October 2, 2025 • 26 mins
Why wouldn't you want a nice guy just because I didn't want to marry him? PLUS: Gold Digger Triggers
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Want to hear something else stupid. You don't like someone
and you might want to set them up with someone else.
What's wrong with them? Nothing's wrong with them. You're allowed
to have whatever you want, so you want toupset them
up with them? So many girls like, wait, I don't
want your slappy seconds?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I have an air mez bag here. I don't wear it,
I'm not gonna use it. I'd like to give it
to you. If you don't want it, I'm gonna give
it to somebody else. There's no such thing as sloppy seconds.
If the person's saying the guy is a good guy,
If the guy is a piece of shit, they're not
gonna hand him over to you. Then they're a bad person.
Then you should never speak to them again. Like, there
are ways to find out that someone's not a good person. Okay,
(00:46):
but just because someone else didn't want them, what does
that mean? Does someone else have every piece of clothing
you have? Live in the house you live in, like
the same food you like? Do someone like Cilantro? Someone
else likes Basil? Are you an infant? Slappy seconds are good?
Take the sloppy seconds. One woman's trash is another woman's
twenty five year old marriage. I went out with a
guy him. We had the best time. We danced, we
(01:08):
hung out, I had the greatest time. I spent more
time with him. He's not my husband. With great certainty,
with ninety nine percent certainty, I think he's not my husband.
And I liked him a lot, and we're texting, we're
still friends. I set him up with someone else. They
liked each other a lot. I don't know if their
husband and wife either, but they are going out again.
(01:30):
I'm not going out with him again.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Pilimid a dumpster. He's a wonderful man and now he's
going out with a wonderful girl. So I was talking
to a guy who said to me that he was
in a place in Miami and it seemed like everybody
was either pro or semi pro.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
It means the woman who's actually in there hoping to
get literal currency for sex or a hand job or whatever.
A semi pro is a woman who's in there running game,
working the system, and immediately will probably be interviewing the
man to get his net worth statement out.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
And that's a semi pro.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
There are also pros that don't take money, they're just pros,
and that they're big game hunters. I know a lot
of people who are big game hunters that will end
up finding a man that's rich. That's what's important to them.
And they probably are fucking either the hottest women on
earth or they know what they're doing. But an amateur
hour could be hot. And she's going to lead too
quickly with the question. She's going to let a guy
(02:28):
know right away that she's looking for a net worth statement.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
She's interviewing him.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
She wants to know exactly where he lives, what he drives,
how he rolls.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
And these men are pros too. You think these.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Men who are Wall Street titans who have tens of
millions of hundreds of millions of dollars, don't know a
fucking pro. You think they don't deal with Barracuda's on
Wall Street every day. You think they don't know a
like a fucking Checkers player. Gold digger, Okay, if they
have they have gold digger trigger. They have such a
(03:04):
gold digger trigger that they'll meet someone who's not a
gold digger and they have their alert up.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
They will also test women.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
They won't buy women anything because they are testing to
see if it's gonna make the woman run.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
They're pros too.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
The men are pros too, so women don't play the
short game. Okay, the men are smarter than you. The
men that you're gold digging didn't get to be the
men with the piles of goal by being stupid. They
know how stupid you are. Now, if you are hot
or like play the Jedi mind tricks or can enter
(03:39):
them into the mind control program, they might want it anyway.
Some men like a gold digger. They know what they're getting.
We're gonna hang out. You're hot, I'm gonna buy you
in arimez bags and jewelry. You know, all the other
women are gonna be jealous of you. They're gonna want
me to. All the other men are gonna try to
compete with my program. It's a flex fine. Just know
what you're doing with This is what goes on. They're
(04:02):
pros everywhere. I see them all over social media, all
over the universe. They're women. They're pros because you're pros because, hey, men,
some of you want to date only thirty five year olds,
even though you look like a lawn ornament. Some of
you men only want to date a really hot woman
because you have money, you look like a law and ornament.
I'm just letting you guys know how the game is played,
fought and won. I was talking to a guy today
(04:24):
who's tall, good looking, great body, has a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
He said, he's not just looking for looks.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I said, I have a girl for you who's hot
and amazing and very similar mindset to him.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
He said, I'm not shallow.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
There are a lot of men who have been through
all the pros and semi pros, and they don't want
someone who's unattractive to them.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
It's a superficial world.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
But the men who have any money and any success
in any intelligence and walk upright and will call you
and not text you because they're not fucking caveman gorillas.
They don't want just the dining piece. They've been through that.
They don't trust that. They don't trust that. But they
have gold digger trigger. Know that right away, and you
(05:07):
say one thing, And women have their own triggers because
they'll try to test the guys and see if the
guy's gonna do something or buy something.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Women don't want to cheat man.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Men be generous, make a phone call, don't just text,
don't bread crumb women, don't play checkers. Because men want
a smart woman who can support themselves and can pay
for themselves. It doesn't mean the man's not gonna want
to do that for them, but they can. I'm an
example of that. Men love that I have my own money.
(05:36):
That doesn't mean we're going out and I'm going Dutch
by any stretch of anyone's imagination. I've bought houses and
cars that the man will share.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I don't mind that.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
But I'm not going out and paying for something in
front of a man and it's not happening. I don't
care what you think. I don't care if I've set
women back two hundred years. Women, in my eyes, don't
pay for that like public facing, shopping, sitting down at
a restaurant. But I'll buy a house, I'll buy the furniture,
I'll do all those things. You just don't want to
do things that are going to be overly masculating and emasculating.
(06:07):
You don't want to masculate a woman, and you don't
want to emasculate a man. But men are so terrified
that they'll expect a woman to pay in front of
them because they have gold digger trigger.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
That's your fucking problem.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Bro. I'm not a gold digger because I have more
gold than you, but I'm not paying. So if you
have a problem with that, turn around and keep it moving.
Be transparent about what we want and what we're doing. Okay,
let's do some dating questions. When should you have sex?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I find this one to be so interesting and I've
been through it and I think about.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
It at my age, at how my.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Daughter, god forbid, should handle it, thirties, forties, the whole thing,
all right. So in theory, you should have sex after
multiple dates, when you feel secure and c and that
you are together with this person, that they're going to
text and call. You'd bet your whole life on it,
(07:07):
okay in theory, or if you are the type of
person I am not who could just sleep with someone
because you need it, you need to get laid or something,
and like you don't care. Those people I don't understand,
but they exist and that's their body, their choice, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
But most people will feel a.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Certain way, even if they act like they won't, think
like they won't talk like they won't, they will feel
a certain way and I'm considering sex intercourse. I'm not
considering sex all of the other things people say that
the other is that a blowjob is sex, that oral
sex is sex. I think sex is sex and everything else.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Is for play.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I think there's so many different about someone being inside
of your body and one part of your body. Okay,
so that's just my opinion, but I having spoken to
a bunch of girls, I think they agree with that too.
We were growing up was everything. But okay, so I
think you're setting yourself up for more success.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
By not doing it right away.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Now, I'm setting yourself up for success, your own emotional journey, rollercoaster, pheromones, oxytocin, security, depression,
anxiety levels. I'm saying that, I'm not saying wait to
have sex with the guy because he won't respect you
(08:27):
or he won't call you. We're back with the rules.
I'm really not if you are feeling something with a
guy or a girl. If you're feeling something with someone
that you are dating or hanging out with really like
so attracted to You're both had way too much to drink,
but it's wild, fun and sexy, or you're in an
(08:50):
environment or something wild has happened. I don't know, you
know what I mean, Like you're on an island, you
got wasted, you met him in a bar and it's
raining out, and it's just like you're on the be whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Things can be different.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I do not think that the reason to not have
sex with someone is because it's on the first date
or the second data.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
And if the guid doesn't called.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
If a man doesn't call you because of that, he's
not a man. And people say it's because of the
chase and the hunt. Okay, that's not a man. A
man if they were in the moment connecting with you
and it happened, sometimes it feels weird if you didn't,
because it's like you're only not doing it because you
told yourself and then you seem like an immature baby
that made some arbitrary rule. I would say, taking it
(09:32):
back a notch. This is what I really need to
tell women of all ages, including myself. You have to
control the number of cocktails, because that's when you get
yourself into trouble, because that's when judgment goes out the window.
That's when we're nervous, that's when you get dehydrated. That's
when you are having the best time. That's when you're
making decisions that may not serve you, because at the
(09:53):
same time, you're going to crash and be depressed because
of alcohol and it's a depressant and exhausted and feel
gross and hungover and want to eat junk food. And
you also will have slept with someone and you won't
know how they're supposed to react. If you don't sleep
with them and they don't call, you'll still be upset.
But if for some reason you slept at them and
they didn't call, like it could just mess with your levels.
(10:15):
So I would say you're kind of trying to protect
yourself as women who are not more insecure, but who
attached differently because of sex, who connect differently because of sex.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I have anxious attachment.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I have kind of worked on it and corrected it,
but left to its own devices, I will get anxious
if I don't hear from someone. But what happens and
comes with age is that you realize you do not
regret anything. By the way, you can't really and you
shouldn't do things that you're going to regret, but you
should not regret sex. And so to answer the question,
(10:51):
when should you have sex if you're looking for a commitment,
when you are sure that this person is definitely going
to call you or with you, that you feel secure
that they're with you, or that you just want to
get laid, or where you can just handle it. And
I don't know that many people that can. But the
problem with that is that if you're so into someone,
(11:14):
you can't always do everything that's perfect. Because anyone that
I've ever slept with soon is someone I had a
mad connection with mad connection. Up into my forties, I'd
never had a one night stand. One one night stand
an aspen and the guy was the most beautiful man ever,
and he called me the next day and liked me
because like, we had a connection. Another person years ago
in my forties was someone I ended up in a
(11:34):
relationship with. So like it's not a common practice, but
often the guy that you don't want to sleep with
on the first or second date is the guy that
you're not that into. I'm a scorpio. It's a very
sexual sign. You know, you have to control what goes
on around it and wrap yourself in bubble wrap and
frame it has My timing for sex when dating changed
(12:04):
with age. Yes, it has as I just said, it's
you're not a baby, and if someone can't handle that,
then they would not have been the right person. But
whatever happens after sex is what was supposed to happen.
I've never heard one person say I thought she was great,
she could have been my person, but she had sex
with me on the first date. I've never heard it.
Have you ever heard it? I've never heard it. But
(12:27):
you could do something stupid while being drunk enough to
have sex in the first date, and that could be
a red flag or something that happens. I just have
never heard it. How do you know the man is
the one? I am probably on the planet Earth, the
worst person to ask that, the worst person. There's never
been someone who has a worst picker than I do.
But because I've done so much work on it and
(12:49):
myself and have been nowhere near thinking someone is the
one for a long time, I would say when you
feel like you've found a partner, when you feel like
you're your most authentic self, when you feel like you're
at peace.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
If you don't love it, you don't like it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
So when you are not doubting it at all, I
always say, if you don't know, yes, it's no. So
when you just know yes, if you just know yes
without your body speaking to you, meaning sexual or attraction,
without like they have money or they are a doctor,
or some logical thing, if you and your body know yes,
I would think it's probably yes. Do I believe in
(13:28):
taking a break in relationships. I believe in the fact
that saying you're taking a break in relationships means the
relationship is over, but you don't have the courage to
say it, and you need to do the methadone program.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
I believe that.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I believe that any breakup that's ever gotten back together
that I've experienced doesn't work. But again, there are exceptions
to every rule. How to discern when to fight for
something and put in the work or letting it go.
Like in yoga, if you're experiencing discomfort, you work through it,
and you should feel some discomfort. And a business deal
shouldn't feel comfortable all the time. There should be some discomfort,
(14:03):
but overall you feel good. If it's discomfort, it's okay.
If it's pain, it's not okay. That's how a relationship
should be. If it's discomfort, no problem. Everybody goes through phases, problems, issues.
If it's actual, real like sustainable chronic unhappiness, you have
to really evaluate it.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
When do you tell.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Them you want to be exclusive. I don't think you
really need to tell someone. It'll just come. You'll be
so into someone, they'll be so into you. One day
they'll tell you they love you. I don't think you
need to tell or ask. I think if you're into
someone enough, there's just no having to discuss it. You
would never want to be with someone else. You have
no idea. How many men have told me about their
(14:45):
young marriage mergers, meaning they were young kids and whoever
they married that they've been married to for like twenty
five years and became like their sibling, like their best friend.
You know, on both cases, like the wife feels the
same way. But this was a good fit. Either the
parents were friends and they all like travel in the
same circles, or it was like a cultural fit, meaning
(15:09):
not like an arranged marriage, but almost like an arranged marriage.
Cultural fit a fitting the mold. So people that live
in the same community as other families, and they're very
aligned politically culturally, and so it's sort of like an
arranged marriage, Like it just works. It's what you're supposed
to do. It's that the parents want. It's not forced,
and the kids think it's a good idea, but they
(15:31):
don't know to be about connection and intellect and spirituality.
They're just kind of it's what you did then. You
just got married. You just grabbed a companion and you
got married. So I get it. But these people then,
decades later, really want to find some of the aligns
with what their soul and their heart feels, not just
(15:51):
what their famili's logic feels and even their logic. I
think that people are to game playish in the to
seem cool and secure, and it ends up seeming insecure.
So there's a guy that was pursuing me and it
was a little pushy, and I kind of backed off.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It just was too much.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
And someone kept saying to me how great they were
and that they were really interested. And I opened the
door very slightly and they came in and made some
really nice, romantic and thoughtful gestures. And instead of being
entitled or playing cat and mouse, I went out of
my way and said, I really think that that was meaningful.
(16:36):
That was a meaningful, thoughtful gesture. It was appreciated. In addition,
when they were pursuing me and I was not responding.
It could have almost given a little bitchy like being like,
I'm not sure if this is a fit, et cetera.
But then I framed it and said, listen, this is
exactly what I want. This is where I'm in my
life now. That's why I was hesitant. So these are
(16:59):
the things that are my concerns and these are the
things that I want, and so that's you know, something
like that. Like it was basically like, this is where
I ultimately believe that I want to live, this is
how my life and career is, and this is the
stage I'm out of my life, and this is what
I want. And the person was like, yeah, no, I
get it. Meaning you're telling someone now what you want
right now. We're not in a relationship, but you're saying
(17:19):
I don't want to even get in this car if
it's going in the wrong direction. So you need to
know that ultimately I'm not going to want to do
that or live there or be that. What I'm going
to want to do, with flexibility and compromise is be here.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
So I want you to know that before you go
out of your way to take me out and it
really works.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And that's secure. That's not insecure. You're allowed at a
certain age to say this is what I want. You're
allowed to say it at your twenties, your thirties, You're
allowed to say it at any point.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
It just has to land. And you can't seem desperate.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
You can't get drunk and start talking to someone and
say but I want to get married by like, but
you can before a date or on a date, you
could say, yeah, I have a pretty specific goal of mind.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And while that may be, I.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Mean, it doesn't work as well with younger men, I
don't think, because it might scare them, but it really
does work with older people. It is shocking how intentional
so many people of a certain age want to be.
They know exactly what they want and they want it now.
And I've found that even more men than women, that
(18:21):
men at a certain age really over fifty but late
forty two, they know what they want and they want
to be proactive about getting it now. And it's not
about men dating younger women. Men date younger women, women
can be gold diggers, women date younger men. A lot
of things go on, but by and large, if someone
is intentional about meeting someone, usually they want to be
(18:42):
somewhat age appropriate. That it's what I have found, and
I found that it's way more. There are way more
men that really are like acting as if they're treating
it like a.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Business, like they really want it.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I have come to really realize that the matchmaking industry
and the app industry are men sing the mark because
I've been dating, because I've started a dating model that
I won't get into great detail about because there are
a lot of things about it that are proprietary, new
ways of doing things, new concepts, new debunking myths about women,
(19:21):
debunking men only wanting younger women, debunking that men think
all women are gold diggers, debunking that men don't want
really accomplished women. And just like all the things we're told,
I'm finding are false. People who want to meet someone
(19:50):
and who are intentional about finding a relationship. They want it,
and they want it now, and they're serious about it.
They'll treat it like a job because they don't go out.
They don't party in the way that younger peop do.
They don't go out to night clubs. They're not just
out every night hooking up, meeting someone the biggest thing
being about like what they're going to order in from
Uber Eats and what they're going to watch on Netflix.
It's not like that at a certain age, and you
(20:11):
don't know about it until you're at a certain age.
You don't even know about it really in your forties.
Just something comes together at a certain age. And also
the way that people sort of work together when they're
trying to either lose weight or get in shape, that
also occurs can occur in dating if like minded people
are discussing it. It's amazing how a support system can work,
(20:36):
meaning not allowing your friends at a certain level to
tolerate less than what they deserve. We did that in
our twenties and our thirties, and sometimes, I guess in
our forties. But like at a certain age, you're not
even remotely tolerating a friend tolerating something either abusive or
dysfunctional or because the one thing that dating coach said
(20:58):
on here that was true is that dating is an
interview process for the most important position. So if you
put it through that filter, you will just know when
someone is even in the running for the job or
should be fired.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
And how do you fire someone?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
So I've met some people that are very good quote
unquote catches, are successful or attractive, are fun, but maybe
they break crumb a little. Maybe they're not romantic, or
they don't send flowers, or they don't follow up, or
they don't thank you when it was a nice time together,
(21:35):
or they are still playing games or whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
It is, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
The thing that women that are playing checkers do is
blow them out, like meaning let's say you go out
with someone a couple times, you think they like you,
they say all these amazing things to you, and then
they kind of go a little cold, or they ghost you,
or something happens right or you just they're break crumbing you.
Many women want to like get into the nastiness, meaning
(22:04):
like be rude to the guy, ignore the guy, say
something nasty or it was totally inappropriate that you did that.
My way of doing things, which seems to work, and
I've been sharing it with my friends, is to respectfully
tell the person that your needs and wants don't align.
It could literally be that the person is blowing you off,
(22:26):
but sometimes you get triggered in that process and you're
like in some game that you don't even want to
be playing, but if someone texts you, then you text back,
and you're kind of like in this volley that you're
not interested in. But you can always get the ball
back and you can always take control of what's going on.
And my way of doing that is if I'm not
liking the way something is going or the way someone's acting,
(22:47):
you could either say, like this hurt my feelings or
this is not what I think.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Is appropriate or respectful.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
But if you're not at that point with a person,
it's someone that you've just met a couple times, it's
effectively a stranger. And I'm not gonna start sharing all
my feelings and being vulnerable with a stranger.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I don't owe that to them.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
And as a woman, I would like to be pursued
because I do think there is some tradition in it,
and if someone's not being totally respectful and doing a
good job in that interview process, I'll just say I
don't think this is a connection. I think this is
based on what I'm looking for. Our needs and wants
(23:27):
don't line up. We're not aligned. This is not a fit,
and you'd be surprised how it works. You'd be surprised
how someone ends up wanting to find out why it's
a fit, or someone leans in and starts to be
so nice and kind for the wrong reasons, because it's
like they're playing a game. Basically, at a certain age,
people should be upfront and direct and secure, and being
(23:51):
honest and transparent and confident is very secure. It's not
giving needy, it's not giving desperate. It's giving straightforward. It's
giving you because you're a big fucking swinging dick, and
you think that people are just gonna tolerate whatever you're
gonna throw because traditionally women have been the ones that
are just taking the scraps and the breadcrumbs. You're gonna
lay down where you're gonna follow them and be excited
(24:12):
that you gave us a rose, as if like we
should give you a fucking cookie, when in fact, what
if a man has a nice time with a woman,
he should say I had a great time, or he
should send flowers or whatever is obviously within his price range.
But women are just used to taking such shit and
scraps that it kind of has to end, and women
have to hold other women accountable to not stand for that.
(24:35):
When you feel an ick, there's usually an ick when
you see a pink flag, there's usually a fire engine
red flag.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
So go with that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Trust that, Like I said, it's a stranger. Don't give
the idea of what someone could be or what you
thought they would be. Don't let that inform you as
to how you're gonna act. Don't give that any currency.
Women meet someone and they fantasize in their minds what
this person is going to be or could be, based
on their title, their resume, their wealth, their looks, And
(25:09):
you're fantasizing either you could change them, or oh my god,
what if I married him? Or we could be we
could live here, or we could do this so we
could travel there. And you're fantasizing about a stranger. And
then when the person doesn't align with the standards that
you already have and should set and should not be breaking,
you're trying to like make excuses for them, and you
(25:30):
really shouldn't be, because in the beginning is how someone
should line up the best. It's the new car smell.
The beginning is when someone should be on their best behavior.
So if they can't treat you the way you want
to be treated in the beginning, then there's no hope
for it.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Later.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
So, just like raise the bar is, I personally would
rather be alone than lower the bar, and I have
gotten to a beautiful state in my life where I
am not happy, but perfect, peaceful and satisfied. Being alone
I wouldn't be my first choice, but it would be
(26:06):
my first choice over fantasizing a stranger and letting him
treat me in a way that is less than how
I deserve to be treated. So I suggest the same
thing to you
Want to hear something else stupid. You don't like someone
and you might want to set them up with someone else.
What's wrong with them? Nothing's wrong with them. You're allowed
to have whatever you want, so you want toupset them
up with them? So many girls like, wait, I don't
want your slappy seconds?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I have an air mez bag here. I don't wear it,
I'm not gonna use it. I'd like to give it
to you. If you don't want it, I'm gonna give
it to somebody else. There's no such thing as sloppy seconds.
If the person's saying the guy is a good guy,
If the guy is a piece of shit, they're not
gonna hand him over to you. Then they're a bad person.
Then you should never speak to them again. Like, there
are ways to find out that someone's not a good person. Okay,
(00:46):
but just because someone else didn't want them, what does
that mean? Does someone else have every piece of clothing
you have? Live in the house you live in, like
the same food you like? Do someone like Cilantro? Someone
else likes Basil? Are you an infant? Slappy seconds are good?
Take the sloppy seconds. One woman's trash is another woman's
twenty five year old marriage. I went out with a
guy him. We had the best time. We danced, we
(01:08):
hung out, I had the greatest time. I spent more
time with him. He's not my husband. With great certainty,
with ninety nine percent certainty, I think he's not my husband.
And I liked him a lot, and we're texting, we're
still friends. I set him up with someone else. They
liked each other a lot. I don't know if their
husband and wife either, but they are going out again.
(01:30):
I'm not going out with him again.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Pilimid a dumpster. He's a wonderful man and now he's
going out with a wonderful girl. So I was talking
to a guy who said to me that he was
in a place in Miami and it seemed like everybody
was either pro or semi pro.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
It means the woman who's actually in there hoping to
get literal currency for sex or a hand job or whatever.
A semi pro is a woman who's in there running game,
working the system, and immediately will probably be interviewing the
man to get his net worth statement out.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
And that's a semi pro.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
There are also pros that don't take money, they're just pros,
and that they're big game hunters. I know a lot
of people who are big game hunters that will end
up finding a man that's rich. That's what's important to them.
And they probably are fucking either the hottest women on
earth or they know what they're doing. But an amateur
hour could be hot. And she's going to lead too
quickly with the question. She's going to let a guy
(02:28):
know right away that she's looking for a net worth statement.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
She's interviewing him.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
She wants to know exactly where he lives, what he drives,
how he rolls.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
And these men are pros too. You think these.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Men who are Wall Street titans who have tens of
millions of hundreds of millions of dollars, don't know a
fucking pro. You think they don't deal with Barracuda's on
Wall Street every day. You think they don't know a
like a fucking Checkers player. Gold digger, Okay, if they
have they have gold digger trigger. They have such a
(03:04):
gold digger trigger that they'll meet someone who's not a
gold digger and they have their alert up.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
They will also test women.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
They won't buy women anything because they are testing to
see if it's gonna make the woman run.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
They're pros too.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
The men are pros too, so women don't play the
short game. Okay, the men are smarter than you. The
men that you're gold digging didn't get to be the
men with the piles of goal by being stupid. They
know how stupid you are. Now, if you are hot
or like play the Jedi mind tricks or can enter
(03:39):
them into the mind control program, they might want it anyway.
Some men like a gold digger. They know what they're getting.
We're gonna hang out. You're hot, I'm gonna buy you
in arimez bags and jewelry. You know, all the other
women are gonna be jealous of you. They're gonna want
me to. All the other men are gonna try to
compete with my program. It's a flex fine. Just know
what you're doing with This is what goes on. They're
(04:02):
pros everywhere. I see them all over social media, all
over the universe. They're women. They're pros because you're pros because, hey, men,
some of you want to date only thirty five year olds,
even though you look like a lawn ornament. Some of
you men only want to date a really hot woman
because you have money, you look like a law and ornament.
I'm just letting you guys know how the game is played,
fought and won. I was talking to a guy today
(04:24):
who's tall, good looking, great body, has a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
He said, he's not just looking for looks.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I said, I have a girl for you who's hot
and amazing and very similar mindset to him.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
He said, I'm not shallow.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
There are a lot of men who have been through
all the pros and semi pros, and they don't want
someone who's unattractive to them.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
It's a superficial world.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
But the men who have any money and any success
in any intelligence and walk upright and will call you
and not text you because they're not fucking caveman gorillas.
They don't want just the dining piece. They've been through that.
They don't trust that. They don't trust that. But they
have gold digger trigger. Know that right away, and you
(05:07):
say one thing, And women have their own triggers because
they'll try to test the guys and see if the
guy's gonna do something or buy something.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Women don't want to cheat man.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Men be generous, make a phone call, don't just text,
don't bread crumb women, don't play checkers. Because men want
a smart woman who can support themselves and can pay
for themselves. It doesn't mean the man's not gonna want
to do that for them, but they can. I'm an
example of that. Men love that I have my own money.
(05:36):
That doesn't mean we're going out and I'm going Dutch
by any stretch of anyone's imagination. I've bought houses and
cars that the man will share.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I don't mind that.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
But I'm not going out and paying for something in
front of a man and it's not happening. I don't
care what you think. I don't care if I've set
women back two hundred years. Women, in my eyes, don't
pay for that like public facing, shopping, sitting down at
a restaurant. But I'll buy a house, I'll buy the furniture,
I'll do all those things. You just don't want to
do things that are going to be overly masculating and emasculating.
(06:07):
You don't want to masculate a woman, and you don't
want to emasculate a man. But men are so terrified
that they'll expect a woman to pay in front of
them because they have gold digger trigger.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
That's your fucking problem.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Bro. I'm not a gold digger because I have more
gold than you, but I'm not paying. So if you
have a problem with that, turn around and keep it moving.
Be transparent about what we want and what we're doing. Okay,
let's do some dating questions. When should you have sex?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I find this one to be so interesting and I've
been through it and I think about.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
It at my age, at how my.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Daughter, god forbid, should handle it, thirties, forties, the whole thing,
all right. So in theory, you should have sex after
multiple dates, when you feel secure and c and that
you are together with this person, that they're going to
text and call. You'd bet your whole life on it,
(07:07):
okay in theory, or if you are the type of
person I am not who could just sleep with someone
because you need it, you need to get laid or something,
and like you don't care. Those people I don't understand,
but they exist and that's their body, their choice, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
But most people will feel a.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Certain way, even if they act like they won't, think
like they won't talk like they won't, they will feel
a certain way and I'm considering sex intercourse. I'm not
considering sex all of the other things people say that
the other is that a blowjob is sex, that oral
sex is sex. I think sex is sex and everything else.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Is for play.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I think there's so many different about someone being inside
of your body and one part of your body. Okay,
so that's just my opinion, but I having spoken to
a bunch of girls, I think they agree with that too.
We were growing up was everything. But okay, so I
think you're setting yourself up for more success.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
By not doing it right away.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Now, I'm setting yourself up for success, your own emotional journey, rollercoaster, pheromones, oxytocin, security, depression,
anxiety levels. I'm saying that, I'm not saying wait to
have sex with the guy because he won't respect you
(08:27):
or he won't call you. We're back with the rules.
I'm really not if you are feeling something with a
guy or a girl. If you're feeling something with someone
that you are dating or hanging out with really like
so attracted to You're both had way too much to drink,
but it's wild, fun and sexy, or you're in an
(08:50):
environment or something wild has happened. I don't know, you
know what I mean, Like you're on an island, you
got wasted, you met him in a bar and it's
raining out, and it's just like you're on the be whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Things can be different.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I do not think that the reason to not have
sex with someone is because it's on the first date
or the second data.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
And if the guid doesn't called.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
If a man doesn't call you because of that, he's
not a man. And people say it's because of the
chase and the hunt. Okay, that's not a man. A
man if they were in the moment connecting with you
and it happened, sometimes it feels weird if you didn't,
because it's like you're only not doing it because you
told yourself and then you seem like an immature baby
that made some arbitrary rule. I would say, taking it
(09:32):
back a notch. This is what I really need to
tell women of all ages, including myself. You have to
control the number of cocktails, because that's when you get
yourself into trouble, because that's when judgment goes out the window.
That's when we're nervous, that's when you get dehydrated. That's
when you are having the best time. That's when you're
making decisions that may not serve you, because at the
(09:53):
same time, you're going to crash and be depressed because
of alcohol and it's a depressant and exhausted and feel
gross and hungover and want to eat junk food. And
you also will have slept with someone and you won't
know how they're supposed to react. If you don't sleep
with them and they don't call, you'll still be upset.
But if for some reason you slept at them and
they didn't call, like it could just mess with your levels.
(10:15):
So I would say you're kind of trying to protect
yourself as women who are not more insecure, but who
attached differently because of sex, who connect differently because of sex.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I have anxious attachment.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I have kind of worked on it and corrected it,
but left to its own devices, I will get anxious
if I don't hear from someone. But what happens and
comes with age is that you realize you do not
regret anything. By the way, you can't really and you
shouldn't do things that you're going to regret, but you
should not regret sex. And so to answer the question,
(10:51):
when should you have sex if you're looking for a commitment,
when you are sure that this person is definitely going
to call you or with you, that you feel secure
that they're with you, or that you just want to
get laid, or where you can just handle it. And
I don't know that many people that can. But the
problem with that is that if you're so into someone,
(11:14):
you can't always do everything that's perfect. Because anyone that
I've ever slept with soon is someone I had a
mad connection with mad connection. Up into my forties, I'd
never had a one night stand. One one night stand
an aspen and the guy was the most beautiful man ever,
and he called me the next day and liked me
because like, we had a connection. Another person years ago
in my forties was someone I ended up in a
(11:34):
relationship with. So like it's not a common practice, but
often the guy that you don't want to sleep with
on the first or second date is the guy that
you're not that into. I'm a scorpio. It's a very
sexual sign. You know, you have to control what goes
on around it and wrap yourself in bubble wrap and
frame it has My timing for sex when dating changed
(12:04):
with age. Yes, it has as I just said, it's
you're not a baby, and if someone can't handle that,
then they would not have been the right person. But
whatever happens after sex is what was supposed to happen.
I've never heard one person say I thought she was great,
she could have been my person, but she had sex
with me on the first date. I've never heard it.
Have you ever heard it? I've never heard it. But
(12:27):
you could do something stupid while being drunk enough to
have sex in the first date, and that could be
a red flag or something that happens. I just have
never heard it. How do you know the man is
the one? I am probably on the planet Earth, the
worst person to ask that, the worst person. There's never
been someone who has a worst picker than I do.
But because I've done so much work on it and
(12:49):
myself and have been nowhere near thinking someone is the
one for a long time, I would say when you
feel like you've found a partner, when you feel like
you're your most authentic self, when you feel like you're
at peace.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
If you don't love it, you don't like it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
So when you are not doubting it at all, I
always say, if you don't know, yes, it's no. So
when you just know yes, if you just know yes
without your body speaking to you, meaning sexual or attraction,
without like they have money or they are a doctor,
or some logical thing, if you and your body know yes,
I would think it's probably yes. Do I believe in
(13:28):
taking a break in relationships. I believe in the fact
that saying you're taking a break in relationships means the
relationship is over, but you don't have the courage to
say it, and you need to do the methadone program.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
I believe that.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I believe that any breakup that's ever gotten back together
that I've experienced doesn't work. But again, there are exceptions
to every rule. How to discern when to fight for
something and put in the work or letting it go.
Like in yoga, if you're experiencing discomfort, you work through it,
and you should feel some discomfort. And a business deal
shouldn't feel comfortable all the time. There should be some discomfort,
(14:03):
but overall you feel good. If it's discomfort, it's okay.
If it's pain, it's not okay. That's how a relationship
should be. If it's discomfort, no problem. Everybody goes through phases, problems, issues.
If it's actual, real like sustainable chronic unhappiness, you have
to really evaluate it.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
When do you tell.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Them you want to be exclusive. I don't think you
really need to tell someone. It'll just come. You'll be
so into someone, they'll be so into you. One day
they'll tell you they love you. I don't think you
need to tell or ask. I think if you're into
someone enough, there's just no having to discuss it. You
would never want to be with someone else. You have
no idea. How many men have told me about their
(14:45):
young marriage mergers, meaning they were young kids and whoever
they married that they've been married to for like twenty
five years and became like their sibling, like their best friend.
You know, on both cases, like the wife feels the
same way. But this was a good fit. Either the
parents were friends and they all like travel in the
same circles, or it was like a cultural fit, meaning
(15:09):
not like an arranged marriage, but almost like an arranged marriage.
Cultural fit a fitting the mold. So people that live
in the same community as other families, and they're very
aligned politically culturally, and so it's sort of like an
arranged marriage, Like it just works. It's what you're supposed
to do. It's that the parents want. It's not forced,
and the kids think it's a good idea, but they
(15:31):
don't know to be about connection and intellect and spirituality.
They're just kind of it's what you did then. You
just got married. You just grabbed a companion and you
got married. So I get it. But these people then,
decades later, really want to find some of the aligns
with what their soul and their heart feels, not just
(15:51):
what their famili's logic feels and even their logic. I
think that people are to game playish in the to
seem cool and secure, and it ends up seeming insecure.
So there's a guy that was pursuing me and it
was a little pushy, and I kind of backed off.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It just was too much.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
And someone kept saying to me how great they were
and that they were really interested. And I opened the
door very slightly and they came in and made some
really nice, romantic and thoughtful gestures. And instead of being
entitled or playing cat and mouse, I went out of
my way and said, I really think that that was meaningful.
(16:36):
That was a meaningful, thoughtful gesture. It was appreciated. In addition,
when they were pursuing me and I was not responding.
It could have almost given a little bitchy like being like,
I'm not sure if this is a fit, et cetera.
But then I framed it and said, listen, this is
exactly what I want. This is where I'm in my
life now. That's why I was hesitant. So these are
(16:59):
the things that are my concerns and these are the
things that I want, and so that's you know, something
like that. Like it was basically like, this is where
I ultimately believe that I want to live, this is
how my life and career is, and this is the
stage I'm out of my life, and this is what
I want. And the person was like, yeah, no, I
get it. Meaning you're telling someone now what you want
right now. We're not in a relationship, but you're saying
(17:19):
I don't want to even get in this car if
it's going in the wrong direction. So you need to
know that ultimately I'm not going to want to do
that or live there or be that. What I'm going
to want to do, with flexibility and compromise is be here.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
So I want you to know that before you go
out of your way to take me out and it
really works.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And that's secure. That's not insecure. You're allowed at a
certain age to say this is what I want. You're
allowed to say it at your twenties, your thirties, You're
allowed to say it at any point.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
It just has to land. And you can't seem desperate.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
You can't get drunk and start talking to someone and
say but I want to get married by like, but
you can before a date or on a date, you
could say, yeah, I have a pretty specific goal of mind.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And while that may be, I.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Mean, it doesn't work as well with younger men, I
don't think, because it might scare them, but it really
does work with older people. It is shocking how intentional
so many people of a certain age want to be.
They know exactly what they want and they want it now.
And I've found that even more men than women, that
(18:21):
men at a certain age really over fifty but late
forty two, they know what they want and they want
to be proactive about getting it now. And it's not
about men dating younger women. Men date younger women, women
can be gold diggers, women date younger men. A lot
of things go on, but by and large, if someone
is intentional about meeting someone, usually they want to be
(18:42):
somewhat age appropriate. That it's what I have found, and
I found that it's way more. There are way more
men that really are like acting as if they're treating
it like a.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Business, like they really want it.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I have come to really realize that the matchmaking industry
and the app industry are men sing the mark because
I've been dating, because I've started a dating model that
I won't get into great detail about because there are
a lot of things about it that are proprietary, new
ways of doing things, new concepts, new debunking myths about women,
(19:21):
debunking men only wanting younger women, debunking that men think
all women are gold diggers, debunking that men don't want
really accomplished women. And just like all the things we're told,
I'm finding are false. People who want to meet someone
(19:50):
and who are intentional about finding a relationship. They want it,
and they want it now, and they're serious about it.
They'll treat it like a job because they don't go out.
They don't party in the way that younger peop do.
They don't go out to night clubs. They're not just
out every night hooking up, meeting someone the biggest thing
being about like what they're going to order in from
Uber Eats and what they're going to watch on Netflix.
It's not like that at a certain age, and you
(20:11):
don't know about it until you're at a certain age.
You don't even know about it really in your forties.
Just something comes together at a certain age. And also
the way that people sort of work together when they're
trying to either lose weight or get in shape, that
also occurs can occur in dating if like minded people
are discussing it. It's amazing how a support system can work,
(20:36):
meaning not allowing your friends at a certain level to
tolerate less than what they deserve. We did that in
our twenties and our thirties, and sometimes, I guess in
our forties. But like at a certain age, you're not
even remotely tolerating a friend tolerating something either abusive or
dysfunctional or because the one thing that dating coach said
(20:58):
on here that was true is that dating is an
interview process for the most important position. So if you
put it through that filter, you will just know when
someone is even in the running for the job or
should be fired.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
And how do you fire someone?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
So I've met some people that are very good quote
unquote catches, are successful or attractive, are fun, but maybe
they break crumb a little. Maybe they're not romantic, or
they don't send flowers, or they don't follow up, or
they don't thank you when it was a nice time together,
(21:35):
or they are still playing games or whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
It is, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
The thing that women that are playing checkers do is
blow them out, like meaning let's say you go out
with someone a couple times, you think they like you,
they say all these amazing things to you, and then
they kind of go a little cold, or they ghost you,
or something happens right or you just they're break crumbing you.
Many women want to like get into the nastiness, meaning
(22:04):
like be rude to the guy, ignore the guy, say
something nasty or it was totally inappropriate that you did that.
My way of doing things, which seems to work, and
I've been sharing it with my friends, is to respectfully
tell the person that your needs and wants don't align.
It could literally be that the person is blowing you off,
(22:26):
but sometimes you get triggered in that process and you're
like in some game that you don't even want to
be playing, but if someone texts you, then you text back,
and you're kind of like in this volley that you're
not interested in. But you can always get the ball
back and you can always take control of what's going on.
And my way of doing that is if I'm not
liking the way something is going or the way someone's acting,
(22:47):
you could either say, like this hurt my feelings or
this is not what I think.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Is appropriate or respectful.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
But if you're not at that point with a person,
it's someone that you've just met a couple times, it's
effectively a stranger. And I'm not gonna start sharing all
my feelings and being vulnerable with a stranger.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I don't owe that to them.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
And as a woman, I would like to be pursued
because I do think there is some tradition in it,
and if someone's not being totally respectful and doing a
good job in that interview process, I'll just say I
don't think this is a connection. I think this is
based on what I'm looking for. Our needs and wants
(23:27):
don't line up. We're not aligned. This is not a fit,
and you'd be surprised how it works. You'd be surprised
how someone ends up wanting to find out why it's
a fit, or someone leans in and starts to be
so nice and kind for the wrong reasons, because it's
like they're playing a game. Basically, at a certain age,
people should be upfront and direct and secure, and being
(23:51):
honest and transparent and confident is very secure. It's not
giving needy, it's not giving desperate. It's giving straightforward. It's
giving you because you're a big fucking swinging dick, and
you think that people are just gonna tolerate whatever you're
gonna throw because traditionally women have been the ones that
are just taking the scraps and the breadcrumbs. You're gonna
lay down where you're gonna follow them and be excited
(24:12):
that you gave us a rose, as if like we
should give you a fucking cookie, when in fact, what
if a man has a nice time with a woman,
he should say I had a great time, or he
should send flowers or whatever is obviously within his price range.
But women are just used to taking such shit and
scraps that it kind of has to end, and women
have to hold other women accountable to not stand for that.
(24:35):
When you feel an ick, there's usually an ick when
you see a pink flag, there's usually a fire engine
red flag.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
So go with that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Trust that, Like I said, it's a stranger. Don't give
the idea of what someone could be or what you
thought they would be. Don't let that inform you as
to how you're gonna act. Don't give that any currency.
Women meet someone and they fantasize in their minds what
this person is going to be or could be, based
on their title, their resume, their wealth, their looks, And
(25:09):
you're fantasizing either you could change them, or oh my god,
what if I married him? Or we could be we
could live here, or we could do this so we
could travel there. And you're fantasizing about a stranger. And
then when the person doesn't align with the standards that
you already have and should set and should not be breaking,
you're trying to like make excuses for them, and you
(25:30):
really shouldn't be, because in the beginning is how someone
should line up the best. It's the new car smell.
The beginning is when someone should be on their best behavior.
So if they can't treat you the way you want
to be treated in the beginning, then there's no hope
for it.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Later.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
So, just like raise the bar is, I personally would
rather be alone than lower the bar, and I have
gotten to a beautiful state in my life where I
am not happy, but perfect, peaceful and satisfied. Being alone
I wouldn't be my first choice, but it would be
(26:06):
my first choice over fantasizing a stranger and letting him
treat me in a way that is less than how
I deserve to be treated. So I suggest the same
thing to you
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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