May 12, 2023 • 12 mins
Bethenny recently threw her daughter a birthday party and in doing so, came to a realization of how she is as a mother.
Find out what she did, how the party went and most importantly… if she can handle the truth she unleashed on herself.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I had Grin's thirteenth birthday weekend. I put my body
into everything I do, and it gets it's so exhausting
because it doesn't matter. I make a big deal out
of everything. I make a big deal out of things
I buy at the dollar store. Ironically, I was going
to say things I buy it ames. I make no
big deal out of things I buy at Armez. But
every event, every moment, every barbecue, every person that comes over,
(00:32):
every playdate, every it's a lot. It's a lot of pressure.
I put it all on myself taking my daughter to
Taylor Swift, like I have to make it a thing.
And we're going to Philadelphia because we got better seats there,
and we're going in my Sprinter, which is my van,
and we're staying in a hotel and I'm taking a
girlfriend and like what am I wearing? And you know,
I just like everything to be exciting and fun. So
(00:52):
but it doesn't have to be expensive by any means.
Like we were talking about the Kardashians like birthday parties
and things, It's not like that at all. I had
a slumber party last weekend. And my thing is not
to spend money on gifts, is to spend money on experiences.
Like I think I've told you before. If Brinn gets something,
she gets rid of two things. If she wants omah,
can I get that lip gloss or something, I'm like,
go get three of the garbage expired loop glosses out
(01:14):
of your draw and sure, like not every time, but
I have guidelines and her friends in many cases have
more fancy makeup than she does, because I'm not just
at the place of yes with spending, but I really
do like experiences. And since she was little, I would
say to brand I want you to choose friends that
you want to be around, not like you have to
invite your whole class or any kind of rules, like
(01:37):
girls that you want to spend time. And she would
think about it, and she would then pick a couple
of girls and it woud usually be like four or five,
you know, sometimes six, but it would be a specific
group and then we would do a special experience. One
year we went to they have these in New York City.
They have this carousel that has these like amazing beautiful
fish chairs, like they look like you're under the sea,
(01:58):
like shell shell seats and stuff, and take them on
the Merry Go Round and then I took them out.
I think that time I took them to like mister
I took them to Mister Chow because bring Love's restaurant,
and then they were all dancing in the basement, uh,
doing tiktoks or whatever dances it was. And one time
I took her to a make your own ice cream
place all the way uptown that you it's called cool
(02:19):
something and you get to make your own ice cream.
And I forgot where we had dinner. And one time
I took her to them to Jersey to go make
their own jeans and they got to paint their own
jeans and it was oh. And then we went to
an Italian restaurant or we will ordered it, and I
think from there it was always an experience and I've
kept that tradition. One year I took her and a
friend to Disney when she was little like And sometimes
(02:42):
it's marketing. Sometimes I know, uh, oh, I got an
appearance in Orlando and I can go, or sometimes I
got a trip to Mexico or something. I have to
go somewhere for something, and I'll then wrap it up
and go around her birthday and make it her birthday drip.
But it's always an experience. So this year she said,
you know, we have a guest house, and she said,
can we do a sleep And I thought, they're gonna
(03:02):
be on the property, I'm gonna be thinking about it,
or they're gonna be in my basement and they're gonna
be loud, and it's gonna be a mess, and I'm
too neurotic to have to clean everything up and whatever,
and it's gonna end up being you know, expensive anyway,
and it's gonna be not relaxing. And by no means
did it end up being relaxing, but it was exactly
what it was supposed to be. So I said, I'm
(03:23):
gonna get you a hotel room that had a nice hotel,
a fine hotel, like not you know, the plaza or anything.
And I'm gonna get a big suite, like a corporate suite,
you know, they don't need fancy, and you can invite
how many girls you wantavite. And she ended up inviting
seven girls. And I bought these amazing gift bags. The
(03:43):
theme was cherries. They had an indoor pool and a
jacuzzie at the place, so I bought these amazing gift
bags that were so cute and not expensive, A cute towel,
pink flip flops, these cherry pajamas, these cute little cherry
tank tops, my beauty makeup that I get, like, I
gave them each like a different makeup thing, this cute
little heart shaped makeup led mirror that lights up like candy,
(04:06):
and makeup sponges, and just like a whole bag of
stuff that entreats and all this stuff. And then I
got all these different balloons, it said Brinn and like
heart balloons everywhere, but I lined up the bag so
they became decor and I bought these literally they were
like five dollars furry pillows, cherry pillows, and ordered in
(04:27):
you know, from the pizza chain, like stuffed pizza, and
like all the garlic wings and knots and cheese stuff
and just all this great food. And it had a
little bit of a choreography to it. Meeting, everybody got
there and then we did food an hour later, and
then they all wanted to go night swimming, and they
swam to like eleven, and I made rules that they
(04:48):
had to be locked in the room. I gave them grounds.
You cannot run through the hallway and athletic animals. You're
representing me, and you could be representing anyone, but I
am a public person and you're not gonna get thrown
out to hear. I'm not gonna be embarrassing and to
be respectful. And that's why I got them shoes. I
didn't want toyone break in their leg or them slipping
water through. And I got them their own towels so
we didn't trash the hotel like it was stuff that
(05:09):
they could keep, but that also was functional for the event.
And they went down swimming, and Paul realized that our
room was looking right over the pool, which was amazing,
so I could see them. They were taking jacuzzi's, they
were on each other's shoulders doing like those chicken bytes
and all that stuff. And then they came back and
I said to bring like, you're not allowed to leave
the room, like because we weren't next to them. I
also did because it wouldn't have been fair to us, we
wouldn't be sleeping. So I wore a cherry sweater, like
(05:32):
a a Gucci cherry sweater I was. I Paul wore
red pajamas. I wore red pajamas just because we get
into the theme of it. I got them cute cupcakes
that said happy Birthday, Brain. But it wasn't like over
the top money or anything. It was it was expensive,
you know, by most American standards, but it wasn't what
you'd think like I would do. And then and they,
(05:52):
you know, and they all wanted to hang out in
our room too, which was so cute, Like they kept
coming down because Paul and I ordered dinner with my
assistant and they kept coming down to our room, which
is like, we're cool, And it was really funny that
I was like, get out of here, like go live
your life. And they ended up watching Pitch Perfect and
another movie, and they went to bed at one point
thirty in the morning. They were so good. I kept
worrying that they were gonna be ants all over the
(06:12):
room because when we had cupcakes, I had seen some
ants in the room, and I was worried that like
all the food and they'd be disgusting. And I'd go
back in the room the next morning to get them
up because I have a breakfast surprise for them. We
brought them Dunkin Donuts and then I was like, we're
going to go to this really cool diner that has
new telepancakes and like sparklers coming out of them and
waffles and cake shakes and like crazy stuff you can't imagine.
(06:33):
And they didn't know that was like literally a birthday
party all over again. But I went there on my
social media and I just thought, it's so close to her.
We have to just finish it off because I just
always want to do more. My daughter is such a
grateful person. So that night she thanked me five times
on text in person, hugging me, telling Paul, thank you
so much, Mommy, thank you so much, Mommy, it's the
(06:53):
best birthday ever. She couldn't. She was like exasperated by
thanking me with thanking with thank yous inside of her.
And the next morning I went to get the girls
up and they were respectful, and one of them was
helping me with the wet towels and they asked me
if I needed help, and I walked in. Everything was clean,
The whole room was immaculate. They threw all the pizzas away,
all the flip flups and shoes were lined up, and
(07:14):
I walked in, I go, what the hell And one
of them said that was brand Brindad that she cleaned
up the room. She made it. You know, she had
as clean with her because wanted to be respectful like
she's getting She's thirteen today, and she wanted to be
respectful like she she knew that she was grateful for
what had happened. She knew she was a big girl.
I gave her freedom. It wasn't next to her like
(07:36):
she thought, We're gonna be in the room next to
her telling her shut up all night, And I didn't.
I said it after twelve o'clock. It's not screaming like
and she did. They just they got the memo. Kids
want structure, but they also want discipline and like it's
a give and take. And my daughter really respects me
and she trusts me, and she won't break that trust.
She's got it going too good. And I tell her,
like the party will go on forever. If you're a
(07:58):
good person, a good girl, you give back. And the
room was immaculate. And I didn't even need her to
do that. I just wanted there to be no aunts
in the room. But she lined up all the shoes
and I didn't feel embarrassed to checking out. I thought,
oh my god, I'm going to check out and like
it's gonna be a shit shown me be Johnny Depp,
and it wasn't. It was totally fine, Like I felt
fine leaving this hotel, and I was proud of her,
(08:19):
and I was thinking about it for two days straight.
It's like being an adult. You're happier for the stuff
that goes on with your kids than your own shit.
I don't do anything. All I do is think about
these experiences with her. It gives me purpose. I'm not
social at all. I get to plan something, I get
to stuff the bags. It gave me such gratitude. I
lived for it and I loved it, and like I
was excited because some of this stuff came shipped late
(08:42):
and I still have like enough stuff for next time
or like a next pool party. I don't know. I honestly,
the thought that I had was like I was never
had the mothering gene. I never had baby fever, and
I had a daughter late. I was like in my
late thirties, never thought about it. So I never had
the baby fever, and I now can say, in twenty
twenty hindsight, I was born to be a mother, like
(09:05):
I Actually, there are many things that I'm bad at
and there are many things that I'm good at, and
being a parent is one of them. Like I'm on
the case, and Brinn has some friends that are faster
than others, and I am guiding her in the right
direction who to be friends with. And she has some
friends whose parents parent like me, and she's attracted to
those kids too. She's like, I like this kid because
I like this kid, but I also like the way
(09:27):
this kid parents them. She feels safe around people who
have parents that have similar sensibilities, and you know, they're
at an age now where they're turning towards adulthood, like
young adulthood, and everything sounds like it's okay. Like you
they want to do something like why we did it
last week or why this person does it? And I'm like,
I know it only has happened once. So like they
(09:49):
take ubers and I'm like, you know, Paul's giving her
strict uber rules and and we're we don't. I'm like,
you can't just take ubers, Like there's no just taking ubers.
You'll take uber as I you and I'll put it
on your phone, but like you're not just running around
an uber at thirteen years old. Because I saw her
and her friends going to get an uber to go somewhere,
and I saw them wandering around and looking for the guy.
(10:09):
And that's when you're not you're not focused. You know,
you're looking down at your phone and you're not focused.
So they're like advance. It's a weird age where there's
still kids when they think they're adults. And what I
(10:30):
was doing at that age is not something to even
I mean, it's going to I was going to night
clubs at thirteen years old. It is a fact I
was doing things I should not be doing. I was
taking the train in I was an adult. I was
raised like I was an adult. I was born an
adult at different times and I don't care. But like
one of the friends, you know, parents was having a
birthday party and saying that something they were gonna do
for the birthday party was gonna let out very late,
(10:51):
in that the parent wouldn't be present and the kids
would be sort of in the city at one o'clock
in the morning, and you know, I just one of
the parents was in the chat, and I didn't realize
how many I thought we were in another chat, and
I like read it late because sometimes I don't read
all the chatter, and you gotta read the chatter, and
you gotta connect with the parents, and you gotta be
on the case. Because one parent felt weird being the
one to say this doesn't feel appropriate for my child,
(11:14):
so I chimed in and said it's not appropriate for me.
And they were like side texts going on with different
parents thanking me because parents' kids are saying to them.
But everybody's doing it, and the parents get bullied too,
like by the kids that they think they're supposed to
make the kids happy because everybody's advanced, Like everybody's going
through New York City to Target and CBS and walking
around the city, which is not the city it used
(11:35):
to be. And I'm okay with being the dork parent,
Like I'm fine with that. Like you're not getting in
an uber unless I know about it and unless I've
tracked you, and it's an extenuating circumstance, and you're not
just running around the city and you're not gonna be
in the city anywhere alone past ten thirty at night,
like with you have to be have adult supervision anyway.
But like the horse gets loose, and I was like,
(11:58):
no way, and I talk to brain I'm explaining to her,
like it seems okay. One time something happens, your life
is over, Like there's no unsupervised and I don't care.
And I know Paul's kid, it's sixteen, isn't allowed to
be somewhere at ten thirty. I mean at night A
lot you know, with not not parents, they're kids and
they should be kids. And I'm on the case completely
(12:20):
and I like being on the case. But this is
a job that I feel that I'm good at and
I feel that I've got I like, I like it.
If you love something, you'll be good at it. And
I really love it. So that's what I think about
parenting in between and all that stuff.
I had Grin's thirteenth birthday weekend. I put my body
into everything I do, and it gets it's so exhausting
because it doesn't matter. I make a big deal out
of everything. I make a big deal out of things
I buy at the dollar store. Ironically, I was going
to say things I buy it ames. I make no
big deal out of things I buy at Armez. But
every event, every moment, every barbecue, every person that comes over,
(00:32):
every playdate, every it's a lot. It's a lot of pressure.
I put it all on myself taking my daughter to
Taylor Swift, like I have to make it a thing.
And we're going to Philadelphia because we got better seats there,
and we're going in my Sprinter, which is my van,
and we're staying in a hotel and I'm taking a
girlfriend and like what am I wearing? And you know,
I just like everything to be exciting and fun. So
(00:52):
but it doesn't have to be expensive by any means.
Like we were talking about the Kardashians like birthday parties
and things, It's not like that at all. I had
a slumber party last weekend. And my thing is not
to spend money on gifts, is to spend money on experiences.
Like I think I've told you before. If Brinn gets something,
she gets rid of two things. If she wants omah,
can I get that lip gloss or something, I'm like,
go get three of the garbage expired loop glosses out
(01:14):
of your draw and sure, like not every time, but
I have guidelines and her friends in many cases have
more fancy makeup than she does, because I'm not just
at the place of yes with spending, but I really
do like experiences. And since she was little, I would
say to brand I want you to choose friends that
you want to be around, not like you have to
invite your whole class or any kind of rules, like
(01:37):
girls that you want to spend time. And she would
think about it, and she would then pick a couple
of girls and it woud usually be like four or five,
you know, sometimes six, but it would be a specific
group and then we would do a special experience. One
year we went to they have these in New York City.
They have this carousel that has these like amazing beautiful
fish chairs, like they look like you're under the sea,
(01:58):
like shell shell seats and stuff, and take them on
the Merry Go Round and then I took them out.
I think that time I took them to like mister
I took them to Mister Chow because bring Love's restaurant,
and then they were all dancing in the basement, uh,
doing tiktoks or whatever dances it was. And one time
I took her to a make your own ice cream
place all the way uptown that you it's called cool
(02:19):
something and you get to make your own ice cream.
And I forgot where we had dinner. And one time
I took her to them to Jersey to go make
their own jeans and they got to paint their own
jeans and it was oh. And then we went to
an Italian restaurant or we will ordered it, and I
think from there it was always an experience and I've
kept that tradition. One year I took her and a
friend to Disney when she was little like And sometimes
(02:42):
it's marketing. Sometimes I know, uh, oh, I got an
appearance in Orlando and I can go, or sometimes I
got a trip to Mexico or something. I have to
go somewhere for something, and I'll then wrap it up
and go around her birthday and make it her birthday drip.
But it's always an experience. So this year she said,
you know, we have a guest house, and she said,
can we do a sleep And I thought, they're gonna
(03:02):
be on the property, I'm gonna be thinking about it,
or they're gonna be in my basement and they're gonna
be loud, and it's gonna be a mess, and I'm
too neurotic to have to clean everything up and whatever,
and it's gonna end up being you know, expensive anyway,
and it's gonna be not relaxing. And by no means
did it end up being relaxing, but it was exactly
what it was supposed to be. So I said, I'm
(03:23):
gonna get you a hotel room that had a nice hotel,
a fine hotel, like not you know, the plaza or anything.
And I'm gonna get a big suite, like a corporate suite,
you know, they don't need fancy, and you can invite
how many girls you wantavite. And she ended up inviting
seven girls. And I bought these amazing gift bags. The
(03:43):
theme was cherries. They had an indoor pool and a
jacuzzie at the place, so I bought these amazing gift
bags that were so cute and not expensive, A cute towel,
pink flip flops, these cherry pajamas, these cute little cherry
tank tops, my beauty makeup that I get, like, I
gave them each like a different makeup thing, this cute
little heart shaped makeup led mirror that lights up like candy,
(04:06):
and makeup sponges, and just like a whole bag of
stuff that entreats and all this stuff. And then I
got all these different balloons, it said Brinn and like
heart balloons everywhere, but I lined up the bag so
they became decor and I bought these literally they were
like five dollars furry pillows, cherry pillows, and ordered in
(04:27):
you know, from the pizza chain, like stuffed pizza, and
like all the garlic wings and knots and cheese stuff
and just all this great food. And it had a
little bit of a choreography to it. Meeting, everybody got
there and then we did food an hour later, and
then they all wanted to go night swimming, and they
swam to like eleven, and I made rules that they
(04:48):
had to be locked in the room. I gave them grounds.
You cannot run through the hallway and athletic animals. You're
representing me, and you could be representing anyone, but I
am a public person and you're not gonna get thrown
out to hear. I'm not gonna be embarrassing and to
be respectful. And that's why I got them shoes. I
didn't want toyone break in their leg or them slipping
water through. And I got them their own towels so
we didn't trash the hotel like it was stuff that
(05:09):
they could keep, but that also was functional for the event.
And they went down swimming, and Paul realized that our
room was looking right over the pool, which was amazing,
so I could see them. They were taking jacuzzi's, they
were on each other's shoulders doing like those chicken bytes
and all that stuff. And then they came back and
I said to bring like, you're not allowed to leave
the room, like because we weren't next to them. I
also did because it wouldn't have been fair to us, we
wouldn't be sleeping. So I wore a cherry sweater, like
(05:32):
a a Gucci cherry sweater I was. I Paul wore
red pajamas. I wore red pajamas just because we get
into the theme of it. I got them cute cupcakes
that said happy Birthday, Brain. But it wasn't like over
the top money or anything. It was it was expensive,
you know, by most American standards, but it wasn't what
you'd think like I would do. And then and they,
(05:52):
you know, and they all wanted to hang out in
our room too, which was so cute, Like they kept
coming down because Paul and I ordered dinner with my
assistant and they kept coming down to our room, which
is like, we're cool, And it was really funny that
I was like, get out of here, like go live
your life. And they ended up watching Pitch Perfect and
another movie, and they went to bed at one point
thirty in the morning. They were so good. I kept
worrying that they were gonna be ants all over the
(06:12):
room because when we had cupcakes, I had seen some
ants in the room, and I was worried that like
all the food and they'd be disgusting. And I'd go
back in the room the next morning to get them
up because I have a breakfast surprise for them. We
brought them Dunkin Donuts and then I was like, we're
going to go to this really cool diner that has
new telepancakes and like sparklers coming out of them and
waffles and cake shakes and like crazy stuff you can't imagine.
(06:33):
And they didn't know that was like literally a birthday
party all over again. But I went there on my
social media and I just thought, it's so close to her.
We have to just finish it off because I just
always want to do more. My daughter is such a
grateful person. So that night she thanked me five times
on text in person, hugging me, telling Paul, thank you
so much, Mommy, thank you so much, Mommy, it's the
(06:53):
best birthday ever. She couldn't. She was like exasperated by
thanking me with thanking with thank yous inside of her.
And the next morning I went to get the girls
up and they were respectful, and one of them was
helping me with the wet towels and they asked me
if I needed help, and I walked in. Everything was clean,
The whole room was immaculate. They threw all the pizzas away,
all the flip flups and shoes were lined up, and
(07:14):
I walked in, I go, what the hell And one
of them said that was brand Brindad that she cleaned
up the room. She made it. You know, she had
as clean with her because wanted to be respectful like
she's getting She's thirteen today, and she wanted to be
respectful like she she knew that she was grateful for
what had happened. She knew she was a big girl.
I gave her freedom. It wasn't next to her like
(07:36):
she thought, We're gonna be in the room next to
her telling her shut up all night, And I didn't.
I said it after twelve o'clock. It's not screaming like
and she did. They just they got the memo. Kids
want structure, but they also want discipline and like it's
a give and take. And my daughter really respects me
and she trusts me, and she won't break that trust.
She's got it going too good. And I tell her,
like the party will go on forever. If you're a
(07:58):
good person, a good girl, you give back. And the
room was immaculate. And I didn't even need her to
do that. I just wanted there to be no aunts
in the room. But she lined up all the shoes
and I didn't feel embarrassed to checking out. I thought,
oh my god, I'm going to check out and like
it's gonna be a shit shown me be Johnny Depp,
and it wasn't. It was totally fine, Like I felt
fine leaving this hotel, and I was proud of her,
(08:19):
and I was thinking about it for two days straight.
It's like being an adult. You're happier for the stuff
that goes on with your kids than your own shit.
I don't do anything. All I do is think about
these experiences with her. It gives me purpose. I'm not
social at all. I get to plan something, I get
to stuff the bags. It gave me such gratitude. I
lived for it and I loved it, and like I
was excited because some of this stuff came shipped late
(08:42):
and I still have like enough stuff for next time
or like a next pool party. I don't know. I honestly,
the thought that I had was like I was never
had the mothering gene. I never had baby fever, and
I had a daughter late. I was like in my
late thirties, never thought about it. So I never had
the baby fever, and I now can say, in twenty
twenty hindsight, I was born to be a mother, like
(09:05):
I Actually, there are many things that I'm bad at
and there are many things that I'm good at, and
being a parent is one of them. Like I'm on
the case, and Brinn has some friends that are faster
than others, and I am guiding her in the right
direction who to be friends with. And she has some
friends whose parents parent like me, and she's attracted to
those kids too. She's like, I like this kid because
I like this kid, but I also like the way
(09:27):
this kid parents them. She feels safe around people who
have parents that have similar sensibilities, and you know, they're
at an age now where they're turning towards adulthood, like
young adulthood, and everything sounds like it's okay. Like you
they want to do something like why we did it
last week or why this person does it? And I'm like,
I know it only has happened once. So like they
(09:49):
take ubers and I'm like, you know, Paul's giving her
strict uber rules and and we're we don't. I'm like,
you can't just take ubers, Like there's no just taking ubers.
You'll take uber as I you and I'll put it
on your phone, but like you're not just running around
an uber at thirteen years old. Because I saw her
and her friends going to get an uber to go somewhere,
and I saw them wandering around and looking for the guy.
(10:09):
And that's when you're not you're not focused. You know,
you're looking down at your phone and you're not focused.
So they're like advance. It's a weird age where there's
still kids when they think they're adults. And what I
(10:30):
was doing at that age is not something to even
I mean, it's going to I was going to night
clubs at thirteen years old. It is a fact I
was doing things I should not be doing. I was
taking the train in I was an adult. I was
raised like I was an adult. I was born an
adult at different times and I don't care. But like
one of the friends, you know, parents was having a
birthday party and saying that something they were gonna do
for the birthday party was gonna let out very late,
(10:51):
in that the parent wouldn't be present and the kids
would be sort of in the city at one o'clock
in the morning, and you know, I just one of
the parents was in the chat, and I didn't realize
how many I thought we were in another chat, and
I like read it late because sometimes I don't read
all the chatter, and you gotta read the chatter, and
you gotta connect with the parents, and you gotta be
on the case. Because one parent felt weird being the
one to say this doesn't feel appropriate for my child,
(11:14):
so I chimed in and said it's not appropriate for me.
And they were like side texts going on with different
parents thanking me because parents' kids are saying to them.
But everybody's doing it, and the parents get bullied too,
like by the kids that they think they're supposed to
make the kids happy because everybody's advanced, Like everybody's going
through New York City to Target and CBS and walking
around the city, which is not the city it used
(11:35):
to be. And I'm okay with being the dork parent,
Like I'm fine with that. Like you're not getting in
an uber unless I know about it and unless I've
tracked you, and it's an extenuating circumstance, and you're not
just running around the city and you're not gonna be
in the city anywhere alone past ten thirty at night,
like with you have to be have adult supervision anyway.
But like the horse gets loose, and I was like,
(11:58):
no way, and I talk to brain I'm explaining to her,
like it seems okay. One time something happens, your life
is over, Like there's no unsupervised and I don't care.
And I know Paul's kid, it's sixteen, isn't allowed to
be somewhere at ten thirty. I mean at night A
lot you know, with not not parents, they're kids and
they should be kids. And I'm on the case completely
(12:20):
and I like being on the case. But this is
a job that I feel that I'm good at and
I feel that I've got I like, I like it.
If you love something, you'll be good at it. And
I really love it. So that's what I think about
parenting in between and all that stuff.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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