever you want, twenty seven,
twenty eight, great, getting into the thirty five, thirty six,
(17:39):
thirty seven, I think, yeah, you've got to be a
little more discerning because you're flapping your wings and wasting
your time, getting exhausted and then you're full and you
don't want to go back to the buffet when there
could be something at the end of the buffet.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
So you wait for the good entrees.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Okay, I'll wait, I'm waiting. I'm good.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Know what I mean, Like, be discerning, take a little
more time, and like, same as your business, go deeper, right, deeper, letter,
you go deeper than just like shooting fish in a barrel.
But then have the nights that are really fun and wild.
Those are magical nights. I'm not saying for you to
be like you know, in a corporate CEO of dating,
but a little bit of it.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah, okay, okay, a.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Bit of it.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I do a great Yeah, No, I do. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh okay. So let's talk about this.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Let's talk about let's talk about pen pal texting styles.
This happens at all ages. These men are morons.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
They just want to text, and it's like, why are
you here, dah, And I'm like, that's what you call
bread crumbing, right, I call it pen paling. If we're
just always too yeah and we never meet up, you're
my pen pal for me. I'm like, let's make a
plan to hang out. If we're actively dating, that's a
different thing we're calling we're texting. But if we're not
actively hanging out. Stop texting me all this asinine shit,
(18:49):
you know.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Okay, so wait a second, slow this down because I
call it penpal intwo. You know my personality, and you
know I've said, like I'm about to say it to
the other guy. Maybe like I'm not the right Like
let's let's either get meet in person or like piece
the fuck out, like you know what I mean, Like,
so let's hear what you do. So how many you
go out with Joe last night? He texts you afterwards
that was really nice? Is that like probably something that
(19:12):
could happen.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know, Bethany.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I am so like, I'm so wait a minute, when
you go out last night?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, no, he would say he would say that. But
either I'm like obsessed with him or I like never
want to see him again. I'm so decisive.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So great, No, but so you're obsessed with him.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
But I think that you you are writing the message
you're saying everybody needs to hear because I think what
happens to a lot of young people today is they'll
go in the apps, they'll match with someone and you
wouldn't believe this because it's not your personality. But people
get stuck talking for three, four or five weeks without
ever having met up.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
They're losers. They're all losers.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
They're talking, they're asking each other like, oh, like, how
is your weekend? And it's like, for me, if I've
never met someone, I actually don't care how their weekend was,
So that's a hard question to ask, like.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
They're a stranger.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
This is the thing with social media and with these
apps is it creates this false sense of closeness and
it's a really big problem for young people. So I
think it's important that you're saying this because young people
do listen to you about the dating stuff and it's
like you can't do that. You got to say like, oh,
I'm down to meet up for drinks, you know, because
people have a hard time being straightforward sometimes. I understand
(20:20):
that everybody's different, but I think an easy way to
say it is like you just say, oh, well, you know,
it's I'm free Thursday. Why don't we meet for a drink?
Just fucking say it. And if they, you know, wobble
and they say, oh.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I don't know, let's get let's slow this down. Oh
this is serious.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
This is more serious than I thought, Okay, this happened
to me, and this was an ungettable guy. Okay, so
that's why I'm going back. Okay, this is an this
was an ungettable player guy. Okay, but I and I
didn't know that until later. Because sometimes someone's really good
looking to be like, I don't notice that. I can't
explain it. I think they're fine, but like everyone else
thinks they're such a big deal. This has happened. Then
this happened years ago. I was in a relationship with
(20:55):
someone who had never had a girlfriend, and he was
like the guy and it was the same. They're two
different dynamics, but they're similar. So this guy texted back
and forth and I just dropped the ball completely. He
had said what he wanted to. We were in a
FaceTime and then it never happened. And then he said
he was coming out to the Hamptons, and then he
came and he texted me and he basically said something.
(21:16):
I think his daughter was a fan. I mean, I
know this, but I'm trying to like not make it.
Some people know who he was. His daughter was a fan.
And he texts me, Oh, he starts the new text
exchange something about im and my daughter's craving chicken salad
or something, and I'm like, oh, so I'm now I
realize the daughter is a fan. So he says something
about cute. That's very cute, loved it, No, perfect, We're great.
Then he says, well, if you want to get together,
(21:39):
et cetera, but this night, I could come alone or
I could bring my daughter. And now it's not about
the content. I said, are you interested in a friend
or are you interested in dating?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Dating?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
I'm like, great, because I don't usually go on dates
of people's children, So like I like did that and
then like it reset the fucking train on the track. Okay,
it's not about the content about what. It's about how
I just took a moment to figure out how to
slice through. And it happened years ago with a guy
that it was like the same, like call you, I'll
text you, We're gonna go out Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Then it's Saturday.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Actually, then it was Saturday, and I didn't hear from
him til four four thirty. I wasn't sure we'd been out,
like four or five times, we had slept together, like
I liked him, but it's like every time it was
two steps forward, four steps back, two steps forward. So
that day I was like, Hi, I need to be evolving.
I don't need to get married. I don't need to
have a ring on my face. I need to be
evolving in all areas of my life, in work, in relationship.
(22:30):
And he was like, I've never had a serious girlfriend.
I don't want something serious. I go, great, then call it,
call the fight. He goes, well, wait, but but we
could go right, No, call it. This is what I said.
The point is then we were together for two years.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Yeah, there's a moment where this is like, I don't
need to be dicking around. And so this moment with
the guy from Florida, and trust me, it'll get that
train fucking right on the tracks because they're scared too.
They're as insecure as we are. They're big losers like
we are. So this guy, when I say hi, being
a penpal is touching story and adorable, but like I'm
kind of a meet a person or you know, I'll
(23:06):
see you want to see it kind of goal.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I love that. Or this guy will run away and
that's great and that's fine because then you know, yeah, then.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
You heard, yeah here we did. So you don't need
to be in purgatory at all. And when you get
home from that date, you say to the guy, that's
your feminine I had a really nice time tonight because
they spent money. Yeah, but you say it. Girls are
always waiting. We're all sitting around with our hands out
waiting as if we just deserve everything, and we do.
(23:33):
But they're people too. You do it once though, now
it's up to you. You don't text me tomorrow, and
now we're fighting.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Then yeah, then you know right? Yeah, No, I think
that's absolutely right. I'm a big fan of just like
figuring it out, like getting you know, just saying the
thing and being like, hey, what are we doing? Because
I just like I don't want to waste time like
and also I'm I'm a shoot from the hip kind
of gal. I just like I like to get it
out there. So I think that's great advice.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
But I think it's the energy too.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
That guy Joey Zazig who does the relationship stuff, how
he did a post and he wrote on it something
like like I'm texting you right now. I'm not waiting,
I'm not playing games, and like he told the guy
and I was like, am I comments I go be that.
You don't need to say that totally be that if
someone texts you eight hours later every time I don't
agree in the game playing match, that energy you text me.
(24:21):
Steve Cohen, Mark Cuban. Billionaires that I know that are
leaders of industry, they text immediately back, all of them.
I'm not about game playing, but it's not even that
you're not too fucking busy. The smartest people I know
are texting right back. So if the guy doesn't text
back every time for eight hours, that's not the guy
for you have to retrain him.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
He's a loser. Now your guy, he's a loser.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
That is the good part about being in my thirties
is like I don't I don't allow for any of
that shit. I'm just like, oh, you're not texting me back, okay,
you don't like me? Like I'm good. Like you just
are a little bit more self aware and it's a
lot more free because in my twenties I was like, oh, yeah, wait,
eight eight hours for text why not? I yeah, twelve hours,
make it three days, like I'll wait a wow, my phone.
(25:04):
And now I'm like, you know, when a guy likes you,
like they're texting you, they're like, when's the next day?
Let me take you out, like you know. So it's
just like allow yourself to have that realization and only
hang with people who like you. It's not that not
that company.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Yeah, it's not that often that there's a course correct.
Like even those guys that I had to do that with,
we knew that they kind of liked you in some.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Way, in some way. It's not.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
You can't make a dog a cat, But you also
don't need to alienate, Like you can keep them where
they're on the burner where why would you shut options down?
I think a lot of girls do that too. They
get drunk, they do something, they shut it down completely,
Like it's okay to say something and be a little direct,
but you haven't completely burned the house down.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
There's no reason.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
You never know, Yeah, you never know. Yeah, And that's
something that I'm actually learning. I can be a bit
black and white with things. I can be like, oh, like,
well he did this thing, you know whatever, And honestly,
recently I've been like, to your point, keep them around,
maybe you'll come back, Maybe I'll need to go for
drinks in a couple of weeks. Maybe just keep them around.
I'm doing it and I love.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
It, and you should do that with ex boyfriends. And
you should have a Viking stove and something should be
on simmer, and somebody should be on boil, and somebody
should be taken off the stove. You have a six
burner Viking stove, and it's.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
I have a six burner Viking stove. That is that
is iconic. And that's that's what I'm keeping up here.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I've gotten a lot out of this episode. This is
what I came in wanting a lot, and I got
a lot.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
So I wait, but the last thing about you being Wait,
you just said something and it's about your age and
about saying oh, the most important thing you said is
like you don't like me. It's okay, Like, think about
the opposite. Think about how many good looking, smart, successful,
funny guys that you that dress well that you just
(27:07):
don't like. Yeah, I'm at this really handsome doctor recently,
like a surgeon, like so good looking, so poised, so educated,
so everything. I just I don't know why it didn't vibe,
but so like that could be the opp Its doesn't
mean you're not pretty. It doesn't mean you're not attractive.
It doesn't mean you're not everything. That guy just may
you may not just be he just may it like you.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
It's okay, it's okay. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach.
There's still gonna be someone who doesn't like peaches. It's okay,
it's look at that. It's okay, Jimstone, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
It's like, we'll live. We'll live. You don't like me,
I'll live. There's a lot of people I don't like too,
so it's it's all good.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Wait, okay, did we forget anything? Hold on, yes, wait,
hold on, I want to talk about your tips.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Men date like stockbrokers, women date like venture capitalists.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Go well, it kind of relates to what we were
talking about. But women they see the potential. They're like,
you know, if I could just get him a new job,
a new haircut, anew this and knew that, then I
could refurbish him and I could make him something great.
Men are buying what they see right there. They're like, oh,
this is her right now, this is what I'm this
is what I want, and I want this right now today.
(28:14):
Women are more like, oh, like they take it to
the board members they're friends, and they're like, Okay, now,
I know he looks like a troll here, but this
is what I'm gonna do, and this is what I'm
going to change, and blah blah blah blah, and in
six months it's going to be a different person.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
So mine for that was from Sex Lives and Videotape,
which is a movie from the eighties that you must watch.
It's unbelievable. And the line was, and I don't know
which part was first, but men learn to love the
women they're attracted to. Women learned to be attracted to
the men that they love.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
And I thought of you when I heard one of
your things, and I thought of this, and I'm glad
you didn't know it.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
So remember that one.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Oh my god, that's really good and really accurate.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Wow. Okay, next, men think women have high standards, but
then men don't even ask them a question on the date.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
So I think it's like, right now, the vibe on
the internet, vibe on TikTok is like, oh, women's standards
are so high. They're not so high. A lot of
women will go on a date with a guy and
he won't even ask you're saying.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
They're not even walking up right, They're not even like
they're not even like what do you do?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Or like oh, yeah whatever. Like I once went on
a date I think it was last year, and I
timed it because I got the vibe right away, and
I was like, I'm gonna do an experiment. We spoke
for forty two minutes before he asked me a single
question about myself.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
By the way, that happened to me recently too.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yes, I couldn't believe it, not even a like oh
is your drink good?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Or oh you've been here before? Forty two minutes. Yes,
I was like, No, that's a good test that people
have to do.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
That's brilliant. And but by the way, no, women have
no fucking standards. Women will gaslight themselves into thinking a
troll is nice. Oh but but I've seen girls of
social media. Look, he sent me a flower to my
hotel room. Okay, okay, all right, like like like flower
(30:09):
like yeah, like but the beggars, we're beggars.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah, I really, I really don't think women's standards are
too high at all at all.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Oh not, no, not, it's.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Not our it's not no, No, I validate, I validate
and set limits.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I tell you no.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Okay, if you are single, no, yo, women date down,
dumb themselves down, give a guy a cookie for doing
absolutely fucking nothing, bragg to their friends about something a
guy did that they don't deserve a cookie for that
was absolutely nothing, and we're it's like you see, it's
just so ridiculous. So okay, if you're single, you need
(30:48):
single friends.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's very difficult if all of your
friends are married, all of your friends have kids, and
you're the only single one and you're like looking around
on a Friday night. If you don't have a couple
of single girlfriends to get together with, it's very difficult.
And so I really advocate you've got to make new friends.
You've got to keep adding people to the fold. I
love my high school friends, I love my college friends.
(31:10):
You can never make new old friends. But you also
have to be adding so that you're not lonely, because
otherwise you can feel so you're not a odd.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Leaky yes, but.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
When you're with a bunch of couples, they're all fucking
bored and the first thing they want to do is
set you up if you work the men. So you
really got to work the room, and you got to
find a delivery method that doesn't give desperate.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
You gotta make it be their idea. You got to
sparkle so much that they're like, yeah, are you single?
I got a guy? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:42):
Well yes, but if they don't, you must make sure
that every stone is unturned because you just they're not
thinking of you and this at all, and even if
they are, they won't think of the guys. So you
have to really like take five minutes job the men. Remember,
they'll have a guy even if you are in the end.
Once they know that they have a guy, you will
be a little desperate. You want to text them. You
(32:03):
want them to do it follow through because it doesn't matter.
Once you get on the date with a guy, the
desperate's over. It doesn't matter. Like you need to ask
the questions and if you're going somewhere, you make it work. So, yes,
you work the couples. Though, Okay, she's tired of the
articles about women leveling up and going to Okay, let's.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Hear that there's been a slew of articles about and
you know it's a big discourse right now, like, oh,
women are. You know, we're smarter, we're buying more homes,
we're at college more, we're outperforming men at work, and
it's all like very negative. The headline is not American
men are undesirable, American men are falling behind. The headline
is always like women outperforming like men, as if we've
(32:41):
done something wrong. Like that's the tone, And I think
it's just really interesting to see how they're all phrasing this.
It's like we are excelling and the men are falling behind,
and it is an imbalance right now. But I just
would urge all these journalists to be careful. Like there
was a big article in the Wall Street Journal. It was,
you know, the way it was phrased, it was like
as if we were committing a crime because we are
(33:02):
leveling up so hard right now. The truth of the
matter is these men are falling behind, Like why can't
they meet us where we are and why can't we
focus on that versus being like did you buy a
house by yourself? That's why you're single.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Also, I think it's not really it's a cousin, a
distant cousin to that, but it reminded me of I
really can't stand like the Girl Boss give a girl
a cookie for being successful bullshit, Like it's like.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
This girl Boss work it like I despise.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Yeah, girl Boss era came and went because it's not sustainable.
And I think if we really want to see equality,
then we need to not give it like a cute
sa name and just like acknowledge women when they're doing
amazing things and it just like because they're doing amazing
things and not give it some name and then like
the name turned sour, like we just need to make
(33:52):
it a mainstay, like women are doing great things, let's
talk about that.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
It's like this weird frame that is totally unnecessary and
it's also condescending.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
It is condescending.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
It's condescending. I die that you said. I've seen this
on these apps. The citizen of the world go fuck yourself,
a man of everywhere, Like, no, what's so wrong with
these What is.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Wrong with you? Like, what is wrong with you, citizen
of the world? Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Like no, but what that means you have a beanie
cap on in August and you like like are sitting
posing with the Dali Lama doing a yoga stand on
a cliff.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Get out of here.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
We're not interested. We want caviat and a glass of wine.
Fuck off, we don't want a man of the world.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Okay, I don't know what it is about us. It's
our ability to carry children, it's our connection to all women.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
I don't know. We change.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Women are always evolving like women. You know, you even
like to use housewives, like, think about how much everybody's changed.
Women just change. Men they don't change. If there's something
you don't like about a guy, you know, a core
thing of his personality is, let's say he's he's cheap
or something that's not to change after ten years of marriage.
(35:01):
So if it bothers you know that it will continue
to bother you.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
That's part of the nuance and the essence of someone
where you're like pretending you're a homebody because the other
person then you're gonna bust out later in your relationship.
But I'm going to say this dynamic that you need
to hear because it's someone it's something that a young
woman needs to hear more than my age of one.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
My age knows it.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And at the point that I sort of sort of
did this research experiment unintentionally, out of about ten men
I had met four who had full custody of their children,
because that's a massive, massive thing to get custody, okay,
because their exes had fallen off the deep end in
(35:45):
some way. So it was either pills and eating disorder,
drinking the combination of all of it drugs.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
And I said to them, and I asked a couple
of them, and they said that I was bullseye. I
said to them, So let me guess this is what happens.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Woman meets man and she's attractive, and she wants the things,
and she gets to brag to her friends like I
don't work, and I, you know, get the bag and
the things and the gym and the workout outfit and
the making dinner and the kid. Okay, Now the kids
are getting older. The man is having a version of
a Jeff Bezos glow up, like he's starting to work out.
His business is thriving, he's getting smarter, he's out, he's
(36:20):
talking to people, he's talking to business people. He's got
a big swinging dick, he's got the nice car. He
keeps moving in that direction. He's buying her all the
shit she wants. She's getting more and more bored. They
have less to talk about. She's devolving. Her kids need
her less. Now she turns to substances. She's drinking and
she is. They don't have the same amount of common
(36:40):
and she doesn't have purpose. Now she's older, she's not
as relevant in the work force. She can't even insert it,
even if she ever was in while she was pre wed.
And now these two are on two different pages. She
starts getting fucked up. She makes a full out herself
on the call to sack parties or at the charity
events or on the vacations, and this is a major
divergent path that goes on. And the guy is like, wait,
(37:02):
we signed up for this shit together. You wanted the stuff,
you wanted, the dinners, you wanted the fucking pilates, and
I gave it to you. But he got more bored
of her ass because that's all she gave a shit about.
And he's going to offer her a little business if
she wants her to do a charity and token bullshit,
And she's now resenting him because he's got things to
do and go places and do business trips and talk
to people.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
He looks better. He's rich and he's smart.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Because he's been working on his mental and this is
a major thing. That's why women have to have their
own shit and work. Not because I'm trying to be
against what anyone chooses, because you cannot see what's gonna be.
When you're doing pre wet and you just want the
wedding and the honeymoon and the money and the rink.
You don't know it's gonna come down.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
The pike, damn.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
So that's what I have to say to you.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I can see how that will. I mean, I feel
like that's played out on house in different franchises of
Housewives a future.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
That's the entire exact. That's it too.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
So there's a bunch of triantle but yeah, yeah, so
that's what we got tanks.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
So we covered a lot of ground. I honestly feel
like I got therapy. This was fabulous. Thank you for
you wisdom and just for being you. Thank you, thank you,
congratulations on all this stuff. I can't wait to hear more.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Yay
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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